Hey Riddle Riddle - #24: New Year's Re:SOLUTIONS! With Zach Reino & Jess McKenna!

Episode Date: January 2, 2019

It's our first show of the new year so we're celebrating with Jess McKenna and Zach Reino from Off-Book and hot damn are they good at solving riddies and puzzies! We discuss resolutions, ancient dark gods, give a TED talk on Bubbles and take a riverboat cruise with two of the most famous mustachioed men of all-time! Stretch out them legs and put on some Jock Jams, it's time to take on the new year with Hey Riddle Riddle!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgun podcast. The Doctor is a special announcement. Hey, Clue Crew, we got a special announcement from your favorite host of particular podcasts that you made. Permacruise. It's not the macaroids. It's a three kind of wily host. The macaroids. No, it's not them.

They have a much more popular better to listen to podcasts with a more clear premise and goals. Anyway, it's the clue crew. It's A. Ritter-Ritter. It's old J.P.C. and Adel and Aaron. And we have a very special announcement for you starting in January We are going to release a patreon If you don't know what a patreon is it's basically a way for you to get the show that you love or mildly tolerate or hate and

Tweet us the hate more often So we will be releasing weekly episodes on the Patreon of a very close estimation of what the show is now. So we might not always be doing riddles, but we've got tons of fun stuff planned, we've got games and gags, road trip type games, would you rather, who done its all kinds of fun. Live content, special one off. So basically if you listen to Hey Riddle Riddle, you enjoy the show and you think, I love screaming at my phone once a week.

I'd love to scream at my phone twice a week for about an hour. Now you can do that. We're doubling our content. If you look at JPC Aaron and Adelon say, I like them, but I want to make them dance. Dance for my joy, my enjoyment. We're gestures and clowns and you want clowns to dance. We dance for you. You throw the money at us, we dance for my joy, my enjoyment. We're gestures and clowns and you want clowns to dance.

We dance for you. You throw the money at us, we dance for you. We dance. We just dance. And Aaron, how much money do we charge for a dance? $5 for one month of dance. That's right. You could unlock all of our Patreon content for only $5 a month.

$5 gets you in the door and it keeps you there forever. And there will be one episode where it's just the three of us dancing. Yeah. People have given us a lot of feedback what they want is a podcast with us doing less riddles and board dancing. So we're going to give the people what they want. I love podcasts, but I want it to be more visual. Now we're in a dance for you. And if we drive you crazy, just know our personalities will fully change on the Patreon. We'll be so nice to each other. Oh yeah. If you hate the podcast and it's current state our personalities will fully change on the Patreon. We'll be so nice to each other. Oh yeah.

If you hate the podcast in its current state, it's much different on the Patreon. Pay $5.00, don't listen. And if you enjoy the current state, I have a secret for you. We still yell at each other. We're actively mean to one another. So check out our, so check out our Patreon, starting in January. We love your support.

Thank you so much for listening. Take care. Just be careful, okay? Just be careful today. We love you. We are precious cargos. We love you. If you're going to, of course, you deserve love.

Bring a big knife. What? Everybody be careful. No, no, no. Drive your car fast. Do not listen to JPC. Do like what Teddy Roosevelt said. Drive your car very fast, but carry a big knife.

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Teddy Roosevelt said, drive your car veryittle, I'm at over 5. I'm JPC. And I'm Aaron Keith. No shit, all Sherlock. I am old baby inquiries. Oh boy old baby pussies. He's get worse at worst as we go along. Is there such thing as baby new year? Yes, yeah, that's what I was playing on. Yeah, you don't mean to just be baby new year. Yeah Not old baby. I don't know. Yeah, you have to be old baby new year. Yeah. Can you be old baby new year? Okay? I'm old baby new Dition out the piping hot riddies and pussies For 2019 guys, it's a new year new year new president Can you believe or anything that happened to Trump? Unbelievable

Drowned in the Pacific Ocean in San Yeah, I tried to drink it. I never thought 2019 would ever be a year Do you feel like I never in my wildest dreams thought this would ever actually be a real thing? But we're here. We are here. We have two incredibly special guests in the studio, and we're going to switch things up a little bit.

We usually do, whenever we have guest hosts, we usually do a mail bag episode. But we just did a mail bag episode, and I would not stand for these people not being on the podcast. and I don't care if people are upset it's 2019 which means new rules 2019 2000 fight me is what I always say oh I've always I've always said that and hold out of that if you see him in public do fight him he is ready for the fight he may look like he's enjoying a coffee or taking a big bite of pie but I can can't defend myself, but I'm very enthusiastic about trying.

We are here with two of my favorite humans, and also two of my favorite podcasters. And what's great about that, we are right. And then we also have two special guests. What's great about these two is sometimes you meet people who are wonderfully nice, but just not talented. Or you meet people who are wonderfully nice, but just not talented. Or you meet people who are wonderfully talented, and just not that nice. These two somehow sync it up together.

We have Jess McKenna and Zach Reno from the podcast off book. Hello. Hello. Oh, sorry, I need to fight you right now. Oh no, I'm eating pie. No. I was told it doesn't matter if you're eating pie. That's fine.

Adil, Adil, refight me. I should have said that. Adil, refight me. Are we still recording? No. No, we eating pie. That's fine. Adel-A-Refight me. I should have said that. Adel-Refight me. Are we still recording? No. No, we don't. Well, we stopped after two minutes. But what flavor of pie is this?

January would be like a winterberry, is that a thing? Oh, yeah. You think a winterberry? Might as early that was winterberry, so you told me. Yeah, it's like me only uses real flavor. It's real pie. Things that grow on trees like coke or diaries. Yeah, you guys have had crunch berries off the vine, right?

Mm-hmm, yes, half to half to. Zach and Jess, before we get started with our warm-up riddies and pussies, any New Year's resolutions? Do you two subscribe to our podcast? Do you two subscribe to your phone. Would you be willing to take out your phones right now and subscribe? That would really set us over to our channel.

Yeah, not only that, I'm gonna rain review. Thank you so much. That means a world close. D2 do resolutions? I usually do and don't make it very far. What are some of your failed? Yeah, what are some of your failure? This is a job interview.

The one that I had for 2018 was this idea called Miracle Mornings, which is about having an hour that's really regimented in the morning that the Miracle Mornings itself is really prescriptive. It's broken up into six activities that you do forcriptive. It's like broken up into six activities that you do for 10 minutes. And it's like 10 minutes of reading, 10 minutes of visualizing,

10 minutes of meditating, whatever. I extrapolated and was just like, I'm just gonna do my own breakdown. And it included like meditating, writing, reading. And I also tried to, one of the things I tried to do was drink hot lemon water. And I lasted a couple weeks. I know what.

That's for 10 minutes. Yeah. 10 minutes of udda to wrap it drinking hot lemon water. Yeah. Is it just like tea without the tea bags? You squeeze it and you also use the zest. It's supposed to be really good for just kickstarting your bod for the day.

Is it also good as a singer? Is that good for your... Ooh. Your chords? Chords are what us and the musical industry call our vocal chords. I don't think they're familiar. No, but I'm gonna use that now.

Okay, good. Oh my chords. What do you call corduroy pants? Roids? What do you call steroids? Stereas? What do you call the cute things that get you to the top floor of a building

that are not mechanical? My children. Oh my gosh. Does that do you have any near-faisal? Yeah, I was doing Miracle Morning. That's where you watch Miracle on 34th Street every morning? Close.

This is where I petitioned my god, a cold and dark god, to perform a miracle for me every morning. And he has obliged most days. And there's some sort of sacrifice, right? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, can you have too many miracles? Well, are they even miracles anymore? That's an excellent point.

He's just been doing feats of extreme magic. And I missed the name, was that Baffamette or who's your god? Who is that? Was it Baffamette? You cannot be named in, I guess, human tone. Let's go ahead and try. Yeah, sure. Let me hear ahead try it. Yeah, sure Sounds like this

Wow, wow sort of an sort of an eldritch screen yeah, but way more high-pitched than I would have ever yeah Yeah, sure all of which is to say that I'm in sort of a perpetual state of, I don't like do resolutions, super hard core, but I'm kind of like always trying to eat better and be better at being an adult. That's pretty good. And also you were drinking room temp grapefruit water. Yes, I do room temp grapefruit water. And you got you dapples in the shower. I just have to finish our is a weird thing that didn't happen yesterday.

Thank you for putting me on blast, Adam, because we all went to a Gigi Varr last night on December 31st, because today is the first day of the new year. Plus four. And that's canon, and that's for sure, yes. And for some reason, my brain invented a way to not be hung over, and that was to eat an apple in the shower. Well, while it was on, I had to clarify. So, shower day keeps Apple away.

A shower day keeps the apple wet. Do you two shipbirds have any resolutions? I wanna be able to do a split. Yeah. That's really good. Yeah. Which way? No.

I wanna do the front like, yeah. Long way, long way. really good. Yeah, which way? No, but I want to do the front, like, long ways. Kickways. Yeah. I want someone to do it for me though. I want someone to stretch me. Huh, you need a monk to push on your shoulders. You need a like a David Kerr to ask, yeah. I've been looking at you.

Tony Shillman. There's this 13 year old girl who's like, hey, I'm going to teach you how to do a split in two weeks, and I like her confidence, so I'm gonna let her. Wow, okay. You definitely have bones and muscles like me, a 13-year-old girl. This won't hurt you. Okay, so you know that thing where your body moves

however you want it. And you fell off a building, but it didn't hurt. Do that. Bye. I eat what I want and I'm 20 pounds. Bye. She's honestly underway. Do that! Bye! You're what I want and I'm 20 pounds. Bye! She's honestly underway. Last year's resolutions for me was I wanted to watch less TV and I wanted to watch 100 movies that I hadn't seen before.

Of course, but you just made a monk reference how long ago? I love Tony Shalib, and I did that and I also wanted to do 20,000 push-ups because the year before that I did 10,000 and then I did that one as well. So I'm pretty good at sticking to my resolutions, but I'm like a psychopath. I have like charts and spreadsheets for all of my resolutions. So...

So, RedString, connecting them all? Yeah, I connect all of my Google spreadsheets with RedString. It's an app you can tap on. Or surrogate. Yeah, surrogate. You can track of where they buff body. I call them my victims sure of it, right? We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it.

We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it.

We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it.

We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. We're sure of it. my sprint sheep. Sure, while you do that, I'll say that I believe I believe what you're describing is like the Herschel Walker method, right? Herschel Walker, well, he did a bit of what you did, but also the opposite. He used to watch TV and then I'll commercial breaks. He'd do a thousand push ups. This is a minutes of Vikings receiver. Wait, if we all commercial breaks, he'd do 1000 push ups. Yep. Wait, no. No. That's impossible.

Hey, Addle, no. 1,000 in two minutes. No. Wait, let me pull up my red screen. Wait, I try to do 1,000 push-ups once in a day. And I like stop. I got to like 700 and I couldn't move anymore. Here's what I'm saying.

Percial walker, if you're listening, come fight me. Also, how many was it? I've heard this story before. I can't remember. Maybe it was 10. Let's get into our warm up, Riddles. JPC, did you have that movie? Yeah, I saw a mile 22 with a Mark Wahlberg movie.

That's the sequel, the Eightmo. Nope, that's a very good joke, and it's very funny. That sequel is also called 16. Yeah. About 22 would be the two and a half in between. No, as mile 22 with Mark Wahlberg, it came out like a few months ago I saw it in California with my brother It was one of the worst pieces of trash I've ever seen in my life

I'm sure he made like 80 million dollars doing it cool proud of him. Yeah, I'm very proud of him All right, let's get into some warm-up riddies here we go first one I Can be cracked made an egg That's it I can be cracked made made, told, and played. One of my. Dekka cards. I can be cracked, made, told, and played. Joke. What am I? It is a joke.

It's a joke. Or, it's an egg. It's a joke egg. It's a joke or an egg. It's like an egg that when you crack it open, instead of has confetti on the inside. It's one of those fiesta eggs. Yeah.

Which are apparently not a thing in the rest of the country. What's a fiesta egg? See? So there's this celebration called fiesta, and I don't want to culturally butcher what it's actually to eggs, which are apparently not a thing in the rest of the country. What's a Fiesta egg? See? So there's this celebration called Fiesta and I don't want to culturally butcher what it's actually about, but growing up in Santa Barbara, it's just a great party where you eat a lot of really good Mexican food and they have eggs that are hollowed out like the yolk is taken out and then you put confetti in it and then you cover over the whole and then you smash

it on other people's heads. Is it not a joke? Is it a hard boil? No, no, just a shell. It's like an egg shell and you just poke it and then drain it. Yeah, there's a name for it and I can't remember it. Interesting. A joke.

It's a joke. Has anybody like done that but also kept like a raw egg? That's called a hate crime when you throw eggs at people. That's what it is. What are I gonna rope? That's what we do. But if you smash an egg on someone and it's not a throw,. That's called a hate crime when you throw eggs at people. That's what it is. What are I grew up, that's what we do. But if you smash an egg on something and it's not a throw, that can't be a hate crime, right? That's just cooking eggs around.

Did anybody else as a kid used to take your mom's Panihoseg and act like you're cracking eggs? What? Just me? All right. All right. Oh. That brings us to our first dead stop of the episode. Oh, listen to that.

You know, you play with your mom's fan-hills, crack open the egg, but the pan-hills in your face go rob a bank, you get all the money. So you never did that growing up because we had video games and we weren't fucking weird. I feel like, and again, this could be a whole virtual walker part two, but I feel like I remember, there used to be pan-hills that came in like an egg.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were called like leggings, but the egg was capitalized and the egg was lowercase or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like leggings and an egg. I'm very young. I don't know. Who's what's them? Oh, no, I can't.

Aaron just did them standing out. Oh, incredible. Here's the next one. I am a seed with three letters in my name. Take away the last two and I still sound the same. P. That's right. Nice. Nice. This is the best thing I've ever done and it's both our guestos. Yeah, we're letting them get to feel good. You feel good, right?

Yeah, yeah. Honestly, yeah. Feel like a big man's act. I feel pretty tall. 2019, 2005 me. Wait till he has pie. I am lighter than air but 100 people, fight me. Wait till he has pie. I'm right. I am lighter than air, but 100 people cannot lift me. Far. Yes. I can tell I got it right. I am lighter than air, but 100 people cannot lift me. Careful, I am fragile.

What am I? Blimp's. A blimp. It's actually blimpies. There's a way to change. Blimpful. A lot of people are far too far. Far blimp. flimful. It's a bit flimful. It's a bit flimful, if I'd say. Far-plim.

Letter to the air. But 100 people cannot lift me. What's careful? I am fragile. What am I? Ego? A cloud. That's a great.

Those are both great guesses, but not the answer that's shown. Is it like a... Silence. It's always silence, a river. Ben. Do you guys mind moving the silence up to my third story apart? We're so sorry we can't need more than a hundred people to lift silence Well, so I don't trust myself with it. It's so fragile. Is it a curse? It is not a curse though

Here's what I want to see from a dark and cold God I want to see Jess and JPC you're to I want to see Jess and JPC, you're two blissfully ignorant teenage kids who wandered into a shack that was emanating a glow in the woods. Zach, you are some sort of person, maybe a witch or some sort of warlock, who bestows curses. Who bestows? You're the lead singer of who bestows? Maybe we're in the Ozarks and you bestow a curse upon these two hapless kids because of What they say here we go?

No way I could hold my breath in the shack for longer than you could no you can't I've told you I have great breast support All right getting the shack. Let's see how this goes Sorry. Are you hungry? No, I'm not hungry, but that dog is. Oh, I'm not a dog. I'm a warlock, maybe a witch. You'll never know. No, no. Well, I need you to decide, what's that? I need you to decide.

You know the character knows, but they'll never know. Thank you so much, I'm so sorry. Okay, your name text says warlock. Oh you I've ever warned I will bestow upon you a gift that is occurs wait wait that's not a gift Tyler also Warlock could be like that which is name oh Snap is your no you were right. I don't have a name tag I have a profession tag, but thank you for asking what name. Well I guess you did. Technically she didn't ask. What's your name? What's your name?

What's your name? My name is Hot Breath and I can hold my breath longer than any person on this way. Okay, well let me make you a little bug in deal if you can hold okay. Yes, Tyler All right, the terms have been said in stone now set them in blood Okay, I don't have any blood. Hey Tyler. Oh my god. I'm like bike away What on my bike away actually you said we were hanging out all afternoon? Well bike with me stop like agreeing to curses before you even hear them Okay, but like where are we going and also I need to fix my bike We cut you the we cut to these three these two kids in this warlock on their bikes just through town I guess we never asked how old are you? How old are you? How old is a mountain?

Like probably it depends like is it formed from like a Quake or that one. Oh? Oh, that's easy. 2000 years old. Oh, okay. I'm like three years younger than that, Maldon. Oh. I was just, like, starting a bump up before I got in there. Tyler, dinner time! What?

Dinner time. Oh, are your friends joining us? Yes, please! Can they, Mom? What are you making? Pizza rolls, please! Oh, for dinner, not a snack. Tyler, you prince.

I do whatever my son says. I'm afraid of it. Oh, yeah. I can understand that. And I say, please, because I don't want to abuse my power. And who's this? Oh, hello. I name his hot breath. I'm just a little bit younger than that mountain over there. Oh, were you talking to me, Jenna? I've been in your house several times. Mom, this is Jenna. I can't place your face. Jenna, are you sure it's Jenna you talking to me, Jenna? I've been in your house several times. Mom, this is Jenny.

I can't place your face. Jenna, are you sure it's Jenna? Yeah, yeah, Jenna. I've been Tyler did a project killer like three weeks ago. You let us have Pop Tart ice cream sandwiches. I don't think so. Yeah, the curse I bestowed upon you makes you unrecognizable to everyone in the world,

except for me and your friend. Hey, hot breath, come here. My mom's single. My dad went to prison for tax evasion. Ooh, so you're saying we should hook her up and your friend. Hey, hot breath, come here. My mom's single. My dad went to prison for tax evasion. Ooh, so you're saying we should hook her up with your friend? Yes, see. That perfect friend. What's the shakes we play with hot spur?

Is that a character? Hot piss. That's what it is. Hot piss. Merchant of Venice, hot piss. I'm lighter than air, but 100 people can't lift me. Careful, I am fragile. What am I? It's not a fart bl Venice, hot piss. I'm lighter than air, but 100 people cannot lift me. Careful, I am fragile.

What am I? It's not a fart, blam, pure fart. Spirit? Is it a tangible thing? These are all fantastic answers. It's fortunately not the answer. Is it something like actually tangible, or is it like a concept?

It's so it's not like pride. No, it's not. Lighter than air, but 100 people cannot lift me. Is 100 people, is that the operative thing? Is it like, could 50 people do it? I balloon. Ooh, who said that, aren't they? That's, and it's also.

Wait, closer than fart blimp. Listen, just say it. I need you to trust me. It's also a word that's in, so my favorite Nintendo game has two words in it. One is, one is, one is, you're not, you're not terribly off. One is bobble. Oh, it's a bobble.

It's a bobble. Oh, yeah. The one is closer than far, Blam. It's true. I think they're actually kind of equidistant. All right, well, then we're done here. Wait, 100 people can't hold bubble? Lift.

100 people can't lift bubble. Okay, bubble fragile. Careful. Yeah, I see five people can't hold bubble lift 100 people can't lift bubble. Okay. I would prefer to careful. Yeah I see five people can't from the bubble bubble Yeah, careful careful careful Honestly even more fragile scrubbing bubbles I'm gonna need you to do right now the sort of Ted talk for the bubble that you have Hey everyone, thanks for coming out to my TED Talk of course. And this is one where people ask questions. And let's go ahead and ask the questions.

And I'm just a simple mountain man who came to this TED Talk and I couldn't help but notice that. Sorry, you're a mountain man, and you live in the mountains or you're as old as a mountain. I will entertain any questions that you have about my past and my profession. Okay. I came from the mountains and I live in the mountains. Any more questions? No.

Any for me? Oh, yes, just my original question. What kind of bubble is that? What we have here is what we call a classic bubble. Now this bubble is going to have a film around it made from subsets inside its typical air and it's going to last for about 20 to 43 seconds. Yes, can you pass that withered man the mic? I brought this mic from home. I will not relinquish my mic.

You can follow it. You're a borrow this for us. Is this engraved? Yes, it's very nice. I was given it. I think you're a borrow this. What is this engraved? Yes, it's very nice. I was given to be by a dragon. That's incredible. I have a question. Bubble fragile? Bubble fragile.

Careful. Careful. Bubble fragile. No pop bubble. Bubble can't live. I'm going to give your mic to the woman on my left who's raising her hair. Actually, I don't know if it's a woman. Yes, over here.

Yes, now. Excuse me. I have a woman's hand. Yes, over here. Yes, now. Excuse me. I have a question. It may be a little personal. Have you ever accidentally fallen in love with one of the bubbles and then had your heart broken because they're here so temporarily? One time a dish soap bubble did get

to a larger than average size. It flew in front of my wife's face. It slightly skewed her appearance. I fell immediately in love, harder than I've ever fallen. Then popped and I of my wife's face. It slightly skewed her appearance. I fell immediately in love Harder than I've ever fallen it then popped and I saw my wife and we later divorced Well hard fragile hard fragile marriage fragile don't lift Easy lift no cares. No marriage should be fragile be fragile. Uh, can I have a microphone now please?

Oh, yeah. Damn, I can do it. Sorry, please pass the mic down here. Hey, you ever get that snowman kind of bubble? Um, I'm not familiar with that. Yes, you know the one. You know the one where it looks like a little snowman. You ever get that snowman kind of bubble?

Oh, you're talking about double bubbles. No, ah, yeah, sometimes, but I'm really thinking about that triple-bub. Oh, a T-bub. A T-bub. You ever get that T-bub bubble? Uh, it is very rare. No, oh yeah, sometimes I'm really thinking about that triple Bob. Oh a tea Bob a tea Bob you get that tea Bob bubble. It is very rare. It's almost as rare as a forleaf clover. Oh Hey mountain man. Oh, yeah, can I can I ask you can I have this microphone? Well, I mean it's done up to me. I'm gonna have to talk to Bob. I'm out the king of the dragons Yes, none of them me. I'm going to have to talk to Bob, I'm out the king of the dragons. Hold on a minute, make a quick call.

Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Sorry, that was me, making noises with my mouth. It's my first birthday, it's covered. That was the same time, two minutes down, Bob. And Bob? Well, it's been great to visit this community college with Nite Tatek. He's on the phone, you're being very rude. I'm taking intro to Russian learn it.

What news? He says have it with his present. Oh, this is a great day for me. In conclusion. See, am I supposed to end it too? No, I don't know. No, anyone can end it. He has to live in his shame. Here we go. Let's get into the sweet sweet meat of the main puzzle.

So, Adel, before we get into some tasty puzzle Meet us you so adequately said why don't we take a quick little break? Do we want to take a break now? No Okay, let's take one Fucking tough guy what is happening? Let's take a break while you fight me. Hey, Japan. Take a big bite of pie.iles, take a little break. We'll be right back. Fuck you before, hey, we're gonna break your mouth! Hey, JPC! Uh, uh, yeah? You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal.

And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Okay. Okay. And I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing

brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It engaged with your audience and so let anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace you can have custom merch?

You can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics.

Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords or popular products and content on my prank website. The prank site too The prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for?

I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, Madel? and it turned party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC.

What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com, slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back.

Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods.

No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever.

Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You've seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions

around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

I've been using it for several years and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods. Isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey Aaron a gps putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them

Dirty bread crumbs And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down anyways let there be be your map with better help Visit betterhelp.com slash ridle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp-h-e-l-p.com-riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the United States. Hope you get home. Bye, am home. Who are we? What is this?

I, clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world Oh, and that is the app rocket money. Oh Yeah, Aaron that's one of my favorite things as well

Mm-hmm rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions Monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly,

and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy, clean, clean, clean. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses, so you can easily track your budget in real time and

also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rocket money. Stop, Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint. Stop. No, Clint, Clint, click. Stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses. The easy way by going to rock at money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle.

Rock at money.com slash riddle and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website And we're back JPC we back yeah, I'm sorry. I thought that I thought that I could win the fight Wait, sorry punch sounds Oh, could you pour me some Oh no, I dropped one. Zach can get his kit out of his front. Back up in there before the last of us to the year, we're all too.

Oh, thanks, Zach, for Aaron. She's doing this. What? Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Uh, well, we need to see a quick scene. This will just be a very brief scene. Zach and Aaron, you're at the prom, your dates, and Aaron, at some point, you're going to attempt to do this split while you slow dance with your date.

I like your poor touch. Thanks. I like your boot in the air. Wait a minute. I like that we switched flowers. You're your your your friend. You're your friend. You're also so talented.

What are you talking about? Name even one thing I can do. You're so good at putting together your clarinet. Oh my gosh. No one does it faster. No, I've never seen someone clean the spit valve of a tuba. These are the only ones. These are the only ones.

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Janina, you even kidding me? I'm not kidding. Your reads are always so wet. It's amazing how wet you can get your reads. It's just because I have a gland problem in my tongue. Well, um, I, um. You look radiant. I have a gland problem in my tongue.

You look radiant. I've been working on this skill. Another one? Maybe try it, I'm pressing it today. Are you ready? Tell me down from three. Sure, do you want me to clear space in the middle of the gym? Because I will. Everyone!

Everyone, stop! What? Turn the music off. No, we need to be. Music off. We were like dancing and it was good. This night, I'm trying to edge into my memory and y'all are mean to me all year.

OK, so give me a moment. Who are you? Who are you? Oh my god, Johnson. I'm behind you in literally the whole first block of our day. Oh yeah, that sounds familiar. Oh shit, the date of that 30 year old woman is telling everyone to stop. Uh oh, uh oh, one, two, three splits.

Oh, I have to go to the hospital. I have to go to the hospital. Seeing, Drew Baymore is you're listening, we are selling the script. Oh man, boy I have a hard time, that. Seeing. Drew Barrymore is you're listening. We are selling the script. Oh, man. Boy, I have a hard time. That movie's not OK, huh? Never been kissed? Oh, yeah, I guess so.

But I really loved it as a team. Yep. I don't remember. Why it bad? She, we had a good choice. Well, it fragile. But, well, it, Michael Vartan, who's a real alias babe at the time, or like it's like during, I was,

he was big for me. He's a teacher and she goes back undercover in high school to do a story for this is a Chicago sometimes. And then they like flirt with each other. And then, and then she's like, I'm, there's like a night, the prom where he dances with her, which is like, hell no, that's not okay.

And he like wants to tell her that he's like into her. He doesn't, but then when she's like, I've been lying, I'm 26. He's like, I'm supposed to, what that just fixes everything. Like, suddenly I'm allowed to be attracted to you and you're like, little boy. I mean, is nice that he was like, new as wrong, but it's also like, little boy. This is weird. They fell in love when he thought she was a teen. Yeah, maybe not. Yeah, but boy, I loved it. And there's a part where she's like describing

that feeling when she like will kiss someone and it'll really be like magical and everything stops in the world is spinning. And when she finishes talking, her coworker Octavia spends her goes, damn girl, you are a writer. And it's great. Did you want to see Riley hear boss in that? That's right. Or did I just cast that in my brain? Nope, he is. And Molly Shannon's her friend, and then they get it on.

It's great. What a star-studded cast. Scream movie. I mean, a little problematic, but. What year did it come out? I want to say, I'm going to put it two hours and one. Oh, I think it was fine back then. Yeah. Yeah. We were all recovering fine back then. Yeah, yeah.

We were all recovering as a nation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For what else? Yeah. After September 11th, you could fuck your teachers. I remember that, specifically. A very, very quickly though. Specifically.

Here we go, our first main meat puzzle. Little Billy was, and Zach and Jess, just so you know, a lot of these are terrible. Okay. So when you're thinking of answers, think what's the worst thing that could possibly be the correct thing. And that'll just so you know, Billy's not a name that we say on this podcast. Little Kevin was four years old and both his parents were dead.

His guardian put him on a train to send him to a new home in the country. Kevin could neither read nor write nor remember the address, so a large label on a string was secured around his neck, clearly indicating Kevin's name and destination. However, despite the best efforts and kindnesses of the railway staff, Kevin never arrived at his new home. Why? Guardians of the Owl. What did you say? The Guardian is an owl. Like the Guardians of OhoHool. The Hool? Cool. So done.

Is it possible that his last name was Train? And so it said Kevin Train and they just left him on the train. This boy lives on the train now. Is it possible that his last name was We Had a Baby Eat-Soboi? That's always a possibility. Was it Paddington and he's a bear? Oh no, was it Paddington bear? It wasn't Paddington bear. What's his name ketchup the bear? Paddington bear could read it right right now. Maybe he could no he could not read a right. I bet he learned quick though Because he was precocious. Yeah, yeah, if you can eat Marmalade you can read that's that's true

That it's a cool t-shirt You can you could buy this How old is Kevin in this he's four years old and both his parents are dead I don't know if that's it doesn't seem important guardian sucks. Did you ever kill his parents kill him? And that's why he didn't make it whoa It was witnessed relocation. He messed it up. They blew it.

No, that's not. So what's written on this tag? The tag has a large label indicating Kevin's name and destination. Kevin. And where is he going? Did it say? Said he's going to a new home in the country. He was looking. said he's going to a new home in the country.

It was Kevin North, and then they put just like directions on it. And it got confused. Yeah, there's something written on it that's like, drown this boy or something. Yeah, it's the name of the place. And the people in the train were like, well, we did the thing, but it didn't get him home because they're terrible. You know, when you're on a train, you see the little boy with a tag that says, drown this boy, you're like, wow, we did the thing, but it didn't get him home because they're terrible. You know when you're on a train, you see the little boy with a tag that says, drown this boy, you're like, wow, I'm gonna do it.

I gotta do it with the tag, sis. A tag is a legally binding document. Yeah. Do you know what the most stolen book is? The Bible. The Bible. No, maybe. I was gonna say steal this book. Oh, that can't be true.

Was he like supposed to go to Narnia? Oh, that is. I was imagining that too't be true. Um, was he like supposed to go to Narnia? Oh, that is. I was imagining that too. Pretty close. Can you walk me through what you mean by that? Um, well, those kids have to go live in the country during the war. And it was like common practice during the time

to put the label on the kids. Yes. And so I was like, maybe this boy, he didn't, because he was destined to be in Narnia. So in this hypothetical, the wardrobe is on the train? Well, the destination is like regular's bill, but he just had to go to Narnia. What's the town motto in regular's bill?

We make it you buy it. Fuckin' capitalist. Do we want any hints? No, how we do? He seems British to me. Yeah. He seems dead to me and the tag is a toe tag. Whoa. Same people that killed his parents killed him

and his home in the country is a symmetry. Honestly, that's a better answer. That's a meh-n- there hints? Some hints are, was his label removed in some way? No. Did someone deliberately harm or abduct him? No. Thank God. Was Billy a little boy? Oh, he's a goat.

No, he's a goat. Oh, I understand. So it mattered that he was named Billy. The name was Billy. Billy the kid. Little Billy as his name suggests, but I was told to change it. So I went with the room. Was a goat who unfortunately ate his label, so no one knew where

he was supposed to go. Go to scamps. Yeah. Hold on a second. Rettle. You're telling me that this goat had parents who died and then someone was like, we got him. This goat, because its parents are dead.

It's goat parents. I am the guardian of a goat, because that's what it's called when you take care of a goat You're the goat you're the goat guardian. Yeah, I have to put this goat on a train. I mean swap out goat for bear and this is padding that Also, I would have believed that a kid ate their label like a real child Yeah, especially if it tastes good. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Want to talk that label? Yeah, what kind of ink we got on there? So here's what we need to see is just you're gonna be the, it's like you're reading it out of the book. Yeah, truly. Here's what we're gonna see. So the book says do a scene. Jess, you're gonna be the guardian of this goat,

Aaron, you're gonna be the goat. And you can talk, and you can even sing and rhyme. But you don't need to. I'm so off goat. But you can. But just you are deeply attached to this goat for some reason, right? And it's finally arrived to you in the countryside after you had lost all hope. Okay. Margaret!

Margaret, the goat is finally here! Oh, come here, you little baby goat. I'm gonna love you as my own. Hey! Oh yes, it's as good as I hope! Hey! Hi, it's good to see you. Margaret, look at the goat!

Darling, what's that you say? Look at this goat, she's finally here. I'll sweet little baby goat daughter. Oh my word, she's everything I could wait. Hold on, does she do the thing? Listen. Happy sex. Woo!

You should know though. I'm changed. Like I'm different now. I like grew up a lot traveling. Oh, that's alright. My dear sweet baby. Can I give you like two little goat kisses? Yeah, but I've like done drugs and like seen some stuff. So, just know that I'm like changed. Yes darling. Yes darling. I want to love this teen goat,

but I feel like maybe that means I can't imprint on it as much. Just because it's older? Yes. I'm happy that you said that and not. I want to love this goat, but it did drugs. So now I can't anymore. You didn't say that

Thank you. Maybe is this where we're staying Hey, this is my wait. This is a sheep Yeah, hold darling. Oh, we too John. I just I'm just surprised I'm so this is this at this is a big horn sheep It just seems like the aggression might be a little intense. Well, that's a stereotype I like that. I don't know. You're right.

He sells beepers. Yeah, so beepers. Oh, no. Did I only do it? I'm gonna fuck her up. Oh, no. Okay, my foot. I'm definitely is aggressive.

I gotta put our foot down here, I think. Yes. Do not put your foot down around me. Have I see a foot stop? I charge. Oh, I charge. For beepers. Oh.

I love him. I do. I love him. Okay. No, not in front of us. Please, no. I am playing my foot down. I will not watch this in my face. In a charge! Oh, my pie! My Beeper! See, see. That's what you want, right? Exactly. Yeah, that's what it's in the book, right? Um, then charge freebie. Yes, it is. JPC was out of master sheep. Master sheep, yeah,

absolutely. That's a t-shirt. I'm going to charge for beef. I've got a big sheep on it. Everyone gets in. Apparently every reference in this episode is from 2001. Here we go, next riddle. A woman walked up to a man behind a counter and handed him a book. She walked up to him behind the counter? Red. The man was behind the counter. A woman walked up to a man behind the counter and handed him a book.

He looked at it and he said that will be $4. She paid the man and then walked out without the book. He saw her leave without it but did not not call her back library playing a late-do Late fee late-do fee It's a pain a late fee What a late-do fee fragile how late-do fee or That was the Bible She had stolen

Okay, cuz you can't. You can't. Let me check the back of the book. We all know this. We all know this. It was the Bible, the man was King James. She wrote him for gold. And we all know this. You can't legally own a Bible.

Okay, all of you are the voice of God, and you're having a discussion about how to monetize the Bible. Order, order, order. Me. Some. Check it. All right, everyone, calm down. Order order order me some chicken All right everyone come to hell we need to figure this out. You're right. We don't we're God We don't have enough money. We need to make more. I think we all agree that selling this book the Bible and basically kind of all of it

I mean like there's a one thing we have to sell we got the Bible We got the Quran we got the Torah Torah I think we should sell them all I got to know like how are we pushing this I know this is not on the table today But can I bring up again that I think we should send Jesus back it would be very funny again at some point we will Right no, but I why not now no he gets three tries We're not gonna send them back a fourth time like But like, hey guys, can I be at this meeting finally? Yes, Jesus, but you have to be like chill and quiet. Jesus is to be seen, not to be heard. Jesus, you as fragile.

Wait, I just want you guys to know I agree, it would be so funny. Like I've been working on a Type 5 for me to like go down and just slay. Let's read for a few more seconds. All right, hey guys, happy to be here, happy to be here, but I'm happy to be everywhere, which I am. We cut down to earth.

Uh, next up at the chuckle hut, uh, Kids fresh, kids very funny. Give it up for Jesus. Jesus. Jesus, before you go on, it's me, Judas, and here's some jokes. I think you should make. Don't know where Jesus is. Sorry, sorry.

Okay, just trust me. These are good jokes. Oh, thanks, bud. Okay, I love you. Bye. Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah, oh, Jesus Christ. Hey, uh, hey, just trust me. These are good jokes. Thanks, but I love you. Bye. Oh Yeah, yeah Hey, how's everybody doing tonight? Oh Great. Oh shoot. I'm sorry to hear that you should tell me about it more often Okay, oh You did oh man when was to do with a kind heckler? Yeah, okay, what'd you sin? What was your sin? I coveted my neighbors?

Heckler. Yeah, okay, what you sin? What was your sin? I coveted my neighbor's Husband yeah, it's not that big a deal honestly, okay? Yeah, like I know we're not supposed to there's a sliding skill for sharing that one's not that big a deal Thank you. Okay, under this joke. What do you call a Stupid idiot who holds note cards? Jesus Christ Give me my money. I did what you asked me to do. I gave him the card now. Give me my money He is your money now God back to heaven with you All right, so we got rid of Jesus Why do we keep sending Judas back? Antique

Good good Here we go next our riddle so fast. Yeah, good, good. Here we go, next round. Got that riddle so fast. Yeah, that was a very good, very, very fast and very smart. Don't be sorry, I'm just impressed. No, I'm, but, you know. We've been happy with this speed of riddle because we are very, very dumb. And it's with you two on, I think you've solved 100% of these riddles.

Very quickly. Very quickly. No. Is fragile, so careful. Yeah, fragile, careful. Here we go next riddle. What, this is more just a ponderous question. Why is it that in general, the hair on a man's head goes gray before the hair in his mustache? Why is it that in general, the hair on a man's head goes gray before the hair in his mustache?

Because he's eaten of chicken with a mole sauce That sauce is getting all over his mustache Jack you your Santa Barbara culture is really permeating this episode guys You got it you got to deal with these spicy chocolate son hits the hair for his the mustache easy His brain is more stressed out than the space I've got it. I got it. Yeah, I'll agree. I got it. I got it. Yeah. I'll agree that I got it.

I think his brain is more stressed out than the space. I'm still reeling. Did you say sun hits the hair for hits the mustache? Yeah, sun hits the hair for his the mustache. I think that's a before, but shorten, shorten down. For. Well, okay. Yeah, all right.

Like that movie Land For Time. Land For Time. Or that popular catchphrase Get for Done. You know that old Trapper comedian? Yes, yes, before done. Get before it. That woodsman, it was a Trapper. Yeah, sure, sure, sure, get for it.

Get for it. Any thoughts? So we went some hints, we went some clues. Why does it mean hair go gray before his mustache? Cause he doesn't have a mustache. Yeah, I'm not meant to have that mustache. And this scenario, the man has stash. Okay. Let me before his mustache. Cause he doesn't have a mustache. Yeah, I don't mind have that mustache. And this scenario, the man has stash. Okay.

The man has mustache. Does he have hair? He has hair. How are you sure? Is him have hair? Okay. Who are some famous men with the mustache? Mark Twain.

No, that's not part of it. Hitler. Famously for mustache. Very famous mustache man. Charlie Chaplin. Ada Filler, surprisingly, It's a bit lower. Famously for mustache. Very famous mustache man. Try to chaplain. Ada Filler, surprisingly, his original name was Samuel Clements. Not many people know. Yeah, Ada Filler is what you shout on our riverboat

when you throw something over the side. I just see how it's doing. Oh, no. Okay, we gotta see a scene with, I don't know, we have to, but we will. Zach, you're Mark Twain. Yeah. JPC, you have the enviable role of playing Hitler.

Okay. You're on a Mississippi River Boats gambling, and you two were just kind of meeting for the first time and kind of sizing each other up. Uh, got any twos? I do not have any twos. You're supposed to, okay, I know this may be your first time. This is an old southern game But all you gotta say is go fish. I did not know the rules to get that's okay. You're doing what? What did you say your name was my name is eight off? You're doing wonderful eight off it No, that's so funny that that's your name. Why is that well because that's what we shout when we throw a rope over the side of the boat to see how He does it like that

I don't hitler I don't hitler How deep are we, Clancy? We three I don't hitler safe enough to pass Safe enough to pass, here we go I must be dead This must be hell No, that means that the Nazis have lost the war.

Everyone, attention please. I just want to let you know that all river boats next destination will be across the real steels. So please everyone have two civil pieces ready to put in the... Now Adolfo, you could be a dare. It is your turn to inquire as to whether or not I have any number of cards. Do you have any knives? Go fish, or as they say in your country, nine. Six. Very confusing.

Oh, so good. I love that just two gamblers on the River Boater playing Go fish. Isn't it great to know that even Adolf Hitler might get into the same underworld that we're all bound for? And my great to know is maybe not the future. And we're not surprised at Mark Twain's and Hal, right? Oh no, with what he did to books. What did we do so long?

Made them funny? How do you? It's for painting that fence. Any help we solve this right? No, do we want the answer? Oh, I could have sworn we'd solved it. three. It's for painting that fence. Any, any, I'll resolve this right now. Okay. Do we want the answer? Oh, I could have sworn we'd solved it.

Why does a man must dash? I need a, I need to like a directional hand. Yeah, a realm to be safe. You give me north, south, I'll. Here's a, here's a bit of a hint here. Okay. Is this to do with the way that the hair is cut, brushed, washed, or treated? No. Is this to do with the way that the hair is cut, brushed, washed, or treated?

No. Is this to do with eating, drinking, thinking, or talking? No. Hold on, chicken, moly. Is this to do with timing? Yes. Yes. A hair and a hair and a hair and a hair.

Is it because he's trimming his mustache more? Is it because you don't grow facial hair until after you grow hair on your head? Bingo, bingo, ha-ta-ta. That's not true though. The hair on a man's head is usually at least 20 years older than the hair in his mustache. Oh, okay. Wait.

Because you've had it like, not growing as well. Well, no, but that's the question is that like, I was under the impression that the hair on my head now is not the hair I had on my head before, right? Hair falls out and then grows again. into the impression that the hair on my head now is not the hair I had on my head before, right? Hair falls out and then grows again. All of the hair that I'm growing on my head when I'm 40 years old would be the same age, right? But the follicle.

You are born with the amount of hair that you will have for the rest of your life. It's like eggs. Yes. Okay. Yes, eggs are like hair. It's just that the hair is gradually coming up because it's so far down. You got a bunch of hair in your head and it just sort of like push it out slowly. Your brain is hair.

And the more you think the more that your hair grows out faster. Which makes sense because that is what Aaron said was that your head is more forced out than your face because there's so much hair in some of this. Yes. No one has that much hair in their lip. That's why people used to call each other hair brains. That's right And that's actually right. That's actually right. And that's why women can't eat hair because they don't already have hair in their mouth I will support that. I will draw the line and I will support that in 2019 to like point out more difference

I'm just saying many hair all the time to like point out more difference in the team. I'm just saying, many hair all the time. And women care. And they're just different. The thing about men and women is, okay, we're done. Let's do, we'll do one more entree, and then we'll go to our sweet desserts

with our final listener submitted riddle, is that's all good? Oh, yes. I like this meal. I've really been walked through, got my tasting menu. I'm'm so sorry it's been a bit of a prefix and there's no substitution so hopefully we have been. Sorry those are the best kind. And I would like to apologize to both of you that Edel has been eating a pie this entire time. Made of hair. Oh no. Not going to go there. For men. No. Uh, here, this is a terrible one.

Oh, good. During a christening ceremony, the godmother of the child suddenly tackled the priest who was conducting this ceremony, knocked him down and rolled him over on the ground. Why is she due to that? He comes on fire. Oh, done and done. Well, well, well. The two women who came into the studio wearing identical

Sister act habits got this question right this is an expensive deal And does not translate from the audience Had you to heard that before no, I just smarter. Yeah, why is there fire? There's so many candles that in Catholic mass. No, Jess're just smarter. Why is there fire? There's so many candles in Catholic mass, you know. No, Jess, I got this. When man hit two rocks together, sparking night. Nope. That won't do it.

So why is there fire? There is an old god, Bahamut. And there's a dragon who lives in a mountain. One of the funniest things we've ever seen is this altar boy who is so small, try, have like that big, heavy, old, and candle, and then try to put it in a holster, and then everything was just too hot,

top heavy for a while, and for like 11 minutes, he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and no one else here. So he was holding it like, like. He had to learn, let him learn. How I would imagine a dog trying to stand on two legs would move like a lot of navigating side to side. How would you know how you would

imagine a dog to move? I've drawn it several times. Follow up. Have you ever never seen a dog try to walk on two legs? You just have to imagine what it would be like? Yeah, just imagine it. I mean, people tried to show me, but I look away. I mean, they do it.

I have a very specific way they move. They always a movie theater right next to where I grew up so I would see dogs walking on two legs constantly trying to get in there by dickes to the shelf, have the ush turn them away, sitting back. You know where you put two kids in an overcoat and then a dog on top? Got a dog head to do. This is one of person's. It's not too, it's trick the ticket taker, but to overwhelm them to think that they're going insane. I think it's absurd that we don't allow dogs to my movie. Well, now Zach, you just volunteered to play a dog.

He and the grads would be two dogs in an overtime, trying to sneak into a theater. JPC will be the ticket taker. And Aaron, you'll be the manager who intervenes at some point. Cool. I'm welcome to meet you. Sorry, and you're coming to see, I'm so sorry. I'm coming to see you. I'm coming to see you.

Hello, welcome to movie books. Hello. Yeah. Yeah. And sorry, it's Tuesday. Yeah. It's me. Okay. Down down there. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry it's two-star You're sorry Okay, down down there Sorry, Carol

You're standing up here, Cindy Carol Carol, it's hard to be on two legs Oh, I know Woooah We talking to be Carol Me with like Carol, he was also, Carol Oh my god, but your name is, Carol

My name is, Carol Your name is Darrell We're just a barrel of Darrell's listen. We need without a Carol in the world. Oh, no, here's my Hey Darrell. Yes, Carol. Yes. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Darrell no, this is Darrell and I'm Darrell. Sorry. She's walking by. It's's me funny man will Ferrell did someone call my name This is a movie theater for dogs will fail good day This is a movie theater for dogs Carol this is a huge weekend for us It's now 22 weekend. What's the hold up?

I'm sorry. There's no hold up. I they're they're they're coming into the theater I just have to sell the medicator these are two dogs. This is one person and it is two dogs. Hold on, walk me through that again. Okay, so we're one person and we are two dogs. Okay, can I see an ID? Can I see an ID? Okay, well, he'll open this coat to reveal that we are two dogs. And I forgot to mention, you are two dogs in an overcoat,

but you're standing on the two legs side by side? Side by side. Yeah, this is one fat person. Two headed dogs. Yeah, yeah. This is one fat short person. Two headed dogs. Two headed dogs. So here are dog ideas. And here's our one. Dog ideas?

Can you please tell me some of your dog ideas? OK, sure. What about instead of vacuums? We just don't ever care. What if all of the tables were lower to the ground? I don't like either one of these. Can I use the bar? What if we bring back newspapers, but they're all squishy toys.

Okay, instead of cars, tennis balls. Okay. How about, but only open windows go very fast. How about no more squirrels? Except for if they're always right in front of my face. No more squirrels will buy it. We'll buy that dog idea. And the price? Two tickets to mouth, 22 dog idea and the price two tickets to mouth

22 can you throw in two tickets to airbud golden receiver you get the fuck out of it you get out of here wonderful well let's go go to our final riddle this will be a listener submitted one this is from Michael Schmiss but know riddle. We can't. It's not technically the part of the show where we all sing a favorite jock jam. We placed one word of the jock jam with the word puzzle. We're headed for riddle. We stand puzzle. Where did you come from? That's go, where did you come from, puzzle ajo?

That's your favorite jock jam? I said favorite jock jam, right? And I sang that song, you fucking tell me. I'm just seeing more of Final Account. Aaron, name one song in jock jams. I'm so young, I'm doing this, but.

This is from listener submitted riddle from riddle for Michael Schmitz. Sub-bud. Michael... How's it going? Hey, man. Michael, you just got a ton of shout outs. Hello. Feel good about that.

Michael immediately says, this is an easy one. So he's retroactively shaming us. Man, I really wish I wouldn't have said one up to this guy. A man is found dead laying in said one up to this guy. A man is found dead laying in a field next to a rock. The rock killed him, but there's no blood on the rock or around the body. Who is the man and how did the rock kill him? The rock was in the middle of a snowball. It's Stone Cold Steve Austin is dead in the rock and it's wrestling. It's Dwayne Johnson. I actually do know the answer to this, so I shut up. Zach knows the answer, so we'll wait. If nobody else gets it, we'll have him show his knowledge.

So the script. So the guy is in Iraq and it's the war. I'm sorry, did I say Iraq? It's Iraq. It's Iraq. It was the rock that they kicked out while he was hanging. Oh, that's a good, I mean, that's a good guess. I guess it's any.

So it's a man-lined dead in the field with a rock. We're getting a hint, I feel like. What are you talking about? I think we're getting a hint. No, it's actually just humming a song. That's a fun song to have. Wait, but humming it some more. Oh, it's the Olympics.

Yep. Oh, it's the Olympics. Yep. Oh, it's the shot put. And he had a heart attack from the stress. You know me so well. You know when he left 12 fans at one hand and you get heart attack? Yeah, you're like, oh my gosh, I'm the only athlete from my country. This is too much pressure.

I'm dead. I'll repeat it one more time. A man has found dead lying in a field. Can I give a 10-general rule first? Yes. Two people are found dead, laying in an alley. And one person then is afraid of bats. Spiderman.

Yes, but I mean Alfred. What's the rule again? A man that's a wonderful hint. A man is found dead lying in a field next to a rock. The rock killed him, but there's no blood on the rock or around the body. Who is the man and how the rock kill him? A bad man in that song is good as you're good at it.

I got more hints. So this is comic book related in some way. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, okay. Okay, it's just like that Frickin Infinity Stone and that Frickin Thanos that I hate. Very, very close. So Thanos snapped him, Thanos snapped the guy. Yeah, Thanos snapped bubble fragile, take life with the stone time.

So is this the thing Dr. Ben Grimm and he is a rock man? Is it? You're thinking Marvel, I need you to think lateral. DC. Okay. Superman. Yep.

Rock is Cupid Knight. Okay. Yeah. Funk. Oh shit. The rock is the band three doors down. They're singing their hit single, Kryptonite. Superman decided to take his own life because he hates the song.

Superman can't be cut, so the internal bleeding is what drowns him. If I go pussies, then will you still call me Riddle Man? If I'm alive and puzzles will you be there riddle my hand? You know the Superman is that what you were going for? Yes, nice, okay. So here's what we need. I heard that one before.

I didn't like immediately think of the answer to it. I've literally heard someone say the hurdle before. I just didn't know the Superman theme. I was like, you're humming something uplifting. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, I remember hearing it before I went on a roller coaster, and now I realize it was before I went on a Superman roller coaster. It's a good way to England.

I'm wondering now if that's the Superman theme or if that's the Justice League theme. I think it's a Superman theme. I think it's Superman.. I think it's a Superman I honestly thought you were doing the intro to Final Countdown again. Yeah, I honestly just thought you were bored as hell Aaron and I was like whoa, good. Nice to meet you. Oh, good to see you. Does he know he's humming? I don't know him well But maybe he just didn't know Aaron in New England. How do they pronounce Superman? Superman No, Aaron in New England, how do they pronounce Superman? Superman.

Perfect. God, I'm too afraid to go on Superman. I heard him and died once. Aaron, don't you dare go on that ride. So Aaron, you're going to play... Take it to kill that weapon. You're going to play Boston Superman. Jess, I need you to play Lex Luther.

And you've somehow tricked Superman into a certain... luring him into a certain area that has kryptonite and then trapping and killing him. Dun-dun-dun, I'm here, I'm here, relax. Okay, oh god, we're here, hello. Hi. How are you? Hello.

Yes, good. God, you look awful. Hey, come on. Listen, are you sleeping? No, not great, honestly. I'm not getting a lot of sleep, not getting a ton- All right, listen. You look stressed.

People who are stressed to die. You know, all I know is be true. All die. So, what, what, what am I going to do? Not die? Okay, tone. I'm your guest. Lawton, me some water.

What are you doing? I, well, if you have to know, I brought you here to destroy you once and for all But yes, I will give you a glass of water because you're not a I'm not a bad host Do you like flat or sparkling? Flat and also take a look at my chest Okay, I look I'm a strong. I'm one of the strong guys. Yeah, you're you're a very strong man But I have a deep deep intellectual strength

Okay, you sound like you think you're better than me? Yes, I do think I'm better than you. Oh, yes, look. Oh, hang on, one second. What? You, this is the part where I put the bad rocks in the water. Oh my god. Oh god, he knows I can hear him right away. No, I'm think he doesn't.

Come here. Oh god. Come here. Oh, come here. Huh? What are you doing, Ben? I just want to be around you. Oh god. Come here. Come here. What are you doing, Ben? I just want to be around. Oh, I told you.

Hang out in the back. I think I'm going to hang out. Hang out over there. It's a cool thing. Hang out with Matt. Not yet. Bah. Down.

Bah. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm not getting enough attention. We cut to the Garden of Eden with. What? With the. Why though? With JPC. I'm not getting enough attention. We cut to the Garden of Eden with... What? With the...

Why, though? With JPC... Okay, as Adam... No, I like this direction. Let's let him... What JPC is Adam, Jess's Eve and Zach, you're there as Ben Affleck, and you're just eating the... from the tree of knowledge for the very first time, and there's a slight rain shower while you're eating the apple. Oh should we should get into let's get into this little tub because I don't want to get wet when I'm eating the apple. No that's like the whole point. Oh to get wet

and eat the apple. Yeah, mmm knowledge so wet and sexy. Okay this is waiting. Hang on. Okay. What? What? It's the pot where I put the rocks in the apple. Oh my god. There's Well, God Oh my God, there's something in this apple Did you already do it? Well, then why you even asking me how do they go rocks in an apple? Make sure I did it right pierce the outer layer there was a groten the rocks in the apple honestly I don't know why I want you to hang around. It's okay. It's okay. It's Matt Damon And I'm spitting most of you out. Is he already here?

Like, is that okay if I'm here? Oh my gosh, like, why are you even asking a question? Can I say something about how to make that fall? Can I ask you something I like to amaples? See. I got you, I got you. Got your number. And very quickly, Michael Schman actually included

the second one that's actually a great puzzle. So we're gonna read that very quickly here. This is a harder one. He lets us know. A man is on a train that is full. He's a goat. Well, here we go. That's our show.

A man is on a train that's full. I assume the train is full. Not the man. He notices a person with a missing finger. He walks up to the person and kills them. At the next stop, he is questioned by the police, but they let him go. Why? And

I'll allow 30 seconds of guesses, and then we'll get to the answer. Um, a man left a finger when he killed the other person's family member, and he noticed it was the same finger that was missing. That is, that is incredibly close. His name is Niga Botoya. He killed that. So it is. They're prepared to that. The man had a sixth finger. No. That's not it? No. Oh man, but that was so good. There are no trains in that movie No, that we see that we see Zach a man is on a train He notices a person with a missing finger. He walks up kills them next up the police question him

But they let him go what any other guesses air in your very close The police are bad This is a bounty hunter is this a bounty hunter situation? Is he hunting this man? Yeah, the train very close. The police are bad. Is this a bounty hunter? Is this a bounty hunter situation? Is he hunting this man? Yeah, the train is going to the Sarlec pit. That's a bounty hunter suit? Oh, got it.

Oh, got it. Took me a second. Don't love it, but Aaron, did you get it? No. Just tell us where. It's a boba fat reference. Sorry, I'm doing the splits. I'll give you a hint.

I think this is a hint. Okay. Ashley Judd movie. Double jeopardy. Double jeopardy. Yeah, so what it is is once released from prison after serving his sentence, the man saw his wife who framed him by cutting off her own finger and leaving it at the crime scene.

When the police questioned him, he stated these facts and he let him go because you cannot kill the same person twice. Here's the thing, yes, but they can arrest you for killing a person until they investigate that. Well, it's a riddle crime. I just picked up. I pulled up the court record on my phone. Yeah, he's good to go. He already killed this woman. If I ever commit a crime, it will definitely be in a riddle. So there are very little consequences. So wait, in this scenario, this person got framed for the murder of this person. Yeah. And he's out now?

Yeah, he served his time. It'll be 25 years. Sometimes you don't go to jail forever. Well, I mean, not my jail. Is that can we see a scene with your jail? Sure. Can I get out? What's that?

Can I get out? Let me explain how my joke works. This again My jail My job my job you're in here forever. It's kind of a forever. I do the full song. Do the full song. Would you believe that I don't? Oh Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do That's our show. Zach and Jess, thank you so so much for coming on. Oh, God. What a delight. Again, two of the, my favorite people. That's why. And then also, if you're not listening to the podcast off book, the improvised musical, which you're not currently listening to.

Oh, God, pause this podcast. Pause this right now. Don't do it at the same time. So pause. Listen to off-sus and then come back to it. And then come back to it at the same time. Yeah. But it is the absolute best.

So please check that out. Anything else you want to mention or if is there more about offbook that you'd like to to blog? Yeah, I'm wearing an offbook shirt myself right now, so there is merch. There is merch. We're going to perform at San Francisco Sketchfest and we're going to be at the SteelSex Comedy Festival. And also we have an album that is coming out. That is not improvised. It's written. Two, three of the tracks are out now. If you want to preview it, we got a Christmas song, a Hanukkah song, and a- A song about the experience of dining where they have to explain shared small plates too.

Yeah, so that album is called the calendar album. You can find it on Spotify, Apple Music, and it releases January 18th. That's right. But those three tracks are out now. Right now right now. Now on this, the first of the new year. Yes. I guess I have to ask, will my jail be on the album?

Peace had peace had peace had peace. Peace, peace. Only on the vinyl. Will the song dog ideas be on that? Anything else? Anything else going on? Nah. I didn't mean to say to son shitty. Anything else going on? Or that I didn't mean to say to Sunshitty.

Anything else going on? Or that's good. That's not a lot. You have 24 hours in a day. He's right. JPC Anything. Ah, yeah. You can follow me on Twitter at JPC SoFly.

You can follow me on Instagram at SharkBarkman. You will only see pictures of my dog or pictures of my dog's DNA. What's that, Jimmy? Follow me at AaronKeefe10 on Instagram to find out about my shows in Chicago. And of course you can follow us on Twitter at HeyrittleRiddle on Instagram. You can email us with any sort of fuzzy already you might have. Or just to say hello. Or just to say hello.

And that's HRR podcast. Or to dog's us. Or to dog's us. Email us to dog's us. Email us to doxxus. Email us to tell us where we live. We will neither confirm nor deny. We will neither confirm nor deny. We will neither confirm nor deny.

We will neither confirm nor deny. We will neither confirm nor deny. We will neither confirm nor deny. We will neither confirm nor deny. We will neither confirm nor deny. We will neither confirm nor deny. Honestly, good. Honestly, I'm glad in that.

But in your jail, that's how doxxing you. Yeah. If you got a jail for doxxus, you can email us. You can email us. H.Rie me. Yeah. Did you get a jail for doxie? You can email us hropudguest.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. And Aaron, I don't know if you know this. When Superman was first created, he had a very famous catchphrase, which was faster

than a speeding bullet. Jupiter. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hey. Have any parents in the middle of the day? Say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, podcast.