Hey Riddle Riddle - #239: So Many Chas

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

This week we have a new segment so you know what that means-everyone needs to submit their theme for a segment jingle. Let us know who had your favorite! This episode also has a terrible alarm clock, ...a deal between a milkmaid and a seagull, and your new favorite Disney Chanel show-Howard Teen Scream.  Have a great week! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something?  Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a head gum podcast. I Aaron I can't believe that this year I had trapped in Boston in the mushroom zombie, huh? I have to stop the show What's going on? I have why I was in the middle of super funny. Yeah, I just have to pause. Trust me, Edel when you hear why I had to pause that brilliant intro you will be so on my side. Aaron, I think there's no chance. Stop There's no chance that you will be on my side here, Aaron. But if you want to be the popcorn between your pants and your legs, then I will be on your side and I will. I'll say that's crazy.
Starting point is 00:01:13 The best moment in this podcast history, I believe. Aaron, it's not that, but I have to imagine that this is my version of whatever that is. So I have to back up. I, you know, I think around the time when I was fostering the puppies, I bought some sweat pants from Coles online and they are fleece lined sweat pants. They are the warmest pair of pants I've ever worn in my life. They are, they, it's so, so, and when I'm wearing them inside, I get like very hot wearing them,
Starting point is 00:01:46 and I have to take them off. But outside, when it's like two degrees outside, perfect, perfect for walking the duck. I'm taking notes, is this a riddle? It's a very hot two degrees. Existence. It's a very hot two degrees. So, I'm wearing these pants.
Starting point is 00:01:59 And oh, also, I bought one pair of them. I loved them. I was like, Mariah, do you like these? And she tried them on, she was like, I love them as well. Well, I bought one pair of them. I loved them. I was like, Mariah, do you like these? And she tried them on and she was like, I love them as well. Well, I bought like four more pairs and we've just been like wearing them interchangeably, right? Whoever grabs a pair, that's their pair.
Starting point is 00:02:15 The other day, I put on a pair and I'm going about my day. This is actually yesterday. And I was dying to say this on the podcast. I'm going about my day, and I reach into the pocket, and I see that there is a hole in the pocket of these, they're pretty much new sweatpants. And then I feel like down into the leg of the pants, and there's something like hard,
Starting point is 00:02:37 like a hard thing about the size of a... Popcorn? No, it's about the size of a quarter. It's about the size of a quarter in the pants, and I reach inside the pants and I feel it. It's in between the layer of sweat pants and fleece. So then I go in through the hole in the pocket, go down into the pants and pull out a piece of dog jerky.
Starting point is 00:02:58 That's so we have little jerky that we give to spaghetti as a treat. We do it on walks to refocus her attention. I guess Mariah likes to keep little pieces of this jerky at her pockets. And she had put it through the wash and the jerky had made its way into the pants. And I'd been wearing the pants all day. So I basically had been wearing the sweatpants all day with a little piece of jerky like on my leg. And I took that piece of jerky out and I go, you know what?
Starting point is 00:03:22 Aaron's life makes sense to me. Yeah. Because I'm kind of in my own way, Mary's to Aaron. Yeah. I got Aaron at home. I got Aaron at work. Yeah. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.
Starting point is 00:03:40 Did you see how you thought about wearing those pants? Maybe we can capitalize on this, where are those pants? We do like a fun prank show called Jurkey Pants. Oh yes. You make prank calls. The Jurkey Pants boys? No, never mind. I heard it out loud, I don't like it anymore.
Starting point is 00:03:56 Are you really alive if you're not finding weird things in your pants? And that's my question. It is a thrill. I will say, the thrill of the searching through the pants to try to find the thing that's in the pants, it does make you feel alive. That's what I thought. Now are the two of you, the type of people who put on their coat and they're like, whoa,
Starting point is 00:04:15 $80. Huh? Because I hate people who say that all the time. And I'm like, you just leave money lying in your coat pockets. Oh, oh yeah. Okay. You were saying finding money in your coat, but what I heard was you put on your coat and then you tried to guess the price of the coat.
Starting point is 00:04:30 That was like, what? You should know how much you did. It's like that terribly well. That only happened to me once and it was, I'm miracle to me. I'm so confused by that. Because anytime I get home, I go through all my pockets, put everything on the table
Starting point is 00:04:42 and then take off my wardrobe. So I'm so Well You don't you don't have to do that You can just be a little trash goblin who leaves like tissues for later in your pocket You yeah, go ahead well, but you take cuz like I have like chapstick in my coat I'm like I'm not taking this out because it's my coat chopstick Sure, that's gonna stay in the coat. Well, that yes, I have chapstick. I leave in my winter coat
Starting point is 00:05:10 I have a extra pair contacts. I leave in my winter coat. Okay, so you don't take everything now I don't take everything out but anything that I'm like I might put on a different Code at some point or this is cash money that I will need for other goods and services This is an episode that I will tell Mariah not to listen to because I'll put her on blastward board time, but I have a picture saved in my phone of, it was, again, when we had the puppies, so this is like, you know, a couple of months ago, and we were, our brains were like, worked to the point of exhaustion, and I told Mariah that I couldn't find my keys, and she was like, have you, where have you checked for your keys? And I was like,
Starting point is 00:05:44 I kind of checked all the normal places, I just don't know where they my keys and she was like, where have you checked for your keys? And I was like, I kind of checked all the normal places. I just don't know where they are. And she's like, well, you should keep better track of your keys. And I was like, is it possible that you have them? And she goes, I don't have your keys. I go, would you check your pocket? And she checked your pocket and then her face changed.
Starting point is 00:05:58 And I grabbed my camera. I took a picture. I took a picture, picture, picture. And I said, I'm saving this moment forever. Because I know, I know what she had found. I knew she had touched her monkeys in her pocket. You got a Mariah at work and you got a Mariah. You got the luckiest man in the world.
Starting point is 00:06:16 I truly am, I truly am. Yeah, I think that we should start, I think you should intentionally, if you live in a cold place, like Chicago, everyone knows you should intentionally, if you live in a cold place, like Chicago, everyone knows you have like your Chicago winter coat. That's like basically a sleeping bag. Yeah. Go ahead and put $20 in each pocket of the coat in May
Starting point is 00:06:35 when you get to wear it for the last time before it starts to warm up a little bit. You like mid-meg. I'm sorry, that's what's real. And that just slipped out. Yeah, sorry, that's what's real. And that just slipped out. Yeah, sorry, I just said something real. Real sad, okay. Anyways, you're in Winter Hall and I can see the sunshine.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But put money in there and then when it's cold, to cheer yourself up, you'll put your hands in your pocket and you'll have money in your pockets. It's basically the same thing as the saving cup. That's why. That's why you're. Well, I don't know if you why is on the Aaron I would say same exact piece of advice but replace money with fun size packets of M&Ms. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:17 Then your car breaks down, you have to shuffle off into some cornfield full of snow, you're shivering, you feel like you're gonna die, reach into your pocket, you pull out $20. What's that gonna do, huh? You pull out a little fun sized packet of M&Ms, you're gonna live for two more days, I think. Okay, here's what I will say. Instead, here's what you put in your pocket, three things.
Starting point is 00:07:40 A gun, a map, and a list. Not in that order. Not in that order. That in that order. One of my favorite moments of Chicago, I was like, it was the happiest I've ever been in my life, I think. It was like a November, and I had my winter coat, that was duct tape together. And I was so scared about making rent.
Starting point is 00:08:04 I was like, I can't eat for the next couple days. The last couple days of November because I have to make December rent. And so I was starving and I was freezing and I was on the train and I was like, I'm so sad. And then I went to like my coat, breast pocket and I was like, what's in there? And I looked and there was like $40 in there
Starting point is 00:08:22 and I've never cried harder in my life. I was like, I get to was like I get to eat. I get to eat. That's like a cinematic moment. Also Aaron, fuck you and I just want to tell everyone Aaron did this. You've inspired me to concoct a mashup of the roses, November rain and- Don't blame this on me. And the music of the rain.
Starting point is 00:08:41 That's your own boys in this rain. This is called November Rant and I think it goes a little something like this It's acleros singing fire. I was starving Bad Anyway, no Vibaret again It's a mashable good All that could be dialogue from the Vibaret That's true. Yeah, but can you sing it? Can you talk sing it? I can't
Starting point is 00:09:05 I'm very ill. It sounds like you won't. That's also true. I've got very ill. I'll give it a try. Vibrate, vibrate. Vibrate. I just had to-
Starting point is 00:09:18 What if I'm not familiar with either proper? I just had this thing where I went, wow, I really hope that whoever's old men puzzles, we swoops in and saves the day here because we really need to save here. And I went, it's me. Aaron, it's our if you don't. It sounds like you're looking for a hawker in the eagle. I need a hero is what I need.
Starting point is 00:09:38 So I'm old men puzzles. Now, is this, is this, or is this not the app where we just play nine voicemails? She considered it. The lady's a gentleman, she considered it. I told them before we start recording, but I'm a little sick. So my personality is not here today. You're just gonna get what you're gonna get and you won't get upset.
Starting point is 00:10:00 That seems like a Spencer's t-shirt. I guess a coffee mug. I'm sorry, a coffee mug. I would love coffee mug, I'm sorry, a coffee mug. I would love it if like just specific aspects of you got sick. Be like, my personality sick today. So you're not gonna hear me. That's called depression anxiety. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:15 I have that. Okay, what's going on? I would love it. Okay, so if you could pick a part of you to get sick that didn't, and it just didn't exist for the day, what would it be? Your jealousy, you don't need that, right? Yeah, I don't need that my sense of direction I just realized just a backtrack J. P. C. I just realized that you were singing my brilliant idea
Starting point is 00:10:37 Guns and roses November rain Mashed up with rent November rent, but you're singing it to the tune of purple rain up with rent, November rent, but you're seeing it to the tune of purple rain. Because you said, November rain, November rain. And I was like, what's wrong with that? I'm like, it's purple rain, which I guess is now in the mix. That's a new one. Toss it in the pot. We'll stir it up.
Starting point is 00:10:55 We'll figure it out. I guess the part that I would wish to get sick is the part of me that does things like that. We could lose that for, right? I'm glad that you're in the musical mood, because today's episode is actually going to start with a little bit of a competition. Wow. So get those voices warmed up.
Starting point is 00:11:11 Mama, mama, me, Mary made me mash my M&Ms. Exactly. I grew old, hang old fish, and jeth gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold Oh. This is an errand version of rap for daddy, which is we need a new jingle theme song for a new segment Oh, and Casey feel free to participate if you want to but you don't have to big thumbs down from Casey So we were recently in San Francisco and one of our listeners Molly. Hello Molly brought us riddle books
Starting point is 00:11:41 Which is like the greatest kindest, most noble pursuit. If you are a Heyrittle Reddle listener, I'm so grateful. Truly firewood on the life fire of Heyrittle. Life fire. And it seems like Molly, when she handed me the books, it seemed like she was implied that maybe I would hand them out evenly to the three of us That of course was not gonna happen. I was like, I don't know no no no no no no no no
Starting point is 00:12:09 I'm gonna eat all these written books these are just for me. So I ate them Okay, I like to solve The riddle book in Aaron stomach eating the books every day Not what we were looking for but I appreciate the effort, but we I'm not gonna get the comic, eatin' the books every day. Not what we were looking for, but I appreciate the effort. But I'm rich in them, I got like four of them. I think it'll last a while. You're riddled. I'm riddled rich, but I would like to have a theme song
Starting point is 00:12:34 that Casey can play each time we jump into these Molly riddle books. But I would like one of you to sing them. I would like for one of you to sing it, and if it's neither of them are good, we'll just have Arnie do it. Huh. Huh. It's easier.
Starting point is 00:12:49 I mean, but they're gonna be great. Wait, I mean, what am I going up against here? Oh. The guy writes the music, that's what he does. Yeah, we'll have, we'll have you two do one with no backing track, and then we'll have Arnie do one, and then we'll have people vote online.
Starting point is 00:13:04 Yeah, we'll see what's better. We'll have Arnie. one and then we'll have people vote online. Yeah, we'll have Arnie. We'll have us do it live with the podcast and then we'll have Arnie do it when he gets to think about it for a while. And then we'll see who people like better. Yeah, I have the two of you cook me some dinner and if it doesn't work out I'll just have Rachel Ray make me dinner. Does that make sense? Why is that your chef of choice?
Starting point is 00:13:22 Well, I was trying to go with someone everyone would know. Otherwise I'd say Francis Malman, but one percent of people know Francis Malman. Exactly. You overshot it. We were looking for Daniel Lagasse. Thomas Keller, bam. Is this fun?
Starting point is 00:13:38 Yeah, this is fun. So sorry, Aaron, the song we're singing is just, what's under the umbrella of the song? Yeah, what am I just saying? We have a riddle book. We're implying that we're about to do riddles from Molly's riddle books. So it has to include the name Molly. It has to imply that there's riddle books and that we're about to hear some riddles from that
Starting point is 00:14:02 riddle book. Okay, may I go first? Yes. I'm about to lose it. Let me that book. Okay, me I go first. Yes. I'm about to lose it. Let me go first. Go go go. Go. Flipping through the pages.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Ooh, I'm dropping Molly. Ooh, I'm solving riddles. Oh, gee, gosh, oh, golly. It's riddle. Book a clock. Oh, it's riddle. Book a clock. Solve the riddles.
Starting point is 00:14:23 That was a mashup of Liziza's song and Andy Sandberg's comedy Bing Bing song. That was, that was actually pretty good. I actually really, I was digging that one. Good like beating that Arnie with all your instruments and talent. And not being put on the spot on the air. This is a very funny thing I'm doing. I'm sorry, I don't even even wrap so many times.
Starting point is 00:14:47 What did you think was gonna happen? You're correct. I made this. Here we go. Yeah. New York City. Uh, 2006. We here.
Starting point is 00:14:57 Uh, New York City. He's all hype. He's all hype, man. We're leaving New York City. What's that? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. 2006 we hear oh New York City he's all leaving. He's all hype man. We're leaving New York City What's that was that in the district Philadelphia 2007 it's been a year what it took us a year
Starting point is 00:15:19 To get from New York City to Philadelphia He's turning into Lin-Man Wilmer in oh What if a bastard or a son of a New York City to Philadelphia? He's turning into Lin-Man Wilmerin. Uh-oh. What if a bastard or a son of a ball-ease-rittle, folks? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- good luck beating that already. If I know anything about Hey Riddle Riddle listeners voting for anything, is that they choose chaos and they choose blood and they're gonna choose that one. These motherfuckers sent us to medieval times. They could all suck rocks. Casey I saw that you were typing and then stopped typing. Alright, alright. You're feel free to submit a song if you want or insult either of their songs and you'll
Starting point is 00:16:10 read it out loud. Oh, I'll do the latter if I can. Oh, excuse me. Okay. It's a gift from a stranger right after a show. She hands you a couple books and she says go go go it's gonna fuel the fire of the podcast that you do air and keep JPC and add all this is your glue read the riddles yeah Molly's riddles oh oh read the riddles yeah yeah Molly's riddles uh oh 2008 oh it's been a year
Starting point is 00:16:51 good after all it's only one for sleep till Christmas in Hollis Queens mom's cooking chicken in collard greens okay it must be an air in episode because we are 18 minutes in and no one's touching about right now. Aaron is time for break. Okay. Each time for mom. These really books.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Here is the first riddle. This one's called the little little book. Oh, I love that. I love that. How can you even read it? Mm-hmm. It's so small, I can't even read it. Oh. Three men stand under an umbrella, but nobody gets wet.
Starting point is 00:17:38 How can this be? Sorry, I heard three men and I had a reaction. Ha, ha, ha. Hold on. Three men stand under an umbrella, but nobody gets wet. How can this be? Because they're holding an umbrella that they're under. What's the riddle?
Starting point is 00:17:52 I know, I know, but she handed us, so this is what it's going to be. This is the little riddle book. 10 people pay the rent on time and nobody gets evicted. How can this be? You get a little wet under an umbrella. You're shoes get wet. They're not wet at all. Bad umbrella. It depends on where the rain is coming from because most people don't know this but you actually have to hold on a umbrella like a 90 degree angle from your body because the wind is all coming from the front. Especially in the cold no
Starting point is 00:18:20 vambo rant. Aaron is it because it wasn't raining? They're just holding an umbrella? Exactly. I'd like to see a scene. You got it right. I'd like to see a scene. Three Merry Poppins. We are three men under an umbrella. Tom, Craig. Craig. Tom, Craig.
Starting point is 00:18:40 Tom, Craig. Jeff. Craig. Oh, Jeff, thank you so much. We did say each other's names. Well, another lunch under the umbrella. What did you guys tell your wives? Seen.
Starting point is 00:18:55 No. No. Oh, sorry. I love it. Okay. When the clock strikes 13, what time is it? It's 1 p.m. in military. This sounds okay, is this a book of like riddles that little kids would get slapped for
Starting point is 00:19:22 telling an adult? Yeah. Slap. Yeah. That's what it says in the footnotes of it. Okay, good. Because I would say, what time is it? I would say it's time to get a new clock. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:35 Yeah. I've slapped many little smart mouth kid. I knew what she was about, but I'll have to be with a Riddle like this. This was the copyright of this is 1954, to just give you context from what we're getting. Yeah. This is, Erin,
Starting point is 00:19:47 this is like a little Bible for rascals. This is the rascals Bible. Yeah. Because these are a little fun things you say and you whisper to an adult during church and they give a little chuckle and then it toss you a two-pence and you buy a taffy. I do wanna see a scene.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Erin, you are in bed asleep and JPC is your alarm clock. It is time to get a new alarm clock because this alarm clock is getting a little aggressive and weird. Cool. Eh, eh, eh. Eh, eh, eh.
Starting point is 00:20:16 Eh, eh, eh, eh. Oh, clock, my face is wet. Sorry. It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough. It's a dry cough. It's a dry. I get my face got wet. Wait, you're asleep. You didn't see Okay, it's 3 a.m. Why are you going off? Wake up
Starting point is 00:20:35 What you have to wake up is 3 a.m. Oh my god. It's 3 a.m. Yeah, I said the alarm for 9 a.m. I look at it backwards So that's why I saw I thought it was 9. All right, what? Yeah, just go back alarm for 9am. I look at it backwards, so that's why I saw... I thought it was 9. Alright. What? Yeah, just go back to sleep. My bad, my bad. Go back to sleep. Hey, can we talk?
Starting point is 00:20:52 Ha ha ha. Uh, honk shoe, honk shoe. Oh, shoe. Wait up, wait up. Okay. What? Did I do a bad job? I know we've been over this a few times, and it may be because I've hit you so many times,
Starting point is 00:21:11 I've hit your snooze button too many times, too aggressively, but... May have time, I like it. It's time for you to go. Come on. You're covered in dust. You're from the late 9- Clean me! No! Why would I do that? You'll have to clean a new one. You're covered in dust. You're from the late nine years. Clean me. No.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Why would I do that? You'll have to clean a new one. No, I won't. Uh. I'm gonna, sorry, it's time that you two meet. Meet phone. Phone alarm clock. Hello, I don't want any trouble.
Starting point is 00:21:40 I'm just, I'm just here and I think I do a pretty good job. Okay. Don't apologize, baby. Don't apologize, baby. You're doing great. You're right. You're right. Who is this sleek looking Johnny come lately? This is an iPhone 11 and he has an alarm. I have a built-in camera. Two cameras actually. Front facing and back facing. What's that called? Front facing and I love you so much. I love you. I love you. Look, look, look, I'm sure that that phone quote unquote is good for lots of things. You're leaking something. What's that? You're leaking something.
Starting point is 00:22:22 That can't be right. You're leaking a green smoke. It's good. It's better than it's out. Better out than in with the green smoke. That's what I always say. This phone looks new, fangled, and fancy. But look at this thing. You said it's an iPhone 11.
Starting point is 00:22:39 It's already two years at a date. Planned up, so lessons. This thing is going to be you, so it's's gonna be a brick in a couple of years. Me? I've been a long clock, my entire life. I've outlasted presidents, wars, presidential wars, little wars between presidents. See, it says you were manufactured in 1953.
Starting point is 00:23:00 Mm-hmm. That's right. I was built in 53. You take eight batteries to operate and you need new batteries every four hours. Do you know how expensive that is? Thank you, iPhone. And you know what?
Starting point is 00:23:16 You know what? I just think it's time to throw you away. You're also a radio, but you only play AM station. It's nightmare. You go off my row coup of remote, okay? This is goodbye. Okay, fine, you don't take them out. Take them out. See if I care. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:23:53 See if I got it. Oh, he's bleeding. There's blood. Yeah, I'm so happy I'm throwing this away. This is bad, bad, bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad. This is bad, bad, bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad Yep, a penny. Wow. A red or a book. So take a look, it's my little, little. Can you use it in the 1950s? I guess so.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Well, we pinnays. They'll come up with anything. This one is, why is it useless to send a telegram to Washington today? Today? Mm-hmm. And this is 1953. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:24:46 1953. Why is it useless? It's a senatorogram to the president? Is it because no one could stop the Korean war? No, it's because he's dead. You were on the right track, Adel, because I think they wanted you to think we were talking about Washington, DC, or Washington state, but it's the president. It's not bad. Wait, it's president instead.
Starting point is 00:25:11 Cause George Washington is dead. I'd like to see a scene. GPC, you are George Washington is dead. Oh, no, Lin-Man, well, if I got Lin-Man, well, Miranda discovered them. I got Superman over there. Yeah. My name is Philip.
Starting point is 00:25:31 I am a poet. I'm a part of the law. I know. J.B.C., you are George Washington. And Adel, you are like an aide to him. And you're coming in to try to get him to sign some paperwork. And, uh, JPC, you don't want to be bothered.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Uh, knock, knock. Uh, sorry, sir. I have some- I'm very busy, I'm very busy today, I'm in Tau. Oh, yes. Um, if you could just pull you away from the mirror, sir. Uh, we do have some very important documents that need to go out to the battlefronts. What is your name young man? My name is Philip aid Philip aid I'm gonna call you Phil because I like giving people nicknames Phil It's more of a short name sir. What's that? It's more of a shortening everybody's a short king to me Phil
Starting point is 00:26:23 Oh, thank you, sir. I'm tallest man alive, I'm 5-11. Well, I have seen others taller. Phil, let me ask you a question. What do you think I'd do all day? I'm judging from when I've popped my head in. I'd say standing in front of a mirror. One arm inside your breastcoat. Yes, left hand tucked into my right breast pocket.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Uh-huh. Looking yourself up and down, constantly measuring yourself to see if you've grown, which you haven't, I have to assume. Typically, taking out your teeth, putting them, putting a sock on your hand, putting the teeth in the sock, making a little puppet out of the wooden teeth inside the sock. Yes, his name's George to think to Okay, I Mean I think George washing tooth was right there, but that's what I do Phil But I'm asking you what do you think I do? To be honest, sir
Starting point is 00:27:16 Nothing and that's what the people of America think too Exactly once you're on top fail and you'll never know this because you'll die a miserable little whatever you are. You called me a short king, not put two minutes ago. Phil, when you're on top, that's when the work stop, okay? The buck stops with Washington. So here's what I'm gonna have you do. You're gonna throw your giant handcock all over those papers. What? What?
Starting point is 00:27:43 My what? Hey, if you won't do it, Phil, I'll find somebody to fill in for you to understand. I get it. You're gonna bring all of those to the Thomas Jefferson's and the James Madison's and the whatever's of the world. You're gonna let them deal with that, okay? I'm gonna stand here in front of my mirror, and about two hours I'm gonna go out and pet my horse, then I'm gonna have a nice lunch of colonial breakfast, and I'm gonna come back here in the tree, of course.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Yes, yes, I can't tell a lie. And then I'm gonna come back here and stand in front of my mirror, because I'm George Goddamn Washington Phil! Sir, I understand, I will forge your signature, I will handle all the battalments battalments battalments is that what the Talbot the Talbot the Talbot I'm a Jewish person There's some people out there that probably like yeah George Washington Jewish There's some people out there that probably like yeah George Washington Jewish Alive what is it that is alive and has only one foot hope What is alive and has only one foot?
Starting point is 00:28:56 Um A lot of people out there maybe art stick or yeah, well, it's a ruler No, where he art stick you said it already though. Take measure of yardstick. Hey, is it in a person with one foot? No, it's a leg. Oh, it's leg. It's the worst answer. Yeah, these riddles are quite something. So, Aaron, why don't we leg it on over to a break and we'll come back with more uh... my these riddles hey pa'll grab your fiddle
Starting point is 00:29:32 doodle little dancing softies riddles and grab your fiddle my little cha cha there's somebody chas and dancing that yes so many chas, dammit that. Yes, somebody chas. What do you think you're gonna break a brick? Oh, no. Hey, JPC, you know how I love, he looks sleep.
Starting point is 00:29:55 I love that he looks mattress brand, best nights sleep of my life. I know not everyone is on board yet, so I secured award winning sleeper, Merrill Sleep. She's right behind that door. Merrill sleep. Wow. She won the golden pillow for best sleep. That's right. Hey, Merrill. Hello, yes, hello, yes, I'm very well rested after sleeping on my midnight
Starting point is 00:30:21 looks. Helix Madras. Good to see you. Good to see you. Your naps are stunning. I just wanted you to tell people about Helix sleep how the Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award winning lux collection. The newly released Helix Elite collection, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers, even a mattress made just for kids. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100 night trial in a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out the new
Starting point is 00:30:52 Helix mattress. Who do you, who, who did I think you were? Maybe I don't know. Merrill, I'm Merrill Sleep and I know everybody is unique and everybody sleeps differently. I just recommend taking the Helix sleep quiz and you can figure out what mattress is right for you. I don't know if you're a side sleeper or you sleep hot or cold or if you sleep like me.
Starting point is 00:31:17 Meryl sleep. Yeah, choosing the right mattress is a real Sophie's decision. But don't just take our word for it or Meryl sleeps's word for it. He looks has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. It was even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine. I don't think I thought you were the person that you're talking about. What a performance. He looks mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model. Stunning.
Starting point is 00:31:51 Yeah, look, he looks as offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet. And it will not last long with helix better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy of Snorr. The snorr. Academy of Snorr. Better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy a snore. A snore? Academy a snore? You know what? Give me the Academy a snore.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Glid close to falling asleep. That's why I got you. Oh yeah. I got that a lot. Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Oh. Sure, yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early.
Starting point is 00:32:25 It's not yet the... What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you, jokers, told me, oh, JPC, it's okay, all you have to do is take some, you know, American paper currency, tape it to your front door, close the door, and then wait until someone brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone. So I had to tape more money to my door. I think you think you didn't work at all. Oh, door cash.
Starting point is 00:32:57 Yeah, you did door cash. We told you door dash is the number one thing to you. What the hunk? With DoorDash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever to get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat. JPC, which I don't know what you eat. I eat back to school supplies.
Starting point is 00:33:20 But wait. JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery, and convenience stores are on the app. So you can chop everything, your kids all your favorite retail, grocery, and convenience stores are on the app so you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family, might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some marshes homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know, those candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter. I just got those from DoorDash and they were on my porch within 20 minutes and it's very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry?
Starting point is 00:33:50 Yes. Did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to store to get all my favorite snacks and pencils and Pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was and I know that she would have loved To have door dash so she could be prepared before the big back-to-school day arrived So you can stock up with go-to breakfast lunchbox staples and brands that you love don't eat my school supplies JPC You see put that away for school with that trapper keeper down your mouth is too small and brands that you love. Don't eat my school supplies JPC. CBC, but that eraser down. Never school. Put that Trapper Keeper down.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Your mouth is too small. Never been told that before. Shop door dash to get everything you need for the back to school season delivered right to your door. Order now for stress free back to school shopping. Use promo code riddle to get 50% off up to $10 value. When you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery, or retail stores on DoorDash,
Starting point is 00:34:44 that's 50% off up to a $10 value. When you spend $15 or more promo code riddle, don't forget JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. That's code riddle for 50% off your next order terms apply. At all, JPC keeps eating my gel pens. Thanks DoorCash. I mean, no, that's the one.
Starting point is 00:35:04 That one didn't work. That one's bad. Hey, DoorCash. I mean, no, that's the one. That one didn't work. That one's bad. Hey, JPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him.
Starting point is 00:35:19 I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Atal. to I'm excited to engage with your audience. And so let me think for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like,
Starting point is 00:35:58 is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production,
Starting point is 00:36:12 and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing, new, he's gonna tune you nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.
Starting point is 00:36:25 No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords are popular products and content on my prank website
Starting point is 00:36:40 for prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for I can't remember what's the website for Frank With square space You can connect to your store to vetted third party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey, JPC hey, JPC. What's up, Adam? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron.
Starting point is 00:37:22 Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait. I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Hey, Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go, Rick, go Rick, go Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, go, Rick, Rick, go, go, Rick, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, go, go, Rick, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, Rick, go, Rick, go, Rick, Yeah, riddle me this and riddle me that We're back and we are back with Molly's big book of little bitty riddles That's right, everybody hop into the wagon stop
Starting point is 00:37:52 We're all going out to the west with Molly's riddles on a chest Yeah! Yeah! Howard didn't scream Yeah! Okay, there we go, there we go We're back with some of Molly's riddles. Aaron. What? I'm sorry, ingenuity struck creativity. Hit me like a bolt of lightning. Wow.
Starting point is 00:38:11 Finally. I can't imagine that's true. Howard Dean, what if it was, what if it was Howard teen? Picture this. How are Dean? Is this new water fountain? He's drawing. Stop where you're stopped. You're at here. $100,000. I want to my desk by my name. Morning. Yeah. I love it. I'm ready. You don't need to sell this to me. I love it.
Starting point is 00:38:31 A Disney Channel original is called Howard team. I would watch it. Oh man. I revolutionized small donor. I like campaign donations. Whatever, Howard teen, where's your math homework? He kisses, he's like 16, and he kisses a girl after her homecoming,
Starting point is 00:38:51 and he's like, yeah. It's like, what does that mean goes, yeah, what was that? The network being like, okay, so these are the two Howard Dean jokes that you have. What makes this a show? We go, I don't know. We just do a line of coke off their table. Give me a second to slightly up pitch the Dean scream.
Starting point is 00:39:17 This is why I don't think we need. We gotta hear a Howard Dean scream. I just like it how it's gonna come like five minutes later in the episode where we've completely forgotten. What was that? Aaron, I have a, I just like it how it's gonna come like five minutes into the later in the episode where we've completely forgotten Uh, what was that? Aaron, I have a question about these we keep calling these Molly's Riddles Yeah Do you think that Molly after hearing what some of these Riddles are? Do you think that they would want to be associated with these Riddles?
Starting point is 00:39:36 Absolutely not, absolutely not Um, if Mississippi should lend Miss Erie, her new jersey, what would Delaw wear? I don't know, Alaska. Uh-huh. Is that what it is? Yep. I'd like to see you see.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Hold on here. That was the answer. Yep. That sucks. No, no, no, no, no, it's awesome. Adel, you are Miss Isipi. JPC, you are Miss Erie, and you two are gossiping about all the other states.
Starting point is 00:40:11 Mm-hmm. Did you hear, did you hear? No, what? Um, I don't know, I don't know if I should be saying this. Come on, say it, who's gonna tell? Okay, I'm just, okay, I'm a little nervous, but do you know, do you know Califf? Califf Califf he's that nearly fell at all. Yeah, fornicating
Starting point is 00:40:32 No with never add a you know add a who's like I'm never gonna have sex yet Well, never had had had californication You know what that is wow because I heard that cala was going out with or egg and Or I'm gonna get it If Cala's gonna give it to Nevada you talk you talk often now Hey, and this is coming from a miss who sips her own pee Not I'm talking shit. See, you know, that's wild. That's wild.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Did you hear that, um, you know that girl on Maine? Wait, stop. She's not here. Stop right there. Stop right there. I want to hear it. I want to hear it. But we cannot be doing this gossip with that something to drink.
Starting point is 00:41:18 Let's hear. Have a mini soda. I prefer to sip my own pee. Oh, mini soda's fine. I'll have a mini soda. It's mini soda fine. I know, because I just don't have, I just don't have your pee. I could give you your pee. I mean my pee. Uh, if we wanted the UP, we would have to...
Starting point is 00:41:34 Go to Michigan. Go to Michigan. Go to Michigan. Go to Michigan. Go to Michigan. Again. Oh, I hate that. Well, Maine, I heard that Maine,
Starting point is 00:41:42 uh, that Maine, uh, Maine, road, island, like, oh no! Yeah, Road Island all night. Island got fucked by Maine! Yeah, and now his penis, Vania. He had a Vany penis? Penis, Selvania.
Starting point is 00:41:58 Speaking of that, speaking of a Vany penis, you know who I heard his Connecticut? Flora, Florida? Flora duck. Yeah. Flora duck. Duck. You never would have guessed. You know what?
Starting point is 00:42:11 I'm going to put a little verb, oh, to my mini soda because I'm feeling sassy. I'm feeling so sassy. You know, Anna? I heard she's loose. No, no. Lucy, Anna. Lucy, Anna. Lucy, Anna. Lucyy Anna. Lucey Anna is a lucey.
Starting point is 00:42:25 Lucey Anna. Yeah, just whatever may come. Just a marty-gron or pants. And didn't she just get? Didn't she just start dating York? No. She broke up with York who she with now. What a, it's like a New York.
Starting point is 00:42:38 New Mexico. I don't know. Oh my god, it's New Mexico. Well, New Mexico. New Mexico. Is not where clothes. Isn't that crazy? And between you and me, I also heard that New Mexico isn't really washing a ton. Oh, duh, Coda. And North, duh, Coda.
Starting point is 00:42:59 What else? Ah, Indiana's world as well. Well, we're talking about loose and I don't know. I don't know. Well, what else would I see in C-C-C-C? I cannot believe how long you were able to go. Oh, that's a big one. That's very good.
Starting point is 00:43:16 I hate it. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. This is the official Hey River Rittle coming soon to Disney+. Howard teen. Howard Dean teen scream. Well Adda let's do this right. Do you like the Disney Channel voiceover trailer and at the end of it Casey will play that?
Starting point is 00:43:34 Sure. Yeah. Coming this election season, you see them on TV, you some eat shit on TV and you know his most famous scream But did you know that he was once a teenager? coming soon Disney plus Frankie Muniz is
Starting point is 00:43:58 Howard team I love it. I love every second of it. Horrible and beautiful. We haven't even gone, we have not even gone 30 episodes without ruining an episode with our deep history. It's been two episodes since our last power deans scream. And then it was to make a custom sign that says it's been this many days since your last power deans scream. It's a real little. We probably gladly. We would gladly put that up in the studios. What goes farther, the slower it goes.
Starting point is 00:44:49 Well, I would say probably a Louisiana. What goes far, she goes all the way. What goes farther, the slower it goes. Okay. Farther. The truth. Lower it goes. Oh, I love that. Oh, incredible. Incredible. Farther. What was farther the glacier?
Starting point is 00:45:09 Lower it goes. Swath? This feels like a very 1950s wording to me. 23 Scootoo. You have the damn communist. Yeah, it's the damn communist. Can we get a hint, Aaron? Yeah, this is tough.
Starting point is 00:45:30 It's like some, it also feels like it's a little bit of advice that like a grandfather would give. Oh, it's like the tortoise and the hare shit of like steady wins the race so on steady. Is this like a responsibility? Yep, it's money. Yeah, yeah, you knew it It goes farther the slower it goes. I don't need some old-ass person from 1950 telling me about how to spin my money when a fucking hamburger costs half a penny fuck off Go off to you busy. Go off king. you be ZZ?
Starting point is 00:46:05 Go off King. Yeah, you fucking old ass, 1950s motherfuckers. Last off King. Last off King. Yes. Yes. Why don't you get an Instagram, but then you tell me how what TikTok is.
Starting point is 00:46:19 I love that so much. It's giving fuck you. I've seen a few things on TikTok and probably on Twitter that are just like these guys who are like, here's what you do. Take $500 a month, set it aside, invest it. Yes. You're gonna get 30% back on your,
Starting point is 00:46:35 30% interest per year on your $500. You're gonna get a million dollars within 10 years. I'm like, grind set. Grind set. What are you talking about? They're just like set aside $1,000, invest it. 10 years later, $50 million. It's like, what are you talking about you're just they're just like set aside a thousand dollars invest it 10 years later 50 million dollars I was like what do you think you're skipping a lot of details
Starting point is 00:46:50 Investors kind of doing all the work of getting us to a million dollars my my favorite of the ones that start with a million dollars So like okay, so take your million dollars. Yeah, you're like whoa wait. What the fuck where do you get the million buddy? Where do I get going on? the million buddy. Where do I get? I'm slow to ask. If you have other videos like it watch, you seem so smart. He seems a confident. Okay. Here can we have another riddle please from this little riddle book?
Starting point is 00:47:13 This one sucks so bad, but I'm tempted to read it. Okay. Love it. Is the answer JPC's attitude? Yep. It does. Every book has one that sucks, is it? This is it. It's the suckiest riddle in this book. Thank you, Molly fuck.
Starting point is 00:47:31 You are. Ciao. Ciao. So many chas. Oh, the chas. What is the difference between a milk made on the farm and a seagull in the harbor? There's a lot of differences.
Starting point is 00:47:44 A milk made is typically human. Seagull is a type of bird. Oh harbor. There's a lot of differences. A milk made is typically human. Seagull is a type of bird. Oh, so one has a difference. Hearts different organs, different sort of senses. One has speech, one does not, one kind of cause. One milks the cows and the other one smokes the cows. One oversees the milk and one is overseas with milk. Uh huh. Is it going to be something like that though, right? Like, oh, wait. One oversees the milk and one is overseas with milk.
Starting point is 00:48:05 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's gonna be something like that though, right? Like... Oh wait. Yeah, you kind of got it. What's the difference between a milk- A milk made on the farm and a seagull in the harbor. One milks the others and the others utter disappointment. Woof.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Sorry, I know the seagull. Um, one skim's milk in the other skim's water. You love it. Oh, 1953, huh? Mm-hmm. I do want to see you seen. Okay. Um, JPC, you are a milkmaid, air and you are a seagull, and the two of you are forming an unlikely friendship.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Wait, I think I get what you're saying. We could kill each other's bosses. Right, and then no one would know. No one would know because- Why would we know each other? Yeah, why would a seagull kill a cow exactly? And then why would Milk made made yeah kill a cow
Starting point is 00:49:20 Wait a second On the count of three on the count of three three, let's both say our boss's name, okay? I just want to see this. On the count of three, we both say our boss's name, okay? Mm-hm. One, two, three. Mr. Moo. Man, Mr. Moo.
Starting point is 00:49:37 We have the same boss. Simulair, boss. Matt, Matt, Matt, is might be gold get in here No Shit god damn it. Yes, Mr. Mew What have I been paying the two of you for I see you standing slash flying around? There's work to be done. There's others to be I don't know what the term is squeezed is that is that Couldn't just be milked. Could it be milked? Well milk sounds creepier That's your it's your others. Yeah, this feels this feels it
Starting point is 00:50:13 Wait, are you mr. Cow I miss their move? Mr. Boo. I'm sorry and we've been milking you correct. Are you Mrs. Human? Are you? Mr. Siegel I think my I think my main problem is I don't believe you have others Let me prove no, I see what you're doing you're trying to get you're trying to get me in trouble Well, I feel like you should be in trouble Well, I'm wearing slacks and there is a cutout for the others But I'm not gonna stand out and wave it around. I'm not gonna swing my hips side to side and make it slap either.
Starting point is 00:50:46 You said wave it around. Yeah, my others. Yeah, I mean, no, right? I'm like crazy. I'm like crazy. See? See? Throw us in the do-hop scene.
Starting point is 00:50:57 That should be the tagline of Hey, Real Riddle. Sir, can we go? Can we go? Can we go? So many jobs. Actually, I really liked that scene. Oh, I have to keep reading riddles. Let's see. Why is it always a mistake to put on a shoe?
Starting point is 00:51:20 Why is it always a mistake to put on a shoe? Why is it always a mistake to put on a shoe? Because you're stepping on a sole because you already have a tongue, because you can't get any too much traction. Did put on mean something different in 1953? Like to entertain? Put on a shoe.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Yeah. I'll put on a show. And it'll time me talk. Oh, put on a shoe. Put on a shoe. Yeah, I'll put on a show. Damn, an old timey talk. Oh, put on a show. Yeah, put on a show. It's gonna be a really big shoe. Reds a little bit. Reds a little bit.
Starting point is 00:51:50 Sure. Why is it always a mistake to put on a shoe? Mm-hmm. Why is it, yeah, always a mistake to put on a shoe. Oh, it can't be this simple, but is it? Because then you don't really be wearing one shoe. Ooh, that's a good guess. But that's a better answer to this. Okay, Okay. Here. Can we have a small hint?
Starting point is 00:52:08 Because it's a yeah, it's trying to be a joke Trying to be funny is it a plan words like a shoe pun Kind of yeah Is it okay something about left like laces Uh, is it okay? So we have something about left like laces, dole feet or heel, you're trying to feel, because you're puttin'. You puttin'.
Starting point is 00:52:31 I don't know why I'm expecting you to get this. This is a popular one. This is kind of a joke. Okay, I'm gonna put myself into the mind of a person from 1953 trying to come up with a joke. Oh, I'll do the same. Okay, Jim, did you get anything for the joke? Why would we bother doing that?
Starting point is 00:52:48 We could just drink until 4 or 5 PM, call it quits for the day and hope one of our secretaries finishes the joke. Why you ahead of you? Hey, Susie, you got anything for that shoe joke? Oh, nothing yet, sir, but I work in Kippity tap, tap, tap, tap, Cheapity tap, tap, tap,
Starting point is 00:53:03 tap, tap, tap, tap, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, right there, she's floating away, close the window. We're gonna need another bottle of scotch and another two pairs of pants because we have pissed ourselves drunk in here. And don't walk that. Oh, yeah, don't walk have your own in the urinal.
Starting point is 00:53:18 I like to be on it. Mm-hmm. And then, we'll be in the middle of the room. Mm-hmm. What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? It was a really easy.
Starting point is 00:53:28 Okay. Can I be honest with you? Can I be honest with you? Yeah. I'm not going to remember recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode.
Starting point is 00:53:37 I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. I'm not recording this episode. Aaron. Aaron. Wow. Or maybe Aaron. Or maybe Aaron.
Starting point is 00:53:45 Mm-hmm. Um, my bit Aaron. No. Aaron. What was that? Aaron. They cast the guy who was like 30 as a teen. What was that?
Starting point is 00:53:54 All high school shows. No. It was the one that got really pan. Dear Evan Hansen. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ben Platt, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so that's going to be Aaron.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Aaron's going to have a dear Evan Hansen moment where she shows up at Howard Teen High School. And they're like, are you here to teach, ma'am? It's gonna be called always been good. Are you our principal's grandmother? And then I'll go, nope, just a teen like you. Okay, I got one. If it's a chip kid, oh go ahead. Can we hear the answer?
Starting point is 00:54:23 Oh, what? Oh, I didn't give you the answer answer? Oh What what we in to the Oh, I didn't give you the answer. No, no I asked you as the secretary in that That mini scene if you had the answer Y'all The answer Yeah, it was because you're putting your foot in it
Starting point is 00:54:38 Shut up, shut Back in 1950 that was like a fuck you that was basically saying fuck you if you say wow Steve You really put your foot in it. That was like you fucked up royal you piece of shit. Yeah That's also how I say fuck you to the ocean when I first get there. Yeah, put your foot in it I put my foot in it You suck on that ocean suck on these toes You were supposed to suck on that, Oishin. Suck on these toes. Uh, um.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Tuck. Um. If a chicken could talk, what kind of language would it speak? Speak. If a chicken could talk. Yes. What would it be? If a chicken could talk.
Starting point is 00:55:15 What kind of language would it speak? Um, Greek. Greek. I like that a lot. English. English. Um, no, but that's, you both came up with incredible answers that I wish were real. I like that a lot. English? English! No, but you both came up with incredible answers that I wish were real.
Starting point is 00:55:30 I actually think that this is a good like, as far as like the joke riddles go, I think that this is pretty good. Okay. Is it clock? Clock you? Okay, yeah, clock. What other sounds do you like to make? It's on a sound. Okay, it's not a sound. Feather egg.
Starting point is 00:55:50 Beak. Hinti. What? Big thumbs up from Gaze. Oh, it's a bean. It's a bean. I hate that. I like the salt. Maybe Howard Dean.
Starting point is 00:56:05 Yep. Is it chicken french? No. But think of what kind of bird it is. Oh my God. I love chicken french from third rock from the sun. A flightless bird. No, he's seen you as in with lethgaugh.
Starting point is 00:56:19 E-muir. What time are we going to get the language? Chicken. What's a chicken? It's a farm yard bird. It's a egg laying bird. It's a edible bird. Dinosaur.
Starting point is 00:56:35 It's a dinosaur. It's a dinosaur technically. Birds are going to show us. I think I'm just going to tell you. Hold on, get some hint. Give us a better hint. I don't have any good hints. What do you mean by what type of bird a chicken is?
Starting point is 00:56:45 Like. Like it's. People used to describe that type of. Huh? There's no way of saying it. No, there's no way of saying it without giving it away. Are there other types of bird under this in this class? I think so.
Starting point is 00:57:00 You think so. Let me look it up. Give us another bird that's in this class. Yeah, if there are other types. Is it a raptor? No, that's that's type of bird though, right type of bird. Okay. Yeah, it means bird. Yeah, I think there's Yes, there are Some other Birds in this so-called peacock penguin roosters roosters geese
Starting point is 00:57:21 Oh, these are all birds These are Geese. Oh these are all birds listening. Gimmi plow. Oh these are game birds. Kind of. Yeah I was gonna say foul. Fowl. Oh they speak foul, foulsy like Farsi. They speak foul language. Oh, how the kids do you see a scene. You both are two chickens on a farm and you both have, you swear I like sailors. Buk, buuk, buuk, buuk, I got a big cock, buuk, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got
Starting point is 00:58:04 a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a big cock, I got a bit cocked. I got a bit cocked. Hey, Jeff. Jeff, what the fuck is going on, man? What are you doing? I got a bit cocked. Oh, no. I'm trying to read the paper, man. I'm trying to look in the mirror like George Washington. Look at my cock.
Starting point is 00:58:20 I got a bit cocked. Jeff, Jeff. You got to get your life together. What are you doing? I got a bit cocked Yeah, yeah. You got to get your life together. What are you doing? I'm gonna be calm. I'm gonna be calm. Come on.
Starting point is 00:58:29 It's a break room, man. Come on, come on, come on. We're just two guys hanging out. We can be guys, because. Guys, because. This is a lock on the talk, I'm gonna be calm. I'm gonna be calm, I'm gonna be calm, I'm gonna be calm. I guess, man.
Starting point is 00:58:40 I'm gonna be calm. All right, let me see it. Be calm. Okay, yeah, pretty big. Yeah, pretty big. I mean, yeah. Congratulations, man. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:58:51 Let's see. I think I might be one of my favorite things ever. Oh, brother. To the point. Okay. That reminds me of a... There's a joke that is very fun to tell. I used to tell it all the time in high school,
Starting point is 00:59:09 and it's like this whale joke, and the premise of the joke goes like this, you say these two whales are swimming together in the ocean, and one whale goes, and then for as long as you choose to do it, you just call, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you just make whale sounds. You just make whale sounds for a long a long time and after five minutes or ten minutes or whatever You go and then the whale turns to me goes the fuck are you talking about him? That's a hunter Jbz
Starting point is 00:59:34 I feel like that joke Was formative in your sense of humor absolutely Oh Oh man. I also really like to hear those out loud. I also make me realize that that's maybe a whale guest starring on that Snoop Dogg song. I hear Snoop Dogg song that's like, the Ferrell song, the, yeah. If a whale get it out of tune. SNW OPDO Double GZ.
Starting point is 01:00:03 Or something like that. or something like that. Or something like that. Aaron? Mm-hmm. More. Riddle! Why don't we do one more, Aaron? Just for one more.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Just for one more. Okay. Alright. Well, if I only give one more, I'm gonna read one that I kind of like, or is not the worst ever. Okay. Wouldn't be me, but I respect you for doing it. Couldn't be me. Alright, you know what, I'll just read this.
Starting point is 01:00:24 Uh, what is the hardest key to turn? Wouldn't be me, but I respect you for doing it. Couldn't be me. All right, you know what, I'll just read this. What is the hardest key to turn? The key to your heart, the piano key. That's easy. That's turning the key a blow. A key on Street Value? Is it like a map key, key to a map? That makes sense.
Starting point is 01:00:42 You're right on the right track for sure. I'm right track for sure. I'm going to track. Okay, Lago. Montego. Baby, why don't we go? It's a hard key to turn. A monkey.
Starting point is 01:00:55 You're totally on the right track. Okay, it is a big monkey. A baboon. I'm totally on the track. Well, it's an animal. A chimpanzee? Chimpanze it's an animal a chimpanzee chimpanzee Aaron is it chimpanzee I like the soft puzzle. I like it. I actually Jack is barf's
Starting point is 01:01:16 I like the soft puzzle chimpanzee. Yeah, Aaron is it is it a kit key cat? Oh No Is it a kit key cat? Oh God. No. Is it key? Is it, is it key? It's an animal, you said. Is it an animal? Is it a tea key drink? Is it a key? Isn't it, there's gotta be a bird that has key in the name.
Starting point is 01:01:39 Right? No, not that. A keycock. Is it a keycock? Is it a keycock? No, it actually has the sound key in it. So it's not like it's a rhyme. Okay, why is it that?
Starting point is 01:01:48 Kikak. Well, that, it's not a real animal. Oh. Yeah. Oh, I guess we're limited by our imaginations here, Arab. Yes. Oh, is it a donkey? Yes.
Starting point is 01:02:00 Wow. Donkey, coke, donkey, donkey. Donkey. I am my donkey. Yes! Donkey. Donkey. Donkey. Donkey. Donkey. I am my Donkey Coatie. What's going on? And in the morning, I'm making waffles.
Starting point is 01:02:12 In the morning, I'm making kegels. Kegels. And that's it. That's all I got from Aaron. Aaron, you did enough. Thank you. Let me just say right now, Aaron. Aaron, you're done a good job.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Rest now. That'll do, Aaron. That'll do. Tsk. Aaron, why don't you rest and why don't we play a voicemail? Huh? How about that? Save set, my man. 100%.
Starting point is 01:02:32 Thank you, baby, Aaron. Tsk. We're out of riddles. Send voicemails, faster. Send us voicemail to the star! Send us voicemail! voicemail! Master of voicemail that we for the great! voicemail!
Starting point is 01:02:53 voicemail! F***! Hey guys, Matt and Valparaiso, pretty close to Chicago. Love you guys, Ben since it started. I will let you know that the last payment of the patreon put my credit card Over the next and they canceled it This cool though. I work with candy a lot. What's your guys's favorite candy? Love you? Huh, we fucked up here a bowl. Well, I would say maybe don't spend the money on the candy.
Starting point is 01:03:28 Maybe spend on the things that are important in life. Seems like his credit card had a $10 limit. Seems like you, sir, you charged our picture for $180,000 at the Reese's store. Kit. I would say my favorite candy is, last time I mentioned this during a Hey Roodle Roodle or a Kit. I would say my favorite candy is, last time I mentioned this during a Hey Roodle Roodle live show, I was met with total defiance. It seemed like nobody agreed with me.
Starting point is 01:03:54 But I think Watcha McCaw. Then don't say it again, Adel. Learn your lesson. What's going on here? I used to love paydays. Yeah, that was helpful. I've loved the feet of the ones, but currently, I feel like Watcha're calling is like when
Starting point is 01:04:06 I'm craving a bite of candy or candy bar, which McCall it has every single component I'm looking for, but that would be my answer. I'll say this because I think a favorite can cycle in and out of style, but another shout out to Aaron. Aaron got me some dark chocolate chocolate white chocolate peppermint bark for Christmas last year. I hate white chocolate. I hate white chocolate too, but and I'm not a big fan of peppermint, but for some reason this bark was delicious. Now, I think it's also mostly dark chocolate and that's most of the taste of it. But man, I finished it, I actually just finished it
Starting point is 01:04:45 like a few days ago, which I'm not sure how long it's supposed to be. So. This was three Christmas ago, GPC. Yeah, it was quite a while, but I ate it very slowly, which also I enjoyed, because I was just taking like tiny little bites of it every once in a while. But I have the box that I considered ordering some more
Starting point is 01:05:01 because I was like, man, I really did enjoy that. Fantastic. Good gift, Aaron. I really did enjoy that. Fantastic. Good gift, Aaron. Hmm, I'm so glad that you liked it. Let's see. What is my answer? I really like phased orange flavor. Orange.
Starting point is 01:05:13 Yeah, so like orange starbursts. But if fudge counted, I would say fudge. I love life. Wow. Really? And then also like sour watermelon candy, which is very specific. I feel like Hershey or Nestle should just make like wrapped fudge.
Starting point is 01:05:29 Like how hard would that be? Cause it's so delightful. I also, I also wanna add on. Yeah, fudge wrapped. New York City, 2002. We went too far. I'll go ahead. I do wanna add one candy to my list. We went too far. I'll go ahead.
Starting point is 01:05:46 I do want to add one candy to my list. I have two. I'll watch them on call. If I'm not feeling chocolate, German raspberries. If you've never had a German raspberry, they are so fucking good. They usually come in a bag with black and red pieces. It's like a little gum drop, but they have little non-parals on them. Like your little balls, little candy balls, but they come in black and red and they are just wonderful.
Starting point is 01:06:10 I think I've seen those, but I don't think I've ever had the inclination to put one in my mouth. So fucking good. Hey, if I'm ever not feeling chocolate, call the fucking doctor because there is something deep wrong with this guy. Can I recommend a specific kind of fudge? Yes, please. You can order it online. It's a place called popolos and it is so good. They make the best fudge in the world.
Starting point is 01:06:33 It's a great gift. If you need to send someone a thank you present, popolo's fudge. And I'll also give fudge and you need a piece of fudge. Popolo. Popolo. Chacha. Chacha. Can you need a piece of fudge? Poppaloos. Ha ha ha. Poppaloos. Cha cha cha. Yeah. Ha ha.
Starting point is 01:06:48 And I'll go ahead and give a shout out to a little website called Nerdwallet.com. Some pretty good basic information about finances on there. So if you find your credit card big, cancel the program. $8, hey, we're in a rental payment. By the way, thank you for supporting the show.
Starting point is 01:07:04 Sorry about that. Sorry about that. Truly, sorry about that. But. Truly, truly, sorry about in a rental payment. By the way, thank you for supporting the show. Sorry about that. Truly, sorry about that. But, we didn't do it. All right. Hey, that brings us to one of my favorite times of the show. This is the time when we like to plug some stuff that we are interested in or are doing in life. Addle, do you have anything to plug?
Starting point is 01:07:22 Yes, I was recently a guest on a podcast called the Bigfoot Collectors Club Wow on there talking about aliens and big feet in crypto-zoology a really good time so check that out I'd also recommend checking out sitcom D&D a wonderful show check out their patreon as well and Build buds check out their patreon and their main feed shows as well. This month we're doing speaker box in the love below on the show. So good.
Starting point is 01:07:52 Classic. Maybe one of the best double albums of all time. Could be one of the best double albums of all time. I think that's probably safe to say. Dracula's wedding is probably my... Okay, you can fucking talk to Johnny about that shit. I got no time for Dracula's wedding. I like roses too, but it's weird.
Starting point is 01:08:08 It's a wrap poo poo poo poo. So I don't like that part. Aaron, anything to plug? Yes, thank you for plugging sitcom D&D. That I think is back right now for season three. And then also we did something really fun on our Patreon. So if people have listened to our Patreon before, we do this segment called Elizabeth's Diary where Elizabeth is reading like three pages at a time her diary from when she was like in the eighth grade. Wow. and we actually got him to come on the show and we interview her middle school high school boyfriend.
Starting point is 01:08:46 And it is, I could not believe how well it went. It was like the best time and one of my favorite episodes of anything I've ever been in. So if you want to check that out, that's our next stretch goal on the sitcom D&D Patreon. That's cool. Really good. JPC, could you please, I'm serious, like, read a review from the show or something
Starting point is 01:09:08 like that. She's serious, too, is it? Not only will I read a review, but I will also say that if you want to get your review featured on a future episode of Hit Riddle Riddle, just go to Apple iTunes, leave us a five star review. And hey, I might pick yours, for instance, I picked Shockwave 527's review, Shockwave 527 writes an interesting take on True Crime. This is probably the most unusual True Crime slash murder mystery podcast I've ever heard.
Starting point is 01:09:29 They really like to delve into the motive. Each episode seems to be building up the motive more and more, and yet I have no clue who dies. Who's the murderer? Do they all die? Do they all become murderers? Each episode dies so much together, only getting me more invested in how this all ends. And somehow, within all of this motive building, it's hilarious as well. Keep up the great work, I'm on the edge of my seat. I don't want to give too much away, Shockwave 527, but do watch out for our season 2 finale. Would we be revealing some pretty crucial clues?
Starting point is 01:10:02 Bum bum bum. Tachachachach. Tachachach, I can't. Love the Chachachas. Hey, Adal loves the Chachachas, Mayor. And I heard a little, a little, Missouri told me that you love something of your own, huh? A Jupiter.
Starting point is 01:10:16 Bacock, Baffle, and Bacock. Bacock, Bacock, Bacock, Bacock. And Casey, one more time. Ah! Oh, it's getting younger and younger. It's not gonna be the editing. That already parents in the music. Photo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemora.
Starting point is 01:10:40 Hey there, Bayes and Arias. You're not stupid, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, you're hate, hate, you're hate, you're hate, you by joining the ClubCrew for $5 a month or the ReviewCrew for $8 a month. Any get those ad for your episodes? See you there!

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