Hey Riddle Riddle - #299: 300th Episode Part 1

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

We are jumping the gun and starting the 300th episode a little bit early! We decided to show the rise of an empire, a break-up feast, and continue with what our show is known and loved for-solving RINDLES. 300 episodes already!? Well almost!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanGmailEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsTickets to our upcoming live show:heyriddleriddle.com/liveRequest a live show in your city: heyriddleriddle.com/requestWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And of course, it's Friday! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! Rittle Rittle! Okay, hello and welcome to our 300th episode of Hey Rittle Rittle! We made it. It's 300 episodes.

We got to the biggest deal of an episode. 300 is crazy. There's three of us, 100 each. Everyone claim the 100 that you like the best. This is incredible. Thank you so much for trusting me to host such a big episode. Aaron.

Aaron. Yes, you wanna? Sorry. 300 is next week. 300 is next week. Such a big episode. Aaron. Yes. You wanna? I'm sorry. 300 is next week. 300 is next week. It's next week. What? 300 is next week.

Yeah, it's next week. This is 299, which is. 300, what is next week? Well, this is the poor man's 300 is 299. You're thinking of the week after next. Yeah. Am I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's 299, it's 299.

This episode can't be special In fact, if you make this episode special it fucks over next week's very special episode. Well, look look where we are. I Rent it out this incredible ballroom There's like champagne and caviar like everywhere what Aaron that is a ball pit and that is a looks like a shallow pool of breeding fish I'm stuck. Okay. Well that, that feels special to me. That's sort of out of the ordinary for me. This is expensive guys. How did this happen? Expensive is like the one word I wouldn't use to describe the way that that likes.

Hard to find hard to put together. Cheap, cheap, but hard. The labor is what's expensive. You know, well yeah, when you're doing it. Rare, I would say. Rare does not necessarily equate expensive, if that makes sense. I don't get it, guys. You don't trust me to host episode 300? I get $299? What's special about $299?

Aaron, lots of things are special about 299. It's the welcome map to 300, so we couldn't get to 300 without 299. This is an important stepping stone. Aaron, you know how you can never experience true bliss unless you've experienced horrible pain? That's what your 299 is going to be to, I want to say, Adol. I'm going to guess Addle's $300. Oh, just because Addle was the first Old Man Puzzles

and he created the show just means he gets to host all the most important episodes. I get it. HGPC. Yeah, mm-hmm. Let's just give her $300. Okay, yeah. Erin, this is, yeah, this is, this is $300.

This will be $300 for you, uh-huh. For everyone. We'll do this, well, this will be $300. Erin, this is, yeah, this is, this is 300. This will be 300 for you, uh-huh. For everyone. We'll do this, well, this will be 300. Aaron, this is episode 300. No, I don't want pity. I don't want pity. Aaron, it's not pity, we're gonna do two. We're gonna do an episode 300, part one, and an episode of 300, part two. This is episode 300, part one.

We'll title, Aaron, we'll title it 299, parentheses, 300, part one. Aaron, we have to title it 299, parentheses, 300 part one. Erin, we have to title it 299. We can't get arrested again, okay? We can't break podcast rules, and so we have to title it 299. But everyone who's listening, let's all, come on. No, I don't want this kind of pity.

This is 300 part one. Well Erin, what do you want? What kind of pity do you want Erin? Because I've given you every kind of pity I know how to to give and I don't like uh I was gonna do like this is Sparta oh that sucks. That's what I'm doing next Okay, well then if Adel's already doing that then See this is what I'm saying My podcast room, I don't even care about 300 anymore. Is the sequel me 300 called 302 or is it called 301?

You know I'm saying I would guess it's called a bad movie Yeah, but no one ever saw it so we don't know Who do we think is in that because it's not Gerard Butler right? There's no way they got him skeet or rich Really, what's the position that's lower than a butler in like a down-navy situation? Oh, chauffeur? Footman? Gerard Footman. Footman.

Okay, it's called 300 Rise of an Empire. Hmm. Oh, that's sort of a missed opportunity. That's fine, we'll do the This Is Sparta shit next week. It'll be a whole thing. Aaron, it was gonna be you kicking a riddle into a well in slow motion, so... See, that's incredible.

Whoa, Gerard Butler is in it. Oh, no. So sorry, Gerard. Sorry someone made you do that. Do you think it's just a flashback? Do you think he's just in it because they played clips from the first movie? God, I hope it's that. I hope they played clips from the first movie? God, I hope it's that I hope they played clips from PS I love you

Wait Casey says I have terrible or great news. It's a prequel. So it'd be 299 technically just like this is Okay, this is the prequel to episode 300. This is Hey, Riddle, Riddle, Rise of an Empire. We have Gerard Butler on a green screen for maybe 30 seconds. You have to stick around to the very end of the episode. He does not do cameos. We had to track down his people.

It was expensive. A British, Australian, what do we think he is? Now is there a difference? About 150 years. That's for philosophers to figure out. We can't possibly untangle that knot. Let's let the ad wizards down in Madison Avenue solve that problem. Since we don't have to make this episode special, what's up guys Oh, good. Now we can just chat. Yeah, this is our relax, this is our big stretch before 300, so I'm doing well, Erin.

Erin, how are you? You just had some exciting high speed ventures. Big surgeries. Oh, wait, yes. I switched my legs. They're on the other side now. And you somehow dance better and can do the splits? Mm-hmm. Honestly, I think you probably, if you switched my legs. They're on the other side now. And you somehow dance better and can do the splits? Mm-hmm.

Honestly, I think you probably, if you switched your legs, would you be better at doing the splits? No. No way to tell. Thank you for thinking about it, though. I saw you use real brain power in that. I couldn't think of a way that it would make it better. I could think of a lot of ways that would make life

a little bit harder, but I can't think of any ways that it would make it better. I can think of a lot of ways it would make life a little bit harder, but I can't think of any ways that it would make it better. Amen, sister. Yes, I went on the JoCo cruise with our fourth host, Janet Varney. I had the time of my life. I cried at the end, like I was leaving summer camp. I hope I go every year forever.

I had never, I didn't know anything about it. I hope I go every year forever. I had never, I didn't know anything about it. I didn't even know it existed. And there's this whole corner of the world that is the most fun, magical place ever. Why did no one tell me? And I met Hey, Little Riddle listeners on the cruise and I was like, why didn't any of you tell me? You've been coming to this for years.

I was quite perplexed. I feel like it's come up before, right? We've talked about that cruise on the show before. Yes, but was I listening? Yeah, hey, I wasn't. I certainly wasn't. I think we should all go. I'm 100% enthusiastic.

I hope that Hey Riddle Riddle could possibly go at some point. I would love, love, love to do that cruise with you guys. It was the most fun ever, truly the most fun ever. I did not know it was a week long. That seems like a long time to do a comedy cruise, right? Am I wrong about that? But it's also, no, here's the issue,

is that there's so much going on all at once. There's the cruise and then there's the shadow cruise that's events put on by passengers that they've organized. And so at any given moment, yes, there are five or six things that you want to be doing in camp. There's every video game ever on the boat, basically. They have a video game garden with like tons of TVs

and every video game console from like Nintendo to the ones that are around now. And you can play whatever video game you want. So I would catatonically play Duck Hunt before and after shows. I got to check in with Casey real quick. Casey, how did it make you feel to hear Aaron say from Nintendo to whatever they have now?

Was that, did he feel good about that or, okay. He felt bad. He felt bad. whatever they have now. Was that, did he feel good about that or, okay. Did he feel good about it? He felt bad. They have every board game you could possibly want. And so, and then they have a bajillion events that are interesting and cool. Can I just tell you why the cruise is so special? This is the perfect story to sum it up

and quite frankly, the highlight of my entire week. On Monday night, evening, around 11 p.m., I was walking from the D&D RPG show to the pirate dance party, which is already a whimsical journey that I'm on. I don't need any more whimsy. That's great, I'm having the time of my life. I just watched a funny D&D show.

I wanna go dance with people dressed like pirates On the way, I passed the lido desk the lido deck and I hear what at first I think are ghosts I go those are ghosts singing Beautiful sea shanties. I have stumbled across the sea shanty club I sit across the pool from them like a perverto, for 20 minutes and I listen to them sing because it's so beautiful. And then one of the songs they do is so lovely that I clap. And then they go, hey, weirdo, you can come sit with us.

You don't have to sit and watch us. And I sat with them for like an hour and a half and I learned all sorts of sea shanties and I learned about them. And it was kind of run by two brothers from the Midwest at Irish pubs and then I went back the rest of the week that was part of my nightly routine was I would go to the sea shanty club and I wouldn't shut up about it I made Shana my friend go one of the nights and then on Thursday I was in the performer bar

and again I wouldn't shut up about the Sea Shanty Club and how I would die for them. As you like to do. John Hodgman, who is one of my favorite writers in the world, was like, take me to them. Let's all go. And Janet was like, we have to go, we're going. So I bring some of the performers,

like Janet and John Hodgman, down to the Sea Shanty Club. John Hodgman goes, actually in the goodbye show, I'm singing like an Irish song. If you guys wanna sing it with me right now. And then for the finale show on the cruise in front of like a thousand people, John Hodgman brings the sea shanty club up on stage to sing with him.

And I burst into tears and filmed it like a proud mom. And then I have, if I go back next year, my goal is to know all of the sea shanties that are in the book. But I wasn't looking for that. In the book? They had a sea shanty book. Erin, I mean, I have to.

It was the best. I have to put you on the spot, Erin. Can we hear one of these shanties? Oh, no. I'm singing a sea shanty alone on a podcast in the morning. I mean, you said sea shanty 54 times. I figured you're going to do one for us. We're bound for South Australia.

All the way to Rolling King. Heave away, all the way, all the way to Rolling King. We're bound for South Australia. Now we're talking. Thank you, Aaron. I do like Aaron spending all this time with the sea shanty club All the way, all the way, we're bound for South Australia. Now we're talking. Thank you, Aaron. I do like Aaron spending all this time with the sea shanty club and then cut to, well, I guess no one's fucking dancing.

No one's showing up to fucking dance. We were supposed to have John Hodgman as our special guest. Where did he go? The pirate dance club is ruined. So I guess it's just me and Brett. We're the pirate dance club now. That's what's good. Okay.

And you printed up the flyer, right Brett? Yar, yar. Yay. But that is, I feel like, oh, also my favorite thing to ask people on Friday was like, what was your like most JoCo Cruise moment that happened to you this week? Something that's just so on brand.

Because there's just so many magical things happening at any given moment. People decorate their doors, it's the best. But there was, on Thursday, I saw a puppet coming up the stairs before a human, and I nodded politely at it. It didn't feel weird at all. It didn't feel out of place or weird at all.

I was like, hello puppet. Begs the question that the puppet nod back. Yeah, the puppet was playing. I mean, everyone on the cruise is so nice. And then it's also like a beautiful cruise where you're going to the Dominican Republic and jumping off waterfalls. It was insane.

You guys, we have to go. We have to have to go. And if you can afford it and can go, I can't recommend it enough. If you like this show, you will love this cruise. A ring endorsement for Joko Cruise, also known as Joke College Cruise. Mm-mm.

Nope. Nope. Jonathan Colton Cruise. Yes. Jerkoff Call Off. That is what we like to call a don't go to work this week. If you come by the cruise and we're on it, JBC will be in a dinghyy rope to the back of the cruise. Yeah, and that's a guarantee.

I know we have to do riddles, but. You do know that, huh? Yeah. You got that knowledge? Yeah, I'm trying to see. You got the email. Is there anything else on my desk I could talk about? Look how little this thing of Vaseline is, huh?

Oh, so tiny. That's tiny. Aaron, for a little bit, did it feel like this was kinda like episode 300? For a minute there. Good. Good, Aaron, good. We want you to feel that way.

We want you to feel like it's episode 300. I feel like I'm sobering up, coming crashing back into riddles and no fun 300 themed games, but that's fine. We can wait a week. All right. We can play some of them if you had them prepped. Yeah, if you've prepped them.

Because I know it's a lot of work to prep stuff like that, like a 300 themed game. Let's do one. Aaron, let's do one 300 themed game. Aaron's typing, Aaron's typing. I'm searching in my notes for the games. For the games, yeah. What do you think she could possibly be typing to fit, to quickly find a 300 themed game? Do you think she's typing 300 themed game?

Oh, she actually shared her screen. She's typing in, how can you use a tiny thing of Vaseline to get out of a bit? Oh no, I got stuck. I got stuck in this tiny tub of Vaseline. I tell, well, the last thing I typed in was just 300 question mark into Google. So I was like, what have, what has 300 of things? Um, who taught Aaron how to boolean search? Wow.

of things. Who taught Aaron how to boolean search? Wow. Did Aaron go away to Lexis Nexus College for two weeks? What's going on? The first 300 themed game is you guys are going to list back and forth your 300 favorite bits that we've ever done on Hey Riddle Riddle. This is the way we've done 300 bits on this show. You had to go into your notes for that.

Let's just do your riddles. No, no, let's do this. No, no, I'll commit. Oh, god, okay. I've gotta do riddles, ma'am. Dr. Chameleon. Where? J.P. Riddles. These are characters. Characters count as bits?

Yeah, sure. Okay, what have we done recently on the show? 298 words? The sweater. There's a guy who mumbles a lot. Well, that's me. Yeah. We are eating into some of the 300 stuff. Let's continue, let's move on.

All right, these are from Sydney. She her, and we're about to say her name. We're bound for South Australia. She heard her and we're about to say her name. We're bound for South Australia. Love the podcast. Big fan of all things puzzles. And I found these riddles in a cat plus Sherlock Holmes themed puzzle book at the grocery store checkout. Incredible.

That's the ideal place to buy a cursed book like that. Exactly. The book was called Cat Puzzles Presents, and I want you guys to guess what the name of this. It's a Sherlock Holmes cat. Cat Puzzles Presents, Sherlock and Pawson. Pawson. Sarah Paulson.

Sarah Paulson. How would you do a play on making Sherlock Holmes but have it be cats? Ella Mioentry? No. Perlok, perlok, perlok. Yes, perlok Holmes. Puzzle Ciphers and itty bitty kitty mysteries

for feline fanatics. Before we do this, I'd like to see a scene. A kitty kitty? Come on. Uh, JPC, you are Perlok Holmes. Yes. And, um, Adel, you're a Potson. Watson. Mm. But a cat. And you're, uh, cats and, um, there's a mystery afoot.

Mm. Mm, yes. Yes, my dear Potson, you are on to something indeed, but I think that you'll notice that there's actually something a little bit fly. Fly. Fly, ooh. There's a fly, fly, fly, fly. Wait. I got it, I think I got it.

Wait. Wait. I missed it, I missed it, I missed it, I got it. Wait. Wait. NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN bloodshot let's fly fly fly miss it miss it posset you didn't get into the cat nip did you a little taste little tug little taste my dear Potson you are a respectable cat detective you can't be going into the catnip when we have important work to do. You're not my dad, are you? Lanes in. Uh, unclear.

Fly! Fly! Gentlemen, there has been a murder, and it does still need to be solved. Alright, we are, we're on the case. Calm down, calm down. It's Perlach and Potson, we're gonna do it. Calm your itty bitty titties. Are you high? Lick my own asshole for a little while. Yeah, I'll lick your ass up too. Thank you. Okay. The way that these work is that the riddle will give you three hints to guess one portmanteau. First two hints are for the beginning and end of the word. Last hint is for the whole word. Gotcha. This is one of those things where I'm gonna do it and it's gonna make sense.

Sure. But explain it, it's gonna hurt your brain. Of course. Are these cat themed or is just general portmanteaus? I would say no. Okay. Interesting, this is a book of cat-based Sherlock Holmes puzzles, but these are just regular puzzles.

Yes. And Sydney, at the end, goes, I realize there isn't anything to do with cats in these riddles. I think the idea is that a cat, Sherlock Holmes, is solving the riddles in the book, question mark. So it's sort of a mystery to Sydney, who has the the book as to why these are not cat themed riddles. Well, here's the thing. If I'm writing a grocery store checkout activity book and someone's just like, write a riddle

activity book, easy. But then if they're like, Elsa, make it cat themed, suddenly I'm constrained. So what happens is you get the person that writes it and then it goes to the art department and the art department goes, well, what sells? Cat stuff. So then they add the cat layer on top of that. So this is just, this is just a classic example of too many cooks, but actually maybe being the right amount of cooks. Yeah, I don't, I'm like trying to think about why, why even make it a cat thing in the first

place? Why make this book? I would say just don't make it. Do you think that the people, there's like a person, obviously somewhere in the world, who is writing grocery store checkup book, like riddle books for cats or whatever, that a person is doing this, right? This is, we can be relatively sure that this is AI. Or a computer. Yet. Maybe.

But let's say there's a person doing this. Do you think when the person doing this like learns about our podcast, they're like, motherfucker, you can do what with riddles? I've been sitting here a goddamn Grocery store cat riddle books and you can just get on a podcast and talk about your fucking day for 15 minutes. Come on Okay, this sucks that I finally have to come clean guys. I've been moonlighting as a grocery checkout aisle riddle book writer Wow Perlok Holmes grocery checkout aisle riddle book writer. Wow.

You're Perlok Holmes. I'm Perlok Holmes. Wow. I would love the idea of a person like, you know, someone making eyes at them in a bar and you'd be like, I know you recognize me, I'm Perlok Holmes, you may have read my work, grocery store checkout aisles.

Yes, if you want an autograph, I'm happy to do it. All right, we should do these, right? Yes, we should absolutely. Yes. To said in olden times, neath the light of the midnight moon, rode my second on their broomsticks, or hung up high at noon, or my first the river rushes by a pleasant woodland grove.

We ate my whole for a picnic lunch, then onward we did row. They weren't listening. I watched these two dumb dumbs. You guys, you heard one old timey word and I watched your brains both bail so quickly. Here's what happened, Erin. I feel like you described an activity that we would be doing.

You said, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go to the park, and we're gonna lay down a blanket, and then there's gonna be a lot of different items on the blanket. You'll get it when we get there. And I'm like, okay, great. And then you show up and you're like, okay,

now whoever finds the biggest dinosaur wins the crown. I'm like, hold on, wait a second. What happened to the first activity? I was described a different activity that we were doing. Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm like, hold on, wait a second. What happened to the first activity? I was described a different activity that we were doing. Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to skip to the second one because it's way easier language wise. And then we're going to go back to the first one, just to wait till you get one. And once you get one, you'll know what to listen for. Okay. Okay. Here's where I am right now. I do not know what we are doing. You're going

to say more words, but I'm equally confused as to what I'm supposed to do at this point. You will know now. Okay, I'll know now. My first is an object pronoun and my next is found at weddings. My whole is an inhabitant of the deep. And remember the first two hints, one's for the beginning of the word, one's for the end of the word, and then the third hint is for the whole word. So first is object pronoun. Yes. The second is found at weddings. The whole is inhabitant of the deep. Okay, object pronoun. Sorry, and I'm sketching a t-shirt that says, we ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. This is the favorite. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We can't sell that on the store. The whole portmanteau is an inhabitant of the deep.

Yeah, something that lives in the ocean. The entire word. OK. The first is an object pronoun. The next, what is some things that are found at weddings? What is something you don't want to not have at a wedding? Someone fucked up if it's not a wedding. A ring. A cake? a wedding. A ring. A cake? A ring?

A ring, okay. A cake. And an object pronoun would be like it? Or like them, they, them, it? Yeah, it's like a pronoun, so. One of us uses this. Oh, he, she, she. One of, yeah. One of us. No. Oh, he? She. She.

One of us. Yeah, well the other one, no. One of us. No, but not she. Her. Herring. Yeah. Herring.

Yes. Wow. Herring. Herring. Okay, okay. Okay, we're going back to the first one. Everybody breathe. I don't understand why the order of these was presented in the way that it was presented

Okay to set in the olden times meet the light of the midnight moon rode my second on their broomsticks Or we hung up high at noon That's the first one. That's the first one. Why they say second in there Damn it. I'm sorry Aaron this this correlates to the herring one as well. No, no, no, okay I see I see, I see. That's the first part of this. For my first The River Rushes by Pleasant Woodland Grove, we ate my hole for picnic lunch, then onward we did rove. So, honestly, you could get this just by,

we ate my hole for a picnic lunch. And Casey, clip that. Clip that, make it a shirt. We ate my hole for picnic lunch. And Casey clip that. Go fat, make it a shirt. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. Let's all get a cleat take of us saying it. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for, go ahead. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch.

We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. Now if anyone wants to create a 30 second voicemail theme using clips of us saying Let's give them more options. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch.

We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. Who's whole? My whole. We're just generating a sea chanty about eating your whole or big thing. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. Okay, it writes itself. So here's my guess, Erin. Dear Arnie Parrott, by midnight tonight we need a sea chanty with the lyrics, We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. When Arnie, Arnie Parrott came to stay with me for a week

and we were working on a project together and we were laughing, he was like, my job is so weird. I get the weirdest emails from you guys. And he read out loud the email we sent about Penguin Baseball and it made me cry laughing. He's like, this is the type of emails I get in my professional life. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, can you write a theme, but it's take me out to the ball game except it's Penguins playing the baseball. I was like, oh God, what have we done to you? We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. What's something you eat for lunch? Sandwiches. Yes. Oh, okay.

Witch is part of it. Yeah, witch is plus sandwich. Wait, it's witch plus sand? Yeah. What was the sand part? Um, uh, Midnight Mood, Rodin, My Second Brutal,

or My First, The River Rushes by a Ple woodland grove. Oh, okay, the sand of the riverbed? Yeah. Gotcha. Okay, gotcha, okay, okay. I knew witch, I got witch from the broom. Okay. I'd like to see a scene.

The two of you are witches, and Halloween time has passed, you're kind of on sabbatical, and this is, you're both witches at the beach Sort of on vacation limited up Should we be bad did I get another my tie Oh Another my tie. Let's consult to my cauldron. Oh cauldron. Oh, cauldron of... Did I not bring my cauldron?

Oh, my God. I just packed my beach bag. Did you forget it at the airport? You know what? I have cauldrons at home. We're in Florida. We're on vacation. I shouldn't have to worry abou... Get another Mai Tai.

I say get another Mai Tai. Belinda, I'm so sorry. I'm just gonna have so much anxiety thinking Mai Tai. I say get another Mai Tai. Belinda, I'm so sorry. I'm just gonna have so much anxiety thinking about a cauldron being at the airport Someone could pick it up and do a spell. They could trace it back to you. Should we call the airport? Oh, honey, my cauldron is so cursed. I hope somebody picks it up. Okay? They are absolutely fucked if they bring my culture home and honestly that makes me feel wonderful okay but I'm not working but we're not working and you're not working so you should put away your spell your spell phone okay

there's no reason that you should have your spell phone out at the beach what if I get an important email okay first of all first of all I know that you can't get emails on your spell phone because your spell phone is a mouse that you put a hex on that only does incoming calls. Because we agreed, we were honestly working too hard. That's true. But can I tell you, I was so tempted this morning, there was a couple ratty kids at the continental breakfast and I wanted to curse them and cook them in an oven,

but I thought, I'm on vacation. I'm on vacation. And when I was getting our first round of drinks, there was a man explaining to the female bartender how to make a rum and Coke the way he liked it. And he took everything in my body not to make him grow a super long rat tail. Not the hair kind.

Like out of his butt. I bet he already had the hair kind. He already had the hair. See. It's Florida after all. Okay. My first is found all over the globe and without it all living creatures would die.

My second- Penis. Anyone else hear that? Did you, whoa, did you guys hear that? I think that there's someone on our Zencaster call and they just said penis out of nowhere. Have you guys seen that movie Children of Men? It's like a future where all the penis go away and then there's no more babies to be had.

Fascinating film. Fascinating. Clive Owen, right? Yeah, Clive Owen. Of course. My second is a closet for my first and my whole is a battle in which Napoleon was engaged. Waterloo.

Yes. Closet, the loo. Yeah, a water, as they say. Hmm. That's where Napoleon met his end. In a toilet. Is that true? That's where everybody meets their end.

You know what I'm saying? That's where you really need to know your end. He's standing over a mirror, I guess, yeah. Yeah. Wait, yeah. You guys don't have a mirror bidet? A mirror bidet is so much cleaner than a water bidet because it uses light.

Light cleans better than water. How much time do you spend cleaning up? Basically none because I have a ring light right here in my office. I don't even need a shower anymore. I just come down here, record for an hour and suddenly I'm as fucking clean as a whistle. Okay, we're taking a break.

My whistles are filthy. Eric, taking a break Eric go to break go to break Adel JPC hello hello Aaron hello I know wow who the heck was that? Wow. I am older and wiser than I ever was before. Can you tell? I can tell older. But I don't think I should say that, right?

No, you can't. OK, guess what? I'm not doing foolish things anymore. I'm wise now. I am not buying cheap razors that give me cuts and get rusty and gross immediately and are just not even worth the money and then I have to buy a new one every like week. I'm done with that. And now I use Henson Shaving.

Aaron. Oh, Aaron, I'm so proud of you. My dear, welcome to the club, holds out Henson Razor. Henson Shaving is a family-owned aerospace parts manufacturer that has made parts for the International Space Station and Mars Rover. And now, Aaron, as you've discovered, they're bringing precision engineering

to your shaving experience. Aaron, I don't know if you've ever heard this. And forgive me if I'm going over anyone's head. Razor blades are like diving boards. Stick with me. I know what you're saying, but stick with me. Uh, razor blades are like diving boards.

Yeah. I wouldn't want to jump off of one with my feet. No, but the longer the board, the more wobble, the more wobble, the more nicks, cuts and scrapes, a bad shave isn't a blade problem. It's an extension problem. And now we're seeing that the diving board things that I said is actually very smart about the diving board. Aw.

Mm-hmm. And also, it gets even better than that. This razor has built-in channels to evacuate hair and cream, which makes clogging virtually impossible. It is sleek like a sports car. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's right, Erin. And JPC and I have been a part of the Secret Club for a while. It's a secret no longer.

The word is out on these beautiful little guys. JBC, I shave your back, you shave mine. Oh, absolutely. And we do it at the same time. So we're not really getting a clean view of each other's backs. It would be easier if we just went one back to the other back and then we... Anyways, Henson Shaving wants the best razor, not the

best razor business. That means no plastic, no subscriptions, no proprietary blades, and no planned obsolescence. Plus they're affordable, okay? The Henson razor works with standard dual-edged blades to give you that old-school shave with the benefits of new-school tech. Once you own a Hinson razor and I pray that you do it's only about three to five dollars a year to replace the blades and that's as much as a cup of coffee only I wouldn't want a razor blade in my coffee this is such a nice razor it is so sleek it's beautiful to look at and you just know you're getting quality and you can keep it forever.

And Erin, we have a secret club chant. It's time to say no to subscriptions and yes to a razor that'll last you a lifetime. Visiting hensonshaving.com slash riddle to pick the razor for you and use code RIDDLE and you'll get two years worth of blades free with your razor. Just make sure to add them to your cart.

That's the secret. That's 100 free blades when you head to H-E-N-S-O-N-S-H-A-V-I-N-G dot com slash riddle and use code RIDDLE. Okay and I thought of a couple more ways that razor blades are like diving boards. Razor blades are like diving boards. If I have one in my bathroom I'm rich. Razor blades are like diving boards. Yeah I wouldn't want to have one in my bathroom, I'm rich. Razor blades are like diving boards. Yeah, I wouldn't want to have one of these fall out of my pocket at the pool.

I know, let's just head out. I'm going. I'm walking out. And I'm gonna keep riffing. I'm gonna keep riffing. Hey, Rictal Brickle. Rictal Brickle. Ooh, Adol, you really saved us back there.

JPC was being insane. Yeah, that's why we have to put him in a dinghy behind the main boat. Exactly. Metaphorically speaking, yes. I hate how Brakes reset me too, because it truly does, and I don't even remember what I'm talking about.

Trying to figure it out. No, don't give him time to think. Okay, my first, we're back with Sydney's rendles My first is a sports fans numeric rendles You can't make a single mistake here. You know, I might skip ahead to the email that a 13-year-old girl sent in telling you guys to be nice to me.

Do I need to read that now or? Hey, I'll be— Here's what I'll say. Send in the emails about that. If you are 13, please stop calling the voicemail. I cannot have a 13-year please stop calling the voicemail. I cannot have a 13 year old Call this way this well, you gotta you gotta the third the voicemail. I'll say it is for adults. You must be a legal adult But I think you can send in a riddle email with your parents permission

You want to see that that is fine. That is fine Hey Rindo Rindo It's something I'm gonna I actually think that that's what they're really called is Rendell's Yes, it actually it is a rendles and this is a rendles podcast. It is a rendles podcast and we all agree It's a Rindo podcast. Thank you Here's the next Rindo You can't fuck up on this show Ready to eat your flesh You can't fuck up on the show because it's like a bunch of piranhas in the water

Ready to eat your flesh God damn it! I didn't even realize I said Rindle until you told me I did I'm not even sure I did say Rindle Me neither Casey rewind the uh Me neither I faked my hole for a picnic lunch You're destroying me, that's not it.

You're destroying me and you're not even 100% sure I said Rindle. Erin, real quick, can we just get you saying Rindle clean so that if you didn't say Rindle, we can plug it in? Well, why not? My first is a sports fans numerical unit. My second in science is a particle with a charge. My hole is a stop along the way.

I like this one. I think this might be my favorite. The second one is a charge, you said? Is a particle with a charge. Okay, so we got electron, right? Nope. Fuck! Well, I guess, wait, electrons have a negative charge

and protons have a positive charge? It's neither of those. Fuck! My first is a sports fan's numerical unit. If you're like doing fantasy football, you gotta pay attention to... Draft order to stats. Stats.

Well, not just one. Oh, stat, okay. Stat. Statler, that. And the other is an atom. My hole is a stop along the way that might help. Station. Oh, ion. Ion. Station. Okay, okay. These are, you know what? These are fun. These are fun. Erin, these are great. These rindles are wonderful. These are pretty good rindles. Wonderful. These are pretty good riddles.

My first is what you've had at a feast. My second, acquiesces. My whole are boneless cuts of meat. Something that I've had at a feast. Like I've had my... Breakup. No. Whole eating.

Oh God. I want to see a quick scene. This is going to be a scene where Adol, you and Erin are in a relationship. Erin, you have invited Adol to a feast because you feel like this is the appropriate place to end your relationship. Oh, man, look at the spread. Turkey legs, spanakopita. Yeah, I didn't realize how long the table would be.

Sorry we're on either end. Yeah, I didn't realize how long the table would be. Sorry we're on either end. Yeah, no worries. This is incredible. I can eat anything? Yep. Have your fill. So... I've been thinking.

Did you say something between so and I've been thinking? No, I sighed. Um, I think you're really fun. I'm sorry, did someone say sighed? Would you like another side of mashed potatoes or maybe a phyllo dough? No, Gerard, we're good. Thank you. Yeah, I'll have some.

Any Capriza, please. Yeah, oh, Oh, yeah. Oh absolutely sir anything that you desire Anything that you wish for it can be yours at the feast of the long table I can only afford this Butler for 25 minutes though, so if you do want something ask him now Thank you, it's my pleasure I happen to love my job so I never work a day in my life Gerard not you you're great you're good I'm gonna tip you you don't need to you don't need to lay it on this thick I'm talking to my boy speaking of thick how

about some thick cut bacon fresh from the cook? Yes, yeah, and can you wrap that in phyllo dough? Oh, absolutely Almost everything here has a Greek ingression feel to it. Oh and can I get a get your pet pay sandwich? Yo, Pepe more of an Italian thing How about some Osaka? I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm looking for something a little bit more serious. Ah, more serious! Then we will bring you a big glass of water.

What serious people drink. You were talking to me? I would love your stuff out by Monday if possible. Oh, we'll be out of here by 10 That's the contract says by 10 you do not. Can you give us a minute? Yes, I can give you a minute, but wouldn't it be better if I granted you an entire evening of Whimsical Delights I'm gonna go. Top hat?

Yeah, you go. I'm really vibing with this guy over here. Let me feed you beef while we dance. I love a themed restaurant, instead of Olive Garden or something, it's just the long table. The long table. Let me feed you beef while we dance.

Okay, romance is not dead. Incredible. What is a boneless cut? That's somebody's Joko cruise, Erin. You know, you'd say, do you talk about that cruise? You see the puppet coming up the stairs? A lot of people say, no thank you. But you talk about beef and dancing

and someone's like, you know what, that sounds good. That's what I'm going on the cruise for. What is a boneless cut of meat that is expensive? A steak? Yep. Like a cut. Filet. Filet.

Fil-ay. E-T. Filet. Filet. There isn't anything to do with cats in these riddles. I think the idea is that a cat, but like Holmes is solving the riddles in the book. Anyways, thanks for all the fun you provide.

Came for the riddles and stayed for the joy. Once I realized I wasn't going to be getting any riddles. Fair enough, Sydney. Best wishes. I think I discovered something. I think I solved the meta riddle of how these are all related or tie into a cat. The answers for these were herring, sandwich, and filet,

which are all things cats love to scarf down. I assume. Yeah, I think that's right. Do cats love scarfing down sandwiches or is that like what a cartoon cat likes to eat? I've, famously cats love herring, they put it in their mouth. They love herring.

Just a skeleton. I meanhmm, mm-hmm. I mean, I've had Papa John's pizza before, and Coco, my cat Coco, will grab a slice and run and hide under, like, the TV stand, so we can't catch him. And Papa John's, they say, that's the sandwich of pizza. I, it's fun to see an animal, it's fun to see an animal take a piece of food.

I was, Spiatti and I were on a walk the other day and I was talking, I saw, we ran into my neighbor and I was talking to my neighbor and suddenly I looked down at the ground and Spaghetti just had a big chicken leg in her mouth. And I was like, what the fuck? Where did you get, I'm glad she didn't eat it, but she was like, I'm just gonna bring this home

if it's all the same. I mean, I did find it on the ground. Like drop that chicken leg immediately. Well, should we do some more? What did I call them? Rindles? Rindles? Wait, what was it? And again, it's unclear if you called them that.

We can't know. Rindle, it's like Frindle, we're coming up with a new word. What is Frindle? It even sounds like Frindle. That book that everyone remembers about a kid who's like, I think I can just make up a new word for pen and he calls pen Frindles

and then they end up in the dictionary. What? Frindle. The name of the book is Frindle? Yeah. Is this a book that you had to read for school? I don't know maybe is there a lesson in this book? What am I supposed to learn what was supposed to take away? By Andrew Clements friend is a middle grade American children's novel. I had to read Grendel

What is that? Grendel is it's a whale. Yeah, it's a short story. It's like a white I guess it would probably be YA, maybe just straight up children's, but it's the story from Grendel's point of view, the monster that Beowulf kills. So it's almost like a precursor to what's, that told me McGuire, Gregory McGuire's Wicked, where it's like, let's see it

from the villain's point of view. Grendel is written in Grendel's language too, correct? It's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm correct? It's like. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're like, wow. Oh wait, you're reading, JPC's reading from the book. JPC, do you wanna maybe just do chapter one, page one? Yes, please.

Oh, this is just the beginning of Grendel? Yeah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, fucking bear wolf. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Wow, this is good. I wanna read the rest of this. I wanna read the rest of this. Weowulf. Beowulf.

I want to read the rest of this. We're getting some gremails. Looks like we have some Grendel listeners. Uh oh. Uh oh. I do not stand by anything that I said in Grendel speak. I was reading from a book. Adil set me up. Fuck everybody. Stop writing the emails.

I do not endorse blanketly. I want to go on the record. Cut my mic. Casey, cut my mic. Aaron, do we have any more rendles to read? Do we have any more rendles? Yes. We are going to read a rendle from Zoe. And she is 13. So here's her riddle. Okay. You have, this is a great riddle.

You have a cup full of water. The whole thing is worth $1.50. The cup is $1 more than the water. How much is the cup? Cup and water, it's worth $1.50. The cup is worth $1? Mm-hmm, more. How much is the water worth?

How much is the cup? Is it just a dollar? Is the cup worth a dollar? No. You have a cup full of water, the whole thing is worth $1.50. The cup is $1 more than the water. How much is the cup? Oh, $1 more than the water. How much is that? A dollar 25?

A dollar more than the water. Yeah. Is it a dollar 25? It's a dollar 25. The answer is the cup is a dollar 25. The water is 25 cents. It's a simple pussy, but your brains can't get the dollar out of your mind.

That's why it's puzzling. Something I didn't realize, and I don't know if this is all of Europe, something I realized, and I don't know if this is all of Europe, something I realized, and I don't know if this is like widespread outside of America or just in England, but people in England, the British don't have red solo cups. So if you ever bring a red solo cup over, they will like ask for some, or they will import them because they see them in American movies and they're like, Oh,

these are like the college party cups. Interesting. It's a big deal over there. And it's something I don't even give a second thought to. Solo hasn't really broken into that market, huh? They haven't fed that. Interesting, interesting. For some reason.

This is the rest of the email from Zoe. I think that's pretty great. I put this up there, one of my favorite emails we've gotten from the show. Fun facts no one asked for. This is after her video. I am 13, although by the time you're reading this, I might be 27. Incredible.

Zoe. Zoe, brilliant. I do love the podcast. I don't have a cool job, but I play a cool sport, which is roller derby. You might have to look it up. Whoa. I've been to a bunch of roller derby matches. This is the best part and I would like to say fuck you JPC because during this riddle you

probably told me to go fuck myself from Zoe. PS be nice to Aaron and and Zoe he said I go to roller derby shows all the time right before you said that. And you know what Zoe if you think that you're the first 13 year old roller derby person to tell me to go fuck myself, I got a long list of people that you gotta meet, okay? So thank you, Zoe, that's so sweet. What a great email. Thank you, Zoe. But here's the thing, if you skate faster and you check harder, then I don't need to be the guy

that I am, because I bought my ticket. I paid my $22, I have a legal right to be here screaming sponsored by Chase Bank check harder okay these next riddles come from Kyle McCowan who I met on the Joko Cruz and I asked him to forward me the riddles that he had submitted to the show super nice super lovely Thank you so much for listening and for boarding these. Hello. And this is a 13 year old boy? Yes.

Okay. Hello, present. Excuse me, Miss Erin. I would just like to say I am a big fan of the podcast and I would like to submit some riddles to you, Miss Erin. So you know him. I would say 13 year olds call in to prove that's not how you sound like, but we cannot have you calling in. We can't. And also 13 year olds who call in to prove that's not what you sound like, that is what you sound like. You do not have an awareness of it yet because your voice has that deep end, but that is what you sound like.

Hello present-ish Aaron, our far future JPC and also Adil who's hearing this read on the recording. Incredible awareness of our dynamic. and also Adil who's hearing this read on the recording. Incredible awareness of our dynamic. I came across this format on Discord and apparently it's originally from Geeks Who Drink, but these are the ones I made up myself. I'll give you the author and plot summary of a well-known book with one letter added, and you give me the new title.

Example, Dr. Seuss, Sam I am persistently offers green food in a knockoff handbag and watches, would be green eggs and sham. Green eggs and sham. Okay, so this is like Rendles. And Erin, do you know, I don't know if this says or you could tell, but do the additional letters always go on the

Outside of the word or can they sometimes go in in the middle of the word? They can I don't think it's always on the outside Yeah, if it was dr. Seuss jams out with three Two sisters three sisters. It could be green eggs in hame or hyam Yeah, so the I could go in between the A and the M. I'm not sure any of them are like that, but let's keep that opportunity. And also, Adel, it sounds like you wanna write these.

The next one is gonna be Green Eggs and Haim. I am working on Green Eggs and Haim. I just have to learn how to say the word. That's gonna be a big barrier for a lot of people. Okay. Ian Fleming, a German Chinese man with metal hands who can't stop moving his head up and down, must be stopped by James Bond before he succeeds in turning the Cold War hot.

Dr. Nod. Yes! Dr. Nod! Which is one of my aliases! Dr. Nod! Dr. Chameleon, what are you doing? Oh, just looming. Whoa, you look kind of sick. Doctor nod! Doctor Chameleon, what are you doing?

Oh, just looming. Whoa, Doctor, you look kind of sick. Are you okay? Yeah. No. You didn't have to come in today, Doctor Chameleon. Yeah. You're running a fever. Episode 300 is next week. It's next week's episode.

But Aaron's email said today, I had surgery this morning. Aaron, oh my god! You knew he was having surgery! Aaron, what are you doing? I'm so sorry. Yeah, you should go back to the hospital, Dr. Chameleon. I'm really sorry. Oh, go back to the hospital?

Well, Dr. Chameleon, wait, you wait here. We will call you a ride. We'll get you a ride. Did someone say the Bad News Gang? We're here for episode 300! Did someone say it? Yeah! I wrote it down. Bad News Gang, we're here for episode 300! Did someone say it? Uh, I wrote it down. Bad news gang, bad news gang!

Yeah, you called? Yeah, what do you want? What do you want? Look at bad news! You ate my home for a picnic lunch! Would you mind giving Dr. Chameleon a ride back to the hospital? Bad news gang, I know you have that tiny car that you all fit inside of. Yeah, we're going that way anyway to give people bad news.. Actually I have to ride alone because of my colostomy bag. Can I get a

reimbursement or? A reimbursement? How are you gonna ride alone anyway? You want a reimbursement for a car? You want me to get you a car Dr. Kavaliut? But I'm at least getting a per diem. I'll say it once I'll say it a hundred times Hey Riddle Riddle does not validate character parking. Park at your own risk on this podcast characters who come in. I can't promise that the rest of the episode is not going to be secure. Chameleon, Bad News Gang, get the fuck out of here. Both of you are getting lost.

Get the fuck out of here. Jesus. Hopefully they come back next week. Yeah, hopefully, but I don't know after the way we treated them. That was pretty rough. Ernest Cline. In the near future, a poor teenager participates in an Easter egg hunt inside a popular VR simulation game.

After solving puzzles requiring obsessive memorization of 80s nerd culture, he wins a delicious ice cream. Ready player cone? Ready player scone. Yeah, ready player cone. Great. Kurt Vonnegut. Howard W. Campbell Jr. is the voice of the Nazi propaganda ministry, but unbeknownst to the Nazis, his speeches secretly contain coded information he's passing to the Americans. They also never question why he always wears a full suit of armor. Is this Slaughterhouse V?

No. No. Is that Slaughterhouse V? This one is kind of a hard... I didn't remember that this was the title of this book, so this is kind of hard. But who wears a full suit of armor? We can work backwards. Who wears...

Don Quixote? No. In a Vonnegut novel? In a Vonnegut book? In a Vonnegut book? No, no, no, no. That's the full suit of armor is the hint to add the letter. Oh, it's a knight. So let's look backwards for it.

Oh, Knight Mother? Yeah, Mother Knight. Mother Knight. It's the name of the book. It's the name of the book. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he, yes, yes, yes, yes. M-O-T-H-E-R-N-I-G-H-T is the name of the book.

Yes. Mother Knight. Got you. Mother Knight. Okay. What's the phrase they keep saying in Slaughterhouse Five? Is it, and so it goes or something? I think so. Unstuck from time. I don't remember. Ernest Hemingway, an aging fisherman catches a giant marlin

but sharks not only steal his catch but also rip his pants. The old man in the seam. Mm-hmm, isn't that one fun? The old man in the seam. These rule. Yeah. I know. If anyone ever wants to write these and submit them, I love this format. Harper Lee.

Atticus Finch defends a black man in court in the 19- This image said Atticus Finch. No, I didn't. This image said Atticus Finch. I, you can't fuck up on this fucking show you can't fuck up you can't drop the fucking ball for even a minute it's a like a new for a meltdown here she comes she's gonna freak the fuck out no no here we go I'm not gonna rap I'm not gonna rap I'm not gonna rap I'm not gonna rap, I'm not gonna rap, I'm not gonna rap. Atticus Fish, his daughter Trout. Trout, gem, gems, trout.

I met a man last week who, super smart, interesting guy, teaches acting, and he was like, you're a comedian, I have a question, do you think you can teach people to be funny? And I went, yes, I think that, I think that you can. And we were talking about that, and he goes, when I give notes to my students when they're trying to be funny in a scene,

he goes, I don't know, maybe try suffering more. People like, a lot of comedy comes from suffering and failed expectations and I went, that actually speaks to me because I'm on a podcast where a big part of what makes people laugh is when I earnestly try to rhyme and fail spectacularly. So I think that is true. I think it was Mel Brooks who said,

tragedy is stubbing your toe, comedy is falling down a manhole and dying. Yeah, interesting. Atticus Fish defends a black man in court in 1930s Alabama while his daughter Scout eats tiny marine crustaceans. To krill a mockingbird? Yeah. Wow, so when you said fish, it was kind of like,

it's like the Chekhov's gun of that riddle, right? Exactly. You introduced the fish and then you krilled it. I want to get through these as quickly as possible so we can also get to a voicemail, okay. Okay, Aaron, then stop saying things like Atticus fish if you truly wanna get through things so quickly. Aldous Huxley.

Oh yeah, Brave New World. In a futuristic dystopian. You think it's gonna be another Aldous Huxley? In a futuristic dystopia, amphibians are engineered into an intelligence-based hierarchy and constantly consume a drug Called soma to keep them passive brave newt world. Yes Which was newt ginrich's? Colonel Blake Hawkeye Pierce major Margaret hooligan and others save lives in Korea at the

4077th in their free time, and in their free time blow off steam by destroying office supplies and furniture with hammers. Smash. Yes. Smash? Marsh. Marsh.

Amy Tan, four Chinese immigrant families of poultry play mahjong and share their stories of their lives. The Joy Pluck Club? Cluck Club. Cluck Club. Cluck, cluck, oh poultry, poultry, poultry. John Steinbeck. I was seeing plucking feathers, I see. Yeah.

John Steinbeck. George and Lenny, two ranch workers, moved through California, hoping to settle down on their own land where they can raise rabbits and fix people's pants. Of mice and mincea, of mice and mined. Of mice and mined. Of mice and mincea. Of mice and mined. Of mice and mined. Of mice and mincea. William Goldman. Buttercup is kidnapped by Vizini, Felic, and Inigo Montoya who are taking her to Prince

Humperdinck. He plans to marry her and fit her with headgear to control her. The princess bridle? with headgear to control her. The princess bridle? Mm-hmm. Okay, headgear. Nice. Yeah. It's funny because a bridle is headgear,

but I only associate that with a horse. Bridal party, yes. Yeah, and a bridal party, which is when a horse gets married. Dan Brown, symbolic Robert Langdon is summoned to Louvre Museum after a murder. He must follow clues to solve puzzles centered around the Holy Grail. Aaron, Aaron, I want you to finish this,

but I want it to be the Da Vinci Chode, and I kind of believe that it's not gonna be. So if it's not, can we just not? He solves a cryptic stitch as long as it is wide. GPC, all you had to do was wait. No! Some, after a murder, he must follow clues and solve puzzles centered around the Holy Grail

and a penis that's wider than it is long. And that's really what it is. Wow, the Da Vinci Chode. The Da Vinci Chode. You did it. I'm so happy, I'm so happy. Happy episode 300 everybody. Leo Tolstoy, chronicling the napolec era of Russia

through five interlocking narratives following different heavy metal performers all dressed as barbaric interplanetary warriors. Guar in peace? Yes. Join the band, Mark. That rules. These rule.

Who wrote these? Kyle. Kyle McAllen. You're fucking off. I was gonna say you're fucking off, sorry. And he wants us to come back to Washington, DC. Kyle, I hope that you are the absolute coolest kid in your seventh grade class.

I hope that every one of those little seventh graders is like, Kyle fucking rules. Full grown man with a wife. That's fine. Okay, Erin, you could just address me as JPC. You could just address me as full grown man with a wife. But I appreciate the respect. All of our characters are literally banging down the door, so let's just try to keep moving

up. Do we have a voicemail theme in a voicemail? Little monkey bones crept under the door. Little monkey bones? Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Killed him. Got him. Dead.

Killed him. You call the voicemail. This is the voicemail. I pay rental, rental. Killed him. Got him. Dead. Leave out your voicemail, the voicemail, the voicemail. Leave your voicemail, the voicemail, the voicemail. Leave the voicemail after the scream. Leave your voicemail after the scream. Yah! Oh, ending with a Howard Dean. X-Men 97, please add Howard Dean as one of the new class of mutants. JBC, I have to ask it. I am serious. Was that you? No, that was Kenny ask it. I'm, I am serious. Was that you? Yeah.

No, that was Kenny. Kenny sent that in and Kenny also sent in a, um, a pic of their son, it looks like, and said that their son's birthday is coming up in a couple months. So it's probably around now. So, uh, happy birthday Kenny's son. And they sent a picture of their son and he appears to be, I'm not a good judge of age. I was 26. Oh, Aaron, Aaron, Jade, he said Jade. No, she wasn't listening. Jade, Jade, JPC said Jade.

He's an idiot. I don't know how to do this, it's usually me. Aaron. Kenny's son is named Jade. Oh. Oh. Jesus Christ. Aaron. Kenny's son is named Jade. Oh. Oh. Jesus Christ. Oh.

Oh no. Well, sorry, Jade. Happy 26th birthday, presumably. Let's listen to a voicemail. Let's listen to a voicemail. Hello, this is Ash from Georgia. I was just calling to see if you guys had any advice on something. I have someone who I really don't like who I started riding the

same bus as me and I just wanted to hear your subtle or not so subtle ways to fuck with him. Thank you. Bye. I smell a rom-com, enemies to lovers. I think it's very fun to go into every situation with someone who's mean to you as being like, okay, is there a rom-com happening here? Most of the time, no. Most of the time it's not a rom-com happening. I think the quickest and easiest way to do this is sit behind this person,

tap them on the shoulder and say, did you drop this? It was on the floor underneath your seat. Hand them a $20 bill that's yours. They're gonna open it up. It's gonna say, fuck you on it. Little sweet, little salty. Wow, little sweet, little salty.

And if it happens to get a little poop on the $20 bill, that ain't a problem either, you know? Same message, baby, same message. All money has poop on it and cocaine. Absolutely, pooping cocaine Hmm well my real advice would be just to ignore them hmm my Other real advice is get a water gun yeah filled with something that smells bad Mm-hmm, and spray it with them like pee yeah and spray it just subtly spray it on them on their coat

Yes, they get off the bus I think every time you get on the bus I think you're gonna want to have a stock pot and I'm talking about like a four to six quart stock pot full of Cold soup and then go And always sit near them Okay Go, whoa, whoa, and always sit near them, okay? Like, you never need to spill the soup on them, but the implied threat that you might one day spill the soup on them, I think that's gonna get them to like shape up and act right.

A lot of liquid solutions. Yeah, let's see, what else can you do? What else can you do? You can fuck one of their parents, make their parents get a divorce, that's always fun to do. I love that. Give birth to a sibling. Yes, yes, yes.

You can find out where they work, get them fired, do something like that, that's always fun to do as well. Jeez. Ooh, if they have a pet, you gotta kidnap that. Take that, go ahead and just take that, that's yours now. Your pet. They'll be distraught.

Recommend Hey Riddle Riddle to them. That is honestly the worst thing you could do to a person. I agree. Yep. Well, anyone else feel hungover? Or send them my way and I'll slap them around. Oh my god, you're bleeding. Dr. Chameleon.

You need your surgery. Ubers keep canceling. Dr. Chameleon. You had major surgery, Dr. Chameleon. Ubers keep canceling! Dr. Chameleon! It's surge time! You're not going to be here for $300 if you wear yourself out like this. Can I stay the night here? I can't afford the surge pricing. Hey Dr. Chameleon, you can stay wherever you want as long as it's outside. Anything to plug, Dr. Chameleon?

Check out episode 300 happening next week. Yeah, that's a good plug, Dr. Chameleon. It is perfect for our audience. Our audience would be really interested in that. I have pets at home I have to feed, but I can't afford to get home. Thanks, Dr. Chameleon. Erin, do you have anything to plug? I'd like to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle.

A lot of fun stuff going on over there. April of the Penguins, all sorts of fun stuff. Really great episodes. I love doing those episodes. Adol, anything to plug? Yes, I doubled down on what Erin was saying. Please check out April of the Penguins over on our Patreon. All month long it's gonna be Penguin Baseball League.

We have some cool new merch. We have all kinds of exciting stuff going on. So please check out our Patreon for April of the Penguins. Also Magic Tavern Season Five has started, so check that out. And I was recently a guest on the Best of the Rest podcast. So listen to my episode talking about Last Action Hero, one the gems of the nineteen ninety-two movies seen I believe in 1993 JPC do you have any oh, I'm sorry JPC. You can hold your horses a good time gang. Do you have anything to plug?

The good time gang good time. Oh, yeah, we've never been seven before Gang is here the The Good Time Gang! Yeah, Good Time Gang! I think you dropped $20. No poop, no cocaine. Get out of here, Good Time Gang! Get out of here. Those are really a plug. You're worse than the Bad News Gang. Ew. Oh no.

Did someone say it? They're so funny saying that. Get the fuck out of here! Get out! Praise the Lord. So now there out of here. Get out. Praise. So now there's a good time getting to. JBC's never. Stop saying it, man. What are you doing?

We're about to end the episode. Okay, a couple things to plug. I was recently on John Mackey's The Brett DeMott Podcast. It was very, very fun. You can check that out wherever you get podcasts. And you can still get the guided meditations that Casey and I did at our Patreon store. And before I forget, we have a live show announcement. Hey Riddle Riddle is coming to Chicago, where most of us live, on Thursday, July 25th at

8pm. We're coming back to Lincoln Hall. So if you've seen us there before, it's the same place. You can get tickets at heyriddleriddle.com slash live and they are on sale now. Oh, and this live show is in person only. We are recording audio. But if you want to see the show in person, there's no stream in person only. And I do have some reviews to read. Now these reviews come to us from July of 2023 and I'm going to try to read these a couple times this month in honor of April of the Penguins because these are some Penguin baseball themed reviews. So this is a review from Umlot that says,

Finally, a podcast for all the eggheads. Been searching for years for a podcast that properly addresses the politics of Penguin baseball. What are the ethics of allowing other birds? Does this discriminate against penguins? Does it put other birds at a disadvantage? And after all this time, should we still be using a real ostrich egg when we have thousands of imitation alternatives? If you've spent your life waiting for someone to finally address the real issues behind Penguin Baseball, this is the podcast for you.

Go Igloos! So thank you, thank you for that. Umlaut, if you wanna submit a five-star review, just go to wherever you submit five-star reviews. Write one, I might read it on the show. And Erin, that review was about penguin baseball this whole month on the hayward revertal pace we are is all about what you say when babe Wow pebs young pace he on not paid you or whatever he said haha got his ass Aaron

got his ass Aaron the guy's name is pace ya oh my god, Jupiter. I'm forever sorry. Bogo created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Nemours One, two, three, four, hey, Riddle Riddle Penguin Baseball League all month long on the Patreon. This week we are taking you live to your first ever Penguin Baseball League game. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com such as Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the Review crew for $8 a month and you get those ad free episodes. See you there!