Hey Riddle Riddle - #271: BudWizArd w/ Seth Morris

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

We've got Seth Morris as a guest so we're asking the big questions like 'which came first the chicken or the egg?' and 'name one person alive in 1865'.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest:Seth MorrisEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum podcast. I'm ready to run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, Aaron, you look so professional today. Is this sort of serious situation? I decided that we're all going to be healthy. Huh? I don't think I've seen any of us eat any vitamin C or fruit for the last three years. I made everyone smoothies, so we won't get scurvy. I'm literally poaching a Cadbury egg right now. Can we punt on this? And I just drank a big glass of graduation. Okay.

No, I think that we should take control of our health. I made you guys smoothies. Let's drink the smoothies. Whoa, Aaron's doing the splits while drinking your smoothie. Aaron, you really are healthy. I know, I'm healthy now. JBC. Mine's not poison. I don't want it. Okay.

Oh, wait, here comes the train. Choo, choo, you're coming. Damn, fucking the train. Chew, chew, you're gonna be good. Damn, fucking got train. Yeah, I don't think you're gonna get this. Yeah, you know what, forget it, I give up. Let's go back to our old ways, throw smoothies in the trash, throw trash outside.

All right, what are you guys gonna do instead? Let's put the shirt, not in that order. Aaron, why don't we just, I don't know, why don't we sit on the fucking couch, turn on the boob tube, and record an episode while watching TV. That's good. Just like a nice comfy episode. You know, like rip, like a rip pair of jeans you wear in gym class.

We don't want to change. In episode of TV, in the background of this entire episode, you can absolutely fucking unlistedable. You can pick whatever one you want though, Kasey. Well, it's beginning of the show usually being unlistenable. Today's an exception, because we have a guest.

We have a guest on the show. Uh, everyone liked that segue. Well, good guess. We should say a good, good. I'm sorry, it's a good guest, yes. We should clarify. You might know him for Brot City. You might know him from VEEP.

Uh, you might know him. What might, maybe my favorite podcast, podcast character of all time, Bob Duka, Mr. Seth Morris. Thank you so much for being here. It's a lot of responsibility to make me make it listenable. Yeah. Sorry. The best I can, but yes, not bad.

Seth, thank you so much for being on. We do ask all of our guests, good and bad. What is your relationship with riddles? Do you like them? Do you like escape rooms, crosswords? What do you think? What do you got? That's funny.

Okay, so I like crosswords. I'm a pretty good Monday, Tuesday, maybe Wednesday, New York Times, Crossword, Puzzle, Person. After that, it's too much. But I really like, I want to get good at crosswords. But I do, I really like, I wanna get good at crosswords. To the point where I'm like, there must be a class or a book or something to, I like learning the tricks.

I went to my first escape room last weekend. Whoa, good timing. And my wife and I went, she'd been to one other one before and it was so fucking hard. It was like, I sort of knew what to expect, but I sort of did like they, they, they just threw you right into it, you know, and this theme was some sort of post apocalyptic thing and there was this really sweet guy had a theater nerd guy who was in character the whole time as like a, you know, he kept going survivors, survivors. We've got to find them out.

And it took me a while to realize we were looking for a map, but I didn't realize that was the ultimate goal. I thought, okay, that's, there's a map involved in some of this. And we were so bad at it. We're so bad. And he just kept, he just kept going survivors. Those numbers must mean something. And we're like, yeah, we know what the fuck.

Who doesn't mean? And would you shut up? I'm trying to escape. Yeah, stop pointing to the fight. It was just us. It was just us. Yeah. And now that I've done it, I've realized like, oh, okay,

I sort of see how this work. But I had no, at what point it got to, there was these little blitz on a screen. And he goes, could that be Morris code? And we're like, Morris code. I love what? And he ended up being fun because we were so bad at it. But at different points, my wife and I both were kind of like, well, this is fucking

that I can't do. And then the guy was very sweet afterwards. It was like, you guys didn't do nearly as bad as you thought. We finished. I think he kind of helped us finish. But it was, I could see if there was one that was like, doubt kind of a baby one, baby step before this, I could see kind of getting into it.

And then as far as Roodles, I don't know. It's Roodles is one of those things I'd never think about really until they come up and, you know, I can't even remember the last, what it makes me think of is those things when you're a kid and like, you know, he's in a round room and he sneezed in the corner. How could this be, whatever it is?

His mom was the doctor, whatever that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah So, so I don't have a super strong relationship with riddles, but I do kind of like, you know, I kind of like some sort of thought experiment stuff. That's, that's the correct answer. I mean, I, I think we all hate riddles here. I think we're back to hating riddles. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Yeah. I have to ask, because I'm fascinated by your escape room experience. Did you intentionally, were you like looking for like a date night thing and you're like, oh, let's give this a try? Or had you heard about this and you were like, we want to do it just the two of us. I, we're looking for a date night thing. And I was, well, I originally surprised her.

And I said, let's, you know, we're gonna go in the state and I'm gonna do a surprise. And she's really smart and likes card games and that kind of thing. And I thought, oh, she might be good at this, because, you know, we can kind of, it's not, I don't know, we try to figure out you've got it on TV or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. And I showed up, we showed up to the wrong night. I was like a week early, the first test. That's the first test. The first test of the escape room is going to be. Just getting there on the right day and time. Having mental prowess too. And so then we were like, okay, well, we got two weeks in a row.

We got a day and night. And then she was kind of nervous. She's like, I don't, we got two weeks in a row. We got a date night. And then she was kind of nervous. She's like, I don't, she was really nervous about the actor part. Yeah. It's gonna be so uncomfortable. What if they, and you know, everybody was fine. It, you know, so, and I just, I thought it was like, it was kind of out of left field for us.

So I thought it would be a fun little thing to shake things up. She doesn't know this, but the next date night I wanna do is I heard about this, there's a root, a place in downtown LA that's like a rage cage, like a root, a place where you can go and just smash it. Oh, whoa. Okay, that sounds awesome.

So that's gonna be the next surprise. Is it just a craton barrel downtown? Yeah. Hold it in that bath and be honest. It's just the right bank drop. Yeah. So yeah, it's somewhere downtown. Who knows?

I mean, you just, you just, that sounds like an awesome experience. And it sounds like an experience that I would absolutely want to be like make sure I'm wearing the right shoes for. Yeah, I can like wear some like fuck around saddles and be like I can. Chop and foot plop. Yeah, yeah, I'm like pushy like a desk over on its side. I'm like this is the most I can do. Well, she wants to know what do I should I wear for these surprise dates and this one I'm gonna like dress super casual and bring some boots for certain parts. Cover your ankles. and bring some boots for certain parts. Cover your ankles.

Yeah. My Crocs are bleeding. Oh, that's my. Yeah. Well Seth, we'll go ahead and get into some riddles for you. These are, I guess, for the most part, what we do is like lateral thinking problems, which is pretty much what you described when you said,

there's a round room in a boy's sneezes in the corner, which I'm dying to, the answer for that one. Yeah, can't wait to find out that. At some point, we must. So, um, riddles are frustrating, riddles are bad. So, let's get into them, we'll always know more time. And we'll try and solve the first one. These will be some sort of, we'll call them

warm-up riddles, but there are, that's, doesn't mean they're easy. In what month do Americans drink the least amount of beer? In what month do Americans drink the least amount of beer? No, them beer. Aaron's going for a pun here and that for a warm-up riddle could be very likely. Well, it's got to be something like that, right? They're not looking for the real answer. Are they? It's not just a quid. It's a riddle. Yeah, I think this might be the real answer, but there's I don't know if there's anything. Okay, no ring, but just my sense.

My sense. My sense. Yeah, my got also just so February because it's the shortest month. It is. Or fat beer, where it has the least of the number. Oh, that's a good one. Okay.

But honestly, yeah, I think that that makes sense, but Aaron's what Aaron said makes more sense because I do think a lot of people do like a dry January right like that's a thing. I thought it was a sex thing No Well, I owe Gemma an apology. I think I think I like the I think the February one I feel like it's some sort of smart ass answer like that of like there she or day so they're drinking So you get riddles it's some smart ass at his typewriter. Yeah.

And then you can actually, that's a riddle. Yes, they're just smug questions. Yeah. Here's the next one. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Obviously a question is all this time, but this, this is the one that there's no right answer to right? Well, this book, big chicken,

that's the first because it's in the dictionary. It comes before. Wow. That's really good. Aaron, 100% that is correct. That's not the answer I have here. So unfortunately, fuck you.

That's right. That is. I rule. That was good. That's not the answer I have here. So unfortunately, fuck you. I roll. That was good. Whatever. Here is egg in its no explanation. Sorry. I would, I would scream. Huh. So this one's a little frustrating. I'll go ahead and give the answer and the reasoning here. It does say the answer is the egg because dinosaurs were laying eggs millions of years before the first chicken evolved. Ew, ew.

But chickens are dinosaurs. They're just in it from the dinosaur. The noble dinosaur. Shh. Oh, I'm going to say interesting. I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you're going to be a dinosaur. You are obviously some sort of large-scale monster.

Seth, we're going to have you be a chicken, like a modern day chicken, and Aaron, you're just kind of confused as to what you're missing or what's going on that you have not gotten this smaller feathery. Hey, little guy. Actually, this is party's dinosaurs only. Oh, yeah. I'm only only gonna be here for a second. I'm from the future. I heard a few Southeast wraparound sunglasses.

But I'm from the future, I'll make this quick because I don't wanna disturb things too much. There's this fucking, I'm really dumb, riddle in the future about what came first, the chicken or the egg. And, um, I'm just wondering if you guys could, um, I don't have any money, man. I don't have any money I can give you. No, no, no, no, no, I'm not asking for it. You, wait, you know what money is? Yeah, dinosaurs. How do you think you buy and sell good? Oh, shit. Oh, I didn't realize you had an apron or you were like a merchant dinosaur

Yeah, what do you think that we are all just running around eating each other in a completely uncivilized way? Yeah, what I did I need to check my bias. I actually that's wow Well the point I said I'm I mean do you guys do you think you could just do me a solid because we are related? No hide all of your eggs, like your eggs. Not kill your babies, but your eggs, your eggshells, because I want to just sort of settle it. It's an annoying thing for chickens in the future. And another one, which you're not,

maybe you're not gonna appreciate is, why did the chicken, why did we cross the road? That's why. Nobody, it's just to get to the other side. It's just like why would you cross it because you wanted to. We're related. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at my, look at my legs. Through marriage or?

No, no, no, no. You guys are gonna, you're all gonna die. What? Yeah, we see, we see the years on the side of his sunglasses start to tick for it. And suddenly he's in 1865. Oh, wait, are you? Are you Ben Franklin? No, no, no, you're not playing Franklin.

Sorry. You're dead. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's dead. He's dead. He's dead. Sorry. Who was alive in 1865? Eli Whitney. I don't know. I'll then move five dollars to anybody who can name someone who's alive in 1865. Chess and James. No. Doc Halliday. I'm going to say I'm going to say Andrew Jackson. Wow. No. Fuck. Right? I'm gonna say Andrew Jackson. Wow fuck right? We're bad 1865 yeah, because Lincoln was dead by 1865 right? Oh

I say Jane Austen let's see That's all the Wild West folks Andrew Johnson. Oh shit. I met Andrew Johnson because is Andrew Johnson the president after Lincoln? Yeah. Yeah. That got me to be more memorable. Sorry, dude. I mean, yeah. That's a tough, tough act to follow.

He looks very stern. He looks very sad. Andrew Johnson. I feel like all those guys were super depressed back in the day. Yeah. Very hawkish, back in the day. Yeah. Very hawkish features. Yeah. Those gentlemen.

Seth, this isn't a riddle, but do you have a favorite president? God. Yeah, amen. Number one. Yeah. A big name. I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, I think of like Lincoln and I thought Obama was pretty great. I don't know. I did a report on a willing McKinley when I was a kid. And he was kind of a dut, he was kind of an asshole in retrospect. I realized like, oh, he, because he, I think he, he really pushed Manifest Destiny

and kind of pushed expanding the American empire into, I think it was the Philippines and stuff like that. Did this as a kid? I didn't know what I realized later. You know, as a kid, you're just sort of like, oh, all presidents are good. There's no way they could be bad. I don't, I don't know what that I do have a favorite. I do. I do have an answer for this question. And it's my favorite president. They're all bad. But Warren G. Harding was like the horneist president we've ever had in the big one, the big giant guy. No, that's tough. That's tough. Warren Harding was, I think he was like in the 20s, but he would write like pornographic love letters

to the people he was having like affairs with in the White House. I think he even may have had a fair with like an underage person too. I mean, this is the, this is what he's president. Yeah, it's not fun. It's not fun. But if you ever have a chance to read some of his like

published, I don't know where they're published, I'm assuming they're published letters that Warren G. Harding wrote. They're like, disgusting. I don't want my president to be horny. I know. At all. Yeah. We shouldn't have a horny president. But I think those guys are such megalomaniacs that I think they all are. Like when Clinton got people were so disgusted that he had sex in the Oval Office in the White House, I think he knew a lot about presidential history and was probably like, you know how many people have fought in this room?

Like, it's what we do. He looked behind him and he was like, me? Look at all these guys behind me. They were all fucking like crazy back then. Yeah, yeah. This is, you're not gonna like this horny little fact, but I think it was Lyndon B. Johnson. His nickname for his penis was jumbo and he would he would call there's recordings of him

calling his tailor to let out his pants in the crotch. No, it's pretty disgusting. You find those recordings. I think we should just burn this whole country down. I think it's better. I think you had another thing Lyndon Johnson did is he had special He had them redo the shower in the The residents to basically shoot water up his ass so he clean his ass A day in the shower The day there's not enough So to clean the white To make it feel actually clean again

Yeah, you're the president after Johnson and you you're the first one to take a shower the resident You're like what the fuck? Did you know the White House is like it's it's Not I will say barely usable, but it's so old that There's very distant talk of like moving it because it's that's they're trying to do so much in this ancient Yeah, that makes things keep breaking down and shutting down and it really doesn't quite make sense to try to run the most powerful Nation of the world from this Hundreds of year old building that's really not that big, you know

Well, if they didn't put it somewhere else in DC. what's your pitch for the new capital? Where does it go? I actually just I read this book about it's like a climate climate fiction about the future and they end up putting the White House in you know, Ohio in Cleveland because it's far enough away from the coasts that it's not going to get flooded. And in terms of natural disasters, it's like, it's safer and there's a water supply there. Let me guess the author is from Cleveland.

He's from Ohio. He's from Ohio. He's from Ohio. He's from Ohio. I knew it. You're carrying. Yeah, it's you carry. Yeah.

I think the new White House should be the Yellowstone Ranch. We're going to go into another riddle here. What orchestral device is not blown, bowed, plucked, or struck? The baton. Oh, yeah. This is his, yes, Aaron, the baton. Is that what it's called?

That's a baton. Is that what the conductor has? Yeah, what did you think it was a wand? I thought it was a wand. Wow. Am I crazy? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Wads are what the conductor has? Yeah, what did you think it was a wand? I thought it was a wand. Am I crazy? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Wands are what wizards have. I guess I'll go back to eating my shoes. Well, hold on. Now we have to see, GBC, I gotta say this in a normal voice, you're a wizard. And you're conducting a Seth and Aaron and myself. Okay, let's get this right this time. And one and two and a, I'm a frog.

You're gonna say, it's gonna say the same thing. We're all frogs. Hey, buddy. Yes. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. Can you, please? Can you just use the old conductors baton and not

Your wand yeah, I could if I didn't want to turn all three of you in the frogs cuz I'm trying to recreate the Budweiser commercial It would suck if I had three humans doing a Budweiser wizard Look don't give me shit. It's hard out here for people like me. Okay. It's hard for you. Oh First of all, you know, oh You know, I'll write bass. Oh, bow player. I can't play wedding. So this is like this is my if I'm lucky to get this job Fine. Yeah, you are you guys hunted for your peltz. Are you are you? Peltz. Are you? Are you?

I know, but I mean, come on. Are you just speculating here? Geez, okay, are you, are you, do you live in mud like a turtle? I mean, all right, let's stop guessing. Let's stop guessing. If guessing is just gonna hurt people when they have to give answers that they don't like to hear. And you know what, fine, if you guys want me to transport you back to your boring life as you know doing Concert music or whatever I can sound like we're the problem. Yes. We want you to transport us back to our life

Oh, so I'm a kidnapper now. I'm some kid never You're wearing a Budweiser pin you turned us into frogs your real asshole man. Just come on Which is back the worst part is this is on spec You're a real asshole man. Just come on Which is back the worst part is this is on spec Are you sure but was it won't return my calls? I just think that if we could do this they would really like it, you know You guys think it's a good idea though, right? Like okay aside from the fact that I could deput you I took you from your concert you like the idea though, right? This is sad. Can you see idea that you're I don't quite get it that you're a Wizard that Dia though, right? This is sad. Can you see the idea that you're, I don't quite get it, that you're a wizard that, I just try to get free beer.

Man, I don't know if the prices of beer just keep going up and up and up. I don't wanna, I don't wanna pour salt on the wound, but I think the newest campaign, and this was probably five years ago, was like, dilly, dilly. Does that make sense? What?

What does that mean, dilly, dilly? Nobody knows, but it was like a thing? I think. What does that mean, Dilly, Dilly? Nobody knows, but it was like a thing, maybe like five or six years ago, so they're past the frog. It's five or six years ago, so what, they were doing that in what like 89? Yeah, yeah, 89. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Was Budweiser the ones who did the twins one? That was... And twins.

And twins. That was like, Mika Loeb or something. I'm okay. I could not have been Mika Loeb. It sure was not Mika Loeb. Mika Loeb. Uh... I love... Brito's at 3am and twins. You know what?

That's the shitty part about that commercial is that... I don't know what beer it was for. I know it was for a beer. Core's light. Wow. And no, not a beer. I don't remember that beer it was for. I know it was for a beer. Corsair light. Wow. And no, not a bad one. I don't remember that at all. And twins.

That was, I think that, when did those air errands, you know, was that in the 2000s? Yeah. That must have been like, really? I thought that was like mid 90s. Mid 90s? I don't know.

Maybe it was, maybe it was. I don't know. It was basically a song, uh, is, target demographic was just like. It was maybe it was maybe it was I don't know it was basically a song It was Target demographic was just like to like the most basic sort of albundi Tim Allen home and prevent man So it was like this song that was like I love Chopin down wood hanging with my bros and then they'd say and twins and show like two super busty blondes

Who are twins and then they describe something else, like working on my cars, drinking in bars and twins. So they just kept obviously dancing around the twins over and over. And imprinted on my memory. Yeah, it was like a horny doublement gum ad. Yeah. Yeah.

You're saying the doublement gum ads weren't horny? It was a more horny double the gum ad. Yeah, honestly, the Klondike bar commercials are probably the hornest. Clem Walton's father is older than his grandfather. How is this possible? His what say it again? His father.

Clem Walton's father is older than his grandfather. How is this possible? Oh no. Oh, is it like a grandfather by marriage? Is this like an adopted grandfather? Is it a clock? I can't wait to hear more about, hold on, wait, Aaron, no, hold on.

This is an embarrassment of riches. I'm going through a tunnel. I'm going through a tunnel. No, no. Shh. I'm going through a tunnel. No. No. Shh.

Um. Uh. His father is older than his grandfather. Clem Walton's father is older than his grandfather. Oh, because it's not his eternal grandfather. Sorry. Ding, ding, ding. Seth.

Dang. You little baby genius. One father is older than Clem's maternal grandfather. Wow. Get me into his escape room immediately so I can redeem myself. I like you, Dean. I like you, Dean. Adal, you are being picked up from school,

but your dad is much, much older than the other dads, played by Seth. And you're kind of embarrassed about how old your dad is. Stage coach. Happy board, kiddo. Alright, do I have to pick up the shotgun or can I just say the word? Eh, no, you gotta pick up the shotgun because we've got some valuables here. Dad, I just don't...

Hey, I'm sorry, are you checking... Be cool, dad, be careful. Stick him up! Oh God. Oh Lord I'm I'm Glenn. I'm I'm just checking everyone out of school. I'm assuming your addles great Great great dad. He's a great dad world's best great great father. Oh Okay, mr. Bumblebee's in work in order. That's a tattoo!

You know what? I don't need... No, I just... Can you just sign my clipboard? Just sign here and you can check Adel out. We just have to... You know, say, first. I'll just have to leave my mark. I didn't get much book learning.

Mr. Bumblebee, Mr. Bumblebee. Yeah. I apologize. My dad... Have you ever seen an seno man? My dad was sort of frozen in time, but he aged, I guess that's not frozen in time. He was kind of in amber, but he aged.

He already had a kid. It's a whole. Let's go. What? We got to get this gold to the Wells Fargo and Kansas City by Tuesday. Yes, sir. Oh, well, he's got, he'll be coming back to school tomorrow

for Tuesday, for school, for on Tuesday. I have to miss, I have to miss for eight months. We're dropping off goal then, we're driving cattle, we're driving cattle back to... Mr. Adams, dad. You're one stockboard that you're ready to, what, who is it? I just wanted to ask on behalf of all the other kids.

I'm already married sweetheart. I can't take it. No, no, my question was, are you a ghost? A ghost? Honey, I'm as real as a breeze through the prairie. I'm as solid as a buffalo's horn. So yes. No, I'm not a ghost, but I do feel removed from these times. You know, when I was unfrozen from that amber,

saved by that sexy anthropologist, my boy's mother, I was happy to be alive, but I do miss my old times. This modern world doesn't make any sense to me. I could tell, because Adel came to school with an abacus the other day instead of a calculator and we were all very confused. Yeah, these newfangled things, I- I just don't have any reference for them. You know what kid? Except for TikTok. I do like TikTok.

That's the... Mostly restaurants. I would love to come back and get into TikTok from the olden times. Yeah, for sure. It'd be fast, honestly. It'd be the first thing you're gonna be grateful for. Yeah, it'd be fascinating. Well speaking of fascinating, why don't we go ahead and I don't know,

tick talk on over to an ad? Is that, is that makes sense? Yeah, sure. That sounds so. Are you a ghost? Tick talk to an ad. I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat? Adel and JPC, new haircut? Why am I walking around with so much confidence? Oh, I was going to, I, I bet you're wondering. I wanted, I wanted pretzels from the food court. And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint. Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Bunny that I wasn't

using until now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm competent. Perth so money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, even before they were a sponsor. Aaron, it looks like you may have leaned on, like, with someone painting a rocket money,

like billboard or sign or something, because it's all down your back. And I could, I could, I could, I could, I need... Most people think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions. When in reality, the number is closer to 200. And when you signed up for so many free trials, like streaming services, you watch one show, and then you completely forget about it, you lose track, and then all of a sudden you're like,

why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go sit back, relax, we got this. And they make everything color coded and easy and super intuitive. You're also color coded. A little birdie told me that rocket money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one

place. It recommends custom budgets based on your past spending. And they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels. Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by saltine and the bread of your finances with over 3 million users and counting. Rocket money customers have saved an average of $720 a year.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocket rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle rocket money.com slash RID DLE Hey, what's going on? Somebody lean over my rocket money paint thing run everybody run run Is that Da Vinci? Yeah Yes Yeah, yes. And bye! This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Heck with my machete, clear the overgrown grass. Oh, I've done it. I've found it. This ancient city of BetterHelp. What is, let me walk through here. This doesn't look ancient. It looks like there's people thriving here. What's, hello? Hey, Adel.

Hey, Adel, you know me. Yes. What a weird thing to say to a hey, Adel. Oh, you know us, right? Sure. Here are citizens of better help this town. Yeah. Better help is therapy.

That's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule I've been using it for a long time. It works for the way that my brain works and we're just here talking about it celebrating it Yes, I am here to celebrating it. You all seem very happy. This seems like a happy Bunch of folks. Hey, man. Why don't you lose the sword? Oh, it's a machete. Not a sword. I love it. Yeah, you're right. It's all it's all good Why don't I take that from you, huh? Yeah, we'll put this somewhere safe. Okay, thank you.

Thank you for that. I appreciate your better help. Well, not really. I'm not doing better help, but better help, you know, as therapy is actually pretty toned to a person like me because I want, you know, to learn positive coping skills. I want to learn how to set and force boundaries, and I want to check in with someone on my own schedule.

I love online therapy for that specific reason. I don't know if you wanted to try it. All you would have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you could switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Wow, you said fill out a stone tablet. for no additional charge. Wow, you said fill out a stone tablet.

So there are some things that better help is not gonna be qualified to help with Adela. This may be one of the, maybe we get you to some other type of specialist. Okay, yeah, that makes sense, but it seems here like there are higher glyphics that say make your brain your friend with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash,

without a slash, cause I don't have my machete. Betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. Let me uncover this moss, help.com slash riddle. Betterhelp.com slash riddle, huh?

And this is a perfect example of something that not you, Adel, but I would be sharing with my therapists. Mm. Okay, okay. Everyone gather around, gather around. Okay. Yeah. As I finish dusting off the ancient structure.

Boring. It says, says this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, well, that's actually interesting. Squarespace, I've heard of this. Yes, it's the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, right? Squarespace, oh, what I hear, makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time,

all in one place, all in your terms. Yes, that's what Squarespace is, but the question, what is it doing, bedded here? Yes, yes, doctor, yes, doctor. Well, I think they're pretty cool because they have, they can host video content, organize your video library and showcase your content on beautiful video pages and sell access to your videos on the member areas. It's super intuitive to use. That's probably why it's buried down here. Yeah, and Dr. Dustoff, a world famous archeologist,

they even sell custom merch. So we could get some Dr. Dustoff merch going. You easily sell it, you create passive income, it engages your audience, scales your brand. Is that sound good? Yes, yes, yes, we all know about Squ income, it engages your audience, scales your brand, is that sound good? Yes, yes, yes, we all know about Squarespace, and it's amazing features, like the asset library where you can organize and access all your content from one place, where you can manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform.

We know about the value of Squarespace, but the question is, what is it doing? There you see! Okay, Dr. Destauff, we don't know, you're the archaeologist. I'm sorry, what? You're, I drove. Oh. Okay. They call me Dr. Dustoff because when I get into a car accident, I make it kind of go away. I'm a smooth talker. I'm an easy walker, and I'm not mad looking either. Ah. Ah. Dr. Dustoff tips his fedora to the two of you. He just gave his fedora $20.

That's too much of a tip. And there's more when that came from hat. At thescorspace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Dr. Dustoff, um, you're my new favorite character. Please sign everything. Yeah, please, please show up in an episode. Will you please? Okay, if you insist. Now hold on, I'm taking a call. Hello, they're burning it down. Good. Oh, do we have insurance? I got to take this. Okay. Yes. This is just JP. Go left. Yeah. This is JP Riddle's in a fordora. I take everything back.

We're back Seth just to check in. How are you liking Riddle's? to check in, how are you liking riddles? I like that you guys have done them before and because I would be completely lost without them. They're still annoying, but it's one of those things too where it's annoying, but you want to keep doing more because you don't want them to stomp you. You can't let them beat you, which. Which makes me wonder is anybody actually, are people that are into real, riddles really into them?

Do they find joy or is it just that they're like, you, you're not gonna beat me? I think it's the latter. Yeah. Yeah. In my experience. Yeah. Every once in a while someone will find the show

because they like, Google like riddles podcast because they genuinely wanted to hear riddles and then they hear our show and they say man I really am not a fan of what you guys do on the show and to that I always say We helped you because you you shouldn't have found riddle if you're going to look for riddles like on the internet And you get this that's good like you you got something better than what you said that to look for I would I mean There must be there's a riddle community, right? Like, are there riddle, there must be riddle conventions and all that kind of, I think people

like puzzles more than riddle. I think there's probably like a puzzle. Yeah. I think MIT does like a puzzle challenge and then the winner of each year does the puzzles for next year or something. So it's sort of, it's bragging rights, but it's also you get to kind of flaunt your stuff and you get to have sort of, you know, yeah, it's absolutely one-offmanship. I think everyone who was really into riddles at this point in history has safely been imprisoned,

put in jail. Who's there all serial killers ability? He's in the space. You'll find the girls, Elbow, who's the full moon. Yeah. Can you catch me, Mr. Pellysman? They've all, they've all since been,

you know, shuffled off this portal call. Yeah, as soon as DNA came around, they got all the riddle perverts or they're all going to be around it up. They've been pretty well pervert. Rided up and drowned. Yeah. Well, let's do some more riddles and see if we can best them.

This one is sort of appropriate. We'll find out why. Sport of appropriate. Cool. I don't know if it's really a riddle, but it's a question for sure. From statistical records, what is the most dangerous job in America? Statistical. So not really a riddle, but just sort of a brain buster

Statistical records feels like a really lumberjack Wow It's not lumberjack or podcaster in this specifically a dangerous job? I feel like it's going to be something you don't expect because it's a bacteria. It would be a thing where there would be like one person who ever did this job and they died and then that brought the statistic up to like a hundred percent death rate for the bullet tester. Yeah, lava drinker. There was one.

Yeah, there's one and they, well, I do need to say a seed. JPC, we're back in 1865. You're a gunslinger named Benjamin Franklin, no relation and Seth you are the world's first bullet tester Okay, so I just want to make sure I understand what this is that you get you give me a lot of money This is the most money I've ever seen. Oh, yeah, you said it's gonna take care of my family And I'm so excited about this my wife is pregnant with our 14th child and I'm so excited about this. My wife is pregnant with our 14th child, through that it's gonna live, hopefully.

Yeah, that's great. Statistically, that's great art. Oh yeah. So, in terms of the testing part, I'm a pretty good shot. I grew up in the country, so I can shoot muskrats, owls, anything beautiful, I can really, I can get from a hulk a hundred yards

So is that the kind of testing you want me to do or it's very similar. It's very similar to that I mean definitely if you I have my philosophy is if you can shoot a bullet you can take a bullet right if you can shoot an owl You can be an owl. Who said philosophy? Oh. Did I hear philosophy over here? Who's the learned book boy? Ah, shoot. Uh, no, I was talking about my horse.

My horse's name is philosophy. I believe I named it after a Greek. Oh, no, you weren't talking about that. No, no, he's the philosopher. He was talking about if you can be a bullet, you can be an owl. Did I get it? Okay, okay friend, no, no, no, no, no.

He's all confused. This is a bullet tester. He's not really a word smith. So we don't have to worry about that. I can't do it. I'm gonna put this pair on your head and I'm gonna walk 20 paces and you better stand still. What?

I'm gonna put a pair. A pair? Are we that close to Christmas already? Wow. Well I rented it. I rented it. Okay, I have it for two hours and I gotta do something with it. Uh, cause it's due. Okay, so I'm one, two, three, two. I shot that dumbass in the back.

He put a pair in my head and started walking away from me. See. You're safe and you're rich. Isn't that a thing of like pineapples they used to rent pineapples, right? Oh, really back in the day. What? Back in the day.

We were talking about pineapples were like a status symbol. So people would like rent them. And you like, you like have it in your home to be like, see how much money I have. That's amazing. And then you'd have to return it. That's where there is. Wait, how, how old were little women when they all want to be like trading limes at school?

Like citrus is like, like, decadence. How long does a pineapple last? What's the shelf life on like a uncut, like pineapple? Back in those days, as long as you won, I about what it's about the aesthetic, not the taste, my man. I guess so. So it's like, but would the thing just rot out eventually like from the inside? I have to I have to assume. Or people like plaster casting a pineapple. That's awesome. Painting it. That would be a good name for a herald team rented pine apples. Someone can take that if you need it.

Mm-hmm, very good. I think that's also why in a similar vein, that's why lobsters became so expensive, because they used to give them to prisoners, and then it became like a rich people in the West were like, what are these little sea bugs? And so they'd have them shipped out to taste them, but the shipping was so expensive

because they went bad so fast. So then it was super pricey to ship them. They were only worth pennies, but the shipping was like 30 bucks or something. So it became like a status symbol and then they became no longer prisoner food, but experts estimate that a single pineapple cost around $8,000 in today's dollars. Wow. That's why you're derented by the hour. Wow. 1700, 1800, that's great. That's great. That's great.

You could be a guy who owns three pineapples and lives like a fucking king back then. Yeah. What's your job? I heard it a pineapple. I did get dad. Yeah, that's amazing, House. What did your grandfather do?

He had a pineapple. I did, I had to work. Six. I do what I see as seen. There's just one people running around right now that live off like $20,000 a month because one ancestor had one pineapple. Pineapple.

I got to see as seen. Seth, sorry to lean on you so hard. Aaron and Seth, you are on first date and Seth, you're pretty sure you have something that's gonna impress Aaron. Well, I'm having a really nice time. I hope you are too. Me too, I love Tariq about how many siblings you have

and your favorite color and all that. I'm having the best time. Yeah, it's red. Yeah, well this place is also so nice. Space explorers, find the missing piece of the map. Oh, this is so fun. Okay, okay, so we only have a little bit of time to eat this, uh, eat this food and you know, it's fun. It's like it's just goo. There's different colored goo. So that brown one's a steak. Um, I agree one salad, of course. And, um um Oh, wait a minute. Sorry. You have something in your ear. What is it?

It's it's that it's a I don't know the technical name for it, but it's a garbage fruit It's the big giant spiky looks like a giant spiky football. I have to go to the hospital. Oh, if that came out of my ear, I have to go. Oh, no, no, oh, sorry, I was pretending that it came out of your ear that didn't, did you really think that came out of your ear? I mean, it was, it felt like sensation wise, you sort of looked in my ear and then you pulled this is going to surprise you. I also do close-hand magic but So I

I know I'm really good at that kind of thing Coming up next to the stage of the magic castle we have oh It's not close-up magic. It's close-hand magic. I don't know if that's a please give it up for the amazing nuance hold on hold on I'm putting the eyes on my on my arm my on my hand and the Lips on my thumb real quick. I so I do I do hand puppets. I do close hand Make a close paint buddy get it out of my face. How else are you gonna know that it's my hand? Hey look you have something in your eye Guys we've had so much fun we still haven't answered from statistical records.

What is the most dangerous job in America? I will say Seth. Seth was closest with child in the 1800s. Aaron Bingo Bingo, ha-ta-ta, the most statistically dangerous job in America is President. Four presidents out of 42 have been assassinated. Can you guess which four? Have we really lost four from assassination? Kennedy.

William McKenley. McKinley. Yeah. Oh, who is the other guy? The guy that got the. Lincoln. And then was it a war? I think I think lasagna.

Reagan got shot, but he didn't die. He didn't die. And someone else got shot and didn't die, right? He didn't know who's the guy he took forever to die that anarchist stratum. Fuck, I know. Oh, oh, yeah, I always want to say Benjamin Harrison, but he's the one that died because he got like a cold. And he was at the train station with Lincoln's son.

Who the fuck is this guy's name? Is it? We're thinking lasagna. Lasagna. Yeah. Did we have an Italian president that I don't know? Oh, Garfield. Garfield.

Oh, no, it was spill up. Yeah, did we have an Italian president that I don't know Garfield Garfield No, it was feel up book at a bet Brings president Vincenzo back Yeah, so I guess that's America's most dangerous job. Oh, crazy. Why don't we pivot to some odd man out riddles? So what this is going to be is I'm going to read four items and you have to guess which of the four is the odd man out and why. Okay.

So the first one here is going to be Jack Flash, Jack from Jack and Jill, famously, Humpty Dumpty and the House of Usher. Yeah. Okay, are these all characters Adam Sandler has played except House of Usher, I wouldn't say, unless that's a Netflix what I haven't seen yet. You think Adam Sandler played Humpty Dumpty? If he has it, I'll fucking eat my shoe.

And I don't want to, but I will. You're dying to eat your shoe. Let's see. Which one's the house usher? Is that the Poe? I believe so. All the house of usher. Yeah, I think it is Poe.

I think it's coming to Netflix, this Halloween. So is it that one? Is it house of usher because it's the only one that's not like a nursery rhyme? Are the other ones all nursery rhymes? The other ones are technically nursery rhymes, but it's not the house of usher. So again, I'll read them.

You can read them again. Jack Flash, Jack from Jack and Jill, Humpty Dumpty, and the house of usher. It's false. People are falling. So which one is the odd one out? I don't know. Jack Flash.

Jack Flash is the odd man out because the other three had a ball. And I do want to see a scene. Okay. JPC, you are Humpty Dumpty. You just have a killer fault. Like the October, November, just you're crushing it. And Aaron, you've taken notice.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Hey, Humpty, you want the usual? Oh, yes, I'll have the usual. Great. Pork. Pork, okay, raw pork for the egg that comes into this coffee shop. I'm just having the best for- Oh, do you have pumpkin spice for your pork?

Uh, yeah, sure. Is that a new coat? You look incredible. Thank you. I've lost yolk. Oh. How's your kin cousin? You okay? How is my kin?

You know your kin cousin. You know how I'm doing? My kin cousin? Your kin cousin. I'm fucking with you. Oh. Definitely. I'm fucking with you.

I love when people do that. My kin cousin. No, yeah. It's getting better. I can't still My concussion, no, yeah, it's getting better. I can't still, still not supposed to sleep, but it's getting better. I'm sorry, I am starving. Can I get a table jacksprat, reservation under jacksprat? Ah, no.

Yikes, honey. Honey, we gotta go elsewhere. Yeah. So Humpty here is your pork with pumping spice. I never knew that eggs eat pork until I met you. Oh, I don't eat it. I do not eat it. Ooh, what do you do with it?

I don't eat it, I eat it. I like to sit up on top of my wall and just throw pork at people as they pass by. Can we cut to Humpty Dumpty at the support group for nursery rhyme characters that have fallen? Absolutely. So then, I guess I just leaned over too far with the bucket and the water distribution, the weight kind of carried me over, and I broke two crowns. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you.

Anyone else relate? You know, I'm sorry. I think I might be in the wrong place. I'm sorry. I think I might be in the wrong place. Uh, I'm... This seems like a bunch of sad sack losers who, uh, fall and keep track of their life. I am addicted to sex. That's... Let's see. So...

Oh, gross. I don't like imagining an egg having sex. Or maybe you do. That's the Humpty part. Oh! That's the Humpty part for if the egg is the condom go. What? What?

Let's do another odd man out here. This is gonna be a little bit, this might be our toughest one yet. Okay. First one is Claudius, aka Hamlet's Father. Next one is Yorick. Third one is Colonel Mustard. And the last one is Mr. Body.

Mr. Body. Who's Mr. Body? Hamlet's Father, Yorick. Colonel Mustard is Mr. Body. Mr. Body. Who's Mr. Body? Hamlet's father, York, Colonel Mustard and Mr. Body. Your Mr. Body is the guy who gets killed in Clue, right? Oh. Your kid, odd man out didn't get killed. Er, you don't think the skull of York was killed? No, no, he's alive. Okay.

How sure are you that he's dead? Does Colonel Mustard get killed? No, no, he's alive. Okay. How sure are you that he said? Does Colonel Muslin get killed? No, or sometimes, right? Sometimes, right? Sometimes because it's a pudding. Oh, no, no, he doesn't get killed. So Tim, oh, wait a minute. Are they all soldiers in the military, except for who's the last one? Mr. Body, Mr. Body. No, that's not it, but that's a good guess. So the first two are related to Hamlet and the second two are related to the board game Clue. But I don't think that's it because that's 50-50. That's not that's nothing. You were onto something about being dead, but uh, Yorick is definitely dead. Yorick is dead and Mr. Body is dead.

Claudius is definitely dead. Yorick is dead and Mr. Body is dead. Mm-hmm. Claudius is a ghost, right? Yeah, so that leaves... So Colonel Mustard is the only one who's not dead? Uh, and specifically dead at the... Murdered. Murdered, uh, what point in time? At the beginning? Yeah, I'll give it to you.

Uh, it's Colonel Mustard is the odd man out. The other three are dead before the action begins. Which is a pretty tough question. Oh, because Mr. Body is the first one murdered in Clue, is that right? Yes. Yeah, I think. Oh, okay.

He's sort of the catalyster in sighting incident. That of the board game, right? Because in the movie, isn't he alive for a little bit in the movie? Yeah, I think he's alive for a little bit in the movie. It threw me off because I'm such a big fan of the movie clue. So that's really what fucked me up here

because I love the movie clue. Fantastic movie. You guys are great to watch it. Yeah. Tim Curry, Madeline Khan. The best. Mr. Fini from, I think, right? Who called this Colonel Mothin?

You think Madeline Khan played Mr. Fini? Are you fucking serious? She's our generation's Gary Oldman. She could do it. She could do it. She could do it. And this is one guy, this like, where's the guy, the guy, the singer from Fear, that punk band Fear, I think is in it.

Isn't he Mr. Body? Oh yeah, maybe. Oh yeah, Lee, something. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, I'm not even like that. I just noticed trivia, I'm not, I don't know, I wasn't a big punk fan necessarily,

but he's one of these, like I think he was one of those guys that was friends with John Belushi back in the day, but like a real crazy New York punk rocker dude, who's in that movie. Good memory. I think also, is Christopher Lloyd in it? Is that what I'm making this?

Oh yeah. And Martin Moll. Martin Moll is Colonel Mustard. That's who it is, Martin Moll. Who's the, he was Knight Rider, right? He was the car. Who was the, played like the, the, the singer Graham? The girl.

Yeah, she's maybe the best part of the whole movie. I don't know. Leaving, leaving, uh, place. Leaving, yeah. What a great name. I know, right? Leaving. I was just leaving. Uh, here we, uh, please. Leave, Aang, yeah. What a great name. I know, right? Leave, Aang. I was just leaving.

Uh, here we go. Next question. Steely Dan, Steppenwolf, Black Sabbath, Mot, the Hoopal. Hmm. Steely Dan, Steppenwolf, Black Sabbath, Mot, the Hoopal. It's gotta be Mot, the Hoopal,

and that's gotta be the only one that my dad doesn't have a record for. Ksh, ha, ha, ha. Steely Dan, black Sabbath. And honestly, this is it. What's the next one? Black Sabbath, Julie Dan, black Sabbath,

Moth the Hoopal and Steppenwolf. Honestly, the only one I knew is Steppenwolf. I know the other bands, but in terms of how they all relate. The odd man out. No, oh, the other bands, but in terms of how they all relate. They all odd man out. No. Oh, are they named after because Stepan Wolf is a book, I think Mott the Hoopal might be from some Dickens book, right? I thought Steely Dan, I thought Steely Dan was named after a dildo.

Oh, what? I really thought this was a trivia that Steely Dan was named after a dildo. I think one of them, Black Sabbath, I think they're literary references except for one, but I don't know if Black Sabbath, they're Steely Dan. Maybe you're right, maybe Steely Dan's not the literary. Between Seth and JBC, you did get it. And I think JBC, I think you're right.

So Black Sabbath is the odd man out. The other three are rock groups named after books. But Steely Dan is from William Burrows, who famously, I think Burrows and Bikowski were both like pretty raunchy. Yes. Gross writers. So I'm pretty sure you're right. It was, it was from Burrows's novel, Naked Lunch. And there's a strap on Dildo called the Steely Dan 3. So we, I didn't, I forgot the part where it was about a book because that's the least interesting part of that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Stephen Wolf is by Herman Hess, that's the one book I know, and then Mata Hoopal is by Willard Manus.

Of course, never even heard of that guy. But the book, is the book called Mata Hoopal? I'm not sure it doesn't say. Okay, it must be like a reference inside the book because the book was not called Steely Dan 3. Although, good name for an album, Steely Dan, huh? Yeah. Maybe a third album, Steely Dan.

I did not know that. I feel like that should be like top of all music trivia questions. That should be taught in schools. That should be taught in schools. What are we doing? Okay, I gotta see a scene. I'm a teacher of the three of your students

and I'm a substitute for the day who's not sure what to teach. All right, settle down. Go ahead and take out your books and let me, somebody hold up the books so I can see it. We don't have books. Basketville is. We don't have books.

This is a poetry class. Book we should be reading. Oh, poetry. Okay. What are some words that we like? Name, just shout out words for your association. Let's prepare for this at all. Yes.

Absolutely. I'm ready to teach poetry. What did you say, young lady? What are your credentials? What's your background? Well, I'm a poet at heart. I've written many of love. to teach poetry. What did you say, young lady? What are your credentials? What's your background? Well, I'm a poet at heart. I've written many of love note. Are you hungover right now?

Yeah, you're a substitute teacher. I mean, what's going on in your life? I'm wearing sunglasses because I just had lacic. And that's why. Okay. We're all wearing sunglasses. This is a poetry class. You have to still have the stamp on on your hand from being a club. Yeah. Okay. All right, Nark. We'll start there.

Why does the stamp say evicted where you had a club called evicted? No, I was at a club club. I heard about that place. Okay. Yeah. I was at Piss Club evicted. Okay. I heard about that place. Okay, yeah. I was at Piss Club evicted, okay? It's an evocative score. Whoa, you either get stamped evocative or evicted based on the way you piss.

And I guess, I guess I didn't quite. We missed Judge you. We missed Judge you, you're cool. You're cool. Oh, hey, do you wanna come to the cave? We've got a special retigate poetry club that we convene in the caves behind school. Yeah, right now, or do I meet you there? What's the you go now and then we'll come and meet you later. Oh,

fuck yeah, punch it in. Yeah, punch it in. Punch it in. Don't stand on your desks. Punch it in. Okay. Yeah. Okay. You're one of, you're one of Chaucer's criminals now. That's what we call ourselves. Chaucer's criminals. We get bullied mercilessly outside of the room. Yes. Oh, I see. You're each dressed up like a, you're kind of a butcher. You're sort of a hedge knight.

Not sure what you are, but yeah, all the characters from Canterbury Tales. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty cool with sunglasses, nice. Honestly, Canterbury Tales, it's mostly butcher and hedge night. So I just kind of got left on my own to kind of be whatever. Nice, nice, nice, nice.

And he's got a Captain Crunch hat. He just got to throw this together. Hey man, General's hat is a general's hat. This is all stuff my dad has in his closet. Yeah. What does your dad do? He always do. He always do.

Yeah. Very cool. Let me just when I shut the door here, we're we're copacetic, right? Where nobody's going to tell on anyone? I don't like where this is going, but yeah. Yeah. All right, let's do let's do a two more odd man outs. Right. This one should be a little simpler. Aragog, She-Lub, Boris, and Miss Muffet. The, but, Boris Aragog and She-Lub are all spiders.

And Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet and had to deal with the spider. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet and had to deal with the spider.

Okay, Aaron. I just girlbossed a little Miss Muffet. We got to see you Okay, I just girlboss a little miss muvitt. We got a scene here and your girlboss little miss muvitt JBC you're a spider whose um who's not with the times It curd and way secured and I'm going to finally get to sit down and eat my lunch after a long day No No After a long day. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d I'm just gonna go eat. You're not gonna, no, you're not gonna frighten me away. You can leave where I can drown you. Those are your two options.

We can both do. No, no. What is that? What is that? Miss Leffat, I'm so sorry. It's your assistant, Candace. I just want to... Damn it, Candace.

I know, I'm sorry. I just want to remind you, you have a two o'clock coming up. I know you're very busy. You don't usually get to do lunch, but you got your two o'clock and then you need to post on your substack the affirmations and then we've got... Okay, Candice, I actually need your help right now. I need you to drown the spider and I'd like you to make eye contact with it while you do it. Oh, oh. My webs, Dan! My webs, dead. I'm in my web. I'm home. I

don't have here. I don't you keep making me kill things and I feel like we talked about this. Candace, are you in a credible recommendation? Yes, exactly. Oh, Candace. I just wanted to be I just wanted to be the assistant tour and the most powerful influencers around, okay? And I've learned a lot from you, I'm not saying I'm not, but I'm not sure the price is worth it. Fine, I'll kill it, but watch. You want me to watch? Yes, fighter, come here.

And you, I'm getting, no, come here. You interrupt my life, I interrupt your life. No, come here. No, I'm fine. You interrupt my life. I interrupt your life. Well, do you want me to be a grandma? I mean, this could make good content. Candice, of course, Grimmett. Okay, sorry. Candice, I shouldn't have to tell you to Grimmett.

Just Grimmett. You're right, you're right. Sorry. Hey, all, um, it's me Candice coming to you late afternoon. A little lunch, or no, I'm not Candice. Sorry, I'm Little Miss Buffett. I'm sorry. Sorry, you're not Candice sorry I'm little Miss Muffet I'm sorry sorry you're not Candice ah okay uh uh check it out little Miss Muffet's having an absolute fucking meltdown on him

right now this is insane she thinks she's her assistant honestly my dad's gonna love this he as you know it's frozen in amber but he's obsessed with little stuff talking about your fucking dad see what even is a little bit of talking about your fucking dad. See. What even is a little miss muff and I'm looking it up. It's just a little, it's a little girl. Child who eats her cottage cheese or whatever. It's like we will a winky. Yeah. Whoa.

She's like a being, is she like a select entity? Whoa. Oh, it has a dark background. Never look up things. Of course, all that old shit. Yeah, yeah. Let's never has a dark background. Never look up to. Of course, all that old shit. Yeah. Yeah, let's never just never Google. No one Google the rest of the day.

I'm here to help. Can we hear it? No, no, no, it's bad. I'll scale up one to 10. Yeah, six. I'm looking up on a listicle right now. It says, top 10 history's greatest monsters, a little bit of a muppet is six.

So. Oh my gosh. Whoa, shit. Yeah. Oh, she did some bad shit. Oh, right. Okay. I have the in parallel.

Yikes. Uh, let's, we're gonna do, we're gonna do one more here. This is the final riddle, the final odd man out. Exulsion, murmuration, expectation, shrewdness. I don't even know if I know these words. Exulsion, murmuration, expectation, shrewdness. I think murmuration is like a actual physical activity or something, right?

The others are, are emotions or something? I'm not quite sure. This has to do more with, here's what I'll say, here's a hint, I would say, if this was about JPC Aaron, if this is about the three of us, in terms of a term that might apply to us, I would say an exhaustion,

an exhaustion of blank. to us, I would say an exhaustion, an exhaustion of Blake. So wait, are these, these are like groupings of animals or something? Some of them are? Yep. Which is the only one out. These also sound like Justin Timber like albums, by the way.

The original. Immemoration, expectation, trudeness. A trudeness of shrews, I gotta imagine, right? Trudeness of apes. Apes? Shrewdness of apes. Oh wow. Shrewdness of apes. Yep. Shaggletation has to be the oddment over it, right?

It is not. Whoa. An exultation of angels, right? When you hunch them, you try to make sure they're an exultation. So the exultation of warps. Is it? Of larks? Yeah.

Okay. So what are the other ones? We have shrewdness and exultation of war, find them of larks. Yeah, okay. So what are the other ones? We had true This an exultation of murmuration and expectation I've a murmur is a sure yeah Remaration is birds your horn. Yeah nailed it. Moureration is starlings So expectation is the odd man out the other three are collective nouns for groups of animals I do want to see one final scene. I've never heard that shit before. Aaron, you are a hunter of angels. The other three of us are angels on the lamb,

and you're trying to hunt a stone. No, no one mentioned that description's coming to my bar. Huh. Yeah, you're sort of crouching away to sort of hide your back. Anywhere. Yeah, sorry. That's because I was just cranking it Yep doing a lot of self pleasure of masturbation. So that's why I'm hunched this way. Oh Interesting. Yep, you in heaven screw up. Put him up sister

But no Come on, what are we doing here? Okay, heaven. There's no fucking You have to come back no no it's so but we came down here to start a band we gotta hear here's how is that going and how is that how's that going so rough we just got to town everybody starts over when they get to LA okay yeah and we're still figuring out the name we know we want it to be a literary reference, but we can't. I've I say catch 23 because it's one better. Yeah, but that doesn't that sounds like a scaband. That's not what we do. The three of y'all are never going to make it all three of you play the harp. No band needs three harps. Right now, but we're reinventing. We also are all saying like, we're reinventing ourselves. We're like shit come back to heaven. Come on. No. No. What why are you dogs?

Why are you guys little guard dog like why don't you stay down here with us join the band? You got a beautiful voice Okay, she's my dad first of all oh come on He's so old You're gorgeous. You're Jesus's brother Yeah, okay, and Jesus gets to do a lot of like the PR stuff He's sort of like the face of the operation. Oh, yeah, he's just like this cool as hell. I got to say Yeah, he's not that cool. He actually do you think you could get Jesus for the band? Oh my god As a front man, there's like none better. Oh, I can't even sing can you imagine he's holding a mic and he gets stigmata during a song?

Oh, yeah, oh so cool. Yeahigmoda during a song? Oh yeah. Oh so cool. Yeah. We should write a song about stigmoda. I mean look at, George, look at what your dad is making you do. You're the little lap dog, you're doing all this stuff to get his approval. And- I am holding his dry cleaning right now.

Yeah, totally. Kind of embarrassing. Yeah, do you think that Jesus is saving people at the Playboy Mansion right now? No! He's just... He's chilling right now. We all saw him earlier. He's in the grotto.

What? Man. Come join us. We all live in a one bedroom off of Sunset Boulevard. The dream. We're living the dream. We party every night. Doesn't sound so bad. Yeah. When it's the way Green Day did it. Yeah. We like Green Day. It's a band we hear. They write

musicals. They're a punk band. They're a punk band who writes musicals. They're the ultimate oxybora. That's probably true. Yeah. They do. They had a musical for who writes musicals. The ultimate oxybora. That's probably true. Yeah, they do have a musical for one of their album. American Idiot. Yeah, I think it's the one that, yeah, they did a musical. I gotta say, I don't tend to not like jukebox musicals. I saw it and I was very unimpressed.

I'm sure there were some very talented folks, but. I didn't mean that I saw it and I thought it was just fine. If it's not your genre, then maybe you're not gonna give it the fairest of shakes, right? That's fair. Yeah. You're right.

I need to check myself. I'm just trying to be kind to Green Day because I know that they're listeners and they have a lot of investment. You liking their jukebox musical? Fair enough. Seth, is there anything that you would like to plug or promote any musicals you've been?

You and I? I would just plug my, I have a podcast on comedy bang bang world called College Town that I do with my friend Aaron Whitehead. And then another randomly sporadically produced on comedy bang bang world Bob Ducca full throttle with Bob Ducca, which is more of like a produced sound effects heavy kind of audio experience as opposed to just a chat type of thing. Wonderful. Yeah. Thanks for having me, you guys. This is really fun. Thanks for being on such a wonderful sonorous voice. Oh, thank you.

I'd recommend opening up your comedy bang bang podcast app and then just typing Seth Morris into it and then hitting download on all the episodes. And watch what I was saying. And watch your phone melt. You ought to. Yeah. Seth, if you were to leave the podcast game, I have to imagine you'd make a fortune in ASMR.

Oh, that would be, yeah, there's some creeps that really need to hear this voice. I'll do that and clip my nails and. Yeah. Just like Howard Hughes. Yeah. Aaron, anything you'd like to plug? This voice, I'll do that and clip my nails and Just like Howard Hughes. Yeah Aaron anything you'd like to plug? I would just say I'm doing a V3 watch right now. It's my favorite comedy of all time. So check that out if you haven't I can say it Well, I would throw it to you first. Yeah. Everything that you would like to plug.

Yeah. I was in London just the other day and I saw phenomenal speaking of musicals. I saw a wonderful musical called Operation Minsmeet. Uh, if you're able to get to London to see it, I highly recommend it. I hope it tours here at some point in the US. Uh, but otherwise you can listen to it on Spotify. Brilliant musical. It's about a 1940s, uh, true operation by

England to trick Hitler. And, uh, yeah, it's, it's been my, my, what I've been listening to nonstop for the past couple weeks, JPC, anything to review or a, um, review to read. Yeah, I got a review to read. And if you want to get a review featured on the show, just give us a five star review anywhere that you write reviews. I might find it. Hey, I found this one. It says it's by Nope. Me opinion. No. Thank you guys for making these names easy to pronounce. This one is titled Cured Man's I.D. What I'm experiencing about experiencing a bout of paranoia about something terrible like a killer in my house or an impending zombie apocalypse or a nuke being launched, setting off a chain reaction of mutual nuclear annihilation. I can trust this podcast to stand out of it

because nothing like that could happen. Well, this audio and this ridiculousness is blasting in my ears. Thanks for the riddles, guys. The name of this is under is not my name. Please disregard it. Okay, well, we're at the first part. First, not last, so...

But I kind of did disregard it. I did make fun of it, so that's a little bit like disregarding it. Yeah. Yeah. Aaron, we all know heaven isn't real. That scene about an useless fiction. But when you do die, your soul goes to a certain place in the sky.

Jupiter. Fife forever. Goodbye. Created by Adolf Refin. Sorry, Eric. And John Patrick Collins. Casey Tony to the editing. And Marty Perrin to the music.

And he was a little bit more serious. A little bit more serious. A little bit more serious. A little bit more serious. A little bit more serious. A little bit more serious. A little bit more serious. Don't must keep it your hate, with the brick your name.

Hey there, niches and cons. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. Back by popular demand, we're bringing you some moral dilemmas. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com.share.rodo.v by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 7 day free trial, or they're a view crew for $8 a month or start your 7-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Any of those Ed free episodes. See you there!