Hey Riddle Riddle - #27: Kiss, Kiss, Riddle Riddle

Episode Date: January 23, 2019

This week, the Clue Crew digs into words that they don't understand, all of their favorite podcasts, the art and science of talking through a kiss, an off-off broadway show that never was, a much anticipated return to talking about sheep, some very intentional product placement.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum podcast. Hello everyone, this is JPC. If you are hearing this message then it worked. I have managed to get this message to KJ, our audio engineer, and they have managed to put it in our episode. If you can hear this, please, I need your help. I am trapped inside the HeyRiddleRiddle Patreon. I don't know how it happened.

I was on the Patreon page. I was configuring some options. I think I opened some sort of vortex or wormhole and I have been sucked inside. Adel and Aaron are not here. It's so great to have peace and quiet, but I'm scared and I miss them so much. You can help get me out.

Just go to patreon.com slash Hey riddle riddle. I don't know where I am in the page, but if you join the clue crew for $5 a month, you can unlock all of our bonus episodes. Our first live episode is already live and posted there. I may be in the live episode. So please go to patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle, click link sign up try your best to get me out I'm I'm so scared there's lots of really kiddies and kids riddle in here and please please help oh no they're they're coming for me please The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. He pulled the pin-work-on fish. It was the cat in an airplane.

He sat in with the dogs and cried. And the Lord made the right hand. Like you beat your hate, Rick, or Rick, or Rick, or Rick, or Rick. I'm not super good Ready or not here we come it's a riddle riddle I'm not ready I'm out of refined I'm gpc and I'm airing key. I didn't take a big enough breath I'm Aaron Keith. You didn't take a big enough breath. I'm JPC and the peace dance for me and the C-Six for Kyle. Oh no. Oh no. Aaron, how often in life do you not take a big enough breath?

Almost all it is. And you're a trained singer, correct? Yes. And you're always running up and down stairs. Yeah. And going, what is that thing where you dive under the sea? The worm. You dive under a sea? The worm. You dive under a sea?

The bends. Scooba diving. Scooba diving. I, yeah. Do you know what Scooba stands for? Yes. Secret control. Uber.

Uber. Uber. I like secret control. Uber. What is Scooba stand for? Self-contained underwater breathing apparatus? I believe what NASA stands for NASA stands for not no airplanes space all right all right What if it did what if it's did for no airplane space all right? I want that t-shirt

It's the NASA pod but it's no I want I want a space shuttle with Matthew It's the NASA Fod, but it's so... I want this face, alright. I want a space shuttle with Matthew McConaughey in the window, and it says space. Alright, alright, alright. I want no airplane space, question mark. Alright. What's that called when it's, is that an initialism when each letter of no? Initialism?

What's it called like scuba? Like the word scuba, that's a word. Oh, I'm gonna think of word. acronym. Is it an acronym? Um, it's an acrobat. It's an acrobat. There's acronyms and then there's like the acrostics.

It's an or an acrobat. You know acrobat is an acrobat. For what? Alright. CURRY. All of these have all right in them. Do we not know any other A word? I still don't know.

What show is this? We've already said the name of the show. They're show you in a riddle. I did the thing about me and being P and Cump. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's A riddle riddle. Should we do another intro?

Yeah, should we do another show? Okay. Yeah, let's do one more for the intro. Oh, let's do a reply all. Okay, cool. So let's do an intro for more popular podcasts. Yeah. If they want to use it, let them use it. Yeah.

Let's do reply some. This is the daily I'm Michael Baba. Michael Baba. Aaron, what's your favorite podcast? Oh, I, uh, oh, is it my supposed to say Hey Riddle Riddle? Cause that was not my first instinct. What's your favorite podcast? Not hey riddle riddle.

I don't can't listen to it because I find myself to be shrill. Oh, I'm kidding. Don't ever call a woman that. I have to, no, hold on, I have to step in. What you just heard was JPC using a voice modulator. Oh, okay. Yes, guilty as charged. And I would have gotten a way where that do

if it had to have been for you kids If you're dog Erie You're shrill dogs. I like a lot of podcasts. I love my favorite murder But sometimes I have to stop listening to that because I get spooked and then I love this Podcast called the we knows parenting And it's just two parents talking about their kids, very warm and gentle for my ears. JPC, what's your favorite podcast? This is not like a plug because everybody already knows

about this podcast. If you're listening to this podcast, you know about the concept of podcasts, but I just listened to the third season of serial, which came out not too long ago. I probably, at this point, it came out a long time ago. But it was great. I mean, it was horribly depressing and very sad,

but it's about the criminal justice system, like the court system, a year in Cleveland, or Columbus, or one of those Ohio cities that starts up at the sea. There's like 15 of them, including Akron. Akron. But it was great. I really enjoyed it.

I don't want to butch you. It don't say hello from the Medi-Tet, right? I don't know. It don't say Zidling's beclawier, whatever. I'm a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little fail. And just three or four more. Yeah. Yeah. I like pop culture. Six hours of faith. I have to, I listen to many podcasts. Is there anyone on a podcast where you feel like you're, they're so familiar to you. Like you're, you feel like you know them. I think there's some people who I'd freak out. If you had JPC always thinks it was me.

I listen to Alan podcast and I'm like, I feel like I know that guy. I get, I get a lot of, so like, when when we do if we do like a magic tavern live show, we do like a meet and greet afterwards. We typically do. There will be a certain percentage of people who come up and they're all wonderfully nice, but there's a certain percentage of people who feel like they know us because they listen to us. So they will come up and just be like, hey, Adelmatt and Arnie, but they won't never introduce themselves. So we all take a moment where we're like,

do we know this guy or like, what's the deal? Or they'll come up and like, go up to Arnie and be like, hey, you tall fuckhead or, and we're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And they're like, no, like the podcast. And we're like, yeah, but you don't get to do that. So there's always like a weird, over-familiarity.

I give anyone permission to call JPC a tall fuckhead. Yeah, I'm 5'11, so good luck on the fucker. But you're always on stilts. And I'm always on stilts. I just feel like I'd freak out. There's something about podcasts, especially where I feel like I'd freak out the people who I've listened to,

because I'd meet them immediately feel like I know them. If a fan, if fans of this show ever approach you on the street, Aaron, what do you want them to do? If they exist. If they exist, what do you want them to do if they see you? I want them to. There should be like a code word, right? Yeah.

Ooh, what code word? Or like they give like a bird call or something? Yeah, cuckoo! No, you don't want people calling it. You got to be very, very careful here, Aaron, because this could haunt you for the rest of your life. I want the first ball. I want them to bow.

Oh, boy, boy. I want them to bow. It's in the middle of the street. I want first of all, I want them to bow. Boy, I want them to bow. Boy, I want them to bow. I want them to bow. Submit case yourself. No, you can say watermelon because that's the fruit that JPC and Adel don't know. Yeah. I think it's a Jupiter to you. Jupiter? Yeah. They can make you a Hi-Aren. They can make you a Scorpion and Trinket Pinn.

Yeah, they bring up paper. They just go Hi-Aren. I know you don't know me. And then I'll give you a hug and we'll talk for as long as you want. Wow. I would never say that I would hug someone. Of course, if people meet me and they're a big fan of my work, I will take your sibling on a date. I will pay for 25% of the date.

But that is the extent that I will. The campaign podcast has been going on for like five years and there is a guy out there who has a, I would say not insignificant portion of my skin and he is crafting a duplicate of me. What's a not significant portion of my skin? Not insignificant, not insignificant portion of my skin. I would say he has 40, 50% of the skin

that I have left behind. And he's creating a golem to serve him. His name is Adam. What's his name? The bones are Jewish and I'm not. Yeah, historically non-Jewish, canonically non-Jewish. Also golem is Jewish. Wow. Do you have kind of latherings? And their name is Jewish.

They made golem Jewish. Oh God. It got really, it got really dicey with like the Jewelry. It looks just here again. It looks just here a little bit of that, Adel. It's here, a little bit of a point. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, we will not, we will not be hearing that.

But if we did, it would go a little silly to Zal and take it away. If I, and this is a sincere question, if I, how much would you two invest? If I created a company called Haba Tequila. It's a Tequila company. It's catering towards Jewish drinkers and it's called Hava Tequila. If all the money was going to Jewish people and not you.

Why would that be? Whoa, Aaron, you think all the money is going to Jewish people? You think all my Jewish people are dead, man? I'm stuck out of this episode. That ain all my Jewish people are dead, yeah. I'm stucky out of this episode. That a good look for you, sweetie. Oh, my God, sweetie is the funniest thing to be called. Oh, my boyfriend and I have been trying out nicknames for each other. Yeah, we'll see if I still have one when this gives out.

Who knows. But my, and we tried sweetie as a joke and we hated it, but I've been calling him my king as a joke because it's so gross, but now it's sort of sticking. Cause I started calling him him honey as a joke and now I just say it, but now I think I'm gonna continue with. Is my king cold? Baby is my king.

Baby is also a slippery trap, cause it's easy to use, but you could say like once it's a joke and it's like I feel fine. It's like no no no I call JPC king Ralph everyone somewhere Who's old man puzzles? I'm old man puzzles and I guess we'll do some puzzles Yeah, and we'll also have several more anti-Semitic traps later this episode I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said't. No, the world does not need that. No, I didn't. Hey, Clucru. What's up? What do you throw out to use and take back in when you're done? Bath water.

Throw out to use. The baby. A sneeze. What do you throw out to use and take back in when you're done? Baseball. Trash cans. Baseball.

It's not baseball. Trash. Why not? What? Trash? I don't know. I don't like riddles.'t like riddles. What do you throw out to use? Fishing hook. Fishing line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. Fishing hook line. It is fishing. Net. Net? You throw it out to use and take it back when you're done? What do you throw out to use and take back in when you're done?

I would say a quick scene, the two of you are salty, salty, salty, fishy men. And you're on a boat, you haven't caught fish for a while, and you start talking about baseball. Carl, how's that side of the boat? It's dry. It's all dry. I mean, literally, there's water side of the boat? It's dry. It's all dry. I mean, literally there's water here, but no fish.

Same on this side of the boat. Eddie, what are we doing out here? I don't know. You know what I wish I was doing. Visiting your wife's grave? Oh. It's a birthday after all. How are you? Oh. Eddie. Eddie. It's been birthday after all. Why? Oh.

Eddie. Eddie. It's been 30 years. I'm just trying to distract myself and you brought it up like it was nothing. I didn't know. I didn't know. Look. Why don't I turn this board around?

We'll go back to shore where your wife's grave is. It will visit. I'll say a few nice words. I'll say a few nice words. Why would you say a few nice words? She's my wife. She was your wife's great, Ms. It will visit. I will say a few nice words, I'll say a few nice words. Why would you say a few nice words? She's my wife. She was your wife. Stop it, Eric. What is she? She was a my wife.

She was my wife too. She wasn't what? That's right. We were married before you even met. And we were divorced. And when I saw her with you Eddie my old pal I thought let him have it shut it happiness. I never told you Until now you lied

She lied technically it was a lie of her mission That's the worst kind of lie because you don't feel guilty for that kind of lie when you want to. I feel guilty now, Eddie. Tell me what you want me to do. Kiss me. What? What would you say? Oh, okay, it's happening. I talked through that kiss.

See. A classic mistake. Talk to you. You know what you talk for a kiss? Oh, yeah, I talk to that kiss. Hey, do you mind if we talk through that kiss, Robert? Yeah, let's take that back. I'm going to talk to that kiss. Do you have some pointers on that kiss? I do pointers to that kiss. Hey, do you mind if we talk through that kiss? Yeah, let's take that back. I'm gonna talk to that point. There's a moment on that kiss

I do pointers like this to I do like two pointers at the eyes One point I want to see Point or the what I make a J lap I want to see a 30-second scene. Okay, words the two of you're at a kiss concert. Sure. Aaron you're talking through the kiss and you're the members of Fish your trainer Stagio and Mike Gordon. Okay, I'll be in the Stagio and you'd be gorbid in a minute. What a convoluted premise. Yeah, oh god, This is concert's last but I'm gonna talk through it

I'm gonna talk through this Have we ever kissed I can't remember we have a kiss I get so high at our concerts their secondary Fish ever kiss that a fish concert You know tray non-estabg Oh, I don't think we have ever kissed. Well, should try kissing and kiss? Is that, I don't know. Please shame. What's my name? My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, stamp collector who specializes in U.S. stamps, saw an advertisement offering a complete set of early U.S. stamps, oh, P.S., I guess we're just getting into main riddles.

What? Is this just a main riddle? I think so. If it's a main riddle, maybe you should get some lobster with that. Oh, and if I tear mussels, because I did warm up properly, you don't tear mussels use scoop them out and then you wow This really is a main riddle a cane stamp collector who specializes in US stamps saw an advertisement offering a complete set of early US stamps for a Fraction of what it was worth he quickly bought it although it was a genuine splendid collection and a real bargain

He was angry not pleased what was going on The stamps were already on letters. Nope. Damn it. They weren't actually American. He, oh, yeah, they were the, no, it says the collection was genuine. There's a splendid collection of real bargain. And they were American stamps.

Yeah, not British. They already been licked. Look at me. They had already been licked. Wow. Big eyes. Hey guys, he bought a copy of stamped, uh, which is off Broadway stomp.

Stop is off Broadway. Long, everyone to stamps. Uh, thank you for your tickets. I want to let you know that Stamped is past tense And it's just one guy with a broom already He's like I'm sincerely that's art Oh my god He starts to take out the trash and I'm like,

yeah, that's the ticket and he's like, no, I really am taking it out to you. Are you really trying hard to get stamps.com to sponsor the show? The stamp doing more stamp or to things to break an additional content? No, it stopped almost two hours ago. This is stamps.

I cleaned up. That's 10. And you bought tickets. When I saw Stomp, it was at like really late, like in the deep afternoon on a Sunday and we had already been in New York. The deep afternoon, like nine, 10 o'clock and back. Yeah, you know, evening. By drama club at Arty Bed.

Well, it's all be careful. We're getting into the deep afternoon. My drama club had already been there for a weekend. Everyone was so tired So people were falling asleep in the very warm stomped theater that waking up with the jolt You just saw in the good audience people nodding off and they'd be like, huh trash cans are being banged together Yeah, stomped. I feel like it would be a bad shot of an app door. Oh, yeah, it's the worst not a pleasant nap So stamped is the past tense of stomp Blown man group

Blown man group sounds like a dad's rights organization Talk to a lawyer she can't take your kids She can't take your kids. You got to put... Heron is under the table laughing. She's got to put marshmallows in her mouth. Oh my god. Why do I do it in my nose? One of our live shows, we have to do stamped in Blumangr.

Blumangr is in here. That's me, Hamelberg. I did all the blue benefit of smoking cigarettes. We have to do stamped in Blumangroup. Blumangroup is a name. Blumangroup is a name. Blumangroup is a name. Blumangroup is a name. It's been made up of all the blue benefit of smoking cigarettes. Our opener is gonna be Blumangroup. That's what we'll be there. That was really good for me. It's made up of the paint, smoking.

They are talking and are just like, can you believe that? I'm fucking believe. So good. Wouldn't you remember, just rather had sex? Yeah. Yes. I mean, it was good. It was good, just rather had sex? Yes. I mean it was good. It was good, but I would have rather had sex. No way preferable to sex.

Oh, but I mean, oh. Oh my god, I can't breathe. You are too... We can't do two scenes before. Oh yes we can. You two are... You're like, you're going to be 13, 14. Okay. You live in New York's, your parents like, maybe 13, 14. Okay.

You live in New York, your parents got you your first Broadway tickets. It was for a Blown Man group. It's the deep afternoon, and you are talking about just coming from that show. We're a New York alone, right? Or with our parents. Your home alone too. Oh man. Time Square is pretty overwhelming, huh? Where should we eat?

Can we talk about what just happened? I can't. I can't. I don't think mom and dad sent us to that thing. They were misguided. They were misguided. They were misguided. They were misguided. They were misguided. No, they must have wanted us to know. No, no. Is this about what we did? Hold on. Just, I'm going to throw up in this. Because I think that one of us is adopted and that's why you promise you probably never mentioned that again My baby. Oh, sorry that your baby was a trash can miss. That's fine. It's New York You probably you promised you would never talk about that. Okay. What we did was wrong. It was against God. Okay You know I would have rather had sex What then what we did? Well, what do you think we did? Oh had sex what than what we did well

look what do you think we did oh what do you think we did we'll both say it of the count of three one two three we learned to jump rope what would you say when we were learning to jump rope we were hanging our uncle yeah I just told you was jump rope because it's a game and I'm 14 and you're 13 who gave this blue man blowjob Who gave the blow jobs And are is everything blue we have to go backstage in ask it's the only we have to go backstage in ask Excuse me sir. Yes, you're one of the blown men Sorry, are you crying?

What was so good. What was so good? The blowjob? The show is over. Oh no, but the blowjob was so good. Sir, we got some questions. Yeah? We're two kids from New York.

We're home alone too. Oh. And we just want to know that two and a half hour show that we saw at the stage, where you were all dissecting and vivid detail, the blowjumps you just received. Uh huh. Was it real? What do you mean? Or was it acting?

No, we got blown. Do you see those three people who walked out, blew all over their lips? Wait. We were hoping that you'd have some acting tips, because we're having to act at home right now, like we didn't do a bad thing. We learned how to jump rope. Oh, we go there Uncle. We go there Uncle.

What? Uncle Vanya? We go there Uncle. Dust. For the dead yet? Oh, Uncle Vanya. Oh, good job getting blown. Zane!

Oh, then we need to create our own line of cards, like greeting cards. And one of them just needs to be good job getting blown. What a romantic card. Hey, you came up with it. I know, I'm just saying. You get 35 cents on every dollar. Also, Spencer's gifts would sell a good job getting blown card. I hope to always get that card, but never give it.

Hi, Fives. Hi, Fives. My Fives. My Fives. Hi fives. Hi fives. My fives. Got blown. Take five. Okay. Is there an answer to this riddle?

Yes. I don't remember the riddle. Here we go. A stamp collector who specializes in US stamps, saw an advertisement offering a complete set of early US stamps for a fraction of what it was worth. He quickly bought it, and although it was a genuine splendid collection and a real bargain, he was angry not pleased. Oh, okay. After he got the collection, he was very upset.

It's not US stamps, it stamps for Us Magazine. You correct. So stamps from Us Magazine, it's also stamps from This Is Us. Yes. So he got a full set of This Is Us stamps, which is not what he wanted. You wanted to have it stay stamped. Yeah.

I don't know. I give up. Can you give a hint, maybe? The hint is. Where the stamp's worthless? What was it? The word of the stamp that he got worthless. Oh, the stamps are worthless. No, the stamps are worthless.

No, the stamps were, it says, there's a splendid collection in a real bargain. So they were, they were very valuable. Fuck. Did he already have them? There you go. He did? He already, these were.

But I need a full, I need you to back that up. Okay. Did he already have him? There you go. He did? But I need to fold. I need you to back that up. Okay. He was a stamp collector of US stamps. He got a full, it was a full collection. Mm-hmm.

He got it for a fraction of what it was worth. Uh, I don't, I have no idea. I don't know. I'm sorry. Yeah. What's the answer? I have no idea. The man had recently left his wife to live with his mistress. The angry wife had advertised the man's prize stamp collection for sale. He quickly bought his own stamps to stop anyone else from doing so. Wow. Okay. So he bought his own stamps. He already had these stamps. I would like to see a scene. Sponsor by stamps.com. Yes. JPC, you are opening a box of stamps.

Okay. You are the mistress, Adel. Wait, wait, wait. I'm the mistress. You're the man opening the stamps. You're the mistress. You're also there. Okay. Unbelievable.

Oh my God. What is it? These are the stamps from Henrietta. Yeah. Mikey. Yeah. You know what she did? What? She put them all together in one big stamp.

Are you familiar with the concept of Pogs? Um, those are those new creatures in the new Star Wars? No. Those are Pogs. Yeah, those are little penguins. What? No. Bethany, those are Porgs.

No, Porgs are the things in Star Trek where they kind of replicate you But they have like a metal eye you're such a nerd you try me crazy. I love you. I love you so much I love you are you familiar with the kinds of the porks blow me I'll give you a greeting card later. Oh Henry at a Henry at a stamp all my stamps together. I'm not I don't let this slide. I'm gonna I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind. I'm gonna call wait. Wait, wait, wait, Mikey. I think I know what this is. Did you know that the word stamp or stamps? Did you know that that's an acrostic?

Yeah, for what? Somebody tell... Anybody? Bye. Bye. Oh yeah. All right. I guess this is happening.

I'm gonna go get some more of right. I guess this is happening Let me just go Ring ring ring I talked I talked through that Sorry, it's Henrietta. Hold on. I know it's her. Hello. This is Mikey. Oh, is this asshole? No, it's Mikey, Henrietta It's Mikey. Oh, it sounds like a like a but hold me you poked my stamps oh did I pog your stamp I didn't star wars animal your stamps the ones with the big eyes that are so cute with the big eyes I just have

porgues I hope you end up in this lab I hope you end up in hell you turn me on so much I'm gonna talk through this kiss you like that you like when I talk to you yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a good bye. Did you know the kiss is an acronym? Shut up, baby. Sight and sweet. The perfect crime.

The perfect crime. Talking through a kiss. Well, let's take a quick break and reflect on the first half of the show. Okay, and we're all going to write our personal essays about what this first half of the show meant. What does it do by the end of this break? Yeah. Oh God, I'm in a cheat off JPC. What? What's that? You're going to cheat on JPC. I'm going to cheat on the adult. I'm going to cheat on JPC and then off of that. Cheating on someone other than cheating off of someone would be the ultimate cheat

You watch a good place cheaty's the ultimate oh Take cheaty meaty We'll be back in a second be back Hey GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Addle. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him.

Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. we're pranking Apple. Squier space is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squier space makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so anything for products that cut into time,

all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up

on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay.

Wait, what's going on with Adel? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. No, the website was Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website is for

Prank Square space You can connect to your store to Vedent third party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey jpc hey jpc. What's up, Adam? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine Dude, we got her anyway if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine head to squarespace. It was a battle. I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase

of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait. I've been pranked. But how?

I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods?

No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this?

You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl, owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. And better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking

two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down.

Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle, R better help, h-e-l-p.com slash riddle, r-i-d-d-l-e. R-i-d-d-l-e, the middle of riddles of d, but there is no true middle of riddle

because it would be the space in between the two d. Hope you get home. Bye, baby. Am home. Who are we? What is this? Oh, my. Who are we?

I think, link, link, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app rocket money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. Monitor your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much especially

around tax season. Kling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Oh, sorry. I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy.

Clink, clink, clink. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, over three million. Oh, clink, clink, clink. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock.

Stop. Stop. Clank, clank, clank. Stop. No, clank, clank, clank. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses. The easy way by going to rocketmoney.com

slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rock at money.com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, and we are back. We kissed be robbing money. It will be robbing money. And we are back. We kissed through that whole break.

And we're gonna start with JPC's essay. Yes, okay. Who did it get the best kisser of the three of us? What's that, can't be me. I would never bet on myself in a kiss contest. I wouldn't, I mean either. You bet on me? I wouldn't bet on you.

Or me. Or at all. I have very nice lips, but I'm a terrible kisser. Yeah. I got great lips. I just do not know kisser. Yeah, I got great lips. I just do not know where to put them. I just blow. You blow air?

Yeah, kissing me is like kissing like a tire valve. The easiest way to do this, the easiest non-partial way to do this, non-partial, impartial. The easiest impartial way to do this is to set up a simple survey using survey monkey of all of our X's collect the data, publish the data. I think the people are screaming, they are clambering in the streets for the data. We have to let the data speak for themselves. Well, it's a little bit complicated because JPC and I have the same X's. Yes, and they all live in Texas. How about we do the next live show we have. We set up a John Wilkes kissing booth.

the next live show we have we set up a John Wilkes kissing booth. I would love to. Okay. Let's get back into some riddies. Oh good. The show. Yeah. Here we go. Luigi's is an excellent restaurant with a fine reputation.

Okay. However, one day all the people who had lunch there were sick. There was nothing wrong with the food. What happened? If someone doesn't wash their hands properly, they can contaminate all the people who had lunch there were sick. There was nothing wrong with the food. What happened? If someone doesn't wash their hands properly, they can contaminate all the food. So there's nothing wrong with the food, but poop particles get into the food. It's the water. Something's wrong with the water.

Something's wrong with the cleaning products they've used. Something's wrong with the building. Is there anything wrong with the things that they used to cook the food? The people. What? The people that they used to cook the food? The people The people that they used to cook the food. The food is people. The food is actually a big good people. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with the food because they're people Ain't nothing wrong with the people. I'm just a riddle book advocating for something weird Luigi's so everyone who eats they get sick That day, yes, but there's that day nothing well. Yeah, so

Now that night so all the people that ate that night lunch there was sick What about the deep deep afternoon deep afternoon what we're talking like 10 p.m. 10 p.m. Dylan You know there's pre afternoon afternoon the deep afternoon pre afternoon can still get you pregnant So we don't know we don't know Hmm, this is this is tough did I get close with any of my hundreds of guesses? No really? Seriously, I don't know how you have to tell me Did I get close with any of the quarter with his arms? You stubborn little kid don't get it. Oh, you stubborn little kid.

Did I get it? Did I get it? Did I get it? I got it? No. Oh, there you go. I want to see you seen. No, you take two more big bites of broccoli before you get a seed.

No, no. No, that's your faking it. And you were talking to the kids. No, no, no. No, that's not broccoli. Here comes the airplane. That's broccoli, Leighney. Here comes the airplane. That's broccoli, Lini. Here comes the airplane, and that's unrelated. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, brother's identity. Well, they're the Mario brothers, so their last name is Mario. Yes, canonically, if there's Luigi Mario and Mario.

Mario, right? Yeah, from the movie. Yeah, that sucks. Mario, Mario and Luigi, Mario. And Aaron, you can have your pick of anyone in the Mario universe. Who do you want to be? I don't, I'm not good at any of the voices. Um, I need you to pick. Yoshi.

Okay, here we go. And you're in a restaurant. You're opening a restaurant. We're opening a restaurant. You're opening a restaurant first day in your nervous. Yoshi! What do you mean Yoshi? I told you to make, I told you to make chicken pecate.

Yoshi? Yoshi! Look at all this chicken pecate! It's all... Oh yeah, aren't it simple? Yoshi! What the fuck are you up and doing back here? Yoshi! What are you been doing?

Yoshi! Don't give me those eyes. Yoshi! Oh, I guess they met at you. Okay, you got one more chance. See this big pile of garbage? Yoshi? Take on a garbage hat and put it in the dumpster

Yoshi oh what do you mean your back hurts Yoshi oh what do you mean your fingers hurt Yoshi oh Yoshi you're more useless than lasagna and chashu can't leave Yoshi what Yoshi you need the afternoon hope Yoshi? You didn't the afternoon off! Yoshi. To go! Don't it a plasma!

Yoshi. What? Okay, fine, Yoshi. You're ticketing afternoon off and you think about what you do. And we cut to a blood donation clinic. Yoshi! Don't be too happy. I have your test results back.

Yoshi. Well, no, it's not good. We took your plasma We ran some tests. I'm sorry. Yoshi? My wife Don't eat. Yeah, see you're a dinosaur and a coward. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. You have bone cancer What was that? Yoshi. No, that? Yoshi. No, incurable.

Yoshi. Oh. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. A small penis.

No. No, I have a quite large penis. Yoshi. Yoshi. I give my wife deep afternoon. Yoshi. We're still going to take your plasma, but we're going to just dump it into the ocean to make an example out of you.

Yoshi! Just lay the egg. I need you to consult with my co-doctor here, Wal Luigi. Waaaah! This is a baby! Sorry, let me remove this baby. Wal Luigi, would you come in here? Yes, absolutely.

I think of the course of chemotherapy. It's the most aggressive thing. I made such an asshole choice to not say real words. I'm sorry. For those of you who hate improvisers, do scenes like that to make other improvisers mad. Yes, yes, yes. I think most people just hate us. Us three specifically? If you hate us, that doesn't mean you hate improvisers mad. Yeah, shiyoshi. I think most people just hate us. Us three specifically?

If you hate us, that doesn't mean you hate improvisers. I think most people are thinking about me all the time and that's why when I'm walking by a person on this tree, it'll say, stop thinking about me. True. So do we have a guess on Luigi's? Yeah, we had mini guesses. And you just sat there like a smug bug in a rug,

nodding your frickin' little beard, be like, no, no, no. I will say JPC was closest when he said there was something wrong with the water. I said that. Oh, I thought JPC said. Nope, I did not. I said that there was people on people's faces. We don't give credit to women here.

It is a policy that is written on the wall. I wrote, believe women, and then I crossed at the B, and it just said, leave women where they are. Under the ceiling of glass. Yes, what was it? Under the ceiling. So water was closest. Water was closest.

Yeah. Oh, it's a amusement park. It's a water park. That's even closer. Luigi's is a, he's in a pipe. In Venice. It's in a pipe like a Mario Brothers pipe. No, no, no, no, no, no.

So it's water. No, no, no, no, no. Water's close. Is it anything to do with washing your hands? No. You have to do with drinking water. No. Cooking in water.

No. Soup. I don't know. The pipes. No. Raining, it's raining. No. It's cold.

There's ice. The whole restaurant flood. No one actually can eat. Raining. It's raining. No. Cold. There's ice. The flooded, the whole restaurant flood. Nobody actually can eat closer. Closer with the whole restaurant flooded. Now imagine the restaurants flooded and then imagine all the water seeps into the floor and goes below. To hell. The sub basement flood water doesn't go to hell. It was a sub pop working. The restaurant was on a ship. And the ship sank. And the ship sank. And the ship sank. And you would be so mad if we read that riddle too.

All the people got sick from death. Mm-hmm. Okay. You know how you get sick from dying? Do you? Is that really it was on a ship and they sunk? No, it didn't sink. It was just on the ship.

So they're all seasick. Oh. Okay, this makes sense to me. One of the sickest times I've ever been in my entire life was right when I was dying. All right. I was so sick. How'd you get out of it?

I left. I found Chris Love and saved me and pulled him back from the edge. I went on a cruise once and I was so seasick the whole time. It was unreal. Where'd you go to cruise? We were supposed to go to... His way? The whole ship.

We were supposed to go to... She got your ass. Bermuda. You were dating a whole ship. Yeah, it was a lot of like middle age people. I would ship it here with a big boat. I ship it. Well, yeah.

It was exhausting. There was a lot of people in their late 40s gambling and it's hard to date that type of person when there's 150 of them. I'm gonna see a scene where Aaron is dating a carnival cruise ship. JPC, you'll play the cruise ship. Aaron, you will play yourself.

Cool. Wow! Oh, let me move this baby. Hi. Are you coming aboard? Well, I've been coming a lot. So why would I? I'm bored. Sorry, I dropped my drunken

Are you gonna give her stomp because it's over there stamps over stamp. Yeah, we can't afford to stop on this cruise line And I do have a bend also. I am a tram stamp You know That's a wrap on you Tramstam. Aw. Off with you now. We're all that with you. That's a wrap on you. There's some fun more things to say. And that's a wrap on that guy. And that's a wrap on that guy.

Well, no. My name is Gary and I'm here to say, look at all that shoulder work. He is really going at it. Oh, installations. All right Gary, we're all done with you. And that's a wrap on Gary. Thank you.

That's a set wrap on Gary. I'm sorry, we were talking about coming. See you. See you. I'm having fun. I'm having fun too. Here we go. Yes.

On a cold winter's day, drivers found that sheep from the fields nearby can come, I'm so sorry. On a cold winter's day, drivers found that master sheep from the fields nearby kept coming on to the road Coming spelled the normal way. Yes, see you There is no snow and the road was not warmer than the fields But whenever the master sheep were ushered back to the fields they quickly returned to the road. Why? They wanted to die. So cold they want to get hit by cars. All the bugs from the ground

growled to the top of the ground, started eating their feet. Wait, dead stop. No, I had you knew I was saying that. All the bugs from the ground came out. They grow up big crawls to the top. All the bugs from ground. And then they started eating the sheep. All the bugs from ground. And they eat the sheep. And they eat the sheep. So you're saying all the bugs from the ground, came up to the ground and started to eat the sheep. And that's really saying this. I don't know.

Who is this saying it? Let me take off this mask rib. It's me, Adel. There's two. Ah, yes, this Adel's the old man who runs the amusement park in town. It's Adel and Wattle. And you would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't

for you and your frigid dog, your shrill, shrill dog. I like that Mario, evil Mario is Wario. So you take the M and turn it upside down. Yeah. But evil Luigi is Waluigi. That's because it's so much sick. So they're just like, well,

Waw worked for Mario, Wario. Yeah. So let's just take the WA sound and put it in front of. Yoshi has one too. Wooshi. Wooshi. Seriously?

Wins a switch. Wins a switch. Wins a switch. Oh, I have a lot in common with Wins a switch. I would love it if Bowser had an alternate good guy, Bowser, called Wowser. Wowser. Wowser, I love when Bowser comes to the party. Wowser makes every party back. He brings so much coke. He's so fun.

Wink. Wupa. Wowser. So fun. Okay, why do they keep leaving the grass to go onto the road? Is the road warm because of like cards and friction and stuff? They're saying the road was not warmer than the fields. Well, so the fields on the roads are equal temperature. They're not freezing over because people keep driving on them. The light. They wanted to see light. They're not freezing over because people keep driving on them. The light, they wanted to see light. They're light on the road. The sheep's wanted to see light. I don't know.

Wouldn't they just go to Vegas? I guess so. Is there a scare sheep hanging on the field that is scaring the sheep into the road? There is no scare sheep. Damn. So these sheep are just wandering into the frickin' road. And we don't know why. I don't know. I want you to be your two, where is this set? It doesn't say. Where do we find the most sheep? What's that? Whales?

Where's the most sheep? No, that's what we find. You see on the most whales. Yeah. Where do we find the most whales? Sheep? You have a fucking idiot. I'm trapped inside of a whale. You mean whales the country?

Yes, I'm trapped here. I'm also inside of a whale. I'm the most unlikable person here. My name's Jonah. So yeah, so where are you in Whales? So you're in Whales and you're two detectives and you're trying to solve this, not, it's not a crime, but you're just trying to solve why all these sheep are going to be. So we're bored.

You're bored. Well, you're detectives and whales. Our prerogative is self-cribes, but now we're just trying to solve sheep riddles. I'm ready. So we're just the same two people. You gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. You'll be sheep detective. You got it.

And you, there's a, so you're, what do you, like, private sheep's? Yeah. And you answer to a master. We're sheep, though. Sure. You're what? We are sheep. We're sheep. Sure. You're what? We are sheep. We are sheep. We are sheep, we're not just, okay. Okay.

All right, Detective Wolff. What? What do we got here? Well, not another murder. That's for sure. This town's so sleepy. Wouldn't it be cool? There's some action.

Huh. We keep talking about this. We're not gonna frame a person for murder just so we can do something with our lives. I'm bored, I'm bored. When I became a detective, a sheep detective, I thought, gonna be like the movie. You don't have to say sheep detective.

Where are sheep and where are detectives? Well, like, well, then, okay, then why don't I have to take it? You're not like a sheep librarian, you're just a librarian. No, I'm a sheep detective. I know that you're a sheep, I'm not saying that you're a sheep librarian. I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored. Fine, fine.

Maybe I'll just kill you, huh? Oh yeah, maybe I'll kill you. You know what you hear me from my birthday? Kill someone, have me solve it. Fine. I'll kill someone. Okay. But if you can't solve it in 24 hours, I get to pick what we're going to ludge for a

world mug for. Wolf shepherding my office now. Okay. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. All right, close the door behind you. Screech! Okay, kill that owl. Bam!

Bam! All right. Why do you think I brought you two in here? It gives me sheep. Because it was the best damn detectives you've got. Because you're the best damn detectives I've got. And I'm not just talking sheep detectives, I'm talking all detectives. Well sure. Are you gonna put us on a person murder?

Oh what? A person murder. A person murder. I'll put you on a poison murder when you solve the sheep murder That's how I heard the two of you were saying I'm gonna kill you You of course being spelled E W E which of course is another name for some type of sheep. Uh-huh. Yeah I don't know where I'm going with this, but someone by the way got real mad at us in a review for not knowing enough about sheep Really? Yeah, they specifically called that how we didn't know what a you was

They thought it was a real bonus what we are Broadway show over you. Oh, it was a re you Britain about us felt like sheep spell like she we're gonna solve this case You can't pull the wool over my eyes Sheep, huh boo. Oh, I mean it. Bye Yeah, that sucks. We're gonna solve this or you can have my badge, my gun in my wool. You two singing Kid Rock? Oh God. And she. And she. I don't know what the answer is. That's the least happy I've ever been with a scene. Really? I just picked my part. Have we ever done, have we solved a single riddle this episode?

No. Well, we've only had a single riddle. Yeah. So why do we think the sheep kept coming out of this? No, the riddle was all married. That's why we're not getting it. That's why we can't get a single riddle. All those riddles are married.

Yeah, these are all married riddles. I could get a married riddle. No, you could. I could pull a married riddle. No, you couldn't. I could absuffer. No, you could. No, you could. No, you can. I could pull a married room. No, you can. I could abs for no. No, you can. You can. Shhh.

That's my goal. What if the sheep kept coming back to the root? I don't know. It's not light. Is it like a pond? Is it like they were sheep sick or some shit like that? Yeah, they were sheep sick. Was it because they're just fucking sheep and they'll follow along with whatever anyone

tells them? No, it's their lemmings. Oh, one sheep, yeah. One sheep white it's their lemmings. One sheep, yeah. One sheep what? They got herded there. One sheep pops, she doesn't stop. The wind was blowing and the wind herded them towards the road.

Shut up, shut up. No. I don't know. You know how when you have a flock of animals and you're scared the wind will take them? Oh, okay. What's the road like? Shepard at this 50 head of cattle but I got to keep it inside because the wind

might take it. Well that's true of a tornado. Somebody said something about their nothing snow because of the cars. Yeah. That's partially true because constant motion would keep the snow from accumulating too much, but there's still snow there salt. Yes They want to lick the salt. The sheep keep coming to the road because they like to eat the salt put on the road to stop it from Salt that they put on road was bad for sheep blue Salt is blue that's a math from Yeah, blown sheep. I'm blown, daba-di daba-di daba-di daba-di.

If I were sheep, I were a dai. We ready for another riddle? Oh my god, that's a great idea. Die the sheep. That way you don't have to die the wall. Oh my god. Holy shit. I love it.

You two want to do another riddle? Let's see. Oh What do you have going on? Yeah, okay. I have to pick up my dad Okay, sure he was there to get revenge. Oh, of course. Yeah, guard. Oh, wow. Okay. What do you think? I thought you and I can maybe do lunch Aaron it's the deep A woman on earth a large metal box filled with money and jewelry. For seven years, she spent none of the money and told no one what she had found. Then she suddenly bought a new house, a new car, and a fur coat.

How come? How come? So, the only, that was a short story, and then just the riddle. How come? That's actually excited. Well, when the testicles. Go ahead. I need liquid for these.

This is a murder, Riddle. So she was waiting for that person to die, the person who belonged to someone. Seven years of specific amount of time. The seven years matters. JPC is right. Seven years is a specific amount of time. Well, it'd be known. I know that you hate admitting it, but sometimes

I'm right. I'm right. Seven years, that's time. That's time. Maybe Scruff. Scruff. She got a whale's nose. Seven years is time. Scruff and Gruff was a crime dog that didn't want us to do drugs, but if you were a talking dog, you would be doing drugs every day. Scrap from a grime dog that didn't want us to do drugs, but if you were a talking dog, you would be doing drugs every day. Okay, so. Did you know that there's a baseball player called Fred McGriff and they called him the

crime dog? Really? Did they call him the crime dog? He played for the Atlanta Braves. That's pretty cool. Yeah, but his name is Fred McGriff and they called him McGriff the crime dog. Nice. Okay. Did he do crimes too?

Yeah, no, he was a baseball player for one month and the day murdered someone. He murdered somebody and never paid taxes on him. He never, yeah, there's no David Justice. Okay, so she dug up in the backyard. A large metal box full of. That's how long it takes for a body to decompose. What, digging it guarded?

What was that? How long does it take for a body to decompose fully? You think I know that? Yes. Yeah. 410 days. In three hours. How do you measure a body decomposed?

Deep, in I-Balls, in Skinsense, in Liquid Organ's. 410 days. Really hard to stretch out the hammer. and scant says and liquid organs um four hundred ten days really hard to stretch out that hammer oh the song is called 365 days i would have gone four hundred and ten days but you would four hundred ten oh my god what is the best

what is the best? what is the best? what is the best? what is the best? what's the past tense rent? Rented. For close. Rent. Rent. Rent. Uh, okay, so it's a use that was a large metal box.

While digging a garden, a woman unearthed a large metal box filled with money and jewelry. For seven years, she spent none of the money and told no one what she had found. Then she suddenly bought a new house, a new car, and a fur coat. How come? Am I getting close with any of my guesses? Your guesses were, how long does it take to make a body decomposed?

No, it does have to do with whoever belonged to, like waiting for them to be out of the way. She spent none of it. She spent none of it for seven years and told no one about it for seven years. Did she put it in like a seven year CD or something where she invested it all? Yeah, she was financially,

she was physically responsible. Okay, that's a really good idea then. It was like, she would still have to declare where she got that money though, or else the federal old uncle Sam, Brock Pusino Bama, would start asking questions. That's like that Stephen King prison movie,

Shasheng Redem, she. She's talking about Shasheng Redem, she. Shasheng Redem, she's telling me to see you. We need just past tense movies. Yeah, that's the way. The next Broadway shows, please tweet us past tense versions. Has this been done? No, no, I don't know. I've never heard of it past tense versions. Has this been done? No, no, I don't know.

I've never heard of it. But on Twitter has it been done? I've never heard of Star Wars. We need the past tense version of any movie TV show or book or play. Hashtag, what? Hashtag. Passed to the future?

No. Hashtag. Passed to the past. Hashtag deep-outing. Hashtag stamped. Hashtag stamped. Yes. Hashtag stamped. Cool. hashtag passed to the patch hashtag deep hashtag stamped hashtag stamped yes hashtag stamped Cool. Um, okay, can you give us a hint? What's the box important was the metal was the large

jewelry? Did you wear the jewelry? Why was jewelry? It's nothing about the jewelry except she didn't spend the money. But that's not part of it. It's not part of it. The jewelry. She spent the jewelry. She spent the jewelry. That's how I walked around. Was what she bought the house and the car and everything with? Was the money what she bought that stuff with? Yes.

Okay. So she was spending the money on that thing. So she found this? Oh, I know. Do you? Yeah, I think so. What is it? Is it one of these ones where she waited for her husband to die before she spent it all?

No. Oh, fuck. It's always the other side of it. So what is it is it one of these ones where she waited for her husband to die before she spent it all no Fuck It's always the other side of it. Let's see a quick scene Aaron you are you found a Trove of jewels and and money JPCs your husband and you're waiting for him to die so that you can Have fun with it. How are you feeling today? Good, I just fought another gentleman in the yard, dual to the death. 52 now, 52 weeks, haven't been killed yet in these duels.

Really? And these truly do make you super horny. They make that deal. But it's, but not horny enough yet to have sex. Like, you know when you're horny, but you're still like not quite there Like a little tired It's a mystery to me. No, what might set me just right over the edge make me so horny. Yes, you know what might make me so

Hornie could you drink this? Okay, what is this? Let's see poison I Feel like that would make me horny. Are you know what? Juggle nabs. Oh, I would take my nadi off for a nap. Ooh, the nadi. And then there's only three more layers. Exactly.

So I could see better human flesh. Well, bottoms up I'll drink some of this poison. Oh, you're gonna do it. Oh, so be lizard poison. I love a good soby. So be yourself. Ooh. Oh, okay. So be lizard poison. I love a good so be so be yourself Okay, how you feeling? What's that? How are you feeling? Well, I'm still horny. I've been horny for 52 weeks

All right horny as the day I was born well not that day But it was but are you feeling how's your stomach? Is Oh, I could use a sandwich. Is that an offer? No. Okay. Alright. Okay. You want me to do this? Alright, you know what you should do.

Take a little nap in the fireplace. Oh, okay. Should I not use my pet upstairs? No, it's warm. It's warm in the fireplace. But it's a lit fire. Well, yeah. Okay.

Take a little nap in there. Alright, I'll just just I have a question Why are you so dumb? Huh? What why are you so dumb? What makes you think I'm dumb dear? I know every day you send me out to duel that you want me to die You fed me poison and you want me to sleep in the fireplace. I'm not dumb. I just love my wife and I'll do anything for you And if that makes me dumb then I guess I'm the dumbest man alive, but not for very long. And I'll go sleep in the fireplace. Now I feel bad.

Don't. If my being dead makes you happy, then I want you to be happy. You know it doesn't make me? When I'm a ghost. Morning, what? I'm sorry? What was that? You're not horny. No, I'm seen

Oh, I thought of a good one past tense book the stand would be the stud Oh, yeah, no, I checked out I'm thinking of funny things Stephen King books Do we have any thoughts on this I don't know I, I'm sorry. The metal is part of it. And it was only money in jewels. She had to wait for the box. Was it confederate money? Was there something with the currency?

Wait, hold up. It had to do with the box. What do you mean? Like the box that she found it in. Yeah. It had to do with that. Maybe. So maybe it descended like something, the box had to open, it had, she couldn't get in the box.

Could she get in the box? No. She didn't get the code until seven years later. It disintegrated. The box didn't have a code. Disintegrated. Did the box open after seven years? No.

So it wasn't like a time capsule or something like that. If it opened after seven years, she wouldn't have known that it was full of money. So she did open it when she first got that. It was blasted out of bomb. It was blasted out of bomb. Money and jewels. Could she have taken the money and jewels out when she first opened the box?

Yes, and we'll say that she did. She just didn't spend it. She just didn't spend it. She told nobody about it. Think about what's at play here. So a box full of jewels and money. Where do we know this? Where do we...

Pirates. Yeah, there you go. Now follow up that thread. Treasure chest. Pull on that thread. Pull on that thread. Seven years. No, Erin, you're undoing my shirt.

Pull on the thread of the thread. Well, there's a thread on there. Okay. Well now there's just a bunch of threads. You shouldn't leave loose threads. You're sure to, if you know what people to pull them. Okay, so it's a treasure chest. She has to wait till she's safe.

So pirates treasure chest, where would you find a treasure chest? On an island. On an island. Okay, so I'll up with that. Stuck in the island for seven years. Yep. Oh, she got rescued.

So she was shabbered. She was shipwrecked on an island. She found buried treasure. She couldn't do anything with it. Couldn't tell anybody anybody about it and she kind of made a home in a garden And then eventually she was rescued and when she got back to land she spent her money. Oh, it did she's sticking in her garden Right you telling me that we could have been doing pirate voices for the last several minutes and you Fucking idiot. Are you telling me we could have been pirates? Let's see you see in words.

In your pirates? Okay. I don't want to. Yeah, actually, no, I'm good. Mother of God. I want to see you see, Adel, where you're a pirate and you're like really leaning into like the cartoonish pirates. And you're just trying to get your whole crew on board

to be like a classical pirate. And what part of your pirate crew? You're welcome aboard, McCru. Wow, swap the decks, grab your parents, put your eye patches on. Oh, we're gonna sail the salty seas, Y'all. Wouldn't putting these eye patches on to increase the visibility on the sea.

Y'all, no, Y'all, Y'all. Short answer, Y'all, Long answer, y'all. I'm a sniper. So I just feel like this would really wreck my specific fuck. Right, and you know, you have a kind of food, and if we're like having a parrot with us, like, is that like another mouth we need to feed. Cool, yeah.

Let me answer one question at the time. Not really a question, just kind of a general comment. Yeah, like a comment suggestion. Yeah, maybe a suggestion box would be a good thing. Let me ask you a question. Yeah. Why do you think a pirate hired a sniper? Oh I'm just a sniper for hire. I would never question why it was hired and I'm assuming to snipe. To snipe? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yarr. Okay. Why would a pirate hire whatever you do? A cook? A cook? Why would a pirate hire a cook? To cook?

Yeah. I want to open up a restaurant on my boat called Luigi. It's just a thing of like, I hired you to snipe and cook, not talk. type of thing. Yeah. You know what my favorite food is? Chicken. Pure vision.

Not tar tar? I should have said tar tar Do you know what my favorite food is? Oh here we go what? Tar tar what hold on hold on are you applying that we're cutting that part out where you didn't come up with tar tar I just want to live in a row. chicken, par, magon didn't exist. It's too late. Look, look. We want to be on this crew, okay? Oh, what other food do you like?

Oh, what does that look like? That's a deep vein. I like potato. What's your favorite fast food? Arbise. And lung on chillers. Hi. And beef. Fast food. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr auditioning for a pirate called Wallen Wallen Wilda. What? Evil Alan Alda. It's even on Alda. And this is just going to be short.

I just want to see Alan Alda play pirate, but I thought it'd be fun to have a lay on that it's evil Alan Alda. It's evil Alan Alda. Called Wallen Wilda. Gotcha. All right, let me see if I can do my, okay, we're into it. All right. Now there's, if there's one thing I like, it's booty.

And on this ship, we're all getting as much booty as we can mash. Does everybody get what I'm talking about? I'm sorry. Please don't interrupt me when I'm in my zone. You gave me an idea. Okay. Now I want to see while in Walda.

Uh-huh. Do a character voice. How many do I have to do a character voice for the Nintendo game Super Mash Brothers? Wait, what's the one that's the... That's right. Super Smash Brothers. Yeah, but Super Mash Brothers. And I'm doing a character voice.

It's Nintendo characters, but they're all in the Korean War. And they, oh. And this is a scene you wanna see? Yeah. War is hell. So pick up that big hammer and smash that toe creature with it. And that's a space man. And, oh boy, just a bunch of Japanese characters there.

Oh, okay. Somebody stitched this guy up. He's bleeding. His organs have ruptured. I have a feeling. You know what I found out recently? Is that on mash? I never watched mash.

I never watched mash. I never watched mash. But there's a part in the show where Alan Alda kills a baby But he's like I killed a chicken and then when pressed further He's like I killed a baby the chicken was actually a baby What Alan Alda on the show killed on he was on a bus and he killed He was like I made this woman shut her chicken up because I was making too much noise and in the then she ended up killing the chicken He got smothered but really it was a baby.

In mash, Alan, all that kills a baby. I'm gonna look it up. From everything I know about mash, I had a comedy. It was like a dark, dark comedy, because it was about the Korean War, which was not a cool war. It wasn't like a fun punch hitler war.

I guess that's... A fun punch hitler war. Yeah, World War II was the most fun war. Like in Cheers, when Woody eats that kid. Is that woman? Yeah, he eats that woman's kid. He rips that woman's kid. She comes into the bar and she's like, can kids come into this bar and Woody eats that

kid so fast? Yeah, yeah. Two and a half minutes about that, amputating in the man's legs off. Jesus. I would watch that. Um. My friends is about just murdering a bunch of Quakers. It's in the last episode. What?

After more questioning, Hawkeye remembers telling their refugee to make the children, the chicken be quiet. And then the woman that the woman killed the chicken. Was the baby's name. So the woman killed the chick. Yes, but it was the babe. But she made, he made a woman kill her own baby. Wow. If you tell hold up, that's what they call him Hawkeye. her own baby. Wow. If you tell hold up, that's what they call him Hawkeye. If you tell somebody to quiet their kids down and then the parent kills the kid, you didn't murder them. That's true. It was a repressed memory. Oh, and there were refugees. Yeah. I remember telling a parent at Chuck E. Cheese, because I was there supervising.

I was a shift supervisor. I said, you better shut that kid up and the parent shut them up in an attic for four or five years. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And that was on me. I felt bad about that, but that was on me. Anyway, sorry to share that, that's disturbing. Is that why you were in that shirt?

Is you worked at Chuck E. Cheese? Yeah. Yeah, Chuck E. Cheese, more like, fuck me, please. No, ha! that shirt because you worked it. Jockey cheese. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So go to teepubbook.com slash hey, Red or Red and pick up a fuck me please. Jockey cheese more like fuck me please shirt. We will have them up as long as we are not being sued once we get a lawsuit we will

cease and we will double down. We will double down. Here we go. We got another riddle. This one says, another riddle, a mother told her six year old daughter that her pet dog had been hit by a car and killed. The little girl burst into tears.

Have no Jesus. She turned into tears. First into tears. Half an hour later, the mother said the dog was quite well and then it was all a mistake. Why she do that? She said that the dog had been hit by a car. She told her daughter, she told her six year old daughter

that her pet dog had been hit by a car and killed. The little girl burst into flames, burst into tears. Half an hour later, the mother said the dog was quite well and that it was all a mistake. Why she do that? She was wrong. She wanted to make sure her daughter could cry. Yeah, this is a psychopath test. Why?

Because the daughter wasn't listening to her. The daughter needed to cry because she ingested poison through the tear ducts and the only way to drink some lemonade. Yeah. Yeah. She had to flush out the poison. Well, she had to cry. She was trying to make her daughter cry. That was the goal that mom was trying to make her daughter cry. That was the goal. The mom was trying to make the daughter cry. Yeah. For attention, to get out of something. She went, okay, we're in order to get out of this thing,

I gotta make you cry. But I'm not, you're not a good enough actress. You're not a good enough actress. You're not a good enough actress. You have to actually pull from real. Oh, yeah. It was to audition for ET. Yeah.

That little boy, you've seen that audition, the little boy's audition for ET. It, yeah, that little boy, you've seen that audition, the little boy's audition for ET. It is insane. He's good. Yeah, YouTube search. Yeah, he's amazing. He's amazing.

What's the, what does he say at the end of, no, at the very end of the audition, whoever's running it says something like, yeah, that's it or something like that. Anyway, who says, yeah, that's it. The kid's got it. That's the ticket, baby. Yeah, he says that's's it? The kids got it. That's the ticket baby. Yeah he says that's the ticket baby.

GPC what's the what's the past tense of ET? Uh, Brutto. E2? E2? E2 Brutus? E2 Brutus? Uh, F. But go on YouTube.

FU. Yeah, because it's right. What are you doing? It's right. She won't be a root. E comes right after F and then before you come right after two. That's make sense. KJ. No, you don't have to fight for it. We agree with you. Oh, what are the things that's going on? I thought because it's f you is because e comes

right after f or f comes right after e and then you comes right after t. No, we got it. What if it's an e-t phone home? He said it. F you. E- you you you you you you But go to YouTube and search that kids Elliott's audition. Oh, yeah, and it is because the kids starts to cry Oh, he's not like the old time. Yeah, Steven Spielberg at the very end says like he does say like he says that's the sizzle And here's the steak and he hints like it 10,000 To go buy him some steak and then that guy grew up and he's in House on Haunted Hill. And he's fine. Yeah, he's fine. He's not that bad. He's fine.

What happened? Why is he bad at acting? Because he was only meant to act as a kid. So in House on Haunted Hill, he acts like he's seven years old. You were only meant to act as a kid. Okay, so she needed to get her daughter to cry for some reason. Yeah, but we got it.

I mean, we basically got it. Okay. She did auditioning. Yeah. For a commercial, for oval teen and stuff. So this is apparently based on a real story. Oh, wow. The story reportedly concerns a youthful Shirley Temple. Her mother told her the lie that her pet dog had been killed in order to induce real sadness

and tears for a movie scene, which is about to be filmed. Oh, my God. Oh, there's a post script here. It says that when she said her dog was killed, it was actually a baby. Oh yeah, of course. It was her press memory. I was at Alan Alda telling Shirley Temple. That's crazy.

Your dog's been killed. That's ultimate stage of unterrifying. And it was for a whole thing. I mean, what year was that with Shirley Temple? That must have been 2015. Animal crackers in my soup. One of the animals is my dog. My dog is dead.

It's animal soup. My dog is in my animal soup. KJ, are you slight that? Put it at the beginning of every poem. Ha ha ha ha. That's the new intro to porn. Everyone's like, oh, I'm not horny anymore. Welcome to Intro to porn.

This semester. Put down your genitalia. Pick up your pen. Put them up your pants. Pick up your pen. Liza. I would take that class from you. Intro to porn.

GPC, you guys think to buttplug? What do I want to buttplug? Just a couple of fingers up in there. No, I would like to plug my Twitter. You can find me at JP SoFly. You can also find me on Instagram at SharkBarkman. Well, you will see pictures of spaghetti, not the food, my dear boy. You can follow me on Twitter at add-up bye-bye. It's spelled like it sounds.

Apple, bye-bye. That's the parody account that you run of the David Spade character from the S&L sketch where people are deborning a plot. Gotcha. Bye-bye. Ruffie. You can check out other episodes of Hey Riddle Rittle that, oh, that's the first time we've ever plugged that. That are on iTunes or wherever you find your podcasts. You can check out Siblings Peckylar, Hello for the Magic Tavern, and I not only want people to tweet hashtag stamped with past tense pop cultureisms, but also I want people to make any celebrity into an into an evil Nintendo character. Yeah. By adding a WA in front of

their name. Or just I would love fan art of the evil version of all three of us. We make Waddle, way P. still there. It's just way P week. Way P week. Way P week. But I want people to tweet, to tweet, or on Instagram, to add a WA to anyone. And what hashtag should they use? Willans?

Like villains? Yeah, villains of the V willens. Yeah, but it should be, but it's just W-O-I, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I want to, but don't tweet Willenium too many people use the hashtag willenium, which is the best Will Smith apple. I want to plug the Hey Riddle Riddle Instagram and Twitter. Find this at Hey Riddle Riddle. Follow me on my Instagram, Erin, keep 10 and message me if you ever want any free tickets

to any of the shows I'm in. Ooh. I'm giving those out like candy. What if we do a Hey Riddle Riddle tour and then everyone just messes you to use for free tickets? Well don't anything except we riddle Riddle shows. Yeah, every other show happens, Erin.

You fucked up, fuck us. You're welcome. Sorry, and goodbye forever. Oh God, well, I guess I'm moving to... Jupiter! Okay. It's been a hey, real, real, real. Created by Apple for five.

Sorry, Erin G. And John Patrick Collins. Papers, Niders, and the Enid. Now, are you, Erin? Let me explain. Papers, Niders, and the enemy. Power and appearance in the music video. Local created by M.O.B. Cargamus and M.O.N. the Boris. The�2B4. Hey, Ritz, O'Ritz, Yom. That was a HitGum podcast.