Hey Riddle Riddle - #293:Peanut Pan & Drinkerbell

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

Ok so this week we are bringing you some great riddles finally! Some are from a D&D campaign set in the desert and some....are from a HORRIBLE HAUNTED CURSED BOX. We also have a cactus on a date, a mummy’s first day of school, and of course-Peanut Pan.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by:Casey ToneyTheme by:Arne ParrottLogo by:Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something?Hey Riddle Riddle6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Head Gum Podcast. the horse. Hey guys, um, hey Adel here and hey JPC. Hey, it's for horses. Hey, it's for horses. Thanks Adel. I really needed to call actually. Oh, actually, why, I don't know. I really needed a long face. Oh, actually, why the long face? Looks like you do have a long face. Like a horse. You have a decline face.

Oh. Have you ever tried to make someone feel better before? I used to be, what's that? I used to have like the Patch Adams thing. What's the Patch Adams thing? Oh, when you grew way too big. A doctor? You were like an adult man with the brain of a child.

That's Jack disease. I had Patch Adams disease, which is where I would dress. Oh, so where you wore a wig in order to get closer to your kids. You got hired best than any. Well, I would dress as a clown in order to scare other kids at the hospital. What are we doing?

JBC's upset. JBC, oh. What's up, what's up buddy? Yeah, yeah, the Hasteful Horse isn't a long face thing. I just got an email, I just got kicked out of my barber shop quartet. Oh, what happened?

Oh no. Oh no. That's so insensitive. I really appreciate it. We're so sorry. Oh my God. Honestly, I really appreciate it. It's you guys trying to cheer me up and obviously I do a barber shop quartet with you guys, Oh, that's so insensitive. We're so sorry. Oh my god. Honestly, I really appreciate it.

It's you guys trying to cheer me up and obviously I do a barbershop quartet with you guys, but there's only three of us and in case you can't hold a fucking tune to Save His Fucking Life, I'm lashing out to make myself feel. TPC, what happened? Last week, you were talking about how you were all best friends and you're going to tour the world together. And apparently the tour is still on. No. Oh man. The apparently the tour is still on. No.

Oh, man. The tour from Duluth to Denmark, I saw the posters, they look beautiful. Yeah, they are gorgeous. My wife actually designed them. Someone drew a penis going out of your mouth though, which I didn't understand. Yeah, my wife is a very creative person.

And you know. Oh, that's part of the design, I'm so sorry. Farah beat from me to criticize her art. It kind of what she was doing. My wife is a very creative person and you know, Oh, that's part of the design. I'm so sorry. Far beat from me to criticize her. I kind of what she was doing. What happened, JPC? Well, apparently I am hard. Now, let me ask you guys,

do you find me difficult to get along with? I'm sorry? I was just gonna finish your sentence hard to work with. Yeah, that was the exact words that they were used. I always tried to soften the blow. Whoa, you? Thank you. No more.

Hard to work with. Stop reaction. No, thank you. Yes, exactly. Anyway, I told those guys to pound fucking sand and kick fucking rocks. Did they like complain about how you are always talking about like piss and dating your cousins and like police horses and horses and cousins and pigs? No. They complained about me singing about that kind of stuff.

They never complained about me talking about it. We appreciate you and we're happy to have you and you're welcome here. So thank you because that's what I wanted to hear, Aaron. You guys actually did a really good job at all with the horse stuff and then Aaron with that, making me feel like I made the right decision getting kicked out of that group. And I'm really sorry for kicking you out of the group. We just couldn't have you in our group anymore.

Yeah, sorry, I'm just getting some applications here for other tenors. Oh, Aaron, I got some really good audio for a potential replacement for JPC. They sing a version of Camp Town Cousin Piss This Horse. You know that song? Camp Town Cousin Piss This Horse, Piss Horse. Doodad, Piss Horse, yeah.

Yeah, wait, doodad first and then Piss Horse second. Yeah, no, it's better off. Those guys are better off Adel, Aaron, and Pavarotti. They're better off. They're better off 10. Better off 10? They're totally better off 10. I still love those guys.

But I love you guys and I'm excited to do- Love you too. Looking at my calendar. Hey, Riddle, Riddle, the podcast. I'm excited to do that for today. Love you. Oh, good. Good, good, good.

So this was like your fallback career. Yes. And then I'll spring forward and I'll do a different career in a kind of couple of months. No, wait, in one month. Soon. I can't be right. Googling, when do we spring forward? Well, I have some riddles from Trevor. Who's been listening to the show since basically episode one. What does basically mean? Probably like episode two. Trevor missed a couple episodes. Just say it's real good.

Go back, listen to what you missed and then send an email. Trevor says, I wrote these riddles for my D&D group while the characters were exploring the desert. I tried to reword the riddles to make that clear in each one. Um, summer poems, which I know y'all hate, but I taught you sorry. Summer poems make me feel good. Some are basic riddles and some are pinkpinks. So, fun. Is it fun?

Why, I think, Erin, that does sound fun. Is it fun? But if I put it, this is fun. Erin, now it's insensitive. Now it's crossing a line to be able to get sensitive. I'm so sorry. I think when you're in the desert, you want to hink drink. I think you're right.

Let's see what happens next. Some people love being thirsty. Pads and fruit, some feast on me. I filled these desert lands you see. I harvest water from the winds with my thorny surface pins. Liquid camel. Did you hear me? Go, don't say horny, don't say horny, don't say horny.

When I got to the word thorny, that's what my brain was saying. Pads and fruit, some feast on me. I fill these desert lands you see. I harvest water from the winds with my thorny surface pins." Aaron, that is a kak-tai. Yes. Also, horny surface pin is like, that's like a,

I don't know, like an NC 17. We're writing like a romance novel, and we're trying to come up with another word for penis. And we're like, how about horny surface pin? He's in Gorge tadpole. Started to snake out of his pants. It's like, what do you just call it? I can't just say cock another time.

I hit my cock count in this book. It's 11. I gotta think about another word. It's not even a romance book. No! This is a book about Thomas Jefferson. Okay, so I wanna see a scene. I'm thinking about Thomas Jefferson. We fucking with you. Okay, so I want to see a scene.

Look at that Thomas Jefferson, we use it cock 11 times. GPC, you are a cactus and you're on a date and Adal, you're sort of trying to deal with a date, being on a date with someone so prickly. Oh my gosh, you must be, okay, I see you're wearing your rose or that's growing out of you, whatever. Hi.

Everything here is gluten-free! Yeah, I thought you said you had dietary restrictions and that you also work very hungry? I did, I just not gluten-free. Everything here is gluten-free. I'm so sick of people thinking I don't want to have gluten. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I can't have a lot of water. Oh.

If the waiter tries to refill the water, I can't have a lot. I only need have a lot. I only need a little drip. Okay, and I don't know if this restaurant does things different, but I think you can drink at your own pace and kind of eat or drink what you want. Don't even get me started on pace. Pecante. Everything. That people assume just because I looked the way I look. I want salsa all the time. Oh yeah, I remember in the 90s there was a paced pecante commercial with you in it where people are like New York City, right? So you're familiar with my work. Yeah, I didn't know that was you as a lot of cowboys in the desert

I obviously hate dating fans, but for you all make an exception cute stuff come here I don't know if that's obvious. Oh, sorry. Oh, Gotcha! Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, you're just bothering me. Your arms... Can I put... Oh! I'm sorry everyone! It looks like the man I'm on a date with is trying to control me! He thinks my arms are too high in the sky! Sorry, it just looks so uncomfortable. Also, I enjoy your t-shirt says Tom Segura. It's not my t-shirt, it's Tom Segura's. He fell down in the desert!

That's why it stuck to me and not be wearing it okay what do you think about Bert Kreischer he's my number one I think when he takes his shirt off I think that is the funniest thing I've ever I think I think more comedy should be shirts off oh I love Bert Kreischer the character that I am loves Bert Kreischer. So funny. Yes, thank you. I think every comedian should tour for 10 years off one story. They should take their shirt off.

What else? What else does he do? We should be concerned about their health constantly because of the amount they drink. Doesn't matter. 10 out of 10. Same. And Bert Kreischer with Jim Brewer's politics. That's my ideal comedian.

Aaron just made a cactus talking about Burk Grissure. Can't get mad at that. That's exactly how I wanted that scene to go. Would you believe I've never seen a single ounce of Burk Grissure stand up, but I've scrolled past thumbnails before and said, obviously not for me and said obviously not for me. Truly obviously not for me.

When the sun dances across the sand and shows a golden promised land I trick the eyes and tease the mind but I'm merely lies you're in a bind. Aaron this is something. This is obviously a mermaid. Sayin' mermaid. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, saying mermaid.

Aaron, is there something I'd be with? You can't sing anymore, you got kicked out of the group. This is something I squashed down daily, which is my rage, spelled M-I-R-A-G. Yes, it is Adel's rage. What is it? It's either a mosh or... Or could it be...

Liam, what do you think? One more go round the world? Oh, why do we fall down, Mr. Broast? So that Oasis can tour again. Three, four, somebody once told me... Oh, no, no. That's the other guy. And he'll never tour again.

Because he died. The... The... You got it. It's a mirage. Well, I was trying to think of who... tour again because he died. You got it. It's a mirage. Well, I was trying to think of who now I know the mirage is a hotel in Las Vegas, but I was trying to pull my mirage reference.

Did someone do a residency there or is that 25 years ago? Could I have said Lance Burton? Is that anything I saw Lance Burton? Maybe at the mirage, I saw Lance Burton in Vegas when I was eight years old, nine years old. And it might've been the Mirage. Mirage has a volcano out front that erupts every once in a while.

Adel, would you believe that I also saw Lance Burton one time when I was in Las Vegas? We saw the same residency. Do you, do you, do you wanna, I think, and I cannot be sure about this, but I think that I probably saw Lance Burton because he was the cheapest of the big name comedians on this trap. Like he wasn't sick for your boy. He wasn't David Copperfield. Can I blow your mind? That's the same reason my family went to see him.

family went to see him. I bet that there's a lot of lower income families who had a, A had family living in Las Vegas, which is why we went. And B who went and saw Lance Burton show. But apparently according to Aaron's, but Copperfield story, right? No, not Copperfield. Angel. Angel, Chris Angel.

But we maybe didn't miss out by seeing the second or third best. I am the mind freak. Ah! Ah! Worst money I've ever spent. Okay. I am plentiful in the desert.

You'll find me abound. Trim off one fourth, sorry. Trim off one fourth and I connect sites, times, thoughts or sounds. Uh, Lego? Is this sand into air? Lego. Yes, it's sand. Remove S and it's an. Why?

No way. Here's my question. No fucking way. No fucking way. Desert's full of sand. Here's my question. How come? Uh-oh.

Sorry, I needed attention and that was the only way I could think to get it. Wow, Aaron, look at you. Whoa, look at Aaron. Yay! Can I just say, I mean, together. Wow, Erin, look at you. Wow, look at Erin. Yay! Can I just say, I mean, obviously we can cut it out of the episode. I think we keep it.

You sneezed, and when you sneezed, your hand got so close to your mouth that I was terrified that you were about to cut open your gums again. I mean, it was, Erin, it was right there. It was a close call. And you know, I would say, you don't know anything about me, but that was recorded, right?

When I cut my mouth open. Yeah, we recorded that. We recorded that. I can't do that. That got captured. He also seems like a teddy bear. Do you guys worry about me like all the time? I would worry about me like all the time.

I seems like a teddy bear? No, forget that I said that. Aaron, we don't have a text thread that says, you know, worried about Aaron and it's me, JPC and Casey, constantly being worried about every single thing you do and say. Aaron, I'm not worried about you. Aaron, watch. I do have a reminder set up to check in with you every couple of years

just to make sure everything's good. But I don't, but that's, I mean, if that's worrying, then I guess I do worry about you. Aw. Yeah, Erin, every couple of years we're worried that you have to step back inside the Victorian painting you came out of. And the life you used to live in 1634.

Hey. But Erin, we'll hear about that for another 16 months when I text you about it. You good? We good. You okay? That's actually the second time in two days that somebody said I was a Victorian woman.

Well, no, Erin, that's the second time you've heard it in two days. That's probably the thousandth time that people have said it. See, sneezing worked so well, because look how much attention I've gotten. I love it, okay. A pair of vowels to begin followed by an equal kin.

I provide respite in the desert sands to travelers from across distant lands. This is a motel. Is a motel six. Yes. Is this one Oasis? Mm-hmm. Can I say a scene?

Adel, you are someone who's been stuck in the desert for many, many days and you see a motel six in the middle of the desert, and you're checking in with JPC who works at the front desk. Aaron, my people have been stuck in a desert for thousands of years. Water. Water boy. I need to see water, boy. Hello, are you real? Uh, me? Yeah, I'm real, I'm Dan.

Uh, I'm the property keeper here at the Motel 6. Motel 6? Oh, oh, and you're behind the desk. Oh, can I, one room please? Oh, okay, are you, is it... Um, I always forget how to ask this. Do you need it for a night or is this an hourly thing? Um, I get... for a couple days to just... to rest and... Oh, you're gonna stay here and sleep here? Yes.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, and you want water and food? Yeah, oh, yes. Well, the Aquafina Machine Guy has not come. I don't pay for her. Oh, yeah, yes Well the aquafina machine guy has not come and I think oh Yeah, I know I Don't know why she was allowed to do like the whole black sit thing for as long as she was Right. I watched oceans eight the other day. I was like this is insane. Yeah, this is insane. I don't get it

Yeah, I don't get it. She had to apologize for it. I haven't really heard much about her since What are your thoughts on Bert Kreischer? Kreischer? Oh my god. I love him. I love him. Yes. Can I... sorry. As we're talking, can I... I just see you have a big... ...jug of water behind you. Can I just get a little bit of that? Oh! Um... oh god... This is employees only water. And it's not... not... I would love to share it for you, but it's not for drinking.

This is for hosing down the parking lot, because it gets so sandy. Oh, God. And, yeah, the only way to get rid of all the sand is to kind of hose it all down, make it wet. You're wasting all that water. Can I... Everything around here is sand. Can I have some of the... Oh, can I... I'm sorry, everything around here is sand? I live have some of the... Oh, can I walk? Can I apply? Can I walk? Can I apply? Can I live here? Buddy, this is my community. Everything around here is sand.

We actually have a lot going on here, okay? I'm sorry. I'll have you know that I met my wife and I had my children here. Points to a couple piles of sand on the floor. Wait a minute. How does that make you feel? I'm... I'm dead, aren't I? Dying. You a minute. How does that make you feel? I'm I'm dead, aren't I? Dying. You're dying. You would have healed that. Dying. You're dying. Okay, you earned it. We are at the Hink Pinks section. Did Aaron did and I want to say Trevor was

the person who sent those riddles in. Yes. Did Trevor say how the D&D crew did with those riddles? Seems like they did okay. These next, Hankpinks are broken up into fair Hankpinks and Hankpinks that might be bullshit. So I assume maybe the bullshit ones, the D&D crew maybe yelled it, Trevor. I assume she- I think sort of separating those two, yeah.

Yeah, I think that's probably wise. And I also think that like if you're answering desert-based riddles, I think we nailed, I mean, we hit the gamut, right? We hit cactus, oasis, you know? I think you're gonna like mirage, you're gonna, not too much else going on in the desert. Don't tell that to the guy that works

the Motel 6 out there though. Throw a little bit of a fit. Yeah, and his kids and wife, the piles of sand, will also be very offended. A magical grasshopper. Jiminy Cricket. No. A magical grasshopper.

A magical grasshopper. Bug, insect. I forget. Wait, what are we doing? The whole rental, no, these are handpicks. What are, yeah, what's our. What's a like a desert bug that you associate with the desert or the Bible? Oh, well, yeah, think. Keep that in the back of your mind because that might be.

Okay, a locus. A hocus pocus locus. A hocus locus. And my partner said tricky, cricky, which also works, which is adorable. Did you ever see the Jimmyimi as a locust? No. It is one of the best auditions I've ever seen. What is it?

Kathy Najimi did a if you watch the Sister Act extras on the DVD, she auditions as a Hocus Pocus Locust. Just some of the best funniest. In all sincerity, Kathy Najimi, America's sweetheart. a hocus pocus locust. Just some of the best, funniest. In all sincerity, Kathy and Jimmy, America's sweetheart. Can I tell you, I watched a, I watched, Aaron, you're gonna hate this. And so-

Oh, then don't say it. Ah, Aaron, I feel like I must. Actually, it could be a public service announcement to you, Aaron, because I know you love a romcom, right? Yes. Have you seen the recent-ish, I think it was like in the last year, George Clooney, Julia Roberts,

romcom were there like a divorced couple. You can kind of skip it. It's not very good as a romcom. And I watched the whole thing and it was whatever fine, but not great. And it gets to the very end and the outtakes start. And I go, okay, here we go. They don't do outtakes much anymore.

I love when I see little outtakes, and I know George Clooney is in the Toreus prankster when it comes to being on set. This guy loves a little prankster. That millionaire loves to prank people. He loves to prank people, buy them the espresso machines, you know, shit in their car, whatever. Like, he's funny.

Can I pay for this? Whatever, he's funny. Anyway, the outtakes start and they're like stinkers. They're all stinkers. And I do think to a certain degree, some of the outtakes were like George Clooney and Julia Roberts. I'm like, these guys are just like too rich and they don't care enough anymore.

Like they're not, this movie was not made for the lulls Because you know that when the outtakes aren't even funny when like the fun that they're having on the set isn't funny You're like this movie this movie couldn't have been Couldn't have been good, but the reason that we watched it and at all this was germane to you It's because we live in Portage Park and one day Mariah was out. I can't remember where she was in Portage Park, but there were like signs all over the block that they were shooting this George Clooney movie here.

There was a couple of scenes in Chicago, but it seemed like it was all downtown. So I don't know what the fuck they could have been shooting out here in Portage Park, but Portage Park, I need this to say was not in the movie. Maybe some like B-roll or whatever. Maybe they were just like shooting B-roll on Irving Parker or something.

They needed extra parking so they cleared our streets. I would love it. That's so funny. George Clooney's trailer was just outside of my house. They were like, it's free parking here. So that's why we said George Clooney. You're blocking shut down. It's like, oh, you're filming?

It's like, now Clooney needs his wiggle room. It's like, what the fuck? Clooney's going gonna be running pranks down this whole quadrant, and so he had to shed everything down. I can't mow my lawn cause he's sleeping. Whatever that movie was called about George Clooney, you could skip that one.

Well, we'll never know the name. It was a ticket to ride? That can't be right. That's a train. Ticket to paradise? Train board game, but ticket to paradise sounds right. Ticket to ride is the train board game. Kind of boring, honestly. The first thing you think of when you

hear take it to ride is a board game. Wow. What is it? A Russian song from 1921? What the fuck? Ladies and gentlemen, Paul McCartney. Oh, no. McCartney. Oh, no. It's a bad. She got a ticket. Okay.

Got it. Sucks. Wow. Don't say that about your friend. I mean, Aaron, Aaron, you're going to make Aaron cry. And you might. But Aaron always does. She always does this.

And then Jellic down beetle. And then Jellic dung beetle. An angelic angelic angelic. Angelic. That would be like Houston. A holy moly. A holy roly-poly. A holy roly-poly.

No, you remember the word I told you to keep in the back of your mind? Scarab. A sacred scarab. Sacred scarab? No, and it's kind of like you to keep in the back of your mind. Scarab. A sacred scarab? Sacred scarab? No, and it's kind of like an angel, like a baby angel. A cherub, cherub scarub. A cherub scarab. Yes.

Yes. You did it. A baby angel. I do want to see a scene. An angel. Adel and Aaron, you guys are both going to be angels. You're both timeless, immortal beings, but Aaron, you're a full grown angel.

And Adel, you're a cherub, a little baby angel, and you'll always be a little baby angel. My human is driving me in. Saint, how is work for you today? Oh, it's amazing. I got to go down and I moved. so there was my my human was in the wilderness And I got to move a bear out of the way And lead them and I sh I shone as a light in the darkness to lead them in a different path

So they weren't mauled. This is the greatest job in the world. That sounds so fun. My human Got really high and watched four seasons of Vanderpump rules in one sitting. Oh You didn't turn into a light to guide them towards the greater purpose. No, they are eating white cheddar cheez-its. Oh And sort of feeling nothing Trying to sort of send them signs guide them towards anything, but they seem... Oh, they just started another season of Vanderbump rules. Jesus. Oh, um...

Bazaciel, do you wanna jam on our harps? Wouldn't that be so fun to jam on our harps? Let me tune up my harp here. I'm not really feeling... I think I am. ...inspired. You look really cute. I love your little like cloth diaper.

I just... Thank you. I just feel a little uninspired. I don't feel like singing or anything. My human just... They're supposed to be great. They're actually... We're on the path to satehood and then... Can I be honest?

Yeah. I dropped the ball for like a long time. Oh. Yeah, they were supposed to be super rich and... Helpful bunch of people. Oh. Give away all their money. The midway point of their life. super rich and helpful bunch of people. Oh Give away all their money the midway point of their life. Sorry a bunch of people and now they are Up they're ordering Taco Bell Well, maybe that's what they were meant to do on the path towards sainthood. I hey listen. I think you're the greatest

I mean you've taught me so much. I look up to you. I think you're incredible. So whatever you're doing, you know, you're an angel. So anything you do can't be half bad, right? No, no, I'm not good. I, I've messed up their life because I went down to earth to live for a little while and then I came back up and they had, they were in a bad way. What did you do on earth? Tell me all about it. Um, well, um, have you ever heard of the TV show creator Ryan Murphy? He did Glee and several other mediocre TV shows. That was me. Um, I thought I could make good art, but I went down there and I sort of...

I don't know. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I did. It seems like you really snagged on the barbed wire fence that is American Horror Story. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm really sorry. No, it's... You seem like you're doing good, though. I'm really proud of you, buddy. Yeah, I would love... If you know how I can go down to Earth and live, I have so many ideas, just so many ideas.

Okay, Noah, this is Joel, obviously I'm Ethan. We heard that you wanted to adapt our movie Fargo into a TV series and I see now that you are a tiny little baby. So, also, oh, you can talk. Yeah, I was going to say, Joel, you can talk. You can't say, obviously, I'm Ethan. It's not obvious if I'm hearing your name for the first time.

Well, I mean, I'm famous. I'm famous, right? For what? I'm the one that didn't direct the Garfield movie. See. I believe that was a different Joel Cohen, right? That's why Bill Murray signed up to do Garfield. He's like one of the Cohen brothers and I was like, yeah, not not that even going. Aaron really wise not to jump in there is Joel Cohen.

You're welcome. I think it was like a Penn and Teller situation. Oh, yeah. That actually would make it much more or much less confusing when they're directing, right? Because you're like, who's actually directing? It's both of them, but only one of them talks. One of them only just articulates.

Erin, I love that. Have you heard of the TV show creator Ryan Murphy? Yeah. He blew it. Okay, he's fine. He's rich. Everyone's he's fine. Everyone's rich. It's fine. A chewy, sticky, undead. Gummy mummy. Gummy mummy. And now we're in the pink that are kind of a little bit trickier. And are these still like sand based? Yeah. Okay, okay, okay, everything.

Can I see a scene real quick here? Yeah. Yeah. Quick little scene. I do wanna see it based off gummy mummy. Erin, I wanna see a scene where you are a, you're a mummy, this is probably like a Ryan Murphy project.

You're a mummy who's been awoken out of museum. You come back to life and you enroll in high school. So you're like a, you're trying to be like a hip high school, you're trying to fit in at high school. JPC, you are one of the other kids at the high school, this is the first day of school where the mummy's the new kid. I'm sorry, Adal, am I an antagonist

or am I trying to help the mummy? Since it's JPC, I'm gonna go ahead and say you're an antagonist. Okay, gotcha. Oh, sorry. I think that might be my locker. Whoa, everybody looks like somebody didn't know how to flush when they went to the bathroom. You're funny, man. What if I killed an eight you?

Huh? I said nice skateboard. Yeah, it is a nice skateboard. I picked it up from your mom's house last night. Oh wow! Yeah you got him! What if I killed you? Hey, you know what? That's not okay. What you're doing. What I'm doing is normal. What you're doing. What I'm doing is normal.

It's okay what you're doing? Yeah, it's at least normal. Your thing is like patently anti-social. No, no, no. I said I love that your hat is being worn backwards. If you ever want to fit in at this high school, you better be normal mean to people and not creepy fucking mean to people, okay? Alright, let me try this. Where'd you get your shirt?

The garbage? Jeff, do you think that was funny? It's okay to laugh Jeff if you think that was funny. Yeah Jeff, laugh if it's funny. Uh huh. No, no Jeff didn't think it was funny because the garbage is not a store, okay? Now, if you had said, when did you get that shirt, my mom's floor, that's funny! Because I fucked your mom, it's been established because of the skateboard. Heh heh heh.

And that's why Jeff loves it. Well, weird, because my mom is also a mummy. You had sex with a mummy? Yeah, everybody's mom is their mummy. And I suck the soul out of your body. See. Okay. A desert trap, then a great music group.

Oasis. Oasis. No, this is really hard. These are hard. These are kind of bullshit. Oasis in most stuff. It's nothing, it's not a real, there's no band name in this.

Okay. And we're onto the tricky or the bullshit one, right? Yeah. Okay. Is this like a suckin' hole in a rock and roll? A suckin' hole in a rock and roll works. So I'll take it as a win. But what's a desert trap? What's something that you can get trapped in in the desert?

Quicksand. Yeah. And. Quicksand and mix band, which of course would be the Rolling Stones. Rolling Stones. Quicksand, quicksand, and mix band, which of course would be the rolling stone. Rolling stone. Quicksand and mix band. Sort of like what's like cool band.

It's on a real band. What's a different way of saying it? It's cool band that's not a real band? No, you just, it's quicksand and then like, is it something band? Band, yeah. Quicksand. Yeah.

Quicksand, sick band, okay. Okay, okay, quicksand, sick band, okay, yeah. I got like Sand. Yeah. Quick Band. Okay. Okay. Okay. Quick Sand, Sick Band. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. A godlike ruler who simply wants a brain. This one is bullshit. Pharaoh and. This one's bullshit, Trevor. And I love you. Who wants a what? I would die for you.

Who wants a what brain? It's Pharaoh Scarecrow. Now, does that make sense? No. No. Pharaoh. And again, sense, Trevor? No, Faro. And again, Trevor, we would all die for you. Wizard of Oz, I get it. Where desert tomb raiders find themselves if they are successful. And this one's kind of fun.

Video game Hall of Fame? Lara Croft, Brooklyn Love. Okay, someone write it. She's trying to have it all. She's dating in the city. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, no, we're, no. What is a successful Tomb Raider find themselves? Yeah, but what is this thing called? Chamber of Pyramid, Sphinx. Pyramid. Pyramid, Pyramid, Pyramid.

Pyramid. Oh, there you go. Pyramid? No, no, no, no. You just said JPC, I think you just said. I just said pyramid, I think. Oh, I thought you said it's pyramid, a pyramid. What's pyramid? Wait, hold on. What is pyramid? Like I'm here amid a pyramid. What's here amid? Wait, hold on. What is here amid?

Like I'm here amid a pyramid. Here amid a pyramid. Okay, I actually like that. That was fun. If I saw it written, I'd like it. And hopefully these riddles are of some use. Best Trevor, thank you Trevor. Wait, Trevor, I would say we got limited use out of those.

So thank you. Hold on. They signed off best Trevor and We're living in a world where Trevor Noah is still around. I don't know this Trevor's pretty great Wow, you think Trevor Noah is even in the running for best Trevor? Absolutely, we're gonna go on a break and fight about this and you know who's here for the daily show Burt Christure. Oh my god Christ on the Daily Show! We'll be back in a minute.

Consider the news absolutely skewered. Shirts off to that. One, two, three, four, hey bone to pick with the two of you. Okay. So, remember how I told you guys that I was having erectile dysfunction issues and that I basically couldn't get my dick to work and you guys were just like, go to church, sing some songs. All you gotta do is sing some songs in church and everything will be fixed.

Well, guess what? I went to church, I sang all the songs and and it didn't work, it didn't do anything. You were thinking of him. You were thinking of Sister Act, and we said, try hymns, H-I-M-S. H-I-M-S. Like hymns of ghosts. I was thinking about Sister Act.

That always gets me there. JPC, can you come sit on my bench first, and then you go to Aaron's real talk? Sure. 52% of men over 40 experience some form of ED, not ET. Oh, thank God. But it's always been a taboo topic. Thankfully, HIMS is changing that

by providing affordable access to ED treatments like sex chews all online. HIMS provides access to clinically proven generic alternatives to Viagra and Sealis up to 95% cheaper with options as low as $2 per dose, plus a range of other treatment options, including new sex chews, which I love those two words together, hello.

Yeah, I tried that, I was in the go, sex chews, sex chews. Casey sent me that audio. What? You know how I said ED not ET? Yeah. Wouldn't it be funny if it was ED Bone Home? Is that fun?

I don't know. Legally, we can- The process is simple and 100% online. No uncomfortable doctors visit. Answer a series of questions on their site and a medical provider will determine the right treatment option. If prescribed, your medication ships directly to you for free and discreet packaging with no insurance needed.

Pay one low price for your treatments, online visits, ongoing shipment, and provider messaging. Hmm. Okay, so basically what I did is not what I want to do. I want to use HIMS, which has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers. So if ED is getting us down, we can change that with HIMS and not go to church and say, dick pills whenever you have sex, I want some pills for my dick to work. I'm happy. I heard, I also unrelated, I heard about a church shutdown today. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash riddle that's H-I-M-S dot com slash

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The FDA does not verify the safety or effectiveness of compound drugs. Also, ED Bone Home. Can we use it? Can we use that? Can you sing some more JPC? Ha ha ha ha ha. It's the most wonderful time of the place. It's tax season, baby.

And I get to use rock with money, my favorite app. Hey guys. Wow, Aaron, you're sitting by a fireplace real close your clothes are on fire. Yep. Ow. Anyways guys I was just looking at rocket money It's my personal finance app that finds and cancels my unwanted subscriptions monitors my spending and helps lower my bills all in One place it keeps me so organized that tax season is incredibly easy for me. Aaron, I don't believe you. Tell me one thing that you've done with Rocket Money that will make me believe that you use it.

Okay, well, it finds all of my subscriptions in one place. I oftentimes forget I've signed up for something and I end up paying for it for a couple months. And if I can see if there's something I don't want, I can cancel it with one tap. I never have to get on the phone or use customer service. They'll for it for a couple months. And if I can see if there's something I don't want, I can cancel it with one tap. I never have to get on the phone or use customer service. They'll do it for me. And they'll even try to get me a refund

on the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower my bills by up to 20%. All I do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. Man, you shouldn't call people out like this. It always backfires when they have specifics that they use the product. Yeah.

Yeah, you challenge way too many people. Also, Erin, correct me if I'm wrong. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million and canceled subscriptions or something. Mm-hmm, JPC. JPC. So stop wasting your money on things you don't use.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash R-I-D-D-L-E riddle. Aaron, I bet you don't want to cancel your subscription to new clothes and burn south because you're naked and you're covered in burns. Ha, ha, ha, comedy boy. Ha, ha, ha. Comedy boy made a birds. Ha ha ha, comedy boy.

Ha ha ha, comedy boy made a joke. Ha ha ha ha. No, Erin, you're burned up pretty bad. I know, I know, and I know. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Adel, Erin, I have amazing news for the two of you. I always got that look in his eye. You know how for a while now I've been trying to develop superpowers

by whatever means I can. I'm spilling ooze on myself. You're finding spiders. I'm finding trauma. Well, finding that you should mention spiders, I got bit by a spider the other day, maybe a little genetically modified spider, and it gave me website.

Oh. Oh, sweetie, you just discovered the internet. Huh? No, no, I have a keyboard and I can go on to... Anyone that I choose, I just have to type in the... Yeah, you can go on any website, and you can actually even make your own website with Squarespace. We've been telling you about this for several months while you've been in the lab. When you make your own website with Squarespace. We've been telling you about this for several months while you've been in the lab.

When you make your own website with Squarespace, you can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand. Design your products and production, inventory, and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. Spidey boy. Here, I'll put on a cape so you listen to me.

Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time. All in one place, all on your terms. Is that getting through to you? Yeah, that's actually making a lot of sense. I'm looking at Squarespace now. You can kind of set up an Asset Library where you can upload, organize, and access all your content from one place. And with the Asset Library,, organize, and access all your content from one place.

And with the asset library, you're able to manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform and these spider bites. It's just a little bit that these are real bad. That's real bad. They're big, huh? That can't be eggs, right? You think that's eggs? If you end up doing tricks or whatever, you can host video content, organize your video

library and showcase your content on beautiful video pages and sell access to your videos with member areas. Can you let's Spider-Man Aaron, what is that? You turned into the green goblin. Sorry, I don't know what happened. GPC, train climb that wall. Oh, God, I'm so tired.

I think maybe the spider bites have maybe made me It laid eggs. Yeah, low on blood, maybe low on fluids. Speaking of fluids, Squarespace has a fluid engine, a next-generation website design system, and it's never been easier for anyone to unlock unbreakable creativity. Start with the best-in-class website template

and customize every design detail with reimagined drag-and-drop technology for desktop or mobile. Stretch your imagination online with fluid engine, built in and ready to go on any new Squarespace site. Also, I think I have drag-and-drop mental powers where I can drag icons from my desktop. No, I'm using a mouse. Yeah. But take it from me, Captain Voice. Head to Squarespace.com

Slash Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code RIDDLE! off your first purchase of a website or domain using code RIDDLE. But, but, but, but. And if you want to get website, go to a spider cave and get bit by every one of those suckers. That's not part of the ad? No, no, no, no. Don't do that. That's not the copy? No, no, no.

No, no, no. Bell, bell, bell, bell, bell. We gotta get you to hospital. Hey, Brick, Brick, Brick. A little peek behind the curtain. Um, sometimes, uh, when, if like Mariah's leaving or something, um, she'll drop spaghetti off in my office when we're, when we're recording. And spaghetti can usually come in here pretty, pretty quietly.

And I have all my sound blankets up, but, um, the only way that I know that spaghetti is in here is because the whole office smells like peanut butter because she leaves her with a peanut butter cong. So it's very strange when I have my headphones on and we're talking and I don't hear spaghetti come in because then I just all of a sudden I'm like, wow, am I having a peanut butter induced like heart attack? That's so funny.

And it's even worse when I'm hungry if we've been recording for a while and I'm like, huh man, why am I so hungry for peanut butter? That's just for the listeners who are like, huh, I wonder what happens during break. Well, during break, I have peanut butter attacks. And we're back. Okay, guys, thank you for staying on the episode.

I know it's really hard to get you guys to sit and be for a whole episode. So I just really appreciate you not taking off. Are you gonna be the listeners? Oh, I feel like I'm talking about us. Yeah, both of you and the listeners. I think it's really brave of you to stay. Aaron, I appreciate that you worked in Naptime

and also passed around some chocolate milks for us. I think that really helps give us energy for the rest of the show. I appreciate, if you're a listener to this show. I appreciate when you just sit still and listen for the episode. It's not long. It's an hour less if you, you know, maybe a little less if you use the ad-free version. Sit still. What do you have to do? Sit still and listen. A lot of this stuff is really important, okay? Someone's going to talk to you at a party in a few years about Burt Christure and you're not gonna know what the fuck is going on

because you didn't listen. We need to start a program. I remember being younger, when Bookit was out, oh, it made me such a voracious reader. So we need to introduce something, maybe it's called like Fuck It. And for every episode of Hey, Riddler, Riddler, you listen to, you get not a personal pan pizza, because that would be

insane. But maybe like a peanut butter sandwich. Yes, personal peanut butter, bad sandwich. Well, of course, Peter, a personal peanut butter pan sandwich is using peanut pan, peanut pan. What's that guys doing? What's going on? What is happening to the two of you? I wanna see, see, I wanna see, see, I wanna see, no, Aaron, please let me see and see. Isn't there peanut butter with peanut pan on the bottle? Yeah, I think it's just peanut, peanut butter. I do wanna see you see, Aaron, you're gonna love this

because you're a little British girl and, Elle, she's very sad she has a sad life and your peanut pan, you've just flooded through the window. Ah, fuck, it stubbed my toe. Hey kids, wake up. Peanut pan is here, now raise your hands before I come all the way into the building. Is anyone allergic? Raise your hand. Hello?

Hello little kid, my name's Peanut Pan. I'm 47 forever. You two run. Go find mother and father. Nope, nope. And I fly over to the door and block the door. Um, sorry for a moment we thought you were Peter Pan. He came and saw us and we went to Neverland. Are you with him? Nah, that guy's my nephew he fucking sucks. This guy whisks kids, I say abduct. Whisks kids off to a secret land full of crocodiles and pirates he puts them in harm's way.

Me? I just want to see kids eat peanut butter. Well I, hold on, I don't want to see it. I think that's weirder. Arguably, I think that's much stranger than taking us on an adventure. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I have I had a nip. I have a nip of glir of a very game. Are you going to put a dash of glitter over us? And then we get to fly If we think of a one on your shoes and then you can sit down

That's something that sounds awful. Hey get this big. What is this big fucking dog get this thing off my dick? What is this? Like peanut butter and dogs famously off my dick what is this? What is this dog? Well you smell like peanut butter and dogs famously and out the window he goes! That's that NANANOO! Don't worry he'll fly. I'll cushion the fall with some drinker magic or something or I forgot. The dog died on the floor. Oh, heart smack. That was a heart smack. Oh, drinker bell. Drinker bell? You just got into my bed. Drinker bell you cannot sleep in my bed, Drinkable! When? Just a wink of sleep and I'm good.

I can drink one wink of sleep and I'm fine. I'm starting to think you are not nearly as fun as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell were. Even though Tinkerbell bullied me, something awful. I'm fine here. Pick a card and card. You just took a bunch of handfuls of peanut butter out of your pocket. What do you mean pick a card? Pick a card and a card. You just grabbed a handful of peanut butter.

I was like, the dog's okay because you ran up the stairs and you need to pick a butter out of your hand. I just got just one more week. Can you go please? Do you sleep? Is... Do you sleep? I've seen... Okay, so... I'm not actually 100% sure what we're gonna do next. We're gonna try to do something, and if it doesn't work, we're gonna do something else. Isn't that what we do every week, Pinky?

So, when I was in San Francisco, California, first schedule. We'll never hear the end of Aaron being in San Francisco. California. You left your heart there famously. Mm-hmm. Well, actually, you did leave your coat there. And they still haven't come. I left two coats there.

I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I can't even think about it. I was on the way to the airport and Aaron goes, are you still at the hotel? And I'm like, I'm on the way to the airport. She goes, I left so upset. I'm so upset. I can't even think about it. I was on the way to the airport and Erin goes, are you still at the hotel? I'm like, I'm on the way to the airport. She goes, I left two coats.

I'm like, you left two coats. My favorite coat. I'm so upset. You brought two coats to San Francisco? A rain coat and a regular coat. Oh, okay. That's, thank you for, because that makes absolute sense. You have to bring a rain coat to San Francisco. Okay. That wasn't the worst thing to happen in San Francisco.

Listener of the show, Molly, who's great, who's given us riddle books before. Lovely, great, fantastic. It's like a wine scientist. Really smart, really cool. Wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine. Aaron, please, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine,

you know what, wine and test sounds like a Burke Crusher special. Oh, God. We are just hammering this guy. So, Molly handed me some very helpful riddle books, riddle things. And then Molly also handed me this. And this is the most cursed thing I've ever brought into my home.

I haven't opened it. I've waited till I had the safety of witnesses, you guys. And it's like a little puzzle box of like little riddles. I'm gonna show you this and you're gonna tell me if you think it's safe to open for us to try. Okay. Okay.

No. No. That's the most cursed object I've ever seen. There's a little Victorian girl on the front that's clearly Erin in a painting from when her younger days were upon her. Yes. I'm sorry.

A cardboard box with a, oh, Jesus. with a child on it, with a child on it, in a red dress who has glasses that don't have like the ear part of the glasses. And she looks inquisitive and she looks like a ghost. And it looks like the box has tried to be like someone has tried to destroy it. Any illustration of an old timey child on the cover of something is an immediate not open for me. Like that's that's that's that's haunted. It's haunted. So before I open this, what are what do you think some of the funniest things to be in here could be? Um, the most disturbing. To me, I'm thinking it's the blue riddle book. Can you imagine if I opened this and the blue riddle book was in here?

Just inside that little box. And I'm not sure what's inside of it, but I do know and the blue riddle book was in here? Oh, just inside that little box. Erin, I'm not sure what's inside of it, but I do know the minute you open that book, you and that girl swap places. I mean, that's just a fact. No, I mean, it's a fact. That's not a fact, Addle. You don't know for sure. Addle.

Here's the thing. Here's the sad part. JPC and I will not be able to tell the difference. I would love it. I would love it if you opened that box and it was just like that just escaped out of it as a little ghost cloud and then it like flew out your window. It like knocked around my room before flying out the window

like a scared bird. That's the best possible scenario. I'm going to open it. Casey, do you think I should do it? Respond quick, Casey, too late. Casey says ha ha ha, but that was eight minutes ago, so I could have been to something else. Okay, Casey's in.

Okay, orange. Casey's in, Casey's in. Ah! Aaron is unboxing a thing, ooh. So it has, oh, it smells so old. Is that perfume? What is it? What's going on?

Aaron, what's going on? Aaron's gagging and opening a plastic little pouch inside of it. Are these like riddle like cards, Aaron, that's inside of this thing? I'm literally gagging. I'm so sorry, I'll cut that out. Okay.

Oh, these are the answers. Okay. Okay, these are great. Okay. These are great. Aaron, show us. Everything's okay. Show us, tell us, what's going on? Okay, so the Milton Bradley Company. Okay. These are great. Aaron, show us, show us, tell us what's going on. Okay, so the Milton Bradley Company, Game of Riddles, it's called Grandma's Games of Riddles,

and I'm gonna open these. Wait, this is a Milton Bradley, this is legit. This is, this is, this sounds like it's a mass produced product. Aaron, you just. This doesn't sound cursed. You just ruined what we could have taken on antique road show and

retired on. I'm so sorry. That's fine. Okay. I'm going to read these riddles. And I'm, you know what I'm not? You know what I'm absolutely not. What's that?

Um, switching, I didn't switch place with the girl on the box. You know who would say that? I'm not finally free after 15 years. You know who would say that? I'm not finally free after 15. You know who would say that? Aaron, wait, what did you just say? I said, I love your hat. Oh, thank you.

I thought you said, finally free after 100 years. Aaron. So, okay. So the old 1910 grandma's game of riddles is part of a series of six games by Milton Bradley. So this is, this is over 100 years old. It sounds like. It says it's from the 1910s. This could be a reprint, but it looks like I'm looking, either way, it was Grandma's Game of Riddles, Grandma's Geographical Game, Grandma's New Testament

Game, Grandma's Old Testament Game, Grandma's Arithmetical Game, and Grandma's Game, er, err, god, errithmetical game, and grandma's game of useful knowledge. Grandma, please lay down, you're working too hard. Stop entertaining the kids. Uh, wow. These, similar in play, these games each share an interesting glance at the issues and subjects with people of the time, valued. So I do think that this is 100 years old. Wow, it smells like it. Okay.

I would love it if they did a reprint in like the late 90s and they're like, let's make it smell like it's been around for 100 years. All right, ready? Everyone in the factory just takes part into this box, they will seal it up and it will smell like 100 years ago. Yes, I am ready. I'm absolutely fascinated by reading about this.

Actually, JBC, Aaron, sorry. JBC already grandma. Aaron, you know, grandma, gamey grandma. Mm-hmm. Aaron, I'm reading about this by the way on a website. Old man grandma. On a website called mysteriouswritings.com. That's where I read that.

Oh no. Click away, click away. Jesus. Where is happiness always to be found? Grandma's house, is this the fucking game? Bottom of a bottle, 1910. Bottom of a bottle. In a Pinkerton's gun. At the Nickelodeon.

Showing the great train robbery. Where is happiness always to be found? Happiness feels like it could be like a 1910's name too. Like that's happiness Johnson. Is it the dictionary? He's running for president. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Yes. Hahaha. Aaron, I think Adel said dictionary. That's a good guess, right? It is dictionary.

Mm-hmm. What is the difference between a sailor on duty and a sailor discharged? One, once a sailor is discharged, he's gonna say, baby, I gotta get home. He's gonna call a cab. Well, I gotta get home. He's gonna call a cab. Well, I gotta get to scootin'. I thought you loved me.

What is the difference between a sailor on duty and a sailor discharged? Yeah. Oh, one of them still has their paycheck. That's funny. Aaron, is this like how one is blank while the other is blank. Is it that kind of answer? Yeah.

Okay. But it's like sort of word play. So it's like one is at sea while the other's sea at. Yeah, one goes to sea and the other. Oh, one goes to sea and the other goes to. The other sees to go. To go, yeah. Oh, seizes to go. Seizes to go, yes, yes. Oh, ceases to go.

Ceases to go, yes, yes, yes. Ceases to go before I sleep. Why are A, E, and U the handsomest of the vowels? Because sometimes... A, E, and U, so we got I and O, and sometimes Y that we don't think are handsome. A, E E and U. And is this like a, why are they the handsomest vowels? A and U because they're all in beauty?

Yes, at all. You're so good at spooky old timey riddles. Wow, they are all in beauty. These are all the riddles my grandma used to read to me when I was a child in 1910. That you're doing the old jokes for us? You're doing the jokes for us. We don't even have to call you old anymore.

You're like a self-cleaning oven. Aaron, I saw that riddle. The morning the Titanic sank. And I remember being- Hey, he's doing it for us. I don't get this one. Oh, good. Who is the great man who is allowed to sit before the queen with his hat on?

Is this a real answer? Yeah, this is real. This is like a pope. It's supposed to be like a joke, I guess. Can you read it one more time? Who is the great man? Who is the great man who is allowed to sit before the queen with his hat on her dad. Her dad the king Is it the king? Yeah with the crown. No, it's the coachman

Like driving her around. Oh Okay, so he's sitting in front of okay. Gotcha Adel you are royalty and JPC you are the coachman driving him around and you're getting a little too chatty and familiar with him. Tut, tut, off we go. Tut, tut. I tell you, I went to that Egyptian exhibit at the museum the other day. What a crocker crap, okay? Adelish, we're missing our turn. We're missing... Now I know shortcut. I know I...

Don't worry, Your Majesty. I will get you to where you are going. I promise you that. I know the streets of London like the back of my hand. Davish, when I hired you on, did you read the manual for working with royalty? Trick question your honor. You know I can't read because a coachman needs to be focused on horses and driving. Not reading. You are not to be talking unless I ask you a query or unless you are of equal status.

Now, as far as I know, you're not a duke or an archbishop, so please silence for the rest of the ride. Well, I'm sorry, didn't you ask me how was my weekend? Or did I ask you how your weekend was? Anyway, I love we're talking about weekends. Tut, tut. I went to that Egyptian museum this weekend. Oh, for the Christmas Eve. What a crap. Old and dusty stuff, you know? It's just like, give me something new, right, your majesty? You ever feel like that? Give me something new.

I do not want to have this conversation, but since it is... Oh, you know what I know here? I know a great, I know a great fish and chips shop that we're... It's just, it's a two minute, it must mean nothing more than a two minute... Just a maybe two minute... Every night I feast upon the fatest of ducks, the most succulent of swans... I got into a big fight with the fat duck two days ago at the pond, because it's eating all the bread and I want some of the bread, so I'm eating the bread off the floor.

And takes off crown and bonks starvish on the head. Oh, thank you, Your Majesty. That lump has been killing me for weeks. Oh, I think you lanced it. I think one of your jewels lanced it. Oh, Your Majesty. I- that- that lump has been killing me for weeks. Oh, I think you lanced it. I think one of your jewels lanced it. Oh my god. That was oddly satisfying to watch. Can I- you actually have a blackhead right here?

Let me take out the royal dagger and sort of pinch it between my finger and- Oh! Weirdly satisfying to get stabbed in the back of the head. Look at this. You could have- Victoria! Victoria, sit up in your seat. Look at this. When I-

When I just sort of push his nose- Keep going! Oh, this is so satisfying. Incredible! What is that gunk? What is that? Who hurried me because I'm still driving. I'm turned around completely in my seat.

The origin of Dr. Pimple Popper. Mm-hmm. The Royal Pimple Popper. The Royal Pimple Popper. It's like Pumpernickel, but the Pimple Popper. Mm-hmm. The royal pimple popper. The royal pimple popper. It's like pumpernickel but the pimple popper. If you were walking in a wood and should meet a lion and a bear, which would you rather the lion should eat you or the bear? I'm gonna say getting eaten. I don't get this one. If you were

walking in a wood and should meet a lion and a bear, which would you rather the lion should eat you or the bear? I'm gonna say the lion because why is a lion in the woods? They should be in the savanna. They are not welcome in the woods. They don't typically live there. Either way, it does seem like you're getting eaten though. Right?

Like you're saying like, I'm gonna get eaten by one of these. I think it's, well, the answer is the bear. No, this is, this sounds like preference. Which would you rather, the lion or the bear? This isn't a riddle, this is preference. Also, this is spooky. These are numbered and we went from five to seven.

Where is the six card? And the answer to the six card is when it's a jar. What was the riddle? Oh, when is a door not a door? When is a door not a door? Anyways, next riddle. Hold this riddle of all time. Wait, wait, wait, what is the bear one?

Can we figure this out? I don't get it. It's all wood. It says, it says, would you rather be eaten by a lion or a bear? And then the answer card just says a bear with no further explanation? Yeah, it doesn't say a lion. Is it a pun? And it says walking through the wood, right? Not the woods?

Yeah. Is that something? If you're walking in a wood and should meet a lion and a bear, which would you rather, the lion should eat you or the bear? Oh, I get it. You do? The phrasing of it basically boils down to, would you rather have the lion eat you or the bear?

And you would prefer the lion to eat the bear. Oh, you want the lion to eat the bear. Oh, got it. Got it. Yes. Yes. That makes sense. Three brilliant scientists trying to get out of riddle. Hey, can we talk about the budget we're giving you three to solve this one riddle?

I do want to see a scene. Uh-huh. Okay, be careful. Be careful. Erin, you are walking see a scene. Uh-huh. Okay. Be careful. Erin you are walking in a wood You come across the JPC who was a lion and I am a bear Oh scary don't tell our wives Hey, yeah. Seed. Seed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay. Which is the smallest bridge in the world? Oh, bridge of the Starship Enterprise. So tie up there in space. No.

The bridge of your nose. Bridge of your nose, yeah. It's the bridge of your nose. Okay. You got it. You sounded like 2K and Sam. It's the bridge of your nose. Aaron's trying to lead us to the fruit loops.

God, I would love to get us to the Fruit Loops. God, I would love to get the Fruit Loops right about now. Ooh, give me the Fruit Loops. Ooh, give me some Fruit Loops. Who whistled the first tune and what was it? Who whistled the first tune? Absolutely fucking sucks. Whistling tunes was like huge in the 1910s. This was like your primary form of entertainment.

This was basically TV back then. There's one guy whistling with a cowboy hat. And we all said this guy's a star. Who whistled? The first tune. Is this like the wind through the reeds? Is this? Is this like Jesus? It's gotta be like Jesus or something. My gut is that it's gonna be Jesus Not Jesus

And it's when Judas betrays him and he goes wow really It's the wind. Can we get a hint? The wind. Oh, so I did say that. Yeah, what was the tune? The tune was Yep The tune was... Yep. That's a bomb dropping. It's a dog getting pushed out the window. Hey, it lived. It lived. I was trying to find the six so I could confirm that you guys got the right thing.

Oh, okay. I'm gonna find it. Okay, well, okay. I can find it. I'm upset. It's probably fine that one of these little cursed things is lost somewhere in your house, Sarah. That's probably.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I know, I know, I know. I'm sure we're okay. I'm sure we're okay. So. No, no, no, no. That's, Adel, that's actually the worst possible thing. And I'm upset that you,

your brain could come up with the worst case scenario of work. And I'm not. Erin, I'm sure it won't turn out if work, could I not? Aaron, the other thing that would be bad about is like eating a creamsicle. I'm sure it won't turn up in a colonoscopy in 20 years. No, don't. I'm sure it won't turn up there. You guys, don't even say it. Don't say it.

I'm not gonna bite into an apple and find it. This is the gradual. I'm not gonna pull it out of my mouth in the middle of the night. Everything's fine. Everything's normal. I have to move. Kisi, can we get a voicemail theme and then a voicemail please? Leave a little riddle. Just a little riddle. It's

because you down eight of five riddles. Leave a little riddle. Leave a fucking riddle. I love it. Perfect light. No notes. No notes. Hey, and if you want to submit a voicemail theme, I think we need more of them. Learn from that submission's example. Try to keep it under 30 seconds. Send it as a WAV file if you can. H-R-R podcast at gmail.com. We're running out. We're running out.

So, you know, if you, especially if you can keep it under 30 seconds, we'll probably play it on the show. And thank you so much for submitting. And if you're, if you, especially if you can keep it under 30 seconds, we'll probably play it on the show. And thank you so much for submitting. And if you're looking for inspiration, we all love Yacht Rock. Yeah, please. That would be fun. Yeah, if you want to do a Yacht Rock one, that's a, it'll jump to the top of the list.

Hey, Clue Crew. My name is Ellen. I'm from Hingham, Massachusetts. And my question is, how do you explain improv without sounding like a crazy person and or like you're a part of the cult? Thank you. Bye. Aaron, from Hingham, do you know this person? Give me a last name. Give me a neighborhood you grew up in. Hello. Do we know each other?

I mean... Did you go to high school with my sisters? Tell me other? Did you go to high school with my sisters? Tell me everything. Did you go to high school with my sisters? Did you go to high school with my sisters? Who are you? Ellen. Well, okay, but remember,

we're not here to solve the mystery of Ellen, we're here to solve Ellen's mystery. That's true. So we need to- The answer is no, you can't. I think I might hardly know him. I would say don't even try, why would you try? The only way to explain improv to someone is to trick them into experiencing it

and then being like afterwards being like, huh, what was that? And then letting them draw their own conclusions. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. You could also, if you have, if you have max, and I'll send you my password.

If you have Max, show them an episode of Kerberian enthusiasm, and then say, did you know that they only write story outlines and then all the actors make up the rest of their lines to fit the sort of structure and plot points they need to hit, that person will be like, whoa, I didn't know that. Is there a name for that?

And then you can say, I think it's called improv. Yeah, yeah, that's really great. Just back your way into it. I mean, again, that's a trick. Yeah, you gotta do it as a trick. I would say don't talk about how much classes cost. Yeah. That'll immediately feel kind of culty.

I don't know. I think you just sort of, you know what you can say to people? Yeah. People in their 20s and 30s don't have enough third spaces. A place to go where they're in a community where isn't necessarily built around drinking. It kind of is.

Or religion. Or religion. kind of is. Or religion. Kind of is. Or kind of. I have a question for you. What is happening? Cause we can only see the top of your microphone. Is it balanced on like a ball? Are you, do you have it on a snow globe?

Could you put it on a flat surface? Do you have it on a snow globe? I have it on a snow globe, is that okay? Aaron, shake that snow globe and you're gonna find card number six. No, don't, don't. Is your mic also, Aaron, it's no longer facing you. It's at an angle now.

No, it's facing me. Isn't it? You can see that part. There we go. No, no, no, you have to actually, the actual. There we go. Oh, it's getting worse. Oh yeah, it's getting worse, Oh, yeah, it's getting worse.

Now it's getting way worse. Here we go. Now we go. Now we're good. Aaron, if I could tell you my advice, if you're mic and again, I can't see underneath your frame, if it's sitting in the wave pool, go ahead and take the wave pool and adjust the settings to like, call. Like, because it shouldn't be like white water rapids.

If that's, if, because that's going to make the mic. I don't decide what the wave pool does. It's automated. I know we can't see below the mic, but J.P.C., my theory is, you know when, if you go see like Cirque du Soleil, or like an old timey circus, there's usually like two brothers who are like strong men

and they like lift each other up and stuff. I think there's one little strong man in a singlet who's on his back and he's like, he's like moving his legs like a pedaling a bicycle and usually his brother's in a ball and he's like rolling his brother. I think there's a little singlet. There are all manners of circus solutions

to what's going on underneath that. It could be the trapeze artist. Bicycle on a bear. Bicycle on a bear. Not a bear on a bicycle. A bicycle on a bear. Aaron, would you do me a favor? Would you take a picture of what the bottom

of your mic looks like? Cause it's honestly fascinating. Addle, has your mic ever fallen off in your look? Addle, do you have anything to plug? Uh, I want to plug Aaron. Aaron, I love you. You're the best. It's too late.

It's too late. It's too late. I have nothing. I truly cannot think of a single thing to plug right now. Aaron, do you have anything to plug her microphone in? Oh my god. Holy shit. Yes.

Bye forever. phone in Shit by forever Murder Oh my god case you got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head.

The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head.

The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the head. The kids got the so. Okay. An insult so powerful it can end an episode. Hey there, Mokos and Joes. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

We have special guest improviser Jeff Murdock join us for an all improv episode. Listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey riddle riddle by joining the crew crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gun podcast.