Hey Riddle Riddle - #229: Paul Turkey Mall Turkey w/ Becca Barish

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

We've got Becca Barish back and we're chatting nicknames, playing golf, singing acapella and talking turkey (in a very special Animal Parade)! Happy #WiddleWednesday! QUACK  Starring: Hoagie Rifai Slappy Patrick Coan Hoagie Keif guest Becca Barish Editing by:  Hoagie Toney Theme by:  Hoagie Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something?  Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fm This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/riddle and get on your way to being your best selfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Okay, okay, okay, it's the first episode in December. Oh, Aaron, should I do, should we sing like just another cyber Monday, like the print song? That's good. That's good. That's another cyber. You know, I really, yeah, yeah. We did Santa stuff all year. And now I feel like it's old. What do we do? Hey, you can see, you can see what should we do? Uncle Santa, it's our first show in December. What should we do? I'm so glad that you guys asked and I know that I hadn't spoken yet in the episode. And everyone was wondering when he speaks. Is it going to be Uncle Santa? It's not December. It's like 15 seconds. December is the wrong. Okay, come on. I'm looking up my way for it.

It was almost 30. Okay. No, no. Now it's right. But December is not the right time for Santa. We all know that Santa happens in September and then frequently throughout the year. We don't do Christmas stuff in the December. Yeah, yes, yes, yes. People expect that. People think just because you can't see Santa doesn't mean he's not around.

He has a life, it's like your teachers, right? When you see your teacher in the summertime, you're like, whoa, what are you doing outside the school and in July? And it's like they have lives outside of that. So just a quick check it with our guest. Hey Becca, how much Christmas stuff make you uncomfortable? You want to join it on the Christmas talk?

Or do you have, if you want to teach us about Hanukkah, this is the time. Now honestly, I think that just the idea of Christmas makes people feel like they have to treat each other with more kindness. So let's just have it last as long as it possibly can. Oh, that's pretty good. You heard it from her.

War on Christmas. It's a religious war on Christian Christmas, everyone. And welcome back to the show. We haven't seen her since episode 29, but she's a dear friend. She's a wonderful improviser. She's a part of world news tonight, and she's made maybe the funniest Hanaka ASMR video I've ever seen. Welcome back, Becca Barrish.

Thank you so much. Thank you for whoo me. Woo. Last time on the show, I was talking about how Jewish I was as well. So I'm glad that we're good to meet you. If it's a pattern, then it's bad. It's a pattern.

It's too bad. It's not a pattern. Becca, now. It's just a it's too, it's not a better, too, it's not a better. Beggar now, also. Just do your backup, by God. In a survivor, I forgot the word for it. Like a pull. Like a plan, a drag pull.

Like a draft. We're in a survivor draft together. And we haven't really talked about it. How are you feeling about your picks? I'm feeling decently, if I'm going to be honest, I entered into four with all the top picks that I thought were most likely to win So that if I won even one of them I'd still make money no matter what But I think in yours I have Carla, which I'm pretty

Static about I think I feel good except she's been tweeting a lot which makes me feel like that's not a good sign Uh-oh Wait, do these wait so there's a cash prize for these, but do you have to pay money to get into it? Yeah, usually we'll pay $5 last year. We did it and we were all supposed to put in $5, but I don't think anybody did and then Sean won, and then I just vend him $5 at some point.

Got it, okay. But so, but I just wanna, I'm trying to figure out how your math works here. Because you are in four of these. Yeah. So you're basically out $20 right now. E. Well, one of them is $10.

So, a bit more. Okay. Okay. But in some of them, you can draft more players. And then also on top of that, I feel like in doing my research of the players beforehand and also In diversifying and then thinking okay, so it looks like there's 18 players I think in all likelihood it's probably gonna come down to these eight maybe after the first episode and of course There is a chance that I'll absolutely lose and embarrass myself, but sure yeah, and what what are we talking about grand prize

Like what do we what do you win if you if you win? Let's say you well, I guess you can't run the table I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it.

I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it.

I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. nice, but for the most part, you might be bringing in, you know, anywhere between 15 to 25. Got it. Got it. Okay. So all in your out right now, 25 to $50 and you're hoping for maybe a $60 when I got to tell you, if you want to go away, if you wanted a way to make $10, I got leaves to rake in my front yard. I want to give it you a double for that. Definitely about the pride.

I would have given you a double for that. Definitely about the pride. Because I can say to everybody, I picked the soul survivor and they will wish they were me. I think that you have a 50% chance of winning because you have Carla, but all the rest of yours are out. You also had Lindsey and, I don't know who else. Yeah. I wrote it down and then I didn't. But I had James Owen in Cassidy.

Yeah, that was the same. I got two in. Yeah, I was. One more for you. I'm not going to send him Cassidy. I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him any more.

I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him any more. I'm not going to send him think I think in the ones right to choose just two people I I'm really paying close attention. Got you think I've lost the audience yet.

No, no, I think that you're they're all completely on your side. Okay, great. Yeah, I was about Christmas, then we pivoted into Hanukkah back away very quickly from that and pivoted into a survivor podcast. Can I say Christmas thing really quickly? Yeah, please. I, okay so Jewish children, no, from the beginning.

Let me tell you a little something about Jewish children, okay? Is this a poem? Yes, Jewish children, no, from the start that Santa's not real, right? And I just don't think they're given enough credit for keeping their mouth shut and not ruining it for all the other children that believe that Santa's real for so long. Like for you, was Christmas ruined by a little Jewish child? Never. Not for other reasons. But isn't that so great? Like that is wild. That the respect that the Jewish kids have. They go, you know what?

Let them believe in that fake magical guy. Exactly. Never, that never happened. Jewish children and Rob White's children immediately know Santa's not right. It was he like, I'm not right. Yeah, I would say, I would say I was the little Jewish child

for a bunch of the Catholics that I went to school with because we didn't really have Santa growing up and so I was like, oh no, Santa's not real at all. And so, in a way I got to experience that. And it was, by the way Becca, very nice to do. So kudos for the little Jewish children out there who are not doing it because you know it's gonna feel good. I guess, yeah, there's something about that.

From Hayrita Rittle to every Jewish child, thank you so much for your service. Your service. Well, back you've been on before, it's been a few years, but you know the deal, you know the spiel. I'm going to toss out, I'm old man pussies. Also, I guess here's what I want to say, just to mix things up a little bit. Wow. JPC and I were hanging out last night, Aaron, and we were talking, I brought up that I think Hogi would be a good nickname. Now JPC,

vehemently did not want the nickname Hogi. So I said Hogi is a good nickname. I don't know if I'm a Hogi. I don't know if you could be like, what's up Hogi and it just doesn't feel good for me. So last night I landed on Slapy Cohen. And Hogi, and if you will, Aaron, Hogi Keefe. Well, that feels a little unfair that I have to make name run off.

Do you know what I mean? I feel like the second child was like, our first favorite name was this, so we named our first child this. As the second child, you can be pretty dang sure that this was our second choice. It's not our third because it's also the middle name. Aaron if you will Hogi was what I was most excited about. JPC simply said it's not for him. No, I follow take it take it. I don't know where you got back. I'm JPC Hogi because you liked the nickname Hogi and you were like the first person I see I want to give it to or was there anything about JPC that made you feel like

I did about it Because when you get a name you want it for like it's relevant to you know, yeah pure proximity It's also the same way the air is getting it right now air is just another person that you've seen in the last twenty-four hours The point of a nickname is how affectionate it is because of its specificity to that person. Either an inside joke or a moment you both experience or a fun way to say their name. Hogi is nothing for no one. Well, Casey now by the way Casey the chat says Hogi Tony has a good ring to it. Oh, we love Hogi Tony.

Yeah, it's unreal that you didn't just give Casey the Hogi the K. Okay, so Casey's Hogi Tony we have Slapy Cohen. Casey you didn't just give Casey the hokey. Okay. So Casey's hokey Tony. We have sloppy Cohen Casey you didn't have to do that Casey dove on that It's actually Have I ever nicknamed oh go ahead? Oh, it's just gonna say that maybe if we're also doing different names for hokey's based on what just happened Aaron's Nickname should be sub All right, I like it name should be sub. Okay, all right.

Sup, Keith. I like it. Back to boo. I got a rebeechwalla rebe rebe rebe nasty. But call was a lot of middle school. So yeah, I've kind of been through what's rebe nasty? Because my name is Rebe McIntyre? It was just my name's Rebecca. Oh, your name's Rebecca. Yeah. Nice to meet you. Yeah. The woman doing my facial this morning also was like, your name's Rebecca, that's a beautiful name.

And then proceeded to tell me how bad my skin was. But yeah. This is gonna seem like a stupid question I am. I'm so sorry. Your first name is Rebecca. Is your last name, Roberish? Roberish. Rebecca, Roberish.

Rebecca, Roberish. How am I? I'm embarrassing. Roberish. And I'll be... My nickname, of course, will be Mr. Tutankhamun. What's going on in the video, too? I have to quickly tell Becca something.

I got a facial for my birthday. And the anesthetician, is that what they're called? I think that's, oh, that's different than an anesthesiologist. I was like, I don't think that's the right thing. You wanna get it? Well, she put me in a state. You go under, you're fucking fake. She got the epidural, right?

Oh, it's epidural. I always get the epidural. You gotta get the epidural. Don't do it now. Halfway to the facial, she's like, I'll have it now and they're like too late. We can't give it to you. And she asked me, and this is right before my birthday,

she asked me how old I was. She looked at my skin and I went, I'm 30 and she went, no, no, how old are you like right now? And I was like 30 and she was like, oh, so retinal is so good. And I was like, oh no, you thought I was way older than 30 based on what the fuck is wrong with people. If someone's like, how old are you? you say 30 they go know your age right now Fuck you. It's also what I don't even mean. What did they what could you do? What are the things asking seven is that an L.A. thing? I don't know everyone here is Boogie when I was in college I was getting a bikini wax when I was in college and

The woman about three quarters of the way through was like, how old are you? And I was like, oh, I'm 20. And she's like, oh, I thought you were 12. And I just know that it's so interesting that she was like, clearly freaking out the whole time. And then waited until three. Yeah, like, a portion throw in the question was like,

if I had said 12, but she'd have been like, well, we're only going to do 75% of the same. I wouldn't have agreed to start. If I thought you were 12. agreed to start if I thought you were 12. If she said I thought you were 12, you should have said I'd be like, oh, thank God, I am 12. Finally, we're all letting our shields down. All right, I'm ready for some riddles, sorry. Let's let our shields down and toss some riddles our way so we can try and solve them. Here's a quick little warm up riddle. What sport starts with T has four letters in it

and is played around the world. Okay. Oh golf. I know what it's telling us to say golf, right? But that's it. Yeah, but you got it. Oh, it's a warm up. Becca got it.

Okay, got it. Okay, good. I got something up. Starts with T has four letters. I was like, I've never golfed. I, I, you've never golfed? No, I love mini golf. Or putt putt, I forget the difference.

One is like novelty. I like whatever the novelty one is. Cause one is just like practicing putting and one is like, there's windmills and angry gorillas and sharks and stuff. Did you play putt putt on the computer. You love video game? Yeah, in the 90s.

Oh, the video game. Yeah. Maybe. It was a little car. It was a little car? Yeah, you know, it's like a, it was a computer game for PC. Yeah. Yeah, that in like spy fox and the fish one.

People know I'm talking about. We all know what you're talking about. Yeah, the fish one. Yeah, the phagijama Sam or whatever. Aaron, have you ever, have you ever been golfing? No, can you imagine me? Golfing? Honestly, Becca, what about you? You golfed, right? I love mini golf. I'm dying to golf golf, but I haven't, I haven't yet.

Wow. Okay. I used to golf when I was in grade school. I guess I went through K through eight. So it was money fingers. Well, my, my, those are my fingers. Yeah, right. Growing up I had two uncles who were golf course superintendents and my grandpa left to golf.

So it's just like we, everybody in my family like golfed a little bit. But I was not, like my cousins were like good at golfing. And I, but here's the thing about golf, it actually kind of an enjoyable, like sport. Like I can see the appeal of golf. It's like you're outside, you're moving, you're walking, you do a lot of walking,

which is really, I guess some people like writing cards or whatever, but we never did that because we didn't have cart money. I do wanna see a scene. JPC is the golf expert, you will be on the course of first hole or whatever they call it, and you'll be golfing. Wow GAPC is the golf expert. You will be on the course of first hole or whatever they call it. And you'll be golfing. Wow.

Leave it to the golf expert. Back in an air and all your plus ones, they've never golf before. And they can't really get a grasp on what to do. They're maybe doing things a little wonky. Awesome. Thank you guys so much for coming out with me. Basically, I'll just go first.

And then I guess come and just watch what I do and if you have any questions Uh, you know, let me know and then we is that cool. I mean, it's I don't I don't want to be too instructive because it's your first time, you know Honestly, I'm just excited someone brought me to a golf course before mr. fancy pants. I've never experienced something like this before Yeah, I hope we don't embarrass you. I hope we don't say something too poor. It embarrass our friend. It's okay. You know, I understand like that. It's an upper-crust thing and I met you two at a sweatshirt shop.

But no, it's totally fine. You think of a sweatshirt? What's that? It's just a shop, right? Most shops just sell sweatshirts. What else are you gonna have? Well, I mean, most just sell sweatshirts. What else are you gonna have? Well, I mean, most shops sell sweatshirts, but they sell other stuff too.

I think the store that I met you at was just sweatshirts, is that I recall. Right, it's just if they're not selling sweatshirts. They are swing! Ow! Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, you're gonna injure yourself if you just, why don't you watch me go first?

Because you just one handed swung that golf club all the way around your body. I'm gonna go first. I'm gonna, yeah, it's a window. Wow, someone's golf before. I'm gonna line up my thumbs here, okay? It's on the hips, stand back, ball on T, and then kind of, what, what, don't look at,

don't look at where you're going, look at the ball, okay? Make sure you keep your eye on the ball and hold on I want to see it from this angle straight ahead. Nope. Nope. Nope. That's directly in front of me. So that's that's the trajectory where the ball should go. But I can't see when you're doing I can't see what you're doing. I see the back of your head. I'm a run. I don't know. Okay. When the ball gets hit I'm gonna run with it and I'm gonna see if the ball beats me or if I beat the ball and who will get the whole first. That's such a good idea, Tiff. Go do it. The ball will absolutely beat you. About 15 feet in front of you is a water feature on the course.

You will fall right into that if you try to chase that ball. You never see me run, you never see me swim. Okay, let's see. Let me try this. Outstanding. What do we call Brian Setser, the King of Swing? Yeah. Who? The Brian Setser or the King of Swing? Yeah. Yeah.

The Brian Setser or Kastra, right? Yeah. Exactly. Jump time and whale, maybe. It's an opportunity to boo-addle for being old, but I guess old ass Becca stepped right at the end of the video. Old ass, 12 ass Becca. Here's another roll.

Here's another roll. The pitch was perfect. that crowd ummed and odd But no bat was swung and it was not cold a ball or a strike. What's going on? Were they watching the movie pitch perfect? Oh, they were camping I Bet they pitched a tent and it was the orchestra Oh the pitch The pitch was perfect. JPC, you're pretty close.

Oh, pitch perfect too. No, I prefer to be. The pitch was a high C note by a contestant in a Bowie's Contest. Oh, okay. I like the Csene. I didn't realize the voice contest. Okay. You are an Acapella group about to compete.

And Becca, you're trying to motivate them to not let you down. You really are trying to rally the troops. Okay. Okay. Okay, guys, this is not a joke. Okay, this is the real thing. Are you guys ready or what? Because I'm just kind of freaking out about this.

And I feel like I don't want to waste the entire semester and all the work we put in. Trisha, can I just say, ever since you joined Acapella Grino, I just feel like it's work. It used to be fun and now it's work. But why are we doing this if not to win the trophy? Isn't that the whole reason why we're all here? If we're trying to win the trophy, but we don't want Trevor to rap, I don't know.

I mean, we're just not gonna get the trophy. I think the thing is, you're putting wraps into songs that don't have wraps. If we were doing a song- That's where the wraps go! That's where the wraps go. Turn back time should have a wrap in it. Okay, let's go. If you put a wrap into a song with a wrap in it, it does it too much wrap.

Right? Why is the announcer running around? I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have a wrap, I'm gonna have I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I Fama y'all fama bon I got a bond with the horse inside name they said the whole you doing let me Perfect it's perfect don't stop him no one stop him go I was gonna wrap like a Brit Trevor's Trevor does the British exit don't let Ryan rep Trevor you go if you want to rhyme like dizzy rascal go ahead or the streets. Oh, I gov Oh, I brave it's all good. It's all biscuits in it everybody with it wind of race race race race It's out of spice if you like to eat a big bowl of soup and fish sticks to Best I've ever done it. That was the best I've ever done it.

We won? We've seen. You guys at the beginning of that sounded unnecessarily good and listenable to me. You guys did a pretty good job. I was like, sound it really nice. We can do acapella. We can do acapella.

Pretty good. When I was in college, my improv group was asked to do an improv opening for the Jewish Acapella. Pretty good. When I was in college, my improv group was asked to do an improv opening for the Jewish Acapella group on campus. And we decided that we would practice and do an acapella song really, really well to do a better job singing acapella than they did as part of the acapella group. And we sang that like, oh, happy day. Oh, happy day.

You know, from a C a subtract two, I think. Like when Jesus washed, it was incredible. And then we opened everyone was just like, what? And then they just did worse after practicing for an entire semester. Uh, Becca, can I ask you a question? Did they ask an improv group to open for an acapella group because they wanted even less fucking people to see the show? Come on.

No, it's there. It's there. They're both bad. They're both bad. No, I want to say. I have something I want to say and it could get me in trouble, it could give the podcast a big, big trouble. I hate to do this with a guest on the show, but... Case, you get that bleep key ready.

A friend of ours. And somehow, if tomorrow I wake up dead, you know why a friend of ours went to college. Speaking of this is based on pitch perfect. A friend of ours went to college with the gentleman who calls himself Valu La Borg. Now this gentleman is not German. Is that a tele tummy? What's a baby of the board? One day he's a piece of.

You can't that can't be your follow up question to everything. JPC is that a teletubby? What's a big ol' boy? One day he's a, he's a girl. That can't be your follow-up question to everything, JPC. Is that a teletubby? A teletubby. A person applied everything. Is Verlund an actor who is always playing German? And I vote online, and everyone says like he's born in German this German actor. So Holly would just call him a German actor, but it's a ruse.

It's a joke. It's a falsehood. I don't want to get in trouble, Adel. Don't stop blowing up. Wait, so what are you worried about? Are you worried that you weren't supposed to blow the guy's cover that went to college with your friend and your friendly mad for blowing another person's cover and your friend will then murder you? Stop saying blowing back at least. That's what I'm worried about. Wait, was this a college that had like a no-German's policy?

Like, where's the part where this guy's not in German? Could he be a German person that went to the college? This actor has passed himself off as German in Hollywood for 15 years now. Huh. What I'm, the cover that I'm lifting up and exposing like to is the fact that he is not German. He's from, I want to say North Carolina, and he is, it speaks normal, and he, well that sounds rude. It's you not German.

No, no, no. Let me get this shovel away from you, so you stop digging. Please, I'm digging. I love the idea of someone being like, I'm having trouble making an Hollywood. What's gonna get my foot in the door? I gotta be more German.

You just gotta find your niche. That was pretty good. So maybe a little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey.

A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey.

A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. A little bit more of a journey. It's an I ride. Okay. I did have this moment as JPC was wrapping where I thought to myself, what technically makes something a wrap? Oh, brutal.

Will power. What makes something a riddle? This is what makes something a riddle. Vance went out in the rain for 20 minutes. He came in soaked to the skin, except for his head. He had on no cap or hat. How did he do this? It was the head of his penis. Back up. Back up. Back up. The head of his penis. It's a duck. It's a person with a, you know what? I actually, sorry, Aaron, I sorry Aaron did grab my suitcase out of my closet. Did you say it's a duck? You know what I had a lot of fun on the show and I was

here for two hundreds of the episodes Becca I if you don't find I'll pass the but don't do I do want to see you seen Aaron and Becca you are on this is like I don't know if it's speed dating, but you're something where you're like getting to know each other at a bar or something kind of quickly. Aaron, you are a duck trying to disguise yourself as a human and just a little bit into the conversation or the first initial meeting, everything falls apart and you are always revealed.

Okay. Okay. I don't, I love your vest. I just wanted to say that. Oh, thank you. This old thing. Yeah. It's cute.

I feel like you don't see vest so much anymore. Um, so do you have siblings? What's your family like? Um, yeah. I have, um, actually, I have a number of siblings, um, and my family is just really kind. They're kind of who I am. You know, when I think about who I am, I just siblings and my family is just really kind. They're kind of who I am. You know, when I think about who I am, I just think about my family because that's kind of just like the backbone of what makes me me is everyone in my family. Wow, how about you?

And I love that family first. Quick. Quick. Um, no, I don't do that. And I don't know, no drugs at all. Oh, right. Sorry, me neither. That was a test and you passed. No drugs, family first. It's like we were made for each other. Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.

No, I don't want drugs. I don't really know how to tell you this. It's like if you can tell us like nothing. No, it's not my thing in no form. So thank you. Oh, the waiters here. Hi. Could I have, and what do ducks eat? Can I have a water?

Oh, what do ducks, worms, I want to say a little fish. I mean, if we're going for a joke answer, quackers. I'll just look at quackers and whatever the fish of the day is. OK. And I guess I'll just order when I'm ready. I'm just gonna need a couple of minutes, but you can definitely put in their order

and I'll just take some time to think about what I want. I'll come back and I'll have everyone repeat themselves. Okay, all right, thank you. Also, if you look out the window to the right, someone on the course is racing a golf ball. Oh my gosh. Wow. It's pretty wild.

I'll be right back. So how about you? So how do you, oh, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. No, do you, do you like swimming in the water? Yeah, usually when I swim, I like it to be in the water. Um, how about you?

What about you in terms of like your family, water, swimming, everything? I just want to move my legs to move real quick under the water, like to sort of glide. I don't really wide feet. What size? Sure, you're both in length and width. I'm one of three inches, and then width is about three inches. Oh.

Yeah, normal. Like a circle. Yeah, sort of a normal foot size. Hey, listen. I'm a duck. Yeah, I know. It's so hard getting in the city. At this point, I just, I don't even care. Like as long as someone wants to go out with me,

it really doesn't make a difference to me. I did, that was pretty clear. Yeah, I'm a good guy. Do I have sex with the bathroom? Is that what you're gonna say? I'm seeing. I'm seeing. That's stupid.

There I know good single ducks and New York students. Yeah. Yeah. Let me repeat this for the one more time. Yes. Vance went out in the rain for 20 minutes. He came in soaked to the skin, except for his head. He had on no cap or hat. How did he do that. He came in soaked to the skin except for his head. He had on no cap or hat.

How did he do that? He came in soaked to the skin. He came in soaked to the skin. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person.

I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he's the next person. I don't think he or hat No cap. This is true. No cap. No cap. Uh Okay, did he just have like a big wild messa hair that kept it off of his skin?

Warm you're getting warmer. Okay, what's first I would say he probably had a wild messa hair his name is Vance and does it? Hmm. Does the name matter? Good question Um, I mean everyone's name matters because that's his identity His name is Vance. And does it, does the name matter? Good question. I mean, everyone's name matters because that's his identity. I guess I have a question to go back to earlier when I was saying what makes something a wrap? What makes something a cap? Like is a cap any head covering? Interesting, interesting.

Yeah. Now the difference between the cap and hat as I understand it is in the spelling one. Okay. And a cap I believe doesn't have to have a broom. Is that true? There's a cap and a hat. And there's a cap and hat,

which has a little anchor on the top of it. It's all white. And famously you and the cap and make it happen, which I think is a sexual innuendo. Yeah, for fuck sake, the cap. I'm gonna call it rig or for sure. So it's not a dot. Crunch, right? No, it Simba. Simba halfway across the log. I've said this. Yeah, you have that. I've been in multiple occasions.

You said this enough that I know this. I mean, we mentioned on this podcast before, Nala, fuck me eyes. Yeah. Big part of this podcast early on. You get a little bit of some of him and then he's gone around that long. I also remember going like, if you're attracted to that cat, do you think you're going to be attracted to the cats and cats? And you said no. And then did that turn out to be true? Or were you attracted to some of the cats and cats?

I watched the Skimble Shanks song a lot, but I think I'm attracted to the talent, not the cat. Yeah. I wish I was that railroad, baby. Is it a helmet a cat? Is it a turtle? It's not a turtle. Because turtle can put their head inside their shell

and not get it wet. That is, JBC, that's better than the real answer. Hell yeah. Okay. But I will say, of course was the Fox made Marin? I, God, I will say that I don't think a turtle, that Vance is not a good name for a turtle. I will just say, if you have a turtle in Vance,

I think it's time to change the turtle's name. Yeah. What do you think a good name is? That's a good question. Remaster spooky. Camel meal. Taco Frank. Well, I cannot believe how many good ones you guys have. So GPC, you were very close with he had a big mess of hair. Can you repeat it one more time?

Vance went out in the rain for 20 minutes. He came in soaked to the skin except for his head. He had on no cap or hat. Yeah I'll give you a hint. He was wearing something, but it just wasn't a cap or hat. So what skirts the raincoat? A hood? Wasn't an umbrella hood. This is more a sort of a vanity project. A wig? Yeah, specifically. A toupee? A toupee. He was wearing a toupee, so his,

the top of his head was dry. We should go on a break so I can think about this. So this man has a toupee on. He goes out in the rain. He comes back in and takes a toupee off and his head is dry. No. Did he have a tart part of the toupee?

What the fuck is happening under this toupee? JPC, since you've said toupee so many times will you take us to break with the famous Shakespearean monologue toupee or not toupee? Yes, absolutely Athello, okay, you caught me It was me it was the I go I did it But here's the deal my man I'll jealousy you and guess what made you go your wife so got one over on you homie we'll be right back Hey, uh, JPC, you know how I love he looks sleep. I love that he looks mattress brand, uh, best nights sleep of my life. I know not everyone is on board yet, so I secured a word

winning sleeper, Merrill sleep. Um, she's right behind that door. Merrill sleep. She's right behind that door, Merrill sleep. Wow, she won the Golden Pillow for best sleep. That's right. Hey Merrill. Hello, yes, hello, yes, I'm very well rested after sleeping on my midnight lux, Helix mattress. Good to see you. Good to see you. Your naps are stunning. I just wanted you to tell people about Helelix sleep how the Heelix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe collection. The newly released Heelix Elite collection, a mattress design for big and tall sleepers,

even a mattress made just for kids. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, and Heelix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100-night trial a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out the new Helix mattress. Who do you? Who did I think you were?

I don't know. I'm Maryl sleep and I know everybody is unique and everybody sleeps differently. I just recommend taking the Helix sleep quiz and you can figure out what mattress is right cheap for you. I don't know if you're a side sleeper or you sleep hot or cold or if you sleep like me. Meryl Sleep. Yeah, choosing the right mattress is a real Sophie's decision. But don't just take our word for it or Meryl Sleep's word for it. He looks has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine.

It was even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine. I don't think I thought you were the person that she's doing. Oh, she's doing it. What a performance. He looks mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty, depending on the model. Oh, stunning. Yeah, look, he looks as offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep dot com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet, and it will

not last long with helix better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy a snore. The snore. Academy a snore. You know what? You mean the Academy is gnaw Glit close to falling asleep. That's why Yeah, I got that a lot Hey, I don't hate air and I got a bone to pick with the two of you Sure, yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just cuz I figured this was coming Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet. What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like

and you, jokers, told me, oh, JPC, it's okay. All you have to do is take some, you know, American paper currency, tape it to your front door, close the door, and then wait until someone brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone. So I had to take more money to my door. I think you're thinking to work out all. Oh.

Door cash. Yeah, you did. Door cash. We told you door dash is the number one thing to you. What the hunk? With door dash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever to get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat.

JPC, which I don't know what you eat. I eat back to school supplies. But what? JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery and convenience stores are on the app so you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some marshes homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know, those candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter. I just got those from DoorDash and they were, they were on my porch within 20 minutes.

And it's very, very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Uh, yes. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Yes. Did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks

and pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was. And I know that she would have loved to have door dash so she could be prepared before the big back to school day arrived. So you can stock up with go to breakfast lunch box staples and brands that you love. Don't eat my school supplies. JPC, but that a razor.

Put that trapper keeper down your mouth is too small. Never been told that before shop door dash to get everything you need for the back to school season delivered right to your door. Order now for stress free back to school shopping use promo code riddle to get 50% off up to $10 value. When you spend $15 or more at convenience grocery or retail stores on door dash, that's 50% off up to a $10 value. When you spend $15 or more, promo code riddle, don't forget JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. That's code riddle for 50% off your next order terms apply. At all, JPC keeps eating my gel pens.

Thanks, DoorCash. I mean, no, that's the one. That one didn't work. That one's bad. Hey, JPC. Yeah? You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, Prinking at all. And I'm setting up a website to bring him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs

to stand out and to sit online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It gages with your audience. And so anything for products that cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC

and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace? You can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream

that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money What is happening? Okay, um wait what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal square space website not a prank thing new He's gonna shoot you and I'm gonna use analytics use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website website for. Frank. Square space.

You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch,

go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how?

I don't know. Hahaha. Hahaha. And we're back and oh, oh that's weird. My TV just turned on. Huh, darn there. Is that interesting? It's weird. It's December, but is this the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade? No, this is some other sort of parade. Who does that?

Is that some sort of animal parade? No, this is some other sort of parade. Who does that? Is that some sort of animal parade? Wow! I said yay, Aaron said wow! I was excited, Aaron was surprised. Thank you, thank you for your famed enthusiasm and your own awesome questions. Welcome for my famed enthusiasm. Thank you, Becca. Everyone's favorite question mark segment, animal parade. We have, thank you so much for your emails. If you have an animal parade article, please send it to hrrpodcast.gmo.com. We do have one,

recent one from AmieC. AmieC says, hi folks. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yes. Did we just start the animal parade segment and not do the song? Do we do the song after the article beforehand? No, because the way that you introduced it was I thought the song was the entire segment.

So we start the song before we do anything else. Amy, you won't let me be. You'll let me. Okay, here we find you. You see, we'll have it your way. And I guess the way we've always done it before. Okay, back of you, you'll go last., JbZ. We'll have it your way. And I guess the way we've always done it before Okay, Becca you'll go last How about I'll go first and we'll go from here

And we I'll go second and then JbZ goes third perfect It's always it's fun to play a game where everything's prescribed and I hope I figured out by the time it comes to me You will you will context close you'll get Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-uh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-uh-duh-duh context, you'll get a penguin with an apron, a rhino with a PhD. I don't understand it at all. Okay. A starfish with a smoking habit. A wolf with a phone call. A turtle named Mr. Spooky.

I don't get something. We'll bear it with a nice new pen. We set you up for success Becca and you let us that Okay, this this one better than I Jen I'm so ready to rhyme. He's like to do's but circumcise. I'm like a bat who wish you could use his eyes But then like people started saying things that didn't rhyme and then other case over not rhyming I think we're just saying hold on. Okay. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Becca. Becca has a phenomenal point. Why has Anom Parade never rhymed? I blame myself.

Most of them sure you blame me as well because I introduced this. Let's do another round. This time it was wrong. We're gonna do. I love it. AABB. AABB. I love it. Wait, okay. No, no, no, no, it's it's the yeah, that does a big idiotie. It's the rhyme is though is the last is the last word, right? So if Aaron's has circumcised, we have to all rhyme with circumcised. Well, how does AABB not make sense in terms of Aaron pays off my rhyme. Oh, okay. JPC sets up Becca pays off his rhyme. I see. I see. Does that make sense? Yeah, but the you meant like, it's not I see I see it's AABB. Okay. Okay. I see, I see. Does that make sense? Yeah, but like, no. It's not I see, I see, it's AABB. Okay. Okay.

I try I see, I see. I thought it was, I thought it was a elimination game where you come up with a word to rhyme and then we have to go until someone can't rhyme. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Becca, can you stay? I can't ask you this, but I actually can't be here by myself. I'm working. You please stay. I would love, I would absolutely love to. I'm but I actually can't be here by myself. I'm working. You please stay. I would love to.

I would absolutely love to. I'm also I can't be here by myself. I'm Aaron. How many people do you think are fucking here right now? This is what I mean, though. I have to do the rhyming in a break. Here we go. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, a frog on a piece of bread. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,, no head. Alright, I'll do one more.

Now that we do it, now let me know it. We've heard another one. All legs, no head. All legs, no head. That's the slitter he wears. Okay, okay, we'll do another one. One, Becca. I'm just trying to tell you.

You suggested that it rhymes. Yeah. Give me 50% of whatever profit you've been paying for. Yeah, all legs, no head. You said, yeah, yeah, like you're not going to pay. Yeah, yeah, we'll see. You've only assured that Aaron can no longer participate in the game basically I got it. I got it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Here we go

Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh. A flea making love to a mouse. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh. A goose whose favorite food is gross. Ooh, cannibalism. We did it! Animal parade! Animal parade! That sucks if your favorite food is this thing that you are.

That sucks. Do you tell people? No, I don't, I think you just say pizza. I just say, oh, pizza, I don't know pizza. Can I set up a scene? Yeah, okay, so you're all at a dinner party and JPC is a cannibal. And it's sort of kind of just like testing the waters to get a sense of like if other people would potentially be down, but not so sure yet.

Get it. Cool. Kling, cling, cling, cling. Thank you all for coming. I'm so excited to break in our new kitchen. As you know, it's been under construction for about six months and we love our new converted bowling alley table. It just has so much character.

It has so much shine. Please use the coasters I provided and let's go around and let's just all, in case we don't know each other, let's introduce ourselves. I'm Frank, of course you all know me on the host. Nice to see everyone. Beverly, let's go over to you. Hi, I'm Beverly, I know Frank from work. But now we're starting to be good friends.

We go to trivia together sometimes, so it's been a lot of fun. Hey everybody, I'm Dustin. I know Frank from church. We both go to the same church. I came hungry Frank, so I'm looking forward to whatever you are serving up. Hi.

Frank, I hope we're not eating the body of Christ tonight. No, it's not church joke. I mean, you don't have to say church joke. Yeah, I was doing it for Beverly's sake. I didn't see Beverly didn't know if you were in the religious. Oh, just because Beverly knows me from work doesn't mean she doesn't know what church is.

I should say that. And just because I know, oh, fuck, I want to say Frank. Just because I know Frank from church doesn't mean he doesn't know what work is. Wait, all the more Frank. Or working hard or hardly working. Working a church, sorry, churching harder hardly church

So we do have on them. We have some quail today. I have some quail. I hope it's not Dan quail Hmm the vice-demo Quail former vice president. I think you ran for vice president. Was he? No, didn't he miss a potato? Yeah, but is it single friend from church? I could have saw his vice president I am a single guy for sure. I'm a single guy. Yeah, but is it? You're single, friend from Shard? I could have sore you as vice president. I am a single guy, for sure I'm a single guy. Anyway, either way, as long as it's not Dan Quill. I made some finger foods. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. It's so nice to see you. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my fun. We're having a silver tea year. A beautiful new play. Of course, of course, it's just nice. The people are. Oh, this finger food looks delicious, Veronica. I hope there's no bones in this. Because of eating fingers. Oh.

Would you be gross, right? I mean, it'd be weird. I would throw a dinner game. Let's do a dinner game. It's like a hypothetical game. Okay. So you killed someone. Not your fault hit him with your car, something like that like a hypothetical game. OK. So you killed someone. Not your fault.

Hit him with your car or something like that. Man slaughter. Not murder. You don't mean it. You wouldn't tell me. Do you hate the meat? Do you hate the meat? I listened.

I was in church. He was standing. Frank was next to the confessional. Who stands next to a confessional? I said he won't go to the cops. Go to Frank, go ahead. Anyway, I'm looking, I'm ready to tuck in to whatever else we have coming up as an entree for the night We have not the fingers right?

Right though No Veronica you make an excellent point We won't be eating real fingers will we because Veronica right that would be real fingers, will we? Because Veronica, right, that would be...finish this stuff. Delicious, I mean... Suspicious, I mean... Clash. Delicious and suspicious. You say you know her from work, Frank?

I know Beverly from work, yes. I know Beverly from work. I know Frank from church and Veronica is my wife. Oh, Veronica is your wife. You know, Beverly from work and I'm a your church guy. Okay, okay, okay. Veronica, what do you think? You know Beverly from work and I'm a your church guy. Okay. Okay. Okay What do you think me? I just am a favorite part of a dinner parties when everyone keeps going around and trying to remind each other Their names and how they know each other. It's just a fun little thing in case anybody's forgotten But yes, I am his wife and I don't know I mean it's like hard to say because it's like how do you decide what is? Okay, and what's not okay? Like we drink milk of other animals after infancy.

So, you guys even know, you know, these are the things we always have to ask ourselves all the time. Yeah, you know, I have to admit something, I know we're not in church, but I do have to confess, as a youth, Frank, I used to bite my fingernails, and I would just, I'd bite my fingernails and I'd eat my boogers And I would just think to myself. I'm like I'm if I keep this up. I'm gonna waste away to nothing

I Think it's so funny how society dictates they put us in these little boxes They say Veronica here wife Beverly. You're this work, you know Frank You're also here and they put us in this little box. It's work. And they dictate what we are and who we eat and what we do and who we eat. But why?

Hey, man. What's that? What are you? Yeah, what are you, Frank? You know, have you ever heard of the term think outside the box? Yeah, I think, well, I've heard think outside the bun. Not mechanical. Oh, me too. Thank God. OK, good. Yeah, I think well I forgot to think outside the bun not a cannibal Me too. Thank God Okay, good

We know each other from cannibal church You trust me crazy underrated song We do have to go back to amy-see amy-see says hi folks This seems like a good fit for an animal parade a turkey named Kevin terrorizing a town Keep up the good work from Amie C. So Amie C sends this article and I'm dying to I'm dying to know what was fully going on here. This is a turkey who's terrorizing a greater Boston area city. Well, Aaron, this is from the Guardian. Which one? Yes, this is from the Guardian. The headline

is he kind of amps them up. Kevin, the ringleader as Turkey, terrorizes Massachusetts town. Residents of Wo-Burn, W-O-B-U-R-N, Wo-Burn, Wo-Burn, Near Boston, subjected to attacks and intimidation by group of wild turkeys. And especially Kevin, this is from the Guardian, which is a respected news source I believe.

This shit is not funny. Wild turkeys are so scary. Very funny. Like so scary. I don't think you've been around like four foot tall wild turkeys. Genuine. Correct. War feet.

Yes. Correct. Yes. Are you kidding? Okay. That would be like the home. Everybody's got to be a hundred feet tall. Yeah, Aaron, I got it.

I got to say four feet does seem pretty big for a turkey. Four feet tall, four feet wide. That's a showed into turkey square. Aaron, do you, are you going to be okay if I'm Googling? Yes, please keep going. It's time to be here again when millions of turkeys across the US might justifiably fear for their safety. So this is from a month ago.

But the town, a small town of Massachusetts, the birds have been, have been turning the tables, ganging up to terrorize residents with pecs, kicks, and loud clocking. Now Aaron, is that track with what you've experienced with Wal-Kat? Yes. They're so scary. The turkeys led by a male bird, nicknamed Kevin, which is fitting for our show, Kevin's ensuesies, and Kevin's and Susie's. And his nickname is, the nickname Kevin arrived two years ago. So this is their territory.

Wow. Initially the birds were docile, but as time passed, they have become even more pugnacious, great word, leaving Woberners fearful for their safety and forced to adapt to their behavior. They won't let you out of your house, said Megan Tulson. Yep. Who lives in Wobern and his name the turkeys.

They peck at cars. They peck at cars. Left. This shit is not. This is like this is like a wall sing grommet. I also know what makes Kevin so much worse than the other one. You got a bad name. He's got bad name bad attitude. They peck at cars.

They stop traffic. They go after kids on bikes. If you're walking or jogging or anything like that, they come for you. This is amazing. The population of Wal-Turkeys has ballooned in Massachusetts in the recent years. The birds which were reintroduced to the state in the 1970s,

sleep in trees or even on lamppos at night, but during the day, the Wilburn Gang of Five spends most of his time on Tulson's lawn. So it seems like they've, they're, it's a Gang of Five spends most of his time on Tulson's lawn. So it seems like they've they're it's a gang of five we know and they purely hang out on on this woman's lawn and she's also the one who's like snitching on them. Yeah yeah. She's protecting her life here at all. They are so aggressive. I think she's trying to be famous. Okay, I just emailed all of you and I'd like to hear your reactions. Okay. I do have to read one more line from the article.

This is Megan again, this is Megan Tulson. Some days it's frustrating. I'll be like, oh my god, there's an Amazon package and I can't go get it because the turkeys are on the porch. Aaron, Aaron titled this email, fuck this. Wow. Yeah. I'm looking at a picture right now.

That's a picture of a group of ostensibly wild turkeys. But in looking at this picture, am I to believe that these are four feet tall creatures? Is that what I was talking about? They're genuinely like three feet tall. Aaron, I thought you continue a picture of Emica on standing next to Elijah Wood and you would be to gag. I will say I did Google it while Aaron was finding this photo

which is terrifying. The average height for a turkey is six feet zero inches, six feet zero inches. I think we call that six feet. I think all six feet. Just six feet. Just to add a little bit to this picture of this turkey. It's a fancy turkey.

It looks like it's walking on its tippy toes in a very fancy little way with its arm up, like just showing its feathers with a woman in the background. And I just feel like had Simba not come first, I might have. You're aware of my bisexual being much earlier. Not too soon as the is a lady turkey.

But now we're talking turkey. Yeah, and I love the idea that this woman who looks like around the same size as the turkey might just be a two foot woman. I do want to see a seed. I'm sorry. First of all, Becca, I do regret sending you such a sexy picture. I was thinking, I'm gonna give you more on my side. I can't fear what I'm gonna check.

This is an absolute sexy turkey pick. It's part of it. Put some't fear what I'm gonna check. This is an absolute sexy turkey pick. It's part of it. It's a muster on that, some rye. I do wanna see you seeing Aaron, you are a local Massachusetts woman. Yeah. You have been terrorized by these turkeys.

JBC and Rebecca, you are two of the turkeys and you keep trying to find different ways to trick Megan, sorry, Aaron's character, whatever she may be called. Trying to do. I'm trying to trick different ways to trick Megan, sorry, Aaron's character, whatever she may be called. Trying to do, trick those poils. You can be whatever, but it's probably Megan. You're trying to trick Aaron's character

into coming outside onto the lawn so you can peck at her and do whatever, and this is, we're just seeing a few of your methods. Okay. Who's at the door? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, no, no, no, get out of here. Yeah, swear to god. No get off my porch What's in it

Three cream four sugar. Dang that's my order. Shit. Your son's out here. He's got four compliments for you. Once tell you how good of a mom you've been. Yeah he's got three more hot compliments right after presses. Come on out. Let me have one now so I can hear him my mom's he's my mom's a Tom Brady of moms dang that's the nicest thing you could ever say to me damn are you sure you're not those wild turkeys that have been trying to claw my eyes out because you were great for a long time and then you left oh you know that's interesting. We heard about those wild turkeys actually.

I think they all die. I mean not Kevin, not Kevin. No, but Kevin. It's Megan. That's my name. Yeah. The coincidence. What an coincidence.

What an coincidence. Yeah, you know, there's a couple wild turkeys that have really, they like robbed a couple banks in town. They ran for public office, didn't make me to clean up the dirty water, I'm gonna have a... Yeah. You're not those turkeys, you're not like scary-divided turkeys, right?

You're just normal- Who's normal- Wild people? I think we sound pretty domesticated. Guess what assholes? I got a ring light for Christmas. You can't fool me. I can see you out there with your swords.

What did you get? Honey, who's at the door? Oh no. I think I'm married to a turkey. Married to a turkey. And oh, Married. Come here. This fault, the ABC.

You see. I think I'm married to a turkey married to a turkey and Coming this fall the ABC you see Mary to a turkey a To be that turkey. I mean it's basically king of queens right yeah She's the one who's married to the turkey She's married to a fucking turkey Absolute turkey of a turkey one who's married to the turkey. She's married to a fucking turkey. Kevin James. Absolutely turkey of a man.

Turkey. That's a good one. And you're a turkey of the month. Put them up on the board. Kevin James, you're a turkey. It's Kevin James terrorizing that mass of juice in town. It's him and a bunch of other wild turkey. All-Blood, all-Turkey.

All-Blood, all-Turkey. All-Blood, all-Blood, all-Blood. Rest me. Let's go to another riddle. I'm not a Walter Key Walter. Walter. Walt Breast Meat. Let's go to another riddle. Unless we have any more animal-fraid ideas. No more animal-fraid for this episode. I feel bad about it because I feel like it had I known it I would have had a lot of fun No, no, no, no, I thought you did have fun. I had fun. So you were fake it. No, I had so much fun I guess I just wanted I just wanted to do a good job for everybody. No, yeah, so when you

You don't have to have fun or do a good job here. That's not what this show is Yeah, that's not what it's ever been so you're're good. You're good. I actually can't tell the decisions between someone faking that they're having fun and someone I was like, I just want to do a good job. I do like the idea of next time we have a guest on being like, Hey, this is kind of how the show goes. Listen, you're not expected to have fun. You don't have to do a good job. Hogi Tony will fix that in editing. A parrot. Here's not. Trying to have fun.

Love it. Well, now we have to rhyme that. Okay, so here we go. Back of you say that, we're going to rhyme this all the way through. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, a parrot. Trying to have fun. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh,

a scorpion with a gun. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, a scorpion with a gun. An dog who hates days that start with mud. And I'll pray. Wasn't that worth it? Everyone? Yeah. I had fun.

Now, here's where our podcast Robert Frost in terms of these pathos diverge. Should we do 20 more of those? I'll do one more riddle. I love it when Robert Frost gives you the option. Maybe. How about this? When you come up with what you want, what you think the answer to the riddle is, you have to do it to the animal parade rhythm.

That's great. Becca, you've been improving this podcast since 2022, since December, 2022. My favorite Robert Frostbomb, two roads diverged in a yellow wood. One of them, there's like a bunch of orcs, would you like to do that one, or the other one is like a sleigh house.

There's a checkered view. There's like a good path. One leads to Derek's house and Derek's notoriously an asshole. You don't like those, you don't like those. There's a third path, third path. I just saw third path. Third path is...

Third path. Iron man. Uh. Addle, how do you like... It's a fact-check you, but Becca technically improved this podcast when she was on our Patreon for our 420 episode and did the Howney Downey. Oh, that's right. I totally forgot.

Becca, you, this is a third time guesting. You're on our 420 Patreon podcast where we all, it was some of us got stoned and wrote riddles that could not be deciphered. They were amazing. And actually, I recently, uh, retold one of my riddles that I thought was good, that y'all thought was terrible to see if someone could get it. And then they were like, yeah, it's a good riddle. It makes sense. So, after we reported that our listeners listeners like flooded to your defense and were like, you were wrong, that riddle is amazing.

So we were wrong. Well, thank you. That was wrong. Thank you. Let's do, we'll do one more riddle here. We'll have Becca in the studio. And by studio, I mean, her home inociding. Yeah.

Here's the riddle. The five men and the three women could not stay still. When observed, it was pointed out that these eight adults had little patients. Of course, said the observer. What did the observer say, of course? Why did they say, of course? Can you read that again? What did the observer, yes.

The five men and the three women could not stay still. When observed, it was pointed out that these eight adults had little patients. Of course, said the observer, why did these observer say, of course? Okay, they have little patients. These are pediatric doctors. JBC got it in one, all eight were easy.

All eight were pediatricians. Of course, they had little patients. That was actually the effect of the problem. I just wanna say in my defense, I was going to say the same thing, but I was going to follow the rules and say it would have sounded like if you had if you had done it. Um, Do it pediatricians mostly men. Do you like drunk by a hand? Um, Aaron, come on. Aaron, wake up at time for school.

Stop, stop. I got it. A, um up. It's time for school. Stop, I got it. A late showing of now and then. That, that, that, that, that, that, that. Thank you, Becca. This is so fucked up because I was literally gonna say a late showing of now. No, you were not. I don't know what to do now.

That's so fucked up. Aaron, that is fucked. Wow, Aaron. Wow, no, no, no, no, liar. No, no, Aaron, no, no, no, no no you're liar Aaron it's all fuck so let's let's go ahead and in the episode a Becca bearish yeah do you have anything to plug well world news is back in season so I always back open so we're doing those shows I wrote a screenplay of anyone would read it please just read it and see what we could do with it. And I'll be in a little world.

Well, will you give them? Will you give them a copy of your screenplay? They can only read a paragraph of it and then we'll try to do scenes based off of it. Oh, fun immersive. And of course, well, this tonight is every Saturday at 8 p.m. at the I.O. theater. Becca, thank you so much for coming. That's our third time guest appearance. Aaron, keep to have anything to plug.

Read back if it's the screenplay that I'm thinking of, it's truly one of my favorite rom coms of all time. So if someone has any money to make a movie, please make back his movie, cause I want to see it. Back, can we say the working title is goodwill, Humping? Are we allowed to say that yet? Of course, I also called it my favorite rock comp. And it was a long time.

Oh, brother. But check out sitcom D&D. The end of the season is happening right now. And it's a lot of fun. We have a lot of fun guests. So check it out. And add all anything to plug. Yeah, a few things to plug.

I recently guessed it on two wonderful podcasts. Please check out the great American pop culture quiz show podcast, which I was recently guessed on, and also Table Top Workshop, which is very hard to say, Table Top Workshop podcast. The other thing I want to plug is, I mentioned this before I'll say it again,

January 21st, Saturday, January 21st, 2023. Hello for the Magic Tavern. We'll be playing at 4 p.m. at San Francisco Sketchfest with our guest, Guy Brannum. Brannum? Guy Brannum? You have plenty of time to learn how to say his name. You have a full month. I have a full month. I'll listen to you too. Also, the very next night, Sunday, January 22nd at 4 p.m. as well. Us three, Hey, Ritter Rittle and our fourth host, Janet Varney, Janet Moore for self will be playing at the San Francisco Sketchfest. So please come see either or both

of those shows. You can find tickets and more info at sf Sketchfest.com. JPC, do you have any plugs? I'm seeing my plug time for this first seeable future to read five star reviews. This five star review comes to us from iTunes. It's from BAS 8014, titled Improv for All. In this hilarious improv podcast, Father, Son Duo of Tim and Dan, along with the hilarious neighbor, Boss Landlord, Therapist Damien, capture the feeling of stage improv in podcast form. Weekly a diverse array of special guest-bring their comedic chops for chat and prof.

The show proves that improv is not dead. Bass, thank you, maybe got the wrong podcast with that one. Which seems to be a theme. We still got the five star review though, so. Hell yeah. Pretty happy about that. Maybe a little bit of confusion there. And I will say, if you're...

Improv is dead gets a one star review because someone thinks it's hit real real. Oh yeah. Please don't do that. Nobody do that. If you're in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private,

if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private,

if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your in private, if your friends, tell your family, put on an episode and say, hey, listen, hey, you know that terrible podcast you're looking for. Listen to this.

And hopefully your grandpa is Chuck Berry or something. But anyway, give us a five star review, spread the word about the podcast. It really helps. And Aaron, Aaron, you Christmas a little differently on the planet that you're from. Did you want to tell us about it? You're a big old planet. Your Christmas tradition? And make it do it to the tune of animal bread. Yeah, and just make it right.

Oh my god. Jupiter, Christmas, um, help. Okay, these are the things I've found. I'm sorry. Hogi Tony, take it. I nailed it. I nailed it. You nailed it. Say goodbye and we'll meet for our game this and am I the more? Hey there, elves on shelves. If you liked that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We go all the way up to the North Pole for some long form improv.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com, so I'll show you right over it all, but join the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew, any of those ad free episodes for $8 a month. See you there!