Hey Riddle Riddle - #307: Suck a Duck

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

Welcome back! This week we do some hink pinks, tandem skydive, and do an usual amount of holy scenes. Oh and did we mention? The Bad News Gang is back! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Adeline JPC? Oh, Erin, you're glowing. What's happening? You might notice that I'm in a good mood today. I'm feeling super creative. My mood's good. My focus is right here with you two.

I'm feeling very present. Want to know why? I mean, it's probably schedule 35, right? Yeah, it's nothing we did. It's got to be 35. It's definitely nothing you guys did. It is schedule 35. Yeah.

You don't have to say it like that, but yeah, schedule 35 is a Canadian based startup that ships across Canada and the U S and their mission is to educate and enrich lives with deeper meaning and a better sense of self through micro dosing psilocybin products. Studies have shown, Aaron, I'm sure you've heard this, that psilocybin works by creating new neural networks in the brain which help boost focus, creativity, mood enhancement, and help fight addiction.

I love the tea, especially the mango dragon fruit. It's perfect. Tight little microdose, amazing. Erin, if you love the tea, sit down and let me tell you about yourself. Just kidding, I don't totally know what that means what you're saying. I don't want to Aaron gossip toward you.

But I do know that Schedule 35 ships all across Canada and the US and is the most notable brand currently operating in the space. All products come with guides that make microdosing easy and all customers need to be age verified. So once you're age verified, 19 plus in Canada and 21 plus in the US, you're gonna receive an invite code.

And so for all the products and to get your invite code, visit www.schedule35.co. That's just.co. And Erin, since you've been microdosing, I hooked you up with a date tonight. It's Micro Mike. Hi. Hi Erin, it's me Micro Mike

and I'd love to dose you on a date. I'm sorry, I'm nervous. Don't wait up. Uh, we won't wait up for Erin, you don't need to wait up for us, so get 15% off with code riddle at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule3535.co and use code riddle. Oh Erin, I just sneezed and your date wentLE. Oh, Erin. I just sneezed and your date went flying.

That's okay. Cabin of an airplane. He's dappin' with an ice cream. And the horse is a pig. Friday. One, two, three, four, eight. Rittle, Rittle. One, two, three, four, eight. Rittle, Rittle. One, two, three, four, eight. Rittle, Rittle.

One, two, three, four, eight. Rittle, Rittle. One, two, three, four, eight. Rittle, Rittle. Rittle. Oh, uh-oh, hold on. You have to be this tall to host an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. Oh, come on, lady. Let us host. Come on.

No, I'm so sorry. You got to be at least this tall. Oh, we understand. Can I talk to you for a second? Me? Yeah, yeah. Me? No, no. Addle, look, there's an interesting bird. Oh. So my buddy Addle just got hit with a shrink ray because he was mouthing off to a scientist

again. And it's temporary. The scientists explained this is for 48 hours, so he learns his lesson. But we only had today to come to the amusement park. So could you just do us a solid? He's normally like six, two, six, one, at least six, one. Let's call it he's over six foot, because we don't want to get into specifics. But he's normally like, he's normally like, one, at least six, one. Let's call it, he's over six foot, because we don't want to get into specifics,

but he's normally like, he's normally like, could we at least just for today, just ride the podcast? First of all, I get excuses like this all the time, and I can't like make an exception every time. And also it's more of like a safety issue. Like if you're so itty bitty like that, you can get really, really hurt in some of the hayridden rid, really hurt in some of the behavioral scenes

and some of the riddles could crush you. So it's more of like a safety concern. Like he could die. Yeah, could we send a waiver? Cause he doesn't, I think, care if he lives or dies. That's kind of the way he operates and lives his life. Is there like a waiver we could sign or? If I'm being totally honest with you,

yes, there's a waiver you can sign, but if he dies and he gets squooshed by a riddle or by a really funny joke or pun, then like I have to clean up that mess. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Ah, it wasn't a bird, it was a squirrel trapped in a plastic bag. Sort of the same thing though, huh?

Yeah. I could recommend some other podcast you could ride today. Hold on, you didn't take that squirrel out of the bag, did you? Yeah. Why? Because that was probably a science experiment. You probably just pissed off another scientist. If you get zapped with another shrink ray, it could be too small for me to even find.

That Dr. Chameleon really hates me. Yeah, there's some other podcasts you can ride. Oh, okay. Erin, could I ride an emotional roller coaster? Am I tall enough to go on an emotional roller coaster? Yeah, I think so. I'm not in charge of that ride. and could I ride an emotional roller coaster? Am I tall enough to go on an emotional roller coaster? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm not in charge of that ride.

You'll have to talk to the person in front of that. And just who is it? And who would be the person? Is it like Angela Bassett? It's Angela Bassett. Exactly, thank you for doing the work. I really would love to talk to Angela Bassett. Yeah, sorry, it's just you can't,

I mean, like other podcasts, like you don't even have to sign a waiver, like with Comtown, you could just go on if you're totally shut down. I don't know that that's still a podcast anymore. Is it? I think it's been like five years since that's been about podcast.

I know, but it is the funniest podcast reference to make, and I stand by that. Yes, for sure. And we'll learn one reference from 2018, and we'll never learn another one. I don't know if you too mind, but instead of recording Hey Riddleriddle today, um, the... I want to say the Bad News Gang? Is that what they're called?

Well, well, well! Look who it is! They invited me on their podcast, so, um, let's... Okay! What do you think, boys? Let's lay it down. Yeah, why not? See you later, suckers! The Bad News Gang... Ow! Ooh, I hit my shin! Oh no! Oh no, the bad news gang can't record!

No, you guys can take him. You guys can all go. No, no, no. Now we don't want him. Something's wrong with him. You started talking like them so quickly! No, that's not me. That's- Oh, similar voice, huh? Yeah, it's the same voice. Yeah, very. Similar voice, similar face.

Well, let's not dig too deep into this. You guys get the fuck out of here. Name tag says Addle? All right, but we'll be back if you say our name. I truly hope not. Yeah, and anytime you say bad news gang, well, well, well. No, no, get out of here. So I guess just one then, one for the podcast? Great. Great. Boy. Oh, well. No, no, get out of here. So I guess just one then, one for the podcast.

Great. Boy. Oh, wait. Me and Aaron on the podcast. This is somehow even worse than when it was just being Adam on the podcast. You're talking out loud. You're looking at me while you're saying this.

You can hear me? And hi, it's me, Angela Bassett, talking through text to talk, because that's the safest way to do this. You don't have to do this. We all agree. You don't even have to bring this back. You know, I'm so glad I just remembered I have a opposite of shrink ray.

What's the opposite of shrink ray? A sugar ray? It is 8.48 in the morning for me. That is for you to figure out. Bada da. Every morning is a shrink ray. And zap. All right, Adel. Scratchy scramble for me, that is for you to figure out. Ta-da-da. Every morning there's a sugar battle. And zap. All right, Addle.

Scratchy scramble for me. Whoa. Wow, he's back. Wow, that's pretty cool. And you're back to listening to the podcast, Hey, Rattle Rattle, I'm JPC. That's Aaron, and that's Addle over there. And we're the three hosts of the podcast.

And isn't it a fun show? Don't we all love to be here? Don't we all big smile love to be here, big smile? Big old smile. Yes, we all love to be here. Hur't know big smile love to be here big smile What a happy little bunch Aaron Adel and I are coming off of a very fun thing cuz we got to Almost hang out all weekend, but we barely saw each other We sat next to each other. We sat next to each other for yeah for 15 minutes, but I don't just went to a to a wedding together.

What? Whose wedding? Yeah. I was at our mutual friend, but it's really Adeline and I's friend, but our past and future guest on our Patreon episodes, Rush Howell, who was our DM for our D&D episodes, just got married and we went to the wedding. And we had a lovely time at that wedding. Yes, beautiful, beautiful wedding, beautiful couple, wonderful guests. I had a great time. Did you solve any riddles while you were there?

No, there were no riddles, but there was a game show element, which was very fun to the wedding. And when I got into, it was a destination wedding, so we were out of town. When I got into town, I texted Adel and I said, hey man, let's meet up, let's get some food. And Adel said, I'm at the airport right now.

And I was like, oh, okay, well, just let me know when you get in and maybe we'll get some food. And then what, you got in at like early the next morning and you're like, I'm going to sleep. We missed, Gemma and I missed three flights. Well, not missed, we were flying standby and they filled up and so we couldn't make it.

So we missed three flights between O'Hare and Midway. So we had to buy tickets for the next day, which is fine. And then coming home, JPC, I don't know if you heard this, yesterday was a nightmare. Now, here's my question for you, Adel. So I know that you guys love flying standby. How many times do you think is, like, of it ruining your travel for the day? Is it enough to be like, maybe no more standby?

Only once before was it a brutal experience, which was somewhere coming back from Vegas or something. So, once in like seven years of using Gemma's flight benefits, once in seven years was pretty great. Yeah. And then this wedding came up and for whatever reason, getting in and out of Atlanta is a hellscape. Yeah. I will say the Atlanta airport is maybe the worst place

in the history of the world. I think it's the new, for a while I think it's been the new number one. Cause Chicago, O'Hare used to be the busiest busiest airport I think not the largest the busiest and then I think Atlanta took over maybe three years ago but we JPC I won't get too far into the weeds but yesterday the flight was it was a situation where we boarded super late we sat on the plane for an hour and a half they made us get off the plane yep they told us nothing for like two hours like they were

hiding the crew and the the front desk folks were hiding on the plane. And then after like two and a half hours, they came out and said like, here's this, yeah, it was insane. And people were getting very, very vocal. A lot of passengers were fed up and were speaking their mind to do the flight. It was wild. If flying cost $100 and it was mostly fine, people wouldn't be upset.

But it's so expensive and they treat you like you're a fucking asshole every time you go on a plane. And it's not their fault. It's not like the malicious pilot is like, I'm going to fuck with someone's day. It's the airline. The airline treats you like you are scum of the earth. And they will exist whether or not you fly or not

and they were like, I'll piss you off. What are you gonna do? Not fly? How the fuck are you gonna get to Atlanta, dumb ass? Like you have to use our service. It's like a gas company. Like they're like a utility that's like, oh good. Like, oh, you can't take a shower today?

Go suck a fucking duck. Who gives a shit? I don't care. I'll never turn your gas on. It was funny, there's several passengers who once we were told to get off the plane and like standing there waiting for several hours, there were many people who were like, all right, fuck this, I'm gone, or like, never,

I refuse, even if they board the plane, I'm not getting on this fucking plane. Half an hour later, quietly board the plane. Yeah. You have to, because what else are you gonna do? There was a thing. They're like, yeah, I'll suck a duck. I'll suck a fucking duck.

Yes, sir, please present a duck. Can I get a new duck? Can I get a new duck or do I have to suck the duck that that guy just sucked and they're like, suck the duck. Speak first, feathers and all. Feathers and all. You pick the side. You can suck the front or suck the back.

There's no good options. You're like, just kidding. You don't get to pick the side. It's the back, always. It's the back. It's the moist back of the duck that you have to suck. Moist from 15 people ahead of you who, by the way, paid to like board in zone three,

and you're back here in zone six with the wettest duck you've ever experienced. Aaron, one of the most delightful parts of the wedding was after the beautiful service, there was like a little cocktail hour. Ceremony? What did I say, service? Service is for your funeral.

No, bathroom is a beautiful service. Freudian slip. You could say service if it was like a religious wedding, which it was not. The reason I said service is because I love Rush. I wish it were me, but it was not. I reason I said service is because I love Rush. I wish it were me, but it was not. So I wish I'm the best. You know what?

Rush is a tennis guy too. And so service does make sense because I think that that is a tennis term, I believe as well. Forget I said anything. And can you kindly suck a duck? We're ripping, we're ripping. There was a cocktail hour and I was in line getting cocktails.

And then for Gemma and I, and I turned around and Gemma was talking to someone and as I approached He turned in like said hello and I'm like, I've never met this guy in my life. He looks so funny Why do I know this guy? I'm like did I go to college with this guy? I couldn't quite place it It was coach beard from Ted Lasso. Mm-hmm. Oh, I thought you were gonna say it was JPC It was JPC. It was JPC. That's crazy. Was he nice? JPC and I sat next to each other during dinner. Was he nice?

And we're doing lots of bits. He was incredibly nice. We went to the same college, so we started talking. We started talking teachers, old theater teachers. Fun. My professor. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Getting on the old apps. Do you guys mind if I grab a sweatshirt really quick? Just right there. Wow, Aaron, thank you so much for asking and then not waiting for the response. It's kind of a strange thing to say, do you buy it and then just go get the sweatshirt. Do what you will.

I didn't mind, you know I didn't mind. TBC, let's agree, whatever, when she sits back down, whatever sweatshirt she's wearing, this is the sweater part two. I don't care if it's a gray sweatshirt she's wearing. This is the sweater part two. We, we, I don't care if it's a gray sweatshirt that says like, you know, Hollinger, what's that place? Hollister? It's Hollinger. Hollinger. Tommy Hollinger, what's that? Yeah. Says, I don't care if it says champion, we roast. Yeah, we got it. We absolutely roast this thing. Okay, well it's the craziest sweatshirt I've ever seen in my entire fucking life.

So we do not have to worry about that. Oh, you were hoping I'd put on a crazy one? So we'd have content. I'm sorry. Yeah, not much there. I am looking at the titular sweater, sweatshirt, right now. Do you think that I could get more than what I paid for it? Because it's a historic, hey riddle little artifact. There's a hey riddle little listener out there who would pay like a thousand dollars for that.

No. I think someone would pay 200 tops. Yes, Addle. The last, I want to say year and a half, I have made 28 grand off selling quote-unquote your bathwater to fans. So I think your sweater could, I think your sweater's- What is it really though, Addle? I don't wanna talk about it. Addle? Well, it has to be bathwater.

Let's brass tacks, it has to be bathwater cause they're gonna know if it's not bathwater. So, V7, and Addle famously does not take baths. Could it be the runoff from like a car wash? Aaron, how did you know? I knew it. I leave a similar residue. Same as a dirty car. It's like a dark gray. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot of pollen. There's part of me that thinks it's maybe unethical to sell a listener of the show, Aaron's bath water, that's just car wash runoff. But also, if you're the person who's buying bath water, I don't believe it's unethical to scam you. I mean, if you're the person who's buying bath water, I don't believe it's unethical to scam you. I mean, I don't think any of our fans or listeners would actually buy bath water. I don't think that that's something that the majority

of people would do. But if there's a chance that we could make $2,800, we should take that chance. Right. Erin, what are you Googling right now? Oh, I'm pulling up my riddles, but you're right, we don't need them. You're right, you're right, we don't need them.

That's a good point. Back to talking about selling my bath water. You're right, we don't need this. Riddles can wait, riddles can wait. Aaron, are you aware of, I wanna say, 20 years ago, who knows, who can recall, there was like a kid in Canada who's like, I'm gonna take this pen, it was like a 50 in Canada who's like, I'm going to take this pen.

It was like a 50 cent pen. It's like, I'm going to take this pen and I'm going to keep trading. I'm going to make trades where I get the slightly better deal out of it until I get a house. And this kid kept trading. He's like this pen for this and this that for this kept trading, kept trading. People were getting excited and they're like, Oh, I'll trade you this for whatever you have now, just to give you a better deal and sort of continue

the motion of this exercise. So the kid ended up with a full blown house. Let's do that with a sweater, but get you into like a Range Rover. What's your dream car, Erin? What's your dream car? I don't give a shit about cars. And Erin, don't say marshmallow wheels.

Ice cream trucks. Oh wait. Yeah, nevermind. The car you want most versus your dream car. Oh, Casey. Casey's in an apartment with good internet. That is a slam, and Casey, that is a slam from you. Casey has some pretty good slams.

Casey puts some pretty good slams in the chat. He doesn't have a microphone, so no one can hear. He does? What were we talking about? Like if money was no object, Erin, what is your car that you desire most? Like if you- A limousine.

But I'm the driver. Uh-oh. No. I don't know. I don't know what, oh, you know what I like? Cause I see them around California and they seem so correct in California.

Are they called Broncos? Tesla. Are they called Broncos? Tesla. Are they called Broncos? Absolutely, OJ Jensen. You mean like the white Bronco, the OJ Bronco? No, no, no, no, like the Jeep, the Bronco Jeep. Oh. What's that mean? A Bronco is not a Jeep.

What does that mean? There's two grand Cherokees. It's not a Jeep, but it's like, it doesn't have a top. Oh, you're talking about. Oh, this is a Bronco that was, that would feel like a drive-through and like was like too big for it. This is a Bronco with no top Aaron Jeep Wrangler. Yeah, like I do like The car from Empire Records cuz I was obsessed with that car. Don't know what Tyler drives

because I was obsessed with that car. The one that Liv Tyler drives. In Empire Records, Liv Tyler drives a car that looks like a Bronco but has no top. It has a cloth top you can take down. I was obsessed with that car, I wanted it so bad. I was obsessed to it to the point where I can't remember what it's called right now. But it is a beautiful car, if that's what you're talking about.

Or maybe you're talking about Dodge Duran. I can't imagine what kind of car this is. This is, this is, I do like that, Aaron, you're like dream car. When we say dream car, it has to like be a car that exists. It can't be a car that you had a dream about. Yeah. Uh, hold on.

This is gonna take too long. It's gonna be too quiet. Topless and no headlines. Yeah. My dream, I mean, I think Range Rovers are pretty nice. Also, there's some new or newer electric car. Here's the thing, I can't remember the freaking names of cars.

It's some new electric car that comes in like a teal color. So it looks beautiful. It looks like a throwback car. Yeah, like 1960 Broncos. Okay. Like the ones that people like restore. Oh, okay. So Erin, you want a car that is 80 years old.

Yeah, I want like a vintage car. Oh, that makes sense. Oh, Rivian is the car I'm thinking of. There's these new Rivian cars that are absolutely gorgeous, but they're way too expensive. I'll show this briefly, then we can absolutely get into riddles. But I was taking like lifts and Ubers when we were in Atlanta because we didn't have

a car. And every time, every one that I got in was a Tesla, which I've never been in a Tesla before and I don't think I would choose to be in a Tesla. But there was also, they weren't all Teslas, but they were all electric. So another one, I don't remember what brand it was, but it was a non-Tesla fully electric car. And as we were getting into it, the guy was full on watching YouTube, like music videos

on the big ass screen in the car as the car was driving. And I thought, this can't possibly be,, this is not a thing that the car can do by its, that, that seems like a safety feature that should be turned off while the car is in motion. And then I was thinking like, they self drive, right? Some of them, they don't self drive. None of them actually self drive. Self driving is like a term used, but it doesn't actually do what you would

think it does by like self driving-driving is like driver assist. It's, it's not actual self-driving cruise control, but yeah, it's cruise control is like a type of driver assist. They have like slightly more, it's basically slightly more advanced cruise control. Um, but I was like, he was like watching YouTube videos as we were driving. And it was like right down the road. And I was, I did not give him a good rating.

Uh, cause I was like, surely this is not something that you should or could be able to do. But I didn't also look into it, but I think you have to like jailbreak your car so that you can do that, well, use the screen to do YouTube videos. That sucks. My only question is, and then we can move on to riddles.

What was the video playing? What was the music? This is truly insane. It was Drake's hotline bling. What? I know! I was like, my man, you have heard that Drake has been murdered, right? Like, Drake is... My man Kendrick won.

What are you doing? Wap, wap, wap, wap. To listen to the hotline bling. Uh, yeah, anyway, so that's what... And it was truly the length of the ride was like the length of half of hotline bling. Yeah, anyway, so that's what, and it was truly the length of the ride was like the length of half of Hotline Bling, which by the way is an insanely long music video, way too long.

I was gonna say, I was like, is that a seven minute long? It felt like it. It felt like there was like other stuff in the music video that was not part of the song that I barely remember. Erin, we gotta do riddles. I know, and it's crazy to call something warm up riddles when we're 40 minutes into an episode. But I wanna do just some hinkpinks

to get your minds nimble and loose. Nimby pimby. And you know what I learned today, or I guess yesterday when I found these, is that hinkpinks have different names if there are a different amount of syllables in the answer. So hinkpinks are one syllables. Yeah, hinky pinkies are two syllables

and hinkity pinkities are three syllables. It's also like a Southern convenience store, I think. Yeah, hinkity pinkity. Oh, that's piggily wiggly. So we'll do just a few from each of those. Okay. I thought you, Aaron, you were gonna say that hinkpinks are different

depending on what country they're from. Australians call them hankpikes. They probably do. Stuff like that. Their business is their own. I'm tired of trying to figure out what makes those Australians tick. We can't get into it.

Okay. A party at a convent. Party at a convent? A fun, nun fun. Yep. Is it a nun fun? Wait, what? You don't like it?

I do wanna say a say. Yes, at all. The two of you are nuns. You are at a, let's call it a christening, I guess. Do nuns go to christening? Who cares? Erin, you decide that this is the time to let your sort of fun flag fly.

A lovely christening, yes, lovely. Oh yes, lovely day. I don't see you in the name of the Father, the Son. Of course, the Holy Spirit. And the let party. Sister Margaret, um... Open your mouth. Open my mouth?

Oh, I got it in. Congratulations, you just took Molly. What was that? I took what? Nananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n- Yes. I can't believe I got it in from this distance. Well, you kinda didn't. See, now you gotta throw more stuff in there. Aww, unseen, unseen. Acid. Dirt.

What? Dirt? Seen. Don't put dirt in a nun's mouth. It's a proverb as old as time. Speaking of dirt in a nun's mouth. What's the segue? An earthquake on a Sunday morning.

Ooh, church lurch. Yes. Is it? Yeah. You rang? I'd like to see a scene. Okay. JPC, you are a priest and you're in the middle

of addressing the church and an earthquake hits. Now what does that story mean for us today? You know, the Bible is full of these allegories that we can replace into our own lives. So take my life for instance. You know, priests, we are famously celibate. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Maybe priests don't have to be celibate. That was what he was saying. I'm sorry, I misspoke.

I think we just live in California. Yeah, it's just a... Silence, witch! Witch! That's a witch. We all saw me call that witch. Ow, my arm! Now, hold her down.

Ow, ow, ow! Why are you twisting her arm? Get her out of here. Get her out of here. And they shall speak with their forked tongues. Unless, was she single? She was married? Okay, get her out of here.

Okay, so new thing happening at church today. Father Michael is gonna come down into the congregation. Everyone have their hands up. Wedding ring check, do a wedding ring check for the congregation. Father Michael, maybe you're just horny and you're kind of looking for a sign. You kind of did this last week when a bird flew in here.

That bird was a dove, by the way, a mourning dove. Yeah, and you said a dove is a God's reminder of peace and therefore you think priests should get a piece of ass. No men talk for the rest of church, okay? The new God rule. 11th commandment just dropped. I'm just a young woman. Men shall not speak. Men shall not speak. It was a bowl cut. Men shall not speak. Men shall not speak.

Men shall not speak. Men shall not speak. All right, so single women, like let's just say 25 to 45. Maybe you just don't wanna be a priest. I'm sorry? I don't want to be a priest. God called me to be a priest.

And then he just called me with that earthquake and he said, by the way, new rules just dropped for being a priest and you can get a little nasty. What was the original call? I'm starting to think it was just a thing that happened. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It wasn't that I didn't get any of my preferred colleges and I had to go to a seminary school

because I misunderstood what seminary was all about. And I, ooh seminary I'm gonna get laid laid laid laid non-stop and then I got there and they you know as a bunch of frankly monks made me take a vow of silence so I couldn't talk about how I absolutely wanted to get out there. Okay so we still have some hands up. You're giving all of us high fives as you walk by us. Yeah, what am I doing? What am I doing? Okay, so, and then, okay, so, okay, you there.

You still have your hands up. Me? Yeah, you. Okay, no, you're too dumb. You, me, I'm pointing at you. You're not adequate for me. Who wants to see the rectory, okay? Who wants Father Michael to inch or at least who everybody gets out?

Everyone's hands shoot down. OK, OK. Clearly that's euphemism. The rectory is... You know, I have my own apartment here, right? I don't have to pay to live here. Yeah, but we kind of pay for it. OK, you're mouthy.

You're on my list. You're on my naughty list. You're not exactly a strike, though, because of, you know, 10 out of 10 total smoke show, but, you know, actually this could work, okay? Yeah, okay. Who wants to go see my basic cable package, huh? Hands shoot down even more. What are you, how can your hands shoot down even more?

Stop putting them up, you can just put them back down. Is anyone interested in this entire congregation? Everyone starts to leave. With no, hold on, church isn't over. You go to hell if you leave. Whoa, the doors flew shut. If you leave before 11, you go to hell. That's facts.

Scene. Yay. Yay. First a nun dancing to Darude Sandstorm, and now a priest able to have sex? The religious community is really going to like this episode. Very holy episode. All right, let's keep going.

We're averaging one scene per hink pink, so let's keep this average up. Theft of prime cut beef. Theft of what? Veal steel. No, but that works, so we can just keep going. You said theft of prime cut beef steak take. No, but that works too. Come on! Let's keep going then.

No, I want to figure this out. No, this one kind of sucks. But I read it because I didn't think there would be a scene that could be inspired by it. No, that's amazing. You guys, you're smarter than this. It's sirloin purloin. Sirloin purloin is pretty good, but it's... that's amazing. You guys you're smarter than this. It's sirloin purloin Sirloin purloin is pretty good, but it's fine. That's that that I think is not the most intuitive one

We could have we got was a hinky pinky Yes, I've moved on to hinky pinky. Sorry. I should have warned you. Are you okay? All of mine were hink pinks, I think I'm sorry. Yeah, I could use a heads up that was jarring, Aaron, to say the least. I know, Adel's throwing up. He's really dizzy. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. This one is also a Hanky Pinky,

which I don't really like saying any of these words, so actually that is the last time I'll ever say it. A magical grasshopper. Ooh. A magical grasshopper it a magical grasshopper. Oh Magical grasshopper what's another day for grasshopper besides insect? Is it like just kind of a different? But kind of different bug cricket like okay cricket. Yeah, things like biblical Locust focus a hocus locust. My favorite bet middler. I'd like to see a scene.

You are two grasshoppers, and one of you just discovered you have magical powers, and you're trying to convince the other one that you do. Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump. Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, Whoa, nice. Sit, jump, sit, jump.

Check this out. Jump. Look at look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, What did you do? Lose polar bear. Oh! Carl, what did you do? What do you mean? We're crickets. We can jump and we can summon polar bears. There's no two things that we can do. What did you do with the dandelion? You swished it and said some words. What was that? Yeah, I swished it.

I said the magic spell that grasshoppers know and it turned into a polar bear. No. No grasshopper knows that spell. What? All we do is jump and eat leaves. No. I mean, yes. We jump and we eat leaves and we summon polar bears. How do you think there are polar bears if not for grasshoppers?

I don't know. What do you think polar bears just exist? Look oh, it's dying rapidly. Yeah, yeah, it ages super fast and turns back into a dead dandelion. Dandelions don't live very long after you pluck them. Dude, you're fucking with me, right? No. I know. Wait, I've seen you summon a polar bear. When? Name one time I summoned a polar bear. When was that? Was that me? Because yesterday we were hanging out. I was summoning polar bears.

Were we not? You were summoning polar bears. We always... Do we not summon polar bears together? Witch. He's bears together which he's a witch He's a witch. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I am NOT a witch. Okay We all we have to do is find one other grasshopper and then we can ask them if they can summon a polar bear And if they jump hey Amanda Amanda jump Jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump This is like her getting back at me for the thing that we had. You showed up to the same ice cream shop as me. We walked outside with our ice creams for a minute, and you told everyone we went on a date. I was invited to the ice cream shop by Amanda.

It wasn't like I happened. I don't even like ice cream. What Amanda? Not Amanda me. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.

Where are you going for ice cream? I literally just. Jump. Jump. Boom. Oh. Yeah, enjoy that. Enjoy that. See what you missed Amanda You missed a grasshopper who can summon a polar man. Apparently it's a pretty witch

Um a tired flower Who a lazy daisy? Yes Which is how I identify Mm-hmm. I lazy daisy. I would like that's who I like to play in a Mario Kart yeah, Rose Red Rose Lazy Daisy she's won't move Okay, like I who keeps picking you up and you're back on the track even though you're on the track you like I get it I'm just she's just scrolling on her phone That's why Donald got a divorce, honestly.

Mm-hmm, yeah. Well, it's not, that's not the only reason. It's never just one reason, you know, when people get a divorce, it's compounding reasons. But yeah, Donald and Daisy did get a divorce, and that's, and we're breaking that news here. Donald is an enunciate and I think told us that to say. Are you one of the lawyers for one of the parties?

We do represent Daisy Duck. Yes, but we are some of the lawyers. It's like a dream team, you know, it's like a Cochrane. Yeah, sorry, Cochrane. We do represent Daisy Duck. Yes. But we can disclose. We are some of the lawyers. It's like a dream team. It's like a Cochrane. Us, Cochrane. Yeah. Sorry, Cochrane.

Cochrane, it's Cochrane, Johnny Cochrane, who is a porn producer. You thought I was going to say actor. He produces. He was a former actor, of course. Is the divorce contentious? No. Well, Donald showed up to court with no pants on, so I think he was trying to make a statement. I'm just out of... No. Well, Donald showed up to court with no pants on,

so I think he was trying to make a statement. I think so. His team quickly, you know, they fixed, it's not contentious, but I think when you just have this much money, you just have like, there's just so much to tie up, right? So that's why you have a new team, that's why you bring in Adeline and I and Johnny Cochran.

We think Donald said the C word, but we can't tell. There's just like a string. It's like a five minute string of like, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. And we had the stenographer try to like read it back, but it was obvious like we were putting a ton of pressure on her. And it's like, she did, I mean, she's like,

she's pointing at the stenograph machine and she's like, you know, I'm trying my best here, but it's like, it's like speaking another language, essentially. And it is to a certain degree. It's Duck. It's like, you know, English is not his first language. So he's trying to speak in it and it's just hard for everybody. So it's unclear if he said the C word, but we're pretty sure he did say it.

Whatever he said, there was malice behind it, which I think is not okay. Aaron, I saw you take out your phone and it said contacts Donald Duck with heart eyes um Did it am I hey heard you're recently single? Wanna grab a drink and we told you that I can suck a duck It was good it was a good thing. It was a good thing. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 42, 43, 44, 45, 44, 45, 44, 45, 44, 45, 44, 45, 45, 44, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, 45, quick please please please please I've hurt my I've hurt my I've hurt my what mental health GPC you should try better help keep saying try better help yeah okay try better help yeah okay because I've hurt my mental health I fell and I hit my mental

health on the ground GPC we all carry around different stressors big or small we get it I get it I've been using BetterHelp for many years and it works perfectly for my brain. I can message my counselor anytime. It's online, convenient, flexible, and suited to my schedule. All I had to do was fill out a brief questionnaire and I got matched with a licensed therapist right away. And also I can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Yeah, JPG therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest. Anytime you play JP Riddles,

I have to talk to my therapist and be like, is he real? Can he get me in my dreams, et cetera. You have to figure out how to work through whatever's weighing you down. And for me, it's being terrified that JP Riddles is gonna get me. I mean- You're in my brain, dude. I have the same thing.

Have you guys talked to your therapist about the podcast? I mean, I, of course, of course have. Oh, yes. Primarily. It is a lot about the podcast when I talk to my therapist. That's so funny. And if you're thinking of starting a podcast or maybe even starting therapy, get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's Betterhelphelp.com slash riddle.

But don't take it from us. Take it from JP Riddles. I will have to talk to my therapist before I'm allowed to do JP Riddles again. That makes sense. No, that makes sense. Makes sense. I understand that boundary. Okay, class, take a seat.

Take a seat. We are going to talk about VPNs today. My weird cousin? Nope. The joke there is that I'm JPC, and VPN is also three letters. And it's like, the joke there. Who are you talking to? It looks like you're addressing a camera or something.

Sorry, ma'am. VPN stands for Virtual Private Network, a service that protects your internet connection and privacy online. VPNs create an encrypted tunnel for your data, protect your online identity by hiding your IP addresses, and allow you to use public Wi-Fi hotspots safely. It's all about internet safety.

Oh, teacher, teacher, I have a question. Do I have to know all this stuff about a VPN, or can I just use NordVPN? Like, shouldn't I? Oh, so you know about that. Well, yeah, I mean, I know about my weird cousin from Scandinavia, NordVPN, which is for a future ad. We'll do that for a future ad.

That's actually really good. Ooh, and teacher, teacher. Yes, Adam? I actually brought you an Apple with NordVPN inside of it for you. And I've also heard that NordVPN is easy to use, connects with one click, or you can enable auto connect for zero click protection is what I've heard.

Oh, okay, you guys know way more than I thought you did about this. Yeah, like NordVPN has like 6,300 plus servers in 111 countries. So you can change your virtual location easily if you wanna access maybe something that is not available in your area. Or if you're like me and you one time go to Mexico and say, I'm gonna download stuff when I get there

then realize that you're in another country and you can't watch all your favorite shows until you use your NordVPN. But do you know that it has amazing speed? Yeah. It's one of the fastest VPNs out there? Yeah I did know that. I knew that as well. Yeah and teacher respectfully duh. If that makes sense. Okay well one NordVPN account can be used on six devices but I guess you already knew that. And with the most respect do possible in this moment duh is what I would have to to say if that makes sense teacher duh if that makes sense to you But don't take our word for it. Wait. No do take our word for it. Here's what you can do

Here's what you do strike that take our word for it and also don't take our word Here's what you do go to Nord VPN comm slash riddle and find out for yourself. What Nord VPN can do for you And teacher I'm actually going to Antarctica to like this research lab slash Riddle and find out for yourself what NordVPN can do for you. And teacher, I'm actually going to Antarctica to like this research lab. Um, because there's this dog on the loose and I think I'm going to try and catch the dog and that's going to be good. A reference. It's the plot to the thing that Kurt Russell movie. I downloaded it on my NordVPN.

Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Hey, Riddle Riddle would like to thank Claritin for supporting this episode and providing us with samples. Hey, Addle. Addle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to see my impression of me last week when I had really bad allergies and I wasn't doing anything? Oh gosh, I feel so sick and can't even do anything. Oh my, doesn't that sound just like me?

Yeah, that is you to a T. That is a great impression. You should have a Vegas residency. Aaron Keefe does Aaron Keefe. I keep writing them and they keep saying, who is this? The city. But luckily for those of us who live with symptoms of allergies, we can live Claritin Clear with Claritin D.

It's designed for serious allergy sufferers and Claritin D has two powerful ingredients in just one pill that relieve your allergy symptoms and decongest your nose so you can breathe better. It does sound like me last week. Mary Keith. Oh, that's so good, Addle. That was so, okay.

No, no, that's fine. That's good that you're good at my impression too. Yeah, maybe I should go to Vegas. I have seasonal allergies myself and I feel like anytime I step outside in the spring, in the summer, eyes turn red. summer eyes turn red itchy itchy itchy my contacts come out my nose is running Claritin D tackles nasal congestion caused by allergies or a cold and also relieves sinus congestion and pressure due to allergies which is

the worst part that your nose dripping or being congested and you feel like pressure right at the bridge of your nose that's the worst that's the worst Aaron I'm Aaron Keefe. Oh my gosh, wow. Can you believe JPC turned into an owl? That's fun. That's good that we're acknowledging this. Yes. Fast and Powerful Relief is just a quick trip away.

Find Clared in D at the pharmacy counter. Ask for Clared in D at your local pharmacy counter. You don't even need a prescription. Go to claredin.com right now for a discount so you can live Clared in Clear. Use as directed. It works in like 30 minutes and so I don't have to sound like this anymore. I'm Aaron Keefe. Aaron Keefe is live in five minutes at the Luxor in Las Vegas. The Luxor? Yeah. That's fine. That's good. No that's okay. It's like 20 bucks a night. That's fine. That's good. No, that's okay. It's like 20 bucks a night. That's okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.C and I sat quietly. We sat quietly and listened. Because that's honestly what allies do, we listen.

Good friends do. All right, I'm still old man puzzles, which by the way, I think is not my favorite. The title or the title? To say that you're still, to say halfway through the episode, you're still old man puzzles. No one has relieved me.

I don't know, I feel like one of you should go, can I cut in? And then you finish the episode for me so I can just sort of be a lazy daisy if you will. Aaron, you're pitching a perfect game. You don't bring in a relief when there's zero hits. No, we're gonna wait until your knuckles bleed, Aaron will say pull her out.

Pull her out. There's blood on my sock. What was that? What's your fucking name? My conservative pitcher. Roger Clemens blood on my sock. What was the name? That conservative Roger Clemens. Um, Kurt Schilling though, is Clemens the one that hit the bird? Raney Johnson hit the here's the thing. Raney Johnson hit the bird.

Yeah. Uh, six 11, a beast of a man. The bird exploded. It was the most amazing most amazing thing ever caught on film. Um, and Roger Clemens was when he was pitching for the Red Sox was the most amazing thing ever caught on film. And Roger Clemens was, when he was pitching for the Red Sox, was the one whose socks, he started to bleed through. I thought it was Curt Chilling.

Was it Curt Chilling? Aaron, you might be right. Was Clemens the racist or were all of them racist? John Rocker was the racist. John Rocker of the Atlanta Braves was the racist. Yeah, it was Curt Chilling. It was Curt Chilling. But it's not.

My apologies. It's okay. But also why is your sock bleeding? That's not a common baseball injury. Why was that a big deal? Did he have surgery on his ankle? Oh yeah, that could be it. Why did Kurt Schilling?

I guess, yeah, if I'm playing baseball. Oh, Google told me to get a life. Huh. I was like, why are your socks bleeding? They're not. You have a stigmata. Aaron, I think he played for the Red Sox. Did you ever see, what's his name, Tim Wakefield pitch? That's the best, that's my favorite pitcher of all time, besides Nolan Ryan. I can see Aaron as like a young girl being like, oh great, I get to see Tim Wakefield pitch.

Grow up, Adel. His pitches were all like- He had a torn tendon sheath, I don't know what that means. But his bloody sock is in the Hall of Fame. Aaron, that could be your sweater. Men are broken. Yeah, I want my sweater to make it

to the baseball Hall of Fame. Can we make a call? It could go just by a fucking ticket. My ticket, leave it in the trash. But also Google Tim Wakefield pitch, It could go just by a fucking ticket But also Google Tim Wakefield pitch because all his pitches were like 31 miles per hour and they they acted insane his pitches He threw like breaking balls and just I can't explode a bird No, but he threw the wildest pitches, but they're so fun to watch Yeah, I'm gonna if anyone wants to visit the sweater in person. It's going to be in the trash can at the baseball hall of fame. Oh Okay, more riddles unless someone wants to cut in

No, Aaron. We don't want to cut it. May I have this dance? Yes, you may be old man puzzles. Is that what you asked? Yes. Okay now I now I am old man puzzles And we're going to do some hinker Lee pinker leaves Hinkert Lee hinker Lee Okay, so no no no never mind. Sorry. We're getting to looks around the room. We're gonna do some mad gabs Oh, no, I think they're called No more bad gaps Erin Keeves sweater in no

I regret doing them. You'll make fun of me forever for those. God damn it. The day the podcast discovered Mad Gabs, it's just desperate times for our podcast. We're like, whatever, it was me just going, who would you very sure, cause I can see your river. And they were singing, mad gabbs.

The worst possible thing that can happen while we're recording just happens to me, other than internet cutting out or anything. It's not a technical issue. I remembered that people hear this. Oh, shit. Now I remembered. Does that ever happen to you?

Because I'm just sitting in my closet talking to YouTube clowns. And then I just remembered that people listen to this. Oh, my God. Adel was singing that song and Aaron's existential crisis aside, I was talking to a couple of people. It was Mariah and another couple.

And that song came up and I was like, oh yeah, the big bopper. Like, you know, the music died because the big bopper died. And they were all like, who? And I was like, the big bopper. Like, you know, the music died because the big bopper died and they were all like who and I was like the big bopper like hello No one do the fuck what the fuck I was talking about I was like what the fuck you're talking about You don't know who the big bopper is. Yeah, he had one

I know And a ponytail and you know, you know the day the music died, right? Yes. But you, and you don't connect that with that song being about when the Big Bopper died. No. Is Big Bopper, Richie Valens and Buddy Holly? I'm in the middle of a different existential crisis.

Do you want me to jump tracks to this? This is a, this is a therapy technique called the revocusing. I'm trying to get you to think about the Big Bopper instead of thinking about how people are listening to this. I might as well just hear another rental errand for the lot of fucking good it's gonna do me. Wait, buddy Holly, Weezer destroyed my sweater, Aaron's sweater, let's start an auction.

All right, we're good. Email us at, what's our email? HRRpodcast.com? I'm not gonna give you the real email. Somebody help Aaron at hotmail.gov. Okay, okay, everybody, nobody listens to this. Everyone is okay, we're just on a little Zoom. Sure, Aaron, yeah, whatever you gotta tell you, Sean. Whatever you, we're not on a Zoom, by the way.

Aaron, nobody heard you say suck a duck. That's not gonna ruin your political future. Yeah, I can still run for office. Nobody heard me say, text Donald Duck that I would suck a duck. Nobody heard that. In 20 years, no one's going to debate you and say this from the woman who offered to blow Donald Duck.

It's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. Everything's fine. There's not some guy. It's like someone's texting you. Listen to this, the Kansas City right now, everything's fine, there's not some guy. Listen to this, it's Kansas City right now, everything's fine. It's like you texting a human, I'd suck a human. Like if I got a text like that, I'd be like,

oh boy, I don't know. Maybe it was like a flirtatious conversation before this, but suck a human really turned a corner for me. This doesn't have to be a hypothetical. Sounds like a tool song. Like a human really turned turned a quarter for me where I doesn't have to be a hypothetical Song or like yeah, I'd suck a human until they feel like Jvc check your phone Okay, let's see what are the Aaron text me married man with child text me. I'd suck a human You've been singled the law

Yeah that text looks as gross We both assumed it would Aaron. I do think it's better though because you did put an exclamation point Put a period and that felt way worse. Question mark also public. I'd suck a human with an exclamation point. It seems like an epiphany you just had. I'd suck a human. Okay, we have to do riddles.

I'm so serious, you guys. I'm so tired. Okay. You're the one in charge of this. I know, I know, I know. Okay, here we go. These are called what words? It's kind of a new kind of game, all right?

Okay. Can you guess the one word I am describing? It is just one word, and this can be a little tricky and fun. Okay, example. The clue is display the animal hair. Taxidermy. And so you're gonna give like the, and the literal answer sounds like a

word, if that makes sense. Display an animal hair. So what's a, what's a, what is a way to say animal hair? Fur. And then display. Chauffeur. Chauffeur. Chauffeur driving a limousine like Erin does.

Yes. Yes. Chaufer. Chaufer driving a limousine like Aaron does. Yes. Yes. With a little hat. So, okay, so the word, we're saying chauffeur, which will be a word, but chauffeur has nothing to do with displaying animal hair. Yeah, like, yeah, like being a chauffeur. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes. What's the horn that Jewish people blow through? Is that a chauffeur? What's that called? Shofar? No. Shofar? We have to move on. You're thinking of Jafar. Jafar! Yes, it's a Jafar horn. What's the other horn from like the World Cup that makes the terrible noise? Vuvuzza? Vuvuzla? Vuvuzuva? Vuvuzuva? What's going on with you two? Broken? Terrible noise Okay, two bangs two bangs lester and

Two bangs no, that's Two Boom pop No, that's two bangs. Boom, boom. Boom, bop. Is boom one of them, Aaron? Bangs would be like a bop. Boom is kind of helpful because it's like, it's more of like bangs is like the sound. Bang is like the sound that this thing makes. So it's like a gun.

Yeah. Gun, shotgun. Two bangs. Shotgun bang, what's up with that thing? I wanna know. These are hard. So it's the thing that makes the sound? Symbol crash. It's the action.

Oh, a smash? Shoot, shoot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shoot, shoot. Shoot? Shoot is one of them? Yeah, so shoot is the second half. So it's two bangs. Parachutes.

Yeah, parachutes. Wow. Skydiving. Wow, wow. I'd like to see a scene. OK. You are tandem skydiving. JPC, you're the instructor.

Adel, you are the man who signed up to skydive. And the parachute is not working. And JPC, you're trying to play it cool. Great. Wow oh oh this is oh wow it's so to see everything it's just this is incredible we've been all right enjoy it don't don't even talk oh yeah give me a me in the moment okay what the fuck give me a second to think no don't even make a sound just think think think okay how could this okay it's not the mechanism we tried it it's a safety. The safety latch is not working.

Hey, did you live a good life? Mm-hmm. Wait, should I be talking again? Yeah, no, you can talk now. Now it's now is the part where we kind of just like go over our whole lives real quick. No, I've been a coward my whole life. I've I've avoided I've avoided any fun. So you did one thing this is one thing that finally was like that was your this is your big moment yeah I decided 58 I'm like let's now's the day let's let's turn things over and from this point on

the rest of my days the rest of my many many years I'm gonna I'm gonna say yes to things and oh sure we are now I am passing treetops this is yeah we're low don't take that because I think we're getting pretty close. Let's say we have a little word the redwood forest of course. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Passing tree tops of course that's like in your mind. You're passing tree tops. No. I just hit a branch of a sequoia Oh we passed a woman who was sitting on a high stool pretty close Any second now we are Pretty good. Oh my nose just brushed some grass. We are getting so close to the ground

We're getting closer to the ground and that's fine because we've lived long successful lives Hey, what's one thing you've always wanted to tell God just think about that and save it Why didn't my parachute open? Hey, what's one thing you've always wanted to tell God? Just think about that and save it. And you'll need it. Why didn't my parachute open? Why didn't my parachute open? Yeah, that's one question that you're going to have to ask. Yeah, I was maybe distracted a little bit when I was packing the parachutes this morning because I had the best sandwich of my life last night.

I was thinking, man, I'm going to get that sandwich again when I get off work. I just have to have that sandwich again. Oh, my knees just hit the dirt. We are so close. And splash. Oh, a just hit the dirt we are so close. And splash. Oh a bug right in my mouth. We are getting close to the ground. That was not a flying bug. That was an ant I think crawling on a blade of grass. You know they say. Polar bear. Right All right, here's another one. 2 plus 2 plaster healer.

2 plus 2 plaster healer. So 4 plaster healer, bandaid? Oh, cast. Yes. No, no. Forecast. Forecast. Forecast.

Oh, a plaster healer. Here is me, my dumbass, thinking it's a three word, one of these, but no. Forecast. That makes sense. Great. Yes. Fantastic stuff. Yeah, this is pretty great. Trying to think of a fun weatherman scene. This is pretty great. I can move on. Everybody comment below what scene I should have asked for here. There is no place to comment. Okay.

Viewed equine. A horse? A view? A scene horse? Sea horse. Sea horse. No, that works, but I'm looking for you because you've already done it. It was yesterday.

Yesterday's horse? That you viewed it. A scene horse. A wedding horse. A saw horse. A saw horse, yes. Yesterday's horse. That you viewed it. Scene horse. A wedding horse. Saw horse, saw horse. A saw horse, yes. A saw horse. Aaron's like, it was yesterday,

and I was like, I was at a wedding. Sunday's horse. We didn't do any riddles or anything yesterday, because I was traveling. Look who's dressed up in their Sunday's horse. This one might be my favorite so far. Ash colored, 20 second letter. 20 second letter, of course.

Of course, dealing with- These fucking idiots don't know what the 20 second letter is off the top of their head. Well, there's 26 in the alphabet. I was Googling it. It's easier if we work backwards. So 26, gotta be- What was the first part of it?

22nd. Z. Ash colored. Gray, gray. Gray, ash colored. Gray goose. A, B, C, D, E, S. Gravy, gravy, mmm.

Gravy, gravy, gravy. Young gravy. Do you like these? Erin, I love these. I like these as well. Erin, this is new and fun. It's not important. How I like this area. This is not important How I feel about these matters not at all is important. Do you hate them? No, okay

Do you like them? No, do you feel nothing? Unfortunately, yeah The hey riddle riddle way, I feel sweet but I feel nothing for these. The hey riddle riddle way. That's a sweet spot. I feel completely bivalent to these. If anyone wants to write some of these and send them in, I think that they're fun.

Okay, a couple more? A couple more. Yeah. Please. Yeah. Square, opposite, and stumble. Square, opposite. Circle, trip. Circle, circle. Circle gets the trip. Sorry, it was square opposite and stumble? How would you describe a circle?

Round trip. Round trip. Round trip. Wow. Wow, what Adel should have booked. Like my flight to Atlanta. Not hot holiday meat. Cold turkey.

Cold cuts. What did you say? I said cold cuts, which is just, that's not. That's not quite right. No, it's not quite right at all. Wagon tire. Wait, did we get it? Did Addle get it?

Yeah, he got it. Wagon tire. Wagon tire. This would be a Conestoga Michelin. No no radio flyer wagon tire tire wagon tire to tire is to be exhausted to exhaust no it's not that kind of wagons don't have exhaust it's the tire that's kind of on a car okay there axle axle fully spare rubber the wheels on the bus fire's nose wheel and what's Exofoli, spare ribs. This is rubber. The rubber meets the road.

Wheels on the bus. Firestone. The wheels, wheel. And what was the last, what was the second part? The first part is wagon. Wagon wheel. Wagon wheel, Hootie the bluefish. Well, that's Darius Rucker's solo.

Fuck. Fuck. Yeah, it is Darius Rucker's solo, but God damn it, if he wasn't better with the fish. Cart. Cart tune. A cart wheel. A cart wheel. Which I'll display for you right now. Ah!

Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack. Erin is in the walls. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. We got a Bruce Willis die hard situation. I was talking to a friend of mine about babies and how babies just start kind of rolling and doing all this tumbling. I remember taking tumbling classes when I was very young and doing somersaults and shit

and just being like, yeah, somersault, I'll just do a somersault. I was thinking about now at 35, the thought of doing the somersault, I would have to train for like two and a half months to even consider it. A somersault, I would have to train for like two and a half months to even consider it. A somersault. If I did a somersault in the grass outside, I would break my neck and my back and my ass. It would just be... You would have to pre-call 911. It'd be death by somersault. They'd be like, he could have done it anyway,

but he chose somersault. This is the most painful way to end your life. Somehow broke his neck before he even moved forward. 911, what is your emergency? Yeah, I'm about to do a somersault and I'm in my mid-30s. Talk me down. Ma'am, you misheard me. I said 911, what's an emergency?

What's an emergency? Listen to our Patreon. All right, one more. Yes. Yes. And this one I love very, very much. Church bench leg joint. Just sounds like a knockoff Looney Tune rooster. Is this pew pew?

Yep, pew. Pew. Pepe. Church bench, what was it? Leg joint. Pew, puny. Puny. Which is how I describe the two of you.

Well, well, well. No, we didn't say bad news gang is puny. I don't think so. Wait, did someone say say bad news, gang. I don't think so. Wait, did someone say it? Ah, shit. Are we here? We die if we show up and someone didn't say it. Thank god.

No, we didn't say it, so you guys can die. No, please say it now. You die. Sorry, Melissa, you die. Oh, my god. I think I go to vacation, right? I think I get a free vacation. JPC, please say it. Please say the bad news, gang. I'm not got a vacation right I think I get a free vacation JPC please say it please say the bad news

I'm not no cuz I I hate you though, so it's like an enemy of mine dying if you hate closely Listen yeah, but you're on the other end of the spectrum unfortunately Melissa. Here's what we'll do remember Empire Records Yeah, what that that sweet'll do. Remember Empire Records? Yeah? With that sweet bronco cut, the no top guy, we're gonna do- Yeah, lift Tyler's sweet no top bronco! Aw, sweet no top bronco. We're gonna do like the one lady didn't have a- a funeral for you before you died just so you can hear what everyone would say.

And I'm gonna miss you when I go on my vacation to a roomer that I get if we show up when no one said the bad news came. Alright, here I go, a summer song! go. We do not have time for this. No, we don't have time. You have to go immediately. We didn't call you. Nobody said anything. Did somebody say the bad news gang? You know we didn't.

You know I didn't. Adel, Aaron, why am I talking to them? Can no one help with this? They're addressing you. I am eating calzone. I am videotaping Aaron eating calzone to sell. Okay, okay fine. You know what fine. Adel and Aaron are gonna do their thing.

I'm not gonna say it. You guys have your little funeral and then get the fuck out, please. Melissa, let me count the ways that you have enriched my life. Every time that we appeared after someone said bad news gang you were full of energy and excellence. And we pan away from this which is happening next to Hey Riddle Riddle. Alright guys do you want to do a voicemail while they're doing that? Huh normal size flowers I would have thought tiny flowers.

Sure. For a fake funeral right? I mean like just a huge turn up. Yeah. Big budget. I don't think I know so many people. I don't know that. If that many people would show up for mine.

How did JP Riddles know these guys? Yeah, let's uh, well before we do a voicemail, let's listen to a new theme. Casey? Oh sailors please enjoy. My hole for a picnic lunch. A seaside treat for a horny boy. My hole for a picnic lunch. Oh semen in my hole.

Bust my barnacles, pound my shoals. Sailors please enjoy. My hole for a picnic lunch. My hole for a picnic lunch. My hole for a picnic lunch. My hole for a picnic lunch. My hole for a picnic lunch. My hole for a picnic lunch boy My hole for a picnic lunch Ho semen in my hole Bust my barnacles, pound my shoals Sail onward to the goal My hole for a picnic lunch

Blow brine across my ass Slurp my rudder and slub my mast Spew trugger salty blast My hole for a picnic lunch My hole for a picnic lunch We are in the golden age of these voicemail themes because I mentioned how much I loved sea shanties. You're welcome, everybody. And then we happen to say, My Hole for a Picnic Lunch at some point.

Okay, that one is courtesy of the band A Million Shetland Ponies. So thank you so much for sending that out. And I guess check out however you find the Million Shetland Ponies, check them out. Should be called punies. So thank you so much for sending that out. And I guess check out however you find the million Shetland ponies, check them out. Should be called punies. Punies, punies. Punies. Casey, can we listen to a voicemail? Hi, my name is Noah. I'm here calling from work. And I just had a question I thought up for you. If you could only taste one flavor for the rest of your life, what would that flavor be? Like you can eat any food, but when you bite into that juicy

steak, or take a sip of your favorite beverage, you're going to taste like this one thing hot or cold doesn't matter. Yeah, let me know. I normally don't want to speak for you guys, but I think we've talked about this enough that I think with a high degree of confidence, I can say that it would probably be wet duck ass. I was gonna say the same thing. I'd say we'd all like to suck a duck.

Yeah, we'd suck a fucking duck. Oh, okay. What's my real answer? And it's just that it tastes like this, but I'm not actually eating this thing. Hands down, my answer is Mountain Dew Baja Blast. A drink that I never want to drink again, but would love for everything to taste like. Yeah. I love when Thanksgiving dinner tastes like Baja Blast in every bite. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Aaron, are you going to pre-order Taco Bell's new Thanksgiving meal? They have that? Yeah, you know how Popeyes sells like turkeys every year and they sell out Taco Bell's getting in on it.

Yeah, like White Castle does like Valentine's Day, like Taco Bell's doing the logical jump to Thanksgiving. Of course, that makes so much sense. There's stuff in quesadillas. Honestly, a savory taste makes me feel kind of claustrophobic, although I prefer sweet over savory, but I wouldn't. I think you have stentacetia. Yeah, but you know what I mean?

All my drinks tasted like something salty and savory. I would feel really claustrophobic in that. So I'm going to say citrus, like a lemony or orangey or lime kind of taste. Pretty good. You want every. Hold on. You want everything to taste like just straight lime juice? No, like like a hint of it.

And OK, like like like real, like fresh, like when you squeeze a little bit of fresh lime or lemon or orange into something. But that would be the only thing that doesn't matter. Something is nothing. Yeah, just a squeeze. something? That would be the only flavor. Something is nothing? Yeah, the something is nothing. It's just a squeeze, it's a little bit of a limit. It's like everything tastes a little bit like a sugar-free

or like a low sugar lemonade. And Erin, you could say like chicken with a hint of lime, but you're saying just hint of lime. Well, but you don't want it to be chicken because that's savory. You want it to be, you have to say like low sugar lemonade. You have to like pick your- Like a low sugary lemonade.

Yeah, okay, okay. She's- No, no, just a- You just get to add a little lemon to everything. Like fresh lemon juice. No, I just mean, I know, I know that. I'm saying that little like taste of fresh squeezed lemon or lime, I want that.

If I'm a genie with a monkey paw here, Erin, I'm like, this is too easy. I'm just gonna make everything taste like she bit into a lemon, right? No! I'm looking at the other genies like, am I wrong, am I an asshole? Is everyone else's taste gonna get that much heat?

Everyone's coming after me here. Yeah. My God. We'll see what Adel says. We'll see if his makes any sense. Well, this is tough. I'm gonna tell him this like a duck no matter what he says. No matter what he says, tearing into him.

I love the taste of passion fruit, but that would get old pretty quick. You know, steak is a great flavor. I feel like that would also get, I mean, obviously, anything you choose is gonna get old pretty quick. You know, steak is a great flavor. I feel like that would also get, I mean, obviously, any of the cheese is gonna get old. I love the smell and taste of nutmeg. Steak is a great flavor. What's your favorite flavor, steak?

I'm gonna say, well, wet beef is what it is. JPC, I'm gonna say chocolate covered pretzel. Because you get a little sweet, little salty. I think that that's going to keep me going because I get, if it's, if it's all sweet, it gets cloying. It gets to be too much. If it's all savory, I feel clausaphobic. Yeah.

So a little sweet, little salty. Well, hey, it makes sense to me. Great. Thanks, JPZ. Wow. Yeah. What you're so, so agreeable. That's so nice. You know what would be awesome? If we could, if we could like kiss and we could swap flavors.

So like you could get a little Baja blast, I could get a little chocolate covered pretzel. Get a room. We will. And then when we get in that room, we're gonna have a little taste party. Ew, ew, suck a duck. Hey Erin, you wanna go challengers on this with Adel and I?

You wanna be our Zendaya to our two other guys whose names I don't know? Zoom! Aaron is a blur. She's so far away. Do you wanna be Zendaya from our one guy from Dear Evan Hansen and another guy? ["Zendaya's a Blur"] JBC, what about you? Mountain Dew Baja Blast. That was my real answer. I don't know why everyone is insistent that I answer twice. Oh, can't make fun of that.

Fucking great flavor. That's all flavor, baby. Okay, let's do this. Aaron, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Oh, and also thank you for the person who sent that voicemail in. You can call the number and the number's in the episode description. I don't remember. If I had to guess, it's like 801-Riddle-5 or something, but that's not it. 805-Riddle-1? Could be. Aaron, anything to plug? Yeah, I'd like to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash it. 805 Riddle One could be. Aaron, anything to plug?

Yeah, I'd like to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. A lot of my favorite stuff, a lot of my favorite laughs from my life are over there. You can join free for a week if you'd like. Just come hang out with us, please. Come hang out with us. Adel, anything to plug?

Yes, I would like to plug Martin Scorsese's entire catalog of movies. Although, I do have bad news. Gangs of New York is no longer- Well, well, well. No, who said that? She's already gone, she's already dead. Why would you say it so late?

You know that, you know, we told you what would happen to her and I'm in Aruba. I've got to go on a plane. I've got to go on vacation. You're in Aruba? What did you say? I'm going to Aruba on vacation. You're going to Aruba? I thought you said you're going to Aruba and I'm like, that's not a vacation. Well, for some people, you don't get to tell people how they take a vacation. Get the fuck out of here. At all.

And punt? Anything to punt? Oh, I punted him so hard. He's dead now for sure. Great. For sure, for sure, for sure. Two thirds of the bad gang guys are now dead. I almost, I said it wrong and it saved me. Yeah, that's all I wanted to plug was

Martin Scorsese's entire catalog. JPC, do you have anything to plug? Hey, why don't I read a review? If you wanna get a five-star review featured on the show, just leave one. I might pick it today. I picked one from Leave Egg. It says, the only podcast I listen to with my mom, besides NPR.

My mom and I listen to Hey Riddle Riddle on the drive to move me into my dorm for my first year of college. Three years later, I'm still listening. You all have gotten me through so many shifts at the dining hall, and I convinced her to get tickets to your live show with me. She doesn't know how to use her phone beyond her camera so she only listens when I play it.

But Hey Riddle Riddle has my mom's approval. I am so glad you could gatekeep which episodes your mom hears so they don't hear all of the suck a duck episodes. I'm Ira Glass today. We're talking about sucking a duck. Many ways to suck a duck, especially in Philadelphia. This is this American duck. Or this American suck. I don't know which one I want to go with. Jupiter, Jupiter, Jupiter. That's all. Goodbye forever. Goodbye.

Forever. We're starting Aaron Keaton and John Patrick Collins. Casey Toney does the editing and Ari Parris does the music. Booko created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Napores. Riddle, riddle, one, two, three, four, hey, riddle, riddle. Hey there, woods and you-rathers! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We play some more Wood You-Rathers. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com, slash hey riddle riddle, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 7 day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, and you get those ad-free episodes.

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