Hey Riddle Riddle - #214: Second Cousin St. Nick!

Episode Date: August 24, 2022

Ho Ho Yeaaaah! Here's another big heap of insanity just for you! Pssst...We've got new merch; just click the link below!  Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. And the word is right here What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it?

What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? today to pay our respects to a lovely lady. I don't know how well a lot of you knew her, but for me, one time she swam by me, she got a cramp and saved the life she nearly drowned. What else? We made out of the dogs. I wonder what she's doing now. Interesting. And this is what you think this isn't good taste. I don't know about taste.

I'm paying my respects. I didn't make the fun of anyone. Get where sad and. Ashes to ashes. Sandy to Sandy. Guys, I'll leave you a Olivia Newton, John Dutton. I know. It sucks.

And it's coming out of you. And we all are dealing with it in how we know how to deal with it. Yes, yeah, that's true. I'm dealing with it through John Travolta impressions. I thought we'd do a fun little memorial and I thought, you know, like, Kinnickie wouldn't show up. He'd send a hallmark card, which of course is giving everyone hikis and like,

Rizzo would be there. She'd be like, some people are so touchy, stuff like that. I'm still floored by the concept because when you pitched it, you said, I think you used the words in good taste. How is in what way was that disrespectful? It is not my job to end you you that is not why I am here I am not here to educate you I think John Travolta reminiscing about his times with the character she played is not

disrespectful I Greece was the movie most played my household I have such huge love I have such an affinity for a living in John if you you found this disrespectful, reach out to me. We can have a conversation about it. I did not, I'm as big a fan as you'll find. I did not find a disrespect. I do, I do think that that's fine because generally the people who are saying, I don't find what I do disrespectful are the people who are like, yeah, that guy's clearly on the right. He didn't find a disrespect. I'll also say, I think it happened like two weeks ago too. So it's, it's always nice to just be on the cutting edge.

It's something that should happen. You guys, I got an outdoor couch. Okay, so you ruined a couch. Oh, yeah, sorry. I ruined a normal indoor couch. So it's not potty-trained? Yeah, it's not. It peed on our carpet and then I went, uh-oh, you're going to have to be an outdoor couch. So it's not potty-trained? Yeah, it's not. It peed on our carpet and then I went, uh-oh, you're going to have to be an outdoor

room. Aaron, I'm actually fascinated with the idea of an outdoor couch. So can you tell me a little more about what it is that you have? Thank you for asking JPC. So an outdoor couch is sort of like a bench, but with cushions on it, I'd say. But more comfortable than that sounds a little bit. So that sounds like a little still bit uncomfortable. This is actually genuinely comfortable,

and the cushions are nice in such a way that you actually feel like you're on a real couch outside. What? No, I guess this is a silly question because it does not rain in Los Angeles. But what do you do with the cushions, win or if? I guess it truly doesn't rain in Los Angeles, right? Like, this is maybe a-

But there's wet proof and also there's dirt and bugs and stuff, I mean, outdoor stuff just gets gross. But really, you just any sort of all-purpose cleaner, spray, and wipe, and like a paper towel, and you're good to go. It's like, it's meant to get disgusting and have red wine spilled on it and rained on. And it's going to be okay. So you can have a UB40 over. Yes.

Or final. Final. And you'll diamond as well. Yeah, I can have heels diamond over. Well, he can write a letter that will come over. Damn, I need to go comedy stretch. I'm not going to be able to keep up in this episode. Uh, sorry guys. I didn't realize that we were going to be funny today. My issue with, well, we could just do what we did last episode and do the Howard Dean

Scream for like 35 minutes straight. If we, if we need to, which we don't go, hey, JBC. Aaron, JBC. Mm-hmm. If we mention the Howard Dean Scream, you're right. Half times Casey is going to play on the sun board. Hey, JBC, Aaron, JBC, if we mentioned the Howard Dean scream, you're oftentimes Casey is going to play on the sunboard. Oh, never mind. He's sleeping in his room to joke, James. Guys, I will say, I will say I was having an issue, downloading an episode of, of, of Zidcaster and I did log it or it a customer account today and I did see that loaded up with the sound board and I thought this is it was ever used as more to what that Casey's Casey's going to get an email from us later and the title is going to be sound board privileges and he's gonna go oh no

If my notes are correct. I think the last Oh, no, no. If my notes are correct, I think the last 17 times I've set someone up to do something, it's not been done. So I think we're on a roll here for anything I ask of anyone, not being done, I think this is kind of fun. Well, Edel, I'm gonna do everything you ask for the rest of the episode. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll be okay.

No, no, no, no, there's something. I'm not gonna promise to do that. He's gonna set me up to do another funeral bit. No, I, no, I'll be okay. No, no, no. I just, there's something. I'm not gonna promise to do that. He's gonna set me up to do another. You're a little bit. I'm just gonna do a shot. Something in my eye. Yeah! Do it. No, Casey, do it.

So you guys, my outdoor couch, I just want, I want you to understand something. I am in Los Angeles, so it's an extra joke here, but I think since you both are homeowners, I want you to keep in mind that huge gigantic sales for outdoor space furniture accessories, etc. Are gonna be they're happening now they happen at the end of August First couple weeks of September keep an eye out if you need help finding anything Let me know and I'll look for it

But that's when you're gonna get like 70% off outdoor in patio furniture because. Too much off. It's like such big product. Yeah, you're hardly gonna be patio furniture anymore. If there's 70% missing. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, 70% missing. But I'm just trying to tell you that it makes me so happy.

I feel so thrilled to have my discounted outdoor couch. And so I want you to feel the same joy that I feel. So here's my problem with outdoor furniture. This is why I don't have looking outdoor couch or really anything with cushions outdoor. If I had to clean my couch, every time I'm in indoor couch, every time I sat on it or used it, I'd go insane.

And for the outdoor stuff, it's just like, every time I see I bought chairs like three years ago for the outdoor, they were like nice chairs, they had big cushions on them. Every time it rained, had to go run and grab those cushions. Every time I would come out there, I'm like, oh, go get a birch in on this. I have to clean the whole, I'm back in the sit on where a birch shit.

So it's just like, to me, it becomes such a chore to deal with the maintenance that it's like, I'm not even getting the thing that I'm supposed to be getting, which is relaxation from this outdoor cushion furniture. I had an outdoor couch in Chicago. And the only two headaches from it were taking the cushions in like October. Yeah. And just, you put them in a closet.

And then wait till it's warm again. And the other headache is not being able to sit on it for like, the next day after it rains. And those were the only two. I really only had to clean it once when I spilled food on it. And then I cleaned it when we moved out. And that was it. I think it's way lower maintenance than you think.

Do either of you have a power washer? I wish I did. Do you ever watch those videos? It's the most satisfying thing to watch. I, the, the, like, day I bought my house, Mark McConville texted me and he was like, do you have a power washer? And I go, no, and he goes, number one thing you're going to want is a power washer. I'm like, okay. And I never really looked into it. And like the last few months, I was like, God, I, I want one and I need one. Power washing is almost, that's like therapeutic. It's just to watch the dirt just run off of something in that way.

But if you buy one, you have to film it every single time that you clean your driveway. That's all shower. You have to be careful with those, because can't they also just like, you can't use them on things that are painted or stained, because they'll just strip the paint off. They're only good on like stone or I haven't used a power washer since I was like 18 so I don't know if technology has moved to the

years. I Can rent them and I'm pretty sure their settings where it's like you can make it to where if you did want to clean something that's painted It would just take off the dirt and grime and not the paint. And not the eye. I'm sure. But the most fun to watch is absolutely the ones that strip everything. They're like concrete. Yeah. Yeah. But I want to clean out the floors of my garage.

I want to clean out the outside of my garage. I want to clean out the patio or the walkway in my backyard and my deck. I really want a power washer. So that might be something I'm buying the next week or two before it gets to be to cool. Well, maybe maybe maybe don't buy one before December 25th because they power washer. Santa is listening. No, we have to make it clear that, look, Santa might be listening, but you in CLE Santa definitely not listening. University of North Carolina Santa. Yeah, we actually have all the doors.

Michael Jordan Santa. We have all the doors bolted. All the lights are off in Hey Riddle Riddle. We are too scared that he's gonna show up. So we made sure he- And we have like a spike at the bottom of our fireplace. Roast that motherfucker on his spit. Yeah, I love how like an open fire is not enough

to distance it by a sandwich and jumping down. It's also spikes. It's like, well, you got a crocodile in there as well. Famously, he's a munifier. So it's not a deterrent. You have to have. So scary. It sucks that he is, because I think the mythology there

is that he is like, his dad is like a demon, so he can't be burned or something. Do you know why fireman wear red and black? Mm-hmm. The top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top top of the How are you all ready for this? Oh, there it is. Santa Dean, thank you, Casey. The story's broken. We're gonna give Casey a chart, and it's gonna say, number of times you played the Howard Dean scream and number of unsubscribes to this podcast, and it's just like a line going straight up.

We're gonna say, hey, are you proud of yourself, Casey? You just Howard Dean screamed yourself out of a job, dumbass. The sound board's gonna get crazier and crazier that he's gonna be able to speak to us without speaking to us. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah. We have conversations with us where he's not saying a word,

he's just using this out word. Serves that my guy, 100%. And that wasn't me, that was the sound board. Thank you, Casey. This is at some point it'll be so in tune where it's like, as someone's about to say something, Casey will press the right button and it'll like finish their sentence. We won't even have to be here.

Oh wait, okay, let's see, let's see. Casey. Well, I just wonder, I just wonder if, when I got my soundboard, if I should have said to myself, I wonder if this is a slippery slope that I will grow to regret. But we'll never know. Casey, I would like, if you are up for it, will you do 20, 30 seconds? Can you try to create an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle using more soundboard? He has to load these into the soundboard every time. It's not. The Adolf Howard Dean shout wasn't even on the soundboard anymore.

I had to go ahead. You should be fucking thank everybody. I saw the soundboard. I saw the soundboard before I saw this out before recording. The only one that was loaded on there was the goddamn, ready to rumble, whatever that is. So speaking of Howard Dean, do we have in our merch store the new piece of merch? We do.

Howard's and Dinis and Riddleson's Screamies. Howard's and Dinis and Riddleson's Screamies. We also have a wet, wet waters t-shirt. If you want to check those out. Wow, he's out there. and Riddies and Screamies. We also have a wet, wet waters t-shirt. If you want to check those out. Wow, he's out. We sort of did, okay, can I just talk about the origin of that really quick for people who are curious?

Yes, also, if you want to get it, there's a link in the episode description. Just go click the link in that video. So it's just to be clear, because I think I misspoke. It's Howard's and Dinis and Riddies and Screamies. I think it might be Howard and Dinis and Riddies and Screamies. All right, Howard's and Dines and Riddies and Screamies. I think it might be Howard and Dines and Riddies and Screamies. Howard's and Dines, it's something like that.

Howard's and Dines and Riddies and Dines. There was who Dine and why was he meany? I'm gonna buy a Grion. Is it there? It's there. It's there. Whatever it is, it's there. Whatever it's there, it has, it's Howard Dine specific.

In our monthly Heyverdell Reddled Meeting, we are talking about merch. I'm the merch gal. I'm the one if you so if you want specific merch I'm the person to reach out to and we talked about how we want to do more merch that drops the same day the episode that references it comes out and right before that meeting we recorded the episode of the 20-minute nightmare I'll call it that of the Howard Dean thing, what a bit that we did, fever dream, whatever it is. I've just been kind of calling it colloquially,

one of our worst episodes. We had just recorded one of our worst episodes, and who was it? JPC was like, yeah, like if we did like a Howard Dean scream merch, and then Adal, and all of his infinite wisdom said Howard's and Dinis and Riddies and Screamies. And then I saw something happen to both of their eyes

where a joke became reality. And I went, okay, I'm about to have to email sweet red glass and ask a brilliant artist and her response email. It's a kid asking what's his name to stay in work on Christmas. Who's Ebenezer's employee? Oh, Bob Cratchett. Bob Cratchett.

It's a kid to asking Bob Cratchett to work Christmas day. That's you emailing Reglas. It's like asking Leonardo da Vinci to make a t-shirt that says how or the dini's in really is in screen with. The level of disrespect it is. Hey, Da Vinci, will you paint me like a funny Garfield? And because nothing we can say can surprise her, she said, yes, ma'am. Because nothing, nothing could scare her.

But Casey, you don't have to do that today. But at any point, if you have enough on your soundboard, I'd love to hear your 20 second version. Next episode, because yeah, let's, we'll give him time to kink cocked in his lab with a pen and a pad. Should we, speaking of previous episodes, I think we used to do riddles.

Should we do a few riddles before we go to break? That wasn't us, was it? We did riddles on the show? I think so. I remember them. But it was that's a joke. Yeah, it was a bit. I started to get the whole world. I love to hear a riddle. Yes, okay, here we go. This is just a little warm up riddle. I am a God, a planet, and I measure heat. What am I? This is Kanye West, right? This is a Kanye West lyric. Uh huh. I am a god, a planet, a measure heat.

Yeah, this is from heart breaks and ateoates. Okay, good. Davidson is the underrated album, by the way. Is it really underrated? I can't endorse anything that Kanye does. Honestly under, I used to work with, I improvised, or Vince Portashi, people know know Vince once we're talking about the best Kanye West album This is years and years and years ago before well before you know the before times and Vince

Was convinced that it was 808's and heart breaks and we're all like what and he was like go listen to it Everyone just go listen to it and tell me I'm wrong and like seven people wait and listen to it and we're like Go listen to it, everyone just go listen to it and tell me I'm wrong. And like seven people went and listened to it and we're like, gotta say, Salmon fucking slaps. It is a good album. I miss it because the reviews were so bad

that I was like, I'm gonna stop listening. And I think that was my descent into like not caring anymore about Kanye West. Ah, yeah. Yeah, wait, it still slaps. Aaron? Oh, I was trying to think of the answer to the riddle. Oh, okay.

What? Aaron, what are you doing? You didn't wanna, you didn't wanna engage with the best to the riddle. Oh, okay. What? What are you doing? If you didn't want to, you didn't want to engage in the best Kanye West album, discourse, by the way, it's got to be college dropout. I know that's sort of a hotout, not to rhyme, but that would have been my answer. I'm a god of planet and I measure heat.

What am I? Oh, you can read that. You see, I'm confused about the first part. Can you read the first part? I'm confused about the first part. Can you read the first part? I'm a God. That part? I'm a God.

I'm and planet. Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. I'm a God, a planet, a and I measure heat. And I know it. And I know it. And I know it. So, whatever the answer is, it's all three of those things. Yeah, so it's really limited to eight

Eight words well no, no, it was no longer a planet, but that's that's just an R solar system I mean if you talk about the names like Rigal 7 and shit like that you could be S V 88 I want to say that the answer to this riddle is mercury. Oh, because of a, okay. I want, I'm gonna give punch up on this riddle because I would be like, I'm a god, I'm a planet. I also measure heat, I'm also a Freddy. Sir, sir, you can't punch the riddle.

Sir, sir, you have to leave, you cannot punch the riddle. I'm kicking the tires. See how many riddles they got left of this I'm kicking the tired I do want to see you soon so mercury is known as like the it's basically like quick silver mercury is like her knees right real fast So we're gonna say mercury is that okay my apologies cuz quick silver Oh, yeah. Everybody has a helmet, has a little wings on it. Yeah. So we're gonna say Mercury is that. Okay. My apologies, because Quicksilver, that's your- I don't know, I mean, I think that sounds right, but I'll be honest, I don't know the Roman names.

He's the God of financial gain. What? Yeah, he was a messenger between gods. Is that hermines? No, hermines, that's hermines. And it's the same And it's the same. It's the same. Oh, okay.

But is it a same like Roman to Greek or is it the same? They're both Roman. I think it's from Rome. Greek is her me's right. Yeah. Is it a one to one? Because in that regard, then I'd be right. But if they're both the same in the same camp, then I'm wrong.

Because that position's filled. They're in separate camps. No, one is Roman, one is Greek. Oh, great. So they are, I think they fill the same role. But he's the God of, you said finance, like financial gain, commerce, eloquence, messages, communication. Okay, commerce, messages, I guess.

I was thinking he was the guy with the helmet with a silver helmet with wings on the side because he's real fast, but I, I, I, what that makes sense? Because it's commerce as well. Commerce, trade, trade, going fast, going between the messenger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a German Hermes. In the animist tradition, the God of finance, turtle gain, I believe is the gecko, specifically the Gordon Gecko, the Gecko, Gecko. The Gecko, Gecko, Gecko. Gecko, Gecko, Gecko, specifically the Gordon gecko. The gecko, gecko. The gecko, gecko. Gecko, gecko, gecko, gecko, gecko. Perfect. Fox.

Gecko, gecko, gecko, bellova. I do want to see you seen. Okay. JPC, you are an olden days, and I'm sorry, Aaron, was this Greek or Roman? It's Roman. Mercury. Mercury is Roman. So JPC, you are a lonely Roman soldier.

You've been corresponding with someone you are pining for. The Greek God, a Roman God, I'm having a stroke. The Roman God Mercury played by Aaron is bouncing between you and your potential romantic partner. Okay. And so she's kind of delivering messages to you and you're, you're, we're seeing that scene right now. Hey, you up. and you're, you're, um, we're seeing that scene right now. Hey, you up. Oh, oh, you're back, you're back.

Uh, what news? What news do you bring? Uh, I just told you it was just, hey, uh, three wise, I believe, and then you up. Oh, I thought, oh, that's the whole message. I thought you were saying that to me and then you were going to read hey who I wish I am Exhausted e

What do you say to that? What do I say to that? Do you say something tomorrow maybe to it or no? I don't want to miss my opportunity Okay, what about just ye with like two e's like why e? E like yeah, is that implies? No, I wanted to be like ye like then cuz I want her to? Like, yeah? Is that implies yes? I wanted to be like, yee, like then, because I want her to think like, was he trying to go for yes and he was like,

did it, was it just, wasn't thinking about it too hard or, you know, just, you know, cause it implies that I'm busy cause I'm like doing, you know, something as yee, so yee. Okay, okay, okay, ready. All right, see, okay, I'll be back.

I'll be up. Hey, are we still fighting or like, can the Goths go home? You guys know what you did. So everybody get back to your robe and just sit there. God! Hey, if you don't like it, don't put your sack on robe. Okay. You got my real enemy. I am your real enemy.

You have to hear from the Pope, young man. Hey Colleen. Yay, yay. Huh? Yay. Oh, do I need to get the doctor? No, that is the message I have for you. Uh, yay.

Oh, are you trying to say yay like Kanye? Like heartbreak's an internet talk? Not yay. Very clearly intentionally why. YEEE. YEEE. And that is from her love. That's lucky weird um no cap I'm not interested could you could you just break up with him uh well

we're not even dating so Simon breaking up can you have to specifically give me the message I can't. Bye. I'm have to go all me the message? I can't I I'm have to go all the way back there and stand silently god damn it Yes, you called um God Hey, I Actually don't have any messages for you. Oh, I thought I I thought I heard you You said oh god oh god oh god. Yeah, I forgot you would show up

Yeah, my name is Mars. No Yes, and I love candy bars. I Actually have not awake anymore. I'm not up. Oh, what's up behind you? Huh? Oh, it's my wife Well gotta go and I know I'm here the wife and I am Why does everyone? Always squint and look left to right when they introduce themselves And I know it's not Hera.

Hera is a different, a whole different pantheon. Okay, see you know. It's like, maybe it's pantheon. My name is pantheon. My name is pantheon. Ah, bye. I'm ready for another riddle. I want to impress you today.

I'm going to impress you. Oh, Aaron, just by having enthusiasm for it all, you've already exceeded my expectations. I do think it's very hard to keep like Norse Greek Roman. All the, I love mythology, but I think it's always, I always struggle to remember who goes where.

The Roman is the hardest one for me because it's all like, I think it's like mostly all planets, but then yeah, it's, to me it like makes less sense. I feel like the Greek stuff and the North stuff, like I don't know, it just has more practical applications for the reason.

Yeah. Jupor eating his son, what are you doing bud? Yeah. There's amrosia right there. And I'm actually actively decided to not keep any information in my braid moving forward. Amen. I can't do it.

Aaron, do you know where you are right now? No. Nope. No. What if I told you you were on a riddle podcast? I'd say fuck off. No. She thinks she's Brian Cox.

Oh, you got a fuck. I, you're, you're a microphone hit you with the face of Zeebs. How did that happen, Aaron? Because I don't know where I am. Okay, you the face of Zeebs. How did that happen Aaron? I don't know Okay, here's a new riddle. How it hold on how did Aaron's microphone hit her in the face? She's so far away from the microphone. I don't know. Hit me right in the face. Okay. I'll try to move my face away from So my laughter wouldn't burn my ears. All right, go ahead. Got it. Got it Next riddle I can wave my hands at you,

but I never say goodbye. You are always cool when you're with me, but even more so, when I'm high, what am I? A fan, an oscillating fan. Aaron, ding, ding, ding. The answer is, they say here an electric fan, but you absolutely got it. I do want to see a scene.

I told you I had a present, I blink, blink, blink, blink. You very much impressed me. Aaron, I do want to had a present. You got a blink blink blink. Very much impressed me. Aaron, I do want to see you seen. So you are Aaron Key for someone of that ilk. And you have built or bought yourself an electric fan in terms of someone who is a fan of you that is going to be played by JPC.

And you are unboxing this electric fan right now. Okay, this part goes here and this... and it says I just plug it in. Great, this was easy and on. Oh my God, Erin, Keith, can I get a pick? Whoa! Can I get a pick for my InstaStory? Um, it's working. Very cool. Yeah, where's your phone?

Uh, I- Can we just use your phone and then you text me the picture, please? Please, please, please. Yes, I don't- I left my phone at home. Can we use your phone and text me the picture? I'll send it to you on like Twitter, Instagram or something. And say cheese. Cheese. I'll send it to you on like Twitter, Instagram or something. And say cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Hi, Molly, we're smiling. Uh, great.

Well, this is such a nice place. Can't I use your bathroom? Um, something. I'm such a huge fan. I'm such a huge fan. Uh, do you think you'll be able to reach the bathroom with your cord? Do I turn you off and then bring you to the bathroom? I can be, I can go a little bit and then whip it into another outlet and then go a little bit and then

whip it into another outlet. Uh great need help. I need to use your bathroom. It is kind of an emergency. Oh sure, yeah right. It's down the hall into the left. Whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip wh Oh, it's a little scary. I noticed some medicine bottles in your bathroom cabinet. Whoa! Why were you looking in there? I was looking for hand cream. I could have just asked what- I didn't want to be a bother.

I didn't want to be a bother. Speaking of crossing boundaries. Some of this pain medication is expired. Oh, thank you, fan. You cannot take expired pain medication. Thank you I appreciate that. Um, can I ask you something personal? Yes, but then I get to do one for you sure when you went to the bathroom What size? What were you done?

Were you done? Oil six and a half. I have tiny baby feet. They're sort of embarrassing people. I think there's a kid in my house, but really it's just my shoes. Okay. That's true. Wait, what did you say came out of you in the bathroom? Oh, I said oil, but I was asking if you would like a foot massage.

I have a little oil. I'm actually good, fan. I would actually, if you are up for it, I would love to put you in front of the window and then you can blow some cold breeze in my house. And then I'll leave you to it. Oh, I am not that kind of fan. I am a huge fan of you, but I am not a,

I'm not the type of fan who's going to blow you. Oh. If that makes sense. Yes, of course I would never ask you to do something you didn't feel comfortable with. Wait, is Sean coil home? No Because I am the type of fan who I Mean if I had the opportunity Radiating heat I am Sean the coil I'm going to the place. I'm going to need that oil back. That's kind of fun. That's fun. What a robot fuck your boyfriend who's a coil.

That's fun, dude. You think it's a good mental image? I find the need to think about. Give me another riddle, please. I need it. I'm so hungry. Okay. I'm served at a table in gatherings of two or four.

Serve small, white, and round. You'll love some. I'm not going to Okay. I'm served at a table in gatherings of two or four. Serve small, white and round. You'll love some and that's part of the fun. Okay. It is one of those silver platters where they take off the top to make a grand presentation. Sure. We got a four top that just set down an ordinary bunch of cocaine. Just two and four, just two and four. I'm served at a table in gatherings of two or four. So yes, it has to be two or four. It's not two.

It's small, white and round. You'll love some and that's part of the fun. This is like a fucked up checkers board. Ex-white. It's like, you know, checkers is like, I think it's like red and black, but this is like red, think it's like red and black, but this is like white, this is white squares, is that? Is there, because I wanna play it,

is there such a thing as four person checkers? Oh my God. Cross checkers. You can get in the crowd with the cross checkers. I hope so. Hey. What is there some game that was, I played a little bit of super fun,

it's called like Crazy Chess or something. Yeah, I remember. it's this is a non-starter. Um Aaron. What do you think? And I was I just add adult drunk stumbling it is like what are you guys playing crazy chest? Oh my god Look at all the pieces crazy chest woo we're like yeah, thank you, man This is actually enough. All right, so Home safe She's there But it's so clear, home-safe. Look at those shoes, they're kidding. Please stop.

You're hurting my feelings. I think he goes. We all think he goes. So I think, I think served at a table is a huge clue. I think served small, white, and round. Tennis. Oh, tennis. Yeah.

Pink pong, pink pong. Pink pong. Yes. Well specifically It's a small white round at the ping pong ball. Yes, and I think there's a fun It's very tricky hints, but there's some there's a line that says you'll love some and that's part of the fun I would like to see a see so when keeping score when you're tied. It's called love right Oh 15 love I actually genuinely loved love to that rental.

I thought that was a great rental. I'd like to see a scene. You are two doubles ping pong table players, ping pong players. I want to add table. Yeah. And ping pong athletes. But you're on opposing teams and you keep swearing that your teammate is going to be there soon.

But both of your teammates haven't showed up yet. Got it, got it, got it. Huh. Team Minus, you know, have very much time, so you guys go fucking down. Houston, we have. I have a partner. Houston. Yeah. Your name's Houston, right?

Yeah. Johnny Houston. Oh, any relation to Angelico or Sam? Uh, no, Whitney. Ooh. Very nice. I'm no relation to Whitney. I Sam? Uh, no, Whitney. Ooh. Very nice. I'm no relation to Whitney. I'm sorry, what was your question?

And my partner will be here soon. Yeah. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t that big mouth is writing, okay? According to my partner, because I didn't hear the full story, but my partner, he said, he just said, you know, this is like a grudge match, I guess, because of... Well, my partner, just so we settle things that I don't want it to get weird, my partner does have a big mouth,

but it's actually, it's almost like a Joker situation where his mouth was cut for ear to ear. So he's, he's, couldn't be nicer, so so nice, but he does have literally big mouth, but it's like a he doesn't want to talk about it. Okay, so thank you for saying that before he got here, because I guess my partner who's also not here yet, he did mention that and I he did not give me the full context. So I'm so grateful that I did not say anything to him. Yes, which I won't, which I won't obviously. Yeah, obviously, because was it when

you say it's a Joker situation, do we know how he got these cars Well, he says a different story every time. Okay, one time he says he cut himself from ear to ear one time He said he sliced himself from ear to ear one time. He said he bladed himself from ear to ear. It's all him. It's all him It's all him. Yeah, it's all him doing okay. I just won't bring it up. I won't bring it up speaking of grateful My name is I don't know if I introduce myself. My name is Jerry. Oh, any relation? Uh, to Ben. No. I don't get it.

I've never heard Ben talk. Is that, we use that impression of him. Well, he's the silent one, right? So Jerry does a magic and Ben. I think, yeah, because there's always a silent one, right? Yeah, I saw them in Atlantic City and Jerry Shot at Ben and Ben caught the ice cream in his mouth. I I kid you not I saw Jason Mew's and Kevin Smith in real life Why it's it's up well. I was at a funeral

For to the other hey, are you guys gonna play? We're waiting on the table We are we are gonna play? We're waiting on the table. We are. We are gonna play. We're waiting on our partner. Well, why can't you play just the two of you? Uh, a four player game just the two of us? It's doubles.

Yeah. Sure, we're filming a double mint gum commercial. So, the producer, so we do need four of for us here it's for a grudge match yes it's a it's a Korean is this is a Korean commercial it's for a grudge match match yes we already did a ring match in a boxing ring total coincidence it was Jason Lee's funeral. Oh Jason, I love it. Oh no! I have everyone in that story. That's the status person to die. I know, I know. My name is Earl.

What's you say? Or Ethan Souplie is pretty cool. Yeah. I do like Ethan Souplie. Aaron, what are your thoughts on Ethan Souplie? No opinion. Aaron. No, Aaron, Maryfuck kill. Ethan kill Ethan soup Lee Ethan Embry or a Superb soupy embryo

I this is gonna sound crazy, but you don't have to answer Well, Aaron since you pass we are going to go ahead and go to commercial That's your reward for passing and we'll be right back with more Hey Riddle Riddle. Thanks. Hey, kids, I'm super embryo. Send me five dollars. Hey, JPC, you know how I love he looks sleep. I love that he looks mattress brand. Yeah. Spest nights sleep in my life. I know not everyone is on board yet. So I secured a word

winning sleeper. Merrill sleep. She's right behind that door. Merrill sleep. Wow. She won the golden pillow for best sleep. That's right. Hey, Merrill. Hello, yes, hello, yes, I'm very well rested after sleeping on my midnight lux. Helix Madras. Good to see you. Good to see you. Your naps are stunning.

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That's why they offer a 100-night trial in a 10 to 15-year warranty to try out the new Helix matches Who do you who who did I think you were? I don't know Merrill I'm Merrill sleep and I know everybody is unique and everybody sleeps differently I just Recommend taking the Helix sleep quiz and you can figure out what mattress is right cheap for you I don't know if you're a side sleeper or you sleep hot or cold, or if you sleep like me,

Merrill's sleep. Yeah, choosing the right mattress is a real Sophie's decision, but don't just take our word for it, or Merrill's sleep's word for it. He looks has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. It was even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine.

I don't think I thought you were the person that she's doing. What a performance. Helix mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model. Stunning. Yeah, look, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to HelixSleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet and it will not last long with helix better sleep starts now.

Go ahead and give her the Academy of Snorr. You know what? Give me an Academy of Snorr. Glide close to falling asleep. That's why I got you. Oh yeah. I got that a lot. Hey Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you.

Oh. Sure, yeah, wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet. What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners

and the like and you, jokers told me, oh, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you Jokers told me oh JPC, it's okay. All you have to do is take some you know American paper currency tape it to your front door close the door and then wait until someone brings you food Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone So I had to take more money to my door. I think you're thinking, didn't work at all. Oh, Dorkash. Dorkash?

Yeah, you did Dorkash. We told you Dorkash is the number one thing to you. What the hunk? With Dorkash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever to get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat. JPC, which I don't know what you eat.

I eat back to school supplies. JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery and convenience stores are on the app. So you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some marshes homemade premium quality buck eyes. You know those candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter.

I just got those from DoorDash and they were, they were on my porch within 20 minutes. And it's very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Uh, yes. Did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold.

I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was and I know that she would have loved to have DoorDash so she could be prepared before the big back to school day arrived. So you can stock up with go to breakfast lunch box staples and brands that you love don't eat my school supplies JPC. But that eraser. But that trapper keeper down your mouth is too small.

Never been told that before shop door dash to get everything you need for the back to school season delivered right to your door order now for stress free back to school shopping use promo code riddle to get 50% off up to $10 value when you spend $15 or more at convenience grocery or retail stores on door dash. That's 50% off up to a $10 value when you spend $15 or more promo code riddle. Don't forget JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. that's code riddle for 50% off your next order terms apply at all jpc keeps eating my gel pens thanks door cash i mean no that's the one that one didn't work that one's bad hey jpc uh uh yeah you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all.

And I'm setting up a website to bring him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online, Whether you're just starting out

or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It gauge with your audience and say, let me think for products that cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Edel, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money.

What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business, and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from.

That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for.

Prank. Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Oh she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know Sorry, I met your front door I couldn't seem to get down the chimney No, no, everyone shut up get it out. I can see your shadows moving in there

Is this is this is it it uncle Santa eat our Dean? No one is available to take the door. Please leave a message. Nice try. I didn't call the house. Damn it. Why do you do that JPC? I feel like I have to look. I feel like it's too interesting not to look. No, don't look. A couple fight in public and you're like, I can't not look at this. I can't look away. And I'm sorry to tell you, Uncle Santa is no more. For I am second cousin Nicholas, Saint Nicholas, that is.

Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah. Second cousin, second cousin Nicholas, what's with the H.R.D team scream? What are you talking about? This is my everyday Let me bask in the sentence JPC just said can you repeat that one more time? I don't think I can't How what is the show about?

Do you know every year around this time how if you go to a supermarket you find Do you know every year around this time how if you go to a supermarket you find Dean's egg on? Oh God! I think underrated response is this is my normal scream. Will you please answer my question? Yes, Dean's egg nog is a brand of egg nog we know. And what is my favorite catch phrase that I say? Two letters repeated three times. Ho ho ho.

And what are the first two letters of Howard Dean's name? Uh, HL. So let me just take off my beard in my hat. Ah! I'm coming on Cupid, on Donor on Blitzen. Yeah! Just a three? Yeah, I didn't want to do the whole thing,

I want to take it forever. Hold on. Second cousin Nicholas has been Howard Dean the whole time. That's right. I thought at some point, kids were stopping believing in me. That's how you say that, Frizz. And so I thought,

I might take political office. Now, I was using my Santa magic. Wait, I'm sorry. You thought, and you were Howard Dean when you thought kids stopped believing in you? Yes. Or you were Santa. No, Howard Dean. Okay, okay, I just-

Howard Dean was a character I was playing to gain political power. Got it. As I was Howard Dean, a lot of people immediately stopped believing in me. Sheldon, so I thought if I give a little wink in my eye, a little touch of my nose, and I worked in a, yeah, the kid would know that Santa's scream and they'd vote for me. Santa's scream. Gotcha. So you think you have a famous scream? Yes. I mean, I'm an ancient, I'm a Kaiju, famously. I've been around forever and when I wake for my somber every December I give a scream. Yeah, and

100 feet tall. Yes, thank you. Yeah, and I thought that would let people know oh that Santa playing a character We'll vote for him. Unfortunately that scream unlocks something in all Americans, which they despised Yes, and I was laughed out of which last time you've seen how a demon you haven't because I I was laughed out of, what's the last time you've seen Howard Dean? You haven't, because I walked all the way back to the North Pole, underwater through the ocean. I walked because I was so embarrassed and ashamed, my ploy had failed. Well, hold on, don't make it seem like it's a big deal

that you walked through the ocean, you're in Kaiju, isn't that? Oh, no, I'm just saying. Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure. Yeah, it's like saying, I walked in the sidewalk for you. Yeah, for me, yes. Whatever you're describing. Okay, got yeah, I mean yeah sure. Yeah, it's like saying I walked on the sidewalk for you. Yeah for me. Yes I'm just describing okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Hey Aaron Keith cousin uncle Dean Santa What happened to us? Tell us a story

What happened to the sweet three podcasters? Yes, and how did they end up here? Well, you know how they say that back in Salem during the witch trials that what really happened was there was a fungus that grew on corn that made everyone insane No, but I believe it. It's a real theory so What I think happened is that fungus is back maybe But only us this back baby. Oh my gosh. It's the three people. What? We did all see each other. Get a theory of it. As Eddie. Wait, what did you say?

She's a Santa. Get her. She's a Santa. Oh, Bernie. What? She's a Santa. What do you mean, Bernie? What do you mean, Bernie?

Get her. I'm not just going, oh no. You're a Santa. Get him. Oh, what's happened to me? It's a Santa trials. I'm not going to be a Santa. I'm not going to be a Santa. I'm not going to be a Santa. I'm not going to be a Santa. I'm not going to's a center? I'm not just going oh no you're a set he's a center get him

Oh, what's happened to me? It's a Santa trials By Arthur Miller. I'm actually only going to ask this question one more time Okay, is this a rental? Well, that sucks because JVC talked over you so I didn't hear it. Oh, no The one time you limit yourself to responses. It can't say good. JPC, did you hear what she said? Yes, she said can I leave? No, I said. Wow, you broke your own rule. Whatever man, smoke cigarette. Wait, I think I have a solution. Let me, me get out my cold ass out here. Okay, let's see what we oh, there's a present here

Mr. JPC I believe you wanted a power washer But it's it's actually wrapped inside a bigger box and it says to addle from the I mean this sucks like I did what to get my friend out of a power washer So you hold on you tried to fucking trick me Into giving you a gift to give to someone else. Wow. I cannot believe this is being put on me I was given the gift of a gift someone else here once and now I but that's that hold on I have to clap that's masterful. No, don't Why if you clap she'll come back That's masterful. No, don't

Why if you clap she'll come back I'm not the only person you can have power over believing in. Oh here she comes Here she is flittering near the light. Oh Maybe nothing It's me tinker hell She is you clap your hands you believe in me. I show up. I drink your booze. kiss your wife I punch you in the teeth and then I'm on my way Take her hell oh Tinker hell not in that order. No, no not never in that order

Help our Dean Santa and heaven see you forever JPC stop this. Maybe see Carl's scene. JPC. I love to call Zed, but I, I'm a little late to the party. That's right, it's me, Captain Snook, Jim Laundry Tan. Let's all get wasted out of the club. Folks, we've had a lot of fun here, and we hope that you have too. But if you have it, I hope that you got our message.

Which is, this holiday season, talk to your second cousins. Maybe you don't know them by name. Maybe your parents are familiar by name. But look on Facebook, take it 23 and me and see who you match with because your second cousins are family too, and they may not have someone if they're cold, you're cold, of heart. Bring them inside, get some Dean's eggnog sponsored by Dean's eggnog. And hide your booze your wife and your teeth cuz I'm coming over baby Captain's no

We're back from break uh What do you guys think should we keep what we did break in? No the podcast or No, take it out. Take it out. Yeah, that's. You get it off, get it off, get it off. You got it off, get it off. It's on me. It's on me. You got the pocket. You got it. Get it, get it, get it. You put a jar under it. If you put it outside, it's going to get back in.

People throwing their phones down and stomping on them. Uh, Adel, do you have anywhere riddles for us? No, I do. I have a little house in which I live all alone. Uh, do you want me to do a riddle? I have a little house in which I live all alone. Do you want me to do a riddle? I have a little house in which I live all alone. It has no doors or windows and if I want to go out, I must break through the wall. What am I? Cool, I'd been. Oh, how do I get out of here? Oh no! I gotta call my contractor. Hmm, can you read it again? I have a little house in which I live all alone.

It has no doors or windows, and if I wanna go out, I must break through the wall. What am I? Is this a catapult? Oh, yeah. Aaron, I will say, you're not too far off. A tongue. Sorry, JP.

Now you're way off. Gold. Gold. Yeah. Well, okay, I guess that I have to throw it and I have to say caterpillar. Very your, your warm, you're closer. I'm getting closer with caterpillar. Yes. Wait, what did Aaron say? Tung. Yeah, the cold ice cold. I have a little house in which I live all alone. Here's what I'll say. I think once in a blue moon, that part is false. Got it. So, would this be like a chicken's egg or something?

I have a little house in this little alone. It has no doors or windows, and if I want to go through, I must break through the wall. It is a baby chick and an egg. Now, I think every once in a while, I don't know, I mean, I've had no yolks happen, but do double yolks ever turn into, well, I don't know, I mean, I've had no jokes happen, but do you double yokes ever turn into, well, I guess we're talking about,

I understand we're talking about fertilizing them for lives, so that's not a one and one. But is there ever two eggs, two chicks in an egg? I don't know about that, but I do know I broke open an egg once, I was a cooking breakfast and I broke open an egg and there was like little cooked potatoes and bacon in there as well.

So I don't know if the there was like little cooked potatoes and bacon in there as well. So I don't know if like the egg was like eating it or whatever or like that had been like split like a zygote. I wanna say the word zygote. I like to see a scene. British chicken and I have their beans inside the egg. What would you like to see? So Adel you are a guy cooking eggs in the morning and you crack, you pick up an egg to cook with it and

JPC your chick that is Cracking your way out of it and it's sort of awkward that he was about to try to cook you I'm in you guys in that moment together All right, let me just crack open this egg and have some nice nasty breakfast off the chain. What the fuck? Oh, mommy? Are you my mother? No, no, no, please don't, don't print on me, don't print on me, please.

Oh, where am I? You're in a bowl? Oh, what am I covered in? Oh, no. Tiny jeans, right? My brother. That's what I'm wearing. So, you wouldn't call what you're wearing, what you're covered in? Yeah.

They're tiny. They're shorts. If they were overall, it climbs out of bowl. Wait a second. Butter? Biscuits? You weren't planning on eating me, were you? Uh, no, I was gonna make you some butter biscuits.

Yeah. Oh, I have a boyfriend. I'm not like, sorry, not like, not like, you wigged. I was gonna eat you. I was gonna eat you. Oh, I have a boyfriend. Wait, wait, no. Not like. Wait, you were gonna eat you. I was gonna eat you. Oh, I have a boyfriend Not like wait you were gonna eat me. Yes

Shabon you I'm sorry. I was in my home. How would you like it if some giant poked his fingers through your window and ate you? Oh, that happened to my brother. Oh I actually are Jack. Yeah, he bought a boat. Well well he was an idiot. He traded his cow for bean. Yeah Can I be honest with you? He also it seems like from I know it's your brother, but it seems like he may be stole from that giant You're not wrong. Yeah, and guess what I didn't see a dime of that Well, no, I assume the giant once he ate your brother. He took the fucking gold back Well, I don't I assume I mean I you hear these stories, right? You do the grapevine. Yeah, yeah. Well, oh you've you've been listening at the grapevine I Mean the chicken coop is right next to the grapevine so it's like that's your placement

That's not you might have heard some things you weren't supposed to hear. Oh, no, we hear what you do with the grapes Huh, yeah, I smashed them grapes Yeah, you do and we also heard we also heard you we hear what you do with the grapes. Huh, yeah. I smashed them grapes. Yeah, you do. And we also heard you, we also heard you fall. Pretty bad, and you made some noises. You just quite a spill when you were saying this. I was actually pretty hurt. So I won't recreate those. I was actually pretty hurt. I don't, it sounded like you might have been.

It sounded like you may have been pretty hurt. I won't do the emphasis, but it was along the lines of, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm the money. All about the house with my lady I dance. Yet I always work and I never romance. What am I? And please, please guess that these are original lyrics, I don't know. Cloth to impress you. Originally your exit, I wrote to impress me. Yes, it's not a clock, but your lookworm.

Was this riddle written in the 1950s? Is it vacuum cleaner? Very hot, burning hot. Wow, all about the house with my lady. I dance get your life something she really wants A vacuum cleaner she can put a mustache on pretend Jesus Pretend he's husband Looking for the perfect gift. Why did a vacuum cleaner for your lady at a power washer for the man? Oh Brumel you are my love. Well, I just gave away the answer.

Ah! The answer is a broom! Yeah, that's right. All about the house with my lady I dance, and I always work and I never romance. No, you don't let your broom go out on a Friday. You guys are keeping your brooms inside and we'll let them have fun. Are you a monster? Anytime I try to kiss it, it bristles.

My broom goes to cooking class on Wednesday. And likes to drink and play darts on Fridays. And as wine art on Wednesdays. Here we go. Here's another one. Yeah, that is very outdated in terms of like with my lady. Yeah. Pretty weird. If a man carries my burden, they will get crushed to death. Though not rich, I leave silver in my track. Hmm. If a man carries my burden, they will get crushed to death.

Though not rich, I leave silver in my track. The only thing that I can think of is like getting close to orgasming and being like, are you ready to carry my burden? Huh. Huh. So is the... Is the second cousin St. Nicholas who are here?

Is that the answer? Is there any world in which that is the answer? It is a delayed orgasm. Great. Okay. Is it, um, oh god, I don't know. Yes? Can you read it one more time?

Someone carries the burden. I'll just switch it to person. If a person carried my burden, they would get crushed to death. Got it. Is what they're saying. Okay. Though this thing is not rich,

they do leave silver in their track. And might, let me even change that word. If a person carries my burden, they will get crushed to death. Though not rich, I leave silver in my trail. That's like, like not a slug, but it's like some sort of... Ah!

Pepe-da-da-da-da-da. Like a, like a snail? Like something with a big, big ass like shell on it? Yes, my friends. Wait, what, I can pick up a snail shell. Oh, it's saying it was as big. Yes. The proportions.

Yes. Okay, got it, got it. So if you were to carry your house on your back, no, no, no. And this economy, I feel like I kind of am. You know what I'm saying? I want to be a scene, more good traits, being what they are. I do want to see a scene. JPC, you are a slug looking for a home

so you can become a snail again. In your adult life, you've never really been a snail. You've kind of been a slug or you've been a slug. You've lived in your parent's shell. Aaron, you are a real estate agent trying to show him around to different shells. So I got your pros, cons, do's, don't, needs, needs to have. So excited to show you around a couple of these cool hot...

A lot of these kitchens look pretty small. Well, don't judge a book by its cover. Don't judge a shell by its kitchen. Sorry, I am hung over today. So this is actually a small shell off of a beach in South Carolina, China. Let's check smell. That smell is beach.

You don't even want to go in? And I feel like I can't get any closer to it. You know, I have very high standards for a flood. I'm not just gonna crawl into any shell. I thought you were a slug. Are you a slug? I believe I am a slug. The way that it was explained to me

was that I was a slug searching for a shell and that I would become a slail. I believe that was help. Sure. That's fine. I had to sort of think outside of the box. Please. I don't want to leave it in the back. Uh huh. Okay. So this is actually just the monopoly piece that is a top hat.

That would come. It's very silver. I think you would look very distinguished wearing this around on your back. Okay. To be honest with you, there's not a lot in the market right now, so not a lot of actual shells to be seen. It's a little bit of a shell game is what I've heard. Exactly, exactly, exactly. But I didn't know if that was just like a witty thing to say, or if that was true to the market. Can't it be both? Ha ha ha!

I'm so on over. Um, we also have a pistachio shell and a peanut shell, but it seems like you got your eye on that monopoly piece. The monopoly piece is intriguing to me. Now, I hate to ask, but is this symbol available? Ah, no, the symbol is not available. That went off the line. Somebody's left it up. Immediately. We do have those little pen-

Can we put in a counter-offer? I mean, I can try. I can put a call in, but I'm pretty sure it's a done deal. Oh, look, there he is now. There it is. Oh, there's two of them. Should I use the magnifying glass or salt? Salt, salt, salt! Here we go. No, use the- you don't use either of them.

You're a good boy, Tommy, and you don't have to do this. Fuck you, mom. I say kissing, take your hell. I've been on salt, salt, salt. I'm an angel on your shoulder. I, mob, it's kinda like when you call teacher, mob. I don't wanna examine this. And I'm the devil on your shoulder.

Dead. And I say keep chanting salt to yourself and you know, friend kid salt Come on. This one's too easy. You sprinkle sprinkle you basically wait on this one by default Are you two fucking Oh Your harmonizing You got their wings they got their wings they got their wings red red stale's give you wings I do want to hear some voice smells. Oh Voice man who these would or two Casey whenever you already go ahead and smash that like button

Wait for the beef, hey riddle, riddle, I wanna get the calls on the voicemail, you'll let out the play. And I'll hit play. Hey, and I gotta say, I gotta say, for if you're submitting voicemails and you wanna hear a brand new voicemail theme, all you gotta do is submit one. Go ahead, if you've got a voicemail theme that you'd like us to play on the show, send it in, and get your our podcast at gmail.com. We would love to hear a new voice mail theme. And I will say, before Casey hits play, I believe we have the number here.

If you do want to leave a voice mail, just in case you can't find anywhere, call us at 1-805-Riddle-1, where you can always snail mail us something. Wow, I always love when people say, see what I did there. I think that's just the best. Um, see what he did there.

When somebody says see what I did there, or when somebody goes, wow, wow, I think that's just delightful. What about let's go? What about nom nom nom? Those I love. Uh, I, Aaron, I think I hate too many things. These are a few of my most hated things.

You can always mail us something to, Hey Riddle Riddle. 6351 West Montrose, M-O-N-T-R-O-S-E, Avenue, number 267 Chicago, Illinois, 60634. Casey, whenever you're ready. Hey, I don't know if you can hear me. I'm driving. I'm delivering a pizza right now.

My name is Luke, and I'm a complete pizza delivery driver. And I just wanted to tell you guys, I listen to your show while I'm delivering a pizza as one can again, I'm a pizza delivery driver. And I have had to, there's an actual number. I think it's seven people have gotten older or colder because I've actually had to pull over the car and not drive for a minute from laughing so hard.

And so you guys did that. I wanted you to know that. You made some evil pieces, but good for you. I hope you all, you're my favorite. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Goodbye. Dang it. I'm a piece of cat. I would love to know what that guy's job was.

God if I can ask him one question, I'd love to know what he does for work. What do you think he does for work? I'll never know. Okay, I make people. What a charm monster. I love that guy. That is one of my, I can think of no higher compliment we've ever received. Then seven people have received cold dinner.

Seven people received cold dinner due to us being insane. Adel, there's some guy in the town that he works in that has one of those like red yarn conspiracy boards. Trying to figure out why I'm wearing the getting cold pizzas. And he's hearing this episode and he's just clutching his chest and crying, having solved the mystery. A dartboard with our logo. I do think this one voicemail from Luke, who Luke, you fucking rock, you're outstanding. I do think there's one voicemail really hits home

the like butterfly theory. Like, if an insane person answering a riddle, makes someone laugh, the sort of domino effect. Of yeah, my pizza is now cold. Which causes a father to get angry, which causes a house to be broken up, which causes a kid to be raised by TV,

which causes Lauren Lapkes. Or John Gapers. Or John Gapers. Or John Gapers. I think Luke, Luke, listen, don't try to mirror Luke's energy when you call in, but if you have Luke's energy, that's the exact energy we're looking for. If you have this energy, exact energy. And when Aaron just mentioned calling in, maybe as JPC, I forget, uh, I forget which one's

which. If whoever said calling and leave a theme for us You're aiming for Luke's energy. Yeah. Yes. Exactly. Or musical talent But not both but not both Casey whenever you ready play that second voicemail Hi, I'm at work and I Was talking about how a tree someone was talking about tree season for baseball. And I said, very well, is a tree season can get you pregnant. And no one laughs.

So I said, you're not called the number. Because maybe this would make you laugh. So thank you for instilling in me a billion 80-percent something will get you pregnant. So now I'm forced to say things to you. Thank you. Thank you. Big day to the show.

Love you guys. Bye. Hooray. Yeah, we made one promise at the beginning of the show and it was to help you alienate everyone in your life from you. Here's what happened. You were at work and someone's a preseason baseball

and you said preseason can still get you pregnant and no one laughed because they were missing the context that pre-com can in fact get you pregnant. So what you wanna do with no one's laugh in that wall, you wanna say the reason I said that is because pre-come can still get you pregnant. Cause also if they don't know that, they need to know that.

They need to know that. They might be sexually active. And if you're at work, this goes double. Say it twice is loud and send us the HR bill. HR bills people, right? Yeah, when you have an infraction, HR gives you like, it's like $29. You get like free warning tickets and then you get a bill flat. So I will say, personally, personally, I find that incredibly funny. And I will also say, I think this is a

way funnier stick than that's what she said. Which is what everyone said. I mean, I can't go a day without hearing somebody say that's what she said, which is what everyone said. I mean, I can't go a day without hearing somebody say, that's what she said, which I find exhausting. So maybe you're just smarter than the room. So keep doing you, keep being true to your humor and what you find funny and other people either catch up with you or they won't and that's fine. And that's fine.

That's fine. Amen. Aaron, did you want to make up a voicemail? Yeah, I would love to. Shout. Okay. Aaron, did you want to make up a voicemail? Yeah, I would love to. Shout. Okay. Peep. Hi, I am Aaron, and I just wanted to let you guys know

that I'm a pizza, and it's happened at least seven times that I have gotten cold, because I have been laughing so hard, that I forget to go and get eaten by people because I'm a pizza. So people because I'm a pizza. So anyways, I'm a pizza. Pre-pre-pre-pre-pre-can get you pregnant. And I'll see you later. Yeah!

Pizza, sorry, I picked up the phone. Oh, God. Oh, God. Do you have anything to plug? I would like to plug, let's see. sitcom D&D. The second season is out now. We've been recording it for a while,

and I think it's pretty fun. No, at- I'm on an air tonight. Oh yeah, yeah, me and pizza. Addle anything to plug. You can listen to, we did a recent guest appearance on the, I believe the Patreon, our bonus content for your Kickstarter sucks.

We had a really good time doing that. We did some riddles, which was, we were surprised with a very fun game they created for us. So please check out your Kickstarter sucks, check out their main podcast, and also their bonus feed with our episode. JPC, anything to blog? I always think I have to see these plug times to read a five star review. This one is from Antifine. If you want to get your five star review read on the show,

all you have to do is go to iTunes and leave us a five star review. This one says, hilarious, horrible riddles. I love the show, it's fun to hear you make each other laugh. This is JPC, I'm done reading the review. And I just wanted to say, if you give a five star review

and sign up for the Patreon, I will drink a cup of my own piss. In fact, I have a cup of piss right here. Gulp, gulp, gulp. Ah, that's some great piss. Not mine, just a nice piss. Anything to add, Aaron or Adel? Wow, they're really getting the hang of this, by the way.

Good job, everyone, and those reviews. Good work out there. They're really doing it. Oh, one more thing to plug if you're listening to this on the time it comes out. We have a live show. Two live shows coming up. Um, one in, we do.

Yeah, we talked about it. We talked about it. We did all think about it. People would be the other episode. Uh, one in New York, one in Washington, DC, um, that is, I'm the nation's capital, the nation's capital, September six, the New York at the Bellhouse, September seventh, uh, Washington, DC at the union.

And you can still get tickets to both of those shows. What? At April Vindel.com slash live. But wait, JPC, I want to bring a significant other or my parents or my co-workers who. I do it, man. Just do it by the tickets. And wait, we tried to buy tickets to the DC show

and the website said they were all sold out. Yeah, we know. We don't know why they did that. They fucked us, but. They're the website said they were all sold out. Yeah, we know we don't know why they did that they fuck those but They're not sold out. They're not sold out. So please fly tickets. Wait, let me get this straight Addle JPC and me are going to be in New York City and then Washington DC Very soon and people can buy tickets to come and see us. Yes, we cannot express this enough. Yes. And you can go to

www.havarderrittle.com slash live to buy tickets to get more information to figure out everything that's going on. And we cannot wait to see those who can make it. Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? I'm serious. And these will not be live streamed, Aaron. So you have to be there in person. They're not going to be live streamed anywhere. So you have to be there in person. Are you serious? Are you serious? I'm serious, but we will tell rats about it verbally.

We'll recount the show verbally for rats. For rats. For rats. A live show? Two? Hey, Riddle Riddle live show. And we can't keep doing this. Are you guys serious?

There's a person me reading this. I have something to add. As you may have heard, I am a Kaiju, but before that I was actually a Roman god. A B- I suck it. Second cousin, St. Nicholas, otherwise known as Santa, was a Roman god. And the reason I was kicked out of being a Roman god was Mrs. Claus and I, or should I call her Pantheon?

Her and I actually had a son, but I ate him. No, I'm not Mars, I was married to Pantheon after Mars. I had a son and I ate him alive. Now there was a human painting me while I did it, so I had to destroy him, but his work... Jupiter, keep going, Adam, keep cooking. Huh? Jupiter, but keep going. Who's Adam?

Uh, uh, uh, uh, Uncle Cousin, how are the Nick? I don't know what to do. Bye forever. Ho, ho, ho! RAAA! Ho, ho, ho! RAAA! Refine!

Starting here at the end. And John Patrick calling. Casey, don't you do the editing. Now are you here in the music? Hey there Chits and Chats! If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another chatterbox and we're answering your prompts from the Discord. You can list of that plus our entire Batcadilog at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the crew crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month and you get those sweet sweet ad for you episodes. See you there!