Hey Riddle Riddle - #273: Three Donatellos w/ Ian Karmel

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

This is so exciting! Ian Karmel stops by this week to solve some of the best riddles this town has ever seen. We also get to experience the driest towel and see the hierarchy of school supplies! We love riddles again! RIDDLES!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest Starring:Ian KarmelEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum podcast. We're ready. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, eight, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one, two, You step into my office. Okay. We both have the same time. Sorry, we can't. Why don't you go ahead? Why don't we do face to face to step in? We'll face to step in. And we'll side step in. Okay, we're stepping into each other.

Sorry, whoops. Sorry, Aaron, give us a second here. Okay, so you just, can we just do this duck in your door, Jam? Sure. No, no, we got this. It's almost like the fox, the hen, and the bag of grain. So why don't you put your hat in first,

then we'll take a fishing line grab your hat, I'll throw my shoes in and one, two, three, go. Okay, now we're naked and we're still stuck at the door. I'm just going to tell you, uh, we got your blood work back for both of you. Oh, good. My blood. Oh, sorry. I thought I figured it was sort of a, I keep it in my desk. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine. We got your results back and you should sit down for this if you can, given the current circumstances. We are wedged in here.

Oh, we just set the same seat. Your blood tested positive for riddles, not even just like a trace amount, like pretty intense. Aaron cut straight to it. How long do we have and can we make a short Dispos you're gonna live a really long life If we're gonna live a long life full of riddles it sounds like can we at least have some guests on sure Luckily we do it looks like we do have a guest from the podcast, all fantasy everything.

Please welcome Ian Carmel. Ian, welcome to the show. Yeah. Thank you so much. I brought a big jar of my blood. Oh, good. Oh, you are. Why does it she?

And honestly, you do it. You do it. Where are you? Where are you? Here's the ball. Kick off these yawning are turning into a Dracula. I'm just so grateful. Similar sounds.

Whatever you're home to, do it with me. In September too early for me to go up on the podcast. How does everyone feel about that? No, Dracula's got to live the rest of the year. Vampire voice. Yeah, that's a really good Vampire voice. We'll never have you back on again. It's actually too good.

Thank you. Let's go, let's go. We'll call it Sleepy on again. It's actually too good. Thank you. Yeah. Let's just poke it. We'll call it sleepy sleep blocker. Sleep blocker. Sleep blocker. Very bad, very bad. And you also have a headgun podcast. It is a wonderful show.

I'm very enjoyable to listen to. We, I think on our Patreon, we've done similar things, just because I absolutely love the idea of like fantasy drafting things. But it's a bit, basically you guys just fantasy draft different pop culture things, correct? Literally anything.

We could, we could fantasy draft nicknames for a very sleepy Dracula. We could, we could, we could, and we should have, and we should have, and we would go, Slipa Kowal go, fifth round, or, I think first round, first pick. I think Slipa guy with a, a sleeping guy would go fifth round or. I think first round first pick. I think so. Thank you.

I love this guy. Yeah. We, you know, we can draft actors who played Dracula, like universal movie monsters, like whatever it is in the world, we can fantasy draft it. And, and many of them we have. I really enjoy your episode on,

I think it's just Vegas activities in general. Like you get into Vegas and like what's, what are the things you do? I really, really enjoyed your episode on I think it's just Vegas activities in general like you get into Vegas And like what's what what are the things you do? I really really enjoyed that episode Thank you very much. I'm a very straff pick for that one. Oh my god. I can't remember because we want to Vegas shortly That's right About your brain damage My ability to retain any sort of memory But the question that we have to ask you because you're on our show now

What is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems? You said that like a step that you're on our show now. We do things a little different. You're gonna smoke the whole riddles on the show. I've always loved them. I was so excited to come on. I don't know that I'm very good at Reynolds. I don't, my intelligence is more of a memorizing facts

than a logic, like I think it would be very good on jeopardy. But if I had to help the Apollo 13 mission return to Earth, they would have died sooner. They would have probably died on Earth. Yeah. Well, we should say, if in real time, you had to help them, because if you had to help them now, like a time travel thing, they would have died sooner. They would have probably died on Earth. Yeah. Well, we should say, if in real time you had to help them, because if you had to help them now,

like a time travel thing, you'd know what to do. Oh, absolutely. Jet, as long as the movie was accurate, I would be able to tell the exact way. Is Gershine, how old is Gershine's right now? Let's call it. 12? Oh, no.

No. Still, but like doing like very dramatic checkoff plays stay at 12 years old. Steppenwolf, yeah. No. No. Still, but like doing like very dramatic check-off plays stay at 12 years old. Steppenwolf, yeah. Steppenwolf. Yes, I really enjoy them. I love them. I love sitting there, which I think you'll hear a lot

today of going, ah. Yeah. Great noise. What do you think they've always just to make? That's specific noise. I make a lot. Our part of the noise we make a lot is pitched down a little bit which is Because we're also I don't think anybody's good it maybe like Stephen Colbert is good at riddles because he's like a Tolkien head

But I feel like nobody else on earth is really good at riddles. Oh because because there are riddles in Tolkien properties Stephen Colbert because he likes Tolkien is good at riddles. I followed that logic. I get that. Aaron think. Wow. He seems like he'd be good at riddles. He doesn't watch TV. He goes home and poised the smallest demand of Scotch you've ever seen and then just tells riddles back and forth.

And it's drunk immediately. Immediately drunk. He's still wearing a suit. That's a bad thing. Wow. Suit jammers. I am old man puzzles today, which means I have sourced the riddles. And I think we, I'm not trying to be crazy here, but I think we actually have some pretty

good riddles today. Whoa. Never call you crazy. I know, but you could because I am. But I'm not following for that. I'm not following for that. Nice try. And burn before on Twitter.

We are gonna start with some warmup riddles, which to me, they're sort of more like jokes or puns. So let's just begin. All right, what has 15 diamonds, but isn't rich? James Bond, which has 15 diamonds, but isn't rich. A deck of cards? Yeah, we can hold on pump the brakes. Do we bring in a ring or what's going on here?

Yeah, I do. I do. If anyone has ever gotten an answer on the show, this guy's definitely been to Vegas. I've seen the desolation of smog, so I'm a little bit unfamiliar. I'm familiar, Jay. I'm talking. I'm familiar, Jay, I'm talking. I stick so strongly yet I am not sticky in the slightest. What am I? A snide comment from a mother of law.

Yeah, that'll stay with you forever. No, not that. I've never really thought about my body like that before. It's a magnet. It's a magnet. It's a magnet. It's a magnet. Oh, yeah, you guys are flying through these. Well, some of us are.

Not you. Yeah, raise your hand if you've gotten one. Okay, interesting. We can see cross-dark. JPC, if your mother and I hadn't decimated your confidence, I think you'd have one too. No, I have that. It's not on you, man. It's called a Miami compliment, JPC.

I should accept that. I should accept that. I am a driver, but I never drive a car. What am I? A car? Oh, you got, oh. That's a great answer. That's not the one I'm looking for.

The tech company works, so. Adam? No, that also works. I am a driver. But he might drive cars. How do we know that Adam? Oh, he's in Ferrari. That's right.

Oh, sorry, can you say the full? I am a driver, but I never drive a car. What am I? I am a driver. Is this like a, is this like, do we already say golf? Do we say a golf driver? Is it one of those guys who only has only ever owned

big white pickup trucks? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like he never puts anything in him, but it's very important to him to have like a big, white pickup truck. Very specific. And it just popped in my head.

Yeah, you know the guy. I know the guy, and in my mind, that guy is like a 16 year old girl that I see at the grocery store, and I'm like, why are you driving this truck? That's the guy. Yeah, that's the guy. The Ben and the truck is.

The Morgan Wallen blasting out of the windows and you're like, I'm gonna go to the Apple C stuff. Whoa. I don't know if that's the guy the better Wallen lasting out of the windows and you're like Go to the apathy I don't know if that's working wallen, but I hear that song everywhere Is it is a Like a union job on sopranos or something. What's so many other things are drivers? You could be a bus driver and you're only driving a bus. You could be like a computer driver Yeah, it's not a person, that's my hint. Oh, it's not a person.

Oh, is it like a subway? I would drive a driver, but I never drive. Is it, is it, now this is a stretch, but is it a mother-in-law who is a driver, ring me crazy? What did she say to you? First of all, first of all, I realized after making the joke the second time,

I do have a mother-in-law who is a lovely person who also sometimes listens to the shows. And this is about a fictional, I'm thinking like everybody loves Raymond mother-in-law. When I was on, I used to, I was the on-air sidekick for the late late show. And it was a lot of fun, a lot of learning. And I would do jokes about like my ex-wife,

like that we're clearly in that way. It's like, oh, you know, tell my ex-wife. Like, it's like clearly fake, you know what I mean? Yeah. And my, this was when I was dating my now wife. Her mom would like watch the show, cause it's like, oh, this boy is dating my daughter. I want to see what's up with him.

And she like frantically called my now wife. And like, to see how an ex was humiliated before this, it's fine if you want it, but you didn't tell me that. Like she took this my ex-wife joke like it was gospel. And she still gives me crap about it. Like I still think she thinks I have an ex-wife out there so much. I do want to see the seed.

Let's see. Aaron and Ian, you are dating each other. JPC, you are Ian's in law. And you've heard some things about Aaron, maybe that she's been complaining about you. She's an author and she just released a new book. We'll say that has a very awful trailal of a mother of an in law. Wait, I'm sorry. So you're dating, but you're not, okay,

I said in law and you're dating. Okay, I see what happened here. No, no, I'm very, you're married. You're married. Who am I related to in this? You're, we'll say that you're Ian's in law. You're, I'm sorry, you're Ian's parent. You're in law.

You kept phrasing it in terms of an in law. I'm like, why are you making me do the math here? Because I'm doing these. You're in there. I'm in spirit. I be in spirit and Aaron, you're like my daughter a lot. My Adderall hasn't kicked in yet, so I am Mike Brady's Nickelodeon Gack right now. Okay, I agree with you.

What about Flom? Is it Flom? Oh, Flom! Flom, there's no place like Flom. Oh, Flom. Flom. You guys, everybody want to do an appetizer? If we did the calamari, would anyone else have some?

Well, I'm not cooking it. I'm not cooking it, so it's not going to taste like absolute dog shit. And I'm putting that in quotes. Because I'm not cooking it. I'm, Maureen, I thought we talked about this. In the book, she's a witch. She's like a scary monster. She's nothing like you.

There's a cauldron. She puts like frog legs and eyes into you. It's nothing like how you cook. OK. Your frog legs and eyes are delicious. OK, great. Well, then when we get home after dinner, I'll make some frog legs, and I'll watch you eat all of them

caffeine. Because I'm not. Because my frog legs taste nothing like the frog legs in the book Mom, you know morning doesn't eat amphibians. We've talked about this. That's we met on an antiann. Okay, I you know what? I would love to do Kalamari. That's not an amphibian is it? No, it's domain is mostly the same That I would love I'd love to do Kalamari and I apologize I apologize because I'm Again, I just read the book and it's a little fresh for me. Yeah, and I am sorry.

It was a real oversight that she's named after you. And it's a real oversight that she looked a lot like you. I had just seen you that day. You were top of mind. It has nothing to do. I didn't even put together. So that's what you think I look like. No.

Oh my god. I didn't mean to say that. Because you, the boy you said she had a bug eyes, bug mouth, and bug face. Because in my mind, I'm like, that looks nothing like me, but that's, so can you think? Can I go ahead and take your bug eyes, your order?

Sorry, I'm your bug lips, waiter. Huh. We'll have the calamari to start. We're gonna start with the calamari. And there. Yeah. I love it. I don't think you finished the sentence, but I love we met on an anti-imphibian subreddit

or what? I love finding true love when you hate the randomist thing. I have close to it. I have close to it. So it's like, we got to stop eating amphibians. It's definitely miss picking on someone else. Oh, we didn't answer the last one. You almost got away with it too.

Damn it. This is not a human. Aaron, is this some sort of technology or is this like a natural force? Not a natural force. It's man-made. Man-made. Think of things that have the word driver in it. And it's a type of driver. Driver. It's not like a driver. Okay. Words that have the word driver. It's a word that has the word driver in. It's one word. Well. Okay.

Is this the thing that beat Paul Bunyan and babe? Power drivers good everyone has his house oh washroom driver, okay? If I just answer crazy it'll be right I hate that I love it so much We all have this in our house. What do I have in my house that is a driver? Is it like when you're an Aaron? I'm gonna make the noise for the first time.

Yeah. Yeah. One, two, one. One, two, one. Okay, I would say that you don't have one of these until maybe you're like 23, 24, 25 and your dad probably gives you this when you're like 23, 24, 25, and your dad probably gives you this when you move to a new city. Oh, talking to about sex.

No, no, no, no. Talking to, it's not even an explanation, it's just a talking to. No, it's a talking to because I moved into a new city. I had all the regular sex in the first season. This might be like a junk drawer or a part of a bigger kit. Aaron is driver of this first half or second. Oh, is this a screwdriver? It's a screwdriver.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it was so simple yet so hard. Yeah, so that's vodka and orange juice. I do get that talk from my dad. Yeah. Well, slurred. And so my slur, I mean slurred words, of course. Let's calm down.

It was modeled bad, yeah, but I didn't learn it from him. Yeah. Who is the king of the school supplies? God. Ooh, Mr. Mead. No. Okay, had that. He's a Frank.

It's not gonna be me as a Frank, okay. Well, in a way, she is. Who's the king of the school supplies? This is the ruler. The ruler! The ruler! I would like to see you see. It's a way she is. Who's the king of the school supplies? This is a ruler. The ruler. I would like to see you seeing. JPC, you are the ruler. Ian, you're like a pencil and Adel, you're like a folder.

And a JPC, you're really bossing them around and they've had enough. Mm-hmm. Hmm, you there. Carve my initials into him. My lower, I already possess several different markings identifying exactly which caliber of pencil I am and which I would Tyco the roger's a rather long word It which I'm talking to you you carve my initials into the folder do it with your little graphite tip or whatever it is

You do And to the folder, do it with your little graphite tip or whatever I want you to push until his little folder skin breaks. I want to see what the insides of this folder are made of. But sir, if I may, if I may, inside, right through the membrane of my folder, is your homework, sir. You would, you would pierce your homework, we could have that. And my lord, think of all the, the, the young men playing sporting events on the outside of our friend here that would be obscured by her. Right now, right now you're getting my flat wood side. If you want to see my sharp metal side, I can turn around and we can see what the ruler

really has in store. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no go Go ahead. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. I'm Oh, yes, now I'll pull the paper out of the little hole Happy back to school season everybody that should be an ad for staples. I think I would go to staples immediately if I saw that ad on TV. Can I have any products please? Yes, really a little bit too sexual for D.D. I think the part of staples that's behind a beaded curtain Yeah, it's truly a little bit too sexual for D&E, I think. The part of Staples is behind a beaded curtain. Yeah, it's in the back. Yeah. All stores should have that like 21 plus section. No matter what the store is, they should offer the adult version of whatever you have at a grocery store.

Do you ever go in a nasty target? We should have that at restaurants too. I want to go to Horny Chili's. Well, Aaron, that's just the kitchen. Yeah, you're right. Okay, a few more warm up riddles, I think. What is the leading cause of dry skin? Heart disease.

Oh, excellent. A leading cause of dry skin. Remember, this is a riddle and not a fact. Oh, dry air. It's a joke. Yeah, a screw dryer. A screw dryer. Yeah, washer and screwdriver.

Is this like a site for psoriasis or something? No, Ian, I do think that you're kind of on the right track with the way that you're thinking. What did you say? Screwed dryer. He was doing a call back to your joke earlier calling a washer. And this is what's the number one cause of dry skin?

Yes. And this is what the number one cause of dry skin. Yes. Skinny dipping, something. I'm going to cause for dry skin. Flake, something flake. This gotta be a skin pun or a dry pun, right? It's not a pun. Dipped.

It's something that dries you. A towel? A towel? A towel? Oh, a towel. Wow. I got a damn it. Yeah. Fucking hate these.

What goes up and down and doesn't move? Actually, I want to see a scene. Uh-oh. Ian, you are a towel and you're just super dry. And Adel, you are the man using the towel and you sort of wish it had a little bit more personality. Ooh, alright. just give a little... So I was telling you that I am mostly Pima cotton. This again, Pima cotton, I don't even know, I don't care.

Have you ever changed to make it out towards Arizona at any point Pima or Pima? Literally, this is the first time I've I've said Pima cotton out loud. I said it twice now. Yes. Tracey Nargo into Sedona in the fall. You know this. The airport in a Phoenix is called a Sky Harbor.

I always thought that was a thing. How? Can I ask you? Hey Charles, can I ask you something? When we leave the house, are you on the computer? What do you do? How do you know all this? I mostly just sort of lay crumpled up in a corner.

Okay, kind of next to your hamper. Great, listen. I, I didn't want to do this today. Slowly collecting, Oh, let me finish this black mold. And, okay. All right, now that I'm dry, I think it's time to just rip the bandaid off, okay?

I'm getting new towels, they're Egyptian cotton, okay? I don't want every day when I shower, I don't want to be talking to Stephen Wright in towel form, okay? I want, so I want like a Ricky Gervais, I want someone, a Tsukin hold up there into the conversation, not just talk at me. The interesting thing about Egypt is the upper Nile is actually further south, and the lower Nile is the way what connects to the Mediterranean holy shit Are you kidding me? Oh, so I'm still a little bit wet from your body. I all dry out in a moment. Oh, yeah Sorry, that was just slightly exciting. Yeah, I've never I didn't know that okay, but yes, we are going to

And I'll leave it up to you. We can either toss you or take you to Salvation Army I have to assume Salvation Army take styles. If you wouldn't mind sort of just crumbling me up and putting me where that feral cat sleeps outside, I think I could put it in actually a little bit. Oh, sure. Yeah. Okay, Captain Screams? Yes.

I will. And I just want to say, I just want to say I'm sorry. I feel like I've been pretty hard on you. I feel like you've done your job. It's just, I don't know if this is better or worse, but it's just your personality. It's just um, I don't know if this is a better worse But it's just your personality. It's just your fairy. We close the next day. There's a there's a knock at your door, Adal Hello Hey, man, you gotta stop leaving this crap out my alley man. This guy sucks. Hey captain

I the idea that cats have nine lines. No, I can't deal with it. I can't deal with it. That was amazing. Yeah, and hold on, I gotta ask, were those factoids real? Everything, I didn't have one for the cat, but everything else was real. Okay. Holy shit.

Ian did say he'd be great on Jeopardy and pulling out that Pima cotton thing, I'm like, okay. Yeah. You guys not lying. I assume it's Pima Arizona. Is Pima cut and thing. I'm like, okay, yeah, you guys not lying. I assume it's Pima, Arizona. Is Pima, Arizona, that it might be Oklahoma? I know you know, Arizona. Now hold on, right?

Yeah, and if you went on Jeopardy, what category would you be most relieved to see on the board? It is in Arizona. If they did, hey, like any sports, I'm a big sports fan. So if, and I know that the bar is pretty low on jeopardy for like sports trivia, this is also how I win trivia

or pursued every time is just by like hitting as many oranges as I can. So any sport, any like basketball related category, I'd be like, I'm about to sweep this thing. Ooh. Tiger teams. I'm a Portland Trailblazer fan. I'm from Portland, Oregon, originally.

Rough times. Rough times. Clyde Drexler could have been Michael Jordan if Holy Michael Jordan hadn't existed. In a world without Michael Jordan, Clyde Drexler would have been a beautiful bald. He's NBA superstar. He looks 54 at 22.

He was fantastic. And then we drafted Greg Oden who looks 54 at 22. He's fantastic. And then we drafted Greg Odin who looked 54 at 19. So we have a, we have a type mature. Yeah. Wow. What a nice way to say that. If only my mother-in-law would be so kind. Yeah.

He's me. I killed for a mature. What goes up and down, but doesn't move an inch. Uh, gas price is Biden. Thank you. Get him. We're all thinking of another thing. Kill him.

Kill him. I already got a real problem with Harrison two years. What goes up and down but doesn't move an inch? See, no, see some moves. What goes up and down? Stock market doesn't move an inch. No. Up and down.

Does it move way more than an inch? Because that's tons of things. Yeah, like airplane. Elevator. I like the way you're thinking now, but that's not right. Oh, okay. Blood pressure. Blood pressure.

But it doesn't move an inch. It goes up and down. Temperature? No. Okay. No, that's good. I do like temperature. Yeah.

Um. Up and down, but doesn't move an inch. Is this something to do with like, uh, I was going to say like, um, no, but that, it's definitely moving. I was going to say like the sun, like the sun in the sky, like it disappears every day. But we are moving, but it's the language in this one. I will say is a little misleading. JVC doesn't have object permanence. We'll be cutting all of this out.

I know exactly about the way. He's creating the sun. He sees the sun again. Are you so created every single day? Yeah. Like a game of peekaboo. He's like, oh my God, I keep back. Yeah.

Sorry, Aaron, what was the hint you just gave? I think that the language in this is a little misleading. When we talk about this thing, we don't say that it goes up and down. We say that maybe we go up and down it. Oh, a slide. Stairs? Stairs.

Oh, stairs. Stricier slide. Oh, okay, you can go up and down stairs, but the stairs never move. I see. I see, I see, I see. A couple more of these warm up riddles before we take a little break.

Okay. These are actually pretty good. Right? These are bad. If I'm walking, then I must be running. However, if I'm running, I may be walking. What am I? A guy in New York City.

I was just gonna take Dustin Hoffman and I'm gonna say, Vinny Kemp. If I'm walking, I must be running. Yeah, if I'm walking, then I must be running. However, if I'm running, I may be walking. What am I? Again, this is sort of intentionally misleading language here. This sounds like, and I know this isn't the answer, but have you ever been to like a mall

at like, right when it opens, like 9 a.m. And there's women in the mall who are walking so slowly, but their arms are doing this, like their arms are going messed up. I love those women. I will protect those women at Edt's. It's like in their head, they think they're Robert Patrick from Terminator 2, but their feet are going just shuffling forward. They've still got re-box from when Reagan was president, but they're clean. They're still clean. They're only worn them in the mall. They're tracksuit

looks like those paper cups that used to come with all water dispenser. Yeah, so funny. The teal and the purple is flatter. Okay, if I'm walking, I'm running. That sounds like running. Whoever I'm running, I may be walking. What am I?

So, did anybody, I'm of a certain age, Ian. But did anybody in school ever have, everyone in my school, there was like a year where everyone would say, if I'm lying, I'm of a certain age, Ian, but did anybody in school ever have everyone in my school? There was like a year where everyone would say, if I'm lying, I'm flying and my feet are clearly still on the ground. Did anybody have that or is that so? You went to school with all Matthew McConaughey's, right? Yeah. That's a nightmare or TV show.

I've got a premise for a TV show. All right, do it in some quick roll call, Matthew. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, Matthew. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right,, Matthew. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, Matthew, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. That was nine, nine different movies. Yeah. No, I, I don't think I've ever heard of that in my life. So, yeah.

Let's just move on. So, there's a stylish thing for like a lot of people to say. That seems like a thing that one person said and everyone's like, that's the guy who says that. I might have just spread through my school like World Four. I don't know who and in 1935. So he just has a different point of reference than the rest of it.

And I invented the assembly line and I stood to that. That has a, that has a, I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I'm all out of bubble gum vibe too. And like, I like a, I like a phrase with like, an answer to a yes or no question with a part one, a part two, the part three is I'm all out of part two. You can never have a part two and that the part three is I'm all out of part two You can never have a catchphrase like that these days because the kids that be on tick-tock halfway through

Yeah, you can't do more than an eight-second catchphrase, right? Yeah, your sneeze away from yelling get off my lawn Can you repeat it one more time if I'm walking that I must be running however if I'm running I may be walking What am I and again this is slightly misleading language? It's just like something running like it's working like the water Working yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, is this like always like those robot dogs that busted in the can X or whatever Boston, it X sort of It I will say it's you it's. So it's something you plug in. If I'm running a walk in.

Oh, walks. Is it like a walking piano? Or it's like a doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom. I prefer playing piano or something. But what's in this, like, like, think of the words walking and running. Those are important words. Okay.

What? It's not just, it's sort of a double meaning of the word running. Walking, but it's running. It's walking, it's, it's, if I was just for walking, it's not just, it's sort of a double meaning in the world running, because it's running. Even Phoenix. Walking Phoenix. Oh, no. If I was just for walking Phoenix.

Is this one of those signs that helps you cross the street with like the electronic walking person? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Walking thing for a deaf person, but I thought it was a, did did did did did did did did did did did did did did did did. The six flags guy. So if I'm walking, I'm running, and if I'm running, I'm walking. Is that what you said? Yes, but so this thing, it's like running because it's on and it's working, but also it's like running.

Oh boy, can we get a little hint please? The walking part, Aaron, is the part that I'm having the most trouble with. Do you have a hint for the walking part? Yeah, it's both. So it's like, the walking and the running is the intended use of this thing. I can motorize walking stick that's like out of control. Yeah, but what's another way of like, what's it?

Motorize walking stick that's out of control. Motorize walking thing is sick. People move very close. Escalator. Those things, is that what you call the things in the airport? Yeah. Motorized walking thing a segway. People move very close. Escalator, what are those things? Is that what you call the things in the airport? Like a flat escalator that had an anvil dropped on it? It's that for your home.

Treadmill. Treadmill. Treadmill. Whoa. We got there. We got a gimmick. I just bought a, I saw it on TikTok, guilty. I just bought a walking pad for my living room.

And it's like a half a treadmill. And just bought a walking pad for my living room. And it's like half a treadmill, and I have fallen off of it so many times. Oh, I've seen those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you have long legs, it is not for you. Wait, wait, wait, I have no idea what this is. Is it, what do you mean half a treadmill? What is this? It's not the top hat of the treadmill.

Oh, yes, yeah, it's a shorter length, and there's no stand for it. It's just a walking pad, yeah. I've been to your house and seen that. Mariah also has one, but she had, which of my wife, she has it and she calls it an underdesk treadmill so that she can put it under her desk, her standing desk so she works

because then you can like balance off it. I've never seen a person just have one in the middle of their living room before. When I went into your house, I assumed that that hadn't been moved to the place where I'm in. Oh, that's a spot. This feels like my mother-in-law all over. Well, let's go to a break and um, GPC and I can sort of chop this up and we'll be right back with more Hey Riddle Riddle. I know what you're thinking. Do I have a new hat? Adel and JPC, new haircut? Why am I

walking around with so much confidence? Oh, I was going to, I, that you're wondering. I wanted pretzels from the food court. And I was just going to let you know that it looks like you leaned on paint. Anyways, I just had a bunch of subscriptions canceled for me by Rocket Bunny that I wasn't using until now I'm flushed with cash and now I'm confident. Perseual money? Well, maybe. We'll talk about that. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years years even before they were a sponsor. Aaron, it looks like you may have leaned on like with someone painting a rocket money like billboard or sign or something because it's all down your back. And I could I could I could. Most people think they're spending $80 on their subscriptions. When in reality, the number is closer to 200. And when you sign up for so many free trials,

like streaming services, you watch one show, and then you completely forget about it, you lose track, and then all of a sudden you're like, why am I bleeding money? Rocket money? They take care of that for you. They go sit back, relax, we got this. And they make everything color coded and easy

and super intuitive. You're also color coded. A little birdie told me that rocket money also lets you monitor all your expenses in one place. It recommends custom budgets based on your past spending. And they'll even send you notifications when you've reached your spending limits, which sounds like something my friend would like, but I forget which friend I'm so hungry for pretzels.

Speaking of pretzels, you don't get all twisted up by saltine and the bread of your finances with over 3 million users and counting. Rocket money customers have saved an average of $720 a year. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocket rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle rocket money.com slash r.i.d.d.l.y Hey, what's going on? Somebody lean over my rocket money paint thing run everybody run run

Is that da Vinci? Yeah Yes Yeah, yes. And bye! This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Heck with my machete, clear the overgrown grass. Oh, I've done it. I've found it. This ancient city of BetterHelp. What is, let me walk through here.

This doesn't look ancient. It looks like there's people thriving here. What's, hello? Hey, Adel. Hey, Adel, tell me. Yes. What a weird thing to say to a hey, Adel. Oh, you know us, right?

Sure. Here are citizens of better help this town. Yeah. Better help is therapy. That's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for a long time. It works for the way that my brain works and we're just here talking about it celebrating it. Hmm, yes, I am here too celebrating it. You all seem very happy. This seems like a happy bunch of folks.

Hey, man, why don't you lose the sword? Oh, it's a machete. Not a sword. I love it. Yeah, you're right. It's all good. Why don't I take that from you? Huh? Yeah. We'll put this somewhere safe. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for that. I appreciate your better help Well, no, not not really. I'm not doing better help, but better help, you know, as therapy is actually pretty toned to a person like me because I want, you know, to learn positive coping skills. I want to learn how to set and force boundaries, and I want to check in with someone on my own schedule. I love online therapy for that specific reason.

I don't know if you wanted to try it. All you would have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you could switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Wow, you said fill out a stone tablet. for no additional charge. Wow, you said fill out a stone tablet. So there are some things that better help is not going to be qualified to help with

Adela. This may be one of the maybe we get you to some other type of specialist. Okay, yeah, that makes sense, but it seems here like there are higher glyphics that say, make your brain your friend with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash, without a slash, cause I don't have my machete, betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help.

Uncover this moss, h-e-l-p.com slash riddle, betterhelp.com slash riddle, huh? And this is a perfect example of something that not you addle, but I would be sharing with my therapists. Mm. Okay, okay, everyone gather around, gather around.

Okay, yeah. As I finish dusting off the ancient structure. Boring. It says, says this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, well, that's actually interesting. Squarespace, I've heard of this. Yes, it's the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online,

whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, right? Squarespace, oh, what I hear, makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all-in-one place, all in one place all in your terms. Yes, that's what Squarespace is, but the question, what is it doing, bedded here? Yes, yes, doctor, yes, doctor.

Well, I think they're pretty cool because they have, they can host video content, organize your video library and showcase your content on beautiful video pages and sell access to your videos on the member areas. It's super intuitive to use. That's probably why it's buried down here. Yeah, and Dr. Dustoff, a world famous archeologist, they even sell custom merch. So we could get some Dr. Dustoff merch going. You easily sell it, you create passive income,

it engages your audience, scales your brand, is that sound good? Yes, yes, yes, we all know about Squarespace, and it's amazing features like the Assets Library where you can organize and access all your content from one place, where you can manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform. We know about the value of Squarespace, but the question is, what is it doing? That is... Okay, Dr. Destauff, we don't know, you're the archaeologist. you on Squarespace? But the question is, what is it doing? That ain't see! Okay, Dr. Dustoff, we don't know, you're the archaeologist.

I'm sorry, what? You're, I drove! Oh. Okay. They call me Dr. Dustoff because when I get into a car accident, I make it kind of go away. I'm a smooth talker. I'm an easy walker and I'm not bad looking either. Ah.

Ah. Dr. Dustoff tips his fedora to the two of you. He just gave his fedora $20. That's too much of a tip. And there's more of that came from hat. At thescorspace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Dr. Dustoff, um, you're my new favorite character. Please sign everything. Yeah, please, please show up in an episode. Will you

please? Okay, if you insist. Now hold on, I'm taking a call. Hello, they're burning it down. Good. Oh, do we have insurance? I got to take this. Okay. Yes. This is just JP. Go left. Yeah. This is JP Riddle Center for I used to have a treadmill that I would which I don't have anymore. My old apartment. I bought it when I first moved to the city. So I had like a treadmill for like 10 years in Chicago. I moved it for four apartments. It was an awful ordeal to move that thing. But I used to, I used to walk on the treadmill

while I played video games with people. And I would play video games with friends like on like headset and several times as I was doing that, I had fallen off the treadmill because I was paying too much attention to the game. And all of my friends had to hear me Like fall down What is happening? I felt I was

Fall off a treadmill But I would never tell them I was all the treadmills. They look what happened? I'm like I fell down And they're like we're playing video games You know those are good friends because that audio never made its way to YouTube. Yeah. What game were you playing? This would be a time of my life where I was playing a lot of Overwatch,

which is a game that involves like, I mean, moving and shooting and aiming and stuff, it's not a good treadmill game. I gotta tell people, it's not a good treadmill game. Yeah, you wanna play like a civilization? Yes. Harvest moon. I do agree with Ian where it feels like

if there was any justice in the world, that audio of you falling down the screaming would be like the new Wilhelm scream. Where it's like any new Star Wars movie. Like, someone gets hit with a lightsaber and falls off a cliff and we're, Oh, you're a JVC, go help me, I'm hurt. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, Ian, wherever you found the last like eight riddles, clinging to that source, never lose that, wherever that's from, these are frustrating, but delightful. Yeah. Yeah, I almost lied and said I wrote them for the attempt. Wow.

That's not gonna be impulse. I thought it though, I told the truth, I didn't write these, I found them on the internet. But these next riddles that I'm gonna bring to your door,. Oh, he and me. Okay fine. He can take credit Our listener submitted and these are from Mark so Mark loves Improv and puzzles and it's really fun to list to a podcast where people love improv and barely tolerate puzzles

So they are definitely a listener. Mark wrote these mystery lists for the, that's what he's calling them. So these, well for Adel and JPC, these are probably like they're kind of only connect adjacent. It's a certain style of puzzle. But I'm going to give you guys an example puzzle and then we'll get into the real ones and I think you'll be able to pick up on this really quick. So I'm, do we need as Dr. Dre once wrapped? Do we need a pen and a pen? No.

I think you'll be good. Unless, I mean, I don't know, up to you, dealer's choice. Are we trying to get this damn label off? Yeah. I thought, well, I don't say it. Okay. I would show you with a traless in truth. So, all of the answers in this set of puzzles Okay. I would choke you with the trulsons too.

So all of the answers in this set of puzzles form a recognizable set of items or people, such as days in the week or colors of the rainbow or names of the friends from friends. In order to find out what the set is, you'll be given a list of clues. Each clue relates to one item in the set, for example. So like, you'll have to, it's like two puzzles in one. You have to figure out what each one is trying to get you to say. And then you have to figure out what the overarching category is. Okay, got it. Okay. So the first clue from the first puzzle is cable guy. Okay. Jim Carrey movies. Mm hmm. But also it's not going to the literal thing remember the blue. Yes. Yes. Okay things that are late

Springfield bar tender. Oh Mo that'd be most syslach yeah Country fair fries and that's all the hints tenderloin. Oh, what are those the funnel cake? Country fairfrires pickles shape of French fry Shaper French fry. Oh Michael Shannon lily tail as a great movie love that movie Woman falls in love with the fish. There are only three only three clues. Mm-hmm. I can put them in the chat as well And the first one we have we we think cable guy is Jim Carey. We have Jim Mo. Are these three stuages? Yep, but.

So low-perly-frize, Mo says lack and. Larry the cable guy. Larry the cable guy. Larry the cable guy. Oh, I see, I see. Okay, okay. Okay. All right, so they're all gonna be like that.

These puzzles are written with the intention that you'll be able to guess what the set is without figuring out every single clue. So you can do some deductive reasoning. Okay, I got to be, I say in this because I think my dad does listen to the show. What about Shep? Are we not talking about Shep?

Is Shep not even in the conversation? Who's Shep? Shep was brought in late late in the game. He's sort of a, who's the marks brother, Zepo? Sort of late to the game, He's sort of a who's the marks brother? Zepo sort of late to the game, but still a part of it probably gets royalties. Wow When my dad dies, he is gonna be spinning in his grave Rotisserie dad I should just very quickly General be pissed if I don't mention it. Gemma's related to two of the studios That's so funny. Wow two of them.. Yeah, they're obsessed. Or what? Well, they're in love. They're in love. If the studious inter-Mary,

it's like the royal families of Europe. Yeah, that's why they all have that chin, that that hapspurg chin, they all have a chin. They call it a studooge's palette. They have a slap face So some of these are gonna be the order is important like that last one is not as important but this first puzzle is five items and the order matters Okay, okay, these are awesome. The first clue is quake The second is ball the third is storm fourth is fall second is ball. The third is storm. Fourth is fall. Fifth is break. Got it.

This is, uh, this is a captain planet. This is earthquake. Fireball. What was the next one? Heartbreak. Heartbreak. The most important thing is

the storm and fall. Yeah. So these are a captain planet. Wind. Planet tears. Wind fall. Yeah, so these are Captain planet wind planet tears wind wind fall What's the storm Rain well there was sorry. There's a crossover. I don't remember. This is like mid 90s storm from the X-Men Actually joined the planet here. Yeah, and she was wrecking house that little toxic pig guy I don't like cannot believe how quickly you got that yes Yes, Earth, fire, wind, water, heart. Each of these clues is the second half of a comment of a common compound word

that begins with the element name. That's crazy. And it's also very sad. We should say it's very sad that heart and the other one passed away and now it's just Earth, wind and fire. Or that they're still doing their best. They're doing great. Yeah.

When I saw Quake, I assumed it was a clue about a game that JPC fell off a treadmill playing. Oh, I got this. I made the Doom guy scream, I fell off my treadmill. And I should say when Earthwinn and Fire combine their powers summon parents to the dance floor to wedding. Yeah. Yeah, baby.

Okay, so puzzle two, these are eight items and then the order. Jesus. It kind of matters. Near far wherever you are. Up above the world so high, under a horse at a saint's annual parade in the sky, parentheses rarely, at the end of the rainbow beneath the Emerald City and floating in the sky, parentheses rarely. At the end of the rainbow, beneath the Emerald City and floating in the summer sky. Holy shit.

Oh, near for a review are, is like Selenian Titanic. Yeah, and that was it. What's the name of that song? If not Titanic, place the movie beyond. My heart will go on. My heart will go on. Oh, this is the planetears plus so heart. Earth is under the rainbow.

And then what's the next, the next one is? Up above the world so high. Twinkle, twinkle little star. Yeah, so a star. Heart star. Oh, these are lucky charms. Yep. Heart star, four shoe under a horse, horse shoe.

At a Saint Daniel parade is a clover. Probably Saint Patrick's. Yeah. At the end of a rainbow would be a pot of gold. Bene a Saint Daniel parade is a clover, probably St. Patrick's. At the end of a rainbow would be a pot of gold. Beneath the emerald city would be slippers, Ruby slippers, is that for the rainbow? Rainbow, all over the rainbow. Okay.

And then floating in the summer sky would be a moon. No, red balloon. A red balloon. Oh, are there moons in Lucky Stars? Yeah, that's blue in that sky. Lucky Charms? Okay. In the night sky. Rarely is the moon. Oh, I's Blue and that's five. Lucky Stars and Lucky Charms? Okay. In the night sky.

Rarely, is the moon. Oh, I see. I miss that one. I was trying to do like, Heart Stars and Rainbows and Me Red Balloons, but I just read right to the end. Stars and Rainbows in Me Red Balloon. Aaron, this isn't so much a scene, but just a request. Sure.

Do you mind singing the Lucky Charms song in the stylings of Sleen Beyond? Just a snippet. Do I know? Okay, yeah. I'm trying to hear a blue, on a gray rainbow, and blue. Okay, our budget's blown. Our budget's blown. Well, we hold him $80,000.

It was like five seconds. Aaron, we should, we should for the first time we should take video from this podcast and just do that and then have a caption contest for people writing what they hear. It's like a worship test. It's like a worship test. But audio, I do wanna see.

That's my nightmare. I do wanna see a real scene. JBC Ian and Aaron, the three of you are sort of ad executives for, I want to say post, I have no idea. Well, Lucky Charms, parent company. And the three of you have been tasked with coming up with for the new generation for 2023, we need to refresh these outdated marshmallows.

So you're coming up with what the new marshmallows should be. Nobody's playing with whole shoes anymore, all right? We got to get them out of there and we we gotta replace them with something the kids can relate to Mm-hmm. Yeah, but boss, we can't be all cell phone marshmallows in there. It's a little depressing Okay, but we definitely so we got cell phone on the board. Alright now. We need to beat cell phone Cell phone is definitely first now. I also got to say I think we got to take rainbow out I mean rainbow is just too hot bed I think we gotta take Rainbow out. I mean Rainbow is just too hot bed. We're getting we're getting all conservatives

unloading AK-47s into Lucky Charms boxes because we have rainbows in there. It's just too much. Oh, oh Taking your idea. What if we exclusively pivot to selling marshmallow shapes that outrage conservatives So they buy Lucky Charms to destroy those lucky charms. Okay, well now finally our hunter bite in marshmallow makes sense on the board. We do a hunter bite. We run the bite. We run the bite. Three weeks ago thinking we have an answer and the question will make itself clear at some point. This is perfect. I think we move everything from the questionable that could commit

this is maybe too political to hot button into that that's definitely going in and we get the guy who's waiting right outside to just come in and record the new jingle right now. Great. Come on in. Hey, it's me, Post Malone. We rolling. Here we go. Go Post, go Post. alone. We rolling, here we go. Go post, go post. Cell phones, hunt a bite in on a Tuesday, Marshmallow. We got anyone. Risperies, risperies, nice that drip, drink that drip. Milk. Post, is there any way you can work trans-gender blood light into the lyrics at any point. Ah, back to one, let's take it from the top. See, T.

General Mills is the company. General Mills. Now, Adela, all of our listeners know that you can definitely do an im an im impression, but I think we're blown away that you actually have a spot on perfect post-mortem. I said post-mortem. I go, I don't know what he sounds like. I think truly I think the way my brain worked is I was like serial the singer post is a serial company. Yeah. And I was like post moana. He's the perfect. He's the perfect candidate. Everyone says he's the biggest sweetheart on the planet. He's always smiling, I would say.

Yeah. Good to know. So, there you go. Also, Carl Mellon in the post. Bye. Good boy. Good. Okay, next puzzle.

I think you're going to be in our jeopardy getting the who's the biggest sweetie question to be asked. I know this. Just very quickly to keep Ian honest to his very, very quickly. Ian basketball for 1000. Yeah. The question is this, I don't know, a basketball player move to the US at the age of 47, I want to say,

to play for the Portland Trailblazer. I wish he had been like that. I wish he had been like that. That's how he did his about it. He was 47 years old and he had the knees of a much older man. Yeah. Truly is astounding how old the knees of a much older man. Yeah. Truly is astounding how old the trillabalies yourself always been.

Sorry Aaron, next one. No, this is okay. This one's good. This is... All right, it's four items. The last supper, the creation of Adam, the feast of Herod, and the transfiguration. Is transfiguration the wine into the body of Christ, or the blood of Christ thing? Okay.

And Ian, I got to ask, how's it feel to be Jewish for this one? It can't feel too great. It feels safe, it feels so good. So the last supper. Listen, the last supper, that's Passover, baby. I'm the one who's going to work. Yeah and that's Passover baby I'm the We're yeah Passover without the horn

Yes, the last supper is a painting by Do we know who painted that Leonardo? Well a lot of people but Leonardo Da Vinci okay, and then I think now that you have that you'll be able to sus out the Da Vinci creation of oh Creation was Michael Angel Got it and we should say the creation of Adam was cool but rude. Yeah. Do we want to do? Oh, you want to do. See, you see, you see, go ahead. The creation of Adam was painted by bebop. It was dropping ooze. I do want to see you seeing the four of us are the turtles. I

called Donatello. Go ahead and call your turtle. I'll be Donatello as well. I'll also be Donatello. I will be April O'Neill. Great. So this worked out perfectly. I should have never asked for input. Art by committee, everyone. Art by committee. So Ian, you are April O'Neill. The other three of us are Donatello's. And this is a weird sort of storyline where April is trying to get the turtles to accept Jesus. Hey, April. Ah, you haven't been down to the sewer in a while. What have you been up to? Well, you know that I usually cover the news.

Uh-huh. But for once, I actually had an opportunity to hear the news. The good news that is uh... like it like uh... uh... more uh... more public tv station i don't understand well no good news here in the good news are you talking about the good news of

how we built an automatic pizza making machine well it's something like an automatic pizza making machine but what if instead of making pizzas, it forgave everyone their sins, and instead of a machine, it was a man who was God. Okay, Donatello, start backing up slowly. Okay, okay. There we go.

What if I told you that there was a pizza covered in not pepperoni, meat sauce, and cheese, but forgiveness, love, and eternal life in the kingdom of heaven? How many slices would you want? I don't know guys. That sounds actually kind of good Walks towards April April you're not wearing your typical yellow jumpsuit that stinks like absolute shit. You're wearing white That's right because I've been born again in the love of Jesus Christ. He's like shredder, but the opposite Gets down on my knees class my

Teller no I hit him over the head with my big stick. I'm pretty sure that's my weapon My head into my shell and you hit the shell and that's my move Dang it. I Wanted to because I'm also done a teller I would have done that too because I'm also Donatella. Hold on. I think so distracted by living in the light of Jesus Christ the Savior that I haven't noticed. Why are there three Donatellas?

I cloned myself. Something bad happened here. Wait, wait, April, if there's three Donatellas, that means we only have one soul between the three of us. Can all three of us get saved? That's right. Well, technically much like Jesus, much like God, you are each a part of the Urdana Tello.

You heard me. Dibs on the Father. Dibs on the Father. Father, also the Father. I would also like to be the Father. Three fathers. The Father, the Father, and the Father. You should have never asked,

you should have never asked. You see. We're idiots. We're gonna improv though. No, we should have never asked me. We're idiots. We're gonna improv though. Oh no, that's not true and I know that's not true. I love the initiation. You know what, usually cover the news? Well, I heard the news.

That's brilliant. Okay, we're gonna do another one. Yes, that's right. Also do you like how Jesus is the anti-shredder, not just a one to one for, or yeah the anti-shredder, not just a one-to-one for, or, yeah, super, super-shredder, not a one-to-one for, oh splinter. Which is just like, I will say, it just popped into my head.

I would, I despise all religion. I would absolutely convert to, if Jesus sounded like, eh, Jesus, here we are, my pastor. If Jesus sounded like crang, all in. All in. And if Jesus rode around in a giant god suit, yes, that looked like a huge pro wrestler.

That would be fun. In the Tommy. All right, seven items. Aaron, these are also great. This is making the best riddles we've had in two years. Ian, I was trying to impress you just to be honest. And I sourced some of the best riddles we've had in two years. Yeah, and I was trying to impress you, um, just to be honest. And I saw some of the best riddles I've ever sourced. Well, in the interest of you, continually, we get really good riddles by denying

you my affection and being impressed. I'm going to say I'm not impressed at all. That'll only make me better. Thank you. Right. Exactly. You're welcome. Trying to do the math here. I know. All right. Yeah. Okay. What are these?

This. Okay. Oh. I'm trying to do the math here. I know. Okay. What are these? This. Okay. Oh, I got this one. A devilish sea creature, a shortened mile, falls first half. Before you reap, orders partner, a golfer's starting point and unbaked goods. This is a sound of music as one. Oh yeah. Unloving, Leviathan. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Joe. A deer, a female deer. Ray, I got my gun, and me, and I got my stuff.

Fa, I'm going to my turn. The first half of the fall. Yeah, the first half of the fall. So before you reap, love, order, what? What? A devilish secreture, a deer? Array. Array, okay.

Array. Yes, yes, yes, thank you so much. Honestly, if I see a deer swimming around in an ocean, I'm going to be like the devil. The devil is good at something. You can bring it in time. I can't bring you thing underwater with red eyes. That does sound like one of the nicknames for the devil from the year 600. Like the deer of the swims

The morning star Do dear Ray fossil a lot I see a dear the swims. I'm going right to my what is it? Infibient haters group on reddit The shit there's a third member folks T. Okay, this is very good very very good. All right. This one is nine items. Okay Pretty cool. Here it is in the chat a Sprinter a ballerina a frolicer a stone-cold foxed fox a celestial body a matchmaker a cannibal a linebacker and odd one out got it I got it. I got it. You got it man. Yeah, so fucking hard. I have no idea here. This is Dasha dancer

Francher Prancer. Thank you so much. Stunkel Fox would be fuckable. No, Vixen. They rename fuckable 2019 they really fuckable the Mexican post Malone saying the new version. We all know it's fuckable. Celestial body would be Coma out new version. We all know it's fuckable. Celestial body would be cloud cloud. Conor, thank you so much. That's better. A matchmaker would be, um, Cupid. Cupid. Thank you so much. A candle would be. Dumber. Dumber. The Dumber party, the Dumber party. A linebacker would be, uh,

who lets them. This would be John Litch, but then and on one out would be Rudolph. Wow. You got it. I don't sleep. Dion sing this. Oh no. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

You mean, you said HR Park as a J. But I got to let us know what words you heard. I always think she sounds like Elmo in that first part, which is like, I like how to let us know what words you heard. I always think she sounds like Elmo in that first part, where she's like, yeah, far. Right, everyone, let's just me street with Elmo. I can't get on board with it. He ran real close and ran well.

Okay, so what am I talking about? What am I doing? Who am I? I just blacked in and I want a reddle podcast. Let's do maybe one more. Yes. Okay. Yeah.

All right. This one is 10 items, treason, forgery, slander, violating blue laws, juvenile in corduability homicide infidelity larceny perjury criminal intent. These are all the all the law. Oh, they're the sense. Yeah. Right? Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, red one is leaving someone on red as a new sin. Uh, what else? 10 commandments.

Yeah. 10 commandments. I like your answer better, Adela. Of they're all the different law and orders. A lot of trees and more of your forgery. Dirt on. Five and a lot of the old testament one right after the Christmas name to one.

I feel safe. I feel welcome. I feel supported. Uh, puzzle. What did you do? Well, you guys got that way faster than I thought. So let's do another one. Wait, which one of these is worshiping false idols?

That would be slander. No, that would be. That one of the 10 Commandments. What are blue laws? Is that the father and mother? I don't know what maybe maybe the blue laws, when I hear blue laws, I think like thin blue line, but I'm like, that's not, that's what that is. What are the blue?

I don't know. Okay. Someone will have to Google that for someone else, not one of the three of us, four of us, we're not googling it. Okay. Seven items. And I forgot to put them in the, we're not going to like it. Okay. Seven items. And I forgot to put them in the chat again. These got to be the deadly sins. I'm calling it these have to be the dead.

They have to be the prescriber. Ambien, Zoloft, Zannex, Clareton, cannabis life. The prescriber, postmolones, postmolones. Uh, this is for Trailer ideas. Yes. Okay. So the prescriber would be... Oh, sleep, these are all the seven dwarves. Yeah. Sleepy.

Doc's sleepy, happy depression. Okay, Sneezy, weezy, cannabis would be... Hungry? The dopey. Yeah, so Doc is writing prescriptions. Sleepy writing prescription sleepy insomnia grumpy depression bashful anxiety sneezey allergies dopey wants dope and happy high on life. Wow. Very cool.

Wow. That's way faster than I thought. Aaron, if I if I can reveal my little secret and show the old man behind the curtain, I'm always old. Uh, the number gives it away every time. Maybe not this one. Uh oh. Seven of those is easy.

Oh, damn it. No, no, no, no. Throw it out through the ears. Yeah. Okay, let me read these. So how many? One, two, three. American drugs, Russian drugs, money, anger, God, practice.

American drugs, Russian drugs, money, anger, God, practice. American drugs, Russian drugs, money, anger, God, practice. This is six. Six. Six clues. Six highly effective habits, American drugs, Russian drugs. So what's the difference between American drugs and Russian drugs? Oh, these are the six people you meet in heaven. Oh, maybe you.

Maybe you. In Russia, drugs smoke you. That's a reference to when I was a child, there was a comedian named Yakovsky. Yakovsky enough. What are American drugs? American drugs and drugs are my favorite in terms of the clues, like how they chose these clues. A money anger god practice. Russian voice. Uh, boy oh boy. I don't know what any of these is eating towards.

Money anger god. So, uh, I would say the list like the American drugs, Russian drugs is like the cause. Like they caused something to happen. American drugs caused one, Russian drugs caused one, money caused one, anger, God in practice. What, they make, these made something. Uh, revolutions, black market.

Oh, okay, God makes, God makes me one of the best. Practice makes perfect. No, you're, um, the fuck? Like, practice made, it's a specific IP that we're going for here. Spacers got a P, practice what you pre-expractice. No, it's like an IP. So it's like a franchise or a like that.

Oh, I'm a curious person. Okay. I wish. I just watched all of those in order for the first time and they're the best. Okay, they're so good. They're so good. They're so good. They give him diesel as a tank top to their wedding.

Everyone always has one detail from the movies that just sort of haunts them forever, and I love that that's yours. You've had a formal tank to anyway. Everyone literally has one thing where they're like, Michelle Rodriguez character, the photo they use for her original funeral, because no one dies in the fascinabuse franchise. She's in the background of her funeral photo.

She's not even the foreground of her funeral photo, it's insane. I built it so we just covered a band called Look Mexico and they formed in 2006 and all of their, I think they have like four albums, but all of their song titles are just Vin Diesel quotes because in 2006 this guy like thought Vin Diesel was awesome and now he's lived like a long career. So he has tons of pull quotes to work off of. I thought that was a very fun little quirk.

What band was that? It's called Look Mexico. It's like a Math Rock band. They're good. So American drugs cause this. Is this like a Woodstock, American drugs caused, boy oh boy. I think that Russian drugs. Is it like, is helpful?

Okay, mass incarceration, the fall of the Berlin Wall. These are characters. Characters, Russian drugs. Caused characters to have some sort of change that happens in them that make them oh these marvel Yes, yeah Original America Avengers. Yes, yes, after America. Oh

Rugs scarlet with a no black widow black widow Russian money would be Iron Man. Iron Man. Or would be Hulk. God would be Thor practice would be Hawkeye. Yeah. Oh, practice is the word. Yeah, sorry Hawkeye. Practice. I like it. 1520 visions.

I want to say one final scene. Oh, sorry, Aaron. Yeah, sorry. I just want to say thank you so much, Mark, for these riddles. I know that there are more and I'm definitely going to use these again. I want to see one final scene. Great. Ian, you are Norse God Thor. Aaron, you are the incredible Hulk.

And you're in the credible Hulk form at the moment. JPC, you're a Hawkeye Thorne Hulk. You're trying to like really, Hawkeye's thinking about quitting. He feels he has imposter syndrome and you two are trying to sort of pump him up. Knock knock, can we come in? Guys. I brought the left saw. Guys, please.

It's like I really just rather not like my decisions kind of final and I, I think I'm done No, I'm just gonna come over here and sit on the end of your bed. No Okay, the best ruins There's so much I can't but this we there are so many situations where someone who can shoot an arrow really good to be really useful why can't I? where someone who can shoot an arrow really good to be really useful. Why can't you? No. I don't know.

We were out in the field the other day and Black Widow just had like guns and was doing like killing way more bad guys than me and it was I was it was going super slow. Yeah, you're killing count just way less than ours, but you're like a fun little pit. We have around your personality higher. Come on. Come on. But you're like a fun little pit. We have around your personality higher Yeah, I think you need to lean into that like sort of you know Embrace the fact that you're not good at fighting or or you know convincing bad guys not to be bad like You don't have a distinctive costume You're sort of forgettable

You're no one's favorite. This is not helping. I and also guys I'm the only one that I think has like a wife and kids. Like it doesn't, I should go, I should spend more time and then a door gets kicked open. There's a back-eye at the door. Nobody moves. Nobody moves. Oh no, there's a bad guy right there.

Oh, I hope our friend has his arrows, man. You should have a hand. He looks like the kind of guy that can only be defeated by arrows. Right there. Oh, I hope our friend has his arrows ready By arrows I am Applehead and my one power it by the apple on the top of my head and fuses me is the guy on the right Tony I know it's you. I know it's you. You're wearing an apple on top of an ironman suit Okay, I know it's you. It's I look I appreciate it guys, but this is not I don't need to kill a guy who has an apple head That's not what I need right okay? Oh back in my Bentley I'm going Well, we did it we did you made it through all the riddles you were great

Fantastic guest it was come back anytime. I would love I would love to. This was so much fun. Thank you for having me. Well, Ian, where else can people check you out or even know where else can they find your show? I'm going to be you can listen to all fantasy, everything everywhere podcasts are sold. One is this come out. This is coming out. I think the second week of October fantastic. Follow me on social media at Ian Carmel on all those platforms.

I'll be in Vancouver BC doing stand up at the end of November. I'll be in Austin, Texas doing stand up at the Vulcan Gas Company October eighth and ninth. I'll be, I'm just all I'm in L.A. doing stand up November first at the Dynasty typewriter. I love that. That's awesome. I love that. That's great. That's the plus. Yeah. That's awesome. Uh, J.P.S.

Are Adela anything to plug? Uh, I want to see my plug if Ian can tell me in 10 to 15 seconds, uh, who the trailblazer should trade, Dame Lillard Ford. Ooh, I mean, listen, there's no good answer for that. I think we got to get halfway into the season and see which teams are outperforming their expectations. Okay. Ideally, there'll be the Brooklynettes, perhaps Utah jazz. Somebody with draft assets

and not Tyler Hero. Okay. Thank you so much. Aaron, anything to plug your promote? No, I had the same thing. I had the exact same question. So I asked him answer. JPC, could you read a review from the show for us? Please. Thank God, because I've also done a tell-o and I also have the exact same question. So I'll just skip to reading a review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show just leave us a five-star view I might pick yours. Hey today I picked chili cheese free-dose they say I play rain noises every night to sleep Oh, I first found out about this podcast after I listened to flight risk featuring Hey rental on dungeons and daddies I started with the clue crew free trial and three days later upgraded a review crew. Okay. That's the kind of action

We like to see also love all of Arnie's themes. I think he's so much chili cheese free does. Hmm, very nice. Thank you so much for that review. What do you think of the free does, by the way? Start it in or up. Oh no, you're a fast guy. You never had a walk in talk of Aaron.

I don't know if you know this. Thor's hammer actually has a really cool name. It's, you know, Thor's obviously lives in the skies and heaven. So do you know the name of Thor's Hammer? Jupiter? By forever. And John Patrick calling. Casey told me to be editing. I already heard it in the music. Oh, no! I'm a real idiot.

I'm a real idiot. I'm a real idiot. I'm a real idiot. I'm a real idiot. I'm a real idiot. I'm a real idiot. I'm a real idiot. I'm a real idiot. I'm a real idiot. In you really undersold your skills.

I was surprised as well. You're not gonna out. I kind of blacked out. I will not remember this. Hey there, Polars and Kelps. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We go to Antarctica to bring you something that is in no way like the thing. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com, so I'll say a riddle

rental, but join the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month. Any get those at free episodes? See you there! podcast.