Hey Riddle Riddle - #305: Wreath Wizardspoon

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

On this episode we are joined by 2 very special guests that aren't just us doing voices. All that plus a deposit of some cold hard currency, a sweet little check-up, a outdoorsy date, a frigid encounter with a creature of the night, a first time hunter, a full-bodied conversation, and two boxing brothers.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Aaron, JPC, this is your brain. And this is drugs. And this is your brain on drugs. Sorry, I just ate a hard-boiled egg. I'm just a little hungry. Every 80s and 90s kid remembers this iconic ad. Do you remember that?

Iconic. That ad is a slay queen. It depicted a super nerdy-looking dad. It looked exactly like me, I guess. Holding an egg beside a frying pan breaking the egg, etc Schedule 35 is removing the stigma around drugs particularly magic mushrooms with precisely measured out microdoses of psilocybin That you can enjoy daily experiencing all the benefits without Sizzle sizzle frying your brains and I know what you're thinking, schedule 35, this sounds Canadian. Well it is.

It's a Canadian based startup that ships across Canada and the US and their mission is to educate and enrich lives with deeper meaning and a better sense of self through micro dosing psilocybin products. I tried the mango dragon fruit tea a couple weekend mornings and I had what I can only describe as amazing days. I felt so much better. Describe this as a good time. I don't know if that means anything to you but imagine a good time and that's it. I'm not kidding as someone who has depression and PTSD I I found it made a huge difference. And I tried some of

their micro dosing chocolates which were delicious and for the rest of the day I felt relaxed, I felt focused, I was more creative. It was a very good day. SHANNON SKIPPER LAUGHS Schedule 35 ships all across Canada and the U.S. and is the most notable brand currently in the space. All customers need to be age verified. So once you're age verified, 19 plus in Canada,

21 plus in the U.S., they will receive an invite code. For all the products and to get an invite code, just visit www.schedule35.co. Just so you know, they have accurate doses, discrete shipping and the most trusted customer brand in North America. And it's beneficial for those who do or don't suffer from any mental health issues. So here's what happens. Here's how you play this out, guys. Get 15% off with CodeRiddle at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use CodeRiddle. Oh, and JPC, you have to say something Canadian.

And use CodeRiddle, might. Close enough. Perfect. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was a prey. One, two, three, four, eight, riddle, Riddle you worthless worms. I'm the lord of evil and this is the dark episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. Oh Aaron it's just JPC.

That scared the shit out of me. Yeah, I was really trying to fuck with you guys. This is JPC. You don't think we know you're the devil? I have something to admit. I have something to admit. This is not the dark episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, hosted by the devil.

That was just, It's not? I was just kind of like a conceit. No, it's not. Starting now, at episode 305, where I've not hosted by the devil anymore. Come back in here. Hey guys, sorry about that.

Hi devil. Sorry about that. I carved this into my chest for nothing. Yeah, it looks great. Great chest, great shoulders. Devil, not a big deal or anything, but. I'm not single, I'm spoken for, so. No, I mean,, um, not a big deal or anything, but, um, I'm saying, I'm not saying I'm, I'm spoken for.

So, no, I mean, we did go on a date and I was just wondering, Oh, that was you. Yeah. God, everybody looks so different in the light. Yeah. It was kind of a creature of darkness. So a while ago and I just never heard back. I just wanted to make sure you didn't lose my number. Oh boy. Uh, boy.

JPC, great seeing you, brother. Uh, God about. He's completely blowing me off. What the fuck? Eric, don't talk about one of my best friends like that, okay, there's a lot to help, there's a lot to help take, but I won't take that. I will not take being, dismerging my boy. God, he's so hot.

Yeah, so hot, literally. Since it kinda took off, I thought he's going to challenge us to a fiddle competition or something. Yeah, yeah. We had talked about that. We had talked about doing a whole darker episode hosted by the devil, but honestly, when it came down to it,

it was like his quote was too high. Just that appearance, that was $15,000. Whoa, we can't afford that, not even a little. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's crazy. Well, yeah, I mean, that's part of the problem is I knew that Adol would pay it. So, but anyway, pretty cool to see him again, huh, Erin? Kind of unresolved feelings there or? I don't know. I feel like I'm back right where I was before. What is he, like 11'8", 11'12"?

He's so tall. AD? Well, yeah. Some people say he's Judas Iscariot. Anyways. She stares wistfully out the window. Well, she's describing the things that she's doing. No, look, let's not do a dark episode of Hey Rattle Rattle.

Let's not have the devil here. Let's just do a completely, I think after the last episode of Hey Rattle Rattle, the completely normal episode of Hey Rattle Rattle. Let's not have the devil here. Let's just do a completely, I think after the last episode of Hey Rattle Rattle, the completely normal episode of Hey Rattle Rattle that we did, I think we owe it to the fans. Yeah. And I think we owe it to the listeners. Can I just say?

No. My internet was out. It was, there was an outage in my area. And I couldn't- Well, now you can say it cause you have internet, but back then you couldn't say. I couldn't say shit. And everyone was like, was she late for those episodes? They just thought I was late for two episodes in a row

And I went this is the issue with us make turning into a bit I wasn't fucking late for two episodes in a row. I my internet was out Doesn't matter. It's so it's so funny. It's so funny to imagine that it's like Hey, Rita Riddle is the ship that starts on time. Like, we, the show must go on. The cruise ship. If you miss it, we're not waiting. If, yeah, they don't let you onto the airplane

after it's boarded. And Aaron came running down the gangway with several shopping bags screaming, wait, wait! No, but that's not, but we don't think that's gonna happen on this episode. We think everyone's gonna be here the full amount of time, contractually obligated, minus the devil, who is only here for the first two minutes, and still costs us $15,000.

If you think the devil's expensive, you should see what the fucking price is to get Aaron on a full episode of this show. God damn! I'm in high demand. Yeah, amen. I mean, good work if you can get it. No one will answer my calls. No one is get it. No one will answer my calls.

No one is calling me and no one will answer my calls. I think your phone might not be working. Oh! If you're getting no calls and no one's receiving your calls, that might be a phone issue at that point. That makes me feel way better. Yeah.

Thank you. Every dating app that I've ever used has been fucking absolutely just broken. Like, they're just not working like it's just What's the problem like I went to high school with you? Should be matching You guys Hypothetically if I were to download dating apps

Do you think I should include that I'm on a riddle podcast? 100% get out of the way rip the band-aid off Do you think I should include that I'm on a Riddle podcast? Yes. 100%. Get out of the way. Rip the bandaid off. No, but no one will say yes. Erin, this is such a huge part of your life. Yes. Yeah, you can't hide this.

When you are- This is not a huge part of my life. It's the biggest part of your life. I forget to show up sometimes. When you're swiping through Raya and Judd Apatow pops up, you're going to want him to know you're on a Riddle podcast because he could maybe help take us to the next level. Can you cheat with Raya?

It's a cheater as well. I have to imagine. I would never do that to Leslie Mann. The problem with Judd Apatow cheating is he's married to Leslie Mann so she could get Raya as well. Yeah. Oh, I pick Leslie Mann.

I pick Leslie Mann. I would go on a date with Leslie Mann. I pick Leslie Mann. Yeah, no shit. date with us and man. I pick no shit How many people you think are gonna pick Leslie man over John Abbot though? Come on. I mean I pick Leslie man over anybody. Oh All right, let's do riddles Why? Why yeah, why you give me one compelling reason to make you do a riddle right now? Because it's in the name of our show, but it's not in the bio of your dating apps, okay?

So, JPC and I don't want to be a part of something you're ashamed of. Yeah, you're afraid of the rug. No, I'm not ashamed, Adel. I'm not ashamed. I'm deeply embarrassed. I want to talk to them. If you go on a date, Aaron, I want to talk to them. I want to talk to them. If I date anyone, you'll never meet them.

And that's by design. That's not true. Erin's at a coffee shop in Silver Lake, suddenly bursting through the door as JP Riddles and Puzzbot in full costume. Sweaty from the plane. I'll be out in LA, I'll be out in LA in a couple of months, Erin.

And if you think for one fucking second, I'm not gonna find out if you're dating someone and then go and introduce myself and shake their hand and like show them my shotgun and sit too close to them on the couch. I'm doing all that. I'm doing all that. No. No, I'm gonna. I'm not gonna wait for my child to grow up. Who has the fucking time? I'm gonna treat you like a child. I'm gonna quit. Hey, I quit. I quit. Casey, can she do that? Casey is typing. Casey is typing.

I'm so fucking confused. No, I can't. I love it too much. She loves it so much that she's going to show up for the whole episode today, guys. How's that? We'll see. Only time will tell if the Internet. I guess that we. Yeah, we.

And this is for the record. This is just for everyone out there listening. We do not commit to doing the whole episode. Just because you're listening to an episode, just because it drops into your podcast feed, doesn't mean we'll be here the whole time. Yeah, the last 20 minutes of this one could be a pig orgasm noise. Aaron, stop. Don't. Casey has it on the soundboard.

Don't. You say it, he'll play it. No, don't, don't. Okay, well, we'll spice it in like, let's put like 30 minutes of it right here. 30 minutes? And then the podcast will pick up in about 30 minutes. No, no, no, no. We can't play pig orgasms.

And since we're all here, which is so rare for the show, why don't we do some riddles, huh? Great. That makes sense. And what do you say to doing some riddles, huh? Great. That makes sense. And what do you say to doing some riddles from 2018? Is that fun? Perfect.

I guess. I've had these on, well, I've had these on my, I keep a little spreadsheet of riddles that people have submitted for the show. And these have been on here for quite a while. And I'm gonna get into them right now. And you guys are gonna tell me how long you think I've had these on the list. I keep scrolling down and forgetting that I have them,

so I'm gonna do them right now. Here we go. These are Riddles from Ashley. Who is a Christmas Trees favorite singer? Who is a Christmas Trees? Yule Brenner? Yule Brenner. Wither Spoon.

Wither Spoon. Now is Wreath Wizard? Brenner. Wither spoon? Now is Wreath Wizard? Wizzard spoon? Wither, Wizzard spoon? You're a wizard, Reese. Wreath Wizard spoon. That is incredible. I'm doing the complete wrong direction on that.

Title of the episode. Erin, incredible. She's still at it. That's why she gets paid the big bucks. Wizzard spoon. You try to say Wreath Wizard, gets paid the big bucks. Wizard spoon. You try to say wreath, wizard, witherspoon. Wreath, wizard, spoon. Get it right, it's wreath, wizard, spoon.

The answer is wreath, wizard, spoon. Yeah. Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer? Mariah Carey. Oh, that's a really good answer, yeah, probably. Okay, let's see, What do we know about ornament? OK. And it's a pun. I mean, if you get wreath, wreath with their spoon kind of works,

except she's not a singer, she's an actor. I don't necessarily know that she does any singing. But if you could give me any singing pun that works with a Christmas at all, I'll give it to you. But there's a specific one that they're going for. Okay. Deck the Hall and Oats. Ooh, yes, yes, yes.

Okay, yeah, Erin, I said it. I said that I would. I don't love that one, but I'll give you Deck the Hall and Oats. You don't love it? I don't, but I'm just, why don't I love that? Deck the Hall. I think what's tripping me up is it's Deck the Halls and it's Hall and Oats. So it's, but Oats is an S. So there's just like a pluralization issue in there that I'm not in love with.

Fine. Addle, do you have one? Trying to think of like words associated with Christmas trees and all I can think of is like ornaments, tinsel, gifts. Yeah, yeah. Are any of those the base of the answer? No, none of those are the base of the answer.

Pine. Is it coniferous? Chris Pine who does sing, right? Yeah. That could work. But what are some other types of trees that might be Christmasy? Evergreen.

Yeah. Coniferous. Evergreen, Everlast, is that a thing? Like, do you remember Everlast? Father of mine, oh oh that's Everclear. Tell me where have you been? Great song, honestly great song. Who is Everlast? Everlast was, he did the rap right? And then you really might know what it's like. Is that him?

Yep that's Everlast. It's neither one of those. So this is based on a tree. It's another type of tree, yeah. Why can I not think of what type of tree is usually a Christmas tree? I don't know, man. Is it not pine? It's not pine.

It's not a pine tree. And I think that- What are they called? I don't know. This is a word. Spruce. Spruce. Spruce. Spruce. Spruce Springsteen. It's Spruce Springsteen.

Like you're bringing presents. Yes, that is Spruce Springsteen is the answer there. These I think are kind of like in the vein of warmup riddles. Where does a snowman keep his money? I almost said Erin, I almost addressed that one just to Erin. Where does a snowman keep his money?

Yeah. In the bank. Erin. In the snowbank. In the snowbank. Wow. Yes, you have got it. You addressed it to me for a reason. Do you want to see a quick scene? Um, Adel, you're going to make a deposit at the bank and Erin, this is a, it is a snowbank

and you're working there. You're the teller. Um. Yes, may I approach please? Uh, yeah. The name is Frost. Jack Frost. Cool, cool, cool.

Nip, nip, nip,, yeah. The name is Frost. Jack Frost! Cool, cool, cool. Nip, nip, nip, nip. Take a little nip of the booze in this little flask here. Oh god. Okay, sorry, we're probably going to close in like a minute. No, no, no, need to make a deposit here.

Here's... Is it snow? Here's 7,500 icicles to put in my account, please. Great. And I have to let you know that if it does become spring, we are not liable for whatever happens to turn to you, deposit into the snowbank. I am so cold. Well, then I'd like to liquidate my assets, please.

That will happen on its own when spring happens. Okay. We don't actually like to expedite that process at all. We let it happen naturally. So if you want to come back in a few months and get a puddle. What's the APY? What is that? Is this a high yield snowbank? Yeah it could snow again here and then that will accumulate on top of your. Oh, my money will accumulate. Yeah, maybe. Or it could turn. Or if it starts like a rainy kind of snow, then it could melt some of the assets. So, you know, we don't make any promises.

OK. And I've got some money on my tongue on the way over here. Are we able to do anything with that? Uh. Yeah, you spit into my hand, I guess. Hey Casey, can we get a clean, just a drop of Erin saying, yeah, spit into my hand, I guess. I think I'm gonna need that. I'm gonna need that. Whoa, number one on iTunes. Number one on iTunes.

How is a three second clip of. Whoa, number one on iTunes. Number one on iTunes. How is a three second clip of Erin saying that number one on iTunes? Nobody wants to hear me say that. It is crazy what can get out of the iTunes charts these days. Where, or I'm sorry, why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? Where did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?

Yeah, what hospital? You're gonna need to answer either one of them. If you have a hospital pun, you could do that the doctor. Yeah, what hospital? You can answer either one of them. If you have a hospital pun, you could do that as well. Seattle, grace. He was feeling crummy? He was feeling crummy. Yeah, because he was feeling crummy. Is that the answer?

It's the answer. I'd like to see a scene. He was feeling crummy. Adel, you are a gingerbread man and you're going to the doctor who's JPC and you're trying to explain like real symptoms that you're having and JPC is trying to get you to say that you're just feeling crummy. Okay So it feels like

Every time I get up in the morning just like my left not as like sore Let you said left. Yeah, okay Um, well, yeah, we can we can definitely check that out and we'll definitely get to that but you know I'm gonna give you a full Comfortable. Yeah full gamut of tests. So I just have some questions. Have you been using shampoo? Frosting a frosting. Okay, of course and and you're using that what every day once a week Well, I just read that you're not supposed to shower every day once a week. Well, I just read that you're not supposed to shower every day.

Yeah. Because there's like natural oils that- Sure. Like cooking oils that arise from my- Cooking oils. From my gingerbread. Sure. Yeah, shortening.

Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to get this over with. I'm just- Though you're not abbreviating. It's, I see what you're saying. Gotcha. So, yeah, maybe- Because I am noticing, I am noticing some dandruff.

I'm noticing, it looks like chocolate chips, I guess you would say, but kind of scattered around the shoulder area. Yeah, I can't really brush those off. Those are baked in. Those are baked in. Yeah. Okay, because they are some of them are falling off onto the floor. Are you sure those are not feeling there's moles and there's dandruff and it's hard to

tell because some are some are dark and some are semi sweet. Sure. Yeah, but you're you're sure that you're not feeling a certain way about that because you kind of are leaving a little bit of a residue on the floor here. Oh, sorry, you put down a baking sheet on the, when you told me to hop up here, you put down a baking sheet? I thought... That's standard operating procedure for an gingerbread. Am I feeling a certain way?

I guess I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling... Anxious, interesting. Okay, no, yeah, we can... Hesitant to sort way? I guess I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling... Anxious, interesting. Okay. Hesitant to sort of, I guess, go through with any surgery. Yeah, we can treat a lot of these. Obviously, butterscotch for anxiety. If you're feeling at all hesitant, that could be little chopped up Heath bits. Could help with that, of course. Is Heath a portmanteau of hesitant in something else?

Hesitant in toffee, yes. Wow. Yeah. So Heath is hesitant toffee, wow. Yeah, toffee with a th. Now you know. Of course, British spelling of toffee. Okay, well, you know, I don't, honestly, after completing my kind of battery of tests, I don't really see anything

physically wrong with you. Can you describe your kind of emotional state? Maybe it's something on the other side. Are you feeling rundown at all? Low energy? Yeah, I guess a little apathetic. There's maybe dipping my toes into ennui. Oh, and ennui, is that a type of jelly?

I'm not familiar with ennui for dipping? No, not really. It's like au jus? Closer with au jus in terms of the French origin, but I guess au jus is more of a beef sauce. Oh yeah, and that would be disgusting for a creature. Dipping, yeah, dipping. Yeah, that's yourself to dip into beef sauce, although.

Okay, but you're emotional. Oh, crumb. You're emotional cr dip into beef sauce, although... Okay, but you're emotional. Oh, crumb. Crumb. I was gonna start taking little bites. Yeah. Uh, you know, you're a doctor, you say do no harm, but... You're a gingerbread man, I'm gonna eat you. I'm gonna eat you up.

It's so hard not to do the Shrek gingerbread man voice whenever I play gingerbread, which is this one time. The one, the Eddie Murphy one? Yeah, it's hard for me too, man. Hard for me too. How do you scare a snowman? Aaron, how do you scare a snowman? I scare a snowman.

Get out a hairdryer. It's you get out a hairdryer. You got it, you got it right, Aaron. Get out a hairdryer. Hug it. No, it's true. The answer is you get a hairdryer. Seriously it. No, it's true. The answer is you get a hair dryer. Seriously?

Yeah. That's so dumb. I'm just as confused as you as to that answer. So hair dryers are like guns for snowmen? Yeah, but also you could use a gun on a snowman as well. I don't think that would be that big of a deal though. Maybe a water gun with hot water. Ooh, now we're talking.

I don't know what would be a big deal to a snowman because they're just, they're an inanimate object. They're just snow. A rabbit? Yeah, a rabbit. A rabbit at face height. Wow. Ooh, a rabbit the size of a dog. Oh my God. Okay. What does Snowman eat for lunch? This one is- Parrots?

Snowballs? No, this is, we're looking for a pun here. We're looking for a pun here. We're looking for a pun. What does Snowman eat for lunch? I would say this is like a traditional lunch food. Definitely not a breakfast food. Sam Snowwich.

Aaron, you're close with Snowwich. Sandwich. Sam Snow. You're close with Sandwich. But it's not a sandwich. Grilled cheese. No. Oh, is it an Ice of Pizza?

Oh, that's good. Adel, Ice of pizza does work. I will give you ice of pizza because I'm benevolent and you just, you came up with a great pun. So ice of pizza, Aaron, Adel has ice of pizza. So he's on the board. If you can give me the right answer, you can steal this rental.

You can win those points, Aaron. And those points do go towards me, Aaron. Not shaking hands with a future date of yours and saying, I'm Aaron's father. Aaron, it's me in the bushes trying to do like a Cyrano de Bergerac. Help me, help me, help me. Beef Snowganoff.

Say Beef Snowganoff. My name's JPC and I'm Aaron's father. It's nice to meet you. He's going to kill me if I say Beef Snowganoff. I don't know who'll kill me. Beef Snowganoff. Aaron, what are you doing? That was a joke. Beef Snowganoff. Adel will kill me. Uh, beef snowganoff! Aaron, what are you doing? Aaron, beef snowganoff is, of course, I said sandwich was close.

Nothing's closer to the consistency of a sandwich than beef snowganoff. I didn't do it! The bush did it! Let me see. Ah, you little rascal. Adel was behind this bush. With a pentagram carved into his chest. It hurts so bad. I think it's infected. Of course, the answer I was looking for here

was icebergers. What? Oh, like lettuce? Wait, oh, ice, wait. Like an iceberg. I see, iceberger. Okay, okay. Ah!

Iceberg. Two middle fingers from Erin. She's gonna bring that. That kinda sucks. Hey, Casey, we do save these videos though. No, we don't Casey Casey. We do Casey. We do Oh, yeah, we got the video we got the video I didn't mean to Know Aaron you gave me the middle fingers and now you have to pay you have to do this riddle all by yourself I can't help you at all. I'll hide in the bushes and help me No, he gave me beef snowgadoff. Yeah,

which is violence against me. Erin, what kind of music do elves listen to? Do elves listen to? Elvis. No Erin, it's not Elvis. Although that is good and you do get points for it. That was the saddest no I've ever heard. Elvis was good. I think it's not the answer, but yeah, Elvis. It was jingles. Elves, don't say jingle elves. Don't say jingle elves to me right now. Aaron, Aaron, pssst, Aaron, Aaron. Why are these Christmas riddles?

It's May, yes, Adam. I told you, they've been in here for a while. If we're talking about like Santa's elves and not like Lord of the Rings elves, it's gotta be Toy George. Say Toy George. He'll kill it's gotta be Toy George. Say Toy George. You'll kill me if I say Toy George. I tell you, I saw the answer sheet, it's Toy George.

Beef Snowganoff. The answer of course is Beef Snowganoff. It is wrap. And Erin, in answer to your question. Wrap. Why are we doing Christmas riddles in the middle of May? It's because Christmas can be any time of the year, Aaron. No, and we've established that it can't, and I'm so tired of doing Uncle Santa

making Christmas shows. Oh, have we? Uncle Santa? Have we, Aaron, established that it can't be any time of the year? Ho, ho, ho, ho! I have a gift for you, Aaron. Sorry, I forgot to wrap it. Nothing has convinced me more that Hey Riddleriddle

has an expiration date more than Uncle Santa. JBC's flipping me off. No, Uncle Santa's flipping you off. He's giving you the bird, Aaron. And for my little Addle, ho, ho, ho. Don't accept any gifts from him, seriously. I made you some beef snowganoff! Okay, Aaron, I do have to take this. I'm actually on his side.

No, Addle, please, it's poison! It's obvious! It's so cold! It's so cold! So what's been going on? Ho ho ho, Uncle Santa's here! What's been going on? Wait, Aaron, Aaron, did you match with Santa on Raya? I matched with Uncle Santa on... I'm fucking believable. Bumble.

Hold on, hold on. Uncle Santa's on Raya. I mean, I'm not on Bumble. Aaron Keefe is not. I'm not famous. And you're not. Are you famous? No, I don't know if I'm famous.

I am on Raya, yeah. Cool. I just want to date with Dua Lipa. Oh, I don't know if I'm famous. I am on Raya. Yeah. Cool. I used to date with Dua Lipa. Oh, nice. Can you get me a recommendation for Raya? Can you get me in there? Yeah, I got a recommendation for you. Get famous. And then get on Raya. I don't want to be famous. I want to date someone famous. Aaron, two things. One, you absolutely should be on Raya. You're the most famous of us all. And two, you match with him on Bumble,

is it not the one where the women make the first move? Is it? And did I make that joke on purpose? Huh. Huh. Huh. Hey, let's not investigate people's low points. If we didn't account for people's low points,

Uncle Santa would get no play. If you listen to this show and you work for Raya, get me in there. I'm not trying to meet the love of my life on there. I'm trying to go on a date with a weird celebrity and have a strange experience. If you listen to this show and you work for Raya, you could probably be fired.

Don't tell anyone you've listened to this. Don't tell them you're weird. I don't think they let weird people on there. Amen. Anyway, what's new with you guys? Can I hang out? Slam. Where we're, ow, my toe!

Aaron. What? Why, what'd you? Aaron, Jesus Christ, that was a guest. No it wasn't. That was $30,000 was his appearance fee. Why are we paying for the devil and uncle? He cost more than the devil?

Well, he did longer. Did he? I think so. I think so. Give me another riddle. I need to cleanse myself of Uncle Santa. Okay. What is the snowman's breakfast?

Are we still? What is the snowman's breakfast? What is the snowman food? I do wanna see a scene. I do wanna see a scene. And I see a scene. Yes, Adol. Well, I say scene and this is more just like a slice

of actual life. Ice, ice. A slice of ice, thank you so much, an ice of life. So Erin, you are Erin Keefe. You have just matched with Uncle Santa on Raya and I just got to see what a first date would look like between the two of you. This is Uncle Santa and Erin Keefe on a date.

Thanks for meeting me for this hike. I think it should be pretty fun. Ended up being a nice day. I agree. Sorry, I don't have hiking clothes. I just kind of have the one outfit. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Yeah, if we run into anyone I know, can you just,

I'm just gonna tell people that you're robbing me. No, yeah, I mean, that's totally fine with me. And just so you know, I did tell a couple of people where I'm gonna go and I shared my location with them before. Wait, what do you mean you shared your location for safety on a date with me? Yeah, for safety. It's a first date and you suggested a hike in the wilderness. Yeah, I mean, I know, but like... Oh, ho, ho. I'm not an idiot. It's a first date and you suggested a hike in the wilderness? I mean, I know, but like... Ho ho ho, I'm not an idiot.

You're Uncle Santa and I'm... I don't know, I'm just hearing... I mean, it would make sense that... Uh... I mean, it's good that people are doing it. Uh... What? Sorry, I feel like we're getting off to the wrong...

I feel like you think you know me and I don't know... Yeah, but you just... How am I the one messing this up? Sorry. Would you go on a hike with just anyone? You shared your location, I'm assuming, as well with people. Of course, because I'm on a date with Uncle Santa. That's terrible.

Uh, uh? I mean, you shared your location, so Glass House is, right? No, I mean- I mean, it's safe to share your location with friends when you go on a date. But not because I was going on a date with you. I don't even know you. Oh, I shared it because I was going on a date with you. Yeah,'t even know you. Oh, I shared it because I was going on a date with you. Yeah, that's why I'm saying that.

I'm upset. I mean, I don't know you, but I do. I do listen to your podcast. Aw, that's so nice. Yes. You're Jamie Loftus, right? Oh my god. See?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Aaron, now Aaron. What? Aaron, now Aaron. What? Would that, based off that, would you go on a second date with Uncle Santa? And the show will pay for it.

I was the problem on the date with Uncle Santa. I can't believe I was blowing it. That is not good for my ego. And that wasn't even a real date. You're out of practice, Aaron, but Uncle Santa's got tons of practice because he only works one day a year and so the rest of the time he's on dates. Are there any hot famous people that are single right now?

Tons. Cause I'll just slide into one of their DMs right now. Let me just get on my, I have a spreadsheet of this. Hot single people who are famous. Timothy Tallamane. Oh looks like my wife found the spreadsheet and And okay, I'm in big trouble. Because I shouldn't have been keeping that spreadsheet. Um, I don't know, man.

Erin, yes, probably. Charlize Theron is single. Okay. Now we're talking. I'm pretty sure she's still with Seth Rogen. I remember seeing a movie where that was the case. I forgot. I forgot all about that movie. This is not up to date. I forgot all about that movie. This is not up to date, Aaron's, Aaron Gould was.

John Hamm is married. He just got married, I think. So yeah, they'll probably update it. Angelina Jolie. I think one of the Coen brothers is single, maybe. Ooh, Aaron, that could be a good guess. Possibly. The guy from the Garfield movie.

Who else, who else, who else, who else? Aaron, I think one of the Transformers, the single. Oh my God, I don't wanna date a car again. I can't be of any help to this, Erin, because I do think that every time, I don't know any celebrities' names, and then when I do see a celebrity, Mariah would be like,

yeah, they're married to this celebrity. And I'll be like, huh, what? Where do they find each other? Probably on Riah, huh? Aaron, I just Googled most eligible bachelor in Hollywood currently. And it says, as of today, and I won't say the date, but as of today, Sonic the Hedgehog

is the most eligible bachelor. Wow. Okay, he actually has rejected me already. So that's a no go. It looks like Kevin Spacey is single, Aaron. And he's coming back. Is Henry Cavill single? Henry Kissinger is.

You're a little old for Henry Cavill, Aaron. I'm sorry to say. He's like 45. I know, isn't that the problem? It's not about his age, Aaron, it's about yours. What movie is he making where he looks this hot? That's crazy. Okay, all right.

We're at work, Aaron. You can't be Google and Henry Cavill when we're at work. Yes, I can. I guess you can. I guess there's nothing we can do to stop you from doing this. All right, well, what were we talking about? Snowman's breakfast. A snowman's breakfast.

We need to know what a snowman's gonna eat for breakfast. Okay. Eggs and bacon, pancakes, waffles. I'm gonna tell you this, it's a cereal. It's a kind of cereal. Oh, ice crispies. Erin, finish the thought. Frosted flakes. Frosted flakes, yes Erin.

Frosted snowflakes. That's not icy, ice, yeah, I guess I'll give it to that too. Yeah, honeycomb, but winter. I'll do Okay, yeah, no it is frosted flakes you you could stop guessing you got it. We got two more of these. Lucky Charms! Lucky Charms, but winter. Cold Lucky Charms. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? I love this one. John Patrick Cohen.

Wow, that's tired. What the fuck? The fuck? Snowman with a vampire. I hope you never date Henry Cavill. No, you don't mean that. I kind of would like to meet him. I know right Yeah, as much as I don't want you to be happy

I do kind of want to meet him if I date Henry Cavill will you still do that? I'm Aaron keeps bother and the shotgun thing if it's a fucking Please sign my Witcher 3 poster first of all, it's not a poster. It's a lookbook I'm my Witcher 3 poster. First of all, it's not a poster, it's a look book. What else? Yeah, you wouldn't, you'd fold immediately. I would say what they did to you on The Witcher is fucking bullshit. I will not be watching the other guy, Thor's brother or whatever.

I'm not going to be watching that. He's doing like a space marine thing, right? He's doing Warhammer. Henry Cavill? The thing about Henry Cavill is that he does like to date people who are in high school when he was in his thirties and that's not okay. But he also does like to build computers and he likes Warhammer. So it's like, come on.

He reached out to Brandon Sanderson and said like, I'm probably too old, but could I please play Kaladin? And Brandon Sanderson is like, well, you're way too old and Kaladin is Asian. And he was like, so then that's a no. And he's like, Kaladin is Asian. And he's like, so that's a no. Rough stuff. Rough stuff.

Rough stuff. A vampire, so Vampire Snowman, is this a play on Dracula or is it a play on like blood or something? What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? I think it's like you take something from snowman and something from vampire. Frozen stakes? Frozen stakes is fine, but it's not what we're looking for.

When you get me across a snowman. You would also get this, I think you would also get this if like, maybe if you're like hiking up Everest or something, there's a chance. Frostbite. It's frostbite. Okay okay here's your last one and these again have been from Ashley and these I'd like to see a scene okay Adil you are a vampire and maybe you're a little drunk walking home from the bar and you see a snowman and

try to bite its neck and you're scared when no blood comes out in GBC you're the snowman mm-hmm pick up pick, pick up, pick up, pick up. Hey, Gloria, it's me, Keith. Listen, I'm out and I would love to see you tonight. If you're free, hit me back, text me. I've left you a few voicemails, but oh, hold on, gotta go. Bye-bye. Ah, yes, the creature of the night. Ooh, excuse me young man.

Do you mind if- Ah! Oh! Oh, oh! Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold. Yeah man, I'm a snowman. Oh shit. Yeah.

Oh fuck. Yeah. So cold. Can I say something to you man? You are the most like high key, like that's definitely a vampire ass vampire I've ever seen on the street I've only been here for like three days no alive I sweat pants I got an a shirt I'm not Dora I'm not saying you're not

dressed like a loser I'm just saying that you sound like a vampire Wow by the way yeah that the that woman that you're calling a vampire. Wow. And by the way, Yeah? That woman that you're calling, she's absolutely screening her calls. Gloria? Screening her calls? I mean, yeah, it seems like it. How many messages have you left?

Fourteen! Fourteen! God, that's too high. I can't believe I'm doing this. You have absolutely no game, you have absolutely no swagger. What? I've been alive for three days, guess how many times I've had sex in three days? Zero?

Yeah, zero's way off. Zero is way off, buddy. Okay. And obviously it's not the way I look. Corn cob ass, fuckin' nose, carrot nose, corn cob pipe. I got coal for eyes. You think coal for eyes is making people wet? Do you use the game? Do you like neg women? No, dude, I would never have to I neg women. God vampires. What is with you people? I would never do that It's all about projecting confidence. Okay, it's all about confidence believing in yourself and others will believe in you like Kid Rock

Dude, you are on another fucking planet right now. See, I would love to see like Ryan Gosling and Steve Carell in Crazy Stupid Love montage between that snowman and that vampire, him trying to get him to be more dateable with Baccalaureate. Taking Dracula shopping. Yeah. Snowman just melting in all the stores that he's in.

And then the snowman ends up dating the vampire's daughter, and he's like, No, not him. Okay, did we, oh yeah, you did Frostbite. So the last one is, what is a parent's favorite Christmas carol? A parent's favorite Christmas carol. A parent's favorite Christmas car. Is it parents' favorite Christmas Carol? This is rough. Vacation sex, is that a song?

Is that a Christmas song? Birthday sex is a song by Jeremiah. And that is my favorite Christmas Carol. Girl you know I, I, I, girl you know I, I, I. I love me some birthday sex. Don't we go on a break? Parents' favorite. Yeah, we're about to as soon as you get the answer.

So Erin, what do parents want? Parents want. Yes. Kids. They want kids. parents favorite yeah we're about to as soon as you get the answer so Aaron what do parents want parents want yes they want kids they want once they have that's that's some circular logic parents want the best for the kids parents want homeboy okay it's loud it's loud it's chaotic at home what do parents want they They just want... Peace and quiet. Peace. Oh holy silent night. They want peace. Oh holy silent night. Oh holy silent night. Uh, okay, Aaron, let's go to break and while we go to break,

will you please sing us a little bit of Oh Holy Silent Night? Oh holy silent night. Break. Break, break. One, two, three, four, eight, eight, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, eight, eight, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, eight, eight, two, three, four. Shout out to Claritin for supporting this episode and providing us with samples. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Um, two words rhymes with, oh no, you're sick. Yes, it rhymes with, oh, no, I'm sick. You know what? You guys are never going to get it. I was trying to show you I need Claritin. Claritin. Oh, JPC, why don't you just hold up a box of Claritin? Oh, I have this box of Claritin right here. Camera goes, ping, and I smile and I kind of wink when I hold up my box of Claritin D. JPC, I know that you found a box of Claritin D.

I know that you found a box of Claritin. Oh, I have this box of Claritin right here. Camera goes, ping, and I smile and I kind of wink when I hold up my box of Claritin D. JPC, I know that you famously live with allergies. You're an allergy sufferer. Famously. But you don't have to live like that. You can live Claritin Clear with Claritin D. Yeah, luckily for those of us who live

with the symptoms of allergies, we can live Claritin Clear with Claritin D. Guys, I know that you've been saying this live clear with Claritin D thing. It seems supernatural, but you've been saying it a ton. Just to me, like a casual conversation. Live clear with Claritin D. Live clear with Claritin D. We all know it. I picked up my own Claritin D and I think that everybody should use this product. I have allergies. I have the scratchy throat, the itchy throat, there's nothing worse, there's a lot of things worse, but there's nothing worse from a personal day to day level than that

scratchy throat. Claritin D takes it all away. It's designed for serious allergy sufferers. Claritin D has two powerful ingredients and just one pill that relieves your allergy symptoms and decongest your nose so you can breathe better and podcast funnier. That's not part of their ad copy. I want Claire to know I added the podcast funnier. The double action combination of prescription strength allergy medicine and the best decongestant available relieves sneezing, a runny nose, itchy and watery eyes, an itchy nose and throat, and sinus congestion and pressure with ease. It makes you pretty funny on a podcast.

That they put in there. I don't know why they put that in there. But don't take it from the three of us. Take it from Claire Teen. The teenage Claire who loves Claretin. I'm a teenage Claire that loves Claretin. Ready to live your life like you don't have allergies? It's time to live Claretin Clear. Fast and powerful relief is just a quick trip away. Find Claretin D at the pharmacy counter. Ask for Claritin D at your local pharmacy counter. You don't even need a prescription.

So go to Claritin.com right now for a discount so you can live Claritin clear. That's C-L-A-R-I-T-I-N dot com right now. Use as directed. Yep. Live Claritin clear. JPZ, live Claritin clear. Live Claritin clear with Claritin D. Yes, live Claritin JPZ, live Clarity and Clear. Live Clarity and Clear with Clarity and Clear. Yes, live Clarity and Clear with Clarity and Clear.

Yes. Okay, and then I'll just go and I'll start with the jingle. Is that okay? Whenever you're ready. Handsome shaving, you better shave your hair. How was that? It was pretty good. It was a little bit more yacht rock than before, which is actually what we're going for.

Oh, great. Because the call, my call said yacht rock. I mean, that's why they, that's why you brought JPC in. I mean, I'm Mr. Yacht Rock. Yeah, exactly. And we here at Henson Shaving are a family owned aerospace parts manufacturer that has made parts for the ISS International Space Station and Mars Rover and now we're bringing precision engineering to your shaving experience.

Okay now I didn't know that about aerospace manufacturing and the international space station. I'll give you a I'll give you a jingle with more of like a space feel if that's okay. Perfect. Bleep blork beep bork people poppa people poppa people poppa people poppa hits and shaving you gotta shave in space yeah well that sounds like the aliens are singing it and our aliens don't buy our product so that's our razor blades huh dang okay yeah no no good no good no mm-hmm JBC razor blades are like diving boards the longer the board the more wobble the more wobble the more nicks cuts and

scrapes. A bad shave isn't a blade problem. It's an extension problem. And we heard Hanson solve that. Diving board makes me think beach. And so let's do like more of a beachy vibe for the jingle. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, Hanson shaving. Shaving at the beach.

Huh. OK. What do we think? That was actually pretty good. That's more of a Elvis. You know, just like Elvis in the 50s, I wanna say. Henson Razors works with standard dual edge blades to give you the old school shave with the benefits of new school tech.

Once you own a Henson Razor, it's only about three to five dollars per year to replace the blades. Just like in the 1950s, when Razors were like three to five dollars a year. And now it's only about three to five dollars per year to replace the blades just like in the 1950s when razors were like three to five dollars a year and now it's thousands. And Henson shaving wants the best razor not the best razor business that means no plastic no subscriptions no proprietary blades and no planned obsolescence. Erin go ahead and tell us how to get those

Henson razors oh she got sucked into an ancient book of evil. An ancient book of evil yes so she's not gonna be able to tell us. And she's in a world we can't even begin to imagine. I'll read it. It's time to say no to subscriptions and yes to a razor that'll last you a lifetime. Visit hensonshaving.com slash riddle to pick the razor for you and use code RIDDLE and you'll get two years worth of blades free with your razor. Just make sure to add them to your cart. That's 100 free blades when you head to h-e-n-s-o-n-s-h-a-v-i-n-g dot com slash

riddle and use code riddle. Okay. 100 free blades. Let me just do another, whenever you're ready, another jingle. Okay. 100 free blades. He's the black hunter of vampires. He's the Black Hunter of vampires and there's a hundred of him, Hansen shaving one hundred free blades!

So is it like Blade's siblings or he got cloned or? I don't quite know how it works. Wow, JPC, your aura is kind of, it's kind of like a gray. Oh, thank you. Like a dark gray. Do you mind if I take a picture of your aura? Oh, absolutely, no. And honestly, I get stopped all the time asking if people could, did you say take a picture

of my aura? Speeding or, yeah, take a picture of your aura, because I want to put it in my aura digital frame, which is my new favorite thing. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm on so many people's aura digital frames that I would be put it in my Aura digital frame, which is my new favorite thing. Oh yeah, I mean, I'm on so many people's Aura digital frames that I would be honored to have my Aura on your Aura. Oh, my Aura on your Aura, yeah, that sounds great. I got these Aura frames. I gave one to my mom for Mother's Day.

She absolutely freaking loves it. You just upload any pictures you have, pops up into the frame immediately. If you, like I bought my mom a frame, I can upload pictures to her frame at any time. It's one of the best things I've ever purchased for my mom. Yeah, of course. I mean, they're wifi connected, digital picture frames,

and they allow you to share and display unlimited photos. And like I said, my aura photo, my gray, it's kind of like a storm cloud energy that I have. Yeah, I can actually see that. Sometimes I, like the top of my head is actually wet because of how powerful my aura is. And people stop me all the time, ask me for my picture. They say, I want to put this on my frame.

It's perfect for Mother's Day. I want to give this to my mom for Mother's Day. I want her to see this stormy man that I met. It happens to me all the time. Yeah. Oh, and we should say that Aaron got sucked into a book. You know, they also have great privacy. You have complete control over who has access to your frame and the Aura app lets you share photos more securely

than with email, which many other digital frames require. So people can't steal your sort of grayish energy. Yeah, and the book is over 100 years old. Aura was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter and selected as one of Oprah's favorite things. Aura was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter and selected as one of Oprah's favorite things. Ooh. Aura Frames are guaranteed to bring joy to moms of all ages.

And right now, Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $30 off plus free shipping on their best selling frame. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Use code RIDDLECHECKOUT to save Terms and Conditions Apply. I would open the book to help Aaron, but I don't want to get sucked in myself if, you know. Of course, no one does.

Yeah. All right, all right, look. Oh, play ball. We are moving on. We are moving on. We are moving on from all things Christmas and we're moving on to some riddles from Esther. Which Esther is like a biblical name and makes me think Christmas.

Erin, are you okay? No. I'm allergic to Christmas. That should be a Hallmark movie. Wow, allergic to Christmas. Amanda Pete is back in allergic to Christmas. That should be a Hallmark movie. Wow, Allergic to Christmas. Amanda Pete is back in Allergic to Christmas. It's gotta be Amanda Pete. Amanda Pete! Of fucking course it's Amanda Pete. Hell yeah. Get that money, Amanda Pete. Okay, here we go. This is a riddle from Esther. A famous basketball player is lying on an operating table in the hospital. He's there for routine surgery and he's not nervous at all. They place the gas mask

the gas mask over his face and he hears a nurse say just relax everything's going to be fine. The statement makes him feel extremely nervous. Why? Just relax everything's gonna be fine. The famous basketball player. Oh, because she was, the doctor was looking in a mirror. That's funny. Adel, that is the correct answer. Yes, you got the crux of it, basically. But it is that the nurse was talking to the doctor.

So the doctor who would be performing the surgery, the nurse was saying, just relax, everything is going to be fine, which made the person who is having the surgery feel very nervous. Can I tell you what I think is good about that riddle in the way it's written? No! Oh yeah, you can tell me. I would say, I think it's good because the detail

of him being a basketball player really throws you. Cause I think otherwise you would make a beeline to the correct answer too quickly. And I appreciate them making a little bit more difficult of a maze. Also, what is a routine surgery? Like isn't every surgery kind of like a big deal if it's your body?

I get a little tune up every two weeks. I go in, go under the knife and they sort of rearrange the organs. Yeah. Make the feng they sort of rearrange the organs. Yeah. Make the feng shui better in my stomach. Go into the, uh, go into the, the doctor every two weeks. Yep. My butthole is completely out of whack again.

I do not know how often most people get a butthole alignment and they're like every six months or 30,000 miles and you're like, well, I don't know. I don't know why mine is so out of whack, but go ahead and fix it all up again. I wonder if like for like a basketball player or an athlete in general, if routine would mean like an ACL tear or something where it's like severe, but it's also, it happens so often that they're like,

this is routine. We'll do something. I do think that if I ever had a doctor like describe a surgery that I was having as routine, I'd be like, okay, back up. You gotta remember, I'm a guy with a body. I'm not just a person at your work right now. Like, you gotta be giving me your A game. You gotta be like...

I'm gonna be working on you like a car. This, my eyes are glazed over. This is, I'm checked out this whole time. This is basically like my commute. I get there and I'm like, how do I get here? I don't remember driving here. No, no, I need you to focus up. I'm checked out this whole time. This is basically like my commute. I get there and I'm like, how do I get here? I don't remember driving here. No, no, I need you to focus up. I'm an autopilot.

Routine surgery. I thank you so much, Esther, for writing in that riddle. We have another one from Charlie, another riddle from Charlie, not another one from Charlie. I don't know if Charlie submitted this fucking riddle before. A hunter took a shot at something, then realized their mistake. A few minutes later, they died.

What happened? Hunter took a shot at something. Yeah. Realized they made a mistake. They shot their shot. Can you read it again? Yes. A hunter took a shot at something, then realized their mistake.

A few minutes later, they died. What happened? A mirror? Hunter Biden? Yes, it was Hunter Biden. And that's kind of the direction the podcast is going. Took a shot at it. 2024.

Fooling the government? We're getting into the serious issues and we're talking about Hunter Biden. Took a shot at something. It like shot, it's like. It's not a mirror. I do like the mirror though, that's a fun answer. Shot the person that was coming to save them.

Whoa. What were they hunting? They were hunting a different person? A bear mauls you when someone's racing towards you to help you and you're like, another bear. Could it be JPC? The bear's teaming up with a guy in an orange vest that says rescue.

I'm fucked if I let them both get me. JPC, could it be something along the lines of like, he's on ice, like he's on a frozen pond and he shoots at like a wolf on the pond and that cracks the ice or something? Dude, that is so close, but it's not the answer. But I think you're totally on the right track. Yeah. I think it has to be,

he shoots at something and the environment changes. Oh my God, you're so on the right track. Yeah. I think it has to be, he shoots at something and the environment changes. Oh my God, you're so close. You're so close. He shoots at his like heater. And if he's cold out, he's like has a heating thing that he's standing by and he breaks it. Okay, that could be, yeah, I could see that.

I do think that that's. He thought a gas tank was a squirrel. I'm just wondering... He started an avalanche. Aaron, it's an avalanche. Nice. Uh, I think that it's so, yes, it is an avalanche. The gunshot sets off an avalanche in a few minutes later. He is covered in snow, but I do want to see a quick scene.

Adol, you have invited Aaron out hunting with you, and Aaron, you have brought a bunch of creature comforts that do not belong in the wilderness for hunting. So we'll sit up here and we just kind of make that noise. Use the deer call whenever you like and that'll make a noise to attract deer. I don't really want any deer coming near me. I'm going to be playing a lot of Nintendo Switch, a lot of Wii Sports, PlayStation, Xbox. What the f- I see the Switch, but how are you going to hook up you brought a TV on a rolling cart?

Okay. Excuse me, would you sign for this? Are you Michelle? I am. Yeah, I have a sleeper sofa for Michelle. Oh my god, you are late. I sofa for Michelle. Oh my god. You are late I'm sorry right here. I got lost. It's the woods. Yeah Okay, well I was gonna help you set it up, but you

Tip for you. No, okay. Well, that's fine. My friend will set it up for me what I Have you breathe guy keeps fucking blowing up my phone. I ordered a bunch of sushi. See? He's confused. He doesn't know where to go. Dear, I hate the smell of fish.

So? Tracy, I thought we'd get escaped to the wilderness, right? To get, you know, out of, out of the path of screens and consuming media. Yeah, yeah, we are. We are. We're outside the city. We're outside the city. We're outside the city. We're in the wilderness. Wait! There's a teenage deer sitting down on the sleeper sofa. Okay. I am gonna freak out. That's pretty gross. Can we kill the deer? Yeah, that's why we're here. Oh, this is all about killing deer?

Why did you say so? Choked the deer, choked, choked. You see a Uber Eats guy giving $80 worth of sushi to a deer. Hey, that's mine! Seen. A teenage deer ate my sushi. Misfits, that's a Misfits song. I miss a teenage deer, baby.

A deer could fucking fuck up some sushi. A deer could eat so much sushi. I don't know if they would like it. Only one way to find out. That's my new children's book. Field trip. Field trip to the woods to give sushi to a deer. Why not?

Hey, why not? In this economy, why not? One deer loves sushi. Why don't we do this? Why don't we do a riddle from Nietzsche? Nietzsche writes, within, I clean all that is bad and is old. I make juice that's the color of gold. Stop it.

Stop it. What, what, what? We weren't even doing anything over here. Should I die? A filter machine would need assembled to replace me and beans I resemble. Kidney. It's a kidney.

It is a kidney and it is piss. Iney. It's a kidney. It is a kidney and it is piss. I'd like to see a scene. Um, JPC, you are, um, hmm, you're the stomach and you're making fun of Adil the kidney. And Erin, if I may, I also want to cast you as the brain who's, um... No, I'll make an appearance. I'll make an appearance. And sorry, I was the kidney and JPC was the... Stomach. Stomach. the brain who's um yeah I'll make it a parent I'll make it a parent and sorry I was a kidney and JPC was the stomach stomach hey man enjoy enjoy was coming

your way man I'm sorry can you send this somewhere else I can't keep I really can't I really can't I don't know why he's eating asparagus and I don't know yet This is disgusting good luck breaking that down dude. I don't know I don't know on I don't know man It's oh it smells like undigested meat. Yeah, I didn't really digest it. Oh I'm able to Man I don't I mean I'm able to, but I just don't, man, I don't. I just didn't. At this point, I'd take some bubble gum.

Just send me some gum or something. This is so fucking gross. This is rancid, dude. I keep the gum, man. I keep the gum forever down in here. I gotta turn this into piss? Hey, guys, I know I don't normally consciously talk to you, but you guys are being really loud down there

and causing me a good amount of pain. Can you knock it off? Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. Yeah, absolutely ma'am. Yeah, so anxious up here for no reason No, yeah, no, absolutely man. We will we will be up here by my turn I will knock it off immediately didn't mean the fucking eyes up here and always what the fuck did you do man? The boss never comes down here. Oh, I what did you do? Can you just do it? Just make the piss I fine fine Okay, you know here. You don't hear the fucking colon complaining of the stuff. I send him colon loves it colon loves See he eats that Send me whatever and I do man colon cool, man

I got no beef with colon speaking of beef colon beef coming your way bladder you need me hey bladder Bladders a bladder Yeah, I think the earth is a big bladder What could blad earther mean it couldn't mean anything move on What could Blad-Earther mean? It couldn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything. So let's just move on. Here we go. This is a riddle from Justin, and I love this because this riddle comes with a title. This country used to be something, man. We used to do riddles with titles. This is the way that it used to be. 2018. God,

that was a better time for America. This is called Two Brothers in a Box. Hmm. John gave his brother James a box. About it, there were many locks. James woke and said it gave him pain, so gave it back to John again. The box was not with lids supplied, yet caused two lids to open wide. And all these locks had never a key.

What kind of box then could it be? It's like a piano. Before we find out, I'd like to see a scene, you're two brothers and you're stuck in a box. And Erin, I want you to, um, you're also the brain, so you can chime in whenever. We'll see. Ugh. Let me try one more time. Eeeeh!

Stop. Man, stop. Nope, can't poop. Cannot poop in a box. Why would you want to? We're obviously we're in a coffin. It's because of your gambling debts. That's what the guy said before he put us in the coffin I'm just trying to scare us. We're not gonna die in here and I'm absolutely gonna die in here We heard him dump all the dirt on top of us. That was probably a fully artist. Okay They're just trying to confuse us to try're trying to pit us against each other. And I'm trying to shit because that'll give us motivation. You're not going to be able to shit.

You already shit once. You think you're going to be able to shit twice? You haven't had anything to eat while you're in here. Okay, fine. I can't believe I'm dying for your gambling debts. I told you, I told you, you cannot, you cannot bet on historical basketball games. They're already over.

Their scores have been determined. But, but the butterfly effect thing, the pass is changing constantly. The Mandela effect, the butterfly effect, all the effects. It's not, it's not. Those effects are not. You're not going to die. You're being dramatic. Okay.

The bullet in your leg is fake. They shot fake bullets at us. They shot fake bullets at you, They shot fake bullets at you. I think. I think one of the guys wasn't on the same page. I got a real bullet in my leg. It's going to be fine. Um, Oh, uh, do you ever see kill bill?

I taught the second one. Shit. Did you, did they recap the first one when you saw it? Wasn't the thing that I'm thinking you're thinking of in the second one? Yeah. Well, what I was going to say is remember, because this is useful for us in this moment, remember when Uma Thurman plucks out Darryl Hannah's eye in one swift motion, take out my eye, because then I feel like in your head will be even and you'll stop complaining.

You know what? That's fair. I appreciate that. That's very big of you. Okay, I'm going to take out your eye. Man, you just do the heart exploding thing from Kill Bill to me when I tried to grab your eye. It was instinct. Yeah, that heart exploding thing. It's instinct. Oh man. Yeah, that heart exploding thing, it's real. David Carradine in that movie died jerking off. In Thailand, I think? Yeah. Couple more riddles?

No, we're in the middle of a riddle. Hold on, we need to figure out how David Carradine died. All right, on the box. Couple more riddles. You don't wanna talk about David Carradine jerking off to death? Okay, fine. Weird. I do, but I'm trying to get through these riddles. Yeah, you have to get through this riddle first, and then you can have your dessert.

What is the box? Can you read it again? John gave his brother James a box. About it there were many locks. James Woken said it gave him pain, so gave it back to John again. The box was not with lid supplied, yet caused two lids to open wide. and all these locks had never a key. What kind of box then could it be? The answer by the way is also in rhyming couplets. So I don't know where this riddle is from but it's just from Justin it's called two brothers in a box so maybe it's like a famous, I don't know. This is great though.

The answer is not a single word it's several couplets. If you get the answer it is a single, but the way that the answer is presented is in rhyming couplets, which I think is very interesting. And we have a hint. Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm. What has locks but no keys? I will say that John gave his brother James a box about it. There were many locks. I don't that John gave his brother James a box about it. There were many locks

I don't necessarily know that it's a Like a tangible box Yeah doors box it could be like pintor is boxes like a metaphorical box A boom box HBO home box office box office. Are the names important? Are these like historic names associated with the with the John Locke? That's a great question. James and John as names are not important as so. Hmm. So so one person was hurt by it. It said it opened, it didn't have a lid, but it opened other lids, which would be their eyes. Is this- Okay, yes. Is this like the thing from Clockwork Orange?

Oh, Jesus, no, it is not. It is not that torture device that- Had to ask, had to ask. Holds your eyes open, it's not that. This is a metaphorical box. Yeah, but it's not a metaphorical box. I didn't say that. I just said it's not like a tangible.

It's not like a physical box. Okay. And, yeah. DVD box set. Is that a DVD box set? Can you just tell us the answer? Is it the GameCube? Ah, I can't tell you the answer, Erin. but I can read you four couplets that will supply you

with the answer, if you would like. Yes. Here we go. As curly-headed James was sleeping in bed, his brother John gave him a blow on the head. James opened his eyelids and spying his brother, doubled his fist, and gave him another. The kind of box then is not so rare. The lids are the eyelids, the locks are the hair. And so every schoolboy can tell to his cost,

the key to the tangles is constantly lost. I almost said boxing ring. Wow. And then in my head I was like, there's no locks in boxing. Unless I guess, bring a deli, sorry, bring a bagel from a deli. Bring a del Sorry, bring a bagel from a deli. Bring a deli?

Bring a bagel from a deli. That was a good riddle. I like that riddle a lot. You just brought a knife to a gunfight. You just brought a deli spread to a boxing match. You brought a bagel to a punch fight. A bagel to a punch fight. Welcome back to the championship punch fight.

OK, you guys did a really good job at that riddle. I think that riddle was really good. and guess what? Now you're done. You don't have to do any more riddles. Yay. You did a great job. What about a voicemail? You can have a little voicemail, but first we have a new voicemail theme to play.

Hmm. We brought the mail across the sea to bring these notes along from listeners around the world, a great mighty frog. Now Adol, Aaron, and JPC will form our favorite scenes while we all wait for the mail to come from 2018. 2018! A sea shanty!

Fuck yes, amazing. And I do feel pretty called out because yes, all of those riddles were from 2018. That's incredible! Congratulations, you did a great job. Oh my gosh, it was a JP sea shanty. That is from Eric. Eric says, in honor of the prequel to 300, I wrote an inspired sea shanty mailbag theme. I hope you all enjoy. Eric, we absolutely did. And also, there's a bunch of other Sea Chantee.

A lot of people really enjoyed doing Sea Chantee mailbag themes. If you have a mailbag theme, please keep it to under 30 seconds like Eric did, only 27 seconds. And send it to HRRPodcast at gmail.com. Casey, can you play us a voicemail? Hey there. My name is Christina and I'm from Boston and I really like to go find bottles on beaches and stuff and I was curious, what is each of your favorite kind of trash? Right, thanks, love you guys, bye. Oh my God, I love that question. Find bottles on beaches?

I thought- Yeah. Is that? I'd say JPC is probably my favorite kind of trash. Erin, that means so much to me, you have no idea. I was going to say Long probably my favorite kind of trash. Aaron, that means so much to me. You have no idea. I was going to say Long John Silver's. Oh yes. Love that answer.

Um, we are, we are a simpatico because when they were talking about trash, my mind went to Taco Bell, like Taco Bell would probably be my favorite kind of trash. I know it's absolutely disgusting and I still will eat it. Um. We're simpatico there, but also we're Sicario because we both love Benicio del Toro. Yeah, and we would have killed that family. I love like scraps of things,

like scraps of paper and scraps of fabric. Like scraps. It has been quite a while since I have experienced this type of trash, but it used to happen quite often in high school. I would go to thrift stores to buy like clothes. And every once in a while, you would like buy like a jacket from a thrift store

and like reach into the pocket and there would be like a note in there. And I found a note and a jacket that I bought in a thrift store in high school that I like kept in my wallet with me for a long time. And it was like a weird grocery list. It wasn't like a personal note. It was like someone was making a grocery list. I can't remember what it was. But like, there was just the first items were like,

like eggs, milk, banana or something like that. And then the rest of the items were like a to-do list of like things to do. And I was like, this is the worst way to make a list. Like this list is not gonna be, you can't use this list in an applicable fashion. So I do like finding like other people's notes, I think is my favorite type of trash. That's very coveted.

I love that. I would say maybe, and this is maybe specifically like New York City, when you're walking around and there's stuff put out to the curb, like people either hoping somebody takes it away from a trash company or something, or hoping somebody takes it for free, like just picks it up and takes it home. But it's usually some amount of audio equipment. Constantly there's just like old timey audio equipment out there.

And it's always like a Bell Dovia sonograph or a phonograph. Like it's always some sort of weird off brand and just like an old timey outdated system. I love just seeing what weird shit was made between 1940 and 1985. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Running her up for me, we'll say the big trash island that exists in the Pacific,

which is just all the plastic bottles that we throw away. Love that. I love finding used condoms anywhere that you're not supposed to find a used condom. You find it in somebody's bedroom, you're like, okay, I get it, but like in the street or like on the corner, like that's always fun. Comes with a story.

No, wait, hold on. I was on board with everything you were saying and we got to the end part. Adel, do you have anything to plug? Yes, I do, my dear Erin. I have something to plug, which is an appearance you and I just made on a podcast called Improv is Dead. Frequent, sorry, recent Patreon guests,

Tim Lyons and Damian Anaya, host the show, they had us on. Dan White's on a sabbatical, I believe. So check out Erin and I on Improv is Dead. Erin, do you? I love Improv is Dead. I would say check it out. It was a very good time. Erin, do you have anything to plug?

Yes, I would say check out Sick Come D&D. We just did our 100th episode with Jake and Amir. Congratulations. They came on the show. Oh, very cool. And the whole time we were all just stuck in a net together and we laughed very hard. So if you wanna drop in and listen to that episode, we'd love to have you.

GBC, do you have anything to plug or review to read? I got a review to read. And this one comes from JD Low. And JD Low submitted this review on my birthday. Oh my goodness. If you want to get a five star review featured on the show, just go ahead and leave us one. I might read it.

Hey, today I picked this one. It says, yo dog, I heard you like reviews. Oh, and if you want to get your review featured on the show. Just go ahead and leave us one. I might read it. Hey, today I picked this one. It says, yo dog, I heard you like reviews. Oh, and if you want to get your review featured on the show, just leave us a five star review anywhere that you leave reviews. Maybe I'll find it, read it on the show. This one comes to us from a little bit crazy. It says, oh, and if you want to get your review

featured on the show, just leave us a five star review anywhere that you leave reviews. Maybe I'll find it, read it on the show. This one comes to us from a cat too far. It says, oh, and if you want to get your review featured on the show just leave us a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews Maybe I'll find it read it on the show this one comes from Aaron Cool show Darn it, they're achieving. And John Patrick Collins. Casey Toney did the editing. And Ari Parris did the music.

A logo created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Napores. RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE R Hey there, Forts and Sumters. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of our state series, and this time we're going to South Carolina. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey, rental, rental, rental by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast. or the review crew for $8 a month, and you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!