Hey Riddle Riddle - #327: Three Former Boys

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

Congratulations Paul and Ryan on 10 years of marriage & thank you to John for sending in the band name synonym riddles! All that plus two aging rockers trying their best, an improviser with a frog in his throat, a classic character doing a classic bit, and a brief encounter with one who served.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. With Audible, there's more to imagine when you listen. Whether you listen to stories, motivation, expert advice, any genre you love, you can be inspired to imagine new worlds, new possibilities, new ways of thinking. And Audible makes it easy to be inspired and entertained as a part of your everyday routine, without needing to set aside extra time. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their ever-growing catalog. Explore themes of friendship, loss, and hope with Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby

Van Pelt. Find what piques your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Guys, come in, come in, come in. I'm excited. Okay. I thought, um, we've been doing the podcast for so long, and it's been the three of us, and obviously,

How long is it? How is it, how long is it? Yeah, it's not one of those. Okay. Fuck! Couple years. No, it's totally fine, it's totally fine. You know, we have guests on, and you know,

Oh, who do we have? Oh, well, no, we don't have a person, but here's the thing. I gotta stop it. I'm up it? Close, Erin, you're close. I thought to get us an official Hey Riddle Riddle pet. Open the box, open the box, open the box, open the box. Okay, this box doesn't have air holes.

Open the box. Open the box. You're holding the box. What's in the box? What's in the box? I forgot the combination to this. Let's see here. Let me just try and... Let me just try and... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Well, I was at this- It's more like a safe than a box. I was at this market last night, and there was this booth that appeared out of nowhere

with a single box with a pet in it. And after I bought it, I turned around and the booth disappeared with the full moon. Sometimes they do that though, when they're like, if they're done selling for the day, like if they're selling like honey or something and they've sold their last jar, they'll just disappear with the full moon.

Ran into the guy in the parking lot, he said he was just close it up. I don't trust this, better safe than sorry. Let's throw the box into the guy, ran into the guy in the parking lot. He said he was just close it up. I don't trust this. Better safe than sorry. Let's throw the box into the ocean. Hiya! Aaron, you should be playing major league baseball. Thank you!

Look, Aaron got it into the ocean. Let's not be crass. She did get it into the ocean, but she's way closer to the ocean than I am. I mean, I gave it my best case. He ended it out obviously, cause I didn't make it to. I mean, I gave it my best. Casey edited it out, obviously, because it didn't make it to the ocean, but I gave it my best shot. Can you put that clip back in right here,

Casey and JPC trying to get into the ocean? Heh! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh? Yeah, that was way worse than I remember it. Fuck. Whoa, the box just came back through the ceiling. That sucks. Uh, oh, and it's open. There's a little card that says it's a... Jupiter-toed.

That sucks. That sucks. That sucks. How much did you purchase? 250 bucks. 250! Oh, wow! Wee-zay. Well, I used the Hayward Riddle.

Oh, don't tell me that. Don't tell me that. 250, 250. We're ruined. And this thing's dead. Well, it's moving. I think because it's from space, it doesn't breathe oxygen maybe. Oh yeah, it probably breathes.

Lithium or? Lithium. Some sort of. We don't have a ton of lithium in this environment. Oh yeah, it probably breathes. Lithium or? Lithium. Some sort of. We don't have a ton of lithium in this environment. I could play some Nirvana. All my batteries are drained. I don't know if that's normal. Um.

What does it do, Adel? What does the Jupitode do? Yeah, what does it do? Oh, let me see the back of the card. Does it know any tricks? The Jupitode is a loyal pet. It will, one, speak on command. Two, dance on command.

Three, command on command. Now I'm curious about that last one. Oh, and there's also three rules. Oh, okay. Hit us with those. Don't tell it riddles. Ew. Don't make it solve puzzles.

Ew. Never get it lateral thinking problems. Wordings a little weird on that one. Yeah, could have used more. I think the spirit of it we kind of understand. At all, I gotta say, for our purposes, this is maybe the wrong pet for our podcast. I should have just got like a duck or something. Did he have a duck? Yeah, was there a duck available? There's just a gaggle of ducks, so I should have just picked one of them. You know who we should try to buy is the Aflac Duck. That would be truly powerful.

Is he up for sale? I don't know, I'm just saying, like, what if we were his managers? No, his contract runs out in 2025, so he still has a little longer with with afleck but then when it's up he's a free agent afleck duck is about to become the hey riddle riddle duck looks like we got a new mascot boys Aaron it's not a lot because I've also heard that Elmer fun is very interested in the afleck duck so it's when it's open season the duck it's both for contract negotiations and for hunters as well. So, yeah. Okay, okay. But hear me out. If we can't get the Affleck duck, can we at least try to get the, can you hear me now guy?

He went from Verizon to Sprint and then he can come to us or maybe, I don't know what he did first or where he's from, but. I do know that I haven't seen him in a while. So he probably also is an open market, open agent as well. Can you hear me now? Hey, riddle riddle guy. Can you hear me now, Hey Riddle Riddle guy? You guys. Can you solve me now? Is there still cameo?

That guy has to have a cameo, right? Are you allowed to have a cameo if you're a guy who does ads for a company? And this is Hey Riddle Riddle, this is a podcast about riddles. Occasionally we do improv. There's the guy, there's a woman on the podcast as well, and I'm Mayan.

So that's everything you need to know. And Jupiter. And Jupiter is now here. He's not breathing because he's drank all the lithium, but he's still alive. He's still alive. We understand that to be true. Erin, did you, do you want to name him?

I'm gonna name him Paul, which is the name of the actor who played the can you hear me now guy? Yeah, Paul sounds right. I feel like I've known that before I feel like I knew that in my bones He's been married to his partner Ryan for a decade. I'm so happy for them. Everyone go and wish him a happy anniversary Well, happy anniversary Paul and Ryan in this episode of hey, we're to riddle looking at my notes 327 is dedicated to you. To the happy couple, and I raise a glass. Okay, you guys, we're gonna go on Cameo,

and we're gonna give our listeners three options of people who can do a ad for Hey Riddle Riddle. And then we will get a Cameo from that person. I'm gonna read you some categories so we can narrow it down. There's actors, reality TV stars, athletes, comedians, musicians, and fantasy football. So I think that's just football people,

which is athletes, I don't know why they have their own category. That's so funny to get a guy who plays fantasy football really well to read you a cameo. Hey, it's me, Teddy from Santa Fe. I'm in my draft, I'm in the second round. Just wanna say keep it up, buddy. I don't know, I like comedians.

I feel like maybe that's gonna, cause we're a comedy podcast, so I feel like maybe having a comedian do a cameo for us is gonna get us like more mileage, Aaron. I like that, but also I don't wanna Nick's reality stars just yet. Okay, I mean, we could get John Lovitz, we could get Joel McHale.

Wait, John Lovitz, like the critic? No, the comedian. Jealous? Well, yeah, the comedian who did the show, the critic. Joel McHale, could we get Joel McHale to do a John Lovett's impression? We could ask, we could certainly ask. I have a friend who has worked with Joel McHale before

and they say that he is very much not like the characters that he plays, he's like a very super nice down to earth dad. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah. That's nice to know. So not him, that'll give us nothing. We can't have Joel McHale.

I feel like some of these comedians are more like our, like, I want them to feel more like peers. So I think we got to go a little further afield. Although we could get Richard Kind to do it. Oh, my god. OK, that is my, we each get to pitch one person. Richard Kind is my pitch. Richard Kind is a great cameo choice. I, this is neither here nor there,

but I recently watched, did you hear about the Ben Affleck, no not Ben Affleck, Jesus Christ, I've got the Affleck duck on the mind. The Brad Pitt, George Clooney movie that just came out. Wolves. But it's wolves? Wolves. Yeah, it's just wolves. But it was like, I don't know,

it was supposed to be like an in theaters movie. Have you guys seen it yet? No. No, I've heard reviews and it's just wolfs. But it was like, I don't know, it was supposed to be like an in theaters movie. Have you guys seen it yet? No. No, I've heard reviews and it's supposedly pretty bad. It's not bad. I don't think it's bad, but it's like, it's, I feel like no offense to either of those men because they do a great job of acting

in the one role that they play, which is Brad Pitt and George Clooney, and they've been playing that role for 20 years. But I feel like this was a movie that was for them like 10 years ago. Yeah. And then no one's just addressing the fact that these are like old men. But these are obviously old men doing this thing. No one's no one's talking about that.

Brad Pitt calls George Clooney old a couple of times in the movie. And you're like, aren't you guys the same age? I love to see two of the world's most handsome men sharpening their blades of wit against one another. What a treat. But all that to say, there is a Richard Kind cameo in that movie that is pretty inexplicable. And I don't think they really use Richard Kind very well, but I was so happy to see him.

I was like, wow, Richard Kind just showing up in this. OK, I'm bumping Richard Kind. You two can continue to like you can pick Richard Kind. I'm going to pick the guy who played the dad in Twilight. Oh, Peter Faccinelli. Yes. Faccinelli. He's from She's All That, 10 Things I Hate About You, one of those movies.

Yeah, I'm picking him. He's from one of those late 90s, Rachael Leacook party movies. Who did he play in them? He played like the high school jock who like oh okay yells and then gets wow the high school jock became the dad in Twilight Wow yeah that's how aging works that's how growing up works you know how much you guys should a cameo from Peter fetch you know the hundred and fifty dollars okay well we're not doing that instead we're gonna

do riddles. No, what? That's too much, so yeah, now we're doing riddles. You guys have to pick your two people. Lord Almighty. Okay, here we go. This is your first riddle. Hey, something that some people might not still know,

even though it's in the episode description, is you can send us riddles. You can send us riddles via the traditional mail. Go ahead and check the episode description for the exact address because I don't have it memorized. I shouldn't have to have it memorized. Is it on this thing that I'm reading? It's not, so I don't. Richard Karn. We should get Richard Karn. To do of Richard kind. When people send us stuff, occasionally we open it on our review

crew streams that we do. We do like a monthly stream for the review crew. And occasionally I'll open the mail. And I remembered that someone sent in some riddles. So we're gonna do some riddles today from, okay. And it doesn't, I really can't get the, oh, John from John. Wait, I have permission to use the name so I can say John. Cusey. I have permission to use the name. I could use it however I choose.

And I choose to say John Cusey. Great name, John Cusey. John Cusey says, Dear Old Man Puzzles, you will find an original puzzle that I have titled Rock and Synonym Roll. I have taken various band names and changed them to synonyms. I have also provided a clue in order to help you reach the answer hidden within the clues are song titles to give you an extra hint. So I can give you extra hints.

I'm a little hungry for a synonym roll. Yeah. The band name synonym is written out at the end of each clue, and so I have it for what that clue is. OK, so are you guys ready to try some of these? Yes. Rock and synonym roll riddles from John here we go this is a great title for like a kind of riddle so I feel excited and

energized yeah these are fun okay so this is an example and for the first one and the example is if I said the synonym jewel wedge. Pearl Jam Pearl Jam yes and the clue would be this flannel clad band from Seattle asked Jeremy to mind your manners when talking to their daughter. And to Jeremy, mind your manners and daughter are all Pearl Jam songs.

Love it. So your next one, Rotation Pebbles. Ooh, Rotation Pebbles would be Rolling Stones. Rolling Stones. It'd be the Rolling Stones. The Rolling Stones. Oh, of course. Oh, of course. Oh, of course.

And I actually have a Rotation Pebbles where it's fruity in the summer and then cocoa in the fall and winter. Yeah, that makes sense. That's the right order for that. I'd actually like to see... No cereal in the spring. I'd like to see a scene.

You two are the rotating Pebbles. You're a Rolling Stone cover band and you're sort of trying to hype yourself up before a show. Oh, I have an idea for tonight. But if I could be the Mick Jagger one for one evening. Oh yeah, I was Mick Jagger last night, so I guess it's your turn. What are we having then?

White pepper on the playlist? What are we playing?? White pepper on the playlist? What are we playing? Some of the hits? So yeah, oh wait, oh my, I only actually wanted to play David Bowie songs tonight. Oh David Bowie, yeah. But I wanted to do them as Mick Jagger if that's a guy. Yeah you really got, I mean, yeah, just a little pro tip, you really got... I mean, um... Yeah, just a little pro tip.

You just gotta walk like a chicken. Wait, is that Bowie or is that Jagger? Oh, it's Jagger, isn't it? Yeah, but I'm doing Bowie tonight as Jagger. Okay, okay. Also, I don't know if you can see, but I... Did a little something with my lips to get me ready for tonight! Oh, looks like you, um, put the vacuum cleaner on it.

On your lips? Yep, first I vacuumed up a lot of bees, then I put the vacuum cleaner on reverse and shot a bunch of bees onto my lips. They didn't sting me because they were all dead from being in the vacuum cleaner and I got a ticket for destroying pollinators. Man rock and roll lifestyle is just awe. It's lifestyle. I mean it's just. Hey guys.

Oh Dan, Dan, Dan. Hey, hey, hey. Are we ready to go on? Are we ready to go on? You're getting bumped. No. Cocaine? No. Oh, here's Dan. Dan, Dan! Hey, hey, hey. Are we ready to go on? Are we ready to go on? You're getting bumped. No! Cocaine?

No, no. Bumps of cocaine? No, sorry. I thought it was like a dude you get in a den like, boys, you're getting bumped. You're getting bumped. And then you were gonna break out a bunch of cocaine, which we've still yet to try. White powder, how come you feel so good?

I'm so sorry. I let you know that it was a three strike system if you guys were to do anything else with our vacuum cleaner. So you gotta go. Whoa! You found the bees then? Yeah. This was sort of an epic strike three.

Okay, that's fair. That's fair. That's fair. Yes, fair. And you promised after strike two that you wouldn't touch the vacuum again. And we had a note written on the vacuum saying please don't touch it. Yeah, that's fair. It's honestly okay because we used it way more than three times. So it sounds like there's going to be a lot of disappointed kids at the Madison, Wisconsin 4-H Club

Fair. I don't know if they'll be disappointed, maybe more like relieved. You both are avoiding my eye contact. How weird did you guys get with the vacuum? Look at me. Look at me. Pretty weird.

Yeah, yeah, see. OK, your next one. Obsidian openers. Obsidian openers. Obsidian openers. Obsidian openers. Doors. Black. Something doors. Black. Black knobs. Black. I do have a... Black keys. It's the black keys.

Of course it's the black keys. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Okay. Loaf. Bread. Bread is a band. Bread is a band. Archers of loaf. Loaf. It is not bread. Lump. It's not lump. Loaf. I can give you... Poop. I can give you... You want the clue? I can give you a clue. Please. All these have clues. The members of this Sacramento band aren't known for wearing short skirts and long jackets, but are known for their sarcastic lyrics

and dead band vocals. Bing, gah diggah ding. Bididididding ding ding ding ding. Oh, Erin, I just thought of who I want for my cameo, Kathy and the Jimmy. Oh, I love that. Kathy and the Jimmy my cameo Kathy and Jimmy. Oh, I love that Kathy and Jimmy world in the Jimmy eat world JPC um I

How do I how do I ask for this I don't actually can I talk to you over here I need some advice on how to pitch a scene to JPM. Yeah, this is fine Actually, can we go to my office for this? Oh sure. Great. I'm in here. I'm in here What what how did you do that? Did you? Are you changing what happened? You were talking for longer your office then okay, what's that? If you're in my office, I'm gonna go into your office and use it for this meeting I don't need to have with that. Oh, please don't please don't go in there

I'm air being being my office out right now. To who? I don't know, it's just for anonymous sex and I'm not even getting paid for it, Aaron. Aaron, I think this is a never let me go situation where there's a bunch of other JPCs that are being cloned so that JPC can harvest their organs if he's ever on a fee. So how I make my money on it

is I charge a cleaning fee. The room is free and then I charge a cleaning fee and then. So how I make my money on it is I charge a cleaning fee. The room is free and then I charge a cleaning fee and then Aaron, where I make my money from it is I just don't clean it. They can feel love, these clones. That's the point of Never Let Me Go. Have you seen the movie? They can feel love, they're people.

I watched it on mute. I got the taste of it. Oh, you know, you can do whatever you want with these guys. They're not gonna get attachments or feelings or anything like that. Can we go to your office, please? You mean my tent? Oh, my God. With two bean bags?

Yeah. Let me just. God, it smells so bad in here. Why? I have a hibachi grill with peanut butter. I've been cooking up some peanut butter for the last couple of hours here. OK, OK, I'll just deal with the smell um yeah okay at all sorry what the fuck was this for oh yes I was trying to think of I wanted GPC to sing another cake song I didn't quite know how to pitch it I didn't know quite know what to ask for do you have any advice um, I think we have him sing a cake song,

but it has to do with loaves or bread or something, something like that. Oh, also Jupiter died, because we asked it a riddle, I think. Oh, God, okay. It heard the riddle. All right, well, fill out the paperwork for that. I mean,

you know, I just, I can't, it's a Monday. I'm feeling a little worn out already. Just fill out the death paperwork. Put it on Casey's desk, he'll sign, we'll sign. You got it. All right. Hey, JPC, can we talk to you? Yeah, Crimson Torrid Spice.

Your next one is Crimson Torrid Spice. Red Hot Chili Peppers. It's Red Hot Chili Peppers. Would you mind singing a cake song? Regent. Queen, do you mind singing a cake song? Regent. Queen, do you mind singing a cake song? My enzymatic courtship. Forget it.

My enzymatic, my Bloody Valentine. My. Mary. My Bloody Valentine, yeah no. Relationship. My chemical romance. My chemical romance. Hysteria in the vicinity of the dance hall.

Panic at the disco. Can I see you sing a cake song, JPC, and it's just about other bands that the guy from Cake wishes he was in? No, Dip Away Youngster. What happened? Did I lose my scene calling privileges? What did I do?

Did I get three strikes? You didn't even say scene there. You just said, could I hear you say a cake song? Can I see a scene where you're the guy from cake and you're singing a song about how you wish you were in other bands? No, Dip Away Youngster. What?

You guys, I haven't even done anything weird with the vacuum. You didn't even give me two other strikes. I cannot have my scene making abilities taken away like this. You can't clip my wings like this. I don't even see a seed. If you get this riddle right, you can do whatever you want for the rest of the podcast. Wow.

Dip away, youngster. Dip away, youngster. Okay, Erin. Something kid. The get up kids, I don't. Kid Rock, dip away. Dip away, youngster. What is?

Okay, so dip would be like. How would you dip something away? Salsa. The Salsa Boys. Aaron, it's gotta be the Salsa Boys. Unfortunately, Aaron, you didn't get it. Addle got it. It's the Salsa Boys.

No. No. He said it first. He said it first, Aaron. What am I gonna get some piquante? Do you want a clue? Yes. Okay.

This Chicago rock band wasn't on the Simpsons, but still say thanks for the memories. The smashing pump games. If that clue didn't make you want to dance dance, then I guess that you two aren't the champion that Uma Thurman thought you were. Yeah? Really?

The okay go? Pfft. Uma Thurman. thought you were. Really? The OK Go? Uma Thurman. KZ, do you know this one? Dip Away Youngster? Dip Away Youngster? This is a Chicago band. Oh, this is Plain White Tees.

Are they a Chicago band? They recorded that song in Chicago. That's a Chicago band, baby. Dave Matthews Band, Chicago. JBC, if I get this one right, can I do whatever I want for the rest of the episode? I'd love to see what that is, yeah, sure. Okay, Fallout Boy?

Yeah, Casey, you got it. The rest of the episode is yours, buddy. What do you wanna see? No, Casey, no, no, no, no, no, no. Everybody, let's just be cool for a second. We don't need to. Uh-oh. Okay, okay, okay.

I did this, whoops. Okay, I'm pulling the alarm. Huh, huh, okay. Are dip and fall synonyms? Um. Dip and fall? Yeah, like I took a dip, I took a fall. I think so.

Away, I don't know that away and out are necessarily synonyms either. I think the synonym is sometimes pretty loose in these. Okay. Paul Outboy. Yeah, I can't believe you didn't get thanks for the memories or dance dance, right? Champion and Uma Thurman I think are easier ones to not know our fallout boy. They have a song called Uma Thurman They do indeed have a song called Uma Thurman What about this one surge

Surge, power. Surge. Power, electricity. This one I think is pretty much a synonym. Zap. Aaron, what is the band Zap? You know, it's from the late 80s, it's Zap. It's Zap. They opened for the Salsa Boys. Yeah.

It's Zap, we're Zap. We're from the late 80s and we're Zap. Yeah. It was like Wham, but better. But better. If that makes sense. You know what? Wow, that sucks because Wham is listeners. They don't wanna hear that.

Actually guys, I'm gonna be right back. I just realized that if I can't call for scenes, I don't have to solve riddles and I don't have to adhere to the dress code and I don't really have to be here. So I'm gonna get a soft pretzel. Erin, you have to adhere to the dress code and I don't really have to be here so I'm gonna get a soft pretzel. Erin you have no you have to adhere to the dress code. Oh I do? Yeah the dress code is sacrosanct. I don't think so. We can't just all start abandoning the dress code the one thing

holding this podcast together. Why are we all dressed like cartoon chefs? No one's ever given me a proper explanation and anytime I try to bring it up in a meeting I get shut down That's all I'm saying. It's gender neutral. We went through this in the meeting like 11 years ago I'm no you know what if I can't cough for scenes I don't have to solve riddles sits at Adel's beanbag chair. Oh like a dog to make it a More comfortable for my body punching it like a dog to make it more comfortable for my butt. Would you say punching it like a dog? What the fuck? No, when you

help dogs punch their beds. Erin, Casey, since you can do whatever you want with this episode, can we clip Erin saying punch a dog or whatever she just said? Stop it! What is happening today? I thought this was going to be a normal episode. I tried to do a fun cameo thing where we picked, we each picked someone from cameo and then we had our listeners vote on our Hey Riddle Riddle Instagram about what cameo they wanted to see. That got shut down.

Erin, I gave you Kathleen the Jimmy. You're doing great, Addle. This is not about you, Addle. I tried to call for a fun cake scene, a very popular running segment on our show that JBC sings cake songs. He's swatting at nothing. JBC is swatting at nothing.

He just ate a fly. He killed an ate a fly. He ate a fly. He killed an ate a fly. OK, something is weird. And then I go, if I can't cough machines, then I shouldn't solve riddles. And then I get shut down about that as well.

Aaron, this is an aggressively normal episode. I keep trying to get you guys to do riddles, and no one is answering the riddle. It couldn't be more on par. You got taken over by the Jupiter Toad. I know it. The Jupiter Toad is dead, Aaron, you punched him to death like a dog.

It's in your body, I just know it. You think Jupiter, wait, Aaron, do you think Jupiter Toad took over JPC's body? That's exactly what I think at all. Almost like a never let go situation, never let me go situation. I watched it on mute. What are you gonna do about it? Almost like a never let go situation, never let me go situation. I watched it on mute. What are you gonna do about it?

Oh, that's interesting. I'd like to see a scene. Aaron, you're gonna be a Jupiter toad who is alive inside JPC's body. Addle, take a break. Take a little breather. Whew, thanks coach. It's just Aaron as a Jupiter toad in the body.

Hi, I'm JPC. That's the woman over there. That's the adult one. And this is a show about riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems. First riddle is these are a little band riddle. See, I'm doing exactly what you did earlier. I'm doing exactly what you did earlier. Wow, this depression is going deep.

Now it's getting better. Yes, it is getting better. I'm going to go into my office and you better not be naked in there. Okay, walks into my favorite rental office. Okay, pulls up HR podcast at gmail.com. This is our HR department. To whom it may concern,

I would like to put in a formal complaint about GPC period. I think he might be a toad in a human body period. She's still doing the impression of me as the toad? Oh hello Erin, it's me Richard Kind, I got your email. Oh my god Richard Kind, are you our HR? No. For how long, the whole time? Just for today.

Oh fantastic. I would like to put in a formal complaint about GPC. He's making me solve riddles. Oh, that doesn't sound very fair. What action can we take against him? I don't know. You tell me, Mr. Richard Kinster. Kill him? Yeah, that'll do. That'll do just nice. Okay. Scene? OK.

You got away this time, JPG. What was that? OK, hey, you did the assignment. So technically, we had to see the whole thing. Scene with a question mark is my new favorite thing. Scene? Scene? OK, this is my question for you two.

Do you want to finish the riddle that you've already started or would you like to hear a clue for it? I'd like to hear a clue. Uh, Serge, I can't think of what Serge would be. This Canadian rock band power trio. Rush. Yeah, it's Rush. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Um, Serge, I see, I see. Okay, okay. Exotic Pest Homestead. A JPC. Exotic pest homestead. A JPC. This one I like a lot. Exotic pest homestead. Land? Okay, exotic, wild.

Land is not wild. It's not wild. Wild bug cabin. It's not wild bug cabin. Exotic pest homestead. You're so close and that you're getting synonyms for these words that there's not the right ones my morning jacket farm bar Yeah, this is correct. I'm stead. Oh

It is it is farm. Yeah farm is correct alien ant farm Alien ant farm that is such a good one. These are really good Okay, this one well, I think you guys are gonna get this one quick. The Fracturing Gords. The Smashing Pumpkins. The Smashing Pumpkins, yeah. All right, we have three more left.

Here we go. This is one that I'll say, I don't know this. The name sounds familiar, but I don't know this band. Actually, the last three are bands that I'm like, they vaguely sound familiar, but I'm not really sure. So we'll see if maybe you guys know Hey, do you guys remember when Billy Corgan sang? Remember that it was true. He did used to be a little boy

They've confirmed. I wonder what's that. I wonder what that was like for him. Oh, yeah, it's I was never Yeah, it's probably similar to my experience, honestly. That's interesting. You guys aren't gonna believe this, but I used to be a little boy. Aaron, comment? Goes into my office, to whom it may concern. Adle, have you ever?

Have you ever? Yeah, I guess at one point, I used to be a little boy. Aaron, I hate to ask, but did you have a similar experience growing up or? I used to be a little boy. Hey. Three former boys.

Three former boys. I can yes and. Episode title. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. Aaron, are you sure you wanna. I'm a professional. I'm a professional. Aaron, are you sure you want to say I'm a professional to I used to be a little boy. Because the thing you said right before I'm a professional was

I used to be a little boy. Yeah, this is one of those episodes that also feels like a trap. Alright, speaking of, appendages approximating dwellings. Arms? It's not arms. Legs? Appendages approximating dwellings. Hands across America.

It's hands. Approximating dwellings. Hands measuring homes. Hands over Baghdad. Close, close. It's not homes. Alien Ant hands. Alien Ant hands.

Can I give you the, okay. What? Clap your hands, say yeah. I'll give you the clue. Okay. Because the clue looks like it's for Erin. So it says, Erin might have listened to this Australian rock band when she realized this ain't no place for animals but she found no

parallels to the division symbols that temporarily made her colorblind. What? ACD hands? This is an Australian band? I don't know this band. This band is Appendages Approximating Dwellings. Let's see if we can get you to get it without knowing the band. So at all dwellings you said homes you were close. House? House? Yes, yes houses.

Hands blank houses approximating. Hands? Hands, yes houses. It's approximate, it's- It's about, hands about houses. Think more Valley Girl. Hands like? It's hands like houses. Hands like houses. Oh, I don't know that at all. Can you imagine having a- if you had hands like houses. I know in the Jack Reacher novels. They say he has hands the size of Thanksgiving turkeys not regular turkeys Thanksgiving turkeys. That's the big turkey. That's the turkey that has to feed more That's a huge turkey imagine Jack Reacher fighting a guy who has hands like houses

Do you think when they cast that humongous man as Jack Reacher, the author was like, his hands aren't like Thanksgiving turkeys, he's too small. This guy's tiny. My Jack Reacher's 11 feet tall and his fist is a turkey. He's a big old turkey and of course Jack Reacher used to be a little boy. It's crazy to think about how Jack Reacher used to be a little boy. Okay, here we go. Phantom Crate. Phantom Planet.

No, it's not. Ghost Box. Ghost. Ghost Jukebox. It's close to Ghost Box. Jukebox the Ghost. No, that would be awesome because I know that band. It's close to Ghost Box.

You've got Box as Crate. Phantom. Go... Wait, we have You've got Box as Crate. Phantom. Go- wait, we have- We have Box as correct? Phantom, Crate, and Crate is Box. You are right with Box. Crate, okay. This Canadian heavy metal band didn't fall into the void when they broke the Rule of Nine after a bad trust fall. However jaded she was, Constance was still able to find the secret garden in

the ultraviolet. Slipcrate? Uh, the phantom, another word for phantom? Ghost. Um. Another word for ghosts? Specter. More like Halloween-y, I would say.

Ghoul. Witch ghoul. Or something that you would have also like Pride in a school Spirit Box. It's Spirit Box. I don't know Spirit Box. That's the Andre 3000 solo album. Yes, that is the Andre 3000 solo album. Alright, let's do one more before a break. A period to commemorate. A time to celebrate.

It is not a time to celebrate a year a time is it time dogs a period time a period to commemorate it's a shorter era that's not no it's it's that an era be like long this is like a more casual day a day yeah to commemorate a walk to remember Mandy Moore yeah it is a day to remember I don't. Yeah, is this a day to remember? I don't know this band either. Is this rock band from the city of Ocala made a name for themselves since you've been gone as all signs point to Lauderdale, even if it means a lot to you, they thought Casablanca sucked anyways.

What? They may have done a cover of Since You've Been Gone, and that's how they got famous. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, with Alien Ant Farm and then this, there's a lot of one-hit cover wonders. I do think that there was a lot of ones that were pretty one-to-one, three bands that no one's ever heard of at the end,

but I think that's the difficulty. Yeah, it was fun. A Walk to Remember has that, the thing in it that inspires me all the time, which is to tell people to not fall in love with me. That's what she says in that. She goes, whatever you do, don't fall in love with me. And he goes, I think I'll be okay.

And then guess what happened? He dies. He falls in love with her and she dies. Spoiler for a walk to remember, but why don't you remember some of these ads? Huh? Yeah. 1, 2, 3 doesn't stand for Massachusetts Institute of Technology, right? It stands for?

Monsters in training. Now I can cancel the subscription using Rocket Money. Oh, yeah. Rocket Money. I love Rocket Money. I've been using it for years. Yeah, isn't Rocket Money a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your

savings? Yes, that's right. Most Americans think they spend about $62 per month on subscriptions, but the real number is closer to a monstrous $300. And you said Americans. You hit Americans really hard. Where is this accent from? Pittsburgh.

Pittsburgh. You can see all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For any you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them within a few taps. This past weekend, I used this feature and it was like I had a secretary working for me. It took three seconds and they're like,

we did it, it's canceled. It was so easy. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. Sometimes by up to 20%. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service. And they won't use whatever accent Adil is using when they do it.

Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh. Order. Order. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Fries on a sandwich?

So stop wasting money on things you don't use like fries on a sandwich. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E, rocketmoney.com slash riddle. You guys, I've done it. Oh, how does it have my accent? Yeah, where's that from? Audited the course. Pittsburgh.

Ha ha ha. JPC, Erin, nice to see the two of you. I think you'll notice I'm no longer smoking. Ha ha ha. Oh, okay. So this is in regards to the email you sent us, Adil, about the flavored air category quickly becoming the leading alternative to vaping and smoking.

It's a whole new movement towards better habits led by the sponsor of today's episode, Fume. Yeah, duh, it's about Fume. Fume, it's fun to say. It's so fun to say, Fume. Can I try? Yeah, yeah. Fume, Fume. Oh yeah. It's fun to say fume. It's so fun to say, can I try? Yeah, yeah. Fume.

Fume. Oh yeah. Fume. You're wiping your brow while you sit. I know. Fume is sweaty work. Fume is an award-winning flavored air device. Flavored air isn't like vaping.

If vapor was compared to sticky soda, fume cores are closer to herbal teas. Fume has lots of delicious flavors to choose from like crisp mint and orange vanilla. With flavored air, you can satisfy your oral fixation through a passive diffusion system that utilizes no electronics, vapor or combustion. Now that's pretty cool. Fume draws flavor to your mouth and fills the void ditching a bad habit can leave. You can still have something to reach for and it's not a vape. No vapor so you can use it anywhere.

Fume. Fume. Stop asking us if fume is a vape. Fume is not a vape. No vapor, so you can use it anywhere. Fume. Fume. Stop asking us if fume is a vape. Fume is not a vape. There's no nicotine, non-toxic flavors, no batteries. It looks awesome, has a nice heft and weight to it, a high quality design, and it's made to fidget with. It calms anxiety with magnets, snaps, and clicks.

Plus, safety is priority number one for fume. They continuously invest in third-party studies to ensure the safety of their products. Fume is backed by doctors in the US. Fi-Fi-Fo-Fume! Oh that's a lot of fun. Yeah, fume is a giant in its field. Erin, what's your favorite fume flavor? I would recommend trying crisp mint or orange vanilla first. Orange and Vanilla together has always been one of my favorite flavors. I recommend saying Crisp Mint. Crisp Mint. I recommend saying Fume. Fume. Fume has served over 300,000 customers and you can be the next success story.

For a limited time, use my code RIDDLE to get a free gift with your Journey Pack. Head to tryfume.com, that's tryfume.com, or use code RIDDLE to get a free gift with your journey pack. Head to tryfume.com, that's tryfume.com, or use code RIDDLE to get a free gift with your order today. Oh guys, I'm just realizing it's actually Christmas morning. That means Uncle Santa's here. No, no, no. For Christmas morning. No.

Casey, cut it off. No. I'm waving goodbye. Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Hear ye, hear ye. I am shadowing this night so one day I might be a night for I am but a lonely squire. Good evening, travelers.

I'm a squire. This is my space. This is my Squire space. Oh, actually, we are not looking for a Squire space. We're actually looking for Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. That's kind of what we're looking for. Is that not what this is?

Ah, challenging me to a duel. We want to make a website about trying to find a Squire to work for us. Does that make sense? Yeah. Oh, I would be willing to be that Squire, of course. No, that's shh, shh, that's not what we're doing. We're not looking for a squire. We're looking for a website to help us find a squire. God, this guy doesn't listen.

We also want to sell content on the website. Squared Space makes it easy to sell access to content on your websites, like online courses, blogs, videos, and memberships. Earn reoccurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set the price and choose whether to charge a one-time fee or a subscription for access. Does that make sense Mr. Squire? I think it does. Also I

believe Squarespace has connected social and multimedia accounts. You can connect major social and multimedia accounts to your website in a few clicks as icons, direct links or embedded feeds. And what are the big Squire social media accounts? There's like, I'll just say Squire Book, kind of get the first one out. MyNave, what else? Give me a moment, someone else talk for a minute. InstaGlamour? Yes.

I don't know, that's more like Vampires I guess. Castle something. Oh, you know what else Squarespace has? Invoicing, an easier way to collect payments so you can focus on growing your business. Invoice clients and get paid for your services, turn leads into clients with proposals, estimates, and contracts, and simplify your workflow, and manage your services business all on one platform. Wow, even here in Medieval Times, that sounds like a good deal.

Is this the restaurant? Medieval Times? that sounds like a good deal. Is this the restaurant? Medieval Times? No, no. No association. Great. The Era. Hey, well, if you want a good deal, why don't you head to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, type in Squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase

of a website or domain. Ah, what wizardry is this little device in your hand? Ooh. Please, Squire, we're looking for a Squire. Oh, we're busy. Oh, sorry y'all. I did it I made it back to my bed after being gone for two weeks. Hmm. I don't think she knows our names She called us y'all Aaron. What are our names? Scrimpo and Beep or okay. She knows our names. Yeah Scrumpo and Beep-or. Okay, she does know our names.

Yeah, I'm Scrumpo. I'm Beep-or. Tag yourself. I made it back to my Helix mattress. Oh, I love you, Helix mattress. Muah, muah, muah, I missed you so much. Oh, maybe we should. It's my Midnight Lux.

Oh, Erin, I also have a Midnight Lux. It's the most comfortable bed I've ever owned. This mattress is so supple, so welcoming. My cats will lay on it. They refuse to get off of it. Gemma and I sort of nest in it most mornings for a long time because it is absolute heaven. Yeah, I we just came off the road and I cannot stress to you enough how poorly I slept on the road and how perfectly I slept

the first night that I was back up my healing sleep mattress. I love that mattress and like my wife and my child or whatever. They were fun to have them under the same roof as well. But the mattress, baby. To go from sleeping on a hotel bed to sleeping on a Helix mattress is like going from drinking tree bark to drinking water. And Casey, go ahead and put tree bark and water in there

in place of what Adil said, because we can't obviously mention the competitors. And right now there's an October offer for Helix. They're offering 20% off all mattress orders. Just go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. Or if you're a mad scientist, maybe you'll have two mattresses, a double Helix. There's actually nothing crazy about having a double Helix mattress. You could get four of them and that'd be fine.

As long as you use our code, buy as many as you want. Oh, cool. Yeah, great. They really are the best mattresses ever. They're the best. They're the best. They're the best. They're the best.

What about a triple mattress? Come on, man. I'm sorry. At all, JPC, Riddle. At all, JPC, thank you so much for coming to the emergency meeting. Obviously, there's been a lot going on today at Hey Riddle, Riddle headquarters. Aaron, let's cut to the chase. What's in the box? What kind of pet do you have for us? What kind of pet is in the box?

How do you know it's a pet? It's shaking. It's moving. Yeah, it's a shaking box. It's pet size. There's holes in the box. How do you know it's a pet? It's shaking, it's moving. Yeah, it's a shaking box, it's pet size, there's holes in the top. Okay, so they know it's a pet. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's shaking and moving and there's holes, it could be like, it could be, not to be crass,

it could be like a sex toy of some sort that you're just trying to air out a little bit. Or it could be Little Richard in there. Or I could be regifting an Editor that we already have Come on now Casey. Oh Oh God, oh It looks like Casey ate all the sex toys in the box. Did you did you leave Casey in the box with some sex toys? Yeah, of course

Simulate his natural habitat. He's sick. Oh boy. He's sick. Okay, that's okay. All right, it's okay. Take the afternoon off, Casey. No, it's not the first time we've had to go to the hospital and get our Casey's stomach pumped for 82-86 toys. Sit, shake, edit. Well Casey, hey look, before we take you to the hospital,

you're in charge for the rest of the episode. Is there anything else that you'd like to see us do, or do you have a preference Before we take you to the hospital, you're in charge for the rest of the episode. Is there anything else that you'd like to see us do? Or do you have a preference for how we continue on with the episode? Oh, well, I don't know if this is a little early, but I sure do miss hearing you guys do voicemails and voicemail themes. Oh, that sucks. I thought when Casey said I, I thought he was going to tell us about maybe a time in

his life where he was, you know, kind of a smaller Casey, not as grown, not as adult. Oh, I'm sorry. You mean when I used to be a little boy. Wow, that's so good. That was the best one yet. That was so good. You know what, GBC, I know your old man puzzles, but why don't we do a voicemail and a theme a little early today?

Yeah, why not? Casey's in charge. I can't stop him. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch. We ate my whole for a picnic lunch.

We ate my house, we ate What the fuck? That was incredible. How do you make a song a shirt? Wow. They also got in the 1805 riddle one, which it's like, you don't have to do it for the voicemail theme, but I'm always appreciative when you work that in. That fucking rule. That was amazing. You know what I will say though? If you gave me $100,000 to explain the context

for that bit. Oh wow, holy shit. The Venmo just went through incredible. I would not be able to tell you why we were saying that. Why were we doing that? What were we talking about? When was that from? Is that six months ago?

Is it four years ago? It's probably judging by when some of these emails came in probably around April, somewhere there. Where these came through. Aaron, that might be from when. I used to eat a whole for lunch. Ha ha ha. That's a lot of fun. Okay, shout out a whole for lunch. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of fun.

OK, shout out, Birdie, for sending that in. If you want to send a voicemail theme into the show, just go ahead and send a WAV file 30 seconds or less to HRRpodcast at gmail.com. Casey, let's listen to a voicemail. Hey, guys. My name's Jeff. I'm in Minneapolis.

I'm super behind on the podcast. I think I'm like a year behind. Let's listen to a voicemail. for an hour while I did yard work, and that was awesome. I was wondering if anything like that has ever happened to you, if any random animals have ever befriended you like you're Snow White. All right, keep it up, thanks, bye. Oh my gosh, I was gonna say, you're like a Disney princess, you're incredible. Obviously that's never happened to us. We have terrible energies.

Yeah. Animals and children do not trust us. A rat kills itself by running under Adel's foot, so. Its final words were, Hey! Uh, no, I wish a squirrel would fall asleep on my shoulder. Are you kidding? Yeah. Okay, so that makes me think of a couple things.

First of all, guys, no fake stories. Don't be calling it a fake story, so the potty guys, that didn't happen No, that definitely was real. I ran it up your pants and fell asleep on your shoulder complete the journey my man Joseph Campbell's rule of the struggle and journey and Mm-hmm Where did it go after it went up your pants? Did it go up the back of your shirt?

Fall asleep? Okay, so I don't know anything about Jeff. Maybe this guy's fucking tall as a fucking tree. Maybe he's built like a redwood. And this squirrel was like, this is a fucking tree. Arms are branches. I'm just gonna climb up into this thing. Hair is leaves, yeah, I see.

JPC, I have a question for you. You are sort of one in the same with some of your characters. And I know that JP Riddles has a very special relationship with animals. Do you have similar things happening to you where like raccoons will ask you to bum a cigarette or whatever? Yeah, I guess, but yeah, mine would,

they'd invariably have to be like much more violent. This sounds like a very, this sounds like a very like low key cute thing. My other suggestion, and I think this is what we can land on. Jeff, I think it was Jeff, sounded pretty normal in that voicemail, right? What if Jeff actually sped that up like five times speed and Jeff is an int?

You're so right. I just bought a house and I am a year behind. I audited, I audited, um, I was sitting in for some auditions, um, and they were casting ends the monologues. Can I just tell you two months, each one of the two months. That's crazy. That's disgusting. Or JPC. He was speed are slowing down his speech,

and he's actually a squirrel trying to make squirrels look good. Yeah, and that would sound a little something like. I'm a squirrel. I'm a squirrel. I'm a squirrel. I'm a squirrel. I'm a squirrel.

I'm a squirrel. Okay, distance as usual from Aaron? Sounds the same. JPC, you're JP Riddles. Yep. And Adol, you're a raccoon who wants to bum a cigarette from him outside of a bar. Well, hey everybody.

Thank you again for inviting me to your open mic. I am JP Riddles and this is a little song by a band called Cake. Woo. Raccoon, go ahead and leave it on the bass line. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I wake up in the morning, Raccoon go ahead and go ahead and leave it on a baseline I wake up in the morning drink a pot of raccoon coffee, which as we all know the squirrel piss Then I call my nephew at his work

And I say get your sister come outside Get in the car and Uncle Reynolds will drive. To the racetrack. The squirrel racetrack. Which is of course, the parking lot to a key bank. They organize all the squirrels and the demonic tombs in the bank parking lot. And I send them into the bank and I said, get me checks. People don't realize checks are so expensive.

And if you want to write bad checks, you need clean checks. Alright, they're giving me the light. Oh, actually, you know what? That might be just a white light. Come to heaven. No deal. I can see there ain't no thing up there for old JP Reynolds in heaven. No hot dog water. Reach down and grab it. Bite your fingers.

See? You know what? You know what I think? What do you think? If I were the Hey Riddle Riddle God, I would send a flood to wipe us all out. Yeah. Because I think we need to start from scratch. This is a broken podcast. Aaron, let's start from scratch and go back to some riddles.

So here we go. Here's a riddle from Sarah. And this is a riddle from the perspective of Riddikitty, isn't that fun? Ooh. Which is pretty much going back to the beginning because we haven't done, we haven't done Riddikitty in like 200 episodes.

We should have just had Riddikitty as our pet. Oh. Well, we got the dead tone. That's just as good. Oh, looks like there's two newt 69ing on Aaron's shoulder, so that's fun. I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Okay, a riddle from the perspective of Riddikitty. This guy's got me scared to death. He's worse than the ring.

I can't catch my breath. This place is no Nintendo Cafe. I think I'll try to run away. He fires shots, but not on tour, though his name suggests he's been to war. He keeps me waiting with my crew. Canoe dog and some shit birds too. But then again, it's not his fault. He does know how kidneys recycle salt.

Who is this? Boy, there's a lot of information to parse through. JPC? Mm-hmm. Is it you? I don't know anything about kidneys. Recycle salt? Colonel Sanders? That would be new to me.

That would be new to me. I could have been a Recycling this whole time. I thought you were doing back alley kidney surgeries For 40 dollars. Am I wrong? Yeah, but when you want to do them for cheap, you don't have to know how they work You don't even have to know which one's the kidney I've been taking stuff that I think is the kidney because the kidney looks like a bean, right? Yeah, it looks like a little bean. Oh, yeah I've been taking little beans out of people for 40 bucks I'm this close to canceling my surgery with you. I won't but You know what Aaron cancel it and then in two weeks when you're so full of little beans, you can't poop or walk

Wow, don't come calling to me because the price will be double it'll be $60 I'll have any surgeries have JPC giving you to Addle, how many surgeries has JPC given you? Two. One, to remove my buckle fat and then a second to put it back in because he took out my throat instead. Huh. So, all in all pretty successful it sounds like. Yeah, I would say I'm about back to 65% of what I was before I had the initial surgery. And Addle got 65% off, so his was only $22.

Aaron, I can't recommend that. That's a deal for friends and family, don't use the code. If you try to use code Addle at checkout, fuck. Ah, God damn it. Okay, well what about, what does code Aaron at checkout get you? Aaron, you get 10% off. That's not the name.

Well, you get different surgeries. He wanted his buckles taken out or whatever, and you have to get all your little beans removed. I don't love when a surgeon says, or whatever. That doesn't totally inspire confidence. Then go to a real surgeon. I'm sick of negotiating. My prices are not a negotiation.

I do a discount service. All right, fair enough, fair enough. Could you read the riddle again, because this one is a lot to parsue. This guy's got me scared to death. He's worse than the ring, I can't catch my breath. This place is no Nintendo cafe. I think I'll try to run away.

He fires shots, but not on tour, though his name suggests he's been to war. He keeps me waiting with my crew, canoe dog, and some shit birds too. But then again, it's not his fault. He does know how kidneys recycle salt. This is a person, but there's also reference to a place in here as well. Yeah. I don't know where to start. Each, each, each way we'll get you somewhere. We're looking for like a person who exists in a place. Sure. Captain.

It is not a captain. Colonel. Major. His name suggests he's been to war, but he has not been to war. Okay. Well, that's why I'm guessing ranks. Um, private. Yeah, but those, those would have been to war, but he has not been to war. Okay. Well, that's why I'm guessing ranks. Private? Yeah, but those would have gone to war, right? Wait what? Like a captain has gone to war, right? I guess you could be a captain who served in Easton. Well, if it's like Captain and Tenille, or like, you know, if it's private parts, the

Howard Stern novel, you know. I always forget that Captain was a coward and didn't serve and Tenille was a four-star general. So this guy's got me scared to death is from Mulan. So I know that had to do with like war and the rings. That won't help you. It's less of- Yeah, what's the most helpful section?

So the clues don't help us, but- His name suggests he's been to war. No, the Mulan angle won't help you. It's for remember, this is from the perspective of Riddikitty. So Riddikitty is saying this guy's got's been to war. No, the Mulan angle won't help you. It's for remember, this is from the perspective of Riddikitty. So Riddikitty is saying, this guy's got me scared to death. He's worse than the ring. I can't catch my breath.

Mickey Mouse. It's a dog? It's a guy, not a dog. Goofy, Goofy's a guy? Goofy is a guy, but he owns a dog. Is Goofy a guy or a dog? I think he's a cow. No. Think so. Go's goofy. What happens when a dog has sex with a cow like a mule This is hard

My dog and its babies all goofy Hmm This place is no Nintendo cafe. I think I'll try to run away So ready kitty is in this place, she's seeing this guy, she's scared to death. Tarbucks. He fires shots but not on tour, his name suggests he's been to war. That one I think is the most helpful, his name suggests he's been to war. He fires shots but not on tour?

He keeps me waiting with my crew, canoe dog and some ship birds too. So canoe dog is there, also some shitbirds are there. Is it J.P. Riddles? He does know how kidneys recycle salt. That would show, that would show a knowledge that J.P. Riddles does not possess. Dr. Chameleon. Dr. Aaron is very close, but it's not Chameleon. And I think also the introduction of Dr. Chameleon was like a hundred episodes past all of these references.

Uh, doctor... Doctor is close. Nurse? Nurse. It's not nurse. I'll give you a hint. This is also Sarah's profession. Um... Name suggests he's been to war.

What do we call someone who's been to war. What do we call someone who's been to war? A veteran? Veterinarian. Oh, veterinarian. I overcomplicated this. Well, no, Erin, in your defense, this was deeply complicated. I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are JP Riddles and you are taking your raccoon to the veterinarian played by me and Adol you are the raccoon

Hey, what can I help you with today? Oh no, I guess it's between you and the guy I mean obviously if he wants the fork out you can I'm not paying Let's be clear. I'm not paying Sir, sorry you walked into my office an hour before we opened. Um, this raccoon clearly has a bit of a- I time walked into your office. That's when you walk backwards and it increases the time. So I'm actually here on time.

Huh? Nothing to say to that? What, do you want a kiss? Get out of here. Are you going to fix my raccoon or not? This is my office. I'll trade you for it I'll trade you for the office. No you have nothing that I need sir. Oh I have nothing you need I know that you think that I'm just wearing a normal shirt but this is actually a spoon proof vest. Okay you are wearing a trench coat over what looks like nothing. He's got a spoon. Try to stab me with the spoon. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, God!

Oh, he got me. Oh, that guy got me. I guess it's not totally spoon proof in the back. I'm not so interested in helping you, but this raccoon is adorable and clearly has a little head injury and a little cute little white bandage wrapped around its head.

He's taken, not by me. He's got a raccoon family at home. So don't try to get any dirty little nasty doctor ideas about him. I also have a family at home, sir. I'm not trying to. Are you sure? Have you been to your home today, Dr. Anderson?

What did you do to my family? Nothing. That was a guess. Anderson? I got it. I was going to go down the alphabet. It's my office door. It says it on my office guess. Anderson, I got it. I was gonna go down the alphabet. It's my office door.

It says it on my office door. Oh, honey, I can't read. How cute. How cute to assume. No. Wait, do you have a head injury too or is this just what you're like? No, no, no, no, no, no.

This big lump on my head, I'm growing spiders because I'm making spider stew. So this is- Seed? Seed what? Oh, we didn't even get to meet Spider Stew, one of my favorite off-microphone JPC characters. OK, let's hear it. Let's finally hear Spider Stew.

JPC's been doing Spider Stew just for us for several years, but I want you guys to hear it. Oh, I think it's hatching. I think it's hatching. Yeah, what's up, everybody? It's me, Spider Stew! Yay! Spider Stew! You made it! Favorite Spider Stew!

It's kind of a slacker, kind of like a college twerp. What? Fuck you! Spider Stew's not a slacker! He worked hard for what he has! Okay, guys, please, let's not fight. But you heard what he said about Spider Stew, Aaron. What am I supposed to take that lying down? Yeah, I's not fight. But you heard what he said about spider stew, Aaron. What am I supposed to take that lying down? Yeah, I don't know. Adel, that was pretty fucked up what you said about spiders.

I'm sorry. Hey, it's all gravy, everybody. I'll take it lying down, because I like to fuck spider style. I forgot his whole thing is, it's almost like Psy, but instead of Psy's thing, it's spider style. Yeah, yeah, because like, yeah, spiders lie of Psy's thing, it's Spider-style. Yeah, yeah, because like, yeah, spiders lie down when they fuck or something, or fuck their webs or something.

I can't remember. I can't remember all of Spider-Stew's stuff. Everybody gets one or something. Yeah, it's like, yeah, honestly, he's bad vibes. Spider-Stew. Maybe Adam was right when he said about Spider-Stew. Yeah, maybe. Should we lock the doors to Hey Riddle Riddle headquarters

to make sure all these perverted characters can't get in? Okay, Mark Maron. Yeah, here, we locked the doors so they can't get out though. Lock the gates! Um, okay, I do want to do another riddle. This is a riddle from Milti. Milti has submitted multiple riddles, but we're only going to use this first one from

Milti for now. For now. We'll use more later. I'm hard to run on, soft to stand. Hold tight and I'll pass through your hand. Sometimes I'll hide a long lost ring. Sometimes I'll shelter a tiny king. Sand.

It is sandy. Sandy. Wow, we got that so much faster than the last one. Fuck, you know what I should have done is I should have saved this riddle for a time when I was using it to introduce Sandy. Well, you know what? Do you think he's here? Yeah, let's uh, let's sift through the sand here.

Shit. Nope. Sand all over our hands and he wasn't even in there. For nothing. No, it's just spider stews down there. You can get up, buddy. Oh, actually, uh, leave me down here for a couple of minutes. Oh, you fucking spiders?

Yeah, he's probably fucking spiders down there. Just cover it with sand. Just cover it with sand. Ugh. I hate Spider Stew. Maybe he shouldn't be back on the show. I kinda... Forget it.

I like, I like Spider Stew. I think he's a pretty solid character. You've been single too long. If Spider-Stew is sound like a good guy to you. He's nice. He's not. He has a job. He doesn't.

He's not, he doesn't. That's all right. All right, well, hey, we'll get to more of Milti's riddles later. So thank you for sending them in, Milti. But you know what? Those were great and hard. Yeah, those were great. There was one riddle that was sand they

were great they were they were great yeah they were great yeah I think we could all agree that riddle was they were great riddle was they were great all right um Erin do you have anything that you would like to plug for the people um I would like to plug you know people? Um, I would like to plug... You know what? Actually, I do. I would like to plug people not asking me to send them nudes on my Instagram anyway. You're ruining the internet for me and everyone else who's being nice to me on the internet. I'm not interested. Even if you're willing to pay me, I appreciate the offer.

No more, please. No, thank you. I would just like to say, I am willing offer. No more, please. No thank you. I would just like to say, I am willing to send nudes of myself, and it has to be pay and it has to be cash upfront. And I'm gonna charge a reasonable fee. It's gonna be $100. That's pretty good for a nude. And you get to pick which part of your naked body you show,

so it's gonna be like your ear. You can request kind of whatever you want from the nude, but it's gotta be $100 upfront. It's gotta, I can't stress this enough. It's gotta be upfront. Well, if you're holding $100. I'm not falling for these scams where I wait, I'm gonna wait seven days for it to clear, okay?

It's not like, oh, I wrote a bad check and it didn't deposit. Seven days, $100. Well, pretty good deal. Adel, I need to plug. And you can request those through Adel's Instagram. No, no. As a channel, you'll find it. Yes, I would like to plug and promote

that Oasis is back, baby. They're back. And they're coming to Chicago. So I hope to see you at Soldier Field in August of next year. Adel, how many of these Oasis shows do you think are getting canceled last minute? I wanna say all of them. I can't wait to play this in August of next year when you're right.

Yeah. To have a frame ticket from the tour that never was. I'm very excited. It's very exciting that Oasis is back. Two people that couldn't like each other any less, but they've just decided that like, I guess financially they have to be back. It's very much like your parents getting divorced when you were a kid and then like 40 years later being like, we're giving it another go. It's like, why? Do I wanna go watch two wet sticks of dynamite

next to each other in a Tumblr? Sure. Let's go nuts. Okay, what do I have to plug? Oh, you can come see World News Tonight every Saturday night at 8 p.m. in Chicago at the I.O. Chicago Theater. You can get tickets at I.O.'s website for that show.

I'll probably be at some of them. So if you come to Chicago, you can see some of those. And also, if you want to get a five-star review featured on the podcast, all you gotta do is write one and leave one, and then I might read it. And today I'm gonna read one from Loonchai. Loonchai says, Patreon! Hey there. This is Kevlez, but I don't know.

Let's just say it. Hey there, Kevlez and Seussbees. If you think that you're going to love this week's Patreon, it's another edition of Little Monkey Bones and Uncle Santa eating way too much smoked gouda. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. So hey, Roodle Roodle, by joining our J crew for 169

or start your seven day free trial on the review crew for 420 a month and get those ad-free episodes see you there that's a great one that information was all about all bad information well I'm gonna get the Dupitode back out here Oh, I ended the episode. Hey Riddle Riddle, one, two, three, four slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for five dollars a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for eight dollars a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.