Hey Riddle Riddle - #310: Attic Meat
Episode Date: June 26, 2024On this episode we get right to the riddles and we have a BIG announcement which will change the very nature of the show. All that plus some high-concept inventions, a service worker who is l...ight on the service, a real esteak investment, a fun jacket at a somber occasion, and a couple of ocean dwellers trying to figure it all out. Goodbye, 2018!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a head gum podcast.
What was that?
Me?
Yes.
Oh boy.
That was a Locke column, uh, nitro infused coffee burp.
Correct.
Three points.
I like this game. Nitro infused coffee burp correct three points Hey, um, Adol, JPC.
Aaron?
Hey, I'm Aaron.
You know where we're all in a canoe right now? Yes.
Yes.
I did, just now, a second ago, let the paddles go.
I let them go from my hands.
So...
No, we saw you toss them and you said, look, look, look, look, look.
And you tossed them like a kid tosses keys in the pool to retrieve for their mom.
You remember that?
You remember that?
Seconds ago.
Yes.
Well, I mean, there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm the canoe Swain, so I'm sitting up here
at the very tippity top of the canoe.
You're the canoe what?
The canoe Swain.
That is, canoe Swain?
Yeah, it's like a coxswain before.
What the disease at all?
Oh, it's like swine flu, but Swain flu.
Don't say swine.
Don't say swine. Swain, very different from swine.. Don't say swine. Don't say swine.
Swain.
Did you know that swine can...
No, no.
But I saw you ditch the paddles, Aaron, but all I can do is try to gently encourage you
to, I guess, paddle with your hands now.
Paddle with your hands.
Ditch the paddles and get within Adels.
Where's Swin?
And jump overboard.
No, Adel grabs the back of your shirt.
Pulls you back in. I'm turning.ard? And jump overboard. No, Adel grabs the back of your shirt.
Pulls you back in.
Hey, hey, come back in.
Right now we are literally up a creek without some paddles.
But that's fine, because guess what?
We can record an episode of Hey Riddler Riddle.
We can make the most of this.
And if we drown, we drown.
And if we run out of food, we run out of food.
Do you think we're gonna drown in a creek?
These are pretty shallow, right?
Maybe, I don't know.
Erin, I have to ask, just because you said
if we drown, we drown, if we starve, we starve,
have you been watching Rocky IV,
where Ivan Drago famously says if he dies, he dies?
No.
Aw.
Erin, Heyron O'Brunnel is a place where we tell the truth.
Yes.
Are you sure you haven't been watching Rocky IV
where either Drago says if he dies, he dies.
Yes.
Wow.
Starring MIT grad Dolph Lundgren.
Who's to say?
Anyways, this is Hey Riddle Riddle.
That's Saddle.
That's a motorcycle.
That's a motorcycle named J's a motorcycle named JPC.
And that's JPC and that's Aaron.
It's a motorcycle named JPC.
And that's a motorcycle named Aaron.
And this is a Riddle podcast hosted
by one man and two motorcycles.
Or one woman and two motorcycles.
Maybe it's just hosted by three motorcycles.
Yeah.
Three street cars named Desire.
And as always, this is a great episode of Hey Riddle Riddle
to jump into, because we get right to the riddles.
We do not waste a single shred of time on this episode.
We get right to the riddles.
So if you're a new time riddler, welcome to the show.
We are jumping right in to the riddles.
Yes, I'm just into Gotham time to kill the Batman.
No I'm a new I'm a new Riddler. No I'm sorry we don't have time for whatever
that might be. It's me Jared Leto's Riddler. No no we have terrible terrible
security here at Hey Riddler Riddler. People are coming through windows down
the chimney. You guys I'm I'm gonna get padlocked these doors
Some very unwanted unsavory characters keep wandering in here
The one thing I can I can promise our listeners is that Jared Leto will never be on this podcast
We will never have Jared Leto on as a guest. I guess producer
No, his hands will be nowhere near this wait Wait, wait, sorry, wait, it was me, Dr. Chameleon, playing Jedi, you know, please, it was a joke.
No, no.
Even that.
I don't agree with him, I don't like him.
Shut the fuck up.
Even that, Dr. Chameleon, is too much.
Sorry.
Even that is too much.
I'll let myself out.
Here's a, I just came to drop off a gift card, because I know next episode it's 311 and I
fucking love them.
Mm-hmm. Here's a gift card for Qdoba, bye bye!
I do see that happen like all the time where I see like a person who plays like a white
supremacist.
You see it in like a lot of prison contexts and like movies and stuff where it's like,
hey this actor, he's always playing like a Nazi.
And if you're that actor, isn't it kind of just better to not be an actor? Isn't it kind of better to have, like,
no career than a career as a Nazi?
Like...
Part of me thinks, like, maybe I'll just, you know,
do something else. I'll start delivering packages or something.
HE LAUGHS
Hmm, but then you don't want to be at home,
forego your acting career, and you're at home,
and you turn on TV, and then you see, like,
Brad Garrett as a Nazi, and you're like,
I could've knocked this out of the park. This guy sucks. Yeah, and then you're like home and you turn on TV and then you see like Brad Garrett as a Nazi and you're like, I could have knocked this out of the park.
This guy sucks.
Yeah, and then you're like this Italian guy,
he got to be a Nazi and that kind of sets you off
on a path and now you're at the chat rooms
completely about- What are we talking about?
What is this?
Can we get right to the riddles?
Erin, we're talking about the debate
that I bring up constantly that we keep editing out,
which is that Brad Garrett should have been
in Inglourious Basterds.
I will die on that hill.
And he should have been- Inglourious Bastards. And I will die on that hill. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And he should have been played.
Okay, if he's dying Kruger's part, then yes, I'm him.
Then yes, I agree.
We are gonna get to some riddles,
but before we get to the riddles,
I have some, I think if you're a long-time listener
of the show, I have some monumentous news
that I think will maybe shake you to your core
when you hear me say it.
I don't even believe that I'm about to report this right now, but this is, and this is true.
This is 100% actually factually true.
You're scaring us.
I don't know.
I think we'll check the calendar here.
If you are a long-time listener, please buckle up. If you're driving, click on the ticket.
Maybe if you're driving a little over.
Wait, can I guess?
Yeah?
Are you about to graduate to 2019, Riddles?
Erin, today's episode will contain the last of the 2018 Riddles.
Oh my gosh!
We are officially...
May all the questions be forgot.
Happy New Year everybody.
We are moving into 2019.
After today's riddles, we will be done with the past
and we will be moving onward to the present, 2019,
the third year of Trump's presidency.
Oh man, 2019, the future looks so,
so promising, Erin, I think.
Feels like the next couple of years
is just gonna be so great.
Yeah.
What were you guys doing in 2019?
No pandemic.
This show.
Yeah, me too.
We were less than a year old going into 2019.
We were like six months old.
I think we started our Patreon in January of 2019.
Wow.
So we were starting to do that kind of fun bonus content.
We didn't really know what to do
for the first 10 episodes.
We're doing a lot of would you rather over and over again.
A bunch of quizzes.
A bunch of like Buzzfeed quizzes.
What else, what else, what else, what else?
And yeah, I'm just absolutely chilling in 2019.
Oh, 2019 is when Casey Toney started Audio Daddy himself.
Wow. All right, well in honor of that,
and in honor of how far we've come,
let's finish off this year strong with some 2018 riddles.
This first riddle is coming from Noah.
Noah says, I can fill a house or your mouth,
but never a bowl.
What am I?
Noah.
Pop the brakes on the emails, buddy.
You can fill a house or my mouth, Noah. Problem with the brakes? On the emails, buddy. You can fill a house or my mouth, Noah.
Okay.
Fill a house or your mouth.
Air?
Yeah.
Oxygen?
It is not air, but that is a correct answer and it's kind of the answer, but like...
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
I guess air could also, in that way, fill a bowl if it's like always around,
like you can't get the air out of a bowl, but.
I can fill a house or your mouth.
But never a bowl, never a bowl.
Yes, and you're so close with air, but it's not quite there.
What do we breathe out?
Carbon dioxide? What do we breathe out?
Wait, I'm sorry, Erin's starting a Ted talk. That is very 2019 coded. What do we breathe out? Wait, I'm sorry, Aaron's starting a TED Talk.
That is very 2019 coded.
What do we breathe out?
Negativity.
Everybody down inside is like, oh yeah.
A past version of ourselves.
We breathe out negativity.
I wish every TED Talk turned into that TED Talk with that guy showing how to pickpocket
people.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
No.
Nevermind.
My greatest regret in life is that I never really got into watching the Ted Talks. I would hear that people like did a Ted
Talk. Or I didn't even read. Back when I was working in
technology, I would read books by people that like got famous
from doing Ted Talks. But I never watched the 10 minute
video of their Ted Talk.
I would instead read a fucking, you know,
bullshit book that they had written.
Is that how Brene Brown got famous?
Well, not that famous
because I got no fucking idea who that is.
Wow, check out the book section in your local Target, my sir.
Are you thinking of Dan Brown?
Oh yeah, Dan Brown, sorry.
Whoops.
Fill your mouth or your house?
I can fill a house or your mouth, but never a bowl.
What am I?
Okay, what can ever fill a plate?
A plate can never fill a bowl.
A word, a family, a name, a love, a breath.
Erin's writing a poem.
JPC, Erin's writing a poem mid-show.
It hurts. Quick. Dead's writing a poem. JPC, Aaron's writing a poem mid-show.
It hurts. Quick.
Mid-ted talk.
Coming up.
Um...
Uh, fill a house through your mouth but never a bowl. Emma, you were so close with air.
I would say that this is kind of sometimes like a thicker air.
Thicker air. Um...
Smoke.
Smoke. It is smoke.
Mmm.
Uh, which is interesting because you can smoke a bowl, but I guess you can't fill a bowl you fill a bowl with weed
And then you smoke that you can't feel like a bowl like a cereal bowl. Oh Aaron. That's way too much weed
You can't smoke a whole cereal bowl Aaron. I do want to see a scene
JPC and Aaron, you two just smoked a big bowl
and now you're both kind of thinking
of Ted Talks you might give.
Has anyone ever given a Ted Talk as their belly?
Like doing, like, you know how you can like
kind of squeeze your belly to make like lips for your belly
and then you can make your belly talk?
Put googly eyes above your belly button?
Yeah, and it does not like nipples because that's way too high for eyes but like put put yeah because
the belly button is gonna be part of the mouth so you could like right below your ribs you could
put googly eyes and then a Ted a whole TED talk that is your stomach like talking about you know
what kind of stuff they like to eat.
Well I guess I'll hit you with this question. Are you willing to have your stomach like talking about you know what kind of stuff they like to eat well I guess I'll hit you with this question are you willing to have your
stomach be more famous than you
fuck I didn't think about that
I didn't think about that's gonna be a really hard transition because of course
I wanna use it to like launch into like movies and stuff but now I'm doing like the
stomach guy in movies and now I'm just like the stomach guy
I mean and then your stomach's getting invited
to all these Hollywood parties in the hills,
doing cocaine, dating models,
and then where are you, right?
Yeah, I know, right?
Yeah, fuck, yeah, I don't know.
I don't know if it's worth it, you know?
You wake up one day and you're like,
you know where you were last night,
but you're like, did my stomach give Brad Garrett
a blowjob at a party last night?
And I'm like, what am I even doing if this is what if this is what my life is, you know?
Yeah, yeah. You know what? I have a question for you. Let me ask you this question.
Has anyone ever done a Ted Talk as their stomach?
You know, sort of make their belly button the lips and then with like two googly eyes above it and then
Sort of talk as a stomach talk about like being hungry and stuff. Yeah. Oh my god. That's such a good idea
How has no one ever done that idea before right? Oh, but you know what I'm thinking about
Mmm, what if my stomach got more famous than me? Oh, yeah. No, yeah, but also like we should order pizza
Oh, yeah, no, yeah, but also like we should order pizza. Oh, yeah for sure Yeah, but like if my stomach goes off on its own and then I'm like, I know what I did last night
But did my stomach give Brad Garrett a blowjob at a party?
Like that's so like that's oh my god. Hey, I I just had a brilliant idea. What's up?
So, you know how there's TED Talks, right? Oh, yeah
I haven't thought about that was a while. Done a Ted Talk. But instead of them doing the Ted Talk,
they fold their stomach so their stomach makes lips, and it's just their stomach ordering a pizza.
Whoa.
Let's try it. Let's try it.
That's the craziest.
Let's try it. Let's try it. Okay, hold on.
Wait, wait, before you do anything, before you even pick up the phone,
can I just, I've been meaning to get this off my chest
You know ted talks
Uh Same oh, yeah
Are you sure at all?
Because we could have done that for the rest of the episode and then this episode would have been infamous
And everyone talked about how you should skip it. I think that's what it feels like when you die and you're in purgatory
Yeah
But unfortunately, we don't have time to do a whole episode
where we just talk about how our stomachs could do TED talks
because we have to get through, if we don't get through these-
Or give blowjobs to Brad Garrett,
that would have come around too.
Everybody loves blowjobs.
But if we don't get through these 2018 riddles today,
then I'm a liar because then I have to do more 2018 riddles
in the next three episodes when I'm back.
Okay, okay, well, we'll eat our vegetables.
And now I'm looking at the list and I'm like,
this is too many, I should have waited to announce this.
This is way too many riddles for one episode.
We'll just never get through this many.
Wait, no, okay, I'll take that as a challenge.
I'm willing to get through all of these riddles.
Okay, then we gotta go.
This is a riddle from Michael.
Thank you, Noah, for that riddle.
This is a riddle from Michael.
What is four letters, sometimes has nine,
and never has five?
True.
Yes, it is true.
That is true.
Okay, this is a riddle from McKinley.
Whoa.
Kevin.
President?
It could be from McKinley, the president.
Erin, that was a statement.
It was just kind of saying how many letters
the previous word mention had.
Oh God.
If I didn't get it then I'll never get it now. What it was just kind of saying how many letters the previous word mention had Oh God I
If I didn't get it, then I'll never get it now
Don't get that riddle in 20 years. Let's make a pact. Let's pick it back. You marry that here
We meet back here then what a GPC say when we talked about this for we turn he'll turn me into a crab
We what's funny is the first time we did that we've've probably already passed that time threshold. Oh, God.
I can't believe how old we got on this podcast.
Yeah, I know.
I got so old on this podcast.
I got so old that I hurt my knee a few months ago and I finally went to a knee doctor and
he was like, I'll inject a steroid shot into your knee and we'll see what that does.
And it immediately felt better.
But he's like, it's gonna wear off in like five weeks and I was like okay so
is the rest of my life getting fucking knee injections every five weeks like what's
going on here? At some point it'll be replaced with metal I'm sure. God I can't
wait until my knee becomes metal and then yeah I'm gonna be kneeing people in
the head I'm gonna be doing kickboxing and shit like that of course if I got a
metal knee. Knee metal alchemist? That's the biggest thing. That sucks so much.
My grandma has had two knee replacements
and it's really hard for her to get around.
If you're gonna get a knee replacement,
you should be able to jump over fucking cars
and buildings and shit.
Like what's the point of getting a knee replacement
if it's not gonna be a super knee?
You wanna be like bionic, yeah.
Yeah, it should be all fucking bionic.
Get the good kind.
Bullshit, okay, Riddle from McKinley.
I want an iPhone in my knee.
Give me the good stuff. Siri, real fun. I'm on an iPhone in my knee
Constantly turning on
Africa playing from my name just muffled
Sounds every time you bend down to grab something you have to get an extra surgery because the doctor actually said it's a vibrant
Driving in your knees like kicking the panel. I didn't quite hear that.
Kevin made $100 in tips and declared
3 quarters of it for taxes.
The government, in turn, demanded 4,000 times that much.
Why?
I don't know.
I shouldn't have made that promise
about getting through all these riddles.
Because these are hard to make.
Kevin made $100 in tips and declared three quarters of it for taxes.
The government, in turn, demanded 4,000 times that much.
Why?
Well, did they demand that much from Kevin or just, you know, in whole, in total?
Well, that was only his tips.
That was only his tips.
It could have been his actual salary.
Yeah, his whole paycheck.
This is just off of the $100. This is just off of the $100.
This is just off of the $100.
It's not off of...
JPC, I do have to cry foul here.
Okay.
It's not fair to do a tax riddle
when you're not in the mix to solve it.
Can I just say that?
Okay, that's true.
McKinley, that's a chop for you, my man.
You shouldn't have done that.
Thank you. You shouldn't have done that. Thank you.
You shouldn't have written that in 2018.
You knew I was gonna take it.
You're right, this is a tax riddle.
It's unfair if I don't.
I can help play along.
Let's see, what kind of notes can I give you here?
So 3 fourths of $100 is $75.
Exactly.
So he declared $75. He. So he declared,
he declared $75, he made a hundred. Edel, my hint to you is he did not declare $75.
Oh.
He declared, oh, did he, like, two thirds of a dollar?
Kevin made $100 in tips
and declared three quarters of it for taxes.
Three quarters, like three quarters.
Three quarters, 75 cents.
75.
He declared 75 cents.
Wow.
And they demanded 4,000 times that much,
which I assume would be like $75.
I don't know why his tax rate is 75%.
For $100 on tips, you gotta be like in the top.01%.
And by the way, Kevin, if you're in the top.01%
and your tax rate is that fucking high, cheat on your taxes. You know, at that way Kevin if you're in the top 0.01 percent your tax rate is that fucking high
Cheat on your taxes, you know at that point when you're that rich you don't pay taxes anymore We all know this the richer you get the less you pay because you figure out ways. I
Started trust, you know pay property and say that you operated a loss or whatever LLCs declared bankrupt
You know do do the shit Kevin. I get go on tik-tok. They'll teach you how to do it, but
GPC yeah, I would like to see a scene. Okay, GPC
You are a waiter and you're going to collect your tips from your manager at all
After a week of shifts and you have no tips because you are the worst waiter in the world. Okay
Man can't believe we made it through that one.
That was, what a lunch rush.
Uh, okay, so...
End of the week, time to settle up.
Sure, sure thing.
Um...
Zach, just real quick, one thing.
I do wish that at the end of all your shifts, you didn't say,
who, um, can't believe we made it through that one.
Skin of my teeth.
Yes, just really-
Barely made it through..... Skin of my teeth. Yes, just really bringing down morale.
Oh my God, bastards at this restaurant.
Absolute bastards.
And actually there's no tips.
What do you mean there's no tips?
Oh, we doing like the living wage type of thing.
We're not doing like no more tips
because we're gonna be higher base rate or or whatever
When I started the restaurant who's there which was sort of a fun male version of Hooters
where the
Waiters walk around in jeans and no shirt with like a hardware belt and the Trekkers cap and they just say who's there?
Huh and like a country sort of redneck accent.
I thought it would be a smashing success.
Zach, you have proved me wrong at every turn.
So, okay, I did not get that vibe.
I've been doing it more of like a Ebenezer Scrooge
asking after the ghosts thing,
wearing a long stocking cap and a nightgown.
Yes, I know.
Who's there?
Yes, we've had...
Who's there?
Our complaint box had to be emptied and refilled
10 times a day. Are you saying that I didn't get any tips from an entire week of shifts?
I did a double yesterday. I didn't get any tips yesterday. When I saw you four years
ago in a college production of Christmas Carol, I thought, wow, what a steal, what a time.
Attending a college production of a Christmas Carol.
Well, you were mouthing the words.
Yeah. You know, 50%. Honestly, if 50% is your like batting average at baseball,
that's actually really fucking good.
I mean, yeah, nobody's ever hit 500. Tony Gwynn came close, I guess.
Oh, that's what I'm saying. So it's like 50% of lines in a play if you apply the same logic.
You're fired, Zach. We have to let you go.
That the- what? What? What am I gonna tell my tables? They're still waiting on their food.
We've-
For me.
Yeah, we've already-
Even though I'm clocking out and I said, woo, what a shift.
We've already put Petey on the- hey, Petey, can you come here for a second?
Ugh, Petey is so-
Hey y'all.
Oh, now there's my star.
Petey, how are tables eight and four doing?
Well, they're pretty horny,
but I keep dumping water on their head
like you taught me to do to calm them down.
Petey, here's $200, you are crushing it.
$200?
Yeehaw. Wait, wait, $200. You are crushing it. $200? A yeehaw.
Wait, wait, you know, okay, fine, fine.
I'm fired, but before I go, I'm going to get paid out my tips.
I had a table yesterday, I had a four top yesterday that I know tipped me because I
went the extra mile for them and I was dipping my finger into all of their food, checking
the temperature, making sure it wasn't too hot.
That, I mean, I never do something like that.
They must have tipped me.
They did not.
They did not?
They did not.
And it wasn't just a four top, it was ZZ Top.
It was the three guys and their manager,
and they thought that you were talking down to them.
They said, we don't know what the theater is.
I had to talk down to them because their beards were so long.
Well for two of them.
See.
Doop-doop-doop-boop-boop.
More riddles.
Come on, we gotta get through this.
This is from Ben in Taiwan.
Ben in Taiwan says, if 11 plus 2 equal 1, what does 9 plus 6 equal?
15. That equal? 15.
Eddles says 15.
Eddles says 15.
9 plus 6 equals 15.
Aaron says 2, which is very close, but not correct.
3.
Aaron says 3 and 3 is correct.
Aaron, do you want to explain?
Do you want to show your work?
Oh, yeah.
And we go over here, and then you sit.
And then you can walk up, and then you sit down on top of here,
and then make sure that that's safe. And then you can walk up and then you sit down on top of here and then make sure that that's safe
And then you go
Aaron has one of those three-fold poster boards
Hypotheneuse?
Hypotheneuse?
Hypotheneuse, hypotheneuse
And then over here it says why do onions make me cry?
And then you get the answer to that
There's a cork board with red string, but the red string's just dangling
It's not connected anywhere
John Adams, our finest president?
Question mark?
No, so that's what it says on this side.
Why ask the question?
Yeah.
And then you can see my mental math is here,
and my mental math is behind me.
And then I can keep going, of course.
Erin, I love that as an answer.
It doesn't really explain how you got there,
but it does give a keen insight into your brain.
I was up all night.
I was up all night.
You was up all night. I was up all night. I was up all night.
It's three because.
Yep.
And Adel, feel free to help her out
if you know why the answer is three.
And if no one knows, we'll just move on, bit of Taiwan.
Can you repeat the question so I can?
If 11 plus two equals one, 11 plus two equals one,
what does nine plus six equal?
11 plus two equals one. What does nine plus six equal? 11 plus two equals one.
So you have a one and a one and a two,
and that equals one.
Yeah.
Oh, so it's, I mean, nine minus six is three.
Yeah, that's true,
but that's not really what is being asked.
If you're thinking of these as just numbers,
they're not, they're numbers that represent
something very specific.
Yeah, it's not just abstract numbers.
Yes, so November plus February equals one, January.
Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day.
Yeah.
What if we just combine that?
Oh, the dream.
Be done with it. Yeah. What if we just combine that? Oh, the dream. Be done with it.
Yeah.
I would like, JPC, I would like you to step in and teach us something.
So if you think about this, on the face of a noble clock, 11 plus 2 equals 1 o'clock.
So 9 o'clock plus 6 hours would equal three o'clock.
Are your minds blown? Ugh, whatever.
Not blown, pissed.
I guess pissed mostly.
Okay, been in Taiwan, so you waited-
I'm so dumb.
You waited about six years to get a whatever and I'm pissed.
So I hope.
I have a question for people.
If you listen to the show,
Yes.
Is anyone who has submitted any of these 2018 riddles
still listening?
I would like to know, have we read one of your 2018 riddles recently?
I don't think any of these people are still here.
I don't think so either.
I thought about emailing people back to when I'm going through these emails from 2018 to
just be like, hey, what's up?
Do you remember there were a couple of people who,
you know, I don't think we ever like endorsed it,
but we were happy that they did it.
They made a website that was like riddiesandpuzzies.com
that has long since been defunct.
I found an email from them from 2018 that was like,
hey, we made this website.
And I kind of wanted to email them back,
but knowing that the website was defunct,
I was like, maybe it's best to just let them live.
Yeah, these are just for us.
They're for no one else.
But here's one for Max, and maybe Max still listens.
We don't know.
These riddles, I love it because in 2018, I feel like we were getting, there was also
a time in 2018, which is why we got to the end so fast.
There must have been like a riddle going around on Facebook that we've done before but like
11,000 people emailed the same brittle from Facebook and they're like we got this from Facebook and I was like, okay
So I got to skip through a lot of riddles because of that, but this is one from Max and these are originals
Um, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give two words, and those two words correspond to two other words that rhyme.
OK.
Does that make sense?
Yep.
So for the first one, I'm going to give you rows and strength,
and then the answer is like two rhyme words.
Flower power, Adel.
Excellent.
Flower power.
All right, here's your next one.
Good for you, Adel.
Erin, you're punching me in the neck.
Good for you.
Ow.
Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
The next one is hearing ale, hearing ale.
Listen, glisten.
Hear beer.
Hear beer.
I will accept hear beer even though it is ear beer,
but I think hear and ear, yeah, they're both in there,
but I think hear beer works totally fine.
Erin, congratulations.
I mean, you didn't get it exactly right like I did with the first one, but still very good
Oh, yeah, it's good. So good to see you
So good to see you
Yeah, well done
mud into clothing mud clothing Yeah, well done.
Mud and clothing, mud clothing.
Ooh, okay, this is mud?
This is mud clothing.
Dirt shirt.
Erin got him with dirt shirt.
Wait, mud isn't dirt.
What are you talking about?
Mud is wet dirt, famously.
It is famously wet dirt.
What are you talking about, mud isn't dirt?
It's like saying pickles are cucumbers.
Once it's transformed...
Are you saying that mud is brined dirt?
Yes.
I went and got a mud mask and I was like,
actually was this brined?
Was this dirt brined?
Because this isn't a mud mask.
Could I get a spicy pickle mud mask?
I went to a restaurant,
one time in New York City,
and I went with some friends
that were living there at the time,
and they were like, this place is famous for pickles.
And I was like, awesome, I love pickles.
And so we got an appetizer that was the,
they're like pickle six ways or whatever.
And I was like, cool, can't wait to have these pickles.
And they brought out a bunch of pickled vegetables,
one of which was cucumbers.
And I'm like, this is kind of bullshit,
because pickles are a thing.
Pickled is a different thing.
Yes.
And this said, like, pickles sampler.
So it's like, you can't give me a pickled green bean
and be like, that's a pickle.
I'm like, fuck you, that's a pickle.
This is a pickled green bean.
I've had that happen before at the Public Inn in Chicago,
where they're like, plate of pickles. And I was like, that sounds incredible. And it was like, and some of them, Fuck you that's a pickle, this is a pickled green bean. I've had that happen before at the Public Inn in Chicago
where they're like plate of pickles
and I was like, that sounds incredible.
And it was like, and some of them,
listen, a pickled green bean, delicious.
Pickled carrot, outstanding.
But then there was like pickled ramps.
I'm like, I don't know if I needed that.
I'm not saying that it's not good,
but you bite into a pickle and you expect like a flavor
and a texture that I'm into.
And a pickled green bean just does not.
Hey guys, I got some good news for both of you.
Whenever I've been passionate about things like this,
it means my life was going really well.
It means that there wasn't a lot of natural stressors
in the rest of my day.
So things like pickled green beans would set me off
into like a little bit of a passionate anger.
And that just means things are probably going pretty good.
Aaron, you didn't chime in about this.
Huh?
So if you look behind me, it says John Adams,
best president ever, no.
Of course not.
I like how it's a science fair, you did John Adams.
And onions and math. There's a lot on a science fair. You did John Adams. And onions and math.
There's a lot on my science fair poster.
John Adams, onions and math.
How did the three overlap?
That's a Venn diagram.
That's a Ted Talk.
All right.
Spoiler alert, with my stomach giving a blowjob
to Brad Heron.
Sex mallard, sex mallard, sex mallard.
Fuck duck. Erin, that's fucked up. You got a duck
You suck a duck
Badger kick Badger kick shot point Trump put oh yeah, baby
This is gonna be Aaron Mollers Aaron Mollers Aaron Moller to be
Yes, Eric. I keep teeth
This is going to be handsome at all
Don't nobody say JPC
Max Max that's an all-timer to give us like six ones that make sense of the do handsome at all. It's JPC
No, it's not I handsome. I don't even know if I would say that handsome is the corollary to this. I would say maybe like even cool-addle. Cool-addle.
Cool-addle.
Hmm.
But cool-
Cold-old.
Cool-guy-refie.
Uh, cool-guy-refie.
Refly.
It is fly-refie.
What era was that? Was that the 90s where fly was cool?
Um, yes. And then the offspring brought it back. What era was that? Was that the 90s where fly was cool?
Yes, and then the offspring brought it back. Mm-hmm.
Give it to me baby.
And I just want to tell everyone when you're traveling internationally, please fly refly.
Wait, fly?
Refly the friendly fly. Refly the fly.
Erin, help. John Adams was our...
Okay, yes. I need to make you cry.
Hollist boy.
Refai Emirates.
All right, look, we did a really great job.
We did a bunch of riddles.
I thought we weren't going to get anywhere near close on finishing these 2018 riddles,
and we still kind of have it.
So we have a lot more riddles to deal with when we get back, and we'll be back right
after this break.
One, two, three, four, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!
This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.
There's triangles and circles and rectangles are our friends.
How do you get up all night writing this jingle?
Need a website? it's Squarespace.
That's your friend.
In the end.
Okay, is that the final jingle?
Because I have to type that into turnitinjingle.com to make sure it's not a plagiarized jingle
from any other product.
And you're sure that's original Squarespace, they can use that, they can run with that.
I'm pretty sure.
You got jingle.com?
Turnitinj jingle.com?
Turnitinjingle.com is down right now, so if I trust you and I just turn this in to Squarespace,
they're gonna say that this is a good jingle?
I think so?
Last week we did accidentally write The Lion Sleeps Tonight, so I just want us to be careful.
In the Squarespace, the night is squar-
Why didn't we catch that?
And that's all we can sing.
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Addle, great news. I just heard back from the Squarespace team. They love the new jingle.
They just want you to hit it one more time exactly like you did it the first time. Ooh, triangles, circles, rectangles, I lost it.
And it's the theme.
Dee dee dee dee dee.
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Okay, okay, that's enough, we can't do any more of that.
So head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch,
go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee No, I can't. Dr. Chameleon, what's going on? Dr. Chameleon, what's going on?
I just haven't felt like myself. I haven't felt like
disappearing into a character
or fooling you or tricking you. I just
want to sit down.
Okay, Dr. Chameleon.
Dr. Chameleon, it sounds like you really need to get something off your chest.
What if you tried better help?
Huh?
Dr. Chameleon, have you ever tried online therapy?
No, I haven't. I guess I just borrow Adol's laptop when he isn't using it, but that's not very often.
Borrow. Well, Dr. Chameleon, if you're thinking of starting therapy, you got to give BetterHelp a try.
It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and switch therapists at any time for no additional
charge.
Oh, they won't make fun of me?
No. We will make fun of you.
It's the voice, right? It's the voice?
It's kids' al- it's- I'd say it's the whole package.
Dr. Chameleon, I use BetterHelp and it works so well for my brain because I like being
able to send a message to my counselor anytime while I'm feeling my feelings and while it's top
of mind. Very beneficial for me and I think it could be beneficial for you too, Mr. Dr. Chameleon.
Dr. Chameleon, therapy can help you with coping skills. It can help you learn how to set boundaries
or maybe even respect other boundaries that other people set when they say we don't want you around. Can help you respect those. As an example.
The first one sounds great. The first one sounds good huh? Uh huh.
Well Dr. Chameleon get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com
slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.help.com
slash riddle. Hey guys, are we recording an ad?
Addle!
Addle!
Just kidding, it's me! I'm back baby!
Oh yeah!
It worked! Ha ha!
Aaron JBC, it's me Addle. I got turned into a monster and now I have to sleep under my
Helix mattress. You know, cause like the monster under the bed?
Okay, so you're the mon- now you're the monster under the bed because like the monster under the bed. Okay, so you're you're the month.
Now you're the monster under the bed.
But the monster of the bed is something that applies to all mattresses, not just
he looks like a he looks sleep mattress monster.
I don't think so.
But I wonder, I want to sleep on my he looks sleep mattress, not under it.
Does that make sense?
At all?
I love you.
But it's just like, I just want to make it very clear that like, well, yeah,
I mean, not as you are now.
I mean, I love the version of you in my head.
I just want to make it clear that like, Helix Sleep doesn't create the monsters, right?
Like, the monsters exist in mattress, you know, regardless, they're bed monsters.
You just happen to have a Helix Sleep mattress, which is a great mattress.
Yeah.
Well, I think I love my Helix Sleep so much.
I think it turned into this like monstrous love
or maybe it was the witch.
Yeah, I mean, we do wanna avoid saying stuff like that.
You know, obviously.
I mean, I get it though,
because I have a Midnight Lux Helix mattress
and boy howdy, do I sleep well at night.
I took the Helix Sleep Quiz
and they offer a lineup of over 20 unique mattresses,
including their award-winning Luxe
and Ultra Premium Elite collections.
Good mattress.
The Helix Plus, a mattress designed for big and tall
sleepers and the Helix Kids mattresses designed
for growing bodies and endorsed by children sleep experts.
And you know what's insane is even when I sleep under it,
the monster under the bed, it's still so comfortable.
Even sleeping under a Helix Sleep Masters.
Well, I mean, Helix knows that their mattresses
are comfortable, but they still offer a 100-night trial
and a 10 to 15-year warranty to try out
your new Helix Sleep mattress.
And also, Helix knows that everyone's unique.
Some people are monsters, some people are people, okay?
Everyone sleeps differently.
That's why Helix has several different mattress models
to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions
and feel preferences.
And right now, Helix is offering monster savings.
Okay, where's he going with this?
Helix is offering up to 30% all mattress orders
and two free pillows for our listeners.
Go to helixsleep.com slash Riddle.
That's helixsleep.com slash Riddle.
This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long.
With Helix, better sleep starts now.
And the mattress obviously won't turn you into a monster.
Like it's something that is broken inside of Adol
that made him into the monster
because of his love of the mattress,
but it's like, get the mattress, you're fine,
nobody becomes a monster.
Can you just do a slow fade on this?
Yeah, I realize.
It's gonna go on for a long time.
I look exactly the same, but just my voice,
and just my voice is different.
No, I can stop, it was just a character.
Oh!
Oh, I'm gonna take a nap.
It's just a character.
Well, well, well, well.
Nice try, JPC.
Pretty nice try, I stuck you in a well.
I did everything I wanted to do.
Yes, you also thought I would be subscribed to your silly little insult-a-week subscription
that I signed up for the free trial of several months ago.
But guess who caught it for me?
Dang!
Rocket Money.
They are a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors
your spending, and helps lower your bills all so that you can grow your
savings. Nice try JPC.
You're still subscribed to JPC's weekly sneeze, right?
Oh yeah. And I love last week's that was like, wait till next week,
you're going to get it.
Love to keep them waiting.
But I also am subscribed to Rocket Money's services.
Sorry, it's just that Rocket Money will even try
and negotiate lower bills for you up to 20%.
All you have to do is submit a picture of your bill
and Rocket Money takes care of the rest.
They'll deal with the customer service for you.
I hate dealing with customer service.
And for everyone that keeps requesting,
JPC's Weekly Sneeze sends you a copy of the bill.
I said, we don't do anything on paper.
We can't have records for any of this stuff. So that's why there is no bill.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Rocket Money has over 5 million users
and has saved a total of $500 million
in cancelled subscriptions,
saving members up to $740 a year
when using all of the app's features.
But you don't have to use all the features.
Like for instance, if they say,
hey, why don't you cancel JPC's weekly sneeze?
You're not getting anything from it. The title doesn't make any sense. But you don't have to use all the features. For instance, if they say, hey, why don't you cancel JPC's weekly sneeze?
You're not getting anything from it.
The title doesn't make any sense.
Is a sneeze an insult to him?
What does this even mean?
So you can, if that's a notification that pops up, you can just ignore silence and be
like, actually, we do want this.
It's very valuable to me for the weekly sneeze.
It actually does make sense because a sneeze is an insult in some cultures.
Wait, Rocket Money is saying that this is $250 a week?
That's weekly. It's a weekly. Anyway, stop wasting money on things you don't use.
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions, not JPC's weekly sneeze, by going to rocketmoney.com
slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash riddle.
I choose you to subscribe to this newsletter.
I got that one off a Valentine's card.
That's actually pretty good.
Resubscribe.
Hey, Riddle, Riddle.
At the end of 2018, we got a bunch of riddles,
a bunch of riddle submissions from Samira.
And look, I know I'm pretty stupid and I know some of the ones that we've already read on today's riddle,
or today's episode, we've already done those riddles before.
I know this to be true.
But I tried to, if I saw one that was like, oh, this is very familiar, I didn't include it.
So I condensed a bunch of Samira's riddles into some original ones,
and then some ones that I think are just pretty good.
So here's the first one. A little house full of meat, no door to go in and eat. What am I?
Hmm. A little house full of meat, no door to go in and eat.
Um. A little house full of meat. No door to go in and eat.
What am I?
Erin, what's like a little meat house?
Would that be like the brain?
Is the brain considered like a little meat house?
Wow.
I don't wanna say what I'm thinking.
You don't wanna, Erin, you don't wanna talk about
what's going on in your little meat house?
No, no.
Can you read it one more time?
A little house full of meat.
No door to go in and eat.
What am I?
Now, JBC- If it's the brain,
is the mouth the door to the meat house in that instance?
No, you can't get to, I mean, unless you're-
Eyes are the windows. Ancient Egyptians.
You can't get, oh, I guess they went up through the nose.
A turkey.
JBC- Interesting, a turkey has no door.
JBC, if I started calling my brain my attic meat,
would that be, do you think that would catch on?
Isn't it fun that your brain came up with that?
Sort of named itself, huh?
Oh God, oh God.
Attic meat sounds sexual.
It's been in control the whole time.
I don't understand, I can't put my finger on a fly.
That does not sound sexual.
You shouldn't put your finger on my attic meat.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, this has taken a turn.
As soon as I get queasy in a Hay Riddle Riddle episode,
we know that we've taken a turn somewhere.
My attic meat is up here, Aaron.
Your attic meat is your most sensual organ.
Casey, I don't know how you can cut off your audio from.
Don't talk to Casey, talk to me.
Casey don't work here, talk to me.
You deal with Casey, you deal with me.
Talk to Gacy.
Just tell me the answer.
I don't wanna think about this one anymore.
A little house full of meat, no door to go in and eat.
Michael Landon.
What's that?
Michael Landon?
It's not Michael Landon, this is a food.
Wasn't he a little house made of meat?
This is a food, it's a type of food.
Is it an animal, like a dead animal? It's not an animal, it's not an animal. This is a food. It's a type of food. Is it an animal?
Like a dead animal?
It's not an animal.
It's not an animal.
A tributary house?
What other food has like meat, like coconut?
Erin, you've got the answer right there.
Cause I think-
Holy shit, Erin, good job.
Coconut works because it's just a nut, any nut basically.
Oh yeah, yeah, okay.
Yeah, cause they have a shell and it's and it's meat inside
the flesh the flesh of a coconut. Fantastic next riddle come on. I mean when I'm eating almonds I'm not like yum meat. Yeah but it's hurting. I do want to see a quick scene Aaron you have
just purchased a new home you've invited Adel over to it and it is a little house full of meat.
Hey you found me. Hey good to see you so good to see you. Great parking spot a little house full of meat. feels weird for me to say it I just assumed well I think I was waiting on you to invite me in but that um I sorry I oh tight squeeze hug oh my god looks
you up and down oh my god look at you hey those shoes are interesting hold on
hold on hold on hold on sorry hmm everyone's been treating me so weird
since I bought this place no in all And all the neighborhood kids think I'm a witch and I'm trying to cook them or something.
They think it's sinister.
No, Erin, no.
That's all in your attic meat.
Listen, what a, I mean, look at this prosciutto carpet.
Yeah.
Wow.
I thought it was nice.
Yeah, how much did you,
how much did you pay for this?
Well, this is 1.5 million and I did a year
mortgage what
What happened? Did you choke in the on the carpet? Um, no, I would never eat. Um
Oh this one point, huh? Okay
I mean, can I give you a little tour at least?
Yeah, I mean the zillow has gone viral, but absolutely.
Here's the kitchen.
Refrigerator made of meat, oven made of meat.
Walk this way, you can see through the meat window.
My meat pool and meat trampoline.
Walls of salami.
Yes, you noticed.
All the art is also meat.
Let's see.
We got some meat in the fridge to eat
if you are hungry for meat.
Meat bed.
Is that a ham go?
Yes.
Vincent Ham go, okay.
Do you wanna do some more of those?
No, just the one.
Okay.
All right, well.
Pig casso.
I'm sorry, one more pig casso.
See.
Thomas can steak.
Edward Munch, Munch on some meat. Andy Warhol.
Who else?
Who else?
I don't know.
Leonardo Devinison.
Georgia O'Beef.
Georgia O'Beef, of course Georgia O'Beef.
Of course Georgia O'Beef.
Georgia O'Beef sounds like George R. Banks.
Hold on.
You're telling me.
George O Beef.
George O Beef. George R. Bakes.
You say it fast enough.
What kind of goose
fights with snakes?
See, here's the problem. It's not my brain is trying to
do like swan lawn,
but these are different riddles.
These are different. These are from Samira, not Max.
What kind of goose fights with snakes? Darkwing Duck?
This is just a kind of like a fun one. It's not Darkwing Duck. Darkwing Duck is more of a
duck than a goose, I would say. What kind of goose fights with a snake?
Is this like a pun? It's like a joke.
Not really a pun, but I would say like,
it's not really even a goose at all.
But also it's, it kinda is, but it's not really.
Rhyme Gosling?
Swan, duck.
In Drive, didn't Rhyme Gosling,
no that was a scorpion on the back of his jacket.
You thought it was a big goose on his jacket?
You thought it was a goose?
This guy thought,
you know I thought it was a big snake.
I thought Rhyme Gosling. That movie would I thought it was a big snake. I thought Ryan Gosling.
That movie would go from a seven to a 10.
I want to see a quick scene.
I want to see a quick scene.
Adel, you've just, it's 2024,
you've just bought the jacket from Drive
and you're showing it off to Aaron,
but there is a big goose on the back instead of a scorpion,
but you don't know the difference.
Okay, and I do, JPC, I do call you into the scene as well. Okay, and Aaron our friends. Okay
Whoa, whoa takes off sunglasses. Haha
Look who has the best Halloween costume of the ya turns around. Oh
Yeah, it's it's June
And we're at a wake
Yeah, but it's never I mean if you try and shop for a costume like a month before you're screwed because all the spirit
Shell I'm so sorry for your loss all the spirit shelves are like barren. Yeah, right
Thank you it who are you supposed to?
When you walked in I was like oh my gosh, of course, that's Ryan Gosling from Drive and then you turned around
Look at the jacket. I mean even if you just saw the jacket, it's iconic.
This is like,
Yeah, I would say the jacket is the most iconic.
This is like, Napoleon's hat.
It's like if you were wearing
like an Indiana Jones fedora.
Yeah, it's just something off about it.
It's a goose. It's off.
There's a goose on the back.
Well, Indiana Jones famously had a beret,
but not to be pedantic.
Not very badass or intimidating. The goose or a beret, but not to be pedantic. Not very badass or intimidating.
The goose or a beret for Jones?
Both.
Yeah.
Did you get this costume?
Oh yeah, sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I said, my dad died.
You don't have to whisper it to me.
You're here.
I just want to make sure we're establishing
that we're establishing
It is awake for my father, okay And should we I know there's a lot of people behind us in line waiting to shake your hand and offer condolences
Should we keep moving or did you want to keep no?
It's fine because I think most of the people are just staring at your back and what kind of whispering and being like why is it?
A goose like see it's a hit from Drive. It's a hit. Yes
I haven't mentioned my Halloween costume at all
that I'm wearing right now.
Not to make today about me.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss.
I thought, Erin, I truly thought that you heard Wake
and you were like, the only thing that I have in black
is a spooky witches outfit.
And I was fine with that
because not everyone has a ton of black clothes.
So.
You thought that this was just my rotation of clothes?
This big pointy hat? I just thought that maybe you didn't have a ton of black clothes, so... You thought that this was just my rotation of clothes? This big pointy hat?
I just thought that maybe you didn't have a lot of pieces
that were all black that would be appropriate for a wake.
I would say the big fake nose.
That's maybe didn't need to be...
What?
Oh no, I had stepped in.
I am going to grab some sandwiches for the road.
And I will see you when I see you.
Aaron, please don't, that's how my dad went.
He couldn't stop eating sandwiches on the road.
Same.
And this is just a PSA for everybody out there.
Just wait till you get home to eat your sandwiches, okay?
It's not worth it.
It's not worth it.
Public sandwich announcement, now I'm hungry.
Ooh, a public sandwich announcement.
Pub subs!
Pub subs.
Where are my Florida listeners at?
Huh?
People in the South going crazy for the pub sub.
Ooh wee.
I haven't had a JPC, you know this.
I'm addicted to Jimmy John's.
And I've recently, just in the last hour,
been craving potbellies.
Wow. A brand allegiance shift in the last hour. What happened?
I want to eat a sandwich while some guy in a stool plays Dave Matthews.
You got sick of eating a cold sandwich. You said maybe if someone warms up a sandwich a little bit, I would enjoy that as well.
I'd be curious.
What kind of goose fights with snakes?
I don't know. Swan. I don't know swans
Among goose
Not really a goose but fun that it has I do like it when an animal has another animals name
What are you doing an enemy of the state joke?
enemy of the snake
Gene Hackman is
Give me another example of that?
Of what?
Like an animal that has another animal's name.
Okay.
Well, sometimes it'll it will be like...
Mole rat?
Yeah, like a prairie dog or something like that.
Where it's like, it'll be like an adjective or like a...
Sea lion?
Yeah, a sea lion.
Where it's like, that's nothing.
That's, why couldn't we have just called that thing
something else?
Why did we have to call it a sea lion?
Great white shark?
Well.
Who was the, it's not Rikki Tikki Tavi.
No it's not.
What's the story about the mongoose?
There's like a-
That is Rikki Tikki Tavi, isn't it?
It is Rikki Tikki Tavi. He's a mongoose, right? Okay, I thought it- That is Ricky Tiki Tavi, isn't it? It is Ricky Tiki Tavi.
He's a mongoose, right?
Okay.
I thought it was that, but then I was like, maybe I'm conflating that with something else.
But I remember, I haven't read or thought about that in like 38 years, but I remember
maybe there was an animated thing about it.
I don't know.
Very enjoyable.
I got a book of bedtime stories for my child and I'm reading these bedtime stories.
And in some of the bedtime stories in this book,'m like is this really the fucking story like the story of Goldilocks in this bedtime story and it's you know for
Babies or whatever but the story of Goldilocks ends with like the three bears come home and Goldilocks is like ah and then runs away
I'm like what what is that how that fucking ends? I was like that. I was like I don't think that that's the right
I was like well, there's no consequences for anyone. It's just like Goldilocks fucks around. It doesn't find out what's going on here
Well, I think in the original she gets eaten. So I think when the Grimm brothers collected their fairy tales
They were all really fucked up and then the Disney vacation came where people were people like we want a happy ending
I feel like it's not even a happy and the moral of that story is
I feel like it's not even a happy end. The moral of that story is sleep in someone else's house,
eat their fucking food, walk out of there, and it's fine.
And if they say shit, they're bears.
You get a whole posse of the guy that'll go back
and round them up and kill them.
And then you get their beds.
Anyway, so that's me being mad about children's books.
That story also doesn't make sense anymore.
Again, I think your life might be going pretty good.
Pretty good, JPC.
Must be nice.
I get to the end and I'm like, you know what?
Forget everything daddy just said.
That story sucked.
Let me read you some Michael Crichton.
Let me read you Pelican Brief.
That makes sense.
They blow up the professor's car
because he was sleeping with his student.
Okay, here we go.
More from Samira. Okay.
Okay, so these, the following riddles, they take known phrases and use synonyms to change them.
Okay, so you have to give me what the original phrase was. So I'm going to give you a bunch of
synonyms to words, and then you have to like come up with a common phrase. So your first one,
scissor something from its place. scissor something from its place.
Scissor something from its place.
Scissor something from its place.
Cut it out.
Cut it out.
Dave Belie.
Okay catchphrase.
Final drinking tube.
The last straw.
That's the last straw.
Oh god, I'm not gonna get any of these.
Erin.
That's true.
I know, my brain's moving too slow.
Your what, Erin?
My brain, my.
I'm sorry, your, say it, say the words.
Name of the episode, Erin, say it.
Your attic meat. Yay!
We ruined Erin.
Peru's words below one line, but above another.
Read between the lines.
Aaron, you're out of commit.
It's alive.
Wee.
To be maintained in the total eclipse.
To be maintained in the total eclipse?
Kept in the dark.
Kept in the dark.
Aaron, oh Aaron, you're doing this right now.
Confront the tune. Erin, oh Erin, you're doing this right now. Confront the tune.
Sing your song.
Confront the tune.
Confront the tune, Erin.
Fight the song, fight the music.
Please don't fight the music.
It's not fight the music.
What's a phrase that actually exists?
Confront. Confront the music.
Oh, beat up the DJ?
Oh. It's beat up the DJ. Yay. I don't know what the fuck you just
said. Oh, please.
Adel, or no, JBC, you are the front man to a band. You used to
be a conductor for an orchestra, you got struck by lightning.
And now you're the front man for a band, you're fully healed. We're gonna hear you get struck by lightning, and now you're the front man for a band,
you're fully healed,
we're gonna hear you get struck by lightning again,
right as the show's about to start.
Hold on, hold on, can I just say,
I feel like I've done a scene on this show.
Yeah, I know, I'm trying to bring back that character.
I'm saying that this is him after he healed.
JPC, we're running out of premises,
we have to start doing sequels.
I just had a moment of panic that I was like,
I've been here before.
I didn't know.
I didn't know it was a callback.
Okay, so I've been healed.
I'm the front man for a band.
And now you're trying to start the show,
but right before it starts, you get struck by lightning.
All right, Cincinnati, thank you so much.
We got one more song before we get out of here.
Chilly, three alarms Three alarm chili or whatever.
I think you're gonna like this one. I think you're gonna like this one. I think...
I think you're gonna know this one, okay?
Feel free to sing the words, sing along to the words if you know it.
Okay, guys, you ready? Two, three... Uh! Da da da da da da da da Buka ka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka puka p I'm all night, all night, all night rock and roll I'm gonna lay down on the floor tonight and sit and take my shoes off
My shoes are smoking hot, my shoes are smoking hot, because my feet are hot
Can somebody take, can somebody take me to the hospital immediately.
I've been here before.
He's shaving his head live on stage. Wapapapap what he's trying to do. If you want me, baby.
Oh no, don't try to crowd surf.
This is not the audience for crowd surfing.
Don't.
Painted.
Oh, the board just cut my ear.
An actual board?
And that's why
the bodyguard was a good movie.
Okay, he's at the bar ordering a drink right now.
Thank you Cincinnati on the double ride.
Scene.
Yay.
Yay.
Yay.
And go over to our Patreon,
we'll be releasing the full version of that song,
which JPC, how long is that full version?
That you're gonna record?
It depends because Arnie has to orchestrate it,
so he's's put the music
We care about him and his mental health he's we're not gonna have him do that
we know where the line is and that would be a
Bridge too far. We should say just a bridge to fire. That's it before people get worried We don't actually care about him. This is still health. We'll make it do whatever. We'll make him do the weird
Request that would be fun.
Hey everybody, go to the Hey Riddle Riddle Instagram,
message it, what kind of weird song
would you like to hear from Arnie?
We'll pick our favorite and then we'll play it on the show.
We haven't used it in a while.
We'll just do a weird, we'll just make him do a weird song
and we'll have anything to do with anything.
We'll just make him write one weird song.
I mean, I think it should be.
It's not gonna be for a special episode.
Should be a Georgia O'Beef song.
Yeah, jizz music.
What's the Cantina Star Wars jizz?
That's jizz music.
They're trying to change it, but it's jizz music.
It's a jizz song about Georgia O'Beef.
Okay, we gotta hit this other one.
Here we go.
Oh, we just did Face the Music.
Diversity is the seasoning of existence.
Change.
Change is necessary. Change is necessary.
Change, what am I trying to say?
Can you read it one more time?
Diversity is the seasoning.
A variety is the spice of life.
A variety is the spice of life.
Erin got it just by the wire.
She was just a little faster than that.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Immature around the breathing apparatus.
Young at heart.
Young at heart.
Young at lungs.
Young at lungs.
Young at lungs.
Immature around the breathing apparatus.
This is my favorite one.
I think this is the hardest one of them.
New oxygen mask.
New oxygen mask, Aaron, just like the famous phrase.
What is that when you- Young around
the breathing apparatus.
When you- Is this a raging- when you scuba dive and you have,
When you scuba dive and you have,
a snorkel?
So, Erin, a snorkel?
Is it a snorkel?
What's the?
The answer's not a snorkel.
Kid snorkel, is that what you're thinking, Erin?
Scuba, scuba.
Scuba.
Are you thinking of a scuba
good engineer, Erin? Underwater breathing apparatus?
What am I thinking of? No, it's not.
But you're not, but Erin,
whatever you're thinking of is not the correct thing.
Is mouth the breathing apparatus?
It's a different type of breathing apparatus.
It's not one that you have.
It's not one that you have at all.
Sure I do.
Blowhole.
You definitely have one of those.
You used it to give Brad a gills.
Oh, green around the gills.
It is green around the gills.
Because green is young, nascent even.
Oh, green.
Wow, I do want to see a scene.
Well, before you see a scene, I think I have to do a quick vote.
We usually cut this from the episode, but I'm going to give listeners a peek behind
the curtain.
Do we think that we should name the episode Meat Attic or giving Brad Garrett a blowjob
with my stomach?
Oh, God.
Those are the only options?
Those are the two options.
I think we're going will alienate even more people
from 2018.
What about is John Adams the best president?
No.
Hypothetical, John Adams is the best president.
All right, you want to see a scene?
I do, but I also went to,
who sent in these last ones you just read?
Samira.
Samira, I do have to just take a second,
give you your flowers.
These were out fucking standing.
These are the type of audience submitted,
listener submitted riddles, puzzles that I absolutely adore.
She's not a listener anymore.
For sure.
Samira is no listener.
Samira has accepted a position as the deputy vice admiral
to the UN or something.
They're living their own best life.
This is gonna be a very weird ask.
If you know, people listening,
if you know a Samira in your life,
reach out to them immediately and just say,
was that you?
Get Samira back in the mix.
We need more people like Samira submitting riddles.
Any Samira that you still are in contact with,
if you went to a high school with a Samira,
like maybe this isn't a person
you've thought about in a long time
Even though I do have this person's email can easily reach out to them myself. I'm not doing it
That's the whole point is I'm not doing it. You're doing it
So I do want to see a scene based off the expression green around the gills
Erin and JPC you are two very young
New newborn isish sharks.
And you're kind of chatting about what you think it means
to be a shark and like what you think you should be doing.
I think I'm gonna try not swimming.
Oh, oh no.
I mean, no, I don't, you can't do that, right?
Why?
Well, I don't, I just, I remember being born
and I remember our mother, I'm assuming, swimming away.
And I thought, when she left.
That was our mom?
I almost looked like that.
I called her Linda.
I feel like I disrespected her.
Ew.
Maybe that's why she swam away.
I just remember she swam away, and I was like, swim.
Like, swim.
Swim, right.
I have to, yeah, swim.
And then it's like, eat.
Swim.
Eat. Swim. Eat.. Swim. Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim.
Swim. Swim. Sw swim. I may have said eat. I saw you tried to practice cartwheels on the ocean floor. I mean,
you were really throwing a lot at the wall. I don't, I mean, what? Look, have you ever been
chugged before? No, I've never been anything before. Yeah, I've never been anything before.
So I was like, okay, so, oh, so eat. So look. Where do you think we are what do I think we are
what is this this is existence this is this is all that there is what is this I
don't know this stuff around us what is this stuff is this what is this I don't
know I got Linda left I don't have a glue could we call it glue yeah let's
call it glue okay so we're in glue it glue. Okay, so we're in glue. I'm gonna stop swimming.
If we stop swimming, we die.
And if we stop eating, I assume we also die as well.
What is die?
Oh boy, you're gonna get me doing cartwheels
on the ocean floor again if we keep talking like this.
See.
The famous David Foster Wallace graduation speech,
this is glue.
Also, I have to say-
To be a shark and be bored and be like,
what is all this stuff?
Erin, I have to say, one of my,
one of I think the most overlooked movies of all time,
Kevin Kline, John Cleese, A Shark Named Linda,
phenomenal movie.
I mean, worth rewatching.
Yes.
Asshole.
I called her Linda.
I'm like, yeah, right?
Do you guys wanna guess how close we got
to doing all of the riddles that I have left for 2018?
Not close at all.
But we have to move on, right?
But we have to move on.
And the good news is,
we will eventually finish these 2018 riddles and we will eventually finish Samira's riddles. We stopped about halfway
through Samira's riddles so that also means that there's time for us to find
the Samira because Samira has another thing another type of game that's
similar to the one that we just played that we'll play next time and if you're
if you're that Samira and you're still listening please do let us know because
you did a great job and if you're any of the other people that Samir and you're still listening, please do let us know because you did a great job.
And if you're any of the other people that wrote riddles,
you did an okay job as well,
but we don't need to know about you.
We don't need to know about you.
JPC, sorry to butt in here,
but can I still play Odd Lang Signs since I loaded it up?
Even though you didn't finish.
No, thank you for asking, Gazy,
but you'll have to wait until next time
and we'll play it midway through the episode.
Oops, I pressed it. Oh no.
Why did I think I could stop him? Why did I think I could stop him?
Well, if nothing else, add in some pig orgasm.
No, I would say no, no, no, no, no.
I would say nothing else. I would say do nothing else.
We have no security on these episodes. I'm begging you. Just one camera set up or something. I'm telling you,
just any bit, any character can walk in here and I do not feel good and I do not feel safe
if people are going to come in here and they're going to steal our jokes. Dr. Chameleon walked
in like it was easy at the beginning of the episode.
I think he has a key. I gave him a key.
You what?
There's a security guard at the liquor store near my house
that is just always just very disinterested.
I think it's like an off-duty cop,
but he's making his what, $45 an hour?
He's just kind of hanging out at the liquor store.
I would love it if we popped into these online meetings
and there was just another camera frame of a guy on his phone
who was running security for us.
Making sure all of the characters can't just walk in.
So disinterested.
Casey, what you actually can do is you can play me
a new voicemail theme.
Casey, give me a beat.
I'm MC Addle, this is my voicemail theme.
Zing, zing, zing, come on.
Live in my dream, locked and loaded,
spittin' bars so mean,
from the Chicago streets where we stay supreme.
MC Addle, voicemail champion true podcast pioneer breaking through the blue screw with me
And I'll leave you a skew in this game only the chosen few
I almost forgot also call 805 riddle one and leave a voicemail later dweebs and zing zing zing
I gotta say especially on the zing zing zing! I gotta say, especially on the zing zing zings,
kinda sounded like me.
It was so unclear to me if this was someone with like an AI adult voice,
because I think that that can happen,
because we've done so many hours of this podcast
and I'm sure you can AI our voices.
And here's what I'll say to that.
Don't. Don't do that. Monday, June 10th of time of recording
at 929 Eastern, or no, Pacific time.
End of society.
Society's over, it is done.
Use what Erin just said, pump that into whatever machine,
and have her say, my stomach gave Brad Garrett a blowjob. Wait, she said it earlier
Anyway, thank you. Thank you Jackson for sending that in and if you are thinking of sending good some sort of
AI version of our voices no need to do it. We've said enough insane things to this
Podcast that you can that you can easily find something like that.
Casey-
Could have easily been Rich Little
or some impressionist.
Casey, can you play a voicemail?
Hey guys, this is Charlie.
I'm a senior in high school
and tried to make my yearbook, my senior quote
to be something that JPC recommended
on a Patreon a while ago,
but I missed the deadline and I didn't get back to my email.
But I did want to say that I tried
and there is a senior in high school
listening to your podcast, giving love from San Diego.
Aw.
Oh, I wonder, do you remember what it was, JPC?
No, I don't remember what it was, but I gotta say,
I'm very glad that whatever it was,
you probably should never have made it to that quote page.
That was meant to be you missing that deadline.
That could have haunted you forever.
There's also something of saying like,
I tried, but the thing that prevented you
was getting back to your email and dying.
I feel like they would have denied it anyway, right?
Yeah, right.
I was about to say that people's meat addicts
are too impressionable for them to be listening
to our show before the age of 25.
But if I'm being totally honest,
I think I would have, can't believe I'm saying this.
I think I would have really liked this show
when I was in high school.
Oh yeah. Right? I think I would have liked He-Roll I was in high school. Oh yeah.
Right?
I think I would have liked Hey Riddle a Riddle.
Because you know, because Future You was on it
and you'd be like, that's me.
I think it would be less about that
and more like, I think I would think you guys were funny.
You know how like Erin, like USA Today
is like written at a third grade reading level?
Yes.
I think that like, yeah, Hey Riddle a Riddle
is like ostensibly for adults, but it's-
Written at a third grade. Let's be honest, this is a third grade listening level. Like, yeah, Hate Riddle is like, ostensibly for adults, but it's, I mean, come on.
Let's be honest, this is a third grade listening level.
I mean, I think it's more like Jif, right?
Kid tested, but mother approved.
What mother?
My mom listens, I think.
Yeah, I will say that if you're under 18,
absolutely do not leave us any voicemails,
but if you're over 18,
just let us know that your mom thinks it's okay.
If your mom approves,
then you can keep listening to the show.
Isn't that wild that,
like what are senior quotes in yearbooks,
like Francis Hawk movie lines?
Like what are people putting,
it's so weird to think of like,
modern information being put in a quote form in a high school yearbook.
I do think it's fun because senior quotes are usually like some other quote that you like someone else's quote that you're like choosing to like represent you or whatever.
But I think it would be much better if they all had to be 100% originals.
Like you you could not do it.
Your senior quote has to be like your 18 year old brain
trying to sum up your experience.
Sorry, your 18 year old what?
Edel, anything to plug?
I wanna plug the 2018 movie, Frances Ha.
Check that out.
Don't know if that's the right year.
What else, what else, what else?
I've been playing, I was playing a lot of Bellatrio. I very or however you say it
I say Bellatrio
Very much recommend that that was very fun and it was a huge
waste of my life pump
Some hours into it, but it was very fun
I had to pull myself away from it and I'm very excited for Hades to Erin anything
You'd like to plug your? I would like to plug our Patreon,
patreon.com slash heyridderiddle.
Lots of fun stuff happening over there always.
And you can go do a seven day free trial
and listen to a bunch of episodes in a week.
Binge them all in a week.
JPC, anything to plug or promote or do you have a review?
We actually have something to plug.
Heyridderiddle will be live at Dynasty Typewriter coming up Sunday, July 14th
at 7 30 p.m. L.A. time.
So we are coming back to Los Angeles.
Wow. We're going Hollywood again.
Hollywood again.
Erin, what celebrities do you think will be there?
You, me, JPC.
And a little birdie told me that Janet Varney's
going to be our guest.
Hey, as long as we ask her and she says yes.
What else did he tell you?
Well, Erin, the little birdie said that you, at night,
no judgment, like to wrap yourself in duct tape
and dance around to the cure.
Anyways.
If you are not in LA and you're like, oh, man,
I want to watch that show, guess what?
You can. We are also selling live stream wanna watch that show. Guess what you can.
We are also selling live stream tickets to that show
and you can, like the live stream is available
for up to seven days after the show ends as well.
So if you miss it on like the night of
or if you're Sunday night in Australia,
it's probably like Tuesday morning for you.
So, but anyway, if you wanna watch it, you can watch it.
You can get your tickets now.
Heyriddleriddle.com slash live.
What did we used to call like the chat with the live streamers during COVID?
Rat chat. Rat chat.
Rat chat. So if you want to be a part of the rat chat though, be there, be square.
Squeak, squeak, motherfucker.
Yeah, the rat chat will be back. Just make sure when you go to heyriddleriddle.com
slash live and you click on the LA link, make sure you pick the right ticket. Because we did
have some people last time who bought in-person tickets when they meant to buy live stream tickets. Do not make that mistake.
And we'll see you Sunday, July 14th, 730 p.m.
Woohoo! Woohoo!
JPC, any review to read or anything like that?
I got a review that I would love to read, and I pulled this one a long time ago and I forgot
to read it, so here it goes. This is from Cat Exists. Cat Exists says, Penguin Baseball forever.
Hey, Randall Randall is the premiere podcast for the most avid and passionate
followers of Penguin Baseball. They always have the most recent updates on the PBL, but also the
behind-the-scenes gossip. They answer all your questions about who to draft in your fantasy
league to who Wildstyle was seen hooking up with after a long day of mascotting for three teams.
Thank you so much, Cat Exists.
And maybe next time I'll read that
during Penguin Baseball League Month, which was months ago.
But I will say this past week,
Erin, correct me if I'm wrong,
was the big Boston, they try and like, you know,
connect with the city and they had the waddlers
with toddlers celebration, right?
Where the penguins meet the kids.
Gotta lose the disaster.
Yeah, didn't some kid lose an arm?
Oh, shut. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh kids. I don't lose a disaster. Yeah, didn't some
Jupiter buddy gained a story. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Say the words. I did I said Jupiter ten penguins fly. Why isn't it working?
They learned how to fly just
Fine fly forever. logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemouras. Hey Riddle Riddle, 1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle. Hey there, stocks and killers! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.
Hey Riddle Riddle brings you true crime. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at
patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or starting a 7 day free trial or the Review crew for $8 a month and you
get those ad-free episodes.
See you there!