Hey Riddle Riddle - #33: The One With The Most!

Episode Date: March 6, 2019

An episode JAM PACKED with the most Riddles we've ever done?! Erin is given a mysterious box full of puzzles and makes Adal & JPC do as many as humanely possible in this potent potent episode! Rumors abound about what Erin drinks! We introduce HRR Nights! and you better believe there's some audience homework! MOST RIDDLES EVER! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I'm JPC. And I'm stressed. I'm supposed to be running. I'm Erin Keepe. Erin, let's dish your stressed. Mm-hmm. Well, not really. Having a great weekend. Mm-hmm. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running.

I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running.

I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I'm going to be running. I you supposed to be running? I'm Erin Keap. Erin, let's dish your stressed. Well, not really. Oh, okay. Having a great weekend.

Doing great. You're having a great weekend, even though this is a Wednesday. I guess so. Your full of shit. I am. We can not likely record these episodes at midnight on a Tuesday, so that they get released on a Wednesday morning. Just so we're super topical.

We're like South Park. Yeah, we're just like South Park. Oh boy. Every week we kill our coast. Then they come back the next week. Do they still do that on South Park? You know what? Don't give any spoilers. I'm about 15 seasons behind.

So don't tell me how it works. Who's our old man Pussies? I am old man Pussies. Oh! I think you guys are having a great weekend. His old man Pussies. Two of my friends got engaged. I accidentally, I took an Advil,

got two Advil PMs, and then I slept, and I woke up. You accidentally took two? No, I took them on purpose. And then I woke up, and then I ate breakfast, and then I fell asleep the rest of the day. And that's good news? I don't know.

I'm just saying that's part of my weekend. I got to sleep like 20 hours and one day. It was so good to live in awesome. That happened today? That happened yesterday. Yesterday morning you took an anvil p.m. No. On Friday evening I took an anvil p.m. I think I just, it just like sat in my stomach.

I ate food. It hit me. Got it. And then I slid to sleep like six more hours But then I had a great rest of the day. I did world news with you idiots. Okay, someone came to the world news show dressed as Nintendo cafe Mm-hmm, which blew my sister's mind and now I'm here with you. Okay, this timeline has Got me all fucked up because I don't understand you took an Advil P.M. on a Friday evening I took two then you went out and fucking parties. No, I didn't you. You took an Advil PM on a Friday evening. I took two.

Then you went out and fucking party. No, I didn't. You just had dinner and went to sleep. No, I didn't eat anything. Advil PM. Oh, the PM. So this is what the show is. The old has come to.

Yeah, sorry. First of all, I hold in puzzles and I'll get into it. I have to discover Aaron's lies because if I let her lies go unchecked, it's chaos. Yeah, it's energy. All right name six lies. I've told You are under the age of 20. Oh, thank you What is that you tell me six lies that I've told? Oh, thank you. Thank you so much No, Aaron. I don't think that you're a liar. I just couldn't follow the logic of the story because I thought it was a riddle.

And I thought, I'm already in a riddle brain. So my riddle brain is working at maximum efficiency, which is 20% of a normal person's brain. I'm like 80% of a dog's brain. I'm like limitless except I have a bad defective dog's brain. Is that what it says? Does that make sense? Yeah, it actually makes a lot of sense.

But it's still a good boy. Yeah, I'm like Bradley Cooper limitless, although I have a lot of sense. But you still have good boy. Yeah, I'm like Bradley Cooper limitless, although I have the body of a soft boiled potato oath and the brain of a dog who's all horny. So what's up other than the fact that I'm old man puzzles are we ready to get into it or does it any of us have any questions about this? We've been ready. Yeah. Well, I was handed a box by Joe Gallagher. Do you know him? He's in the community.

Yes. Great. He's great at taking pictures if you want to hire him. But he knows that I do the show and he handed me a box of riddles. Are we ready? What? What?

A man handed you a box of riddles? Yes. OK. And then he disappeared when I turned around to look at him again. And he's great at taking pictures. What? A man handed you a box of riddles? Yes. Okay. And then he disappeared when I turned around to look at him again. And he's great at taking pictures. And first of all, that's a burlap sack. I can't believe that's full of snakes.

Oh, well, he said they were. You are being bitten repeatedly. Wait, a burlap sack full of snakes in Aaron, which is the real one? Who do I shoot? Aaron, did you hear what I said? I called you a burlap sack full of six.

Oh, this thing so wake you up. Was that your margin? Pression. I thought Holy I thought we could do something a little different. Yes. And the risk in this is we might have a riddle we've done before, but even better.

I'm trying to do these as quickly as possible. And if you miss it, I'm going to do a, you got it pile, and then you don't have it pile. But these warm up riddles. When you said that you wanted to try something a little different, did you mean that we should all be nice to each other? No, I don't think that people would like that.

It would be like one. It would be like watching a puppy hang out with an alligator. People would be like, nervous the whole time. Oh, that's true. Actually, that's what they're doing for the puppy bowl next year. They're tossing in a Cayman Neil Cayman American God are we ready? Yes, and do you want it?

So I give like a win for JPC win for adult. Should this be a competition? No, Adel and I prefer to work together We're best as a team. All right, so you two are the alligator and I'm a puppy. We're doing a buddy cop specs script. It's called the dipshit nobody. I Play nobody. Yeah, I'd be two Okay, all right are you ready? Yes? Papa horny for Okay, I'm gonna put dipshit nobody in my office. We're both nobody. We've been in your office It's nice chipshit, nobody in my office. We're both nobody. We've been in your office. It's nice in there, chief. You've got nice coins.

This movie sounds really bad. Yeah, it's a TV show. I'm ready. Are we all ready now? We know our limits. Yeah. On your mark, here comes the timer. Get set.

Can't you just say riddle set go like it didn't up top? To just to support that. Riddle, set, go. What can be returned without being borrowed? Package. Nope. You get like a couple more days. What can be returned without being borrowed?

Return, a stand. Return the Jedi, the Jedi. A boomerring. Nope, a greeting. Boomerring works. if I am your brother But you are not my brother who are you? What is covered in holes and yet still holds water? Somebody who's been shot no cover the whole but still hold water

Covered the whole still holds water Whole the book. And it's a sponge. Damn it. Uh, I fly without wings. I cry without eyes. What am I? At that.

No. Airplane. Airplane. No, I fly without wings. I cry without eyes. I cry. Time, time, time, time, time. No.

Uh, time crisis. Time cop. What cry? John Clovendin. Uh, uh, people, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, Is it rich? Send in those Nimbus, cumulus, clouds. Oh, all our three listeners know about the musical a little night music, we're gonna love that joke. And our four cloud listeners, that's a, oh, please say Stratus. I'm too long, who's the biggest?

Mr. Larger, Mrs. Larger, or their baby? Mrs. Larger, women are bigger. Oh, Kido, Kido key in terms of their personalities. No, and in Japan. No, he's the biggest Mr. Larger Mrs. Larger or their baby. None of them. They're all the larger. Nope. They're baby. Quickly. Mr. Larger. Yeah, why? They're baby. Yeah, why? Because baby, it's cold outside. Yeah, because baby it's cold. That's Quickly I don't because he's the biggest baby because the babies is fucking sense because it's a little larger

Mother of skunker. Can I see that card? I'm gonna put that in the fireplace. I'm gonna tear that How do you say race car backwards race car? It's a palindrome. It's a palindrome How do you solve a problem like Maria race car? How do you say race car backwards race car turn around say it? What race car backwards race car backwards? And what way can five come before four and three if five eats four if there's I'm gonna say if there's word play if there's, I was going to say there's wordplay. If there's four play. If there's four play. That's funnier. What is the quick? In what way can five come before four and three? If you're counting backwards.

Yeah. If you're dumb. We've had something similar to this before. In what way can five come before four? Oh, in the dictionary. Is this about cuckolding? Okay, dictionary, never mind. Never mind. Okay, what comes next in the following sequence? Oh, TTFFS. Oh, TTFFS. FFFS stands for for fuck's sake. No.

Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Oh, TTFFS. Oh, TTFFS. I don't care. This one is one that I don't care about. Yes, it does. OTTFFS. Mm-hmm. OTTFFS. I don't care. This one is one that I don't care about. Oh, you do.

OTTFFS. Friday, Saturday. OTTFFS. Over time. TV, TV, F-S-G-A-J-J-T-L-M-O-T-T-F. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. So it comes next. Yes.

OTTFFS. Your parents have five sons. T T F one two three four five six seven. So it comes next yes Your parents have five sons and each son has one sister how many children are there in your family? Everyone everyone's a child Wait, what parents have five sons and each son has one sister. How many children are there in your family six? Sisters are related to brothers by brother What? But if you say how many children are in your family every person every human is a child every kiss begins And case ends for kids you got it what needs to be fed to stay alive, but die and give in a drink Aaron Aaron

The answer is Aaron. Oh, You get drunk so fast. Oh. Uh, this is fire. The answer's fire. Uh, and the drink is piss. Oh my gosh. What flies when it's born lies when it's alive and runs when it's dead. Don't. Say me. River. What flies when it's born lies when it's alive and runs when it's dead. Man, what's the second part? Are you saying lives? Lies. L-I. So it flies, lies and runs. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive and runs when it's dead?

It runs when it's dead. The Senate? It's a snowflake. It's a snowflake. From what five letter word can you remove two letters and yet only have one left? Any word that has one in it? Yeah. Twons, twon.

Twons and twons. I mean, you've got to, I mean, word that isn't a word. So congratulations to you, sir. I'm going to put this in the baby. Here we go. Here we go. Aaron, Aaron, loner. No.

Loner. What? The word I was looking for was stone. The timer has gone off. And twons. And twons. The timer has gone off. And a tent. How we did. Okay.

Remember, Adel has one in his hand that he also. One, two, three. That he said he was going to rip up but he didn't. Oh, that's the note pile. You got five correct. Okay. Oops. Aaron, just built her wind.

You got one maybe and that was the stone one. It was like sort of you got it. Yeah. One, two, three like sort of you got it. Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six, wrong. Well let's count to maybe it's a right. No, we will not. We'll count it as a wrong.

Okay, well here's a compromise. I accept your terms. How about that? The reason why I decided to do this, and we're going to do it again in the second, is we get a lot of complaints that we don't do enough riddles on this show. So I was gonna try to have this be the episode where we do the most riddles. Also, when we get a lot of complaints every week about, and I'm not gonna skewer numbers here,

about 90 million people listen to this show. We get maybe, you're skewing down. We get skewing down. We get maybe 45 million people, ask you guys, tell us that we don't do enough riddles. How about we do this? Here's what I'm gonna pause it. Let's say for the rest of the time.

You say pause it or pause it. We're gonna pause it. Let's press pause. Okay, press pause. Okay, hold on, okay. So KJ, keep recording, keep recording. This is definitely being recorded, but we're pausing it. So this doesn't count.

Oh, I'm sorry, I mean P-A-W-S. Yes, go to paush, Chicago, adopt a doggy. Adopt a doggy. Ad, I'm sorry. I mean P.A. W.S. Yes go to paush, Chicago adoptive doggy Adopted doggo. Here's what I'm gonna say okay. How about for the rest of this episode? We just do as many riddles as we can we don't we don't bring any fun or joy to the show We don't do any jokes. There's no banter or humor no improv scenes. Mm-hmm. We just do riddles and as many as we can Just kind of serve up a heaping plate of fuck you. Does that make sense? I think we should do scenes because that's what brings us joy. Well, it's not about us. It's about... I want to see a scene right now in the middle of this pause.

Adel, you're going to be playing the role of the lifetime. Adel, Adel-Adel-Refi. You're gonna be playing Adel-Refi, circa, let's call this June, 2018. You're gonna be approaching Aaron, you're gonna be playing JPC. You're a young shot improviser, talk of the walk, one of the biggest names in town. I don't know. And I will be playing the character Aaron Keith. Aaron Keith is kind of this like effortlessly gorgeous.

Country bumpkin. Country bumpkin. Country bumpkin. From Boston. No. And Adel, you're gonna be approaching the two of us and we're out on a roller skating date. And you're gonna be approaching the two of us.

Are we dating of June of last year? We are dating the roller skates. Okay. Wait, we were dating June of last year. Yeah, we both dated. Oh, we all three of us dated a man named June in July of last year. But you're gonna be approaching the two of us

about coming on your riddle podcast and we're gonna have some pitches to make it better. Okay. Ooh, I'm glad I skated up to you too and caught up. Yeah, we're all going at the same pace and we don't have to pant very hard Oh, Aaron you lost your country accent I've packed my con have a job. I've packed my con have it. Yeah, I a lot of job

10 Kennedy Do that moment did you notice that like a year ago? I stopped wearing bandanas Call me interesting bandanas. Call me interesting. Call me interesting. So I thought to, I mean we've talked a little bit about this, but I thought to go ahead and do that podcast I was thinking about. I am podcast, Father. Can you milk me? I love riddles. JBC pump the brakes. I love riddles and I'd love to do your podcast and I do love riddles. So Aaron, I'll hold you to that. Yeah So basically what I was saying and I love attention and I Can you do that? We both do that JPC we both love attention and we need it when we die So the idea is the three of us sit around we pose riddles to each other puzzles and

We try and answer them but along the way we do improvise scenes We get sidetracked with some bits and fun and goose and gags. Okay. What do you think? I like it, but can we maybe do a segment on the show where I bring in a lot of my bullshit from my Boston family, and I maybe just talk about the departed once or twice, or maybe the movie The Town town, every episode. And we talk about maybe my dirtbag brother,

and law, Mitch. That's kind of my pitch for the direction of the show. Yeah, fun. GPC. Can I just be a garbage villain who just continues to make everything I touch worse? Like a reverse king minus? Yeah, exactly.

And I'm going to talk about spaghetti, my dog, and the dish that I love. And then I'm going to talk about spaghetti, my dog in the dish that I love. And then I'm going to keep bringing up Bremlins and I'm going to keep bringing up the same quotes from Robert De Niro says, and that's sort of going to be my thing. Okay. But I am, Aaron and I are going to form a really beautiful friendship that will last well into 2025. Okay. So you're in. Uh, you're in. I'm getting thirsty. Okay, so you're in. You're in, I'm getting thirsty. No, I'm just kidding, it's not true that I drink piss

even though it is widely accepted and known about me. And it is where the reason I get so many UTIs, by the way, could we maybe do a statement on the show where I talk about my UTIs and then act shocked with people on Twitter message me about my UTI friends. Even though, even though, at Fairness, they should not be doing that. Hey friends, I think I'm just gonna stick with Magic Tiber. Yeah, that's a good call.

Shark Barkman on Instagram. That was the most fun scene I've ever done. Also, I stopped drinking piss in 2016 that I've heard enough about it. Yeah, it's exactly. Doesn't, doesn't, Gwyneth Paltrow drink around piss? Or there's some celebrity. Oh, there's,

In New York, there's Pissrat. Yeah. There's that rat they found drinking it's on piss. Uh-huh. Pissrat. Do you want to try to beat your record? Hey, real quick. Are we happy that we did this podcast?

Oh. I'm so happy I did this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a great question. Where are you making a drinking off motion? Oh, this is a talking motion. Oh my God, is that what people associate this motion with? I don't know if I've ever said this on air,

if I have, please stop me. But it was JPC and I for maybe two years, we're talking about doing a podcast. And I think what we had settled on was maybe being like, Zucru. We had some bad ideas, yeah. We had some bad ideas. We're gonna be like a Zoo Crew team. Like morning radio team. Like a morning radio team and just like do like interviews with like fake people promoting whatever they're in town for. So this podcast. So this podcast. Yeah. And then at some point we thought to bring on and then the whole idea changed.

That's sweet. So I want to just to and then the whole idea changed. That's sweet. So I want it just to let everyone know and blame Aaron. You're the reason we don't have that amazing morning's accrued. Well, I- 106.4 the bear. I'm Donkey Kong and I'm Kongy-Dunk. That's what you would have been missing out. Yeah, can you imagine that for 60 episodes?

I am in October of 2017, Adel mentioned that to me offhand. And I was like, let's say yes to this. It'll probably never happen. Everyone's so busy. Adel's so busy. And then in April of that year, we recorded seven episodes of a 2018. We recorded seven episodes.

And I was still like, this is really sweet and fun and I'm laughing really hard and this is great. And I think, I don't know, it just, it didn't, it wasn't until it came out that I was like, oh my goodness, this is going to be a huge part of my life. And is it? I try to push it away. I try to compartmentalize it. Yeah, I was like, I have too much of my life going on to do this podcast right now, so I have to stop doing some things. So I wrote both of my brother's letters and said, I'm no longer going to be your brother. It's been chill, it's been a,

It's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a,

It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, It's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a, it on the street, you will be a stranger to me. It was thing I know about siblings is it's not chill. No, it's not chill. No, I mean my brothers are pretty chill with each other. I can't relate. Yeah, it's because my family's not Boston trash. We're all Indian and nice.

Oh, we're nice. We're actually all nice to each other. We say, no, you go through the door. And I'm saying, no, no, you go through the door. And then we realize, and then no one goes through the door. We're not even going into this present. Okay. Are you ready to beat your record?

This time it's serious. There's higher stage. Okay, this time it's serious. I'm going to throw a cup of water into one of your faces. Adults. Hey, we're in a riddle. This time it's serious. This time we should do,

hey, we're in a riddle nights. How much time do you guys have? Oh, I was thinking we should do a show on Serious. Yeah, serious radio, if you're listening, please give us a show. Serious radio is listening to this podcast. How? That's a riddle. But we should do Hey Riddler Riddler nights,

where it's like way more serious, a little more adult. Let's all try to talk in a very serious, after- serious after dark. Oh, it's 10 p.m. It's 10 p.m. The kids are asleep. Take your boobs out of your shirt. Just like USA. Just like USA up all night. Remember USA up all night and they'd be like, we're about to take some boobs out of shirts. Silk stockings. And on that note, we're going to try to beat our record. Are we ready? Yes. Yes. Paupe say Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. Paupe. each cot of fish, but only three fish were caught. How is that possible? It was three people, a grandfather, father, and son. We've had that one. Yes.

Why is letter B always wet? Because it's covered in come. Oh my god. Why is letter B always wet? Yeah. Uh, uh, because um, it comes before C, B, uh, B is always wet. God. Sort of it. It's always right before the C. Because it always sits by the C. Yes, it's right. What is measured by yard and then worn by the feet? By the foot.

Do you? What is measured by the yard and worn by the foot? Fruit by the foot. Oh, fruit by the foot. Not fruit by the foot. Fruit by the yard. Oh, milk shakes. Milk shakes. Milk shakes because of the voice of the yard. Everyone is super jealous of me at school, because I brought a foot by the foot. Fruit by the foot. Fruit by the yard. Measured by the yard and oh milkshakes, milkshakes

with all the boys in the yard. I'm gonna see for jealous of you at school because I brought a foot by the yard and everyone wanted to trade their lunch with me, dude. I got 17 lunchables for that one foot by the yard. Whoa, your mom packed you gum shurs. That's so, uh, what is measured by the, by the yard and worn by the foot? Uh, cloth, clothing. I bet it's shoes measured by the by the yard and worn by the foot cloth closing? I bet it's a

Shoes measured by the yard. I bet it's like backyard or something. No, it is a carpet. Fuck what comes next in the sequence 31 37 41 43 47 69 429 11 death death. Forty nine eleven. Yeah, you got it. Yeah. What comes next in this seat? Thirty one, thirty seven, forty one, forty three, forty seven. I don't know. I hate these. I hate these. I refuse to do them. How do you see your pride numbers? Oh God. Some of us know prime number. What gets shorter as it grows older? Penis. Penis. What goes shorter? Aaron this is Heyward a real nice. Oh, it's okay. Well take your boobs out of your shirt I know sir and let you and let your penis get shorter take your take your penis out of your shirt

But You didn't get it. There's a video on Twitter that I saw last week of this, it's like Russian people yelling at each other. And there's like either a very drunk or sleepy man trying to put a pants on as a shirt for like just two minutes while people are having a conversation. And he just keeps putting those pants on and trying to find the head hole, but there's not one.

So he puts his arms through the pant legs and then tries to put his head through it. And around him, two men almost come to like, well, they're like, they almost say it. I don't speak Russian, but they're like, just densely yelling at each other. Man, it's funny. I haven't seen it, well, he's sending it to me.

Absolutely, Aaron. What two letters in the alphabet say goodbye? F you. F you. Yeah, one of those right. F off. No. You up, you too.

You, BB, but by. You as second. See you BB B. I you is second See you see you I see to be has anyone ever read the book CDB oh Tired children's book written like CDB DB S a B Z B Is it a realist? Every concert Casey and Jojo what?

Casey and Jojo? What? What is that? Casey and Jojo? Everybody dance now! See and see Jojo. What do the following words have in common? Almost below first ghost glory. All words. They're all words. Yeah, they are.

They're all holes. Ghost hole, glory hole. Almost. The classic ghost hole. Watch out in the back yard the backyard Timmy there's a ghost hole. I don't believe in ghosts I want to see a scene Aaron you're a kid who fell through a ghost hole in the backyard JPC year the aforementioned ghost in the hole Okay, and this is like the Japanese anime ghost in the shell, but it's ghost in the hole no Okay, so it's just a kid fell through a ghost hole and they were talking to a ghost. Gotcha.

Boo! Well, what are you doing here in my private ghost home? Are you a ghost? Yeah, hey, are you a kid? Yeah, I'm a kid. You want to see a dead body? You are a dead body. Well, yeah, it's my little joke. I'm a dead body. I'm a ghost. I'm a cat. Are you like a 70s ghost? What does that mean a 70s ghost? Ugh.

I can button the rest of this shirt, but it's breezy down here. We cut to just a quick snippet of your sitcom that you used to be on called That 70s Ghost. And this is just a two minute flashback. Uh, you're a dipshit, Eric. Come on, why don't you say that? Hey, pass me some reaper.

I'm your dad. I just want some reaper, dad. You said you found it under my bed. I was in Robocop. Don't be so square. I'm also realizing I think this actor's dead. We got back to the present. Anyway.

I'm too young to know that reference. You're too young to know that 70 show fuck you. I was in 2005. I'm a kid. Oh, that's right. I forgot we were still doing a scene. This is just how I talk. Okay, kid.

Well, look, you fell in my- Oh, and see. The timer went off. Oh. This is just how I talk. Okay, kid. What look? You fell in my... Oh, and see. The timer went off. Oh. The beautiful thing. You tried to beat your record. You couldn't.

You cowards. One, two, three, four. You got four riddles right. Wait, but we were doing a scene during the time. I know. Well, that's what happens. Okay. We're trying to break a world record for riddles.

Wow, this is fucking harsh. This is so harsh. But I didn't finish that the almost below first ghost in glory, all their letters are an alphabetical order. Almost below first ghost. We never would have gotten that. Ghost glory. That was probably one that feels like a second half

the episode is a little bit harder. Yeah, it seems like a little shit. That feels like it's going to be a little bit harder. If you riddle, riddle nights. Nights. I'm new to the riddled, night's night. Night's. I'm new to the job and I don't know what. You're new to being a night? Yeah, new.

You just wear armor, you have a sword. Also, you went through a two week training program. So you've claiming to be new to the job now. I'm new to it though. Well, you keep saying that, but you. You knew to be paid for it. You were paid during training. You have a 50% of what I was going to end up getting paid.

Well, you just had to buy your own uniform, but it's a suit of armor and that's expensive. Yeah. Hey, listen, I know sometimes when you're scheduled to lose and you're out there and the crowds go crazy and they get their turkey legs and the coke that you might want to feel like a big shot and win. Throw your fucking matches. Why? As medieval times, baby. Yeah, baby, this ain't Creed II.

You know what I'm not going to? Glory or nothing. And we kill, we kill for real? Oh, yeah. We kill for it. Why do you think we had to train you? Why do you think we had two weeks of trading? All right, well.

We kill for real. Medieval times, we kill for real. Why do you think we had to train you? Why do you think we had two weeks of trading? All right, well. We kill for real. Medieval times. We kill for real. We kill for real. I went to Medieval times, not as kid, nice legit watch tonight, get killed. For real?

No. No. No. I went for a friend. What a terrible thing to see as a child. I went for a friend's bachelor party. For Jeff, you guys know Jeff Greggs. Yeah. I went for his bachelor party. And it you guys know Jeff Greggs. I went for his bachelor party.

And it was me, Jeff Gregg's, Brett Lyons and Jason Chin. And we were sitting pretty close to the pitch. And at some point, a guy came by with like flowers, like he was supposed to be like some young Lothario giving out roses to women. And at some point, I just started screaming, a rose for the fellas, a rose for the fellas a rose for the fellas and

the guy was trying to ignore me and then started laughing so hard he was crying and then he tossed me a rose and that man is dead he was killed because they killed me the evil tax yeah well let's go ahead and take a quick break this is so that the three of us can change out of our armor back into our normal clothes because of course for every scene We do get into costume full costume and we do post pictures on our website and again that website is Hey never that is that comm slash train and that's coming So you check that out for all the pictures from our shows shit now we got to buy that domain

I will be back after these messages from our Sponpler We'll be back after these messages from our sponsors. Fuck keep it or hate, rip the brick door. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah? You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Attle. And I'm sending up a whole website to prank him. Okay.

I just need some advice. This print them. Okay. Okay. And I just need to have my advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website.

It gays with your audience. And me think for products that cut into time all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like an online store? Like it set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production,

and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Um, wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics.

Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website. The prank site too, love you. Whoa, that's awesome prank website. For pranks, I too love you. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for?

I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. Yes, it is. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, Adam? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine.

Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go's back, she's back. Hey, Erin, can we

go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods.

No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help.

Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed

to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey Aaron a gpc's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them Mmm dirty bread crumbs And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let therapy be your map with better help

Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp-h-e-l-p.com-riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles a D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the later day of the Tuesday. Hope you get home. Bye. Am home. Oh, who are we? What is this? I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday. And we're all so excited to talk about him.

But I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you

lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well, quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clean, clean, clean. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and

also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. I stopped. Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint.

Stop. No, Clint, Clint, Clint, stop. Throw, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches

about rocket money the website Welcome back to the fastest episode we've ever done we're gonna do every little whole wide world We're gonna break a world record in this hey real real episode are we ready you two guys It's the fastest episode we've ever done hey riddle riddle nights Hold on. Yep, Riddle, my Knights. And pause for the laughter that's inevitably happening across the nation. 90,000,000 people clapping into their podcast apps.

That's how I know you like it. Clap at us. Clap on your app. Yeah, everybody, I need you. OK, here's your homework for this week. Hey, Riddle Riddle, listeners. I want you to film yourself listening to Hey,dle riddle and at any joke in this episode I want to watch you applaud us. Uh, yes, that's what we want. And we'll and maybe I'll post a montage

on our Instagram and just so you know, uh, we will not post sarcastic applause. Yeah, we wanted to look truly earnest and enthusiastic. Yeah, no like, a little snappy golf applause. We don't want that. We don't need any like, we don't need any like, you know, Trump coming into the state of the Union of applause. Yeah, no Pelosi claps. Also, if you make your cat or dog clap, we will post that.

Oh yeah, certainly. Any animal has big catapult. I'll hop it, I'll hop it clapping. You only get creative with this. Also, if you make that. But no sex dolls, no sex dolls. If you make that ass clap, now start a booty quack. And if you start a booty quack, people can die.

So if you do that, just know that you're taking your life in your hands and you're taking the life of a pool. KJPC, I know we're having a flammable podcast and have a good time. Okay, good. My uncle died in a booty quick. Oh my God. My uncle died in the booty quick, 83.

He was in Nevada and right near the fault line. Jesus. I know this in no way diminishes your pain, but my uncle passed from an Oreo cheese quick. He ate it too fast at dairy queen and he was... My uncle. My uncle. My uncle.

My uncle died in a quake or oats. And my name is... Your uncle, your primordial? Yeah, yeah. He died in quake oraker, that's terrible. I actually had an uncle pass away from he was pulling the video game Quaker for original computer. You know, the first computer.

For original computer? For OC, and he did that's way. I'm so sorry to hear you. I know, no more uncles. I'm so sorry to hear you. Well, that's all of them. No more uncles. You're right. I do uncles, that was it. We're going to stick to this and you're going to keep trying to beat your five minute record.

And I'm going to not pause it because the scene starts, but I don't want that to make you hesitate to do a scene. I think you can have it all. OK, but when you say our five minute record, just so I'm clear, that is specifically the record for answering riddles quickly. Correct? Okay. Because I have several five minute records. Well, what are they, David? That if I wanted to try to beat, I could try to beat

them now and I could do that while answering the riddles. But you don't want me to do that. You took all your teeth out in five minutes. You got back together with all your exes in five minutes. What am I forgetting? I can do it all underwater. If I'm nervous. Are you ready, Grande? Thank you. All right.

Quick. On your mark. A brittle, wait. Rittle, set, fuzzy. A cloud. A cloud. How many times can you subtract the number two from the number 50?

Once. Yep. Because then it becomes 48. You're right. How far into the forest can you travel? Halfway. Because then you're traveling out of it. Wow, Adel.

A girl fell off a 50-foot ladder, but it was not hurt. Too bad. Why not? A girl fell off a 50-foot ladder, but it was not hurt. Because it wasn't upright. She don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Mama, I just fell off the ladder outside.

Okay. Mama, I'm hurt. If you're hurt, you would still be laying outside. You wouldn't be able to carry your sorry ass in here. Mama, that's not true. I can take pain and I can still carry on. That is what it means to be a woman. Janine, I just saw you fall off that ladder.

Ask me how high up she was. high up she was at the very bottom Run that liar she fell for the attention. Okay, well you know what? Fucked up. No, whatever. Grab a switch grab an Nintendo switch outside what I don't want to play Mario party right now Mario party you're gonna win the whole thing We're gonna play the fun levels and you're gonna have to go to the water level And guess what? Guess what? I know you're fucking little shenanigans. I know every time you play Mario party You say I'm all-time Yoshi. Guess what? Everyone's all-time fucking Yoshi. No Yoshi. No wait is everyone no all-time Yoshi is no one all-time Yoshi No-time Yoshi She was on the bottom of the ladder.

Yep, and you didn't get it right. I had to tell you. But you told them to see. Yeah, well, you didn't get it before. I didn't see. What can sit in the rain without getting any wetter? What can sit in the rain without getting any wetter? What can sit in the rain without getting any wetter?

What can sit in the rain without getting any wetter? A rain drop. Yeah. A puddle. Oh, Missy Elliott. A puddle. You got it. Water.

I can't stand the rain. What doesn an island in the letter T have in common? They're both, uh, they need the eye T to part that. What does an island in the letter T? They're both, uh, so close to the sea. They're far away from the sea. They're both surrounded. They're both surrounded.

They're both surrounded. The alphabet. No, middle of. The night. They're both in the middle of. See. They're both in the middle of. T and island. Oh, they're both in the middle of the sea. They're both in the middle of T and Island. Oh, they're both in the middle of Long Island and I see. No. What is an island in the middle of the ocean? The ocean? The water. The sea?

The sea? The water? Yep. Oh, the water. I got to give you too many hints that it's going in the no pile. Damn it. What menu item? KJ hated that you put that into the no pile. Well KJ, KJ? Do not tell KJ to suck your dick, Aaron. I won't. What menu? I like that you're offering us help. And then when we get it, you're like,

shouldn't I've gotten that help? No, because it took you too long. I'm the king. Okay. And KJ can live. Ooh. KJ's not going to kill this medieval times. What menu item does B-A-N-A-N-A represent?

B-N-A. What menu it? B-N-A. Banana. Banana fosters. Banana bread. Banana. Banana.

B-N-A-S-But. Come, Mr. Kelly, man. What can be opened but never closed? You're fr freaking mouthful. Oh my frog. Oh my frog. Oh my frog. Oh my frog.

It's all time forever. Oh my god. Oh my frog. I'll talk forever. What can be opened but never closed? The Bible. Oh my goodness gracious. What can be opened but never closed?

Pain doors box. No, but I feel like that's true, I guess. Yeah. But this is an answer that it was, it always an answer a present a gift can be opened but never closed your relationship Your eyes. Oh do one That's a man egg. You can close an egg No, it's hard. It's hard as hell. I have nipples. Focke. Can you milk me? There it is What can be empty and full at the same time?

um heart Can you milk me? There it is. What can be empty and full at the same time? Heart, barf bag. Can be empty and full. Oh, this is so stupid. You're not gonna get it. Oh, then I give up. A car park. If it's empty of cars and it's full of spaces. Ah.

Bia, bia, bia. What word looks the same when turned upside down, but not backwards? Terrible. Terrible. No. Oh, LOL. No, mom, word looks the same. Looks the same when turned upside down, but not backwards.

So it's got to be turned upside down. If it's like, if like WOM, right? If WOM was a word and you put that upside down, it was still be- This word has W and M in it. No. So it's something with W's and M's because when you turn it upside down, it's gonna stay in.

Wem, what's another letter that when you turn it upside down? Oh. Yes, but that's not what else. I. So it has I, W in M in it Me and I'm one more letter that's in it twice My my My wife my wife with lit I don't know it swims

Let's do a count. How did they do KJ? And the KJs keep you dry. KJs. Let's does the KJ for the show. And KJ wasn't paying attention. And KJ was reading their book. I know. KJ is taking notes. KJ is taking it notes. I can't read you their book.

I can't even somebody throw to KJs. OK. And KJ, tell them what they've won. KJ has Okay. And KJ, tell them what they've won. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home.

KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home.

KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has gone home. KJ has your record. Damn it. So let's take a big deep breath. Okay. Let's do some bunny breaths.

Two through the nose, out through the mouth. I'm sorry, what are these? Bunny breaths. Then this is the thing. This is what bunny, how bunny's breathe? Two and the nose, one on the what? And you know this. This is how you do what to a bunny.

Do the nose, one on the back. Two breaths through the nose, one out through the mouth. Two breaths in the nose, one out, out the mouth. That's a smell, a flower in a garden. That's a breath that you do to help you calm down. Sometimes when you're crying, you naturally start breathing like that and it helps your body calm down. You are talking a mile a minute. Sometimes when you're crying, if you breathe too in through your nose and one out through

your mouth, it'll help you calm down. Like, look how I'm breathing. You have seen someone who's crying start breathing like that without consciously realizing it. One of my favorite ways to breathe is taking a spray pan bottle and putting spray pan to a paper bag and then breathing in the fumes it's called huffing. It's called any napples breathing.

It's called any napples beer and you do it at parties and stuff and it gets you super, you have a good time. Oh, fun. Well, I use body breaths when I teach yoga for kids but I should include that next time I talk. Oh, when I do yoga for kids, but I should include that next time I do. Oh, when I do yoga for kids, I also do some huffing stuff.

There. It's for teens. But they, that's a technique I use with them to help them calm down if they're getting really worked up. What was it you getting worked up for in yoga? No, not as, but they will be like, we're calling something on their day. They're like, someone pushed me and bullied me

and they'll be getting worked up. Damn, oh, you should be teaching them martial arts me and bullied me and they'll be getting worked up. Damn. Oh, you should be teaching them martial arts. Or they'll be like, how many times are you gonna keep doing that? What? I know. Every time you say,

you do it. And surely people have thrown down their head. I'm so sorry. I, it's my, but for everyone else, look around, grab some headphones, free headphones to the ground. Aaron, do you mind if I come in

and teach the kids some martial arts? Yeah, absolutely. Let's see, just how I disarmed someone. Let's see a scene right now. Adel, you are going to be teaching a children's martial arts class and Aaron and I will be children in that class. All right, everyone, listen up. I want to let you know that you need to have...

Are you Jason's dad? That's correct. I am Jason's dad. What happened to him? Jason got beat beat up pretty bad. Oh. I heard he just picked his mom. He picked his mom.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the courts. That is also true. Uh huh. He picked his mom. He went to a new school and he got beat up pretty bad at that new school.

Oh. I heard he's doing really well. Is this about Jason or about me teaching you martial arts? Oh, I don't know. Oh, I don't know. You didn't declare what it was about. You just had to listen up and work kids. OK, well, here's what's going to happen.

I want you to grab Emily's milk over here. OK. Now, Emily, what I want you to do is before he gets away with that milk, I want you to grab his arm by the wrist. Right? Now you're going to make your, your hand flat, your other hand flat, you're going to curl on your fingers and you're going to jam the palm of your hand into his nose, pushing it upward.

Before I do that, Jason said he didn't want to spend Christmas with you, right? Yeah, that's right. Okay. So push your palm into his- Are you going to be alone or do you have a girlfriend or what are you going to do? I'm figuring things out. I'm in between things. Yeah, but yeah, I know I mean last time I talked to him He said that your said the family doesn't talk to you anymore. You talked to Jason. You talked to Jason

When did you talk to Jason this morning? Aren't you a little old to be figuring things out? I mean if you were maybe 30 you'd have the luxury of time to figure things out But you look to be 50, 55. I'm 32. You're 32? You're 32. Now jam the palm of your hand into his nose. Okay, before I grab the milk, would you mind if I said something threatening when I was grabbing the milk?

Can I hear what you're going to say? Sure. I was going to say, I have nipples, Focker. Can you milk me? Okay, you should know that reference as a kid. What do you mean? We have a substitute teacher. We watch Meet the Focker. Can you milk me? Okay, you should know that reference as a kid. What do you mean? We have to we have a substitute teacher. We watch Meet the Fockers. I Love Owen Wilson. Wow

Carpool with Jason and his mom. She's a beautiful woman. She seems really happy with her new husband. Oh, she's Remared. Oh, yeah, it was like a huge wedding. He's the mayor. We got divorced. Day to go. He's the mayor, he's John mayor. Yeah, but they've been together for two years. Weird. Her body is a wonderland, but I guess I no longer am tall enough to ride that ride. John mayor's tall, laying down. Is what I've heard.

Oh my nose! I did it. I don't think so. All right, let's try to beat your record again. Are you ready? How are you? We're not gonna do it. What's your confidence level?

How do I get your confidence up? Okay, my confidence is also zero. You are handsome, you are kind, you are smart, you take up space, you're interesting, and you can do that. Okay. Now I'm at a zero Okay, that do what for me You are You're a man some You take up

Hold on You can't move it. Can we know can we have a t-shirt that says you take up space? I shmatter. I take up space. I take up space. I take up space. Snositives, thank you. You shmatter to me.

I do like how your affirmation is I take up space. Or are you going to say, Adel? I was going to say I want to see a scene where the two of you are the siblings in the band, Shmansom. Okay. Clearly this birthday party has hired Hanson and spent a pretty penny to get them and Shmansom shows up. Okay. Dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope, dope No, are you Hansen? What's the Hansen song? We're Schmampson. What?

We're Schmampson. What's the Hansen song? It doesn't matter. We're not Hansen. It doesn't matter. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen.

We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen.

We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. We're not Hansen. Shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup, shmup,up, shmitzem for this party, and we're just trying to sing our hits. I'm so sorry, I'm meant to hire Hansen. This happens all the time. That's how it's expensive. Yes, why are old now?

Why don't we do this? They're like 32. Why don't we do this? We'll give you 10% of the money that you paid us back, and we'll leave, and we'll just have cake, and we'll leave. No. What? What do you mean no?

It's a seven eight. Smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth. I need to be able to help them. Okay, you ready to negotiate? Fucco? Okay. Here's what's gonna happen. You give me 20% back.

Okay. You pretend that you're cake the band and you perform for my kids. Okay, we got a schmort, schmort, and a mommm, and a mommm, and a mommm, and a mommm, and a m schmort and a mommm. Schmack it! Schmack it!

Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it!

Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it!

Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Shmack it! Give us another band. Maryland Manson. Schmeerlich Midson. The Beatles. Schmeedles. Wait. The Spice Girls. Hey, Schmood. Darling, may I catch my head?

Spice Girls. If you want to schmeen my mother, you got to schmeen my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my Smith's. We'll leave. She means. She means. Smith me. Smith me. Smith me. Smith's got a smile. Smith's got a smile.

Smith's got a smile. Smith's got a smile. I'm Smith's. We called scene on that 20 minutes ago. Did we? Yeah! Okay, let's do this again. I'm glad your confidence is up because schmue, schmake, up, schmase.

Okay, so we have to beat five. Okay. What gets tighter each time it's used? Pan spelt. What gets tighter you know that's gonna be of a genre. You're gonna say that? Snowboard trick. Snowboard trick.

That's funny. Yeah, they got, do this, get tighter. I went on Tony Hawk's Wikipedia page for like three, something like 20 minutes. What gets tighter the more it's used? A zip tie. Nope, a budget. Hang-ups.

No. It's just, It's just, It's just a slip-up. It's just a slip-up. It's just a slip-up. Whenever it is taken. That's not like a Kathy cartoon or something.

What? Or Dilbert. What gets tighter the more you use it, a budget? Yeah. What gets what? What gets left behind whenever it is taken? Oh, it's a good one. This is that HBO show.

Yeah, the leftovers. No. What gets left behind the morts taken? A tip. No. William Mason. What gets left behind whenever it is taken? A vacation.

I don't know. I don't know. I give up. I should move up. A break. Footsteps. Bob. I tried to give you a hint.

Yes, you did. I want to see your quick scene. No, we're never going to do our thing if you keep seeing swings. I want to do a scene. Do it quick. I want to see a scene. Let me think about it. Oh seeing swings. I wanted to see a scene. Do it quick I want to see a scene Let me think about it. Oh my gosh. I want to see you seen we are fucked here I want to see a scene where JPC is walking on the beach. Okay

Any notices his footprints and then Aaron I want you to come in and play God mm-hmm and you're attempting to carry JPC Visavis the the, the famous poster or saying. I have so many troubles. What a buddy, what a... Wait up! Wait up, pal! Hold on, you're moving a little past.

Hey, who are you? Move, hello! Who are you? Hey, who are you? Can you go down to a slow job? Are you getting any closer to me? I hope so. It's a little cold.

I've stopped moving. I'm walking towards you now. I'm a little out of shape. I haven't worked out in a couple billion years. Billion? Hold on. What are you, the god of the dinosaurs? I have the god of everything.

Hold on. Okay, I'll be. Yes. Okay, I'm getting closer. Yes, no, you're not. You're gonna go and carry yourself. I will carry myself. Enjoy the dinosaurs. Okay, I, ooh, ooh. Woo!

That was a workout. Holy shit. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself.

I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go and carry myself. I'm gonna go. Holy smoke. I'm going to feel that tomorrow. I got to say you maybe came 25 feet. Okay, ready. Here's what I want to ask you. Yeah.

Did you do cocaine before this episode? Do you think this it feel like I did? Am I talking really fast? Um, well, we did also we hung out with you for two hours before this episode. Yeah. Well, I'm also I had this plan going in where I thought I'm going to try to do as many riddles as possible. Here's what I'll say. I fucking love the energy. I just don't know where it came from. Yeah, because I was super lethargic for the two hours from the morning. This is coming from the spooky sleepy ghost, canonically. I'll try to really back in. No, no, no.

Your next one is, what do Henry the eighth and Kermit the Frog have in common? They both killed the rise. They both fucked Miss Piggy. They both fucked Miss Piggy. They both fucked Miss Piggy. They both fucked Miss Piggy. Actually, this weekend I started listening

to this new musical called Six. That is really big and london. Oh Matt Young saw it and he said it was amazing. Oh yeah, it's coming to Chicago and I already bought tickets. I'm so excited. When's it coming? May and June. Like May and then I think it plays through June but it's about Henry VIII's wives and it's presented like a Spice Girls concert and it is amazing. Can the three of us all go together?

Wow. I don't think it's but you should buy us. Can you sell your tickets and we'll get you tickets? presented like a spice girls concert and it is May's in three of us all go together. Wow But you should buy Your tickets and we'll get tickets. We buy tickets right next years. Can we buy your tickets off you? I'm going with laurels off-pelling. They were gonna help. Don't make up names. Yeah, I know that sounds like made up name Doesn't that sound like like someone in the 1920s? We should add a we should go see this See what we should see the six. Yeah, we're gonna we're, we're, we're, we're gonna go, we're gonna have a better time. Oh, I'm sorry, I was saying Adel, but I meant me and Aaron.

Oh, I said, hey Adel. That makes sense. We should go see. They have the same middle name. Who does? Henry, that a, Kermit, the frog. Yeah, that's a big, deep sign for me.

Kermit, the frog here. Kill Ann Bolin. me. Okay. The fron. The fron, here. Kill Ann Bolin. Hi. Hi. Hi. It enters dry and comes out wet. The longer it's in, the stronger it is. Okay, okay, okay, stop, stop, stop.

Aaron, I tried to say it with no one flange in. You picked up the romantic comedy that you've been writing, the romance novel. Yeah. Super romantic comedy. Aaron, I'm gonna stop you right there. It's poop. And your stride comes out with the longer it's in the stronger it's

it gets. This is the stretch. Try comes out what it's a tampon. This is Hold on. Longer it's in the strong hold on. Hold on.

A diamond. Yeah, I see a big tampon. What? Being inside a human woman long enough, making sure you're stronger. What does it get stronger when you gain blood? We've done so many of these vampires, too. We've done so many of these.

Why all of a sudden is there like a fuck riddle here? Aaron, what gets stronger when it consumes blood? Ticks, mosquitoes, vampires. Why is it tampon any different anytime you give a tampon blood? It's like if you give a mouse a cookie Some mosquitoes Some mosquitoes die with the If you give a mouse a cookie, if you give a tampon blood, it's gonna want your organs

If you give it your organs, it's gonna want your brain Well, listen Watch out because these tampons are very thirsty I want to just get some legalese out of the way here. Legale listeners, the three of us are going to write the children's book if you give a dampon blood. A dampon? A tampon.

A tampon. So nobody else can write that. That is our children's book. Look for it in spring of 2000. I have blood, tampon. 40,000? Can you milk me? And you think I'm the one who did cocaine before this.

So unbelievable. Is it been really that annoying? No. It hasn't been annoying in the slightest. It's just a matter of, we've been hanging out for two hours and then suddenly you just have all the energy of a son. Well, I... Or a daughter.

Or a daughter. Can you imagine what it's like to date me? Yes. Let's see it. Let's see it quick. Seeing with Aaron and JPC, you're on a date. You're at the musical six. The answer was a tea bag. You're at the musical six. This is your first date. You two don't have never met. You matched on musical six. This is your first date. You two don't have never met. You matched on Bumble. And Aaron, you're playing yourself. JPC, you're playing whoever you like. Hey, I don't think these are our seats. These are front row center. We're actually back there and I don't want to get into a tip with whoever seats. Hey, Aaron, it's Adel. Oh my God. Hey, I don't know that guy. You don't know this guy. He knows your name.

It was probably a guy. I like to get to I sort of look like an Aaron. Oh, all right. Good to see you. Uh, are you sure? Hey, man. Um, no, hold on. Um, I want to deal with this situation. Why did you so boldly and arrogantly walk to the front and put these feet? Oh, uh, I kind of can't come in and sit wherever I want. I don't mean to make a big deal of this, but I'm Luke Skywalker. That's how your name said on the bumble. I have these a fake name on bumble because I'm Luke Skywalker and I'm kind of lazy gentlemen.

The music called Schmicks will start in just a few minutes. Did he say Schmicks? Yeah, this is off Fran six. Let's get out of here. Well, I'm not going to tell Adel, so. OK, OK, OK. Yeah, don't tell Adel, let's get out of here. I got a spaceship parked outside.

Yeah, I've dated enough weirdos. Seen? Schmien. Schmien. Schmien. Ask me how many you got in that one. How many? No.

Zero. Zero. Zero. Um, yeah, we're getting worse at this as time goes on and let that be an indication. Ooh, an indication on the one. Well, we're going to do just. How would Cajun boys say that? Bobby Boucher and a mud dog were the Super Bowl.

I was prompting you for indication, but I'll take what I can get. I think sometimes I don't realize when my energy has spiked because a couple weeks ago I walked into my boyfriend's apartment and then talked him for 20 minutes and then you got really quiet and I was like, what's wrong? And he's like, you came in here with sort of a manic energy just the other day I walked into a glass plate with no, and is it because you, the diet Coke I got you? Maybe, I don't, I think it's just because I was trying to get my energy back up after being here a while.

Look, we've got Lightning in a bottle. Let's not like open it up and try to examine it. I can't get in a bottle. I can't get in a bottle. Lightning in a bottle. Again, that's the song. Well, we don't have a ton of time left, but I really want you to beat your thing. So we're going to...

There's going to be a better way to save it. Also, we don't need a ton of time for me to beat my thing. Hey, we're in a riddle. Nice. Wait, what did you say? I had to beat my thing in five minutes. Yeah, you could beat your thing in five minutes. Beat the thing.

I can't really heart beat my thing in five minutes. Would anyone mind insulting me? Maybe, you spit it out. You're stepping on my bones. Okay, well, you have five minutes. Yeah, okay. If you lose, and we lose all of our listeners. So this is the final round?

And also, everybody, I really tried to do an episode where we did a ton of results. It just ended up there. I really tried to do an episode. I really tried to do an episode where we did a ton of Riddles in the thought there I really tried to do an episode really tried to an episode and I really felt part in my hand okay on your marks no riddle canoe dog puzzles each day a boy rides an elevator up to the fifth floor and then walks to the tenth floor why he's a two small to hit the buttons. Yes, we've had that a thousand times. I'm like four words, but in reverse, what am I? I'm like four words, but in reverse, the boy.

I'm like four words. Don't overthink this. I'm a word associate. JPC, I'm like four words, but I'm, oh, is it four words? Nope. The number four, I'm like four words, but in reverse. I don't know. I'm not going forwards. I'm gonna oh is it four words no the number four I'm like four words but in reverse I don't know I'm not going forwards. I'm going backwards. You didn't get that one. Come on. How can you pick up a piece of string one one hand holding each end and then tie a knot in it without letting go of either end be a cat You can't with your, like a cherry stem.

How can you pick up a piece of string, one hand holding each end, and then tie a knot in it without letting go of either end? You let go of both ends. Nope, you crossed your arms before you pick it up. What is special about the number? Oh, you're right, I hate this. Eight million, oh, eight billion, five hundred forty, nine million, one hundred seventy, 549 million, 176,320. Turn it upside down, it spells boobs. Next, next, thank you, snake.

Thank you, snake. Thank you, Bruce. Thank you, Bruce. Which contains all the digits in alphabetical order. Good. Yeah, fun. Which word? Which word is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary?

Incorrectly. Incorrectly. We've found that before. Whoever makes me, tells me not. Whoever takes me, knows me not. Whoever knows me, wants me not. When am I? Coffee.

We've found that before. Nope. Whoever makes me, tells me not. Whoever takes me, knows me not. Whoever knows me, wants me not. Secret, secret, secret. I know it's a job. Counterfeit money.

Fump. Well, most people need it. Some ask for it. Some give it and nearly everyone ignores it. What am I talking about? Sex with me. Most people need it. Most people need it.

Most people need it. Some ask for it. Some give it and nearly everyone ignores it. What am I talking about? Advice. Advice. From what can you take away the whole and still have some left? You've done this one before. Take away the whole. What is put on the table and

often cut yet never eaten? Daddy. Cutting board. No. But I can't say I'm not a lot of people often cut. Oh, my arms. No cards, a deck of cards. What has an eye, but cannot see? Um, uh, potato.

Yeah, that works. Yep. Um, what do people spend a lot of money on every year, but never want? Taxes. Uh, similar.

Um, similar. To taxes? Like, say, something that you like charity, you're, you're older and you're obligated to buy this. Oh, birthday presents for a loved one. Yep.

What? Um, a truck is stuck under a bridge and the driver cannot get it out. A woman walks. Can't get it out. Mm-hmm. Can I get it out? Okay.

A truck is stuck under a bridge and the driver cannot get it out. A woman walks by and stops to help. She easily gets the truck unstuck. How does she do it? It's a bridge that opens at the top and she deflates the tires. Yeah. Fuck. Amazing. Good job. What is always behind time? Ghosts. What is always behind time? The second hand. No battery. Gears. Sort of gears. I'll give it to the back of the back of a clock. Yeah. time the second hand. No battery. Gears. Gears. I'll give it to the back of a clock.

A cowboy went into a bar and asked the bar made for a glass of water. The bar made pointed. Hey, Cups. Hey, that one. I know. This wasn't cowboys, of course. What is bought for eating it? Never eaten. Ask. What? What is bought for eating it never eaten?

Ask. What? What? What is bought for eating? Eating but never eaten? Yeah. The silverware. Yeah.

That works. What was the word answer? Yeah, cookery or cutlery? Yeah, cookery. Cookery. Cutlery is what I said somewhere. Cookery or cutlery? Cookery.

There's a man who shaves several times a day and yet still. Barber, he's a barber. Had that one just literally. barber. He's a barber. I had that one just literally It's good episode. Yeah, Tiki. By coming next in the following sequences W T F S S Mark Marin S Nope, don't say Thursday Friday Saturday. So The last

S M yep S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Something that dissolves in water. Oh, it's paper. Yep. Have you found that one before? If it asks questions, it never asks questions, but yet, oh my gosh. It never asks questions yet is often answered. What is it? Sphinx. It never asks questions, but it's often answered. Well, that'd be a freaking one.

Door, doorbell. Yeah, doorbell. And buzz, buzz, buzz. All dream. Your moon is calling. How do we do it? You got one, two, three, four, five wrong. And I think you beat your record right in the middle of that.

How do we get it? How many? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. Call us Ornchota, because we fucking crushed it. But I wonder how many of those are ones we've had. All of them. Most of them.

And KJ, what did we win? You had all episode to be prepared for this. Boy, okay. I think KJ likes us. But in fairness to us, we don't like us either. That was great. Adults, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Yeah.

Okay. I wanna plug, hey, riddle, riddle, knights. Little more salacious, little more naughty. And that's over on our Patreon. That's on our Patreon. Every time you vlog on a Patreon, past 8 p.m. You can also check me out on Twitter at Adderify. You can listen to my podcast, Siblings Peculaire, or Hello from the Magic Tavern.

I say, or because you have to choose. Yeah, and come check out JPC Aaron and myself in the show, World News Tonight. We've been getting weekly. We've been getting a lot of fans coming to the show. Yeah, we have laser come last night and he's named after the guy from Fiddler on the roof. Laser wolf. Zero mustle. Nice.

We are going to be heartbroken if we now have a show and there are no fans afterwards. Please keep our egos afloat or else we will stop. Yeah, perform with it up and die. Speaking of whether up and die, you can watch me on my Twitch show. It's a Thursday nights at 7 o'clock central with Eddie Klinger and James Dugan. We play the board game, Gloomhaven. And that is twitch.com slash one shot RPG.

Speaking of one shot RPG, you can also listen to my other podcast, The Campaign Podcast. And that's about politics. It's about campaign finance reform. Hi, Ritun the Scott. But we make it kind of horny. So it's like a hor It's about campaign finance reform. Hi, Rittles Scott. We make it kind of horny. So it's a horny podcast about campaign finance reform. Yeah, corporations of people unlimited donations, super PACs, and just getting down to fingering. So find

that on the one-shot podcast network. Aaron, anything to plug? Come see Brady at 10 p.m. on Mondays at I.O. Is that like a guy or a dude? Yeah, Brady is like a pretty sweet bartender. He's really nice. Go check out Clark. Usually on the corner of the McDonald's. Yeah, I don't know.

I'll just be holding a dog at Mondays at noon. What is Brady? Brady is an improv team I'm on with Leela Gorshin and Olivia Nielsen. They are both great You know them both like yeah, they're wonderful. Yeah, they're really really funny. I won't capture that on the air Yeah, you know I don't know them you know like not on the air I do great and we have a show every Monday at 10 and Follow me Aaron keep 10 on Instagram for my other shows that I'll plug. And Aaron, if somebody was hiring a planet for their kids birthday party,

but they got a knockoff version, that planet would be... Smooth but error. By forever. This has been Hey, Real, Real. Created by Adolf Refin. Starting, Aaron Keaton, and John Patrick Collins. Pages, Diner, busy headed in. I am already parent in the mid-medit.

I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit.

I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I am the mid-medit. I, the Rick Yolk. That was a hitgun podcast.