Hey Riddle Riddle - #290: Spook the Pope

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

Do we get caught up in Sesame Street lore for a bit? Absolutely. But do we do riddles? Unfortunately!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Head Gum Podcast. Of course, Friday. One, two, three, four, hey, RIDDLE BRIDDLE! Hello, sharks. I am coming to you with a product. I am looking for $50,000 investment in which you will receive $25,000. Blood. Meat. What was that?

Blood meat. Still. Swim, swim, swim, swim, swim. Ha, I don't, I don't know if I'm on Shark Tank or in a Shark Tank. I think I'm gonna. Oh, you're the wrong room. I'm so sorry. Sorry, it's this door.

Oh my God. I'm gonna get fired. Oh, I think I'm supposed to be in there. Scoopa, scoopa, scoopa, scoopa, scoopa. Oh my gosh. Okay, sorry. That was the wrong Shark Room. They're all on this floor.

Wow. You're going in here. They weren't in water. That was weird. Yeah. That guy was in a full scuba suit and he was just saying scuba. Yeah, it's a sex thing. Okay. Um, all right.

And if you just walk in here. Actually, actually, oh no, I left my something in there. No, no, it's too late. They're in the middle of the sex thing. It was a bloody meat. Scuba, scuba, scuba, scuba, scuba. Bloody meat. Yeah, blood. Get out of here Scoob a, Scoob a, blood meat. Yeah, blood.

Get out of here. Come on. Can I watch? Slam. Ah, okay. Let me just open up this door. Oh, this looks like some sort of reality show. Hello, sharks.

I am asking for- I'm sorry. Hi. I'm a janitor. I'm sweeping up in here. All the sharks left. They are very protective of their time, what's that? Just saying you must be brilliant.

That's a trope, right, brilliant janitors? I would you see a blackboard in here, fuck. I forgot I was doing math in here earlier. Okay, yeah, so yes. Whoa. I'm actually going to night school, but none of this is correct. You solved for polio?

I'm just scribbling honestly. I think we cured that my I'm just, I'm just squibbling honestly. I think we cured that my man. Well not we. Cure it. Yeah and we, you didn't help. Yeah that's fair, that's fair. Anyway all the sharks left so I'm just cleaning up in here. Oh wait, is this a sex thing?

It can be. Okay. Goodbye. Let me, let me. Corridor, let me. Okay let me go in this door. And I'm Aaron Keith. That's JPC. And we're Hey Riddle Riddle. Oh, you're here. Uh, perfect. No, that's like this is better. We were scared that you didn't bite us because we're on the shark floor of this building

now. Yeah, I didn't know there was a sub sub basement, but actually, I'll be right back. Technically, this is a DOM sub basement. I'm gonna go across the you gotta guess who I'll be right back. Open up this door and and I'm Beverly condolences and that's Felix Missingson. And that's as much of that as you're gonna get unless you pay $5 about pinterest.com. So Shay and Rindall, you ever wanna see those characters on the main feed, you gotta pay the money, baby.

Okay, okay, I'll get out of the room. Shut this still, get back across the hall. And I'm Aaron Keefe. And I'm Adler Ref a refine welcome to another episode of Do you want to be here? I have to be here Can I pick you up? Podcasts whatever what about an episode where I just eat cashews throughout the whole episode just constantly me eating cashews

Are you hungry? Do you have cashews? No, but I did just pour this big bowl of cashews. I don't really know what to do with it. You never pull a big bowl of cashews. Now you just like staring at them and saying like, I'm not really hungry, but I could munch on a cashew. Is that capturing the magic of the sweater? Do you think that we really lightning will strike twice if you just do a whole episode about you eating cashews?

I'll do it. I don't want to. Aaron, let's make fun of his cashews. I do think my plain unsalted cashews is probably my sweater. Oh, so you like your cashews like you like your personality. No, I'm salty as hell. Are you kidding me? Do you think Weezer ever wrote a song about cashews? Half Japanese cashews, maybe.

This doesn't have legs. Sorry, JVC. Just like a shark. Hey, speaking of sharks, that does remind me of something that I have been spinning a lot of time on recently. And the only thing that reminds me of that is that shark is a brand of vacuum.

I had been going very deep on vacuum cleaner Reddit. You guys have no idea the kind of shit that's going on on the fucking vacuum cleaner Reddit. Probably suck though. You've done this before. This is your second time in, which makes me think the first time you did this when you were researching vacuums, you didn't do a very good job because

whatever happened to that vacuum, it broke. Damn, shots fired. What's going on with your vacuum situation? This is my first time talking about all the podcast errands. So that's the difference. I was trying to, yeah, I was just, we've heard out of things to talk about. I'm bad at this.

As friends. Well, I gotta say, I have a Dyson and I, podcast across the hall, I just heard somebody yell. I will say, I'll say. It's like Felix was yelling. You go on to vacuum cleaner, you go on to vacuum cleaner Reddit and you start talking about your Dyson, they will eat you alive, my friend.

They will fuck you up. You start talking about a fucking Dyson on vacuum cleaner Reddit. What's like, what is like Usher vacuuming with? Like what is the creme de la creme? What's the Rolls Royce of vacuums? I'm glad you asked. So I just got a SIBO vacuum cleaner.

And you know it's fucking, you know it's luxury. Is that a Star Wars robot? You've never heard of that brand. So make me crazy. SIBO. You've never heard of that brand ever in your whole life and the people at the vacuum cleaner store say, yeah, they used to only sell these to hospitals.

They just started making these for regular dads. That's a vacuum. That's a vacuum. That's a blood bones. The other hot brand that I think is in contention with the SIBO is the Mele. It's like M-I-E-L-E, I think. Mele.

Again, you never heard of these vacuum brands. You can't walk into the fucking grocery store and buy one of these vacuums. Like you can buy like a shark right off the shelf. They're like industrial grade vacuums, I bet. Yeah, it's a canister vacuum, it's a corded vacuum. It's the, I kid you not, it is my dream. I am vacuuming and I'm having a fucking blast

with how good this vacuum cleaner is. Remember when you did mushrooms and hit a bunch of cheese? Your life is a little different now, huh? Now you're sober and you just vacuum all day. There's something so, once you hit like, I don't know, 26, 27, there's something so satisfying about vacuuming with like pure suction. Like it to me, it's like a video game. And I recently got a shop vac and it is boy, oh boy, that puppy can really suck. Yeah, I have a-

And it's so fun. I did the math on this. I have four, I own four vacuum cleaners. What? Because I had, I had a cordless vacuum, which I don't, I don't, I wanted to get a replacement for the cordless vacuum, but it still works. It's just the battery lasts only like five minutes. So I kept it around for like, basically as a dust buster.

I have a shop back in my garage. I have this new SIBO vacuum cleaner, and then I also have one of the robot vacuum cleaners because I always want to be vacuuming. It's just like the more suction, the better this place. I got, we got a robot one and it has sat in its corner unused because I refuse to let it roam around because that's daddy's work. Daddy likes to roam. Robot vacuum in the corner, please.

Hey, Mona Lisa, you can't roam without Caesar. Erin, how many vacuums do you have? I have one vacuum. And her name is? Because I'm a citizen. Aaron, not hyperbole, that is a completely unacceptable way to live. Okay, well, okay, we'll actually hear me out.

I think I might have, here's what I have. All right, fine, are we actually fucking talking about this? Aaron has one vacuum and it's a straw connected to a harmonica. People like you, Aaron, shouldn't be allowed to fucking vote. Oh, I have one vacuum. You're not a citizen of this democracy.

I technically, I think I have three vacuums. So I have a- Let's go! Or four, or maybe four. Because I have one for the car. I have a mini vacuum that's for the car. I have my regular vacuum. I have a fabric vacuum that I'll do on the mattress

and on the couch. Hell yeah. And then I have a vacuum that is also one of those, it's like a wet vacuum for the couch because I have a white all-form couch that is great if you have a pet because if you can spill whatever on it and it will come out but I do that like twice a year I'll do the wet vacuum thing to it to get even more of Lou's hair out so I guess I kind of have four vacuums, but I really only have one vacuum vacuum. I Mean this is vacuum erasure. This is vacuum erasure. She has the same number of vacuums as me

You have the same number of vacuums as me and I was going to jail for being a pervert Aaron I'm gonna buy you the I don't know if this makes sense. I'm gonna buy you the vacuum from Brave Little Toaster Don't Please what? No, I've been nothing but kind to you to be airing your friend from the last of years But you say you have one is cuz you're still afraid of the vacuum from Brave Little Toaster for me Here's what I'll say for me every day is like the Dolly Parton song Here's what I'll say for me. Every day is like the Dolly Parton song. Somebody been heading to the kitchen, grab my vacuum, something, something, something. Sucking nine, two, five.

That can't work out. Sucking nine, two, five. Nobody clip that. Nobody clip it. Nobody clip it. Nobody bit him, somebody in the kitchen. No, no. Vacuum doesn't fit elegantly into the song at all.

Nope. Dolly Parton did it better. Doesn't, all. Nope, Dolly Parton did it better. Doesn't, well. Dolly Parton did it best. Dolly Parton did it best. What about vacuum? Vacuum, vacuum, vacuum. Vacuum, vacuum.

I'm begging of you, please don't suck my man. No, don't clip that. Dolly Parton vacuum. Yeah. Well, Dolly Parton has aged so gracefully, but you know who hasn't aged gracefully? Us? Burton has aged so gracefully, but you know who hasn't aged gracefully? Is it Ford Man? Well, us and a lot of our content, but Ford Man puzzle specifically, which is going to be me today.

Oh, and calling me old is just redundant. So we'll just call me man puzzles. Yeah. In 2024, you think you're just going to go by man puzzles now, right? Man puzzles, by the way, is like awful Batman, like 80s Batman villain. It's me, man puzzles. You're describing the Riddler.

I think what man puzzles does is he like sets you in traps. He like puts Batman in like physical spaces that are like mazes. So he's the escape room villain. Yeah, yeah. What does he dress like? Casey is typing. It's $60 to villain. Yeah, yeah. What does he dress like? Casey is typing. It's $60 to fight him.

$60. You get a 21 year old who will call in and give you hints on how to fight him. It's $60 to fight him. And if you beat him within 20 minutes, you're like, well, that was worth it. It feels like I should have just taken my time. Casey says man puzzles is also a terrible subscription box.

Speak for yourself. Man puzzles. It's a niche market and that, it's gonna sell KC, it's gonna sell. I'm the market. Because men like puzzles. Man puzzles would be fun if it was just a complicated guy that you have to figure out.

It's like a board game. Aaron isn't that all men? No. I think that should be. if it was just a complicated guy that you have to figure out. It's like a board game. Aaron, isn't that all men? No. I think that should be, this is gonna be like a TikTok trend where it's like somebody opening their property tax and they're like, how do I, but then this is from, it's like man puzzles. Oh yeah.

It's like, adulting is out, man puzzles is in. Mm. Taxes, taxes are basically just man puzzles. How do you turn on a grill? Man puzzles. Ha ha ha ha. Wait a grill? Man puzzles. Wait a minute. Uh oh. We're getting a call from hello.

Yes, this is Franklin Hot Pocket from the Hot Pocket. Holy shit. Fortune. He finally called us back. Uh, yeah, can I can I help you with something? Yes, you're not using my theme Hot Pocket for anything, are you? Tom, that we're dead. Tom, we're not using my theme, hot pocket for anything, are you? Tom, that we're dead. Tom, we're dead. We're dead. Also, that's not a theme. Saying hot pocket is not a theme.

Hang up. Okay, I'll hug up. I'll hug up and let's get to some riddles. I think when we're doing riddles, we technically can't be sued. Legally. Yeah, yeah, Because it's parody. It's parody. Because no one would choose to do this. Because Arnie Parrot did the music. Yeah.

Weird Al's never been sued. God, I hope we never have to go to court for anything. We'd be so fucked. We'd be so fucked for so many different reasons. Unorganized, never on time. We'd like to represent ourselves. Yeah, immediately. No, you see, Arnie Parrot did the music. He's like, jail. We're all to represent ourselves. Yeah, immediately. No, you see, your honor, because only Parrot did the music,

and he's like, jail, we're all going to jail. Why did you each bring four vacuums to court? To prove that we're normal. To prove we're not perverts, your honor. Your honor, these are all character witnesses. Okay, I actually am having fun today. Oh, go ahead. Okay, go ahead. No, wait, hold on. Aaron, once the riddle starts am having fun today. Oh, go ahead. Okay, go ahead.

No, wait, hold on. Aaron, once the riddle starts, the fun stops. That's okay. Let's try starting to have fun. No, no, I got like 15 minutes of fun. That's all I really needed. Okay, 10 seconds. This is Aaron's time.

Aaron, make up new words. Blim, blim, bl JPC here. We did have to have a child make some noises because when we asked Erin to make noises that were make no words, she unfortunately said a whole bunch of slurs. In her defense, I don't think she knew she was doing it. Oh my god, it's top-scraping. We edited that out and we put that in so it's all there. slurs in her defense. I don't think she knew she was doing it. Oh, my God. So just, you know, we edited that out and we put that in. Hey, Adam here. We actually had to edit out the child's voices. I heard that little girl from I am Sam. I forget her name. She's the

sister of Sammy, maybe. Thank you so much. But it turns out she's not a little kid anymore. It turns out she's like 26 or something. So we did have to cut a Johnson now. We did have to put a Zoom six mic taped around Aaron's neck while she slept. So the noises you heard were Aaron sleeping. Snoring. Have you guys ever watched a video of you sleeping? What?

Have you watched a video of you sleeping? I don't understand the question you're on. Have you ever thought about that though? Because you will never get to know what it's like, what you are like when you sleep. Other people, your spouse or whatever, might say like, hey, you do this while you sleep, but you know, you can never prove it

unless you like see a video of you sleeping. I just assume I look like an angel. Hush, hush. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep How old is that in big years? I don't know. I think he's three.

Did he get, so what's wrong with him? Did he have that Tom Hanks thing where he got big? Did he make a wish to get big? No. His species is just that big. Look, I'm sending you a picture of him and his last warf. His species? I thought he would be more of him. Yeah, because there's him from every different country. And some big birds are different like color.

Some are like green. What the fuck? First of all, that does not make a species. If there's one of him in every different country, that's not, that's- I don't know how many there are. Also, he has a grandmother. So, okay, so he has a grandmother.

Is she big? Is the grandmother big? Yeah, of course. Do you see him in his nest? I send you picture. Did they ever make like a Sesame Street, almost like the Star Wars Christmas special where there's like a whole family of Chewbacca's?

Did they make an episode like that where it's like different big birds where there's like, what are the rest of them called? Like a Star Wars Christmas special. Cause he's a descriptor and then what he is. So what's his real name? Is his name like? Is his name big bird?

What's his name? Well this is the episode Aaron okay what no no okay hold on what is you happy you want to have one more minute of fun and now we're here and now we're asking what is big bird's I try to give you 10 seconds and then we had to involve a Breslin or fanning or something big bird papers let me see your papers. Where are you? His name is Big Bird. He has a teddy bear named Radar. That's not answering the question. That's neither here nor there. In season 46, Big Bird's large nest is now sitting within a small

furnished maple tree and is no longer hidden by used construction doors. His nest is in a tree? No. Excuse me, huh? You're looking at any of the photos I'm giving you. He can roll a sheet, ice cream, dance, swim, sing, write poetry, draw, and write a unicycle. Despite his wide array of talents, he is prone to frequent misunderstandings. Yeah, I guess so. I don't make sense. In season 46, yet he's three years old,

make it make sense. Remember when Mr. Hooper died in a band to explain death to Big Bird? What? They're like, Mr. Hooper's not coming home Big Bird. And he's like, but I want him to come home. You killed him with your big hands. You're too strong Big Bird. So he's Lenny.

You know how Big Bird has to sleep with like gloves with like a moisturizer in them? Yeah, Big Bird of Mice and Big Bird. So did he go through Ellis Island at some point? What is his, he has to have a real name. Okay. He has to. Okay, I have a quick trivia question for you. Okay. Please. Carol Spinney, I have a quick trivia question for you. Okay. Carol Spinney, I think this is named,

who voiced Big Bird, what other character on Sesame Street, what other famous character? I wanna say Grancho. Grancho, kind of close. Yeah, the Bird Brothers. I'm gonna say the Count. Oscar the Grouch. Wow.

Oh, I was close. From bird to trash. And what's his deal? What is he? Is he like a rat king or did the trash come alive? What's that? I don't know. He's just a monster king.

I think he's canonically a rat king. So why is there big bird, Oscar the Grouch, a lot of descriptors going around and then there's Burton Ernie. How come they get that? I don't know why they got real names. There's so many different Big Birds. Wow, they're all different colors.

One is gray with brown brows. It's supposed to look like an albatross in France. Let's look up French Big Bird. This is gonna be freaky, you guys. What's bird in Spanish? Oh, God. Grande, ala ota. Well, it's a combination of Spanish and French.

Yeah, good. They're both romance languages. You can define them. Okay, this whole Big Bird thing is absolutely fucked. I don't like that there's more than one Big Bird. I don't like that he has a grandma and not parents. There's just so much. I don't like that if I guess he did have parents

and they named him Big Bird, you would think that they would name him Big Bird because he's like bigger than others of his species, but I guess not, I guess. It sounds like a name a teacher would give where they're like doing a roll call and they're like whoa, that's a big bird and then it kind of sticks. But it can't be on show me the birth certificate where it says but also is snuffle off against a mastanon. Show me the birth certificate. What have we come to.

Sorry, the bird certificate. Bird certificate. I can't find that. I also don't think that teachers are allowed to just shoot off with nicknames anymore. I think that that I think that that that is a long gone unless hey, are you a current child? Do you get a nickname from a teacher? Let us know. I was called Captain dumps because I kept asking to go to the

bathroom. You didn't get that fifth grade. You were taught about to. So the riddle the riddle for this episode is. Okay. What's going on with Big Bird? What's his real name? I saw a real riddle was coming. I was prepped. I prepared myself.

There's so many different kinds of Sesame Streets. This is crazy. Like foreign language Sesame Streets? Like in other countries? Yeah, this is crazy. I'm learning so much. They tell you my favorite experience with Sesame Street. I think I might have mentioned this in the show before.

I was nannying this little girl in Chicago. That's what I did pre-pandemic. And you had an umbrella and you like slid up banisters and stuff? It was very painful. You killed all those big wins. You killed all those big wins. You killed all those big wins. Tried to jump into a sidewalk painting, broke everything.

Made love to Dick Van Dyke. We assume, we have to assume. Truly, don't mind if I do. I would. Made love to Jerry Van Dyke. Made love to Jerry Van Dyke. Here's young. Guess what, I would and I'm not kidding.

You can't prove that I'm not kidding. Here's the thing, Aaron, Google this. I think his current life is younger than you I don't care Get out of my way young wife. I could never still works at 98 You think you should still pop in and fire it no It's with pills and stuff you can you know how many times he fell on his dick when he tripped over that I could dance for him I think that would work, but what do you think?

Hey, we're-Vital Challenge, let's see who could have roused a 98 year old man first. We all have everything at our disposal, all of our wiles. Dick Van Dyke, more like Dick Don't Work. Come on, man. That's so funny. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. If anyone knows Dick Van Dyke,

you can give him my number and I'm not kidding. What was I talking about? Oh, Sesame Street. Your favorite Sesame Street. So I was watching this little girl and she loved Sesame Street and I loved showing it to her because every time we watched it,

she would learn like 10 new words. But there's a segment on Modern Sesame Street where you know how they have like a letter of the day and the number of the day? Modern Sesame Street, that's the one where somebody follows three families. Exactly. It's a Herald, basically.

There's an A, B, and C plot line, and it all ties back together. People are gonna be so pissed. One of them up, it plays a game up it, but he's not actually gay. Exactly. There's some truth. But one of the ways they announce the number of the day

is they will bake cookies and pull them off on a cooking sheet and then count the cookies. So on a day, it would be like, the number of the day is and then the cookie sheet will come out and be like four, four cookies. One, two, three, four, four. And they're like, oh, sweet. Okay, the number of days is four.

There's four cookies on the tray. And she loved that part because she loved cookies. She's like two, maybe one and a half, two. And one day the number of the day is zero. And so zero cookies come off the tray and she goes sobbing freaking out does not recover can't continue watching the show and then while she's napping I can hear her in her crib and she's going zero cookies, zero cookies, no cookies, no cookies. Like traumatizing.

Oh, so funny. Wow. So funny. You don't do that to teach kids a lesson? They had a responsibility to children all across the country and they fucking broke that sacred promise with zero cookies. So Erin, it sounds like you've watched

the most Sesame Street between the three of us. Is there an episode where they show the count feeding? Feeding what? You know. Oh, like, he's a vampire. Like in an alley? Yeah. There's a,

These are street people. Mother and son that get lost on Sesame Street may ask for directions and he gives them the wrong directions and then he kills them and they show like everything Yeah, they really don't they don't cut away. It's not like shadows or anything. It's not done artistically. It's like What the fuck run Jeremy run Yeah, they show it. Yeah, they show it. Yeah, they show it.

They show it. Everytime Mr. Hooper died, they're like, it's our responsibility to show kids how dark the world is. And who was Mr. Hooper? And why do we care that he died? He owned Mr. Hooper's store. Like the little general store. He was the old man who was so nice to the kids and the Muppets.

Mr. Hooper. He can't do that. From the 70s. If I say who's a little Mikey, you can't say from little Mikey's bikes. Yeah, that's true. That doesn't make sense. You don't know little Mikey?

Dude, he's from little Mikey's bikes. You're using the term to define the term. That's circular logic and it won't stand. Was Mr. Cooper human or a Muppet? Cooper, he was a human and he passed away in real life and they had to dress it on the show. Mr. Hooper. They had to address it.

Yeah. Huh. As per his last will and testament, do the Muppets, do they ever die? Do the Sesame Street characters ever die? I think they retire. I think they stopped showing up. Retire from what?

Being like an eternal child? Like how do you die from that? You guys really let me Three-year-old big bird with a big gold watch big like I guess it's my time You think says history is handing out gold watches for in for 50 years of service If you guys are pissed about there hasn't been any riddles yet I totally get it and you can blame me today. Did any of them up at serve? In overseas?

What are you talking about? No, serve looks, Aaron. Oh yeah, of course. Talk about waiters. What are you, Aaron? Jesus Christ, overseas. I would hope not. You can have a waiter overseas,

they just don't do tipping culture. That's funny. It's a different job. It's an insult. Aaron, I think we've chosen what this episode is today. Top three most fuckable Muppets go. Grover. She had a list.

She pulled out a laminated list. Let me actually take this super seriously. I actually watched Great Muppet Caper last night. You watched Great Muppet Cer last night. You watched Great Muppet Caper last night? Mm-hmm. I'm going through a hard time, man. I can do whatever the fuck I want. You can do what you're doing.

Rolf? Wait, Rolf is the piano player? Yep. Okay. Hmm. I mean. And he's a dog, right? Is he a bear or a dog? He's a dog.

He's a dog. You guys have made me watch a muppet thing and there's probably only three muppets that you could say that would be evocative of like a mental image for me. Huh? Like I know Gonzo. I know Big Bird. I know you are Gonzo. Thank you.

That's a huge compliment. Animal maybe. Animals one that animals one that is I is... I couldn't think of a mental picture of what animal looks like. And I think my problem is I know what way too many animals look like. So now I'm thinking about like a horse, but Aaron, is animal a horse? Animals, not a horse. Animals, a monster. I love your curiosity though, love that brain of yours. Okay, I'm gonna go Grover, Rolf. Huh, animal maybe?

Do we think, like if you say you went to like Spago in LA and you're like, holy shit, that's animal, that's, don't look right, don't look, don't look behind you as animal, do you think if you approached him and you're like, Mr. Animal, I'm such a big fan. Do you mind if I take a, do you think he, do you think he kind of like, for the cameras or do you think he like has a-

What cameras? Oh, oh, oh, you're saying on the show. He's an actor. I think he says something like, hey, no, it's nice to meet a fan. Thanks for saying hi. It's like Bobcat gold toy. I think he says something like, hey, now it's nice to meet a fan. Thanks for saying hi. It's like Bobcat gold toy. I think you guys are insane.

I would never approach an animal while it's eating. That's obviously they're gonna get to your toilet after food. Especially if he's as big as a horse like Eric claims he is. Well, he's either an actor. I didn't. Or so that's me street to documentary. So I think we have to, it's one of those two realities

And we're gonna go on a break and when we get back I'm gonna set out a loose with all of his riddles and then you'll all be sorry and you're gonna be wishing we're talking about them up Okay, okay Okay. Run. Adler JPC open up. I want to talk about my favorite app on my phone. Okay, but we're about to... We're about to head into space, Erin. It's better be important. Let me unseal this. I want to talk about rocket money. Would it please kill you Aaron? I mean, what happened to civility? This country used to stand for something.

That's why we're leaving. That's what we're going to find. Yes, I love it. So much. It's how I keep track of my finances. I've been doing it way before they were a sponsor of the show. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills. And it is your best friend come tax season. Well, bills was the primary reason Adil and I had built this rocket to leave this world, that in civility, which is out the window.

Wait, is this rocket money that has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million and canceled subscriptions? That's the one. And... JPC and I over 500 million in canceled subscriptions. That's the one. JPC and I spent 500 million on this rocket. Oh, brother. Wait, you knew about this and we still built this rocket? Yeah. I mean, I'm the only one who did not know about rocket money for the purposes of this

scenario. They'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. So maybe you can negotiate whatever this plea for attention was. Yeah, we actually did do this rocket that we built is a subscription service. So we also are getting $24.99 a month on top of the $500 million, which is like, I know, bank breaking.

Ooh, but we have been featured in several small town news programs. But we should stop wasting money on things we don't use. You can cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle rocketmoney.com slash riddle. What's this red button do? Uh, that will dismantle the rock. Okay. And the rocket's been dismantled. Great. Should not have built that button. Great.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Thank you for coming into my shelter here. Let me shut this bank fault door. Listen, as you can tell from all the red string and the corkboard, I have decided silent bank fault door. I've never seen one that silent. It's huge. Thank you so much. I've decided that space as we know it is actually square.

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you sell physical, digital or service products? Is that Squarespace? They have the tools you need to start selling online? Both? Yeah, definitely Squarespace. Definitely Squarespace, but also it's like that's we have to keep digging because it could be also both. Could be space that's squared. And you can upload, organize and access all your content in one place. With the new asset library, you're able to manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform. But don't take it from us. Take it from someone we know has lived in the space that is square. Welcome alien spokesman, low monkey bones.

Hey everybody, low monkey bones. Thank you so much for having me on your commercial. Cut the mic. Cut the mic. We cut the mic. Okay, I'm gonna get my big scissors out and... Cut the mic. Cut the mic. We cut the mic. Okay, I'm gonna get my big scissors out and... No, no, no, no. Oh, this is expensive. This looks very expensive. Little Monkey Bones, you want to tell us about the custom merch? I'd love to. First of all, you can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand.

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bones. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Man, I am down in the absolute dumps right now. Oh, JPC, buddy, what's wrong? What happened? Get out of that ditch. I got dumped by another therapist. Oh, personally, professionally? Yeah, personally. As you know, I told you guys I was going to therapy

and it was kind of unconventional. I was going to the shoe carnival at the mall and telling all of my problems to the guy who has the big foot measuring thing. And he finally said- Not a therapist. Well, that's what he said. And he said, you can't come back here.

You have to buy shoes. And I said, what if I buy one shoe? And he said, no, you have to leave immediately. And now I'm not allowed in that shoe carnival. So I guess I have to find another therapist. JPC, we can fix this so fast by telling you about better help. Better help is online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get

matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapist, real therapist, anytime for no additional charge. I use better help and I have been so grateful for it this month because there's a lot in my mind and my mind's been rolling and I say thank you to my therapist like three times a session and she goes, you don't need to do that. Whoa, better help. So it's like if I'm hearing you right here like an online shoe carnival.

Adel No, therapy, let's see, therapy can be a place to work through the challenges you face in all of your relationships, shoe or otherwise, might be friends, might be work, your significant other or shoes. Hmm. Okay. But better help is the best option for you, JPC.

Yeah. Specifically, and I would say for, for me, for Aaron, for most of our listeners. I guess what you're saying is if I'm thinking of giving therapy a try and by a try, that means going on to Google Maps finding a shoe store in my area going down there and berating on one of the employees instead of doing that I should give better help a try. That's right JPC speaking of shoes become your own soulmate whether you're looking for one or not visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help.

Don't a JPC. I see you typing slash carnival. It's not carnival. It's riddle slash riddle. OK, but it's Bogo shoe carnival. Buy one get one. That's how shoes work. And we're back and Aaron just gave me an extended list of her most fuckable Muppets. Aaron, did you want to continue that list?

Tell everybody else what you told me. Shouldn't we paywall it? That feels like something we could paywall, right? A 50 minute episode of Aaron listing all the Muppets. Sorry to put my business hat on in the middle of fun time, but I feel like I feel like we can make some money on Aaron's fucking muckaboo. All right, let's get to some riddles. Um, hey, thanks everyone for sticking around.

Uh, here's the actual riddles. Two people are sitting across from each other at a table. However, neither person speaks with the other. How come? God, what a jarring shift in tone. Suddenly we're just doing it. We have to like retrain. I have to retrain my brain to like think of answers instead of think of things, the derail conversations. The father and his adult daughter and he doesn't know what to say to her. No, let's see. Because he's dating someone, get this Aaron, he's dating someone younger than her.

No, that's crazy. I gotta say, why do people do that? Why do people do that? They're fucking weird. Yeah, I think... They're a syruistic van dyke. All the three named people. If you are gonna date someone who is younger than your child, you have to

like put in writing that you're fucking weird. You have to be like, I'm weird. I have to do this, but I'm weird. Own up to it. You got to own up to it. God own up to it. Two people are sitting across from each other at a table. However, neither person speaks with the other outcome.

Why do people sit at a table and not talk? Chess. They're playing chess and one of them is Russian and one of them is American and it's 1986 and the wall has not fallen yet. But this chess match is symbolic of a greater global game of chess that we know as the Cold War and I will be taking my coffee to go. That is blood, that is a cup of blood. What you want me to drink blood of the restaurant, you obviously want me to leave if I'm gonna drink this blood. Adel, was I close?

You were, I wanna see a scene. JBC, you are a father. Aaron, you are JPC's adult daughter and It's getting to that age where he yeah, he just You know you're you're off at college. You're doing a thing and he just doesn't know how to relate to you Should we um, should we split an appetizer? Sorry what I had my headphones in. What's up? Oh, it's just...

I was just saying, we don't have... We don't spend a lot of time together, and I was wondering if we should split an appetizer. I mean, we don't know... It's... We could splurge, you know? We don't get a lot of dinners. I'm not hungry. Now, how about we at all? Or even an entree?

Okay. No, that's fine. Um... Hey, you're... You're 21 now. How about a drink? How about we have a cocktail? Sorry, what? My headphones are in. You keep putting them in. Leave them out. There won't be an issue. What about a cocktail? You're 21 now. Let's have a cocktail. With you? Yeah, I'll have a cocktail. You'll have a cocktail. It'll be fun. We'll dish. We'll talk about our lives. What's new? You know, you're in college. You're 21 now.

What's new with you? Water's fine. Water's fine. Okay. You know, this is hard for me. I don't necessarily know that I can relate to a lot of the things that you have going on. Go ahead grab the headphone before it goes back in. Go ahead take that. Yeah, no I'm sorry. Yeah, move fast kind of hurt you there, but the headphone was going back in. We can all agree.

Why don't you tell me something about your life? Maybe you share, I share, we do a little share session. Wow, did someone say share? I'm your waiter today, small moose. And I want to learn about sharing. Dad, what is this? What's that, put your headphone in my ear. Don't want to deal with this. Hello? Put the headphone in.

We're good with water for right now, thank you. Oh, but I thought we were gonna to learn about... turns to camera... sharing. So, Mom seems pretty happy with me. Can I have some of your mozzarella stick? Are you a waiter here? Yes, look at my name tag. It's me, Smallmousse, but you can call me Smooths. Yes, Moose, you can have as much. Am I f**king up my lines? What's happening?

Scene. We can't talk about Sesame Street and then you say the word sharing in a scene? Of course it's going to activate. That's going to activate my Muppet. Yeah, be careful. Life lesson. Why do people sit silently at a table together? Prayer. Baby's prayer.

Baby's prayer. Oh, church. They're taking a test. I do think churches should have more tables. If churches had tables, I might go to that. I want to say that this is Aaron. This is going to be like a different type of table. Like this is like a multiplication table and they're taking like a math test.

Yeah. Or like a ping pong. But they're sitting at a table. It's just two people at this table, right? It's just two people sitting at this table. It's not a test. It's more frustrating than that. Do we have a hint. I'm just gonna give you the answer because this is a tough one. The two people are not together.

They are sitting on benches and facing away from the table and they do not notice the other person. That's awful. So picture like a picnic table outside, you're sitting on it, but your knees are tucked under the actual tabletop. You're facing it with your head. Yeah.

I'd like to see a scene. I guess I get what was happening there. JPC, you're sitting at a picnic table and Adelaide is a stranger who has come to sit down at the same picnic table. Excuse me. Is anyone sitting here? Uh, yeah, just my family. Um, where he at?

My son's birthday. Oh, happy birthday. How old is the boy? Uh, we're all good. Um, yeah, but we- Oh, I'm not telling anything, just that's the question. I know, we rented this area, so we have this for the next two hours. So, enjoy your day.

Well, actually, uh, you know, I don't have to walk away because I actually live in the park. You know, I maybe got that vibe. I just saw the big trench coat and the big hat and I thought maybe not, maybe not. The trench coat is new. I'll give you that. The trench coat, I went to Hot Topic.

I went to Hot Topic. It looks like maybe it's a disguise. It looks like it's maybe some sort of disguise. No, no, no. Sir, if you're gonna open the trench coat, just please go do it somewhere else, okay? I just found movies. Have you seen these? You heard of these?

I just saw the Matrix. You just saw the Matrix? Yeah, watch this. Oh, leaning back, leaning back, leaning back. Bullet time. That's from the movie. But but use an eight-year-old sport a party So we're just we're actually not gonna talk about the matrix or anything that happens in that movie and enjoy enjoy your day Can I have some so you didn't bring some a basket? This is our picnic basket you just you you started to walk away while you were holding it

You need to leave this you need to leave this and you need To walk away just and enjoy the rest of your day. What are you gonna do? I'm protected I'm protected by though That little guy that little guy that little guy's protecting you hey don't piss him off Hey boo boo. He's just joking His name is boo boo. Excuse me boo boo. I know that I'm sure you're very nice, but could you and your friend please, could you please go? Oh. Wow, Boo Boo, not talking.

Does Boo Boo not know Boo Boo's voice? I'm panicking. My palms are sweating. I'm trying to remember. Oh, Boo Boo. Yeah, Boo Boo just came from a rap battle. His palms are sweating. Boo Boo? Is that true? Boo Boo. Let from a rap battle, his palms are sweating! Boo Boo? Is that true? Boo Boo? Let me see your palms. Is Boo Boo okay? Is Boo Boo choking?

Boo Boo is not okay. No, that's a fake choke. I know what a real choke sounds like, Boo Boo. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Looks like Boo Boo died. Boo Boo's putting their arms across their chest like they're big dead. No, Boo Boo always does this when he doesn't want to talk. Okay, now I've died a million deaths.

I'm sorry, now I'm so curious. Yes, YouTube joined us. Please, share in our meal. We invite you to my eight-year-old son's birthday party. I gotta know what Boo Boo's voice is. Hi, I'm Boo Boo. I gotta know what Boo Boo's voice is. Hi, I'm Boo Boo. Whoa, not what I was expecting. What is it?

No one's telling me what it is. I'll do it. What is it though? You said that and I literally was like, it felt like that nightmare about like, not knowing you were in a high school play. I was like, oh fuck, what is it? I guarantee there are people listening who are like,

what? Who, what is Boo Boo? What is a Boo Boo? What is this? I believe, they're gonna think it's honey Boo Boo. I'm gonna look it up. I'm going to my mind palace. I think Boo Boo was like, I don't know, Yogi.

Like I think it was like that. Is that Troopy Dog? No, you people is like, I don't know, Yogi. Like, I think it was like that. Is that droopy dog? No, droopy was like, droop. Ah! Going down. I think probably Yogi and droopy were voiced by the same person, just like, girl's spiny. Yeah, back on the day, that's how they did it, man.

That's how they did it. Back in the day, Mel Blank was all the Looney Tunes plus the cars. It sounds like this. Here it is right there. There I go, I'm Boo Boo. Okay, and in case you just go ahead and cut that right back in.

No. It'll ruin the scene, but cut it in. Aaron, great job. Great Boo Boo, you could do it. Aaron, great Boo Boo. These guys called me up to the big leagues and I wasn't ready. Women can be anything, even boo boo.

You know, I always thought they were saying sit boo boo sit, but that's not what they're saying. No, they're saying something else. They're saying. Let's do another riddle. One that does and suck. Yeah, that last one, that last one I have to say sucked. That was a suck riddle.

Okay, let me dig into my files here under good riddles Oh, there's one left a man is born in 1915 and dies in 1940 at the age of 30 How is this possible? A man is born in 1915 and dies in 1940 at the age of 30. How is this possible? I and dies in 1940 at the age of 30. How is this possible? I don't know. Time traveler, the man is traveling through time. Remember when Time Traveler's wife was such a big deal?

I actually, as problematic as that is, used to love Time Traveler's wife. Oh, the movie and the book? Yeah. Aaron, is that the one at the redhead that you like? Yeah. Donald Donald Donald Donald Donald Donald Donald. No, that's about time.

That's about time. And that one's really good. That one is great. Time Traveler's W wife is when her future husband like keeps showing up when she's a kid. Like he time travels to talk to her and then they find it like, yeah, it's super fucked up. It's about what?

Erin, so picture this. Your 12 years old guy comes out of the bushes, hey, it's me, your future husband. Yeah, kind of terrifying. It's so fucking scary It's awful happens in that book. Yeah And he shows up naked every time he shows up naked every time in the Terminator pose and she has to give him clothes every time He warps in with his like one fist down on the ground like yeah it's weird he like teaches her French and like chess and talks to her and then when she turns 18, they have sex.

And then she meets him in like the correct time when she's like 22 and he's like 28. And then he has no idea who she is. And she's like, I'm your wife and you're gonna marry me. And he's like, no, I'm not. And then they finally catch up to him being himself. And then he starts traveling back through time and then he dies.

She's dating another time traveler, what are we doing? Hey, here's an idea, be a time traveler and also just have a relationship outside of that. Like you don't need to find your wife at work. Yeah, that's true. Oh, I can't control it. I'm 40 and I have to fucking 18 year old cause I can't control it.

He just starts coughing and he deems to wherever she is. He's like, cause they're killing my it. I have a disease. He just doesn't copy any themes to wherever she is. He's like, because I'm so in love. I actually need to be protected. It's really fucked up, but. Oh, you can't actually fire me from my job. Yeah, I'm a time traveler. Theo James, a guy from Divergent, and what's White Lotus?

A hotel, yeah, White Lotus. Yes, was in the most recent TV show of it, so I did watch it for him, cause he is handsome. Very handsome. But it's problematic. Keep remaking this thing? Yeah, they need to stop. Jesus.

They need to stop. He also goes back in time and fucks himself. What? Yeah. He goes back in time and he fucks himself. In the show? Yeah. He goes back in time and he fucks himself. In the show? Yeah. In the book.

Both. He also, his mom gets decapitated and he has to keep going back to that moment. What? I don't remember that. I don't remember that. Mom's an opera singer who gets decapitated in front of him.

What? This is like, at all? That's how a lot of them go. And that's when he says, I have a lot of opera singers go. It's a dangerous profession. Batman writers would even scoff at that. his mom is an opera singer who gets her who gets get Who how does that happen? Am I the only one who read this book?

I was in high school. I read it like 40 years ago I'll all remember is that they kept it set in Chicago and they're like Let's go meet at the Metro and I just moved to Chicago and I was like fuck. Yes the Metro And then they're like I grabbed me some and S Chicago and I was like, fuck yes, the Metro. And then they're like, I grabbed you some Ann Sathers and I'm like, fuck yes, Ann Sathers. So I remember being like stoked that they were making references to places like. I think Adler read Devil in the White City.

It seems like. Yeah, he had a wall. I kept time traveling into the World's Fair, I think. I'm shocked at this movie. What's the riddle? The riddle is just this movie. A man was born in 1915. Oh yeah, we this movie. What's the riddle? The riddle is this movie? A Man is Born in 1915.

Oh yeah, we were in the middle of a riddle. I love one. I fully forget we were in the middle of a riddle. A Man is Born in 1915 and dies in 1940 at the age of 30. How is this possible? Is this, is it, no, okay, so that's- He dies his clothes. He dies his hair.

Yeah, he dies his hair because he's getting older. He's 45. He's 45 hair. Okay. He's 45 starting to go gray, you gotta get that hair dye. Is that what, it would be fine if like, one of the, one of the, I keep wanting to call him up. It's one of the Sesame Street characters

was going through like a midlife crisis. Like, like, I forget which one it is, but he's like, near far. But he shows up in like a Ferrari, in the sunglasses, and he's like, you know, just going through something. Yeah, just going through something. He's banging an 18 year old, his daughter's 26, everybody thinks it's normal.

Nobody's talking about it. This is either a leap year thing or like a AD, or before the common era, after the common era, you know, type of calendar. A man is born in 1915 and dies in 1940 at the age of 30, how is this possible? AD. No, BC. BC AD.

Where are that? You'll be seeing these hints. It's not, here I'll give you a hint. 1915 and 1940 are not years. A man is born in 1915 and dies in 1940 at the age of... Hospital room numbers. Aaron Keith. Wow.

Nene, nene, nene, nene, nene, nene. Nene, nene, nene. Even awesome powers dance. No, it's me snoring. He was born in room number 1915 at a hospital and dies in room 1940. Okay. The big hospital. I take issue with that.

I don't necessarily know that hospitals are numbering their rooms just like one to two thousand. I just don't think that that's the case. I think that they have like, what's that? It probably goes by floor, 19th floor. Yeah, but they have like a different wards, right? It wouldn't just all be Room 1915. It would be like, I don't know, the cancer word Room 6. You know what I'm saying? I guess, man.

Do you want to take it to Riddle Court? I don't think you're gonna win. Yeah, I wouldn't, man. And don't represent yourself. I don't want to take this one to Riddle Court. Also, yeah, I guess, man, hospital, 19 floor hospital, but I guess that they do have hospitals that are pretty tall. Well, I'm trying to think of the last hospital that I went in was not 19 stories. That's a tall hospital.

I was a big city. A friend of mine died in a tall hospital and he was way up there. What to say to that? How do we eat? It's near like Lakeshore Drive and it's got a big sting less window, but I forget the name of it.

Do you remember the room your baby was born in JBC? Wow. I do, but like I said, it wasn't numbered that way. It was like, I think it was room like seven, but it was on like the eighth floor or something like that, but it wasn't room like 807. It was like numbered by the ward. I don't know, it doesn't matter.

I just don't trust that this hospital thing, I think it was for the riddle, I think it was constructed with purposefully misleading numbers. Riddles would never do that. I do wanna see a scene. I've been hurt too many times before. I'm going to be a moderator.

Aaron, you are the lead Democratic, you're the Democratic lead for president, JPC or the Republican lead for president. This is the- The Republican lead for president? You're in the lead. What's going on? La la la la la la la la.

Guess who didn't sleep last night? You're the nominee. You're the Republican nominee for the presidential race. This is the final of the presidential debates. And JPC, you are really hung up on an issue that nobody else is even thinking about. Okay. Candidates, I'll ask you one more time.

I'll ask you one more time. Why do they get blue? Blue objectively goes with more things than red. You know how hard it is trying to do red as like an aesthetic? Is this relevant? Is this relevant to the issues that our constituents are facing today? I just think there's an issue of fairness and there's an issue of color palette and there's an issue of, by the way, how these cameras are all set up.

I look washed out as absolute shit because I have to wear all red and you get to wear gentle blue tones. You're also wearing basically like ghost makeup. You look awful. I have to remind both candidates you did not have to wear any certain color, especially not all of that color. Blue makes my eyes pop. Blue makes my eyes pop, your honor.

You both look like you just got drafted in the NBA. You're wearing full bright one color suits. The guy backstage said I had to wear a big 1990s NBA draft red suit. I was the guy backstage. Your honor, your honor. I think that I wrote it. I'm not a judge, but America will be the judge off this next question.

What do you think is the biggest issue facing America and Americans today? Silly little men in big, big suits. No. You have a minute, 47 left if you want it. Can I cut in? Can I cut in? He's a jerk, Your Honor, I hate him.

Your Honor, can I cut in? I think one of the biggest issues facing America today is people that sneak into your dressing room right before a debate. Can't prove it. And they put a bunch of ghost paint makeup all over you because they say it'll make you pop like Nixon. Can't prove it. And they put a bunch of ghost paint makeup all over you because they say it'll make you pop like Nixon. I don't need to prove it.

I look ridiculous and it's all because of you. And folks, that is the end. What? What we have seen today is historic, the most mature and intelligent presidential debate of our time. And the winner is, gets handed an envelope. Please, please, please, please, please, please.

I hope you get it. I hope you get it. I know you deserve it. You did so much better. I hope it's you. It'll be you. It puts on glasses. I can't understand what's happening.

Why don't we share it? Why don't we split it? Your honor. Moonlight. We're gonna split it. Moonlight. See the scene. See the scene.

I recently watched or rewatched La La Land because Mariah had never seen it. And it was on one of the streamers or whatever. And my hot take about La La Land is if it was never like an Oscar movie, which I don't know, it just absolutely shouldn't have been part of that consideration. I think it would just be like a really fine, like romantic comedy with like some singing in it. Because I think that both of those, what is it? Ryan, Gosling and Emma Stone. Emma Stone, they're both like super charismatic

in that movie and they do a great job. But if it was never like hyped, I think people would have watched La La Land and been like, this is fun. Yes, agreed. I wasn't crazy about it. I think it's a victim of its own success. And I feel like also they just should have had

Ryan Gosling like, he was like big into like indie music or something. I think the whole jazz thing really put a hitch in his giddy up. Yeah, the guy just really wanted to use one jazz song throughout the movie. And he was like, the only way I could think to do it is make Ryan come like really into jazz.

Or they should have had him play jazz drums and then what's his name? Jonah Jameson. What's that guy's name? Oh JK Simmons JK Simmons Yeah, he's in that movie. Yeah, he should be his whiplash character and like really take it to him really Yeah, let's see. So what they should have done is they should have had JK Simmons as whiplash they should have had Ryan Gosling as Bart as Ken and that they should have had Emma Stone. You two are making a mess right now This is a mess. As Lindsay Lohan from Mean Girls the Musical. Ooh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Whiplash sounds like a Batman villain

Who's gonna clean up after this episode by the way. Is it me? I'm not cleaning. Casey's not cleaning. Aaron, you have four vacuums. Aaron, you have four vacuums. Not technically true. No, technically true. They're not podcast vacuums. They're not conceptually true. Well, Casey Totty's our podcast vacuum.

Ooh, yes. He's our janitor genius. He solves all the riddles on the board after the episode while he's sweeping up. Let's clean up with one final riddle. Yeah, I'm hungry for one more riddle. This one's a doozy. The Pope is giving a speech.

A man in the audience. Pass. Everybody gets, don't forget, everybody gets one pass every five years. Erin would just use yours. And I'm proud of it. You're welcome, everybody. Fuck the Pope.

Let's see what would have been in this riddle. Oh, Erin knows a brand new car. Don't care. Erin, it loses value as soon as you drive it off the lot. Do not buy a brand new car. Oh, I do need your guys' help. I need to buy a car for the first time ever. JPC's the man to talk to.

JPC. You gotta talk to your old JPC. Will you help me? You should fly to LA and you're famously like a no bullshit like don't know as they try and sell you upgrades you're like nope, fuck off. Yeah, but not for Aaron.

I'll say give me the undercoding, give me the warranty. Give me the bumper to bumper baby, give me everything. I'm totally on my own with it. It will be the biggest purchase I ever make by myself and I'm scared. So if you could give me some advice or help me. That would be really appreciated. What you should get, because you live in LA,

which is notoriously traffic heavy, you should get one of those little Italian job cars. Okay, great. I love that advice. I'm taking it immediately. They call those a restrito. Ooh, I'm gonna be so poor. It's coffee on top of ice cream.

The Pope is giving a speech. A man in the audience shoots the mayor who is behind the pope. Why? Because the mayor was trying to kill the pope. Wow. Yeah, dude. The mayor's a pope killer. Classic. The mayor's a pope killer, dude.

You're a pope killer. He's shooting with a camera. I wish. No, this is a good. What? Does does is he trying to shoot the Pope? Um, does it pass through the big hat? Not all popes are Italian. Not all popes are Italian. I can't but they all live in Rome. I'm sorry, but you can't be like I live in Italy and be like but I'm not Italian. Not the retired one.

Oh yeah. Is this a retired Pope? No the Pope is giving a speech. A man in the audience shoots the mayor who is behind the Pope. Why? Oh okay John mayors digging around doing like a little back guitar backing for the Pope's speech. Yes.

The Pope is like, I don't believe a homosexuals. And John Mayer is like, your body is a Vatican. And you're above a gum tongue. By a least favorite lyric of all time. That, I feel the tingles in a silly place. Those are two of my least favorite lyrics. I'm starting to get toes and a ghosty note. That and I feel the tingles in a silly place. But those are two of my least favorite lyrics. I'm starting to pose and it goes to you. No, that's not John Mayer.

Do you think John Mayer refers to his penis as his silly place? I do. Just a casual conversation? Probably. He gives me the heebie jeebies. Yeah, he's a heebie jeebie giver. Freaks me out.

Oh, heebie jeebies was an amazing punk rock club in New York that got closed down. Oh yeah. You can do it by the way, I use my walk. Walk, I'm a mom and me. How many songs in the history of songwriting do you think are about Jennifer Love-Hewitt? Over or under 30? Wow. 11.

The over, got to think. The Pope is giving a speech, a man in the audience shoots the mayor who is behind the Pope, why? Now this might be the toughest riddle, trademark we've ever had, trademark. Is this the mayor of like a city? Is this like an elected official? So like a mayor, McCheese?

Yeah. Yeah, he was elected, duly elected. And sorry, the question is, is he the mayor of a specific city? Or a city, like is he a mayor, like an elected official? Or is this, is it like mayor, like a horse, like the Pope is riding a horse, like doing a speech? Wow.

That's a good guess. Can I ask you, Why would the horse be behind the Pope? I'm not gonna tell you yes or no, but can I ask if it was a horse, a mayor? Yeah, solve that riddle. Why would a guy shoot a horse behind the Pope? So it's like an old-timey expression like yeah, the Pope it's like it's this is like 1100 years ago The Pope has gotten off his horse to give the speech and so the horse is behind him. What's that? Yeah, it's exactly

To be closer to God if a horse eats cannabis don't write it Someone shoots the horse to spook the pope. Poof. Poof. Poof. Poof. Poof. Poof.

Poof. Of course, smacking the pope on his ass will spook the pope. If you smack the pope on your ass, it spooks him. OK, that's got to be on the Mount Rushmore of my favorite sentences ever said on the show. Somebody shoots the horse to spook the pope. Somebody shoots the horse to spook the pope. Somebody shoots the horse to spook the pope. Can that be the episode title Adela?

And I hate to say it. Somebody shoots the horse to spook the pope. She swallowed the foot. Somebody shoots the horse. She swallowed the spider to chase the fly. She swallowed the foot. She swallowed the horse. Somebody make that a song. She swallowed the spider to chase the fly. She swallowed the horse. She's hooked the pope. Who killed the bat? I don't know why. Um I mean that's. Am I close? You're close in that that's the best answer to a riddle

we've ever had. And this episode started with 30 minutes of Sesame Street. So this while we we went from zero to 100. All downhill, it was all downhill. This is we really made up for last time. I don't know, man. I don't know. Aaron, do you have anything? Is there any fucking thing that you have?

I have nothing, I'm thinking. I got, is there any fucking thing that I have? I have nothing. Look at my empty, empty hands. Ooh, I don't know. My only thing was shooting like a photo and that was 11 minutes ago. So I don't know. That was fine. I can't remember if it was I don't know Aaron if this was you or or Sidia my sister

Somebody sent me a video of the Pope smacking a woman's hand and Couldn't stop laughing about it because somebody like in a crowd reached out and he like smacked her hand away It might have been it must have been Sidia if you don't remember it Because somebody like in a crowd reached out to touch the pope and he like smacked her hand away. It must have been Sidiya if you don't remember it. Um, okay. No, I remember. I love that video. And he finally... I don't know. I don't know.

I got a message. I don't know. I don't know. You defeated us. We're done. Grab some water. Get comfortable. The first fucking riddle that you read was so bad that it broke my faith and riddles for the rest of the episode. I was like, now the answer can be like, I don't know.

He was sitting back to back with someone on a fucking bench. And that's why. Oh wait, to stop at the podcast at JPC, you said it broke out of faith? Yeah, broke out of faith. How can I amend the defense of a faith? Mender the faith. It's a me, a smoke and a pope.

Shave it a beard. Shave it a beard. Wash it of heat. Give me the fucking answer. No, what is that? You take out a gun? No, I shoot at the horse, a spook at the pope. That's the one thing that can spook a pope.

New Halloween costume, spooked pope. What's the one thing that can spook a Pope. New Halloween costume spooked Pope. What is the answer? Okay, get comfy. The Pope has returned to the village where he began his priesthood 30 years earlier. He was late for the ceremony, so naturally the mayor spoke first. The mayor claimed to be the first person ever to give a confession to the Pope 30 years earlier. When the Pope arrived and gave his speech, they didn't share notes, he related, the Pope related, that the first confession he had ever heard was that of the murder of a young

woman. The man in the audience was the young woman's brother, who then promptly shot the mayor. The man in the audience was the young woman's brother, who then promptly shot the mayor. So a few things, so a few things real quick. Yeah. One, this brother must carry a gun around for the last 30 years just hoping someone slips up. Hey, he's a dog. Oh my God, I hate this run-up.

Two, two. No. Thank you. No, Casey, you're allowed. That's smart, that's smart. Casey, no. Two, my second point. That's smart. Casey, no. Two, my second point. There's a lot to be made. My second point is... Oh, balloons. My second point is, what speech, what possible speech could the Pope be giving?

The first words out of his mouth are about a young woman being murdered. Yeah. What? murdered. Yeah. What started with an anecdote? A young woman goes into a church and is murdered. Maybe if there's like a big memorial for that woman in this town that he's like going to mention as well, you know that that could make sense if there was like never a murder that was like the first murder in this town. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I do wanna see a scene. No, we don't have time for a scene. The episode's over.

Yeah, you lost your scene privileges with your long ass story about the God, the Pope. Aaron, do you have anything to plug? Can we do the scene after we stop recording? Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure, of course, always, always. Hang on, have fun all day. Hang on, have fun all day.

I would check out our Patreon, patreon.com, slash hey riddle riddle. All the best stuff is over there. We don't do any riddles, you guys, it's awesome. Adel, anything to plug? I wanna plug the phrase, shot a horse to spook the pope. I think that could be merch.

I think that could be a song. I think that could be a board game. I think that could be a card game. It could be like a Rube Goldberg-esque machine, the mousetrap. I think there's so- I think this is one of the best gifts given unto thee, so I would say really check out- Does it have the same energy as save a horse ride a cowboy? Better energy. I think so. Has better energy.

Better energy. Shoot a horse, poop, it should be a country song. Yeah. Maybe I'll, maybe I'll dick around and write a country song. I won't. And check out our Patreon. And let us know in an email to,

I wanna say hrrpodgmail.com. What's our fuck it, E-Rail? Hr podcast, hr podcast. Hr podcast, hrrpodgmail.com? What's our fuck it, Ariel? It's your podcast. It's your podcast. It's your podcast. Yes. Hrrpodcast, send an email to hrrpodcast and let us know who your favorite Muppets are,

what your favorite episode of Sesame Street is. Let us know. Talk to us, we miss you. Talk to us, we miss you. We're worried about you. What's going on? We love you. We love you.

We love you. JPC you. We love you. JPC, do you have anything to shoot out? Yeah, I got a little review to read, and I will say, you know, we're running short on these reviews. So if you want to go leave a review anywhere you can leave reviews, Apple Podcast, Spotify, whatever. I think Spotify can only do ratings. You can't do reviews. But leave one. I might mention it on the show, and today I'm reading one from Puckpuck. Puckpuck writes, it's free, good deal.

It's like the three stooges for the 21st century. Okay, thank you, Puckpuck. That's really nice. Not mo. Yeah, it's really nice. Not mo. Oh, JPC, whoops. Looks like you're mo.

Which is, could I be ship? KPC is mo. Mo, who are you? JPC is mo. Okay. Well, I'm is maw. Okay. I'm the dumb one. I'm the shep. Can I be shep?

I'll be shep. Aaron, did you know that there was another stooge? There's four, I think. But there's a fifth one. Oh, you're talking about Jupiter? Just say that, yeah. Okay, so the scene is JPC, you are the Pope, Aaron, you're a horse. And I am stopping my rec-

Come on! Come on! Hey there, aliens and agents! If you liked that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We take you behind the scenes at Area 51. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at patreon.com. Hey riddle riddle, by joining the crew crew for $5 a month, or start your your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and get those ad free episodes. See you there!