Hey Riddle Riddle - #315: Daisy in the Naisy w/Paul F. Tompkins and Janet Varney

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

This is not a drill! Our LA episodes are starting! Paul F. Tompkins is here along with our fourth host Janet Varney. We are out of our minds with glee!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest Starring:Janet VarneyPaul F. Tompkins Editing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm on a horse and I'm making Friday! My deep beat for a little bit of... Well, my two bakers, uh, it seems that you're both very capable... Stop, me in front, me in front. Stop. I wanna be the one who he likes. No, no, please. Bakers apprentices, bakers apprentices. You're both very capable bakers. In fact, you may bake better together

than you do separately. Yeah, right. Watch me roll this dough. Stop beating in her way. Look, look at what you've made. Look at the misshapen lump of dough that you made from fighting the two of you. Have I taught you nothing as the Master Baker?

Sorry, Baker sir. Sorry, Baker sir. Does anybody work here? Oh, customer, customer! A customer! You're not shopkeeper's apprentices, you're baker's apprentices! Hide! Welcome, sir, to 21 Baker Street.

You guys have been huddled back there for like 15 minutes. What have you today? What have I today? I'm here to pick up my wedding cake. I'm so, I fucked that up. Sarah, you try, Sarah, you try. Hey, are you okay? I'm fine.

I am just here to pick up my wedding cake. I think I heard lump of uncooked dough. We'll be right back with that, sir, for you. Wait. Quick. Icing on the bread. Icing on the bread. Bride and groom at the top.

Can do it. Work together. Little baby in the middle. Make it a king cake. OK, something blue. Something borrowed. All right. Almost there.

Put finishing touches. Seeds on the cake for a little extra flavor. Okay. Someone will cut you out soon, baby. Trust. Believe. Sir, your cake? Okay.

This isn't exactly as I expected it to look. It looks to be a big loaf of bread with some arms and legs sticking out of it. Sir, if I may, yeah, just taste it. Welcome to Hey Rittle Riddle. I'm Erin, that's Adil, that's GPC, and I'm looking around. I feel like we have way more people than usual in here.

No? I think so. Well, we have our fourth host, Janet Varney. Yeah, Janet's here. Who's always here. I feel like we have way more people than usual in here. No, I don't think so. We have our fourth host, Janet Varney. Yeah, Janet's here. Who's always here. I mean, I'm always here. Whether she talks or not, she's always on every episode. Yeah. Right, hold on.

One, two, three, four. We're missing one. Who else is here? Wait, who's playing the customer? Was that JPC? I have a famously dynamic voice. No, they'll never find me. No, that was our special guest for today's episode.

Not that Janet's not special, but in this instance, yeah, not. Thanks. Oh boy, okay, anyone else wanna try the introduction? Adle? Paul F. Tompkins. Yay! Thanks for having me, everybody. Thanks for doing this. A very big deal.

What a pleasure. For today and for today only, I apologize because you'll be known as Puzzles, frankly tedious. Oh, wow. I accept. I'm surprised you landed that. The way that you said Puzzles made me very.

That plane looked like it was about to land in the ocean on its side. Well, nothing if the Sully Sullenberg of podcasting. Yeah, we say that a lot because they're always hitting birds. Janet, this was brought up when we were asking Paul to do the show, but Paul called you little Janet Var birds. Janet, this was brought up when we were asking Paul to do the show, but Paul called you little Janet Varney.

Oh yes. Which is something that I've heard before, but I don't think I've ever asked you about the nickname little Janet Varney. Well, JBC without turning to you to go off mic. Please don't turn to me. Since we're sitting side by side on a couch together. I would, I can tell you that it has been many years now.

I mean years. A long time, long time. I wish I could remember. You know what, we should look back because when it's a 10 year anniversary of little Janet Barney. I bet we could, because it was. We don't think it's been the 10 year yet?

I don't know. I don't know. It was certainly pre-mandemic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, we were in New York City. New York City. I think it was the year we did Town Hall. It absolutely was the year that we were in the middle

of New York in a ballet studio. That's right. Is what I remember being. So it was whatever year that was. A windowless space, yeah. Yeah. I'll have to look that up. It was probably like 2017 or something, 2016 or 2017.

But anyway, for some reason I did a dumb silent bit that caused Paul F. to, as he often does, turn my garbage into gold. He identified me as little Janet Varney as if I was a child star, still hoping to garner some. Not to rush him on you. Okay, okay.

That's how I remember. How do you remember it? From Ruggles Still Skin to rush him on. The PFD story. That means rock, paper, scissors. Rock, paper, scissors for the initiative. I never wish we had the Spontanea Nation go backwards heart button more than I do right now.

We were doing that improv show, Work Juice Improv. Yes. And I was tasked with hosting. Yes. And I was introducing everybody. Yes. You were last. Yes. Alphabetical. Yeah. Darn it. hosting, and I was introducing everybody, you were last, alphabetical,

and for absolutely no reason, I said little Janet Varney. I introduced you as little Janet Varney. Then I responded to that by acting then like a child star. Yes, that makes sense. But it truly came out of no limits. Whatever happened to baby Jane vibe. I'm a child star trying to hold on.

I'm wearing overalls. Yeah, for the listener. So this is a bad time for me to try to argue with that. Let's paint a picture. A really bad time. Three foot five, wearing a little sailor outfit with overalls, looking a giant lollipop. Shirley Temple, but like.

What are you talking about, guys? There she is. Saluting Kennedy as he passes in the parade. I don't need a mudter, I got show business. Guys, it's pretty haunting to see in person. And you're known on Hey Riddler Riddle as Janet Morph. Yeah. And I do not remember the origins of that.

It was because it was one of those animal morphing books. Animal. Eww. Oh, we don't correct Aaron on this show. How did we get there though? Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Um. We don't correct Aaron on this show. How did we get there, though? Well, we were, we, there was like a riddle about that. It's pretty one to four, huh?

In your first episode. OK. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. At the old head gum. At the old head gum. The old, haunted head gum. You kids going through the old head gum?

Yeah. Hey, here they make podcasts in an old shipping receiving lane. I will say, if memory serves, it was like next door to a firing range. There was kombucha on tap though, I remember that. There was kombucha on tap. Oh, great. Wasn't it in an old like shipping lane, right?

Yeah. Yeah, it was. I think it was, but I'm telling you, it was also next to a firing range. Okay. The cops were going into practice. You had to like climb up to get into that. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

That's exactly right. Yeah. Anytime I hear if memory serves, I think of Olmec? From the Hidden Temple? From Legend of the Hidden Temple? Oh my God. Because I think anytime you introduce some lore to the game, you're like, if memory serves, and it's like...

That's such a great thing to say, because who's gonna call you out? You're a 5,000 year old pyramid, like we... And it's got a double meaning meaning because a computer also has a memory The hidden temple a Nickelodeon game show oh There's the purple Monkeys no silver monkeys purple barracudas

Goodness yes, it sounded to me like I thought it was a PC only Yeah, that's why I said computers have a memory guys now it makes sense. I thought you were I thought Olmec was a computer That's what I I mean, I thought I am all that if it's Like reddit theory that old neck from memory was a computer Yeah, I'm still thinking about how I could remember Animorphs, I'm like four minutes behind. Let's not dwell on that area. Let's instead move on and ask Paul. Paul. What is your relationship with riddles and puzzles

and lateral thinking problems and the like? I like that sort of thing. I don't think I am good at that sort of thing. But I really do enjoy it whenever there's a riddle that is presented in, say, like, Trader's episode or something like that. I do have fun trying to figure it out. When I was a kid, I was fascinated by probably from The Hobbit, from the riddle contest. Oh yeah.

Famous egg riddle I think in The Hobbit. Yeah, eggs is, that's right. Oh, eggsistential. It's for breakfast, second breakfasts. Yeah, 11 Z's. Second breakfasts. Second breakfasts. Which is just a second helping.

Or hobbit stupid. Oh, but also those books of, you know, it's even in your intro, The Doctor Was a Woman and all that stuff, like where it would just be a fun activity book of can you figure this out. Yeah, so I've always liked that stuff. I've never done an escape room. What?

That surprises me. I know, I feel like I've let you down. Yeah, that's a shock. But look, I'm human and I'm continuing to grow. Um... No, I just, I almost... You've never done it? It's never happened. I can't believe it.

Yeah. Do you have any interest in doing one or you just, I almost thought... You've never done it? It's never happened. I can't believe it. Yeah. Do you have any interest in doing one or you just... I would do it. I feel like in... Here's my issue is that I'm a bad student in that being observed learning something causes me to freeze up.

And so in a group's, but you know what though? Hold on a second, I'm remembering something. It's like Gorillaz in the Mist. I have memory like Olmec. Breakthrough, breakthrough. Um, I was going to say, I don't think I'm good in a group situation like that because I would like, anxiety would make me freeze up.

But I attended a murder mystery dinner theater with some friends and our table figured out, we solved the case, we didn't get credit for it. What? Why? Can they do that? There was some mushy thing that we absolutely got right, but our wording was not quite as perfect as somebody else's.

It was real technicality. This is a human life we're talking about here. Exactly, this was about justice! Yeah! And we absolutely got it right. And it was a group effort, and I contributed just as much as everybody else did. Yeah, you're gonna be fine in escape room.

I couldn't be less worried. I just think... I think it'll be fun. Maybe I've created a false memory where I've gone to escape rooms with a pinch of this mutual friend and a pinch of that mutual friend, and somehow that turned into like,

you and I have done one. I'm certain that you've invited me, but I haven't been able to do it. But I would do it. You went with a hat and a mustache and some shoes on separate occasions, you're like, Paul was there, right? Right?

Right. That's how my memory works. I just put little pieces together. The component pieces of a person that make their real. That's really all that I am. I like. I like to have a mustache and some shoes. It's like the game with the three panels,

like head, body, legs, and you just. Exactly. Or the potato head. That's a challenge for you to think about yourself. Like what are the three components that it's you? Oh, that's true. Oh, and someone else took mustache. So I can't.

Yeah, you can't get a mustache. That's true, that's already taken. Who did take that? JPC, you're a backwards hat, a tank top, and like a dead squirrel. That was too easy. Too easy. Did you say dead squirrel?

Squirrel. Squirrel. Or like a dead raccoon, smoking a cigarette. Yeah, that makes sense, yes. Adel, you're like a flannel shirt, a baseball cap, and a bunch of books you'll never read. Wow. Yeah, I'm standing on them. Absolutely. Erin, do me, do me.

Who's gonna break the habits? Um, little kid sailor costume, big lollipop, what did we say earlier? Tap shoes. Tap shoes, yep. God, nailed it. Three foot five. Yeah.

Carrying on an IV because the studio makes her work 24 hours a day. Ringlet girls. I travel with my own phone books. It's on one. And Erin, you're the embodiment of intelligence, beauty, and grace. Okay, let us move on to doing some riddles.

JBC knows I'm fragile right now. On any other week he would have absolutely destroyed me. Eyes of an owl. Body of an owl. Countless of an owl. Sleep schedule of an owl. Memory of Olmec. Neck of an owl.

Memory of Olmec. Neck of an owl. Memory of Olmec. If memory serves. Well, I'm Old Man Puzzles today, an honor really. Yay. And I'm gonna read some listener submitted riddles. These are from Davey. Hey, or dear Hey Riddle Riddle, I love you so. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Is he still in the Navy? I think that's Davey. This is from Daisy. These are Daisy. Oh, Daisy. Is she still in the Navy? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That didn't slow me down at all. A perfect joke.

That was elegant. Holy shit. Should we call it? Was that the episode? Women can be in the Navy. I had to say, I'm feeling it in my body That was elegant. Holy shit. Should we call it? Was that the episode? Women can be an AD. I had the same feeling in my body when Simone Biles went 12 feet recently.

That is the exact same sensation. I was like, oh my god, he did it. He did it, he landed it. To music even. Holy crap. Oh. Paul's mental floor routine is flawless. There's literally adrenaline in my body now, that's crazy.

You are my favorite podcast and I listen to you all the time. You truly bring me so much delight in my life. My name is Daisy, feel free to use it on the show. Aaron, you are a shining star. Thank you for everything you do. That's so weird. Wait. What a weird email.

Is that in there? Grab that phone from her and check. Look. Okay, it is there. Oh! I noticed in your last episode you were guessing some compound words. So I whipped them up for compound words

that no longer make sense in English. To be clear, I made fake definitions for compound words and you guessed the real word. This is gonna make sense once I give you an example. Oh, Daisy, Daisy. Some are probably easy and some are probably really hard. And I put them in no particular order.

Compound words like Waco. Okay, example. What? What the fuck are you talking about? He's begging someone to ask him what he means. I get it, I get it. Because of a compound. There's a compound.

Because it's a compound there. Oh no. Okay. Was Waco David Koresh? Yeah. Okay, I get him confused with David Carradine. Although I know they're separate guys. Similar fates.

Similar fates. Equally embarrassing. They both died in Thailand. Equally embarrassing. That's how they felt. Yeah. The example is to be upright beneath something. To be upright.

Stand, stand. Beneath something. That's one of the- Stand below? Stand under. Stand below? Wait, stand under. What are we trying to find? I can't find words. I can't find real words. Yeah, compositional. To stand upright beneath something that no longer makes sense anymore. That's one of them stand under them below wait stand up. What are we trying to find?

Stand upright beneath something that no longer makes sense understand. Yes Word is a real word. Yes. Okay. I was playing the wrong game and now I'm focused on playing the correct Are you sure you could still play the wrong game for some points? I might try. If no one else has done that later. Take the wrong one. This is hey Riddle Riddle, you can literally be doing whatever you want and get credit for it. It's like Montessori school. Okay. Marijuana for or by someone with a very generic boys name in the United States. Okay.

Marijuana for or by someone. Want to for or buy someone? May want to for or buy someone. Pot. With a very generic boy's name in the United States. Yep, pot is part of it. Pot, okay. John is the most generic of boy's names. John, Adam, Steve.

Yeah, this is in the world of that. Oh, Muhammad. No. Come on. That's the most, that's gotta be the most common name. Hot luck. Now I'm just gonna start guessing words. It's before pot. Cause this way.

Crock pot. This is my son Crock. There's like four Crocs in my son's kindergarten class. Can I hear it one more time? Yes. Marijuana for or by someone with a very generic boy's name in the United States. So we got pot.

But for or by someone is still, we still have not solved for that. Yeah, we know that. I don't know why. I would just name in the United States. So we got Pot. But for or by someone is still, we still have not solved for that. I don't know why, I would just focus on the marijuana part on the for or by someone. So you already got Pot. So all you're just trying to, yes. What? Jackpot. Jackpot.

Pot. Oh. It makes sense. Yeah. I do wanna see a scene. In the United States? I was thinking of a scene for Addle, please. That's just, okay I do wanna see a scene. In the United States? I was thinking of a scene, but Adol, please. Or does that just, okay.

I wanna see a scene. Janet and Erin, you are at a blackjack table. Paul, if you wouldn't mind playing the blackjack dealer. Sure. And the two of you have been gambling for so long that you're not sure what's going on. Okay. Hey, I really appreciate you guys being so patient with me

because I've never dealt blackjack before. No, you're doing so good. We're so happy that you're... Yeah, I'm glad you've been able to play for so long. Mm-hmm. I would put everything on black. Red. I would put all my blackjack on red. You're putting all of your blackjack on red? Put it all on the red.

So all the money? I want to put it all on the red to all the money I want to put it on up. You almost got me red 21 I put it on red 21. That's more of a roulette thing. I think I'll have I think I know we've been here long enough I'll take a martini and some garlic fries and then I want to put all my money on the funniest is horses name Okay, what horse is the funniest name and he'll run the fastest. OK. So if we were to think in terms of like if a horse had a card name, hit me.

OK. And 25. Ah, Jackpot. Oh, I win. I'm bleeding the eye of all your money sir, sorry. You actually did not. For somebody who says they've ever dealt blackjack before, you're a real know-it-all. Are you single? I am single. I don't think of myself as a know-it-all, but I just... Hit on me. Hit on me. Hit? Hit on me. Hit on me. Hit on me. How do you be subliminal?

And I do want to cut to the Elvis Chapel where JPC has Elvis as marrying these two. Oh, baby, this is a special day. Sorry, this is my first day being an Elvis. You're doing great. I was a Catholic priest for many years. I Can't talk about why I'm not anymore Okay, and the names that you gave me oh And this is fun because this is gonna be a surprise for me. I know what my name is, but I don't know what my beloved's name is.

I never asked. That's a coincidence because I also know what my name is, but I don't know what your name is. Well, you both wrote down Kroc. See. Wait, what? Happens every day. Happens every day. Did I hear you as Elvis go to hee-hee?

Yeah. An Elvis impression. You know, when you're an impersonator, you're just an impersonator. Happens every day. Did I hear you as Elvis go to hee-hee? Yeah, an Elvis impression. When you're an impersonator, you're just an impersonator. You must have laughed sometimes. That's true. I hope something tickled Elvis. Cause he had a hard life.

He did. Did he ever, in the army? Poor Elvis. Poor Elvis. Next one, soap for a pig. Soap for a pig, hogwash. Hogwash? Yes. Yes. That is good a pig. Hogwash. Hogwash. Yes.

Addle's good at these. I need to warn you. Very often times Addle's braid is the one that works more in a ridgular manner. Hey, what do you mean? No, it's a compliment to you and JPC. I mean, wait, hold on, that came out wrong. In what manner? Ridgular.

Ridgular? Yeah, like ruffles the potato chip. Rigid and circular combined? Yes. Nice. Addle's the smartest. Addle's brain is good at puzzles and lateral thinking. I think I'm gonna outlast him though, because I know for a fact that Addle's working on two hours of sleep,

or as I like to call it, an Addle amount of sleep. That's correct. I think by the end of this episode, it's gonna turn around for old Jean. In the last 36 hours, I have slept 1.5 hours. Why? Famously, because I had a 4 a 36 hours, I have slept 1.5 hours. Why? Because I had a four AM,

I had to be at the airport four AM. A ghost scared him. And a ghost scared me. On the plane? Yeah. A haunted plane is the worst. The worst. Because you gotta know where to go.

Not as fun as a haunted train. I kept being like, finally, coffee, and then it just fall through my hands. It was real, I'm just butterfingers. Got it, got it. You should put your coffee in one of them. Oh, it was real. I'm just butterfingers. Oh, got it. You should put your coffee in one of them. Oh, that was off. That was off mic.

Never mind. Off mic. That's got to be one. Oh, we'll see. Dinner or breakfast or lunch. What the fuck? Made of parts of a puzzle. What? Dinner or breakfast made of parts of a puzzle. Dinner or breakfast or lunch made of parts of a puzzle.

Peacemeal. Peacemeal. Yes. God damn it. I mean, great job, Janetal. Peacemeal. I mean the god damn it. I mean great job Janet. No, I will not fuck you in the god damn it JP. Please please. I will demand your respect. The light sleep. Peacemeal.

Yes. Nailed it. How did he do that? He has his hand outstretched. Next one. Like he wants some sort of coin or a sticker. I feel like Aaron is videoing us for like evidence later. I know you're just holding up your phone to read, but.

Yeah, yeah, just holding up my phone to read. It is pointed strangely directly at you, Janet. So that is a fear that you should have. I'm FaceTiming my family and just directly at you. The light sleep of a male cow. Bullshit. That's definitely what I got today. Someone might have said it. Did I say bull nap? Half nap. Bull nap?. That's definitely what I got today. Someone might have said it.

Did I say bullnap? Half nap. Bullnap. When you find out the answer, I think you're going to feel really happy with what you said. The light snooze of a male cow. The light snooze of a male cow. I said bulls. Bulldoze.

Yes, bulldoze. But bullnap is really cute. And who said bull snooze? Who could tell? The ghost. You just know. I thought when he said bullnap, the answer Who could tell? The ghost. You just know. I thought when he said bull nap, the answer was gonna be bull crap,

and I was like, is a crap a light snooze? I said bullshit, and I didn't even mean to. I meant to say the word bull, and the entire word bullshit came out. Wow, how perfect. I'm sorry, guys. Can't say one without the other. A fine brown liquor made from jumping short distances. I know this one.

This is hopscotch. Yes. There it is. The brief sleep of a child. Kidnap. Yep. Any brief sleep ones? Got it.

Paul got kidnapped pretty fast. Because I was kidnapped. You think I don't think about it every day. Oh no. I'm fine. I wish my parents would pay every day. Oh, no. Oh, man. I'm fine. I wish my parents would pay the ransom. Charles Lindbergh's baby? That'd be amazing for, in fact, I need to see a scene.

Paul, you are a full grown man who was kidnapped, is now living his own life, like has moved through that, but it's true that the parents never paid the ransom. And Aaron and Adel, you are the parents and you guys are, you know, you're finally speaking to them for quite, after quite some time. Well. You're pleased to get your call?

Mm-hmm. How are you? How are you doing, Cham? Better now than I was 35 years ago. Yeah. You're looking well. You look great. Thanks.

So tall. I ordered a bottle of wine for the table. I hope you like it. I'm old enough to drink, yes. Yeah, yes. Been a while. How were your 80s and 90s and early 2000s? They were, you know, challenging,

especially the first 10 years there. Right. Right. Good. And we got this, by the way, just to get to you. Do you? Thanks. Thanks a lot. I'm definitely ordering dessert. Yeah. Well, maybe we'll see. We'll see. You know, when they first, we feel bad.

Looking back, we would have paid the $500 ransom. So we are going to talk about it. We'll see. You know, when they first we feel bad. Looking back, we would have paid the five hundred dollars ransom. So we are going to talk about it. If you want to, if you don't mind, we just felt we were so scared for you. And we had no idea. We had so many people in our ear saying, even if we pay, they may just hold on to you. So we didn't want to. And your brother and sister had like so many activities

going on and we just were trying to stay focused on them. Hey guys, sorry we're late. Sorry. Oh my gosh. Success is a beam. There she is, Secretary of State. Hello, hello everyone. And our movie star, hi.

Roger. Roger's here. Oh my god. We found him. We got him back That is awesome! We got him back! Where have you been? Are you back from the Nazi?

I'm not in the Nazi anymore. I've been released after... Honorable? God, you must have been in there for 35 years. Well, some thought I probably would be for life. But, no, I was finally released and, you know, living a life on my own. Sometimes, of course, yes, I miss that room. Tell us about the room. We read the memoir and we just want to, I mean...

I mean, if you read the memoir, you pretty much got the room down. It was four walls, no windows, a mattress. I skimmed it. You don't say ceiling at all. You skimmed my memoir? Yes, I mean. She was reading over my shoulder. They optioned it and I read the screenplay

and I didn't wanna make this about me, but I am in contention. Oh my God. Yeah, so I'd actually love to pick your brain about the room if you ever had a minute. Oh, that would be great. Wait a second, you're in contention to play me in the story of my life?

I'm glad that you brought that up because it's not the story of your life. The story actually has so many layers to it. I mean, it's mostly honestly about the parents' journey. Honey, we would love to, any amount we could pay to be on set would be amazing. We'd love to just. Four, five.

No, but what if it were like a lot of money? What if we were like $500? We're incredibly rich. That is like pennies to us. Are you kidding me? What, you don't like the wine? You don't like the wine? You don't like the wine?

Is this about the wine? Malbec, get this Malbec out of here. That wine, it's not the wine. It's, here's what tastes so bitter to me is that you have no remorse relieving me in the hands of kidnappers who eventually yes put me through college but it would have been so much more meaningful had it been my own parents

my own flesh and blood and you you wouldn't spend $500? Why? Back then, you have to adjust for inflation. I don't think that's fair. Steve, stop. Stop. You have to adjust for inflation. I guess you had $500 back in the 80s.

I love these people put you through college. It's like, oh my God. The rock that orbits the earth made of a sweet, sticky substance. Honeymoon. Yes. Wow. The rock that orbits the Earth. That's the moon.

I thought it was the rock that orders the Earth. Where'd the honey come from? Sweet substance. I'd actually like to see a scene. Paul and Janet, you are two people who are deciding to honeymoon at the space station in space. And JBC, you're just an astronaut who's like trying to do your job and sees them as a liability.

Wow. Oh my goodness. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you to the moon and back. We're almost there. Kind of. I can't believe it.

Don't touch the mice. What? Don't touch the mice. They are part of an experiment. Don't touch the nice. Ah, oof. Mice, how to say mice in your language? Wait, I'm speaking.

Mice, mice. Don't touch the mice, please. The mice are part of the experiment that we're doing on the moon. Okay, well we're having an experiment of our own. It's called marriage. Yeah, that's right. And so far it's going really great.

I know, early results are good. Oh my goodness. Okay, yes, carry on. Could we get a little more privacy? Yeah. This is a very small ship. Yes, the space station is one kind of room, big room where this is all that there there's no more to know. Right, could you just turn around? Yeah, I don't

mind if the mice watch but we just don't know you very well. It's only been a couple of weeks. Actually that one mouse could you turn him around too? Hey, come on! Man! Sorry, what is this? Wait, could everyone hear that? Uh, yes. I'm sorry, I wanted to watch, and they noticed my pervert eyes. No, this is good. This means I'm not crazy.

Alright. You know, I forgot when we shot John Malkovich from Rounders into space. Give the man his money. Uh, Rounders. Pay the man his money. We can't stop giving him roles in which he is required to have an accent, and I'm not sure why we're doing that

to the poor man. And I'm the master of voices, and I kind of disappear in every character that I play. I heard just today that Rounders was seen by its seventh hundredth person. Oh wow. Yeah. Congratulations.

I watched it on the plane. Oh no, it was you? They gotta set the number back. Confetti cannon comes out on the plane. Congratulations. Vegetarian laid by birds. Vegetarian laid by birds. This one is bucked vegan. No. Egg what I type into the internet one.

Egg-egg-egg-egg-egg? No. Egg with an egg vegan? Egg. Egghead. And then what a vegetarian eats, I guess. Egg vegetables. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. Eggplant. A fanciful new hairstyle for your hearing orifice. Ew. I know you don't want to think of your ears as hearing orifice.

I don't like that. I hate that word. Is it bomb? Earwig. Earwig. Oh, nice one. Oh, I don't like to think of any of those things. Daisy, great riddle, but I don't like earwigs.

And Daisy's really uncomfortable. What? What's not to like? Wait, hold on. Why don't like earwigs. And KTC's really uncomfortable. What's not to like? Wait, hold on. Why are they called earwigs? Pop-topkins might be an earwig with a jaunty suit on. What? It's all coming together for me,

when I'm thinking back to all the stuff you've been in. Let's see, one inch long, pincers, okay. Pincers, but why are they called earwigs? Because when we were little, they said it's because they grow into your ear and lay eggs. That's always what I assume. Yeah. But I don't think that that's right, correct?

I'm sure you're right. I'm sure that's just a horrible... Old wives' tale. I feel like all bugs want to get in there, right? For sure. They all want to get in there. That's why you're never going to sleep again, Addle. Yeah.

Don't we swallow like 10 spiders a year or something? Yeah. If we're lucky. How are we? Why? How was that info being tracked and recorded? And then we swallow 10 fucking mice to catch the spiders. And I want to say, I just swallow the same spider every year because I'm in love. Yeah. That's so lovely.

I would be so relieved if they like did a scan of my brain and it was just filled with bugs. I'd be like, that makes so much sense. Thank God. That explains everything. What's the ideal bug for you? That's so hard. It honestly, can I tell you what it feels like? Yeah.

A bunch of red ants burning me from the inside out. That's crazy because I've only ever seen you snort black ants. Hey. from the inside out. That's crazy because I've only ever seen you snort black ants. Hey, shishipitipitipitipipat. For me, it would have to be... Jitterbug. Oh, do do do do. Hey, get out of here.

Sorry, the barbershop quartet came busting through the walls. Get them the hell out of here. They know what they did. A fatty, creamy dairy product, a loft in the air. A fatty, creamy dairy product aloofed in the air. A fatty, creamy dairy product aloft. Flying cream cheese in the air.

Sometimes saying the wrong thing helps other people get to the right answer. Flying ice cream. That's called teamwork. Flying cream cheese. Cream is what I was thinking. No. No.

Levitating gelato? This is probably my fly. Yeah, butterfly. Butterfly. Fly. The bugs in my brain. I'd like to see a kid. Butterfly. Butterfly. Fly. The bugs in my brain. I'd like to see a scene. And stomach. A butterfly.

A little Albert on his 10th take. I need bugs in my stomach. Paul, you're a butterfly. Adol, you're a caterpillar. And Paul, you're trying to convince Adol that he's gonna turn into you one day. And you guys can do the scene, but I would love to find out from Aaron

what kind of bug JPC and I are. Not for the scene. Absolutely. But because I thought you were telling them what bug you thought they were. Okay, I'm gonna. Like what's my? Cockroach, it's definitely for JPC and I'll think one of them.

Okay, great. We might see a cockroach. I saw him get hit by a semi, get up, dust himself off, walk away. You're a lightning bug, Janet. Oh, lucky. And start. Okay.

It's true. Nah, not going to happen for me. Why, why do you say that? But God bless, God bless. Oh, you say you don't want it to happen. No, I said it's not going to happen for me. Why do you think that? I've tried everything. I've tried the creams, the balms, the pills.

That's all that people just trying to sell you stuff. No. It's actually, it's a natural process. Okay. Any one of us can do it. No. It's actually, it's a natural process. Okay. Any one of us can do it. Okay. It's all in you.

Ah. So, is it like a, like a mentality I have to adopt? That's part of it. Like, like, like, like, uh, eat the frog, that kind of thing? Yeah, it's kind of like eat the frog. Or who moved my cheese. Or who moved my cheese. The's kind of like eat the frog. Or who moved my cheese? Or who moved my cheese?

The secret. Yeah. Save the cat. Yep. So can I just say some of the best, all three, some of the best screenwriting tips I've ever received. Absolutely. Who moved my cheese?

Always have the protagonist eat a frog. That's right. Yeah. And you look at Indiana Jones did it. Yeah. Others. Absolutely. Yeah. Moved the protagonist. Eat a frog. That's right. Yeah. And you look at Indiana Jones did it. Yeah. Others. Absolutely. Yeah. Move the cheese. Move the cheese.

You have to place the protagonist's goal further down. They can't get what they want right away. Exactly. Exactly. This is your story right now. Yeah. Of course you want to stop looking disgusting. And so. Thank you. Oh, okay, good. I was right there for a disgusting. Oh, thank you.

Oh, okay. Good. I was worried there for a second. No, we have mirrors. But we're on the same page. We have mirrors. Um, you know, so here's a tip that I learned. You know how when you go to sleep and you're not encased in a weird sling?

Okay. Right? Is it cocoon or my cast? Oh, you know what it is. Okay. Yeah, cocoon. Yeah. So you know how you go to sleep, you're not in a cocoon. Right. Is it cocoon or am I cast? Oh, you know what it is. Okay. Yeah, cocoon. Yeah. So you know how you go to sleep, you're not in a cocoon. Yeah. Also, cocoon, great example.

Absolutely. They move cheese. They become young. Don Amici eats a frog. That's right. He gets on the dance floor. He's young. He's doing a break dance.

He's a little run. Sorry. Okay. So next time you go to sleep, try being in a cocoon. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, next time you go to sleep, try being in a cocoon. Okay. We cut to later that night. No, man. I'm all good. I'm all good on mine. Yeah.

Please, can I just? It's really not big enough for two. It'll be like a slumber party. Come on. And B, I feel like more intimate than a slumber party. A slumber party would be like us in the same room. This is like you in my sleeping bag. Okay, okay. Denise, Denise, knock, knock.

Never gonna happen. I heard we could turn into one butterfly and then we share consciousness. No thanks. Zip. Okay. Hey, what are you doing? Trying to get a cocoon.

No, it's gotta be your own cocoon. Oh, he should have said something. You could be in my cocoon, butterfly. Oh, okay. Must be nice. All right, we got one more from Daisy. A network of fine threads made of a single piece of corn. Colonel Web... Web Niblet.

Episode title. Two of the best clue characters. Thank you for. episode title. Two of the best blue characters. Thank you for the episode title. Web Cob. Oh, we Cob Web. Web. It's Spider-Corn. It's Spider-Corn.

It's Cob Web. I do want to see a scene. That's not a single, oh, Daisy. Maybe a single ear. Daisy, Janet's disappointed in you. Email me at Janet at JanetVarney.com. Do you know the difference between a piece and an ear? I do want to see a scene. JPC, you, of course, of course, You know the difference between a piece and an ear.

I do, it's a good scene. JPC, you of course, of course, are Midwest Spider-Man. Yeah. Patrolling the cornfields. Spider-Man. I can't even be Chicago Spider-Man. I gotta be fucking DeKalb County Spider-Man. Colonel Cobb.

Okay, okay, gotcha. And Janet, you are not Lois Lane, what's... Mary Jane Parker? Thank you so much, you're Mary Jane. Wait, no, not Mary Jane Parker, that's after she married Spider-Man. Janet, you're Lois Lane. Oh, great.

Lois Lane. Great. I smell a scoop here. Excuse me, ma'am, you're gonna have to pay for that corn. The one that I just plucked and sniffed and put back? Well, you can't really put corn back. It's my duty to beat the shit out of you. I'm awful sorry about it, ma'am,

but unless you want to pay the farmer for the corn. Wait a minute. It's just occurring to me as a crack reporter that you're wearing some kind of weird stocking all over your body. No, it's just my... Who are you? Why ma'am, I'm Midwest Spider-Man. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Hmm. Not since Canadian Spider-Man have I been apologized to this much. So you are Spider-Man. I heard something interesting was going on around here, but I didn't have any more info than that, so I decided to come- You heard something interesting's coming on around here?

Yeah, but it turns out- What? I think maybe just that you're here. There was a truck. There was a truck I saw it from the high. Oh, I hitchhiked to get here. I don't recommend it. Oh Wow, scrap scribbles in notebook reminding herself to tell children not to Hitchhiking is illegal around here Is there a way that you could tell me where this truck driver was so I could beat the shit out of him? That's how I solve problems. Can I tell you how to find someone? That sounds more like your job if you're patrolling the well, I guess I could beat the shit out of you and make you tell me It's really a fine line between what I do. I really only have the one button, you know

You sound very young and immature What's under that mask? Can I see you? You sound young. Me? Is that an affect? I was trying to sound like a lifetime smoker. Seen. I haven't been keeping track of the time, but I think it's time for a break. Oh no.

Oh shit. Yeah, sure. Okay, we're gonna break. One, two, three, four, eight, eight, two, three, four. Okay, guys. I'm sort of tired of this episode. I'm gonna go sleep on my Helix mattress. It's the midnight lux and it's calling my name. This was fun though. All right, bye. Aaron, this is so embarrassing.

You can go sleep on your Helix Sleep mattress if you want to right now, but we're actually not doing an episode today. This is a Helix Sleep intervention. Huh? Aaron, your Helix Sleep is too comfortable. So JPC and I each got ourselves Helix Sleeps and we just wanna have an intervention to say, this is pretty great.

I know, right? Yeah, I guess intervention is, intervention the right word for it. What's the one where you get all your friends and like you eat popcorn and you kind of like, you tell ghost stories. Sleepover. Oh, sleepover. We're gonna have a sleepover.

Oh, great, yes. The Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including their Worn, Witting, Lux, and Ultra Premium Elite Collection. The Helix Plus, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers, and the Helix Kids Mattress designed for growing bodies and endorsed by children's sleep experts. So, that's something we can talk about. Yeah, and hey, everybody is unique.

I have weird hips and everyone sleeps differently. Thank you! We've been saying that. JPC sleeps upside down. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences. Okay, and how about this classic sleepover game?

Why don't we all take a quiz? Specifically, the Helix Sleep Quiz to find our perfect mattress in under two minutes and your personalized mattresses that ship straight to your door free of charge. The shipping is free of charge. The shipping is free of charge. You actually have to pay for the mattress.

But yeah, I just want to make clear that the mattress isn't free. The shipping is the free thing. Yes. Ooh, Erin, I spun the bottle. You have to kiss the Helix Sleep. Don't mind if I do. Plus, Helix mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty, depending on the model. And don't just take our word for it.

The word of three, I would say, adults at a sleepover. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired magazine. It's even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a go-to solution for improving your sleep. Oh, Erin is really kissing that mattress. Helix is offering up to 30% off... Look away. ...all mattress orders.

Or write at me Yeah, two free pillows for our listeners go to helix sleep comm slash riddle. That's helix sleep comm slash riddle This is their best offer yet and it won't last long with helix better sleep starts now Oh, man, our mattresses are now getting in on the kiss we're just kind of like sitting on the floor and damn Aaron's kind of having a quadruple kiss moment with her and three mattresses this is gonna be on the internet forever you guys it's just like high school all over again fan art please oh goodness this episode is sponsored by better help yeah gpc Aaron Aaron you look glum as a plum what's going on? I know that like Comparison is a thief of joy and it's easy to envy other people's lives

But like I just found out I didn't make any of the Olympic teams And I'm just really really surprised feeling really down feeling really blue and I just wish I could like talk to someone about it Oh Erin, you should try betterHelp. Have you tried that? Oh right, BetterHelp. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Yeah Erin, it's online therapy that is perfect for someone like you who didn't make any of the Olympic teams and were you trying Erin to make some of the Olympic teams? I like to think so. Yeah.

And Erin, I've actually benefited greatly from BetterHelp. I have this thing where I made six different categories for the Olympics and it's just really stressful to be like, ah, I'm favored in all six categories. So I've had a really hard time. I've used BetterHelp. It's really helped me work through these issues and the stresses and the, and the sort of pressure put on me by America. Right.

All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with the licensed therapist and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional costs. Like after I did a cartwheel to impress a child and hurt everything, I thought I'm going to get the call, right? They're going to call me. And they didn't. And I love online therapy, it helps so much, you don't have to wait in the car. So this is gonna work out great. Yeah, and Erin, I would say, look,

stop comparing and start focusing, okay? With better help. You don't need to compare yourself to what Adel's doing with his six different categories, that he's got a good shot of gold or silver, I mean, as a backup in most of the six. Is it swimming, Is it diving? Shark kissing.

Oh man, I want a shark kissing. Little Debbie eating. All you have to do is visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle. And Erin, you could take the gold medal in frowning any day. Aww. Aww. Aww. Hey, Riddle, Riddle.

And we're back and I do, I wanna do something because Riddle Podcast should not just be. I wanna do something too. Paul, I'm so glad you said that. Pray our hands. Oh no. I want to introduce what you're going to do. And now here's Addle with the thing he wants to do. I'm one down with a go.

How have we done the show for so long without something like this? This is perfect. This rules. Feel free to use that as a drop. All right, Casey of the Future clip that. We will leave that as a clip. PFT throwing to me like I'm a local weatherman.

Yeah, and Casey of the future, I look forward to watching your Disney show. Paul, would you be shocked if we used that drop for the next 500 episodes that we did? I'm as shocked as the weather. Good. Pleasantly surprised. Pissed, disappointed.

We'll send you residuals, three cents. Residuals. Paul, I wanna try something. That's better than Spotify. We'll send you residuals, three cents. Residuals. That's better than Spotify. We'll see how this goes. I want this to also be confronting our fears. Now Paul, your fear of doing an escape room is that you will be observed. I will be, yes, I will be the weak link

because I will panic. Okay. And turn into a panic room. Wow. Jane Fonda, I wanna say. Absolutely not Jodie Foster. Yeah, you're right, Jane Fonda is absolutely not Jodie Foster. How about we mimic an environment

where Paul's doing his first escape room and we make his worst fears come true, therefore letting him know it's not that bad. Like immersion therapy. Immersion therapy. I should be afraid. Yeah. Interesting. Paul, does that sound funny?

Absolutely. Immersion therapy, it sounds fun. You had me at worst fear. And now, and now Adel's lack of sleep really starts coming back to her. He was so high on that horse for so long. What can we do, what's something fun to bring up the energy? Let's do therapy.

Next up, Janet, you hate earwigs. Let's see what happens when we drop one inside your orifice. Don't put it in your ear. Paul managed being kidnapped. Let's talk about that some more. Let's talk about that some more. Ah!

Do we want to do more riddles? Aaron, we would love to do more riddles. All right, these are from Kit. Do we want to do more riddles? Do we want to do more riddles? Love you and Rhonda. And Sylvia Drescher. These are from Kit.

They're some of Kit's favorite riddles. What's up Kit? I can be sliced and remain a whole. I can be driven, yet I have no wheels. What am I? I can be sliced. Something that can be both sliced and driven. Pizza.

Pizza's a great answer though, Janet. Thank you. I can be sliced, but still whole. And what was the second part be sliced but still whole. And what was the second part? And remain a whole. I can be driven yet have no wheels. Is this a donut?

No, I can be, I would say I can be driven but have no wheels is probably the helpful part of this. Is this like a driven as in like a work ethic? The snow? Yeah, like ambition. It still makes you feel empty inside. Like you can be a whole. That sounds like a, that sounds Paul Thor to me.

Orgaholic. And now here's Addle with what he thinks. Janet, we have to do therapy. No, but you're right that it's not driving. Okay. Golf ball, no. Golf ball? Yes.

Can be a slice, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hey. Okay. I don't play golf. Wow. I don't either. Addle outs himself as a golf fanatic. golf. Wow. I don't either. Battle out himself as a golf. Golf balls is.

Genetic. I like. It has golf balls in its pocket. No, exactly. I can't stand for eggs. That's Gandalf, right? From The Smothering? That's Gandalf?

That's Gandalf, yes. Yeah, yeah, of course. Uh-huh. I have two heads yet one body. The longer I stand still, the faster I run. What am I? A double-headed shower, you know, get to the shower head

that has like the rain and the nozzle. It runs, the water runs through it and it has two heads. Hey, money bags. Available from Kohler. The longer it runs, the more it stands still. Available from Kohler. That's the opposite of two.

Time is, that's not, you're kind of, on the right track here. Two heads. Janet's got her chest clock over here that she keeps tapping every time she does this. I have two heads. Time. Two heads. Mm-hmm. Janet's got one body. And I never chest clock over here that she keeps tapping every time she does this. The longer I stand still, the faster I run. Is this pre-fontaine before the surgery?

No. Oh, because there were two pre-fontaines. But you were on the right track with time. And pre-fontaine can still be pregnant. And yet I felt so wrong. No, you're not wrong. The longer I stand still, the wetter I get? No, ew.

The wetter! Janet said shower, that's all I could think of. I know, I'm so sorry. The longer I stand still, the wetter I get. We know two heads The wetter! Janet said shower, that's all I could think of. I know, I'm so sorry. The longer I stand, so I fall. We know two heads are better than one. I have two heads, I, see, I kind of have some issues with this riddle. Ooh.

Kit? Any thoughts and comments? Maybe we can take it to Riddle Court if. Okay. Because- Why are we letting a talking car send riddles in? Yeah. We'll let anyone.

I assume it's a baby raccoon. Shouldn't these riddles at least be from the guy who drives the car? Did Knight Rider have a name or was Knight Rider the car? Michael, Michael Knight. Michael Knight. Michael, help. The most helpful part of this is the fact that Janet

was closest with time. The more... Hourglass head. Yes. Yes. Oh, shit. Do we call those heads? Yeah, that's why I'm annoyed.

I've never heard that. Should we go to Riddle Court? Everybody turn over that head of the hour's why I'm annoyed. I've never heard that. Should we go to Riddle Court? Everybody turn over that head of the hourglass to the other head. I've never heard anyone say that. What we call heads in this world is a mystery to me because we also call lettuce as heads. Right, save it for Riddle Court.

Okay. All rise for Riddle Court. All right, here's Judge JPC to preside over it. Be seated, everyone, please. All rise, all rise, all rise. Be seated. All rise, all rise, all rise. Be seated everyone, please be seated. All rise, all rise, all rise. Adel, you will be the defense today.

Oh no. Paul, you are the prosecution. As the tradition, bailiff aside's duty is at the beginning of written court. Yes, Janet, you are the jury. And I'm typing it all down. Alright. As the defense from the jurors, could we just get like a healthy like defense? Could we just get like some energy in the court? Missed trial. I object. Yeah

Disdained all right judge He gets one he gets the first one to get me warmed up. That's nice. Yeah, he's in training, right? Yes, watch yourself counselors now the riddle on trial today is a Riddle which basically comes down to do we call hour glasses the top part of an hourglass or the bottom part the head of the hourglass. You are the defense so I'll let you give your opening statement. Your honor takes out a handkerchief, mops brow and the suspenders.

And we all know that in my court. Pants fall down. Pants fall down. That's what suspants fall down, picks them up, pulls tall glass of lemonade, opens up a shift robe, picks out other shirt. Your Honor, you yourself just demonstrated why it's so important that we call both sides of an hourglass a head. You didn't know what to call it. You yourself said the thing, the what?

And I'm not supposed to do that. I'm supposed to be impartial of shit. Oh, don't tell anybody. Your Honor, you do that. I'm supposed to be a partial shit. Don't tell anybody. Your Honor, you fucked up. Sustained on that one as well. Thank you. Yeah, sustained.

But that's why we need to call it the head is because it's doing a headstand, but then the top is also the head, right? Because they're identical. Mr. Prosecution, would you like to state your case? Yes, I would, Your Honor. This simple country lawyer would have you believe that the only thing to call the two bases

of the hourglass is heads when they are bases. You put it on its base, then you flip it over, put it on the other base, and then the sand runs through. Jury members look at each other and nod vigorously and high five each other. Janet doing that to a mirror. Your Honor is hearing cooked rice with butter every day, simple.

If so, lock me up. I guess I am a simple lawyer. Uh, let's keep this trout. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, Honor, I think I'm being taken away. Sustained. Oh, he got two. OK, well, I guess that's sustained.

So I guess the prosecution wins by default, because the bailiff is now. What are we doing here? This is like our actual legal system here in the United States. Hand raise. I thought of something. OK, hold on.

OK, well, I'll allow it. Your Honor, I hand raise as well. Overruled. They both hand raise. Your Honor, when you raise as well. It's, uh, overruled. They both hand raise. Your Honor, when you... Rashomon, please. Uh, you're standing right now, because you're infuriated.

When you put, um, buttered rice in your mouth, where does it go? First of all, I've never accepted a bribe in the history of my career, and I'm not about to now. Just try it. It's so good. I'll try one bite. Holy smoke.

Yeah, there's some ripped up nori in there. What kind of butter is this? Oh, it's a compound butter. Oh. Meaning? Koresh or carities. Two words. Thank you.

You're on it. Thank you. Well, we never got to the bottom of it. Yeah, we never will. And we never will. And we never will. My tell-all book will be coming out. And I'll be explaining I did nothing.

That's what jurors do. I would love to read a tell-all book and it's like, yeah, I mean, I guess I was just there. Tales of a background actor. There were no witnesses. There was no evidence. I think we might've done this last one from Kit before, but I don't, well, Paul's never been here,

so you've never done it. So I'm gonna read it again. I have two coins worth 30 cents and one of them isn't a nickel. How is that possible? Mm-hmm, yeah. Two coins worth 30 cents. One is a quarter and the them isn't a nickel. How is that possible? Mm-hmm. Yeah One is a quarter and the other one's a nickel but the quarter's not a nickel so there can still be a nickel But just one of them is not a yeah one coin is not a nickel

That's true. Other coin is the other coin is a nickel. Yeah. Well, I'm glad I got to see that Totally worth doing twice. When you write your tell-all book, you'll be able to tell that that's something you saw. Mine's going to be a tell-some. Yeah, keep some of those secrets to yourself. Comparable to seeing Otani bats? We have some repeat, what time is it? We're good.

We got time. We got some repeat riddles from Kyle McCowen. Now when Kyle sends them in, does Kyle say, I loved these so much the first time around, I would love for you guys to revisit them, or you just know they're repeats because you remember doing them? What, Kyle calls the shots here?

Yeah, Kyle's kind of our boss. Oh my God. Oh, it's that Kyle? Sorry, sir. Yeah, I was gonna say, I need to start sucking up to Kyle. He was on the JoCo cruise, and then I said forward the riddles that you submitted in like 2020 or whatever.

And so we did that. Are they called riddles? Well, these, riddles, these are actually called, this is what he says, last time I submitted riddles in this format, you dubbed them rindles. Oh. I was just about to bring up rindles

because I couldn't remember, I couldn't remember if that episode came out, I made fun of you a lot for saying Rendles and then we never got to the bottom of if you actually said Rendles or not or if I misheard it. But I also just mispronounced Riddle again now. That must have been subconscious because you knew you were about to say Rendles. Yeah, something's happening in my brain for sure. All those red ants are unionizing. I put myself into the Rindgeler perspective

before we get started. I've been living in the Riddgeler zone. On the Pacific Rindgeler. On the Pacific Riddgeler. Riddgeler seems a million years ago. That's probably a good sign. We'll go ahead and just do a 50 minute. Were we ever so young?

Riddgeler. 50 minute check in and Paul, you're having a good time. This is good, this is fun. Paul is laying down. Just let the last 10 minutes pass. So I'm back with movie rendels this time. I gave you a description of a movie with a twist, and you came up with the title of the movie

with one letter added. The letter can be at the beginning, middle, or end of the word. Oh yeah, I remember this. Okay. Ben Affleck is a comic book artist who falls for Joey Lauren Adams only to learn that she's in the military and their love can never be. Get army? Chasing army. Chasing army. Chasing army.

I was thinking of get shorty and I combined get shorty and chasing army. Yes. Get army. Chasing Army. Chasing Army. I was thinking of Get Shorty, and I combine Get Shorty and Chasing Army. Get Army. Yeah, Get Army. Get Shorty. Harrison Ford has to stop Nazis from finding a biblically important bird. Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lark? Yes, Raiders of the Lost Lark.

I know, Adam's also very good at these. He's so fast. Joe Pesci, not typecast at all, is a wise guy tasked with transporting eight human heads across the country. Things get complicated when the heads start to get amorous with each other. Eight heads in a muffle bag? Eight heads in a...

What? This is a movie that you know? It is eight heads in a duffle bag. Eight heads in a duffle brag? Eight heads in a duffle... They're getting... they're doing something in that bag. The muffle... the duffle would be the... They're getting they're doing something in that bag The muffled duffel they're getting amorous shag

No You add a letter you only add playing the game right you're not so duffel duffel is the word we're looking to no No, not that's an eight. No cuz that's Mm-hmm. Oh, okay, and now I just have to think of a sex word where you add one letter to bag. Shag. Yes. Eight heads and a duffel, shag, bag.

Blag. Blag. Is blagging? That's a thing, right? You guys totally blagged last night, didn't you? Did you and Jess get blagged last night? Holy shit, get green, bro. Me in seventh grade.

Who blagged last night, Evita? Right, am I right, boys? Yeah. Am I getting it right? Please tell me. We all did a big blag, correct? Hold on, Adel's actually thinking about this. Eight heads and a duffel bang?

Yep. Oh! Wow. I knew it. Sometimes it could go on the inside. Oh yeah. What year of Joe Pesci is this? I have no memory of this movie.

This is probably 90, this is post casino, I think. I don't, I mean, I've never seen this movie, but I feel like- Can you give me like a scene from that movie? Ew. No. No, no, I think. I don't know. I've never seen this movie, but I feel like. Can you give me a scene from that movie? Ew. No. No, I regret it. No.

I regret it, nevermind. Is David Spade in that movie? No, but he's in the one with, oh, maybe he is. There's one with Daniel Stern, where it's like a bachelor party, and they accidentally kill a stripper. This feels like it's all Quentin Tarantino at his height era. It's post, absolutely. Everything they accidentally kill like a stripper

Everything is like these wacky gangsters Blah blah blah. Yeah, you know things to do in Denver when you're dead and like Guy Ritchie Seven psychopaths and yeah, wait what that movie came out like the his but he's making fun of that era I think yes. Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha Todd like him But he's making fun of that era, I think. Yes, yeah, yeah. Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Todd? I like him. You like Martin McDonner? I do. Pillow Man?

Pillow Man himself. I do, except for three billboards. Oh. Well, you know what? I didn't, I couldn't get through it. You didn't mess with him. I started watching it and I was like, mm, I don't think so. I guess I should be wearing headphones

because I heard Paul say I had to accept for three billboards and I thought you accepted another word. It won an award. They made me, how did I get in this situation? I would like to see a quick seat. Paul, you're at the Oscars, three billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri. I just won an Oscar in this world. They asked you to accept the award on Martin McDonough's behalf. Hi,, I guess this isn't the restroom. I guess I want to thank the Academy on behalf of this movie and all, everybody's agent. Just great.

Oh thank God. Goodbye. Francis McDormand is vigorously pointing. Tom Hanks and Shelly Long buy a house that seems to be a steal only to discover it's literally falling apart and absolutely crawling with primates. The money. Monkey trap.

The monkey pit. The monkey pit. Monkey. Monkey pit. I'm pausing this fun. Monkey pit. Monkey pit. We always joke around the 50 minute mark of our show is when our guests' brains break.

And you're right on time. Usually you guys have cold compresses nearby. Aw. Yeah. Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn play Basil and Parsley, two frenemies fighting for the affections of Bruce Willis. Death becomes herb? Beep. Yes, I didn't even have to finish it. I'm, I, you said Basil.

Both gain access. Yeah, both gain access to a potion that seems to reverse aging, but at the expense of making her clinically, uh, decreased for small. Why is it still going on? It's still happening. You is it still going on? It's still happening.

You get it. The podcast or the... Yeah. Death becomes herb. Life. Death becomes herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herb. Herbend off the wet bandit? Home monkey. Home monkey. Is it home Stallone?

No. It's, um. I gotta defend from the wet bandit. Think of cartoon. No. The baldest and stupidest? Yeah. Callou?

Famous father. Bald, stupid, fun. Homer alone. Yeah, Homer alone. He has a couple of strands of hair. Yeah, he's Charlie Browning it. Yeah. B alone. He has a couple of strands of hair. Yeah, he's Charlie Browning it. I would call him bald, yeah.

Burt Reynolds, Roger Moore, Jackie Chan, and others race across the country to win, and ancient stones engraved with mythical glyphs. The Cannonball Ruin. Yes. Ruin, amazing. What did you say? I said ruin.

I put an I, but the E. That's a good one too. The E is, yeah. Al Pacino tries to rob a bank and things quickly go wrong while chanting Attica, Attica. He realizes his fly was open and he's been swinging pipe the whole time. Dog day after...

Dong. Dong day after. Dong day after. Doggy pit! I'd like to just give one more moment to dong day afternoon. Dong day afternoon. Dong day afternoon to you ladies. I'd like to just give one more moment to Dong Day Afternoon. Dong Day Afternoon to you ladies. Any Dong Day Afternoon to you as well.

Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy are Detroit detectives who travel to an upscale suburb of Los Angeles to solve their friend's murder. While there, they befriend Judge Reinhold and Judge Reinhold. Beverly Hills. Coppleganger.. Okay. Beverly Hills... Coppleganger. Clone cop. Beverly Hills Clumps. You were...

Beverly Hills Clumps! If Eddie Murphy had seen the script... I will accept that answer! If he had seen the script, he would have made the movie. Hercules, Hercules. Beverly Hills Clumps. What if he had done that movie

and then he just started redoing his old movies before. I wish in the new, in Actual F, there had been just one clump. Just sprinkle one clump in the background. A clumpster egg? Yes, ideally the one that kind of lifts its butt and then farts. Now this is more, maybe more philosophical,

but can you have but one clump? Because a clump implies like one. It's never been attempted before. But doctor, can it be done? If a man's reach does not exceed his grasp, probably better than the common ape. Monkey pit. Monkey pit!

We're nothing but a monkey pit. Richard Pryor is a blind man. Gene Wilder. Wait, did we get the answer? Oh yeah, I forgot to give you the answer. We might still get it. I got bored. Beverly Hills Cop.

Yeah, but it's the word cop. Oh my god. No, it's not. There's two of each. Sharon, Paula's our guest. Beverly Beverly Hills Hills Cop Cop? It's our guest. Can it just be you? Yes. Beverly, Beverly Hills Hills Cop Cop? It's Beverly Hills. That would drive you insane.

Beverly Hills Cope. Beverly Hills Cope. Sometimes when you find out you have a clone, it's just difficult and you have to get through it together. If you are also me, I could accuse you of me. Copying. Beverly Hills Coppy. Yep. Beverly Hills Coppy. Richard Pryor Hills copy. Yep. Beverly Hills copy. Richard Pryor is a blind man.

Gene Wilder can't stop removing the wool from sheep. They witness a murder and have to solve it to clear their names. I forget the name of this movie. Hear no evil, see no evil. Thank you. Easel? I don't wanna see no weasel.

I do wanna see no weasel. Holly Shore is. Hear no weasel, see no weasel. I'd be okay with that. I don't need to hear a seed of weasel. Because I can't stop thinking about Beverly Beverly Hills copy we're going to do. At all and Janet you are you work at a place called... Beverly Hills copy is like a Robb Schneider thing.

Don't do it don't do it I mean I'm not doing it you're the... scene at Beverly Hills copy and the rest of us may play... customers at some point but no one gets that it is a pun on... Beverly Hills cop and you kind of have to like you know... you know you're not going to be able to do it. Beverly Hills copy and the rest of us may play customers... at some point but no one gets that it is a pun on... Beverly Hills cop and you kind of have to like you have... to make sure holes eyes are laser-focused on the clock. Hi I'm here to pick up some flyers hi welcome to Beverly Hills copy.

Thank you so are there any questions for the... audience that you have for the audience that you have... for the audience that you have for the audience that you... have for the audience that you have for the audience that... Hi, I'm here to pick up some flyers. Hi. Welcome to Beverly Hills Copy. Thank you. So do you need my name or the order number? We would love any and all information. Okay.

The name and the last name is Jackson. I heard Axel It's Jackson Axel Axel Hey, excuse me. I was I was just in here picking up my copies, which by the way took for fucking ever um Someone I don't know if you do you guys have like cameras in your parking lot because someone stuffed the tailpipe of my car full of bananas And I think I think there's something now seriously wrong with my car for the banana Are you oh wait what talk to our friend sir What a gift bump set I'm sorry

What are you the manager here do the impression ofzing Pinchot as Serge. Who is that? It's the most famous thing in the world. Somebody put a bunch of bananas in the tailpipe of my, I'm sorry, sorry, I'm butting in here, but my car is seriously fucked up. Are you the manager? They just said your name was Serge? Erin, talk like you have caramel in every part of your mouth. Um, not just the regular parts.

Is this a monkey pit thing? Yes. And other parts were exposed to me. Are just the regular parts. Is this a monkey pit thing? Yes. And not the parts where it's supposed to be. Are you the manager? I need help. Please. Do something. Offer him an espresso with a twist of lime or limemum.

I've not seen this movie. My order number is 132. I've seen it. Oh. What the fuck? What are we talking about? This was Bronson Pinchot's first big thing. Okay.

He had a cameo in, well, not a cameo, nobody knew who he was. He had a very small part in the original Beverly Hills Cop where he made up his own accent and he was the maître d' at a restaurant. God, I love that. And he improvised opposite Eddie Murphy. They let him improvise and he broke Eddie Murphy and so Eddie Murphy was like, more, give him more time.

Yeah. Oh, cool. And then he was on Perfect Strangers. And then he got on Perfect Strangers. They're like, how do we make a sitcom out of this guy doing a voice? Yeah, they had him literally do almost the exact same voices. Hollywood just used to fucking make sense. You know what I mean? Yeah, and now it's all changed.

Succession. And I won't elaborate on it. Oh! Kendall Roy doesn't do the dance of joy. Richard Pryor's a blind man. Gene Wilder can't stop removing the wool from sheep. They witness a murder. Oh, sheer no evil.

Yeah, see no evil, sheer no evil. Sheer no evil. And we'll end on that. Thank you so much, Kyle, for submitting. Thank you, Kyle. Thank you, Kyle. Thank you, Kyle. Your wish is my command.

And thank you, Daisy. Yes. Thank you to all the names I remember. Paul, anything to plug? Any projects you wanna promote? Yeah, man. I do a variety show called Varietopia. It's every other month at Lodge Room in Los Angeles,

but we also live stream them, so you can see them from anywhere, really, and go to paulfthomkins.com slash live for tickets. Wonderful. Janet, anything to plug? Uh-oh, Janet. It's freezing, Janet's freezing. Oh, God.

I don't know, listen, you can listen to my podcast, the JV Club, you can listen to the Avatar podcast, Brave in the Elements. Bye. At all? Anything to plug? Yes. Go watch the original Beverly Hills Cop.

Bronson Pinchot, fantastic. A Young Damon Waynes is fantastic. It holds up pretty well, that movie. Hector Elizondo, I believe. We watched it not too long ago. George Reinhold. Have people seen the new one? I was gonna ask, and I have not watched it yet.

The new one is okay, but the first one is extraordinary. There's some fun stuff in the new one. There's one very funny. In the car? Chase. Oh, in Chase, okay. With that little meter made car. Oh, I've just thought of something I wanna plug.

I wanna plug Bronson Pinchot as an audiobook narrator. Now I love listening to audiobooks and he's really got quite a career going as an audio book narrator and he does a terrific job. Is that true? This sounds sarcastic but it's 100% sincere. Harry Potter lived in a cupboard beneath the stars. Wait, what does he do?

He's just a great narrator. Yeah, he's just, if you look, you can look him up. You can search him by, oh interesting. And then there'll be a whole list of, he does a great job. I've never thought to do that. Does he do a variety of genres? That's fascinating to me.

I think he might. To be just like, I'll just, I'll read a George R. That's amazing. I've never thought to do that. Does he do a variety of genres? That's fascinating to me. I think he might. To be just like, I'll just, I'll read a George R. R. Martin book. Yeah. I mean, he probably does. The best book. That would be so funny. Michael Rappaport.

Michael Rappaport doing the Bible. So aggressive. That might be the only way I'd listen to it. That's awesome. The Bible's also so long that I could easily see Michael Rappaport getting cored. COVID thy neighbor's wife? Are you fucking serious? You're gonnavet thy neighbor's wife? Are you fucking serious?

You're gonna covet the neighbor's wife? Insane. JBC, anything to plug? I think you can come and see us on tour in the East, Northeast this fall. You can find those tickets at heyridderiddle.com slash live. We're going to New York and DC and Boston. Nice. Erin, do you have anything to plug? I would just say check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash Hay Riddle Riddle.

Lots of fun over there. Janet's on a lot of those episodes. Having a lot of fun. They like to put me behind a paywall. We do. Because you mean a lot to us. We think you have a lot of value. And Paul's gonna be showing up in a lot of those

when he throws it to me for. Yes. It's true. Mini segments with Paul. I just wanna promote my drops on Hay Riddle Riddle. We'll add one right here. for many segments with Paul. I just wanna promote my drops. We'll add one right here. And then you can say whatever you wanna say. Yeah, we don't have to say it

because we're adding Paul dropping in, introducing your segment, which is you plugging anything that you wanna plug. And now here's Addle with the thing he wants to do. Okay, so I already plugged my thing, but I do wanna call out, have we ever seen John Malkovich from Rounders and Bronson Pinchot from Beverly Hills Cop in the same place at the same time?

And Erin, that might sound a little something like. Jupiter. Goodbye. We did it. I 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 53, 54, 54, 55, 55, 55, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, 56, Is that a little moonshine? Hahahaha! Allah! Just to take the edge off. log on to Patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or start your 7 day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, and you get those ad free episodes. See you there!