Hey Riddle Riddle - #294: Never Stand Behind a Batman w/ Jordan Morris

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

From Superman to space, this episode has it all! But MOST of all it has special guest Jordan Morris!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest: Jordan MorrisEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Head Gum Podcast. Of course, thank you, Friday. One, two, three, four, hey, Riddler Brindle. Adel, thank you for coming in. JPC was called to me, the principal's office again. And I know it's your third time coming in this week since he's gotten in trouble, but, um, if you want to come in my office and take a seat, JPC is in here with me. I can promise you, uh, sorry, uh, miss Miss Keef. Miss Keef? Yeah. Sorry, a little wink at a nudge.

Um, I can promise you what I'll do do at home is gonna be way more severe and good than what you would do to him here. Does that make sense? I'm basically asking, you don't punish him and I'll take care of that. Okay, well come on in and we'll discuss what happened and we can talk about punishments moving forward. JPC, do you wanna tell your Addle what you did?

Addle, this is an intervention. We got you, motherfucker. Fuck. You watch too much TV. Too much TV. Addle, of course I'm not a principal at a school. And DPC isn't your kid. How did you fall for this?

You were way too easily. You were way too easily. Wait, is this like a blazing saddle situation? Is this just the facade of the front of a school? Yeah, knock it over. Also, nice try referencing another TV show at your TV intervention. It's a movie. It's a what?

And is this like a Three Amigos situation where everyone around here is dressed in the same bespoke sewn outfit? Yeah, try to knock it over. My clothes. He knocked my clothes right off. Sorry about that. Oh, but if this is not a real school, then why is it that we have Superintendent Jordan Morris joining us?

All right, everybody, back to school. Enough dilly-dallying. I'm the superintendent and you look like layabouts. Next thing you know, you're gonna break out cigarettes and start smoking everybody back to class. Superintendent's rules. Wait, is he saying Superintendent's rule? Or Superintendent's rules?

I was, I was, what I was alluding to was the fact that we've got regulations at this school, but I do in fact rule you should see me on my BMX bike I think Jordan only read the first part of the email Jordan thank you so much for being here, Superintendent or otherwise. Yes, thank you. I can keep up the voice. I can drop the voice, whatever you guys want. I'm going to. It looks really fun.

I'm jealous of it. I want to talk like this for the whole episode. It's kind of cool, isn't it? Yeah, I think it's pretty fun. Dilly-dally, I'm going to call my mom and tell her I love her. Kind of want you to oscillate between the voices, the whole show. Jordan Morris, of course, from Jordan and Jesse Goh,

a wonderful podcast, the amazing podcast in many series bubble, the graphic novel bubble. Jordan, thank you so much for being here. Thank you, oh my gosh, I'm thrilled to be here. Jordan, we ask everyone this before we start on the show. Jordan, we ask everyone this before we start on the show. What is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, escape rooms, and so on? Yes, thank you for asking.

Riddle, great way to break up a quest. If you're on a quest, a lot of the challenges can be combat based, you know, fight this dragon, fight these orcs. But, you know, when you're on a quest, you got to break things up. You got to keep it, you know, you got to, you got to keep people guessing. So I love a riddle based challenge. We're talking Sphinx, we're talking troll. This is just a great thing to encounter on any quest you might be on. Yeah, it's a great way to get the least social person in your party an opportunity to also engage in the rest of the quest.

Right. Yeah. Also, I'm just realizing without riddles, Batman would just face sociopaths and clay monsters. And penguins. And I was so sorry, and penguins and penguins. And sexy cats who are sometimes good and sometimes bad.

Batman's not sweating it if the riddler goes away. I don't mean to quibble with your premise, but that dude's got a lot on his plate. Oh no, the Riddler's gone away? Said no Batman ever. Jordan, have you ever done an escape room or do you do like crosswords, the wordle, daily connections? No, I do not do, I don't do wordle. I don't do like, I don't do those kinds of games. And I've been in a couple of escape rooms and I've had a pretty good time in them.

I did a virtual escape room during the pandemic. That was a fun little bit of like, we're having fun. We can still do. I don't know which, why would we, who who needs to you can just do the and I'm fine Yeah, I did that and oh, you know I the first escape room I did I had to I I I was in charge of writing and escape room themed episode of an animated show I was working for and I say the show. Yeah, I can actually. Yuna Kitty over there on Cartoon Network. I think it streams on Hulu these days. There is an escape room episode written by yours truly. And I did my

first escape room to like prepare for that episode. So yeah, I had a lot of fun. I don't do a lot of them these days, but I guess I think it's more just that my friend group doesn't do a lot of escape rooms. They're more into mushrooms Yes Yes, the escape room that is the human mind So I assume in this episode of Unikitty yes, I assume in this episode of Unikitty Everyone who does the escape room marriages fall fall apart, people are screaming at each other. It's a lot of type A personalities taking the wheel. Yeah, exactly. It's the death of

Brock and Mr. Frown's relationship. Oh, no. Yeah. A lot of fan fiction about those two online. Yes. I yeah, it's I'm God, I you know, I have not watched it or revisited it in a while, but yeah, I think, I think strain relationship is part of the episode. I feel that's always, any time I go with someone for the first time, they're always like, I've never done a room, I don't know. And then immediately it's like a light switch goes on

and they're like, grab that, give me this, what is this? Are you, what are you, it's a lot of barking orders, which is very interesting. Yeah, very interesting experiment. Well, speaking of interesting experiments, Jordan, do you mind if we get into some riddles? I would love to get into some riddles. Okay, we'll start with some,

here's some freaking softballs. These are some easy peasies. If a chicken lays an egg every two hours, how many eggs will half a chicken lay? I spaced out while you were reading it. Can you read it again? I think maybe that's the problem I have. That's the essential riddle podcast moment though.

Yeah. Is a first riddle. Immediately space out your eyes. Does that happen all the time? Yep. So welcome. This is what it is. It's good to be here, good to be here. And I have a very son? Yep. So welcome. This is what it is. It's good to be here.

Yeah. And I have a very sonorous voice. It is. It's good for bedtime. Yeah. Yeah. If it's, oh, did you say beautiful? I did say it was beautiful.

Yeah. Well, thank you. I do think a lot of people also listen to this podcast to fall asleep at. So you think that's important because if you're so nose voice or whatever you said. Which I think is insane. We actually do get that a lot.

And I go, don't do that. We don't have any of the medical research about what following sleep to this podcast does to your brain. Careful, everybody. And I can't do the medical research because it's automatically unethical. Like no one could even sign up for that. It's hard. Yeah.

And they tried testing animals and they were like, that's even worse. Don't even do that. It's like the Stanford Prison Experiment. Yeah. If a chicken lays an egg every two hours, how many eggs will half a chicken lay? Can I guess? Absolutely. Zero, because it's dead.

Because if you're half a chicken, you're not alive. Well, Aaron, now, I just think that it depends on which half of a chicken you are. Because there's half a chicken that I think could still lay about an egg. There on which half of a chicken you are. Because there's half a chicken that I think could still lay about an egg. There's one half of a chicken that I think could not lay an egg to save its life. I guess I'll, I'll, I'll pause at a scenario here. I think we, we all know from our barnyard classes in school that chickens run

around for a little bit with their heads cut off. Yes. The chickens run around for a little bit with their heads cut off. Yes. So if this chicken in question was chopped in half, like as they were laying the egg, as the process of egg laying had already begun, would they- Emiliating way to die by the way. Yes, absolutely. No one wants to go like that. It's like taking a crap and someone bursts in the door and she's like, I mean, come on.

That's old fiction, right? That's how that's what you call it. That's how that's crap and someone bursting the door and she's like, I mean, come on. That's old fiction, right? That's how the triple-tay bit it. That's Game of Thrones. I guess, yes, would the chicken continue laying the egg and is that the half chicken in this scenario, one that has already begun the process? Jordan, I love-

Does it say in the enter at all? It's not that it's not. Yes, it does. There's an asterisk and there's a lot more information. No, the answer, Aaron, you pretty much got it. The answer is none. This is because only whole chickens can lay eggs. Although I very much do agree.

Because I think there's some, I don't know if it was again, I spoke of world records. I don't know if it was like Ripley's, believe it or not. But there's some chicken that they cut know if it was Guinness Book of World Records, I don't know if it was Ripley's Believe or Not, but there's some chicken that they cut off the head and it lived like another, I wanna say like another eight months and the guy would like put feed down the esophagus tube.

Oh my God. So I think there is a way that that could all happen. I do wanna see you see it. I gotta talk to that guy. Guy, why are you doing that? Why are you, let it go. Yeah, he's probably making carnival money, right? This seems like an old time carnival attraction.

He's setting up a booth, pulling up the stakes, moving to the next town. I do wanna see a scene. Let's say Aaron, you're a teacher, JPC and Jordan, you are both students in this class that Aaron is teaching. And Aaron, specifically, you are both students in this class that Aaron is teaching and Aaron specifically you are a teacher of the barnyard class in school Hello everybody

Take a seat take a seat. My name is On a hay bale any hay bale that looks comfy I knew that teacher. I've been sitting on this hay bale any hay bale that looks comfy. They're all wet. I knew that teacher I've been sitting on this hay bale since 8 a.m. Thank you, mr. Kiss ass. Oh my god. That's really your last name incredible. Okay, it's kiss us But I mean I would never correct you so if you want to pronounce it kiss ass, please do I'm just here to receive your name. I Love when people match their names. My name is Mrs. McDonald

You might have known from your past the kids call me old McDonald's, but I'm 38 Oh Like fries Yes, I I did get an egg McMuffin breakfast sandwich on the way to work today. Wow, you smell like fries. I sort of feel like everything McDonald's tastes and smell the same. They use the same oil. Everyone knows that. Don't question teachers' story, which holds up. Gonna make an Egg McMuffin in oil.

Miss McDonald had a fine. There's the hash browns. hashbrown comes with the sandwich. I've lost the class. To be fair, you smell like hashbrowns as well. I think that's fine. I agree with that. Let's talk about it. I feel like anything other than their soda, their diet coke,

which is the best, we can all agree, is the best diet coke anywhere. It's the carbonation. They just get the carbonation right. Of course. Thank you, kiss-ass. But everything else at McDonald's, in a way, if you have kind of a light cold, everything's gonna taste the same. From the french fries, to the Big Mac, to the hash browns, to the salad. Do you have a light cold? Do you?

Well, no, but I feel like if I sit on this wet hay all day, I'm gonna get a light cold. Okay, you know what? Whatever. We don't have to learn. No, no, we're excited. Hey everyone, I know I'm sure you had a long weekend and I know it's been weird with the emails you've been getting. My name is Mr. Holstein. I am your replacement teacher. Miss McDonald is, how do I say this to kids? She's broken, she quit teaching, she's now gonna be a critic for the Star Courier local paper, so I'm your new teacher, so let's get to work on-

And you see me knock on the window outside and hold up a bag of McDonald's, flip you off, get some motorcycle drive away. Holstein. What to do with that? Holstein. Well, it's a type of cow my family invented. That breed.

Uh. Any, any questions on that? I've been researching your family and they're very impressive. I hate the old teacher now and I love you. She did horrible things to us. Horrible. Encouraged us to eat at McDonald's. It's full of saturated fats. Oh, oh thank you Mr. Holstein for saving us from that awful woman. Ugh, what a cassasse. Am I right? Am I right, other kid? Am I right? What a cassasse. All right, next riddle here.

How is it possible to put an empty glass directly underneath a kitchen tap that is left on so that the water is running but the empty glass doesn't fill with any water? This obviously has something to do with karaoke, which is Japanese for empty orchestra. Empty in this instance does not refer to what we would traditionally know as empty. This is a sheet of glass like for a window and the water is just running all over. Off the dome, I'm saying you just turn the glass upside down, is this a traditional drinking glass? What did I say?

Hold on, I changed my, I changed my, No too late, JPC, you locked it in. Damn it. Jordan got, the glass is placed upside down so the water hits the base of the glass instead. Mm, is that, was that good? Should we just joke around more or do we just dance? No, I don't think, was that okay?

Should I? Yeah, sometimes you just get the run all right. Pick it up your ass, man, I don't know. Yeah, so you've heard our show. Yeah, well does it say why someone did that? No, it doesn't say. Existential dread. I think that would do it.

No, we've been talking about Batman films and that seems like some classic Batman film and shit just like, you know, what in the watch the world burn? Some say, can you fill me up a glass of water? And someone says, sure, they turned it upside down in front of you, you can see them do it.

You go, why do they do this? If you wanted to fill up the basin, the sink basin, but you didn't have your stopper perhaps, right over the drain. Yeah, that'll do it. All right, next, next. And Jordan, please, I told you in the email, Hem and Haw, as much as you can,

Hem and Haw, scratch your head, bad answers first. Hey, we'll get to this in a minute, but what are your asker pics? You think they filmed Taylor Swift too much at the Super Bowl How many hands does the big Ben clock tower have in London and then this is less of a riddle and more of a Figure it out. Oh three This is something you'd have to know about the clock tower. You'd have to have been there.

Yeah, you have to in your mind palace, you have to have a sense of what it looks like. How many hands does the Big Ben clock tower have in London? Well, we figure that out. Can I see a scene? That's phrased weirdly. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Jordan, your Big Ben and you're going back home for Christmas to your clock family,

and they're all just way less impressive clocks. Mm-hmm. Um, and you're just dealing with that dynamic. Digital alarm, I told you to clean up your room. Your cousin is coming over. Digital alarm, are you listening? Don't snooze. Don't snooze.

Don't snooze. Oh, no, that's the door. That's, uh. Merry Christmas everyone. Oh my gosh, Ben, oh look at you. That's right, I didn't have me signature British accent for the first sentence I said, because I was trying to trick you, but then I realized I've probably got some British accent,

so here I am doing it right now. It's like a Madonna situation You know or I'm a Camus you know I use I turn it on and I turn it off But I'm here I'm taking some time out of my busy schedule Be in a national landmark and I'm going to celebrate Christmas with you the other clocks who might not be as famous But surely tell time you do you do. Yeah, absolutely.

Taking some time, Ben. You old goose. Um, yeah, a digital, uh, digital alarm clock is around here somewhere. And of course, I mean, your old grandfather here, um, you know, is hanging pretty low. How is, how it, come on in, come on in. Watch your head, watch your head. We have some bangers and mash for you. We have some bubbles and squeak.

I made some tea. I tried to, I Googled England food and this is whatever came up. So these are all my favorites. Thank you very much. Of course, as a national landmark, I have access to all the finest foods in the country, but your quaint version of our British favorites

is very charming in its ultimate ineptitude. Good, good. I haven't seen you, boy, it must have been 1700s. Can I, is it rude to ask, is it gauche? What was surviving Guy Fox like? That must have been wild. Oh, I realized it was my duty to stand firm during those difficult times and let everybody know that the British Empire was still right as rain. So even though we were going through a difficult time, I feel that I... Being a giant clock really inspired everyone.

And let them know better days were ahead, just like... Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Yeah, sort of a keep calm and carry on. Uh, digital what? Dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-d Hey, it's cloudy outside. I don't know where I am or who I am. Help! And that's fine. And that's scene. Can I take a whack at the riddle? Oh God, we were doing a riddle. Holy shit, we were doing a riddle. I forgot. So and I wanted to I wanted to I wanted to yes and the scene as best I could. I've taken a improv class or two. I'm sure you won't be shocked. But I think Big Ben refers to the bell. It's not the clock, it's the bell. So is that the answer to the question? Is that there are no hands on Big Ben because it's the bell?

Here's the thing, Jordan. Okay. We have a lot of riddle books. A lot of listeners will email us with their own home spun riddles while we search the internet. I've done no research that this is the right answer. It doesn't say that it's the bell here. So I trust you see from everything I've listened to with you appearing on it, you seem way too educated to be on this podcast, but I would assume you're correct.

You're overqualified to be here. I was, I don't listen. I got the glass thing, that was impressive, we can all agree. Is the answer zero? And we're just trying to figure out why that's correct? The answer isn't zero. This is a weird one, one because it's phrased oddly, but two, it's more of just a sort of sussing out the answer and or kind of knowing it as a fact would I guess.

I'll give you a hint. Seemingly, there is no second hand. This, I guess it was created presecond hands or at least the second hand was not added at any point in time. Wait, big bin, the clock, the famous clock, can only tell you what hour it is? That's really all big bin does? Minutes and hours. Yeah. Did I say minute hand?

Oh, I'm sorry. There's no second hand. You said second hand. Yeah, yeah. I thought you meant it did not have a second hand. I thought you meant that this clock had one clock arm that was just big like it's 11, will let you know when it's 12. Jewish.

That's a fun misunderstanding. That is fun. Second hand, second hand. So too, the answer is two. You get one of the second hand store if they need one. I also would have accepted he has two hands and he has the most wins of any stealers quarterback, although he's a piece of shit.

The answer is eight hands. There are two hands on each of the four faces of the Big Ben lock tower. Oh, okay. And so, and also for me, I forgot that Big Ben had four faces and four sides. Oh, it does? I think they're counting on that.

I think that's like the challenge of the river. That's the whole thing. Aaron, can you imagine? My head. Aaron, close your eyes, picture your a Londoner in 1842. You live on the North, let's say you live on the North side of Big Ben and the face of the clock faces south.

What are you gonna do? You gotta race all the way down there. You gotta walk five hours to get to the right side of the clock tower just to see what's going on. What else am I doing? There's no internet. I got nothing but time. Hey, you can run around the clock.

Yeah. I guess you're right. How much does it suck if you live like directly due northwest of Big Ben? You're like, motherfucker, I gotta go 15 minutes in either direction just to figure out what time I guess you're right. How much does it suck if you live like directly due northwest of Big Ben? You're like, motherfucker, I gotta go 15 minutes in either direction just to figure out what time it was 15 minutes ago. I won't buy a watch.

Let's get to another riddle here. Monty had broken his leg after running a race. A surgeon saw Monty very shortly after the injury, but because of the leg injury, the surgeon killed him. Why did this happen and why did the surgeon not get arrested? Well, this was not, of course, the first of their kills. They got arrested because they died before they could be held accountable for their crimes. Because it was in a time where doctors

were just kind of unquestioned. They could, some of history's greatest monsters were doctors. As someone who watches too much TV, all on the opening, this is like a, the nick, right? Clive Owen. Oh yeah. That's a Clive Owen four, sure. Ah, maybe Suddenberg, did Suddenberg make that? I don't know who knows

No, but I'm hungry impossible to tell So you're suggesting that the surgeon is Practicing malpractice or is it a mass murderer now the guy kills also a horse, but that shouldn't matter for the No, yeah, what really matters is that this is like this is a horse killer. This is this sick fuck this is just a goddamn, you know, John off the street. He gets his fucking rocks off by killing these horses. JBC bingo mango. Hot to tie. Monty was a racehorse after a broken leg injury.

Horses rarely recover properly. Oh, a little tidbit here. Horses rarely recover properly and will never be as fast as running. I mean, I don't I don't think you have to add that part. They shouldn't be because they'll never be as fast as they are. I got a question. So certainly this was true for a time, but they don't. This seems needlessly barbaric. They're not still killing, shooting race horses for breaking legs, are they?

That feels like one of those things that should have been phased out. needlessly barbaric. They're not still killing shooting race horses for breaking legs, are they? I am. That feels like one of those things that should have been phased out. Yeah, there's gotta be a home for injured race horses somewhere, right? A farm upstate? Yeah, the glue factory. Oh man. If they're not as fast anymore, they could get sold to one of those like, horse trail ride things that you see if you like drive out west in like Montana.

They can do kids birthday parties. Exactly. Words like. I'm pretty scared of horses. Me too. Yeah. Wow. Of being thrown off one or even if you're not on one,

you're scared, okay. I think they're way too muscly and I have a lot of respect for them and I really don't wanna get kicked in the chest by one of them. Me either. Really? You guys don't wanna get kicked in the chest by a horse?

Yeah. You do? I guess I'm on some other shit, man. I mean, just to feel something, it would be nice, right? Just to get kicked in the chest. I guess if you are, if there is a horse riding experience that does advertise, these are like former race horses

that have had broken legs. Maybe you are, for the horse timid among us, maybe you are more likely to use those horses because they're less likely to kick you. I don't know, maybe there's like a business idea there. Oh, yeah. I think there's also something to those horses too that you might wanna stay away from

because assuming that everything we know about horse, you know, the horse or the broken leg is true, that horse has been shot, but also it didn't kill the horse, which is why they're in the situation where they're in now, which means that the horse is also very skittish because of the gunshot. So it's like, you don't really wanna be riding on a horse

with like really bad PTSD. Super traumatized horses. Yeah, it's a recipe you don't really wanna be riding on a horse with like really bad PTSD. Yeah, super-comatized horses. Yeah, it's a recipe for a pretty bad ride. Although, it would be pretty funny to give, you know, do like a bachelor party, right? When you give your old married friend the PTSD horse and just watch him go, you know, careening off the side of the map.

You're a really good friend. Yeah, we'll take on the horse. He shouldn't be getting married, okay? You know what's going on. Who needs a boring old strip club when you can watch your buddy get thrown off a horse? I do want to see a scene. I do want to see a scene.

Aaron, you are a horse who has whatever ailment you so desire. And you're going to see a doctor, which is Jordan who will be admitting you now. Hey, thank you so much for seeing me last minute. Yeah, of course. Of course, come right this way. We had a cancellation this morning. So it really, really worked out nice.

Yeah, you can just sit over there on the table and I will just be over here oh right of course I'm sorry well yeah it's however you're comfortable you can stand you could lean yeah so just make yourself comfortable and I'll just be over here loading this gun what what oh yeah no what oh yeah I'm gonna it's a it's a little bit a little bit tough We're we're an older practice and we don't have some of the fancy gizmos that some of these you know big city You know Big city offices have so I'll just be over here loading this old-time musket and then I hold on I'm sorry. There must be something wrong with my intake form because I just have a little like I got a little like I got

A little in my throat is like a little horse. I'm yeah, yeah a little so it's not like that's fun Yeah, it's not like a broken leg or anything like it don't mind me. I'm just gonna Sterilize your forehead here. Just pull your forehead. Oh, I'll be shooting you at point blank range. So I don't want to get Yeah, I wouldn't would hate for to get any germs on my gun. Oh no I just was hoping for like a cough drop or maybe like a strep test. Yeah I'm a horse doctor my father was a horse doctor his father beforehand him and his mother before him so you know my family. Oh shame on me for thinking you were gonna say father. Exactly, yes. I was not. I'm challenging expectations.

Women can be murderers, horse doctors too. So what even makes you the doctor? Because really you're not even checking me out or- Well, I have the gun. to do an injury test. But you're- The one- You're not even helping me.

The one with the gun is the horse doctor. Oh, you know what? Actually I'm feeling way better. It was so smart of you to come get a second opinion. I know a lot of horses aren't making that call you know because it is a little more expensive obviously you have to pay the copay again but why don't you just tell me what appears to be the problem, what appears to be the ailment and I'll just start dressing you in some of the, you know, clown accoutrement. They wanna? Oh, just tell me what you think the problem is,

what your problem is, what the medical ailment is, and I as the horse doctor will start dressing you as kind of a clown's assistant. No, no, no, I'm just a little horse. You're funny. No, you're quite a big horse. No, no, I just, I have a cough horse. No, you're quite a big horse. No, no, I just... The kids will love you at the birthday parties.

No, I'm really... I have a full-time job. I am a racehorse. Yeah, we saw that on the forum. But now you'll be doing kids' birthday parties. Okay, it's... What is worse, getting shot in the head or kids' birthday parties? Oh, the kids will all have guns. Okay. These are Texas birthday parties.

Zane. Mm-hmm. I was gonna roll a caramel apple around your fur, but fine. Do horses have fur? What's the horse covered in? We can't know. We can't know. Is that fur? I think they say horse hair. I think you hear horse hair.

Like what, you know, violin bows are made out of. They got cute little ponytails. Isn't the horse hair the part of the horse that is like the hair from the head? The mane? The mane? Is the mane the horse hair? If someone gets a horse hair wig,

that's not like butt hair, right? Ooh. It better be for what I'm paying for it. Ha ha ha ha. Let's do one more riddle and then we'll take a break. Okay. A woman born in America who has never visited a foreign country can see with her own eyes the Great Wall of China. How is this possible?

It's a photo. It's a movie. It's a photo of a movie. She's in space? Jordan. Wowie-zowie. You got it. This woman, the American woman, was in space where the wall of China is visible. Wow. She's a satellite.

Wow. And satellites can be women. I'd like to see a scene. I just want my daughter to see a satellite. Looks like her. Sputniki. Representation matters, yes. Jordan and JPC, you are astronauts in space for the first time and you're amazed at all the things you can see from space on Earth.

Wow. The little blue marble, huh? Look at that, wow. Yeah, it really, really makes you feel small up here. I mean, it's all so beautiful. And I don't, you know, I don't know if there is a God, but you know, just seeing the, seeing this majesty before me just, just makes me feel like, you know, just the world is so beautiful. Hey, check it out. There's one of those Arby's with the big hat sign. Oh my god, those are so rare!

Yeah, I know. Oh, and Arby's with the big hat sign! Yeah, you don't see them a lot anymore, but when you drive by one, like in Arby's, it's just so cool, you know, like... Holy god! What is that? Steryl, new Arby's, just don't have the same, you know, majesty and beauty as the classic Arby's with the giant head.

Oh, look, look, look, look, look, look! Oh my god, that's a planet Hollywood. That's a planet Hollywood. There must be four of those left. I mean, I don't know if... Listen, I don't know if we're alone up here or... Ah! You know, if God exists, but...

It's hard not to feel a presence, you know? Right, exactly. If you see a planet Hollywood like that, it's hard not to feel a presence, you know? You see a plan of Hollywood like that? It's hard not to feel a presence. I mean, to think we could land this baby and be eating a club sandwich underneath Sylvester Stallone's jacket from Demolition Man and a matter of hours.

God, it's beautiful. I don't know if there is a higher power. No, who knows? Who can know? But you stare down at this place from so far up from where we are and you see Florida kind of really does look like a penis and you just know Somebody's laughing. You know somebody did that on purpose and they're having a laugh at it

Listen, I don't know. I don't know if there is a God, but look at me it looks like I'm jacking off Florida my guy to me that's proof that there is a gun right yes and I know we're supposed to be men of science and logic but yeah up here looking at Arby's and Planet Hollywood and the dick that is Florida it's hard not to think that all those Bible guys might have been on to something. Alright, should we get to it? I believe we should. It's time to complete our astronauts mission. Alright, can two men have a baby in space? Or, no, I think you're right. Keep going.

Well, they'll keep going while the rest of you take a break. We'll be right back with more. Hey, Riddleriddle. I think before hey, Riddleriddle. Hey, Addle. Hey, Aaron. I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Okay. So remember how I told you guys that I was having erectile dysfunction issues and that I basically couldn't get my dick to work and you guys were just like, go to church, sing some songs.

All you gotta do is sing some songs in church and everything will be fixed. Well guess what? I went to church, I sang all the songs and it didn't work. It didn't do anything. You were thinking of hymns. You were thinking of him. You were thinking of Sister Act, and we said, Try Hems.

H-I-M-S. H-I-M-S. Like Hems of Ghosts. I was thinking about Sister Act. That always gets me there. J-B-C, can you come sit on my bench first and then you go to Aaron's? Real talk. Sure.

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which I love those two words together, hello. Yeah, I tried that. I was in the good, sex chews, sex chews. Casey sent me that audio. What? You know how I said ED not ET?

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Sex chews are compounded products and have not been improved by the FDA. The FDA does not verify the safety or effectiveness of compound drugs. Also, ED Bone Home. Can we use it? Can we use that? Can you sing some more JPC? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh wow. Okay, I'm interested in what's going on here.

Dogswithpants.com. No, sorry, I was just looking at that. The one I am making is bone2pic.com. And it is all the things that JPC rants about and I'm really excited to be making it. Look, I'm making the online store right now. It's an exact copy of dogswithpants.com. My site, I talk about all the things that I'm really excited to be making it. Look, I'm making the online store right now. It's an exact copy of dogswithpants.com. My site just had bones in the mouth.

I talk about all the things that I'm mad about. Look, you can sell your products on an online store whether you sell physical, digital, or service products. Squarespace has the tools you need to start selling online. Here's my bone to pick merch. How cute is this? Ooh, yeah. Speaking of custom merch, Aaron, I don't know if you know this,

you can easily sell that custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and dogs with pants and scales your brand. You can design your products and production inventory, shipping, it's all handled for you saving you time and money. Yeah. Plus Squarespace lets you have an asset library. I know I use it on dogswithpants.com, my website where you can upload, organize and access all your content from one place. And with the new asset library, you're able to manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform. Take, for instance, I can put these chinos on this dog or swap it with denim. Now it's wearing jeans.

Oh, you can also host video content, organize your video library and showcase your content on beautiful video pages and sell access to your videos with member areas. Ooh, this golden retriever is wearing white pants, yikes. Yeah. And I got a bone to pick with him because this is after Labor Day. Gross. I can't believe you're just ripping off my whole thing,

which is dogswithpants.com where you get to judge their fashion choices and you're just making it bone to pick.com where you judge the dogs with pants.com's pants fashion choices? what well if you want to make your own incredible website head to Squarespace calm for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace calm slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain and if you're out there thinking why don't I just make a clone

of bonethepic.com which is dogswithpants.com but it's my own thing where I just take the dogs with pants stuff that JPC works really hard putting all those pants on those dogs because you have to get them still so they can take the photo. Don't do it. Dogs with pants. I fell in love with you dogs with This show is sponsored by better help Hey, I'll hate Aaron. I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Okay, surprise surprise You know how I was telling you guys that I had a lot of problems in my life And I was like having trouble sorting through my emotions and I thought it'd be really useful to talk to a professional to kind of help Give myself tools to work through all of the things going on in my life

kelp yelp Help and you two Joker's butter sent me to a website that Kelp, Yelp, Kelp. And you two jokers, sent me to a website that, so what happened was, G-A-P-C BetterHelp, we said BetterHelp. Whatever you heard, you're not listening, okay? No, hold on, hold on, no, you misspelled it.

You misspelled it. When you did it, you misspelled it. That's what happened to me. You don't have to do this. We are talking about better help. It's online therapy that's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. I love this kind of therapy. I've been using it for a long time, and it helps me so much to be able to message my counselor at any time of the day whenever I'm actually feeling my feelings.

No, no, no, no, no. I have a legitimate bone to pick. Okay. It's been so long, but no, I, I, I, uh, Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. I know this is important to you.

I know therapy can help you find what matters to you so you can do more of it. Okay. The best way to squeeze that special thing into your schedule is to know what's important to you and make it a priority. All right, and therapy and better help can help with that. Did you ever think for even a second that maybe I need to have these bones and I need to have them picked because if I take away my bones and my ability to pick them, I look at my life and I have nothing. This is a great thing to talk to your Better Help Therapist about.

You can also set boundaries and empower yourself to be the best version of yourself and then maybe, just maybe one day, you won't need a bone to pick. Maybe I can tell my Better Help Therapist that I have a bone to pick with feeling like I need to constantly be picking these bones. Wow. Bingo. You can pick your friends, you can pick your bones, but you can't pick your friends' bones.

Learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P,.com slash Riddle. BetterHelp, they get down to the bone of the problem. No, that's not their slogan. Hey, Riddle, Riddle. I got space on the brain. I don't know about you guys, but I've been watching this Apple TV show

called For All Mankind. And I'm also reading a series of books called the Mars trilogy. So like Red Mars, Green Mars, Blue Mars. So I'm like 90% of my cultural intake right now is all like space themed. Is For All Mankind the Asimov adaptation? No, it's the it's isn't as a month. I know it's a Ronald D. Moore show, which is the I think the battle star galactica guy. Yeah.

Um, that's cool. It's interesting. I don't know. I like I like space. I think space is fun. I think it's terrifying. Oceans and space. Where do you where do you rank it in comparison to a horse?

Well, what's gonna be scarier for you? Would much rather be in a horse than in space. Game into that, like a ton-ton. I'd say my nightmare being in space to be in a horse. Open up, open up, open up on Bay door. Horse comes out. You're like, oh fuck. Too big for space.

Equine sounds like a constellation. Yeah. Let's, we'll come back. Oh, that was all included in the show. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, great. Yeah. I'm not wasting time doing a fucking space riff

that doesn't make it in. You're right, yes. That's funny. No, you're right. Well, let's make space for another riddle here. Lucy put a cup of coffee in the microwave on maximum power for two minutes. When she opened the microwave door,

she put the microwave on again for another two seconds. Why did she do this? I never know why she does anything. And fair warning, because Jordan, I don't know if you have yet to experience this. Some riddles are fucking awful. These have all been great,

so I don't know what you're talking about. Keep that in mind. Adel, is it possible if you could reread the riddle instead of saying maximum power, you can say maximum fun, because I just think that there is a tie in opportunity here. And I just... Good vibes, energy.

Sorry, I'm the branding guy, and I just never missed an opportunity. It's great, we do our podcast on Max Fun, so yeah, we love the funk. Jamesy, I'd love to reread it, but it's time for a little segment called Munch. No, I'll read the... I was close to the best segment of all time. no, I'll opened the microwave door

She put the microwave on again for another two seconds. Why did she do this? So vague Notion that I've heard that like that's a way to sterilize the microwave. Is that, is there something to do with that? I could just be making up something randomly, but I feel like maybe I've heard of people doing that. I don't know. Again, Jordan just sucks because this is,

I feel like a teacher at Phoenix Online and a Princeton tiger has walked in the classroom virtually. That's probably correct, but that is not the answer we have. Okay. Is this an instance where it's like she, you know, is one of these people that has to like turn the knob like 10 times before she can open the door and that this is just a quirk of how she approaches, you know, the microwave. Because if not something terrible will happen to like a very close family member and anything that you have to do to stop that from happening. I say do it.

Yes. Also Lucy can't stare at planes because she believes they'll fall out of the sky if she stares at them. Um, you're not far off JPC. How fucking awesome would that be? To be like, you're staring at a plane and watch it crash, you'd be like, uh oh, I think I did that. I did this. I don't she's not as far as we know, she's not riddled with OCD, but okay, there's there's a bit of quirk going on for sure. And it's probably well quirk, but

also safety. To some degree, quirk, but also safety. Okay. Interesting. Putting together a football team of all deep space nine characters. Was that that guy's name? Quark? I think so. You may have thought that.

Quark is our safety. It's two minutes. This is not a thing where it's going to end up to be like a joke, right? We're looking for an actual answer, not like because you wanted to see time fly. It's not one of the, it's not that. Sometimes riddles are terrible puns. In this instance, it's not the case. So it is, it's quirky and it's also,

in my opinion, it seems like it's also probably done out of safety. Is the order of operations. Yeah. Open the microwave after two minutes. Do anything or just open it and then close it and then add two extra seconds. Great question. So puts the coffee in for two minutes.

Got it. Opens the door, sees what's going on with the cup, is a little dissatisfied, puts it on for another two seconds. Was the coffee hot when they put it in the microwave? I'm gonna go ahead and say no. Wow, cold coffee. They put it in the microwave. Uh, I'm going to go ahead and say no. Wow, cold. Cause I'm thinking of, yeah, a situation where you would have to microwave coffee. I mean, I guess there's you make the coffee, you forget about it.

It's sitting out. You want a new kit. Um, but I don't know. Yeah. I don't know how that applies to the situation. You wanted to, it had a microwave's work. Is it, is it like she wanted it to be boiling and it was like two seconds from being boiling and she just added another two seconds to it to Like get it to the temperature

microwaves work Is it has nothing I don't fuck with these little guys. I don't mess with the microwave I'm not a microwave fan microwaves and minions the two things she should always stay away from I I'm not a microwave fan. Microwaves and minions are two things she should always stay away from. The riddle I remember the most from my childhood is the one where it's like, oh, there's a man in a room with a rock and he's dead. Why is he dead? And the answer is that it's Superman and the rock was kryptonite. Any time someone says a riddle, I'm always like, how could Superman be involved?

Is Superman a part of this somehow? Well, I'd like to see a scene. Now we have to see a scene. Uh, Jordan, you are Superman, and you just are going to the break room at your office to get a cup of coffee and add all you are also in the break room. Oh, hey, you want a cuppa? Oh, yeah, fill me up Mondays, huh? Oh, man, I tell you what, you know, the Justice League

mailroom is just so you guys get so many letters, so there's so much fan mail, right? There's so much women's undergarments, a lot of, I mean, it is wild, wild, wild, wild. It's not why we do it. We do it for, you know, truth, justice, in the American way and, you know, wanting to, you know, keep the world's people safe. But, you know, if it's nice, it's nice that people appreciate this, I guess I should say. But it's not why I do it.

Yeah. Oh, can I ask, it's just funny, and I don't know if this was, you know, you thought about your language, you said keep the world's people safe. I feel like mostly it's mostly it's like America. Like, do you how many missions? How would you annually? How many missions are you doing elsewhere?

Um, I mean, you know, like think globally, act locally. I mean, I think a lot of people, you know, have criticized me Superman for, you know, only saving Americans and that if, you know, there's international flight, I, you know, some people are saying that I swoop into the plane, grab, strategically grab the Americans after asking to see everyone's passport and let the rest of them crash. But honestly, I'm not, you know, I'm not, I don't know anything about that. I'm just a simple Kryptonian trying to save the people that matter. Absolutely.

And, oh wow, you are really drinking that coffee. Does it have an effect on you? I mean, does caffeine really? For me, it's more the ritual. Yeah, I famously cannot get drunk because my cells replenish so quickly under your earth's yellow sun. So yeah, the coffee for me for me, it's more about the ritual just you know starting the day

Reading the Constitution saying the Pledge of Allegiance and Yeah, and I'm I feel like I'm and it's Josh by the way I don't know there's so many of us yeah a lot of green Lanterns these days have a hard time keep track of you guys yeah I'm Josh and I've only had the ring for a couple weeks but it's it's it's wild you're doing great thank you so thank you so much do you hey Josh real quick any messages from fish any messages from fish that fish send any messages? Trey and a stazio, huh? Huh, Trey Anastasio said if you're free next week, he'd love to meet up with you at very funny Josh

He's going sparring. Okay. Guess what? I got a long memory. Okay. I got a long memory Josh Is that a threat just fish? Do you and I feel like he think you were Aquaman? That is Aquaman. Superman. Have you not met Aquaman? My gosh, I'm sorry.

No, I guess he's technically from Atlantis, which isn't part of America. So I guess just technically there's something about meeting him. Yeah. Oh, you think you have Atlanta? Oh, gotcha. gotcha, gotcha.

I thought they asked us like I should. Any messages. Um, who, remind me of your name? From the Riddler or any of the others. Sorry, Josh, this is my horse, my sea horse. We're getting him to the doctor later today. No, please don't kill me. I'm always afraid one of these things is gonna kick me.

I don't know. See? They just mean. I was Batman! No, Eric, you're a sea or a whole other world. Never stand behind a Batman. Yeah. Folks, don't stand behind a Batman.

Yeah, because he's gonna turn around and talk about how sad he is about his parents dying. Lay your hand flat when you're giving Batman an apple. Because I have your fingers. I love apples. That's so fucking funny. I love apples. Please brush my hair.

Hold the apple out. I don't want to use my own hands to eat the apple. Foojies have the best taste. Jordan, are you a comic book guy? I am a comic book guy. I know you make comic books. I didn't know if you also. Yeah, yeah. I love, been a comic book reader. I am a comic book guy. I know you make comic books. I didn't know if you, if you also. Yeah, yeah. I love, I've been a comic book reader

since before I can remember. Does? That's why all those fucking great ass DC polls were in there. The fans are gonna go wild over. This is a legit question. Yes. Does, cause I'm a Marvel kid. I've always grew up ever since I was enchanted by Nightcrawler.

I've been a Marvel kid. I think I've read Red Sun maybe by Mark Millar, but does Superman sleep? Superman sleeps, yeah. I don't think they've ever, I think maybe he probably has to sleep less than Earth humans, but yeah, I think we've seen Superman sleep. I think there's precedent for that. Okay, just curious. anybody else have any questions for Jordan about comic did he already answer if Superman sleeps? Yeah, I just asked that Yeah, did you tell us your favorite comic yet? Cuz I would like to know that oh Let's see. So I do read a lot of DC comics and I'm kind of like recently into Superman I think I grew up reading a lot of comics in the 90s

when comic books got kind of dark. I don't know if y'all remember the 90s era of comics. You got your you got your spawns. You got your savage dragons, your Max. Yeah, yeah, served the Max, Spider-Man and Carnage. So I think I was that was a printing issue, right? And they fixed that in the 2000s to kind of like, it was a coloration thing, because I think the 90s printers... Right, yeah, the ink was too dark. Dark tones.

I think the 90s printing offices had bad lighting, so. They really didn't know how, yeah, what to make the ink look like. Yeah, but I kind of recently read this rediscovered Superman as an adult. There's a great there's a great NPR critic named Glenn Weldon who wrote a book about the like history of Superman that also kind of like explains why he's important and Yeah, really just kind of like kind of like made me realize that that he's a really cool character And I think I when I was a, I thought he was corny.

And you know, he's the joke about him is he's just a boy scout. But yeah, I think I kind of, I got Superman killed recently and I love him. I feel like anything, any of the Grant Morrison Superman stuff? Oh yeah, sure. Yeah, Grant Morrison writes a mean, weird Superman.

Not that he doesn't write the character mean. I'm trying to say he does a good job of writing it, but yeah, yeah, a lot of weird Superman stuff from Grant Morrison, as you might expect. I listen to a lot of Love Glen Weldon. I listen to a lot of Pop Culture, Happy Hour. Great show. The bad thing is, is if I listen to too much Glen Weldon,

the next time I have a conversation, I find myself going, mm hmm. Mm hmm. I do a lot of Weldonisms. That is very good Weldonism. On him. Yes. Mm hmm. Hey folks, Adel here. I am getting so old, so Adelbrained as it were, that I completely forgot to say the answer to this microwave cup riddle in the episode. So here we are. Notice how everyone else didn't notice. That's that's how much our show is about riddles. So the answer to this question about why did this person microwave the cup of coffee for another two seconds? The answer is when Lucy opened the microwave,

the cup handle was facing away from her. So the two seconds extra was sufficient to rotate the cup around so she can safely take the cup out of the microwave. Wow. Worth it, huh? All right, now back to more. Let's do some more riddles here. There is a, hopefully this is a little more, a little more on track. There is a prairie dog, a guinea pig, a silk worm and a firefly.

What unique thing do these four animals have in common? I'll read the list again. There's a prairie dog, a guinea pig, a silk worm and a firefly. What unique thing do these four animals have in common? These are all the same animal at different evolutionary stages. Mm-hmm, woo-ee.

I was gonna say, I did those cherry-dolls. I was gonna say huge dongs. Prairie dogs. Proportionally. The animal name that's in it is not this kind of animal it is. Erin, I don't know why you said that.

It is they all have huge dongs. Oh yeah. The Firefly, the North American Firefly, or Lightning Bug, will distract from its huge dong with a secreted, no, Erin, you're correct. It's written from Wikipedia there. Wikipedia. It's the Boston based. Erin, you're exactly right.

The four animals are in postures. A prairie dog is not a dog, it's a type of rodent. A guinea pig is not a pig, it's a type of rodent. A silkworm is not a worm, it's a caterpillar. Firefly is not a fly, it is a type of rodent. A silkworm is not a worm, it's a caterpillar. Firefly is not a fly, it is a beetle. I got one. The silkworm thing seems a little like, I'm not a worm, I'm a caterpillar.

I'm like, goodbye. Tomato, goodbye, you're a worm, yeah. Yeah. I do wanna see a scene. All three of you, JPC, Jordan and Erin, you are at a party for animals and all three of you are imposters. Uh, Wolf.

I guess. Come on in. What, Wolf? Oh, this is your party. Yes. I'm invited. Great. I'm an Australian shepherd

dog dog. Yes. Yeah, because you have that big crook that big staff. Yep kind of feels like you with Landed on Australian shepherd of the wit it Would a different way at the last minute not that I'm just make ourselves at home or I'm not a giraffe Hi everybody, it's me, the lion, the king of the beasts, Meow. Okay, I heard a meow at the end of that. Dear my mighty roar, meow. Um, you look... sorry, a lot like a little cute little kitten.

Probably not though, right? No, I'm a lion, the king of the beasts. I'm the ultimate alpha. I love stalking the planes for my prey. Okay, you're chasing a little laser on the floor. You have- oh yeah. I'm sorry, do you have an inhaler? I get really asthmatic when I'm chasing lasers.

Oh boy. Uh, yes. Lion. And I'm not a giraffe and you're definitely a lion. Come on in, come on in. Alright, cards on the table. I am a zookeeper. I'm not really a unicorn, this is just a horn that I- it's a trumpet. This is a trumpet that I... it's trumpet. This is a trumpet that I've put on my head. I'm a zookeeper. I was hoping to catch a lot of escaped zoo creatures at this party. No, no. No, what?

No, yeah, I know. It's obviously a bust because that is obviously a kitten. It's not a lion. It's obviously a little tiny kitten. Oh, no, you're wrong. I'm the king of the beast. I'm gonna mull you for your deception. Look out. I'm starting to mull. And you're obviously on Australian Shepherd, not a giraffe. So that's not gonna work for me either. Damn! I did have an extraordinarily long neck.

Big wanted poster for a missing giraffe. No way! I thought I was gonna make my nut today. And in the wanted poster does like his head get cut off? Cause it's so tall? It's just sort of the neck part. We have some mixed nuts at this party. Outstanding.

I do like that, Erin. That's a fun, like a children's book thing where a one in poster with a giraffe on it and the giraffe's neck is just in the one in poster. That's what I would do. Yeah. Erin, I gotta ask, what is this giraffe wanted for? Arsenie. Arsenie.

Holy shit. Arsenie. Is that stealing fire? Is that what Vermeetius unlocked it for? Arsenie? Yeah. Grandula Arsenie. Let's do another riddle here.

A middle-aged man, I don't know the pointless pointless detail a middle-aged man has traveled around the world for the past six months He approaches you okay, so this is You're the hero of the story He approaches you and is wondering if you would like to buy a clay pot That contains a leader of special liquid that will turn anything it touches into pure gold for only $20. Do you buy the pot? Where am I? Am I at home? Is this like a knock at the door at night?

Am I out? Am I at a restaurant? I would say I'm going to say that you're just to make this more international. You're at a bazaar. Hmm. You're in Morocco. So he approaches me in the way that it's like, I'm there actually to buy, to shop for trinkets. And he's like, you come over here.

Okay, gotcha. I'm actually a lot more comfortable with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This, I mean, this is some nasty freak trying to sell us cum, right? I mean. Yeah. Let's tail it all the time. Yeah, Yeah. Let's tail his old time.

Yeah, I've been tricked by this fella before. Jordan, word for word, the answer, this is a nasty little guy selling cum. You've been tricked by him before. Yeah. It's like an organ trail prompt. And here's the thing, I don't mind buying it, but if this guy thinks I'm paying $20 for his cum,

he's got another thing. No, that's part of his kink. He likes overcharging people. Well, he jerks off Florida and then he overcharges people for the cup. You guys like that Whalen. I walk away with the cup bucket, but I'm paying $6 tops.

You guys like that Whalen Jennings song, $20 for a cup? Mm-hmm. $20 for a cup. What's in the pot? It's a liter of liquid in a clay pot. It's a clay pot that contains a leader of Swinkwing special liquid that will turn anything it touches into pure gold. And he's willing to sell to you for $20.

No, by the pot. Why don't you know because the pot's not made of gold. There you go. Pots clay. Aaron dead on very observational. The man claims that the special liquid could turn anything. We'll just say the man claims his come could turn anything, we'll just say it, the man claims his cum could turn anything it touches into gold, but it hasn't turned the clay pot into gold.

He must be telling a lie and therefore, to save disappointment, you should not buy it. Wow, that's very thrifty, very economical to, here's what I do, I take out my wallet and I say, yeah, yeah, sure, I'll pay you the $20, throw my wallet into the pot. If the yeah, sure, I'll pay you the $20, throw my wallet into the pot. If the wallet don't throw, nope, my money's all wet. Whoops.

Nevermind, this was a terrible plan. I do as he is seen. JPC, you have a sort of stall at a local market with bizarre items, sort of cabinets of curiosities or whatnot, and Jordan and Erin, you are a couple looking for a perfect gift to bring to a wedding. Oh, honey, what about this? Hey, the happy couple.

Oh, whoa. Come over to my table, the happy couple. Yeah, hi. We're in a little bit of a... Takes a champagne flute and cliques a kiss. No, I'm kidding. We're a couple bit of a champagne flute and clicks a case No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You're a couple. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah So here's the here's the bind we're in shop keep We're here on a destination wedding. We we plumb forgot a gift. So we need we need we need something quick

You have anything that would be appropriate for such an occasion? For a destination wedding a couple who wants a wedding gift It's his co-worker that he's like not close to yeah, we sort of like saw this as an excuse to take a bit international vacation But so we want to get something nice, but not like. Oh, international. So you're not from Destin, Florida? No. We're Canadian. Canada.

Spain, Canada. Yeah. Canada, yeah. We're Canadians. And we've always wanted to see Florida. So yeah, we just, you know, we're going to. Spending limit? Oh, I don't want to what do you think?

Spending limit? Like $20. OK. $20. 50 bucks for a wedding gift? What do you do? He's like co-worker who's like whatever. Yeah.

I'm kind of obligated to be here. You wearing a Burberry jacket? You wearing Burberry jacket? He's bidding $20 on a co-worker's wedding gift? I don't, come on. You're being kind of judgy. There's a lot of shops at this bizarre. We... Okay, fine!

Do you want our... Do you want our 20 bucks or not? Yes. Yes, of course. Of course. I want your 20 bucks. I just have to think. Do I have anything in my whole bizarre that could be for 20 bucks? Yeah, I have to think about it, okay? Uh, let's see. Your co-worker. Your co-worker, her co-worker. It's my co-worker. We work together at the mall.

Okay, so you work together. Do you work? Ma'am, do you work? Uh, yeah. Okay, this is too in-com-tion. You're spending $20? I don't want to answer for you, but you're being real... We're leaving. We're leaving. A couple of doinks. Hats.

Double income. No kids. Cheap fun hats. Come on, Glenn. No! Cheap fun hats. No, he's a pervert. He's a pervert. Don't go over there. Please, stay. stay. I'm sorry. I have perfect gift. I have perfect gift for you. Please stay. You want more chance.

Okay, one more chance. That's all I require. $20. Do you want Applebee's gift card? Honey, that's kind of perfect. Technically, I can load 80 about about the shoes to go more than twenty dollars yeah let's go for it let's do it yeah there's a there's applebee's everywhere you will probably get a chance to use it you have those in Canada

we do they're called Tim Portons it's the same parent company so you can use the gift card anywhere. Yeah, it's a yum brand's operation and you can just give them whatever you want. Yeah, it's good anywhere. It's like you can use a, you know, a TJ Max gift card in a Marshall's, the same principle.

Yeah, we're okay. It's all the same. Outstanding. Jordan, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah, gosh, thank you for having me. Above average, riddle guessing. Yes. Very impressive.

Very, very impressive. You should do more escape rooms. You should find new friends is what I'm saying. Try your hand. It's some more puzzling or some crosswords. Yeah. Very, very good job. Maybe.

And yeah, I mean, I think just my secret is just start your thought process thinking about how Superman could be involved and then you go from there. And the answer will reveal itself. When I was a GIF for a coworker in that scene, I was gonna possibly tag in to be Josh and you were a Canadian Superman getting him a gift. But I was like, I don't know, Canadian super bad.

What's going on there? Are you like going into an escape room thinking Superman is a possible solution? Because you're just like punching through drywall and a lot of escape rooms. Do we use key vision? This one's easy. Do we fly so fast that we travel through time? Speaking of Superman in comics, Jordan, you have a new comic coming out, Youth Group.

Yes. I myself have already pre-ordered it. Oh my gosh, thank you. It comes out this July, I believe. Do you want to tell us more about Youth Group? Yeah, absolutely. Youth Group is a YA horror-comedy graphic novel for me and a great artist named Bowen McGurdy, whose work you might recognize from Spectre Inspectors and various issues of Marvel Comics. Bowen McGurdy, a great genius. Yeah, our book is about a bunch of goofy teenage exorcists. They're part of kind of a dopey Bible study group where they sing parody songs and talk about abstinence, but they actually have to do exorcisms

and fight demons in their off time. And yeah, it's got Buffy the Vampire's Lair vibes, Sean the Dead vibes, and it is available for pre-order now, wherever you get a book. If you wanna go to bit.ly slash youthgroupbook, bit.ly slash youthgroupbook, you can see the cover, a bunch of the interior art. You can get a bunch of pre-order links there,

Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or hey, you could just call up your local indie bookstore, tell them you want a pre-order youthgroup, and that would really help us out. If it sounds like a cool premise, we love a pre-order. Do we know why? Not really, but we'll... Well, pre-orders can still get you pregnant, of course. There you go. Yes, exactly. Well, unless you're in a hot tub. Or in a horse. Or in a horse.

That sounds outstanding. Yes, I've already, for my, I recommend everybody. If you haven't read Jordan's other graphic novel, Bubble or listen to the podcast series, I highly, highly recommend that as well. Jordan, anything else you wanna plug? No, I don't wanna overwhelm them with plugs. I wanna just keep the focus on our great upcoming graphic novel, youthgroup.ly,

slash youthgroup book. Oh yeah, Erin, anything you'd like to plug? I'd like to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash aridleriddle, lots of really fun episodes. There was one that came out in the last few weeks with Mandog Pod that we laughed really, really, really hard on that I think is worth checking out. And you can join for free for a week if you haven't before

and it might be nice to come and just hang out with us. Add all anything to put. Yes, I believe by the time this comes out, hello from the Magic Tavern season five will be out where we get podcasts. I believe I hope so. Could be wrong. If it's not out already, it's coming out soon. So check out season five.

No, if it's not out, something really bad has happened. You gotta message Addle about it. Message Addle about it. Message add-al about it. Matt is stuck. Matt's stuck under a couch. He was moving. It fell. Uh, JPC, anything to plug or any review street? Yeah, I have something big to plug. Uh, so I've been working on a project that I'm not ready to announce yet, but I will announce that next week on the show, my collaborator will be our special guest on that episode where we will be announcing that project.

And I do know that there are probably people in our Patreon that have been waiting for me to do this for quite a while. So I'm very eager to announce, pre-announce, so he can still get you pregnant next week. So stay tuned to the Hey, Run Over the podcast, the one that you're listening to right now next week. Yeah, stay tuned, Aaron, no clicking, right?

I watch a lot of TV, no clicking. Yeah. Larry Sanders shows that you ever watched. Adel, you have to stop watching TV this whole episode's been an intervention. Jupiter, goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, bye. created by Adel Refai, starring Aaron Cheath and

John Patrick Collins, Casey Tony to the editing, and our Imparance in the music. Boko created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nebora. 5, 2, 3, 4, 8, RIP THE BRIDGEON! RIN THE MUST BE BEFORE HE TAKE THE BRINGTLE by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or start your seven day free trial, or the Review Crew for $8 a month, and you get those ad-free episodes. See you there! That was a hate gun podcast.