Hey Riddle Riddle - #309: I'm Actually Quite Cool! w/ Rekha Shankar

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

Who cares about summaries...watch Rekha in the O. Henry Pun-Off! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest Starring:Rekha ShankarEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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well-being. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their ever-growing catalog. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial, and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. You dab them with an I6 And of course, it's a Friday One, two, three, four, five One, two, three, four, five One, two, three, four, five One, two, three, four, five One, two, three, four, five

One, two, three, four, five One, two, three, four, five One, two, three, four, five Addle, do you have any fours? Go fish Ha JPC, do you have any fours? Go fish. JPC, do you have any threes? Go fish. Erin, do you have any twos?

Yep, I got one, two. Here you go. Oh, okay. I guess we should have been more clear. We're playing with money, Erin, but the money is for betting. It's not, like obviously there's no $4 bill or $3 bill. Like you don't have to give me your $2 bill. This is, that's more for, for betting for the game. Okay.

Cause I can see that you do have a bunch of $2 bills that, what is this like from like a birthday card from a grandma? What is this from? It's exactly what it's from. This is the only place that they make sense and I can use them. That makes sense, that makes sense. I'll just take the $2, but just for next time,

know that it's, yeah. Okay, all right. Let's see, Adel, do you have, what do I want, what do I want, what do I want? Any riddles? Ooh, I think I do. So I guess I pass them to you and you become old man puzzles, that's incredible.

No, actually I'll take it back. Do you have any jacks? No, go fish. JPC, do we have any guests? I mean, I really have to answer this because I'm looking at my hand and I have to answer this. I did want to ask Aaron if she has any 20s because I can see a crisp pile in front of him.

Yes, we do have a guest. We do have a guest on the podcast today. So I, fuck. And, Rekha, welcome to the show. Oh my God, thank you for having me. And it's so nice to see you guys play a game up top. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're UCB, you're maybe not familiar with like the IO school

of improvising, but that is what we call a game. Right. We use Go Fish as like an opener for our organic heralds a lot of the time. Oh my god, that's really innovative and cool. Thank you. And also, I know it's hard to tell. I did level one with Sharva Halburn. So if that's, if that name means anything to you. Oh my god, Sharva Halburn? Yeah, Sharva Halburn did teach me how to do improv.

Oh my god, Sharva Halburn? Sharva Halburn did teach me how to do improv. Oh my God, Sharva Halburn, friend of Delmos, yeah. Yeah. I remember, kings of improv. Reiko, we do have to ask, what is your relationship with, what is your feelings towards riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems?

Escape rooms. Escape rooms. Okay, so I fucking love riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems. Escape rooms. Escape rooms. Okay, so I fucking love riddles. Ooh. And I love word puzzles. I used to be a competitive punter. Whoa, and do you go to Austin or where's that? I did go to Austin.

Holy shit. Twice. How was it, how'd you do? How was it, how way? I placed fourth in the first one and fifth in the second one. So for me, pretty good. I'm sure some people will be like, you fucking dork. No, that's not good.

But I had a great time both times. I was a Ponderdome person in Brooklyn, New York. And in terms of escape rooms. Listen, I love all of the things you listed. Does it mean I am good at all of them? Not at all. Not at all. I'm the person that goes to trivia because I love just being there and I might know one out of every 30 questions, but I love to be there. I love to play the game. I don't need to be great at it. That absolutely rules. Brieca, Adel has talked about this pun competition.

Ah, you're the first person I've met that does it. Is it someone in the Brooklyn Bunny community that knows what it is? I love puns and I've wanted to, not even, I mean, it would be fun to compete, but I also would just love to watch it. Adel, it's okay. You're with friends. You can say that you would love to compete. I'd love to compete.

There's no reason to say like, Oh no, I'd love to, I'd love to fly on a plane. I'd just love to kiss the feet of anybody there. Yeah, you want a pun man. You want a pun. Could the chef bring out a steak? I just want to see it. I just want to see what one is. I don't deserve one. But so, okay. So as far as I understand this competition, you go, you don't bring your own puns. This isn't like, or okay, please.

There's two things you could do there. One event is called pun slingers. That's the event you're talking about. That's like a spelling bee where they give you a category and you go back and forth with puns until someone messes up and there's a referee there to determine if it's a pun, if it's a repeated pun, if it's a cliche, whatever. Then there's a second event. This is the one I did, Punniest in Show, where it's a little more akin to stand up.

You come in with a three-minute routine of puns based on a topic of your choosing. And then you get scores like you're in the Olympics of like 10, nine, whatever, by a panel of fairly old people. No. No, young people enjoy puns too. Wait, please. No. It's not about the teens who love puns.

Puns aren't bad jokes, they're hip. No, it's not the nighttime sexy punning you're thinking about. Wait, I'm, okay, I have so many questions about this. I'm so deeply interested in this. I wanna know what your topic was when you did it. And then also with things like improv festivals and like niche interest festivals,

it ends up being sort of like a fuck fest where everyone's hooking up and trying to meet people. I don't know why, but my gut is telling me that there's a lot of flirting happening at this. Pun Olympic Village over there. It's just like. It just cons them to everywhere. So to answer your questions. So firstly, I would say that.

And no, we're not asking you who did you fuck at a pun festival. That's not the kind of podcast we are. Yeah, no, no, no. And I think you could be. I think you actually could be. So my topics were, for the first year I did it, which was 2014, my topic originally was going to be classic rock music.

But I literally, I was telling my friend I I was going and he was looking at the website and he saw the judges panel and he's like, huh, all the judges are like, really old. I think like the the youngest was the guy who hosted it and he was like maybe in his 70s. Oh, holy shit. So I was Oh, holy shit. Whoa, the youngest. And I was like- What is this, the US Senate? Hey. So I was like, crap.

I don't think jokes about America are steely. I don't know. I don't know how these are gonna hit. The foreigner joke might hit pretty well, but not for the reason why you would want it to. Exactly. Yeah, not for the reasons why you would want it to. Exactly. Yeah, not for the reasons I want. Yeah.

So this is so psycho. I'm coming in very hot onto this podcast because I'm going to sound fucking psycho. I was like, okay, I got to change my routine. I don't know what to, but I'll change it. That night I had a dream that I was doing sandwich puns and they were good. They were fucking good. And I never had a dream about puns. I'm actually quite cool.

I've never dreamed like that before, but I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote it down. And I used like half of those in my routine and I did a sandwich routine. Do you remember- It's like Paul McCartney dreaming yesterday. And there's a Dr. Meneree who can watch on Disney about your process? Yeah, exactly.

It's three minutes long. Rekha, do you remember, is there anywhere we can watch this online or do you remember just one, like a gem of a pun? I was gonna ask you your favorite of these puns. Yes, you can watch it online if you Google the O. Henry pun off and then look up my name, Rekha Shankar.

2014, fourth place. Yeah. Yeah. You might find it in The Grey Lady, Boston Globe. You might find it everywhere. Seuss Man. A pun I was really proud of, ah, it was like, ah, crap. The whole theme of my set was like that I used to be a criminal and now

I've reformed. And then I folded in a lot of puns into this long story. And in the middle- And these are sandwich puns too, right? They're all sandwich puns. Yes! In the middle of it- Reformed criminal sandwich puns. Oh, I love it. Exactly. In the middle of it, I was listing some of my crimes and I was like, you know, I used to pretend

to give fake spa services, I was a croc monsieur. And then I said, I even told a lady I had a, I sold a lady what I told her was a rare Amazonian songbird but it was actually just a plebeian Jay. I was very proud. Plebeian Jay, holy shit. Whoa, this is sophisticated shit. That's fantastic.

Thank you. I fell in love with the competition and strong since I've never watched it. Yeah. But I had heard years ago, I don't know if the person won, but the pun, somebody had used the pun. I went to the cherry store and then I went to the microphone store. Bada bing, bada boom. Incredible. And I was like, what a phenomenal set up panel. and then I went to the microphone store, bada bing, bada boom.

And I was like, what a phenomenal set up. Can I ask, do you know the name of the person? Was it Jersey Dziudowski? Is he the famous punter? Because that sounds like a really good joke he would make. We're having a competitive eater on the show. I don't really remember the story, but this really thin guy ate like 100 hot dogs or something. And they're just like sweating and being like,

he's comey-osh. He's comey-osh. I don't want to sound like a fucking loser. I do love how Reika notices the nuances of like, play that chord again. Is that Jimmy Page? Is that first call? It almost sounds like Robert Johnson.

Oh my god, because that could also be Tim Donnelly. Oh, sorry. Yeah. It almost sounds like Robert Johnson. Oh my God, because that could also be Tim Donnelly. What's funny, and then Aaron, your second question was about like the like social culture. I will say the first time I went in 2014, I went with my father and we stayed at his friend's house. And I did, I, there was no romantic element whatsoever to this trip, as you can imagine. My dad didn't know what I was doing. He's an immigrant. And so that makes sense to me. He came and only watched my set.

So the competition is about nine hours long. Whoa. Wow. Because the pun slinger part goes until someone just messes up. But you have the best punters in the world. So people aren't messing up. They just go forever. And my section is much shorter because it's like all time to press their routines. So my dad came to Austin with me. It's very sweet. Watched me do three minutes of stuff about sandwiches and then left without seeing me because I didn't see him when he left. He went and went to the Lyndon B. Johnson Museum by himself for the rest of the day. What a dad thing. The most dad thing in the world to do.

He had the rental car. And so afterwards, everyone went to go hang out at some bar. And there were, I thought we were just gonna hang out and have fun and I really liked the Brooklyn people I was traveling with. I just didn't know a lot of the other people there, but we get there and there's just board games. I was like, oh, we're going to play games? I just wish to chat.

I just wish to chat. I love board games but it was outside, we were just outside for nine hours doing this. I'm very tired. And I'm like what you would consider like a dumb punner. I'm not like, I have a Latin, but I like studied Latin and I know linguistics. Everything I say is stupid.

Oh, like you're after my heart. This is, I am the dumbest of punners. I'm so dumb. And so like these people like really do things like bada bing, bada boo. I could never in my life. And I really respect that game, but I can't go after punting and go perform bird board games.

I just wished I wanted my little quesadilla. And instead of playing the board games, we played punning games actually. So there's a game called Hey Waiter. We played this game for- I'm familiar with Hey Waiter. We played it for so long. And I texted my dad, I was like, can you pick me up?

Oh! Cause I was just like, I'm getting really tired. I can't do this anymore. It's a funny- You went from work to work. Work from work to work. And then the second year, I like gauged my expectations more. I can't do this anymore. It's a funny- You went from work to work. It's so funny. And then the second year, I like gauged my expectations more, still was there with a few Brooklyn people I really like.

And I did the topic of countries and did a routine on that and got fifth place for that. So I felt pretty good. And I was with a lot of people that like, I think my friend Jersey might've gotten like first place that year or something like, you know, it's a really fascinating environment. I was not part of any hookup culture if there was any, but you meet a lot of trivia buffs, like people that have been in Who Wants to be Millionaire,

Jeopardy, it's like a totally different world that again, I'm the person that watches Jeopardy and I'm like waiting for like, I hope they do TV sitcom theme songs in that category. Or I hope they do TV sitcom theme songs. I hope they do work plays a category. One time my grandfather, we were talking about something and I like accidentally forgot that April had 30 days or whatever. And he's like, your general knowledge is very poor. I'm like, exactly. That's the energy I'm bringing into Scott Desk.

Good insight grandpa. Exactly. A really long answer to your question, Aaron, but I had no romantic connections whatsoever at either of my times there. That is incredible. I very much look forward to this weekend poring over some YouTube videos and I'm excited to watch your routines. I love a niche documentary.

Me too. They're my favorite. Spellbound, yeah. Spellbound, the best. I just want one documentary. Me too. They're my favorite. Spellbound, yeah. Spellbound, the best. I just want one about the pun competition. So there's been a few that have been attempted to be made, like, born to pun. There's been like a few I've heard of. I don't know where they are.

Because I would absolutely know the people in it. The subject matter of each one of them turns out to be like a really bad murderer. And so they have to can the whole documentary. Exactly. They need to find the stable punters. Yeah, because they're like, this guy's great at puns. And it's like, oh, he's also doing cutout letters from the newspaper.

Or they're all in their 80s and they can't make it to the end of the documentary. Octogenarian judges? Yes. Octogenarian judges is an oxymoron. Rekha, we do legally have to get to a few- So sorry. No, no, no, no, this is us.

Rekha, here's the thing. Everything you just said, your story, your process, was so joyful and so much more entertaining than what this show is. Yes. Sorry about what this show is. That we don't deserve it. And you should start your own pun-based podcast

that I will listen to every episode. Oh my God, I'm gonna get one listener? Awesome. Maybe three. Yeah. I was like, didn't. Oh my God, I'm gonna get one listener? Awesome. Maybe three. I was like, didn't I, Adel was like, didn't I just text you a pun yesterday? And then I remembered the pun that I texted you,

I said, nope, maybe not for the show. But it was fantastic. Here we go, let's, we're gonna do just some quick warmup riddles and we'll go from there. I have eight to spare and I'm covered in hair. What am I? A spider? Yeah, I was covered in hair. What am I? A spider? Yeah, I was gonna say spider.

Very good guess. It's not a spider. I have eight to spare and I'm covered in hair. What am I? Is this the Octomon? Cause that's fucked up, Anna. It's fucked up to do the Octomon again as an answer to a-

The thing that's right in the center of the zeitgeist right now. Octomon, everyone's coming. That's low hanging fruit. that's low-hanging fruit because we were all just talking about her. If the Royals call their kids spares, then we can. No, oh they do. I guess the Royals don't say it.

We say it about the Royals, I guess. You don't think they say it about themselves? Maybe. Someone called Prince Harry that, which is why his book was called Spare. Oh, his book is called Spare? Yes, because it's the heir and the spare. Okay, I guess they do say that then.

There's something about his dick in that book, right? He talks about his dick for a while in the book. He got frostbite on his dick maybe? Yeah. Yeah. Or like he frostbite his brother's dick or something. He frostbite. All right, I don't need to send back to me.

A simple no, that's not what it was would suffice. I do wanna see a quick scene. Oh. Let's say, Aaron and Rekha, you two are, you are the children of a royal family. One of you is the heir, one of you is the spare, we don't know which. And you are having a discussion at your parents' funeral.

I think you're the spare. Okay you are ten years younger than me. Uh-huh. A foot shorter than me. Uh-huh. And you're inching to me closer and closer with a knife. Eh? So what?

So what? So my brain's got a little rattled. I think your brain's a little too intact and that's why you're the spare. You'll run things like they've always been run I'll give it a little creativity How did we get all the same schooling and you talk like this and I talk like this? What did they do to you? Well, I was tuning them out and I was listening to me podcasts I'll listen to a lot of podcasts, podcasts where you know men

You know use axes to make different things in their houses and and you know they they eat raw meat and stuff like that Hmm I'm beginning to think you're a little bit of a threat to me. You seem sort of like a Woman of the people. I'm gonna just keep inching away from this knife. You know what, I'm gonna take over as queen. You can be a chimney sweeper, whatever it is that you're doing with your time. Oh wow, oh wow. Real nice dig there, sis.

Real creative, really what the country needs. Your typical spare behavior with your eaten education and your nice clean clothes. And now a reading of the will, where it will be revealed which of the twins is the heir in which is the spear. Oh, I'm gonna love this. I couldn't read it myself,

but I'm gonna love what they say about you. What? They weren't sure that I would live. They did not have a solid backup plan at all. See. That's the new queen, everybody. Sure that I would live they did not have a solid backup plan at all See That's the new queen everybody I love anytime if I watch the love Islander Like the British versions. It's like it'll be like the most chiseled handsome man you've ever seen in your life And then he's like I love what's this babe? Well, you come over here, sit on my lap. And you're like, whoa, looks aren't everything.

I think Louis Vrtel had a joke that I think is so true, which is like in England, from the Americans perspective, it seems like if you live on a different street, you have a different accent. Yes. It's not just like I'm from Sussex, I'm from London. It's like I'm from Main Street. I'm from Bridge Street. So I said like this and you said like this. I have eight to spare and you saw like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have eight to spare, and I'm covered in hair.

It's not a spider, but it is a creature, animal. Ah. So what? Eight, what has this? Is this like an octopus? Do they have eight arms, right? Their arms are their brains? Their tentacles are their arms,? Their arms are their brains? Their tentacles are their arms

and their arms are their brains. I just pictured an octopus with like a little bob. An octopus with hair would be so cute. Is it like a pregnant dog with like teats? Could that be it? Rekha got it. It's a pregnant dog with teats though. That's a caveat.

Think about, so if it currently has eight to spare, that means in total it has... More. Dude, this is a cat, this is a cat. Nine lives. Oh, that's good. Yes, yes, yes. But that's fucking fake, right?

Yeah, no, it's fake. I've killed so many cats. Yeah. First time, first cat entered too bad for you. I'd like to see a scene. Rekha, you are a cat and you're hanging out with your cat friends at LJBC and you suddenly realize that you think you might actually be on your last life. Okay, beautiful.

Jumped all the way from the bookcase. No. Right? No. Right? No. And as I'm falling, I'm turning, I'm turning, boom, all fours right on my seat. Shut up. Yeah.

From the bookcase? From the bookcase. Oh my god. So did you even have to use one of yours, dude? No, I thought I was going to have to the whole way down. I was like, oh no, this will take me down to six, but you know what, my body took over. I don't know. I'm so lucky.

What about you? Oreo, what about you? Yeah, Oreo, took over. I don't know, I'm so lucky. What about you? Oreo, what about you? Yeah, Oreo, when was the last time you lost one of your lives? Damn, okay, well you guys know I've been trying to get that, you know, I think it's a talking bass bass on the wall, but it looks like it's real, I'm not sure. It's not, yeah, it's not.

Well, I wanna try to get closer to see. So I've been climbing up on the refrigerator and I've been jumping. Sure. So I did that, what? Well, I did that yesterday morning. Yeah, we watched you eat shit. You broke your neck real hard.

I ate absolute shit. So then I saw do-overs. Yeah. Well, the god of the cats came around, stitched your neck back together. Exactly. And put you ready again, yes. So I did do

overs absolutely missed I aimed so poorly I think because I had gotten hit yeah double vision I was aiming for the second pass for sure right in the garbage disposal exactly and she had just had a bunch of stuff in there soups and stuff that didn't work out so she had turned it on so I was toast to blend up the soup. What's with Melissa and soups, by the way? Table that, let's table that. Table that, because it is a concern.

This liquid diet is not working for her. Well, you know what I think it is? Is I think it's a breakup thing, because it's like suddenly I don't see Gary anymore at all, and it's soups everywhere. What could this be? It makes me feel bad. Like she thinks she needs to like only drink stuff, and that she can't eat because she's single now.

Wild. She deserves better. She deserves the world. That's- there's a whole fucking bunch of fucked up things that can confluence there and I want to like kind of sit her down a bit. By the way, Gary was a piece of shit. I know. So I actually- okay, this is so funny. When Gary was leaving, I tried to get him, you know? No. Because he's rude. Yeah, didn't he kill you like six times? So I actually okay. This is so funny when Gary was leaving. I tried to get him. You know He kill you like six times Yeah, there was there was the car there was a scooter

There was this hoverboard. Oh my god, Oreo pick a transportation method Gary. Yeah, Gary I mean it's all of these eclectic with this transportation unicycle Gary six times two times on the fridge Oreo I think you're on your last life. No, no, that's crazy. That's eight. No, the fridge Oreo. I think you're on your last life. No, that's crazy That's eight. No, that's eight. I think you're on Your last that's literally crazy. I was born like three weeks ago That would be crazy if I use them all up now, that's the fat that might be a record. You should contact She can talk contact someone that might be a record. I mean, I'm I'm I was born eight weeks ago and I'm a grandma Oh my god, it's not the wildest things in the world Oh god, they're getting younger and younger wait. That's so messed up. I'm on my ninth

Yeah, and Oreo your whole don't you're you're walking across the toaster beat just be so careful why I want the crumbs Oreo just wait Eat out of here anymore because she's gluten-free because of depression. I want the crumbs that are left in before she gets rid of them. Oreo, careful. You're pawing around real deep. You might hit some sort of... come on. Oreo, don't get a fork out. Don't put a fork in there, Oreo. But this is a chunk of bread. It's a chunk. Please. Oreo, ground yourself. Ground yourself.

Oreo, why are you wetting the fork? Because it's not sticking. The bread's's the bread's too crunchy. I needed this thing You can't lick the fork cats tongues are famously dry I'm gonna plug the toaster in and see if it'll pop up Shooting the plug with a gun to make it pop up and go in the outlet? That's a one in a million shot. But I'm a one in a million girl. We will now read Oreo's will. I know that Oreo's two children are here today.

I'm the spare, I know it, I'm the spare. You're obviously the spare. I knew it. Hooray. Aw, Oreo. So sad. I have no fingers, but I can still point. I have no fingers, but I can still point. I have no arms, but I can still strike.

I have no feet, but I can still run. What am I? I know it. Maybe I don't. Erin, do you want to share with the rest of the class? I gave it so confident. I know it. Maybe I don't.

Is it a clock? It's a clock. That's incredible. That's really good. Clock. Clock right. Don't be impressed because so often, I mean, we've been doing how many episodes are in It's a clock. That's incredible. That's really good. Clock. Clock right. Don't be impressed because so often, I mean, we've been doing, how many episodes are in

a week? 309? Holy crap. So that's a lot. I know. Two minutes. And so often the riddles are like shadows, echoes, time, a glove. So you run through them in your head every time. I was recently, I did an improv show in Ireland and I was on a bus behind some young Irish

boys and they were doing riddles at each other. And I am so fucking annoying. I was like, I could probably jump in there, right? And I was like, no, that is crazy person behavior. Do not, it's an hour bus ride to house. Do not jump in there. Cause there was one that was like, the answer was time and they just weren't getting it. And I was like, my God guys, it's time. Let's move to the next one. It's time, what are you doing?

That's so funny. Reika, you said that exactly right where doing riddles at each other, that's the correct term because it's not enjoyable. You're doing it at somebody. Yeah, it's a challenge and they're just challenging themselves. Yeah, I know.

Here we go. Kings and queens may cling to power and the jesters may have their call. However, I can defeat them all. Ace? Oh, yeah, the ace, right? Ooh, Reika got it. It is an ace or ace is.

That's fantastic. Or twos if you're playing with wild cards. Yeah, actually. Or if it's Uno, if you have a river. Yes, yes, yes. My apologies. Is it, Adel, is it the noble draw four? I mean, come on.

Do better than the draw four. Ha ha ha ha ha. I haven't played Uno in a long time. Me either, actually. I mean, come on, do better than the draw four. I haven't played Uno in a long time. Me either, actually. It was a it was a connections answer, I think yesterday. Oh, if you play New York Times Connections. I miss today. I hate when that happens.

I do. Paul McCartney songs. I missed today. I only exist when you are here where you never were I can never be Hate ones like this This one feels very shadow coated if shadow is very very close Body odor reflection is close. Is it sissy? The other cat other animals from? What's it's fuck?

What's it called? 101 Dalmatians? No, no, no. Shadow, Shadow was the dog. Oh, myelin otis. It's homeward bound. Is it homeward bound? I can never exist or you know what I mean.

It's just homeward bound. I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you're looking at the mirror, and Rekha is your reflection. OK, wallet, keys. Oh, I'll just check my teeth. Oh, my god. You got stuff in your teeth, my dude.

You looking bad. What's going on? You looking straight up bad. You can prepare yourself as much as you want with your wallet and keys, but you looking straight up bad. Look at me, sweet. Is this a joke mirror? Why is there a cartoon dog looking back at me? I'm the first freaking real Mary-Lynn Remy.

You look straight up bad today. Okay. Okay, I'm dreaming. This is a dream. This is the most obvious dream I've ever been in. I'll just wake myself up. I'll cut my pinky off. Oh no! Why did I start there? I gotta say, you even look better than you did before. Yeah! Oh shit!

You look better though, is what I'm saying. You look better with the pinky off. That's how bad you freaking looked, my guy. What is going on here? Your teeth got coffee stains. They got spinach in them. They got wine. You got wine lips First of all, I had a spinach omelet coffee and wine for breakfast and now I'm going out to see a friend That's a normal breakfast. Not lots of people have that for breakfast. Uh, What is going on? What is going on? Did I get, was my omelet dosed with like LSD or like mushrooms or something? Why am I seeing you?

You're at a turning point in your life, JPC. This friend you're about to see, who are they? I thought I was at least a character. It's just you. Oh shit, fuck. It's just you. Which friend are you about to see again? I guess if it's a real life. I'll say adult Yeah, yeah, it's funny. You bring up battle. He doesn't like you anymore

Hey reflection. Yep. I'm about to go see JPC. Oh god, you look Awful, did you get any sleep? Jesus. I didn't get any sleep. I shop at Ariel Postel. Is that how you say it? No. A rope? A rope-a-stool? No, that's too much like Ariella.

I shop at a rope-a-stool. So my clothes are too tight and too short. I think today's the day I'm gonna tell him that I hate him. Well, you know what? I don't think he'll care. I think he hates you. Can I ask? You know what? That's fine. That makes it easier. Can I ask, how do you? I feel like think he'll care. I think he hates you. What's, hey, can I ask? Mm-hmm. You know what?

That's fine. That makes it easier. Can I ask, how do you, I feel like every time we're hanging out, you and his reflection are always like off giggling. What are you talking about? No, you don't think his like reflection likes. I mean, now that would be crazy.

Oh, sorry, I'm at the door here. Ding dong. Ah. Oh yeah, come in. I'm just cleaning up finger blood. Wait. Hey. Does he have those cool, are you wearing sunglasses?

Am I going to see like a reflection or something, JPC? You're my reflection. You're asking me if I'm wearing sunglasses. I mean, come on. Yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, I couldn't tell. I'll put on some sunglasses. Thank you, thank you.

Hey, hey, buddy, hey. Come and stand with my back towards the mirror. Okay. Yeah. I'll do the same. And reflections have fun. Good to see JPC's reflection. Oh my God. Hi. Hey, what is freaking up? Hey, uh, looks like your guy punched a mirror earlier. Did you two get in a fight? Yeah, he just couldn't take the truth. You know,

he was looking like shit this morning. You know, what'd you guys get up to? He was looking like shit this morning. Oh my god, no way. We have that in common. Yeah. Adol said the craziest thing about us earlier. He said that like, whatever we're together, we're like giggling. And I was like, I guess I guess we do have fun together. Yeah, I mean, I have a lot of fun hanging out with you. I mean, you know, like, I have, I'm like, there's no Mrs. JPC reflection or anything, so I don't know. Yeah, right. What?

What are you, oh my God. I cut the wrong finger off. That's a scene. Fun. Fun. Well, while JPC deals with the fallout of that scene and the repercussions in his life, we're gonna take a quick break

and we'll be right back with more riddles. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. There's triangles and circles and rectangles are our friends. How do you get up all night writing this jingle? Need a website? It's Squarespace. That's your friend in the end. Is that the final jingle? Because I have to type that in to turnitinjingle.com to make sure

it's not plagiarized jingle from any other product. And that's you're sure that's original Squarespace. They can use that. They can run with that. I'm pretty sure you got jingle.com. Turnitinjingle.com is down right now so if I got if I trust you and I just turn this into Squarespace they're gonna say that this is this is a good jingle? I think so. Okay. Last week we did accidentally write the lion sleeps tonight so I just want us to be careful. And the Squarespace, the mighty Squarespace. Why didn't we catch that? That's all we can sing.

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courses or sell files your customers can download like PDFs, music, or ebooks. Addle, great news, I just heard back from the Squarespace team. They love the new jingle. They just want you to hit it one more time, exactly like you did it the first time. Ooh, triangles, circles, rectangles, ah, I lost it. And it's the theme. Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee Okay, okay, that's enough, we can't do any more of that. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Wicked. Hey, Aaron, I need to go to the bathroom, but I don't know how to say bathroom. Hmm. What is it? What is it? What is it?

Please help. You know, you need Babel. Yeah, you need Babel because I only speak. I speak English, obviously, and not well. And then I speak a JPC language, but you don't need to go to like a JPC bathroom, right? Oh, that's like pigeon squawks or something. Don't worry about it. Well, do worry about Babel getting Babel, that is, because it is the best way to learn

a language, you know, other than immersion, like living in a country for ten years or whatever, but I don't have time for that Yeah, you don't you do not have another ten years I didn't want to be the one to bring it up But since you brought it up you just don't have mm-hmm. I mean there's just no way you slice it you have ten years I don't have ten years Aaron you might have you might have nine more It's a science-backed language learning app that actually works. You don't have to pay hundreds of dollars

for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. That's Babbel you're talking about, of course. Yeah, of course. And one in five Americans have learned a new language on their bucket list. Of course I have mine and the time's running out. If that's you, like it is for me,

make 2024 the year you finally check it off the list with Babbel. Yeah, Babbel is for me, make 2024 the year you finally check it off the list with Babbel. Yeah, Babbel is also designed by real people for real conversations, and its quick 10-minute lessons are handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. And some of us don't even have three weeks left. So some of us are really white-knuckling. And I'm just not even saying who.

So in your last three weeks, you can like order food or ask for directions or tell people that you love them and that they meant a lot to you. Or to go to the JPC bathroom or as we call it, I'm at work, baby, baby, baby, baby. Babbel does not sponsor JPC Talk. No, you have to get that from me. It got banned from the app.

Straight from the horse's mouth. And Babbel has over 60 million horses, sorry, Babbel has over 60 million subscriptions sold plus all of babbles 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money back Garin toha here is a special limited time deal for our listeners right now get up to 60% off your babble subscription But only for our listeners at babble comm slash riddle get up to 60% off at babble comm slash riddle spelled listeners at Babbel.com slash Riddle. Get up to 60% off at Babbel.com slash Riddle. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Riddle R-I-D-D-L-E. Rules and restrictions may apply. I don't have to use the bathroom anymore.

Squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk, squawk. I'm beautiful. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Okay, hi, I'm JPC. Hi. Welcome, oh, no, you're the audience. You don't talk. Welcome to my musical. Talk about Squarespace.

Hold on. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all in your terms. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Upload video content.

Organize your video library! Stop! You're the audience! It's my musical! Showcase your content on beautiful video pages! You can sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content! Uh, Aaron, this is so rude. I invited you to my one-minute show called Squarespace and-

Sell exclusive content on your site by adding a paywall to sell memberships or courses or sell files your customers can download like PDFs, music or ebooks. Great. Now Adol's probably going to do some character song that he's got prepared as well in the audience as well. as well. Make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools except credit cards, Paypal, Apple Pay, it's eligible in countries, offers customers the option to buy now, pay later, with Afterpay and Clearpay. I'm more of a talk singer. Yeah, it was more of a talk. Like David Byrne.

We love Squarespace, we use it for the Hey Riddle Riddle website! Well you know what Erin, it's- Do the finale, do the finale. Wow, they've already heard you sing, now if they hear me sing they're gonna be like- Do the finale. That was bad. Fine, fine! You wanna hear the big finale?

Yes! Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to www.squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. So basically the way that it works is there's like a witch and a cook and then there's like a mouse who becomes a pirate and... Gotta go home. Yeah, and- Gotta go home. Yeah, everybody needs to go home. Hey, JPC for the encore, why don't you join us on stage

and we'll really rock it. Oh, I, no, I mean, I couldn't, I don't even have my guitar. No, buddy, your money. Let's rocket money. Oh, oh, this is a rocket money ad. I thought my dreams were coming true and I was gonna be able to actually play rock music on stage.

Your dreams are coming true because, hey, how much do you think you're paying in subscriptions every month? The answer is probably a lot more than you think, buddy. Over 74% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. I definitely did. Yeah, no, yeah, no, I know about rocket money. Rocket money. I definitely did. Yeah, no, yeah.

No, I know about Rocket Money. Rocket Money is great, yeah. They're fantastic, yeah. Helps you cancel your subscriptions. But you know, you're the band Guar, you're one member of the band Guar. It's been my lifelong dream to play with Guar. Spell different.

It's spelled different, sure. We won't spell it. That covers it. We just have to say spelled different. I know that Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels unordered subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower bills so that you can grow your savings,

but really, you know, savings and money and everything doesn't matter to me. It's more about like achieving a lifelong dream of playing with Guar on stage, which I thought I was gonna do and it turns out I'm not gonna do. Oh yeah, it's just, we saw your one-man musical and just seemed like a bit, you know, I love personally,

as you know, I love personally, as you know, the lead singer, I love seeing all of my subscriptions in one place with Rocket Money. And if I see something I don't want, Rocket Money can help me cancel it with just a few taps. It's incredible. Yeah, no, it's incredible. It's got over 5 million users

and it saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 a year when using all of the app's features. It's a great app. I use it. I love it. Just not, you know, I thought for whatever reason and crazy in my mind that I was gonna... And obviously Erin's not here because she's doing a hands on a hard body contest to win a Blend.

So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Erin's actually doing a hands on a blimp to win a hard body. Jim's subscription. Either way she wins. Yeah. And we're back and welcome everyone to the annual O. Henry pun competition. Of course, we're all here in Austin. Everyone who's here from Austin, give a big hoot and holler.

Stay weird or whatever our thing is. Stay weird. We're down to our final three contestants. One to Austin, try something weird. Okay, give me back the mic. We're here at the final round of three final contestants. Of course, for this round, I'm going to say a topic and they each will come up with a pun around that topic,

whether it be a little sentence or, we're trying it out new,. The rules are pretty loose. You look like you're in death story or so old. You're the oldest person I ever saw. My grandpa is sitting right down there. I'm 78 years young. Wow. Yep.

Okay, the first category for this round is currency. Currency. Mm-hmm, currency. Mm hmm. Currency. Okay. And JPC, uh, Reika and Erin, whenever you're ready, one of you will step forward and say your pun. I'd start by talking about one cents coins, but that's not very penny penny.

I walk out into this tree. The car goes right through you. You're you've been dead for years. Penny. I walk out into the street. I just keep walking. The car goes right through you. You've been dead for years. I see you all leering at me. I think I'm pound for pound a better importer since the days of Y, what is that?

I too, I follow Aaron into traffic and I walk forever. JPC, this is years to lose. Buckle up, you euros, because it's time to... I gotta pay-sos myself before I do too many good puns. I step into a hot air balloon, I press the balloon to maximum, I float off into the sky. Okay, I wanna apologize for all the finalists leaving abruptly. balloon to maximum I float off into the sky. Okay. I want to apologize for all the finalists leaving abruptly.

The winner of course is Rekha. Wow, thank you. Tough competition this year. Really tough competition this year. Really tough competition. Yeah, a tough one to release and no one can receive the prize. Let's do some more riddles here.

This is going to be a bit of a, maybe a little bit tougher, but definitely longer of a riddle. I like how the one guy who does puns on the show didn't participate in the pun cup. Introducing the segment. Yeah, you have to introduce the segment. One bitterly cold December morning, three men walk into a shop.

One is blind, one is deaf, and one is mute. Without a word being spoken, one of the men realizes that one of the others is married with kids. Which one is married with kids and which one realizes it? Huh, okay. So, they have to use... It's like a 90s standup joke where it's gonna be some indication that they have a nagging wife that won't be the some indication that they have like a nagging wife that I was gonna say

Nagging wife feels like it's the solution here. Oh, yeah about that or the the tame answer is like the mute person sees a wedding ring and Just realizes he's married and keeps it to himself realizing. It's like a silent married and keeps it to himself realizing it's like a silent thing or it's like the wife calls the bar and is like, I'm a shrew, where's my husband? Yeah, that would be perfect. That's exactly what it is. And they're like, that's the deaf guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A wife shows up with like a rolling pin in her hand and like rollers in her hair.

Yeah, clashing wipe stuff. And it's like, oh, you could only be married to her if you couldn't hear her or she's like unattractive because she weighs like 13 pounds and that's too fat. And so it's like you'd have to be blind to not see her or whatever the fuck. Yeah. What if it's none of these and we're just doing this? We're doing the mean stuff. Yeah. It's actually like a really nice answer.

It's actually because all three of them are friends and they know about each other's lives. Next riddle. No, impossible. I've never met three male friends who ask questions about each other's lives. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. I'm going to, unless there's any other guesses, I'll give the answer to this and we'll move on because this is a weird one Yeah, I don't think I have a quite Is there any chance and this is a long shot? Is there any chance that one of them is Madame Webb because her web connects them all so it would be so The three the three men are X-Men X-Men can be women.

Yes. They are in a card shop. They were in a, you know, the three men were in a shop. It was a card shop and the mute man is buying a wedding anniversary card into birthday cards. So. Wait a second. Okay. Wait a second.

He had both of these kids on his wedding anniversary? This is a man who refuses to memorize an additional date. Sorry, did you say they were in a card shop? It just starts with one bitterly cold December morning, three men walk into a shop. Okay. So the reveal is they're in a card shop. This is, I think these types of riddles are fucking stupid.

There is no way to intuit that information. You cannot introduce facts like that in the answer. That's like a murder mystery where it is someone you've never met, never heard of that lived on a different planet. And it's like, don't you feel stupid? It's galactose. And you're like, what?

Why would I? Someone was murdered. You're given three hours of clues and suspects. And then the answer is it was Galactos, the alien who dimensionally shifted. And it's like, how was I supposed to? This fucking guy had a December wedding? Who has a goddamn December wedding?

Well, I will say, I have heard, I might be wrong. My partner is Jewish and says his parents got married on Christmas Eve and that's really common. Sometimes for Jewish parents. Interesting. I don't want to say that he's right. I don't know. That pisses me off.

Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve is our time, okay? Here's the next riddle. And this one, I do have to give a bit of a caveat. This riddle, I don't wanna give a date because I think that's too helpful. I'll say this riddle not too long ago made sense. It should still make, I'm sorry, it should still make sense.

The queen's dead. Fuck, yeah. Is that what it is? The riddle is I have a job, but I'm waiting on, I have a job, but I am waiting on getting another job. It is quite similar to the job I have. The day I get my new job, I will be very sad. Yeah, the king and the queen.

And it's Prince Charles. Adel, I am so sorry. No, that's fine. No, that rocked. Yeah, and Erin, that's honestly current events-wise best case scenario Sort of a Weinstein riddle There's a mirror in a mirror max

Next really you have a milk container that weighs one ton a A wheelbarrow with no- Too much milk. Gonna get fucking sick thinking about that much milk. Ugh. That's gross. You have a milk container that weighs one ton. Wait, is that empty too? Oh my God. It must hold so much milk if it weighs one ton empty.

Oh, I'm thinking about all that milk and now it's touching me. I'm thinking about how reinforced it is, which is like Yeah, what kind of milk is it? How holding that's like nuclear? Rekha's right. There's no not much. Yeah, there's no fucking way that's milk in there It says milk on the side, but we all know this is like Dini. It's for who it's like It's like to hold the Hulk or some shit like we know that this is like a trick milk Yeah, she ever read the issue where they put Bruce Bader in a milk tank

A trick milk container. Did you ever read the issue where they put Bruce Bader in a milk tank? Yeah. You have a milk, and this is from a Scottish riddle book that I found. So I'm thrown because one ton, ton is spelled T-O-N-N-E. Tony.

Tony. Thank you. We know that you were on a bus in Ireland, so we assume you went to... Yeah, to Scotland on my way. You have a milk container that weighs one ton, a wheelbarrow with no wheel, and 10 yards of hosepipe,

which I guess has to be like a garden hose, I don't know. You have to get the milk container- Oh, I was assuming it's like leggings. You have to get the milk container a hundred meters back to your shed without spilling a drop. How do you do it? Can I just quit? What is do it? Can I just quit? What is the job?

Can I just quit the job? Move the shed. You're the queen of England, unfortunately. Yeah. And without spilling a drop, this thing might be empty. I don't care. Read it again.

Can I spill the whole thing instead of one drop? Can I dump out all the milk? That is some good lateral thinking. Rekha, we're going to give that to you because that is a brilliant workaround. But the other two still, the other two have to solve it and Rekha please still participate.

But that is an incredible answer. When I'm absolutely drenched in milk that Rekha just dumped all over me, the one thing I didn't want to happen. She said what she was going to do. Move out of the room, my dude. I told you. I have the right of way.

I'm an American. You have a milk container that weighs one ton. Erin, you said to reread it? Yes, please. You have a milk container that weighs one ton. Erin, you said to reread it? Yes, please. You have a milk container that weighs one ton, a wheelbarrow with no wheel and 10 yards of hosepipe. You have to get the milk container 100 meters back to your shed without spilling a drop.

How do you do it? And I have some clues if you'd like clues. Yeah, I'd like a clue. Hmm. Okay, here's some of the clues. You are not alone. You have no other means of transport. You cannot use the hosepipe to make a wheel for the wheelbarrow.

It wouldn't work. The milk container will not roll. Is the milk container a cow? Rekha, ding, ding, ding. The milk container that weighs one ton is a cow. All you have to do is sh shoe the cow towards the shed. Shoot the cow, drag its lifeless body to the shed. Rekha, you are brilliant.

I can't believe we're still in an era where we're calling cows milk containers. I'm a baby container. Wow. Men are sperm containers. People with penises are sperm containers. Wow. Yeah, I would burst into tears if I were a cow and I would find out that the people who were caring for me were calling me a milk container. I'd be like, I have a name and a best friend.

And a best friend. You have more than just this. You have a 170 pound incorrect opinion container and he's on a podcast. Oh my God. That's an insane one, Adel. And he's on a podcast. Oh my God. That's an insane one, Addle. That one's crazy. Where did you find that?

The garbage? Erin, I found it in a Scottish book of riddles. And did they give you the clues or did you, Addle, put those in because it is ludicrous to kind of like the previous fucked up riddle you gave to assume someone would call a milk container a cow. I wish I could take credit.

Rick, they added the clues, but let me tell you something that's insane. They add the clues in a way that every time you turn the page of this book, it's all the previous clues and one more. So they're, it's like a 300 page riddle book, but 20 pages are just clues for each riddle because they did that process.

What am I supposed to do with like the 10 feet of rubber hose? Does it say? Is that like a misnomer or red herring or whatever? I think it's a- I'm assuming it's like a sex thing. I'm supposed to use it for some sex purposes or something. The wheelbarrow-

I'm supposed to choke myself. I guess I choke myself with it. The wheelbarrow is a pipe. And we're all waiting to know what I do with the 10 feet of rubber hose. JBC, we put down the hose like 10 minutes ago. You keep walking back to grabbing. I guess I'm gonna myself with it. The wheelbarrow with the pipe. And we're all waiting to know what I do with the 10 foot rubber on it. JBC, we put down the hose like 10 minutes ago. You keep walking back to grabbing. I guess I'm gonna pick up the hose.

I guess I'm gonna walk back and pick up the hose. The cow walked freely. You didn't have to do anything. I guess I tie it to the cow and have the cow kinda drag me by the neck a little. Add a quick, another riddle, anything. Add anything up, anything. Who's turn is it to read a riddle?

My turn. Jack met his wife, Sandra in the moonlight tavern in Parissa on the beautiful Island of Santorini. If they hadn't met there, they might not be divorced. Why? Sorry. They might not be divorced now. Why? I'll read it one more time. Okay. Jack met his wife, Sandra in the moonlight tavern in Parissa on the beautiful Island of Santorini. If they hadn't met there, they might not be divorced now.

Why? This feels like there's like a Greece like pun in the answer. Yeah, Perissa. She was greasy in the moonlight or something. Do I have to know what Perissa is? Uh, no. Kind of sounded like you didn't know how to say Paris,

but then you said Santorini, and I was like, I know that that is a Greek word that I don't practice Santorini And is this something that has an unsavory thing about Wives or something is the answer where it's like well, it was a moonlight tavern So he didn't know that he married an ugly woman or something Rekha it's there is close to that. No, it's, there is. It's close to that? No, it's not close to that, but there is something where. Oh, come on, do I have to go get the hose from the cow?

There's something where the woman's at fault here. Cause she doesn't speak English? No, I have some clues if you want clues in there. Yeah, let's hear some clues. They married in a church, Jack and his wife, Sandra. Jack worked as a sports therapist, this all seems irrelevant. Let's see, they were both going to Santorini for one week.

They did not travel to Santorini together. It's irrelevant how long they were married. There was someone else on this island, which was important to both of them. Is it like one of these things where they show up, they're like going to a funeral, but they don't know each other and they're cousins and they get married or something like that?

Or he married one of his basketball players or something? That is not it. Here's something. The basketball player was a woman. Hmm. Yeah. That's something. You didn't know that women played basketball internationally to very poorly attended audiences

either, Huh? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And I own that. Here's something that I think is pretty important. They did not know each other were going to Santorini. So again, they did not travel to Santorini together. They didn't even know they were each going to Santorini.

And they didn't know each other at all. But Jack met his wife Sandra in the Moonlight Tavern in Perissa on the beautiful island of Santorini. Yeah, of course they didn't know each other were going there because they met at the Moonlight Tavern. Was it like a hinge date? No, that doesn't make sense. It was-

Well, they met at the Moonlight Tavern, but that was, I mean, when you meet someone, I can meet up with JBC for coffee. Did they break into the Moonlight Tavern and they're criminals and they had to get divorced? I wish Greek laws are such that if you mess up, you get divorced. I think that's brilliant.

Cause you can't like testify against a spouse, but they can force you to get a divorce so that then you can testify. That's what sucks. That's the loophole. Or you can live the rest of your life with no fresh fish, which is just what's living with no fresh fish with olive oil and a rice pilaf.

So, Rekha, I think you're really onto something. When you said about like they met that night and I said, well, you don't have to meet someone for the first time just because the word met, I think that is a big clue. Oh. If Jack had, here's another big one. If Jack had not gone to Santorini,

they might not have divorced. So they did not travel to Santorini together. They were already married. Yes. But they didn't know, and then they, they independently each went to Santorini on like a date or something. So they saw them cheating?

You pretty much got it. 99% of that percent there. Sandra told Jack, her husband, she was going on a girls holiday to Corfu. Here it says Corfu, I don't know where that's at. So she said she was going on a girls holiday anywhere else in the world. He was surprised then when he walked

into the Moonlight Tavern to find Sandra kissing her boss with whom she was having an affair. So this, I know that they didn't expect us to say all of that. This is teetering on the edge of a type of riddle I hate. I get how you can get there from just the riddle. Yeah, right, guys. I think I know where you're going and it's infidelity riddles, right? I really don't like infidelity riddles. You shouldn't kiss before you're going and it's infidelity riddles, right? I really don't like infidelity riddles. You shouldn't kiss before you're married and you shouldn't cheat after you're married. Don't even joke about that stuff, okay? Because that shit is actually serious. You get in huge trouble for it.

Riddles are not the place to talk about marriage. Marriage is sacred. It's between two milk containers. Yes. And riddles are between three adults who can't get work anywhere else. Walk into a bar. I think this one I like actually. This one's kind of dumb, but I like this one. All right, I want to see a scene.

Oh, yes. So here's the scene. You guys, all three of you are independently here to cheat on your significant others. And you're walking into a bar in Santorini that is famous for people coming to cheat on their spouses. Ooh, Ashley Madison bar. Yeah.

Yeah. Table for three? Or are you here three independently? Or is it a table for three? I came here alone, but if you have a table for three, or four, if you want to join. Uh, no, I'm working. Um, did you, does you guys want me to check your big trench coats, hats and big dark sunglasses? Or are you going to keep those on? Hold on to my newspaper to put in front of my face. Yes. And I'll keep my little googly eyes. Uh, yeah, I mean, I'll be honest,

I didn't come here with a person to cheat with. I was kind of, I'm looking. So if you guys want to get a little table. Oh, you're here to cheat as well? Oh yes, and you, you needn't be secretive here. Everybody here is cheating. Any kiss you see, stolen. Oh, uh, well that makes me feel a little bit better.

Fake mustaches, so this is becoming clear. One guy's is real. That's, you just upset him, he's walking out. Oh, sorry sir. Yeah, sorry, this is also, it's after six, so this is also a mustache fetish bar as well. Oh great, perfect. Two birds, one stone, fantastic.

Can I, or I saw the specials, can I go ahead and order now with you? I'm gonna have the open relationship face sandwich. Okay, yeah, an open relationship face sandwich, and we can bring that to the table. While I'm taking orders, I can take orders for everybody else if that's. Yeah, and I'll split it with him.

Also on the side, I would like the lentil soup, but don't tell him. Of course, when it's hot, I'll drop a napkin at the table and you can eat it in the bathroom. Exactly, hide it. Oh, waiter, can I get a side piece of chicken, just a side chick? Yeah, everyone get a side piece.

Side order's throughout the night as well. A French fries, but don't tell anybody. You must have so many sides. Don't tell anybody. Well, I'm glad we're all splitting one open-faced sandwich. Yes, one open-faced sandwich. Just the one open-faced sandwich. All the windows are open. Can I add a dozen sides at different points in my life?

Yes. And I'll be honest, the lentil soup is feeling kind of boring right now. So can I get it? I was going to say lentil soup. Did you just go through a bad breakup? Oh, god. Well, I wish I was breaking up with my wife, but I love her.

So is there any flashier kind of sides you got? You know, something spicy? Oh absolutely, yeah. You could do like a potatoes bravas. Spicy potatoes? Yeah, like a spicy potatoes. Spicy brave potatoes, yeah. This is a tapas style cheating restaurant as well. So it's like it's all it's all it's all small plates Oh, can I get a little bit of caffeine?

It says here you have a special infidelity Yeah, we have this. I'll take a cup of that. Absolutely. Oh my god. I think my husband Gary's in the corner He's here to cheat too. Oh my god Not necessarily a lot of people a lot of people here are just here to cheat too? Oh my god, how do you even... Not necessarily. A lot of people here are just here to be cucked. They want to see. And in best case scenario, I hope you're Gary's a cuck. Or that he's part of the mustache convention, I don't know. Oh, that could be it.

I do see now that every table has a extra chair that's kind of 10 feet away facing the table. Yeah, it's facing the table. Yeah, the restaurant is strategically positioned so that every table has a chair 10 feet away facing that table, but it's not with another... it's actually conceptually a very cool design. It's very nice. Yeah. Yeah, the whole place is a circle too. It's like... Yeah, it's like the space needle. Wow, I mean. Except on the ground, obviously. I don't know why I said space needle.

Obviously, you walked in, you know it's a ground. Ground needle, yeah. It's a range-style space needle. If you want Gary to cuck us, I mean that, or be the cuck, we could try that. I don't want to try that. You don't have to tell me. Yeah, I know it. What do you want?

I've lost the thread on what we're whispering. More science, more science. Jack and Sandra met in Iceland when he was on holiday there. As a result. This is the same couple. Oh, I didn't even realize it's the same names. I guess in Scotland,

I think there's only like a handful of names actually. Yeah. Jack and Sandra, a different, for this answer, it has to be different, Jack and Sandra. Yeah, multiple, named Jack and Sandra. By Jovi. That's incorrect.

Jack and Sandra met in Iceland when he was on holiday there. As a result, Sandra is dead. Why? Women cheat, women die. Women can be anything, even dead. And I have some clues whenever you want them. Jack and Sandra met when he was in Iceland on holiday? Correct, Jack and Sandra met in Iceland

when he was on holiday there. As a result, Sandra is dead. And I know it. Is there some dumb fucking bullshit? A hundred percent. They were like, he bought one ticket there, no ticket back or something for her or some shit like that. I've heard a riddle that's that's that exact answer. This is not that one, but this is I guarantee you.

Right. Because something we've realized during 300 some episodes, most riddle answers are unbelievably frustrating, bordering on infuriating. Yeah. Yeah. They'll break ya. This is one of those. Jack, here's my guess.

Here's my guess. Jack is like a hunter and Sandra is like an elk or something. And he- JPC fucking nailed it. Oh. You nailed it, but Sandra- Stop it. He fucking named her or she was named?

We are 57 minutes into the episode. That's how long it took to break our guest with a riddle. Casey, can you go ahead and insert when Rekha said at the top that Rekha loves riddles and then we'll just go ahead and loop that back now. Riddles make me sick to my stomach. If I see two boys in Ireland doing them on a bus, I will knock the riddle book out of their hands.

We did it, everybody. Woo! We got another one. Put it up on the board. Yeah, we do, do, do, do, do. Got another one. Took a while. Took an hour, but.

We ruined something you liked. Rika, there's a camera there. Camera there. Kidding camera there. Oh my god. Jack meets Mary Kate Smith in Ireland, and then she dies because Mary Kate Smith was an anti-Saturn.

Wow, so Reika, you don't think animals should have names, interesting. Oh. Wow, interesting. No, they are milk containers and nothing else. That's it. Egg containers, milk containers, venom containers. Humans are milk containers, and the cat's name was Oreo, so containers, venom containers.

Humans are milk containers and the cat's name was Oreo. So if I'm dipping it in. You can dip inside a woman. I do want to say in this riddle, in the Scottish riddle book, Sandra is a whale and he is a, he hunts whales. So that's way worse. That's what they made Sandra versus an elk.

If I'm doing a punch up on the riddle, and this probably makes it more obvious, but it's like Sandra dies and Jack, like something has to happen within the poaching industry. Something like, you can't just kill whales, they're in danger. Like Jack, somebody comes out, but I can't be the police. I need a room to punch this up.

So I'm gonna contact the police. You're positing a world where some sort of like whale gelanti is like, tries to get like whale justice. The gelant whale, I think. The gelant whale's right there. I can't believe I said whale gelant. You shouldn't have said whale gelant for sure. And that's absolutely true.

Casey, is it possible to go ahead and beep me saying whale gelant? No sure. And that's absolutely true. But- Casey, is it possible to go ahead and beep me saying whale gelanthe? No, no, no, it's too late. Don't do it. Lord of Beasts is dead. But you remember those whales that were coming after humans on boats,

like chasing them? Something has to happen to this man. Jack needs to die. Jack needs to die for his crimes. I do wanna see one final scene before the end of the episode. One final scene. All three of you are whales,

and you are meeting for the first time after you overheard someone on land. You overheard a human on land talking to someone else and they used their names. You three whales have never had names. You're having a meeting after hearing other creatures have names to figure out what the next step is. hearing other creatures have names to figure out what the next step is. But like, could it just be like anything? Listen, I've been doing some research.

There's like, some are named like, you know, Sebastian, some are named like Rover, some of them's Puddles. It really feels like it could be anything. Well, like what is a name, right? It's like a way to get someone's attention. And when I want to get your attention, I go, whoa, wow. So maybe that could be your name?

Well, but here's the thing. I think to be honest, if I can be honest, if I can be vulnerable for- Please, for once. I think we all just make the craziest fucking sound we can possibly make and then every whale kind of turns their attention to us. I don't really think- Right? We don't really need names because we just go like, Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo when you're not there. Oh my, are you introducing secrets into whale culture? Well, I guess so. Whoa, secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets hurt a whale.

Welcome everyone to the whale restaurant. This is a very discreet restaurant. I would like some open faced krill. Yeah. And then can we get a side, a krill on the side. No sides, no sides. See, fantastic. I'm just here to blubber.

A bitty blubber. Anyways. Anyways. Rekha, thank you so much for doing this podcast. We're thrilled to have dissuaded you from ever doing or enjoying riddles again. Where can our listeners find you? What would, anything you'd like to plug or promote?

Yeah, so currently I host a show called Smarty Pants on Dropout.tv. I'm also gonna be in the newest season of Dimension 20, the tabletop RPG game on Dropout. Oh, fantastic. Woohoo! And the season's called Never Stop Blowing Up, premiering June 26th at 4 p.m. on Dropout.

Well, that's soon. Amazing. Yeah, so it's really soon. Please do not be floored and shocked and scared. It's very soon. It's coming up. Congrats. Can you, unless there's an NDA in place, can you mention what the season's about in terms of the overview theme or anything? Yeah, it's called Never Stop Blowing Up, and it's a Jumanji style, like action packed D&D season where we get sucked into a movie.

And all the graphics are like super cool. D&D season where we get sucked into a movie. And all the graphics are like super cool, 80s like action movie tropes. I play, you know, my character might play, be a couple of things, but one thing she is, is like a hacker from those kind of movies. Oh cool. Outstanding. And it is very stupid.

I don't know how to Very excited to check that out. Thank you. Yeah, Erin anything to plug or promote Um, I wouldn't you to check out our patreon patreon.com slash. Hey riddle riddle A lot of my favorite stuff is over there. We did April of the penguins month. That was really fun We've been laughing a lot in those episodes. If you wanna check that out for a week for free, go to patreon.com slash heywindowmiddle. Addle, do you have anything to plug? Yes, I was recently a guest on the Burn Before Reading podcast, which is an absolute delight.

We were talking about Clippy, the Microsoft icon, and how he came to be. And then at the end of it, we spend a good chunk of time reading some online Clippy smut, some Clippy fan fiction, which is just incredible. So that is a burn before reading podcast, recommend checking that out. JBC, do you have a review to read?

Two things real quick. Do wanna plug our live show in LA. It is Sunday, July 14th at 7.30 PM. It's a dynasty typewriter in LA. You can get tickets, heyriddleriddle.com slash live. And it's live and live streamed. So if you're not in LA, you can still get a live stream ticket and they're available to watch that live stream up to seven days after the show. And that's always very fun. We love that venue. We love doing shows there. And then, second of all, I actually I never have

anything to plug, but I was in my friend's web series that I shot a long time ago. But you can watch that web series now. It's our Aaron our mutual friend Harrison lots web series. I think you can find it by going to youtube.com backslash at symbol Harrison lot Harrison with two r's lot with two T's. You can probably also like Google like Harrison lot web series and find that as well. But I'm I'm in Episode five, and I play a magician. And I had a friend see it, and they said,

it looks like you and Harrison are just playing heightened versions of yourselves. And I said, yeah, just a magician who argues with a friend. That's exactly right. That's just JBC. I think the web series is amazing. And JBC, I think yours is my favorite episode

in an already amazing web series. I was talking to a friend of mine who was in an earlier episode and they were like, it sucks because the earlier episodes aren't as funny as the later episodes and you got to do a funny episode. I was like, yeah, it sucks, but that's the way it works. But yeah, it was very fun to do

and I think it came out really well. Oh yeah, do you have a review to read? No. Oh, great, perfect. Well, that's it. Bye. Bye forever. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, logo created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Nemouris. One, two, three, four, hey, Riddle Riddle. Hey there, heart transplants and moon landings. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

It's an improvised history class. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle joining the Clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!