Hey Riddle Riddle - #329: New Old Man Puzzles w/ Janet Varney & Paul Sabourin

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

Ok now THIS is a party! Janet Varney and Paul Sabourin join us this week to talk about the JOCO cruise. This is Janet’s first time ever as Old Man Puzzles and she kills it. Go show our fourth host some love! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest Starring:Janet Varney Paul SabourinEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Explore themes of friendship, loss, and hope with Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. Find what piques your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial, and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. Did you guys get this cryptic letter? Oh, what is the... What's it say?

What's it say? Okay, you didn't get it. You didn't get it? No, no, I got it. I'm cool and I probably got it. But what's your say? No, I guarantee that you didn't get this cryptic letter. The cryptic letter said it was just for me, but I was like, you all showed up holding paper

and I assumed you guys all got the cryptic letter. Well, my wife got taken. And so this is like magazine letters, unmatching kind of stuff. She won a trip? What happened? Yeah, she won a trip. She said I'll be home in a year, so... Maya's just a blank piece of paper. I thought we could play tic-tac-toe today.

What's yours, JBC? Well, I got a cryptic letter that said, meet at the crossroads at midnight. What are you guys doing here, by the way, at the crossroads at midnight? Bone Thugs in Harmony concert. I assume. Okay, thank you for fitting in. concert. I assume Okay, thank you Everybody huh? It was like meet at the crossroads at midnight. Your other hosts will join you here So that's why I kind of assumed you got the letter

Yeah, it was like it was like we were gonna do an episode but it was gonna be we've ever done before What's that? Oh, I think that's a 645 train going by but it's gonna be different than we've ever done before. What's that? Oh, I think that's a 645 train going by. Wait, guys, is that Janet Barney wearing a cape? Holy shit! Hey! Janet Barney?

Hey, it's me! Hey! The fourth host, hey! Is she opening it for bone thugs? Janet Barney opening for bone thugs, that's a lot. Hey, did you guys get this cryptic letter? There's another. Thank God, I knew I wasn't crazy.

Mine just says, ask JPC about his cryptic letter. That's my cryptic letter, is that weird? That feels like it's kind of a weird layer. He's lazy, but this was hard to write. Still booing over here, waiting to be noticed. Wait, if you didn't write the letter, Janet, and JPC didn't write it, it must have been a ghost. P-P-P-P-Paul Suborin?

I have taken the form of Paul Suborin, but I am in fact the ghost that haunts cryptic letters. Oh, actually, Guest, I'm so sorry to do this, I'm sorry. Guest, can you say musical guest? Salt and pepper. Musical guest, tin machine, Denitra Vance. You made that so much better, Adol, thank you. Joe Piscopo.

He's doing music? Yeah. He's doing music, too. A short film by Albert Brooks. We won't be doing them after the first seven episodes or so. Ooh. Careful, Polly. Didn't quite work out.

You could get stuck in that voice. JPC got stuck in that voice for three years. It was horrible. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Say, did you guys get the cryptid letter? Wait, you got one? Oh, that's true.

It's a cryptic letter. I called it a cryptid letter because apparently I got one that's actually a lunch monster. Oh, are you getting my cryptid newsletter? Yeah, I'm this close to catching the Mothman. That's what I call Richard Gere. I can honestly say the most arrogant you've ever sounded, JPC, is you saying I'm this close to catching the Mothman. That's the most arrogant you've ever sounded.

I can't believe I'm saying it, but it's true. I agree. I'm at best I'm saying it, but it's true. I agree. I'm at best decades away. That's so close. Janet Barney. That's as close as I've ever been. Paul Zoboran on our little podcast, An Absolute Dream Come True.

I had the absolute pleasure of being on the JoCo crews with these two. And I am not exaggerating when I say I had the time of my life. Now Paul, Janet, do you get that a lot about the Joko Cruise of people saying that they had the best week of their life? A surprising amount of time. And by that I mean when anybody says it,

it's very flattering. But yes, it's a very good time. It's a week long, hey, I'm kicking into plugs already. It's a week long sort of nerd themed cruise with comedy and music and podcasters and writers and gaming and all sorts of people exploring all sorts of enthusiasms in a cool, awesome, inclusive, welcoming atmosphere. And also there's fruity drinks and beaches every so often.

Well, this is all really sweet and stuff, but you're making the people on this podcast right now feel bad, like you're making the people on this podcast right now feel bad. Like they're not going to be on the cruise. Oh, you would think that wouldn't you? Well, if you look on the back of your cryptic letters, you will see invitations for all of you to participate in Joko Cruz 2025 happening March 2nd through 9th, 2025.

Gosh, quick add-on, make sure there's not a Bone Thugs and Harmony concert you'd be missing, because I know you wouldn't go if that were the case. I mean, there's always a Bone Thugs and Harmony concert I'm missing. Well, just wait. They might be announcing more special guests. We don't know that Bone Thugs won't be joining the JoCo crew.

Well, they might be. Giants is going, but possibly Bone Thugs and Harmony could be joining. Maybe they might be Giants on New Crossroads. Yeah, maybe they might be Giants. Is that like a cross-stick of Bone Thugs in Harmony could be joining. Maybe they might be giants on new crossroads. Yeah, maybe they might be giants. Is that like a cross stick of Bone Thugs in Harmony somehow? Scramble them.

Not enough flies or anything. Put them back together. There you go. But yeah, no, you're all coming to JoCo Cruise. I'm so excited. I am so thrilled. It was truly my favorite week of the year this year. Paul, this is not gonna make any sense out of context, but Paul made me laugh so hard I got sick.

I was watching, it was James's piano show, I think. And the piano was right by the casino, right? Yeah, it was like a piano bar right next to an open casino and stuff, yeah. And I'm sitting at the piano bar and I'm watching the show and there's a game of pushy quarters, a very loud game of pushy quarters happening. You know that casino game with the quarters

that you put in there? You drop a quarter and it falls down and the little levers shove them out and shove them down to the next level and eventually theoretically. And whatever it's called, it should only be called pushy quarters? It is pushy quarters.

Yeah. And Paul, every year there's a pushy quarters. I went to the pushy quarters in St. Louis one time and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. Stay far away from the pushy quarters. Oh, you went to the French pushy quarters, which is a lot of drunks and bars. Pushy, pushy.

Let me push you into a wall. That's got the second E with the accent, take U on it, and that's a whole other beast. But Paul, how would you describe this? How would you describe this? There's like a pushy quarters event on the ship. Yeah, we just- Yeah, it's actually a number of years ago.

It actually, I think Paul F. Tompkins, of all people, who will also be on the cruise this year, funny enough, but like he sort of was talking about this game and we were all sitting around and enjoying sort of how ridiculous it is and the fact that it's in a casino. And it's somehow that turned into us all going down to the pushy quarters game

and deciding to stand around it as if it were like the most exciting craps table there ever was and just shearing and losing our minds. And we decided that every year we were gonna make sort of a pushy quarters tournament, quote unquote, which just involves, you know, 50 or 60 people standing around this machine and just going berserk every time anyone knocks a quarter

off the edge. But this pushy quarters event was the same time as James' show. And so Paul went down to sort of Nick's, the pushy quarters event, and then came over to the show and went, hey, I'm going to let them scream for five minutes, get it out of their system, and then I'll be back. And then Paul, you came back over and said, he said, don't worry, guys.

Now it's called shushy quarters. Oh. And he didn't even look behind him when he said the joke. He now it's called shishy quarters oh and he didn't even look behind him when he said the joke he didn't even wait to get the laugh he was in motion when he said don't worry guys now it's called shishy quarters it was a drive-by it was a drive-by joke and I lost my fucking mind yeah I was a little drunk I was a little bit drunk I don't care Janet I don't care I'll tell anyone I was a little bit drunk but I don't care, Janet. I don't care, I'll tell anyone. I was a little bit drunk, but I lost my mind

that I had to get up and leave James' show. I was causing a disturbance. Oh, I laughed so hard. That's a service I provide every single passenger at some point during the week. I will just do a little drive-by joke that will cause you to collapse or otherwise have health issues.

Shushyquarters also sounds like a Downton Abbey spinoff or something. Yes. Okay, take all my money. I'm ready to watch it. Not so loud, please. Yeah, everything is similar, but just in whispers. Yeah.

The chauffeur is an actor. Is that what happens in Downton Abbey? The chauffeur is an actor? No one knows for sure. Everybody's an actor. There's not a very creative show. The housekeeper is an actress. The actor is a different actor.

The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor. The housekeeper is an actor, like there's not a very creative show. He's an actor.

The housekeeper is an actress. The actor is a different actor. So, Janet, you've been on the show 150,000 times, so we've asked this to you before, but Paul, what is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, et cetera? It's sort of love-hate. I generally love them except when I don't

and I can't predict when I'm not going to love them. So hopefully that won't come around in the next 60 minutes or so. But for the most part, I'm a big cheese ball and I love terrible humor and puns and stuff. So- I mean, you're Mr. Shishie Quarters. I am Mr. Shishie, yeah, as has been illustrated by that anecdote.

But yeah, generally, I enjoy them probably more than, certainly more than a grown man should. Sure, yeah. Seconded. But I don't. We've all thought that. It's more of a passive love than an active enjoyment, as you all have created a whole industry out of it here.

And Janet, not to leave you out, this is the second time that you've been on the show with a man named Paul, so what the fuck is going on with you? Wow. In honor of our guest, are you appalled by that? Oh my God. Oh my God.

Yeah. Oh my God. That's working several different angles at once. Oh, I haven't even stretched yet. Hold on. Oh, there it is. Oh, there it is. Careful, Janet, careful.

Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Erin, Erin, Erin, Erin, Erin. Janet! Erin, Erin, Erin, Erin. She's hurt. Did you break your funny bone? Oh my god. Turn off all the microphones.

Just so you know, Jayda, we do have a very popular segment on this show called Paul Ruddles. So if you ever want to bring Paul Rudd on the show, we're more than willing to make that happen because I think he would really enjoy doing some of our Paul Ruddles. I agree.

And I'm on it. Okay, just, yeah. How far away did you say you were from catching the Mothman? It's decades. How would you do that general timeline for me getting Paul Rudd on the show? Yeah, when he said he was this close, his arms were so far apart.

Very quickly, I do wanna say, just before we get in the emails about it, Paul, you mentioned breaking a funny bone. I do have to legally say the members of Bone Thugs in Harmony are as follows, Busy Bone, Crazy Bone, Lazy Bone, Wish Bone, Flesh and Bone. Wish Bone is in there? The dog? From PBS, yeah.

That's cool. I love that for him. That's actually, I have to say, what you've just done, Adol, is pretty appropriate for the warmup I prepared as... We just hopped on the Segway. I can only assume Casey's putting in a drum roll. I am old man Puzzles and I'm an actor. Pfft.

Casey. No, Casey. Casey. That's not a drum roll. And that was a JPC. Do not blame Casey for that. That was JPC. First of all, if I fart, Erin, you'll know it because you'll be leaving the room that you're in.

What the fuck? Good one. I know. That sucks, right? Janet, it is an absolute honor. The first time you came on the show was 2019. It is the end of 2024. It is your first time as Old Man Puzzle. How do you feel? What's going through your mind right now? This is like pre-game interview. My heart was racing in a way I wasn't prepared for before we started recording.

I was like, wait, usually I just come in here and ruin the episode passively, not unlike you enjoying riddles and puzzles passively, Paul. Imagine now you are stuck in the driver's seat and you're going to actively ruin it and you're going to actively ruin it. You're going to actively ruin it. So I'm feeling very nervous, but also I'm excited and hopeful. The reason that prompted this stirring event

is that when I was at a convention this year, a wonderful, and I cannot believe I'm blanking on your name. You know I love you. And you came and you gave this book, and I'm just blanking, and then there was an inscription, and I was like, oh my gosh, she inscribed it to me. And then I realized, no, this is like, it's been inscribed from like 1950 for Ruth Dyson.

So this, Ennis Reese is not the person who gave this to me and I am not Ruth Dyson, but it is a very cool, and obviously I know we're not a visual podcast, but it's a very cool book, very cute. And it's called Riddles, Riddles Everywhere. And there's a man, no, well, I guess it's like a,

I don't know, is it a founding father? He has a little ponytail with a ribbon. That's usually code for that, right? And then maybe a child or another small person holding on tight and the horse, everyone's happy. Everyone's excited in this drawing on the cover of Riddle Riddles Everywhere. Janet, is it worth leaving a little pause

so if we remember the person's name, we can drop it in later? Yeah. No, no, no. That's not a name. That's a strike two. I'm gonna take away your soundboard. Hey, first of all, Erin,

you don't know everybody's name, okay? Just so you know, you don't know everybody's name. You might think you know everybody's name, but you don't know everybody's name. Some people's names are that. Don't fart name shame, Erin. Oh, I'm the bad guy? I'm the bad guy?

Yeah. Well, what's the alternative, Erin? The bad guy's me? Get real! Get real! Never happened. Janet, I'm so excited that your old man puzzle's my god. I feel so much safer.

No offense. Oh, don't feel safe. Don't feel safe. You haven't read any of the riddles in the book. So I must beg you not to feel safe in any way, shape, or form. But the warmup is something that I came up with my friend and partner Brandon quite some time ago.

And it's just based off this dumb thing that he and I do together. And then we were walking in the streets of New York city and got on this weird dumb run of doing these little crazy stupid make-em-ups up and i was like. How this could almost be and i stress almost. This could almost be like a fun game for a riddle riddle so i held on to my little list which i revisited this morning realizing i had no memory of what any of it meant. And then I had to put the pieces back together very, very quickly to shape this game as a warmup game.

Now, this is a game that we made up that is involving bees. Okay. We like bees. Bees are important pollinators. They're wonderful. They don't actively want to sting you because they will give up their sweet tiny bee life if they do. We love all types of bees,

and so we are going to be playing a little bee guessing game where you help me identify what type of bee I'm describing. To give you an example, these guys are tiny and love to fly real fast with some help. What kind of bee is it? B-2 bombers, boobies. That's a really good answer, but I said it's tiny. Bitty bee.

And they like to help other people, right? No, they can only fly fast with some help. Rocket bees. Friend bees. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a rocket bee. Okay, would you like to know the answer? Yes. Yes.

Bee bees. Bee bees. Bee bees. Okay. Okay. Okay, I see, I see, I see. So that's the sample. I get you. That's the sample. So if I said, this gal loves teak outdoor furniture,

what kind of bee would it be? Oh, what um. So if I said this gal loves teak outdoor furniture, what kind of bee would it be? Oh, what um. Teak outdoor furniture. And don't overcomplicate it, just think about like, What is teak made out of? Creighton B.A. Rose. Woodbee. Woodbee, it's a woodbee.

Woodbee. Oh wow. Okay, does that make sense? I have to reorient myself to. No, you have to reorient myself to the direction I have to. We're going in here now. These are very special bees. Now I'm on your wavelength.

These are very special bees. Paul, you're the one who doesn't have to, you got that one. You don't have to reorient, you're good. We have to reorient. Yeah, okay. This guy gets high on a wet morning. There's two clues.

Doobies, doobies, doobies, doobies. You got it, that's right, it's a doobie. Mountain doobies. These are so good. It's a doobieies, doobies, doobies. You got it. That's right, it's a doobies. Mountain doobies. These are so good. It's a doobie, okay. All right, these guys love to scare you on Halloween. Boobies. Boobies, that's right.

Okay. That don't scare me. And so this was like walking around the streets of New York just coming up with 800 of these. Yeah, it's so sad and stupid. I love it. This group is mad, but they'll still chase you down to get up close and personal.

Paparazzi bees. Janet, is there any chance that it's paparazzi bees? Hey, Janet, can I talk to you for a second? It is not, it is not. Janet, can I talk to you for a second? It's not, hi, hey. Hey, Janet, can I talk to you? Hey, Janet, he really needs this.

You look beautiful today. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. It's so cool. Okay, but could it? I need this wind so bad. Gemma got much. It's so cool. Okay. But could it? But I need this wind so bad. Gemma got kidnapped. What are you guys talking about?

I heard she just went on a trip. Nothing. Any other answers other than paparazzi, they're mad. Beeperazzi. And I mean real mad. Angry beeperazzi. Maybe not of their own volition, but maybe they're just really mad

and they wanna get up really close and are really personal, maybe with like their teeth. Oh, uh, B. B. Rakutas. Yeah. Close with their teeth. B. Rakutas. I think they all end in B instead. None of them start with B. Okay.

Okay. Cecil B. DeMille. Close up, Cecil B. DeMille. Yeah. They follow you around, you said? They're gonna, yeah. They're really, really angry. They seem really angry, but they still are going to like chase you to get close to you. Tenestib, tenestib, tenestibes.

To like tenacity? Do you give up on this one? Gerbies. I give up. Yeah. Rabies. Rabies. Oh, you should have said the other part where they all Yeah. Ray Bees. Ray Bees. Ray Bees. Oh, you should have said the other part

where they all look like Ray Donovan. I know. Listen, there's no rhyme or reason to the way these clues work, so good luck. Continued good luck to you. These guys always order. Try beef. These guys always order the whiskey bacon burger.

Apple Bees. That's right. Apple Bees. That's right. Chill Bees. This insecure group copies cool kids. This insecure group copies. Wannabe's.

Yes. I got one. Correct. Yeah, you're in. Okay, this gal. I would like to see a scene. I'm so sorry. Yes, please.

The four of you are, I wish. The four of you are wannabe's, who are just kids who are trying to be cool at your lunch table and you're sort of brainstorming on how the four of you can be cooler. So today is the first day of the rest of our lives. We are going to become popular, we are going to rule the school, and the brainstorming session starts now. Well, it sounds like you've already started by you already started by talking like a sweat hog. Thank you so much. I'm glad you noticed. Mr. Cotta, Mr. Cotta, is that right?

Uh-oh. Boom, boom, boom. Arthur. We were all born in 2007. How do we know these references to a 1970s sitcom? TikTok is always the answer. Hey, could you guys just film me? I don't know what you guys decide. I'm just eating lunch because I know we're meeting at lunch But it's also like the only time you eat lunch. So Denise. No stop You can't you can't know you can't eat your nerd lunch here. We're trying to be cool now. Be cool What do you what? So what do we not get to eat or is there some kind of cool lunch?

We're supposed to be eating you get to eat but no sandwiches no Lunchables Shakurui nerd say what? What? Garrett make sure we should be mean to each other all the time. Is that how you be cool? No Biff Biffy's not cool He's one of the he's one of the least cool kids in school. He's just a bully. What? That's what you said. Right guys? Up top. Don't say it to his level, Denise. What's going on with you?

Like your mom's butt? Guys, Carl, what are you doing? I don't know. I don't know. That's the problem. I don't know where to go from here. What's cool? What's cool on TV? Besides Mr. Cotter, of course. Yeah, Mr. B go from here Me school what's cool on TV? Besides mr. Cotter of course yeah, mr. Biffy Biff. What's cool on TV nowadays You guys talking to me don't talk to him he's even less cool than us What are you guys doing? What do you mean? I'm less cool than you? I'm a fucking teacher man You guys are nerds you think teachers are cool. Mr. Biffy? I think I'm cool.

I drank beer this weekend. Losers. Whoa! How many? You drank beer all weekend. Everyone knows. I feel like I smell the beer right now. You drank it in your car. Mr. Biffy is the best ethics teacher I've ever had. Yeah, I'm a fantastic ethics teacher and I had 12 beers every day this weekend.

That's so cool. Mr. Biffy, I'm not sure you're supposed to had 12 beers every day this weekend. That's so cool. Mr. Biffy, I'm not sure so you're supposed to be in like the kids lunchroom during lunch. Don't you have like the teachers lounge you can go hang out in or something? They don't want to talk to me in there. Oh. You guys should we let Mr. Biffy sit with us? This is like really- Do you guys have an open seat or- Scooch, scooch, scooch, scooch. Well here's a question Mr. Biffy. Who's your favorite sweat hog from Mr. Cotter?

Good question. I'm very young. I don't know what that is. Can I borrow some of your lunches? My wife left, and now no one grocery shops. Yeah, of course, of course. Here you go. When are you going to give them back?

Um. Wait a second. I actually don't think I belong here. Nothing anyone's saying here makes sense to me. I think you guys... Oh, oh, you mean... Am I just normal? You don't know?

You don't know what? Oh, you don't know? You don't know? Like the cool stuff we're... Come on, I'm trying to be cool, guys. Yeah, you don't know. Oh, you don't know? Oh, you don't even know? Cool stuff?

Whatever, nerd. You're not even sure. I bet you want to hang out with Mr. Biffy. You're so uncool. Oh, choosy bombs, choose Biffy. I think Mr. Biffy. You're so uncool. Oh, choosy bombs choose Biffy. I think Mr. Biffy can take my spot. I'm just gonna risk it and try showing up to a different lunch table and just see if I can hang.

All right, good luck. Okay. Good luck. Good luck. Sup, guys? Sup, sup, sup, sup. Oh, he's talking to himself at a table over there. That's so sad. Same. Oh, brother.

This gal has a responsibility to fulfill. The Arthur. Responsibility, responsibility bee. Responsibility bee. Responsibility bee. It's a little more simple than that. Think back to the one who liked teak furniture. But this one has something they're supposed to do.

Could be. Could be? Maybe. Should be supposed to do. Could be. Close? Maybe. Should be. Should be. I said, maybe. And this gal is able.

You're gonna be the one who saves bees. This gal is able to fulfill her responsibility. Oh, she's an AB list. Again, just an extension of what I just did. Maybe. Able to fulfill responsibility. Oh, she's an AB list. Again, just an extension of what I just did. Maybe. Will be. Is able to.

Did be, can be. Could be. Yes, I. Will be. Will be. Can be. A wallaby. Wallaby.

Would be. Ooh, those are really good. Wonder wallaby. It's a can be, it's a can be, you said it. Can be. All right, those are dumb. You said it. Ambydectrin. All right, those are dumb. These critters have a bit of skin problems. Oh, um,

Saria bees. So close. So close. Yeah, really close. Exvima. Eggs, yeah, eggsimavie. Exvima. Don't think human, think animal.

Oh, rabies. Skabies. Skabies. Skabies. Eggs beema. Don't think Cuban, think animal. Oh, rabies. Rabies. Again. Scabies. Scabies. Scabies. I said scabies. Someone unplug Adel and plug him back in.

I want to see a quick scene. I want to see a quick scene. Adel and Paul, you are getting brunch together and all of the things, and Aaron, you're the waiter, all of the things on the menu are egg related, but also kind of like in an unappetizing way. All right, cool. Thanks for meeting me here, Adel.

I've heard good things about this place but I've never been here. What you gonna get on your omelet? What's on the menu? Typically I do like an eggs florentine or something, but this, hold on, this looks a little different. The special's here. Egg m-

Hey everybody, welcome in. Hi. Hi, can I get you some bottomless raw egg mimosas to start? Or how are we feeling, we drinking today? Well, I don't know if I can go raw egg mimosa. Yeah, it's very rocky of the restaurant. Do you have anything on, you have anything on draft? Oh yeah, we got several IPAs with raw eggs. Let's see what else. Do you like a hazy IPA? Because it's hazy because of the egg. Do you have anything with a little less like egg?

Yeah like less egg or like no egg. Any eggless? Like eggless. Oh can I get like a non-egg-aholic? Is that a thing? Our eggnog has no egg in it, but everything else is going to be filled to the brim with egg. What's in the eggnog?

I don't know. And frankly, I don't want to know. Just a glass of dust. Yeah, I'm pretty sure so, you know, I'll just Get drinks on me. I'm gonna bring you a couple egg filled Bloody Marys and I will be right back. Oh, um Okay Any guesses as to what they're gonna garnish this thing with? It's probably gonna be like yoke or like dusted a y or something. Maybe it's just the shell, the empty shell. Oh, yeah. Like use that as like a serving dish or something. Paul, how how do you feel about getting up and leaving?

I'm for it. How do we do it without making you guys going to leave? You guys try to leave. Sorry. Well, no, I have I'm at the other table. I don't mean to pry. But I'd say it's like you already are. I'd stay, I have a- I'm at the other table. I don't mean to pry. Well, uh, I- I'd stay if I were you guys. Well, it seems like you already are, but- I'd stay if I were you guys.

Just, just, just, I'm a regular here. A regular. I'm a regular here. Okay. Yeah. I'd stay if I were you. Is, I mean, any, why should- so far it's a little, I don't know, it's a lot more eggy than we were expecting.

Does it get better or different? Yeah, it's very novelty. I just want better. I know, but better. But it's very eggy than we were expecting? Does it get better or different? Yeah, it's very novelty. I just want better. But it's very eggy here. But it's eggy in a way that I think you're really gonna enjoy. Did somebody want to meet the chef? You're cooking children? What do you mean? I'm a human woman.

Save scene. I was gonna turn into a whole Ratatouille thing where you have another chicken on your head under your head. Probably good we ended there. These gals love to wear heels and keep the tab open. Oh. Sexy city bees. Sexy city bees. Maybe better?

Maybe better than mine? Mr. Beeg. Mr. Beeg. Mr. Bee. Mr. Bee. Yes, it's Mr. Bee. These gals, the answer is Mr. Bee. You're so B-randa. Oh yeah, I am.

Classic. Where do you open a tab? A bar. B-R. Barbie. Barbie. Barbie. This group travels by van and loves snacks. Margot Robbie. Groupies. Ooh, that's good. Mystery machine.

That is good. Focus on the snacks. It's a certain type of snack. Oh, Scooby. Scooby snacks. Yeah, Scoobies. Scoobies. Oh. Oh, that's so smart. Tagbies.

That's really good. These snobs love a value bullet. Wait, what? I wanna see a scene real quick. Oh, I'm sorry, I don't think so. Oh, totally fine. Can I do that? Call the shots.

Was no one option this whole time? Let's keep going, let's keep going. No, no, no, no, no. Please, please, Adel. I just wanted to test the parameters of my power. I see now I have no power. Go ahead. Oh, you can behead us if you want.

You got full. I can behead you. Behead, yeah. Behead. That's pretty whimsical for something really violent that's about to happen to all of us. It turns everything whimsical. It's a fun game.

I'm realizing bees are everywhere. I do wanna see a scene. Speaking of Scoobies, of course, Scooby Gang, Janet, you're going to be Daphne. JPC, you're going to be Scooby Doo, the titular Scooby Doo. And you are, you two have sort of ran off into a room somehow by yourselves. And Scooby, you are professing your love for Daphne.

Jesus. and Scooby you are professing your love for Daphne. Oh my word is really really really rashed. Your word is really what? Oh fuck I forgot only the stoner can understand me. Your who the what? I'm sorry Scoob. Would you like a Scooby snack? No, I want to, well yes, I mean... If I can't get... if I can't get the other thing I was looking for, maybe a Scooby snack. I'm gonna assume that's a yes. Here you go.

God, okay. Well, that's pretty good, actually. Well, guess it's back to jerking off for old Scooby-Doo. What? You want me to scratch behind your ears? Okay. No, I really don't actually. Here you go. See. Yeah. Is it a truism on that show that only Shaggy

can understand Scooby or can everyone understand Scooby? It's like a Chewbacca Han Solo situation. Really? Is that true? I'm sure everybody could basically understand. Kinda did too. The rules are probably a little flexible. They might be.

They might be, right? Might be. I enjoy that Scooby Doo. They might be giants, is that the answer? Yeah, and that's the answer. All right, I'll just do a couple more of these and then we can, I guess, move on to real riddles. I don't know.

I guess you guys can help determine that. I just wanna say these fucking rule. Yeah, these are great. Great. These snobs love a valuable antique. Sotheby's. Yeah, Sotheby's. Sotheby's.

Great. Oh, Southern bees. Oh, come to the gazebo. I may only be a simple Southern bee lawyer. Mops brow with honey. Makes it worse. Gatsby bow, gatsby bow. Casey put in something that works there.

Ladies and gentlemen of the juby. Yes, yes. Okay, okay, this is a double clue. Keep your eye out for this honor student. Ah, valab, B-torian, uh. B-student, uh. Oh, a B-student. It's two separate clues that aren't related,

but take you to the same answer of what kind of B it is. Keep your eye out for this honor student. Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder. Beauty and the bees. Can I ask you something? What about that clue that leads you to Beauty and the Bees? Bees are guests, bees are guests. I'm trying to think laterally here.

This game ruins the English language. Belle just falls in love with a bunch of bees. There's something sweet and almost kind, but they are bees. Yes, they are. It just didn't. It would change the movie quite a bit if bees were just a gigantic bee.

I mean, we need to see a scene. Everything else is the same. I think we need to see a scene. Erin, obviously you're Belle. Thank you. Obviously you're the bee. And then I guess JBC and Adol, you're like animated pots and pans

and stuff sure whatever feels right for you you're not allowed to leave my castle anymore please please I feel like I just am misunderstanding you you you seem gentle there's something behind your... eyes? There are a lot of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Please, I won't cause any trouble. No one's ever talked to be that way before. I'm feeling very vulnerable and I don't like it. Ah, madam, perhaps I can illuminate the situation.

I am a flashlight! This fucking guy again. Oh If you if he turns on I'm will you sort of fly towards him, sorry, I don't know What do I look like a moth? Check out the stinger. Oh a moth flies to the light. I See, I didn't think I was going to kidnap someone quite as dumb Excuse me And the orchestra swells song

as old as B Song as old as B A tale as old as B's A tale as old as bees. A tale as old as bees. Look there, she's bees. Someone really did a half day at the office on a tale as old as bees. I need six bees. Half a day at the office.

What do we think? That's lunch? The idea of corkboard is just so blank. Yeah, I'm inspired. Let's go get sushi. Humble weave. Keep your eye out for this honor student. Is it possible that this is like, I don't know a way to say this without having to explain it,

but like how like an AP class is an AB class? Is this gonna be like AB English? No, but you're right there. Okay. Keep your eyes open. Hey, everybody. B on the lookout. B on the lookout. So it's an...

It isn't B standard. What kind of classes do you take if you're an honor student? JPC, you said it. AB classes, AP classes. Advanced B-licement. So it's AP. APIO.

APB. API, that's whereI-O. A-P-B. A-P-B, that's where bees live. A-P-B. A-P-B. It's A-P-B. A-P-B. A-P-B. Keep it, be on the lookout.

Plus A-P plus E. Ow, my brain, my brain, my brain! Aaron, I'm so sorry. That one was very, okay, how about this easy one? They're too young to sit on the dock. They're too young to sit on the dock. They're too young to sit on the dock. Sorry, just babies. Babies.

That's correct. See, that was song oriented, so Paul knew it right away. He's a musical genius. What were we gonna say, Adol? Oh, it's gonna take us to break. No. No need. Yeah, no worries.

Let's keep going. Any other ideas? And that's break! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, um, hey guys, thank you for showing up to the party, but, um, you two were the only people that showed up. So we have to cancel. Yeah. Oh, um.

Yeah, we can't do like a four square party with three people. Just, it doesn't work and I don't have a ball and I don't have any chalk. Yeah. Well, we could sort of put out a signal boost this, maybe make a website or something to see if anybody in the area who wants to play four square. Have you heard of? Speaking of four square. Have you heard of Squarespace? Squarespace isn't that the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online

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footprint. Okay. I just set up a new a page. A page of a square of a square page. Okay. I just set up a new page, a square page on a JPC. What? Hold on.

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Fount score features are free. They also offer an optional paid product found plus Wizard we're gonna go grab a drink after this. Do you want to join us? I actually have plans. Oh like a date or big dog by the wizard. Oh boy And And we're back. Does APB make sense to you guys now that I've explained it thoroughly over the course of the entire break? Yeah, we took an hour. We all cried. Just peeked behind the curtain.

We all cried. We were confused. We were scared. But we were holding hands in a circle at least. Yeah. I did not get it, Janet, until you said all points belaton and then it really clicked for me. I knew that was gonna resonate for you. I didn't get it until it was

essentially spelled out for me. Uh-huh. Three letters. Literally, with three letters. Yeah, I got it. Aaron at some point leaned over and said, be out the poison. That's when I think I got it.

That clearly clicked for me. Yeah. Okay, this is the last one of those and then we'll move into this Delightful Riddle book. Aw, 10 more, 10 more. Well, I'm afraid there are many more, but we're gonna save them for another time. But I will say, okay, we'll do two more.

Yay. Because this may already have been answered, so I'm going to supply the clue that will allow you to answer it again. These performers help make a crowd in an Australian cartoon. Circus Sol B. Blue B. These performers help make a crowd. Someone will know this. Extra B's. Also because again you did already say the answer earlier. Um, uh, kangabees. They might be giants. Wallabees, wallabees.

Wallabees. Yeah, because you know, wala is the sound of like general mumbling in cartoons. So then I put the Australian thing on it. Oh my god. Brilliant. That is a super inside reference. Some of us aren't voice actors. It is very inside.

And finally, this guy is Green Clay. Gumby. That's right, Gumby. green clay. Gumbi! That's right, Gumbi! Hulk B! Hulk B! Great job, guys. Great job with the bees. Really, really good work.

Thanks a lot. What grade would you give us? Great job, Janet. I give you a solid B... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààààà Ah! Minus. Oh. Oh. Oh. OK. Unfortunately, we are going to have to move on to some riddles. Unfortunate B.

Unfortunate B. Unfortunate B. My favorite James Bond actor is George Lazen B. Lazen B. OK. I'm more of a Sean Conner B. The guy that sucks at Thunderbob. Oh my okay. I'm more of a Sean Connerbee. God is so excited about this. Oh my God. George Lazzenbee.

Octopusbee. Octopusbee. A warning about the content of this book. What you can expect of these riddles, I think, is clear in the first kind of page that's, I think, trying to just sort of get you acclimated. And that riddle is, again, it's like an intro that's also a riddle.

It's gonna be super racist, right? Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure, without a doubt. If there's any slurs that you need us to beep out, Janet, just let me know, I've got my beep ready. You got your beep. Oh god. Taco BL. It's branded, we have a Brandon Beep on the show.

There's nothing I can do about it. That's cool placement. That's cool placement. I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't said it. Okay. On land and sea and in the air, riddles, riddles everywhere. Right here in this book, you'll find a few.

For example, what's little and likes a clue. Yeah, that's right. Oh my God. You didn't say that it was all gonna be read by a witch. It started to feel like a horrible spell that someone was casting on you. It does definitely add some stakes. What's little and likes a clue?

Like, is this like a child who wants to play the board game Clue? Unfortunately, that's too sophisticated an answer. The answer is a riddle and you. What? I love it.dle and you. What? I love it. I love it. This is what you're gonna be tasked with.

That's the kind of riddle. What is Casey supposed to bleep in there? I mean, all of it? Do you just bleep all of it? Hey, Janet, can you come over here for a second? Hey, what's going on, Paul? Is there any way at this point that I can get out of this thing?

I mean, I think there have been a couple of guests. Like, I know Paul Rudd did it once, and they had to go back and erase him out of the entire episode. Okay, well, maybe I can evoke Paul Rudd. You don't think Paul's trying to leave, right? I just, I don't think he can. You don't think he's trying to leave. Like that bastard Paul Rudd who got all of our hopes up

and then ditched on the episode? The best thing to do is just to light the glitch. But you're close to catching him, right? Or is that Mothman? Couple of decades on the one. I just're close to catching him, right? Or is that Mothman? Couple of decades after it was. Oh man. Quietly drift away.

It helps if you can back your chair slowly so you start to appear smaller and smaller. Yeah, that's the plan. I'm just gonna keep getting further away. Okay, cool. It's Mothman and Ant-Man. Okay, ready? Okay, break.

Hey, can't wait, let's go. Let's go with these riddles. We're all in this. I'm so excited. Okay, you three. I'm so thrilled. Okay, you three and Casey. Hit us with this next Now we felt this Paul run as well, it's just that he gets really small crazy man He's leaving huh, huh, he's let me look out the window. But he's still participating. Yeah.

You guys, I'm sensing a pattern with our guests. Why do they all, why does this always happen at the 40 minute mark? Well, I plan for something like this. Takes off big tarp of the table. Tarp of the table to you, tarp of the table to you. As you can see under this tarp was... Is that a tarpa graphical map?

Thank you so much Janet. Outstanding. You're welcome. Hey guys, I'm back. Just to let you know it's a tarp-B graphical map. Oh my god. Our brains are going to start melting out of our... He's left again. He left again. He left. He left. He left again. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. But in all seriousness, Paul, do we have the same chair? We can talk about it offline. We can talk about it offline.

Okay, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. I tremble and shake at the least breath of breeze, yet I can take as much weight as you please. Leaf. Scale. I can take as much weight as you please, doctor's office. Oh yeah, doctor's office is great when they would make me wait don't that the bastards I

Quake and I tremble at the slightest by tremble and shake at the least breath of breeze yet I can take as much weight as you please Gravity like gravity is it like a tree but like my first thought is like tree branch or leaf or something Yeah, I mean, I think I'm leaning into the nature side of things makes sense Is it like a gravity? Is it like a tree, like my first thought is like tree branch or leaf or something. Yeah, I mean, I think leaning into the nature side of things makes sense. But it's not a leaf, it's not gravity. Is this like a little insect that could hold a bunch of weight?

It's not a cute little insect, not a bee or an ant. Is it an ugly large insect? It's really strong. Yes, it's Jeff Goldblum as he starts to transform in the fly. Yes, yes, yes. Produced by Mel Brooks. Very prescient riddle book you've got.

Okay, so outside, we're close with outside or we're on the right track with outside? Yeah, but this thing can be outside or inside. Fuck. Yeah, sorry about that. So Craigslist trembles, but it also can be outside or inside. Fuck. Yeah, sorry about that. So, Craigslist trembles, but it also holds a lot of weight. Mm-hmm. Is it like the Earth, please?

No. The planet? No, that's going very big, and I appreciate the scope, but that's going too big, but not that much too big. The ocean. But they're, oh, yeah. Water. That's correct. You got it.

It's water. Wow. That actually is a good riddle, I think. It works. It works. That's amazing. Now, this one is not so much that I think it's a challenge, but I just, you'll understand why it felt important for me to include this one.

Got it. Bim bam blamity blee. Children make something that no one can see. Noise. That's correct. I would like to see a scene. Um, Adol, you are a cremugony neighbor, um, and Paul and JBC, you're two kids who are playing outside of his house. Hey you two what's all this racket? I don't know that we're making a racket sir we're just playing we're playing Pokemon we're playing Pokemon pretend.

Pokemon? Hey a kid should be gambling what do we have here? What is this? You want in on some of this action, sir? Oh, well, what are we playing for? Don't waste your time with him, Chester. He looks like a real pussy. Yeah, I bet he can't even- He's probably not gonna bet big. He probably can't even handle the game we're playing. Yeah.

Pussy? You think I'm a pussy? I'll have you know. I served many military soldiers at a diner I used to work at. I served them at restaurants, brunch, dinner. Oh, so you had a job, so maybe you do have some money? Yeah, yes, I have a pension. Okay, we can work with that, yeah, okay. We could work on a budget, we could do that.

Okay, all right, how do we? Well, first of all, you give us $5,000. Oh, $ that. Hey, all right. Okay. Well first of all you give us five thousand dollars No, five thousand. Okay. Let me of course. I keep my money in a duffel bag under my bed. Let me just okay All right, that's good to know for later. Okay Go Okay. Now you the trick here is you gotta close your eyes for about 17 or 26 minutes. Oh, you've never seen someone close their eyes so well. Here we go.

One, two, three. You gotta keep them closed. We cut to 17 minutes later. Holy shit Chester, he did it. We've never had someone win the game before. Sir, sir, wake up. Yeah, you won. You found the Snorlax.

You bet what? You bet 5,000? Who are you? You bet 5,000, right? Yeah, yes, yes. Oh man, that's like our entire nest egg. You found the Snorlax. You bet what? You bet 5,000? Who are you? You bet 5,000, right? Yeah, yeah.

Oh man, that's like our entire nest egg. Okay, well here's your 10,000. Shit. Um... Should we double or nothing? I don't know, he's really good at the game. He can't do it twice. There's no way his luck holds out.

70, you kept his eyes closed for 17 minutes. Nobody goes 18, though. Sir, do you think you could go 18? Do you want to go double or nothing? Let's do 19. Holy shit. Okay, this could work for us. I can close them and keep them tight. Oh, and I should tell you my name. Rip Van Winkle. Yeah, we're kids. That means nothing to us.

Oh. Is that like a TikToker? We were born in 2007 so is that who is that? Hmm. Do you know RipTorn? Do you guys do kids know RipTorn? Do kids know RipTorn? Where are you going? Come back here. Hey come back here. Do kids know RipTorn? Hey do kids know RipTorn? Do kids know about Rip Torn? Hey Ripwick, do kids know about Rip Torn? I hear an old man ask if someone knows who Rip Torn is one more time. That's my favorite.

That's gotta go on the soundboard by the way. Yeah. Do you kids know who Rip Torn is? Damn it. As if he's what, like a cousin of Rip Van Winkle? Because? Well I was like, let's start here, then we'll work backwards to Washington Irving.

Rodney Allen of RIP-B? Rodney Allen of RIP-B, is that one? Oh. Yeah, it was. That was answer number 39. It was answer number 39. Put it in the bank for later. I just want to point out, and congratulate,

and give flowers, ever since Paul left twice, he's gotten every single riddle right. Yeah. Can I say that I'm not surprised at all? I have a system. Yeah, you don't know what the Paul was that came back. It could be like a multiplicity situation where he's got a closet full of Pauls

for different occasions. And one of the Pauls doesn't hold up? Just like multiplicity? Yeah, I guess, yeah. It's just like multiplicity. One of the Pauls he probably shouldn't have made that particular Paul. I'd like to see a scene. This is for anyone who wants to participate.

I'd like to see a group of different multiplicity Pauls having a meeting discussing what they're going to do about original Paul who they just can't take any longer. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Before we get into this, I'm'm just gonna bring this up one more time Should we all be kissing I know and I know and I know and I know and I know Everyone always says the beginning of meetings. I'm pervert Paul or your pervert Paul. You shouldn't be the one Kicking off to your meeting Yeah, I'm perfect. I know I'm pervert Paul

But I'm just saying I just wanna bring it up. And I'll sit down, and I'll sit down, and you guys know where to find me. Yeah, thank you pervert Paul, thank you for sitting down. Thank you. I'd be up for maybe like, yeah, I'd be up for some kissing at some point. I do wanna get through this meeting first and just like sort of like plow through the agenda.

Of course, I'm surf Paul. We all know surf Paul. Hell yeah, we do. Yeah, why don't we go around, let's have the rest of the Pauls just kind of announce ourselves. Um, we all know Serf Paul. Hell yeah we do. Yeah. Why don't we go around, let's have the rest of the Pauls just kind of announce themselves. You know, actually I have something to say.

Serf Paul, if you're gonna host these meetings, can you at least let me do coffee? Because it sucks that I'm Coffee Paul and I don't get to bring the coffee and then you serve this coffee, which is, I gotta say, burnt. And I don't know, you said this was dark roast, this is obviously a light roast,

I don't think that you know the difference. Why is Coffee Paul just not in charge of, I mean, it's like if we were having like a sex party and we didn't put Pervert Paul in charge, that would be insane. And no, Pervert Paul, I see you jumping up, we're not turning this into a sex party. Hey, single harmony Paul here,

I gotta respectfully agree. Agree, agree agree agree By far the most impressive of all the Paul's. Yeah, Paul. I love single harmony Paul would die for him I got a question for the Paul's. Do you think we were all crafted for two specific apperpents? And and the and the lights go the lights go down, the curtain closes, screen opens, there's a graphic that says Paul's That, sort of like the Nickelodeon and all that, but it's Paul's That, and then credits roll it says Paul's Abort, Surf Paul was played by Salt Paul's Abort, Wood Harmony Paul was played by Salt Paul, and then we hear one clapping in the theater and

the camera turns and it's Paul's Abort. Orson Welles style, there we go. Yay scene! And scene! Rose Paul. Rose Paul. If Miss Isippe, known as Skippy, gave Miss Uri full of fury her new jersey to wear at the fair, what, oh what, would Della wear? A mini soda. A mini. I love it and must tell you it's incorrect. A Rhode Island.

A Connecticut. Just saying it in a cool voice doesn't necessarily mean. A Florida, I got this, I got this. Turkey, he would wear a piece of turkey. Oh, I think I know. Is it Idaho, no, Idaho don't know, Alaska? Adle? I can't believe this has happened.

I'm not sure if this has ever happened in the history of this show. Not only did you get it right, you added something valuable to the riddle. The answer is actually just, I don't know, but Alaska. You said Idaho, but Alaska. And that's actually a better answer. Yes.

I object. I object. Adel's brain is uniquely broken in a way that my brain cannot break. This is unfair. I mean, I agree with everything you're saying. It doesn't change the fact that he has done something very special here today. I know. I know. He looks so cool in front of our guests and I look like...

I know. Like a Tex ass. Hey! Yeah. Just wears your Tex ass. Okay, I need to see a scene. I need to see a scene. Each of you are representing the state you were from

in the character that you feel that that state would present as, like, at a little cocktail party for all the states. All right, everyone, let's make some Ellen noise. This is a fun party, everyone. Yeah, let's just all just kind of clinkies, make some more noise of course some Illinois's I'm sorry I'm wicked late I had to pick up some beer

what's going on you guys think you're better than me what are you talking about how's everyone looking at me no you were you want to fight no all right hang on you guys are going too fast we jot this down okay do you want to fight no okay keep going Who's this nerd? I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I gotta erase this now Okay, who's this nerd? Okay go nerd. I'm talking to you. What where you were? Where who are you? I'm, Pennsylvania Oh my god. Oh my god Gawd you guys what I I Arizona'd out for a second.

Arizona'd out. I gotta put so many of these in quotes because they're puns. And Indiana. Hee-haw! Blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl Heed the scene and let the letters pour in. Dear Hey Riddle Riddle. Imagine my surprise. Those are my people. Hey, if these dumb donkeys learn how to do a typewriter,

I'll be shot. Dude. How are we doing on time? How many more riddles would you like to jam? Two. Two. 17. 17.

OK. I heard 17. number whatever this is. Walk, this one is good. Walk on the living, they don't even mumble. Walk on the dead, they grumble and grumble. Leaves. That's correct. Wow.

Wow. Why is it so macabre? But also bees. Walk on the living. Leave bees, leave bees. It is leaves, it is leaves. Great job, JBC, great job. Leave bees, leave bees, leave bees, leave bees.

Find the least witch-like one, but read it as the witch. Yes, please. Heard. Heard, herd. Herd, Jeff. When crossing a desert, why is it that, though you don't get hungry, you might get fat. Janet, I'm in heaven. Your old man puzzles from now on. I'm so sorry. We're trapped here.

GBC, get the net. Get the net you're using to catch Mothman. We're catching Janet. I need this for Mothman. I need this. Is it because it's a dessert? Wrong! Boo.

But I have to say really good guess. I have to talk impressive guess. Um, okay, why am I? So you're getting fat because you're crossing the desert, but you don't get hungry? Is this like a sand dune blowing across the desert and it's like becoming a bigger dune? You're onto something, young man. Pfft.

Uh, no thank you, Mr. Switch. I'm actually, I'm a boy and I don't, no thank you to that. Oh, it's a puzzle. This is, the answer has almost been laid out right before you and what you just said, ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Is this like you get fat but it's like PHAT, like pretty hot and thirsty?

Like the Pharaoh? Oh, wait, fuck. The Pharaoh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Is this a Pharaoh beast? No, but you're both very fly. Ha ha ha ha. Ooh!

Hmm. Uh. Young man, you were right there and you don't even know. Could you read the riddle again? I just don't wanna say. But make it way more witty. You don't wanna say't even know. Could you read the riddle again, but make it way more witty? You don't wanna say. I don't think I understood the riddle.

Is this like a sandwich? Could you read it again but witchier? That's correct. You because of the sand, which is there. Dead stop. You see, you asked for something that wasn't about a witch, but I had the page turn to something that was. So I had to do it.

Janet, so sorry to give you a dead stop. So sorry, is the witch's sort of celebratory noise knee-knee? Was that what you did? Just real quick, I just wanna call attention. Casey, can we clip that and then play it a hundred times in a row right here? What was it, Janet, was it knee-knee? Knee-knee!

God, that sucks. Yeah, Janet, was it knee-knee? Yeah-Nee! God, this sucks. Yeah, Janet, was it Nee-Nee? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's the greatest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. And my ringtone is now Nee-Nee. And we will have, folks, look into public.com,

we will have Nee-Nee merch by this point. I have to assume. Oh yeah, it would be like a bewitched kind of like 1960s witch Janet on a broom and it will say Nee-Nee on it. And she'll be zooming up into the sky. People do say I look like Elizabeth Montgomery for better or for worse. Okay.

We'd like to take- People add that last part, that last part really sucks for someone to add. You look like Elizabeth Montgomery for better or for worse. To which I say- Jesus. Knee knee.

Well, don't just say knee knee, but also give us some plugs. Janet Varney, Queen Ne-Ne herself. Jen-nee-nee Varney? Jen-nee-nee Varney! Jen-nee Varney? Jen-nee-nee Varney.

Jen-nee-nee Varney-nee, what do you have that you would like to plug? Knee-bee-bee-bee. Knee-nee-nee-bee-bee. Paige, you think I fucked you over here? Yeah, I think so. Shut the door behind you. I think so. GBC. Shuts door behind you, locks door.

Oh my, well, you can check out the, depending on whether this airs fairly new podcast that I do with John Hodgman called E Pluribus Motto in which we explore the various mottos and state symbols of many of these United States. That's available anywhere you get podcasts, courtesy of the Maximum Fun Network. Outstanding. Thank you also so much

for being our old witch puzzles today. That was a tremendous job. We will have you back, and we expect much more B pun riddles. Great. Yeah. On it. We can do about 30 more of the B things, and then we might get to two riddles. Cancels everything, cancels Netflix, I think is what you said. I said cancel SketchFest, but yeah. Great. On it. We can do about 30 more of these things, and then we might get to two riddles. Cancels everything, cancels Netflix,

I think is what you said. I said cancel SketchFest, but yeah. Just let me have this. Adil, let me have this. Let me live in the dream if there's no SketchFest to work on for the next couple of months. Can you also share your SketchFest password with me? I just have one watchable.

Paul Sabourin, thank you so much for being our guest today. You all. What do you have to plug or promote? Well, I'm part of music comedy duo, Paul and Storm. You can find our music, the places you usually find music, which is on the winds. Hard to access. Wafting across the moor. Very rarely find music there.

Mostly just like voices telling me to kill and I'm not gonna kill. They keep trying. But they're like kind of sing song at least, right? Yeah, of course. No, that's their, the Shining parody song. You should listen to it, it's really good. Okay.

And as has been mentioned, I help run Joko Cruz, which again, everybody here is going to be on this year. It sells in March of 2025. It's basically this for a whole week. There's witches. But you should still come. There's bees, you should still come. Yeah, that's just one part of the ship.

It's a great time. Some people say it's the best week of their entire lives. Yes. It's really one of the best weeks of my life. And I am thrilled to be going back. Thank you, Erin. You were the hit of the cruise. Everyone was saying.

Agree. Everyone was saying. You were the talk of the town, see? I asked. But you can go to jococruise.com to find out more information and see the entire lineup. And then book it if you wanna. Oh yeah.

I would like to plug or promote it with Janet's permission. Janet, everyone who comes on JoCo In 2025 that when we're all on it, is it okay if they if they alone have permission to call you Janine Yvonne knee Absolutely, and they can also call me that at any number of shows at sketch fest including both of yours Hell yeah, as to people she's staring at at a computer right now including both of yours. Says two people she's staring at on a computer right now.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Erin Keefe, what do you have to plug or promote? Just, if you have the means to go on the JoCo cruise, I cannot recommend it enough. I think it will become a fixture of your life. If you go, you will basically be here. It certainly is one of mine. Around it, yes.

Addle anything to plug. I would like to plug or promote with Janet's permission that anyone who buys a ticket to Joe Crow is able to call her Janine Yvonne. Okay, I'm breaking down because I said this already. That's just Joe Crow. The Joe Crow Cruise. I will be hosting another year of the Joe Crow Cruise. Bad news this year, we didn't get a cruise ship.

We did get a crow, so we will have the crow. A crow's ship, which is as the... We got a crow's nest. Just a floating, single floating crow's nest that everyone has to squeeze into. Actually, Joe Crow Cruise is just a tiny little thing that happens only in the crow's nest on the broader JoCo Cruise.

It's a cruise within a cruise. Three people get the special experience, except they also are stuck up there for a week. Yeah. Three people get the special experience. Except they also are stuck up there for a week. Yeah. Yeah. I dress up like Johnny Depp from Pirates of the Caribbean and I stand on it and then I like sail it into a dock.

Haven't hit the dock yet. I feel like my crow's nest guy's kind of fucking me on this because I keep getting like probably 150 yards from the dock and I'm swimming the rest of the way. Johnny Depp never had to swim huh? Wonder what the difference is. Anyway, I'm getting pissed off. Let's end the episode.

JBC, anything to plug or promote? OK. Thank you. Be happy forever. I'm the Apple Refine. Starring Aaron Jephen and John Patrick Collins. Casey Toney does the editing. And Marty Perrin does the music.

Casey Toney to the editing! And Marty Perrin to the music! Booko created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Nemours! 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, RIP to Richo! Hey there, Kissings and clones! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We bring you to the front lines of the JPC Wars. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalogue at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!