Hey Riddle Riddle - #334: I Boffed Off Mic

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Don't forget to get your tickets to SF Sketchfest to see the crew live with 4th host Janet Varney! It's Saturday January 18th, 2025 at 4pm PST at The Gateway Theatre in San Francisco. Tickets here. Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere Stockings hung up by the chimney with care It could only mean one thing McRib is here At participating McDonald's for a limited time The doctor was the mother He stood on a block of ice Felt the femur goldfish It was the cabin of an airplane!

He stabbed him with an ice cream! And the horse is a Friday! One, two, three, four, hey! One, two, three, four, hey! One, two, three, four, hey! One, two, three, four, hey! One, two, three, four, hey! One, two, three, four, hey!

One, two, three, four, hey! One, two, three, four, hey! Okay, now we're a couple days early, but what did everybody get me? Oh, for the episode? Looks behind me? Looks behind me? Uh, okay. Oh, I guess I got you, um, I guess I got you, Casey, insert an elephant sound here. I guess I got you an elephant.

That's kind of fun. Okay, you didn't even put an elephant sound. You put the sound of breaking glass. Did you have an elephant in a glass case? Doesn't matter, don't want it. I hope it was a gift receipt. I see a gift receipt covered in broken glass so I can return that. Okay, not bad. Phew, better than last year.

Erin? Birthday. Want you? Yeah. Oh, right, birthday. Yeah, what'd you get me? What'd you get me? One year. Oh. Erin? Birthday. Not you. Yeah. Oh, right. Birthday.

Yeah. What'd you get me? What'd you get me? What'd you get me? One year I got you a waffle maker, remember? Is that a birthday gift or a Christmas gift? Oh. And in the morning, I'm returning a waffle maker.

You always be doing that shit, Erin. I got you an elephant. Insert elephant sound here, Casey. OK. Just more broken glass. Breaking broken glass. It's just kind of a crunching on glass. Okay, so. So I guess what you both got me for my birthday

is more work for Casey. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Is that a fence? You tell her trying to sing over Zoom. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. It's not fair. Did you tell her we're trying to sing over Zoom? Happy birthday. Go on, keep going.

To Casey and his elephant sounds. No, it's okay. Happy birthday to you. Pop side of cake, nude. You. Insert elephant sounds here. So you found my cake. Elephant sounds, glass breaking. You found my cake. You ruined my cake. elephant sounds. You. So you found my cake. Elephant sounds glass breaking.

You found my cake. You ruined my cake. With your naked body. Well, happy birthday. Adel and I get in the car. We leave. We get in the car. We drive away.

JPC, buddy, we may have skimped on the gifts, but trust me, Aaron and I brought you cake. Okay. Do you have cake impression, buddy? Wait, what? Go on, buddy. Brought you cake Call me buddy and trying to fuck me. What is this little league? Oh calling me buddy and trying to fuck me. Trying to fuck me. What are we, in little league? In little league. Ooh, that's good, that's good.

Aaron, that joke is in poor taste. How dare you, Aaron? Right before we recorded this podcast, I texted a friend, I have to focus, I have to record a Riddled podcast. Turns out I didn't need to focus. Yeah. You can sort of show up in any sort of state and do this.

I didn't do it this year, but I did do it for my child, which I guess is kind of technically for me. But every year my birthday comes around and I remember that I'm an adult who has the capacity to buy myself a cake. I could just buy a cake and I could then eat a whole cake. I could do that. No one could stop me from doing it. The only person stopping me from doing it

is me forgetting that I have the capacity to do that. And do you think it's like your animal brain keeping you safe to forget to do that? Cause otherwise you'd do it every day. I don't know that I would do it every day, but I would do it. Most days. I would do most days., but I would do it. Most days. I would do most days.

Most days I would do it. I would say is a cake days. Yeah. Cause I'm not going to order a cake if I have half a cake in the fridge. But if I have a quarter of a cake in the fridge, I'm like, well, probably start getting on the horn with the old cake guy, start talking options. And here's, here's a thought I had the other day, which is if we changed the name of some foods, would that make them less appealing? So cake, just the name cake, you're like,

is that cute? And you were sober when you had this thought, were you a little bit of an edible, little bit of an edible, little bit of an edible? Erin, sweetie, can I talk to you over here? A little bit of an edible, I think. A little bit of an edible. What's the most delicious sounding food though?

Cause cake to me is pretty neutral. Cake doesn't necessarily have like a fun, I mean, like flavorful sounding name, cake. I think of all time, just off the top of the dome, off the top of the old attic meat, I think creme brulee is like, nobody, you're not gonna say, if somebody came up to you on the street and just said the words, creme brulee,

you're gonna be like, yes, I'll follow you. Mwah. Is it because it's French, I'm assuming, right? Oh, absolutely, French are the most delicious people. Yeah, like, dulce de leche sounds like, but that's just because it's in a foreign language, right? Ooh. Yeah, it does sound like that.

Because if you're like, you know, if you just, milk is not an appetizing word, but leche is like, ooh, okay. Talk to me about leche. Get the, put the milk over there, but talk to me about some of this leche that you're- Do you want some steak? Maybe.

Do you want some carne asada? Ooh. That's French for steak. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Guys, can I talk to you really quick? Yeah. And this is sort of the dynamic of the show, is I think people generally leave JPC alone when they have thoughts,

and they will either tell me or Adil when they have thoughts about the show. And Adil, I wonder if you've gotten, sent this video as many times as I have. Our listeners, who are great, but they're honest, right? And that's scary sometimes. Sent me the video, a video of somebody talking about the Conan O'Brien podcast and why it works so well.

And it's because they have the zoo crew morning radio formula down and people keep sending that to us going, hey, this is you guys And and I'm gonna use words that are insulting and everyone's feelings are about to get hurt, but I'll explain it after Okay, but the formula is dick dork and You cannot actually do that JVC, you cannot actually do that. That's so fucked up. JVC is so fucked up.

I think you could hear it. Dick Dork and Dirk. And I guess you know which one is the dick, right? Okay. And speaking of dick, Richard Nixon actually had a typewriter in the White House. I'm Matt Gourley. So everyone's falling into place and someone, the guy who does the puns and the smart references is over there and then I'm the sweet one.

And that's what all, and then I thought back to the morning radio show I had growing up that I would listen to on the way to school and I went fuck me. Well fuck me right up. And also I've got a little offended on behalf of women everywhere. Because I went I can't believe I'm not the dick or the dork. So actually, I'm going to be the dick now.

JBC, everyone shuffle. Everyone move one spot to your right. Hey, I'm the dame. It's not dame, it's a deer. And I'm the dick. Fuck you. It is, it is the whole morning Zoo Crew formula. I mean, I don't know if you guys remember morning Zoo Crew

or if we all want to put like our rose colored glasses on morning Zoo Crew, but I would say by and large, they were like 80% misogynist drivel. We're just like, and we're like 40%. A good formula. Yeah, yeah, we, yeah, of course, it's 2024. We're 40%, so I should just travel.

And I wanna say, buy in large, go to Costco. Yeah, not Sam's Club, we're Costco people, huh? Yeah, I think so. Buy in small, go to a mom and pop store. Buy in large, Costco. Yeah, buy in local, I guess just like not, yeah, just make sure, see if it's like Sam, like I guess Sam's Club, that kind of defeats the formula,

but like if someone's first name is in the business, we're usually in local. All right, well anyway, speaking of small businesses, local shop, shop, shop local. What? Shop smart, shop local. Yeah. I have got some locally sourced rentals here for you guys,

for the show today, the show, Hey Rental Rental. Okay, just as a warning though, I'm gonna be a dick. I'm trying to break the mold. This is feminism and I'm gonna be a monster. And here's the thing that's kind of just incongruent with what you're aiming for, Erin, because I fully support you being whatever you wanna be. Of course, I love that.

But you're wearing the most cozy, delightful, bright red Coca-Cola slushie. And it's so hard. You're sitting next to one of those polar bears from the commercial. Yeah, it's cozy, it's Christmas. Did you do anything, Erin, to prepare to be a dick? I thought about you and sort of the stuff you say and do.

I listened to a couple episodes of Havorital. Kinda close to like, empathy. Kinda sounds like you were thinking about another person. Oh, God. You should be thinking about yourself. This is harder than I thought. Did you crank one out? At least crank one out.

You didn't crank one out, did you crank one out? I did crank one out. Meaning of course, prank call someone. Crank anchors. Let me try to crank one out again. Alright, let's pause. I'm back. And did you watch the Augustan cut

of Beating the Beast? I did. Okay, great, that'll help you. Did you hear it? Oh my God, did I not mute? Oh, that'll make it fun after credits. Oh, brother. All right.

All right, riddles, bye, riddles. Wait, does that mean, hold on, does that mean I'm the one one I'm the dork right no Oh, well now yeah, yeah, well you I guess you have a choice here. Oh, yeah, you know you're not a Well, it was dork day cuz there's a beep over here. I didn't hear okay here dear, okay? Um Addle you be the deer JBC you be the dork and I'll be the dick And if things are things are about to change over here at Hey Riddle Riddle Everybody. In For The Dork, just so I'm understanding

of the rules of the dork, do I have a specific thing that I'm a dork about or is it like a dork about anything and everything? Anything and everything. It's mostly that you intellectually put things into context so you call things out when they're silly. Like you're sort of the The smart one in the room. Okay, which is I think about like what Adel does usually

Like Adel's I'm definitely like out of the room. Okay, I'm gonna you're smarter than us. No, I'm not saying you're smart I'm saying you're smarter than I'm gonna pull up which not Wikipedia and I'm gonna go to the Warhammer 40k article and I should be good to go. Should be able to put anything in context with... oh yeah there's a ton on here. Maybe also just bring up like Woodrow Wilson's Wikipedia page. I don't know if that'll come up. Okay and I'm going to Google emotions. What came up? I hope it's Carly Rae. It is Carly Rae. Brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr There are many of us more than can easily be counted We know little or nothing of each other and even though we all have the same name. No one knows who we are Ed Edd and Eddie Interesting and that's

Shakespeare Cartoon and it was a Shakespeare cartoon. Yes This is hard. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. I thought you'd been doing this for six years. Wow, and immediately the roles have switched back. Hold on, okay, hold on. This is hard.

Erin, give me This is Hard again. This is hard. Hardtack was commonly eaten by the soldiers in the Civil War. It was boiling a flour and insect protein into bars. It wasn't terribly nutritious, but it did settle the hunger pains of the soldiers. I know you are, but what am I?

Guys, this isn't hard. This is us. I love you guys so much. Okay. Just like on the show, this is us. Honestly, I think we did pretty well with the second take on that one. Anyone else feel kind of sick having the roles be switched up?

I feel sick. Yeah, I boffed off Mike. Yeah, I had a bunch of heart attack to kind of prep for this, so I feel fucking awful. I boffed off Mike. I boffed off Mike. Is that Kennedy? I boffed off Mike. I boffed off my... I boffed off my...

I boffed off my... Can I say, can I say, I've been listening to a lot of Hey Riddler Riddles recently. Why? I've been doing a project, I've been doing a little project that has involved me needing to listen to past episodes. And there was occasionally, I listened to a whole episode and there'd be nothing that I needed in it and nothing like usable.

I'm like, okay, there's a funny episode, but nothing usable. If I, I'm going back to when I was doing hours and hours and hours of this, if I had a gym, like I boffed off Mike, I'd be overjoyed. I'd be overjoyed to have that. I can't, I mean, just retroactively shoehorn it in.

I boffed off Mike. I boffed off Mike. I boffed off Mike. I'll get it now. As soon as we're done here, I'll get it now, but I can't use it for what I was using it for. Addle, that's really good. I do believe he said I had boffed off Mike. Stay tuned for a future Patreon episode

where some of these things may be funny. Ah. All my energy just left my body because that was so much fun. I did all I can do today. I laughed with my friend Adel. Now it's time to rest. Turn to sign from riddles to closed.

JPC, you got this right? I think we've been going for like 10 minutes. I don't think you can close the shop at 10 minutes. I'm changing the side from I'm tired to I'm too tired. JPC, I feel like you've got this, right? You didn't even make the sale. Did I not? You just had fun with your coworker.

Yeah, that's sort of what it's all about. And the riddle's still on the page. If you don't hate your job, you don't work a day in your life. Do you need to hear it again? Would you like to hear it again? Yeah, okay, I got it. I'm not gonna get it. I boffed off Mike.

I boffed off Mike. Oh, hear the riddle again. No, I don't. This is for no one. This couldn't possibly be for anyone but us. It's so much fun. Can you do I boffed off Mike as RFK? My boy.

I boffed off Mike. I boffed off Mike. He's such a monster. We're all doing Golem impressions, right? Everybody go to your Instagram, go to RFK, and then see which of the people you follow, follow him, and then you're gonna go ahead and unfollow all those people.

You're welcome. Oh, can we, before we do the, before we hear the riddle again and try and really solve it, Casey, you can cut this out. Can we just do a quick like warmup tongue twister? Sure. Okay, here we go. Repeat after me.

I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale. I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale and horrified his children. Okay. I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale. Okay, perfect.

And to all of you saying, yeah, don't make fun of him, he had something happen with his throat. Well, perfect. And to all of you saying, don't make fun of him, he had something happen with his throat. Well, yeah. Like, if the Joker gets acid splashed on him and how he has a Joker voice, you're still allowed to make fun of him. He's a bad guy. You want to know how I got this dead bear in Central Park?

In 40 years, when a professor is teaching a class on media literacy and why certain art pops up in reaction to certain political movements, this show is gonna be used as an example as something that came up during the Trump presidency of going, hey, this is a direct reaction to the madness that was that. And you can tell because it's three people going and saying.

Erin, we're gonna be in history books? I didn't say that. I said that we're going to kill each other in the water wars. If I did absolutely zero research, and there was one person that was like, hey, you should get a vaccine. Vaccines actually help people. And they also help immunocompromised people

because if the whole population gets vaccinated, helps protect the people who can't get vaccinated. And another guy who was like I'd be like, yeah, let's go with just as a base level I'll look good into you guys later both of you guys just to make sure we're all on the level as a base level Guy I don't know like common decency He'll be in charge of a lot of things, health and human services.

Okay, we've written. I'm in hell, this is hell. We've written stories, poems, letters, complaints, arguments and instructions. There are many of us more than can easily be counted. We know little or nothing of each other and even though we all have the same name, no one knows who we are.

Is this like a printer like a God same printer at all. I think a printer is like really good. I really like answer but it's it's not that but mmm It's close to that, but it's not that okay, and you said this is locally sourced riddles. I Mean that because someone gave these to me at some point Not that. Okay, and you said this is locally sourced riddles? I mean that because someone gave these to me at some point. Okay.

Person in the mail. I used to keep all of the riddles with the letter that they came with. Same. But this one, I don't know who sent these, so. Oh no, we're sorry. Erin, no, try it again. Oh, fuck you, we're not sorry, fuck off.

Yeah, dum dum. I didn't, well, this is not good know this is not good. That's a little harsh It's a little it's a little more of like a I gotta be funny about it, right? It's a little 180 reaction Yeah, okay. I got it. Um all right. Let me give you let me give you I'm trying to find I'm trying to okay good No, yeah, Aaron. That was good. I'm trying to find my kid I can't have you seen my kid like it's you should be okay. Give me the lead in JPT So it's like yeah, so I I don't I don't know who sent these in oh I tried to find my kid. Have you seen my kid? Like, you should be. Okay, give me the lead-in, JPT. So it's like, yeah, so I don't know who sent these in.

Oh, cool, I also misplaced something too, and it's me caring about that story. That's too much, I don't like, that's so mean. And my hometown is my whole personality. It's not that it's too much, Aaron, it's just that it seems... How would you do it? Let me give you the lead in.

It seems like some seer. Sure, sure, sure. And I used to keep the letter that the riddles come with, but I don't know what happened to it. Yeah, I used to do the same thing with love letters from my exes, but now I just send the back to torture them. See? Damn it. How do I get good at that?

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. The riddle matters. Focus on the riddle. It doesn't though. Hey, hold space in hand. Spits at your face. Hey, it doesn't matter. Spits at? You're holding it right there. How did you miss? I don't know. Hey, I don't know. This riddle doesn't matter. I don't like this riddle. Imagine trying to spit at someone's face and piss it. I know that's pretty bad. This is actually a really good riddle. And Adel, you were close with printer,

but think less about, yeah, think less about the actual physical thing that it is, because it's not a physical thing. Okay. We've written stories, poems, letters, complaints, arguments, and instructions. Who would write all of those things? Authors.

Humankind. Yes, authors. Humankind. But both of those are correct, but we're not looking for like a specific author. Brains, brains in general. General brains. If you were reading some instructions.

General brains, we have some bad news. What is it? Bubble, bubble, bubble. Say you were building a Lego or something, and that comes with instructions. Who wrote those instructions? I don't know. A Danish person?

Erin, you don't know, right? Yeah, I don't know. You don't know. So they were written by? Anonymous. Anonymous. I'd like to see a scene JPC you're anonymous and you're doing your book tour and me and Adol are at your book signing book tour to hear you do

a reading from your book Hello hello everyone Get to the get to anonymous Okay, well, I'm RFK. I did the forward for the book you what we already paid for it oh no oh shuffle everyone shuffles into line wait hold on he's here you don't want to hear from the author no all right I guess I guess everybody's leaving you're holding a hat and a fake mustache we see where this is going no no I didn't I didn't write the book

Put your shirt back on I don't I didn't actually bring a shirt I didn't actually bring a shirt, so I don't have one to put back on Okay, I guess I'm just standing silently in line waiting to return our books Wait you gotta return to the store I'm not giving it no we want you to hand us cash. Trust me you don't want to touch anything that I have. Everyone shuffles over back into the line at Barnes and Noble. Shuffle shuffle. Okay hold on let me clock in okay hey welcome to Barnes and Noble. How can I help you? Scene. Okay.

Great scene. Snip, snap on the left. Snip, snap on the right. Guy with the keys got you locked up tight. Was that the... the Lewis Carroll poem? Yes. It was... Hold on, now you shouldn't, you're the deer, you shouldn't know about Lewis Carroll. I'm sorry. Uh, you wanna try it again?

Was that the poem Womplfrump? Womplfrump. Womplfrump. No, no, that's not, we can't be doing that right now. Womplfrump. And that's Smashump. No, no, that's not, we can't be doing that right now. Womple Frump. Womple Frump. And that's Smash Mouth's first album, I wanna say. No, that's Chumbawumba. I'm not tired all of a sudden.

Smash Mouth's first album was called Chumbawumba. It was Astral Lounge. Erin, dicks don't get tired. Astral Lounge was Smash Mouth's second album. This is something that I would know as the- I think you're pounding espresso, like JPC dance before an episode. What was Smash Mouth's second album. There's something that I would know as the- I think you're impounding espresso, like JPC dance before an episode. What was Smash Mouth's first album?

What did, is it a real key? It was Walk on the Sun. I don't know what it was called. What did you say it was? A piano. A piano. A piano. It's not a piano, snip snap on the left,

snip snap on the right. Guy with the keys got you locked up tight. Vasectomy. Haircut. There's been a tight. Vesectomy. Haircut. There's been a mistake with your vasectomy. We only got the left nut. The right nut is still viable. California dreams.

Left nut. Something that snip snaps on the left and then snip snaps on the right. And then the guy with the keys got you locked up tight Is this like not real keys? It is real keys. It's real keys. Is this like old timey? Dungeon shackles at all. You're so close, but it doesn't need to be old timey. It's handcuffs Aaron. It is handcuffs I do want to see a scene. Of course you do. Aaron, what? No, I wanted to see a scene, but you do a a scene. No, I don't wanna be the dick anymore.

You go. Thank you, Erin. So we're gonna do a scene. Hey Erin, that's something the dick would never say. The two of you are handcuffed together, just due to some, you know, it's like a Gerald's game situation, if you're familiar. Sure.

And you just can't find the keys, you can't get out of cuffs, so this is you just kind of living your life with Cuff Song. Oh, okay. When you said coffee, I thought we would go to the Starbucks. You're pulling me towards... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh is so watery it's so good you have to try it. Uh... Ugh!

Okay, stop! Ow ow ow ow ow! Yeah, it's chafing both of our wrists every time you do that. Um... Yeah, you know, we gotta make the best of it. I guess we could do watery, which is not the way to sell it, uh, Panera Coffee, I guess, for today. Thank you.

Yes. Okay. Hey, and then, since we're kind of making compromises... Sure. Uh, how about today, even though it's awkward, we've been like this for a couple weeks, how about today we just try to take a shower? Mmm... Yeah, you're right. You know what?

Think about it. Maybe just let's get the coffee in us, and then we think about it. Mmm... Okay. Clock's in to Panera. Why can't I get you from under? What? Think about it. Maybe you just let's get the coffee in us and then we think about it. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm See? Oh, I can't imagine, I can't imagine something less appetizing than reaching for a watery coffee while I'm like four bites into a broccoli ginger soup. That sounds, ugh. Yeah, okay.

I once had coffee and sushi and it was not great. On purpose? At the airport? Why would you do this? Did you get this? Did you order this from, was it Doornash? And they were like, do you want to add a coffee to this order? And you were like, okay, why not?

Aaron, of course it was at the airport. Where else would it be? No, it was for lunch or something, but I had just woken up. You two would believe that. I had woken up at like 11.40 and was eating sushi at noon. And I was like, I gotta have a coffee,

even though this is gross. See, that doesn't sound so insane to me. I'll let pretty much anything happen to me. Aaron. Casey Clippett. Aaron. Coffee and fish. Don't talk to me until I pass my coffee and fish.

My God. My God, have some respect. No. Aaron, if a person tells you they're eating coffee and sushi sushi say, bad bad bad. No but I've done I've been there I've definitely done that before. Who cares? I can be the sickest pervert in the world. Someone still says like I like to jerk off to like videos of squirrels.

I mean I love doing that. Still someone says I go. Oh, you should be ashamed of yourself You should be a jail if I'm being totally honest in the last calendar week I had a Red Bull in a beef stew for breakfast. All right, I'm walking Casey just looped the first half of my audio and it'll make sense like that 7 a.m. Wait now stop. We got to do a new year. We have to, let's end this one. 2024 over, yeah, this is the last thing we do in 2024. 2024 is over, we could go to, we have to start fresh. This actually says more about you guys

because you're my friend and someone should be checking in on me. This actually says more about you two. Aaron Red Bull and Beef Stew? Yes. Oh. Aaron, I tried. I sent you all the paperwork to put you in hospice I tried I lost the paperwork you said a 33 year old woman does not need to be in hospice. I said I disagree

Assisted living places actually do you I would thrive there? Oh my god. I'd clean up so good. At hospice? No, no, like. Clean up? What do you mean clean up? Like at one of those old folks' homes where old people go to live. Do you mean you'd steal from the people? What do you mean clean up? Do you mean you'd fuck a lot?

What are you talking about? Sexually. You know how well I would do if I was there, if that was my community of people? Bunch of old men and women. Yeah, I don't know. You'd be pickleball queen within a week. I would be, oh I would be.

I would be. Actually that suits me. That kind of lifestyle I think would do really well. Well Aaron, then sign the fucking papers that I keep sending to your house. I keep losing it. I can't find my readers and I can't read them. Just got a notification from Ireland.

This looks like a very official envelope. Ooh, open it. It says due to the recent revelations of Erin Keefe, consuming beef stew and Red Bull, she was permanently banned from Ireland. Ah! All right. Erin, I'm sorry. It was gonna happen one way or the other.

I went through sort of a horny tear through their country earlier this year. I was expecting that letter for quite some time. Horny tears. Fantastic. Also, I love that we had sort of like a lazy DJ Khaled moment from JPC. I think he just went, another one. You guys, I'm actually doing really well.

DJ Khaled impressed. Another one. Huh. That's like Drake going, he keeps going on Twitch or whatever and being like, I'm actually doing really well. DJ Khaled impressed. Another one. Huh, that's like Drake going, he keeps going on Twitch or whatever and being like, I'm fine, I'm unbothered. I'm unbothered. It's like, Drake, if you have to keep saying you're unbothered, you're clearly bothered.

No, this time around, I'm actually doing very, very well. I'm thriving even. I have a crush. Okay, Erin, if you're so thriving, nail this riddle to the wall. My name is also what I do. Mostly, I'm too quick for you. Roadrunner. Speed.

You are so close with speed and so close with roadrunner. Actually, Adel, I... Runner. Isn't his name Roadrunner? In the Loomisoon universe, his name is Roadrunner, and it's also what he does. He runs the road and what he is. It's mostly also what he does.

Yeah, mostly I'm too quick for you. Yeah, I'll give you Road Runner. I guess he also says meep, meep. Yeah, he does say meep, meep. But what does it say in your little paper though? It does not say Road Runner, but I think Road Runner is the closest guess so far. My name is also what I do.

Mostly I'm too quick for you. Runner. Track star. No. JPC, she took my too quick for you. Runner. Track star. JPC, she took my answer, just locked off. She definitely took your answer. Is there any sort of- Is there a penalty? Yeah.

No, unfortunately not. My hands are tied. I'm the deer. Deer? You have to protect me. I'm the heart. Deer is not correct. Erin, two minutes ago, did you say you have a crush?

I did. I have a crush. My apartment is decorated for Christmas really beautifully. Okay, two minutes ago, did you say you have a crush? I did. I have a crush. My apartment is decorated for Christmas really beautifully. Okay, pause, pause, pause. I'm really passionate about my work. My dog is cuter than she ever been. Before we get too far away. Wait a second, you're passionate about your work?

Oh no, no, not this work. No way, yeah, exactly. Oh my God, so that, you guys. Exactly, no way in hell. No, I'm never talking about Hay-Riddle Riddle. I'm never talking about Hay-Riddle Riddle. No, of course I never talking about Hay-Riddle Riddle. I'm never talking about Hay-Riddle Riddle. No, of course I'm talking about Hay-Riddle Riddle. Who's this crush?

I'm not, I'll tell you off air. Joshua Jackson. Joshua Jackson, duh. No one knows. Erin, you can say it. I'll hit you with a. Joshua Jackson. I missed it, I missed it.

That's my fine, whatever. Let them eat cake, you know? Think of another animal. You're close with animal. My name is also what I do. Mostly I'm too quick for you. What's an animal that's named after what they do? It's kind of like how the fruit orange,

just called an orange. Well, it's orange. An animal is also what they do. Yeah Animal is like very broad. Yeah, well cuz I mean that could cover birds or insects Like a land mammal Aaron frog about it. Let's talk about frog. No dead stop was retired in 2021 I didn't say shit. I just said, let's talk about frog. I'm not a cheetah, OK?

Melissa meant nothing to me. What is an animal that their name sounds like going quickly? This doesn't necessarily, their name doesn't necessarily sound like going quickly. They do move quickly, but their name is what they do. Moose. Moose. Moose.

Their name is what they do. Their name is what they do. Fish. Bunch of fish fishing for other fish. That's pretty cute. What are you describing Farsight cartoons now? What's going on here? I fucking love Farsight.

Describing the opening of Over the Garden Wall. We should do, you guys, we're gonna do a Patreon episode that we do improv based on fireside panels. Ooh. I've decided. I like that. Erin, I would say that this- You're gonna have a lot of beehives.

The answer here, my name is also what I do. This is an animal that I would say would probably annoy you. A bee. Badger. Erin, it's not a bee because a bee. Oh, badger. Bee is nothing. Fly.

Erin, you're three for three. It's fly. I told you, I'm thriving right now. It's fly. Fly. You got it. Wow. All right, I wanna see a scene.

Erin's back, you had to listen to a whole year of her being completely depressed in underwater. No, it's more than that. Aaron, I want to see a scene. You are like a woman at the end of your rope and Adil, you're a fly. There's a fly in your house that you cannot kill, you cannot smack, so you're not just pleading with the fly to leave. Baze, baze, baze.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, for horses, I'm a fly, bitch. Hey, hey, hey, hey for horses. I'm a fly. No seriously seriously He pours you a glass of whiskey. Oh, yeah glass of whiskey inside whiskey Oh Fuzz away kidding. Just kidding. Oh See, this is this is what I mean. Um Let's just have a drink. Let's just talk as people. Okay? No No, I'd rather just annoy you.

Hey. Yeah. Hey. Hey, can you open the window slightly so I can get stuck in between the screen and the frame for a year? No, because that will make the most insane loud noise. No, I promise I'll be quiet. I'll be trying to get back in the house.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, you've watched me lose custody of my kids. I caused it. You've watched me lose my job. I caused that too. I know. I've tried all the methods. I've tried vinegar out on the counter. Fly paper. A sexy

fly trap dressed up like a sexy long fly. Oh, that was not for you. Oh. I'll do what I have to do. The dress, the lipstick. What do I gotta do to get you to fly outside? You know what? I'll make you deal with it.

Just for today. Just because I'm feeling generous. If you eat the way I eat, I'll leave. Don't do this. Bust on your food and then go for down.. I'll leave. Don't do this. Buff on your food and then go for down. And I'll go. This seems pointed because that's what you saw me do this morning. I guess you saw, huh? That's right. That's right. You're just like me.

Come here motherfucker, I'm gonna fucking kill you! No, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no! No! Ahhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh! Jesus, hey, Jesus, hey, hey, hey, calm down, hey, hey, I'm just... Fuck, Jesus, no, I'll just go, fuck, I'll just go, hey, hey, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go, okay? Signs over deed to house to fly...

I'm the fly now. I'm the pest in your house. You can try to kill me, this is your house now. Oh, um... Boy, I didn't mean for it to get to this. I was just a fun joke. It's only, what has it been, a couple days? It's been two days.

Yeah, well, I'll just go unless, yeah, unless since you're a fly now, you wanted to date or something. That's stupid, that's stupid, that's stupid. A montage of them falling in love, getting married. They barf on each other. Honeymooning in Northern Italy. They do the cake thing at the wedding,

but they interlace their hands, barf on each other's piece of cake, and then eat it. We see a bunch of flies with human heads and a bunch of human bodies with fly heads. We see them go off to college. People scream on the top of their lungs because they're so scared because they're monster. We see them start to get old.

We see them on a porch in two rocking chairs the day of their death. Wow, big great run. And it's only been two days. Two more days. See. See. But a great run and it's only been two days Halfway through I realized I was doing an impression of Steve from sex in the city. Oh Mr. Big Mr. Big we're Steve dead on a building Wow and speaking of flying

Really? No one knows how orc warp engines actually work. Some are rebuilt from the ruins of salvaged Imperial warp drives, while others have bizarre contraptions built around disembodied brains of orc weird boys. Well, whatever the manner of their construction, orc warp engines carry ships into and out of the warp. I feel passionate about my nerdy coworker. I think that's fantastic. I love passionate about my nerdy coworker. I think that's fantastic. I love you both.

Whatever dork shoves in locker. Ah, she shoved a dork in a locker. That would actually be a whale's penis. Why don't we take a break? You guys, this is really upsetting my stomach. I like how things were. Well, let's take a break and when we come back, things can be back to usual. And done.

At LGPC, I used all the money I saved using rocket money, where they canceled all the subscriptions that I wasn't using to build a rocket that I'm going to take to space Okay, let me get this straight you used all the money you saved by using rocket money Which is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwritten subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills You can grow your savings to build an actual rocket so you can take that rocket to space That's exactly what I was saying. Now rocket money has over 5 million users, correct me if I'm wrong Erin, and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the apps features.

But unlike those happy customers, you're going to go to space. Yes, I saved $740 this year and that's why I'm going to go to space. Okay, you're wearing a lampshade and to space. Yes, I saved $740 this year, and that's why I'm going to go to space. OK, you're wearing a lampshade and sweatpants. Yes, I am. So Rocket Money, which has a dashboard that gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts, lets you easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track, see your monthly spending trends

in each category to know exactly where your money is going, and get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity or if you're close to going up for budget. You use that. Exactly. To save $720 and that $720. $740. $740 has gone into a rocket.

Yes. That you're going to take to space. And the lampshade is going to help me breathe up there. Okay, JPC and I are ready. Blast off, Queen. We want to watch. Blast off, Queen. Blast off, Queen. We wanna watch. Blast off, Queen! Blast off, Queen.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. Whoa, JPC, look, she's doing it. 10, nine, oh wait, eight, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, Money's safe with Rockabuddy, she don't be used to build a rocket to go to space, but

going to space with Madden is life-shaming, what a pretty huge space. Don't bring up a life-shaming space, we really use a life-shaming space to cover our lamp. Erin can't keep her head on a tree and then she hits her head on the tree and now she's down. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Ba-ba-da-ba, it's SuperBaby. If you see Aaron, I'm here to help you. Oh, SuperBaby, I forget your exact thing. Full grown man, head of a baby,

voice of a baby, big cape. Full grown man, head of a baby, big cape, voice of a baby, Yep, got it. And I'm here for better help. Because most superheroes only deliver regular help. I give better help. Oh, are you talking about better help? Online therapy that you can do from anywhere?

Yeah, the therapy that's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. That's what you're talking about, Super Baby? Oh, you know what? I use BetterHelp, and so I was thinking of that. I need a BetterHelp, that's BetterHelp's thing.

I need my own catchphrase. Yeah, and superpowers too. You could use, right? Well, I got these shoes. I can't kill. This can sometimes be a lonely time of the year for me. And I've been so grateful to have a counselor that has been responding to me in a timely way

with great advice to make me feel like I'm more connected to myself and the world around me. I can't recommend it enough. And therapy also lets you learn things that are useful for any time of year, like positive coping skills, the ability to help you set boundaries. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself and it isn't just for people who have experienced

major trauma or things like that. I found my superpower. Yeah? Spreading the word about BetterHelp. It can't be. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month

That's better help H ELP comm slash riddle You if you want a superpower it needs to be something like actually like Aaron and I both have laser eyes What like you can't have that one? Wow My cats are going nuts Okay, TPC open it open it open it. I'm too excited. It's an aura frame. Okay, it's cut.

Aaron, just so I am clear, it's kind of hard to open things when you have me and Adel strapped back to back to these chairs. If you could just free your hands, sure. I caught you fair and square. It's for the city at large. Everyone has to make everything safe. It's an aura frame. And guess what, I made it, even though it's already such a personal gift,

because it's a digital frame where you can upload pictures of your friends and family and loved ones and have it play in your home, you can also upload a video message to play on the frame as soon as you plug it in. So the first thing you'll hear is my voice and me telling you how much I love you and appreciate you and how easy you were to capture. Yeah.

But I got it for you. Do you like it? Do you like it? Erin, I love it. I don't necessarily love the circumstances with which it has been presented, but I love it or a frame. I mean, I gave one to my grandma.

I get to upload pictures of my family directly to her frame and she loves being able to like see these new pictures because we're separated by a considerable amount of distance. That's always very fun. My, I would say my wrists are starting to kind of chafe from the rope. Huh. Okay, that sort of sounds like a you problem. And I just remembered that Aura was named the number one digital photo frame by Wirecutter.

Aura frames are incredibly smart, smarter than us, JPC, I guess, because we got caught. And easy to use, allowing you to upload unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame. Gemma and I use ours at home to upload funny pictures of our cats to surprise each other when we're in the kitchen and see it pop up. It's just one of the best things you can own. Adel, that's so wonderful.

I'm gonna let you go. Wee! And you know what? Save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code RIDDLE at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code RIDDLE, R-I-D-D-L-E. This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Okay, and seeing how Erin just let Addle go,

I don't actually think I want that. I think I wanna stick around, Erin. So if you could please just for my family. No. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh yes, yes, my plan is coming to fruition. He's begging us to ask. Oh hey, are you gonna cross the street or?

No, no, I'm actually here on the street telling people about how evil a certain podcast host JPC is. I really telling people face to face is the best way to kind of get information out about a specific person. Nah, you should use Squarespace. Huzah huzah huzah huzah huzah what? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No I just got jealous of you making that noise, it sounded so fun. What is Squarespace? Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs or little guys like you who are evil or whatever to stand out and succeed online.

Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience more so than face-to-face, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place all on your terms. Yes, it's so easy to sell stuff on your website. You can sell access to your content like online courses, blogs, videos, and memberships. You can earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set a price and choose whether to charge a one-time fee or a subscription for access. I think there's also been a miscommunication. JPC is the bad one. I'm not a little weird evil guy. Yous an evil. I mean, huzzy wuzzy whoosie

what a huh? I feel like you've been made fun of. No. I mean it sounds like Squarespace has SEO tools so you can get discovered fast with integrated SEO tools and every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, and auto-generated site map, and more, so you show up more often to more people in global search engine results. Which I guess sounds like it's faster than just telling individuals on the street. Yeah, why did you act like you didn't know what Squarespace was? Ha!

Also, you can connect major social and multimedia accounts to your website in a few clicks as Icons direct links or embedded feeds build visitor trust while updating content only where you need it Extending your brand's footprint sellers can also sync their product catalog directly with Instagram Facebook YouTube and Google To reach more customers and reduce the steps for purchase. How's he was he who's he, huh? and reduce the steps for purchase. Huzzy wuzzy whoosy huh? It's so fun, Adel, you gotta try it. Lifts little guy on my shoulders. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial

and when you're ready to launch, squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Huzzah whooza wassah wassah? Hizzy whoosy huzzy what? Well, thank you. Finally, I'll be able to get the truth out about JPC. Hussie, Hussie, whatty, who? You're not JPC, Shelf-Stun-A-Sewer.

I'm having so much fun. Oh my gosh, guys, sorry, sorry. Out of the way. Move, move, move. Sorry. Yeah, what do you need? I was, sorry, I was just at my house and I was just doing some chores. And I just remembered that I locked Sandy up in this chest a while ago and I forgot to put air holes in. So everyone, Oh boy.

Crashing fingers, hope he's still breathing in there. Let's see. No, he won't be, but I'll get the plastic bags. Thank you. We have those leftover from last time, right? Yeah, I think so. Great. Okay, open it up.

Open it up. All right. Hello? Ah! Hey, buddy. I'm still old. Hey, Sandy. How are you?

Wow, that one breath of air and all the color rushed back into his face. That was crazy. He was like black and white in there. Well, there's not a lot of color to start with, so it didn't take that long. Yeah. It didn't take much.

I love that you're keeping me in your closet now, Aaron. That's a new treat. I've been in the sandbox for so long. Yeah, I have to. We gotta rotate so the smell doesn't get too bad. You understand. He understands. I love being in LA. Yeah, I have to, we gotta rotate so the smell doesn't get too bad. You understand. He understands. I love being in LA.

Yeah, duh. It's so nice here. We have to let the sandbox lay fallow, and so the nutrients return to the soil so that we can bury you back at the end of the episode. All right, all right. Well, anything I can do for a podcast. What have you brought for us today?

Is it fun? Is it hard? Is it both? It is neither fun nor hard or both. It is it is a bunch. OK, so what I have for you today is a game called The Last of Us. And what I've done is found easy. I shoot Adel in the head. I shoot Aaron in the head. I take my daughter to safety.

I was never seen or played the game or show, so. Sorry. What? You've never played the show? No, I've not played the show or seen the game. No, this is about people, people who have an interesting fact about them, which is to say they are the last person

to have done something significant. So this is all trivia. You're not gonna know any of these names off the bat. Maybe one, but most likely, you're not gonna know any of them. However, I will give you more and more facts about them until you figure out what it is they are known for being the last person to do.

What they are known to have done for the last time. Wow. Does that make sense? So for example, if I said his name, and I'll give you lots of facts. So to start, Gene Cernan in 1972 became the last person to do a disco dance. 1972, Gene Cernan. Fun fact about that, I just did one. So yeah. Wow.

Yeah, so anyway, he was one of 12 He's actually the 11th and the last person to do this and in 1972 This when he did it and I said he said we leave a month He was the last person to eat a month. He ate December and he ended the whole thing Wow ruined it for He was supposed to eat a month, he ate December, and he ended the whole thing. Wow. Ruined it for everybody. You're close.

He said, we leave as we come, and God willing, as we shall return with peace and hope for all mankind. And I will say, like most of these, they'll be the last forever. There's a chance he won't be the last. In fact, it was likely he won't be the last. In fact, likely he won't be the last. He was the last person to preside over John Lennon's funeral? Space?

It's space related. I know. It sounds space related. Is he the last person to walk on the moon? He is the last person to walk on the moon. What's this dumb motherfucker's name? Gene Cernan? So I guess we're just forgetting Michael Jackson

Interesting. Well, yeah, I mean we are Yeah, so he was the 11th he was the captain so he got off the capsule first and then the other guy whose name I think was Harrison got off last so he was the 12th man on the moon But then gene was the last person to leave the moon So we call credit him with being the last person to walk on the moon, but then Gene was the last person to leave the moon, so we credit him with being the last person to walk on the moon, you know, until we go back. Okay, let's keep going.

So none of these are gonna be very familiar names. Again, you're gonna get there through some cluing. How many do we have? What if Aaron got all of these from just the names? Then you'd respect me, huh? Would that do it? Would that do it? What will do it? Well, I fed her all the answers, so was that bad?

Should I have done that? No, that actually makes for a really great radio. Glip, skip. All right, this person's name was Hamida Jendubi, D-J-A-N-D-O-U-B-I. This happened in 1977, and it has to do with a conviction. This is the last Jedi.

Oh yeah, yeah. Can you give it a year again? 1977, it happened in France. Is this the last person to be killed by guillotine? Yeah. Oh yes. Got it. Wow. Whoa. I knew it, the last guillotine. Yeah. Oh, yes. Got it. Wow. I knew it was the X-Files.

I knew the last guillotine, the last time they used the guillotine was in France and I knew it was in the 70s, so. Yep. France abolished capital punishment in 81, but they stopped using guillotine. So close. A few years before that, yep.

All right. Yeah. The Olympics recently ended. This is, there is someone named Alfred Thompson, who in 1948 won a particular gold medal at the Olympics. He was the last person to do it and probably will ever be the last person to do it. 1948. Aaron, what do you think? 48.

He was the last former Nazi to win a gold medal. I believe we have. That is definitely going to be repeating. What event has been discontinued that used to exist? What event's been discontinued? I'm not sure it's well known that this was an event. I'll say he was the official artist for the RAF during World War II. So in 1948, they stopped giving out. This is the last time they gave out gold medals for- Painting? He was not an athlete. It is painting. Whoa, Aaron.

Why? That's weird. I don't know. Why breaking? I don't know. Weird. What about painting? Do you know anything about what the challenge was here? Was it that thing where they give you a picture of a turtle and They say if you draw this, you could go to art school. He is last person went to gold medal for painting. So it's already did these five paragraphs of Wikipedia and get back to you in a few minutes. I don't know. I think that also being the official painter for the RAF sounds very much like when an American politician is like, I served in the military.

And you're like, it looks like you were like an army accountant. You didn't, it's like one of those make good jobs that they give a politician's son. I think that they were paintings of, I'm just speculating here, but I think there were paintings of the athletes doing their thing. Like it was it was like paintings of the games. It must have been right. What's weird is the Wikipedia page for this shows you the pictures of the artists,

but not the actual art. They also had music, mixed music, orchestra, chorus competitions, chamber events, watercolors, etchings, engravings. Anyway, Alfred Thompson. All right, next one. Martha Lillard, 2024. So this year, she became the last person, she's still alive, but once someone else died, which happened in March, she became the last person to hold a certain distinction.

Oh, she is the last person to be the sister of someone who played Shaggy. So, fun fact, her Wikipedia page at the top says, should not be confused with Matthew Lillard. Fun fact. Should not be? That's true. Don't tell me, don't tell me what should and should not be Wikipedia. Must not be. Whatever you do. Not to be confused with Matthew Lillard. Like he would.

Yeah. Like she won the distinction in 2024. It's nothing she won. She just earned the distinction this year when someone else died. She is that the last person to do something and whoever do this. It's true. Titanic survived the Titanic. No, she's been in a certain condition since the 50s. So she was five and it is polio. Last person born with polio?

No, she wasn't born with ed she the contracted it may believe but because of that she currently her current life Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. What can I sorry I can apologize? Get a ball just come on the episode We're getting messages about that We're getting an avalanche of messages about that And by we I mean me That you said that I'm getting messages all day

Well Martha Lohler does So there's one person who could possibly cancel us Maybe it's polio What is Well what is true about people Some people who have polio They live a certain way Like a brace or?

The arm. She's the last person to live inside a. A bubble. A. Iron lung. Iron lung. She's the last person in an iron lung. Yep. Wow. Wow.

That's who the Radiohead song is about. That's right. Yep. So, all right, we'll mark that one as a not yet. Not yet. John William Gott, 1921, was the last person to go to prison for something in Britain. He led the anti-Christian Free Thought Socialist League

in the early 20th century. And he went to prison, last person to go to prison for something that they don't send people to prison for anymore because it's kind of silly. It's Britain, so it's being a pedophile because now I believe that they give them a position in the House of Lords or is it the House of Commons? Wow. Oh no, I'm sorry. They let them become a well-known children's entertainer. That's what they do in Britain now. The fun fact about this guy is that a judge upheld his conviction saying he was quote, outraged by a description of Jesus Christ

entering Jerusalem like circus clown on the back of two donkeys. Last man who went to jail for painting Jesus? What do you call it when you insult the Lord? Sacrilege. Saying the Lord's name. Close. Close. Sacrilege. Blasphemy? close sacrilege blasphemy blasphemy that's it last person

to go to prison for blasphemy 1921 wow should we bring that one back gpc you're first to go if we bring that one back this is why i can't go overseas this is why i can't go to england because i i think i i break i definitely break some of the libel laws that they have over there but the blasphemy laws are the ones where they really stick you. That's how they got Capone. Yeah. Taxis and blasphemy.

Here's a sports one. Do we like sports? No. No. Jose Molina, he played for the Yankees from 1999 to 2014, but in 2008, he was the last person to do what? And this will never be repeated. Lots of people did it. To casually use growth hormones.

To have a little bit of growth hormones. Just a little, just a taste. Lots of people did it. He said 2004 was the last time he did it? 2008. 2008. It cannot be done again. And it'll never be done again. That's 2004 was the last time he did it? 2008. 2008. It cannot be done again. And it'll never be done again.

That's right. Is it like HIDA? So he was a... Is it like HIDA Home Run in a stadium that's no longer in existence? That is more than like at all. It is precisely that. Oh, cool. So what is it?

What is it? I'm trying to think of what stadiums... Where the Mets played? Is it Shea Stadium? No. Is that still around? He's a Yankee, but it's not necessarily a Yankee Stadium, rights. Where the Mets played? Is it Shea Stadium? No. Is that still around? He's a Yankee, but it's not necessarily a Yankee Stadium, right?

Or is the Yankee Stadium? Well, it is. It's not necessarily, but it is. Yes. So the Yankee Stadium. Go on. Please. Please.

I have no idea what any Yankee Stadium has ever been called, unless they call it Yankee Stadium, because that's my guess. Yeah. Yankee Stadium. Yeah. Yeah. So in 2008, they demolished or they closed the old Yankee Stadium and they moved to the new one.

And he had hit lots of home runs, including that one. What's fun is in 1923, the first person to hit a home run in Yankee Stadium was a little boy named? Joe DiMaggio. Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth.

And he said, I was glad to have hit the first home run in this park. God only knows who will hit the last. And now we're God, cause we know. Wow. And it's only God will know, and Babe Ruth makes God, right? He's in charge of doing that? Yep.

This is what the beach boys were singing about? Uh-huh. Home runs are a weird thing. It's a weird thing to say, I hit the first home run in this stadium and then add the second part about, and God knows who will hit the last. It's like, why do you care? Why do you care? Well I think he drank like a 12 pack before every game, so I think we can let that go.

JBC, can you, in your best old timey babe voice, say that again and I'll be the reporter that says, why do you care? Go ahead. Well, I've hit the first home run in this stadium, but God only knows who will hit the last. Babe Ruth, Babe Ruth, over here, over here. You okay? Yes, you.

Why do you care? Great point, toots. Let me tell you some of the slurs I know. Uh oh. Pull the plug. Blast me. Blast me. Blast me. slurs I know. Oh. Blasphemy. Blasphemy. Blasphemy. Blasphemy.

Very good. You sounded much more like an old-timey... I think Babe Ruth is a bit of a... I don't know. I don't know, but he sounds to me like he'd be more of a sot, more of a drunkard. Yeah. He'd probably be like, sloshing around with me, Babe Ruth and I've had a hit a big baseball in the mix There is we found him

But the film would be sped up a little like 25% if you do it like 25% faster got it Haha, that's my big worth that I'm gonna hit the big baseball in a big big ball stadium. There he goes They both rounding the bases He's just rolling on the floor Between them. He's like he has a full rotisserie chicken hidden under there You should be looking at this one her entry her name is Milvina Dean 2009 she didn't accomplish something in 2009, but again, she became the last person

to have a particular accomplishment. Surviving the Titanic. It is surviving the Titanic. I guess that earlier, I wanted to try it again. Let it slide, because it was gonna come up later. She was nine weeks old with a Titanic sink, and her dad died, but her mom and siblings survived and they they did not stay in America they went back to England she

children what fast hmm refused to watch the James Cameron movie Titanic if you sense be too emotional I'm sure but she saw the Avatar films right what yeah what you think of those what you think? She didn't like the abyss is what I'm trying to say she was She refused to watch the abyss. Yeah, she's like I'll watch Terminator 2 judgment day, but I will not watch the abyss What was the? Yeah, the first name was Milvina. Yeah. Hmm You know, I'm gonna be of origin. No, I'm just it's just a like an old-timey name Yes, she was very old-timey being from the old times. Hmm

Barbara Dainton was the second last person to die that was in 2007 so bill Vita died in 20 20 and believe that name. We don't need to know second place Yeah, we should remember that All right. Next person is Yvonne Petra. Back to sports. Yvonne Petra is the last Frenchman to win Wimbledon. That's just true.

It's not the fact I'm asking you about. 1946, last Frenchman to win Wimbledon was Yvonne Petra. In those finals, Yvonne Petra was the last person to also do what? Be made of gasoline. No, that's still true. They still invite one person every year to be made of gasoline. I don't know.

It has to do with something sartorial. What is sartorial moon? I mean, I'm sorry. That's like where the pharaohs were buried. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. That's due where the pharaohs were buried. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Let's do it with clothing. Torofogus. Clothing.

Last person to win Wimbledon without wearing a headband? Uh. Cause they're all the rage now. Clothing. Last person to play tennis. To wear pants? Without being in a polycule. It is pants.

Pants, no way! He was the last person to wear long trousers at the Wimbledon final. Anyone? They should bring it back. I would love to see someone who's so confident in tennis that they put on a pair of jeans. Put on pants?

Right. Put on jeans, in fact. pair of jeans. Put on pants? Right. Put on jeans, in fact, put on denim. Put on corduroys and wear. Let's see, I'm gonna beat you so bad. Yeah, I wonder how many clothes a professional tennis player would have to wear before I'm able to at least win one point off of them. Yeah, for all those men that are like,

I could beat Serena Williams. Right. Serena Williams in a parka. If Serena Williams was in a different state, I could maybe score one point against her. But I doubt it. I doubt it. She's wearing a bulletproof vest and a parka. And she's in China. And the Lenny Kravitz scarf. And the Jumeroquai hat.

I get to pick everything she's wearing. She doesn't get a racket. She doesn't get a ball. She just uses her hands. I still lose. And if any piece of clothing falls off, Erin gets a point and she still loses by 15 points. I do want to quickly mention there's a wrestler, if you're not aware. I think he's AEW. Uh, that's it.

Uh, I think it's AEW, but his name is orange Cassidy. And his whole bit is he wears jeans with no shirt and he has his hands in his pockets, the whole fight until he gets mad. And then when he gets mad enough, he takes his hands out of his pockets to fight. It's very funny. I love, I love wrestler gimmicks because now in 2024, you're like, well, what's left, maybe I'll be the wrestler who wears jeans, keeps his hands in his pockets. I love wrestler gimmicks because now in 2024, you're like, well, what's left? Maybe I'll be the wrestler who wears jeans and keeps his hands in his pockets.

I've never I'm looking at this guy up. This is very funny. I really want to see Cassidy. Very good. Very good. Good bit. Uh, okay. That's awesome.

Next one. This is someone famous. Haley Bills. Do you know who Haley Bills is here? Yeah, she was. Oh, sorry. I don't. Got it.

Atal? Yeah, she was the original actress in the, I almost said Sister Act, in Parent Trap. Oh, right. And then she was also the teacher in the original Saved by the Bell, right? She was also in Sister Act, too. No, she wasn't. Wow.

She was in Parent Trap. Yes, that's right, you're right. That's who Hailey Mills is. But for this, she was the last person to Win something in a group that includes Shirley Temple Mickey Rooney Judy Garland and Bobby Driscoll They all did the same thing, but she was the last what was it? She did is she winning a lawsuit against her parents for stealing all of her money That still goes on I'd say like the children's Oscar

That still goes on, I hate to tell you. Like the children's Oscar. That is right, it is right. It is called the Academy Juvenile Award and she won it for the movie Polyanna. I'm trying to win that still. That's my career path right now. Trying to get them to bring it back. Did they discontinue that award?

1960, I didn't say what year it was. 1960, yes, they discontinued it, yeah. They also had an Academy Award for painting, but. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And then for walking on the. I did not. Yeah, okay.

Both went to Mickey Rooney. All right, this person is the opposite of famous, definitely not famous. His name is Larry DeSantis, no relation to Ron. He is in fact a baker at Herman's Bakery in Dundalk, Maryland. And this happened in 2024 this year. He's the last person to do something that we know of. The last known person to do something.

Is he the last person to take all the bread dough, put it all over his naked body, say I'm the bread man, get baked into the bread and have like a big family eat the bread I Can tell by everything you're wearing and everything you're surrounded by JPC that you did that today So you couldn't be the last right if you did it hold on I'm not claiming to be the bread man But if everybody wants to eat the bread oh my god He's a baker so is this things where it's like no you know make the world's largest bleak. No, it's not well

No, he's not famous. He won't be famous. He is he okay? Here's here's another fact about him that might help He was a baker he worked a second job at another bakery in Maryland on the other side of the Patapsco River you see the first guy who was like a Butcher a baker and a council maker at some point in his life. That's awesome. It's not about the first, it's about the last. The last. Oh, the last, I see. He was the last guy to get fired from two bakeries on the same day.

Still happens every day. That sucks. His commute, his late night commute, got extremely disrupted, because he had to go across the river to go to his other job Which he did. Oh, he was the last person to go over a bridge Which bridge I don't know. Oh that fucking I tried my best to never learn the name of a bridge

And that's a gift that I give myself to make my life feel more interesting. Oh What was the is this the one that ship it collapsed or yeah? Oh, yeah So just give me the city and I'll be watching DC No, it's a city. It's both. It is Baltimore. It was the Francis Scott Key Bridge that got rammed into by that Cargo ship and he was the last person to cross it. Oh my god. That's so stressful All right, how about Paul Goresh a person who in 1980 took a photograph? He's a photographer and he took he was the last person to with a photograph capture

1980 Berlin Wall was 89, right? Yes. Yeah What would you be the last person? Someone who was assassinated or something? Yeah, it was. MLK. 1980. John Lennon. John Lennon.

Correct. He took the famous photograph of John Lennon signing a record given to him by Mark David Chapman, who was a security guard, 25-year-old security guard. And Mark David Chapman later that night came to his house outside the Dakota and shot him dead. And Paul Goresh took that photo. And he also took lots of photos for John Lennon like he did the cover of his last album, Watching the Wheels. Oh, so it's not that impressive. The guy was around John Lennon taking photos. Well, I want to see you do it, JBC.

All right. Just in case something happens to you guys tonight, I'm just gonna go ahead and snap a photo and now I'm gonna be famous. All right. Uh-oh. A couple more. Worst friend, JPC. All right, Sandy, let's do one more. All right, one more. Winning colors.

And I'll give you a hint, 1988, not a human. Last horse to win off the Triple Crown or whatever? No, that, no. That would have been a good one. What did you say winning colors? You're close, winning colors, it is a horse. Probably not the last one to ever do it, but it's very rare.

Three times out of 150 this has happened. And it has to do with? Kentucky Derby. With horse, Kentucky Derby. Last time the horse rode the jockey. That's gonna happen. Oh, is this the last time a horse won the race but was executed because they hurt their toe or whatever?

No, this is the last filly to win the Kentucky Derby. Female horse, there are always more. Three of them have won, three fillies have won. Last one, winning colors. What year was that? Philly to win the Kentucky Derby. Female horse. They're always male. Oh. Three of them have won. Three of them have won. Three Phillies have won. Last one. Winning colors.

What year was that? 1988. It's 2024. It's time for another female horse winning the Kentucky Derby. That's what I say. Time for more women horse. More women horse.

What is happening? I knew the episode. Sandy, where can people find you? Thank you so much for putting these together for us. Well, I hope this is not the last one of these. You'll find me back on Hey Riddle Riddle sometime soon, I hope. That's true.

Yes, yes, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, Hong Kong. In the new year. I need to grab my boobs. But you can find me at Mystery League on Instagram and threads, and I have a newsletter called signals, S-I-G-N-A-L-S dot fun, where you can subscribe to all my weird and fun shit. Hmm. Hell yeah.

And Sandy Weiss is the last person to be buried alive on the beach. Here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Check out our new merch at T public, look up Hey Riddle Riddle. I just, I love this show. I am passionate about my work on this show. I love it very much. I'm the deer. Yeah, also, if you want new content throughout the rest of the year,

because we're gonna do best ofs in our little winter break here, you can always find that new content at patreon.com. Every Friday, we have new episodes throughout the rest of the Content. Um, Adol, do you have anything to plug? And be honest. Mmm, I really don't, but I was just gonna say, hey, is this year winds down? Just, I don't know, carve out a little trip, even if it's just like a little 45 minute car ride to the suburbs. I don't know, just take a little time for yourself. I see your widens down.

That sounds nice. Here's a prescription from Dr. Addle, illegible writing. JPC, do you have anything to plug or promote? Yeah, well actually we do have something that we wanted to announce for Hey Riddle Riddle. So for starting next year, so in January, you can now subscribe to the Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon for an entire year.

So we have our annual memberships now. So if you are, were on the fence about subscribing or you, you know, you wanted to subscribe for a whole year at a little bit of a discount, it's at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. You can check the annual subscription or if you are a current like month to month and you want to go annual, I know that sometimes I think it's useful for people who are in like foreign countries who pay foreign transaction fees every month or something like that. So yeah, please do sign up for an annual membership for our Patreon. All right, that's it. That's all I got. Aaron, I know that you said that you had written a, what you said would be a new Christmas classic and you wanted to kind of debut it at the end of the show?

Yes, okay, but whenever you're ready Jupiter Good grief that was scary. I almost had to sing back there. Hey, that's scary. Hey there, MallSantas and LEGO Store employees! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's Improv from a mall around Christmas time. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or start your 7-day free trial, or the Review Crew for $8 a month.

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