Hey Riddle Riddle - #234: Slip Your Punts

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

It's another episode of Hey Connick Connick Jr! Today we're testing out new eating habits, faking our own deaths and forgetting names left and right! Romans. Be. Shopping. #WiddleWednesday Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something?  Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fm   This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/riddle and get on your way to being your best selfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. There's a bit of noise outside my door once again. And the revolutionaries burst in. People are fronts! They start making one of the calls of Barricade with all the recording. Do you see the people saying, say the, this is Zincaster?

Zincaster's open. And the world ain't right here But hey, we're in the world We're in the world We're in the world We're in the world My feet before hate, we're in the world Hey, it's, hey, podcast! How do we... Aaron, it's been so long Whoa, Adel, did you not realize we were in quarantine until about four seconds ago?

Hey, we were talking for 15 minutes. Hey podcast. Hey podcast. Hey podcast. Hey podcast. Hey, podcast. Hey, Riddle is for Hey Horses horses. This is Hey Riddle. I'm'm out over five. I'm GPC and I'm Aaron Keith. And it is we're just minging into 2023. We haven't reported this time listening. The doors that way. Thanks for stopping by. We're not going to wait. We took a little fucking break. Didn't we? We took a little. God damn. Longest break we've ever taken. I've got some careers. we took a little of the longest break we've ever taken in our little careers. We took a break, okay? We're on a break.

Thank you Ross. That's good, good reference yes. How's everybody doing? How is everybody's new years? What have we been up to? Well, how was your break? I'm glad that you asked. I wrote down some of the things

that happened to me during my break. And I thought maybe if you wanted to just just I could list them and then we could just hit the piano and sing about it. I got bumped in the head. I got bumped in the head and I missed the whole thing. Stop. I got it. I missed the whole thing. Bunk and then I do bits. I decided I wanted to get the head and went to sleep for three weeks and we hadn't checked in on her.

Wow. Ritth and Bunkle. Bunk fan, Winkle, which is a little bit of Winkle. Bunker. Yeah. I think so. I think so. I wrote down some of the things. I didn't have anything crazy exciting happened.

Just a bunch of little things. So I'm going to do these little things and then you can pick one that you want to discuss further or we can just let it be. Okay. And if we want to discuss one further, can we stop you or should we allow you to complete the list and then circle back? I'd say complete the list because you don't know if something better. I prefer to stop. Well, we know that. I mean, we all know that. furthest up. Well, we know that. I mean, we all know that. Oh, man. Okay. I watched Emily in Paris in one sitting. And now I'm not sure who I am anymore. I saw Harry Connick Jr.'s Christmas show. I spent $100 on Harry Connick Jr. merch. And I think I might be in love with him. Oh, I had mozzarella sticks and they were really good.

I left and went to the bathroom seven times during Avatar, the way of water or whatever it's called. It's a blime. I saw the guy from Glee, Archie, the one who's in the wheelchair at LAX baggage claim and I think he noticed my Harry Connick Jr. t-shirt. While taking down Christmas decorations, I saw a spider so big it made me scream so hard till I hurt my neck. And I'm very interested to know how the waffle maker

I got, got JPC is going. So that's sort of what's been on my mind lately. So that guy's not in a wheelchair. He plays a character in a wheelchair. When you saw him at the airport, was he using the wheelchair to get through security? Because that, by the way, is the move. That is the move. No, he was not. He was just standing. From Glee to Glee. Aaron, I have a few follow-up questions, if you don't mind.

Sure. Number one, Emily in Paris. I don't know if I've heard of this show. Emily and Marie. We're all saying it wrong. I was gonna say, are you sure you're not this super sweet? We were calling it Emily and Marie. Because we weren't sure what they were going for. I mean, we're all saying it wrong. I was gonna say, are you sure you're not just super sweet? For you to call it, get emolence and parry.

Because we weren't sure what they were going for. Emolo and Bordeaux. It's, you said it's like garbage. It's like fun to hate watch. Yeah, it's like the craziest hate watch ever. It all comes out around Christmas every year. And I sat with the coil siblings. And we literally just didn't get up

and we watched an entire season of Family and Paris in one sitting it is so Bad I truly think that they like make all the wrong choices on purpose to get people talking about it Yeah, and for all the question is the coil siblings what you call your two arm chairs? It is The springing the spring arm chairs that are in front of your your TV. Yeah, because they're lazy boys. They're just lazy boys with the spring. I love my lazy boys. What were some of the other follow up?

Oh, you said $100 on Harry Connick, junior merch. Clearly, you got a t-shirt, money will spent because what's his name noticed? What other merch did you buy? I would not be surprised if that was $100. Because concert merch is so fucking expensive. 45 bucks for a t-shirt gift fact. Yeah, t-public.com slash hate rental. That's not our like, it's not that like, it's a big gift.

Well, to justify my manic spending, I went, these are gifts for my family. Oh, what? What were they saying? No, I didn't say that. We are no. This association, I'm like. That's odd.

That's truly odd. Well, the Harry Potter Jr. Christmas album, specifically his first one, were huge in my house growing up. They were like the Christmas album that we listened to. He's like a modern day Michael Bublé. He's better than Michael Bublé. I'll tell you that much. Bublé just fading into dust like a Thanos snap. Like, whoa, don't forget about me. Michael Buble. He's better than Michael Buble. I'll tell you that much. I cried so much during the concert.

I just fainting into dust like a Thanos snap. Like, whoa, don't forget to let me. I'll get my face back to the future. Sean didn't want to go with me, but he did get me shorts that say property of Harry Connag Jr. on the back. And I was like, I think I might be talking about this too much. But I brought my friend Elizabeth

and she went over what's in. Is that official merch that Harry Connag Jr. No, no, he had that made. Okay, God, damn, I was like Harry Connag Jr. What are you doing? Did was like Harry got a junior what are you doing did he grab your butt I'm sorry I mean his property okay he's a family man I would kill for Harry got a junior to sell that on his website what is he what is he thinking for anyone to sell that but Harry got a junior if you're listening to this I'm in love with you and I would love to meet you but not in a way that's like weird, like in a way that's just like I admire you.

But I started crying as a concert because such a good actor. He's a villain grace, but he played Silent Night and then he had us the audience sing it verse or chorus or whatever. And after we sang, he went, you sound perfect. And I burst into tears. And after we sang, he went, you sound perfect. And I burst into tears. What? I mean, Aaron, I don't want to fall.

Oh, J.B. Should I shatter this illusion? Does he say that at every show? Yeah, he told us. I kind of junior can't hear. His hearing's all blown out. Yeah. But he's like a classic, like he's a New Orleans jazz musician and he's been traveling

with the same band. He's like, incredible New Orleans jazz musicians. He's so worth seeing live. But I bought a keychain, I bought an ornament, I bought a hat. What's up? When he, what he first came on stage, I am assuming this was in L.A. Yes. What venue? Oh man, what venue?

It doesn't matter. It did. When he came out, Pantasia. Yes, what venue? Oh Man what venue does it matter? When he came out pantaija when he came out he did he say L.A. is one of my favorite places to play or like I love being back here like this is my It's good to be home. Yeah, what are these? Whatever man, let me So how sincere do you think that you came out and he said, Hey, Los Angeles, I drove here. And then we go, well, he was so sweet. And his wife and his three daughters were in the audience.

And he went one by one and he talked about why how special he thought each of his three daughters were and how excited he was to have everyone in the same room. They never are all at his concert together. It was so good. I will say, Aaron, that sounds fantastic. I'm so glad you had a wonderful time. I'm just saying he's telling Kenosha was constantly right now. They sound perfect. Yeah, but he made it. What did you think of Avatar and how are the bathrooms? Well, oh man. I got, normally I don't get any snacks at the movie theater because you just

like feel so sick after you eat a whole thing of candy. So I've been trying not to do that, but I went and I got the biggest water ever. Because I was like, I feel like this movie's too long. At least I'm gonna be super hydrated. And I peed seven times. That's so rich. That movie sucks.

I don't care how pretty it is. Oh, I'm being so mad. Gleening the information you put in the newsletter, it sounds like you liked the movie. Avatar. Yeah, it was wonderful. Oh, no, and I have yet to see it. So the worth rebairs in it. Let's, um, let's bet. Spite. Um, you know, the three bears one bed was too soft. One bed was too hard and one didn't have a bed. I think it's fine. I think it's fine. If you don't like it, I think that that's, that's, that's fine. I you don't like it. I think that that's fine.

I will say, I will say that the, one of the things that they've, that Avatar sales have been pretty consistent week to week. Like there's not really been a drop off, which is very rare for a movie. Like it's very rare for a movie not to have, most movies nowadays just have like massive drop offs after the opening weekend.

An Avatar doesn't, which means that people are still going to see it. And my thought is, he made a movie over three hours so that people would be peeing during the movie so that people would be like, well now we have to go see it again and pee during another part where we've already seen so we can see the part we didn't see while we were peeing.

Which I think is pretty genius. And calling it way of water is again a sublubinal message of water. And I have to assume it's just non-stop CGI water like crashing against shores. It's a lot of water. And Aaron, I will say this. I did not pee once during that three hour movie. I thought it was, and I said this in the newsletter,

I was, Mariah and I did not go and see it when we could have seen it because we did not want to go see a three hour movie. We're like, it's just, that's a day ruiner. That's like a day killer. And so we saw it, you know, like a week later, and I prepared for it. I didn't have anything to drink during the movie. And I made it all the way through the movie without peeing.

And that I peed the longest be of my entire life. Directly after the movie. But I, but I, I pre-gamed for it by being like very hydrated the day before. And this just like cut myself off there for a certain period just so I can see that movie without peeing. But I would probably see it again, but I don't think I'm gonna go back to the theater to see it again.

Interesting. Okay, can I just tell you my biggest DVD problem with it? Biggest spider? Oh. Other than how many times I had to pee during it. My biggest problem. Sure, I don't want to hear it because I don't know if people have other, I haven't seen it yet.

So I don't want to spoil anything about the movie for people. I haven't seen it yet and I plan to. I'm not going to spoil anything. This is just a general James Cameron complaint about the movie. He has created one of the most visually interesting fantasy worlds.

Mm-hmm. Ever. But not even just like baseline awesome, the most visually interesting fantasy worlds. Mm-hmm, thank you. But not even just like baseline, awesome. Even with the effects and how much better they've gotten, the most beautiful fantasy world of all time. And all James Cameron wants to do is play with his GI Joe dolls. He's like, in this amazing fantasy world,

he's like, you know what I'll do? US Army propaganda the whole time. I wanna have my little GI Joe's fighting with each other with human guns. You are in a fantasy world. You lunatic. You know that the, you know that the army is the bad guys, right? Traditionally when you do propaganda you don't make the army the bad guys. No, I think it's a different type of propaganda than I'm not familiar with.

Why are they there at all? It's my big point because really he's just showing all these, he's like, if they're the bad guys, then why are we like, it's so, look how cool their weapons are and look how cool it is to watch their fight. What are we doing? Because we are Pandora, that's the point.

That's the point is that we are the bad guys. No. No. No. No. Not the way that he's shooting it. And he's doing a bad job. He's doing a bad job because he's masturbating

to these US weapons. Go ahead. I don't want to be a dissenting voice, but we all, as children, I assume, read the line, the which in the wardrobe books, and one of the chronicles of Narnia is, I will say, I did not read those books. I was too busy masturbating to weapons.

There is one where SEAL team six goes into Narnia. They do. Yeah. No, no. What's one character from Narnia I could pull? What's the little goat man, right? Isn't there a goat man? There's a goat man and his name is,

I wanna say, Oh boy. Pan. Mr. Tumnus. What's my first time? Mr. Tumnus. I was like, he sounds medicinal. Yeah, when they do this enhanced interrogation techniques on Mr. Tumndus. What's my- Mr. Tumdus. I was like, he sounds medicinal. Yeah, when they do this enhanced interrogation techniques on Mr. Tumdus.

They waterboard. Waterboard. It's not called that anymore because we can't do that anymore. So they do the quack work orange eyeball thing. Yeah, sleep deprivation. They blasted Metallica. And Aaron, your last question was, how did I enjoy the waffle maker? Yes.

Loved the waffle maker. Made the huge mistake. Made the huge, almost made the huge mistake of the first time we made waffles. We're like, what about blueberry waffles? Well, cleaning that thing, if you make some messy type of waffle in there is almost impossible. So it took me maybe 45 minutes to clean that waffle maker of all the blueberry goo.

And then I bought online. I bought special kitchen utensil cleaning brushes that can go in between the waffle maker, and then the next time we made waffles, cleaning took like five minutes. So I've used it twice, made a terrible mistake the first time, and was like using like paper towels, not paper towels, but like dish rag towels to like clean the insides of the grooves of the waffle maker and then just be like oh god it's still dirty what the fuck? Blueberry everywhere. But they were delicious the

waffles were delicious. We're out of that waffle mix and I got to get some more of it because it was so fucking good. Oh good. Oh my gosh okay I'm so glad. Yeah. Well that's the end of my list. I'll have a new vacation Here's here's how I'll sum up my vacation which dogs never go to heaven Hmm, which is a which is dogs never goes to heaven because it's familiar to hell that's correct Sorry Aaron we had to get started with riddles I Could hear I could hear people breathing down there Which dogs oh never know how your vacation was.

I'll tell you in person. You could text it. No, that sounds like a lot of work. Which dogs never go to heaven? And I will say alternate answer. Which dogs? Which one? Which one?

Which one? Which one is in hell? Which dog? Which dog? wishbone. Wishbone is in hell, famously. No. No. Okay. Rich dogs. Oh, pit of fireballs.

Wait. Is this odd? Did anyone get that? Is this odd? Hello? Test test. Which dogs never go to heaven? This is just the warm up.

So I'll go ahead and say the answer is Aaron you are very close devil eggs. Are you familiar with double dogs as it pertains to Chicago? Mm-hmm. What is it? Wow the dreaded follow-up to that question. The dreaded follow-up to are you saying what double dogs is and you have the answer? Is it not a food it is a food yeah that's what I'm then yes to feed that say the word it's I will say hot dogs yes yeah that's what I'm saying hot dogs uh

what now why can't hot why will hot dogs not go to heaven because they're not they're just processed meat to processed yeah yeah. Yeah, they're too processed. They can't get through processing at all. Well, I'd like to see a scene. We don't know why that's the answer, but it's the answer. You two are two hot dogs on a grill,

and you're talking about how scared you are to die and go to hell. Sizzle, sizzle, man, sizzle, sizzle. I had impure thoughts, I had impure thoughts about my... Just so you know I'm not a priest. No, I'm just, I know, I know, and either of mine, but I gotta tell somebody I am. Okay.

I mean, we're gonna die, right? So it's like I can't go, I can't leave this world. Yes, yes, yes. With the weight of what I've done, I put ketchup inside. Oh. I put ketchup inside. Oh. I put ketchup inside. I just wanted to try it one time. Oh man.

Frank, that is gross. Even for me, that's gross. Look, I know I'm not happy that I did it. I'm just trying to get these weight off my shoulders or the shoulders of pigs that are if we have. Somewhere in me. Somewhere in inside. The knuckles.

The knuckles. Yeah, rat testicles. And if. The knuckles, yeah. Rat testicles, whatever. And if I can, I'm also not a priest and if I could just lift this heavy burden of my, the salvatross around my casing. Oh, you an albatross dog? There's albatross in there for sure. Next to the pig.

I coveted and this, I guess, is involving you, Frank. I coveted my neighbor's bun. No. Of course, you've been on the grill with me for, I wanna say involving you Frank. I coveted my neighbor's bun. No, of course you've been on the grill with me for I want to say three years. Buddy feels like three years. Yeah, it's at our time. Sure. Hot dogs are the hundred years and we've spent a lot of this girl. Hot dogs are the hundred years. Every human second is a hot dog year. Yes. Buddy buddy. Yeah, I've coveted your bun. What? Yes. Um, but I have got- Buddy buddy! Yeah. I've covered it your bun. What? Yes! Come on, I'm all wheat. You're just trying to make me feel good. No, look at the texture. I mean, there's no way. Look at my bun

I'm falling through that as soon as I hit the bun, but you on that whole wheat bun. No way! Are you sure? Are you serious? I think you've got a great bun, man, and I think that you're gonna make that sports fan really happy And hey Maybe we go away. Maybe we die. Maybe we go see what comes next and put them on the plate and eat them Someone ate me just on a plate. Oh my god. I'm gonna play. Are we at Aaron's barbecue? Who the fuck are you? There's mustard in music.

Patreon.com says here in the reddit. I'm at barbecue. Oh my God, that's a Patreon, whoops. That would be an insane main feed for us to do. That's a cool thing. Making callbacks. Is this the ideal barbecue main feed? If you wanna get some of the inside jokes, you gotta head to the Patreon.

It's like a show within a show. Within a show. It's like a nine-in-one. It's honestly kind of like a whole different show. I am a five-letter word and people eat me. Penis. Yep. I knew you were gonna say that.

I knew it. I knew you were gonna say that. The second it. I knew you were gonna say that. The second he said five letter word, I was like, I bet my life that James Hues about to say penis. It could have it boobs. It could have been boobs. Okay.

I am a five letter word and people eat me. If you remove the first letter, I become an energy form. If you remove the first two letters, I am needed to live. Scrambled the last three letters and I am a drink. What word am I? Air.

I think of the three that you needed to live one. Wait, it's your five letter word. Yes. And you remove the first one you're an energy. If you move the first two, let me, well let me say, when it's that five letter word, people eat me. Okay. You remove the first letter,

you become an energy form, remove the first two letters, I am needed to live, scramble the last three letters, and it's a drink. What word am I? Okay, neither the live makes me think like air, but if you scramble the last three of air, Ria, Ria!

Margaria, sangria. Sangria. I call sangria. Ria! Ria! Margaria? Sanria? Sanria. I call Sanria Ria. I feel like if I can get three letter word that I need to live, I'm going to be able to nail this one down. No. So it's a three-load thing.

Calling Sanria Ria is that's how we know to cut you off from the Sanria. Damn it. He's got enough. Okay, three little words I need to live. Is it poo? Because if you don't poop, you will die. And the drink would be.

Love, love, but without the E. Oh, Aaron, I love that. That's beautiful. Aaron, as Harry, kind of, Junior once said directly into your eyes, you're perfect. All right, let's talk Maslow here. Hierarchy of Needs. What do we need? Shelter, air, water, food.

Maslow, I'm going to be talking about the play. Fluffy robes. A heart, monkey. Wait, is it? Is heart the answer? No, thank you. You think one of the captains, well, you think one of thehmm. Wait, is it? Is heart the answer? No, I think it is. You think one of the planeteers, their power was monkey? I assume you're speaking of Mati.

No, no, no. Monkey was his own member, and monkey's power was monkey. Mati was his own guy. I'm not aware of Mati. He would always go monkey, and then go, how did you get back in here? Leave. It sucks that Mati got a monkey. Everyone else should have gotten a pet too.

Well, Mati, he was, Ross was, how do I say this? On a break. He was on a break for one, but when they created Ross, they used Mati as a template, which is why he had Marcel for the first season. That's right. Season and a half I want to say too long.

Uh-huh. Whoa, A.U. were Ross was also one fifth of the people that could summon Captain Planet. I don't know why advertisers used to think everyone is like thrilled about monkeys. We're like, he put a monkey in something and people go just absolutely nuts. Uh, actually, they could be right. Yeah, actually I love everything I've ever seen with the Is it outbreak? Well, can you read the beginning again? So when you take with the first letter, what happens? So just to I just want to make sure the first part is not forgotten five letter food five letter people eat me. Yes

Yeah, you remove the first letter and I become an energy form and this is all Up until the last three letters you don't have to scramble anything. This is in order The word remains intact except for what you remove. I'm energy form like heat. So think about some more of that energy. Heat. Yes. Fire.

Yes. Wait, are they both can't be right? Is it heat or fire? Oh, sorry. You both said heat at different times. It is heat. Heat. Heat.

Uh, so something, what's the thing that goes in front of heat that you can eat? You have to eat. You have to eat to live. Uh, uh, hold on, Dad, stop. JVC, what do you think, is that like thick wheat? Yeah, as this is called, so it's... It is wheat. Wheat.

Wheat. Heat. Eat. Tea. You got it. You can say that again in like a musical fun way. Oh God, I forget all of it. Um got it. Say that again in like a musical fun way. Oh God, I forget all of it. Wheat, heat, eat, tea.

It's a wheat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat,

heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat, heat T. It's not horrible. Eat tea. Interesting. Which is why I never take a golfing. Exactly. It's disgusting. I'm like a little gopher.

Another CSE. What are the things that eats the wood? Woodchuck. The two of you are golfing. It's like sort of a business golf thing where you're trying to like close a deal. And JPC, it's clear that you keep trying to eat the golf ball and conspicuously and Adely are going to call them out on it. Look, I'm telling you this, I'm telling you this much right now.

If the ship doesn't get unloaded, the penguins on the ship will die. And then what you've got is you've got dead penguins you paid too much money for. That's your call, it's your call. Please I'm going to ask you one more time Marcus, it's not a ship, it's an arc. Now we need two of each animal, okay? We're trying to recreate something frankly biblical, okay? Now, if the penguins die, I think that is fine. There's so many other animals. The Antarctica is so well represented. I don't even know if penguins are in the Antarctic. I mean, I don't know what I don't know why I put them all on the container ship then, okay?

Because if what you want is a bunch of dead pinwins sitting in a dock in San Francisco more power to you because that's what you paid for at this point. Is this your ball? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Take your shot. It's not even that you grab my ball. It's that you Try to eat it like a soft boiled egg. Look if it's your ball, it's your ball. I've already apologized take your shot.

What's going on with that club there? Oh, okay, so I understand what this looks like. It looks like I was about to hit you in the head so I could eat your golf ball. There was a bee. There was a bee that was flying right around your head. I knew that you're in the zone trying to try to, you know, There's a B that was flying right around your head. I knew that you're in the zone trying to play your game putt or champ or do whatever you're doing. And I just want to get the B. But you know what? Seems like now that I've told you about it,

the B's gone away. We don't have to worry about it. I have some Neutral Granabars. I've never had a Neutral Granabar. What's a Neutral Granabar? Well, it's, how do I say this? It's like a little Debbie, but healthy. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's like a lot of, it's, how do I say this? It's like a little Debbie, but healthy. Oh, okay. Yeah.

It's like oats, and then inside it's like just the whisper of fruit. Let me grab one. It's in your golf bag. It's in my golf bag. Okay, great. Nope, that's a little light. These are okay. Oh my god. May I have another? These are so good.

How? How are you crunching into those? Oh my god. Oh my god., how are you crunching into those? Oh my God, oh my God. What species are you? Penguin. Oh, it's Amy. It all makes sense. It does. I love that.

Ah. Ah. Ah. A man is sitting in a bar when a rich man sits next to him. He turns to the rich man and says, well that that's in proper use of English, I believe, to make the he the first man when you mentioned the second man. Anyway, there's a one reading the riddle. A man is sitting in a bar when a rich man sits next to him. Okay, that makes sense. He turns to the rich man and says, did you know I know almost every song that has

ever existed? The rich man laughs. This is more of a short story. Yeah, the Rich Man laughs. This is a better call Saul episode. The man then says, I bet you all the money you have in your wallet, that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it. Because he knows all the songs that have ever existed.

Got it. The Rich Man laughs again and says, okay, tough guy, I added that. How about my daughter's name? Jamie Armstrong Miller. Minutes later, the man collects his cash and the rich man goes home cashless. Rich people do not carry cash, by the way. That's, rich people don't even carry wallets.

What song did the man sing? Well, I know this one, so I can't, so I, basically, if this is what I call it, what year, I have to say, I have to recuse myself because I know the answer. So I can't, I can't, I can't, as Paul Rowe used to say, recuse. Okay, so is it the type of thing that her name, if we spread out the letters in a certain way that it becomes a type of song? I don't know where this is going, sustained. No, no, don't let me dig a hole in the mud.

You know what I mean? The technicality, this guy's going down. One, you shouldn't be digging in the mud. Yeah, I'm going for that to dry. Yes, the technicality, this guy's going after us. All of the letters of her name will become letters of words that are in the song that he sings. If you rearrange Jamie Armstrong Miller, you get John Jacob Jingleheimer. Schmidt. So this person's daughter's name is Jamie Armstrong Miller. This is a very

rich man. What is this man's name? Somebody who thinks it's on with not a daughter in it. It can't be TJ Miller. He sings ProJem's daughter. And it's a loophole. Can I have a hint? Because I don't know why this one's hurting my brain. So just to just to Steven Miller have a daughter? Absolutely. His band.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Just to summarize this because I feel like the language is confusing and I also halted the action here. Basically what it is is there's two guys at a bar, the poor guy says, I know every song that's ever existed, the rich man says, no you don't, the poor guy says, I bet you all your money, I can sing a song

with any woman's name in it. The rich guy says, here's Jamie Armstrong Miller, the poor guy sings a song with that name in it, he gets the money from the rich guy. Now this tracks, this tracks for me because, as we all know, rich people are actually stupid. So this guy's probably, this guy's probably like, there's like confidence. Yeah, people think that rich people are really smart,

but this is probably just some dumb ass who's father had the same business and they had it all as well. Yeah, yeah. Exactly, yeah, man. By the way, card dealership, people, tons of money. It's more money than you'd ever think. It's more like how much money. It's so much, I feel ever think. It's more money than you'd ever think.

I feel like, because there's some pretty f**kers in the car dealership guy, right? Who? Yeah. JB Bitzer. Yeah, their family is car dealership money. JVC, I put up with a lot for me, but I will not put up with the rich people slander on anything.

Not for another moment, will you talk about my best friend? The rich, JB Bitsons. Yeah, by the way, future best friends as well. If you're out there, besties. Future lizards. another moment will you talk about my best friend? The red chibi friends. Yeah, by the way future best friends as well. If you're out there besties. Future lizards, Aaron here's what we're gonna say. Ben will jump us, Cohen. Here's a little hint about the song he's saying with...

Oh, can I give Aaron a hint? Can I give mine first? Yes, please. Because I think, I don't think this is giving too much away. Aaron, you probably know this song word for word. And then JPC, you give your hint. My hint was that it's happy birthday. That's right.

That's what it is. That's kind of fun. You're right, you're right. Adults, you're here, it was better. I should have waited. I do wanna see this in. Aaron and JPC, let's see. JPC, it is your birthday.

Aaron, you have shown up for JPC's birthday party. You're the only person who showed up and you were invited by a friend. You're trying to sing happy birthday, but you don't really know his name or anything about him. Um, and it's just getting very, very awkward. Hey, can I get you a drink or anything? We have to sing the song. Right. Okay.

So we have to sing the song before it when he can start. We can have to sing the song. Right, okay. So we have to sing the song before it, when you can start, we have to sing the song. Great. And people are going to be here soon, right? Doesn't matter. We have to sing the song at 6 p.m. So we have to start singing the song. All right. Hi!

Looks like window. Hold on, hold on. let me lock the door. Okay, 6 p.m. 6.01 now, so it's time to start. It's time to sing a song. I still think some of your good buddies are gonna show up soon. Your Eric's friend? Yes. Yes, isn't it?

And when he talks to you, when he calls you on the phone, when he calls you, so he's not gonna be showing up, because he had a terrible accident. And what? And a two, and a three, and a go. That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it, that's it. Make it special, make the next one special. Make the next one personal, personal and special. Be the earthy

Make the next line personal personal and special Happy 42nd Way right The money Birthday dear Happy birthday Happy birthday What the fuck

New friend of mine who I love so much. No, no, no, no. I'm not looking for more friends. Have a pretty full social calendar. Happy birthday, person. I'm in the room with right now. Sing your present. Sing your present, too.

Happy $5. Don't you don't it's gift card to you. Wow I can't believe you made it all the way through the song I have to admit you are on a prank show. Ah did Eric put you up for the... Zip! Eric's me, Herriconic Junior and can just say, the singing of Happy Birthday was perfect. Will you marry me?

Absolutely not. Aaron, you're on a different prank show, Zip. Addle. I know it, Zip. Safe. Uh, Harry Connick prank show. Is that how Harry Connick Jr. sounds? Not at all. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's what you're hearing on a gay or something. I thought he had like a, doesn't he have like a bit of a draw like, hey, hey, everybody. Yeah, he sounds like a little New Orleans, like a little New Orleans, like. I think, like, maybe I'm thinking of Chris Isaac. You're always thinking of Chris Isaac.

I think last week you mentioned Chris Isaac. Yeah. Two things. What's last last week you mentioned Chris is Two things we Nothing the big critic head don't look into it. Is it is there are there any more songs that are not wicked game? Multiple regular game Funny game what a funny game the play Go ahead, let's go ahead. I was gonna say I'm feeling a little bit embarrassed about how poorly I'm doing on today's Red L's.

Aaron, you're doing fantastic. You're perfect. Aaron, thank you for admitting it. You're perfect. Thank you for admitting it because we see you, we hear you, we value your opinion. And we welcome you to, and we welcome it, encourage you to do better. And we'll give you some time. I'm on a prank show.

I love it. Oh, Aaron, I have two quick things to say. We welcome and encourage you to do better and we'll give you a big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big Brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick Sleep. She's right behind that door. Merrill sleep. Wow, she won the golden pillow for best sleep. That's right. Hey Merrill Very well rested after sleeping on my midnight lux helix mattress. Good to see you. Good to see you. Your naps are stunning I just wanted you to tell people about helix sleep how, how the Heelix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe collection. The newly released Heelix Elite collection, a mattress design for big and tall sleepers, even a mattress made just for kids.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, and Heelix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100 night trial in a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out the new Helix mattress. Who do you? Who? Who did I think you were? I don't know. I'm Meryl sleep and I know everybody is unique and everybody sleeps differently. I just recommend taking the Helix sleep quiz and you can

figure out what mattress is right cheap for you. I don't know if you're a side sleeper or you sleep hot or cold or if you sleep like me. Meryl sleep. Yeah, choosing the right mattress is a real Sophie's decision, but don't just take our word for it or Meryl sleeps word for it. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. It was even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine.

I don't think I thought you were the person that you were. Oh, she's doing it. Who are? What a performance. Helix mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model. Oh, stunning. Yeah, look, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep dot com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet, and it will

not last long with helix better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy a snore. The snore. Academy of snore. You know what? You mean the Academy is not good close to falling asleep. That's why Yeah, I got that a lot Hey, I don't hate air. I got a bone to pick with the two of you Sure, yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just cuz I figured this was coming happy Halloween a few months early It's not yet. What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners in the like and you, jokers, told me, oh, JPC, it's okay.

All you have to do is take some, you know, American paper currency, tape it to your front door, close the door, and then wait until someone brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone. So I had to take more money to my door. I think you're thinking to work out all. Oh, door cash. Door cash.

Yeah, you did door cash. We told you door dash is the number one thing to you. What the hunk? With door dash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever to get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat. JPC, which I don't know what you eat. I eat back to school supplies.

But what? JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery and convenience stores are on the app so you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family, might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some marshes homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know, those candies that are chocolate stuffed with peanut butter. I just got those from DoorDash and they were, they were on my porch within 20 minutes. And it's very, very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry?

Uh, yes. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Yes. Did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings

and I remember how stressed my mom was. And I know that she would have loved to have DoorDash. So she could be prepared before the big back-to-school day arrived. So you can stock up with go-to breakfast, lunchbox staples, and brands that you love. Don't eat my school supplies, JPC. JPC, put that eraser down.

Never school. Put that trapper keeper down. Your mouth is too small. Never been told that before. Shop DoorDash to get everything you need for the back to school season delivered right to your door. Order now for stress free back to school shopping use promo code riddle to get 50% off up to $10 value. When you spend $15 or more at convenience grocery or retail stores on door dash, that's 50% off up to a $10 value. When you spend $15 or more, promo code riddle,

don't forget JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. That's code riddle for 50% off your next order, term supply. At all, JPC keeps eating my gel pens. Thanks, DoorCash. I mean, no, that's the one. That one didn't work.

That one's bad. Hey, JPC. Uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. That one's bad. Hey, GPC. Yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm pranking at all and I'm setting up a website to bring him. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking. I have. Spare spaces to all one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It gages with your audience. It's not anything for products

to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle. Come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products?

Did you know that with Squarespace? You can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money What is happening okay?

Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh nothing nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal square space website not a prank thing No, he's gonna shoot you and I'm use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank site. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. It was four, I can't remember what's the website is for. Frank. With Squarespace.

You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch,

go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how?

I don't know And we're back in Aaron. I do want to circle back to something you mentioned up top you said you Saw a spider so big and you screamed for so long or so hard that you hurt your neck. How big we talk it? You guys can't see, but I can't. Okay, it's podcast. Okay. So I want to say Aaron. It's a podcast.

Aaron, is this a size? The one I'm wearing again. Is this a size of a quarter? No, it's bigger than a dog's butthole. Is that bigger than a quarter? That's bigger than a quarter. It's a dog's butthole size spider. Okay, is it? It's like the size of an eyeball. That's a quarter. A bigger than a quarter. That's bigger than a quarter. It's a dog's butthole size spider. Okay, is it? It's like the size of an eyeball.

That's a quarter. A bigger than that though, but I have beautiful doll eyes. So bigger than that. Would you flood it over the river sticks? I think they put pinnies on your eyes. So a border would absolutely cover it. Yeah, okay, so it's a bit, but it's not bigger than two quarters.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. It's like a quarter and a little. Okay, got it. 30 cents. No, no, no, no,'s faces on the 30 cent piece? Why Of course Yeah, 30 cent pieces of dough close glid close pieces I want to say Sam Mendez Let's get back into the riddles.

Mm-hmm. What's the one place you can be sure? You'll never read your name. Home. Huh? bathroom? Home is the one place you never have to say, you're sorry. Never read your name.

Never, wait, the one place you can be sure you'll never read your name. Yes, what's the one place? When you're born in the hospital, because you can't read yet. Well, you could go back and look at the records. What? Can I, can I say the dark, like a dark room? The braille is a thing. But I don't know, braille.

Yeah. You could intuit it. I can't, all right, all right. Calm down. What's the one place you can be sure you'll never read your name? Hmm Oh a Vulture top 10 list or

Yeah, you'll never be in that Frankie Cosmos for sure, but you know, oh Oh Yes, I got your bituaries. You're so right. JPC got it. I mean here I will say here it says, your gravestone, but obituaries is the same thing. But also, the mind is not a correct answer because there are people who do read the wrong name

in the obituaries and are like, hey, I gotta call the paper because somebody fucked up. There's also people who create their gravestone well before they're dead to make sure they have a plot and all that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'd like to see Or like my grandma whose husband died like 30 years before she's alive But 30 years before her and she just is like waiting to lay down of that grave so next to his that plot It has been for like 35 years like that's fucking a wild. That's so weird. She goes and visit it Like I'm gonna be there right next to you

Sometimes I couldn't do that. That's my future. My goes and visit it and like, I'm gonna be there right next to you. Sometimes. I couldn't do that. That's my future, my future literacy place. That feels so mentally taxing to be like, this is where I will live. Yeah. May I see a scene? Mm-hmm. Adel, you woke up and you're reading the morning paper and you see your name and life description in the obituary.

So you're calling the paper that JPC works at and trying to figure out what's going on. Okay, I just have my morning coffee here. What's this? Obituaries. Dylan McNamara. Born 1990 Fun. Died 2000 Fun. Bunked on the head by an oopsie.

Shit is pants and scream to death? He is survived by who cares? This doesn't feel good. Ah, let me just go with numbers on the bottom of the paper. That's convenient. Okay. Chicago Fun Times, a bituary department. How can I help you? Hi, my name is Dylan. Dylan! Oh. We've been expecting your call. Sorry, this is in Chicago and you know me just by my first name. You died today, correct? No. Oh, well Dylan, sweetie, why is your obituary in the front page of the Chicago Fund Times?

Yeah, I was also surprised that it's front page news. Um, that Dylan, I USU cover fun times subscriber. Yes, I am. I'm actually set down at breakfast to read it just now. Oh, okay. So you're one of our... Well, I mean you were a subscriber. We should we go ahead and cancel your subscription since you are deceased?

No, no, it's very expensive and to restart it is even worse, listen. I do this process. Yes, I think you're gonna cause a lot of confusion with my friends, family and co-workers. Can you just, um... Oh, is that Dylan on the phone? Yeah, it's Dylan. Don't miss and rest in peace. Hey, Dylan, Angela from Accounting says rest in peace.

That's so sweet. Tell it. What, no. I am not dead. Can you print a retraction or... I can't tell that to Angela. That'll break her heart. She's so sweet. Tell it. What? No. I am not dead. Can you print a retraction or... I can't tell that to Angela. That'll break her heart.

She's been crying. She's been crying about you all morning. She sounded chipper from a distance. Well, she's got a full life outside of you, Dylan. You don't even know her. You just met her basically. Apologies. Yes, I'm being selfish.

She's just into a funny podcast. Oh, which one? The read? That's a fun one. Oh, which one? The read That's what my wife listens to it's pretty good. Okay. Um, well listen if there's any way that I could be Because this is gonna fuck up my insurance my I'm gonna tell you one time we don't use words like that at the Chicago fun times, okay? So watch your language or I'm talking about speaking to you on the phone I'm not speaking to you in print. I'm sure you can't print a curse word like that unless you're quoting someone

I won't plus it's the Chicago fun time So I wouldn't say that I would say like bonked or boring or I would say by insurance has me totally Connectled sure Could you at least just remove the part because you did say i should my pants to death which feels like it's a second warning you printed it did i take another look did i did i say it did what were did i actually spell on that article okay now that i'm rewriting it says that he slipped his

puns to death dillard look i don't I'm a journalist, okay? How dare you accuse me of just making things up? If you slup your punts, I'm puttin' into my paper. But what is slipping your punts? I mean, my brain filled in what it wanted to see, which is shit, his pants. Okay, that's your third strike.

That's your third strike, goodbye Dillon. Goodbye. Angela, the day I have had. What happened? Tell me everything Well, I was listening to this episode of the read and it's I love just someone cackling in their cubicle. It's like what are you listening to BBC world news? All right, I wanted to ask you guys this question before before scene. And luckily I remembered to ask my question.

I was listening to somebody on a podcast who is a journalist who went through a process of trying to fake their own death and encourage people to find them. Like they were like, I'm gonna do my best to fake my death. I encourage anyone who, and there was like a prize or reward if they could find them. Like find where they were when they tried to fake your own death. If you were going to fake your

own death, like you were like, you had to do it like tomorrow. Yeah. What's your strategy? What is your strategy going to be to fake your own death? And it has to be, is this like, in terms of how, what would be the most fun thing? Is this in terms of like, what would be most convincing? You got to be convincing. You got to get away. You got to not get caught. And let's say that you only have to do this for like convincing? You gotta be convincing. You gotta get away. You gotta not get caught. And let's say that you only have to do this for like 30 days, like a month. You just have to figure death for a month and reasonably convince everyone that you were dead

for one month. I would, well, I would need longer than tomorrow, but for the month leading up to my like, faking my own death, I would tell everyone in my life that I feel like someone's following me. Whoa. And then I would like reach out to Fran, what's up? I was just gonna say weirdly, the phrase longer than tomorrow

is one of the most beautiful phrases I've ever heard. Oh, it's my favorite new album. It's all acoustic guitar. It's me, I don't know how to play it. So it's pretty un-lizable. But I feel like I've listened to enough true crime. Just being like, calling my family members and being like, I'm having this weirdest feeling,

and then being very specific about it and dropping hints to everyone in my life. Everyone, yeah. And then I would leave my phone, wallet, everything at home. Sure. And then would have already like planted cash for me somewhere in all my fake documents and then I would go You're going real fast over all my fake documents Really struggling to understand how you get those I get all the fake documents because I know a guy and then I put in my Offer at my gym and then she hasn't a acoustic so so well, but she doesn't play guitar. She gets shit

done. She figures it out. I can make anything work. And then I go to like the South of France for a month and flat. You fly their cash. No idea. No, I actually shouldn't go to the airport. So I'm just going to drive. Yeah, I'm going to pay someone to drive me and I actually shouldn't go to the airport. So I'm just gonna drive. Yeah, amen. I'm gonna pay someone to drive me and I'm gonna go in the like lay down in the back of a van and go to a different part of the country and hide out in the woods and people Sorry, they go. Oh Aaron just went outside and then whoever was following her kidnapped her and killed her Which is dark and sad yeah, podcast but

Aaron you might have missed it. How did you how did you get to France? which is dark and sad for the real podcast, but you are. I might have missed it. How did you get to France? I'm not going to France. I just don't know. That's a bad idea. Sorry. I was thinking out loud and that's not a good idea.

You shouldn't get in a plane because the footage of you getting on the plane will exist. And your documents. Well, you had falsified documents. I mean, France, I'm assuming there's probably a big enough city that there's probably like security cameras and places to see. So you, yeah, the city of France. In my mind, it was Paris. I guess if you go to like the countryside, then it's probably easy. You want to get away from like surveillance.

Well, how would you fake your own death? Am I, I would just do it, I would just do it for real. Oh, I just die. You know what I just, I would do that. That would be a perfect time to murder someone is they are like, I just died. You know what I just said, I would do the thing from the perspective. That would be a perfect time to murder someone, is they are like, I'm doing this whole thing where I'm faking my own death and you guys have to find me.

Just kill that person then and then everyone thinks that. My gut is like, because you have to, there's a lot of stuff to consider. Like, even if you get a bunch of cash, what are you gonna go stay in like a hotel with the cash? Like, you're gonna have to like find,

I would like go to like some small town and like try to find like a house that had like a for-rent sign or like, you know, a apartment for rent in front of it that I could be like, hey, I'm only in town for like a little while, it's like a business thing and but I wouldn't want to, I wouldn't want them to have like a scanned copy

of my ID or something. You have to be like very, very careful. But I guess what it comes down to is, I think it would be pretty hard to do. I would go to, I'd go like Michigan or something, the UP. And I would find a pretty high precipice with a deep canyon or valley or something.

Okay. And I'd definitely find an area where there's like some sort of root sticking out at the edge of the precipice. And then I would take what looks to be the most angled, difficult selfie on the edge of that. Like take that selfie to where it looks like I'm hanging over the edge, post it on Instagram,

and then like throw my phone down the ravine, rip out that root and toss that down, cover my tracks, leave my car there, have a backup car ready. Back up car, sure. Have fake documents already, and then drive to Wyoming and just camp out for like a year. But I feel like that, having seen the root pulled out and the selfie and everything,

I think people would be like clearly what happened. He was doing it for the gram. He fell, he grabbed onto a root, the root game. If I know anything about my sweet adult, adult, you will fall for real when trying to pull this. Yeah. But, yeah. What's the else trying to think?

Why do we find a body? Why do we find this? Why do we find this corpse up here? Oh, I forgot. I would hire my good friend Aaron to be in a bear suit. She'd stomp around at the bottom, at the base of this ravine, in the bear suit. She would put some fake, I would donate a couple gallons of blood.

She would toss that around at the bottom. People would be like, bear, clearly a bear. I feel like what you gotta do is you gotta do, you gotta do boat. You have to like charter, like a boat. So that if you're lost in the ocean, like no one's ever gonna reclaim that body. They'll expect for you never to like charter like a boat so that if you're lost in the ocean like no one's ever going to reclaim that body They'll expect for you never to like you know

You just leave the boat out there get like a second boat that you like take away You know leave all your belongings on the boat. I think that's what do you remember I can't remember the full details Olivia Newton Johns Husband at some point Whoa went missing on the ocean and they're like, oh, he's presumed dead. And she like mourned him. And there's like a year and a half of like this poor guy lost at sea. And then they found him on some island or something. And he had, he had, he just fine. He did, he did not drown or anything. But he just wanted to get away from her.

Oh, he, he wasn't like a cast away. He't, it wasn't like in the Bahamas. He was just like, he just ghosted, yeah. You know, I almost had the thought, I was like, nobody fakes their own death anymore. But I'm like, maybe everybody's just the people who are doing it, you never find them. They're really good at it. Well, you know, it just occurred to me, GPC, if I were going to fake my own death, I would, if I was, and I was on a podcast, I would have a conversation like this on the podcast to go with him, exactly, and you would never bring it up. So, we're on to you.

Yeah, so okay, well, we'll see. Okay, catch me if you can, okay? That's all I gotta say. Catch me if you can. I'm gonna catch you day one. I feel like, where's the nearest place to get waffles by his house? And then I use to see you sitting there.

It was just going to crack a barrel. Yeah, a local cracker barrel of the fine. It's JPC You just triangulate like a porno theater cracker barrel and mini golf Three block radius. Yeah, he's there that hotel. He's dead center What is L greater than XL? When is L greater than XL is this is L greater than XL? Is this like a Roman numerals thing? JPC got it in one. Really?

Yeah, in I, sorry. Is L, L is Roman numerals? Oh yeah, I know, it is, right? If XL's Roman numerals are now, it's definitely Roman numerals. Well, sure. What is L, what is L's unit in Roman numerals? Have they ever been a Super Bowl with an L?

I was gonna say, I don't follow football. I don't know. I think they're has. Sure. Boy, what is L? I wanna say 20, I don't know. Casey says it is 50. Or was that back when we were doing the birthday,

say Casey, happy 50, is buddy. Oh wait, Casey also said, Adel, let's see it in 40x. That was to avatar. Avatar, Casey, absolutely. Okay, sorry, it took me half an hour to see this message. No, it says Casey just wrote it two minutes ago, so it sounds like a Casey's the one who was behind.

And I do want to see a scene, so the riddle was when is L greater than XL. I do want to see a scene. The two of you are Roman soldiers, and you are shopping for clothes. I mean, typically you're wearing your Roman soldier garb, and it's just, it just gets a little tiresome, and you are shopping for clothes. I mean, typically you're wearing your Roman soldier garb and it's just, it just gets a little tiresome.

But you have, you know, you're going on like a fun little, get away so you're shopping for some different clothes. Big weekend coming up, A portfolio. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Can you believe we're finally getting a little bit of time off? Puh. Boy, do I need it. Can you believe we're finally getting a little bit of time off? Ha ha Boy do I need it my legions have lesions if you don't I'm saying

Just a little joke. Let me just check for a knife on your arm. Yeah, this is a classic. I trust you But this is how we shake hand. I trust you as well. I've check it for knives check it for knives Oh, that reminds me we should get some cool knife sheaths for our weekend attire. Oh Heck yeah yeah my guy Do you think I can pull this off Hold up tiny swimsuit. Oh, I mean that's very portfolio. I love it But that's very like senator of you, you know, and it's like nothing. I can see you more like man of the people Man of the people, but that's a little hoidy-toidi Okay

So I heard you're still trying to start that new religion. How's that going? It it is hitting snags it is hitting snags I'm sorry. I'm drilling snags into people's hands and then mounting them outside of the Roman capital for my religion. Yes of course. Okay what do you think about what do you think about this one? Do you think that I have the gall to pull this off? Yeah I think it would impress the ladies down at the big bath we all bathing. Oh okay you think you were clothed to the bath. Yeah I think so I think you walk up wearing that and they go wow and then you take off wearing that and they go, wow.

And then you take off your clothes and they go, wow. What about this? What about this? Now, I believe this is a Germanic warrior garb. What if I put this on and say, is this German to the conversation? Oh, sorry. No, we're not with them.

We're not, sorry. Sorry. I'm trying things on. I'm trying things on. Is that a spear in your pants? Or are you just happy to see me? What the fuck are you talking about? We're not with them. We're not sorry. Sorry. I'm trying things on. I'm trying things on. Is that a spear in your pants? Or are you just happy to see me? What the fuck are you talking about? Sorry, carry on.

Sorry, I'm a senator. I'm just your jealous. And they're tiny bathing suits. They thought you were. They thought you were a part of a... I'm so sorry. I talked over you. I just didn't want us to get killed by those spears. Yeah, it's okay. And also, I don't think that was the spear that that guy had.

I definitely think that was not a spear he was wielding. You know what I think you should try on? It walks over. This little crown of thorns. I gotta be honest with you. What? The religion that I'm kind of trying to get moving around here is I don't know that, you know what this might be exactly what I should try on

I think that this is really gonna move some tickets to my well I we haven't started selling I'm assuming it'll be tickets I love the idea that the Roman baths are like the beach like it's like an Elvis 50s beach movie You know those bats we all go to I would love to see's like an Elvis 50s beach movie. You know those bads we all go to. I would love to see a Scream All 50s movie set in ancient Rome. Wait, that's a thing. I'm watching that. It's just a fight.

Maybe a Scream All 80s movie set in ancient Rome. Mm-hmm, cool again. Yeah. How about we do one more riddle before the word does? Would love to hear it. I crack when I'm wary tingle when I'm scared and stretch when I'm proud what am I I crack when I'm wary tingle when I'm scared and stretch when I'm proud what am I lightning is

this is a thumb? Thumb there, it is thumb there and lightning. Thumb there and lightning. Thumb it is not lightning. Is it a tongue? It's not a tongue. Are you just rhyming now? Tung in thumb. Is it a lung?

Maybe I am. Maybe I am. Your thumb, thumb, sadly, tongue, tongue, and lung are all in the right vicinity vicinity Tongue thumb and lung is hard to say Tongue thumb and lung then why did I just say Tongue thumb and lung? Tongue thumb and lung These are all parts of the body. So my guess is this is a part of the body

These are all parts of the body. So my guess is this is a part of the body. And it can crack, tingle and stretch. Crack, tingle and stretch. Which are the, sadly the failed Rice Krispie character. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. They hate it stretch. No.

Well, he was like, the other two were like two inches and then he was like six foot seven. Yeah. Terrifying. Could be on my camera either. I mean, crack unfortunately had a substance abuse brought up that led to his premature demise.

Who do I, they turn it to crackle? Mm-hmm. And tingle was a little bit horny. What tingles? Like, I'm trying to think of like, is it like, like if pins and needles if like your hand falls asleep or something like that? That's like a tingle.

Um, tingles an interesting word here. I don't know. Adela, I think I have the word. Should it be tingle? Thank you. It's a penis. You know, crack your penis. You know when you like get down to work and you're like, time to focus and you crack

your penis. Yeah, the boss is really cracking my cock. I'm so bad at myself for laughing so hard at that. Go on, Aaron. Come on. Okay. This is it. If you put the part of the body before the word tingle, it is a common, I'm all common, but it's a well used phrase.

Wait, the phrase has the word tingle in it. When you put this, the answer to this riddle, when you put the answer to this riddle before the word tingle, it is you would recognize the term. Man, your husband has heart tingles. How long does he have to live? Oh, no, no, no, he'll be fine. Neat. Neat tingle.

Neat tingle. Neat tingle. I need to tingle. I need to tingle. The tingle also leads to, the tingle is a part of our leads to another kind of bodily function. What do we get the talk right now? The tingle leads to like a shiver.

Son, you might get the tingles. The tingles might lead to the shivers. Spine tingling. Oh, spine tingling. I crack on them where he tingled. I'm scared. Stretch when I'm proud. It is a spine.

Wow, wow, very nice. Very nice. I guess CPC is a fucking spineless coward wouldn't have guessed that. No, and I might face. No, take it. Look at that, look at that. Here, you see that, walked all over,

and we did say anything. Ashton answered, God's Lord, don't take it at all. Let's print his obituary tomorrow. I can't serve on this jury, I may spile this coward. Aaron speaking of Spineless Cards. Do you have anything to plug? I would like to plug sitcom D&D.

I think at this point season two is over and I really enjoyed recording it. Rip. You haven't given it a shot yet. Why don't you check that out? Addle anything to plug. Yes, thank you, Aaron. I was recently a guest on botched a D&D podcast. So please listen to my episode in any previous or future episodes that you see fit. Also, I will say that we have a show in San Francisco

coming up very, very soon. It's gonna be Sunday, January 22nd at 4 p.m. Again in San Francisco as part of the San Francisco sketch fest. We will be joined by our fourth host, Janet Varney. So we hope that you're coming out to that. We hope to see you there. Grab tickets if they're still available. They might not be.

Yeah, they might not be. We don't know. JBC, anything to plug or review? Yeah, real quick. I would also just like to plug our Patreon. We just hit like our 200th episode over on the Patreon last week. Whoa. So we have 200 episodes on the Patreon.

That's so fucking too many. Too many, much. So if you go to patreon.com. So hey, Rino Vernal and sign up for $5 a month. You can listen to that. So, you know, it's just some great stuff. Our 200th episode, I did a 2022 version of We Did Start the Fire. You can see over there as well.

Some great stuff, really $5. I think it's about five times by the way it is so good the end of you trailing off and talking over the end of I'm not going to do this next year unless I decide to do it next year. I might have to do it next year I've got a I've got a now a notes in my phone called things that happen this year and I'm just waiting to start writing stuff down in it. And speaking of five, this review is a five-star review. If you want to get your five-star review featured in an episode of Hey Riddle, Riddle, all you got to do is go to Apple, I tend to leave a five-star review, and maybe I pick yours. This week I picked someone named, and their name is Pond Catric Join.

The review says five stars. This is a podcast. And is that not enough for you? So thank you, Pond. Cat Pond. Pond. Catric Join, I really enjoy it. Interesting. Name, spell, play, dance.

Mm-hmm. Interesting. Aaron, and I'm like, pod, catrack Join. Now that doesn't sound like the name of my person from Earth, what frickin' planet do you think a person with that? Na na na na. The planet of spineless cowards.

Jupiter. Good night. Bye, forever. Hey there, Aizenize! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We have an AI give us some improv scene suggestions, and we improvise them for you. You can listen to that plus our entire Batcadlog at patreon.com slash hate riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew and you get those out free episodes for $8 a month.

See you there!