Hey Riddle Riddle - #238: MAQLUBA

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

We are so, so, so sorry for this one. We didn't want to bring it back: it just came back. What could we possibly be talking about? This is what they call (in the business) a teaser. And if that wasn't enough for you, we've also got road rage going off the track, Chaos at the carnival, a case of disappearing dates, a classroom with shifting status, and a man running from himself. Again, we are very sorry for what we've done. Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something?  Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fm This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/riddle and get on your way to being your best selfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I have a large hot black coffee for Adel. Large hot black coffee for Adel. Oh yeah, this is Adel. Oh, yeah, this is Adel. Oh, here you go. I'm behind you. Sorry, I was kind of taking a look at the pastries back here. Couldn't see them through the glass. Oh, no, no worries.

Yeah, if you want to make it... Are your aprons undone? Let me just tie this. Nope, that's crossed the line. That's something I can't abide. No, if you do want to make an order just to the other side of the glass and then talk to you, you know, just wait and watch it. We're trying to walk over this counter here.

Okay, no, there's a way you came in. That can't be how you got it. It's like I'm getting on a horse, a really tall, wide horse. Well, you're not moving it on your stuck. You're very stuck. Okay, well, my friend will get me, Aaron. I'm waiting for my coffee at a like can't help you right now. I'm sorry, are you Aaron? Yes. We actually think you I was going to go around

and ask I was going to individually ask people if they were Aaron. The barista does not consent to make what you ordered. Why? I'm sorry, but technically what you ordered is just over the threshold and it's too much of a milkshake. You're going to's too much of a milkshake. You're going to have to go to a milkshake store. We can give you the little bit of coffee and then you can just dump it in the milkshake. What I'm sorry? Okay, I would not sit on this floor. You have to get up off the floor. Yes sir.

Yes. This is my daughter Aaron and if she wants a nerds yogurt and coffee milkshake, you will make her a nerds yogurt and coffee milkshake. I would love to. I'm not the barista. I am the barista in training. And the barista does not consent to make that beverage. Fine.

I will just take three breakfast sandwiches to go for free I Here's what I will say I'll give you two breakfast sandwiches one for you and one for your and I I'll say father But no one is buying older friend older friend. Thank you Will give them to you for free, but then you have to leave and you can never come back for breakfast sandwiches and I start working here and and And you have to tell us your thoughts on flashmonds and trouble Okay, here's what I will say I'll give you three breakfast sandwiches you pick up weekend chefs and I tell you my thoughts on in-game

Not the Avengers movie else shows documentary from 10 years ago Yes the Avengers movie. I'll show the documentary from 10 years ago. Ooh. Well, yes. Yes, so deal. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Let's Make a Deal. I'm your host, JPC with me as always. My co-hosts with the mo host, Adlerify and Aaron.

Keith Adlerify and Aaron. Keith, how's it going? Let's make a deal. It's going good, wink. Thank you so much. I'm sorry. It's JPC. It's not wink, wink, thank you so much. Oh, I'm sorry, it's JBZ. It's not wink.

Thanks, wink. Margot, wink, Martin Dale. There was a person in Chicago who introduced themselves to me as wink, and I thought it was a bit, and then later I realized, oh no, that person's name is wink, and I, it's not a bit, that's their name. Yeah, there's so many in the property name, wink. Pretty cool. There was, there was a butt blank and you missed it.

Any open design? Oh, a broslos oles. What's up? Have you eaten any good food lately? Aaron, I'm so glad you asked. I just, I'm so glad you asked.

Oh no, I forgot how to be a person. What was she talking about? I was just yesterday. I got how to be a person. Where's he talking about? I got back from a little place called Dallas, Texas. Wouldn't recommend going there. It's not very fun. But my dad lives there and I stayed with him for two nights or something and I had some Fantastic home cooked Middle Eastern food. He made me my favorite which is magluba like home cooked Middle Eastern food. He made me my favorite, which is magluba, which is Arabic for upside down. So if you watch Stranger Things in the Middle East,

they get stuck in the magluba. Magluba! Who got that freaking genius, magluba! Ah! Thank you! Oh, thank you! I had no real forte. Pretty upset at least.

Pretty upset I didn't come up with that, but I'd thank you, too. But it's like rice and cauliflower and chicken, and you put yogurt on it and it's fantastic. So I had some very, very good home cooked Middle Eastern food, and I'm tickled pink. And I wish you were. Is your dad? This is a shock to me to my core.

Is your dad a good cook? He's a very good cook. Wow. But specifically, he can make like eight dishes superbly. And then my stepmother Sabah does the rest of the cooking and she's fantastic as well. But he makes hummus, he'll make magluba, he'll make stuffed zucchini, grape leaves, stuff like that.

Wow, okay. See, I'm so glad I asked that super awkward question. Yeah. Aaron, I got a question for you. What's up? Is your dad a good cook? Yes, my dad's a very good cook. I'd say that was pretty evenly split growing up

of how much cooking my mom and dad did. That's not what I asked. I didn't say how often he cooks. Well, I think that my dad cooks every fucking day. My dad cooks every fucking day. I will say my dad is a very good cook, but I my dad is the best sandwich maker of anyone I've ever met in my life. I aspire to be like him. Okay, so this confuses me. So what? What makes someone a good sandwich maker? Because the sandwich is technically as making a sandwich is like getting a Lego set where it's like my son puts together Legos better than anyone

And it's like well, we all get the same Legos. What does that mean that he puts them together the best? No, no, no, no Making a sandwich is like making a sandwich Making a sandwich is like writing a love letter Okay, that the wetter the. The wetter the better. The wetter the better. You spray it with perfume. So you put a red ink? Okay.

Well, my, actually my mom's dad used to always say, put a little love into it. Nothing tastes better than the sandwich that someone, it means like put effort into it, try to like cut it nice, put chips on the side, really be meticulous about making it look nice and getting the details right. Okay, so you're gonna find me making a great sandwich means adding sides. So if you put a pickle and chip, you think that makes you feel good? No, I need to come, I get on a plane right now and I will make you the sandwich of your life. You want to make, you want to make a regular sandwich that would be like,

my baby now, you're going to love your love. And then just like start eating the sandwich that way. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you understand what I mean when I say putting love into a sandwich? I think that there are some people that cook to like eat. This is going to be tasty food. And then some people care a lot about like the presentation and, you know, the, the, the rest of it, like the other aspect of it.

Because like Adel said, you can make a turkey and cheese sandwich, but you can also take your time to fold the turkey in a way that will make it more cushioned or whatever for the bite down to give the sandwich more, like, I don't know, gravitas. For the life of me, my fitted turkey, I cannot learn how to fold it. You know what I'm talking about?

In a time I get my turkey on a get dryer. And so funny, it sucks that. I don't get my finger on the dryer. It is so, it is, the minute I bite into it, my mouth is like a vacuum. It goes, please drive. First, give me two minutes. Let me come over, give me two minutes.

I will ruin your bed. I will. It will change your life. That's not impressive. It will change your life, two minutes let me come over give me two minutes I will ruin your bed I will change that's not impressive it'll change your two minutes I'm gonna say about sandwiches. Yes, yes, it doesn't just mean presentation It means not cutting corners. So like if my dad is making you a tuna melt for you don't want to cut the corners off The corners off the corners. I knew you're gonna say that. That's a smuckers on the stuff. He's making you a tuna melt, he'll like put the tuna in a bowl and mix it with like

Sriracha and mayo and then salt like season that correctly. And then he'll like make sure the cheese is perfectly melted. He'll like do the best job at each step. And then he'll get you like a little juice glass of like cranberry juice and some Cape Cappettado chips on the side of the sandwich. And it'll bring it to you with a little juice glass of like cranberry juice and some Cape cop potato chips on the side of the sandwich. It'll bring it to you with a smile. And it's the best. I can't. You have to. I need to make you sandwiches. I need you to understand.

Okay. Aaron, here's the plan. We will do. We will do a show in the Boston area in the next year. Thank you. You're gonna have two years, ten years. Your dad has to make his sandwiches. Here's what I'll say is I've definitely made like leftover Thanksgiving sandwiches with leftover turkey. And I did something where I was like turkey mustard sliced avocado, monster cheese. And then I did something where I was like I buttered the outside of the bread. I think it was the outside of the bread and toasted it and that when you when you butter and toast Well, you're gonna toast both sides of the bread

But when you butter the outside of the toast and bite into it for whatever reason that makes it three times more delicious So I will say I understand now hold the fuck on what are you talking about butter the outside of toast both sides You butter both sides of both sides, but if you butter the outside of toast? Both sides, you butter both sides of toast. Or butter both sides. But if you butter the outside, when you bite into it, you're getting a tooth full of butter every time, and it's so tasty. JPC, this is a very common thing,

especially if you're making a little sandwich in a pan. I know it's a common thing. That's why I'm asking why you're bringing it up. Do you think people are not buttering the top of the fucking bread? Both sides, are you buttering both sides? I don't normally have sandwiches where the outside is buttered.

The inside, yes, but the outside now. So when you're making a grilled cheese, you go, let me butter the underside of this, the side that's touching the cheese, fry it in the pan, what, ruin it? What do you think you're eating at that, that it's- Someone help, help me.

No, Adel, you're right. right also when you're making a grilled cheese You I put a little bit of butter and then also this is a chef's trick that I learned from chefs chefs chef Freeze chef ease the plural of chef is air time. You're stir up chef. Freeze Chef freeze You put a tiny bit of like vegan a's or mayonnaise on the outside and that's what gives it that like restaurant toasting on the outside of your Healthy sandwiches. Manage will crisp up your bread, but what it won't do is taste like butter. And here's the thing, butter, that's the best. That's the best tasting thing.

Well, JPC, here's another example. You have like a pretty famous breakfast sandwich that you make, right? Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, it's been a while since I've made myself a breakfast sandwich that puts me fucking out for four and a half hours. Usually I kinda like my weekends a little bit. Right, the weekend. And it's 40 eggs. I get it inside P.D. bread.

But you care about it, you're not making shitty scrambled eggs. You're just not like, as it means to get it over with. I think my dad energy is that I probably have like eight to ten, but probably maybe a little more than ten dishes that I can make really well. But I don't, I don't really stray outside of my comfort zone very much. Like if I'm not making like chili or a bowl of yeas or like stuff peppers or something like that, I'm sorry, I'm strung bowly. I'm not one of these guys who's like, I'm gonna seek out a bunch of new recipes. Like I figured out how to cook biscuits and gravy really well and that's just like, now that's one of my things. Yes, it's yeah.

I feel like a lot of dads, and it's different when you're a vegetarian, but they decide that the grill is their thing. Yep, for sure. Pitmaster, you get a backyard dad, that is, oh boy, you better not touch those tongs. My backyard dad energy is, I see somebody grilling and I go, hey, let me throw some veggie dogs on it, ruin your fucking grill.

Let these things drip down into the grill, just dissolve. Hey, I think that these veggie dogs, they don't have grill instructions on them. Yeah, that's because they cannot be grilled. They will not work. GPC, what are more of the things that you are great at cooking? So you said biscuits and graces, the weekend or sandwich that makes you fall asleep for 100 years.

Captain, I do love that weekend or sandwich. I make a mean butter tofu masala. I, what's the, what do I, I make a bowl. Yes. Would you just get butter to do? That's duck. Yeah. Let's see, hold on.

Let me, let me pop into this. I'll pop into this. This is my. Aaron, aren't you glad you asked did anybody eating good food? This has been, I know, like a 40 minute conversation. That's fascinating. I didn't even tell my mouse to say that.

It just came out and I was like, wait, what's up? I'm freaking talking about weirdo. You shouldn't have said that. You should have told your mouth not to say that. That's weird. You're weird. I know.

I know. I make a nice, and all of this vegetarian, sausage, peppers, and onions, I make a nice, like, it's kind of like a farro. Tutin' come in? Farro, too the farro. Like a, like a, we call it sped betos in my house, but it's basically any vegetables that we have in some farro, a nice creamy cauliflower pasta,

which I will say is decadent and Aaron, what I've been into lately on the weekends since Aaron got me a waffle maker for Christmas or my birthday who can remember, is doing some chicken on waffles. Absolutely love. I found some chicken that they sell at Costco. With Gemma, you turn Gemma onto that and she's obsessed with it.

Skinny butcher, I think is what it's called. Is it already fried chicken? It's like fake fried chicken. It's so fucking good. and I will be honest, they didn't have it at Costco for a couple of months and then I saw it again and I think I bought six boxes and it just, I just filled my freezer with it because I was like, I'm not gonna get into a situation

where they're not gonna have this again. Like if they're just gonna stop selling it, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna fuck around. I even went to the company's website and You're gonna have to go for it. They were like, we only sell it to grocery stores and I was like, what do you need for me to be a grocery store? What do I have to prove to you that I'm Jewelosco? You need me to make aisles?

I'll make aisles. I got space in my house, I'll put up aisles. Okay, well we can't fuck around because I think that this is a good start to the show. We all have a really good energy, right? Yes. You ready to ruin it? I'm so, well, here's what I'll say.

I have a good energy and also I'm starving though. I'm like, I'm feeling a little weak. I'm a little lightheaded. I need food. Maybe I'll put a disclaimer that you should just skip the first 15 minutes if you haven't had lunch yet. I'm not doing your guys' time because I was kicking around. I was kicking around today. I'm old man puzzles and I was like,

what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do for riddles? And look what I saw out of the corner of my eyes. Huh? What is it? Oh my god, I forgot about that. It's a blue book. It's also the current value of, it's been a while.

I'm in riddles. It's been a while, my friends. Did you wait till my brain fully forgot it to bring it back? I had like probably 45 minutes of peace. I popped in to the to the what I call the riddle library, which is a one shelf of a bookshelf at my house. And I found this blue book and I said, you know what? It's got to be the blue book and I'll tell you what. I looked through it.

Some of the riddles that we're going to do today pissed me off. They are bad. I think in the first the first episode maybe featured the blue book and then we buried it 10 feet underground and then one day I opened my front door and it was sitting on my porch. Yeah, whack, whack you in the head. It popped up off the porch. I don't know how I got out of its grave, but back to me across the face. Introducing to its kids. It is a cursed object. And a lot of them and people have said they've they've this is maybe one of the most um not requests that I get but the one of the most talked about things that I get from from fans of the show is what is the name of the blue book? They say you just keep calling

it the blue book and we'll never say. Cannot say it. We'll never say. To say it to welcome evil into your home. Some people have also found other blue books and they were like, is this the blue book? And I'm like, I can tell you for sure it's not. Oh, I'll say it. It's stinky stinky riddles. Aaron, no. Sorry. St stinky riddles. Aaron, no. Sorry. Stinky riddles for terrible people. All right, here you go.

This one's really bad, but I love it. And as always, do you remember that the blue buck also has clues so I can give you clues to these as well. Okay, sorry we did that. Thank you riddles for shitty kids. Let's try. We have to do this just to invoke the book. Riddle book, riddle book, riddle book.

It's right. Bob. Hit me in the fucking head again. Here we go. Why was a man at a fairground blowing darts through a concealed blowpipe? Listen, if someone wants to blow darts and this is her business. This is a book. Why is this a man at The fairground blowing darts. What was the last part?

Through a concealed blowpipe. Through a concealed blowpipe. Well, you know, the fairground and these blowdarts. Well, now my head is carnival ninja. In the gutter because of that all. Now I'm just thinking about 69ing blowdarts. And that's just not my fault. And you keep poisoning yourself.

Blowdarts. Oh well, 69ing darts. Oh, well, 69 darts. Oh, OK, thank you. Let me show you guys. What was happening in this? What's your carvel ninja? 69 darts barely make his voice. Whatever, man.

My favorite magnetic field song. I mean, this is a man at a fairgrounds. He's blowing darts so he can see a little pipe. But we got to figure out why he's doing this. OK, so Okay, at a fairground you assume it's gonna be like a county or state fair Aaron what's an account near state fair? We are trying to pitch a TV show that's The three of us at accounting or state fair so there's a question for you fried foods. Yes, of course

You got county fair. Yeah, you got state, and you got worlds fair. Yeah. What about country fair? We don't have country fair to remember. I was just there. There's a country fair. I forgot that one, Aaron. There's a country fair. Uh, Kenny Chesney.

Uh, regional fair. Uh, yes, the regional fair. Renaissance fair. Uh, hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum Thomas Crown affair. The Thomas Crown affair, of course. I think we should look back into trying to do a tour of every single state fair. That's the three of us. I think that I want to be in that two shows. I'm vibrating with excitement. That is my dream to travel,

to taste all the foods, to write all the rights, to see all the sites, at every state fair, and then write a review for vulture, for ringer, whatever it is. I want to throw up ranked in every state from a ride that I had no business with. I took a color on a total world. I don't want to get too personal, but I have a rule that I live my life by, which is never

give yourself diarrhea if you're in a place where that was going to be very inconvenient for you. Too late. Too late. Hey, trust me, fool me once, shame on me, but I'm 34 at this point. I'm not trying to live my life like I'm a fucking young guy anymore. JPC, I know the answer. Eat fried Pepsi. You do?

Mm-hmm. Oh, I love here at Aaron. He was trying to pop a balloon in a game to discreetly win it for his kid or some bullshit like that. Aaron, I would say that you are only correct and that it is some bullshit like that, but it is not quite that. But your brain is in correctly broken.

Yeah. Okay, I know it's going on. Okay, I think I solved it. So this this man is at the fairgrounds and he went because he's a big I think they call him gear heads. He likes cars And he wanted to drive real fast, but his license is suspended, but he heard that the fair they had Go carts, okay, and he he knows that you don't have to have a license to drive a go cart. So he's on the way there and as he's there, you know that ride, it's like a ship, a pirate ship that swings back and forth. It's like a pendulous swing momentum. Yeah, you all get inside. It's like a little pendulum raised above the

ground. Sure. He dropped his hat. He blew under that. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He got it. He crampied. I'm just gonna hold it. I'm not gonna have that. Did you say didn't kill him? Didn't kill him. All right, yeah, keep going, sorry. So he puts his hat back on, and suddenly he goes, he forgot that he was going to ride go carts. He was like, yes, I'm here to blow darts.

So in his head he's like blow darts. So he goes, grabs a little blow gun and he'll be whatever they call him. Sure, yeah. He just starts blow darting everyone in the neck am I close them all right get it? You said the bump didn't kill him Well, it's much like Chernobyl where it's like an invisible force and they they get Like what are you about to say they're like we're already dead what's what the people who were there at Chernobyl?

Yeah, they knew they were dead, but it's just because of time. And they called it the invisible force, right? Yes. Exactly. Well, a medichlorian. I think this is the legal the medical term is medichlorian. It's been retcon to medichlorian. I think you're the retcon. You are two grown men riding the bumper cars and your way too old to be there Can you believe this fucking traffic what you going on go around go around I can't hey asshole I can't go around you're blocking the whole fucking sky damn He's my friend. I I apologize is my signal not working It's a signal that I'm trying to take a right. Let me use the hand signal. Are you kidding me?

It's 6 p.m. You can't be taking a right on this road at 6 p.m. I got it It is bumper car to bumper car gridlock out here. Bump bump. I bumped you. Oh My neck my back, I saw it all! Call the officers, I saw it all! You're funny! She teabowned him! Let me get my, oh no, I'm hungry, let me get my insurance, glove compartment is an opening, it doesn't seem like there's a glove compartment.

Where did I put my insurance? Bumped you again! Oh, Holy crap! This lady's ruthless! I'm gonna have to be bumper metavac data here. Call the bumper metavac. Let me hit my on star, have him start calling for help. I still got them on star and this what's going on here?

What is going on here? What is going on here? Bumpty again! See? I really want you guys to get it, because Aaron is so close. Do you want me to give you the clues? Okay. No one seemed enthusiastic for the clues.

Okay. Here's a guess. So it is the Bloom Pop game. And what it is, is it's like a sickly kid. No, it's like the game. It's like the theme is to win the game And so the the host of the game what do you call the people who you only get one of these per riddle and you already used it On the guy who's trying to tranquilize an animal. No, not an animal. Oh, oh, oh

I'll give you the class tranquilize a clown Oh, no, no, there's no tranquilizer here. Um, okay. So clue number one is he was secretly blowing darts at particular targets. And clue number two, his nefarious actions generated more sales at the fairground. It's gonna get him kicked out of targets. Amen. Generate sales, okay.

Pop and tires. Pop and bottles. Aaron, you're correct with what he was popping. You were just wrong for the why. Oh, he's popping balloons. Oh, I see what's happening. He's popping children's balloons so that the parents will go try and win them

another one or buy them a new one. Yes, he is popping balloons at the exit of the fairgrounds so that parents will have to go back in and buy their child another balloon. That's the most evil thing I've ever heard. I do want to see a scene. Let's see here. JPC, you are my father. I'm a little child. We're leaving, we're exiting the fairgrounds. Aaron, you are carnival chaos. You are the most evil person alive and you try and you try and make sure we do not leave the Carnival ground without spending a little bit more money. Hey buddy, that was a fun day, huh?

Yeah, willy-fun. I can't believe I can't believe I won a stuffed animal. Look at my elephant daddy. Oh, dropped your ice cream! Oh, excuse me sir, that was not ice cream. Have a good day. Oh, but then it looked good before it dropped on the ground. Dad, it did look good. What kind of ice cream was that? The dip in dots.

Oh, delicious. Eat some off the ground. I'm not, I'm not. I can't recommend it enough I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please sir don't eat the ice cream off the ground My bad, I don't know if I if I bumped you when I was bending down to talk to my son like I'll buy you I'll buy you another ice cream. Oh, not by yourself several Uh-oh a crazy guy strangling you new stuffed animal and rip it it up rip it

Rip it it off Daddy at least he has the self awareness to call himself a crazy guy. That's progress Yeah, I mean, get it stand behind me, so it's still behind me Uh, sir take the animal Take the animal you can have a stuffed animal you can't quite, it looks like you can have some trouble getting the head off of it. You want me to start it up for you? I can, I can.

Yeah, if you could. There you go. Just tearing a couple stitches. Here, here. Yeah, you might have a jar. You should have a veterinarian. Yeah, I'm a veterinarian. He's used to the animal head.

You got the money to spend it by more tickets. Turn back around. The sun even isn't in set yet. It didn't even set. We have to get to my wife's grave. We have to say our prayer before we head back home. Oh, I actually think I saw that here. I think I saw that here.

I think it's here. No, it's in the same it's in the same material. A couple of miles from here. Yeah. Are you sure a lot of people died here? Tommy mom mom mom did die here, but she was not buried here. Oh. Daddy, tell me how mommy died at the carnival again.

Well, we don't really know. All the police would tell me was that a crazy man ripped her head off. But there's several attempts. Was she dressed like a stuffed animal? She actually worked here at the carnival. She was a stuffed animal greeter? Oh, Janine! Janine's your wife! You knew my wife, you knew my Janine! Yeah!

She was the best at spilling kids ice creams. No one better! Oh, but then she dressed up like a stuffed animal for Halloween, my near. And you know how that went. Anyways, starting back around, give me your wallet. We got dad, we got him, we got him on tape, he admitted it. No, I drips open chest, shows wire connected to a tape recorder. Bob died in February. Oh.

What's going on? You can never catch me. Connected to a tape recorder mom died in February. Oh What's going on you can never catch me. I'm kind of okay, I'm baby fireball She just drank a shot of fireball You go to escape and you just take a shot instead Anything happened do I disappear? Gold slacker. Fireball. We still keep coming to this carnival for God knows what reason. Hey, you know what?

God knows what reason, and we have to take our little break to go and say our prayers, and we'll be right back after we've prayed to our respective gods. Hey, JPC, you know how I love he looks sleep. I love that he looks mattress brand. Yeah. Best nights sleep of my life. I know not everyone is on board yet. So I secured a word winning sleeper, Merrill sleep. She's right behind that door, Merrill Sleep. Wow, she won the Golden Pillow for best sleep. That's right. Hey, Merrill.

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Glid close to falling asleep. That's why I got you. Oh, yeah. I got that a lot. Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Oh, sure. Yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early.

It's not yet. What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you, jokers, told me, oh, JPC, it's okay. All you have to do is take some, you know, American paper currency, tape it to your front door,

close the door, and then wait until someone brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone. So I had to tape more money to my door. I think you're thinking, didn't work at all. Oh, door cash. Dore Cash. Yeah, you did dore cash. We told you dore dash is the number one thing to you. What the hunk? With dore dash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour

making it easier than ever to get whatever you want delivered to your house whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat JPC which I don't know what you eat I back to school supplies but what JPC all your favorite retail grocery and convenience stores are on the app so you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family, might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some marshes homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know, those candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter.

I just got those from DoorDash and they were on my porch within 20 minutes and it's very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Yes, did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay. Well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I remember Distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and Pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings.

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Hey, GPC. Yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all. And I'm setting up a website to I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking spaces to all one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to sit online whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand.

Square space makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience and so let me think for products that cut into time all in one place all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch.

You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords or popular products and content

on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. No, the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, what's the website for? Prank.

With Squarespace. Yeah, Prank. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her.

Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine head to squarespace.com for a free trial And when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked But how? I don't know. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ah, man. Ah, man. My glooper. Mm-hmm. Who'd you guys pray to this time? You.

Aaron, I pray to you. I'll answer back. You didn't know. Aaron, I pray to you. Who'd you guys pray to this time? You. I would have prayed to you. I'll answer back. You didn't know. I would have prayed to you. What'd you say? What'd you ask for? More wishes. Oh. That's not how it works. Not how it works. You would know how you're an atheist. Fuck you. Well, I tried something new and I prayed to Gaya,

a.k.a. Motheraya, a little mother earth, a little puppy Goldberg in Captain Planet. And I think it worked pretty well because my garden out back grew 10 inches. Good eye. Easy to eat sirloin steak. That's not 10 inches, that's 10 inches. Are you guys ready for a history question?

No. This is a riddle from this. I guess book of riddles. Here we go. This one's called history question. What happened in London on September 8th, 1752? Ha, and this is the answer. The riddle is, again, the riddle is what happened in London on September 8th 1752? That's the rule. I think I know the answer. Please. I want to say 13 and 15 people got pickpocketed. I want to say there was probably some sort of shouting match in the town square. I'm guessing Parliament met up to pass some sort of law. I assumed there was a few horses who probably

some people would have died. Okay. What else, Aaron? Someone said, isn't it nice that it's been seven years since the war? That's what someone said. And then someone else said, it isn't it nice that we still have a few more years before another war He said I need six eggs That's too expensive That's that was in France France France France I don't know I mean If you're in France or London you're only a few years away either way from another So it's like, always pretty safe that there was a war happening. JPCs, is it something like Charles Dickens wrote

one of his fucking books? No, it's nothing like Charles Dickens wrote one of his fucking books. Now, I'll tell you what, this one sucks a big fucking egg and I will give you the clues and I'll give to you for free. So we, so I'm guessing we don't have all the information we need to answer this. I mean, you could get a calendar change to that date. Like some shit like that.

Aaron. Yes. Aaron. You are so fucking close. They like that. It's time was invented. It's you're so close. Aaron, then I feel like I might as well just give it to you because you said the word calendar And I well here. Let me give you the clues and see if maybe you can get it get get what happened here September 8th 1752 a day that shall look at the clue number one September 8th 1752 was a very unusual day But there were 10 other days like it wait Okay, Adel you're saying wait. I'm seeing you do something Whatever you're doing can't be right. So it's descending is the first time in history

There's been descending numbers so it's September which is nine Eighth, which is eight and then and then it's a break, but then it's back with seven the seven and seventeen we're back, baby But then it's back with seven. The seven and 17 were back, baby. Then we, of course, skip a number as per the London mathematics. They call that London. London. Skip C's. So we skip six.

We're back to five. Course five minus three is two. Because we skip six. Salt. Uh, calendar is my guess. Errants is calendar. Adolescent and some insane bullshit Here's your next clue. Okay, no significant wars births deaths disasters achievements or discoveries happen in London that day

Can you imagine you're born September 8th 9th 1752? 91752. 300 years later, some riddle book says there were no significant birds that day. What a slap in the fucking face. Hearing that, especially at your old age, might be enough to kill you. I know you were born that year. How does it make you feel here? Aaron, you are incorrigible. Go around. Go around. Now, but seriously, Adel, you're all this fucking dust and dirt and death. So please tell us the answer to this riddle. Matuzla.

Aaron, okay. So you, you, okay, I'm giving it to Aaron. Aaron kind of got it. She said one of the words that is part of this answer. So that counts. Your answer is absolutely nothing. said one of the words that is part of this answer. So that counts. Your answer is. Well, the answer is for me are so low here. I absolutely love it. I can you basically the bare minimum and everyone's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, if it were your dad here, we would demand perfection. We wouldn't, we wouldn't, we wouldn't let him cut corners on a tuna mill. If you know, that's my new phrase. Yes, an answer of's love inside a chips with a big ol' smile. Yeah, and he was.

So the answer's absolutely nothing happened in London on that day. It was one of the 11 days dropped with the old calendar was adjusted to the new calendar. It was one of 11 days dropped, so hold on, in London. You're telling me in London or in England? I will, you're telling me in London. You're telling me in London, in England, you're telling me there's no September 8th. or an England. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what.

I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what.

I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what.

I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. I will tell you what. by saying there's no notable birds. But from that point forward, you don't have a birthday anymore. It goes for September 7th to September 9th. Let me go ahead and check. Let me just check the part of this book that explains these shitty riddles. Let me just double check.

Oh, I guess they left it out of this copy. Must have a defective copy here where they just left out that part of it from it. Let me just check my notes to see what I read earlier, what I found, what I googled it. Oh, I guess I didn't fucking do that, did I? Because so cool. it gives a shit. Old time England's out here dropping dates,

they're omitting, they're deleting days of the year. I would like to see. They're just trying to delete their enemies birthdays. Oh no, no. Adel, you're gonna be playing a dad Aaron, you're going to be playing a child. What's the matter of the episode? Were you a child last seen it? I was the dad!

Fuck you! Ever since, hold on, hold on! We all know in that scene. We all know in that scene, ever since you lost your wife, I had to raise you. It was clear from the context. That's true. I mean, that's a good, very vehicle right there. Steve Gutenberg is a child.

Okay, old dad, Aaron, you're going to be playing a child. Adel, you're going to be playing a dad. You've just received a letter, Adel, from the, let's call it the federal government. I'm saying that your child's birthday has been removed from the calendar, and you're trying to, you have to break that news to, to Aaron. Hey, champ. So I figured we could hold, put the streamers up over here, and then pin the tail and the donkey here for tomorrow,

and then you have people come, and then we'll do presents, and then we'll do cake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the people will say, have a birthday, yeah. Hey, big guy, hey, hey, buddy, how are do presents and then we'll do cake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the people will sing our birthday. Yeah. Hey, big guy. Hey, hey, buddy. How are you? Hey, you're so handsome.

Thanks, taller than I've ever been. And yeah, looking to make a single friend of mine. Well, that's not like handsome means. Oh. Handsome has nothing to do. Well, I guess it does what a certain age. Listen, um, listen, buddy, um, we need to take down the small amount of decorations we put up already We need to take down and we need to cancel the magician and the donkey and we need to return the dairy queen ice cream cake

Because it's a fun birthday prank Well, yes, and no It seems like you know how you're 11 and you're about to turn 12 Hell yeah. Well, it seems like, and this is something I truly think all adults wish for. You're gonna be eternally 11, buddy, okay? You're never gonna get older. You're not gonna age ever. You're gonna be 11 for the rest of your life until the day you die. Because the government says that we no longer have tomorrow. Dad, is this about you being sad that I'm growing up? Don't worry, I'll always be your sweet little

son. No, I know that. I know that for sure. For sure, for sure, for sure, big old Pat on the head. Scratch the back of your neck or whatever. Dad's due to kids. Ow! big old pat on the head, scratch the back of your neck or whatever dads do the kids. Um, ow. I needed to read my nails, sorry. Sorry about that. Uh, yes, it's about this. Mom, dad saved that I'm not having a birthday or something. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Shut up.

What's going on in here? Hey Linda, thanks for joining. I was just telling our special guy that his birthday is no longer a thing Because remember cuz the government said not because I lost my job But because the government said that um, again, June 15th is no again Linda, what's this all about we need to cut corners. We need don't call your mom Linda talk to me Linda I always you you don't raise me don don't call your mom Linda. Talk to me Linda. Ha ha ha. I agree, too.

You don't raise me. Don't talk to your mom by her first name. Look, your dad is unfortunately right. Okay, I'm reading it now. Yeah, we did get a letter here from the government. At least, Linda, at least hold a piece of fucking paper. Don't do object work. Okay, I'm sorry.

Cut it to me straight. Linda, Linda, Linda. Ha ha ha. Look, Y'all are with me. No. Okay, I'm sorry cut it to me straight Look he orders with no no the government says your asshole dad who can't hold down a fucking job Let me see that or shave or clip his nails Because of over Allocation in the budget they've had to cancel some birthdays this year honey and yours got yours got canceled as well. And I don't trim my nails because I'm a professional cocaine. Linda, it's time to leave him. Enough is enough Linda, don't you think?

Think about leaving him both honestly. Both who? Both me. Actually, Mikey Fantasin and a donkey are in a Camaro right outside and Linda might just be hot again and Life with a magician on the road. You ordered Mikey Phantasm the sexiest magician in all of Milwaukee Sometimes birthdays are for mommy's too I love it you tell your child. I'm. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean.

I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean.

I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean.

I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean. I mean.. Yeah. I get a laugh every time I do it. You have to do it rarely though. So I'll call, but my mom's technical first name is Mary, but everyone has called her Mary, Beth, her whole life. But I'll answer the phone and go, hi, Mary. And it makes her laugh. I don't think it's disrespectful if I'm getting a laugh. You know what? If you're an adult, I think it's also a little bit different too. Like, you know, adult Aaron calling your adult mom, Mary.

I'll do it for out. Before out to eat with my mom and she say she like says like, oh, what's, can I get the, uh, ravioli? And there's no ravioli on the menu. And the waiter's like, oh, I'm sorry, we don't have ravioli or something. I'll tell you what is the situation. She's ordering off menu. She'll share.

She'll accidentally think she saw something or what it is. Got it. Okay. Okay. Sure. But she'll accidentally think she saw something or what? Got it, okay, okay, sure. But she'll say whatever and I'll turn to my sister and go, Patty thinks she's in a restaurant again. To make her seem like she's in an old folks home. Which is, that's very cruel. Okay, my mom gets to get it. That level of gaslighting to the person who birds you

is very cool and funny. I love that kind of joke. What's up? Moms are the worst, right? Yeah. She gave me everything and I refused to acknowledge it. Mm-hmm. She made your bones.

Keep that in mind about your mom. I mean, some mom suck and you can hate your mom if you need to, but. She made my bones, but I strengthened them by drinking so much milk and Sean here's what I'll say I bet Sean could get punched by an elephant and he would not have nary a bone would break he's so fortified vitamin D and calcium yeah he has no muscle it's all just bone bone bone bone he's like well for him. Last time I was at dinner with my last time I was doing it with my grandma,

she tried to pay for it and I said, no grandma, I will get this and then I looked at it and then I put the check down on the table and I looked at my grandma and I said, run. And then I got out of the booth and went as fast as I could. But of course, she didn't move. And so I've made a big scene and I walked back over there and go, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Right. And then I put my card and I gave it walked back over there and go, what the fuck is wrong with you? Right. And then I put my card and I gave it to the waiter and I said, this'll bounce. I hope you're happy. I fucking grabbed it. Can't run. For the two replace things. A credit card would bounce.

So your visa bounced. So we've tried to run your visa. There's a kill order out for you We tried to cash your debit card and All right, here we go Did we get that last one? Oh, yeah, it was the stupid count. Sorry. Hey, sorry. Not my fault. Thank you I will say hands down the worst riddle we've ever had on this book Man, we're not we're probably not gonna get to it, but there's a, there's a worst one. There's a worst one coming up.

Here we go. Here's this one is, uh, these are all just like one sentence riddle. These are awful. These are all just like, why? Here we go. A man bought two identical signs, but found that he could use only one of them. Why? Here's the thing.

I looked up how to do this. I looked at the answer to this. I looked up the clues. I don't get it. So it's... I don't understand. There's only one sign on this lawn. Only one sign allowed on this lawn.

Yeah, I was thinking something along the lines of like the one and only the original Plymouth Rock or something because it's like if you use both and that means it's on two different sites. Yeah, when we were in San Francisco recently, I walked past a place that a big banner outside that said, the original eggs with Benedict's, and I said, oh wow, two people had that shitty idea for a restaurant and they were like fighting over it, it's safe.

And JBC, I'm not gonna tell you again, if you see a big banner, it's technically the Hulk. Because banner is small and when he gets big, he becomes the Hulk. I'm not gonna tell you. I saw a Hulk that said eggs with bitter things. Okay, thank you. What up? Here you're clues for this one.

I want this one to be over with. He had intended to use the two signs in two places to give the same message, but he found that didn't work. He was advertising his roadside cafe. He was intended to use the two signs to send the same message, you said? Their identical signs. Yeah, turn left. Aaron, I love turn left because it's a roadside cafe and

he can't put that on both sides of the street because it would be a lesson to write. That's a better answer, and I'm tempted to just accept it. Is it something like exit now? Yeah, I mean, I could be like any, I don't know why he would have bought, like the identical signs that said turn left,

like unless you just fundamentally misunderstood directions when he was placing the sign order, but like, Cafe two miles ahead or something? Is it something with a specific instruction that once repeated loses its mathematics? No. Yeah, look, I don't know. I mean, I'm looking at this and I'm like, oh, you tell me if this makes any sense. Okay, here's the answer.

Yes. He bought two identical signs for his cafe. Twins. But he found that he needed two different ones for the two sets of traffic coming in different directions. Mmm. So the sign said Fred's Cafe and Fred's Cafe. But I don't really understand why that would be,

is like one backwards, is that what they're're saying he needed one to be backwards and one forwards? I don't get this at all. I could understand if it said like If there's like two different turn-offs on the Sure depending on which direction you were heading, but here's what I'll say that what I apologize for because I did read that didn't understand it So what I'm gonna say that what I apologize for because I did read that didn't understand it So what I keep going But I will say if you are a listener and you know like what the friends cafe like what the answer is because we don't Understand it but if you understand what the answer is he'll say keep it to your fucking self Don't tell people this don't tell people that you know the answer to the thing that nobody understands

That's not a cool thing for you to know. Don't brag about listening to this podcast. JPC before we move on. Can I hear the answer one more time? If someone catches you listening to this podcast, you say I was masturbating. Cause that is always gonna be less embarrassing. Were you listening to the hero? No, no, no. That's where I was masturbating.

I was jerking off. No, I'm not a fucking pervert. I was jerking off. I was just talking after Antics Rocho. I swear. I was buttering my biscuit. I wasn't doing it. He's like, of the sort of a podcast.

I'm totally. I guess. Can I hear the answer one more time just because I will be able to sleep at that. Do you really want me to say the answer? Yeah. I do. It's actually bothering me. Keep on two identical signs for his cafe, but found that he needed two different ones for

the two sets of traffic coming in different directions. different ones for the two sets of traffic coming in different directions. So probably there were some sort of vehicular instructions on the science. Yeah, that's why I that's why I think my left right thing makes the most sense. It just brings friends cafe and friends cafe. That's all the science. That doesn't make sense, JPC. Read it again. No, again, no, we're like scary ballet teachers Ballet teachers from the... Okay, one more time. One more time, here we go.

This is our Cicophian task is to roll this riddle up the hill over and over. Okay, one more time, this is the last time we're reading it. This riddle is called paper tiger. A man writes the same number and nothing else on 20 sheets of paper. Why? Go on insane, going crazy. Yeah, this is a crazy man. He's like, uh, it's his phone number and he's giving it out to people, uh, for guitar lessons.

Aaron, that is an excellent fucking answer. I think that this book was probably invented before guitar lessons. I should write a riddle book, but I don't want to write the riddles. I want to write the bullshit answers. What? Huh? What? Huh? What? Now, Aaron, the man writes the same number

and nothing else on 20 sheets of paper. So there is nothing else on it. But I do understand how like, you know, you have like the flyer and then the bottom half is like the perforated tearouts that are just the phone number but there's nothing else on any of the paper. So it's just, it's just the same number. Is it, is the answer to John Patrick Cohen and he's perfecting his technique in writing

420? Wow. And it's just, and it's in a notebook. And he keeps like circling it and putting hearts around it. He's in 10th grade. I think I'm ready. Sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. For some. I'll take a clue. Okay. Okay. I think I'm ready for some clues. Yeah, for some hints. I'll take a clue. OK, OK. Why are you already out?

I'll give Adel his own clue and give me my own clue because I don't like to share. All right, here's one. A clue for Adel, a clue for Aaron, then a clue just for me. Aaron's clue is longer than mine. The new baby keeps taking my clues. I mean, Adel keeps taking my clues. Adel, here's your clue.

The sheets of paper were important. He wrote the my clues. Adel, here's your clue. The sheets of paper were important. He wrote the numbers in ink. Aaron, here's your clue. The sheets of paper were important. What the fuck does that mean? Of course you're important. That's your clue. That's your clue.

That's sorry, but you can't use Aaron's. Aaron was the other part. The ink was, he wrote the numbers in ink. So it's ink and the sheets are important. Aaron, here you go. Yours is, he intended to keep the papers for his later personal use. And then my clue is he did this each year

at a certain time of year. Okay, this is a teacher and he's grading finals and he wrote the number 100 on all 20 exams because he wants everyone to pass. He cannot teach Devin again. Devin has taken this class three times. He he cannot teach Devin again. Devin has taken this class three times. He will not teach Devin again. So everyone gets a hundred.

So there's no handkerchief. You can't teach Devin. All right, Aaron. Smart guy. We have the scene. Devin teaches you. Adel, you are, you are a teacher. This is your third year that you have had Devin in your class.

Aaron, you are, you are playing Devin. Devin, Devin keeps failing and having to repeat your class and you just want Devon out. Okay, and so once again I'm asking, what is, yes, Devon. Catch this! You sneezed on me and I told you, I cannot catch a cold.

I have to have my flu booster. And Devon? Skateboarding. Ugh! And also, something looks... You're skateboarding while sitting in your desk. That is the most dangerous thing I've ever seen. You're being distracting to the rest of the class, sir. Let the people learn.

Okay, anyway. Once again, I'm asking, does anyone know the name of the... ...Ion? Hello? That has the giant stone heads... Are you making a call? Mr. Gregory Devon's taking a phone call. I'm making a phone call idiot. If you're calling my wife again I swear to Christ. I'm ordering a pizza. Yes my wife

wants it dominoes. I've talked to her. Yeah. She's so sweet your wife. I love your wife. She's so Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, where was that? The normal normal normal Normal Put it on a special speaker phone. Why? Teach your thing or whatever the shit you do is Devon, give me that phone. Fold it shut. Realize as it was in a folding phone. I owe you.

I owe you a phone. Well, he's the work of the carnival. I owe you a phone. I'm sorry. I thought that was a flip phone. It was not. I just crushed your same song. Alex, yeah, I wouldn't say it.

Here, go sit. Go sit in one of the little seats. What? So the question is. No, no, no. No, no, no. You're not a teacher. Tom Sawyer.

So freaking. Devon's geography. Yes. Mr. Tom Sawyer, so freaking. Devons geography. Yes? Mr. Gregory is not in his seat. Mr. Gregory, you heard him. Sit down. Old enough to be a teacher.

It doesn't mean you could teach this class, OK? You've flunked this so many times that you're an outlegally 19. That's strike two, OK? And if you mouth off to me one more time, you're getting sent to the Assistant Principal's office. And that place smells terrible. Mr. Gregory, back in the Principal's office once again.

Yeah. What is it this time? Father, it's the same thing that keeps happening. It's... Look, just because I'm your dad, does it to me and you can be horrible with me. It's principal Gregory. Sorry, principal, Gregory. Devon did that thing again where he mentally manipulates me to where...

I'm the student, he's the teacher, he just slowly starts to move towards the front of the class and I mimicking him like a planet does the sun starts to follow that access until I'm suddenly seated and he has all the power, all the control. Look, I know. He's good at it, okay? I used to be the janitor of the school until he replaced me with the principal. But there's nothing I can do about his magic powers. Yeah, that's, um, that's pretty upsetting. I think, father, I think we need to kill David.

Kill David? By the Holy Ghosts in! Sorry, Dad. I meant we need to go back to your hometown in Ireland, Kill Devon. And just get away from this kid. That's what I meant. Go back to Kill Devon. I've a cation. That's how to be needed as a vacation. Are you from Kill Kenny or Kill Devon? Ah, let me check the old passport.

Huh, it says I'm from Cedar Rapids Island. That's what I did. Devon tricked me check the old passport. Huh, just up from Cedar Rapids Island. That's the right dude. Didn't trick me into talking like this. Boys, what are you doing in the assistant principal office? Go back to class, the both of you. And you turn up the volume on the Irish accent, because that's where you're from, remember? Yeah, sorry for the man, bruh. I've seen. It's not like an Irishman drowning. from, remember? Yeah, sorry, I'm the vampire, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Scen.

It's not like an Irishman drowning. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sorry, I just watched the badgies of it, and I am ready to go, baby. Some like, animal from the Muppets was Irish. That's right. Is that why you threw all your fingers at my front door this morning?

That, J.B. Hey, Aaron, that was most, but that was not all. Oh, well, I'll leave you alone, I guess. Girl, I got fingers for days. You guys answer for this, Riddle. I have an answer. Yes. I believe the banshee's of Inesheran was an analogy for the fighting, the infighting between

Northern and Southern Ireland. They love to call it Southern Ireland. And I think it was about Hey, Redo Redo. You're both Brendan Gleeson and I am Colin Farrell. And I'm like, hey guys, and you're like, you're so dull.

All you do is talk all day. I'm absolutely the donkey. The donkey's so cute. Oh, Jenny kind of. Okay, well, hold on with spoiler alert, retroactively. Okay, so we'll say on Jenny, and then you'll do it, kind of. Okay, well hold on with spoiler alert retroactively. Okay, so we'll say on Jenny, you'll do what I think. Sorry, I started talking about force gump. You two were talking about bansheets of addition. Okay, the man rates the same number with nothing else, 20 sheets of

paper. Sheets are important. He wrote the numbers in ink. He intended to keep the papers for later personal use and he did this each year at a certain time I Mean yeah, you have an answer Can we add in something new to the can we add a new shirt to the merch store that just says sheets are important? and it's it is it's a ghost without a sheet which would be nothing So there's it's a blank space where there should be a ghost but without a sheet it's nothing So sheets are important in the ghost world

And they have we can add the shirt that says the sheets if we can start added fitted turkey to the bird store as well Reading is important sheets are important wishbone is in hell No This rental I will say actually kind of makes sense like I can I can definitely see like that there being like a test case that this would make sense for And I'm also a little bit guilty. I would make sense for. Is it like an anniversary or something? I'm sorry, no, it's not an anniversary. Were they right, was this person writing the same number on 20 pieces of paper hoping to pair it down to two signs for a cafe?

No, it was not that. Okay, but I thought it would be a companion piece. And it's not even that the paper, these papers are like important to this man, but they are like an important, like a, you, if you found one of these pieces of paper, you would be like, oh, though, this is someone actually really needs this. Okay. I know what it is. Yes.

You know, when you run in like a marathon and you have like a piece of paper on your, on your chest and on your back that has a number. Uh-huh. There was a person who ran an marathon. Who was so big, they were, I wanna say, 12 foot 10 and full of muscle. And so they had to put so many pieces of paper on this person, because they're so, it was like Paul Bunyanesque. Does that make sense?

Is that the answer? Oh God! I was not listening. Yes, of course it was the answer you brilliant boy. Finally, I'm the boy. Addle, you are a man running in a marathon. You also happen to be someone's father, but that's not the point of the scene. So you might say I'm a marathon man. Oh, big old. You are also someone running in it, but you don't have a number and Adel's calling you out for not having a number mm-hmm Hey, hey get off the if you're not if you're not in the marathon get off the course. I am I am in the marathon

I'm in the marathon. I just don't know where's your number. Where's your number? I? Don't have my number come on man. What the fuck are you doing? Can we just enjoy this little break and stretch our quads and our hammies? I don't have my number. This isn't a break. I just stopped to yell at you. There's no breaks in a marathon. What do you think this is?

A NASCAR? Do you think this is like the pit crew changing your legs? There's not not breaks in a marathon. You can take breaks if you want. Like at your own pace. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just trying to cut it. No, you're right. You can stop whenever you want. But I wouldn't say that No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't think I'm special. I had my number on on the way to the marathon, but I was attacked by actually two crows

and they took the front number and the back number. Oh, I'm sorry, you should have led with that. Well, I wanna say Adam Dershowitz, is that his name? The guy who dated like, Aledershowitz? No, what's that guy's name? Adam Dershowitz, the guy who dated, I would watch it because he's very litigious

No, of course I was a little bit glad my number said I was not on the flight logs Over and there he is I know you're on those flight logs What is that guy's name yeah, he did it like every celebrity in the 90s? I feel like it's Adam Dershowitz. It could be Adam Dershowitz. Are you thinking of Fred Dershowitz? Yes. We lost our internet privileges, so we will never know. Fred Dershowitz, okay, that's a good one. I did it all for the Nucky. Keep that in my back pocket. And did you get this yet? No, you didn't get this yet. I think we give up. 20 numbers. The paper is important.

Yeah. So the other thing, the other crucial clue, we'll have to move on. But he did this each year at a certain time of year, and I will say it's the very beginning of the year. Okay, so he, let's January 1st. Mm-hmm. Let's call it January 1st. All January 1st. He was making a terrible calendar.

In a way, in a matter of speaking, I just wanted to give it up. I gave up. It was given up. I will tell you the answer. And the answer is, he was writing the new year on all of his checks so that he would not accidentally put last year's date on his checks by accident. Okay. That doesn't, that doesn't, that doesn't happen anymore.

You know, but it is, I think I've probably told this on the podcast before, but I was working for a person who was from Australia once and they sent me a check and they do the dates reverse. They put, we put the month first and then the day of the week and they have swapped it. So when I tried to cash this check, I it the bake and they were like hey this check has been expired like it's eight months You have to like cash these immediately and I was like I just got it the person's from Australia who sent it to me

They do their dates different and the beg was like we can't cash this Month yeah, but the It was so that it was like one eight or eight one right? It was one of those things so it's just like most of the world does that Exactly, but they wouldn't and I was in like college and they wouldn't cash it I was like what the fuck do I do and so I just went home with a pen like a same black pen and then just like Forged the date to make the date right We got um, I think this is technically check fraud, but it's like but it's my money and it's right like

Rips off so do I chose recording the money? I think this is technically check fraud, but it's like, but it's my money and it's right. Like, it's not good. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I.

So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I.

So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. Do we have a voicemail that we can listen to? Hey crew crew, that crew crew, wow I can't do English today. A little bit of advice I'm wondering. So I had a phone call with my boss earlier before I got off work and we were talking about scheduling. And right before I hung up the phone, I told him I loved him.

Now my real question is, do I quit my job now or do I give him two weeks notice? Thank you, bye. Okay, interesting. I've never in my life heard someone ask question leading with a little bit of advice I'm wondering. Made sense to me. Did he say it back? Did you boss say it back?

I hope you hung up and your boss was stunned and goes, I guess I've loved you too. I think I've always loved you. Ehhhh, just dial tone. Here's any quit. There's two ways to get out of this. I think one, you call them back or next time you see them, you say at least I didn't call you daddy. And that's, and we all laugh.

No, no, no. No, it's very awkward. No, no, no, no. It's very long-awaited. Aaron, this is all laugh. A little bit of advice I'm wondering. The other way to get out of this is you say, next time you see him, you say, hey, you never responded to that game we started. And they go, what game? And you say, I thought we were going to start listing different international museums. I started with the love of course famously in Paris France

You didn't respond because I just heard to you go now They filled them hold on air and then they fill them You you show up and say did you end up liking it? And they go, what? And go, I love you, man, the movie that we were talking about. Did you end up liking the movie? Jason Siegel. Paul Ruff, of course.

I think you should quit today. Yeah, don't give two weeks notice. Two weeks notice is a myth. You're fucking work wouldn't give you two weeks notice. Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, that's great advice. That's sound advice because it was we did big sounds. That was probably from like seven months ago. So I hope you found a better job. Or maybe they're married. If you're married, married to your boss. Speaking of being married

to your boss, Adel, is there anything that you would like to plug? Oh boy, just tell everyone you love them. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, people on the bus, spread more love. Don't be embarrassed to say it. And if you say, if you say someone like, hey, I love you and they say, sounds good, that's fine. You don't need to get it back.

People don't need to reciprocate love, but you can love out into the universe, and it'll eventually come back to you. Now, maybe years from now, could be decades, could be a date that was erased by the British, but eventually love will come back to you. Also, please check out the Vansis of Injury and all

of Martin McDonough's work. I feel like Martin McDonough is our generation's greatest playwright. If you've never seen or read Pillow Man. Martin McDonough is our generation's greatest playwright. If you've never seen a red pillow man. Mark McDonough is our generation's Colin Farrell. Exactly. Cool. So, that's what I would say.

Aaron, do you have anything to plug? I just went on the those who aren't podcasted and I had the absolute best time. I don't think I've laughed that hard ever in my life maybe. My stomach still hurts from laughing so I'm not gonna get it. You are so funny, you're so funny. I really think that. I love it here. I love you both.

Oh shoot, I said I love them. I have to quit. I quit. But it's so good. And it has lots of Chicago and LA improvisers who have been on his guests. So if you don't want to check out my episode, just check it out. It's so, so good and it has lots of Chicago and LA and providers who have been on his guests. So if you don't want to check out my episode, just check it out. It's so, so good.

JPC, can you read a review of our show, a five star review, please? Hey, first I want to give a shout out to a listener from Australia named, and they gave a permission to use their name named Dan Cubank. Dan Cubank sent us, I want to say like sweatshirt ponchos. Oh, that's not true. Who sent those? Yeah, from a company called, yeah, and I text you about it. From a company called Udys in Australia,

and they are so fucking warm, and we were so confused as to who sent them, but they sent a message several days later, being like, hey, by the way, I didn't send you these things. So big thank you to Dan for those, those are fantastic. Two things I'll say very quickly. One, thank you to Dan for those, those are fantastic. Two things I'll say very quickly. One, Australia of course is known as the Magluba,

down under, upside down. And two, I would thank you so much for that gift. It looks so comfortable. I haven't worn it yet because Gemma won't take it off. So if Gemma's listening, please take off that blanket hoodie so I could try it. I just heard her yell, never. With a cup to the door.

I also have a five star view to read. If you want to get a five star view read on the podcast, just admit a five star view to Apple iTunes or wherever you leave reviews. This one comes from Alex Parish. Alex writes, JPC almost caused me a great personal inconvenience. Hi, I love the show. I just want JPC to know that he did his very funny, hey Siri, bet while I was driving,

causing Siri to block my GPS, which made me miss a crucial turn on my delivery route. I had to drive an extra two miles to be able to turn around. Thank you for that, very funny show, keep up the good work. Hey Siri, delete my phone. Delete every number and my phone. Delete all my contacts. Jupiter, Jupiter. Sorry everybody, sorry I'm trying. Hey Siri, fold my phone! Delete every number and my phone! Delete all my contacts! Jupiter! Jupiter! Sorry everybody! Sorry I'm trying!

Hey, Sirius, fold my phone in half. Bye, brother! Sorry, Eric Keaton. And John Patrick Collins. Casey Tony to the editing. How are you, Paris? Do you know who I am? Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily DeMorris. Hey there, mandogs and dogpods!

If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another classic chatterbox. Except this time we brought Ryan Rosenberg and Dan Lippert from the Mayan Dog pod along for the ride. You can listen to that plus our entire Batcadlog at patreon.com, so I'll show you right on Riddle, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew and you get those ad free episodes for $8 a month. See you there! That was a headgun podcast.