Hey Riddle Riddle - #333: Rule Of 3 3 3's

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

This trio celebrates 333!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere Stockings hung up by the chimney with care It could only mean one thing McRib is here At participating McDonald's for a limited time The doctor was the mother He stood on a block of ice Felt the femur goldfish It was the cabin of an airplane 3 hosts.

Pshh! Pshh! Three hundred and thirty-three episodes. Pshh! Pshh! Three words in our title. Pshh! Pshh!

Everything has been leading to this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. We're listening. We'd love to hear a little bit more. Oh, I thought one of you would have planned something for such a momentous occasion. You're looking at me. You're looking behind me?

Sorry, JPC and I are seated. You're up in front of us with a bunch of different poster boards, so I thought you had like a whole pitch. This is for something else. Well, it says 333H HR are yeah, but this is Potato gun this is like a science fair project that you're to get potato can oh, it's like a cannon that lot Tank right after this these poster boards are not for you

Aaron I know it's episode 333, which is canonically very special to us. Yes, of course. But could we hear the Shark Tank? Why does it say Aaron Keefe, grade eight? Okay, hypothetically, okay. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Oh, you guys are sitting and I'm standing and all of a sudden I'm under fire here. Okay. No, no, Erin, we wanna hear your little gematria theories and your numerology.

So like, what does it all mean? 333, what does it all mean? Please tell us. Okay, I thought today could be special. I'm a little strapped for cash right now. So I went back to my parents' house. I dug through the basement, trying to find anything at all.

I found a project I did in eighth grade that I got a D on. I decided I'm gonna bring it to the good people at Shark Tank. I'm gonna pitch it. I'm sure, Aaron, that we, maybe grading is different in Boston and D stands for dumb. Which is, in Boston, smart.

Yeah, like wicked is good. Yeah. So. If you're dumb in Boston, that means you're actually smart. Yeah, like wicked is good. Yeah. So... If you're dumb in Boston, that means you're actually smart. Yo, look at that butt, it's dumb. You got a dumb butt. That's a good thing. That's a good thing in Boston.

That's a good thing in Boston. Or it's actually probably good to be dumb in Boston because you don't want to be too smart because if you're smart, you're going to get your ass beat like one of those Havid clowns. Oh, yeah. In numerology, the number three is associated with creativity, communication, optimism, and curiosity.

Yah. It's also considered one of the most important single digit numbers. Oh yeah, no doy. It's also. Top 10 for sure, wait top nine? That's funny. Well zero.

Yeah, I guess zero's a single digit. I guess zero's a single digit number. Okay. Starts packing up poster board So I'm gonna get down my face. I guess we aren't a comedy podcast and rule of threes means nothing to you guys Drops potato guns drops three three three. Oh, you're the poster board doesn't have a third thing to drop Damn it. You know what guys do the episode have a good time, I'm gonna go sit over there and lick my wound. No no no no! We're only one minute into the episode, you don't get to leave the episode one minute in. Was this your whole plan? Yeah, also rule of three's and you didn't have a third thing to drop? Aaron, you could have dropped the mic, you could have dropped the conversation.

It seems like Aaron keeps inventing openings that lead to her being like, I guess I have to leave. Okay, there's a lot I would like to be doing right now. No, Erin, let's talk, let's get into it. What time is it in LA? What time is it right now in LA? It is 814. 814 in the morning. What did you just eat on camera

before we started recording? What was it that you had? Piece of pizza. Erin, what was it? Pizza huh? Piece of huh? A piece of pizza. And you and Casey were chatting away with each other talking about God knows what. And I thought I was safe in my own little bubble on the screen eating my pizza in peace. Here's the thing, and I'll tell ya, I had, I ordered pizzas last night. I had a game night at my place on my birthday. Anthony Burch, friend of the show,

ran a game of Only Connect at my house, which as you know, famously on the show, I talk about it all the time. It's like my favorite puzzle game of all time. And I woke up and I had some leftover pizza and I was craving it. Why are we talking about this? Aaron, since yesterday was your birthday,

we will allow it. Yeah, we will canonically allow it. And also, Aaron, I know that we just recently got some more Only Connect emails. So if you wanna do an Only Connect episode, there's plenty in that email folder for you. Oh my God, I would love to. I lost, by the way, the other team won.

And a lot of the questions- Oh, it was a team versus you? That's so unfair. No, I had a full team behind me, but we were sort of just like there for fun. It was kind of humiliating, because a lot of the questions were kind of Aaron Keefe themed,

and Hey Riddle Riddle themed. Ooh. And I got a lot of those wrong. When you were telling us the story, were kind of Aaron Keefe themed and Hey Riddle Riddle themed. And I got a lot of those wrong. When you were telling us the story, why did you keep saying that you got them wrong or that you lost if you had a team? Was there not a shared responsibility? That's the whole essence of a team.

Well, when one of the connections is it's all objects from the beginning of our theme song. Oh. And my friends mostly don't listen to my podcast. Sure, cause that would be. It sort of feels like that could be on me. Uh huh. Yeah. Honestly though, like if I do a bad episode, if I have a bad episode and someone's like, how was the episode? I say like, I don't want Aaron really fucked me on this episode. I don't, I don't say, oh, it was my fault. Like I have a singularly to blame. You don't think you've ever been at fault for a bad episode?

Uh, what a question, that's a good question. God, I have to say no, right? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I guess I have to say no, right? I mean, I know Adol will probably blame himself when it was never his fault. That's sort of the way the wind blows over here, hey, Rittle. I don't think we've ever done a bad episode.

So if we ever do a bad episode, I will say if we ever do a bad episode, it wasn't really my fault. A lot of times it was the circumstance. One of my favorite things for World News is, you know, we introduce a show, read an article, and then JPC will come out, do a scene. If he doesn't get a huge laugh or a standing ovation

within the first two lines, he turns to the rest of the cast and he goes, bad audience, bad crowd, pack it up. These guys suck. And then he starts smoking a cigarette. These jamokes don't even know what they want. We're like, JBC, that's a callback to something we said in the green room and he's like,

no, bad, bad crowd, they suck, no laughs. Question for you guys, I just had this conversation because I just recently had an improv show that I felt so painful in that I think it cracked my top three most painful improv experiences. Ooh. So another one that is my number one on the list,

and I don't remember if either of you were there, but it was a 10 o'clock world news show, a sold out audience, and the entire show played to no laughs. Whoa. We never got them. I like, my hands started sweating just thinking about it again. And all the news articles were brutal.

Like people killing kids, like the worst stuff you could possibly imagine. I could have made that funny We we had a couple of people play in the world new show for the first time Recently and I was telling them of you know Giving them the rundown of the show and I was like one of the most deceptive things like what we do There's a peek behind the curtain We grab articles off a board and we read them and you can scan the headline before you grab the article

just to be like, hey, this article is gonna be fine. But I was like, sometimes the fucking editors at these newspapers, they will make an article that's like, you know, big day for a local mall. And then you'll like grab the article and it's like, three men were murdered at the mall. And you're like, what the fuck? Like, how is the name of the article Big Day?

The new Mall of America rollercoaster has decapitated 10 people. Yeah. So I was like, sometimes I was like, you can be a little sneaky and try to not grab, like, horrible tragic articles, but sometimes they will fuck you and you will just have to, you have to get through it. Do you guys have shows that are, like, still way heavy on your spirit, or did you block them out?

No, I've never done a bad show. Oh, I'm not talking to you Stand I don't understand the question again. I reject the primit never mind Aaron you are now 34 3 33 Never mind. Uh, Erin, you are now......34? Three. 33! Another three! On the 333 episode.

Three... Erin, you're entering your Jesus year. You're entering your Jesus year, Erin. I know! What should I do? Not die. Water and wine? Big dinner with my friends? I think you should have a last supper, everyone on one side of the table. Love it. JBC will betray you. I do. I do think, Erin, on the eve of your 34th birthday,

your theme should be last supper. That fucking rocks. Oh, my God, JBC, will you guys come to that? Yeah. Yes. But everyone only eats on one side of the table. Yes, okay, great. I mean, let's do it, let's do it.

You should take a piece of tape and go cut your whole living space in half with a piece of tape and have the whole party on one side. I'm not out of my house. And then just have, just have set up like, iPhones on like tripods with like auto capture. So the whole night is just get pictures being taken

of you like on one side of your house. You come in costume, of course. And as you talk to people, you have to sort of freeze in poses. Of course. And you should have one, everyone should draw like a piece of paper when they enter like your house for the party.

What a task to draw a piece of paper. Yeah, it's hard to do because how do you conceptualize a piece of paper? Like what do you draw it on? Is it just like a blank piece of paper that you turn in? And they draw out of a hat and however many people are there, there is one piece of paper in this hat that says betrayer. And that person has to betray you all night long and everyone else has to be normal, they're just your friends having fun at your party, but one person is betraying you the whole night. Okay, this is actually kind of my dream party.

It's like a murder mystery. A murder mystery. Exactly, yes. Or Erin, like that sort of escape room we did where you had to betray me. Wumble from. Wumble from, yes. I can't believe that's happened twice. Adel, I almost texted you like four days ago going,

remember when I betrayed you? I'm so sorry and I feel bad about it every day. The way Adel looked over at me felt like. Four days ago, so Erin has therapy on. Okay, hold on, hold on. You know in Lion King when Mufasa is like. Wait the new one? No, fucking the new one.

Erin I know in Hamlet when. Oh please. Are we talking about the prequel to Lion King? The one that's the new one, the prequel one that's coming out, young Mufasa. No, no I am not. I'm talking about the part in the Lion King where Mufasa's falling off the cliff.

She's like, Scar, my brother, help me. And then, I forget what Scar says, but he takes out his nails and goes, long live the king, and he pushes Mufasa off. And then the look of surprise on Mufasa's face when Mufasa's falling backwards. That is the face that Adol made to me when I betrayed him and lied to him.

And I, you can't unsee it, you can't un-betray Adol. It felt bad, it felt wrong. If I may, it felt like a stampede of wildebeests running me over while my son looked on. Mufasa's not even out yet, it comes out in two weeks. How have you, I don't understand, how have you seen? We got a 4 40X sneak preview. But you're talking about Lost and Alone,

Orphan Cub Mufasa meets a sympathetic lion named Taka, the heir to a royal bloodline, right? Mufasa, the story we all know. What sucks is there's a young, there's a young Timon and Pumba in it, they're like the fun, you know, obviously Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. We saw it in 40X, the whole 40X experience

is just you smell Pumba. Actually sounds pretty funny. It was awful. Well yeah, you'd think it would be funny, Aaron, but do you remember that Pumbaa is a warthog? Yeah. And famously one of the stinkiest Disney characters. That's true. I can see what's happening. No one said what.

Finish it? Well, I haven't seen Mufasa and they don't have a clue not yet no yeah guys this is famous you say who forget it read the read right no no no that's too expensive I watched Aladdin on a watch tonight oh sorry to bring that up but the reminded me of JBC when he went,

got to kill a kid, got to eat a kid. That was a bit from like 300 or so episodes ago. Anyways, adult 33 episode 33. Aaron's age. Um, Aaron, now that you're 33, there's some riddles I've been holding back just to wait till everyone's sort of old enough. Um, and today's the first episode where you're old enough to do these, so... And I'm finally tall enough to ride the roller coaster at the Great Mall of America.

Wait, high heels, lifts, high heels inside lifts, Aaron, on stilts? It hurts. They look like a giraffe. What are you, an English person in an elevator? Did you guys see the video of the bear that was born without its two front legs until it walks around like a human? All day what? All day do you Oh my god, he's so cute. Okay. Okay

What her knee can't bring up a bear with only two feet and then say, we'll talk about it later. A bear with two feet, Jeremy Allen White? Is that the guy's name? Oh yeah. I feel like I'm so close to knowing his name. Now here's the hard part. Yeah.

Who plays cuz, who plays his cousin? Evan, Devin Mockbrock? Yeah. Evan Moskowitz. It's Evan Mos... It's Evan Moskowitz. Evan Moskowitz. It's Evan, right? His name's Evan? I like that guy. He's a fun actor. He's very fun. He's in the Star Wars thing.

He's in the Star Wars thing. He's in Andor, I think. Yeah, why not? Oh yeah, why not? Sebulba. Yeah, he was a subalba. He was a subalba. Andor season two is coming next spring.

I'm very excited. Erin, this bear you talk of kind of sounds like subalba because subalba famously, his hands are his feet and his feet are his hands. I don't know anything about Star Wars. Erin, this bear that you talk of kinda sounds like Subulba. Now everything's gonna be in that cadence for me for the rest of the episode.

Trevor, I'm sorry, that's my fault. I went to a Star Wars burlesque show recently. JPC went to that. I went to that. Okay. What was it called? Starless's Star Wars. Empire Strips Back, I think.

That's what it was. That's what it was, yeah. On account of three, say what number out of 10 that show made you horny? Ready? One, two, three, six. Zero. And here's the thing.

And you know, I feel like that was kind of cruel to leave me out in the test. Aaron said six. Well, here's the thing. Is Burlesque, I don't know. I've only been to a few burlesque shows, but is it meant to make you horny? Honestly, the most impressive part of the burlesque show for me was the artifice, the costuming, and the props and stuff.

I mean, the dancing was also very impressive, whatever, but I really enjoyed the settings and the set pieces. I thought that those were very, very fun. It was very planned out. I agree. The lightsaber dance was so cool and so mesmerizing. Yeah. But yeah, I know that Berlusk, they're taking their clothes off, but it did not seem to me.

Yeah, me neither. Anyways, Adol. Erin, no, you said six. Also Aaron, two years ago you took me through what you said would be a good time and it was Bert Lesk. It was Bert from Bert and Ernie. Everyone had unibrow. It was not sexy at all. It was just two, I want to say gay roommates. Okay well, they may be horny, so we're just shaming Aaron all over the place. There's something about being horny in public

that I find like, I mean, I guess like, if it, because I've had sex in public before, if it happens, like if it comes over you, that is one thing. Can you give that to me? What place, what place? I can tell you guys are ridiculous place I've had sex. Like in a car. What is happening?

Like I've had sex. We've never talked about sex before, ever. 333 episodes, sex is on the menu for the first time ever boys, this is crazy. Looks like sex is back on the menu. I, like I've had sex in a car. I've never had sex like outside, like, like in a park, like behind a tree or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it felt very public, especially because there was a man who was in a motorcycle. Driving? No, it was a man in a motorcycle who I was, I believe was just watching, but I was like, whatever. I don't give a shit. Whatever.

You guys, if I tell you a place I had sex, it's crazy. Enough time has passed, but I think I can tell you. Dick's morning hits? No, you will not like this. Oh, okay, then I'd love to hear it. Ball pit at a White Castle? Do White Castles have ball pits?

Do White Castles? They do now. No kids go to White Castles. They do now. I had sex at a ball pit at a White Castle. Let's just say I had it at a certain... I don't know where you were, but you didn't do what you thought you did. At a certain improv theater.

And that's all I'll say. Oooh. I won't name the theater. Name and shame, Erin. Does the theater still exist? Um, yeah, maybe. Yeah. Sounds like the old I.O. Yeah, maybe it's under new management. Riddles.

Oh, brother. It's fine. It was in 2017. Everyone relaxed. But the point being is that I think like I've been to strip clubs before as well. And I'm like, the idea of going to a place where it's like hey We're all gonna go to this place and like be horny. I'm like what doesn't really appeal to me

Well because a lot of horniness is associated with like safety I feel like that's like the barrier to horny is like I feel like for me some people Like if you're into like with voyeurism, is that what it's called? Like I'm sure that they don't have that part of their brain where they need to feel like relaxed. Exhibitionism? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They don't have to be.

Voyeurism is the other thing with that thing when the motorcycle was doing the D. Yes, exactly. But some people have like relaxation and feeling like safe and relaxed is the barrier, like is the step before horny. And I think some people have that and some people don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that, I get that.

I get that. These are called ditloids. Ha ha ha. An all time low for me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. These are called ditloids. We've done these a long, long time ago, but we're bringing them back.

So this is a shortening of maybe a sentence or some sort of phrase or some sort of bit of common knowledge, but it's reduced down to simple numbers and letters. So for example, I might give a number first and then a few letters and it would be 3BM. Now if we know our children's nursery rhymes that have a little song, 3BM of course would be? Three poops, who poops three times? It's 3BM, I must be lonely.

Blind mice. Three blind mice, do we remember these? Okay, so we are doing gematria this episode, we are just doing numerology for the whole episode. Okay, that's fine. That's good Maybe not the whole episode. I mean we're already 22 minutes in Very important things to talk about Oh brother guys, you know what if we're having fun maybe hit us up in the comments, where do you get the horniest? When you had sex at the improv theater was there any tag outs or walk-ons or anything?

Tag outs is fun. Both of those are fun. Sweep edits are fun. Like pole. Like poles are fun. Tag out. Tag out is kind of, I mean, OK. If you're going to have sex at an improv theater, do the same thing and tag out.

Yeah, I did have a great final line and then there was a light pole. Okay, so here's the first one. 6W of H the E. 6W of H the E. 6W of H the E. It's been such a long time since we've done this. Six weeks of. Yeah, it's been. Six weeks.

6W of H the E. Yeah, 6W of H the E. And these are, these again, the answers are gonna be probably something fairly well known with a number up top. Can this one be six wives of Henry VIII? Oh, God, of course. JBC, it can be, and it is.

But is it? Yes! I'd like to see a seed, oh no! Oh no, Aaron's here for the day. Who's faster? Adel. Oh no, it's my birthday. I'd like to see a seed.

Okay, clearly ran away with that. It was a month ago. Adel, you are Henry VIII, and JPC, you're Henry VIII's seventh wife, and you're sort of just not what he expected. So now we're married, wow. This is also exciting and new, wink, joke, nudge, elbow. Yeah, I mean, do, elbow, elbow? Uh, yeah.

I mean, do I still call you sire? Or do I still call you my king? Or call you my husband? Just call me Henry. OK, Henry. I guess you could still call me, like, Steve. Nice. Nice, nice, nice.

Or, I mean, I guess, I mean technically I'm I'm your wife now, but I guess I could I can still kind of run your kingdom Or whatever you know yes, you're kind of like seneschal like yeah, yeah, still yeah do all that stuff Yeah, what was that word seneschal seneschal seneschal? Yeah, you know The woman for Bob's Burgers, right? I'm related to her, yeah. Yeah, sort of like a Fran Drescher type? Yeah. Ow, ow!

Well, no. Sort of like that, right? I wouldn't say that. That's kind of a mean thing to say about anybody. You wouldn't say that? How dare you? Guards, come here, guards! Ah, ah, ah, remember, remember, remember. I'm the one who runs the whole kingdom, so you really can't afford to kill me. That's why I kind of got pressured into being... Yeah.

You needed us, boss? You needed us? Yes, my wife doesn't... Oh, sorry. We're gonna kill this guy? Yeah, we're gonna kill your new wife, boss. Let us chop up your new wife, boss. Listen, listen, teeny and tiny, my two most trusted guards. It's false alarm, sorry, I got mad because my wife didn't appreciate my, you know Linda from Bob's Burgers?

Oh yeah boss, yeah. Oh you was talking about Linda, that's the only one that's played by the guy right? Yes, it's the mother's voice by a guy, but I think the impression's based on his mother. So it's fine? Well, here's the thing. Ban Bob's Burgers in all of the kingdom. No one from this day forth hence shall ever watch,

nor mention Bob's Burgers, lest they be beheaded, as decreed by Henry VIII. OK, boss, OK. OK, boss, okay. Okay, boss, we're two corgis dressed as knights. Shh, don't tell anyone, no. I know, boss, all right, I love you, boss. You know, boss, I'm the one who actually has to do all the banning of the Bob's Burgers

because those are just, those guards, they wouldn't know how to do it. I'm the one that actually operates the whole kingdom. Huh? I'm Steve, I'm your seneschal, I'm the one who. Oh, yes, sorry. Yeah, yes. Oh, for a minute I'm like, who is this?

And where is Anne Boleyn? Well no, Anne Boleyn's dead. Yeah, she was killed by you. What? No. Yeah, she was, yeah. Yeah. When?

Well, it was a few wives ago, to be honest. How? No. I'm joking, hey Steve, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking. Okay, for sure, for sure. I have their heads'm joking. Hey Steve, I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. Okay, for sure.

For sure. I have their heads lined up. It's almost like alarm clocks. I have their heads lined up. I have their heads lined up. You have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on.

I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on.

I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. I have them in everything you're on. Bob's burgers I do like a guard that's like Bob's burgers, of course heads his alarm clocks. Don't you mean sundials? I do but that's what you meant, right? You meant like when you go to a train station and they have like all the times Oh like this is the world Huh, you know those boards that are like this. Oh, I love those. I want one of those my house And what Aaron was it? What is this board? Why don't I know this board? It's like those old-timey train boards, and they do you like this Okay the train now from Newark is coming at Got it got it got it the ones that are the ones that are digital displays and have been for at least 20 years

No, they still at so many train stations. You need to travel more. Yeah. To train stations in the United States? You're an untraveled scum. Touch grass elsewhere. Here's our next one. Here's what I'll say.

If you're thinking about traveling anywhere in the United States by train, the time to do that was maybe 50 years ago. No, 100 years ago. You're what's wrong with this country. You're too obsessed with your car. Wow. Oh yeah.

I hate, I love the way that the country is. I don't. She does. And I think that it's, the best part about infrastructure is just wishing it were different makes it different. If it wasn't for you, I would have a train that goes fast, fast, fast from Los Angeles

to Vegas and I could go and eat at a buffet whenever I freaking wanted. I think it would be, okay, let me ask you guys a question and Adel's itching to read this next rail. We don't have any high speed rail in the United States and I think people like would love for there to be high speed rail in the United States. And I think people would love for there to be high speed rail in the United States, or select a few people, some people would love it. If you could do it, and it only connects two cities, what cities are you gonna connect?

New York, LA. And it can't be like you to your home. It cannot be a city that you live in. So, Adel. Can you imagine taking a bullet train from work to home? It's one second. No, I need like, for me to have it be LA to Massachusetts. That would be what I picked.

Oh, I see, I see, I see. I was gonna put the caveat, Addle did it with New York to LA, but I was gonna put the caveat on it that it could not be like where you live. Like this is like a train that you want to exist in the world, but it doesn't go to, it doesn't go to like, I can't do Chicago, even though we do live in like,

you know, some of the biggest cities in the United States. Amtrak, I wanna say yesterday Amtrak announced, Amtrak announced a new line that goes from Chicago to Miami, which is kind of a wild, good for JPC-ish. He'll never go on that track. I love cocaine. Foam parties. I like Chicken Shack or Chicken Shop or whatever it's called.

I was thinking Chicago to New York would be pretty great. Austin to LA would probably be a really pretty train ride. Ooh, I think I have mine. Yeah, what else? Aaron, don't be upset. I'd say Boston to the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Yep. Okay. That would be good.

That would be good. I'm upset. You could do a lot of good at all that way. I would do- To that trash island. That is the Pacific Ocean. What do you call a hundred Bostonians at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. Oh, brother.

I would do Houston to Austin. I mean, honestly, honestly. A lot of people in Texas. San Antonio to Austin are two, way more spread out than you would think. Too spread out. Let's do some more of these ditloids. Okay, this one is 12 M of a J. 12 M of a J.

12 months. 12. 12 months of a January. 12 monkeys on a jury. These monkeys can't pick out who's guilty. I do want to see this. Don't wait. Is it 12 men, in brackets, angry, of a jury? I mean, JBC, you pretty much have it. If you just sort of zoom out of men into maybe a wider populace.

Or what if I zoom in on their members? 12 marks on a jury. All guys need marks. It is 12 members of a jury. JBC got it right by using backward math. I do want to see a jury. All guys named Mark. It is 12 members of a jury. JPC got it right by using backward math. If you want to see a scene. Aka Jibatria. JPC and Aaron, you are two members of a jury.

Aaron, you are the one monkey of the jury. JPC, you're just one of the regular humans who's on the jury. You're trying to talk to the monkey to get them to agree to the verdict. Yeah. Look, you're the only holdout, okay? The other ten, you know, people in there, they just want to go home and... He's innocent. He's not.

He's... innocent. He's, I mean, he's really... the state... I mean look I hate I hate the whole process here as well, but the state painted a pretty compelling picture. I mean this is a This is a pretty violent guy. Oh, yeah remind me was there video evidence of him doing it was there a video of it Yes, yeah, I know I know Unmistakable they even brought in one of they even brought in an expert saying it could not be a deep fake. There were eyewitnesses. He confessed. Which I know technically got thrown out. We're not supposed to talk about that. Right, right.

We all just want to go home. Look, this is like a really... It's a pretty clear... Don't you have a family that you want to get back to? Yeah, yeah, of course. I just think he's innocent. And I'm standing on principle. The monkey's holding something behind his back. Hey, look, I see that you have something behind your back, OK? No. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're a monkey.

I'm a human. I'm like four feet taller than you I could see I could see kind of at this angle You're holding something behind your back. Okay Not one. Do you just not want to leave? What is it? What do you have back there? The defense handed me a banana No, I swear I don't take bribes, but we've been here three weeks, we're getting paid $15 a day. Come on, man, please. That's good.

That... You know how many bananas you could buy with $15 a day? Innocent. Innocent. We cut to two hours later. All right. This trial has been going on for 22 days. Has the jury reached a verdict? Yes, your honor. Yes, your honor. Sorry. Yes, your honor. Which one is the... I'm the foreman.

This is the foreman. This is the foremonkey. You actually, you made both. I don't know why. Really? Because I put up a stink when you said foreman, I started to cry, I felt left out. That's right. Yes, your honor. We've come to a verdict. We've come to a verdict And we the people of the jury and one monkey and one monkey Find the defendant Innocent and answer the, we're all eating bananas. Guys!

Guys! That's so dumb. Why doesn't 12 Angry Monkeys exist as a movie? Because we haven't written it yet, guys. Gang, come on, pen to paper, we can do it, Dream. Bigger. I like Aaron's idea for a movie, which is 12 normal marks, where it just happens to Pen to paper we can do it dream bigger I Like Aaron's idea for a movie which is 12 normal marks where it just happens to be there's a whole jury that selected And everyone's name is mark

But that sounds like not a fun set to be on three twelve guys that could Believe we play a mark. I don't know. Okay. That's a fun. Let's talk about it. Who are we casting? We have to only cast Marks. That's what I was gonna say is I think we do all stunt casting and they play themselves. Number one with a bullet, Mark Ruffalo. Ruffalo. Ruffalo has to be our lead, he's got lead energy.

Yes. Wahlberg we could use I guess. We have to have Marks. He'd be the villain. We have to have Marks. Zuckerberg. Don't say eh, because I'm listed on Mark, we need Marks. Do 10 other Marks. Mark Zuckerberg, Mark.'m listed a mark, we need marks. Do 10 other marks.

Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Cuban. Mark McGuire. Mark McGuire. Mark McGrath. Mark McGrath. Sugar Ray. Mark the Shark is a friend of mine. He's a shark, that's a friend of mine.

I almost, I swear to God I almost said Marky Mark. Forgetting that that's Mark Rolberg. Mark Rolberg. A guy who's the sort of object of our grift. Uh-huh, like a Mark. God, are there not enough? Can we do Marcus Aurelius? Oh, I think we have to.

His agent is pretty intense, though. Old. Yeah, intense. Mark Polo, I mean, I call him Mark. Yeah. Mark Polo, Marcus Aurelius, Stella Sism. Are we really Adam Marks? Oh, Mark Summers.

Is that from Mark? He's actually, he would be great in this film. He would be great in this film. Is that his name, the host of Double Day? Marco Polo? Did you say Marco Polo? I already said Mark Polo. Well, I said Mark Polo.

Did you say Marco Polo? I say Marko. Oh, Marco. Heo? I know, I say Mark-o. Oh Mark-o. His two different guys, let's get him in. Okay. Oh man. I don't know if Mark's in entertainment. Yeah, we don't really have a lot.

Okay, let's see who we missed. Mark Twain, dead. Mark Twain, what was his real name? Mark Hamill. Samuel Clemens. Mark Hamill is a improviser that we know. Mark Twain. What was his real name? Samuel Clemens. Mark Hamill is a improviser that we know. Mark Hamill. Oh, I think he said Mark Hamill.

I was like, oh, from Chicago. Mark Hamill would be great. Mark Strong, the British actor. Mark Strong. Oh, always plays a villain. Mm-hmm. Mark Prosh, who is the guy from What We Do in Shadows. He's the energy vampire. Oh, okay He's a mark that that's enough

Well, we definitely got to 12. I find us not guilty of Taking a quick little break. Oh and Vin Diesel's name is Mark Mark Sinclair. I forgot that kidding I forgot that his name was Mark. Yeah, we get to cast Vin Diesel This is the best break on the show's history By the way you cast Vin Diesel he shows up halfway through the movie and people like what is this shit? And then you like see in the credits that he's he's credited himself for just this role as his birth name Fantastic and on Instagram him and Mark Summers are in a huge tiff Huge need each other because they both have it in their contracts that they can't lose a fight

each other because they both have it in their contracts that they can't lose a fight. It's Mark. Mark Summers will not back down from a double dare. That's in his contract. See you after the break. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Ding dong. Me, me, me, me. Hi, hi, hi, hi! It's me, me, me, me! Hi! Hi. Oh, hi. JPC, we're at your house. We're caroling!

Yeah, I'm just making my big holiday dinner for my big holiday family. What are you guys doing here? We're caroling. There's no better way to... Oh, you guys are dressed up like the cult movie Carol. Okay, interesting. Adol, interesting for you, choice for you. Eric, kind of makes sense.

I wish I knew what this looked like. Ha ha! The holidays are about connecting with your loved ones and there's no better way to do that than with a digital picture frame from Aura. And I don't sing, but I think this product is amazing. I got one for my mom and she's obsessed with it. It's the best thing she's ever gotten, she says.

He doesn't sing, he says, that hits a pitch perfect. It's the best digital photo frame, GBC, and we love it so much we want to sing about it. Yeah, no, I'm familiar with Aura Frames. They make great gifts. I actually give them to all of my loved ones who are actually here kind of enjoying a holiday meal right now so I should probably get. Oh, I can see the Aura Frame. I'm gonna wait until a picture of me comes up. Oh wow, it's a picture of you and your wife and your kid. That's so cute. No, no need to wait. No need to wait around. You know what you could do, Erin,

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Sounds pretty good, JPC, but now sing it. Sing it and sing it. I make my family eat horse meat. I make my family eat horse meat. We gotta go, we gotta go. They don't know they're eating horse meat. They all think it's dog. Okay, clip that for me, Casey.

That can't just live here. I need that one forever. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh yes, yes, my plan is coming to fruition. He's begging us to ask. Oh hey, are you gonna cross the street or? No, no, I'm actually here on the street Telling people about how evil a certain podcast host

Jpc is I really telling people face to face is the best way to kind of get information out about a specific person Nah, you should use Squarespace as a huja. What that is a what? Make a sweet little website on Squarespace. You've never heard of Squarespace? What a what? She has a D that I'm not weird. No, I just got jealous of you making that noise. It sounded so fun. What is Squarespace? Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs or little guys like you who are evil or whatever to stand out and succeed online.

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Simply set a price and choose whether to charge a one-time fee or a subscription for access. I think there's also been a miscommunication. JPC is the bad one. I'm not a little weird evil guy. You's an evil. I mean- Huzzy wuzzy who's a what a huh? I feel like I've been made fun of.

No. I mean, it sounds been made fun of. No. I mean, it sounds like Squarespace has SEO tools so you can get discovered fast with integrated SEO tools and every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more so you show up more often to more people in global search engine results, which I guess sounds like it's faster

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Huzzy who's a whatty who you're not jpc shoves down a sewer. I'm having so much fun Aaron jpc, thanks for meeting me here again. My name is doctor responsibility. Responsibility. And if you're anything like me, you didn't start your business to spend the bulk of your time managing your finances. Am I right? Uh, yeah. Technically, that's why I started it, but I know I'm in the minority here. I'm here for a broken arm, because I

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Dr. Responsibility, what is your business? It seems to be all the trappings of a medical office. Well, my business is this frozen yogurt stand that also sells advice. Hey, it does kind of look like a medical office, but I guess it gets self-procid. You're in it. Well, check out some of Found's

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So where do we stand on the non-fat vanilla? That's not coming, huh? I'll bring it later. My arm is still broken. Oh, whoops. Break, break, break, break. You'll all be happy to know that we took a three minute break and we got in three fights during the break. No, Erin, we got in three fights.

Okay, fight number four. This is fight number two. Here we fucking go. Here we go. Here's some more ditloids. We got the last one, right? It was 12 numbers of a jury. Aaron, this one, this is Aaron and Aaron's Alone.

JPC, you can try, but I don't think you'll get this. Aaron, this is a little birthday ditloid. Okay. 76TL TL the BP. 76 TL the BP. I don't know. Aaron, it's your birthday. Why would I single you out for this? 76 TL the BP. Yeah, 76 TL the BP. Now, I think the number's gonna be a huge help on this. 76. And Casey's got it. Oh, 76 trombones

led the big parade. Yes, yes, yes, yes. From Music Mids. And 110 chord that's right behind. They were followed by Rose and Rose by the Violin. You were right that I would never have gotten it. That's what I- 76, what is it? Trombones. Trombones led the big parade.

And you know- Is that a song? Is that a song from Music Man? Yes. Okay. That makes sense. I would say it's the most famous song from Music Man. Okay. Maybe Trouble.

Shade? I prefer the talk talk talk cheap cheap cheap cheap. Pick a little tongue a little pick a little tongue a little cheap cheap cheap. Take a little more. I am the very model of a model of a major general. That's Pirates of Mid-Zance. Chippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity-bippity- Wait a minute. What a cast for that. 76 extras, that's insane. What if it was 76 Tom Bones? Who are some Toms we're casting? Tom Hanks, number one with a bullet.

What if it was 76 Ken Bones? We remember him. Oh yeah, okay. Unfortunately. 2016 I wanna say. Can't think of another Tom Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise and and they'll and it'll be like a nutty professor situation where they'll put on different prosthetics Do you think they've met? Oh

Yeah, Tom Cruise. I Think they've met but I feel like it was a very quick Interaction because Tom Hanks is gonna be a lot taller than Tom Cruise unfortunately and I think Tom Cruise really gets annoyed by that. Here's the more important question, not do we think they've met, do we think they've hung out? I don't think as a celebrity, maybe you do, I don't think that you hang out like often, but I think it would be fun to see them one-on-one. Oh you think there's the question like hang out just them? I want to see them one on one. Oh, you think that, or is the question like, hang out just them?

I wanna see a scene. Oh God, okay. Erin, you are Tom Cruise, JBC, well, wait, Erin, it's your birthday, it was a month ago. Who do you prefer of the two, Tom? I would like to watch you two do this scene. No, not an option.

So you're Tom Cruise, and JBC, you're Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. And this is the two of you on your first, you've met before, but this is your first real hang. Got it. Pulls up on motorcycle, takes off helmet, shakes out hair, keeps on aviators, walks up to the fire escape, jumps,

pulls himself up, runs to the top of the building. Gets to the top. Runs, jumps off. Air glides down, down. Lands on a train. Immediately does a backflip on the train. Fights, um, what's his name, as James Bond? What's his name? What's his name? Daniel Craig? Daniel Craig is James Bond. Does a front flip over him. Breaks ankle. Breaks ankle. Back to set. Keeps running. Takes off mask. It's Tom Cruise still.

Runs, runs, runs, runs, runs, runs, runs. Valley flop. Gets off the motorcycle. Tom, where you going? Tom! See? They showed up together. They showed up together. They showed up together, but Tom Cruise had something else to do. GBC, I love that, thank you.

I bet in Tom Cruise's mind, have you guys played horse before? Yes. I bet that's like Tom Cruise's mind, have you guys played horse before? Yes. I bet that was, that's like Tom Cruise's version of horse is like, okay, off the paraglider, out of the airplane, land on the bike, through the boxes. Like I feel like that's his. And then it's like, he does it and you're like,

well no one else even wants to do that. What do you have to prove, man? Yeah, no one wants this. Those side to side comparisons of you and Wilford Brimley at the same age, you won, dude. What do you want? You won, dude. I do like the idea of two celebrities hanging out

one on one, because I'm like, what do you do as a leisure activity when you have that much wealth, power, and prestige? I don't know, golf? I guess it must be golf. It must be like, if Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks were going to get together, it'd probably be a golf game. Right, yeah. Yeah.

What else, yeah, what else? What else is there? Smoked cigars. I feel like that was popular for a while for celebrities. Yeah. You see all the time celebrities that are in relationships with other celebrities, and I understand that to a certain degree because it's like your life is so crazy that you kind of maybe want to be with someone else that understands that the lifestyle that you live, even though some of it feels staged and forced.

But two celebrities just kind of hanging out. I was like, that's like not really a story that we see as often. I'm not sure if that's just not as popular like tabloid press, but it would be very funny if tabloids covered the way they cover relationships. Like they cover like celebrities just being like friends and like playing FIFA together.

Yes. I mean, I agree that. I feel like they probably play FIFA together. Yeah, that's probably true. I feel like probably the number one thing when two A-listers hang out, honestly, probably what they do is shit on other celebrities. Yeah. That's what I would do.

That's what I do when I hang out with anyone. So. Shit on celebrities. Shit on celebrities. Okay, let's do another one here. This is going to be eight T on an O. Eight T on an O. Eight toasts on an order. So when I get breakfast, what I do is they like

toast or pancakes and I go toast, toast, toast, toast, toast. And now they have to bring me eight toasts. Eight T's on an O? Eight, eight, eight T's on an O. That's very good. Very funny at all. Eight T's on an O. That's very good. Very funny, Adel. Eight, T's on an O. Eight, T's on a eight, tricks, eight.

Now I'll say the T is gonna be the hardest word to guess. But there's only two words to guess. Focus on the eight and focus on the O. T is plural. Oh, oh, oh, oh, eight tent focus on the O. T is plural. Oh, oh, oh, oh, eight tentacles on an octopus. It is eight tentacles on an octopus. Remember when that octopus was, maybe it's still doing it, maybe it's dead.

Remember when that octopus was like predicting World Cup winners and shit? What are you talking about? Wasn't that fake? Didn't they say that that was like staged? No, don't do this. Oh, no. That's the one thing I had going for me.

Yes. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that video of the bear is fake too. Erin. No, Jeremy Ellen White, he really is the bear. He got us on his head video. I got it. I did, I put it in the chat.

She did put it in the chat, and it was just Jeremy Ellen White. No, it wasn't. Yeah. My favorite part about Jeremy Ellen White on The Bear is that he's a super stressed out restaurateur and smokes like four packs of cigarettes a day. And he looks like he is a professional wrestler.

He's got the physique of a famous actor. To be fair, he very recently played a professional wrestler. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. He looks like he didn't do a lot of work getting into, he looks like he did a lot of work getting into the wrestler character and then instead of doing that work in opposite side,

you know what, it's actually awesome to have the body of a professional wrestler. Maybe I'll just keep this for my life. It was funny when they were. Which honestly more actors should do. It's like, if you, yeah, if you wanna be like a famous actor, like you should just look like a gorgeous person. Like why do. It's like, if you, yeah, if you want to be like a famous actor, like you should just look like a gorgeous person.

Like, why do the thing that like, oh God, what's the, what's the actor that destroys his body? The psychopath, Christian Bale. Why do the thing that Christian Bale does where it's like, yeah, I'm gonna take this role on, I'm gonna lose 250 pounds for it, and then I'm gonna gain, next week I'm gonna gain 860. It's like, don't do that.

Yeah. Just be like, hey, I'm Jake now. week. I'm gonna gain 860. That's like don't do that Yeah, just be like hey, I'm Jake now like I'm a new character. I don't give a shit. It's two hours of my life I don't like I don't need you to like physically transform. I would love to take that acting class. Just say hey, I'm Jake now What else do you want me to say get out of here? Just say your name three times in the first five minutes of the movie, and I'm good I don't need to I don't need to do anything else Yeah, the machinist was not worth it. I watched that movie wasn't worth what you did Christian Yeah, I watched the machinist too and the whole time. I thought hey, I wonder why this guy did this Doesn't seem good

Seven sea of the are seven sea of the are The seven seas of the real world, baby. Colors of the rainbow. Erin, it's the seven colors of the rainbow. Erin, can you list them? Mercury. Hearts, stars, clovers. Something in balloons. I think I did the order right.

It's hearts, stars, and a rainbow. Clovers and bloomovers in blue moons. Blue moons. We gotta have a beer. In balloons, huh? Yeah, I do wanna see the scene. Aaron, you have followed the mythical rainbow to its end and you have found a pot of gold.

It is guarded by JPC, who is not a leprechaun, but just some guy. Okay, I love it. Whoa. It, it, it does exist. Not so fast. Uh, you've, hold on. Ahem.

Not so, not so fast. Not so fast. You found me treasure. Sorry, is now a bad time? No, no, I'm sorry. This is a good, your, congratulations. Not many people, not so fast, you found me treasure. Me treasure? I'm not gonna say, you found my treasure.

You found my treasure. Sorry, you're wiping the sleep out of your eyes. I can come back. Well, it'd be hard because, you know, the rainbow's not always here, so it's like, if you come back, you kind of miss out. Let me start over. I'm just gonna, you know what?

I'm tearing up note cards. I'm just going to shoot from the hip. OK. You found a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Congratulations. I am a, well, I'm not a leprechaun. I shouldn't say I'm a leprechaun. Are you a leprechaun?

No. This is a job traditionally held by leprechauns. Yeah, what happened? There's a dead leprechaun like right next to you. No, that's... Thank you for pointing that out. That is what that looks like, correct? This is a rock with moss grown over it.

I mean, touch it. This is not a dead leprechaun. I'm not talking about the rock, I'm talking about the dead leprechaun next to the rock. Oh my god! Oh no, that's Mickey, that's my shift supervisor! Oh god, he's... Oh, he's dead. He's dead. Ugh. I was sleeping. Oh God, he's, oh, he's dead. He's dead.

Oh, I was sleeping. You saw that I was sleeping when you came up. I mean, I wasn't. Oh, how do I do this? I'm gonna lose my job. We cut the four eggs later. It has been a prolonged and trying several weeks, but has the jury reached a verdict?

We, we the monkeys and the one human. And one human. Find the defendant banana. Banana. Let's see. Find the defendant banana. We find the defendant banana. Here we go.

This is one B in the H is WT in the B. One, don't say butt. One B in the H or and the H. One B in the H is WT in the B and of course, Groove is in the heart. Oh, okay, I got it. It's like one bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. That's right.

What does that mean? Erin, can you real quick, before we explain this to you, can you real quick do you George W impression? Yeah, of course. He gave me a banana, so I wanna do whatever he wanted. Sorry, did I get it wrong? Actually, actually pretty good. Did JD gave me a banana? Wait, which one is George W

Right Aaron I believe a bird in the hand is worse to the bush is the idea of if you've already caught the bird cuz back in the Olden days people would go into bushes and try and grab birds Yeah, if you have one in your hand, you're like your I can go home with one bird But then you see two in the bush if If you try and go after two, you may get zero. So that one in your hand, right, is worth more than the hypothetical two that you may or may not catch.

So you're saying I shouldn't continue being the point of this love triangle that I've been. No, Erin. The opposite. All right, let me do it for this, Erin. Why G-O for B when you have S at home? Why get the milk for free when you have a? Why go out for burgers when you have steak at home?

I don't know. I don't know. You have to use these things, Erin. You have to use these little friendly mnemonic devices because if you don't, you'll forget. That you have a wife. You'll forget not to cheat. And you'll just go out and like, you know, fuck a bunch of people and you don't, you'll forget that you have a wife. You'll forget not to cheat and you'll just go out and like, you know, fuck a bunch of people

and you're like, oh, wait a second, I had, oh, that, oh no, that's right. I made a commitment. You know when you go to a bachelor party and you don't have object permanence like a baby and you forget you have a girlfriend and you give your number away to a girl? No?

Uh-oh. People don't remember that? Oh, Oh no. You know what? You know what? I wanted to help her because she seemed downtrodden. Oh is that what it was, JPC? Yeah, so what I was doing there was I was gonna help her.

She's mentioned, and I know a guy who teaches cooking classes, so I was gonna connect them in a professional sense. Okay, guess cats out of the bag. I'm JPC's wife and it's hell Oh just because I have a wife doesn't mean I can't network professionally with women Wow How about one e on a C Dan is a dating service? Man. How about one E on a C?

One E on a C. This is a tougher, this is probably our toughest challenge yet, but really focus on that one and then what E and a C might be. One E on a C. One ear on a corn. One ear on a corn. I mean, that's a fantastic start.

Thank you. That's a fantastic start? Yes. One. One It's a fantastic start? Yes. One... One E on a C. And think of... One I on a coin? Fiction.

Okay. You got part of that right. One I? Yes. On a... Cyclops. On a Cyclops. On a Cyclopolis.

That's hard. Cyclops is of course Adam Driver's new movie. That was a hard one. If it was a Copp course Adam Driver's new movie. That was a hard one. Yeah, Megalopolis was a hard one, Erin. Did anybody see that? No. I wanted to so bad. There's a part of the movie where somebody, an actor comes down and talks to the screen or something.

Have you heard this? You've seen this? I, here's the thing. I, with Megalopolis, I didn't see it in theaters, and I feel like I've missed my chance. It's not gonna be the type of movie that you are gonna wanna watch at home. No. No.

You wanna see the craziness on, you wanna see Adam Driver rap for Aubrey Plaza on the big screen. You wanna see, like, you wanna be there thinking the whole time, why did they do this? Why did this man do this? Okay, we gotta do it for review crew. Ugh, God.

At some point. No, please, isn't it also like three hours? It's supposed to be pretty long, I think. If we watch a bad movie, can't we just watch a 90 minute bad movie? I love a 90 minute bad movie. Oh, at some point, maybe not this Christmas, but at some point there's a new movie on Netflix.

It's Lacey Schabert, Shabert for Mean Girls and Dustin Milligan. And it's called Hot Frosty. And what it is, a woman dates like a super fuckable Frosty, the snowman. It's a snowman who turns into a hot, say fucking less. We're watching this. Please you guys. There are so many. I mean, obviously like now it's, I, I feel like within the last 10 years,

it's become kind of a meme that there are so many of these bad Christmas movies, but there are so many of these bad Christmas movies. I mean, you could almost, and I'm sure this already exists, do an entire spin-off podcast where we just review weekly bad Christmas movies and you'd never run out. I think we're doing it. Oh, I thought we'd all three.

Doing it. Banana. Ha ha ha ha. Speaking of bananas, Erin, doesn't it sound so appealing to play a listener voicemail? Appealing? Yes it does, thank you.

Wow, appealing, appealing. I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. Oh yeah. So tell me what you want, what you really, really want. I want a riddle, want a pussy, want a riddle, want a punty Want a riddle, riddle, riddle, fucking riddle, riddle, ah If you wanna leave a voicemail You gotta call Erin Key

Just call Erin Key Keep PC and Atom Don't forget KC All your Kevins and your Susies Looking for some relief Call and leave a voicemail Unless you're thirteen. I mean, seriously, you shouldn't even be listening to this.

Wow! I love that. That was Josh sent that in. Thank you so much, Josh. And... He used my name. Stop leaving voicemails if you're thirteen. I just got... I have to delete... Stop saying that you're thirteen and then... Fantastic song. Yes. Hi, this is Katie. I'm calling from my car. I'll be officiating my brother's wedding in fall. I was wondering if you had any advice or recommendation for how to be the world's best offic efficient. Thank you, bye. All right, Katie officiating brother's wedding in fall. And by the way, we're still in fall. I know a lot of people think,

oh, it's December, this isn't fall. Fuck you, it's fall. It's fall until the 21st, baby. So we're not late to this. And we're late. Yeah, we're late. I would say two tips. One, the best officiant is efficient. Keep things moving.

Yes. I'm sure you have all sort of wonderful stories and things to tell, but you gotta keep things moving. Get in, get out. Make it funny. Make it fun. Don't spend too long on your portion of it. Number two, I would say, put your brother on blast quickly. Maybe mention some embarrassing posters on his bedroom walls when he was younger. Maybe mention something silly he did

or a part of his body he broke or something. Put your brother on blast. Yeah, put your brother on blast. I like it when an officiant clearly took time to talk to each person in the couple about it before to gather little bits and stories from them and then also people they knew would be attending the wedding.

So like and maybe drop a couple things from that in there. Like in so and so here, remembered seeing you guys fall in love at a bar and this person remembers this. Like it makes, bring the audience into it a little bit. Devon remembers being on a motorcycle watching you fucking a car. Exactly, something like that. I like it when an officiant at a wedding

in lieu of doing the normal officiating thing sings the Black Eyed Pea song, Let's Get It Started, but the real version, the one they don't want you to sing. Oh boy. The one they won't let you sing. Oh boy. When you sing that song. Oh boy.

Do that every time and you, And add a little anything to plug. I wanna plug the black eyed peas. No, no, okay. But the real version. And the bass goes runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin', and runnin', runnin', and runnin', runnin', runnin', Oh, I wanted to go up.

Oh yeah. Well, you should have officiated a wedding. Boy, do I have anything to plug? Here's what else. I wanna plug the Aaron Keefs of the world. They typically have birthdays on November 10th. So I guess every November 10th, remember whatever Aaron Keef you know,

and wish them a happy birthday. That was a month ago. Aaron, my 33 year old friend about to beat Jesus. Anything you'd like to plug up for me? About to meet Jesus. Closer. I would say if you're in New York City and you have the means to, go see Omeri

or the Big Gay Jamboree. I saw those two shows last time I was in New York and I think that they're really special and they're written by LGBTQ plus people and I really loved them both. There was a moment, if anyone knows Marla who wrote The Big Gay Jambri, she does a joke about the musical songs from A New World

and the joke was so funny and so specific and niche and made me laugh so hard. And if anyone can tell her how much I loved that joke, please pass that along. And if you're in New York, go see those shows, they're great. GBC, anything. The south of what? I heard that joke was improvised.

Hey, look, I think something that we can all agree that we wanna plug is a Christmas movie streaming now on Paramount Plus called Dear Santa. This Christmas comedy tells the story of a young boy who mixes up his spelling when writing his letter to Santa and sends his Christmas list to Satan instead. The movie stars Jack Black as Satan, along with Keith Michael Key and Jason Alexander.

I mean, look, that movie sounds like a hit. That actually sounds fucking good. Yeah, amen. So anyway, that's what I would like to plug. Should I read a review? Yeah. Yeah, why not? Let's read a review.

If you want to get a five star review featured on the show, just send one in anywhere that you write five star reviews. This one's coming from Ngri Pig. And it says, torture, question mark? We trapped these podcast hosts in a financial dependent prison where they have to answer riddles to get an office job. They are really making the most of it and taking advantage of the space.

If you get the Patreon, the level of torture ups with forced feedings and more control over their days and removal of their freedom. Are they OK? Are we OK? This is fine. Five stars. And then that too distant future.

This is, we are sort of living in Mystery Science Theater 3000 situation. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes, yeah. Well, everybody, Jupiter. Especially when we review holiday movies all season long. And a very happy night. That's not what they say.

And to all a good night. Sorry. Casey Toney does the editing. Mary Perrin does the music. Hey there, Gonzos and Demons! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We have Janet Varney on for another ch-ch-ch-ch-chatterbox! You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the Clue crew for $5 a month, or starting a 7-day free trial, or the Review

crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those head-free episodes. See you there!