Hey Riddle Riddle - #232: Best of 2022-Part 2

Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a headgun podcast. Ha ha ha ha ha! What a year! What a year you two! You crazy kids! What a crazy year we've had, huh? J-Aren just laughed. I should've rescued her.

Starting point is 00:00:20 I asked her if this looks recent. Yeah, that was her reaction. I should've... I should've re-wound. Yeah, that was her reaction. I should. I showed her a wound and said does this look infected? What is? Well, that about sums it up, doesn't it, fellas? We have about this here. We have about this here.

Starting point is 00:00:34 Yes, and yes. Aaron, you're wearing a ball-gown backwards? And that's what's true. Well, fellas. I'm wearing a ball gag backwards. That's why you can speak. A big red ball in the back of my head. That's why we're not hearing from your neck.

Starting point is 00:00:49 Well, you two crazy loves. I just think that we had the best damn time in 2022. We laughed, we cried, we did, we pissed, we smoked. We did it all. We didn't do the splits. Aaron, I got to ask. Now, the last week, famously, you asked Adela and I if there were any moments from 2022 that we really wanted included in the best of. Were there any moments from the shows in 2022 that you really, wanted included under the best of but didn't make the final cut?

Starting point is 00:01:29 Something that was like so close, but you thought like, ah, no, we just we just don't have time We just don't we got to get back to new episodes. Was the frog this year? No, that was last year. It was last year. Good question. You know what? I just, ah, there wasn't enough room. Uncle Santa just

Starting point is 00:01:46 Mysteriously just that's okay because there was a bunch of uncle Santa stuff So maybe the first one didn't make it but a bunch more of them definitely did right second Yeah, yeah, must have made it yeah, yeah Aaron right? Hello Yeah, I love it. I am good to talk to you on the phone. She's talking into her blender. Uh, what airs last time? What are you still on?

Starting point is 00:02:12 We've just shown her a wound. Enjoy this clip show and we'll be right back in 20, 23. But now I will say, I will say if you're listening to this and you hear these clip shows this this one in last week's clip show And you think what a bunch of absolute fucking bullshit They didn't put out any new goddamn stuff. I'm about home with my goddamn dad watching stuff bitch Well, we have a patreon patreon that cops us hey riddle over all the weapons that's happening on that We don't we don't do fucking clip shows on that, maybe that's 52 new episodes a year. Everybody's love in that Patreon.

Starting point is 00:02:47 We put in the work. We put in the time to sweat the blood that you're the come the piss. It all goes into the Patreon. And if you are interested, go sign up for five bucks and go listen to some of those episodes. Oh, and we can't stress enough. While you're home for the holidays,

Starting point is 00:03:00 while you're around, you're getting drunk at that one bar in your hometown with all your high school friends that you secretly hate. Tell them about the podcast. The only way we grow is by you spreading the word. So just like Santa whipping presents, baseball style at people's heads, this Christmas, and this holiday. Tell all your friends, tell your family, check out the podcast. Let a friend know. We need need we as bugs buddy famously yelled in space jam. We need your help. Mm hmm. And let's let's let's let's all go into the clip show by yelling the real name of one person. We went to high school with that we think

Starting point is 00:03:36 should listen to the show. Okay. Are you ready? Yes. Three, two, one. Jeremy Van Devosh! Jeremy Van Devosh! Wait, did you guys say the same name? No, we're not. Ah! One, two, three. You both are the typical fish. It was the cabin of a airplane. It's happened with the cars.

Starting point is 00:04:00 And the horse is a little red. And the horse is a little red. We're all very happy for you and excited to see what you do. Thank you. Yeah, we can't wait to see how this goes, right, Adel? Right. Let's just say we have some surprises along the way. Yeah, we can't wait to see how this goes right at all right Let's just say we have some surprises along the way. Yeah, let's see how this goes Oh you two of you two have played some surprises for this episode Okay, cuz I'm over the two if you asked who is who had the riddles for this episode I said I I have it and now you're acting like this. No, no, no, you take the riddles and wheel-ticks. They'll take the surprise.

Starting point is 00:04:49 This is how. Okay, so just big picture so I know is it like new segments that you've planned or? Let's just say their stuff. Yes and why while we're talking young man, why don't you come into our house made of candy? Okay, so just what I'm glad you said that there's stuff there This is the stuff right the thing that you have planned is that this is Well, I can tell you from the way that it's going right now It's going pretty well. I think I like it. Did you hear that Gretel? Where are it? Oh, yes we are.

Starting point is 00:05:28 Aren't we? Cool, so this has got to morph into some characters then, huh? Well, we thought we'd try some out. No, it's not. But not now. Anyways, we're going to try to cook and eat you in this episode. So you're a hustle and Gretel. You're a hustle and Gretel. And you're try to cook and eat you in this episode. So you're a hustle and grattle.

Starting point is 00:05:45 You're a hustle and grattle and you're trying to cook and eat. We learn young witches and we eat them. Yes! Because that's what happened to us. Oh, so it's like a hurt people, hurt people's that you were. Yes! Yes! Cock kids, catch witches.

Starting point is 00:06:03 Cock kids, eat kids. All right, cockkids, eat kids. All right, cockkids, eat kids. Well, 1-800 cars for eat kids. Let's start off. Let's start off. Let's start off. Oh, they have a 7-7 cars.

Starting point is 00:06:17 What? We're not accepting that. It's 1-877 cars eat kids. Oh no, my Alexa thought I was talking to her. No, it's 1777 Carsey Kid, Alexa. Is your Alexa calling that number? I don't know how to tell you this Mr. Sullivan, but your Nissan 8-year daughter. Ah, okay. Well, this is Heyron of Rental. It's a podcast about Rental's with Improv. And it is well. There's Adelaide over there. I'm GPC right here in areas.

Starting point is 00:06:42 I'm over here! A little bit over there. I'm GPC right here and here a little bit over there. I'm the ceiling The two of you are a couple at the zoo. Okay, you're looking at the flamingos and you're both Unfucking believably unimpressed Sucks Something I eat shrimp too, assholes. You don't see people paying to come see me, assholes. You dumb mother. Do something.

Starting point is 00:07:12 Do something. What if I turn the color of the food I eat losers? Woooo. Yeah, everybody could do that if we have fucking trans looseness feather ass fucking do something Gagley leg mother fuckers. I'm gonna hit him with a gatorade bottle Yeah, do it. They're skipping leg day clearly skinny legs suck. You suck flamingos Blue crash gatorade by gatorade Five I miss dammit. I miss group punch. I got one. I got one ready You are you you yo no you I'm I can Gatorade! Fine, I missed. Damn it, I missed. Fruit punch. I got one, I got one ready?

Starting point is 00:07:46 No, I can't, I can't. I got it ready? Yeah, I'm bowling! I knocked a couple over. Fuck you coming, guys. Fuck you dumbass, they flipped right over dumbass. Excuse me, sorry to bother you too. I'm a Silver Bat Gorilla, and I can't help but notice

Starting point is 00:08:05 you're disrespecting these animals. Are you sure you're still from Mac Gorilla? You a stupid ass gorilla. You dumbass. I'm gonna throw a Gatorade ball at him. Say that again, but look me in the eyes. I guess I would if I could see your eyes down here by your asshole, dude, something.

Starting point is 00:08:24 We have thumbs too. That might impress these assholes at the zoo the other animals not me dumb dumb gatorate bottle of that dummy stop break neck You just broke your neck stupid That's the ultimate power move Broke his whole neck! That's insane. That's the ultimate power move. I'm a game-read bottle, that is so funny. If a group of people ever come up to you and surround you to fight you, like scream

Starting point is 00:08:54 like you're crazy and break your own neck. You both have two minutes to improvise the perfect horror movie trailer based on the title I give you. You will do all the voices, all the sound effects, any narration you might need, all the edits, etc. Your mission is to make me scared to miss this movie. Okay. GPC and Aaron, who would like to go first?

Starting point is 00:09:19 You're both tied at 11 points. Then I will select that Aaron should go first. Perfect. Aaron, the title of your movie, are you ready? You're gonna have two minutes. The title of your movie, trailer that we're about to see is for the movie, Dead and Breakfast. Little play on bed and breakfast.

Starting point is 00:09:39 Do I describe what's happening at all or am I just doing the voices? JBC, let's have you go first. No, no, I'm happy. I'm not doing it. But do I have... You do the whole trailer area. You do all the voices, all the sound effects, any characters, any narration,

Starting point is 00:09:54 anything like that. Cool. I'm ready. Great. So this is the trailer for Dead and Breakfast. It's raining. it's pouring, the hot man is snoring. Grandpa! Grandpa, wake up! I have to get to school and you have to make me breakfast. Grandpa?

Starting point is 00:10:24 It's raining, it's pouring. I get to school and you have to make me breakfast. Grandpa? It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining.

Starting point is 00:10:34 It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining.

Starting point is 00:10:42 It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. all spiders! This october. Oh no I see the I missed the bus to school. I'm gonna have to walk to school but it's basically like night outside. My hope nothing bad happened on the way to school. It's really, it's boring. I'm walking to school on all the grandparents are at their doors on the street

Starting point is 00:11:08 It's been staring at me Creepy way I'm gonna start running to school. Oh, no, I fell into a hole It's One minute left. Does she remember what it's called? Does she remember the title of this trailer? And 50 points if you can say the title is moving. Can't bother.

Starting point is 00:11:40 What is it, Erin? I cry. No, she started to say something that it's not. Is it death for breakfast? No. Did you say death for breakfast? Death for breakfast. No, it's not death for breakfast.

Starting point is 00:11:54 Death for breakfast. No, no, it's a pun. It's a pun, Aaron. Breakfast, dad. No. I can't see. I can't see. Jesus.

Starting point is 00:12:03 Jesus. Jesus. I can't see. Jesus Christ. The movie. The movie she was crying. It's like it gets to the channel card and the nearer it goes, oh no. This ought to hurt. I want to say eating death. I haven't in an email somewhere

Starting point is 00:12:29 Aaron close out your trailer at least let at least those who's in the movie Error. Yes, yes, something something about the most starring who Willem to folks good has all the roles Good as all the roles Clubs it is clubs perfect breakfast death. Yeah perfect. Yeah, okay Error that was two minutes and 45 seconds can I get a bonus point of iron baby the name of a parents movie I can't breathe yes you can I think it's a Dad and breakfast it is dead and Jason. Oh, let me try again. I swear.

Starting point is 00:13:07 No, I swear, God, I got it, God, I got it, God, I got it. Hold on, hold on real quick. JPC gets 10 points for remembering the name. Aaron, you have 11 points right now. JPC has 21. You can spend all 11 of your points to redo your trailer. Yeah. But if I don't like it, you're done to zero.

Starting point is 00:13:21 Oh great. Okay. Okay, here we go. This is a trailer for dead and breakfast. Aaron, do you get the pun too? Because if you know the it, you're done to zero. Oh great. Okay. Okay, here we go. This is a trailer for Dead and Breakfast. Aaron, do you get the pun, too? Because if you know the pun, you'll remember. Yes, I guess.

Starting point is 00:13:30 Now I've heard. Now I've heard the pun before. I think I even said it's like, Ben Breakfast. I'm telling you I was panicking. Yes, of course. Okay, so, okay. Now I understand.

Starting point is 00:13:40 I don't think I laughed that hard, baby, ever in my life. Okay, yeah. Did you know I didn't know the name? And you're the... How did I know? Because I listened to the trailer. Aaron, I don't think I laughed that hard, baby, ever in my life. Okay. Yeah, did you know I didn't know the name? And you're the old. How did I know? Because I listened to the trailer. Aaron, I can't trust you. No?

Starting point is 00:13:51 I can't trust enough. This has to be a new trailer. And you cannot use the song. It's raining its pouring. Okay. Cross the sound. No, it's okay. Unreal.

Starting point is 00:14:00 Delicious mold that may make some people get upset stomachs. Okay. Plus, what you do with a cigarette. Or the name of a magic dragon. Shroom butt. Penisillin Paz. Yeah, penisillin is. Wow, delicious.

Starting point is 00:14:17 Mommy, I'm sick. Can I please have some more penisillin? We have a burnt bouillage. Bonne, with a bit of penicillin. We have a burnt wheel She's gone with there's a bit of penicillin on top in joy The who wait all the goddamn penicillin I just bought a jar of penicillin down at the market Delicious, I will say as a kid I used to eat all the Flintstone vitamins. I don't know if you had those in your house Oh, yeah, we were so tasty that you suddenly only eat locally sourced penicillin.

Starting point is 00:14:49 All right bad news gang we were not able to delete that from our Mons or the podcast is there forever so that scene will Sorry, did you call for us? It's us the bad news gang Now I do, I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

Starting point is 00:15:09 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

Starting point is 00:15:17 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. this country. Am I late? Am I late? Am I late? Nah, nah, go ahead and tell them.

Starting point is 00:15:25 Snake, tell them some bad news. Ooh, polio has it been eradicating completely. Oh, also it just got turned out the cheese is not good for you. Ha ha. Yeah, thank you little sneaky bad news for you. With a bad news game. All right, all right. The bad news game. Why don do you shut the door on us?

Starting point is 00:15:46 Here's some niggles. Get out of here. What is in? More bad news for the next house. The bad news is we're coming back later. So... JBC, who the fuck was that? Why did you call for them?

Starting point is 00:16:00 Honestly, I forgot. I forgot what summons them. I'd never say B&G. I never use the B&G phrase. I don't know what made me say it that. I'm shutting the shade. Hey, I heard our initials burn. Oh, that can't summon you. Yeah, open the door. I'm sorry. Hold on. I was talking about the bear-dick and ladies. My favorite cover man.

Starting point is 00:16:23 Oh, I'm getting out of here before they're summoned. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yoy! Speaking of the band before I leave, you're speaking of bands. Did you hear that Hughie Lewis' drummer got a DIY bad news? Bad news? When did that happen? 50-fucking years ago. Yeah, 50-fucking years ago.

Starting point is 00:16:40 But with the internet, bad news lives forever. They were immortal. Do you watch 50 years ago? I feel like that was common practice. Of course, I've never had them, but they just weren't, they didn't get tickets for them. The bad news is we're only getting stronger. As the world unravels, we've only gotten more to say.

Starting point is 00:16:57 All right, here's the nickels, get out of here. Ow, I like it. Guys, I don't know. I just, I just, stop. I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just do you do? I will is this a joke? No, but let's do a rental We do a riddle. We just don't say those three words I don't know if I told you I saw the wildest thing I was out walking my dog in my neighborhood and there was an old woman

Starting point is 00:17:22 Who is on like the corner and she had a cop, like a to go cop. And I was walking my dog up the block and then I was walking back and she was still out there standing. Like maybe like five or 10 minutes but I was like, is she waiting for a car or something? But then I saw the male person come and that male person gave her the male

Starting point is 00:17:40 and she gave them the hot cup of whatever she had. And I was like, I think this lady is just standing out here, waiting for the male person to be like, here's your coffee, Joe. Do you think they're in love? Oh my God, do you think they're in love? I think, yeah, I must be. It must be that. I need to see that scene.

Starting point is 00:17:54 They gotta get married on a Sunday. Yeah, okay, so what we will see a scene. So Michael, you will be the me. I don't know. I said, yeah, let him sit this one out. He tried desperately. He tried not. Michael, you will be a guy. I try not he did Michael you will be a guy

Starting point is 00:18:06 I'm gonna be the you'll be a guy walking on the dog You'll be a guy walking his dog. You're not part of this But you get to see it sadly walking man Aaron you're going to be the male delivery person an adult you are waiting for the male delivery person to try to like Show that you are a person that could be interested in them. Yeah. Hi. Hi. Good morning. Sorry to be in the bushes here.

Starting point is 00:18:30 I just wanted to catch you. Yeah. Sorry. That was a delayed fear. No, yeah, of course. I got some mail for you. I have some breakfast for you. Oh, I would love to. I mean, I have to deliver all these letters by.

Starting point is 00:18:43 I can do it. Do you want to sit on my porch and eat breakfast while I run your route? That's so sweet of you. Let me just give you some of your mail here. Your STD test result. Oh, that's lovely. That's how we think. STD stands for South Tennessee Democrats. Wink. Okay. And what was the other one you said? said lonely person? Yeah, that stands for large

Starting point is 00:19:08 organs Never entirely. It's okay. I don't judge old bunch people's male. You don't have to worry. Okay, so I'm I'm a lonely little herpes man. What? Sorry, I didn't hear you just then you could probably change what you just I was just singing a song the chain Listen, I have a letter. Do you do you dictate do you? Is that a term? Can I can I read to you allowed a letter? I want to send sure from part to your name

Starting point is 00:19:41 Okay Every morning I see you out the window wait hold on. I have one more letter for you. Hmm, interesting. Wonder who it's from. Okay. You are positive for her piece. Oh, shit. Sorry. I had to do the wrong letter. This one. Okay. Dear, 417 E. Second Street.

Starting point is 00:20:02 Mm-hmm. From Anonymous. Yeah. Who could it be? Deliver me, baby. That's not for me. No, this is also the wrong letter. I'm sorry, that's for me. See?

Starting point is 00:20:13 Hey, man, are you going to clean up your dog's shit? Your dog's been shit on every log of this block. Oh, I'll get a broom. Oh. What is covered in holes, but still holds water? Shyla buff. Shyla buff. Honestly?

Starting point is 00:20:31 He works. He's still working. Three points awarded each. What is covered in holes and something, what was it with water? What is covered in holes but still holds water? Summering. Leaky summering. Olds what?

Starting point is 00:20:44 What is covered in hole? Oh a sponge. A sponge is correct. I wouldary and leaky separate. Old swat what is covered in whole all a sponge. A sponge is correct. I would like to see a scene. JPC you are a sponge. In Adel you are a dirty plate. May I not mean to get caught up in any sort of fight with you but do I get a point for getting the answer right? Yes one point awarded. I would like to have Adel's last comment, a sponge from the record place. A sponge, sponge, sponge. Rill Dome give yourself ten points. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:21:14 Now I'm in the green. Who's the sponge in this scene? JPC, you are a sponge and Adel, you are a dirty plate. Uh-oh. You see this? Looks like I got some crusty looks. Yeah, dishwasher's right over there. It's actually you can just throw them in the dishwasher now. You don't have to. Oh. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:35 Oh, but the dishwasher is broken. It's not broken. Clean's it a very high heat. Rub off my crusty little fucking saw. Actually more water-refficient to use the dishwasher. Should've started right in there. Oh, water in there. Is that why I'm so wet? It's already full you're not you're just crusty and full of Full of crusty little creatures just like you just hop your ass. I might be made of China cuz I'm

Starting point is 00:21:56 Foying don't you agree? No, we got no we're out of this soap up here So we're out of this soap over here. There's plenty of the church I guess you'll have to do it raw. Well, not be doing it raw. We'll not be doing it raw. Sponge me daddy. Can't. Won't happen.

Starting point is 00:22:13 Look. Scrub me daddy. And I'm on break and it's union too. So we're pretty strict about these breaks. Oh, you wanna break me? Yeah, chip me first. Chip me. Actually, actually just kind of push you closer to the edge of the counter.

Starting point is 00:22:26 Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh my god, I didn't mean to actually do it. Wow, that's a long fall. I came. He's seen. Supplies you can play.

Starting point is 00:22:39 Six points awarded each for staying on premise and making me laugh. I want to see you seen. points aboard at each for staying on premise and making me laugh. I want to see a scene. The three of you are um little cats inside your pregnant mother's tummy and you're just kind the three of you are just kind of like talking big about when you are finally born all the big things you're going to kind of accomplish and do. What are you guys going to do when you get out? What are you guys gonna do when you get out? I'm gonna see my girl. I'm gonna finally ask her to marry me. Damn lucky.

Starting point is 00:23:12 I didn't know you had a girl back home. Yeah, I got a girl out there. I can't wait to see her. I'm, man, I can't wait. Tell us, tell us about her. Lucky, tell us about her. Oh, man man where to begin do the legs legs shaped like oh what a cat like shaped like yeah like chicken

Starting point is 00:23:35 bones tail long is a tail first soft is spur and a little kitty nose is cold as ice you guys are gonna lover Ooh lucky she sounds great. Yeah, what are you guys gonna do when we finally get out? I'm gonna go back to school wow What are you gonna study what are you gonna study jacko? I'm gonna finally learn how to be a mechanic Incredible jacko your dream you're dream. You love cars, Jacko. Yeah, Jacko, nothing you like better than... That's why we call you Jacko, because you jack up those cars and you fix them. Yeah, and when it's cold out and those engines are hot, you know I love to crawl under that hood.

Starting point is 00:24:18 Yeah. Careful, Jacko, careful. That's how you dad win. Yeah, I ain't nothing like my dad. Ow, Jacko,. That's how you dad with yeah, I ate nothing like my dad Jacko let me go You take it back you take it back. I take it back. I think it bags. All right. What about you Dreamer? What do you want to do when you get out of here me? It's stupid. It's nothing forget about Okay, I'm gonna kill James Gordon Stupid it's nothing forget about it. No, it has. It has. Okay. I'm gonna kill James Gordon.

Starting point is 00:24:48 What? Because the movie he made about it? It's the movie he made about us. I think what he did the catch is a travesty so I'm gonna kill that dude. Why stop it James Gordon? Kill the whole cast. No, the blame lies solely with Corden. See, Corden did what he did.

Starting point is 00:25:10 I would like to see you. I do want to see you see. Oh no, no, no, it's too late. I'm so sorry. JPC, you are a guy who just hit a home run and you're really milking it. When you get around, you're just like walking real slow. You're really making a meal out of it.

Starting point is 00:25:24 OK, OK. Wow, there's Williams with the swing and a- Oh, it's outta here going, going gone. That is 370 feet. Oh my God. Oh, is that a home run? Is that a home run? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:38 Go ahead. That is? We can be sure. Yep. Okay, so we're taking the basis. William seems to be having a conversation with the ump. I take the basis, huh? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:49 Okay. Uh, hold on real quick before I start walking. Um, catcher. You're talking about your shit right before I hit that ball. You got anything to say now? No, I mean, no. I actually got something for you. Oh, and he's taking out his phone.

Starting point is 00:26:03 He's taking a selfie. Uh, with the catcher. I'm gonna send this to your wife. Oh, he's taking out his phone. He's taking a selfie Yeah, I'm gonna send this to your wife. I'm gonna send this to your wife So that's what a home run baseball player Fuck you both Yeah, you help me down for two. What do you do? Take the run away? It's impossible. I already hit it. I'm walking Go man. Go. I'm going. Oh! Big struts!

Starting point is 00:26:29 Big struts! I want Williams' down on his belly and his criss-crawling on his hands and knees as if he's half asleep. I'm the alligator man. Is that going your first base? Hey, anyone in the audience, anyone in the audience in this baseball game? $100 to bring me a Pepsi right now. I give you a crisp $100 bills to bring.

Starting point is 00:26:47 And it seems like Williams thinks that the stands can hear him. Of course he is too far away. I'm the first baseman and it took you way too long to get over here. Just go. Go. You're the first baseman? Try hard to maybe to get laid one day pal. Boom! I actually got some of the fail. Williams took out a cordless mic and seems to be telling slams and jokes about the first basement. What is it, man? It's a selfie. You're going to send this to your wife. Uh, maybe she'll see what it's like to have a home run baseball player at home.

Starting point is 00:27:16 Anyway, you're a clown. See you later. I took the base. Walking to second. Wow, it waves. It's taking a neutral game bar out of his pocket. It seems like he stopped for a little snack between first and second. Well, it was just taking a neutral game bar out of his pocket. It seems like he stopped for a little snack between first and second. He's taking out a Capri Sun. Stay hydrated. You got to stay hydrated. Looks like he can't find the...

Starting point is 00:27:34 He can't find purchase into the Capri Sun. Well, no, we have trouble with that. They make the god the big, so fucking hard to... I got it! And... And the crowd is going wild for who Williams finding purchase in the Capri Sun. He's moonwalking the second.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Oh yeah. It, it, it, it, don't respect the artist, but do respect the art form, just so everybody knows. I cannot believe how long it took you to get the second base, dude. Just go. Just go what? Go to your wife's house.

Starting point is 00:28:03 Go to your wife's house. Let me give you a little selfie send that to her Okay, what's your number? I don't have your number and William seems to be feeling up the second basement I feel like it's some sort of joke about getting to second base But the crap is going wild This all the time I get it. I get it. It's funny now go. I guess the joke. All right. Okay to third then. Yeah go Quick stop to home plate punch the picture of the dick. And the stands are starting to empty.

Starting point is 00:28:29 People are treating this as a form of carton he's playing as a new stuff. All right, I'm going to third. I'm going to third. Don't worry about it. Going to third. Actually, I'm going to do a quick run. You get a hot dog.

Starting point is 00:28:42 I'm going to get a hot dog. So give me one second. You, hey, say it by spot. Just kidding. Can you get me a hot dog, man? Yeah, I, you get a hot dog. I'm gonna get a hot dog. So give me one second, you, hey say it by spot. Just kidding. Can you get me a hot dog man? Yeah, I'll get you a hot dog. Let me just, Williams is putting down a corner almost like

Starting point is 00:28:51 as if he's golfing and moving his ball out of the way. I'll get you a hot dog to take a selfie. Say that to your wife, there's a hot dog right there. Hot dog, baseball, I'm out of hungry, please just go, run home. You're hungry? You're hungry? I got to, I got to you hot dogs right here. Let me just go. Oh, please just go, run home. You're hungry? You're hungry? I got to you, hot dogs right here.

Starting point is 00:29:05 Let me just go. Oh, please. And Williams is eating two hot dogs at the same time. He's getting inside a Mitsubishi Lancer and he's driving donuts around the third. I'm making it. Dude, please. I'm just, I take these Lancer keys,

Starting point is 00:29:19 I whip them in at the audience, so I just want to Lancer. Oh. That guy just want to Lancer. Okay, a touch third. Ain't going to home? Oh, so Williams is leaving the audience. Someone just wanted answers. That guy just wanted to answer. Okay, touch third. Ain't going to home. Oh, Williams is leaving the stadium. Oh, he's walking a few blocks to I believe where his condominium resides. He's putting the keys in the door. He can't find purchase in the lock. Come on, motherfucker. They make you think, so goddamn hard to f- up. There it is. Wait a minute. What's that? The ump is telling us that it was actually a foul ball.

Starting point is 00:29:49 That didn't count at all. I'm sorry that I missed that. I'm a little resigned today. I'm already home. I'm not going back. I'm saying. Turn off all the lights. Now you have no time to prepare. This just has to be instantaneous and I'll call on one

Starting point is 00:30:08 of you to go first. Oh please. I'm always being hit in the stomach. And I'm at over 5. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, baby. That's a problem for sure. That is for sure for runner. JPC is now your turn. Oh, I apologize. No, it's my fault.

Starting point is 00:30:44 I'm so sorry. I I never meant to touch your face in a way that you didn't want your face to be touched. I Was out of the impression that I was vacationing in the polka nose On canning I poke their nose you poke even included a pun I apologize for the puns. Yes, wow Well, this is a toss up you both get two points. Yes, thank you both captured different elements of me I'm not a pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro a new program where you have to take new English and that's a class created and taught by JPC. Hello. I've never been in this class. Don't turn the lights on.

Starting point is 00:31:34 It's tape shut for a reason. Don't turn the lights on. Hey, are you our Kelly? Yeah, I can't see where you are in the room. I thought that this part of the school was under construction. It technically is and it technically always shall be. Don't worry about that Kelly. I don't deserve to be here.

Starting point is 00:31:52 Well, I was afraid. You were running in the halls. I was framed. Everyone else was walking in slow motion. Be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that, be, be that, be, be that, be that, I did it to break me. No, they were trying to do a hard-life shake video. We all know they were trying to do a hard-life shake video. You know what, me to look like I was running, I can run on this, I have a broken ankle.

Starting point is 00:32:14 You think I can run, I was moving this, but it doesn't matter, Kelly, Kelly, it doesn't matter because now you're in, Mr. Dimensha's class, and we're going to be doing new English, okay? So you're here for 40. What's that? I never even heard of you.

Starting point is 00:32:28 You're not on the teacher roster. That's honestly the way that I like it because I still draw a salary, but I'm like, I'm like the most known unknown if that makes sense. No, you're not in the yearbook and no one knows who you are. We cut to the first day of school where the teacher's roster is announced. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, I don't know who you are. Well, we're gonna be learning new grammar. Um, and like I said, I'm Mr. Dimensha, please sit down and take your seat. Hmm, I can't find any seats. It doesn't matter.

Starting point is 00:33:14 It's dark. That's the first lesson. Just sit on the floor. Now today, we're going to think about conjugation. So normally, the way that we would- Conja, huh? No, I'm not talking about when your dad gets to have sex with your mom at the jail yard. I'm talking about creating verbs out of-

Starting point is 00:33:34 I have little- I have little spiders everywhere you will find. I'm talking about creating words out of the ether. So what is the English word for running? To run. Running. Correct. So what is the English word for running to run? Running. Correct. That's the old grammar way to say it.

Starting point is 00:33:55 But with my method, you take the word running, are you in an ING? You take the ING, which is called the gerent or the subject of part of pencil, and you put it at the beginning of the word. Part of the puzzle? Part of Pritzel. So that word, be running, then becomes... Aynron. Aynron. What does Aynron sound like? Aynron.

Starting point is 00:34:13 What happened with Aynron? A huge scandal. What you run with? You can't run with sandals. So, in order to say it running a new grammar, we say, I can't run a I'm wearing sandals. Do you see how it's easier? Yeah, I think I'm getting it.

Starting point is 00:34:31 Now you're getting it, Kelly. You did like three hours past. Wow, that was the best attention I ever had. Thank you for teaching me new grammar. Or should I say, oh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, I don't know. No, I didn't. I talked to a crazy man. Whoops. I humored a man for three hours. So JPC, whenever you are ready, you're going to rap for Daddy. OK, and I assume that we have prepped the backing track.

Starting point is 00:35:20 Yes, I have. OK, great. Thank you, Casey. OK, whenever you're ready, Casey. Here we go. This is JPCs. Rap for Daddy Eddie. Whoa! Yo, his name is Addle. He spelled that A-D-A-I. That's right. He's up in the sky because you could fly. With the best of them, put the shrimp on the sandwich,

Starting point is 00:35:45 Pope Boa Pimp. He likes to eat it when he's in New Orleans. Uh-oh! What's he, Doorlands? He's going door-to-door with a smile, knocking on the door saying, stay a while, my name's Adil. Can I apologize to you?

Starting point is 00:35:59 Can I buy you a gift that's true? And he can, you know that he can add all. He's the gift by a man. Thank you so much. Wow. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Incredible. That was fantastic.

Starting point is 00:36:14 JBC, I want to say that's going to be impossible. Almost impossible to beat. Aaron, you're writing something. I think so too. Now, add all. I got something to let. Yeah. Are you familiar with the movie The Wedding Singer?

Starting point is 00:36:25 Oh, yes. So there's an old woman to The Wedding Singer who is training for months because her husband or her having their big anniversary and she wants to sing her husband a song. Maybe, maybe, hop. Aaron knew what was gonna happen. She knew it was coming up your birth date.

Starting point is 00:36:37 And around December of last year, she reached out to me and said, JPC, I'd love to take some wrapping awesome, nice and Aaron, I would love to give them to you. We have been working weekly on wrapping lessons since December. For this wrap, Aaron's about to do. That is six months wrapping lessons. And Aaron is about to take it to the streets.

Starting point is 00:36:55 So Casey, please drop the beats. Oh, my God. I'm talking about my friend out over five. If you see him on the street, make sure you say hi. If you need a ride, he'll take you super far. He'll put it on a stop-better teaky bar. The best part of his freaky little life is just beautiful new, awesome wife. If he's your friend, don't be scared because he'll be your friend to the very end.

Starting point is 00:37:20 If he's your friend, don't be scared. Adelber 5. Adelber 5. Very anti-pature friend I'm scared. Hahaha! Addle. Addle- AHHHHH! Hahaha! Hey, JPC, you know how I love, he looks sleep, I love that he looks mattress brand, best nights sleep of my life. I know not everyone is on board yet, so I secured a word-winning sleeper, Meryl Sleep.

Starting point is 00:37:55 She's right behind that door, Meryl Sleep. Wow, she won the Golden Pillow for best sleep, that's right. Hey, Mrill. Hello, yes, hello, yes, I'm very well rested after sleeping on my midnight Lux Helix mattress. Good to see you. Good to see you. Your naps are stunning. I just wanted you to tell people about Helix sleep, how the Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Lux collection. The newly released Helix Elite Collection, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers,

Starting point is 00:38:28 even a mattress made just for kids. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, and Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100 night trial in a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out the new Helix mattress.

Starting point is 00:38:43 Who do you, who, who did I think you were? I don't know. I'm Meryl Sleep and I know everybody is unique and everybody sleeps differently. I just recommend taking the Helix Sleep quiz and you can figure out what mattresses right to you. I don't know if you're a side sleeper or you sleep hot or cold or if you sleep like me, Meryl Sleep. Yeah, choosing the right mattress is a real Sophie's decision, but don't just take our word for it or Meryl Sleep's word for it. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired magazine. It was even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine.

Starting point is 00:39:23 I don't think I thought you were the person that you're doing. What a performance. Helix mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model. Stunning. Yeah, look, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep dot com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet. And it will not last long with helix better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy of Snorr. The snorr. Academy of Snorr. You know what?

Starting point is 00:39:57 Give me the Academy of Snorr. Glint close to following the sleep. That's why. Oh, yeah. I got that a lot. Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Oh, sure. Yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet. What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you,okers told me oh JPC it's okay all you have to do is take some you know American paper currency tape it to your front door close the door and then wait until someone brings you food while I kept opening

Starting point is 00:40:37 the door and the money was gone so I had to take more money to my door I think you think didn't work out all. Oh, door cash. Dore cash. Yeah, you did dore cash. We told you dore dash is the number one thing to you. What the hunk? With dore dash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever to get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat. JPC, which I don't know what you eat whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat.

Starting point is 00:41:05 JPC, which I don't know what you eat. I eat back to school supplies. But what? JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery, and convenience stores are on the app so you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family, might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some Marsha's homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know, those candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter.

Starting point is 00:41:28 I just got those from DoorDash and they were, they were on my porch within 20 minutes. And it's very, very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Yes. Did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold.

Starting point is 00:41:47 I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was and I know that she would have loved to have DoorDash so she could be prepared before the big back to school day arrived. So you can stock up with go-to breakfast, lunchbox staples, and brands that you love.

Starting point is 00:42:10 Don't eat my school supplies, JPC. JPC, put that eraser down. Put that trapper keeper down. Your mouth is too small. Never been told that before. Shop door dash to get everything you need for the back to school season delivered right to your door. Order now for stress-free back to school shopping. use promo code Riddle to get 50% off up to

Starting point is 00:42:28 $10 value. When you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery, or retail stores on DoorDash, that's 50% off up to a $10 value. When you spend $15 or more promo code Riddle, don't forget JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. That's code Riddle for 50% off your next order terms apply. JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. That's code riddle for 50% off your next order terms apply at all JPC keeps eating my gel pens Thanks door cash. I mean no, that's the one that one didn't work that one's bad Hey jpc

Starting point is 00:43:01 Yeah You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm um Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform

Starting point is 00:43:19 for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here.

Starting point is 00:43:39 Hey, what's going on? I actually, I wanna prank JPC, and I wanna set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like Online store like it set up on my website to sell product. Did you know that with square space? You can have custom merch you can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand design your products and production and Inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money What is happening? Okay. Um... Wait, what's going on with Adel? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

Starting point is 00:44:14 No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank site tool. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for?

Starting point is 00:44:34 I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we

Starting point is 00:44:52 pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron, can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've go, Rick. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Rital Rital High School's graduation. As you know, I am Erin Keefe, the principal

Starting point is 00:45:46 here at Hay Rital Rital High School. Four short years ago in July of 2018, you started this journey to become a better Rital solver, improviser, and podcast host. We blinked a hour here. July of 2022. It's time to celebrate all the work you did over the last four years and look forward to the bright future ahead. In a moment, I will invite our valedictorian, salutatorian, and our class president to make a speech. But for now, I want to talk to you

Starting point is 00:46:18 about some of our most treasured memories in the brief history of the class of 2022. We took field trips to Rital City. We defeated Dr. Chameleon time and time again. We had amazing guests make us laugh. We sang like the Swedish chef, met JP Rital's and begged Smacks the Frog to not fuck our moms. Our soccer team won the state tournament.

Starting point is 00:46:44 We met our soulmate Janet. These four years were not free from challenges and obstacles though. For many recordings in 2019, we would keep accidentally locking each other out of the studio when someone went to the bathroom. You'd have to hope you brought your phone to the bathroom and say something like, Hey, I'm locked out by accident. Can you come and get me? Or if you didn't have your phone, you had to bang on the door like a maniac. Aaron never really knew when it was time to record.

Starting point is 00:47:16 This was only made worse when recording became remote during the pandemic. Is the recording at 1pm orm. or 3 p.m. Aaron would say? J.P.C. would look at his phone, close his eyes, feel the weight of the world on his shoulders, and patiently text back the recordings at 3. We're doing a main feed and a Patreon. Adel held answers to Rital hostage. J.P.C. gave birth to pretzel Jesus,

Starting point is 00:47:41 and Aaron had a weird clicking sound on her audio for over a year that drove Casey insane. These dark moments only made the good times seem even sweeter, and adequately prepared every host for the real world. I want to thank the guests of honor today, our listeners. You found us in unusual ways. Some of you typed in riddles into the podcast app, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, thinking that this would be a real riddle podcast. Some of you got forced to listen to us by your weird brother or significant other, silently resenting them for introducing this poison into your life. Some of you heard us mentioned in passing by the podcast, my brother, my brother in me, and thought, I guess I'll listen to a riddle podcast, I trust Justin.

Starting point is 00:48:29 Maybe you're here from Dungeons and Datties. Maybe you're a fan of Cunt the Badger. Maybe this dowloaded on your phone on its own, like the U2 album. No matter how you got here, you're here now. And the curse states that you're not allowed to leave us until 2027, when JPC dies after he gets killed by the followers of his own sex cult. Thank you for listening and let's get started. I'd like to welcome our valedictorian, Alu Wreffi, to the podium first speech. Thank you, Aaron, and just to piggyback on what you're saying about the bathrooms in the old studio. I remember a time where mid-scene, mid-sentence, sometimes even mid-Aaron sentence, Aaron would

Starting point is 00:49:10 bolt upright in her chair as if possessed by Vecna and say, I have to go to the bathroom. No warning, no holding her urine, just simply bolting out of her chair and running out of the studio. Hello future lizards, hello all you kevans and suzis, and hello to all you seven. Hello future lizards. Hello all you kevins and suzis. And hello to all you sevens and kuzis. We solved it. We really solved it all. Who would have thought we'd be here now?

Starting point is 00:49:35 All of you are raising your hands. Huh, fuck me, okay. Four years is something special. It's something unforgettable. But then the end seems right. I hope you had the time of your life. And as we go on, we remember all the puzzles we had together. As our lives change, come whatever we will still be hosts forever.

Starting point is 00:49:56 And when you get the chance to sit it out or solve, I hope you solve. I hope you solve. Solve like nobody's watching. And trust me me on the sunscreen and now please welcome to the stage I thank you. Thank you. Out most of that was plagiarized. Please find your seat. I don't understand And please welcome to the stage now your salutatorian Janet Barney Hey, thanks everybody. It feels so good to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here.

Starting point is 00:50:30 I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. So many would argue that's a weird thing to draw attention to.

Starting point is 00:50:45 And it's kind of like drawing attention to the fact that I'm the supposed fourth host of the podcast. Many of you may not want to ever hear me refer to us that again. So from now on, you can think of me as, hey, Rital Rital's Class of 22, salutatorian. I've been so happy to show up not just as a guest on this podcast, but as a fan, I cannot believe how prevalent Cookie Monster still is in each and every one of these guys' lives. He comes up fucking all the time. I get it.

Starting point is 00:51:18 Cookie Monster didn't know how to eat cookies, but you can't use that to get out of every scene anyway. To the uninvited perverts in the audience. I just want to say, I don't think it's cool that you got welcomed, even a principal felt like she wanted to be magnanimous. Please keep listening to the podcast, but stop being a pervert. Finally, I'd like to dedicate the rest of my speech to three people you may not even

Starting point is 00:51:43 have heard of, unless you're lucky enough to be a member of the Patreon audience. Flodori is Plomp, Beverly Condolences, and Felix Missingson for bringing me six hours of uninterrupted joy that I listened to on a road trip to and from Santa Barbara. I really feel like I understand relationships now. What I don't fucking understand is word avalanches. I gotta go. Peace out. Thank you. Janet, we'll have someone do a mental health check on you later. Definitely don't have a complex. You can probably tell by that speech she was actually the saluditorian of her graduating class.

Starting point is 00:52:25 Now let's welcome to the stage. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, I'm here. I just thought of something. Can I say something? You thought of another thing from your speech? It's just a funny little joke. Oh yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

Starting point is 00:52:33 Just when Janet said GPA, I was thinking in my head real fast, I did the math and GPA could stand for great penis, Adel. Well, I'm really happy I'm covering the microphone with my hand, because go. Can you move your hand? No, I can't walk. That's fair. And let's welcome to the stage Mr. Popular himself, our class president J.P.C.

Starting point is 00:52:53 Waza! From the beer commercials. Look, the administration said I only have three minutes. I'm taking six. No, but seriously, a fucking year oops. Can't say I can't curse. I get to Mr. Majakamo. I get to Anyway, we've had a lot of fun. Okay, this was a great year and I would be remiss If I left this stage without shouting out My boys the dog pack here we go doogie you know what you did the hood where you at

Starting point is 00:53:32 barklet guns oh bucky nuggets sick man yeah sick man we all know why you're called sink man piss in the sink you'd piss in the sink. He's pissing the sink. Slutty Jeff Rimlow. Picking cricks. Narco. Pogo stick. Pogo stuck. Schmalo. Little Nikki. And of course he does a great impression. And of course my boy RIP, Hansi Pelosi. Hans you Pelosi, I know you're up there in heaven. I know you're up there in heaven because angels Need to fly man, because angels need to fly I said I said I wasn't gonna get emotional. I said I wasn't gonna get an emotional fuck. I get to mr. Micheal Mo I can't do I

Starting point is 00:54:23 Get to mr. Michaka, that's my two. That's my two, and that's my time. Oh wait, no, it's not. I also wanna shout out some of my favorite teachers. You know you did the work. I'm not easy. I'm not easy. I'm a handful.

Starting point is 00:54:38 Uh oh. JPC's in my class. It's gonna be a hard year. You teachers are the real heroes, okay? You guys do the Lord's work every day, every day in and out, in and out. You deserve pay raises. Make it happen, you're super junk-a-mo, you could do it.

Starting point is 00:54:54 He drives a Bentley. That's a $250,000 car. What's he doing? Teachers are the real heroes. Mrs. Rendles. I never knew how to pronounce your name. Where does Diga? Where does the Diga? Mrs. Rendles, you're the bomb. At the end and only the end. You learn something new you keep teaching me. Dr. Dracula. I know. I know that you're not a doctor. I know that's not your name I know I know you're not a doctor. I know it's not your name, but you had gushers at lunch my freshman year. Now everybody calls you Dr. Dracula. Keep being you man. You're great. I gotta give it up to Professor Salsa again

Starting point is 00:55:37 very similar story. Salsa out of shirt. Salsa out of shirt. Day one. Mrs. Montebello. Mrs. Montebello. Everybody in school wanted to ban you. And now some of us can. I'm 86 years old and that brings a world to me. It's great. Our Jim coach, Mr. Trempolina. Mr. Trempolina, sorry for jumping on you.

Starting point is 00:56:01 The bus driver. The bus driver, Mr. Yuga Poppolis. Mr. Yuga Poppolis, you drive a mean bus. Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, our executive chef, Chikari Hoyt. Chikari. You've got to tell me what's in those nuggets, man.

Starting point is 00:56:16 They the bomb.com never change. Chicken and paprika. Nurses, Pierre Tua, thank you so much. I found that your compassion was never ending. Um, whew, uh, Mr. Panditonimo. Hahahaha. AKA Panditon. We loved having you in class.

Starting point is 00:56:36 And then I got to give it up to Vice Principal Perfectulo. Vice Principal Perfectulo. I know I was it easy! I know I was it your up. I I was it you're up. I'm with it if it weren't for you meddling kids. I ripped his mask off so many times and look all I got to say all I got to say is I've had the time of my life here and I can't wait for the after party at my dad's funeral home. He is out of town for the whole weekend he's got a big funeral home convention He is out of town for the whole weekend. He's got a big funeral home convention. So the party said, can we go in the basement? We can go anywhere. We can go anywhere.

Starting point is 00:57:09 And you know who can't tell us anything? Mr. Fucking Majakamo. I already used my two. Take me away Majakamo. Take me away. Thank you JPC and again sorry to Hansi Pelosi's parents. We're so sorry for your loss this year. We do have some bad news. Sorry everyone. During the speeches, it did become clear that no one has become a better riddle solver, improviser, podcast host, or person in the four years of this podcast. So we have to start freshman year over again starting right now. Don't don't know

Starting point is 00:57:51 No, do not worry caps up in the air stop it stop it. No, don't Don't Everyone walks a single file back into the podcast studio. Let's start the episode no celebrate She frees those caps and mid-air that was crazy. I'm real. She's magical. Back to the studio and up it says here we don't deserve Janet. We do it. We don't deserve Janet anymore. Maybe in four years we'll earn her as a full time host. I'm beside myself. Full? At all. Get inside. I'm so sorry Janet. One day so sorry, Janet. One day we'll deserve you.

Starting point is 00:58:26 That's right. Can I see where it says that? You just said it says here, but I wasn't clear. Was it in the studio? Was it on the keyboard? It's on the keyboard. It's on the keyboard wrapper. It's on the keyboard.

Starting point is 00:58:36 It's always on the keyboard wrapper. It's on the inside of it, yeah. Excuse me. Local proverb here. I would do anything for that. Get out of here! Alright! Dearest Gloria, I write you from the front of the war. I miss your tender touch in your kisses.

Starting point is 00:58:58 I miss our late-night chats until we fall asleep by the fireplace. Someday soon I will meet you again. I will be running up the front path all the way to the doorstop and I'll grab you in my arms. Carry you inside and make love to you all night long. I can't wait to reunite you. Scratch that out, can't re-nate too. Scratch that out, can't wait to reunite with you.

Starting point is 00:59:19 Oh, all these gunshots are really shaking my nose. I'll be home safe soon. Love you, Charles. By dearest Charles. Hey, your letter was a real mess. A lot of scratches out, tears stained, blood stained, food stained.

Starting point is 00:59:42 I think I smelled some sauce. Things are the same here, just dreaming of you coming back and lightly touching me by the fire. But bored here, there's 12 children and I'm not teaching any of them to read. I love you very much. Your dearest Gloria what up what up what up it's me pickles. I write to you from the back of the war It's chill back here Uh pretty low-key no gunshots most of the wars are they kind of run down Anywhere girl damn I got you on my mind. What can I say? I miss the fire Remember how I would fucking just like throw like lighter fluid in the fire. Remember how I would fucking just like throw like lighter fluid in the fire and go fuh fuuh fuuh fuuh fuuh. Oh man it would be so fucking big man. Oh glory god. What was

Starting point is 01:00:29 the name of those pies we used to eat? Oh what one of those pies so bad. Anyway I've been robbing corpses. La flay da baby pickles. My dearest Gloria, it has been 28 days since my last letter and I have not received a reply. I miss when you used to send me those terrible riddles, I wish you would send me some more. Speaking of terrible, have I told you about someone in my company named Pickles? He was supposed to be at the front of the war but like a coward he ran back and has set up camp. Way, way, way, way back in the war. He has three guns so nobody dares to say anything to him because we don't know what he'll do, but

Starting point is 01:01:09 if you want to write back that would be great, but if not, I guess I guess we're done. I guess, am I supposed to take the hints? So are we like free to see other people? I just want to know what the rules are so I don't mess this up. Let me know, love, always, Charles. To my Charles and Pickles. Boys, I am writing you both at the same time to put this mess to an end. Yes, I have been seeing both of you. Yes, I have been sending you both sex letters, which is sexting, but letters. Yes, half of the children are pickles.

Starting point is 01:01:48 The ones who run amok are pickles, and the ones who sit quietly are trousers. But I have come to my decision, and I have picked one of you. My dearest Gloria, you're probably writing your letter right now. Wait, my letter wasn't done. I didn't even get to finish the letter. Oh, you go. You go. I picked pickles. I went off, you know what, out. You go, you go. I pick pickles. I went off, but you know what, Charles? You're gonna drop my letter, I pick pickles. I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm- I I cannot read my name is pickles. I'm at the back of the war

Starting point is 01:02:30 I used to love Gloria. I never gonna pay for those kids. I'm crazy. You shit. I rob corpses pickles Why don't you send me this? My dear, what is what is even two with my letters? You said me this. Uh, my dear. You can't read. What is even two with my letters? Huh. What actor does the voice of an evil cyborg?

Starting point is 01:02:52 Evil cyborg. Voice. Uh, an art or singer. Lily James and Vader's. I'd say the most famous, one of the most famous lines in cinema. Oh, we're back. We supposed to die? Yeah. Yes, Adel. Frankly, my darling, we are gonna die. Yes. God, with the binks. Adel, Adel just, I just, it's basically, have

Starting point is 01:03:17 you guys ever seen it phone charge itself? Adel just completely re-energize myself with his own joke. I don't know why, but insert and charge our beans in the classic movies just really tickled me. Yeah, we're going to get a text in two hours. I know how this goes. I don't get a think of a hundred of these and then we have to deal with a text. I've only had a binks. What else?

Starting point is 01:03:43 What else? Welcome to the great Hey Riddler Riddler University. If you walk with me this way, we'll get to see some of the campus's most beautiful spots. To our right is the KC Tony School of Audio Engineering. Wow. Are any of you interested in studying that when you get here to? No, no no no great I'm kind of gonna be more kind of want to be more like on on on mic town on mic would be great Then you young sir might like JP C school of bullshit

Starting point is 01:04:18 You sort of have to be a filled with nonsense Insane unhinged person in order to get into that school. You have to feel a lot of tests to get in. Love that for him, not necessarily something that I'm interested in. I'm interested. Okay. I'm a motherfucker. Piss cousin. I'm more interested in something a little more conventional. I don't know if this is something for me. You might like the crown jewel of our campus the adult or five library of puns. It is gorgeous inside there. You have to say sorry three times to get in. That's the secret password. If you go to your right. Oh, yes, we got a question. I'm sorry. No, we're in the

Starting point is 01:05:03 library of puns. Do you mind if I grab a book off the shelf and just let's see, okay, great. Grab this book off the shelf. Oh, it's an audio book. No, it's an audio book. So there will be a brief audio message that will be played. And this book is called, it's T, I'm in the T section.

Starting point is 01:05:19 And this looks like it's tractors. So it's like tractors in the T section. And then it's just like, and then also it's a pun so it has to be cross reference. Are you sure you're tractors in the T section and then it's just like and then also it's a pun. So it has to be cross reference. Are you sure you're not interested in the JP? I'm not bullshit. I'm not. I mentioned and I'm not interested in this. I'm just literally in the pun school. I'm just trying to set up what because it correct me from our other kid on the tour. Does this make sense that it would be tractors and then there would be another pun to like cross reference. So does that make sense? Hey, man. Why are you doing this?

Starting point is 01:05:46 Well, I've been out for going to school here. You're right. I'll put it back. We'll never get to hear what the tractor put me in there. I know this is what the parents want to hear, but we think safety comes first here at Hayron over at a university. May I be honest? Uh-huh. I balked because I thought he was saying he grabbed a book and it was a T book and a tractor book and I thought there was gonna be some sort of Brood T and tractor pun cross hybrid and I was terrified Now I understand he met the letter T section. I see. Yeah, it was like the letter T I picked up the book that said tractor

Starting point is 01:06:24 Let's go back. Let's just open up this. It's the same book. Sorry. Okay. Hold on. I'm sorry. This is a completely different section. This is P. And this is a book. This is pirate ship. So I'll open this one up and planks for nothing. Okay. So I don't want to go to this school of puns, but I get the appeal. I thought planks for nothing was pretty good. I liked it, but again, I'm not a pun guy. I'm not forcing this tour for weeks. Can I make it for you was pretty good. I liked it, but again, I'm not a bugger I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger.

Starting point is 01:06:48 I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger.

Starting point is 01:06:56 I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger.

Starting point is 01:07:04 I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. I'm not a bugger. John dear time to get up Hmm huh all that for that great huh. No hold on hold there's got to be a better one turn the pages turn the pages Okay, you can go a little pages shuffle the pages here we go. Oh Sweetie I track tore my pants Can I just leave the book on the ground here or do I have to go back to the sleep it right on the ground wait There's got to be shake it out shake it out. Let me shake the book out. And then one more in the tractor. Why are you doing this to yourself? Honey, it's cold outside.

Starting point is 01:07:30 It's time to put on my harvest. Okay, I like that one. Will that make it? That's so make you warm. Better? So as I was saying, safety always comes first here at Hayward over at LaUniversity, which is why we have a place for what the students can go if they get hurt or sick

Starting point is 01:07:50 The Aaron why did you look at me when you said safety first just cuz I have these Wolverine claws? Yeah, I was just wondering if what you're doing with those and if you think you're gonna run and get impaled Is there anything else you'd like to see on the campus or it doesn't seem like you either of you are that interested in something? You said that you said that Aaron Keith Dentist Office or something. What you said? It's a it's a nurse's office. I want to see that. Oh, yeah. Can we do you mind if we do you mind if we take a quick peak inside? Actually, it's a lot of people who have had very embarrassing injuries and I just don't

Starting point is 01:08:18 want to really. Oh, I we simply must feel like what a vision of the highlights. So just we can pick what we can pop in and then you can name what you see. All right, and just a quick peek in. Go ahead. Okay. Oh, it's a treasure trove.

Starting point is 01:08:35 Look at all this. Well, look at that. It appears to be a woman who was cleaning a fish tank. It got sucked inside. Who me? I didn't say that. That's a KC Tony's effort. That timing was insane.

Starting point is 01:08:49 That building was beat away. Oh, I think I see. Is that a woman working in a, I want to say, a Marshalls? And she, something happened where her shirt came off and a man commented on it. A Marshalls. Nordstrom and it was a full shirt opened up in one of her tits, fella. Hey, he's a man commented on it. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue.

Starting point is 01:09:06 A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue.

Starting point is 01:09:14 A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue.

Starting point is 01:09:22 A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A morgue. A's not even fair. Huh. Yeah, I mean, we can honestly, we can really make a meal out of this room. This one seems like it is, oh, wow, this is wild. I never thought I'd see something like this in this room. This is another one of the pun books from the library. This one is acid, it's for snakes, and I'll just go ahead and open up snakes.

Starting point is 01:09:43 And it says, uh, poison, poison. This one says, can I ask you a question? I don't know why the voice, what the audio voice wasn't working on that one. It changed mid-pun. Yeah. So snakes, somebody just go to a different page on snakes, I'll open this one up. Red and yellow killer fellow, red and black friend of Jack. Okay, so I maybe just bookies for the difference between a corn snake and a

Starting point is 01:10:12 corals thing. Wait, honestly, it doesn't seem like you either of you are qualified to get in here. I don't think you probably have the test scores, but it's sweet of you to for coming out today. So thank you. No, and I am just for clarification, I'm a 33 year old man, so I probably should not be going. Yeah, you gotta get the hell out of here. Yeah, okay, okay. Okay. Hey, speaking of new things,

Starting point is 01:10:34 we have just enough time in the show for a couple of brand new segments that I have introduced to the show. And each one of these segments has a little bit of a theme song. So Casey, you want to hit that first theme song? I'm gonna get the calls on the voicemail. And I'll hit please. I was expecting you to look over to you singing, but that's pre-recorded.

Starting point is 01:11:21 Welcome to the Halo Room Voice. How many takes? How many takes? You can always send a voice, you could always send a voice mail. Give us a call at 805 Riddle 1. That's 805 Riddle 1 to leave a little message for us on the Hey Riddle, little voice mail. Hey, you might even get your message featured on the show. Now, since I just announced this on the show today, we don't have any messages

Starting point is 01:11:41 because no one has loved the message yet. Actually, Casey, we do have a number. Can we play our first message, Casey? So what do I say? It's behavioral, little voicemail. You can say whatever you want. You just leave it in the message for the show. Just like a message? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:58 I mean, say, I don't like Adela or Aynon or me or something. OK. Well, then this message is for Eric Keith. So if you're not Eric Keith, please don't listen. This is an anonymous fan. And I just wanna say I've got a really big old crush on you. That's not cool to do that. I'm even more than that.

Starting point is 01:12:18 That's not cool to do that. I'm positive about the show because people hear it. Just hang up, it's not. Paul, Paul, here in the Call, call me, Ritteroo, Riddles, Riddles. Okay, so that was our first message. A crash on me. It's not like your wife. I guess don't call the show if you have a crush

Starting point is 01:12:36 on a person that, those aren't really the, unless it's me. Look, you can call the show if you just want to leave a message, you want to say something to us, or if you want to leave us a Riddle, you can do that as well. Just make sure leave a message, you want to say something to us, or if you want to leave us a riddle, you can do that as well. Just make sure that you leave some space before you say the answer.

Starting point is 01:12:48 So that wasn't your wife, Mariah. So I don't know who that was. I don't know who could have gotten that number. Again, that number is 805 riddle one. Leave us a message on the riddle line, on the hey riddle riddle line. Is this real? Is this a real thing?

Starting point is 01:12:59 Yes, the hey riddle run, it's season two. Huh. Yeah. I was in the amount of work you've done for this episode. It's 805 riddle one. It's the hey riddle Riddler line, it's season two. Huh, yeah. I was suspicious of the amount of work you've done for this episode. It's 805, Riddle One. It's the Hey Riddle Riddler line, it's season two. We have a new phone line.

Starting point is 01:13:11 You can call and leave us a message. I think I can also text message from this number. So I might, hey, I might text you. I might call you back. But you never know. You never know what might happen, but leave us a number of the old Riddle line again. That number one more time is 805, Rital one and-

Starting point is 01:13:25 What's the actual number? Because I don't want to figure out what Rital is in numbers. I don't care. You got to add more to it. It's branding for us. I didn't get 805, Rital one, just to list out the real fucking number.

Starting point is 01:13:36 Okay, I'll figure it out, maybe. So, Adel just gave it a call. It seems like he's maybe leaving another, but I can delete these messages off the voicemail. Does it just ring until somebody answers? Hey, thanks for calling a riddle riddle. It's real. Hey, this is Edel or not, I'm sorry, this is it on this fuck you.

Starting point is 01:13:58 All right, that's a really great example of a call that you don't want to leave on the real life. You don't want to say, you don't want to say fuck you to the host. It's nice messages are gonna be the ones that get played. So that's the real line again. Sorry, we don't have more voice mails to play. I just I hadn't I hadn't given people I hadn't given people the number yet. So that's why we we didn't have or I tweet out this number. Voice mails to play. Let's let's wait until the the episode drops before before you do anything like that. Hold on one second, I'm making a call. Hold on. Hey, things are calling age. We're already leaving message for the clue crew after the beep.

Starting point is 01:14:33 Hi, this is Veronica peppermint. It's calling with your test results. You're going to want to give me a call back fast because you have a sex rash and a butt rash and a face rash. It's all the same rash. Please call me back at 1 2 3 you are crazy This has been Veronica pepperments. I have a frog named mr. Millionaire goodbye Okay, I also got another one here on my phone just popped up says hey, this is Casey I mean anonymous. I was trying to get my call in before add-on But I failed sorry fuck you so this is working really well. Well, so great minds think alike well great minds fuck alike I'm sorry, but don't leave messages like that read leave real riddles Yeah, so there's three examples of messages that you don't need to leave

Starting point is 01:15:15 But you can call just to say hey say that you like the show say whatever you want But you don't need to leave messages that say fuck you to the hosts. We don't enjoy hearing those We don't we don't enjoy hearing those. We don't enjoy people being mean to us and here's what I'll say. For all of mommy's little maniacs. Send us something fun, send us something nice. You know what to do. And yes, you know what to do and you know what we let that brings us to our next segment. Case it, go ahead and hit that theme song. 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd

Starting point is 01:15:48 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd

Starting point is 01:16:04 1 tbc sdmd 1 tbc sdmd If this just says exit song, I would be really pissed. Male! Hahaha! Male! Hahaha! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Starting point is 01:16:38 Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my god. Male. Oh my god. Male. Okay, so that is the mailbox theme.

Starting point is 01:16:47 I hope we do not get in trouble. But in old JPC, we're protected by parody law, which says you can play five minutes of any song you're parody. That is the mailbox theme. Good. We haven't had the mailbox for very long, so we only have one package in the mailbox. If you would have said a package to hang Riddle Riddle, go ahead and make that out to Hey Riddle Riddle, 63.51 West Montrose Ave, number two, six, seven, Chicago, Illinois,

Starting point is 01:17:18 60.63.4. Again, that's Hey Riddle Riddle, 63.51 West Montrose Ave, number 267, Chicago, Illinois, 606, 34. Okay, let's open this thing up right now. We have a little package here. I'm opening it up live on the show. What is this? Oh, it feels like a full, very cool. Very cool.

Starting point is 01:17:41 This is something that it looks like a fan has sent us And I actually did this actually did go through the mail It was sent to us. It looks like it is a a Kit Kat bar and a Reese's oh That's cool. So like any you can just kind of like send us like if you wanted to send it Did you set up this address so people would send you Kit Kat bars and Reese's cups? You can actually mail things to this address and it looks like some fan has mailed this to us. I don't know what to do with these. I do not like the candy and I will not be bringing them to Adel or Aaron. So, that address to get is Hey Riddle Riddle, 6351 West Montrose Ave, number 267 Chicago, Illinois, 60634. Hold on, actually Naseem here. Do you mind if I put those

Starting point is 01:18:21 both in my hand so I can melt them? Wow Naseemem. Wow. Good call back, Niseem. Very good call back. I would like to say, Sissy, Janet, you are Peter Pan and Adel, you are Peter Pan's shadow and you're like having a hard time keeping up. Like you don't have the same energy that Peter has. So your work is a lot for you. Okay. Alrighty! Second British accent of the day! Let's be off to see the last boys, pal! Ha, ta, ta, ta, ta, time out, time out, time out.

Starting point is 01:18:56 Hey, do you always have to pose with your hands on your hip? Like, do you always have to do a power pose? Yeah, that's called a Kimbo, it's a thing! A Kimbo? Listen, you don't age, but I do. Okay. What? You know how you don't age, you know how you look like a little boy? Is this not something you know? Look here, look in the mirror over there. Let's walk over to the mirror. Walk, walk to the mirror. Walking to the mirror with a little jump, little spring. No, no, no, skip over to the mirror. Oh, my knees. Looking at a very attractive, impish, somewhat and drudgenous,

Starting point is 01:19:30 loves green and pointy, toad shoes. Yes, looking good, buddy. Yeah, that's you. OK, that's not Tildu's sweeten as a child. That's you. And how old are we? You're like 438 years old? 438 years, 438 years young

Starting point is 01:19:45 Whatever Yeah, yeah, yeah, why is it harder for you? You my friend are just a sliver just in Sort of a visual echo if you will Anything I'm a sliver, huh? Okay, okay. Hey, no no you're good. Hey turn off the lights will you? Peter do you want to come to the dance competition that's on set? I love to! Can I compete in every possible category? Yes of course!

Starting point is 01:20:16 No, Peter when he's going to be the death of us. Wonderful! Quickly let's fly across London and my shadow will play so long it'll cover the entirety of the city That's another thing. Hey Peter. That's another thing when you fly I have to walk You don't see a shadow when you're flying do you that's because I have to walk wherever you're going You win some you lose some friend That's a fucking. Oh here comes that big dog Always pissing on me. Peter. He's pissing on me. I'm so sorry friend. He's smiling

Starting point is 01:20:52 He's on the outside on the outside buddy isn't that the exact voice you imagined this dog would have I'm gonna play the audio. Okay, so the most recent TikTok in our group chat was Adel. I think people would rather listen to riddles. I know, but I just, this, okay, here's it. Adel said Aaron, this sounds like the Yelps you give when I get a song in the name that tune game and you get pissed. And this is truly, this husky sound so much like me when I yell, it's great.

Starting point is 01:21:34 Patreon.com slash A Rumble Rumble. Yep, all right. I Well Aaron that Play audio of a husky or did I play audio for me from a patreon episode? That does a lot like you that is I Scary about Yeah, that's your that's your whole thing. I know it. I sound like a husky. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

Starting point is 01:22:05 I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

Starting point is 01:22:13 I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

Starting point is 01:22:21 I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I since that happened. I knew it. Well, my eyes went completely white. So you can always tell. I want to see you seeing. So this is like a 19 maybe like a 1930s or 40s movie. Definitely like black and white era. JPC, you are a legit.

Starting point is 01:22:37 You're like whoever the lead is and multi-s Falcon or whoever look Clark Gable, whatever you are. You are a legit 1930s actor. You are of the times you speak in the lingo. You have the cadence. You're totally that. Aaron, you're a time traveler from now who goes back in time and finds yourself accidentally on the set of a movie.

Starting point is 01:22:54 And you're trying to play along, but you clearly are not of this era. And it's a little out of place. Great. Oh, look at the getaway sticks on that getaway vixen. Not you hitting on me! Ha ha ha ha! Oh it's me, it's me alright and I'm hitting on you.

Starting point is 01:23:15 You're a cool glass of soda poured by a jerk. Okay well... And I'd be a jerk if I didn't take this chair and pull it out from behind you and say, would you like to sit down rest those Limber legs Okay, well you're problematic a f Um, hold on. Let me treat this Hold on girl. You're literally sending me. Wait. What's happening? Oh?

Starting point is 01:23:39 Hey, you are hotter than a hot bun on a Tuesday. Well, what's happening to me? Cut that take hit different Hey, you are hotter than a hot bun on a Tuesday. Whoa, what's happening to me? Uh, cut. That take hit different? Wait a second. What's going on? This... this direction... Thanks, sir. Let's do another.

Starting point is 01:23:53 This direction should be off this project. It's cancel culture run and muck. I should be off this project. You're mid. What am I saying? And now I'm back in... Oh, no, we've switched. Damn.

Starting point is 01:24:04 In the book, who can be a good boy? Damn. I do. I do. And now I'm back and tell oh no we've switched. Deb. Deb. I'm gonna be a good boy. Deb. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy.

Starting point is 01:24:12 I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy.

Starting point is 01:24:20 I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. that one set out loud in reverse order, correspond to the name of a popular musician or musical group. Cat living turns into... Dog bed, dead dog. Yeah, busy dying.

Starting point is 01:24:30 Dead mouse. What? Dead mouse. The opposite of cat is dog. It's gotta be dog. It can't be the opposite. Most of these are from the 90s because I'm uncultured and basic.

Starting point is 01:24:39 I hope you enjoy. Are you ready? Hold on, hold on. Opposite of cat is mouse. Before we start, Adam, what would be a better opposite of mouse? I mean, you can go bowl, but that's pretty obscure. I want to say dead mouse.

Starting point is 01:24:51 The opposite of mouse to me would be his rat. Now that's two, they're in the same genus. Yeah, the opposite of mouse is actually pretty hard. Oh, that is sour. Yo, oh, oh, that was a good one. Alley mouse. Alley mouse. Alley mouse is actually pretty hard. Oh, that is. Owl? Owl is a good one. Owl or Hawk would be very good. Mm-hmm. The opposite of the cheese.

Starting point is 01:25:12 Yeah, I guess it's really hard to, I guess we were gonna have to define our opposites at this point. The core feeds your answer on, when you're excited. You have like, kind of an answer. I have my final answer. Yes. I have my final answer.

Starting point is 01:25:22 Say we the jury. I'm gonna talk apologize. We the jury would like to apologize to Taylor. Your answer is perfect. Wow, Cowards, Cowards, actually, you know what, fuck that. I want to see a scene. Adel, we're going to see a scene. You are going to be playing the new superhero opposite mouse.

Starting point is 01:25:37 And there's a bank robbery, Aaron and I are, are people caught up in this bank robbery, innocent bystanders. And opposite mouse just showed up in save the day and Aaron We are struggling to describe what opposite mouse is great Let me get you to out of this building ha ha another job well done by opposite mouse Oh, oh, sorry my catchphrases oh Because the O.M. Is on my chest well chest abdomen for act whatever you want to call it sure Well before you go would you like to leave a review? I like to have by the people I save

Starting point is 01:26:18 I rescue I like to have them leave a review and be as descriptive as possible about the moment I came in to save you So let's start with what you saw the moment I came in to save you. So let's start with what you saw when I entered the building to help you out. Uhh... I mean, you were great. I don't know if can I say that up front? Is that we all... we both, right? That's cosy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're so good. Just more... that is fantastic. More specifics would be great.

Starting point is 01:26:43 Sure. You bring your things wings here you've wings Wings but he breached the back of his coat So I do think that I think that those are just like I think it's like Tuxedo wings I believe are you super Super no your name is opposite mouse opposite mouse. You're you're in you're good, right? Because you stopped obviously the bank robbers who were opposite mouse opposite mouse you're you're in you're good right because you stopped obviously the bank robbers who were obviously I think it was a circumstance We really think about it opposite mouse. I think you would really love our friend who we want to set you up with How would you describe yourself? Oh my god. Yes, you would be so perfect for our friend who will tell you about later

Starting point is 01:27:19 Okay, I will tell you about that friend later. Yes. I would describe my face as non-Mal-Sio, describe my appetite as lactose intolerant. Mm-hmm. I would say no tail. I'd say never get caught in a trap. I'd say, I live in the opposite of a hole in the wall. So here's the thing, opposite mouse. I feel like we know exactly who you are.

Starting point is 01:27:39 Sure. But our friend who is very attractive and successful, I think would be a very good match for you. really more interested in who you are like who is opposite mouse Yes, I'll I who I am I am a resistant to poison. I am okay I am friends with cats. I am not dirty at all I've never fed this snake. So we're gonna go to brunch. Oh, I have a brunch.

Starting point is 01:28:12 If we leave now, we're never gonna be able to set them up with our friend. Yeah, that's a thing. Oh, I'm getting it now. I'm getting it now. I'm so sorry. I actually, I was thinking about Caitlin. I had Caitlin in mind.

Starting point is 01:28:24 Oh my God, he would love that. Because they would be because yeah, they'd be perfect. Oh color and describe me color and describe me physically Let's oh you stub your toe She did yes I'm sorry, I need to listen to this a little bit longer This is actually This is Caitlin's voicemail she's so funny, but this is yeah, this is her it'll be put a second, but there's a little more Hello Hi, how are you?

Starting point is 01:29:04 She gets me every time with this Just kidding. I'm not at the phone. Yeah, remember I love being set up. I'm Caitlin. Beep. Just kidding Yeah, so we think you'd be perfect for Caitlin because you're both fucking Oh god dammit Caitlin Make me a god damn it Caitlin I'd love to see a quick scene this is going to be Aaron and I'll you both work at a but-hole repair shop and you're just like manning the phones taking taking intoming calls But again, it's been a pretty slow day Thank you for calling Donnie and Donnie but-hole repair. How can we help you?

Starting point is 01:29:42 Yeah, your website says Nine to five is that is that your hours yeah, but to be honest with you We sort of fuck off at 4 p.m. Every day because we're tired of looking at buttholes right donny that's right Understandable okay. Thank you so much. Oh Oh Donnie and donnie's butthole repair how can I help you oh? I'm sorry did I call call a butt hold repair store? Oh, do you got a bone to pick with me? No, I was- Do you guys do kitchen sinks?

Starting point is 01:30:11 Well, we do everything but. Haha, that's our motto actually, everything but. We can put a stint in your asshole if it's prolapsed. No, my cousin's got a kitchen sink stuck in his ass, so I guess I'll call somewhere else. Thank you. Hold on, hold on. Ah, dammit. Hey, did it, did it guess I'll call somewhere else. Thank you. Hold on hold on. Oh damn it Hey Hello, Donnie and Donnie, but over here. How can I help you today? Just the mail man just delivering your mail?

Starting point is 01:30:36 Yeah, what do we got mail man? I don't go through it open the mail and read Open the mail and read it aloud. Mr open the mail and read it aloud, Mr. Mailman. This one is from the IRS. Uh, it says that you owe, it says that you owe 14,000 dollars. And that's it, don't read our mail. Internal rectal system, rectum system. I don't think so. Uh, anyway, here's the mail, just leave it here. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:30:59 Ah, look at him walk away, he needs work done. Dany and Dany, butthole repair, how can I help ya? Yes, I would like to schedule a butthole repair. Oh perfect, how is today in five minutes for you? I'm sorry, I live out of state, I don't know that I can do, I don't know that I can do today. What state? I guess I'm in a state of denial right now that I butthole these repair. Yeah, of course.

Starting point is 01:31:24 So I guess I need to be talked into it. Of course. Well, there's a few things we could do. Uh, we can put a stent in. We can also fill it up with plaster of Paris. Now that will prevent any leakage, that will prevent any discomfort. Okay. And then you can kind of take the, what we would call a butt plug in or out, uh, depending on if you're, you know, at the movies or if you're home in the bath Sure those are the only two options you can use the plug for

Starting point is 01:31:53 Should I describe the extent of the problem or Those are just too blank solutions that will work for any problem. Tell him to come in We need you to come in and I do ask if you don't mind, not to describe it, I do get a little queasy around butthole talk. Sure, I was just in the mailman. Ah, read that mail. You can read our mail. Two locks in a window, but not any doors.

Starting point is 01:32:20 My twin th'me musician, find it on tours. Using my, I'm sorry, I'm just laughing thinking about you guys being funny generally Aaron please be serious That was both like a couple and like a bird yeah This is a first to break down laughing and go I'm just thinking about generally YouTube being funny We start our game and am awake to more. Hey there, Karelson Bells. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another name that tune Christmas songs edition. You can listen to that plus our entire Batcadilog at patreon.com.shaverydilvrital. But join the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew and you get those ad free episodes for $8 a month.

Starting point is 01:33:27 See you then!

Hey Riddle Riddle - #232: Best of 2022-Part 2

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