Hey Riddle Riddle - #254: The Birds and the Beasts

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

Order up! Your riddles are hot and ready! This week we have some outdoorsy riddles from one of mollie’s riddle book. We always act like animals-so finally some riddles and scenes that match our personalities! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something?  Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fm This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/riddle and get on your way to being your best selfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. And the Lord, make a right hand. on the floor, get on the floor. And I'm sorry, I'm the bank manager. What, what do I do? Oh, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm bringing my PE class into the bank to do the Presidential Fitness Award. Oh, wait, I'm just gonna do the award, I'm gonna test the award.

Oh, no, oh, oh, God no. Okay. Why don't you have a bow and arrow? Why are you dressed like that? Oh, um, today is Robin Hood day. Um, so we're stealing St. Valentine. Wait, what did you say? Do you think you're dressed like Robin Hood? Yeah, wings, a little tunic, diaper, bone arrow, Robin Hood. So do you have an account at the bank? I don't, I'd like to open one. Get on the floor.

That we can help you with that. Now is that a first or a last name? Oh no, that's just, that's my sort of catch phrase. That's how everybody knows me at the school. And here's my fittest student. Well, that came out weird. Here's the student who's able to do the most exercise. Watch me sprint. Hello. Yeah. Woo. Car wheel backflip. Do you see? She's in the wall. Do they happen to be here at the bank or did you bring them?

They happen to be here. The second one is okay, good. The second one is weirder. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, backflip. Okay. Actually, you're really good at physical activity. Do you ever think about maybe working in a bank? No, not yet.

Why? You would be great at working in a bank. Do you guys do backflips? No, but what we do here is we break spirits and we kill dreams. And you obviously, you obviously have a break. I'm hired. Okay. And I'm out of refired. Oh, wow.

And I'm JP. This is my work for notice. J pink slip. See? J Pink slip racing for ownership papers. Aaron out your grievances while you clear out your desk. Keith. Aaron.

Yeah. That's very good. Aaron episode of Sponsored Comedy Sports. And we would all be, these are great comedy sports sixth-nabs. Oh yeah. Oh yes. I remember I did comedy, actually it's not comedy sports.

I think it's comedy works. I did a show, comedy works in a Raleigh, wonderful theater, and I was introduced, they all had fun names, and I was introduced as Adel the Ghost Who Terror Refies. Okay, but you're last name but I think it was in October. He's asking it was not revised. There's two of me.

Have I been saying it? Oh, it's for fries. Who likes to tear eyes? I think it was terrifying. Terrified. Yeah. Singular. Okay.

Okay. That makes more sense. JPC, when you did comedy sports, did you have JPC as your name? I was, I was ice cream Cohen as the name that I went with. That's fantastic. And are you a waffle Cohen or sugar con? A little bit of sugar. It depends on who's asking, sweetie.

Aaron, what's yours? Keith, we got Keith. He has a great barrier. Keith, because some people would do like great, great, but I think Keith in it real is also fine as well. Some people would do like the last name first. Yeah, great barrier, Keith.

Also when I just said don't say, Keith, don't say, Keith. Don't say, Keith, I don't get it now. I don't know. Well, yeah, so you would be setting up like, Quief with like a, with your last name. So you would never actually say, Quief, you don't need to say it, but you would say, you would be like, you would describe, I don't wanna do this per se, but you would say Aaron,

and then you would describe it, and then you would call it a Keith. Aaron, I'm sorry. Oh, I see. I need a second little book. Aaron, can you stop bullying my friend? Aaron, please. No, it's not.

You wouldn't say Aaron, please. You would never have to actually say the word. I think you might get a burn back to cover these words. He's gone the tip of your ear. Of course, one of the seven words you can't say in an in-pro sure. I don't think you're supposed to. No. That'll in the eight the audience.

Right quick is what that'll do. I got in trouble once for saying, shacking up because that was profanity in a conversation. I feel like that's not just. Is that profanity? You know, it's blue. And I didn't, I was not under the impression. I just thought that it meant living with someone, I apparently I guess it has a sexual connotation as well and so Just the implication of sex is enough to get you a brown bag. I think ever since the b52s

It's been it's been a naughty gross little phrase. Yeah That's insane shacking up got your brown bag, you know, I've I didn't I could I kept it pretty clean in my Decade of comedy sports. I think I maybe got one or two brown bags the entire time, but that's the one that I remember Hmm very very comedy sports very hard to do. I'm very impressed by you and by who does it well very very hard to do I did one I've been so bad at it We did a memorial show for My friend and coach Mike and Rikas who was a big comedy sports guy in Chicago here. And we did my, my, my herald team revolver versus like some of the house folk at comedy sports.

And it was, I think revolver must have cussed 20 times. I think we were, I think at some point they just gave it. No revolver. Yeah. No. I believe you all got that, but not that game. Can you believe Luis? You all got that, got that game. Can you believe Luis Anders was saying nasty, dirty little secrets? I think it's one of those things where it's like, oh yeah, you quit drinking. Oh man, I could never do that. It's like, well yeah, if you're having 20 drinks a day,

it's gonna be like way harder. It's gonna be way harder for you. But most people could go a day with that. That's fine. That's fine. And we're not even asking for a day. It's like a 90 minute show. I feel like we are not in sync today.

I think this is sort of a sleepy Monday morning. We're not totally in sync. Yep, great. So what if we did some improv warmups to sort of get these pop webs off. Okay. We'll always call it up. Yeah. Oh, okay. Interesting. Well, my favorite, my favorite is probably mine meld. Okay. Tell me my favorite. So mine meld, you probably know it by a dozen different names. That's the one where we say we pick two people So Aaron say you and I start we'd say one two three and then on the fourth count We each say any word at all

So I might say bread and you say Tim Curry Then JPC and I go and we try and find a commonwealth between bread and Tim Curry and we try and say that at the same time And you can't say any word this come. So we can say any word in the world, but not bread or Tim Curry. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any word that's come before.

So we can say any word in the world, but not bread or Tim Curry. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any.

You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. You can't say any. Okay, we had the same idea, but I just didn't go the extra inch there. It's okay to not it's okay to not know what the word for bread is In Indian culture. It's it's not but you you'll get it. You'll get it Huh, okay. Thank you so much for the conference Non for me. I already ate I feel so Papa dumb Different work. I'm JPC and I go you you to go and you're trying to find a common word in the Venn diagram of Indian and non,

what is the set, what is the word that's right there in that set? Here we go. One, two, three. Garlic. Garlic and rice. Okay, garlic and rice. Garlic and rice.

So you and Adel. Okay. Garlic and rice. Okay, I have one. Three, two, one. Butter. I like him rice. Okay, I have one. Three, two, one. Butter. Resotto vampire. Okay.

Interesting, Aaron. We're getting closer. It's right. Aaron, Aaron, I just want to make sure you didn't say Resotto vampire. I think she said Resoli and Isles. I think I said Resoli and Isles. Resotto and Isles.

I think I said Resotto and Isles and I think you need to take me to the hospital. Okay, you two go. Okay, Aaron, I will say, this is the most stressed out I think I've ever seen you. I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna ask you a question. I just realized what my body language was. I guess it's your question.

It's interesting. You said, I feel maybe a little bit out of sync. I would like to do an improv warm up. You said you didn't do an improv warm up. We started doing what I would say is a very standard improv warm up. And you looked like you were maybe like being possessed by some sort of, I want to say,

Korean water goes. Yeah, sure. Every night before I go to bed, I have to remind myself, Adel never support Aaron's ideas. I know, and I know that. I always go to a jazz house. And you know that, and I all know that.

You all know that. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was meant to loosen me up, and I was locked up like a pretzel, protecting my neck from that improv warm-up. You know, Aaron, did you, were you ever a person who did like improv warm-ups? Because I will say in comedy sports

we would always do like three to four different warmups before every match or practice. But when I moved to Chicago, sometimes it'd be like one warm up and that would be it. Can I say very quickly Aaron you said I was locked up like a pretzel. I was protecting my neck. Protecting your neck from risotto vampire. Vampires of course, rise from the dead. Pretzel, rise from the dead. Pretzel, Jesus. Okay, oh fuck me.

Never mind, sorry, never mind. GPC to answer your question. Yes, I think so. But I think some of it was like Things I needed to do before the show like you have to pee. I needed to listen to music on the way there I needed to get some water I needed to like make eye contact with everyone before the show and then I do think Improv warm-ups help I do I think I'm sorry, but all the things that you were describing that's Those I would all put into a bucket of living life as an adult human.

Do you think those are improv warm-ups? Do you think drinking a little bit of water is a improv? Yeah, but it has to be just a certain amount of water before an improv show, so much so that you're not, you don't have a dry throat, but you don't have to pee during the show. You just have to line everything up well to get a good show. But I do think laughing with people or doing a warm up with people before a show is essential. When people would get older and just come in right before they walk out on stage, those shows were sometimes bad because they're not syncing up with people. One time Aaron and

I did a two person improv show in Grand Rapids, Michigan. And beforehand she goes, do you want to do, I feel a little, I'm a little nervous, do you want to do some warm-ups? And I said, cheerleaders, do some warm-ups. She got online, she paid her power bill, and then she drove me to Neiman Marcus and we stopped for 45 minutes. And then she goes, I feel so much better and I feel connected to you. And I said, very good. Then what's the post office? And I was like, this is what I need to do, get him from. All right, Aaron, here's what I can do to help you because I think I have gotten accustomed in my years of improv experience honing it on someone's energy and being able to give them the exact improv warmup that they need to bring out what they need to be engaged.

So we're going to do a little improv warm up a little moosey. Oh, I love little moosey. Well, the way little moosey works is where we're all going to have to do it. We have to do a little moose horns with their hands So it's just a rhyming game, right? So I it's and it always starts with Well, I'm little moosey and then the rest is the rhyme so Well, I'm little moosey in it. No, I was my turn Okay, sorry. I thought we were all I thought we were all stepping into the shoes or hooves of little moose

Okay, okay, yeah, so no, it's not a refrain or a chorus. It's just, it's a, it's all rhyme that, Aaron will rhyme that, then, I'll rhyme, okay? Okay, okay. Well, I'm little mousse and I live in a tree because my grandpa's a bad dream, my grandpa's a bee. Well, I'm a little mousse and I got a little higher

and now I'm paranoid and think I'm gonna die Well, I'm little more sin. I love to eat corn one time. I found my uncle stash upon Okay, so I think what happened erudous maybe before the recording did you get a little too high? What is wrong with me today? Because Adel did text me earlier that he found a star support this morning. So I think we're all just, I think we're just going honest. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I came in here with a great attitude. I was so excited to see you guys. And I just, it's like there's glue on my word. You know what I mean? Like I'm having to like glue my words away from my brain before I can get them out of my mouth. Oh, hmm. You know, I like someone.

I like someone saying, I came in here with a great attitude. It's like, we didn't see that. Like, I was, who says you had a great attitude? I was so excited to come to your party. I couldn't wait to see y'all, couldn't wait to come to the party. Now that I'm here, I feel bad. This is so good. Let me play a fight.

You two are great. Never been better. Cool, funny, smart, taller than you've ever been, I think. Wow, okay. Ba, ba, ba, ba. Not on the same page. You're carrying glue your words together. Glue your words together.

I can't, I can't get them down from my brain. Do you have like a hook? Bada, bada, bada, bada. Not on the same thing. You're wearing two of your words together. You're wearing two of your words together. I can't, I can't get them down from my brain. Do you have like a hook? I can use it. Uh, good thing I'm old man puzzles today. What an energy. What an energy. By the end of this episode, we're gonna pull you out of the dumps

and bring you into the humps. Cause it's Wednesday. Uh, uh. Cause it's WIT cause it's Wednesday. That's why. I'm a Wednesday. That's why I live in the dumps. Aaron, don't forget, and this is something, Casey, we can cut this out later. Don't forget Aaron, when we very first started the podcast, we each got one coin or token. That token is good for any get out of Hey, Riddle, Riddle, if you put your token out there we take the token you don't get another one for the rest of your life but we can skip one episode now do you want to do like a little resort add on and it's just us relaxing we never do riddles do you want to use that now? I think Miss Lee used mine to get out of a live show with Rob Cordray. It Adel used his to get out of a live show with Janet Varty.

So we all, we've all used them except for Aaron. I think I'm going to save it. Okay. Smart. Smart. I think I'm going to save it. I think this episode, this episode, episode just going to be bad and I'm going to save it.

Okay. She repeated, I'm going gonna save it three times. So, I'm gonna get a little worried myself. That's what we're telling you. That's what we're telling you. Depreciating asset. It is less valuable than more you hold on to it. I'm gonna pass the ball over to you too.

I think a little too much heat. Attention has come on me. I brought it upon myself. This is again, my own fault. This is a prison of my own making. How are you two? Well, I bring up some riddles. Doing great.

Just got back from Dork County, Wisconsin. What a weird wild place. Oh, cool. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, Adel, but I heard that you just got back from Dork County, Wisconsin. Come on, man. I asked you to have your own show.

It might wrong? Correct me. What did I say before I said it? Not that I think about it. It was a lot of people in short sleeve button up shirts tucked into nice gene shorts with tube socks mother fuck. I was in County KC that a weasershow Can you play the Molly's riddle theme here workers. we're going home.

All right we're gonna start a new Molly Riddle book that she's rifted so I opened up this book and it smelled like a hundred year old ghost so we're gonna get into these. Okay. Is that as a ghost? Yeah. This chapter of this riddle book is called The Birds and the Beasts are here. That brown bag. Nope. I think you could probably get away with saying birds in the beast. I think that that's close enough to a pun that you could get away with it. But shacking up, come on. Hey, I don't make the rules. In fact, I didn't make the rules. I just followed them. Your first riddle.

Yes. What did the duck say when it lead a square egg? Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, dogs. Dugs. Of course, eggs come out of that. Get that hook and grab that hot pool of dough, put it in your mouth. You didn't hold the front. I think all our word factors aren't working today. Yeah. Why do you hummingbirds, hum? Oh.

Why do hummingbirds, hum? Wait, what was the answer to the last one? Ouch. Oh. You were right. Hell yeah. Oh, why do hummingbirds hum? Wait, what was the answer to the last one? Ouch. Oh. You were right. Hell yeah. Why do hummingbirds hum?

Cause they don't know the words. Yeah, and I'd like to see. And that's, wow. That's basically Aaron. JPC, you are hummingbird and Adel, you are also hummingbird. And Adel, you're trying to get JPC to understand the song that you're thinking of.

You're thinking of a song and you don't know the title of it and you want JPC's help. It's sort of like, what is it's sort of like, um, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh my god, it's on the, it's on the tip of my nose. It's on the tip of my nose. It's on the tip of my nose. Oh, you know what, would help us get there? You know what, help us get there? Yes. Let's just do a little bit more nectar, huh?

Okay, just a little more nectar. Let me look both ways, make sure my wife is around. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, let me look both ways. Okay, let me look, ooh, yes, yes. Okay, now you had a business idea, well he's gonna look, ooh, yes, yes, okay. Now, you had a business idea, is that right? Yes, yes, yes, yes. I want it, okay, so the business idea is a bird,

so it's a bird feeder, but with table. So it's a bird feeder with table, so you can sit down, you don't have to, you don't have to keep popping a whole time. Speaking of a bird feeder, what about we, if we do a little more nectar, just like the adjoct, just to get it into it. I don't think I've had any today

And just if I had any today, let me check my Please make sure there's no chickens And you say okay and you said you can recite all 1,000 names I Said I've been to 1000 graves That's a lyric that's a lyric. Oh my god, I was in names 1000. 1000. What does the to 1000 graves. That's a lyric. That's a lyric. Oh my god. 1000 names, 1000 graves.

1000 names, 1000 graves. What's, oh yeah, and it's like that, it's like that tune that you were singing. It's like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do neck remember last time we didn't nectar we should do more nectar Let's go remind there it's closing time That's the song that was a song closing time Why do birds fly south? Why do birds? I think it's something to do with my gray shades.

I listen to a podcast about this. Oh, cool, cool. Is it because they're partner flu south and they just want to reciprocate? Don't make me cry. Don't make me cry. I did listen to a podcast about two endangered birds that were in Chicago and they kept testing on Montreux Beach and like they fly south like they flake a thousand miles over

a year and then one year one of them came back and the other one just didn't. No. Yeah they had been testing for like four years and then one of them went to South. Oh my god I'm that bird. They were common well. I'm that bird that left and didn't come back. I four years and then one of the richest. I'm not on that bird. I were common well. I'm not bird that laughed and didn't come back. I four years. Yeah, that bird was in the South of France being like,

I'm doing me. Yeah, that bird was e-pray loving for sure. What was that bird's name? John Luke. I remember that commercial. Yeah, so I think that the reason that they fly south is North take warmer weather climate is it climate related? Because it too far to walk

It's this kind of book. Sorry. I should have I thought I was gonna learn something about birds and instead I'm gonna say I thought I was gonna learn something about birds and instead I'm gonna say One of those things you know when you go to like a museum gift shop and there's like a little tube and you're like What's this tube and you turn it over and it goes? Oh Well, I don't think that's a Do you know that that tube is based off a guy in a bar who witnessed an awkward moment? Oh, we have to capture that sound.

What is it? His history of tubes that are named after guys. It's like that scream that's in all the movies. That guy's voice. What do they call a duck who garners nothing but A's on his report card? Garner, wow, this book took a vocabulary lesson because Garner's, oh, nevermind, sorry.

What did the duck do to Garner all A's? And remember, this book is one of those books. It's one of those books. So why would a duck get all A's? It's like a duck, so it's like something about, you know, what did they call a duck? What did they call a duck? Is it a goose? Is it um...

I want to say it's a quack, but like that's not something. Yeah, it is a quack. A quackademic? No, that's funny. That's outstanding. I think I'm just going to tell you it's too hard. A wise quacker. Wow.

Now why? Is a wise cracker someone who gets all A's? JPC. No, usually it's the opposite. My dear man, but of course, anyone who's at MIT, anyone who's joined Mensa, they call them a wise Quaka, because that signifies their due diligence when it comes to the world of academia, staying curious, they call them a wise Quaka.

I have to say, I don't like this riddle. I think Quaka-Dibbick is a better answer. It's a much better one, yes. I completely agree. I do want to choose it. But answer. It's a much better one, yes. I completely agree. But the people who wrote this are long dead. So, I don't know what we do. Yes, saddle. I want to see you seen Aaron, you are,

sorry, I'm getting emotional because this is pretty groundbreaking. Wow. Aaron, you're the first duck to ever attend Harvard. And this is your last week of school and you are defending your dissertation, JPC, you are trying to poke holes in the Stuck's dissertation. And you clearly did not want a duck to come to Harvard.

I mean. Quack, quack, and quack, quack. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, You must do it and the language of your presses. Let me ask you this, Professor. How many languages do you speak? What bird languages do you speak? Because I speak English and duck. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. I'm out here here.

I am Professor Engryus Grump-Oon-Dor. Engryus Grump-Oon-Dor, that's my name. Why are you looking around? No, I'm like you're not sure. Because I guys love it. And you wish you hadn't done it. That janitor who's doing math problems is laughing.

Get outta here. Sorry, my name's little Lucy and I'm a janitor, Harvard. Something, something, see. Set yourself up really well for that. It sucks because he's so good at math, but that's how his- I speak the queen and now the king, now the king's English, and I would never debase myself by speaking the language of the ducks. Quack, quack, quack.

As far as I can tell it's one word, is it like an intonation thing? Quack, don't, don't do that. You insult me with your quacks. Do you know what you just said in duck? I was speaking English. What do you mean? Oh, you said, oh, you said it again. I, cold on.

I can't just be saying a slur. You are I am yes, I will see you What was your name again? Angry as grumble door if you can believe that you see Okay, this one I can't even believe it okay,, the answer to this one, I'm like, what? Okay. Since the last one was wise quacka, this is really saying something. How can you keep a rooster from crowing on a Sunday morning? Keep it out all that drinking and doing cocaine on the Saturday.

That's a logical solution. How can you keep a rooster from crowing on what? A Sunday morning? How can you keep a rooster from crowing on a Sunday morning? Take it to church. Is it like cock his doodle do or something? Ooh, rock his doodle doodle. I wish.

And we keep a rooster from crowing on a Sunday morning. Oh, there is something about the sun. Tell him that the sun is not risen. No, I wish he was that. The answer is legitimately by killing him on a Saturday night, and this is the phone. Wow. So JPC was kind of right. Yeah, I was close with him.

I was close with him. Yeah. If you get a rooster drunk and make up to do a bunch of cocaine on the Saturday night, I've got to say pretty good chance the rooster dies, yeah. I'd like to see you seeing Adal, you are farmer, and you are about to kill your rooster JPC

because you want to sleep in tomorrow. And JPC, you're sort of defending yourself and trying to talk them out of it. Yeah. Hey, Velvet, can you come here for a second? I just want to talk to you before I head in for the night. Okay, yeah. And I will see you bright and early tomorrow morning, Sunday.

Yeah, absolutely. Hey, just, yeah, just right down here, right next to me in this little... I'm in. I just checked my phone and it looks like it's gonna be a 5.45 AM sunrise tomorrow. So it'd be exactly me. Right around 5.45 AM. Oh, and velvet, can I just say your voice is you maintain your moniker.

You have a voice as smooth as velvet and I promise you one day still. We'll get you everywhere. I will get you a record deal. I you okay I'm gonna do it son records in uh Memphis maybe tomorrow 5.45 a.m. huh yeah I'm really starting that day at work on my deal absolutely hey you ever ate I'll come right down here you ever had a marshmallow before eat one of these oh a marshmallow. Let me consult my little book. Okay, yes, this would kill me. This is going to expand in my stomach, and it's, yeah,

what's that? Yeah, here you go. Okay, the roosters got to stay in a lot. Nationwide is on your side or something, or something like that. We got a new take. Can you take on an old classic? Yeah, I got to get you singing. Hey, Velvet.

Um, let's see what this book says here. Have you ever, have you ever flown into the sun? Have ever flown into the sun? Yeah, yeah. It's not a connection to the sun. The time the sun comes up, you can't help but sing. We ever thought about flying into the sun? If I'm being 100% honest with you,

I am not a strong flyer. I think it's because I have such a big booming chest, which really helps me sing. Okay, but it really hurts me in the flying department because I can't wait. Honey, have you killed the rooster? Oh, I'm mean. Oh, that one.

Who wants some to? They come to snuff the rooster. We're just singing Deborah's favorite song. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't know why I would have anything to worry about. You said you're gonna kill him quick

so we can sleep in this. He's got this little buck and this book tells him everything. It's, it just tells him everything. I think we got to switch tactics. We got to switch tactics. Hey, belt, belt, him, snap, snap. Go tactics. Hey, velvety snap is that go ahead? Velvet did you know nobody likes you everyone on here at the farm hates you Well jealousy is a pill that is often hard to swallow so I

Do not doubt that I have made more than these Friends There plus I wake everybody up super fucking earth I'm gonna hit it with my car. Okay, here come. Okay. Hey, well look over here. Look look look Boy, yeah, you got hit by a car He I think he's dying. Wait! Farmer Fred!

Farmer Fred! I will carry on in your- Stead. I will marry your wife. I will raise your children. I will get that record contract! This was our playin' all along. That's right, Fred!

I see your dead and now I'm in your stand and take your wife to bed. And then you'll finally see what my cock Did anyone else imagine that rooster wearing a sparkly vest? Oh and team. Absolutely. That's a sparkly. Absolutely. I think we need to go on a little bit of a break and then we're going to come back for more of these riddles. Birds in the beasts. Hey, JPC, you know how I love he looks sleep. I love that he looks mattress brand. Yeah, best nights sleep in my life. I know not everyone is on board yet. So I secured award-winning sleeper, Merrill Sleep. She's right behind that door, Merrill Sleep.

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if you sleep like me. Meryl sleep. Yeah choosing the right mattress is a real Sophie's decision but don't just take our word for it or Meryl sleeps word for it. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and wired magazine. It was even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine. I don't think I thought you were the person that you're doing. Oh, she's doing it. What a performance. Helix mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model.

Oh, stunning. Yeah, look, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet and it will not last long with helix better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy of Snorr. The Snorr? Academy of Snorr? You know what? Give me an academy of snorr. Glint close to falling asleep. That's why you're here. Oh yeah, I got that a lot.

Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Sure, yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet the... What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like,

guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you, jokers, told me, oh, JPC, it's okay. All you have to do is take some, you know, American paper currency, tape it to your front door, close the door, and then wait until someone brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone. So I had to tape more money to my door. I think you're thinking, didn't brings you food. Well, I kept opening the door and the money was gone. So I had to take more money to my door. I think you didn't work at all.

Oh, door cash. Door cash. Yeah, you did door cash. We told you door dash is the number one thing to you. What the hunk? With door dash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever to get whatever you want

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to school. And hey and hey personally just yesterday I bought some marshes homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know those Candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter. I just got those from door dash and they were they were on my porch within 20 minutes Then it's very very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Yes, did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I Remember Distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and Pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was

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Thanks, DoorCash. I mean, no, that's the one. That one didn't work. That one's bad. Hey, JPC. Yeah? Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Addle. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice?

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Addle. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It engaged with your audience and said, let me think for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms.

Hey, Otto, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving your time and money. What is happening?

Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. New and easy to answer, you know. And I'm going to use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our

popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what's the website for. Frank. With Squarespace. Yes, we're in. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, Vattle?

I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com, be got her. Frank, but how I don't know Hello and welcome back to Hey Riddle Riddle we are an improv comedy riddle podcast and we also love to who do we all like? What is going on with you? I forgot where we were and who we were.

But mostly we like riddles. That's what we do riddles. You know, okay. We do riddles. I think, is this the year we still love riddles or no? It's definitely one of the years. We're definitely still in one of the years. I mean, because it's fucking like, what is it? May? This should still be part of the year, right? I think so. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. We're not, we're not in a different year. Years don't change that quickly, right? I don't know, man. I don't know, man. So we'll get back into Riddle DD, Molly's Riddle book, that she gave me at a live show. Aaron, you held up's Riddle book that she gave me a live show. Aaron, you held up that riddle book and the color of the pages is like a disgusting yellow. Is that a? I'm telling you, it smells like the past deep, deep custard. Found these at a thrift store. Bet. I don't.

Oh, can I can I tell you something very quickly? I never in my life in all my 40 years on this planet, have I ever been to an estate sale? We were driving around, Dork County I guess, and we saw a sign for an estate sale, and my mom was with me and my sister was with me, and we're all like, oh, never been to a,

my sister and I never been to a estate sale. My mom's like, I've been to them, there's a lot of stuff. Do you guys wanna go? We said yes, we go there, We go inside someone's house and you're looking around and basically everything in the house is for sale. Everything. So you're walking around room to room. There's so much stuff. There's so many people. And at some point, my mom goes, it always makes me sad to go to an estate sale because, you know,

you just look at what someone left behind. It's just sad. Like it makes me sad. She grabs a couple of things. We go through the garage, and on the way out through the garage is where you pay for everything. We pay for everything. And my mom, for whatever reason, has to voice again the sadness.

And she says to the person taking the money, she goes, I always get, she goes a lot of great stuff here. You put on a beautiful state sale. I just have to say, it's always so sad to go to an estate sale, just to see everything that someone's left behind. And the woman taking the money and running it goes,

oh yeah, absolutely, absolutely. You know, Elizabeth actually just moved across the street there. Oh my God, that's so cool. It was a woman who had a house is selling most of her stuff and downsizing to like a condo across the street. So I thought that was so fun. That's a perfect human moment. Yes, that my mom's so nervous.

This is so sad that this woman is a dad. A huge fan, so that's gotta be pretty atypical for a state sale, right? Because most people with a move don't sell everything in their house, right? I couldn't tell you, never been to this place. If I was downsizing, I would do that. Like if I were to be the way smaller, place.

I guess I didn't donate some stuff and downsize a little bit when I moved, but I've never once not, like I was just open my doors, the big side on it, this is a state sale, and I have people come in and buy like one plate. It just feels, it's more people, it gets more eyeballs than the art sale. More power to, yeah, Elizabeth, that it gets more people who are also like ready to be sad.

Like, she's in a better place. The condor. Right up there, it's a better view, sort of better parking situation. Okay, I want to get back into these. I actually like this riddle and I think you might too. What should a man know before trying to teach a dog? What should a man know? I mean, sit, speak.

These are like puns, right? So we can, we can, we can expect. Yeah, there's like, there's some wordplay maybe. What should a man know before he tries to teach a dog the dog's name? That's a dog. The dog's boundaries. No, these are just this is like what your thing actually makes sense. Okay, I guess this makes sense too, but it's more of a joke. Should a man have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ before they attempt to train a dog?

No, it doesn't mean that. Uh-oh. Okay. What should a man know before trying to teach a dog more than the dog? He should know more than the dog. More than the dog. Adel, you are, I think you guys would like it moving quickly. Adel, you are a dog.

Well you are, I thought you guys would like it moving un-quickly. Adel, you are a dog. And JPC, Adel is your dog. And you're trying to train him, but Adel, you're way smarter than him. And this is sort of insulting to you. OK. OK.

OK. OK. Do it. When I for treat, you don't treat. For a treat. Huh? You said do it for treat. It's you know treat. For a treat. Huh? You said do it for treat. It's for a treat.

For a treat? Yeah. I don't think so. It's just a regular treat. Treats? Okay. You know treat? I know treat Williams.

You ever seen the substitute treat Williams? Huh? Fantastic series. I'll give you the treat when you do it. Okay, do what? Huh? You said, sorry, do it, do what? Yeah, like for as an example to...

Oh, this is starting to get to the Miss America speech. Be as for one to which it were to pertain to... Uh-huh. Having to sit. Sit. To be or not to be. That is a question. Whether it is nobler... It doesn't suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or by... It doesn't matter. It doesn't. I did some a stock.

Stocks? Uh, I think we have one bag of treat. Oh, um. Do you want the treat? I prefer not to know. I have, I have some cavitatpe in it. Good, because I'm hungry. I might have a bite. Do you want some cavitatpe?

Hey, you want some cavitatpe? Big? Big for cavitatpe? Really? Cavatpe? You want some cattiopepe? Can I have some pescetti? Does he want some cattiopepe? Can I have some pesquetti? Does he have one cattiopepe?

I don't think so. I want pesquetti. Oh, okay. Pesquetti, good. Pesquetti, oh, shit. Don't the tree. Shit. Where?

Speak. Roll it over. You're right. Roll over, Beethoven. Put on some Chuck Berry. Do we have Chuck Berry? Let me flip it over. You're right. Oh, roll over, Beethoven. Put on some Chuck Berry. Do we have Chuck Berry? Let me fly with it.

How am I supposed to hear it? These treats have riboflavin. Peter in the five. What? Oh, riboflavin. I don't get to have Chuck or Berry. No, that's... Riboflavin is a great word.

I'm very proud of you. Good boy. Here's a treat. It's the only word I know. It's my name. It's the only word I know. It's my name. See. Yes, that's right. I'm a person named Riva Flavid.

It's a family name. It's family name. I can you know when it's raining cats and dogs? From the needles. From stepping in the poodles? Yeah. At all. It feels something. Got one right. At all.

Here's your kids. You can feel something. You did. You got something right. But there's no cat part of that, right? It's just cats and dogs. You might hear a little thing. I don't feel something. I guess you could come up with one because it's the poodles and Calico. What's another cat tabby? It's raining cats and dogs and you're stepping in the poodles and the tabby says, I won't pick you up. You're so good. What? It's like a cabby, but that's nothing. He is. Hei-la-cat me.

Well, now your brain's on the right track here, I think we're going to do another riddle. I don't get why this one exists and it's stupid, but I think it could lead to a fun game, maybe. That's what the doctor said when I was bored. What are two good names for a dog kennel? And they really just pick two random pun names for a dog kennel and I think that you could do better.

So can I tell them to you and then you guys can think of better names? Well, I mean, I would love to try to guess it because these are just pun names for a dog kennel. Mm-hmm. Is bark one of them or whoof? Yeah, barks in one. Barks in one. Okay.

Okay. You don't know it's not have good, like, I don't know, you guys could do way better. Is one bark and stormy? Bark and stormy night? Oh my God, I love that. It's a dog shelter where you can adopt dogs with a bar. So you get old runk and then you bring a puppy home.

I like that. Get a little drunk and bring a puppy home. They also call this. Wow, this is. Wow that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like problem, but it's I'm not quite there yet. Is one like when I get a haircut in two years, I'll be there. But not is X bark barks the spot one because spot is a Seattle your way smarter than the same. Yes, that's better than what it is. Okay. But should they also have like a kennel name to it? Is it barco? It's barco? I'm just going to tell you because these are impossible to get because they're so boring and bad and weird. I want to say here, mine is the dog house.

Ooh, okay. A barking line in chalk full of nuts is their answer. Why? Well, like, chalk full of nuts, I get it. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. I get it. Chock full of nuts is not something that people still say though, right? The fennel kennel.

Fennel kennel, interesting. Kettle gill, kennel, petal, genner. So there's got to be some dog breeds that we can do as well. Oh, when I was a kid, we had a yellow lab and when we bought the lab, we bought it from like a breeder and the place where the labs were bread. It was called the laboratory. It was like, I want to fart.

Yeah. I like that a lot. How's that? Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh. Uh, what else was this? Ashiba in you, is it? Choose a nectar and see if you can think of something. Do it call, get called.

Is it Ashiba in you? Do some nectar and see if you can think of some Bernie's mountain dog Bernie's we can look on we can it Bernie's mountain dog that Bernie's mountain dog Pretty good. Okay Kiggles and bits. I just want to be our dog in prof club would be a little bit. Purina. I just met a girl named Purina. Jack Russell. Taylor two kitties. Yes, all work.

We're moving to that's now. Okay. Yes, yes, yes. Slow fade out on this and just have this. Okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Puppy. Slow fade out on this and just have this. Let's do another. And if you think of one, the floor is open. How do you make a slow horse fast?

Whip it. How do you make a slow horse fast? Cass Gary Oldman. I'm just thinking of dog puns. I'm gonna be honest. Yeah. We know you got lost behind there. We're so sorry, we couldn't get you out of there, Adel. I think, can't use like the stirrups. I think like if you squeeze the stirrups,

it might like make it spur the horse into movement. VPC, did you want to learn today? Did you want to talk about real facts about things and learn? Because you've been very literal. Could you say, hi, yeah, I know that help. So what if there's, it's definitely a place for dogs. Definitely. We'd know that for a fact, but it also has really good sandwiches, usually in like Florida, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and it's called Cho Wawa. Cho Wawa, yeah Cho Wawa works. Great. That works. Aaron, what was the riddle? I don't know. How do you make a slow horse fast? How do you make a slow

horse fast? You kick up its horse power. You add horse power. You make a horse power. See that? You make a horse power. Better than this. Do you make the horse do nectar? How do you make a slow horse fast? Stop feeding him.

You make him fast. It's the other type of fast. I do what I'm a dog. I do what I'm a dog. I do what I'm a dog. I do what I see. Aaron, Adel, you are two horses that are going on a hunger strike until you get better conditions at the farm.

Heck, no, we won't run. Heck, no, we won't run. Heck, no. What we're doing is really important. I feel really proud that we are finally sticking up for ourselves. I just want to be treated the same as like a pig or like a cow, you know? Yes, exactly. I feel like we I don't know if they put horse blinders on you. Well, we just calm blinders. I don't think they put blinders on you

But I feel like I get blinders. I feel like my saddles like very itchy Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I could go for. What's that like? Like You know what I could go for. What's that? Like a, like a, oh don't, oh. No, okay, like a burger. Copernicus don't, oh. Now I want a burger, Copernicus, now I want a burger. Well dang, looks like I made too much hay and apples for dinner. I might as well just throw out some of this extra hay and apples

that I'm not gonna eat. Yeah, okay. It's bait. Nobody makes apples. What do you mean you made too many apples? What is he talking about? This is bait. But what if I just... No.

Don't kiss me. I just... Copernicus, stop. You're going crazy. I'll keep it. What if I just add a little bit? Copernicus, no. I lied.

That I didn't. No. Copernicus. Hey. No. I lied. That I didn't. No, Capr into this. Hey. What? Hey, we have to, no, we have to stay strong, okay? No, we look too strong. We have too many muscles.

We're scary. We're imposing. I'm scared of myself. What? I don't want to atrophy. Capr into this. Hey, come on. If we give it now, it's been, checks my watch.

It's been a minute and a half since we went on strike, okay? I want Shake Shack, and then I want to- Oh, that sounds so good. And then I want Buffalo Wildlings. I want Shack. Oh dang, dang, dang. Wife made too much peanut butter pie again. I guess I got to throw all these peanut butter pies

out here into the horse field. No one's gonna eat these peanut butter pies that the wife made. And I did check with her. This is something that people do make. So, many horses have to eat. The price. The price.

The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. The price.

The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. The price. too many I wanted one wife made 10 this is nine peanut butter pies I'm gonna eat one don't that peanut but the only reason a horse eats peanut butter is to talk he just wants you to talk can we send the go seasons what huh Suzy, Suzy, Suzy, Suzy, please. Did you, what? No.

No, Copernicus, hey. Oh, no, Suzy. Oh, dang, dang, dang. My teenage son ordered too many iPhone 14s. Well, get all these iPhone 14s out here with the DoorDash app open and my address or credit card are already put in. Don't need any of these dang door dash phones. Because my teenage son ordered too many iPhone 14s.

Yeah, it was a deal with Sprint. It was like a family plan by one get four. So this is fully paid for functional battery charge. iPhone 14s with screen protectors and cases Door dash loaded up no password Copernicus, Copernicus in the last two minutes he must have spent former John must have spent $6500 on food and Keep the expensive hang tight and he'll go broke

Making his wife cook up a storm. He'll kill him. He'll kill him. We can get donuts and then we can get ice cream. Oh, that sounds so good. I mean I mostly want sugar and salt. Oh my god All right, you got damn horses. You got damn horses. His hunger strike is going on long enough What's he gonna take to break the two of you? I need you to get back to the farm and do what you do best. Wait what now what do you want? What do you do on them farm? For me. Uh oh. You just gotta stand around him by hey. He's farmers slowly. Oh no. Who's gonna make the best for? Rister? See it? A lot of farms seen this today. A lot of animal riddles and a lot of farm seeds.

A lot of farm seeds. Why did the fly fly? Man. I don't know why the fly fly. Why did the fly fly? Because it has wings. Why did the fly fly? Because it smelled shit.

Cause, cause walking would take too long and it's just a circle back on the original riddle that we read. He's jaded. Pushed her to fire. He's broken. Oh, don't fix what's broken. That could also be a dog, you know, vet slash and that could also be a dog, you know, vet slash potty trading place. You're being under you the line. Or she could get your dog- Small businesses should be calling you.

But it's don't, it's don't fix what's broken. So it's a man who doesn't want to fix dogs. Is that a little man? Adults, not back in the room, we're still recording. Adults, come back. We're going to call you. What are we at that? Why did the fly fly? Why did the fly fly?

Okay, this isn't. Callie Hunter, and it's not a dog shelter. It's a dog catcher. Okay, perfect, yes. This is the end of Lord of Beeps all over again. One something like this happens where stuck, where to stuck. The fly fly because the spider spied her. A spitter saw her like to see a scene.

JPC year spider and you have noticed Adel who's a fly who was trying to get away before you noticed him. Hey, don't worry about it. Don't worry about me. I know it's surprising. And I know my demeanor, my whole body, eight legs, it could be pretty overwhelming. You caught in my web, by the way. Yeah, I can't move.

Yeah. Flew right into it. Yeah. Yikes. Don't I can't move. Yeah. Flew right into it. Yeah. Yikes. So don't do that, shitty. Well, now I was a bit. I bet you heard. Now, don't. Oh, you're a fan. I bet you've heard through the grapevine. What happens when a flag gets stuck in a spider's web? You know, a lot of them end up being grilled and eat and or whatever, you know, yeah, that's not necessarily the case with me Okay

I'm just looking to learn a little about you guys. I think you're super interesting. I think you're fascinating I love your disgusting little mandibles. I love your tons of little eyes. Okay Yeah, I've seen you I've seen you land on poop and eat it. And then I walked over, tried some poop, hated it. So I'm kind of wondering what's going on there. Well, that's, I mean, that speaks to what our potential partnership could look like. I, you don't have to kind of thing.

I leave the good stuff for you. Also, just a fun little tidbit. If you are genuinely curious about my kind. Um, when we eat something, we, we barf on it. And that's, and that's, that's how we do it. Yeah. I have seen you. I have seen you barfing on it. And, you know, look, Ferris Faire, you live a disgusting little life. The webs that you're on right now have come out of my butt. So that is essentially, I mean, we all know, we all know where I'm making that stuff, okay? Then you're, yeah, it's in your butt.

Yeah, it's it, yeah. It's not poop, what you're on right now is not poop, just because that's the first question a lot of flies ask because then they try to eat it. Yeah, I promise you, if you try to eat my web, you will just get stuck even more. Huh. Hmm, yeah, I feel like.

What's your society like? Who's in charge of flies? That's what I want to know. Cause can I be honest with you? Yeah. As a spider, we're kind of like, are you familiar with sovereign citizen law? Hmm.

No, I can't. We're not associated or affiliated with any nation. Okay. Okay. You see the United States, oh, I mean, this must have been 150 years ago, actually set up an admiralty court. And so you don't have to pay taxes at all

because the United States is a corporation and you are at LLC. Where are you going? Stop struggling. I'm gonna tell you about this. This is important stuff. Hey, if you wanna kill me, just kill me. I'd rather just be killed than learn.

Brother, I don't wanna kill you. What's what I'm saying? I'm putting together like a I don't want to call it a militia, but I'm putting together a just a grouping of like-minded bugs and insects and Eraknids and just a just people trying our best man to live Against this fascist, propagandist like bullshit, take 10%, you know, percent everything that makes me. Lays on back, pukes into the air,

acid goes on my head, this all. Ah, another one, another one. Seen. DJ Khaled, another one. One more or voicemails. Voicemails. Hey, who can I say? Voicemail. I will hear out a voicemails. Voicemails. Hey, look at the style. Voicemail.

I will hear out a voicemail. Great. Husky lodge. Did I get it in? Husky lodge? Yeah, right at the last second. Yeah, right at the last second you got it. Kisey, play the theme.

You've got mail. Mail. You've got mail. I thought I was supposed to be a voicemail. Oh shit. Okay, yeah, start again. One, two, three, four. You've got a voicemail! A voicemail!

A voicemail! Thank you. Thank you for that. That theme comes from Jamie Page Kier or Kier? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for that. That theme comes from Jamie Page Kier or Kier, CAYER, also a JPC. Another JPC. Oh my God. Not there in the universe.

Oh, how about that? Gees, spooky, spooky, spooky. Very fucking spooky. Thank you for that. And if you want to submit a voicemail theme, keep it under 30 seconds and go ahead and send a wavefile or an MP3 to HRrpodcastademail.com. Hi, Clocru. I'm Isaac. I'm a listener and patron. I'm a self-employed user teacher, each private lessons, and stuff. I was wondering if he's had any advice for being self-employed in a creative field.

I found it really fulfilling and really tricky to navigate all of the strange social and economic situations that come up. So, please, you guys, I need tips for me. Thanks so much. Great podcast. Wow. What a sweet, sweetie. What a sweet little sweetie.

What a sweet little sweetie. Hmm. What a sweet, sweet, sweetie. Wow What a sweet sweet sweetie some tips for being self-employed in the creative world I would say Number one now that you have probably more free time than you've ever had at least during certain hours if there's anyone who is trying to be friends with you You don't necessarily want to hang out with them Try and have them hang out at like 2 p.m. Cause you know, they're probably working a sludge in nine to five.

Yeah. And then it seems like you reached out and you tried, but of course they can't do it cause they're working a nine to five. So that's my little tip or trick. I got a tip for you. And this is gonna save you time and, well, not money, but this is going to save you time and, well, not money, but this is going

to save you time and when yourself employed time is money. I'm going to introduce you to the concept of going to places during non-peak hours. You're going to want to go to the grocery store, Tuesdays at 10 a.m. It's going to be you and a bunch of retirees. Now, they are going to get those carts all over the aisles. They really do not respect proper cart placement. So it's going to be hard to get around sometimes, but they're also, they're always down to talk. And they're just wanna have little conversations. And if you like to have a little conversations

with a bunch of retirees, the grocery store at 8 AM at a Tuesday, that is gonna be your best friend, Isaac. That's good advice. I have nipples. Can you milk me? Cocker Spaniel? Aaron, did you have any advice? Yes, I did.

So two things that I wish I had done sooner as someone who self-employed and also sort of always trying to find different little jobs. I wish that I had gotten super organized with my finances earlier and I wish that I had gotten super organized with my finances earlier and made it. So because I think the worst part of being self-employed is how complicated your taxes can be at the end of the year. So the most you set yourself up and you remember that future you and that person exists and they want you to be organized. Try your best to do that. Also, the other biggest hardship with being self-employed is like boundaries between your life and your work. And I feel like setting a time like a hard out

at the end of the day and putting your phone on do not disturb is the only way you're ever gonna be able to be good at your job. Because no one is supposed to be constantly 24 or seven. I feel like I'm like they're on the clock or could or should be working. Like make sure there's some hours every week that you are like, I cannot work then.

I am off and hold yourself accountable to that because otherwise you're gonna feel burnt out pretty much immediately. And especially if you're self-employed at home, find whatever home space that you have for working and make sure that you're never masturbating or eating there, okay? Because you want to have those spaces

in the soccer sect. Yeah. Mastery. Unless you're gonna do both, unless you're gonna do both at the same time, it's not worth it. You've got to find different places in your house, new places even, you know?

Climb up on a window, so. Dark places. Yeah. Have a meal sitting on a windowsill, huh? Maybe you're covered in basement. We tend to be a little creep. Ha, ha, ha. These are all excellent pieces of advice.

Hey, Aaron, I have a question for you. Do you have some advice in the form of something that you would like for people to check out that you would like to promote? Oh, God. Yeah. Well, I was recently on your neighbors are dead. It's a great podcast.

If you don't already listen to that, I'd say check it out. Also, check out Two Scary Didn't Watch. Check out Mandog Pod, Improvised Dead. These are all podcasts that I listen to and love, True Crime Obsess. I feel like it does a really good job being as ethical as they can be in the True Crime space. I just want to check those out. I'm really enjoying all of those things and I think that they are worth getting into if you haven't already. Addle, anything to plug. Yes, coming up this June, I believe this is going to be June 17th. We have a very special event at the dog pound that I run. We are having our first ever promaranian.

Now, what is a promaran Iranian? It's a chance for all your decided yet. You've dressed up to have a little dance. You've never seen, you've never lived and see until you seen little dogs and tuxes and dresses wiggle their little butts. So come check out the prom Iranian thing that said I said that was August 12 for something so check it out Now I have somebody that might want to check at that prom Iranian because we have a five star review to read and this five Star review comes from spaghetti underscore the underscore dog. It is as follows Bark bark bark woof woof bark bark woof adult Aaron and PC bark bark woof woof woof bark bark woof. Adel Aaron and PC bark bark woof.

Huh, so this one's like any doesn't know my name or she just calls me PC for short. I don't know. She's not good. That sucks to hear. Hey, he's just a guy who works here. Aaron. Feels like fucking treat to him. Aaron, as we all know, the speaking of the birds and the beasts, if two, you know, if birds and bees have sex, then they create whatever animal. But if two birds or two bees have sex, they actually create a very weird foreign alien species that immediately have to go to a certain planet. Aaron, do you know what planet that is? I haven't looked it up but I think it might be Jupiter. The birds and the bees forever. And John Patrick Cod, Casey Tony to the editing, and Marty Perrin to the music.

Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nymores. Hey there, Adel's and Dizimes. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We do a bracket for Aaron's favorite things. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com, so I'm Hey Riddle Riddle, but join the Click Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew and you get those ad free episodes for $8 a month. See you there! That was a Hate Gum podcast.