Hey Riddle Riddle - #300: 300th Episode Part 2

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

maybe we should play a game? Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanGmailEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. You know, Plomp, you were saying earlier that being in love is a fool's game, and I'm just wondering if you think you'll ever love again after losing Diane Keaton for the last time. Well, I think I'll definitely love again, but I may not dance again. Of course, Diane, a beautiful dancer. And that's an hour. Okay, that's an hour, everybody. So the episode ended.

It is time to get going. And it was so nice catching up with you guys. Thanks, Felix. Good seeing you. New plot? Good. Do you need a ride home? Actually, I was going to stick around.

I don't know if you know the podcast after us, but it's their 300th episode. Oh, that's right. The Riddle People? Yeah, is that the name of the show? The Riddle People? What's it called? The Riddle People's. It's the Riddle People's or something. It's like they do a joke podcast.

You know, I have a bit of a problem with them. They make a mess of this place. There's crumbs. Oh, yeah. There's weird, it's sticky all the time after they're here. There's always one wet seat. Just one sopping wet seat. Sopping wet seat.

It's disgusting. Oh, here they come. Oh, here they come. Ah! Happy 300, Riddle People. Happy, congratulations. Hey, actually, we don't talk to the cleaning staff. So if you guys can just finish up doing whatever you're doing here.

Oh, no, JPC, this is the hey relationship, relationship people. We share space with them. Oh, I just dumped a Dr. Pepper on this guy. I am so sorry. It's OK. Actually, a lot of people dump Dr. Pepper's on me. I'm beginning to think if it happens once, someone's an asshole. But if it happens as many times as it happens to me, I think I maybe just attract it

You have a dump a dr. Pepper face. Does that make sense? Yeah, this guy's got big dump I'm pepper out of energy. We just wanted to congratulate you on 300 episodes incredibly impressive But we're gonna head out and leave you to record what I'm sure is gonna be a great episode. Gets in hot air balloon, goes up to the sky, hits some wires, hot air balloon burns into flames, dives out at the last second onto a moving truck, and rides off into the distance. Bye Beverly. Yes, I'm sure it's gonna be a great episode.

We got you a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. You just have to go pick it up. It's in the freezer. Just ask for plump, starts to fade away, turns black and white, legs turn into a skeetoo, runs up the wall, legs turn back to legs, hurts self real bad, army crawls out the door. And I guess I am gonna go find a towel. Seems like the other gentleman here has poured another Dr. Pepper on me. And stop filling up cups of Dr. Pepper. I'm gonna go. You don't need to fill up any more cups of Dr. Pepper. Jumps into my memory, spends time with my son. Hey, sorry, you're still standing here wistfully thinking of someone?

Yeah, and I'm gonna dump a Dr. Pepper on your ass. Two Dr. Peppers on this guy. Ooh, I'm gonna dump a dung pepper on your ass. Two dung peppers on this guy. Oh, I want in. Three! Alright, fuck this, guys. Alright, bye. The habit of an airplane. He thought our last episode was 300. Remember, Erin? I thought so too. Didn't you do episode 300, Erin?

Wasn't that an episode that you did? Yeah, I feel like we'd done this. You did like, this is Sparta, and then like, you know, people shut up. Yeah, I think we did this. I think we did it. I mean, I'm gonna eat that ice cream cake, but. Ooh, that could really hit the spot in ice cream cake.

I have had way too much Dr. Pepper to even consider eating ice cream cake. You know, I love ice cream cake. I think I just don't eat it very often because I don't have the money, money, money, puzzies, puzzies, puzzies. It pays to be right. Adorafy's 300th episode giveaway. Wait, is it not a $300 giveaway? I mean, that's right there, right?

Addle, is it not a $300 giveaway? Addle? Addle? Is it not a $300 giveaway, Addle? Addle's fine, you'll eat ice cream cake another time. Keep saving, keep scrounging. Addle ref fine, you'll eat ice cream cake another time. Keep saving, keep- Addle revives $300 giveaway! He promised to give us $300 and he's definitely gonna do it. Uncle Addle writes a cheeeeeeek.

Hit it Arnie! Money, money, money, puzzles, puzzles, puzzles, it pays to be riiiiiight. Addle revives three. Fundy Dolly giveaway. Addle revives three. Fundy Dolly giveaway. Based on the book Addle Tude, My Life and Readies and Puzzies. Uncle Addle writes a cheeeeeeek. That's right, we're back and this time we're giving away $300.

$300? Man, the weirdness of the OnlyFans that I'm going to be subscribing to now has just gone through the roof! Big time same. God the people that are just squashing cake with their feet now they're gonna get money from me. You had to say cake that's the one thing I want right now. I'm gonna win. I'm calling my shot I'm gonna win today. Erin I'm sure you will and JPC I'm sure you will. What the fuck? Oh, okay. Whew.

Of course, the two of you are pitted against each other. Yeah. We've played this game three or four times before, I wanna say, and you know. Let's call it four. $400 giveaway. No, please. Why not?

I'll verify $2,000 giveaway. Uncle Addle writes a check. Hit it, Arnie. Money, money, money, Puzzies, puzzies, puzzies, It pays to be right! Addle Revise! For

Money, Dolly, Giveaway! Addle Revise! For Money, Dolly, Giveaway! Based on the book Attitude, My life and readings and puzzies, Uncle Addle writes a cheeeeeeek! That's right, we're doing a

400... 2000! A $2000 giveaway! Uncle Addle writes a down payment! Money, money, money, Puzzies, puzzies, puzzies, It pays to be right! Time to revise!

No, they give away! My life and rates and places! Uncle Addle writes a check! Fuck me, that's too fast! Uncle Addle runs a credit check! Uncle Addle runs a check. Fuck me, that's too fast. Please. Uncle Addle runs a credit check. Please mercy. No, never. Well, we'll see how much money is won,

but of course, to be sure, this is a game show and the two of you are pitted against each other. What's gonna happen is I'm gonna ask you a series of riddles. You can pause in with the right answer. you know it. You get some money. If you don't, you don't get money. Oh, you lose money. That's what I'm seeing right here. No! Let me see that card. Let me see that card. Oh, it does say you lose money. Damn it. No! Oh, fuck. Thank God I carry this around. Fuck. Al has a card and he carries around with him.

It looks like a credit card, but where the name is printed it just says, you lose money. It's from Monopoly 2012. Remember when they used credit cards instead of the bank? Boring. Monopoly sucks. I'm saying this. Monopoly 2012. Obama's second Monopoly.

Hey, do you guys want to play financial stress together as a family before bed? Fuck Monopoly. Play something fun. Fuck Monopoly. Is that kind of like a, is that like strip poker? No. It's like Twister with Monopoly. So I'm gonna read you some riddles. You either get them or you don't. And along the way we might have some fun surprises. There's some different categories. And of course there's gonna be some new features Which is at any point during this game if one of you doesn't want to be in a scene that I call for

You simply just have to say Do I have to oh interesting and the other person will have to do a solo scene? Of course that might give them advantage because you can earn money in points winning scenes So you'll have to use that at a well-timed moment. Any questions before we start? Nothing tastes as good as I don't have to do improv feels. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Amen. Let's go ahead, let's go ahead and get started. Don't forget to pause in. Pause in, yes. For our special 300th episode. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. Okay, here's the first riddle. What do these four words have in common?

Canine, freight, often, and stone. I think I heard JPC first. No, you didn't. You earned me. These are all Jim Belushi movies. Pause. Wait. Well, hold on.

JPC for a bonus point. I do want to hear the costar of each one. Canine? Uh, a dog named Ruffles. Freight? A dog named potato chips. Often? A dog named Bosch.

Stone? Emma Stone. Oh, Aaron, I'm afraid I have to give JBC $10 for that. Yes. Emma Stone was great in Stone with Jim Belushi. Erin, you puzzed in? There's a number in each of those. Erin, you're dead on K9 for eight off 10, step one.

Wow. Aaron, you're correct. So JPC got 10 points for whatever that was that he said. And Aaron, you get 50 points. How are you tired? Are you okay? Have we broken you? Have we broken your spirit?

You started this show with a song in your heart and a riddle in your hat. And I fear that we've broken you down over Time that can't be right Previously on hey riddle riddle. Hey Aaron JPC. What's up dick bags? My throat my nuts, um, ow, did you guys want to start a podcast? No fuck you It's about riddles. Farts, leaves. I'm gonna beat up your dad.

Oh, wow. And that was last week. That was episode 299. Thanks for calling. Well, I had amnesia and I tried to start the podcast again. What if we had two concurrent running Riddle podcasts? Well, I guess we do with the Patreon. No, next April Fool's what we have to do

is we have to announce that we're doing a second brand new podcast and then it's just episodes of Hey Riddle Riddle. We're just doing, it's a new podcast, we drop it in a brand new feed. It's another Riddle podcast. It's another Riddle podcast. It's another Riddle podcast. Okay, I do.

That would be fucking awesome. I don't wanna see a scene, but I do wanna see an initiation. Each of you are gonna take turns for 30 seconds, starting off the first episode of a brand new Riddle podcast that we'll be doing. Erin, whenever you're ready, you are first. Well, not whenever you're ready, now,

because you're ready, you are first. Well, not whenever you're ready, now. Cause you're first. Hi, welcome back to a brand new episode of Bye Riddle. Oh, I fucked up. First episode, welcome back to what? Oh my God, you guys, we wanted to turn a new leaf and this feels the same. I messed up, JPC teases me, Adil's still sad.

Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this? And scene. Hunter points to Erin for speaking truth to power. JPC now. Hey everybody, this is JPC. The reason that you're hearing my voice and not my co-host Adle and Erin is because they do not know that I am doing this. Times are hard, you know? It's hard out there for everybody. We gotta... we gotta do more Riddle Podcasts. That's the only thing that I know how to do.

It's the only thing that I can do. It's the only thing that I'm good at doing. Um, but speaking of things that I'm good at doing, I will also be doing, I can't believe I'm doing this, my co-host's voice as well. So it's me, JPC, me, Adlerify, and me, Eric. Aw. Hi, welcome to... JPC, that's 50 points for a good intro.

That's another 50 points for nailing Aaron's voice. Hey! I always remember it as it's one level lower than eating gravel. That's a fun trick. Yeah. You just tuned down Tom Waits. Yeah. And one point for a pretty rough Addle impression.

Uh, let's get to another riddle here. You hold me with two hands, but I don't return the favor. The actions in your grasp, but on screen you see the labor. I have many buttons that you press in combination. I am no conductor, but I do work at a station. Uh, Puzz? Yes? Would this be a remote control? Pretty much, but a little more specific.

A universal remote control. We'll give it to you. It's a games controller. Oh, yeah, I was gonna... Yeah. But I think a remote controller... You can play games on, like, a Roku TV, right? No. I just don't ever think of... I've heard it called a games controller. That seems like something when you don't have the rights to say PlayStation.

You say, hey, man, can you hand me that games controller? Okay, I do want to see a scene. Um... Aaron, you are trying to connect with your nephew, JPC, but you have never in your life seen or played a video game system. You have only heard about them. Hey, cool guy.

How's kindergarten, man? Hey, Tadra. It's going good. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Is this going to be like a long conversation or can I leave one headphone in and one headphone out? Not a long conversation, a long hangout maybe. I say we get some Pepsi's, get some Doritos and play the old... Sorry, Aunt Tad, I can't have...

Game box. I can't have Pepsi's or Doritos because they're essentially poison for children. You would know that if you... What did my mom say? If you were capable, if your womb was hospitable too. Pardon? So, yeah, sorry, I can't have anything like that. Let's skip those dumb snacks that I hate anyways.

Blah. When is my mom coming back? She said tomorrow, but I think she needs a couple days, to be honest. Seems like sort of on the verge of something. Let's play the- She's going to Cabo with her boss. That's what she told me.

Yeah, that's what she told me, too. Yeah. What does your dad think is happening? Oh, my dad doesn't ask questions. He has actually kind of trapped in his own little world. He has his model trains. Great. Um, let's play this.

The something box. Play what? It's a cube or a box or a... This is a shoe box? You have a shoe box? What a... This is a shoebox? You have a shoebox? Yeah. What do we play with a shoebox? You try to trap a cartoon rabbit?

No, there's some loose games in here. I thought maybe we could play. I used to play Duck Hunt on the old Nintendo, and I thought that we could play... Shoot-a-mups on the rectangle of games. See. Okay. A thousand points to you each.

Even. Even. Even. Yeah, I call that even. I call that even. The next riddle is my name is John, I'm often white. Wow, JPZ, this is pretty much nailing you. I have been called often white in many circles.

Puzz. Aaron. A toilet. Come on. Wow, it is a toilet. How did you know? Because I'm looking at one right now and it's named John Patrick Cohen.

You can't possibly have a toilet named John Patrick Cohen in your closet. I do, that's the name of my toilet. I have a toilet and his name is JPC. You know what my toilet's name is? What? President Joe Biden. Wow, shots fired.

Erin, how many times a year do you use the toilet? Once, maybe twice. You get two points. Thank you, oh no. Shoulda aimed high. No, my God, I'm an idiot. That's funny though. Can I have one more point for it being kinda funny?

I know it wasn't really funny. I know it was just a joke. Erin, it was very funny. Am I funny? You're incredibly funny. You get one more point. Let me finish the- You're very funny, but I wouldn't wanna step

on the floors at your house. And I get that. Let me finish the riddle just in case anyone was curious. My name is John, I'm often white. If you're desperate, I'm a welcome sight. I'm often engaged, but never wed. You use me more often than your own bed. Unless you're Erin and then you use.

I miss, I either miss or I don't get there in time. Sue me. I guess do you use a toilet more often than your own bed? Cause typically you're in your bed for like eight hours a day. Or, but it is, you're counting that as one use. Yeah. Are you on the toilet more than eight hours a day? Depends.

Come on. Sometimes I sleep on the toilet. It's the most comfortable seat in the house. Yeah. If I fall asleep in my bed, my legs don't fall asleep, which is what I want. How are you supposed to rest if your legs don't fall asleep? Okay, here's what's going on. This is episode 300, I'm very excited.

This is a very special, cool occasion. You doing the intro now? We're like 20 minutes in. Well, those people were in the studio before us and I had to dump Dr. Pepper on that guy's face. Did you see his face? Of course. Yeah, me too. He's still here, he's still here.

Oh yeah, hi. I'm dumping another DP on him. I'm dumping another DP on him. Please, everyone please stop. I'm so wet with Dr. Pepper, it's sticky. It's my fault I kept bringing up beds and I think we're all thinking of beds and getting a little too comfortable.

So what we're gonna do to kind of get some energy in our system and not be sleepy and yearning for a bed is we're gonna do a rap for daddy. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. These raps are gonna be about sleep or beds, anything to do with covers, blankets, pillows, canopy beds, tents, anything involving a bed.

I'm ready. Erin, since you said you're ready, you go now. When I wake up in the morning I want to weep because I immediately want to go back to sleep But covers are soft and my covers are warm She had sleep and weep Here's the little thing about me. I want to catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and I also a whore. Also a whore. Erin, no. That's my friend Erin. I'm a slutty gal. I like to go out and have a lot of sex

with a lot of different people and I'm proud of it. A slut. And a whore is me. I'm gonna go and catch some z's. That's my rap about not slut shaming and owning it Honestly a slut and a whore is me is almost Shakespeare you guys I have to be honest. I blacked out

What did I say? How did that go? You don't realize? When when like when say a Nicki Minaj talks about like fucking a bunch of guys in her rap songs. It feels empowering. What you do here, it feels like you're diminishing yourself. No, no, no, no. I'm a slut and I'm proud. I get that, but that's not the feeling. That's not the vibe it gives. Can I say something about Rap for Daddy really quick? Yes.

Every time I rap on this show, which is famously terrible. I know I'm bad at it. I can't rhyme. I can't think. I can't breathe, Adle will dive out of frame. He dives out of frame? He dives out of frame like my rap could somehow hurt him. And JPC protects his neck like my rap could somehow hurt him. I get tense in the shoulders. It's really, really hard to look at you while you're doing it.

It's really hard really hard to look at you while you're doing it. It's really hard to do it. It's like, it's like that clip of that, I think it was like a Miss America pageant person like talking, answering a question about like politics or something. And you're just like tensing up the whole time because you're like, I just want it, I want to help. I want it to be over for you.

I want you to not have to do this anymore. Is that where she says, like the Iraq or something? Yeah, like the Iraq. I mentioned this before, but that guy I went on a date with said that, to be funnier, you just need to suffer more. So I suffer through rapping to make one guy laugh at his desk to go, oh, that's awful

and have him have a little chuckle. I am doing the work for that person. That lady who is folding her laundry right now, I'm trying to bring a smile to her face and make her go, thank God that's not me. Yeah, at least that's not me. Erin, can you stop folding laundry and get back on the mic there?

That was you, that was you. No, it was me. It was awful. That was you. No, it was me. It was awful. Why did you talk about being a whore? I love, you proceeded it with, I'm such a bore. And I'm a whore? Yeah, I'm a whore. As we enter the 300s, as we hit 301 through 399,

I do think we should maybe start to record video As we enter the 300s, as we hit 301 through 399, I do think we should maybe start to record video so when Aaron does rap, we can get some video evidence that might be shared around the internet. JBC, are you ready for your rap for daddy? Oh, I forgot that I have to do this. Yeah, it's kind of a formality, but I might as well get through it. It's a formality Yeah, sure. Why not? You just have to rap about anything to do with sleep or bedding anything in that regard. Yeah

Whenever you are ready, which is now Mm-hmm. Yeah Okay Yeah. Okay. I'm a slut. I like to fuck in my bed. A lot of people say that I'm fucked in the head. A lot of people say he sleeps on a mattress.

I thought that guy just slept on rat piss. He's weird. A weird little guy. I wonder what it's like to die. I wonder what it's like to go to heaven. If I get there, will I be seven to heaven if I get there will I be seven or will I be 11 or will I be older if I'm currently 35 and I die in the next 10 minutes I'd like to think that in the afterlife I come back already

married to my wife and not as a little boy because a little boy who likes to fuck is bad news. I'm a older man, fully grown, suck, fuck, I like to bone. That's all I am saying, when I'm dead I'll be laying next to, hopefully my wife. Wait if I meet her in the afterlife. What the fuck just happened? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, who's still in the studio, who's closing his eyes and thinking about his kid or something. Yeah. He seems very upset when you talked about Heaven and if you're gonna be a kid. Yeah, and the wife stuff, seems like it may be struck a chord with him as well.

He could leave. I don't know if he can hear us, I'm gonna, what could I do to wake him up? Maybe... You're filling a cup of Dr. Pepper right now. Yeah. It seems like he's in more of like a Dr. Pepper induced coma or he's just kind of like standing there letting it happen. Yeah. It seems like he's in more of like a Dr. Pepper induced coma or he's just kind of like standing there letting it happen.

Maybe. Letting the Dr. Pepper wash over him. Well, we'll leave him be for now, I guess, but I do have to award 100,000 points to each of you. Yeah, that makes sense. And then for Erin, minus 50,000. And that makes sense. Oh, that tracks And that makes sense.

That tracks and that tracks for Aaron. Oh, very good. That was delightful. I'm so glad I called for that. Uh, let's get into another riddle here. What is incredibly easy to get into and very difficult to get out of? Uh, pause. Hmm. That's tough to say.

Each of you is going to say a three word sentence, and I'll choose which one wins based off that. Three word sentence? JPC, pretty good. I'm here now. I think JPC wins for accidentally saying it in reverse sentence. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna be poor forever. I'll never win money on this stupid show.

Blah. You're gonna be poor forever. I have to give $2,000 away. Hey, if we're speaking about poor forever, I've got my answer. And it's debt. Oh, I think that works. but it's not what I have here and we do have to go what's on the paper. The fuck could possibly be on the fucking paper. Alright Aaron what do you got? Aaron what do you have? What is

incredibly easy to get into and very difficult to get out of? I don't know. Aaron you can't even say like quicksand or a finger trap or any of that shit. Aaron, you're not wrong, but what I have here is trouble. I said trouble. When? I didn't pause. I said trouble at the beginning. Seriously. Instead of puzzling, you said trouble.

I said trouble. He's okay. Interesting. Casey, did you hear that? Play it back. Play it. We'll insert it here. Interesting. Did it, Casey, did you hear that?

Play it back. Play it, well insert it here. Trouble. Uh, buzz. Aaron, we're in a very unique situation. This has never happened before on the podcast or, you know, specifically on the game show. What we're gonna do is you're gonna be doing

an improv scene, not with JPC, but with a special guest that I have under this box. Do you wanna take a guess who's under there? Um, it's little monkey bones. Oh, breathe. He doesn't need to. I'm seeing no air holes in this box. Erin, canonically little monkey bones. Does it have lungs?

Oh, okay. He has airbags. It is. I'll stop worrying. Then I'll stop worrying. Then he's stop worrying then. He's a perfect clone. So, Aaron, you said trouble,

so you and Little Monkey Bones, sorry, JPC, you'll set this one up. Aaron, you and Little Monkey Bones are gonna do a scene about trying to pull a prank in high school, sort of getting in trouble in high school. Great, and Little Monkey Bones is a perfect clone of a perfect clown, J school. Great. And Little Monkey Bones is a perfect clone of a perfect clown. JPC.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hey, uh, Little Monkey Bones? Eh, do I have to? No, Little Monkey Bones, don't. Aaron? Aaron? Aaron, I'm so sorry, Little Monkey Bones used his one, do I have to?

Aaron! The fuck? Oh, okay. I have to? Yeah. What the fuck? Oh, okay, I'll do it myself. So Little Monkey Bones does get to sit this scene out? I get to sit this scene out, Aaron has to do the scene of being in a high school. And Aaron, I'm so sorry to say, because of the timing of Little Monkey Bones using that,

since he said it in the scene, you do have to play Little Monkey Bones. I figured. Yeah, okay, whenever you're ready. I figured. I figured. Hey, Little Monkey Bones, I was thinking sort of about the prank we're playing later and I feel like it's too much.

No, no, it's not too much. It's gonna make all our classmates laugh. Yeah, but Little Monkey Bones, it seems like kind of dangerous. We're sort of like burning the school down. It doesn't seem so much like a prank as it is like. Arson, arson? I hardly know it.

I'm a little monkey bones. I'm a perfect clone. We're gonna make the school catch on fire and all the kids will clap and cheer. And I'll get to stay in high school a little little less time and go into the real world and follow my little monkey bones dreams I think I'm out little monkey bones you're on your own here oh I guess I'm on my own I'm little monkey bones time to burn down his school. Sane. Wait a second, who is this? Ooh la la!

Oh, don't be attracted to me now, little monkey bones. Oh, the klaxons are going off, little monkey bones. That is our secret phrase in Uncle Addlewrights a Check. You have won a live, in the moment date with Aaron's little monkey bones. Let's get both little monkey

bones down here, off to the stage left. left can't believe little monkey bones won that's the thing I wanted to win okay and we have some spaghetti here on a table Aaron's little monkey bones meet little monkey bones and here's the start of your date I shan't a and change it I'm sure I shan't a and you do I'm sure. I shan'tay and shan'tay I'm sure. Well, well, it seems I have finally met my match. Speaking of match, would you like to light something on fire? Uh, moan at me? I would like to light something on fire. And speaking of that, can I pour you some wine where I just complain and complain at you? I'd love to give you more opportunity to keep talking mmm

this spaghetti's too cold on my hot tongue oh you got a hot tongue I have a hot tongue too maybe we could do the tongue twist tuck twinkle birdie battle this is awful to watch can we know Aaron I'm loving it we're gonna go to love it we're gonna go to commercial break and then let this keep going and we'll be right back. I'll tell you what I thought I was a slut from my raps but these little monkey bones are putting me to shame. I am. Aaron, JPC, shh shh shh. Come on in, but be careful. All my penguins are sleeping on my helix sleep mattress.

Awwww. Look at that, look at that. The whole team sleeping on a helix sleep. Helix sleep? The mattress buy and for penguins? No. No, that's not it. Wait, that can't be right. That can't be right, right? Well it's not buy and for, but they love it. Wait, that can't be right. That can't be right, right? We're not buying four, but they love it. Just like humans do. Um, Adel, I can't wait to wake them up and tell them that I also have a Helix Sleep mattress. I have the Midnight Lux, and it's by far the best night's sleep I've ever gotten.

I miss my mattress so much. Oh, dang. Aaron, do you think that people like be woken up to hear that someone has the same mattress as them? In my experience. I gotta say, Midnight Lux would have been such a good Penguin baseball player name. Also, I don't know if you've noticed, the Penguins love these models with the memory foam layers to provide optimal pressure relief if they sleep on their side, which most of

them sleep standing up, but some of them sleep on their sides. Wake them up so I can tell them that Helix offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe collection, which I enjoy, and newly released Helix Elite collection, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers, and even a mattress made just for kids. So all you have to do is take a quick Helix sleep quiz to find your perfect mattress in under two minutes. Wake them up, wake them up! And if they have mattresses for kids, they must have mattresses that penguins can enjoy as well,

right? Yes, of course. Plus, penguins will love this. There's no better way than to test out a mattress than by sleeping on it in your home or your burrow or wherever penguins live. That's why Helix offers a 100-night trial and a 10 to 15-year warranty to try out

your new Helix mattress. 10 to 15 years, that's a Penguin's lifespan, maybe. Oh, one of them's waking up. Oh, they want to say something. Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash riddle and use code HELIXPARTNER20. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. And hey, Penguin, I'm sorry.

Is there any truth to the fact that Helix is owned by Penguins, made by Penguins, and it's exclusively for Penguins? Or is that just something I made up in a dream? Shh, shh, shh. Oh, he's asleep. He fell asleep. Quick, wake him up and tell him about your mattress.

Ha, ha. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. He's going to sleep. Quick wake him up and tell him about your mattress. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Okay, Addle, Aaron, I am putting the finishing touches on our Penguin Baseball League website powered by Squarespace. The all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether we're just starting out with Penguin Baseball League, which we are, or managing a growing brand with Penguin Baseball League, which we are, Squarespace

makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with our audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all in our terms. Phew. Thank goodness we use Squarespace, because now we can upload video content, organize our video library, and showcase our content on beautiful video pages. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall

to that content. So people might need to pay a couple extra dollars to see these cute little penguins sliding into third. Plus with Squarespace we can start a completely personalized website with the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint. Choose from professionally curated layout and styling options to build a unique online presence from the ground up, tailored to your brand or business, and optimized for every device. And that's the hardest part about doing Penguin content is because their sizing is wildly out of whack. You never know if you're going to get a big Penguin or a small Penguin. But with Squarespace, you can easily launch your website and get discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools.

So you show up more often to more people and grow the way you want. And I hope these penguins grow the way I want because I'm gonna need them to grow really big to play penguin baseball. Oh yeah, all of our teams need to grow really big, right? We all agree? Oh yeah, huge, yeah.

And of course you can also add courses to your Squarespace site. Squarespace has the tools you need to create and sell your own online course. So we can teach other people how to play penguin baseball. You can start with a layout that fits your brand, upload videos, and customize everything with next generation editing technology. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Domains are where penguins live. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Oh, oh, we did some sort of call. The penguins are flying towards us. They're coming here. They're running. They're coming here. They're running. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. That was so funny, JBC. Oh, uh-oh. I'm feeling drained. OK, no, yeah. My social battery literally just ran out

after you told that really funny joke. Same girl, same. It was a story about me getting into a car accident. But yeah, whatever. OK, yeah, I'm so sorry. I really hit my wall. I'm feeling a little burnt out, a little tired. Car also hit me into a wall.

I think I got to talk to my better help therapist about this. Erin, I will say to my better help therapist about this. Aaron, I will say it can be easy to ignore our social battery and spread ourselves thin, especially with social gatherings picking up after the winter and with JPC's stories. Yeah, Puzzbot, you totally get it. You have a battery, I got a battery.

You know what? I've been using BetterHelp for many years and it helps me so much. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I just send a message to my counselor

anytime I'm feeling a little low, blue, stressed, anxious, and she gets back to me so quickly in the most thoughtful way. It works for my brain better than traditional writing to a therapy ever did for me. Yeah, speaking of brains, I got the brain scan back, by the way, just so you know, and I'm all clear that there's no bleed. Yeah. And you just have to fill out a brief

questionnaire to get matched with the licensed therapist and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. This is a drawing of a brain. Always cool hanging out with you, Puzzbot. Always just a breath of fresh air. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. I know I have struggled with why was I created to do puzzles? Are we really doing puzzles anymore though? So. Not really. I guess that's a good point Puzzbot. Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp, H E L P dot com slash riddle r i d d l e Sorry about your cat GPC. What was it? That's scam by a caterpillar construction truck Ha ha! Hey, Ritle, Ritle. Watching two little monkey bones fuck on a big pile of cold spaghetti.

I didn't have that on my 2024 bingo. It's the center square. Yeah, you have it right there in the center. It's famously the one that is kind of a gimme, the one that's like the easiest to get, yeah. Yeah, that's the Hey Rittle Rittle gimme. We knew, we knew. What else is on that's the Hey Riddle Riddle, Gibby. That's we knew. We knew. What else is on that bingo?

Cold spaghetti. JBC, can you read some more stuff on your Hey Riddle Riddle bingo card for this year? OK. Oh, look at this one. Addle diving out of frame when Aaron starts rapping. Oh, nice. Aaron puking on the podcast. We got that one as well. That one happened fast.

Yeah. Honestly, it's what we're in May or April. We're in April of 2024 and I've already filled up. It looks like the majority. I have bingo several times over. Wait, you have bingo? I get it. It looks like I have bingo. Yeah.

Bring it up here. Bring it up here. Okay. Please check this. Yes. Dive out of frame. Yeah. Okay. JVC. It looks like, please. Check this. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Dive out of frame. Okay, look at the monkey bones. Yeah, okay, JBC, it looks like, wow,

I didn't think this would happen until episode 500. JBC does have a confirmed bingo, so that means you go to the bonus round. Yes! Yes! Okay, come over here to this podium, and we have a box here on stage. You wanna take a guess what's under this box? Oh, please be a human heart that I have to eat before I can go back to my seat.

That's on my bingo card. Aaron, is that a confirmed bingo? I already got bingo. Bullshit if she gets bingo. JBC, you're gonna be facing off in a lightning round, lightning bonus round against our very special guest. Let me just lift up the box here and here's our special guest.

Yeah! Howard Dean. So you're gonna be in a quick lightning bonus round against Howard Dean. JPC, are you ready? Yes. JPC, first question for you. What was Lucille Ball's social security number?

Lucille Ball, real person, also played Lucy on a television show. Okay, that is time. Ah! Howard Dean, what sound does a cowboy make? Ah! That's a point. JPC.

Okay. Who had a batting average of 278 in 1932 in the Western Conference of the MLB. Okay, 1932, so this is gonna be in between World War I and World War II, and the baseball players of that time hit relatively- That is time. Ah! Howard Dean, same question.

Oh, I dropped the card. A different question. When you stub your toe, you make this sound. Ah! That's a point for Howard Dean. I love this. What's the score? Dean up two, right? It's two zero, you make this sound. Raaarrrr! That's a point for Howard Dean. I love this. What's the score? Dean up two, right?

It's two zero. It's two zero. Anybody's ball game. Oh, and actually you asked me a question, so that's a minus point for you. We go back to Howard Dean. Fuck! Howard Dean. Howard Dean once famously made this noise.

Raaarrrr! That's correct. I knew that one. It's three to negative one. I knew that one. Howard Dean once famously made this noise That's correct, it's 3 to negative 1. I knew that one JPC yes, Howard Dean lost his entire career for making this noise JPC that's correct. Yes sort of feels like Howard Dean stole that answer from him though. Oh No, that was I was me listen to Howard Dean make the noise That's me I was the second one one more time what Okay, JBC, can you leave a little more space between you and Howard Dean? Okay. Yeah, you're really like chomping at his heels there Let him finish. Fine Howard, please Okay, and now I will go

Why does yours have crowd sounds? Howard Dean wins that round. Come on Howard Dean wins that round. Come on. Okay, we give him 500 points, which is $500. Howard Dean, thank you so much for your time. He needed a win, JPC. Let it be. Yeah, he really did.

And honestly, it was awesome to meet him. Meeting one of my heroes. Me too. And Howard, we can cut this sort of talk out right here, but is there anything you want us to plug or promote? We'll validate your parking for you and we'll send you home with a warm meal. Well, that's why I'm so fucking confused.

Oh, okay, fine. Okay, get out of here, Howard Dean. Sorry, man. Geez. Consummate gentleman. I guess it wasn't just a scream. He's kind of an asshole. He is my dream guest for the show. So, Howard Dean, if you're listening,

and I know you are, God, this sucks. No, no, Aaron. No other Aaron. Soundboard Aaron, it doesn't suck. It doesn't suck. Aaron, what are the odds that we can get Howard Dean on this show? I'm gonna look up and see if he's still alive.

He is still alive. He is still alive, Aaron. We've also had a couple people email with, like, kind of tangential connections to Howard Dean, but I don't know if he'd enjoy himself. Here's the thing. You're Howard Dean. Your people come to you and they say this podcast email then ask if you'd be on.

Should I just go ahead and delete it? No, no, no. Let me see the email. He looks us up. He looks for the most recent episode with a rounded number. That's 300. What a nice even number. He hits play, skips ahead a little bit.

He hears this exact same segment. Hmm. Does he guessed? No. He heard himself win. Yeah, he did. He, and we do love him. Genuinely.

We love, we love him. And really Howard Dean, if you're listening. Also, by the way, I mean, he could go to pretty much any episode we've recorded in the last, let's say, 100 episodes, and there's a pretty good chance that you'd hear Howard Dean scream in one of those episodes. That was the center of the bingo card last year, is hear a Howard Dean scream.

Uh-huh, it's just a gimme. I do wanna see some solo scenes, some quick solo scenes. These will be, we'll say maybe 15 seconds, and I just wanna hear what each of you would say. If you were standing outside Howard Dean's window, a la Say Anything, Sans' boombox, and this is you trying to convince Howard Dean to come on Hey Riddle Riddle. JBC will have you go first.

What am I doing in Vermont? I want to say, why am I here? How did I get here? Is that where I am? Is this Vermont? Hello? Scene, beautiful. Just looking up, where does Howard Dean live?

100 points because Vermont sounds right. Yeah, sure. Aaron, whenever you're ready. because Vermont sounds right. Yeah, sure. Aaron, whenever you're ready. On January 19th, 2004, history changed forever. A man in Iowa showed enthusiasm. He just was a little bit excited,

and a political career ended up in ruins. Howard Dean, please come on to Hey Riddle Riddle because we would like to be the ones to formally apologize for what we did to you. Twelve years after that, politics became such a circus shit show. We literally let Donald Trump be president. We are so sorry that we let you down just because you got a little too happy one time Aaron we're not gonna let him down again in about five months to just show we're being honest. Oh god Aaron come out from behind the desk. Yes Did you?

time travel and bring sixth grade Erin into the studio to read an essay she clearly wrote about Howard Dean? Do I get in trouble if that's what I did? That's clearly sixth grade Erin. Do I get in trouble? How do we get her back to her time?

Uh, she's stuck here. She's better off here. I have awesome snacks in my house. I'll let her watch TV all day long. Well, it's only fair that we travel back in time and grab sixth grade JPC. Yeah, once you have one kidnapping charge, you might as well add another one onto it. They can't get you for two kidnappings.

Hey, I would also just like to say, I'd also just like to say, Howard Dean was the governor for a month. Nailed it. Wow. Yeah, nailed it. Nice, good memory. It's tucked in the folds there somewhere. Let's do another riddle. What does nobody want, yet also nobody wants to lose this

once they have it? A beautifully phrased riddle. I don't know. Nobody wants it, but no one wants to lose it once they have it? Correct. Hmm. Kid?

Puzz. Kid. Erin. What? What did I say? What did I say? Nobody wants kids. Erin.

What did I say? Erin, James is a new father. Oh, I forgot. What's your baby's name? Is it Bimbly? I want to say your baby's name is Bimbly. It's Bimblo! God damn it.

God bless little Bimblo. JBC, you said that's a family name? Oh, that's a Hobbit family name. 100 points to Adol. Bimblo Blemons. As I live and breathe. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Um, Puzz. Yes. Your virginity. What does nobody want? What? Yet also nobody wants to lose this once they have it. What?

Jamie Z, that's a very good guess. That is incorrect. Can we have a hint? That is insane. You are crazy. Ha ha ha. Um, Aaron, you said you want a hint. That is incorrect. That is insane. You are crazy. Um, Aaron, you said you want a hint.

I would say, uh, I'm not going to be so jaded as to say we're experiencing this, but in some way we experienced this. JPC. Ego death. It is not ego death. What does nobody want yet? Also nobody wants to lose this once they have it? Puzz. JPC.

Thousands of listeners of a riddle podcast. Close, very close actually. Weirdly close. Thousands of listeners of a riddle podcast. Dozens of listeners? I do want, while we think on, uh, think on this answer, I do want to see a scene just to backtrack slightly. The two of you are elves in a, uh, high fantasy world.

Sure. Um, and a new, uh, baby has been named and you are the two sort of elf elders who have been brought in to name the baby and yet you can't really decide on a name. Oh, this is a tough one. This is... Hmm. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

I feel like I've got all my good names out. After 800 years of naming things, I feel kind of at a loss. Okay, okay, okay. Gizem, no. No. Why did I say that? Whoa. I was thinking like wizard names and I... Jizm. What about... Jizifer. No? Oh my god. What is happening? What are we doing? What are we doing? Alright. You know what? Let's say a bunch of words like

non-sacritor words, clean the system, porcupine, avocado, candelabra, pineapple, jizz. Okay, oh well. Now... What? What? Nothing, nothing. Okay.

Okay. Jizz Lane Maxwell. No, that's, come on, that's awful. I can't do, oh boy. We're elves, we're elves. Jizzifer Jizzonlee. We're elves, we're elves. Gizepher Gizzenly. Gizepher Love You It. Giz and Bateman. No, come on.

Giz and Gordon Love It. Giz. Gosh, sorry. Maybe we should take lunch and then come back after this? What about this? What about this? What if we just give the baby one of our names? Okay, all right, all right Kyle come oh no, what are we doing? What are we doing? Where are we? Are we even elves?

Back in back into it back into it Aaron, I call safe. Back in, back into it, back into it. Oh no. Aaron, do you want those points? Yeah, are we even elves? We look like we're in a fraternity basement and there are drugs on the table. Jizzly Bear. That's right.

A beautiful name for a beautiful name. A beautiful name for a baby girl. Beautiful. Jizzly Bear. Now, now, now, excuse me, I didn't quite leave the room yet. Abdul, was it? Adam. Abdul, is this what you guys do in the show?

Yeah, it's like improv and reducing. Improv like this? Yeah, I think it's, we're just having fun. Okay, could I guess sometime? Hey guys. What's up? Yeah. Do we think Plomp could ever guess sometime? Hey guys. What's up? Yeah. Do we think Plomp could ever guess on this show? He's sort of like a Patreon character that you play.

Let me ask him. Hey, what do you mean by sort of? What sort of do it in that sense? That's a good question. Let me ask him, it's certainly the funniest response to that though. Aaron, because you shattered Plomps' reality. Sorry. He wasn't supposed to know he was a character. No, no, no, Aaron.

Don't say sorry because you're about to be punished severely along with JPC. Yes! What? Now, your Patreon characters are going to have to rap for daddy. No. Choose a Patreon character that you play and you have to rap for daddy with that character. Haha.

JP Reynolds is a main feed character. I don't have to select him. Do I play characters on the Patreon? Erin, Erin, certainly. Let's think of some of Erin's famous Patreon characters on the Patreon? Aaron, Aaron, certainly. Let's think of some of Aaron's famous Patreon characters. The State Lady. Oh, shut up. No, that's just Aaron.

Tuna 15. Oh, Tuna 15. The Tuna 15. A recent poll. The Tuna 15 lady. Can we make Tuna 15 merch? Because I keep getting requests for it, and I also want it. I want Tuna 15 merch. We can do getting requests for it, and I also want it. I want Tuna 15 merch.

We can do anything we want. Anything we want. Let's make Tuna 15 merch. Will you buy it? And then, let's leave space for the listeners to respond now, like Dora the Explorer, or like Blue's Clues. Will you buy Tuna 15 merch? Yeah, you're pointing at me and JBC.

Yes, we said yes. Oh no, okay. I'm me and JPC. Yes, we said yes. Oh no. I'm gonna throw out some Patreon episodes just to remind you of maybe some of your characters, okay? Great. Public access four, does that do anything for you? The spaceship, the one that we're on a spaceship. Anything there?

Yeah, there's a couple of those. This day in improv history, the one we did the second time, which was one day off of the first time we did. Oh, although, there's a couple of those. This day in improv history, the one we did the second time, which was one day off of the first time we did. Oh, all the Beagles references. This is not a good ad for our Patreon. Now, Erin, who's Ethel, who has the parties? Coco Cashmere?

Oh, Ethel has parties. Ethel Mermaid. How about either, you could rap as either Ethel or Chanel. Coco Chanel. Coco Cashmere. I'm gonna rap as Ethel, I guess. As Ethel or Chanel? Coco Chanel? Coco Cashmere? I'm gonna rap as Ethel, I guess. As Ethel, great. JPC, have you selected your Patreon character? Yes, I'm going to rap as Brian's Turtles.

What? A character I don't really remember how they sound or what their whole thing is. That's what I will select select and just to keep it fair Ethel will have you rap about turtles and Brian will have you rap about parties I bet you wish you had I bet you wish you had an informed plump he's a character now huh I would like to go first. What? Okay, JPC, all a lot? Party, party, party, that's what I'm about. My name is Briance and I'm pet store owner.

Oh no, I got a motor. What is this, math class? If it is, it's history for my ass. I'm back in school because I'm in sixth grade. I wouldn't do time to come do this parade. Animal Parade, let's play it right now. Bada, bada, bada, a grenade with a cow. Look around and look around.

It's Animal Parade in your hometown. Brian's Turtles, out. If there's one Patreon character that would be into Animal Parade, it's Brian's Turtles. Brian's Turtles I think would be way into animal parade. Kasey, for my rap, can you put in posts a 1930s filter over it so it sounds like it's coming out of a record player? Thank you.

That's what Ethel sounds like. Sure, okay. All right, I'm ready. Aaron, oh, I'm so sorry. Aaron's over there. Ethel, you are now going to rap about turtles whenever you're ready. ["Sex with a Turtle"] Despite what you've heard, I'm very fertile.

I'm gonna have sex with a turtle. We're gonna make babies and they're gonna be cute. They're gonna come down my chute, my vagina. Then they'll crawl to the ocean. They're going to cause a commotion. Stop it. Guys, I hurt Adol. You got so deep into that, Ethel.

I broke it. You did three runs. Ethel Mermaid out. Casey's typing. I don't want to hear it, Casey. I don't want to hear it, Casey. This is too good. Don't stop.

He's being facetious. I'm done. I'm done. Cut the music. Aaron, you nailed every single one of those rhymes. You hit ocean commotion, fertile turtle. What did I say? I don't know what I said.

Aaron, we cracked the code. You have to rap in character. Oh, OK. He said, I'm not kidding. Oh, Casey, bless. Bless you, Casey. A s, I'm not kidding. Oh, Casey bless bless you Casey a Sainthood bestowed upon you. Can we make Casey a saint?

Do we have who who makes Saints Saint Casey the Pope Saint sleep of the bishops we can do it Aaron This is a citizen's arrest version of making someone a saint. Yeah, it hadn't even occurred to me to make Casey rap for daddy Casey Casey Casey no no no no no oh I guess yes that's it now wait you can just say no to this shit but that's a novel idea what's the what do you have to say you say um do I have to say, um... Do I have to? Don't help him, don't help him! Do I have to? Okay, Casey got out of it.

Wow. What does nobody want, yet also nobody wants to lose this once they have it? Oh, we're still doing a riddle? What the hell? Virginity, oh sorry, I forgot I was supposed to mute. I forgot. We were looking for- Nobody wants,

but nobody wants to lose once they have. Yes. I don't know. Silence, the wind? A death wish. Silence, the wind, I think that's the book. Yeah. Death wish is very good, that's the movie.

It is paid work. Oh. I guess. Huh. Nobody wants to be paid for their work? Work Oh Yeah, huh? Nobody wants to be paid for their work. I think people don't like working What the fuck that's different from nobody wants this hey man back off No, I'm over these I just really say come on Spank me you gotta spank me. You open his duck.

Huh? Huh? What? Huh? Let's all spank me. Spank me. Huh? Let's all spank me.

What goes further when it goes more slowly? What goes further when it goes more slowly? What goes further when it goes more slowly? What goes further when it goes more slowly? A tortoise. Puzz. The wrap's over. Yes, JPC. This is going to be a planet.

They move very slowly, but they travel very far. I could fall asleep to this. This should be a JPC guided meditation. Have you done a space one yet? Yeah. You have? Yeah, you done a space one yet? Uh, yeah. There's a space one. Yeah. Patreon.com slash favorite of it'll go meditations.

Um, what goes, I would say, here's the thing. In a way, this is a planet. Interesting. I think there's a, I think there's a podcast called planet blank. Planet Hollywood. Interesting. I think there's a I think there's a podcast called Planet Blank. Planet Hollywood. Oh what goes further when it goes more slowly? Maybe I'm wrong. What goes further? Erin? Wow. Wow I wish I could give it to you but you forgot to do something. Puzz. Puzz. I'm sorry. Puzz to sorry, puzz to sorry. I puzzed him to say sorry, aren't I cute?

How old are you again? 40, I think. Oh no. It feels like 40. Looks like 40, looks like 50. Feels like 40. Is 32. If it walks like a duck, it's 40.

What is that, Erin, the weather in Chicago? Come on. Oh, come on. Oh, shut up about it. Shut your mouth about it. Duck it's 40. What does that air in the weather in Chicago? Come on Thank me Casey clip that I would say don't clip it. I'd say just to be safe We're gonna do two more riddles here. Okay. Thank you at all Thank you. Wow, what manners a King a queen and twins all lay in a manner's don't point I guess manners don't get your points no more

Oh, I actually wrote down a thousand points But was gonna tell you later, but then you okay. I'll just take those away. Whistling. Boing. Laughing. I threw a grenade into my game, I'm an idiot. A king, a queen, and twins all lay in a large room, yet there are no people anywhere to be seen. How is this true? Sounds like my Friday night. You didn't pause in.

She didn't pause anything to think about her Friday night. Puzz. JBZ. This is like a three bears house, except there's an extra bed, because these are all mattresses. Ding, ding, ding. The king, the queen, and twins are all beds or mattresses.

Mm-hmm. Wow. I actually like that riddle. Yeah, that's pretty good. Okay. And that's a mattress door, right? We're seeing the solution there is like a mattress store. Yeah.

Those things that can't possibly still be in business. No one buys mattresses from brick and mortar stores anymore. They all have to be fronts, fronts for crime. People go in there all the time and just lay down on every single bed. Hey guys, cool it, okay? What? Oh shit, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Wait, what's going on on are we in trouble? Yeah just just relax okay let's just not talk about mattress stores and what they're doing. Yep. Are you doing a guided meditation? What is this? Nope just trying to keep the peace I don't want them to come after us so let's just. Okay obviously Erin didn't listen to my fourth guided meditation, which was me doing it in a mattress store. Uh... Embarrassing for her? I don't want to pay for them. I want them for free. I feel like I should get them for free. Oh, I could. They're on the Dropbox.

Ah! Idiot! Idiot! I'm gonna listen! You idiot, I'm gonna listen to my friend do something funny and cool, you idiot. Oh, you're a fool. I can't wait to listen. Oh, I'm gonna listen today, idiot. I would have loved if you had purchased them. That'd be very funny to me. I might now.

Now I will. Now I will. Why not? Hey, if you're just gonna do it, don't do it through your phone. Don't do it through the iOS. They charge you extra money to do it through iOS. Do not do that. I'll do it through your phone. Don't do it through the iOS. They charge you extra money to do it through iOS. Do not do that.

I'll do it through my computer. Thank you, thank you. Adel, any more brain busters? What else you got for me, man? Instead of doing this last riddle, what I'd like to do, just cause I wanna see you two kind of end episode 300 on a good note. Oh, okay.

There's a little bit of tension here. Not me yelling that GPC's an idiot It's mostly that's coming from Eric But what I'd like to see is for the two of you to sort of men this broken fence I'd like to see the two of you improvise a guided meditation together great About turtles and parties or whatever or whatever Or whatever. Or whatever it needs to be. Or whatever. Walk with us down an empty beach. The sun is just peeking over the horizon. And do I have to?

JPC? He's such an asshole. Aaron, I'm so sorry. He already did his. No, Little Monkey Bones did his. Oh my god! He is Little Monkey Bones! Sort of.

Aaron, here's the thing. He's sort of Little Monkey Bones. No, that was the monkey bones. Oh my God, he is little monkey bones. Here's, Erin, here's the thing. Sort of. Erin? He's sort of little monkey bones. No, it's a clone. Erin, here's the thing. Erin, here's the thing.

You have, you have about 83,000 points. I will let you trade in 80,000 points to make little monkey bones join the guided meditation. I'm not giving up those points For free. All right, Erin, please continue Walking down an empty beach. Oh Look we've come upon a message in the bottle What does it say? Let's slowly open it. It says I I will have my revenge on JPC.

It will be sweet. It could come next week or next year, but it will come for him. He should watch his fucking back. Oh, sort of a stressful message. Put it back in the bottle. Throw it off into the sea. Sort of meant for someone named JPC. We'll continue our guided meditation.

Oh, another bottle on the beach. Let's pick it up and open it. I'm not kidding. This revenge might not even just be on the podcast. It could be something I do in real life. And it could be so unreasonable that you feel concerned. It could be financial ruin, emotional ruin, spiritual ruin,

or interpersonal ruin coming for you. JPC. Huh? That's weird. Join us next week on a guided meditation where we'll continue picking up bottles on the beach. Doctor, I don't understand my back is at knots, but I listened to guided meditation. And I've been eating the bottles. Monkey bones! Hey, monkey bones, come here! Hey, come here! Spank me!

Oh, monkey bones. Hey, I'll spank you in a minute, but it's the end of our 300th episode. Oh no! No, it's a good thing. Oh good! Yeah, we made it to 300, it's a big deal. Congratulations! No, it's a good thing. Oh, good. Yeah, we made it to 300. It's a big deal. Congratulations. Yeah, for whatever reason, the sort of membrane between Patreon and Made Feed has been really thin

this episode. A lot of characters are sort of walking through this back and forth. Is there anything you want to promote, Little Monkey Bones? Oh, boy. Yeah, there's something that I'd love to promote. I haven't really made this announcement on the show

because it's been a while since I've been on, but uh, me and the wife, we have had a baby. Oh my god. Yep, yep. Wow, Erin, do you feel bad about your kid's joke now? No. Okay, that's fair. The baby's name is Blimbo Blackings, he's going on a quest. So if you are an elf, a dwarf, two men, or a wizard, or four little guys, please get at me because my son Blimbo Blaggons needs a crew.

Okay, and here's your spank as promised. Oh, and one for me, and Aaron, one for Lil' Monkey Bones, just for good measure. Just a quick spank for Lil' Monkey Bones. And off you go. Okay, we finally got Aaron on record spanking the monkey. I'd like to promote nothing. Erin, please. No, I would like to promote nothing.

Erin, please. Erin, Erin. Bye, check out JPC's guided meditations. I'm listening to them today. I've listened to one of them, of the new ones, and it was fantastic. I'm going to finish up the rest today, and I'm gonna enjoy them, and I would hope that you would join me,

so check those out. Adel, anything to plug? I wanna plug Howard Dean. Thank him so much for coming on, and he has a new- Ah! Oh, yep, that's the name of the new book, so check out that book.

Plomp, is there anything you wanna? What's your point? I beat your character. Oh, Plomp. Plomp, come on. Wow, Plomp. is there anything you want to... What's your point? I'm your character. Oh, Plomp. Plomp, come on. Wow, Plomp. You're not a character. I mean, everyone's kind of a character.

Sort of. Yeah. Am I even real? If I cut myself, do I even bleed? Don't do it. Don't find out. No, I'm not going to. No, I was like, put it out.

Oh, okay. Yeah, no, yeah, but... Never. Yeah, sure. Okay. The Felix Missing Son, is there anything you want to? Looks like he's just. Big dump of Dr. Pepper. Looks like he's just standing in the corner.

Looks like he's kind of waiting for the filling of a big cup of Dr. Pepper. He's waiting for this, right? I mean, he wants this. He would keep standing here if I slowly pour. Oh, look, a big smile. A big smile on the wet Dr. Kenberg. He likes it. He likes it.

Wow, what a good boy. And a little spank for a little monkey bones. I'd like to go ahead and plug season 15 of sitcom D&D, season 36 of Magic Tavern. You can find them wherever you find good podcasts. And for Aaron Keefe and Adel Raffae, this has been Hey Riddle Riddles 300 episodes. Good night, God bless, and good luck spanking the monkey.

Jupiter. JPC, do you take cell for 2000? Yeah. And John Patrick Collins. Casey Toney did the editing. And our grandparents in the music. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Bogo created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Nemouris. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Hey there, Waddlers and Snowhens. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's episode.

April of the Penguins continues with some more Penguin Baseball League content. This time, we've got a Penguin Baseball League documentary. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle, but join in the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there! That was a hategum podcast.