Hey Riddle Riddle - #287: HE HAD CHAM!

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

Here's those riddles you ordered! All they're going to cost you is your sanity. This episode has a delicious crab, birds on a wire, and everyone's favorite-horny aliens. If that doesn't float your boat we also have some pirate poetry!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgun podcast. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh It seems like you ate all the cereal. I got hungry in there. I didn't eat all the cereal. Plus, if you want more, it's magic spoon. You can always just order some more. Gosh, this makes more sense if I had my magic spoon because I'm like the magic spoon fairy and then the magic spoon box. Did you eat the spoon? I did eat the spoon.

It is a double spoon. Yeah, it's like I eat the bones. I don't blame me for eating the magic spoon cereal because it's delicious. They have bones. I don't blame me for eating the magic spoon cereal because it's delicious They have a variety pack four flavors included cocoa fruity frosted and peanut butter Yum yum yum this pack has zero grams of sugar 13 to 14 grams of protein and four to five grams of net carbs only 140 calories a serving it's high protein has zero grams of sugar keto-friendly gluten-free grain-free and soy-free Magic spoon cereal grandma and fairy are a gramlin or a fairy? I mean, I said fairy, but obviously you see me and you

say, Gremlin. So, and it's, you know, I'm choosing 2024. I'm choosing, I'm not going to be offended by what people see. People see what they see with me. And we know all I'm here to do is tell you about magic spoon, which apparently you already know you covered pretty much everything I love it. It's delicious. What's your favorite? Easy, easy. I like the cocoa and I like the peanut butter and I like a half and a half mix. Obviously I've just eaten all the cocoa out of this box. You do have a peanut butter box I have already eaten that as well. I did get hungry and move boxes. I was really waiting for you know a couple of hours for you to have cereal. It's nighttime. Don't people, this is when they have cereal, right? Well, I have a weird sleep schedule. It looks like your name is Glen. It's a little name text

says Glen. It looks like you're also are wearing jeans and have a big fat wallet with a chain on it. So can you pay me money back at least, Glen? Oh, and this chain wall is just full of IO use because I have to go to a lot of cereal about, you know what? Here's what I'll tell you. Here's what I'll tell you that you could do. It's going to magicspoon.com slash rental to grab a variety pack and try it today and be sure to use the promo code riddle at checkout to say $5 off your order. So basically that's me, Glenn, giving you $5 off if you think about it in those ways. Remember, Glenn, start the year off right with a delicious bowl of high protein cereal at MagixBoone.com slash riddle and use the code riddle to save $5 off. Why should

be reminding myself really? Yeah, that's for you to remind. Magic's bonus will come of it in their product. It's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it, or for any reason, they'll refund your money. No questions asked. They will ask one question. They will ask, did Glenn, the wallet chain wearing gridlin with a spoon that he can't find, eat your magic spoon.

And if that is the case, they're still gonna give you your money back. That's part of the guarantee. Yeah, clearly you shop at PACSUN. The box is still moving, Glenn. Do you have a wife or kids or something in there? I have an ex-wife, an ex-kids. Thank you, Magic Spoon for sponsoring this episode. Okay, here it is. Pizza for all three of us, and I know since we all have different dietary restrictions,

they said that they were totally fine with splitting one circular pizza into three distinct pieces. They did say it has to only be three pieces, only three pieces. Okay, here we go. He's signed our Mercedes symbol. That's like a piece under a Mercedes. Let's see, having trouble distinguishing just by sight, what everything is in here.

I had the nerds. Cheese and nerds. Oh, shit, I had cheese and nerds, but I'm gluten free dough. Oh, no. Okay, this is easy for me because I had nerds and cheese. And now I'm seeing that that's not gonna be as helpful. And I'm like this in a dollar. So it's dairy-free cheese.

Okay. Let's just spin it, spin the pizza, whatever it lands on. Hope for the best. Okay, it's all the floor. All right, let's record an episode instead of having dinner. Let's sit down on the microphone. Oh, wait, Aaron, I think that might be... I had a microphone connected to headphones connected to a lamp.

Is that... Oh, shoot. What do you have? What's your setup? Nerds and cheese. This is going to be so easy to distinguish for me because I didn't bring anything that I was hoping you guys please, please, please, please, please, put together my office. And while I was doing that, a reput together my office, while I was doing that, I was like looking through books that I've had on my shelf

and I was like, oh, I can donate some of these. I have a whole, like, row in my shelf of my bookcase that is just riddle books. And it means so sad to see how many I have. I'll take them all. I thought about, at all, I thought about texting you, just being like, I'm gonna drive these over to your house. I just don't wanna look at all. I thought about, at all I thought about texting you just being like, I'm gonna drive these over to your house. I just don't wanna look at you.

I don't wanna talk to you. I just wanna drop you off and shame. And all honestly, I'll take all your little books because my life goal is, I don't know when I'm 52 or something, I wanna stack of little books to follow me and kill me. Because I want that to be how I die. We can go to have it for you. But that's achievable. I got a head on the house to maybe injure your leg. So you have a lot of work to go, but

you got a lot of room till 52. Listeners send us heavier, riddle books. Point to your edges. What's up, guys? Wow. Bugs Bunny over here. What's up, guys? Eat the full carrot, jokes. What? What? What? What? What?

Uh, not too much, Aaron. What's up with you? Not too much. I just was home recently for a little bit. That was nice. Yeah, we all were. When you say, that's what we live. You mean, I mean it.

I mean it. She's talking about massive chews. Massive heuchits. Um, that's what you mean I mean it's talking about massive huge sits That's so weird that you consider Massachusetts to be home because to me that's not home at all Oh, that's crazy really you don't think Massachusetts is your home no last time I went there I was like I'm going to message you since it's not like I'm going home. I laughed so hard in this visit home so My aunts and uncles have very strong Boston accents and Boston personalities.

If you know what that is. So I've been, yeah, probably, yeah, can't deny that. Thanks Boston. My mailman has a real Boston personality phenomenon. Two of my aunts, my mom's sisters, have been telling this story to us our whole lives. They once dated the same guy. His name is Marty. I won't say his last name, but they've been talking about him for my whole life and how charming and dreamy and like irresistible he was. Okay. And we've just been hearing this story

and at the end of the night, we're all sitting around me and my cousins, we're hearing them talk about it again. He saw pictures. Yes, okay. No. He had an Irish broke and he was galloping around having sex with every woman in Boston.

Yeah. In the 60s and 70s, okay. Can we put that dropkick Murphy's song about this story? Yeah, put it there. Oh, hello there ladies. How are we doing? Aaron, you don't have to tell me if I'm right, but was it Marty?

Yes. Was it? Wow, I guessed it. That's a film character. What are you saying? So my cousin, Pat said it best, where if he doesn't look like a young Colin Farrell at this point, everything else is unacceptable

by the way they are talking about this. And we're hearing it and then my aunt Jane goes, I mean, he wasn't that handsome and everyone turned and they're like, excuse me. You, what are you talking about? The way you were talking about this and she went, well, he had chum in her Boston accent.

Chum. We're all dry laughing. Yeah. Barbara goes and gets her box of love letters that she has of that men have written to her over the course of her life. Helping her to wear her for years. Pretty big, pretty cute. She goes to get a photo of him.

Wow. They start passing around this photo. They are talking about him like he is the sex symbol of all sex. Don Juan. And here is what he looks like you guys. I don't think I've ever laughed harder in my life. Ah! Okay.

Ah! All right. That guy is dying. That guy looks like an accountant's accountant. They're like he's so sexy. He looks like an accountant's accountant. They were like, he's so sexy. He looks like a Pixar nerd. He looks like a Pixar nerd in a film. Drew like Dwight Shrewd.

Look at him. I was screaming. I was like, what, I have been alive for 32 years. You have been talking about him. Like he is the hottest person that ever lived. I died. I know. I will say knowing having some friends that are Irish, the Irish people that I've come across in life are the most quick wooded, most charming, most conversational forward like they can hold up their end of in conversation. They're so personable. They have something to say to

everything they never let the ball drop. They have charm. They have charm. The Irish people are incredible, very, very quick. There's also something, there's also something alluring about an accent too. Because that photo of that man does not tell me what that man's voice sounded like. And I think a voice could do it. Please do not side with them.

They were under some sort of spell. Oh, Aaron, your aunts are horrors, okay. Please do not side with them. They were under some sort of spell. Oh, Aaron, your answer. Hors. Okay. I'm not. They would die. I think they would die. Uh, did now, Aaron, can I ask, did they know? Did one of your aunts, um, hook up with this guy and then the other one, and then did she say, like, you got to hook up with this guy? Like, or was there like a miscommunication? They were like kind of fighting about it a little bit. And then my mom, who was, like, there's a good age gap between her and her sisters. So she was like in high school when all of this was going on. And he would call the house and go, can I talk to the prettiest sister?

And she would go, which one? And he'd go, I don't care. Like, he's like, put either of them on the phone. Yeah. I'll take what I could get. Like, what are we even talking about? Aaron, that photo of that man, too, that you showed us, was that at the time, was that a photo at the time,

or was that a photo from like 10 years later? No, that's at the time. Two things Aaron, one, one, she's never gonna admit it. Your mom absolutely dated this guy as well. Yeah, we, Everyone kept saying that. I think they're hiding it from you for your protection. Two, I'm trying with all my might, with all my processing power,

I cannot conjure an Irish nerd. Like how do you, like, oh, come in, I'm here to take a tar, too. Come on in here, I'll show you my unit Packard. Like, it's impossible for Irish to sound nerdy. Right, Aaron. How old was that man in the photo that you just showed me? I think like 35.

Oh, thank you. 34. God, okay. And you're, so there's a big age gap, because your mom is, you said your mom is in high school and there was an age gap, so I was like, okay, so her sister's right in there, like early 20s. This man is what like 24, and I gotta say,

I'm sorry to this man. If that man was 24 in that photo, that's one of those old, tiny things where you're like, oh, this man looks like he's 61 though. That guy's 18, this is 18th thing. He's a cold binder. 28 and 26-ish.

And this guy was like 30 something. Okay, good. So 30 is fine, but rough shape for a younger man. Yeah, my aunt's were dreamy. My aunt, Jane, who is the oldest of the siblings, my uncle was a priest, and she was so pretty that he left being a priest to be with her. Isn't that so fun?

And then the church harassed them and they would drive by their house and threaten them. No, it's a virus cat like Bossa and so. But it doesn't even have to be that pretty. I mean, if I'm a priest, if I'm a priest, I'm pretty much like the next person who's like, hey, you wanna get out of here? I'm like, yeah, I can go.

I think it's maybe like a Raymond Chandler quote or something, not quote, but a line from one of his novels. It's something like, she had a body that would make a priest kick in a stained glass window. Whoa. Pretty apopo. But again, what's that say? Because it's like, I don't know.

I mean, I've at least. Riddle podcast, sorry. Oh yeah, sure, sure. I could not figure it out. Yeah, we have to do that. I'm old man puzzles, I think. You'll see that the place for me. You'll get no complaints for me. Yes. Okay. I Thinks have it. I don't know why I just woke up and I assumed I was but I'm here. Okay, ready? Yes

Mm-hmm that wicked queen she killed them both the bishop said no prayer behind the castle wall the king watched his mate come near They viewed the battle from afar the the stallion and mar, and the mar. They viewed the battle from afar, the stallion and the mar. Don't overthink this one, this one didn't. One night, one night, and a dead of cards. Every time I hear like, I'm like, it's gotta be like a dead of cards, right? Chess, my friend. You know the most random song from the musical Chess.

That's the, I think it's just one song. No, chess musicals one song and it's no. I love that song so much. It makes me like hate people. It makes me be like, yeah, fuck people. Can I ask about the musical chess? Yeah. Yeah. Is it a musical about the game chess? Like is that a chess board chess board? The musical is The cold board cold war I think right it's like a chess tournament during the cold war I don't know it has a song in it called nobody's side that you need to look up right now It will get you fucking pumped up Okay, you've heard my nine Bangkok right. I've seen the Queen's game, but I know all about this All right, ready my skin is made of bone. My hands can grip you tight. I have

two eyes. I have no head. I travel left or right. Is this that guy your aunt's fucked? Burned. They don't listen. They don't listen. They, I don't think they listen. We'll put that picture in the show notes, right? Um. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking.

If I'm feeling frisky, my skin is made of bone. My hands can grip you tight. I have two eyes. I have no head. I travel left or right. Scissors? No. Scissors.

I think that's what? My skin is made of bone. I think that's what. My skin is made of bone. I think that's what. I think that's what. My skin is made of bone. My skin is made of bone. hand is a cryptic type I have two eyes I have no head I travel left or right travel left or right I think it's maybe the most helpful Oh, this is one of those like people moveers at the airport. No What what skeleton people movers Do you have headless?

What's been about? I have two eyes. Two eyes. Is it spell? Spellator to suck a spelling thing? No. Oh. I'm saying it's EYES and they're literal eyes. literal eyes but no head. What has eyes? Potato box. I would say it's head is its body. It's head is a box. I actually am excited for you to find out the answer to this because I do want us to really talk about what. It's head is its body. It's head is its body, Jennifer Aniston.

And it moves left or right? Okay, the crab. It's a crab. I do wanna see the scene. Wow. Do you wanna see the scene? I do want to see what is it seen Aaron you are a crab JPC you are the first ever you're a fisherman in ancient time You've only caught fish you've only seen fish. There's legends of monsters in the ocean, but you've never seen them

Suddenly you've caught a crab. You don't know what the fuck this is Finally, you've caught a crab. You don't know what the fuck this is. Ah, fishing for my family. Yes. Ah, bless us ghosts! Hey, don't scream! Don't scream! Don't scream! What devil? What devil are you? What devil is this? Ah, ma crab. No, ops, you're not a fish, I'm a crab. Throw me back in, eh? I probably taste like shit, right? Look how scary I am. I'll do anything that you wish, please, just leave my family alone.

Oh, you know what? I accidentally, I'm taking a little bite of myself, disgusting. Wouldn't taste good at all. No, I would never, you are gross. Yeah. You are gross looking at you. I would never think never think to eat you right don't put me in a cake Don't what don't put me in a cr-don't put me in a little cake With tartar sauce that will be crazy We have all the tartar sauce back in the village. Oh, I case like shit. I bet do you want?

Okay I taste like shit. I bet do you what okay? Dom no you said that disc creature told you exactly the recipe to cook it But then said don't cook it don't cook me yeah, I had all these old bay packets on them You're yes, well if it's saying don't cook it let me Scam this recipe it's saying don't cook it let me see I'm gonna stress up here a lot of them Don't boil me Don't boil me don't crack my legs and suck it out please come on don't do this you're saying don't It can be do can I have like one bite? Okay, I get it. I get it. This is its thing, this is its kink. Yeah, throw it back. No, no, don't throw me back.

See, I'll be back. I love a creature saying, I don't taste delicious. Here's how to cook me. What's the best way to prepare a crab? I mean, I like soft, just shell crabs like the fried ones. That's fun to just eat them all. I think I tell it, tell it everything's going to be okay. And get it in the back of the head when it's all looking.

Yeah. Grab soda. Same. Um, I tell the world that you were here. Sometimes I'm hard to see. Sometimes I'm clear. I show your skip your jump, your run. And when the rain descends, I'm quickly done. I like this riddle. This is a puddle. It's just like a chocolate. A chocolate chocolate. No, I'm quickly done. I like this riddle. I can't believe I say this. It's just like a chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, I like, I like where both your head are at. Like a real puddle, puddle, puddle, puddle, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop,

I like where both your head are at. Like a real puddle, puddle, puddle, puddle, puddle, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, I tell the world that you were here. Oh, it's just like you're here. No, it's something you leave behind. Sometimes I'm hard to see, sometimes I'm clear. I show your skip, your jump, your run and when the rain descends, I'm quickly done. Your track coach? No, yeah, if your track coach is like a magical snowman that melts in the rain, he's just there for Christmas to get you better at track. Did he? I got a great movie idea for you. Track to the future.

idea for you. I would see that movie and then turn to like whoever I'm with Mariah most likely and say I think that's the last movie I think they're done I think they're all done with ideas. We'll be like movies we'll never see one again. We solved it. We solved movies. Is this like a picture? It's like a Aaron. Yeah the footprint. It's a video. It's a footprint. Yes, I would like to see a scene. Yes! You two are detectives, and you're on a case,

and you've discovered some footprints, and it's clearly an exact match to one of your shoes that you're wearing. Oh, interesting. Ted, take a look over here. It looks like there was two sets of footprints, and then it goes into one set of footprints on the beach here and then back to two. Uh, okay.

What do we think, what do we think happened there? What does- I don't know, but we got a murder over here. Can you- Well hold on, hold on. Can you do that on your own time? Well this is my own time. I'm on my break. I'm on my 10 minute break. Every murder we get two 10 minute breaks and I told you I'll be over here. Now what you do on your break is fine. I just think it's insane that you use the breaks back to back. I just don't think if it's two 10 minute breaks it shouldn't be a one 20 minute break. That's that

kind of that breaks quote unquote the spirit of the break. I feel like mentally it's not to like six minutes in that I actually feel like I'm on my break. But that's a view problem. That's a four minute break. But if I take it back to back, that's a 14 minute break. No, just because you take a bathroom break, the minute you say I'm taking a bathroom break, that's what it starts. It doesn't start when you butt hits the seat. I see. This is because you and your wife are on a break. You have this thing, you have a thorn in your side about breaks. You really, you're dying on the hill of breaks? She asks for a break and a break means a break. Okay, a break means we will come back. That's just everybody knows that.

Oh, that is not the case. I'm a detective and I'm telling you, a break means. Uh, you're a detective or are you on your break? Ah, fuck, I'm a detective and I'm telling you a break means You are a detective or are you on your break? Fuh, I'm a f**k He fell as three more people got murdered while you were over here That, that, that, that, that So my theory here One guy is definitely gonna get murdered

If he keeps on with the break stuff Maybe one guy hopped on the other shoulders Maybe this was like a circus act here Like the flying wolenders so it's two people standing, then the one guy puts his brother on a shoulder, then they walk and he goes too heavy, puts him back down. The Flying Walentas, I said,

I'll take you for your birthday. Is it your birthday? When? When it's your birthday, I'll take you on your birthday. Ha, ha, ha. Across me, the long wind worlds around me curl the claws of birds within me flow your distant words. Why?

Tree. Alex. Yeah. This like, why are all these riddles poems poems are hard to be riddles because it's have to listen to the whole poem. Yeah, you got to actually pay attention across me, the long wind worlds around me curl the claws of birds Within me flows your distant words

Telephone line. Yes, telephone line. Oh God. I'm so good at poems. I want to say a scene the three of us are birds sitting on a telephone wire This guy's having an affair. How do you know? How do you know that I can feel it through the vibrations? What are you picking up? What are you picking up on other vibrations? What are you picking up? I mean, it through the vibrations. What are you picking up? What are you picking up on other vibrations? What are you picking up? I mean, it's obviously, it's not his wife. He's, you know, he's calling a different house. He's telling, it's all, you know, I love you.

I never leave you. You know, so you're so important to me. I don't love her. It's a G. Do you guys, when we're sitting up here all day, are you guys not feeling and listening in on the conversations? Is Nettleagle? Yeah, we can't, we're not supposed to tap,

we're not supposed to tap the line. We're not supposed to tap the line. I wasn't looking for shiny stuff. Look, I found a Buffalo Nickle. What are you gonna spend that on, Frank? I'm gonna, oh well, go down to the bar, toss it in, you know, toss it in the, and we'll be frank along. I mean, man, toss it in the bar. Hey, we'll be frank alone.

Man, you're doing something illegal. You can't be getting into people's business like this. Why not? We're birds, okay? What court's gonna prosecute a bird? Bird court. You never been to bird court? Have you been checking your mail? You might have been in jury duty.

Hold on, let me check. Let me. Oh my god, I got all the summits the bird court. Oh, you're fucked. Why did you write tell me? Welcome to jury selection for bird court. Let's see, potential juror number 14. Oh, it looks like you've not responded to us for some time. Is there any reason you should not be on the jury? No, I don't think so and just a quick question if I'm on the jury. It's like a double jeopardy thing, right? I can't I can't be Convicted of a crime of serving on the jury. No, me. I'm the lawyer that put the birds from the Windex commercial behind bars You might have heard of me. What did you do? Windex, oh, windex, windex, windex.

I don't know about windex. I haven't heard of you. Wouldn't you say your name if you wanted someone to know if they were out there? Ha ha ha. I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I'm too lazy to come up with a name. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha watched their friend fly into a glass window without warning him. They are an accessory to murder. Okay, no, yeah, they deserve to go away. Hey, settle a bet for me. How bad would it be if a bird was like wiretapping some phone calls? Penalty by death, of course. Your honor, my client, Kaka-Kaka, was not tapping the wires. He was curious. His feet were just resting on the phone lines. If you have a judge, you're on your poop.

Can I just say beautiful? No, a murder of crows is just a title. It's not a vocative of their nature. My client was just purely resting his feet from a long day's work. So he happened to pick up the tone of a conversation. So somebody in neighborhood happened to be cheating. That's not a crime.

To get a gable gable gable gable. Wow, beaten to death by a gable. I see. Judge Jerry, that's a gushider. Wow, peacocks are mean. Peacocks are hard-mean, by the way. Well, are they? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. They will chase you off. They're like a goose. They don't give a fuck in their nasty birds, and if you get too close to them, they will. Try to kill you, Aaron. Oh, okay. I met a couple peacocks in Australia,

and they seemed pretty. Matt. Yeah, that's Aaron. That's Australian peacocks. They have a whole different culture and society there. That makes sense. I'm talking about American peacocks. American peacocks.

Yeah. I'm talking about $2.99 for your first 12 months. I'm talking about scrubs. I'm talking about all the reality shows that you could watch. What else? What else is on there? What the, the office? The office, maybe killing it?

That's a no. Yeah, it's a no. Columbus on the back. Of course, I'm about to be gone. Of course, I'm about to be gone. Sure. Cream of the blooms we are. Honey sweet queens of the scented bed.

Yellow of the ripening apple we are and glow of the snow in the ruby reds. Silky and soft we are, perfuming your lives. Take us to your love but beware of our knives. I don't know what the fuck you just said but I am starving now. Yeah, this is so scary. Don't eat whatever this is. Is it like a bourbon glazer? It's gotta be a bourbon. We are honey sweet queens of the scented beds. Yellow of the ripening apple we are

and glow of the snow and the ruby red. Silky and soft we are perfuming your lives. This is the most helpful line this next one. Take us to your love but beware of our knives. Why am I having to say? I don't think I've ever, in the history of us recording this podcast, felt more like I was doing fucking homework than this one. This feels like long division. This is hard to shit.

You think this one's hard? I think just listen to this line. Take us to your love but we wear our minds. Take us to your love aliens. Oh, is this like like a condom with like a razor blade in it? No, but you got my birthday gift. I do want to see a scene. Let's see here. JPC, you are an alien who's come to earth. And you want Aaron who's the first earth thing you come across.

You want her to take you to her love. Do not be afraid. Oh my gosh. Do not be afraid. You were a little afraid. Oh my God, are you an alien? Well, not to me, but I guess to you, I would be. I am not prepared. It is my dream to meet an alien. I'm obsessed with aliens. Can I get a self-made? You can but first you must help me my name is Gleep. Glorp. I am not from this planet. Where are you from? Space what are you are you do-do space if I tell you why planet? You're gonna be like oh, yeah, I know that is Again, like what do you know distance really well? No, what's it still? Again, like what do you know distance really well? No, what's it still? Look at me. I'm like a kind of like a fish guy from like a fish planet. It's very far away That's what that's my whole I'm sorry. I'm getting upset. I'm so horny. I'm so goddamn horny. What?

I've been on the ship for so long and you know, I have it bleep gnawed if to use a phrase for my planet in a long time I'm not interested in you. I can see the face that you're making. Yeah to be clear not you're not my type Sorry to material like oh Gleepgorp. Yeah, oh, you're here. Jeep Jorp great. Wow. Oh, one planet. I choose to of course Of course this is my eggs don't be afraid you look a little afraid. I'll give you two a minute. We don't need it. We don't need it. We've done this dance a million times. Literally a million times. I don't know.

I just heard Gleepgorp was horny. I don't know if it helps. I didn't have one-off sex with your ex. That's fine. Wow, Gleepgorp is horny. Next thing you'll tell me, water is wet and cake is delicious. Oh, very funny, Jeep, Jorp your ex, that's fine. Wow, Gleep, Lorp is horny. Next thing you'll tell me, water is wet and cake is delicious. A very funny Jeep, Jorp.

Oh, you're such a comedian. We have comedians on my world and water and cake. I don't want to hook up with Jeep, Jorp. We just don't work. We've tried it a billion times every which way. Well, I'll give you two a minute to catch up. We don't need a minute. We've tried it a billion times every which way. Well, I'll give you two a minute. I can't. We don't need a minute. We've had a billion minutes species could have sex six to seven times in one minute. Oh, you should. No, I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go.

Like you're condom from the counter. If we are going to do this, we might as well have you stay in a lonely, be a minute. No, no, well have you stay in a lonely be a minute We did it the whole time we were talking we got off on it. We made you watch I think you guys are gonna like this one before we go on a break are you ready? Well, we didn't finish the last one Yes, we did oh, no, we didn't finish the last one. Yes, we did. Oh, no, we didn't. Was it a condom for a certain? Oh my God. I'm losing it. I'm scared. Everybody girl, you've never had it. That makes sense. I thought you guys were gonna get this right away. Cream of the blooms we are, honey, sweet greens of the scented bed, yellow of the ripening apples we are, the glow of the snow in the ruby reds.

Ruby reds is helpful. Silky and soft we are, perfuming your lives. It smells good. Take us to your love. Flowers. What kind? Blossoms. What has knives?

What has knives? What has knives? What is roses? What has knives? What's roses? Roses. Roses by any other name. What's smell of sweet tibble, the Prince of Cats.

I don't know if they have knives. The more you think, the more I shrink. I can tell when Gemma does them. No. The more you think, the more I shrink. What's it called? The doubt. Yeah, doubt.

No. The literal thing. The more I think, the more you shrink. The more you think, the more I shrink. Yes. Oh, is this like a therapist? Like they're a shrink? Oh, that's a good one.

You think they're yourself and they're shrinking? I like the way you're thinking, but no. Is it that movie shrinking? Do you guys remember that movie shrinking? I don't. It was a huge bomb. I would say, no, it's not downsizing. It's called downsizing. Thinking is sort of a misleading word for this. Wait, Aaron, there's only six

words in the cell. I know, but think it's more actionable than think. It's like you're thinking while you're doing this action, pooping. And it makes something shrink. Oh, it makes something shrink. Your butthole. No. Is it a part of my body like a butthole or a penis, Aaron? No. Is it a butthole or penis? And don't you really swatted that away so quickly?

I just feel like you're so on the wrong track and I don't want to encourage you. It's an object. Okay. Butthole and the penis. And objects that's not a but all over a penis. There are not. People never usually like use this thing until it's like completely shrunk.

So a bottle. No, you use soap until it's completely shrunk and then you can't use it. This thing that you probably are throwing it away when it's like two thirds the way. Candle. We all do that. I scream shit. Crazy. Right. Let's just talk about shit. We waste paper, roll of paper towels. Let's get them to like lose it that probably patience.

No, we're have someone pick it up right from your house and for it to pick it up. Milk? No, water. No. I know you probably interacted with this thing way more in the first chunk of your life. The first chunk of my life? Milk? Like up through high school college time. Oh, um, um, um, uh, uh, uh, pornography, like printed pornography. No. Yeah, yeah. Uh, early in life. No laundry, of course. Uh, not necessary. Uh, yeah, early in life. No, of course, not necessary. Yeah. It's, yeah.

A telephone, no. Another version of this thing doesn't shrink, but you had to be much more sure when you're using a different version of the thing. But it, one of those hats was like a propeller on it? No. Okay. There it is.

One of those big hoops at a stick. No. What about one of those little with like a propeller on it? No. Okay. There it is. One of those big hoops at a stick. No. What about one of those little cup and balls? Oh, is it one of those dinosaurs that you put in water and expands? What the fuck is this? It's something that the more you think but think is the wrong word, the more it shrinks.

And we used it when we were kids. Yeah, you used it probably. Trinky binks. I just don't think I interact with this thing that much. I use a different kind of version of this thing more than I use this thing toilet paper No, really calling out erud. I said I mentioned high school or I'm always mad. That's my secret I mentioned high school in college like school a pencil I mentioned high school in college, like school. A pencil. A pencil.

The more you think, the more I shrink. Okay, thinking is, yeah, you're right on that. See this, yeah. Here's how, this is why I can't relate to this at all. I exclusively use mechanical pencils. Mm-hmm. So, no getting up in front of the class to sharpen my pencil.

Well, I think now is a really great time to take a break. Do you guys need a little rest? Hey, the more you break, the more I shake. Oh, okay. I'm so fucking mad at that riddle. I see you soon. I think you're a real brick dog. Excuse me, they're young man.

Are you doing anything right now? You have no idea how good it feels to be called a young man. I mean, I just turned 35 and I'm feeling like, oh, sorry. Oh, you're young anymore. No, it's like calling a big guy tiny, that kind of thing. Sure, no, yeah, it makes more sense. Hey, young man, do you like solving madcap creative

online puzzle hunts with cash prizes? Why, yes yes I do. Of course you do. Based on Who Killed Iki, a murder mystery novel by George Brown, the Who Killed Iki puzzle hunt is designed by John Brahmels, a member of this year's illustrious MIT Mystery Hunt team. I, okay, so old man that I've never talked to before, and I say old man in the way that, you know, people call it big guys, tiny. I that I've never talked to before and I say old man of the way that, like, you know, people call it big guys tiny.

I think that Sandy has talked to us about the MIT Mystery Hunt team. I think Sandy has definitely mentioned that. By the way, I did look up John Brabill's just now, this guy has an awesome mustache. So I believe someone who could design a puzzle hut with a mustache like this. Let me put that right now.

I'm one of his associates and I see that you're wearing a Nante MIT Mystery Hunt team shirt, but it MIT Ethan Hunt shirt. That's pretty cool. I love it by whatever, baby. The Who Killed Iki Hunt is online and open to anyone, even you young man, the live puzzle hunt will happen on January 27th at 10 a.m. Pacific and 1 p.m. Eastern.

You can complete Puzzles individually or as a team. Do you have friends, young man? Not many anymore. You know, you get older. They kind of start. Okay, the first puzzle, January 27th, 10 a.m. Pacific and 1 p.m. Eastern. Two different times. I'll get this. $50,000 in cash prizes will be given to the first 10 fastest players, slash teams. There are even mini-puzzles, my good sir, available before the 27th, a $5,000 award will be given to a randomly selected player who successfully solves each of these. Wait, randomly selected?

That sounds like it could be me. Possibly or that squirrel on your shoulder, visit ickytreasurehunt.com to find the clues, solve the puzzles, and win the cash. icky spelled I-C-K-E-Y, treasurehunt.com, ickytreasurehunt.com. I'm on the website right now. I won! I won! No, wait, I clicked. I clicked the website.

Man, I'm confused. No, bye. Hi, Adel. Hi, JPC. This is my, I'm really excited. It's a great time of year. JPC, I know you love this time of the year. It's starting to be tax season. We get to do our taxes soon. It's beginning to tax a lot like season. I love you. Anyways, that was real. That was real. Um, I get to use my favorite app that organizes all my finances and cancels all my subscriptions for me, rocket money. I love rocket money. And it's been helping me with my taxes for years. Wait, wait, wait, Aaron, rock it money. Are you talking about the personal finance app that finds and cancels your own one of the subscriptions,

monitor, share spending, and helps lower your bills? Are we talking about that, rock it, money? I love you. That one was forced. Yes. I can see all my subscriptions in one place. And if there's something that I don't want, I can cancel it with one tap.

I never have to get on the phone with anybody or talk to customer service. they do it for me. So I'll be like, when did I subscribe to this? What? And I'm spending eight dollars a month on who, where, when? It will cancel it for me and I'd no headache around it. And market money has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of 720 a year.

Oh boy, we wish that's 428. But 720 is better. Yeah, that's right. Errin, we wow, we wow. With over 500 million in canceled subscriptions, Rocket money gets you more pocket money. And Rocket money, honestly guys, they don't want us to talk about this.

It is the one design flaw with their app. It doesn't work for Hey, Rodeo, Rodeo, Patreon. Unfortunately, that's the one day Rocket Bunny can't help you. Cancel, don't even try. Don't even attempt. And we're working with our devs and we're hoping in a couple of million years we're going to get that thing fixed. But for now, it remains just keep subscribing to the Patreon.

It's good for you. It actually is good for you. And truly, it color codes everything and you can create little subgenres for your finances. And it helps me so much every tax season. I am so grateful that I have the app. Hey Aaron, it's me. Grover the spur the blue whale. Thanks for the heads up on RocketMoney. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash riddle.

That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rocket money.com slash riddle. I love you. You know that guy? No, I don't. That's my wife. Erin, we're married. No.

You married a whale, canonically. No. No. My wife. My wife. My wife. Poor whale at. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, about Squarespace. Oh, okay, okay. Is that fun? I'm having a good time. Can I be honest with you?

Yeah, I thought it was gonna be Dr. Camille with it. And then I'm so I'm a leaf. It's me, Dr. Camille. No, no, no. But I still use Squarespace, even though I've unzipped to a different, I'm still using Squarespace. Dr. Camille, that's me.

No, he's right, it is me, Dr. Comedian. You use Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace, the one that makes it easy to create a beautiful website and engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all in your terms. Dr. Comedian, a new canonical character, that's something that you use? That's right, I mostly use their online store. What I sell my t-shirts, 10 CCs of chuckles. You can sell your products at an online store,

whether you sell physical, digital, or service products. Squarespace has the tools you need to start selling online. Where's everybody from? Where are you from, sir? Uh, around here, local. Can't do much with that. Well, hey, speaking of something you can do much with, Squarespace has an asset library where you can upload, organize, and access all your content from one place. With the new

asset library, you're able to manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform. For instance, I have compiled all of the known recordings of Dr. comedian here in our asset library. I'm going over this now. Wait a second, Dr. comedian, are you Brad Garrett? That's right. Everybody loves Raymond and everybody hates Dr. comedian. I like them. I'll be playing at Chuckleberry Fins in Philadelphia, PA. Wow, Chuckleberry Fins. You know what? We could go on our Squarespace store and make custom merch for Chuckleberry Fins. You know what? We could go in our Squarespace store and make custom merch for Chuckleberry Fins.

We could sell it, create a passive income stream that engages the audience and scales our brand. Brad, that's something you're interested in, scale your brand. It seems like your brand has been kind of followed off as of late. I am definitely interested. Plus, when you design your products, production, inventory, and shipping

are all handled for you, saving you time and money. So head to squarespace.com slashrittle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code RIDL. But don't just take it from me, Brad Garrett playing Dr. Comedian playing Dr. Comedian playing chairface, Take it from JPC. I can't endorse anything that Brad Garrett, Dr. Kabeliad, Dr. Kabeliad, squared. Oh, God, chair face. So close, I was so close. I don't know this man. Pfff.

Hey, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick. And we're back from our break. Wow, cancun. Can you believe it? JBC, you got such a tan. Yeah, and in not the spot where you think I'd get it. Oh, neck and butt. Yeah, neck and butt. Well, I'm out on the beach with my neck and butt out. Aaron grabs a riddle to try to change the subject quickly.

I walk across an open field, long leg shining as I go. And when I reach the other side, the field is split in two. Ah, a scarecrow. No. I walk across an open field, long leg shining as I go. And when I reach the other side, the field is split in two. Is that like a wheat thresher or like one of those like, whole digger things? Like a piece of mechanical farm equipment. Aaron, is it a farm equipment? No. Okay. Your hands are...

Is it a donkey? It's something, no, that one of you guessed as an answer earlier. Oh, butthole and penis. Butthole and penis, Aaron, of course. No, not butthole and penis. We guessed so many goddamn, Eric, of course. No, not butthole and penis. We guessed so many goddamn things before, and now I forget all of them. I know. Oh, is it a telephone wire? Is it electrical lines?

Is it Jerry mandering? This is a very flowery way of saying what this is. I walk across an open field, long leg shining as I go. And when I reach the other side, the field is open to. Scissors. Scissors. Sc scissors. Wow, it's scissors, long legs. Ooh, a leggy scissors. Scissors don't have legs though, they have arms. I mean, this is true, right? We all know those are the loops. Hold on, those are teeth. No, the blades are teeth. Come on. The blades are the legs.

You don't call them legs. The loops are the arms. And it's a lady going, we have her hands on her hips and she goes, I'm ready to cut a piece of paper. That's what the scissors is. Oh, I gotta see. You see now, if you're in your Southern paracysers, JBC, you are somebody who grabbed a paracyser

is not knowing that they could talk. Yeah, no, I'll grab the scissors. Okay, in the drawer here, gotta come right back back. Hey honey. What are we cutting today? Whoa Oh my god, you have a little eyes and a little face on you Are we getting existential crisis bangs? Are we making a school project? Are we opening? Some bacon. What are we doing? You know what I don't know my my wife is up is upstairs and she just asked me to bring her some scissors

and so I was bringing the junk drawer scissors upstairs. I hope it's existential crisis bangs. Because she's been using me to cut like meat and food and it's grossing me out. Something awful. I miss her. She's not using the junk drawer scissors. Surely she's using the kitchen scissors to do me. No She can't find the kitchen scissors in when she can't find the kitchen sink scissors I have to go back here, but she's not cleaning me or putting me in the dishwasher So I'm covered in bacteria. God

Really she's doing that. I'm not trying to be a tattletail or nothing. I cut my nails with you. You should leave her You cut. Yeah, which is not my intended purpose. Hey, sorry to ease drop that someone say nails done. Paste here, I'm like dumb glue. Listen, I know, I know. I've been in the bottom of this box for a while, but I can help with your nails. Paste mine your business and shut up.

Wow, just like when people need tape or staples. Wow, I'm really pulling you two apart. You're going towards each other. Wait a second. Paste, how are you going to help with my nails? I missed that part. You just, hey, look, I'm purple now, but I go on clear. You put a little on your nails.

Then you put on a press on nail. Press down for 30 to 40 minutes. Really hard. I put less for 30 to 40 minutes real hard I think that's all the kind of 15 minutes. That's all like a completely different problem pace. I appreciate it I'm gonna you know what I'm gonna I think I'm gonna throw you back in the drawer and scissors I'm gonna throw you back in the drawer as well. I don't because I just don't love You just kind of tell me a lot of my wife's business like that's You're just kind of telling me a lot of my wife's business like that's yeah That's a no way not

Yeah, you take your credit card and she buys like how would you know? Why did she do the scissors for my credit card? Did she tell you? She tells you and yeah and she I'm not saying that she's flirting with your neighbor Dave But I am saying that she gets awfully giggly when he comes around. And all the stuff you promise to fix in the house, he's been coming over and fixing it. He's like 70, what do you mean? Hey, paste here again, a bird died

because he found out about the two of them. So it's public knowledge. That bird died because he thought that the window was just open air, okay? I know why that bird died. I've seen. I was a witness in bird court. Okay, I know why that bird does. I was a witness in bird court. Okay, you guys. Yes. I need you to really like take a big deep breath. This one

is long and very okay. Wait, you're telling us to shut up. You're telling us to shut up for. No, I'm just saying. When you say take a deep breath, am I allowed to take a deep breath and then check out or do I have to take a deep breath and listen? I can. At this point, I don't blame either of you for checking out mentally or emotionally from this podcast. So do whatever you're going to do to make it through this. Long have I wandered, the wide ways of the whale,

and the wild wind. Storm stirred me, calm caressed me, the sun in the moon spread golden silver across my glossy back. Storm stirred me, calm caressed me, the sun in the moon spread gold and silver across my glossy back. Now that the wanderer's long salt song is near complete, here at my long quests end, I tilt tall, break and tumble, white slide hissing at your hopping feet.

Do I need to start like keeping ibuprofen at my desk? That's what I do. I feel like I need like four of them right now. Yeah long have I wandered or go ahead. Riddles by Emily Dickinson what is going on? Yeah these are beautiful. Long have I wandered the wide ways of the whale and the wild wind. Storm stirred me, calm caressed me, the sun and moon spread gold and silver across my glossy back. Now the wanderer's long salt song is near complete. Here at my long quests end, I tilt

tall, break and tumble, white slide hissing at your hoppy, at your hopping feet. And why did a whole sea captain write this? Is this a similar? Yeah. You're an old white whale with a golden silver lines. You're Beverly. Me heart is like this old and crusted crabs of the ocean clawing for her. I'm gonna read it one more time. I'm gonna read it.

And we're gonna do a sea shanty behind it, what? Is this a wave or like a? It is a wave. Oh my God. Oh, it took me. It was so hard. It's so hard to listen to poetry. I don't know. I'm gonna say some. I had to listen to a poem. I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a pirate poetry teacher. uh, J.C. and I are your students. Y'all sorry I'm late. Y'all know who they are. If I have minutes rule, if the teacher's not here in five minutes, we can leave, but it's been for in a

half. I graded your poems from last week. Y'all. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not. I'm not going to say that you can't write about the ocean anymore. But I am saying your poems are getting no wee bit redundant.

Oh fingers crossed I got to see. Oh I hope I got to see. We're all shooting for seas. Shooting for seas of course. Y'all are you. I have seen so far this... Did you get that while my poem was about the sea? It was also a metaphor For the sea

Teacher teacher, yeah, I'm not sure of course it was a poem But I'm not sure if you got my analogy of kissing a whale I did y'all still about see I'll point to one a yarn you'll Come up with a new topic. That's not the sea that you're inspired by ready. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yerkey, okay Love is like the ocean. No, love is a water. You can do it. No, love is a ship.

No, love is a battleship. No, love or love. Love is salt the briny salt. No. Love is a cracker. A cracker for the bird and my shoulder why I'm on the boat. No, no, no. No, no.

What about y'all? Okay, easy, easy. Just anything that, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, okay, no, I can do this. Oh, okay this poem not about the sea is called The rain inside the cloud yard upside down on the on the land in a deep hole Yard can we please just write poems Oh, yeah, can we please just write poems about this? I don't blame any of yours, because the sea she's gorgeous. Er, gorgeous. Yeah, gorgeous.

She wanes like you like an old friend. She embraces you in a tumultuous arms. Y'all, what is this? It's like the sea is leaking from my eyes. What is this? There's an ocean. is leaking from my eyes. What is this? There's an ocean. An ocean here. It's like a shark.

Don't write that down. It's like my nose. What is this? YAR. It's almost like the ocean is our emotion. Wow. Seen. Seen.

Eat me sweetly. When I and my name are the same. What? Eat me sweetly when I in my name are the same. What? Eat me sweetly when I in my name are the same. This one's confusing to me and I don't like it very much. Like an egg. What do you think it's doing to us? I don't know, killing you.

Eat me sweetly when I in my name are the same. It's also what it is is also a word that is a descriptor Something you can eat in its sweet sugar come back from the movie pleasant film No, you can describe sugar as being sugar. It was as a qualifier. Do you know what I mean? Like you wouldn't be like sugary. Yeah, no Me sweetly when I and myself what is it? What are some ways to eat me sweetly when I and my name are the same? What are some ways to describe something? What is just a list of adjectives? But like, like when you're, like,

if I picked up an avocado, what are some of the words you would use to describe it? Juicy, firm, moist. No, but look a bit. What are some things you can see? Oh, it's a pair. Bump. If someone had never seen it, what's one of the main descriptors?

You want to tell them. Green. I'm holding a. Green. Pitted. Yeah. Oh, yeah. A color.

Dark green. The colors are where you would describe something. And it's also the thing. Oh, what cherry. No. I said cherry. No, pink. No, the singer pink. Go through the entire rainbow. Brown. No. Roy G bib. All right, you gotta start with purple. Ted lasomona. I can't believe you guys have not gotten purple. Yeah, orange is an orange. It's an orange. Which in Perven scurvy. Wow, it all comes with full circle. Wow, full circle.

Orange. No mouth, but many teeth I have. I tumble mighty giants from on high. Hmm, interesting. So Aaron, I have something to admit. Yes. Did I, you accidentally see it when I held it up? Well, that puts a lot of

the onus on me, but you flashed the answer in front of me when you scratched your face with the answer. Okay. So I mean, what am I, I analyzed it got it. It's saw forget it. What JPC did you do something wrong? Did you fuck up? Hey, I wish I had learned to read. I tried like fucking hell to have my teachers to teach me. I tried to get through it. But I did, I learned it now.

I'm fucking burdened with this. God, the knowledge. When frost bites your toes, downward, I grow. When sun warms your toes away, I flow. Shadow. What? Shadow. No. Are these, this is rap lyrics. What? Shadow. No.

Are these, this is rap lyrics, right? This is, who is this? Is this Eminem? This is, the snow. No. And foam. Oh, yeah. When fast, my toes downward, I grow.

When sun warms your toes away, I flow. When sun warms your toes away, I flow. This like, snow. This is like, yeah, you're really close. What are you? Ice. Yes, but specifically dry ice It grows downward icicle and icicle. I want to ride my icicle icicles grow downward. They do they do more riddles for my guys back and forth We go more riddles for my guys back and forth we go. Drawing to fields trees and

gardens in the sun bringing gifts from grateful flowers a taste that pleases everyone. Coming right birds honey. No. Yeah we can be guys here. Why don't we just do a couple of riddles? So we can just be guys. Come on put on the big riddle. Back and forth we go for many hours. Drawing to fields, trees, gardens, in the sun, bringing gifts from grateful flowers, a taste that pleases everyone. I've got to be going to the yard, throw out the big riddle. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Toss around the old big riddle. Tight answer, nice, tight spiral answer. Is this seeds? Is this a dandelion? You don't really close with your first couple answers. What did I say? Birds, honey? Yeah. B. B. B. B. Damn it. You cannot see or hear me, yet many people fear me. I can kill the strongest lion in its layer. Then your flesh and make your bones appear. And though you're covered, be almost bare, find whatever you can to share,

so that I might not come near. This is my prayer. Wow. Now, is this hunger? Is this hunger? It's hunger! Wow! The reason I got that is that most lions in the wild's die of starvation. Is that true?

Sounds true. Yeah. I love that. that most lions in the wilds die of starvation. Is that true? Sounds true. Yeah. I love that. I love to start acting with as much confidence as you, Aqua. I think my life would change overnight if I started acting like you. I think I did hear that at one point about birds

and I did believe it when I heard it. So it might be the case. I know we have some listeners that know a lot about birds. It might be the case that most bird's diet surveys. Yeah, tell us more about birds, if you know about birds. I want to see a scene. Okay. Aaron, you're sort of like a David Attenborough narrator

for in this is like a planet earth. And JPC is going to be a lion, and I'm going to be whatever the lion is hunting. And we're going to hear this sort of narration over it. The lion is finally awake and cannot ignore its hunger any longer. The fuck finally awake? Sleeping past noon on a Tuesday. I'm a lion. The lion. I don't have work. I'll leave. Yes, noon. Fuck it, Pat. At risk for starvation because of how lazy it is.

At risk for starvation? Hey, guess what? You burn less calories when you sleep. What the fuck is this? I've never seen a lion on a rock in the sun. But wait, something has caught its attention. A guy who has spotted gazelles has become... But it's his engine. Eee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-de I bet the lion decides to lay back down in the rock and get an afternoon nap and instead of hunting the man. Fuck you! Like I'm in a, like you're gonna reverse psychology, that's obviously your cameraman.

Like a, you're gonna reverse psychology, you mean to not eat that cameraman? That man is too fast for him to catch. He ran track in high school. He stopped after stop for a year, but still. Yeah, high school, I mean it's probably 30 years ago for that guy. I mean, I don't want to eat him. Oh, the man gets further away while the lion sees his only hope for lunch. Yeah, because I fucking are doing with you. I'm getting up. Oh, big stretch. Ooh, big stretch. Ooh, back stretch. Stretch, stretch, the back. Stretch, the back legs. Oh, big stretch. Ooh, back stretch. Stretch the back. Stretch the back legs.

Oh my god. It sells a gun. I guess I'll just lay face down on the savanna. Ooh, big stretch. God. Stretch it makes me sleepy. The prey has made him self-available to the lion, but the lion looked over, shrugged, and is going back to bed.

He seems to be rewatching TV shows on his laptop in a dark dark room. No, no, I've never seen the office just because it was on like 10 years ago. Does it mean I saw it? Cause I was busy at that time. Serial bulls and cups are stacking up on his bedside table. A lot of this is my pride mates stuff.

It's not necessarily my stuff. No judgment, just observation. This is judgment. It's laden with judgment. I mean, obviously. I've been there. I'm that lion. I'm that lion. Well, we all been that lion. We all been that lion. Not me, of course, but most people. If you're old enough to hunt, you probably should have a pride mate, right? If you're old enough to lean, you can claim. Well, fellas, let's

do one more. Reddle. Okay, okay. And then we'll do poem. Okay, with me, you color what was clear and all the half men disappear. Is this like a window so clear a bird flies into it and dies? A moon. Grand. No moon. Grand. Aaron. Would it be a moon?

I don't know what that is. Why do I know? Then why say no to it? Then why say no to it? With me, you color what was clear? You color what was clear. Is this like a marker highlighter? No. Color what was clear blush You color what was clear? Is this like a lot? I marker a highlighter. No. I'm more or what was clear blush. No. Color what was clear? Is this like a like a

surround wrap and you put it over something and now you can see the color of the thing inside. Oh, a good idea. Dacents. No. Okay. Read the rest of it please. With me, you color what once was clear and all the half moons disappear. Cuticles. Oh, nail nail polish nail polish. I was going to get a little showing my nails. And then I did this, the saw thing was she showed us the answer, Adel. And hey, I'm, I'm here. If you need, if you want to put on the press on or something, I paste this here.

Get back in the junk drawer. Okay. You just like junk drawer. Is that whatus here. Get back in the junk drawer. Okay, you just said junk drawer. Is that what you call it? It's just a drawer. Look around you. A bunch of the weirdest shit you ever seen. All sorts of wires and thumbtacks,

folded batteries, broken rubber bands. GBC, what do you mean as a saw thing? The saw thing, when you showed me the answer was saw by showing me the card and that time you showed us your nails But what happens in saw I don't forget what happens. Is that a saw reference? Answer to that riddle that was saw that you showed us oh I thought you meant the movie saw I'm in a lot of pain. I'm a really embarrassed In the fifth saw movie jigsaw put somebody in a predicament

and then accidentally shows them the answer to the combination and they get out and Jigsaw's like, I'm in a fuck. You're talking with JPC confidence when it's bullshit. I respect that. I think I only ever saw the first song movie and then I think like maybe saw two or saw three to put whatever one was out when I was in high school, was like playing at someone's party and I like walked into a scene walked into it and like saw a scene of like hyperdermic needles

And I was like no way this is I don't want to watch this and then there've been like 15 to those fucking movies Chris Rock is in one of them. Yeah, weird. It doesn't seem right. Well, we're uh, Casey. Do we have a theme in a voicemail? I'd love to hear them. This is... This is awesome. Oh, no, the reno's and they go. No, I want to do. Yeah. Wow. I've talked to you over and over. I believe Sarah McLaughlin is a fan of this podcast.

Now I have evidence. I was so funny. That was, I believe that was from Kelly, Kelly and Jersey City. And I believe that Kelly sent me a much longer version of that. And I said, is it possible that you could cut it down? And then they did cut it down. So I do want to give a big thank you so much. I hope they never have to ask someone to please cut the voice

mail theme down. I've had to ask a couple people and Kelly came through. Unless that was not Kelly, then my mistake. I wrote it down wrong. Hey, little riddle. I have a new incredibly stinky cat, who I started calling Little Monkey Bowen because she decided to play a little monkey. So now, Little Monkey Bones.

What other nicknames should I give this adorable and very tricky kitty cat? Thank you so much. Okay, Little Monkey Bones is already perfect, but if you need more. Little Monkey Bones, that name comes from a name that I would call spaghetti. Before we ever did any Little Monkey Bones episodes, I called her a little monkey bones. I still call her little monkey bones, but it does feel a little different now that that's its own thing. Yeah. Yeah.

I've been calling Lou Grandpa Stephanie recently. That one's really fun. Mrs. Laningham is great. International Spy Pepsi B. Jew is a lot of fun. I don't know what you guys have cooking at your house right now. Yeah. I'm actually in a little bit of a big trouble right now for giving the dog too many nicknames.

I have to have back off for a while. It got a little bit too much. And now I have to stick to just like the six or seven that I normally do and I'm not allowed to make any new ones. But what if you want to call spaghetti punchy pair the Christmas bear? Well, Aaron, this is a something that has been explained to me. I think I'm not allowed to do anymore.

So I try. Maybe if she's looking like a Christmas bear, you should go over and rub her belly and call her punchy pair the Christmas bear. I love to walk up to her and say, Hey, what's going on snuggle? Unpuckus, but I can't do stuff like that anymore. And so I simply won't. Addle max. Great. Great.

And great. And Addle on that note, do you have anything to plug and be serious about it? Please, for once, I always am. Aaron, I would like to plug our Patreon. It's a brand new year. It's a brand new time to consume some of our content if you have not already. You can go to patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.

Check out all the goodies we have for you there. I think it's like over, it's something insane. Like it's 350 hours worth of stuff. Something like that. Jesus, like that. It has to be. Fuck. So check it out.

A lot of fun stuff over there. And yes, why don't you do it? Or give it for gifts for someone else. Would be very nice. Aaron, do you have anything to plug or promote? I just have a five star review I want to read. This one comes from Aaron. I love being on this show.

And I had a great time today. Five stars. You know, they do like you with you, your own show. Do they? If you have like an Apple account, oh, they can't take a new stuff. You. JPC, what do you got?

I have a five star of y'all. I'm not thrilled about reading this one, but turn about spare play. So this one's from Anna Claire. Anna Claire writes, IP freely Oliver close off. Seymour butts. Mike Rotch. I must do one more on with an ugly face and a big butt. My butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.

Hugh Jazz, B.O. problem. Amanda Hugginciss, I've on a tinkle. I need a bath. Maya butriks, Uris not ball. I ate P a tinkle, I need a bath. Maya butt ricks, Ura's not ball, I ate pee pee. That one, come on, something. Hey, would you cuddle me, Ali Topiger? I'm in a duty, a duty, I'm in a duty. I'm a weiner, Maya norm us but, Drew P. Weiner,

ladies and gentlemen, I'm a big dummy with a stupid job. I'm right down what other people say just like a big dummy would TBC read the review whenever you're ready You know what maybe I'll never be ready Self-lighter. I'll get you out of here. Starting, erudging. And John Patrick Collins. Casey Tony to the editing. Now are you parroting the music? Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemora.

The most stupid or hate-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read-read- Hey there chats and ear boxes. If you like that you are going to love this week's Patreon. We're going to do another chatterbox where we're answering your questions from the discord and sharing some personal news of our own. You can listen to that at patreon.com.shareed.or at all by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or so or 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there!