Hey Riddle Riddle - #248: Going to Riddle War

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

This week has everything you could possibly dream of-corn talking to other corn, a dad teaching you to shave, and the introduction to the Lord of Beeps. Oh and it wouldn’t be a Hey Riddle Riddle episode without a Santa Scene. Have a great *beeping* week! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something?  Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fm This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/riddle and get on your way to being your best selfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgun podcast. My girl is pissed. Give me one second. Aaron, you look like when a president has to sign the bill, it says like we're going to war and they put down the pen. When the vice president clears it off their desk and then they just put down the pen. One the vice president clears it off their desk and then they just put down the pen and squeeze through it. Knowing that history is changed forever. I'm making that face. Just reading ahead at the riddles were about to show. So you're saying we're going to war?

Aaron, you're saying we're going to war? Oh, I'm crying. That's so heavy. It feels so but soul. That high pitch, it's a present. We're going to work. Take a black and white photo of beeping to your God. The absolute pain and suffering that is upon us.

The humanity. Oh. Oh. What is that? Oh, we're going to war. Ladies and gentlemen of this great nation, I stand before you, a president with a heavy heart to tell you that we will be doing riddles for the rest of the episode My apologies to our citizens that let freedom ring

Oh James, you just missed a lifetime Oh brother, okay Hi, can I offer you a free sample of a riddle Big or hate, Rick or Rick Donald. Hi, can I offer you a free sample of a riddle podcast? No, thank you. I'm just trying to do my shopping. Sure. Do you know where the root barbs are? I'll six.

Okay. What's your, sorry, you look so sad. Oh, sir, were you gonna have some of this podcast? Yeah, if you were done, I just heard you say no, and then you stuck around, which, I was just, yeah, a free sample. You said it's a what? Oh, a free sample from a riddle podcast. Oh, I'm sorry, no, I thought I heard someone say there was a free sample of a root of

bigot. Where are the root of bigot? A rhubarb is a aisle six. Where are the root of bigot? Oh, 12. I keep saying that we put them together. I do, and no, I, sure. Five miles apart for a somewhat similar vegetable. So my boss is like ordering the grocery store in order of what he likes the most,

who he dislikes. Where's him? I don't want his like pizza and cupcakes like aisle eight. I'm sorry. I heard someone say him lock. We're going to get him lock. I need to poise it and sock her dudes. No one said him lock. Um, sir, are you sure? Wait, did you say headlock? What aisle is uh AEW wrestling? aisle three. Uh, I love max headroom. What did you say that that was? What aisle? aisle 10. Um, did you say Pepsi Max in the bedroom? Where can I drink Pepsi Max in the bedroom? I'll one Sir, are you sure you say I'll fish? Do you say Pepsi Max is an aisle official?

No one is wanted a sample from my riddle podcast today The other people give me on sample. Sorry, we should come with. Son, cupcakes are, are popular. Aaron. These have all been samples of the real podcast. We've been eating them the whole time. Oh, I did it! Aaron here, try one. The real podcast.

Pop one into your mouth. Pop one into your mouth and then see what you've got confused at a grocery store. And wash it down with some Pepsi Max Did you say Max and Easter where can I find TJ Max in this store? Wow That looks like a pretty good riddle podcast Yeah, I got to get my lips on that thing and then everybody rushes to the table. They start rushes at you

I'm not and they're all eating it, they're all eating it. So this is a riddle podcast, and if you didn't like that, then you'll hate the rest. They all know. That's what that's about everybody. That's what I say in my Patreon previews every week.

I say, if you didn't like that, you'll hate this. Cause it pays me out that stuff. So see you in a little while. So this past weekend, we were in Los Angeles to do our live show. A lot went wrong, but a lot went right. Adel got sick and how are you feeling? Everyone wants to know. I'm feeling okay.

I was totally, I felt totally normal the night of the show. So pretty. I was totally, I felt totally normal the night of the show. So, the night after the show, I felt real bad, and then now I'm feeling back to normal. Great. Yeah, but I will say, I will say I traveled abroad, and I went to Tokyo and I went to Sydney, Australia, and I have to say, without a shadow of a doubt, after I have experienced both cities,

a hundred million percent I got it and said the in token the Japanese culture is such that when it is incredible you go on a train you do not hear a pin drop. There's no talking on your phone. There's no talking above a whisper. People don't even whisper on the trains. It is everyone is so thoughtful. Everyone is so polite.

Everyone is just so conscious of everyone else. And then you go to Australia, and everyone is talking at the top of their lungs. There's spiders crawling into snakes who are barfing up horses. It is the most, it is the Wild West incarnate. It is terrifying. So I absolutely got sick in Australia,

and there's no shadow about that. We do, hey, look, and we do not blame the filthy Australians. Okay. taken Australia and there's no shadow about that. We do. Hey, look, and we do not blame the filthy Australians. Okay. It's not their fault. No, don't do this. It's not their fault. They're full content and JPC. We can't make a man. Aaron, can I just can I say to expand upon my point? I went to Tokyo, Disney C, which is like a Disney theme park in Tokyo that I think is skewed towards adult perhaps it felt like it, but they do they end every night at like 9 p.m. Just because it's full of adults doesn't mean it's skewed towards adults.

That means those adults are well they have a certain thing. I'll just say that. But they end the night with this like big show. It's this big spectacle with all these songs and there's fireworks and all this stuff. It's like a half hour show, it's incredible. It ends and the park is absolutely packed. It ends and in America you would hear people hootin' in the hall or in, you'd see people rip off their shirts and scream in Japan.

They give the most polite, it's like a golf clap. They give a golf clap in the most polite, they're just like, I'm not trying to yell, I'm not trying to, you know, be Rockis. They just give the, and it almost sounds like they hated it, but you can tell they loved it, but they just give a polite little plus. You would, Aaron, you'd lose your mind. And So cool. Everything you sent me from that. Looked to England. Yeah. Interesting.

Interesting. And the characters there are Lena Bell, who girls want to be her, squirrels want to eat her. She's a little fox. She's a detective. And then Gelatoni, who is a cat who paints on camo with his tail dipped in gelato. So sorry, I've been sitting on that wanting to tell you guys so bad, but we didn't get a chance to catch up.

Jellatone? And less is Jellatone and I'm saying it wrong. It could be Jellatone. I think Casey, you got a new nickname. Yeah. I think Casey, you dip your Jolata. We take a picture We don't on the website. Casey's like a jackson like your new nickname serves up my guy a hundred percent He likes it. Why don't you tell it Tony? Joltony

Speak shout out to JPC and the good people over at Dynasty typewriter for Scramble organizing figuring out problem, everything that we needed to do to have sweet addle be a presence at our show and shout Janet Farnie for being the loveliest, funniest and for joining us at that show. And by the way, if you are listening to this, you're like, oh man, I missed that show and you wanna watch it, I think Dynasty typewriter

can go to their website and go to their video vault and you can buy access to the stream directly from them. So that'll be there. I'll just say forever. So anyone, even when you're listening to this 40 weeks from when it came out, I think you can still go there and still watch that show. And it was fun.

It was a very fun show. Mm-hmm. Can I tell you guys? I had the time. Yeah. Every time I come up to LA, the one question. You made it. That's going through my mind. You know, every time I come up to LA, the one question. You made it. That's going through my mind.

You know, it was an absolute, I had an absolute nightmare getting there. LAX is the worst airport in the world. No. Maybe it's definitely the worst airport I've ever been to. It could be the worst in the world. My rinse-out-heart experience was terrible, but I really did enjoy. I went on like three hikes in three days. I saw a lot of friends.

It was very, very fun. Aaron took me to a gluten-free lunch spot that was delicious. Ooh. But the number one thing I do want to come up to, the number one thing. I want to have a little celebrity sighting. Just get my peepers on one of these celebrity types. Please, God.

And if it's Mr. Peepers himself, Chris Katan, that would be, I'm actually gonna have that. I'm actually met him in Chicago once. So I've already got that off my bucket list. But, but I did, I went the whole trip. Didn't see a single celebrity. Right into some people,

like friends that buy in from Chicago, just on the street. I saw a rich son just like walking. I missed a Tanner Tannenbaum. Haven't seen him in years. But I'm at the airport. I have to get off the airport shuttle because it's absolutely going so slow.

So I'm just walking and I'm walking all the way across the airport and I'm annoyed because I'm like, I might miss my flight. It's a very late flight. I'm getting the airport late. I showed up like five minutes before they started boarding and I'm like really hustling. And who do I see kind of walking all alone?

Well, that all alone. He was with his family, with his wife and his daughter. Tom Green. It is a celebrity that I kid you not. I walked past them. I was like, oh cool, celebrity. And then I thought, I've done that guy on the podcast before.

I've definitely, I've definitely, in some sort of improvsied, I've played that guy on the podcast before. Would you guys like to guess? Howard Dean. It was Howard Dean. I out my guy. Would you guys like to guess? Howard Dean. It was Howard Dean. I out my guy. I mean, that's what it is.

I wish it were Howard Dean. We got to have him. Would he be on the podcast? Is he on the whole point? It is. With how we treat him. I'm sure. I'm going to look about it.

I don't know that I would be able to recognize Howard Dean. I haven't seen Howard Dean in like 20 years. Does he look the same? He screams the same. So this is the celebrity you've done on the podcast. Not like one of my, it's not like Alamo, that's not one of my good impressions, but I definitely know that I have,

I enjoy saying this person's name, but I know that I know that I've, I can, what's that? Pretzel Jesus. It's not pretzel Jesus. Okay. Now I lay a roll to go. Yeah, is it pretzel Jesus?

You guys can have a guess, if you don't want a guess, that's fine. I will, I will just tell you the celebrity. Can we think of it? I thought it gold. Yeah, is it pretzels? You guys can have a guess. If you don't want a guess, that's fine. I will just tell you the celebrity. Can we think of a clue? I thought it was very funny because this is a very JPC celebrity to see. Bam Margera. Bam Margera. It was not Bam Margera.

Bam Margera's bad. Not that some Jesus. It's not Bam Margera. It's not. Good luck. Alina Honda. Look, both an actor of, both an actor of like the movies and TV had a very successful television show and was in a was part of an ensemble cast of a big franchise movie that

had the way. What's that? Kevin James. No, I can read you what? That had three, three movies in the franchise, technically a fourth, but not with any of the same cast. John Wick. Very, very, very high story into these movies. Oh, that's what we know.

It's 11 Scott Khan. It was Scott Khan. No way. You just did that impression like two episodes ago. I was like, I walked past Scott Khan. I was like, I don't know that I could have seen another celebrity that would be more appropriate than seeing Scott Khan. I got it. Did you see the very famous TV show?

Yes, he was on, he was on Hawaii 50. He was on the reboot of that. And by the way, it went longer than you think it did. It's like blue blood. It's like, oh, he's done 400 episodes of this. Interesting. Aaron, get this. He was walking with his wife and child and they were presumably leaving the airport.

No. Does he still have hair like Paul and Tekken? It truly, yes, truly. I love it when I see a celebrity in her life, especially because he was like right off the airplane, but his hair was like very up. Like it was, it was up. It was done up.

Anyway, Scott, if you're listening, loved seeing you. I wanted to say Scott Con, love your stuff. Love me, some Scott Con, but I didn't, because I want to be respectful of his privacy. Do you think his friends call him Con, man? Scottie C. I don't know if he has friends. Wow, lonely.

On the top. I wanted to thank you for the incredible escape room experience that we are supposed to experience with you. Yes, I booked the nest at Hatchet's scape, which I heard was like half a immersive theater, half a escape room, and then I obviously couldn't go because of my sickness. But, but you two went with two friends. Aaron, I assume Sean has just referred to as a friend. And you said, I'd rather like parents,

I'd like parents that Thanksgiving, hi, this is my roommate, this is my roommate, Sean. And Aaron and GBC, I think you both individually told me that the show is great. Yeah, now that we did say escape room when we got there Obviously, I think you both individually told me that the show is great. Yeah. Now, we did say Escape Room when we got there. And the person who was like kind of setting us all up was like, it's like 90% immersive theater, 10% Escape Room.

And we were like, okay, sure. But nobody touched us. And that's the best part. There are no people. But I'm happy. No people we had to interact with, which I was scared the whole time that there was gonna be like a person that turned the corner. But hey, get ready for the bump

because we give the nest in L.A. the hay riddle rental, skill of approval. And then there's that shwack. Casey, I don't know what you can do with the sad effect that the shit. I'm like, gack being stabbed. I'd recommend definitely reading the content warnings before you pop into that room.

Some heavy stuff, but I think really, really beautiful and worth it. Mmm-hmm. I'm very excited to see it next time I'm in town. And there you go, back. And there you go, back. And there you go, back. And there you go, back. And there you go, back.

Yes, I will. But there's a riddle podcast that I don't want to hear another word about it. Get in line, everybody. No more fun. Up, up, up, up. Hup, hup, hup. Ow, he huped on my foot. I'm a Bonnie. Hup, hup, hup, a Bonnie.

Can we play that sweet sweet Molly's Riddles box? Right here, thank you. Each time for Molly's Riddles. Your mom These written books All right, we are back inside of Molly's riddle books that she gave us at the San Francisco live show. Aaron, I have a question for you. What's that?

I saw a person. It's got the LA live show. Hand you some books. Now my question is, my question is, do you think that person thought, I'm gonna get my own theme song from us? Or because they could have given them to me, and I have a bunch of books, and there ain't no theme songs.

Do you think they gave them to you because they were like, if I give them to Aaron, I'm gonna get some theme songs. Yeah, they could have mailed me to me. It was Caitlyn who handed me the books, and her theme song is in fact coming soon. And when she handed it to me, I don't think that was her intention. She's just lovely.

And she talked about how her kid wanted to be at the show, but was too young. But she's so sweet. And I was like, okay, well, when we inevitably write your theme for your Riddles books, what genre of music would you like it to be? And she immediately said jazz. She had it locked and loaded. She said jazz. All right. Let's play it. Let's play Caitlyn's theme song. Nope Oh No, no, we're not doing Caitlyn's riddle books. These are still Molly's riddle books

And if you want your own theme song, hand me some Riddle books at a live show. To be fair, that was more like Brazilian calipso. Yeah, well, but it was very quick. I did it very quick, right? Cracking up. Well, you had this for me, but it came fast. It sounds like when you buy a Casio keyboard

it's like a 12 year old and you press the demo number one. That's what it sounded like. Hey, okay, look, I did ask for a bunch of notes on it. It was basically girl for me, Peneva. I have this and I have E-E-E-E-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- riddle book from Molly. When I open to it, should we have a new theme? Nope. Well, it's a real horse. Okay. All right. All right. Let's all be serious, please. Let's be serious. Come on. Whoever is the person, you really the hot dog in the car. Whoever's here making this horse out of fact he's to stop uh... okay so we're gonna just we're gonna do some old timey rettles

none of these are from a time when any of us were born okay why should you never tell secrets in a cornfield oh cuz uh... corn can't husk their mouths um... because shes mother fuckers Oh, because corn can't husk their mouths. Because shuttles have eyes. Because they're all ears. Yeah.

Aaron? Because corn has ears and it's bound to be shocked. Shocked. Hmm. Shocked the box. I'd actually like to see a scene. Okay. Um, you two are ears of corn. Check the box check I actually like to see you seen okay

You two are ears of corn your corn in a cornfield and you're super gossipy and chatty because you two hear everything You see those soybeans everything. Oh, I saw him. Did you hear about the soybeans? Oh, you already heard about the soybeans to yeah I might have heard it for you. Let's say it at the same time One two three Groups always sex car accident. And it was like, what? What? On the way home from the group sex party? Yes.

I heard it as a hit and run. Oh, I heard it. Wait, group sex party. Yeah, I heard it was sex toys. What do you mean who's there? Who's there? Was it just the soybeans? No, soybeans, it was wheat. I think that...

What the f**k? What the f**k? Elderflower? They didn't invite corn, but they invited elderflower? Shhh! I'm screaming. Yelling. Because I'm upset. Don't silence my emotions. I'm having a reaction. I'm just saying. Did you get an invite? Yeah, but I didn't want to go. What the fuck?

Why not? Well, I'm just not, I've never been, never been shocked. I'm not gonna get butt shocked before I get shocked for the first time. So I don't want to do this stuff I've just seen in pornography. Look. You can just go to a party and watch. Well, I know you're- There's no, you don't have to like engage.

What really? Yeah. First of all, have you been? I mean, not to one of these obviously, I'm not getting invites, but I've hosted my own for sure. Wow. Yeah. Just, you know, nothing big, nothing like, nothing, you know, crazy, just some potatoes, a cucumber, potatoes, they're all eyes. some potatoes, a cucumber. Potatoes, they're all eyes. Well, I know, but they're very rarely do they have mouths. So it's, I saw a cucumber at this sex party, and we all know he's married, so he's in quite the pickle.

Oh, okay. Now that, that's some good dish. Something's loving toss the salad. Did you watch Wonder Ears last night? What are we doing? Seeing. Just wonder ears. Wonder ears.

Wonder ears. Ear may not. This one's confusing to me a little bit, but why does Santa Claus like to go down the chimney? Hmm. Okay, Aaron, this is a sexual innuendo. Sorry, not innuendo in your fire place. And go chimney.

Why does Santa Claus, what was it again? Why does Santa Claus prefer to go down the chimney? Why does Santa Claus like to go down the chimney? Cause he wants a cold out of love. I want to say it's the way it feels on his thighs and his Oh, he likes the pressure because Why does he like to go down the chimney? As it you'll walk him it suits him. It suits him. It suits him.

Okay, it suits him. I do want to see you seen. Is it really that? Yeah, can it be that? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. I notice you see and I'm getting confirmation that it really that? Yeah. Can it be that? I'm sorry, and I'm sorry. Okay. I noticed you see. But I'm getting confirmation that it's that. Aaron, you are Santa Claus. You've just come home to JPCs. Who's your partner? And you're Santa, I'm going to call it a Santa suit,

but to you, it's just a suit. It is covered in dirt and filth. Oh, ho, whatever. Boots off, boots off, come on! Honey, I'm sorry, I have to have this fight every time. I just... We have a mudroom. I know, I just...

Santa, we have a mudroom. I have to pee. Please. The dog was barking and I didn't want to wake you up, but I'm coming in late. I'm sorry. Honey, I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm sorry. I don't. I know this is the worst time of a year for you. This is such a stressful time. It's literally one day I work every year, honey. One day. You know, you say that, but you actually are gone a lot more than that. I think that's

kind of reductive to say that it's one day a year. Explain that. Because you're in that because you're managing the presence, you're managing the elves, you're in the workshop and I know the workshop is just across the yard but still it's just like you're not in the house, you're not here. I can't do this. I'm alone all day. I can't do this. Oh you can't do this right now? Oh that's right you had your busy one day of work a year. Yeah it it's technically three days, honey Okay, thank you both for being cordial I'm gonna walk you through the divorce process

First of all, is there any assets that either of you would like to lay claim to I'm taking the reindeer I'm taking the reindeer. I'm taking the gingerbread house. I'm taking all of it. It's all mine Oh wait, I'm sorry all of it or just the stinky ass reindeer and the little crumbly gingerbread house because you can keep those two things I Want the workshop? No, no the workshop. I want a profit sharing arrangement where I should get 50% of the Christmas profits every year Santa are you amenable to those conditions? Why cuz you uh Because you supported me through my dream of becoming a guy who delivers presents every day. We kept our house beautiful, raised our beautiful kids. They shouldn't be crushing each other. You knew every thought I was thinking and you made it happen.

Oh my God. You did way more than me, honey. I'm so sorry. And don't forget how I work, how I work my ass under your hard Santa Claus. Ah. I can ask you some more. You're out, buddy. Can I watch you?

Okay, I can't watch. I have an opinion and an answer. I have an answer. We're sorry. I have an opinion and an answer. Would you to say of all the episodes we've done? What is this gonna be? What is this question?

Of all the episodes we've done, would you to agree or would you even say that Santa has been the character we have played the most between the three of us? I don't wanna face that music. We have Uncle Santa. I don't wanna face that music. Adela, let us just live in. I think we're obsessed.

Technically done Scott Khan more than I've done. See it that at this point. Well, you've played him once and talked about him once. So why is a ship one of the most polite things on earth? Because it always has a bow. Yeah, because it always starts with a bow. That is very good. That is very good. That is very fun.

Very quick with that. And we don't edit this podcast at all. At all. Except we're editing from here. To here. That was one of those classic Casey Tony cuts. Wow. Great job, Casey. And thank you for taking it all those times.

I said the terrible words that I said. And I hope you could make me sound normal even though I picked up smoking and have to use one of these. Don't worry Casey, we'll make you sound normal. Thank you so much guys. I really appreciate how you make me sound normal on this podcast. I like this one.

I'm not trying to be crazy here, but I do like this one. Why is a good student always on the run? Because, okay, why is a good student always on the run? Always on the run. Good student. Pupils. Good grades. A, A, A, they take a train. A train knowledge. Why would you call a good student? They're on a roll. They're always on a roll. On a roll. They're always on a roll.

They're working on a roll. And they're always on a roll. Scholastic. That would be like, that would be like a wise, like, why is, why is butter killer right now? There's something. This is when women couldn't be students. Why is like, why is, why is butter killer right now? This is when women couldn't be students. So the answer is because he is always pursuing his studies. And I'd like to see a scene.

GPC, you're a college student. They're running. Okay. And you're literally chasing and running after and trying to tackle your major, whatever it is. Okay. It could be English, it could be history. Whatever your college major is, you're literally trying to tackle your major, whatever it is. It could be English, it could be history. Whatever your college major is, you're literally trying to

do that. Okay, Aaron, you know two college majors. You went to college. You double majored. Geez, drag. Nope. Nope. Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, sir. Yes? How could I help you? Did you see what direction, Paulie? Paulie, sir. Yes? How could I help you? Did you see what- Did you see what direction Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Polly- Wait, that guy looks like political side made you wear it a wig It takes off wig Please I just want to know about policy changes in the forward come on You know never know because of the human missile crisis. I assume no tell me about it. I need to know If it was such a crisis what happened who were the players? Who was involved? Not a consultant!

Keelma, your study has got to, get a pursuant! I'm trying, man. Hey, you, you, you, I'm getting on the street. Will you be my academic advisor? I don't know. I'm a major two and if you try to learn anything, I'm gonna have to start running. Wait, you're a major two. What's majoring in? I'm a theater major Chase me Like the major of theater I'm good. I'm good. Chase me. I'm a major of theater. You know what I learned about how to roll on the floor?

No, it's not really worth $120,000. I don't think I can just roll the floor free at home. Ah, dang, no one has to check it. Yeah, I don't know a lot of theater companies are like, do you have a college degree? I don't know if that's happening. So we're good. We're all good.

Scene through tears. We're good. We're all good. Scene through tears. We're good. Scene through tears. Why does a man who has just shaved look like a wild animal? He did it because he cut himself. Because he wants his razor back. Wow, that's actually really good. Because he's...

Because now he looks so clean that he's kind of a bore. Ooh, another type of pig. Another type of pig. Oh, okay. Because he has a bare face. Oh, I think CSA. I was close, that was pretty close. JPC, you are Adel's dad and you are teaching him how to shave, but you maybe don't really

know how to do it and you don't know what you're talking about. Ready, Dad? Okay. Yeah, so obviously. Lay out all the utensils in here. Yeah, everything you have here is what you need. You can use the gel lather or like a foam lather. They both kind of lather up the same, but you never want to shave dry. You

definitely want to use one of these lather. Now Dad, what you put forward is two different types of hot honey. Yes. Well, no. Now, you need a little bit of the honey because it makes the hair stick up and it needs to be hot because it's like an icy hot thing because the blade is going to be so cold and it'll lather up really nice you have to add it to the milk or whatever and you choose the milk it could be 1% 2% for that scam whatever you like. Now typically the way that this works is you go bottom to top so you're going to want to start toes. Okay. You don't have hair on the underside

of your feet do you? Most people don't. Yes I You don't have hair on the underside of your feet, do you? Most people don't. Yes, I do, sir. Okay, so it's underside of your feet, up to the upper side of your feet, toes then foot, then leg, and then we're just gonna, we'll just kind of keep moving. Like keep, you know,

zoop, zoop going up, and then we'll go slow. Should it make that noise? What's that? Should it make that noise, zoop? Either you make the noise or it makes the noise, the noise gets made. Uh-huh. Um, and you said I have to ride this razor scooter the whole time?

I think so. I think it's important. Not ride it, but be on it, and you can have one foot on the floor, because I don't think it's about balance. And then, and let me just take my phone. Okay, so none of your uncles have texted back, which doesn't matter. I'm not waiting for a text for them at all. And you're ready to start shaving, huh? Yes, sir. Okay, you know what, it's your first time

we should get a treat, you should have a treat. Oh, okay. Because that's how you associate like a positive reinforcement with it. Yeah, a little treat. So why don't we go out to ice cream? You know what? There's an ice cream store right by your uncle's work.

Oh. So why don't we pop it into the hardware store? You get the ice cream across the street. I'll talk to your uncle about something that's nothing. And then we get right back into this. Is that OK? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, let me go.

Should I drive? I just got a text message from one of your uncles, which me go. Should I drive? Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh. I just got a text message from one of your uncles. Which is great. It wasn't even, didn't even need to hear back from them. But here's what I will say. You should be, whatever you part you want to shave, you should not have any clothes on for. So that's, so if it's going to be the feet, take the socks off.

It makes sense. Yeah, because, yeah, now that we both think about it, like, shaving through the socks, that was a test, and we both passed. So yeah, take the socks off first. Okay. And now we're talking about another one of your uncles. I'm having a little trouble dad taking the sock off because I haven't heard from you since the funeral. What is this about? good boy you're right there is the first. You're seeing. Really calling them out. I'm in a hurry because that's the spirit.

What do you want? What do you want? That would be a text conceivably I could send. Let's take a break. I don't want to do this for a minute. Let's take a break. I don't want to do this for a minute. I agree. Hey, JPC, you know how I love

He looks sleep. I love that he looks mattress brand. Yeah, best nights sleep in my life. I know not everyone is on board yet. So I secured a wordwinning sleeper, Merrill Sleep. She's right behind that door, Merrill Sleep. Wow, she won the Golden Pillow for best sleep. That's right. Hey, Merrill. Hello, yes, hello, yes, I'm very well rested after sleeping on my midnight lux, Helix Madras.

Good to see you, good to see you good to see you your naps are stunning I just wanted you to tell people about he looks sleep how the helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses including the award-winning Luxe collection the newly released helix elite collection a mattress design for big and tall sleepers even a mattress made just for kids Yeah, and helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100 night trial in a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out the new Helix mattress.

Who do you, who, who did I think you were? Maybe I was asleep. I don't know. Merrill, I'm Merrill Sleep, and I know everybody is unique. And everybody sleeps differently. I just recommend taking the Helix sleep quiz and you can figure out what mattress is right for you. I don't know if you're a side sleeper or you sleep hot or cold or if you sleep like me.

Meryl sleep. Yeah, choosing the right mattress is a real Sophie's decision, but don't just take our word for it or Meryl sleeps word for it. He looks has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. It was even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine. I don't think I thought you were the person that you were talking about. What a performance. He looks mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model. Stunning.

Yeah, look, he looks as offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet. And it will not last long with helix better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy of Snorr. The snorr. Academy of Snor, the Snor. Academy of Snor. You know what? Give me the Academy of Snor.

I'm going to go to sleep. That's why you're here. Oh yeah, I got that a lot. Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Sure, yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet the... What is it?

So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you jokers. Told me, oh, JPC, it's okay. All you have to do is take some, you know, American paper currency, tape it to your front door, close the door, and then wait until someone brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door, and the money was gone. So I had to tape more money to my door.

I think you're thinking, didn't work at all. Oh, door cash. Door cash. Yeah, you did door cash. We told you door dash is the number one thing to you. What the heck? With door dash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever

to get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat. JPC, which I don't know what you eat. I eat back to school supplies. But wait. JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery, and convenience stores are on the app. So you can chop everything, your kids all your favorite retail, grocery, and convenience stores are on the app so you can

chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family, might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some Marsha's homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know, those candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter. I just got those from DoorDash and they were on my porch within 20 minutes and it's very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Uh, yes. Did you fill your backpack?

I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and Pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was And I know that she would have loved to have door dash so she could be prepared before the big Back-to-school day arrived so you can stock up with go-to breakfast lunchbox staples and brands that you love Don't eat my school supplies JPC. You see put that away for school Put that trapper keeper down your mouth is too small and brands that you love. Don't eat my school supplies JPC. Should be safe, but that eraser down.

Put that trapper keeper down, your mouth is too small. Never been told that before. Shop door dash to get everything you need for the back to school season delivered right to your door. Order now for stress free back to school shopping. Use promo code riddle to get 50% off up to $10 value. When you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery, or retail stores on DoorDash,

that's 50% off up to a $10 value. When you spend $15 or more promo code riddle, don't forget JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. That's code riddle for 50% off your next order, Terms Apply. At all, JPC keeps eating my gel pens. Thanks, DoorCash. I mean, no, that's the one.

That one didn't work. That one's bad. Hey, DoorCash. I mean, no, that's the one. That one didn't work. That one's bad. Hey, GPC. Yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking. to I'm excited to engage with your audience. And so let me think for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here.

Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch,

you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay.

Wait, what's going on with Adel? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing, new, he's gonna tune you nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website. The prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for?

I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You can connect to your store to Vedent, third party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC.

What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back.

Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. And we're back from our break with more Molly's riddles. Thank you you Molly. Why should watermelon be a good name for a newspaper?

Why should watermelon be a good name for a newspaper? And not why is watermelon a good name for a newspaper? Why should watermelon? I just thought of a new segment for the show where we just do the segment for the show We don't have to do this riddle anymore and I have it so I'm ready. Yeah, so the name of the segment is computer screen phone mouse Credit card. He's just saying things in the room. No looking around the room

Credit card. I made up great. So what's the what do we do in this? I see a debit card. So credit card is an original idea. You can be used for both. Because just like and rhymed, this watermelon has some CD stories. No, you're thinking that this book came out before and right. Absolutely. Because, because Gallagher, because Gallagher, because- A little shrugged. Watermelon newspaper. That sounds like a Harry style song. Is it Harry Styles? Oh, oh, is it because it's red all over and-

Oh, yeah, 1953. And because we're sure it is red on the inside. So they don't have the headlines. Okay. This one sucks. And it's very just very clear that this was written in the 50s. Why is the last one or this one? This one.

Why is it vulgar to sing and play by yourself? Why is it because of of the segregation or something. Just in terms of the language of this answer. Was it vulgar to play with yourself? No, no. Why is it vulgar to sing and play by yourself? And the answer to this just feels like very outdated. In terms of the way, like the words used, not the content. by yourself. And the answer to this just feels like very outdated.

In terms of the way, like the words used, not the content. Could because you can 23-scadoo no wrong. I wish. Okay, what is it? Gramophone, ways of saying jerking off. I would actually, I would like to play a game. And you each have to like ping pong back and forth come up with old tiny ways to say jerking off and at the end I will declare a winner great okay playing ping pong back and forth Yeah, I

Deboning my ham mm-hmm Shaking the skeleton's hand. Uh, uh, voting in a presidential poll. Um, can't quite open the champagne. Uh, taking the seedwagon to prairie town. Okay. Um, let's see here. Um, shocking the corn.

Uh, howling by desert wolf. Mm hmm. Playing, uh, playing the broken, playing the broken obo. Uh, burying one of my 12 children. Oops, uh, uh, past, quit, quit, past, past. JBC, you were so close, but I have to give it to Adel especially for can't quite open the champagne That is haunting. It's what that is that is haunting if you've ever seen someone You're behind them and you see them face in the other direction opening a champagne bottle We all know what it looks like yeah, and then when it opens you you don't most double down

The answer is because such a performance is so low, so low. You know what? I was going to say solo, but I was like, so low is too much of a modern thing. People weren't saying like, solo back then, but I guess I was wrong. JPC, do you remember in the movie, when Huns was traveling and he said I'm traveling solo and then they thought that was his last name? Yeah, that's a really good part of that movie. And I gotta say, one of the better Star Wars movies.

Why can't it rain for two days continually? What if that would be too much, right? Right. Hahaha. Hahaha. Um, why can't it? Uh-huh. Why can't it rain? Why can't it rain for two days continually?

Because, okay, has somebody do it number one? I got it. I actually know this one. Because Aaron, there must be a night in between. Mm-hmm. Is that it? Is that it? A night in between, yeah. Okay, I Mm-hmm. Is that a knight in between? Yeah. Okay, what are you saying?

Oh, who got there first? Aaron, who got there first? I heard Jay Bather first, but as a taller. My voice was lower. I can't make it, but I can't. Jay, we see you go, you go. I'm getting that, no, fuck you guys. I'm getting that leg surgery.

I'm doing it. I'm finally doing it. I'm gonna have super tall legs. It's so expensive and you will certainly die. So you have our full support. How tall you? They did it in Gatica. I'm like six one and a half.

Okay, oh thank God, we're really quick to do that. So he's six one and a half, I'm like five, 11 and a good day. So I have to get it, what am I? So I'm Friday. Job liver? I'm five eight.

Five nine. At least three inches added to my legs. Several people live show said I was way taller than they thought I'd be. They go, whoa, our tall. And I went, tell your friends, tell everyone. He's 1120. Tell everyone you know how tall I am. I'm tall, yeah.

Can I take three inches from my butt? Do you think the scene is? No, it's my scene. You would need three inches to give from your butt Yeah No, no, no, no, no, no, I got a huge ass So here we're gonna see a scene We're gonna see a scene um

Let's see um Aaron and I are a Aaron's a princess and I'm a prince from a foreign land. And I have been, I have been wed to, to Aaron, but Adel, you are going to be playing the night that always gets in between when it's our, it's our wedding night. Can I tell you something? My scene is going to be very similar, except for it was the rain night. And he was always just had a rain cloud following him. and he was always just had a rain cloud following him. Ha ha ha!

You are bewitching in the moonlight, middle-aid and I am so much looking forward to consummating our holy matrimony this eve. You've written such beautiful poetry to me through our courting and such a lovely day I feel blessed to be here and I can't wait to be with you, my sweet husband. Hell and well met tonight! You're excited for a night of romp and sexual intercourse.

Oh my gosh, I thought you were one of those still nights that are here for display. Like a city of armor. Yes, you're the woman. I'm still a night. And two nights. Two nights, I shall be, it be- Twix-do-you. You smell like tuna fish. Where is that out?

Can I- can I get out? Is that you, sir? Uh, Lance not much? That is correct. I got the name because every time I came upon a dragon, I would scream and run away. And so people said, what a coward he does not Lance very much.

That's not why he got the name, he's just a cock blocker. Well, so he lens not much. Cock blocker. We are happy to have you here. Could you maybe protect the door from the outside? Is that the door? Yes, of course. What a wonderful idea. Why don't all three of us stand up and I will stay be Twix-Dew and we shall shuffle our way over to the door

Here's an idea We're both parched from the wedding ceremony so much. Oh, would you mind going but down yonder hall and fetching us a cask of fine wine? Um, I wouldn't mind if the three of us just want to get up together and again shuffle down yonder hall I'll grab some Hey man, how can I say this? Hey man, you crass We want to be be be be be be be be be be In case you put beep there, pick to each other without you there

Yes, what is the best way to phrase this? I would like to beep upon my wife's beep. Of course, understood. And I would like to say no more beeping her, this beep. And if we have time, perhaps, try something like beep or beep. But I mean, at the end of the day, beep. I'm like a traffic jam in here. Listen, here's what I'll talk.

Maybe she throws a hand behind like my beep beeped. Just a little beep. Oh, beep, yeah. Oh, beep,ed? Just a little, just on my beach. Oh beep yeah. Oh beep yeah. Okay, well I know that stood for prostate milk, but here's what I'll do, I'll compromise. I'll stay with you. Beep him.

Where's the Lord of Beeps? How was he able to say prostate milk? Wait, the Lord of Beeps must be dead. Sound me alone. He's been murdered. He's been murdered. Oh god, I'll fuck. I can say it.

Oh suck my fucking nuts. He's been murdered. Oh no I can say it suck my fucking nuts. He's been murdered. Oh See Oh my god, what's happening y'all what is happening y'all? I don't feel so good. What's going on? Okay? I think the Lord of Beasts is Casey's best character yet Okay, I think the Lord of Beeps is Casey's best character. Yeah. Oh, the Lord of Beeps goes across the land. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

sometimes it's beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep it's that beep, beep, fuck suck, pop, dick. There he goes, the Lord of Beeps. Fucking his horse across the land, beep. Erdi of more riddles for us. No, I want to keep singing about the Lord of Beeps. Lord of Beeps is a tall rolled band. He is short too. I'm just thinking about more Lord of Beeps songs if someone else wanted to talk.

Well, we don't have any riddles. So I don't know what the Lord of Beeps won't let you and tell you why it's because he cares. He loves him too. And he loves to go. It never fall in love. Oh, the Lord of Peace. What's funny about this is the Lord of Beeps is canonically dead. So we're just standing over his dead body. He's a world drunk. And we're singing Dr. Barney Tales.

Barney Tales. Hopefully we've gotten Arnie Parrott to write a Lord of Beeps song that we can end this episode with. But maybe not because he won't answer our phone calls. Uh, uh, uh, understand. Because who in his wheelhouse? Because we bother him with shit like that. Exactly. I have to say, I don't blame him.

I would ignore my phone call. Um, why is your nose in the middle of your face? Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it would look dumb anywhere else. Good job, Adolf, $40 to you. What? In my $52 money, that's $1. You're a millionaire.

Why are you so stupid? I honestly thought that sounds like something that some bully says to you like before they punch you in the face. Like, why is your nose in the middle of your face and then they punch your bucket now? It's on the floor or something like that. Yeah, they're like call me Picasso because your nose is on your cheeks now Is it something of like you it's not running? Or because it's not or something like oh? It's not running

Laughing sorry I'm laughing about the Lord of Beeps thing. That bit is really good. Like a time bomb in my body. I love that. That's awesome. That's like my favorite. It's fit. We've ever done a Michel.

Wait a minute. That fucking rules. OK, I don't know what everyone says. I love that. Aaron, what I like about the Lord of Beeps is because every time we've ever beeps before, we've never referenced it, but he's been there. And now he's dead. And now he's dead. And now he's dead.

He's been with us. He died. And we ended the scene and we never knew who killed him. He's dead. He got stabbed. Okay, all right. Next time I do an episode, we're solving the Lord of Beeps murder. And we ended the scene and we never knew who killed him. He's dead. He got stabbed. Okay. All right. Next time I do an episode, we're solving the Lord of Beeps murder. I'm sorry.

I'm on it. Look for that. That's like three weeks ago. Sounds like patron content. Sounds like, yeah. Oh yeah, you're right. No, no, we're doing that to the main feed. No, it's too good for these hogs.

Too good for these hogs. These slabs. Oh god, I cannot wait to see that episode. Okay. What happened to you? Aaron, is something like your nose. Why is your nose in a little bit of your face? Is it something of like, it always has been but sign us up for a change? Is it some sort of like Jesus? Is it some sort of nose? That's not gonna be a nose pun, right? Yes. I'm gonna tell you. It's because. Oh, Aaron, Aaron, wait, wait, is it because your nose stopped Roman or something like that, like a Roman nose.

Oh yeah. No, because it is a center. Cent. What? Centr and cent. Ah, no. No, no. No, no.

Oh, okay. Throws book into the ocean. Great. I guess this probably racist book from the 50s is wrong then huh smart guy. I do want to see you see GPC you're a college basketball coach It's the first day of practice and Your new center has shown up and it's just a giant fucking nose and you have to deal with it air near the giant All right everybody gather. Oh my God.

What's up coach? You know what everybody, why don't we take five? Take five, run suicides. Okay, good. I coach, yeah, I coach. No, no, no, no, not you. Number, what is, I can't see your jersey. You, the, um,

I don't know my number. Oh, I think I'm talking about. Did you know who I'm talking about? Yeah, talking about yeah yeah yeah yeah come on up here how tall are you oh pretty tall coach why yeah you're like fucking like eight foot tall huh yeah yeah yeah I mean do you have a hands and arms anywhere or legs and feet coach I feel a little subconscious. I'm clearly a nose. Yeah, yeah, I know, but uh.

I feel so hard enough for me, coach. No, I don't know. I can't get it. I'm not going to make you live harder. I'm just trying to. Hey, nose. Gloria wants to know if you can cut a problem with her. You making fun of me, Gloria?

I can smell your bio from over here, Gloria. And I can smell your desperation from over here Gloria and I can smell your desperation too leave me alone Hey, hey nose. Why don't you smell the inside of this locker fucking shove? Whoa no beep. Let me out. Don't have hands. Ah Nose nose nose back in my office again. When are you gonna wise up? Uh, I'm talking to you, nose. You want to be in detention your whole life?

Is that what you want? I'm getting invites because kids are picking on me. I've broken, I got punched in the nose, nose, and it's broken. You're not picking on you. They're just picking you. Not you too, Principal Henderson and it's broken. You're not picking on you. They're just picking you. Not you too, principal Henderson. Not you too. It's gonna be like this your entire life.

You're never gonna be nothing. If you don't apply yourself, you could have everything. You could have the world, but you're stuck because in your mind you're just a nose. Mr. President, Mr. President? Yes. Sorry, it seems Mr. President? Yes. Sorry, it seems like you went somewhere mentally. Are you ready to give your inaugural speech?

I am. Let me give you a little bit of advice. Pfft. Embrace what makes you different from other people. I'm a big nose and I got teased. And then one day I woke up, I caught with my bare no hands, a political science major, and now in the president of the United States, and my campaign was all about sniffing out the problems. And I'm very successful, and a lot of hot women want to be with me. And

that's because I leaned in. Son, you understand? I leaned in to who I am, which is a nose. Sixth and pernostril. He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. I'm fine. I'm fine. How can you tell? See, why is your sense of touch impaired when you are ill? Hmm. Why is your sense of touch impaired when you feel ill? There's a lot going on here. Oh, because you can, the only touch you can feel is the grip of death laying his hand on your shoulder saying, come with me much out. It's your time. Is that it, Aaron? Aaron, was that it? Aaron?

Why is your sense of touch impaired when you are ill? And you've said a word. Because you don't feel well. Was that it, Aaron? Why is your sense of touch impaired when you are ill? And you've said a word. Because you don't feel well. Yeah, and that's good. Wow. You like it. Wow, Jack and Jill went up a hill,

and Jack didn't feel well. Wow, okay, didn't feel well. Wow, okay, I feel well. That sounds like an insurance company. Feel well. Feel well? Yeah. You're in good hands with

We both could not say an insurance company. I'd say it like a good neighbor. Feel well is there. Why do Carpenter? They're getting sued for that one. There is no such thing as glass. Sorry, Mr. Carpenter. Yeah. Why do Carpenter's believe there's no such thing as glass. Sorry, Mr. Carpenter's. Yeah, why do Carpenter's believe there's no such thing as glass? And not such a carpenters Christ. Oh, okay. I'm on the top of the world again. Look at it. Down on creation. Is there something to do with Jesus? Is it something like would it be hard to believe that class within the world? Is it something to do with Jesus? Aaron, can you hear me? I'm shaking my head now. She's lost to the carpet. Again!

No one said a kid. No one said a kid. I was the load of bleeps for still life. I forgot the riddle. Why does it all for this why is it Carpenter not Maybe Christmas why do Carpenter's believe there's no such thing as glass what a carper is blue there's no such thing as glass because they only work with wood because they never saw it Oh my god can you imagine what it would be like to saw glass? Holy shit, terrible.

Terrible, terrible, terrible sound, a mess. Yeah, step on it for days. Oh, what a terrible sound. We're gonna do two more of these and then we're gonna do a voicemail, okay? We'll see. Okay. We'll see.

What do you have planned? No, sorry, that's my guess at the next riddle. Mm-hmm. What did the oceans say about the third letter of the alphabet, What do you have planned? No, sorry, that's my guess at the next riddle. Mm-hmm. What did the ocean say about the third letter of the alphabet? Something something? Yes. Why is coffee dull like a knife?

Why is coffee dull like a knife? Because it's parents' ground. Like a dull knife. Because like a dull knife. Yeah, you kind of got it. You got it. Like a dull knife. Yeah, you kind of got it. You got it because it's grounded, because it's, yeah, because it has to be grounded before it.

Mm. And it's always got to filter on. Why is tennis such a no. Oh, a dull knife has to be ground. Oh my God. I hate that. Ugh. Why is tennis such a easy game?

Get it off. Get the rid of the lock. Hey, wait, wait. Uh, why is tennis such a noisy game? Because it always involves love because it's because net because they smack the ball because it's such a racket. It involves two rackets. Oh, yeah, it's a racket.

Races. A racket. Do you want to do more than a racket? An anger. Can I than a terrible racket? Do you want to do more than a terrible racket? Can I see a quick scene? Yeah. This is going to be, it's not going to be nonverbal.

There's going to be no words in the scene. So this is going to be a shorter scene. JPC and Air and your two tennis players playing against each other. And I just want to hear the sort of grunts or noises that your characters make. You know how when tennis players hit the ball, sometimes they have like little yodels and stuff. Oh, yes. I just want to hear with these two, specifically what noises they make.

Got it. You're like, ooh, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, I quit tenants actually. I quit tenants. JPC people are going to be so mad at us. We've been gotten so many messages. That was not KC, that was JPC. Look, look. I did not play the one that said wet.

I said, that one would be a branch too far. No. This is going to play the three. So we should be able to talk. I wonder if everybody this is the last time that will ever happen. I will not let you know Why should everyone go to sleep immediately after drinking a cup of tea? Oh, so they can have a wet dream nice

But they don't go to sleep they go to steep Nice because it's it a teaping bag. Yeah, there's a little letter. It was a letter. A little letter. Something with a letter. Because after T, the letter comes after T. When the T is gone, it's all S's.

No, when the letter T, K, T is gone from T is E H sports. It's in the T. Because when the T is gone night is not That's an old-timey riddle for you. Let's listen to a voicemail I don't know I have but we must be one we must be one. We simply must be I love your show. Anyway, I am hoping you folks can use your genius chaotic brains to help me. So as of this school year, my husband and I will be teaching at the same high school. And I think it would be super fun if we dress up for school pictures and also like a pair Halloween costume. So what is a school appropriate, couples costume for an English teacher and a shop teacher? I hope you can help. I would love to hear your ideas.

You all are amazing, bye. Interesting, okay. Interesting, interesting, interesting. I have a thought, what do you guys think? I have a thought. No, please, yeah, go for it. I think one congratulations to the two of you. That's really cool.

Here, I have two thoughts. The first thought is, and this is the one I've been to put most of my weight behind Act like you don't know each other act like act like you don't even Walk in the halls at the same time don't talk to each other don't send the minute these kids Catch a whiff the you to earn a relationship the nicknames come the teasing comes the ooh Anytime you walk that out. Oh That kind of shit. So my first my is, pretend each other doesn't exist. My second thought is if you have to or you want to, don't dress up as anything that can be timestamped.

So go is like a tree in a bird, because if you go is like raggedy and an Andy or something like that, the kids are going to be all over it. They're gonna be, they're not, you're never gonna let it go. Yeah. Yeah, I guess they might have the same last name, but they may have different last names too. And I have to assume that these two people teach at my high school, which is full of absolute bullies.

So if I'm wrong, forgive me, but I have to subduer. What do you two think? I think you should. My old test like your two least favorite teachers at the school. Send them back. There's a few others to give to the medjai. I was going to say that's what you, a English teacher and a shop teacher. I was going to say for Halloween, you go as each other.

So the English teacher, you know, you put on your little tool belts, uh, your flannel, you go, I don't know, what a what are the, your hat that says, I blue collar, like shop, house, fast theme, like dress up like a table. And then the other person dresses up like withering heights or something. Yeah, you dress up as the two most famous versions of each thing. So the most famous English would be Sherlock Holmes. The most famous wood shop would be either Jesus or Harrison Ford. Well, the most famous shop. Jesus Sherlock Holmes. Classic duo. Teaming up again. Once again. On the case, Sherlock Holmes works for days and months and weeks in the whole time. Jesus is like, I know the answer. And he's like, no, no, no, let me play my violin.

I am almost there. But obviously for picture day, you go as Millie Vanille, because that's, that was, that was a duo, right? That was a duo who in like 1991, 92 were busted for lip syncing, which is a crime that's unforgivable for school pictures. Forgivable. Only do this if you don't have the same last name. Do hold up little signs that say,

I'm with her in an arrow, and then I'm with him in an arrow, and then hold it any which way you want. And then if you have the same last name, it will work, but if you don't, then it's just ridiculous. Goes to once. If you don't have that, then what you, one of you dress up with a sign that says, I'm with her and the other one dress up with a sign that says lock her up.

And then one of you goes as Hillary and the other one goes as Trump. Oh, that's good. That's good. Yeah. B. Oh, B. The Mona Lisa and DaVinci. Is that who painted that? Mm-hmm. That's not what I'm talking about.

I bet they, I bet they carpooled the work together and then they go, buy, have a good cute. I bet they carpool to work together and then they go, buy, have a good day. I bet that's what they do. I think they're sweet. I hope so. I think it's. I hope they're saving money on gas. Yeah, I think.

I hope they're not both driving to work. They're not. Either they take the bus or they're carpooling. Unless one of them has to stay late for something, I think that they're not both driving. Oh my God, it's right there. It's right there. Carpool, Carpool,, Goa's James Gordon.

What's his name? James Gordon, which is a Corsi- James Gordon in Commissioner Gordon. It's Jeff Gordon. Goa's James Gordon in a race car. Goa's Batman and Batman. Did we do it? Yeah. Did we solve it? Did we crack it?

Hey, speaking of cracking at Eddle, do you have anything upcoming that you'd like to give a crack to? Oh boy, I feel like I did but I forgot where I wrote that down. So I'm just gonna say check out Tokyo. I Was there for a week? I gotta say it's my favorite city I've ever been to and that's not a joke. I know hyperbole It is a marvel old butts up against new The food is incredible and that's not a joke, no hyperbole. It is a marvel. Old butts up against new. The food is incredible. This especially is pointing at Casey Tony, who was supposed to go in 2020 at the same time I was.

So Casey Tony, get your ass to Tokyo. You're absolutely gonna love it. I don't got to go Zamas. Aaron, anything you wanna plug? I like the plugs that come D&D. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts. I'd also like to plug our social media. You can follow us at Haverbertel on Twitter and Instagram.

Any updates about live shows or anything like that, you'll be able to find there. JPC, can you read a review for us? I would love to read a review. This one comes from Black Char 44. The review is titled, Yay. This podcast is amazing. Somehow, these three truly-dem dumented beings managed to make people

fall in love with them. Adela's the funniest person around, Aaron has the ugliest sweater around, and JPC as well, JPC. Though, if on the off chance this does get read, I'd like to use my powers for good. I, John Patrick Cohen, just want to take a moment and tell our listeners, I love you. You are wonderful, and whatever you're going through, you will get through. Believe in yourselves and reach for the stars because if I can be on a successful podcast, trick a woman into loving me and still be a psychotic and can still be psychotic,

you can surely be successful. Now, I will say I did stumble, but almost every word was misspelled. Ain't sorry, Casey Casey here. It sounds like you're fucking ripping me up. Wow, wait a minute. I was sounds like you're fucking ripping me up. Wow, wait a minute. I was gonna say you're fucking ripping me up. It's not being beeped. What's, uh, what's going on here?

Casey, we have some terrible news. He's dead. Me, Casey or Casey Tony Casey? Both. I mean, I guess both, but Casey Tony already knows the news. What the shit's the news? Again. The Lord of Beeps is dead. The Lord of Beeps is dead. Oh the Lord of bleeps is

He's dead, but we're gonna solve his murder in like a month or so on the next episode of Hey River, no Patriot dot coms Probably be out on the month and I'm really sure lucky Jesus are on the case only available at patreon dot com Jupiter oh, sorry, I can get us out of here. Sorry, Jupiter. Jupiter. Be forever. Bye. Sorry, here at G.

And John Patrick Collins. K. Tony to the editing. And Marty Perid in the music video. I'm a real late. Uh, hello? Hey Arnie. Hey Casey, what's up? You're up real late? Uh, yes, 3 AM. It's late for normal people isn't it? Yeah, I'm just a little bit late.

I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late. I'm just a little late you're up real late. Yeah. Yeah, it's 3 a.m

It's late for normal people isn't it? Yeah, I do feel like this is the only time we ever really get to talk Yeah, honestly, I see your online plane. I'm right now anyway, so oh yeah, yeah Dude What's going on? How's life? You know, it's just wanted to catch up a little bit. Oh, well, that's really nice I just got back from Florida. I've been getting down there. I kind of have been taking a little You know just like just like we're figuring out how to enjoy you know I said so much I spend so much time writing music Casey. I said my basement. Oh cool. Yeah, I just work on that That's perfect that that makes a lot of sense because I actually, you know, now that I think of it, I have like

kind of a, a, a, a thing that Hey Riddle Riddle, you know, Hey Riddle Riddle, you know, that show they, they mentioned it. Uh-huh. It's, do they need another song? Yeah. Yeah. In case you have written them so much fucking music, how many more songs can they need and they need it They need it fast. Okay, so this one's really important. This is like an important piece of music

It's like pivotal to like the show Well, I mean what's really what's really important, you know in the end? I mean this the sun's gonna explode and swallow the earth Eventually, you know, so what really is important. Yeah, I just, yeah, I get, I mean, it's funny, is the thing, it's, okay. Okay, it's funny, man. You like, I know you like a good laugh.

Okay, yeah, I mean, I do love to laugh. And sometimes those guys can be funny. Yeah, I mean, sometimes, most of the time, the audience just says, love standards, but yeah, sometimes. What, okay, what is it? So the song is, so there's? What is it so the song is? So there's the thing it's the king of beeps

Wait, what frankly it speaks for itself is the key what the fuck is the king of I'm sorry I'm sorry. You know what I messed up. This is my mistake. It's the Lord of beeps. I understand how you're confused I said king of be what the fuck is the Lord of beeps? Is this this is just more dumb fucking JPC shit? Is this who who did this? You know you know the song? You know that what? Yes, I know the beeps out. Yes That one right yeah, Yeah, okay. So, imagine, okay. Imagine there's a world where every time you swear,

it's like, instead of the swear, and then the Lord of Beeps dies, get to see dies. And so then when you swear, it's like, you know, like, fuck. Instead of, no, wait, I click the wrong side of fact, that's not right. And so then when you swear it's like, you know, like fuck instead of No, wait, I click the wrong side of fact that's not right instead of that one the beat Okay So that's the song and this okay, Casey

This fucking sucks so much Arnie look man, we're all just trying to make some fucking scratch. I know it sucks, man. It's dog shit. It's another one of their stupid ideas. Oh God. I'm sorry. I know you're better than this And it hurts me. It pains me to have to ask the billbugs theme case. You brought the billbugs theme. It's fantastic All right, I can do it next week. Okay, But I'm not going to take any notes on it. I get one draft. No notes. Okay.

Can you do me a favor? Yeah, what do you, what do you need, Casey? Can you charge them for like, four drafts? I would absolutely fucking love to do that, Casey. Okay, perfect. That's it fucking chuckle head Hey, so I fucking look at me. Yeah, you gotta get I made them Casey. I know another bring me the fucking king of beeps I know what's the what's the first thing people here every episode they hear your song Well, they hear the head gum and maybe they hear like a cold open kind of thing, then

they hear your fucking thing. And people are like, and now I've got to write the fucking lord of beeps song. Dude, honestly, you don't even have to try. Let's be real. Alright, I'll phone it in. Okay. Hey there, chits and chats. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.

It's another edition of our chatterbox, which means we're answering your prompts from the Discord. You can listen to that plus our entire Batcadilog at patreon.com. Hey, Riddle Riddle, by joining the clue crew for five dollars a month or the review crew and you get those ad free episodes for $8 a month. See you there! Ain't that right, Space Man? That's right, JPC.

Yeah, Space Man. It creep be help.