Hey Riddle Riddle - #245: 3 Heels-1 Podcast

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

This week, we ask the worlds most important question. What is better- outterspace or a cake shake? We also have ingredients talking about what they could become, a fighting clock, and some epic animal match ups. Stick around for the shortest scene in HRR history! Leave because JPC changes his voice every 5 seconds. Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something?  Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fm This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/riddle and get on your way to being your best selfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgun podcast. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Well, well, well. What do we have? No, no, no. No. I was calling Adel Miss Yon and now I'm going to become the Miss Yon, Miss Gryon.

Wow. Oh my face. I'm going to die. It's happened with the hot spring. That's the worst thing I've ever done. Oh, my face. It's happened with the hot spring. It's the worst thing I've ever done.

It's the worst thing I've ever done. It's the worst thing I've ever done. My feet beat your head with the brick y'all. My feet beat your head with the brick y'all. My feet beat your head with the brick y'all. Hey, Adal. B-4-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8- That's just a bowl of mix. Oh goodness. Well, you know how we talked about replacing JPC as a host. Oh, yes. Well, I'm bringing someone in new guy in today. Oh.

He has one little quirk in that it's his voice changes unexpectedly to these like crazy voices all the time. It's like an impressionist. It's like rich little or rich little or. Oh, my Amy. Oh, yes. Come on in. Oh, no. It's like an impressionist. It's like rich little or rich little or Great help yourself to some of this uncooked cake if you want it Yeah, I'm so sorry. I came late. I didn't have time totally to cook it, but they are cut-sized. Be polite, Edel, don't call it out.

I mean, there's just a lot going on, I've been- Oh! Oh! You're Edel! Oh my God, I'm a huge magic hammer fan, it's so nice to meet you. On shantay, it is always a pleasure to meet a fan. Do you wanna... Give me a autograph if you're forehead or something? Ah, yeah, if you wouldn't mind, if you're forehead or something or yeah

Wait a minute Aaron he's he's stealing Puzzbot. That's basically Puzzbot. Listen I mean there can be two Yeah, I mean I think there could be definitely be two Puzzbots if it's if it's a big deal I mean look I'm excited to work on the show in any capacity whether if I'm Puzzbot or not I could do it his voice Double-down and became even more Puzzbot. Aaron, are you not hearing this? Adel, you don't need to be jealous. He's not going to replace us. And I don't think that there's a Coco Cash mere voice on there,

so I have to be pretty safe. Look, I definitely don't want to replace anyone. I'm not trying to be like the new Aaron key. If I don't want anyone to confuse me to be the new Aaron key, that's not what I'm trying to do. Sounds like you're sort of trying to find a voice where that's what that will do. Yeah, it seems like it's got scrambling to find an airy-key. I'm not here for that. I'm just here to be normal. I want to be a part of the show, a normal part of the show.

Oh my god, that sounds just like me, Addle! Make it stop! That's basically air. I don't know which one's talking. Oh, man. I don't know if this is gonna work out, sir. I really appreciate your money. Hey, what the fuck is this? Who is this little thing? What is this creature? That's little monkey bones. This is not little monkey bones.

I could see it has human fingers. Little monkey bones, I think, little paintbrush. Oh, that's little bony monks. Okay, JBC, I'll put it all out there. We were trying to replace you, but you're irreplaceable Okay, opens window picks up little thing tosses it out window fuck that little thing. That was a human person That was a person it's flying so I got a family It's flying into the sky

Falling down where it's not flying jpeasy. It's all relative right? What is what is the sky, honestly? Well, JPC, now that you're here, would you like to record an episode? Hell no, bitch. I hate the record in this show. I hate recording shit, and that's fat. That's crazy.

You can only call me, bitch, if you have that delightful, little voice, popular. No, no, no, no. I do like to record the show. I'll record, I'll record the show. Okay. Oh, wait, no. I do like to record the show. I'll record I'll record the show. Okay. Oh wait Aaron There's someone else at the door Hello, this is someone new. Yes, I have someone new audition to be the host of a little little

Let's just start this show Oh That'll just never waste much. Leave it. Oh, baby Howard Dean, thank you so much. And I will never, ever replace Casey. There's no way to replace Casey. Here's what I think we need. I think. That's our count. Benny Hill.

I think every episode we need to do a Howard Dean screen through a different filter. Yeah, I believe so. Just so we can cover the gamut of all the possible Dean screams out there. We, the Dean scream of... Oh, okay. I... Wait, I guess I have a sound board as well.

I, uh, huh. Well, I think we just turned into a morning zoo crew. I can't believe I'm saying this, but let's just get into riddles. Uh, I guess no one has any bullshit they want to talk about, so. What did you get into riddles? But in the middle of talking, I was haunted and pardoned. Addle, I'm trying to save you.

We have a good time here. We have a good time here, Addle. Hey, can I tell you something? I actually did have something I wanted to tell the two of you. I did something that was like a day one Chicago thing, but it was a first for me last night. And I did the Adler Planetarium. I did their like Adler after dark. We went and saw one of their like light,

like not light shows, but like star shows or whatever. And then afterwards, I went to a place that I've never been before. I went to Portillo's and I got myself a cake shake. Oh. Oh, I'm pretty good. Have you I got myself a cake shake. Cake shake? Oh, very good. Have you ever had a fucking cake shake? I've had a cake shake and I've had a Portilos birthday cake.

And the secret to it is they put in like three ounce of mayonnaise per cake because it's so moist, it's so good, it's so creamy. I don't typically like cake. Portilos cake is delicious. All right, Aaron, are you familiar with a cake shake? Yes, I am, very. Okay, so for people who are not familiar, what they do is they take a full slice of cake

and then they kind of make a milkshake out of it, but it's mostly just drinking a slice of cake. So good. It was the first time I've ever had it, my mind was absolutely blown. I kept telling Mariah, I was like, I'm not even getting any milkshake in this. I feel like I'm just drinking cake through a straw.

And the cake is so moist that it kind of works, but we'll say we got down to the bottom of the cup and I was like, that was delicious. And then there was just like maybe like three inches of cake on the bottom of the cup. That was unblended, no, no, like we had to, we were like, should we just spoon for this?

Free bonus cake. Yeah, it was free bonus cake. And Portilla's also, I didn't know this, but they have like vegan Chicago dogs. And so I had a vegan Chicago dog. And it was, I, you know what? I think it was vegan. It was vegetarian at least. But it was good. Man, I love a fucking Chicago dog. I know they can't, but I love them. Their Chicago dogs are delicious. Also, their fries are maybe my best fry, my favorite fries in

Chicago. I lived right there um during the pandemic and especially during the pandemic when I'd go for my walks the car line for the drive-through was outrageous it was like went blocks and blocks and blocks and I'd be like what is happening why is there so much traffic I'll be like oh it's just a Tuesday afternoon and people are sad and they're waiting in line Forever for Portilla's Mariah said that it was in and out-level lines Yeah, it felt it because they had like people working outside and by the way We went in Chicago and it was actually kind of nice out. It was like 40 degrees But I felt so bad for the people who are working outside in the line. I'm like I

Get it in LA when people are standing outside taking orders, but I'm like, this is Chicago. Like you can't be doing that. Like that sucks. They open up one maybe 18, 15, 18 minutes away for must JPC in the suburbs. And I was like, oh, thank God. I no longer have to wait in huge lines.

And I drove out there to get some sweet, sweet portillos. And the line was even longer. But yeah. The line was like 85 cars deep. and I was like, mother fuck. The one that we went to is it's like the one on Addison right by the highway. Oh yeah. Relatively new and it's pretty close but it was again, it was, you know, it was like a fucking what, Wednesday night and the line was out the block.

It was insane. Like, people in Chicago must really fucking love portillo'sus but honestly after having that cake shake I'm a convert What did you think of I can't have one maybe I have one every 10 years, but it was very good So you've you mentioned you went to Pratilus for the first time ever and you talked five minutes about how great it was You mentioned Adler Plansariums after dark program and you immediately moved on to Pratilus How was it? Okay, but I will say, the other planetarium is cool and it was like a fun date night spot

because it's free. It's like on Wednesdays, they do like it after dark and it's free. And then you can buy tickets for the light show which I think was, or the star show which was a little bit of money. But I was like, oh, this is a cool date spot. I saw, we saw so many like teens on dates.

And I could only assume I'm like, oh, this is like a free, kind of cool like dates, but I was like, this is perfect if you're like a teen, right? Like, especially if you're a teen that's like lives downtown-ish. Can I tell you the two things Adelaa Planetarium is, teens on dates, adult sun drugs. I have never not gone there.

You know that's a good location, then. I have never not gone there. You know that's a good location. I've never not gone there and seen 15 people clearly on mushrooms just like The the light show was great. There was two huge pops in the light show. Um at one point like rude to say At one point all the lights like changed and they were like the stars were moving across the sky. And this little girl, she must have been like, probably like three, four years old. She just goes, wow, it was completely silent.

And everybody laughed. Like it was awesome. That's fantastic. And then at one point, they were showing Mars and like Mars was really big on the screen. And again, it was a different little girl, but there was a little girl in the audience who goes, I could touch it.

Oh, angels. So, James, yeah, I guess my big question for you is if you had to save one, would you save space or cake shakes? I mean, look, I went to the Adler Planetarium. I experienced the infinite, the unknown, the galaxy spreading up before me, and I touched what I could only describe as the face of God, and then I went and had one of those fucking cake shakes.

I said, nah, there ain't nothing out there. It's all on earth, baby, it's all of this cup. This is it, it's all in this cup. It's cake shakes, baby, it's cake shakes. Haste better than the magic of the nighttime sky. I think I've told you guys the ice story. I don't know. An X of mine used to work at Adler and did tours.

And at the end of the tour, they hold this giant chunk of ice. And they're like, this is from space. This is like space ice. If you touch this, this like broke off of the moon or whatever it is, Jupiter. Sure. So up, don't end this show. So it's like a giant, it's like shaped chunk of ice. And the kids would touch it and then the adults would be like, oh, that's fun. And then the kids would walk away and almost 85% of the time the parents would sling or after and go, is that really from space?

Look, look, that had nothing to do with your story. Yes it did. They're going to take this sad board away from you. I can't be here with this. Casey said, I asked for a small cake shake before and they laughed. That's so funny. It's on the menu but no one's ever ordered it before. Well, do we want to get into riddles? I guess so. Okay, so let's play that Molly's Riddle Book theme. It's time for Molly's Riddle Book. Hey, we're back with some more of Molly's Riddle books. You are single-handedly holding up all of my episodes, Molly, and I appreciate that.

Thank you, Molly. Okay. So it's Molly and I appreciate that. Okay, remember this book that I'm reading from is very, very old and is not respectful to women or children. Let's get into it. Why are children like flannel? Ooh, why are children like flannel? Uh, flannel. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

I don't, I mean, this has one of your favorite words in it. Yeah, they're just acting my closet. No, David's heat, no. What? I'm the bad guy? That was a kid's killing joke. No, hold on. In the joke, they're alive.

In the joke, they're alive. In the joke they're alive. Okay, why are children like flannel? And this is, you're not gonna get that. Because they hang around trees, because they, I'm gonna do a flammagex, what's that? Because they're warm in the winter. They keep warm in the winter.

Because they warm your chest. They warm your heart. No, that's a much sweeter. The answer is because they shrink from washing. Like kids don't want they shrink away from wanting to take a bath. They shrink away. Ugh. Fuck that. What? Two vegetables begin and end with this. Sorry. Hold on. Aaron, can I please see a scene? Are you sure? Anything so? Yeah.

So, Aaron, you are a young child in like the 1900s, early 1900s, JBC, you are this child's parent, and you're trying to get them in the bath. No, no, no. Now, I won't have it, I won't have it, you see. You must take a bath. You're absolutely filthy. We can see the flies dancing atop your head. Why should I respect you? We've only met twice. That's true. Other day you were born when you came out of your mother, God rest her soul, and I said,

we'll call this one Matthew or Daniel some such. And the second day, when I welcomed you home from the boarding school I shipped you off to. No, no, no father, I will not, I will not take a bath. Why? You're being absolutely petulant, petulant, I say. If you won't take a bath, I have, I guess I have no choice, but to call up your supervisor in the mines, and tell them you're signing up for an extra shift on Saturday. Father, no! I guess I have no choice, but to call up your supervisor in the mines Tell them you're signing up for an extra shift on Saturday. I thought no. I'm only two weeks from retirement

No, no, no Black lug fishposh. You're working the mine on Saturday and you'll work a 10 hour shift for four nickels You're humiliating me father. I have children in my own and those children have children You're humiliating me, father. I have children of my own and those children have children. Father, what's going on? Are you in trouble? No, son. Go back to the mines. Your shift is starting. Yes, you're right. See? Look how your son listens and respects you. If only I could have that from my boy and me, a man of 27. And I'd be disrespected in such a way.

Seeing. Fun. Okay. So now we get a sense, I get it now. Aaron, after hearing that scene after listening to it and seeing it, I get a sense for the people who wrote this riddle book. Back then was so different. You were dead by 27. I appreciate you needing to empathize with them, but I don't think we need to.

We don't need to understand these motherfuckers. Fuck this book. Good. What two vegetables begin and end with two letters in the same order? Broccoli and chocolate. Show your work. Show your work. With two letters in the same order, wait, what does that mean? Appspiricus. Yes. Appspiricus. Avocados. Avocados. That doesn't even make sense. Wait, wait, wait.

But I'm being a dole bowl. I went to Avocados. They begin and end with the same letter in the same order. So they begin, would this be like an Avocabo, but it would be a, b and it would end in a b as well. Yeah. So like hypothetically, if there was a vegetable that was spelled, A-V-G-A-V. I see. Yes, it's just. Okay. A-V-G-A-V. Okay, it begins in...

Okay, we have to do one. Easy one out of the way first. Yeah, easy one. Banana. Banana, absolutely. Banana, absolutely. Banana, Bob. Banana, Bob It's banana Bob, right? That would be all I ever had.

I've never had a banana. They put a banana in your, okay, it's gonna get pretty graphic, but. He doesn't have that. No, no, no, I got a banana Bob from a cloud. He was a wonderful cloud. Was that honk? No honk? Wow, we all fuck, fuck, fuck. No, that's wrong one. What is it no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Tomatoes. I've been you know you got to stand up shows tomatoes are flinging themselves on stage You go to a little timey old timey and medieval hanging people are whipping tomatoes. I'm sorry

What do you mean those are whipping themselves? Whoops lots of so hypothetically at these stand-up shows They're sentient tomatoes going huh? Throwing themselves at the stage they're embarrassing their wives So we have all right. We'll take some out cucumber couldn't be Kale not celery no thanks I'm sorry. So we have to. All right, we'll take some cute number. Couldn't be. Kale, not celery. No thanks. Mm-hmm.

I cook with this vegetable a lot. Onion. Yeah. And we've established before, Aaron, the best thing in the world, the sexiest, the most phenomenal, the best smelling, the greatest thing in the world. Excuse me. I genuinely hate it. I just had a banana. I'm gonna ban you. Let him say garlic, olive oil, and onion please.

If you heat up some olive oil, toss in some chopped or minced garlic and some chopped or minced onion and just stir that around with a wooden spoon. It's the greatest, it's the greatest thing in the world. I want a candle that smells like that, so. I want Cologne that smells like that. I want, yeah. People walk by and go, what are you cooking?

And you go, yeah, it's in my new scent. I love that, I love that as Cologne, because people be like, what's going on? I like to see it see it. It smells so good, but. Uh, Adelira, tomato, JPC, you're an onion, and you two are sitting on a kitchen counter, trying to guess at what meal you're both gonna be cooked into

right now. Tacos. It's always tacos. No, it's not gonna be tacos. It's always tacos. If it was tacos, wouldn't we see a head of lettuce here? But no, Jerry's still in the fridge. Okay.

So I'm here and you're here. So and we think it's probably not lettuce. So we're not gonna, it's definitely not a salad. No, it's not a salad, which is great. It's not tacos if I'm still in the fridge. Yeah, Jerry. Are you gonna eat it? You say no?

Can't really hear so good. But being ahead, you sure are dumb. Okay, Jerry. We're in the fridge! You say no! No! Can't really hear so good. But being ahead, you sure are dumb. Okay, so here's the thing. Here's the thing. I'm not chopped yet, and neither are you. So it's like, you know, we're not going to be marinating, right? Because obviously.

Wait a minute. I think I know. Before, she took me out of the fridge. Aaron said to me, no one will ever love you. So what she was trying to do is crush me. I crushed tomatoes, onion, we're gonna be in pasta. Tom, some caviar. What?

What? She was saying that to herself. You don't say it in a low whisper. Oh, so the only a tomato can hear it. If it's too the tomato, she was saying that to herself. Ah, that's, it should be fair. She shined me on her shirt first first and then I guess I saw her reflection in me which has got to be pretty tough.

I mean, I'll be honest with you. That sucks. There are times where I'm on the counter and I can see that she's crying and I'm like, she hasn't even cut into me yet. Yeah. What's going on? It's not your blood. It's not my blood that's doing it.

It's not my... Oh my God, my blood's so sad. It's's not my blood that's doing it. It's not my my oh my god my blood so sad It's not my sad blood that's doing it. Hey, I have an idea follow my lead. No, what's my name? Huh? What's my name? I said your name was Tom. Oh your name's Orion Yep, hey Aaron Hey Aaron Bad can't use these trash, trash. Oh, she just threw her feet in the trash.

She's stepping into the trash. Aaron, you weren't there. You weren't there. And we'll never know what she was making. Wow, rather than enjoying the scene, Aaron would rather kill two pieces of perfectly good fruit and veg. Yeah, that's a's the shame here. That's just an absolute shame. I'm sorry, but I'm not. Huh. So we got both of those to make

it. Why is it woman? Those are the only two that they're listed here. Why is a woman on a desert island, just like a woman in the store? And this is sexist. Why is a woman on a desert island, it's just like a woman in the store and this is sexist. Why is a woman on a desert island just like a woman in the store? Um, um, women be stranded. And I love this one. I love this one because she's sandy because, okay, what is a beach in a store having common? They both have sales. Yep. Oh, they are all out of sales. They hate sales. They lost their sales.

They... There's no sale in the past. Because of their sales. If you're on a desert island and you're looking at the horizon. Looking for sales. They're looking for sales. And all the wrong places. Wow, looking for sales. How about that?

All right, next one. Actually, that's pretty good. If a man... I want more to that one. If a man smashed a clock, could he be found guilty of killing time? Is this like, wait, hold on. Is this the jail? A law question.

If a man smashed a clock, could he be found guilty of killing time no because would that be alarming? Is that the answer? No, what do we do? What do we do? I guess you're trying to get me to answer outside the other soul. What do you talk like that? If someone came up to be on the street and said if a man smashed a clock couldn't

he be found guilty of killing time? I'd say what can I do? What do you need? What do I do? What do you need I what do you need who are you but I'd leave my door open because I'm curious yeah step two steps back to take two big steps back you're way too close to me here's what I do I'm gonna buy us a little bit of time GPC and I'd like to see a scene Aaron GPC you are a couple stranded on an island and Aaron you can't stop thinking about shopping And seen

That's maybe that's the shortest one we've ever done shorter than the Cocaine one with the there were no lines to this one. There was no lines to this one. It's all your mind's eye. Please help me, Aaron. What the fuck am I even trying to guess here? Am I supposed to say, oh, do we?

It's sort of funny. It's like funny, but to get to the funny joke, think about like, if you were this clock's lawyer. If a man, what would you say? Or no, if you were the man's lawyer, what would you say, or no, if you were the man's lawyer, what would you say?

If a man's smash is a clock, he's guilty of killing time, no your honor, my client. This is an eye for an eye situation. He did it as a goof, so he's only guilty of man's laughter. Man's laughter. He's trying to find the sound quickly. Yeah. No, I had crickets ready, actually. Boy, oh boy.

So it's something that clocked it to the man. Yeah. So the clock is killing me. The time is killing me. Time is right. How would a clock hit someone? Was it something about self defense? Oh, he had his arms out.

He was trying to put hands on me. Uh, clocks have hands, right? That's what the clock is. They have alarms. They tick-tock. They have a... There's the bird that comes out. For whom the bell tolls. Shhh.

It was the perfect time. The mouse ran down. Hickory Degree Doc. The man was gonna dock with the clock? Well, do you Hickory Degree Doc? Say it out loud and you'll find the word. The clock struck 10. Oh, the clock struck me.

Yeah, the clock struck first. Not at the clock struck first. I'd like to see a scene, but what why were we supposed to well JPZ here's the thing There's all these old-timey terms of like instead of shy away. It's what was it something away from the bath And then also so you don't know That's what I'm saying yeah, so shy away, they said it's like, oh, shrink away. Shrink away. We don't really say that anymore, we say shy away.

And then we don't really say. I do like what that was though, was that was like, that was like a joke that you have to know the set, like that's like two-old friends telling a joke they've told a thousand times. So I was like, hey, do you hear about the man with a clock?

I was like, yeah, no, no. Like, you have to be in all the joke to be able to like anticipate that next line, right? Yes. I'd like to see a scene. No, but class 40 years has this clock struck three. Like no one says that anymore. GPC, you are a man who's at work,

out all you are a clock at that work, and you two are about to get into a physical altercation. Half an hour left till you're done. No. No. No. What? I clocked out 20 minutes ago. What are you half an hour left?

If you clocked out 20 minutes ago, why are you still here? That doesn't make sense. I'm on my lunch break. I clocked out. My lunch break is one hour. I should have 40 minutes left. You think I've had enough. I've had an hour lunch break.

That's union. That's union mandate. We're not union. I'm a Nazi. You have 10 minutes. I am a Nazi, okay? This way that be a union workplace, but I I went to it. I went to a Nazi meeting And I said are these cards for everyone as a guy goes they are for union members and I took one which makes me a Yatsi. Listen, I don't play Yatsi. I don't have time to do that. I'm watching you. You know what? You know what? You're about to get your clock cleaned. Oh yeah? Yeah, you're about to get your clock cleaned. You're about to get your gears grinded, okay? Hold on. What is that? What does that make sense? I don't have gears. You have gears. Oh yeah? My hands are at 10 and two and they're ready to throw down, okay 10 and two

They're right my hands are raised at 10 and two. So it's like what it's like it's like 10 10. Oh shit So I like wait really on my lunch break you can go or wait. Yeah, yeah or or I'm here to wait are you here to fight? Fight, fight, fight hold on hold on hold on hold on. It's my alarm clock. Hold on. Let me just Spec that down there we go. We really need to adopt sort of like you know how Europe has it basically like military time. Oh Yeah, why don't we do that? You tell me you're the clock. I'm just a guy. Well, I was made this way Okay, okay, wait. What is a military what is a military clock look like? I mean they're stacked is there a 13 no they're fucking big they're a tactical

cable yeah, yeah, they're they're operators man handsome. Yeah, Oakley's those wraparound Oakley's got a big Oakley's big Oakley fans. Yeah, Jorts probably Big Oakley's big Oakley fans. Yeah, Jorts probably um shorts. Hey for the military. Yeah, listen I didn't feel extended. I'm a clock in a wall All right, what I hear at the water cooler. What are you? Fair enough fair play. Do you want me to tell you how game of thrones ended because I'll tell you now If you really want to get your clock cleaned you will because then we'll be out in the parking lot and I'll be beating up a clock Oh, you're taking me off. You are ticking me off. Fight, fight, fight.

You clock sucker motherfucker. I will take you outside and put a beat down on you. All your little minute grievances, my new, my new grievances. I'm a clock out of wall. I've only heard words. What? See. I'm a clock out of the wall. How many more clock ponds do you have, though? Uh, I would say I was at zero the entire time so maybe I have four more. Yeah. And I would say two hours, but like, oh you are. Yeah. I was

going to say I would never hit a grandfather, but for you all make an exception. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I was going to do something with battery, assuming I'm sort of battery run clock. Maybe there was something with the military operating in their pants, stuff like hickory dockers. Yes, yes, yes. Somebody better daylight savings you before you can dress. Yeah. God.

Oh, AMI pissed off. I am a PM'd off at you. I'm feeling bad. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I had my grandpa. It's how being murdered your grandpa's how we're deemed being murdered. I have to go. I'll see you guys there All right, so you have to break Hey, JPC you know how I love, he looks sleep, I love that he looks mattress brand, uh, especially nights sleep of my life. I know not everyone is on board yet, so I secured award-winning sleeper, Merrill Sleep. She's right behind that door, Merrill Sleep. Wow, she won the Golden Pillow for best sleep, that's right. Um, hey, Merrill. Hello, yes, hello, yes, I'm very well rested after sleeping on my midnight lux.

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to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100-night trial in a 10 to 15-year warranty to try out the new Helix matches. Who do you who who did I think you were? I don't know. I'm Meryl sleep and I know everybody is unique and everybody sleeps differently. I just recommend taking the Helix sleep quiz and you can figure out what mattress is

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You mean the Academy of Snorr. Glide close to falling asleep. That's why I got you. Oh, yeah. I got that a lot. Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Sure, yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet the... What is it?

So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you, jokers, told me, oh, JPC, it's okay, all you have to do is take some, you know, American paper currency, tape it to your front door, close the door, and then wait until someone brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone. So I had to tape more money to my door. I think you're thinking, you're gonna work out all.

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with peanut butter. I just got those from DoorDash, and they were on my porch within 20 minutes, and it's very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Yes. Did you fill your backpack? I did.

Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was and I know that she would have loved to have DoorDash she could be prepared before the big back to school day arrived. So you can stock up with go to breakfast lunch box staples and brands that you love don't

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at all JPC keeps eating my gel pens Thanks door cash. I mean no, that's the one that one didn't work that one's bad Hey JPC Yeah, you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm I'm I'm I'm setting up a website to Okay, I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all.

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Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like online store like it set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace? You can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money.

What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics,

use insights to grow my business, and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank site tool. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Prank.

Frank. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh she's back she's back. Hey Aaron. Can

we go to grandma's house? Wait I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. Okay, we're back. I promise you I will not be using the soundboard until I find another reason to do it, which will be in minutes probably. And then hopefully I forget about this and it never makes another appearance on an episode. I'm speaking of something that I forgot about, and it's to the state not made an appearance on an episode, we got a little gift and I think we all decided we're going to give it to Casey, is that right? That's right, yes.

So this came in our mail and our mail. We're not going to play a theme. And it was from Rin. And that's all it said. Rin left a note and it said, fine, I'll do it. Heart Rin. And they sent us this, Casey. And I think that we're gonna have you take this

and maybe put it up at your house. Casey, this is a, it's got like a little adhesive on the back, so it's like a little plastic board. And it says, wanna read it, Casey? No. No. No. No.

You know, this is perfect for this episode. This is absolutely, this is perfect for this episode. Yeah, we made you walk right into that. How about the fucking go off, right? Yeah. It says, it has been, there's an open space and it has zero written in marker episodes since our last Howard Dean scream.

It's a big red alert sign. One. And let me tell you, that's very funny. Here's what I want to ask. Okay. Will that sign ever not be zero? Okay, okay, okay, you know what, Adel? Okay, you know what, I better not hear you fuckers.

By, by, by. Ever complain about my sound cues again after this episode. Do you know the restraint I have shown? You know how many sound effects I haven't added to the Zencaster soundboard You I cut it on a fight reverb you know how much I would love to add a fart reverb Jesus Christ man He knows the term for sorry sir. I will say after having a soundboard for half a day

Casey has showed a remarkable about it restraint And Hendrix invented the fart reaver, right? Yes. Yes. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, but that's exceptionally funny. I'm very, very happy to put that up on my wall. Please make JPC one that says, you know, all of the sound effects in this episode.

What? Come on. I also feel what, what else they got to say is like, know like whenever I do the surf stuff my guy thing Aaron has to be like That's not me. That's not me. That's not Aaron That's what I feel like I have to come on Mike and do that every time JVC does one of those side effects That's not me. I guess we're learning empathy KC That's what empathy looks like I feel like in in five years you're gonna be applying for a job with sound producing and

The people who look let me listen back to an episode of Hey River riddle to see some of your work and they'll pick this episode 45 they'll pick this episode like oh actually this kind of sucks That's funny because I am acting like a guy who just put it is two weeks notice because I am actually like a guy who just put it is two weeks notice. Like a person. Like a person. Like a person. You've been acting like that since episode four, my guys.

I'm like acting like a person who can't get fired right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where you are, CFO? Yeah. Yeah, I know.

And CFO of course stands for Chief Officer. So just so well. We're not there. We don't have a sound board. Then no one can have a sound board I can't have sound boards hands off hands up. That's my cue to leave Thank you Casey. Thank you, Ren. Thank you. Well, I'll bring this over to you I'll bring this over to you at a very soon wonderful. Oh, okay. Well that that aggression aside Aaron

Do we have any more riddles we do? Freakin' riddle, but before we do this next riddle I'm gonna need you to put your pun hat on pun hat on pun hat on put your little pun hat on and shot off your brain. Okay. Aaron Brain-Off. Doctors have said my pun hat has grafted to my skull. They say cannot be surgically removed by man nor beast. And we can't wait to study your brain after you die, my friends. And Aaron, I'm looking at my brain shut off switch

because I was gonna go turn it off like you said. And it looks like it's been off for a long time, there's cobwebs and splotters. It's gonna save a covered. Yeah. All right well good. And then you're ready for this. If you were locked in a room that had it only a bed and a calendar how could you survive? Thinking music. Have a lot of dates to take into that bed. Think of a lot of dates to take into that bed That's basically it right think that's what that's kind of one half the answer I would march my ass to bed I'd cover my dates. I would Think of what you else you can do with dates sheet the bed

I demand more respect I actually do demand more respect in there Can you see that one is so much worse than a toilet? Serves that my guy a hundred percent I did not say that And when you have complaints about this episode don't come complaining to me about this episode going Aaron I don't like listening to you deal with them go complain to JPC I am a mental note. Let's see this episode comes I will be deleting my Twitter the day before

Just what else you do with dates. What else do you you pit them? Mm-hmm. You eat them. Yeah, you eat them. That's one do you do? You pit them? You eat them? Yeah, you eat them. That's one half the answer. You eat the dates from the calendar. You eat the dates from the calendar. And the other one is a bed? Yeah, this one is impossible to get.

You're never gonna get it. So you have food, what do you need? What's the objectives? The objectives is just survive, right? You wet the bed and eat the dates. You're just trying to survive in a room that only has a calendar and a bed and their pun answers. So how you already have the dates

from the calendar that you're eating. You've started to drink in a bed pan. You did a drink with a little oil and garlic and onions. I'm not. You eat the dates and you drink the pillows. So it's not wet the bed? No. So how would you get, you have a water bath?

A wet dream. Remember that this is an old book. Well, it's gotta be a wet dream. No. They had wet dreams back in the old book. You're distill asleep. Distill, are you? Distill asleep.

There's some beds that have these still, but I'd say we're definitely living in a world where these are incredibly uncommon. Box springs. Yes. Box springs? Oh, you get the water uncommon. Box springs. Yes, Bob, you said. Box springs? Oh, you get the water from the box springs, the fresh springs of the box.

Your product from the bed springs any dates from the calendar. Nice one, Japs. Wow, okay. Honestly, I was, I was actually going with box from not even spring. I did not put together the springs for water. I was like, you opened the box and drink the Ugh, the spring's spring forward, fall back.

Spring forward, you fall back on the dates. I do wanna see a scene. Adel, you're gonna be playing a pet-challant child who has locked himself in his bedroom. You have a calendar and a bed. And Aaron, you're the child's parent from the other side of the door. You're never gonna come out of your bedroom.

Honey, there's dinner on the table. No. No. No. I'm tired. I'm tired of dinner. I'm tired of tomato and onion. Okay, well me too.

Fuck you. Okay, I'm just gonna take off. Good luck. What? Wait, hold on, what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Car sound. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no gonna eat? What am I gonna eat? Oh, I have a window. Let me open up the window. Yeah, let me let me try and get a bird in here. Let me kind Lura bird onto my finger and I can eat that

I don't have a bird effect either. I don't excuse me, mr. Bird. What'd you say? Thanks, dude. To say. I was looking, I don't have a bird effect. I was trying to help, I was trying to be a bird, I don't have it. It's good to remember that we can all leave scenes by just doing, like, starting a car and speeding up. Um, why are fishermen such good correspondence? Because they always drop a line. You got it.

Their letters are netters. Their netters are letters. This one is ridiculous. When a man marries, how many wives does he get? Well, if he wants to get in. He doesn't have anything. What's that thing where a word is spelled different but sounds like another word? him? Yeah, it's the hominem. Um, he's think of vows. Okay, really to rise. Think of vows. Is it one? Is it Mary? Is her name Mary? Is it a man Mary? Oh, I like where you're how you're thinking though. I do not know. Okay. I do. I mean,

you've both been married. So I'm sure you at least googled in watch videos. Wait Aaron bin. I don't know GBC check with my I'll check with Jema Who's been starts car? I guess I'm looking at the paper now, and it's yeah, I guess the guy's name is bin that I'm Both had wedding. I hope he's nice. I had weddings and you both got to decide whether or not you did like traditional Wow, oh weddings. And you both got to decide whether or not you did like traditional vows. Oh, you have one because there was an altercation. Not why you have a sick one in the health one. No, but you're yeah, think of vows. Um, insignificant health. Till death, I take you I take you haven't to hold and Then you say their name wife

Take you to haven't to hold and you're talking about all the different circumstances in which yeah Rain but Yeah, Adel you're at the right part, but you're saying it wrong I'm saying it how I said it, my wedding. Yeah, that's a, say your wife. They got to write their own vows and they all chose to just do the regular ones, but a little ziny. We decided to do the hustle. Insignants and in health, what's the, what's the wealth part or prosperity and

the situation for richer for poorer? Yep, you got it. So for richer for poor, I get poor richer and for poorer. Yep, you got it. So for richer or for I For richer and for poorer so that's eight lives Yeah, it is enough. 16 for richer for poorer for better Worse and can I say the poor and the worst wives? Ah, you think they wouldn't be the best. No, I'll say it. Some of my poor wives are my best wives. Oh, God.

I say there's no shabin' being a poor wife, okay? Because guess what? Poor wife? Great listener. So, Aaron. This is horrible. The answer to this riddle is basically Portland organ's own, The Desembrists, 16 Military Wives.

That's how they got that song. Who's calling, I wanna say Colin Mockery, was reading this riddle book, 16 Military Wives. Oh, bad, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I never knew that's what that song was about, and I still don't. Wow. What letters never found in the alphabet?

What letter? Oh, dear Richard, it's been hot on the front. I was just going to say the letter to my dead husband. Your guys are kind of right, you're right. It's what letters never found in a dictionary, like a correspondence with a friend. Yeah, the one that you put in the mailbox. Yeah. Well, I put you put in the mailbox. Yeah, yeah. Well, I put APC in the middle.

When do elephants have eight feet? I don't remember. Oh, so they can do this now. So when they clone an elephant, what they do is they grow another elephant on that elephant's back. And so that elephant just grows to a full size elephant. And then they kind of like chop that off. Okay, JPC.

I mean, right before we go. We need to send, you need to send us your new sources. We are really concerned about you. I didn't honestly. I'm gonna use our TikTok and by that I mean I, I am on TikTok making new stories. I want to say a scene, Aaron, you are an elephant. GPC, you are a scientist who's been brought in to clone an elephant. Unfortunately there was a autorect in the email. So you think you've been brought into clown an

elephant. Damn, what's up big feet? Look at your big ass feet. Whoa, dumb ass, big ass, elephant feet. Look at you. Okay, I just about to say it's a real honor to you. You going somewhere? No. You leaving? Not leaving him. Why you packed such a big ass truck? What's going on? What's up? Oh my god.

I think I look really handsome with my trunk. No, I think you do too. I think you do too. Trust me. Trust me. I'm telling you the truth. Okay. Or should I say I'm telling you the truth? Look at those big ass teeth.

Is that what they are, tusks? Those teeth?'re calling said that this was a huge honor. I applied I wrote like success a using like a video entry Um, I really thought that I would be the right kind of outfit to quone, but I guess not. Oh you are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry? Do I look like a mouse? I'm a scary new right now. I'm afraid that was going on They like me a lot What's your name? I I scaring you right now? I'm freezing. Is that what's going on? Is that what you're saying? And they like being wild. What's your name? I don't know how you're talking. What? I heard your name was Sahara.

Is that right Sahara? Yeah. Yeah, it's because that's maybe where you're from. Oh boy. Anyway, it's been nice. Look, I'm a scientist. I'm going to be here until the research grant expires. Try the Veal. If you want

What's that? That's my time. See And listeners if you want to send us your videos of you at a zoo clowning an elephant, please do keep them under 30 seconds I rather see your videos Would you explain why you should be the elephant that we cloned? Yeah, if you're an elephant that wants to be cloned, please send in your videos. I honestly thought that that seed was going to hit with the elephant like goring that guy. Yeah, I thought about it.

Aaron's elephant had patients. Well, Aaron and GPC, I do have to ask, because this is a question we answered, a variation off of a question we answered maybe 50, 60 episodes back. Would you kiss your clown? No. Clown? I think I'm good. Clown? I wouldn't kiss my back. Would you kiss your clown? No. Clown? I think I would. I wouldn't kiss my clown.

I wouldn't kiss my clown. No. Here's my thing. In my mind, when you said, would you kiss your clown, I saw like Pennywise as the, and I'm like, I'm not kissing that. You can yank my damn arm. So there's a thrifty. If there's a frugal clown, you won't kiss them.

That's what you thought Pennywise was all about, huh? You thought I used it that way. Yeah. Clip and kiss them. That's what you thought Pennywise was all about huh? He's got a user there. He's got a coupon to clown like a cheep-ass. He didn't even see a trailer. By his groceries for the month, A.C.E. always clown elephants. I'll say it. All right. The answer is when there are two of them. Next riddle. One two elephants have eight feet. When did the man stand,, sorry? Why did the man stand behind his donkey? His donkey was right because he was gonna kick his ass Wow, he's gonna kick his ass rules. I love that. Uh, you really you kind of got it at all

Memoron I get no thrill from champagne. Oh Bill Tormay the man was melt or may velvet fog This is why the man was behind his donkey. Yeah, there's a little I get a kick out of you He wanted to do it in the ass No, no, no, because his wife said he could do it in the ass. No, no, no. Because his wife said he could do it in the ass. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, bye. Bye. Bye.

You're in, bye. She can't even do the proper outro. She's so friendly. No, bye. Here it's gone. No, bye. Bye, sell. That's her new outro.

No, no. Actually, I'm going to do another Jupiter to just cleanse the space. We're going to start over. Thank you. We're cleaning the space Jupiter to just cleanse the space. We're gonna start over. Thank you. We're cleaning the space, everybody. Interesting, we can't see a woman on a desert island

shopping, but we'll allow this. I just cleaned the space. I just cleaned it in bad energy. I cleaned it in a bad energy. Light some safe. You're gonna make me mad. I'm upset. I'm mad.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Here, let me put some olive oil in a heated pan put in some garlic and some onion Aaron if you think that it's a bad energy for a man to fuck a donkey I'm sorry, but you're gonna have about four people on the No, we still have time left okay Oh my god I can't believe this next riddle I hadn't read ahead this earth. Oh my God. What, Aaron?

I can't believe this next riddle. I hadn't read it head this far. This is horrible. I'm not gonna guess this one. I just want you guys to understand how bad it is. Well, Aaron, you never thought we'd be this good at doing riddles that we get this far into the bucket of the letter.

But Aaron, a JPC and I have sick brains. Can we try and guess? I bet we'll get it. No, no, I don't even want you to. What is the difference between a girl and an umbrella? A girl and an umbrella? Yeah. Let's see.

You should never open up a girl inside the house? No, that's, that would make me laugh. You can shut up an umbrella. What the fuck? Molly. No, she would die if I. Yeah, this is not. She told me how bad these are. Can you imagine back in like I want to say 1935, whenever this book was written,

you just had dinner. Everyone retires to the parlor. You play a few parlor games and then suddenly, Uncle Jack gets up and is smoking jacket and he goes, Hey, I got a joke to tell. And he tells this fucking clunker, and all the men hootin' how they hit and they pound on their tables. They start to fire.

God, that Jack's a real cut up. What a funny man that Jack is. Whatever happened to him? Arsenic poisoning, huh? Guess he was just eating arsenic. Ah, that poor widow of his. I wonder if she knew that his food was laced with arsenic. That's widow of his. I wonder if she knew that his food was lace with arsenic. That's what they say.

They say women poison and men. Right joke books. Merlors. Membrace your books. Oh, Eric, yeah, you're right. That one was really bad. And that one was a test because if you thought that one was good, actually, go to your checkbook,

write yourself a big check for your fricking privilege. That's right. Check your privilege. Check yourself. Um, we've had this one before, so you should get it right away. Okay. Is it the girl want to get it? What is the longest word in the English language?

Avercrombie and Fitch. Yes. Is it, is it, is it, what is it? Is it anti-disestablished materialism? Was the longest word. Yes! Is it, is it, what is it? Is it anti-disestablished materialism? No, that's not the longest one. It's not actually the longest word. Oh, is it longest? No.

What is the longest word in the English language? Yeah, this one is it, is it, is it, uh, woo-ga? No. Oh, is it like a... Is it like mile? Mm-hmm, but think like. No. But sort of. A kilometer.

It's the word mile inside of another word. Um, kilometer. Uh... Milestone. Milestone and front of... Smiles. Yeah! Since there's a mile between the first and last letter, that's the first

time it's ever happened in the show where I give the answer and you give the answer at the same time. Wow. And into a riddle that we've already done apparently. What is the weakest animal in the world? Draft. Easy. Easy money. Easy money. Alright, here we go. I want to see a seed. Adelaide Aaron. What's Nick Punch? Adelaide Aaron, you are both in a, uh, a legal animal fight club and, uh, you two are, you're looking over the list of combatants today and you're placing your bets for who you think is going to win in this illegal animal fight club.

Alright, let's take a look here. First up is an elephant fucking dumb ass big ass feet elephant big ass tusks uh versus a hippo hmm I had this seems pretty evenly matched I'd watch that next one is a chinchilla verse a panther ooooh do I want to see that um I'm gonna say that chinchilla is gonna win that yeah for you have a weapon start the pet and be like, oh my, follow sleep from how soothing it is, Jinchillo can call in and smouth and kill it from the inside. All right, let's see it.

Okay, let's move on here. Uh, we have a owl versus Margaret. Huh. Huh. Margaret, I have to assume that's just a woman. Is that a woman? I think it's just a... Oh no, it says Margaret is another owl. All right, we'll allow it

I'm gonna go with Margaret's gonna win that because if she's made a name for herself Something's going on all right. We got Aligator versus Gary Gary you sure you're up for that God no scared I'm terrified all right. What will you in, you got it. I'll take out that one. Don't vote on me, I'm curious if I'm gonna win. Gary, we'll give you like a sword or something. It'll be fine, you can be fine.

Okay, next up we have Penguin versus seeing itself in the mirror. Oh, because penguins are flightless and I think they're really self-conscious about it. Yeah, that one, please. So no one wins that one. Yeah, I'll take the under. Yeah. All right. Can I be honest about that one? Sorry, I'm the one taking the bets. Yeah. We thought we had

another animal lined up, but then they backed out at the last moment. That makes sense. So that one's kind of a, that one's kind of like an improvised fight. Pigs versus the mirror. Can we get the mirror or weapon? The mirror will have access to broken glass. Great great great great. Okay, there are only three more bets. Oh we have oh this is a weird one. We have the Dana DeVito one versus the other Dana DeVito one. Can't wait. That would be the biggest fight for sure. Yeah we're really lucky to have that one on the books. Yes. Wow, we got um You and me versus each other. Oh Can I see that pin? Here Ow, no you can't start already

That's a kid's rules. You stab me in the neck with a pen Nothing in the rules says the fights can't stop before the fight start. All right airbud burst air duck It's what airbud will call the air duct like Bruce Willis and die hard and for the fight start. All right, Airbud, Bruce, AirDuck. It's what Airbud will call me AirDuck, like Bruce Willis and Die Hard and. Uh huh. Come down there, they said. My basketball versus the bunch of humans, they said. Sometimes I just, I get resad thinking

about those three lost episodes. Our three, my favorite recording we've ever had in 2018. And we lost all three of those episodes. Our three are my favorite recording we've ever had in 2018 and we lost all three of those episodes. That was there was an air bud run that was the best thing we've ever done. There's a merit pop-ins run. Yeah, I played scary pop-ins. Oh, JPC's memory. It's no one's fault but it's definitely not Casey's fault. No, I mean I'm still the guy from the scene. Oh, see. Yeah, thank you. Wow, sorry, that was scary. You got stuck in there. I was still in the scene. I was trying to be in character.

If you die in the scene, you die in real life. You die in real life. Well, the answer to that is a frog. He will croak if you touch him. What was the costume? What's the weakest animal in the world? Oh, a frog can soak a frog when you touch him. Okay, okay, that's actually pretty funny.

I like that. I'd like to see a scene. Oh. JPC, you are a pet frog that knows that if you get touched, you will die. And Adel, you are his teenage, like, preteen owner. Hey, um, that dude glows. Don't get too close. Well, I'll stay back here. I just want to say smacks. Don't fuck my mom.

Yeah, come on. My mom fucking days are long over. Okay, I'm retired now. I'm just a Hey, did you bring me any flies? Um, sort of. I brought you a picture. I brought you a picture of Jennifer Lopez who famously started as a fly girl on in living color. Fly girls were sure of dancers in the 90s. This will do for a different reason, but I am but it eats something to eat. I need something. I need something. Can we play a voicemail?

I knew that was... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHH! AHHHHH! That's so hot! Boy smell with light! Boy smell with light! Boy smell with light with me! Man! Boy smell with light! Boy smell with light!

Boy smell with light with me! Hey, Erin, spelled E-R-I-N, Addle, and J-P-C. My name is Autumn, and I'm just chilling in my car, driving home, listening to some podcast. I had a riddle, but I forgot. So I guess I just have a question for you. What is your favorite time? It was day. Mine is two o'clock in the afternoon, post-blogged early afternoon, and I can have a second coffee without feeling bad later. So as a nice day. Wow. Thank you so much, Adam. Do you shouldn't leave voice spells while driving? We should say. I think it's that auto in the car. I think it's fine.

You could answer it. Okay, if you can answer it. Thank you so much, Adam. That's a great question. Do you mind if I go first? Yeah, no, I'm stumped. I'm really trying to figure it out. Oh, I see.

JPC what you're saying. Air and spelled E-R-I-N. JPC is spelled JPC and Adel spelled ADAL. Yes, thank you. I'm gonna say probably like 2am, because I'm a bit of a night owl, such a long, safer time. Not Margaret, I'm a bit of a night owl,

and I think when it gets to be super early, super late at night, early in the morning, there's something that washes over me of like, I have no commitments. I don't know when it needs me to do anything. I don't have to like reach out to anyone. It just feels like my time, like I have complete over, over all of the day, that's the time

where I have complete autonomy and ownership over what I do. Currently, whatever hits to A.M., I'm usually just playing Elden Ring and texting me about it. He's not a person that's up. So I get to, not out of obligation, but I have inspiration reach out to people.

But I think like two A.M. until like four A.M., that's my sweet spot. That's just sweet spot, okay. Aaron, do you know? I really like like post dinner cozy time, especially on a night where I'm inside. I really like like seven to nine p.m. Cause I feel like other than people who work at night,

but if people who work traditional nine to five, it's a very cozy time, where you're just sort of maybe watching something or yeah being cozy. Okay, soft lighting. I think if it's like if we're talking about a weekend, we're talking like completely different time, but I think if it's during the week, I love that. I love that noon. I love that like right at lunchtime because usually that's when my wife has her lunch break. She works from home and will both be at home together, and we can kind of have like a little like midday check in, see how our days are going. And we're not like too tired, like you're not like too exhausted from the day, because you've

only just had like your, you know, your morning. That's a, that's a nice spot. That's a nice spot. Hey, the phrase, noon, something about noon, see it? Oh, I'm sorry. Pre-noon, can you still get your pregnant? Thank you. Thank you.

So if it's like, I'm 55. Also, KCI assume you can do this. Can you just for the episode, this episode, that Gemma downloads on her phone, can you edit it? So here, I'll take a clean take here. My favorite time of day is when I fall asleep next to my beautiful wife and when I wake up next to my beautiful wife. Just in her episode, I'll only put that in, please.

Uh, you can throw that in Mariah's episode too. I think she'd like to hear it. I go, uh, I think that's nice. Uh, hey, you know what? I think you're autumn for the voicemail again if you ever want to leave us a voicemail. I make it 30 seconds or less and just call 1 805 Riddle 1 and leave us a voicemail message, we'd love to hear it. Every time people call, leave voicemail message that are too long, I just responded them via text. A lot of people get really funny texts. I would say funny, sometimes mean, for me.

So you could do that. Aaron, do you have anything to plug? Yes, I'd like to plug sitcom D&D. We basically recorded the entire season that we were on and it is really fun, really good. We have a lot of head gum guests that we're a blast to record with, so check that out. I don't know anything to plug. Yes, I recently get on on a few podcasts that I'd like to plug. I believe all the episodes are out, but if they're not, hold tight.

I guess on one of my favorite shows to reoccurringly guest on, which is called the restricted section. Please check out them. They are fantastic. I also did a little guest spot on an episode of Nature Talks. So please listen to Nature Talks. And I was interviewed by an Australian, a wonderful Australian person. And this was the podcast. I don't know if they ever said it out loud. So it's either content incapable or content incapable. Oh wow. Maybe that was on purpose. That's a little play on word. It's a homonym.

But it's either... I truly thought you were going to have an Australian word in there. That you didn't know, but it's just a word. It's a homonym. It's a homonym. So it's either it's a hominem. It's a hominem. So it's either it's a C-O-N-T-E-N-T, incapable. Please check that out as well. G-P-C-D-I-V-N-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T And hey, I might pick yours to read on the show today. I've picked Coffin Grind, Coffin Grind writes, Petition, final draft. I, John Patrick Cohen, being of sound mind and legal capacity, do hereby petition the State of Illinois to change my full legal name to John Pistrick Cohen.

Any future uses of the name Patrick, concluding but not limited to on excellent comedy podcasts or an excellent theme songs to set podcasts, shall be met with no less than four seconds of silence and one blank stare. Should any authorities of the State of Illinois object to the name John Pistrick Cohen, I shall gladly demonstrate in a court of law to said podcasts, shall be met with no less than four seconds of silence and one blank stare. Should any authorities of the state of Illinois objects them in John Pistrick Cohen, I shall gladly demonstrate an accord of law that didn't give a moment, my body weight is no less

than 30% piss, and I have, by all accounts, earned it. Woo, wow, I got to do that one. Wish I had a piss sound effect, but I really just know. No, don't. Casey's gonna do the flush. I don't have it. I don't have a piss sound effect. I have a flush.

I know. Let's try this one. Okay, that's money of the bag That's how you pee. Yeah, that's how I pee. I bet that's how pink Floyd piece Okay, this is probably how I pee Oh, you have to turn it you have to turn the. So it says my settings on my p are so fucked I'll I'll never get them I just The second you start tinkering with them. I was a tinkling with them. Oh, I can do it. Sorry guys I forgot that I could get us out of here. Sorry everybody. Sorry. Sorry

Oh God Sorry. Oh God. Goodbye everyone. It's so long. Yes, nine seconds. Get ready. So long. It was so long. Oh, my God. It was so long. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, or brick. Oh, cool. Welcome back to Halo Riddler! Hey, kids! Riddler, Riddler, Riddler, Riddler.

All right, so for our drive at 9th Sakeman, we're going to be calling 9 drivers on the road right now. Watch out, because we're giving away prizes Why is there an EDM? Why is there an EDM button? You have a real sound with the Zencaster soundboard as you've seen is like Fucking eight options and they automatically play when you try to change the volume. Do you have a hook up to your stream deck or you just have like a software like? It is and it's in the voicemail.

Oh my god really? Yeah. Oh my god. I ride, I ride, I promise I'll use it responsibly from here on out. I'm not a real man. I'm a real man. Hey there, worlds and news. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We give you a little peek back behind the curtain to our live stage show, World News Tonight.

You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com, Sasha Rital-Rital, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew and you can throw that for the episodes for $8 a month. See you there!