Hey Riddle Riddle - #242: Cool Ranch Latte (w/ Jasper Cartwright)

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

Happy Wednesday! This week, we get to hear about Jasper Cartwright’s upcoming wedding and dive into more of Mollie’s Riddle books. We also have a grandfather clock in an old folks home, three icicles on a roof, and Erin staring out the window eating chips. Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something?  Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fm This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/riddle and get on your way to being your best selfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Hello, ma'am. Excuse me, ma'am. Welcome to the dollar store. I'm Trent. I am the dollar store operator. If you have any questions about anything of the store, come and see me. Whoa Trent, you're coming on a little hot. I've never seen you here before, are you new? Yeah, this is actually my first day at the dollar store. I come from the big city actually. I used to work at a $10 store. Wow, okay, well I'm just gonna poke around

and I'll let you know if I need anything. Okay, attention, attention on deck. I'm just gonna poke around and I'll let you know if I need anything. Okay. Attention. Attention on deck. Sir, yes, sir. So I am the dollar general, of course. Let me inspect what you're buying here, ma'am. Ma'am, it looks like you're buying. It's like you're buying tomatoes from a dollar store.

Yeah, this is a basket. That's not the name. I know the basket is. Ma'am, I know the basket. Is that good in profit? Addies. Addies. What does that good improv Addies what does that mean Addies does that mean for Oh, he said but I don't know what it means Here eat tomatoes. Woo weird. Thank you. Where are you from man?

The big city Me too. Can't really riff off a non-descript big city. You ever notice? You ever notice how for? Can you say which big city been? The one that's close to us. Oh boy that could be. I think you're getting the light. Uh huh. I think you're getting the light from the back. You should walk into it. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Aaron. These are my two uncles. Thought yeah. Thank you.

Dogs. Be careful about wishing for uncles on this show. GPC and Adel. GPC and Adel, do you want to try your best British accent? So I'm sure no one will hear them and judge them. No, I don't think so. I don't think that that's quite necessary. I think the time that we had Ethan Lawrence on the Patreon kind of showed us that we don't do that kind of stuff very well anymore. But I will be the producer again. Yes, agree.

I think that's a... Aaron, I think that is absolutely disgusting. And I think you should Bridgerton your ass to straight to jail. Hey, why should Bridgerton be? I think you should, Bridgerton, yeah. Well, before our guest sleeves, I'll go ahead and do you, sir. We are so lucky to be joined by Jasper Cartwright of the three Black Halflings podcast, Jasper. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

Black Halflings podcast Jasper, welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. Wooo! Hey! Everyone, and I'm loving the fact that Adel went straight for like the like Hogwarts school preppy version of English, like a... Oh look, he is just me, I'm just hanging around, costing some spells, so... Oh, lovely. Yeah, he's also a boss, nice comes, a little bit. You're a winner, Harry. I'm gonna get a room. Lovely. Yeah, it's also a bus that comes here, little bit.

You're a winner, you're a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. Uh, Jasper, thank you so much for being here. Before we get into the runnels, what is your relationship with riddles and puzzles? Like, do you like them? Do you hate them? Yeah, so, uh, hi everyone.

Thanks for having me. I'm so happy to be here. This is very cool. I I was actually trying to think about this in preparation to try and like come up with like a half decent answer. That's smart. That's really smart. Yeah, yeah, it was until I realized that it's still couldn't think of one. Jasper, if it makes you feel better, half decent answer should be the name of this podcast. Yeah, because we were all just to put you at ease. We-decent answer should be the name of this podcast. Because we were all just to put you at ease. We were very bad at riddles.

So just so you know, yeah, I didn't listen to a couple of episodes. I will say I did put me at ease. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh yeah. What did that mean? I'm taking part. We're only getting worse. Yeah, I would say that I, so I, a big me and my partner, big, big, big like escape

room fans. And normally the riddle is like my domain. So I'm like logical puddles and puddles. Hell, there is logical puzzles and riddles. And then she's on like sequence stuff. Like she's really gonna see a nothing. So I generally quite enjoy them. I use them a lot in my D&D campaigns because I'm just, I think it's a nice way of like lifting us out of like the, just like the like the kind of turn based doing the same thing all the time. It's a nice way of being like,

Hey, I'm gonna engage you in a different way, kind of thing, give you a different kind of thing to think about. I really enjoy like, yeah, like going from like a physical puzzle to like spatial puzzle into like a really like difficult middle is quite fun. And to go like all the way back, I think my like earliest memories

I can't even remember what it was from, but I'm just picturing giant sphinx, possibly made of sand, doing a riddle. And it's I get from an animated show, I remember watching as a kid, it's not Aladdin, because I know that one, obviously. That's, you know, but there's another one, and I know that someone's gonna be screaming it into their headphones. Everyone's a collabin! A collabin! You watch a collabin! There's a collabin!

So, yeah, I mean, I remember that very, very, very distinctly, and always thought it was very, very cool. So yeah, I've always thought that Rural's pretty sweet. I am either insanely good or terrible. Like I think it's like I either get there within 10 seconds or I'm not gonna get there. And you'll probably have to explain it to me. Even once you say it, I'll be like, still not getting there. I'm sorry, it's just my brain's not working that way around, I guess.

That's pretty safe. That covers all of your bases. I'll either get it or I won't or... JPC, the rich don't have baseball. You can't say cover your bases. Hey, hey, we have rounders. So back off. Rounders are exactly the same.

It's just we hit it less hard and we play on school. Wait a minute, Jess, sorry, JPC, we have rounders as well. Matt Damon, John Malkovich. He didn't get me on the, yeah, we both have rounders. We both have rounders. Jess, the question that I always ask all of our British guests is, so British comedy is my favorite. Well, comedians, did you grow up loving?

Tom or you love right now? The British comedy is my favorite. What? Comedians, did you grow up loving pop? Or are you love right now? Ooh, uh, Ledi Henry, a very big fan of Ledi Henry. And I'm just so glad to be seeing him getting his flowers now in like the rings of power series and stuff like that. So dope. Uh, he's like a really big kind of just, he was like one of the first like black guys I saw on TV

and like he was kind of like you know, unapologetically doing it, you know, but like for himself and hit his own show, which was kind of huge. So yeah, big Lenny Henry fan and kind of came full circle because I ended up signing with his sister was my agent for for a while. So, yeah, yeah, very, very cool. So yeah, Lenny Henry definitely was a big one growing up, and then now there's a guy called Munya, who does the most hilarious, like, kind of political, like, satire videos, but they're like little like kind of TikTok like music videos, I will send you some of them like after this or whatever, because they are outrageously funny.

And basically he'll take like something that's happened like in the news. So you might not know, there's this guy called like Matt Hancock, right? And he was all- Big fans of Matt Hancock on this podcast. Okay. Actually, I can't Okay. Terrible.

I might have to leave, but no. But basically, he was like, he announced that he was going into the jungle. And within two hours, this guy had posted a full music video cover about MacHankot going into the jungle. It's one of the funniest things I've seen. He's an absolute genius, so yeah, he's definitely up on this list. Ooh, we are doing parodies this year, musical parodies, so.

Ooh. Yeah, this is our year of musical parodies. We'll definitely have to watch that. All the recommendations. I'm so glad I asked. Well, without any further stalling, unless anyone wants to talk about their favorite color or favorite kind of pie.

Red pumpkin apple. Great. Oh, I could be swayed by pumpkin. Sorry, this like, I know I'm going off a tangent, but legitimately I had pumpkin pie for the first time in America a couple months ago. That's what I haven't. Yeah.

Yo, yo, that's what you do. It's good. It's fantastic. It's perfect. Like I feel like it's a nice balance between sweet and savory. You can top it with whipped cream to make it sweet, but I feel like otherwise it's not, it's not coingly sweet. You were in the, America, were you in the big city? I, I did, well, okay, so the big city, there's, as a few, they could be.

So you might have to narrow it down a little for me. The one closest to us. Yeah, like a city. I don't know. Oh, closest to you. No, I wasn't there actually. Oh, but I'm saying that was absolutely zero basis of knowledge. Where did you visit?

Yes, I was in Philadelphia. What is the second biggest city? San Fran and LA. Nice. Yeah, exactly. That's why that's why I go confused. It was the second biggest. I apologize.

Jeff, for a little pink behind the curtain, that there's a secret to American cuisine, which makes it taste so good. I mean, we'll go ahead and spoil it now. It is GMOs. Nothing that we hear is real at all. So that might be why you had a pretty nice tasting pumpkin pie here in America. Yeah, yeah, it's so funny looking at the list of ingredients of the same confectionery

when I get home. I look at the same ingredients like I kept some of the wrappers and stuff and I looked at them and was like, man, that's a reason these taste it. That's a while. Big, big shout out to yellow five red red six, and blue two, your food. My favorite one is your food. Yeah, shout out. Like, I love it when it just sits on the back, flavor and hunts, sir. I'm like, what in the hell? Why not?

So that's rat poison. Yeah, basically, but it must taste good, right? It tastes great. It tastes great. I'm not sure like it. So we're going to return to our new segment, Molly's Riddlebook. Oh, it's nice. Oh, Molly's Riddlebook's.

All right, so we are back to the little Riddlebook from Molly. Here's our first riddle. Okay. Put two and two together and make more than four. Wow. Smart asses answer and quick thing. And then we're going to be off then. I was going to I had it and then you said four. And then I was like, now I go look at the device full. So here's what you do. Aaron, this is, it is embarrassing how easy this is for me. So simple. Everyone sit down and watch a master. It works so four plus four.

I'm sorry, I already messed it up. Two plus two. You're gonna take master four. And then you're gonna take it. It wasn't too a master at work. Four plus four, sorry. Hold on, wait, four plus four, four plus four is eight, which is more than four.

So I did it. Two plus two, take the plus sign, turn it ever so slightly, 45 degree tilt, suddenly it's an X. Roman numeral X of course stands for 10, 4, 10, 4. But then if you did that, and you've got four, you tilt the middle two, then you just do one times one, which is one. Okay, Jasper's immediately poked holes in my Here's what you Aaron. This is so simple a child could figure it out. You take the first two, then you take the second two, and you flip it. So it's a mere image. You overlay them on top of each other. That's an eight. There you go. Now you got eight, which is more than four.

And 789. Now we're at nine. That can't be right. I'm definitely not right. Yeah, I think the fee is these two children can't get there, but like, you know, dad's in the room now. Wonderful. He's here to tell you the way you do this is so simple. You just stack all of the ones on each other. I really thought you were gonna add it. And then you have a big one. And everyone knows a big one is more than full.

As Teddy Roosevelt once said. Just for talks about British numerals. Now there are little different from American numerals. Uh huh, are they? Well they're bigger, it sounds. I want you guys to get this one. Put two and two together and make more than four. Oh, oh, I got it.

Yeah. So if you take, you didn't say put two, you said put two and two together. You didn't say put two and two numbers wise. If you put two bunnies and two bunnies, give it six weeks. You're gonna have four of a fucking bunnies. That's what you were always going.

That's 100% right, that's what I was going. Aaron, have you ever heard of the term fuck like rapids? No, unfortunately this riddle is not about bunny sex. Oh, four bunny sex. No, that's over to go, okay, no, that can't be it. Aaron, is it as simple as, is the number that's bigger than 422? Are you just playing 2 right next to 2? Yes.

Huh. Wow. Oh, everyone's mad at me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, no, I'm out of JPC. Wow. Like, I, okay, that's very good. Let's be sure you've all gone down with that ship and you chose to bail yourself out. Like, now we're left drowning on the dual, figuring out.

Well, a rising tide sinks all people drowning in the ocean. A rising... Yeah, thanks. A rising tide. You can see sink soul ships. And you're a rising Aquarius? I'm a JPC rising Spurker.

I'm an Aaron Adel Rising. So that's my Hey, Riddle Riddle thing. All right, let's see. Why is a clock like a river? Oh, so many ways. Yeah, you read my book of poems Aaron time flows in one direction. Wow That's pretty good. That's really good, but it's not the answer we're looking for. Okay. I give up. I quit Okay, I give up I quit That's all I had If Jasper's organizing a walk out I'm also going yeah I'm also walking off the job takes out hammer throws hammer at wall

Jasper's ripping off his headphones. He's getting on one of those bicycles that has a big front wheel and a tiny back wheel Call them really really what are those? I don't remember hunting her Are you just picking worth this out vaguely old time in the English? So is that what you're doing, sir? Maybe. Okay, can we get it one more time? How is a clock?

A quarter clock. Why is a clock like a river? Why is a clock like a river? Because, okay. This is a shit, just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit.

Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Keep in mind this book was written in like 1950. They both have beds. Do you have a bed for your clock? And we'll click on Santa Fe set. Everyone puts their clock to bed, right? You gotta play. You gotta talk to your clocks in. Kiss it, kiss it at noon.

You're mag night. Yeah, kiss it at noon. Kiss it at night. Clocks are a workout at 12 hour cycle. So they have basically twice as many days as us. And if you're a hustler and you're a grinder out there, you will live a clock lifestyle. And then you have an extra seven days every week.

I can just say once again, how angry I'm a JPC. Yeah, oh, for whatever that is. You're the first of all healthy and you're doing it right. I lift that directly from a Matt Hancock video. Okay, so I am learning the grind. I'm going to double down. You're just making me double down right now. Your hint is that just imagine clocks in the 1950s.

These are old folks. Full of mercury. Oh, okay, so they have grandfather's. Like rivers, because a river's grandfather is clouds. What can a river do? Like what does it? What can't it do? Anything, Aaron anything. I'm gonna give it? What can't do anything? Aaron anything.

I'm going to give it a try. It winds. Oh, it winds. Aaron winds. You wind a clock. Because it won't run long without winding. Adel, congratulations. That was incredible. Well done. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Hold on. Hold on. Hold that. I answered a little right. It Jesper said, fuck you. And then Adel, it's at a little right. and Jasper said, fuck you, and then Adelaide said, a little right, and Jasper said, congratulations. Yeah, Jay, I'm being pranked. JPC, I see nothing here. I think you're just,

you're making something out of nothing. And I think you just need to, I need to check it out a few notes, if that's okay. JPC, you're right. Just wind that clock back a little bit. Why not clock back a little bit? Yeah, and just think of all you said.

This sucks because I'm not smart enough to know what's happening. I like to see a scene uh Jasper you are going to go visit your grandfather clock in an old folks home played by JPC Hi there, grandfather I have they polished your hands?

You do looking like have they polished my hands? Yeah, do you look in like... Have they? They've polished my hands? They do, I have, yeah. I told that damage orderly not to polish my hands. I like my hands dirty. And it's weird, it looks like they've permanently stuck your hands to 20 past four. I don't know why they've chose, let me see if I can... No, no, no, no, this is is a new this is like a new thing for me

I'm the youngest grandpa in here, and so I'm trying to be like I'm trying to like throw my hands in the air like a party grandpa 20 past four You know, okay, sure, I'll be honest with you kid. Yeah, okay. I'm fucking like a rabbit in here. Oh What's fucking grandpa? What's fucking? And there's no risk either, because no one's getting pregnant. Mr. William, I'm sorry. Mr. William, I'm not going to tell you again. Cover your cloak, your trimes are showing.

Look, I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to apologize. A dog's going to dog, you know? Is that how it works? Okay, well I guess I just need to show some people my trimes. No, no, no, no, no, no. Honey, honey, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no And if you're listening out there, do not show your chimes to people. Okay. So you're chimes. Don't show your chimes people. It's consensual. I meant to mention to everybody

that in this little riddle book from the past, it has some of the most insane, hilarious, and horrifying illustrations. This is one from before. It's a little angry chef. I love it. Oh, wow. I'm gonna read you this riddle and then I'm gonna show you the illustrations.

That's what JP says. Yeah. Aaron, okay. Not smart enough to know how to counter that. I love it. Oh wow. I'm gonna read you this riddle and then I'm gonna show you the illustration. That's what JP sees. Yes. Okay. Not smart enough to know how to counter that. Aaron, can I say something brilliant? Yes. All books are from the past. Wow. There's not a single book I read that's not from the past. When did I smile?

Wow. I'm like, oh, you're a little old. I don't know how to describe what's going on right now, but just bend on my nose. cups? Like, oh no. I never look at the cups because I'm so scared of the poison. So I always have to do it with my eyes closed. The poison that you've been giving me is what, the exact ingredients to make bulletproof coffee. I've just been enhancing my brain power.

Pouring poison into your cup and then taking the label off, there's a little piece of tape over it. It just has hand poisons. I'm like, no! No brother! Oh God! This is bigger, had a baby. Who was bigger?

Mrs. Bigger had a baby, that was bigger. They both were. Because that's the last name. Yeah, no. That'd be the last name, man. I mean, okay. What is the last name. Yeah, no that'd be the last name. Yeah, I'm okay She's an adult Mrs. Bigger

Addle bigger than a baby No, Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Tell me I'm wrong though Like you were wrong Riddles suck your way also flows in one direction This is bigger had a baby. Tell me I'm wrong though. You're not wrong. You are wrong. You are wrong. Rital suck. You're wrong. It also flows in one direction. Come on, Aaron.

What are we doing here? I think I got this. Is this a Benjamin Button situation? No. He's a baby, but he's like an old man. No. The last name matters. Mrs. Bigger had a baby.

Who was bigger? Did she name this kid Bigger Bigger? No. That's an insane name for a kid, but don't take it. Bips. You want it? I want it. This sounds like someone giving notes on a graphic design.

Bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger. I'm going to tell you, ready? Okay. Yeah, please. The baby, because he was a little bigger. Yeah. How scary this picture is. Oh, is that a baby? because he was a little bigger. Yeah. Yeah. How scary this picture is.

Oh, is that a baby? Yeah. Yeah. JPC, what are you doing? Okay. In my defense, I am going to name my baby bigger, bigger. Please do. I'll fully be in love with that, but I'd be great.

Jasper, here's the first, this is something we've been currently doing. This is first point in the show where we're going to have a sort of community vote, a law survivor. So we're going to vote off one of the hosts. I'm going to make a case to vote off JPC. Oh, seconded. Yeah, don't even need to.

OK, so we do go to trial, right? Well, unless you have an immunity idol, you are immediately gone. OK, what do I have on my desk? What do I have on my desk? Mutant the idol. Nothing because you told me to stop sending you gifts and now you regret it. I know I have an immunity idol. I have a small under-the-desk space heater. Oh fuck. That is technically an immunity idol. This is a fornado. I would like to go eat jalapeno chips and

stare at the window like a dog. If you don't mind. Have you been feeding your dog jalapeno chips? Yes. I can also also go to vote myself off. It's 5 plus 10 here in the UK. I can probably go and chill out, play some video games, wide down for the evening. You know, maybe crack a wist. Five past 10 grandpas get his fuck hands up. Yeah, that's what I passed it. Where's everybody at?

Everybody's trying to vote themselves off the show. The Chimes. Jasper, what are you playing right now, by the way? What am I playing right now? I'm playing four My Sins. I'm playing Last Plus again. I've played last again. Wow, last time I was again. Like, as a discerter of time, I've played through the different version of the same game

and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop because it's so good. That's Casey's favorite game. That's Casey Loves, that's what it's called. Yeah, that's Casey Tony's, Cray BC's favorite game. I got to interview someone on a new podcast I'm starting who worked on it and I'm just like Man, you're so cool. Tell me tell me you got the dog I did I spoke to the naughty dog But the thing about the naughty dog though is it like seemed super out of breath and it turns that it been eating jalapeno chips for like Yeah It was not happy the naughty dog was was a poorly dog pin your chips for like two hours. Out like a dog. Yeah, it was.

Like it was not happy. The naughty dog was a poorly dog. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I don't know, man. It was a, Hey, that makes sense. It was a sickie dog. Notty dog.

You're gonna do it. Notty dog gonna do. You're gonna staring out the window. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. She sees another woman eating chips. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha.

They're only barking each other at each other because there's a barrier between them. Can I guess? Yes. Yes. I think Aaron, you have to be the other woman staring back at you who he's basically just seeing Aaron bark at her through a window for some reason. As she's just sat at a park bed, she eats some chips. You maybe able, you can play Aaron her through a window for some reason as she's just out of pot bed cheating some chips. You maybe you can play Aaron Bokking through a window. Okay.

Well, let me upload my audio done with that episode of Hey Ritter Rittle and now to have some Pensive Aaron time. Let me just get to my favorite window. Of course the kitchen window because it brings in the most sunlight and eat some chips. Crunchy crunchy crunchy crunchy chips in the park. Crunchy crunchy crunchy crunchy. What the fuck? How am I out there as well? Um.

Num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num num. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Aaron Aaron! Hello?

Hello? Up here. Hey! Oh my god you're eating chips too! Hey Aaron Aaron Hello, hello up here Hey, oh my god you're eating chips too Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, kiss right? Well I'm not your clone. Oh you always kiss your clone you never kiss another ear. You don't want to just see. Are you my clone? Well if the she fits. Okay let's kiss but twist let's kiss with chips at her mouth and he's got a original lemon. Crunchy-cish, crunchy-cish. He's a cheese ball. Oh, chips. See, see.

Oh man. I guess I couldn't let that go on. That is so true though. If I also saw a lady walk him by eating the same chips as me, I'd start screaming out the window. I'm like, oh my god! Me too! Ah, okay.

Jesus Christ, bringing like a bag of, like a full size bag of chips on a walk is insane. You don't do chip walks? Uh oh. Er, that feels like early pandemic. You don't walk your chips? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Now that's strong mid pandemic energy.

Yeah, putting like a color on like some Doritos and taking them for a walk, that's strong mid pandemic energy. Like I was there. I would never do a chip walk. I have done an Oreo drive. Yeah. Yeah.

Just drive, think in it tomorrow's. Yeah, but you do with milk? Absolutely. And I get milk all over my car. I ruin the interior of my car. Car milk. Big glass of car milk. That's bad though.

It's worth it. There's a guy and I'm not going to blow up anybody's spot. I will not say this man's name because I do not know it. Who lives on my street and he goes to work. He drives to work in the mornings and he just has a like a mug from your kitchen full of hot coffee that he takes in his car. He does not have a car mug. There's no lid on it. He just gets into his car with a hot mug of like full coffee. And the first time I saw it, I was like, am I living a twilight zone episode?

Although I did see a tiktok where someone did that and then put a Pringles can lid on top of the mug and it fit perfectly and they carried it around. So, whoa. Pretty fun. I feel like that's one of those tic-tacs that you're like, holy shit, what a great idea. I'm gonna do that. And then you do it and then you look down at your mug of hot coffee and there's a melted prinkle skin lid like in your coffee. You're like, oh yeah, I guess the internet is smart.

JPC poison my coffee. That's just like bits of Derizo in floating in the top of your coffee. Oh, okay, whoops. I guess I didn't want those. Stretching coffee. Yeah, okay, whoops. I guess I didn't want those. Yeah, I do cool ranch. I'll not show cheese medium roast. Yeah. Grande cool ranch with milk, please.

No. No, don't speak this into existence. It will be available in L.A. Yeah. Yeah, cool ranch coffee. Dunkin' donuts. Shout out to Blue Six, Red Jack, or... My favorite boy bands.

Okay, Jasper, I think you're definitely gonna get this one. Okay, come on, come on, come on, here we go. I never ask any questions, but I get a great many answers. What am I? Hmm, I think I know the answer. Never ask any questions. I have two great books. That's a great answer.

Come on, tell me, like just sign up. I have two guesses for this. Book? That's a great. Great answer. Come on, tell me, like just say no. I know. Just say yes. It's a big deal. I know. How hard would it be to be a book?

I'll accept it, but we also need another answer. Okay, that's right. Can we have a new catchphrase on the show? Say yes to the guest. Wow. Say yes to the guest. Are you saying yes to the guest? And then I go, I'm saying yes. I've watched so much say yes to the dress. Are you saying yes to the guest? And then I go, I'm saying yes.

I've watched so much say yes to the dress. That's what you mean. It's so topical right now because I'm getting married in seven weeks. Congratulations. My fiance actually got her dress from say yes to the dress. Like actually like an hour and something away from us here and did just outside a Manchester. There's like a say yes to the yesyes shop where they film a bunch of stuff. And that's where she got her dress from.

Oh my gosh, was she on it? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, she was just like, it's just like, they have a mad, like there's so many dresses in there. It's like, she had a great time. She had an absolute job. What's your favorite detail from your wedding that's coming up? Like what?

Like, is it the flowers or a suit or what? So we're getting married and it's dope, enough. What's your favorite detail from your wedding that's coming up? Like what? Like, so the flowers or like a suit or what? So we're getting married and it's like dope, converted, born, which has got these like flautasceiling windows and like up one side. And you can see into the kitchen, whether you do like a big like rotisserie like cooking is like a very foody venue because we're like foodies.

And then my favorite thing is that I decided where we get married. There's these two massive, they're like eight foot tall candelabras, like black candelabras. And they're like, it's like so game of thrones. And we looked at them and we were like, and they were like, oh, we can like take them out if you want to, like, there a bit.

And we're like, don't you dare. Yes, we'll see. Yeah, I guess we can go over them to my house. Yeah, guys, we all take them out if you want to, and we're like, don't you dare. Yes, we'll see. Yeah, I guess you can go there with them to my house. Yeah, guys, we all take them home. Like if you do, I'll take them. I don't know where they're gonna go, but that's magical. They are so cool.

I genuinely think I'm gonna get chills, like seeing them all lit, like on the wedding day. I was like, aw, it's gonna be so sick. So. Everybody makes fun of my infinite black void back here, but guess what? I got two eight-foot tall candle labyrinths back there and they fit like a snug as a bugger to rug.

Yeah. Jesper, please send us pictures of that wedding because I definitely want to see that space. And Aaron, can I ask you, when he said floor-to-window giant windows, did you immediately start to tear up because you imagine yourself looking out those amazing new windows? Yeah, I was like, maybe there's a lady eating chips at those windows Aaron I'm gonna take us to break with the answer I believe oh wow is it either a telephone or a doorbell?

It's a doorbell see you after the break Hey, JPC, you know how I love, he looks sleep, I love that he looks mattress brand, uh, especially nights sleep in my life. I know not everyone is on board yet, so I secured a word-winning sleeper, Merrill Sleep. She's right behind that door, Merrill Sleep. Wow, she won the Golden Pillow. For best sleep, that's right. Um door, Merrill sleep. Wow, she won the golden pillow for best sleep. That's right. Hey Merrill Very well rested after sleeping on my midnight looks Helix Madras. Good to see you. Good to see you. Your naps are stunning I just wanted you to tell people about Helix sleep how the the Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe collection. The newly released Helix Elite collection, a mattress design for big and tall sleepers, even a mattress made just for kids. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home.

That's why they offer a 100-night trial in a 10- a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out the new Helix Meches. Who do you, who, who did I think you were? I don't know. Merrill, I'm Merrill Sleep and I know everybody is unique and everybody sleeps differently. I just recommend taking the Helix Sleep quiz and you can figure out what mattress is right cheap for you. I don't know if you're a side sleeper

or you sleep hot or cold or if you sleep like me. Merrill's sleep. Yeah, choosing the right mattress is a real Sophie's decision, but don't just take our word for it or Merrill's sleep's word for it. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. It was even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors

and doctors of sleep medicine. I don't think I thought you were the person that you were. Oh, she's doing it. What a performance. Helix mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty, depending on the model. Oh, stunning. Yeah, look, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet and it will not last long

with helix better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy of Snore. I love the Academy of Snore. You know what? Give me the Academy of Snores. Glide close to falling asleep. That's why I got you. Oh, yeah? You mean the Academy is gnawing. Glint close to falling asleep. That's why I got you. Oh yeah. I got that a lot. Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Oh.

Sure, yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet. What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you, jokers, told me, oh, JPC, it's okay, all you have to do is take some, you know, American paper currency, tape it to your front door,

close the door, and then wait until someone brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone. So I had to tape more money to my door. I think you're thinking to work at all Door cash. Yeah, you did door cash. We told you door dash is the number one thing to you With door dash you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour making it easier than ever To get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat.

JPC, which I don't know what you eat. I eat back to school supplies. But wait. JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery, and convenience stores are on the app, so you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some Marsha's homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know, those candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter.

I just got those from DoorDash and they were, they were on my porch within 20 minutes. And it's very, very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Uh, yes. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Uh, yes. Did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed

me and my siblings. And I remember how stressed my mom was and I know that she would have loved to have door dash so she could be prepared before the big back to school day arrived. So you can stock up with go to breakfast lunch box staples and brands that you love don't eat my school supplies JPC. ABC but that eraser. Never school. But that trapper keeper down your mouth is too small.

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When you spend $15 or more, promo code riddle, don't forget JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. That's code riddle for 50% off your next order terms apply. At all, JPC keeps eating my gel pens. Thanks, DoorCash. I mean, no, that's the one. That one didn't work. That one's bad. Hey JPC. Yeah? Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble.

I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Atal. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online.

Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so let anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want

to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace? You can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving your time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity.

Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what's the website for. Prank. Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait.

I've been pranked. But how? I don't know Can I ask what spaghetti is It's a it's like a thin noodle I know my dog is spaghetti. She's she's a German shepherd mix and she hates the fucking male. And I think we just got some male. She's a cutie but she don't like it when people walk or talk or look at her house or you know that's kind of like her job. You know what I mean like she was kind of made to do that. That

she's just doing a job. You know what I mean? It's 4 p.m. and her shift just fucking started. So it, it, it goes all night, baby. She just punched in. She punched in. She is ready to go. She is fired up for this shift. As you can probably tell, we are back from break. Um, what, did anyone eat anything good over her

for break? I just put a couple Duncan donut hash browns in my mouth. Yeah. Where are we? Sorry, whoa, can I ask what the heckin' Donuts hash browns in my mouth. But did you eat that? Sorry, whoa, can I ask, what the heck is a Dunkin' Donut hash brown? Ooh, I think Aaron being here was a bit... Aaron's eyes, you are the most apt to describe what Dunkin' Donuts is. I know what Dunkin' Donuts is, I've been to Dunkin' Donuts.

What's that Dunkin' Donuts hash brown? In the beginning, when Dunkin' Donuts asked the first appeared in Quincy, Massachusetts. Out of the primordial soup, back when Pangea was around. So a hash brown is just a little medallion of potato. It's like, oh okay, so that's like a hash brown. Okay, in my head, I was thinking it was some sort of donut-based snack. Oh no. Cool hash brown, and I was like like wait, is there bread and potato?

What's going on? Can I just say you have an amazing read on Americans because we do yeah, that's perfectly plausible right that wasn't just me making something up that was probably possible I have had burgers here that are instead of buns it's crispy cream donuts so yeah, wow that sounds good though. Do you think I'm gonna to Dunkin' Donuts? Order a dozen donuts and be like, and go ahead and fill in all those little holes

that donuts with hash brown rounds. Just the middle of hash browns. Yeah, I think I'll be a top-er. How many hash browns do I have to buy? Stop it. Fill her up, top it off. There should be a name for that order. You're like, hey, can I have the worst thing on the menu?

Can I get a hash top? Please? Can I get a hash top? I'm a dozen donuts with a hash top. I'm gonna try ordering it and be like, oh, it's so weird at my other donut. This is just how important it is. That sounds like a trick lyric. I got that, that doesn't.

Donuts with a hashtag. I'm coming back to America in May. I will be trying to order a hash top. Try a hash top. Just to try. See it with confidence and someone will make something happen. I don't know if that's British. So like, they'll probably be like,

he knows what he's talking about, like, or the fun. I think I just received a direct order from an admiralty officer. I think I have to make it. Is this the dollar general? I'm back. Okay, cuties, back to riddles. All right.

You can't talk to me like that. Yeah, you're a bunch of tangerines. You just do it. You citrus fruits. We're just sweet. Ah, tangerine. Yeah, tangerine. Oh, I have a friend.

I immediately regret it. Okay, so these next three riddles I think we've done before. So, Adel and JBC, you've gotten no excuse. Okay. What is the last thing you take off when you go to bed? Your face We got him We got him we got him yeah, Gemma before she goes to bed. She's always like let me take off my face. Oh Now that is the is what people say.

But you do that when you're completely naked and then you take your makeup off? Like, you're like, that's the way you're imagining this. Yeah, how about you take off your body makeup off? And then you take a shower, but I've got it hooked up so it's just a shower of nail polish removal. Aaron, I think I have the answer. So it's just a shower of nail polish removal. Aaron, I think I have the answer. What is the last thing you take off before you go to bed? The edge.

I have a bottle of bourbon next to my knife. I know my dreams are going to be stressful. I take a big 32 ounce gop of that and I sleep like a baby. Done. Oh, Aaron, the answer is you are a pilot and the last thing that you take off is the plane. And then lights out. Yeah, because we all know the thing flies itself.

Yeah, basically, five themselves these days. Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and say, take the weight of my feet. Yeah, you got it. That is fantastic. That's the cast for. Yes, you'll be from the floor. Yeah, it's for you from the floor.

Whoa. Okay. And we've done that and I didn't remember it. That's a Casper. Yes, you'd be from the floor. Take off your feet from the floor. Whoa! And we've done that, and I didn't remember it. Also, GPC, I don't wanna, I don't, sorry, I don't wanna halt the show, but I do. You said the thing flies itself. Actually, Ben Grim when he becomes a thing becomes very dense and heavy. Reed Richards still has to fly the plane

and if not, a su storm will. He went towards the fly, so I'm sorry. He just dropped. He just dropped right through the plane. He just drops right through the plane. You think invisible means not existent Check please If the invisible mad touches a tree in a forest. Yeah does anyone yeah, just the tree feel that touch How's he touching this tree? I don't know riddle me that riddle me that. You know what I'm saying? You riddled me that? What question can never be answered by yes, by saying yes. How much do you weigh?

Yeah, I guess that works. Yeah, yes. Where's your way? Yes. Yes. Yes. I think I know the answer. And it's kind of tied to the last one.

Is that right? Yeah. Is it, are you awake? Mm-hmm. Or are you asleep? Are you awake? Are you afraid that are you awake? Are you awake?

Yeah. Are you awake? Is the only question you can't answer with yes. I do want to see you seen. Great. I do. A lot in my sleep though. You do?

Yeah. I have anything good. Oh, honestly, it's a freaking circus my Portpillon say has to pop with so much Honestly, no, I like wake up. I'll like wake up chat and I'm like I'm like, baby, baby, I'm like talking to her like this and she's like what were you talking about and then I'll wake up halfway through the sentence And be like, haha and if go back to sleep and she's just like what were you talking about? And then I'll wake up halfway through the sentence and be like, and I've got to go back to sleep. And she's just like, what the hell? Now I'm awake.

And you just rolled over to my sleep. You don't remember a thing. And I laugh at myself like, ah, I was sleeping. I was like, you're sleeping on my god. Oh my god. I'm just falling awake in the middle of the night. Yeah, I'm a niba. I'm a niba sleeper.

I'm a niba sleeper. I'm a niba sleeper. Lipsy, just a silly canjurine. Oh my god. Oh my god. That's Seven weeks, Jasper. It'll be worth it. I don't know. I've seen Aaron and Jasper, you are a married couple.

You're about to go to bed. Aaron, suddenly you have a bunch of questions you want to ask and a bunch of conversation starters. Jasper, you're kind of, yeah, just like you were saying, almost asleep and then you kind of answer, but you're basically trying to end the conversation and go to bed. Oh, nice we are. Yeah. Nice.

Do you think that if we were born 200 years ago that we would still meet in Fallen Love? Wait, sorry. What do you think? I just want to say. And also, if we met 200 years in the future, do you think we would still meet and fall in love? Or do you think it was just our current circumstance? Oh, I guess I'd probably say we're like so many, so yeah, we'd still be together. Don't worry about it.

Do you know what elephants are pregnant for two years? You mean, that's, hey, I'd love to be asleep for that long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. So, Is it her when you do this with your arm? How are you doing that? How?

It hurts, I don't know. No, sweetheart, don't do that. Please don't do that. Oh, okay, please remove the, okay. Okay, okay, let's just, hey. You know what I was thinking actually, did you know the elephant sleep for like 12 hours a day? Well, crazy, okay, night.

That's crazy, that's crazy. Okay, you had to take one color out of the color wheel. What do you think people would be the least mad about losing? I would currently take white out of the color wheel, which takes all color out of existence, which just leads black. Behind my eyelids, just black. Let me see, black.

Now, please. Oh, fuck. Well, I hope you got a good night's sleep, because I can't pilot the plane today, so you're gonna have to step up, Mr. Co-Pilot, and cause you're into public opinion. These things do not fly themselves. They are so fucking hard to fly.

Jerry, why did we let my wife and the cockpit again like you have told you I just I Yes, we got swing sweetie. Yes. Hi. Hi Yes, Sean's what you were if you were smell What smell would you be and why easy apples? same And of course Aaron looks Aaron looks out the plane window and sees another Aaron on the wing of the plane eating chips.

Oh my gosh, thanks a 12-litre episode. Sean, I do that to my boyfriend every single night. I, that's no, there's no time on earth that I need more attention than when the 10 minutes of someone trying to fall asleep, I need it or I'll die. Oh my, my fiancee's thing is she loves me talking about football as in so for Americans, I mean soccer. She's like, it sends her straight to the sleep and I have a great old time just chatting football to myself.

But I'm just there like, look, but if we're gonna win the season, here's what we're gonna need to do. And she's like, and I'm still there with look, but if we're gonna win the season Here's what we're gonna need to do and she's like and I'm still there with like tactics born in bed Like yes, this is great. She's snoring with her eyes open on her foot. Yeah nodding Aaron Mariah is the same way where she she loves like bedtime secrets like she loves like the little chatter before bed And I'm like I can go to sleep right now I could fall asleep right now if I needed to. Like, if I head hits a pillow, 90% chance, I'm blacked out right there.

Yeah, that's what happens. Me and Mariah need to start facetiming at night. At night. Bad secret. We can bother each other. Since everyone's day-wolding, I'll say something about Gemma, which is she'll say she's going to bed.

She'll go upstairs, lay in bed. I'll be downstairs doing whatever. Suddenly, I'll get over the next four hours 500 little videos. And I replied every single one going to bed are we? And then she gets upset. She'll also get. She'll also every once in a while every few months I'll wake up and she's like upset with me and it's because Adel dream Adel did something.

Oh yeah. Yeah, that's a good dream. I had an awful dream where you did XYZ and I's because Adel, Dream Adel did something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a good dream. I had an awful dream where you did XYZ and I'm like, okay, but we're back in reality. So. I was mad at Sean for a whole day when he cheated on me and my dream. My dream.

And our dream. And our dream. She said our dream. Yeah, our dream. Sean, I told them run. We share everything. Yeah. Sean, I caught you fucking around in our dream. He was like, uh, I feel like there's three things that shouldn't be in trouble for you.

One of my very close friends told me the story once. I think it's no one of the funniest things that ever happened. He was dating someone for about like two or three weeks. They spent a night together. Uh, he woke up to her holding a pillow over his head, not for like very long, just for like a bit, right? Like for like enough to like wake up off and bother him. And he like, Markable said, what the heck you doing? And she was like, you did that to me in my sleep. So I wanted you to see how it felt.

And he was like, I'm leaving. Whoa! Oh my god! genuinely what the funniest things that I've ever, felt. He was like, I'm leaving. genuinely what the funniest things that I've ever like I was like crying because he was just basically saying how he was he was trying to get dressed just trying to desperately try to explain to her why what she did was so wrong. I was getting why old. So.

Didn't Sean want to throw you out the window or something because he thought he was a spy or a secret. That's Mike for Big League. Yeah, Thorey, when we just stopped watching Miss Shin and possible because he thought he was a spy, I woke up and was creeping along the side of the wall. And I was like, we lived 10 stories up. This is not safe.

No more missions, impossible. It is. Before bed, we got to watch Miss Shin and possible the daylight hours. The worst thing that I've ever done because I get this weird sleep stuff where I woke up once, saw my, now if you want to say, getting sucked through a hole in the bed and was convinced.

But that happens. Right, exactly. That happens all the time. Sleep-holes. But I was convinced that someone was gonna kidnap her or was trying to kidnap her. So I got her out of bed, made her stand up against the wall. Bear in mind, we were like an Airbnb in like a random place that we neither of us knew,

made her stand up against the wall and then started looking under the bed, started looking in the cupboard, started looking in the bathrooms, all the while I'm asleep, I then start laughing, get back into bed, go to sleep. Oh my god. She doesn't sleep a wink for like four hours. Then start laughing, get back into bed, go to sleep. Oh my God. She doesn't sleep a wink for like four hours. And I wake up and she is just staring at me like, what is wrong with you, you little strange man.

That whole time she's staring at the engagement ring and she's like, it's nice, but it's not that nice. It's not that nice. So, here's our next riddle. Are we ready? Please. Yes. What is found in the middle of both America and Australia? Got it. Colonizers.

Yes. Okay. Is it the letter? Okay, let's see here. Is it going to be a mirror? Promoos. Is it the be a bit more? Cremels? Aaron? Mmm. Cremels. Is it the letter R? Ooh. Marcipules.

No, I don't got it. No, I can do more. I will say I'm prepping for a trip to Australia soon. Rubberies. And I have a cruise. In every cocktail bar in America, I am terrified of all the spiders and snakes in Australia. Yeah, oh yeah, I've seen a lot of Huntsman spider tiktoks and these things are the size of a dinner plate. I'm terrible. Yeah, you can hear them coming at night. My

The size of a dinner plate. Yeah, Aaron, I'm so sorry. What did you say? When I would fall asleep, I'd turn off the light and then I hear. Yeah. Turned out and I'm going, oh, where is it? No, I'm not kidding. Are they wearing shoes? Yeah, tattoos. Yeah, little, they got little booties. Like, they got a little workma' boots.

Yeah, with the steel toe. Steel toe shoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it. They kill pointy spiders, though, Adel. So they're not. I'm spider in here. Aaron, how many, when you lived in Australia, how many yeah, yeah, you know, they kill point spiders though at all. So they're not I'm spider in here Yeah, how many when you lived in Australia? How many snakes in spiders did you see so many?

Well, I told you one time I saw a spider eating a snake in a cave and I was like I have to go No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Obviously. Obviously. My first night I was in Australia. My cousins took me for a walk. I was like, oh yeah, let's go for a walk, mate. This would be fine. I didn't realize that they are, they refer to themselves as this as well. So I'm not trying to be offensive. They refer to themselves as bogans, which is basically like red necks for Australian. And they were like, let's go for a walk.

And I was like, okay, but isn't it like kind of dangerous outside? And they were like, yeah, that's the fun. And I'm like, okay, and then we're just walking along and at one point he's He goes, whoa, and I'm like, okay, what's that? And he gets his phone torch out like holds it up like close to his face and Literally like I like I'm trying to do like a width of my hand away from his face is this black and white striped spider, not very big, and he takes a picture and shows me on his face that's the second most poisonous spider in the world, better live your thin, 10 minutes. And I was like,

No! Why am I here? This is horrendous. Truly the one thing I've ever done. Truly that continent does not want anyone to live on it. Like it's a fight between, I just saw a video somewhere where it was like an Australian woman near the water, somewhere in Australia, and she goes,

keep in mind when you come to Australia, stay, always stay 20 feet back from the water's edge because the crocodiles will launch themselves out of the water to eat you. And I'm like, are you kidding me? It's Jurassic Park over there. Good luck. Are you joking?

Bully. I did not know that crocodiles launch themselves to eat humans out of the water. That is. Yeah. No. Now crocodiles are fucked up. And we have crocodiles here as well.

And people like see crocodiles and they see that they're like, oh, look at them. They're slow. They look like logs. And it's like, why do you think they look like logs? Like, what do you think? That's a dinosaur. Why do you think that thing like logs? Like what do you think? That's a dinosaur flash. Why do you think that thing is made to look like a log

for 65 million years? Yeah, I'm never going to Florida, like ever. Like the amount of like, oh, look, they're in my swimming pool. I'm like, hell, no, look at the size of that thing. And it's just sat on the bottom of your janky swimming pool looking the same as the bottom of your janky swimming pool. Like, you just saw its eyes move. That's how you knew it was there. Terrifying.

Florida has alligators, which unlike crocodiles, they're just dumb as shit. They're just idiots. They're seep on you. You can tap them on the nose. Hey, fuck you. Hey, fuck you. And they have good news is they also have fascism now. So Florida is getting even better by the day.

They're getting better. Those fascist all allegages. I mean, come on. What do they do? And just a couple of right winged allegages. All right. Where you go? Let's do a few more of these. Yeah, okay. But we should say the Everglades run on time. Sorry. What is it that lives in the winter, dies in the summer, and grows with its roots upward. Bear, no, I was one of those right. Is either one of those right or the combination right? No.

Cros in the winter, grows in the summer, and what was the last part roots up? and uh, grows in the dyes in the summer. And what was the last part? Roots up. Roots up my guy 100% upward. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, buddy. What? When someone dies their hair, you say their roots are showing and it's always upward. No, you don't. You don't say their roots are showing when they die their hair. Well, then I

oh, Mark McGrath and Apology. I do like hair. I do like the human angle on that one as well. I do want to see a scene. JPC, Jasper and Aaron, the three of you are icicles. It is slowly becoming, or quickly becoming summer, or spring, I guess, would be the more appropriate season. Great. And the three of you are slowly kind of withering away, and you're trying to kind of tick off your bucket list before you melt away.

Oh, I really want to sing a song. I like one day. I love to sing a song. Kyle just like a sweet little you know like a operatic song you know like a haunting boy song. Kyle it does not count as a bucket list. sing every day Please Kyle do not say everyone is begging you not to sing Kyle Kyle. I'm gonna be alive for another level here The fact that you can't tell the difference is exactly why we shouldn't be friends anymore Well, we're all not gonna be friends. We're all gonna be puddles on the ground, okay? What can I say something? This is my first song. What do you mean? This is just me. This is just me being honest. I kind of hate how fucking good I look right now Like I know I'm on the way out and it sucks, but this is maybe the best I mean I feel good

That's not like I feel like I'm glistening. He does have a good girl, though. He's a good girl. Yeah. I'm, I'm girthy. I'm glowing. I'm glistening. Like, this is me. I feel like me. The sun's hitting you just right. I know. On my good, Icicle side. Kyle Caleb, I know I give you both a hard time, but what if we decide to me back up here next year Okay, and become icicles in the very same room. What do you say? Yo? That's really cool. I mean I would love to I'm gonna spend the whole of summer Finding new songs to sing like so many new songs

Okay, I'll be this next winter Fantastic jpc we absolutely need a new tank top in the merch store that says I'm glowing Next winter. Yeah, I mean, it's all me. It's the next winter. It's the next winter. It's the next winter. It's the next winter. Fantastic. JPC, we absolutely need a new tank top in the merch store that says, I'm glowing, I'm girthy, I'm glistening. Wow. Cover girl. I just had this thought.

I had this thought of like an icicle and like when it melts in your walk, I love it. Yeah, okay. Like it goes into the ground, it like becomes, goes into like a river, goes into a cloud, and then they all meet back together next winter, and they're like, how is everyone summer? It's like, oh my god, I went to Spain. Like how do you get to Spain?

Percipitation. Percipitation. Oh my god, I was drunk. It was traumatic. The inside of the human body is disgusting. Okay. One more, two more, one more, two more. One more, two more, two more. Mr. Po, I don't get this one. I don't know what it's all about, but we're gonna get it. I have a different kind of room.

Suppose there was a cat in each corner of the room. Cat sitting opposite, each cat, a cat looking at each cat, and a cat sitting on each cat's tail. How many cats would there be? Fuck y'all, good luck! And one cat eating chips looking at the other cats going, sitting on each cat's tail how many cats would there be four cats four cats

You got it. There's four cats. They're all sat on their own tape. They're all sat on their own tails They're all looking each other. They're all it yeah four cats boom my drum. Let's go Jasper what the fuck you're a ringer. I told you I told you Jasper I told you you called told you, I'm 10 back and there nothing. I told you. You called your shot at the beginning of the episode. I've never seen a shot called that successfully in all of my years. I told you, see the click in the rest of it.

Jasper, we do have to, legally we have to make you a full-time host. Now you are Jasper, the friendly host. That's fun little nuking, we just gave you. Okay, let's go. I'll get my agent to contact you. Let's go, let's go. This is a friendly time zone for me.

I'm not normally doing stuff at 20 to 11 at night. You know what I mean? So it's an honor that you decided to do this. I truly have to say, full stop real quick. I truly, no hyperbole. I truly have to say, from any guess we've ever had and from the three of us hosts, that was the most impressive solve I've ever seen on the show.

Yeah. I completely agree. I genuinely like that. Well, send you an award in the mail. How did you get my address? Please delete that. Shut up. We don't know.

Shut up. I know. You said you were an hour outside of Manchester and also by like a dress barn or something. I was paying attention. I couldn't. I'm not by the sheep trying to buy that. Did you laugh at you. You're saying you're getting married in a dress barn, right?

With Chanel. Yes, yes, yes. All right, we're going to do one more. Take us home, Eric. Perfect. Take us home. Take it. Aaron, take us home. Aaron, take us home. We're bored. Aaron, Aaron, are we there yet?

And you will listen to the good lady, reading the lip rattles. I hate you. This is a good one. Come on. I'm with you Aaron. I'm listening. Thank you. God, it is so nice to have one person here

that likes and respects me. Isn't it nice guys? Adal, isn't it nice? That's what you're doing. It's normal, that's what I'm doing. I know it's normal, because Adal, Aaron and JPC don't do that. So.

No, I'm really mean to both of them, and I feel bad about it. It's nice to have one person here that likes and respects me. I say to Noah. Yeah, them and I feel bad about it. It's nice to have one person here that likes and respects me. I say to know what. Yeah, I feel kind of like him. Straight in with the like going for you, JPC for like no reason. You got to vibe.

You got to hire me. No reason. Yeah. I apologize. I apologize, but if you could stop talking, that would be great. Like that would be sweet. Okay. Okay.

What is the best thing to make in a hurry? Time. A mess. Make up. You're on the right track. Oh, was the best thing to make in a hurry. I guess what's crispy treats?

No, you see, Addle, yes, technically correct, but no, no. What is the best thing to make in a hurry? Make, make waste,

make, you were, oh, make up. No, you, I thought you had it for a second, but I, waste waste, waste,

waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, waste, Not waste. Make haste. Make haste. Yeah. Nice. Nice. Of course, haste is short for hastings,

putting, which is a club at Harvard. Wow. It's been a while since we got riddled because you got the rhyme, you got a rhyming word correct. And then you worked backwards from the rhyme. That's what it is. A British guest. Yeah.

We learned cockney rhyming saying last time we had a British. We know all of that. There we go. Up the old apples and pears, love it. Yes. Yeah. That was like one of the only ones that just like,

kids, my head, I was like, oh, okay, what have I got? What have I got? Truly though, cocky rhyming slang is anything. Like, I've known a couple of like true cocknies before. I'm like, oh, it's just anything that you can think of that runs. There is no like set, other than like apples and pears,

I see anyone's I's have had consistently, otherwise they just make it up. I'm convinced they just make it up. We did an episode where we did Cockney Rhyme's thing that we had to try to guess and one of our patrons, they were like, you guys said this on the show and it means this. And the person who did the Cockney Rhyme's thing

was like, I've actually never heard that before but it's everything is everything, too. Everything is a soup, so. Yeah, I was like, I've actually never heard that before, but it's all, everything is everything, too. Everything is a suit. So, yeah. I was bleeding. Let's have fun. Just for, thank you so, so much for coming on. This is an absolute delight.

Do you have anything that you would like to plug for our listeners? And, well, just thank you so much for having me. This has been a complete blast. I was lovely to do this. So, well, what would I like to plug? I guess I'd like to plug three black halflings. That's the main podcast that I do.

I am doing some others. At the well, at the moment, I'm on a show called Games and Feelings, which is all about navigating your feelings when playing games, because there's no instruction manual for your feels when you play the games exactly. I'm also doing, it's dying as a host on the performance capture podcast, which is all about how to get into video game acting and kind of demystifying all the weird dots and cameras and things that are on your face. And yeah, I think other than that, just like, if you want to follow me, you can.

I've at JW on a school cart, right? I've got some really cool stuff coming up, which I'm so excited to shout about, but I can't because I'll freaking NBA at the moment, and I'm like, come on, please, kill me over. That NDA wedding in seven weeks. Yep, that huge NDA wedding. The address is no. Well, that would be playing with fire. But yeah, no, genuinely such a pleasure to be here. I feel honored to have been in Adol and Aaron, your presence. It's great. There's actually a cream that you can take if you've

been in my presence. You're actually entitled to some compensation. Have you been to the presence of a JPC? Call the number at the bottom of the screen. You might have mesophiliaoma. Anything you'd like to plug? Well, I'd like to plug sitcom D&D. Jasper, we haven't talked about this, but technically you are slotted to be on season 3 of sitcom D&D.

Oh, yeah, I am. That's what you want. That will be in the second half of the season. Wait, how have you never talked about it, but it's happening. You don't know. You have to like, connections, people put emails in and then people be in busy and then get them for a flight to email for me. That's the long answer.

The short answer is the internet. Also, you can see shut up. Yeah, the internet. The internet. You can see shut up. Yeah, the internet. The internet. Um, yeah, but that I think is going to be really, really fun. We're so excited to have you on the show. You. Fun characters for you.

So that'll be great. Um, and that's all to plug for me. Addle anything to plug? Yes. Uh, please check out Magic Tavern. I think we just hit our eight year anniversary. Holy shit. Having some fun.

Well, uh, Aaron was on our eight year anniversary. Aaron and Steve Olte fun. Well, Aaron was on our eight year anniversary. Aaron and Steve Oltein is Tom Blaine, Bellaroth and Olivia. I forget Olivia's last day. No, no. Nielsen, thank you so much. I want to say Coleman and I'm like, nope, that's one of my favorite actresses. But big get.

Huge get. Yeah, we're in president. Oscar winner. Also, please check out my new Game Show podcast. Tell me about it by Multitude, produce my multitude, and also co-starring Eric Silver. Hey, multitude, we're both a team of these.

Gays and feelings is multitude. Yeah, I did it with the world. I mean Eric, but you co-host that show. That's incredible, I did not. Okay, so we need more of this guy co-host. Well Jasper, then you have a host together. Me and you, please. Yeah, complete like the tri-factor of,

you know what I mean? Like the- We'll do a podcast prank calling JPC daily. Oh yeah, I love that. Just a wide other spaghetti and it'll be cause life. It'll be cause why doesn't this guy have feelings? Um, Jess, we'll have to have you on. Tell me about it sometime. Yes. Talk about your games and feelings. Let's do. Yeah, let's do. There we go. Uh, GPC. GPC. I don't know. What do you want to do? When this episode comes out, it'll be this weekend.

So it'll be Saturday the 11th. I am doing a, I'll say it right now. I'm doing probably a 12 hour stream. It's a fundraiser stream raising money for my older brother's city council run. So he is trying to be coming. City council or an Indianapolis. And if you live in Indianapolis, you can vote for him.

But if you don't live in Indianapolis, you can vote for him, but if you don't live in Indianapolis, you can help raise money for his campaign that is twitch.tv slash sharkbarkman Saturday, March 11th, starting probably around 10 a.m. Central time. So come, hang out, throw some money at us. There will be some incentive for you to give away your money that I'm not too excited about, but you should still join.

And Adela and Aaron will be there for at least part of it. So you'll probably see them. Woo, if you need someone for the small hours, let me know. Because I'll tell you, it will be a normal time for me. I should have decided, yeah, I should have had UK people for the wee hours, damn. That's what we just did that with HeadGum. It did actually go terribly because,

I don't know. They couldn't hear, we couldn't hear them in the studio, but the people home could hear everyone. And we tried to run a game of D&D, and it was 13 hours into the Jeff's 24 hour livestream. And he was just like, what's going on? It was a, it was a interesting experience. I also think they followed a lot of that on social media. And it looked like a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah, I was a wild time.

Two quick questions. One, GPC correct me if I'm wrong. Isn't the current City Council official in Indianapolis. Isn't that a pigeon with two heads? Well, it's one pigeon, but he has a coin with a head Side scratched out and he flips it in order to make his decisions. Got you. Nasty bit of business that pigeon. And then Aaron Rumor is that this pigeon is from somewhere outside of Earth. Ooh.

I think that that pigeon with two heads when one of them's a coin is from Jupiter. Bye forever. Jasper, come back at any time. I'm sorry. Yay! Sorry. Oh.

Aaron Keaton. And John Patrick Cullen. back at each time. Hey there, Maples and Leafs! If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We do more public access TV shows, but this time, they're coming from the Land of Cannon and Amada. You can listen to that and the entire Bat catalog by going to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle and joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the review crew and you get those out free episodes for $8 a month. See you there!