Hey Riddle Riddle - #340: Peter, Paul, and Spendy

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

We are turning a new leaf! We are not googling anymore. We are also attempting the impossible-5 WHOLE SCENES ABOUT APPLES IN ONE EPISODE.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum podcast. Um, real quick, this I just wanted to check on 340. When's inauguration day? January 20th. Okay, so I think this is coming out on inauguration day. 22nd. Oh, it's coming out in the 22nd. Okay.

Yeah. So this will be it yeah just just so everyone is good old-fashioned escapism honking let's not bring it up at all okay yeah I don't want to Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle Ice Cream Shop. What can I get you today? Ooh, do you like samples? Oh, sorry, you go ahead. We're just not gonna talk about what happened two days ago, the insurrection? I could give you a sample of the hay

or the riddle or the riddle. Aaron, before we started recording, did you not say let's talk about what just happened two days ago at the inauguration and the Biggest erect am I going crazy? Crazy this made with 2% milk or whole milk. It's actually oat milk Hmm, and it's not interesting. Oh This is what those patriots were protesting two days ago. Well, the hay is actually pretty tangy.

It's sort of like more of like a shaved ice. Ooh, tangy. That's good. Yeah, that is good. And then this riddle is very, very creamy, very rich, very chocolatey. And this riddle is a little bit more like vanilla-y with like a little caramel in it.

Okay, well I'll take a- I miss having a vanilla riddle if you know what I'm saying, you know? I'll take a- Because we have something that's kind of orange, kind of tangy, orange. Take a sugar cone with two scoops of vanilla and here is my TV to pay for it.

Oh, fantastic. Of course, currency is no longer accepted. So my TV should suffice? That makes sense, the family came in here a moment ago and paid with an iPad and a song. So, yeah, okay, here you go. Which was the tip? Can I keep the change?

Pulls out a knife. No, I'll keep the change. Oh, fantastic. Take your TV back. The song was the card. See, the iPad was the tip to answer your question, sir. That makes sense. Well, I thought this could be some good old fashioned

escapism, which I think is what I actually said right before we started recording. Hold on, I gotta look up what escapism is. Escapism. Welcome to the apocalypse, everybody. We're still Hey Riddle Riddle. We got you through four years of this before, and we're gonna be there for you now.

We actually only were there for two years before What if every day we wore those screen masks It would be a lateral boom I think Are you just saying that in general like what if the three of us just started wearing screen masks? Yeah, I don't know, just to mix it up. I'm bored. Yeah. Just start wearing screen masks. If you're bored, I know I have a cure for what ails you. Obviously, you know, we,

and when we're recording this, it hasn't even happened yet, so we're not gonna be talking about who's present or whatever. I'm gonna give the people what they actually want. A Frozen update! That's right. I've watched more Frozen. Walt Disney's head.

Oh, yes, it says the movie, the movie. The movie. Now it's Frozen. I've watched more of it. And I have a absolute bombshell for the two of you. Okay. Incredible. It's 2014 all over again.

Can't wait to talk about Frozen. Let's do it. Did you two know, did the two of you know, were the two of you aware, Casey you can chime in with this one as well, that Josh Gad is in Frozen? You mean Olaf? Well, okay, so somebody is familiar.

He's playing his Book of Mormon character and his video game Adam Sandler movie character and his yeah, he just got Is America's Josh Gad? He's the new Gilbert Godfrey in my opinion Gads in it. He's in a frozen if you didn't think dad was in frozen like twice you could miss him But he just showed up and get this this motherfucker sings a song about wanting to be in summertime. He's a snowman in this movie. TPC, when was the last time you got out of the house? No spoilers. That's as far as we got. That's as far as we got before nail clipping time was over.

And I gotta say, Frozen, not really working the same magic for nail clipping time that it used to. I might be done watching Frozen about halfway through. You should switch to a different era of Disney movies. Like switch to the golden era. The Lion Kings, your Little Mermaids. Or switch to the bronze era. Sorry about this.

Seasons of Thims. It's a bit of Dems. Have you tried fireworks? Oh yeah, but what if I let those off of the house? Yeah, just gonna let you know that Sister's name is not on Disney movies. She gives me a talking to. She goes, hey, you know what? These are for the yard and these are for the summer.

And I'm like, you know, rules. I got so many rules in this goddamn house. What am I supposed to do? You guys haven't even brought up my haircut once on this recording. I cut nine inches off my hair and I bleached the fuck out of it. Wait a minute.

You told us 10 inches pre-recording. Okay, it was nine and a half inches. Shrinkage? Were you in a pool? I was in a pool, shrinkage. And I get what that means. Yeah. Shrinkage, Jerry?

Erin, it looks fantastic. Thank you so much. OK. Now I could be old man puzzles now that I got my compliment. Yes, JB. Erin, you also look tanned. Oh, thank you. I think that's just the lighting in here.

I'm famously a Victorian ghost. It may be because now that your hair is lighter, it makes it look like you are tanner. Would that be how it works? Yeah, that could be how it works. Sure, I think it's the opposite. I think this probably is making me look more washed out. Well, I got my compliment

and I'm ready to be old man puzzles. Can I hear you say, way-o? Okay. Way-mo. Okay, perfect. And we're still doing, just checking, now that the world has changed so much and we're sort of in a dark place, we're still doing riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems?

One more, this is last year. This will be, I'm gonna say it, last year. This is the last year of it. I love that attitude battle. Next year, 2025, keeping riddles alive. 2026, pivot. Pivot, pivot. Pivot.

Pivot. Sex. Jeremy, pivot, yeah, ooh, sex. Oh God, Erin would be great at this. I am having a ton of sex. So. No, that is a sound bite of me. Put a balloon in my ass, it's a clown off.

Erin fake pressed a button as well. That's very funny. Addle. Yeah. Forgive me if we've talked about this. In 2024, we were not doing any Australian accents on the podcast. Ooh, okay. But I think now that we're in 2025,

Yeah. meat is back on the menu. Is that, am I wrong? Well, shrimp is back on the Barbie. I think. Shrimp is back on the Barbie. And if you am I wrong? Well, shrimp is back on the Barbie. I think. Shrimp is back on the Barbie. And if you could make the meme, send it to us. You know, you know the one I'm talking about.

You know the one I'm talking about. I do want to see orcs at a restaurant. I got pros in the menu. What's the, so you're asking, I assume, you're sort of posing to be, what are we banning this year? Wait, what are we? Oh, I was, yeah, I was just like, what are we this year?

I've been appealing to ask you guys that since 2018. What are we, what is this, what are we doing? Aaron, that is such an LA question. Don't ask two Chicago guys. What are we? Two Italian beef Giardinara dudes. Hot dip wet bag. Hot? Jardinera dudes hot dip wet bag Jada Dara and wet bag is We're just three podcast hosts oh, I guess at all first of all not celebrating. I was excited

We're a fact that we can do Australian on the podcast again. But you are correct. I think, you know, you have set up a tradition, like a New Year's tradition, that we do have to give something up. So. Yes. Sort of a year long Lent.

Why don't we give up, speaking of Lent, why don't we give up the 90s one hit wonder band, Lynn? Is that their name? No. band when it is a bad now Lynn steal my sunshine is that the one more of a ramp if I'm giving them up for a whole year my sunshine I don't think you'll hold here without singing a song that I barely know the words to well can we we could also not sing like the guy. So we can't go like, I was standing in a hot tub with a bunch of my old friends.

We can't do that. What are we supposed to do? I don't know. Oh wow, really? I don't know. Erin, I'm so sorry, I already said it. So word is bond. No, that's something else.

We really fucked ourselves. I've never wanted to sing a song more in my whole life. I'm in a barf. Real quick, sorry. Erin said, I've never in my whole life. I'm gonna barf real quick. Sorry, Erin said I've never in my whole life And she was kind of doing them. She's kind of doing the voice. She's kind of doing the voice Oh, yeah, we got we're feeling my sunshine. Yeah, we have to be very careful this year Erin and Especially with what happened two days ago. It's more important now than ever Last year we banned Australian accents and Adil did it two weeks later.

And we pissed off an entire country and continent. And this year, I'm sure we've just offended lead nation. Yeah. And I think that the guy from Lynn is a listener. Say his name. OK. So here from now. It's got to be Bradley, right?

Like that seems like a guy whose name is Bradley. Jodie Maine? No. Mark Costanzo? Sharon Costanzo. Ooh, married couple. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Congratulations, Lynn, you did it. Lynn is a, oh no, guys, look what we accidentally did. What? Lynn is a Canadian alternative rock duo. No! We've pissed off Canada, our 51st state as of two days ago. Oh God, Jesus.

A year from now, we will have a whole episode dedicated to the song, Steal Your Sunshine. Steal My Sunshine. Steal The Sunshine. Steal My Sunshine. Steal Your Sunshine. Stop the steal, Erin. As of two days ago.

Steal Your Sunshine. We stopped the steal my sunshine. Okay, these are from Jason. Real quick, oh so sorry, very quick. This is actually important. The two members of the band with the last name cause Stan's your brother's sister. So I just wanna make that clear.

But they're married. Oh, that's even worse that they're married. Sorry, they are married. They're just brother and sister. Aaron, please. I thought you said that Lynn was a duo. Who are these brother and sister? Sorry, please. I thought you said that Lynn was a duo. Who are these brother and sister? Sorry, I looked up the white stripes.

Is that not Lynn, the white stripes? And these riddles are from Jason. Jason gives us a little thank you at the beginning of the email. Due to the state of well, gestures vaguely in America, I have found myself in dire need of belly laughs and your riddles and puzzies have been a profound antidote so thank you for that so here are some warm-up riddles the riddle is derived of a name and a short description the solution is the name of

a famous musician oh fuck it this is these will become very clear I hope it's not Lynn and guess what they're all in idiot And now we're stuck in a riddle without a paddle Okay, they're in a riddle without a paddle so Dave delivers his signature devastating insult Okay, so this is a famous band or musician Dave delivers His signature skating insult devastating insult devastating. So Dave Chappelle chapel Chappelle Rowan. No, so Dave think you're you're you're you're doing too much work. Okay, do less work

Okay, what's another way? What's a what's what could Dave be short for? Aaron, while we're doing less work, Mark Costanzo, half of Lynn, he has another name. He goes by another name. I don't know where he goes by this other name, but on Wikipedia they said that he goes by another name and that is Burger Pimp. I think what if we gave up Googling this burger pimp? We really have been hot on the Google this last couple of years. We Google a lot during this. What if we gave it up? If oh, please very quickly.

I just going to say it wouldn't be fair for me to make this big ban on Len on this podcast and not do anything for Magic Tavern. So I'm just going to go ahead and say it for Magic Tavern in 2025. Officially Arnie fell into a portal behind a burger pimp. do anything for Magic Tavern. So I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. For Magic Tavern in 2025, officially, Arnie fell into a portal behind a burger pimp, into a magical land, et cetera, et cetera.

You have to run that shit by them. I've heard them say that to you before. Matt and Arnie are like, you gotta start running shit by us, dude. No, that's good. I thought you were gonna say that you would ban the burger pimp from the podcast, and I was like, looking at my email, I guess I have to come up with a whole new character for next week, I can't you would ban the burger pimp from the podcast. And I was like, looking at my email,

like I guess I have to come up with a whole new character for next week, I can't come on as the burger pimp. Surprise, JPC. The fastest cut character in the history of Magic Tavern. They cut the episode two minutes into me talking. They were like, oh no, we can't air this. You cannot be the burger pimp. When you give up something you're addicted to,

you're not supposed to say you're gonna give it up for a long period of time. So let's just say no one can Google anything while we're recording for the next month. Can we use DuckDuckGo? I've been using DuckDuckGo. No. What? We cannot look anything up.

Can I tell you? We used to be a analog podcast. We used to sit. We used to be a proper country. A proper podcast. We used to sit all together in the same room with our phones thrown across the room. And we used to look each other in the eye.

You were on your phone a lot. No, I wasn't. I wasn't. I, and we would look, if I was, if I was old man puzzles, of course, that's where my riddles were. But we were laughing. We were together.

We weren't Googling things. We had to guess. We had to lie if we didn't know something. Let's go back to the good old days. There was a tangible joy to being in the same room with each other. And I think, JBC, you can speak for yourself, but I think I speak for all of us.

What I say the best part was when the three of us recorded in the same room. The smell? The smell. At any millisecond in the middle of a word, at the end of a sentence, Aaron could pop up and say, I have to go to the bathroom. You remember that. Your bladder control while you're at home is like way better.

What is your secret? I see you drinking liquids, so I know that you're putting it there, I think I'm way less hydrated than I was. Oh no, don't tell me that. I don't like to hear that. Yeah. I'm just like less. Okay. Then I was when we were recording in person. Can I tell you something? What I've been trying to pee less. What were we doing? Okay. Dave, here, Dave delivers. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. When you're at home all the time, you can pee whenever you want.

So I can just be like, I kind of have to pee. I'll pee. But if you pee all the time, your bladder shrinks. And then you can't hold a lot of pee inside. Or poison. I need to hold the pee inside for some other stuff that I don't need to be paid to. I've lost control of the room.

Why? I've lost control of the room. I've lost control of the room Let's do it. Erin if I may oh You were that was Michelle Yeoh in Wicked when she claps twice for the monkeys to pay attention Wait are we the monkeys? It did the monkeys pay attention? Fuck JPC okay, I'm gonna try it again, okay Silence

Hey, hey, we're the monkeys. No. We're back here with itchity-error. Dave delivers his signature devastating insult. Dave's not here, man. Addle, you had it before. David. And then devastating insult.

Jab, Dave Jab. No, sick. David. Sick, semper terranus. No, like. Do you have a book, smooth? It's also something you can get from a fire. Burn, burn, sick burn, David Burn. David Burn, yes.

David Burn. Oh, that's him. I would like to announce, I now understand how to do this. Okay, thank you. And I think we should bring those back this year as formal announcements in the middle of the pod. Make it up as we go along.

I saw Stop Making Sense in a theater recently. They showed it on the big screen and it was so good. I had never seen it. I saw it live and it was a religious experience. It was amazing. Oh, so cool. Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That wasn't Stop Making Sense. It was whatever, American Utopia. David was amazing. Oh, so cool. Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

That wasn't something since it was whatever, American utopia. Yeah. American utopia. Jealous. Jealous. I was gonna say stop making sense. The eighties.

Yeah. Addle would have been like 40. I thought he was leading me into it. And I was like, am I gonna, does he want me to do it? Like I don't understand. I to do it like I don't understand I'll do it. I don't be like yeah, but scary move ever saw was the one with a train was coming right at the screen Dw Griffith was my neighbor and he told me um Frederick can indicate the temperature

Right side right right temp Fred fuck is it right tip Fred no Frederick can indicate the temperature. Right Sett Fred. Right Tempt Fred. Fuck. No. Is it Right Tempt Fred? No. Frederick can indicate the temperature. What's a, what is a nickname for Frederick? I do wanna see a scene. Rick. Oh, I gotta, I have to see a scene. I have to see a scene. Freddie got fingered, Freddie.

Addle, you're familiar with the band Right Sett Fred, right? Freddie Mercury. Huh? I am, yes. Pfft. Pfft. Good, he got there. So, you are the lead singer of Right Sett Fred Fred and Aaron, you've called an HVAC person because

your heat is not working in your house and Adel, you are the lead singer of Right Said Fred who is there to work on the HVAC. Sorry, I'm the HVAC employee coming to her house. Yes. Okay. But you are, I don't know the man's name, I'm just gonna call him, I said Fred. I'm sure it's Fred.

Ah, woof, thank you so much for coming. It is freezing in here. Sorry, I'm wearing gloves and a hat. I'm here to help. I'm here to help your temp. To help your temp. Sorry, are you a singing telegram? This might be the wrong house.

Our heat has been out for three weeks. No, I'm here to HVAC. I'm here to HVAC, so HVAC, it hurts. Our cat died because of the lack of heat and we've been calling. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, so sorry, it hurts. I... okay, you know what come on in You're nervous. I'm nervous. I'm freezing should take off my shoes. No should take off my shoes. No shoes it hurts What hurts? What hurts sir do do has?

I From the very beginning I was like is he doing do ha Like Robbstein you got it. It's Freddie Mercury Have you guys? At this point have you guys seen that's right? I Would rather die than see that movie I Met up with some friends to see Mufasa right after they had seen Nosferatu and they said their hearts hurt It was so scary Mufasa. No. Yes

But also yeah, no, it's fine to learn how it all begins how scar gets a scar. Yeah, I was gonna do After doing do host I was gonna do knows for a tube or, I was gonna do Nosferatu, or Count Warlock, because speaking of Olaf, because he, the whole time he talks like this, he says, you are my lava. And it's Gad? It's what? It's Gad?

It's Gad. No, it's Pennywise's brother. Oh, no, it's just Pennywise. It's Pennywise. No, no, no, it's Pennywise's brother, right? No, it's just Pennywise. It's Pennywise. No, no, no, it's Pennywise's brother, right? No, it's Pennywise. It's Bill Skarsgard, right? It's the littlest one.

We can't Google! I thought Bill was the one from True... No, that's Alexander Skarsgard. True Vampires. The littlest Skarsgard is still, what, like seven feet tall? Yes, I guess I mean the youngest Skarsgard. But you know what, Adel, let's just call you right. Because again, we can't Google for the next month.

No, I prefer not to. OK, so I think also he's the tallest, too. He's like born to play monsters because of how tall he is. You're making it hard to not Google, JP, with this kind of talk. We can't. I'd actually like to see a scene. No, no, no.

My series turned off. You two are guys who work in an office, and JPC, you just discovered that you can always sort of indicate the temperature, and you're informing Adel about it. So are you using the coffee machine? Coffee or copy? Because I'm using both. And no, before you ask, I'm not doing what you think I'm doing. I'm not trying to copy my coffee.

It looks like you're copying the coffee. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, shit. Okay. Yeah, sorry. No. Hey, lucky nothing spilled.

No, I'm making copies and I just made a coffee and I did that thing where I was like, I switched it in my brain And thank you for being on the lookout. Yeah copies Yeah, Rob Schneider big fan of his stuff nowadays. Um Hey, is it one degree colder in here than it usually is they can't be possible It's always 68 degrees on the nose on the boy. What the fuck it's 67 Yeah, I feel like it was 67. Yeah, I will

I'll send the office manager an email see if we can bump it back up to 68. I don't know why it was Seven yeah, uh tad Sorry, this is just are you? No, that's impossible you oh Something oh, that's cool. You're not a next man or something. Oh shit, that's 102. That's 102, that's too hot. That can't possibly be, pulls out turkey thermometer, 102. That's too hot. Am I wrong? That's too hot.

Hunt the nose 102. Tad! Hey Tad, nice to see you back in the office after you got struck by lightning. Looking good pal. Hair struck by lightning looking good pal Here's insane, but looking good. I can't comb it It no it will it's just that thing if I touch a comb to it to comb I think it gets charged with the lightning and it shoots out of my hand Okay, and it can be really combs can move fast when I get charged by late like gambit What's that? Saying it's like gambit? What's that? Saying it's like gambit

What in what in what way what he would charge like a playing card or like a comb with kinetic energy and then whip it And it fly real fast and explode Who is this? I'm sorry. I'm so not familiar with what you're talking about. This is what I'm talking about You should be an X-Men. You're like temperature man or like therma thermos thermotag. Are you talking to? You tell her I'll go away if you tell her I'll disappear and I'll never come back I'm talking to Rick and you you and Rick from don't mention me Rick died like three years ago What are you talking about? Is there a new Rick that works here?

Is there a new Rick? new Rick Tad aka new Rick the lottery numbers for next week are going to be seven hold on hold on turn on the TV the TV's doing something they never do this seed okay Samuel prepares a delicious meal. You got this one. Um, Sam Cooke? Yes. Nat has 10,000 of those. Sorry, who does?

10,000 maniacs. Nat. Nat. N-A-T. Nat King Cole, Nat. Natalie and Bruglia. Nathan for you. Natalie.

Natalie. Um. Merchant. Yes. Pete will give you a dollar. Peter spends. Peter Cash, a dollar. Peter spends. Peter Cash. Johnny Cash. Peter... Paul and Spendy.

Peter... Hold on! Ah! Peter, Paul, and Spendy! Peter, Paul, and Spendy! Peter, Paul, and Spendy! Peter, Paul, and Spendy! Peter, Paul, and Spendy! He said Peter, Paul, and Spendy. And I almost moved on from it! It's Peter, Paul, and Spendy. And I almost moved on from it. It's Peter, Paul, and Spendy.

That feels like their producer knows that Mary spent way more of their money. And he's like, oh, look who it is, Peter, Paul, and Spendy. Peter and Paul are like, I have a gambling problem. I'm working on it. Peter and Paul are like, hmm, hmm, like harmonizing. And then Spendy's like, the budget's gone, it's all gone, we have to leave the studio.

We get it for this. Puff the magic dragon. I lost all of our money last night. I bet it all on black. We don't have enough money to leave Vegas. Other songs are about getting their legs broke. If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. I sold the hammer.

I sold the hammer. I sold the hammer. So this is Pete, Peter? Wait, what was the, what was the? Peter will give you a dollar. Peter will give you a dollar. Peter will give you a dollar. Pete, you do know.

Pete, I owe you. No, what's another way of saying dollar specifically? Buck, Pete Buck. Yes. Wait, hold on. Pete Buck? Pete-er Buck. Peter Buck. Am I missing something? I wish I could Google because I don't know who the fuck Peter Buck is. Is that a musician? Yeah. Casey! He was- Eric, you know it? He's the guy from R.E.M., isn't he?

Peter Buck. All I know is Michael Stipe. Is he a guy from REM? He might be the guy from REM. Michael Stipe's the guy. Michael Stipe's the guy from REM. Okay, then he is. And number two is Michael Shannon. Casey, can you Google him? As editor of this show, I cannot enable you by Googling things for you.

Oh my God, Casey! Wow, Casey taking a stand. Tough but fair. I looked it up earlier and he's in REM. Okay, if he's in REM, Maybe. He's gotta be like the third guy from REM. Maybe.

He cannot be one of the names. Again, we can't Google for a whole month. We can't know, we can't know. You guys, I'm addicted to Googling. I'm Spendy, I'm Spendy, it's me, I'm Spendy. Searchy, Peter Paul and Searchy. I'm Searchy, Peter Paul and Searchy. Okay, Steven stops to think for a moment.

I like this one. You know what it is though? It's a defense mechanism. Because we started Googling things because we used to not Google things and then an episode would be out and then for the rest of time when someone would listen to that episode from 2019,

they'd say, it's actually supposedly. And we'd be like, if we had just Googled it, we would have known, we would have known, but we didn't. And I don't think Secret of Game was a Disney movie. And actually, I don't know, man. That's so true. I thought you said so we wouldn't have to look each other in the eye. You know what?

So I think that this is good. I think that this, I've come all the way around on it. In 2025, we don't look anything up, and we just say, fuck it. Just for the first month. No. Let's start with a month. And if we can get through the month, then we'll keep it going. No, I say fuck it. Just for the first month. Let's start with a month and if we can get through the month then we'll keep it going.

No, I'll push it. Let's just make it a new rule on the show. We can't look anything up. That's a nightmare. No, we know what we know. What about riddles? What about riddles? Oh yeah, we still look those up, baby.

I've been cheating since 2018. Steven stops to think for a moment. Steven stills moment Stephen stills Stevens stills becomes still Stephen becomes still Aaron is my mic on Stephen becomes Stephen stops and thinks for a moment. Mm-hmm. Oh Steve Ponder's Steve Ponder is Pondering poy dog. What's other it's not Steven and it's not Steve. So what's another one? It's not Steve six Steve. There's another way. It's like a little bit longer than Steve Steve-o

Stevie yep, Steve-a-rinny weights Stevie Nicks Stevie Stevie wonders wonders Steve ponders Wonders? Wonders. Stevie Wonder. Wow. Steve Ponders. Look at the stage, Steve Ponders! Yeah, Steve Ponders is a Stevie Wonder's cover band. For sure. Charles' favorite fruit snack? Chuck fruit. Chuck Berry.

Chuck Berry. Yes. Chuck fruit. Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry. Yes. Chuck fruit. I'm actually gonna go back and we're gonna see a scene. Um, Adol, you're a guy named Pete and you're lending JPC money for the last time. This is his last straw. All right, here you go. This is $8,000 cash and I want you to know, I expected paid in full in 30 days. Yes. And this is the last time.

And please just whatever you do, don't tell my sister because I thank you for letting me meet you at your job. But this is the last time, I just don't, I don't need it to hear from her. Well, she's in the kitchen, of course. Yeah. You're my brother-in-law,, she's in the kitchen, of course. Yeah. You're my brother-in-law, I'd do anything for you,

but this ends now. So I guess I'd do anything for you up until just now, and now there's a limit. Is it 30 calendar days to pay you back? She's coming, she's coming, she's coming. Hey, Carol. Hey, hey. You're not gonna suck your dick?

Whoa, what's happening? Carol? What the hell? Your husband just gave me $8,000 to suck his dick. Oh my God, did you? No, sweetie, what's happening? Carol! What the hell? Your husband just gave me $8,000 to suck his dick! Oh my god, did you? No, sweetie! What are you- Strike three!

Strike! Shit, I've done this two times before. I did this two times before. Three. Strike three. Sweetie, come on, give me- Strike three! No, ball three, ball three, ball three.

No, no. Full count, make it a full count. Oh gross. Ball four, give me. Strike three. No, ball three, ball three, ball three. No, no. Full count, make it a full count, ball four. Absolutely disgusting, the innuendo in that. Disgusting. Kick him out. Kick him out. Strike three. It's the third time he's done this.

The first two times he said it was an accident. This time, it was clearly on purpose. No, your brother, he's borrowing money. Why would never? He would never. Borrow money. Then give the 8,000 back. I earned this. You sucked his dick!

I already did, a little bit. Oh my god! What? You're both- you both are just as bad as each other. Why are you mad at me? You sucked his dick for 8,000 dollars! My husband! My own brother!

That's my job! I know, I know. My job is to do that here's the crazy thing I don't even know if eight thousand dollars is a deal or not I don't know the going rate yeah right you don't know the billing rate mr. strike three you don't know the going here's another you know what I'll here's what I'll do I'll take half that's fair I'll take half and I'll take the other half that's fair that's fair what Pete get out

of here Pete why don't you like think about this strike three Pete go to the other room and think about this okay how many more times do you think we could do this three the Costanzo siblings. On that note, on that blowjob note. We can't do the Costanzo siblings. Not for the whole year. Oh no. How about that's the last blowjob scene we ever do. Before break? On the podcast. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means either.

Alright, we're gonna go on a break and I'm gonna sort of reset. This is my new favorite episode. One, two, three, four, eight, reach, jump, reach, jump. Aaron, JPC, welcome. Welcome to my dreams. We're all riding a bed like a car or a boat,

like Little Nemo. remember Little Nemo? Little Nemo? Yeah, Little Nemo, the guy in the bed, it's like a flying bed, we're all in a flying, well, you're in my dreams, so. I wanted to dream we were on the moon. Erin, right now you are on a Helix mattress so you can dream about anything you want.

Helix is the most comfortable mattress I have ever owned in my life. It gives me the best night's sleep. All my cats love it. My wife loves it. They're the best. And you won't automatically learn to lucid dream when you're on a Helix mattress. But if you want to learn to lucid dream,

you kind of have to do it while you're asleep. So like a Helix mattress could be part of that experience. Mm-hmm. When I took the sleep quiz, I got paired with a Midnight Lux. And now I'm sad every time I'm not in my bed. So like a Helix matrix could be part of that experience. Mm-hmm. When I took the sleep quiz, I got paired with a midnight Lux, and now I'm sad every time I'm not in my bed. I miss it right now, actually.

Yeah, I'm also currently not in my bed and it is awful. I feel like my skin is on fire. I want to go back to my bed. I have the Helix Lux mattress, which gives me just the right amount of firmness. I like to use back to my bed. I have the Helix Luxe mattress, which gives me just the right amount of firmness. I like to use a lot of pillows. This mattress is like being in a warm hug in the ocean. No sharks in this ocean.

Completely free of animal life in this ocean. And I will say, you can buy a king-size mattress from Helix mattress, and they do not do any sort of like check to make sure that you are worthy of that. They will sell a king size mattress to a joker. You could believe that. You don't need a crown, you don't need a scepter, you don't need gout in your foot.

You can buy this even if you're not a king. Now I know what you're saying. JPC, surely Helix isn't offering some sort of deal to our listeners. JPC, surely Helix is not offering some sort of deal to our listeners. GPC, surely Helix is not offering some sort of deal to our listeners. Shut up, all you fools. No, right now they are having their MLK flash sale. You can save up to 27% off site-wide plus get two free dream pillows with a mattress

purchase. Just go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. Helixsleep.com slash riddle. Helixsleep.com slash Riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash Riddle. Helixsleep.com slash Riddle! Helixsleep.com slash Riddle! But don't take it from us. Take it from my four cats who love a helix. Oh, they're all asleep.

Aw. Oh, they're all asleep on the bed. Dum dum dum. Meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow. Oh, Aaron's curling up amongst them? OK. I'm their king.

Hey, Riddle, Riddle. Dum. I know. We're back. I'm their king. HATE BREAK TO BREAK DOME I know! We're back from break! Oh! He's doing Tom Waits. He's doing Tom Waits. I was doing Tom Waits.

I was doing Tom Waits. If anyone asks, if we get emails, I was doing Tom Waits. Mmm. Mmm. Going down to the ice cream store, can I get this scoop of ice cream? So... Why would Cookie Monster go to an ice cream store to get the scoop of ice cream. Why would Cookie Monster go to an ice cream store? For cookies and cream.

That makes sense. For my birthday, or it might have been Christmas, I got this Jeopardy 2025 calendar. Should I? Aaron, I have the same one. I got it for Christmas. Should I do the first day? Um, yes. Of the year? Yeah. Adel, have you already done your first day of the year?

No, we looked to make sure that there wasn't like a few days tacked on before January 1st, but it starts January 1st. So I haven't started. I mean, I have started of course, because it's January 22nd. No. Oh yeah. Yeah. Good cover. Good cover. You're, you're 22 days in at this point. Okay. Wait-hmm. Okay. Wait, no. Aaron, do you need a quick refresher on how calendars work?

Oh, fuck, I can't Google. Oh, I'm going to be useless here. Something with the dates. Mr. Policeman, I've given you all the clues. Okay. Bradford Beach in this badger state hosts an annual polar bear plunge on January 1st with swimmers braving freezing cold waters. Wisconsin. Yes, but JBC for the steal saying it in the correct way. Wisconsin. Nope, it is what is Wisconsin?

Oh, I was confused as to what is correct. Hmm. We're gonna do these riddles, smitten, smitten? That's not quite right. Okay, Erin, what's going on in your personal life that suddenly you're so smitten? Wow. I am having a ton of sex. Ah! Put a balloon in my ass, it's a clown off.

Stop pressing the fake button. I wish I had the button to do Adol's noise that it wanted to. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, we're talking about, but uh, yeah, I guess I could I did ever find it That's actually great to have an stereo we have the new carol of the bells Okay, steamroller, I'm sorry Caitlin. You deserve better than whatever this is. Mm-hmm, you do. Green of girth and hair but one, brown and frost and red and sun. What?

Did you say green of girth? I thought you said queen of girth. I said green. I'm gonna read more riddles. Fat red man hanging by one hand sways the wind that blows on the land. Wait, wait, wait, did you skip whatever that last one was or is this all part of it?

Eye but no head, skin but no hands, flesh but no bones, children she has none until she's dead and gone. So it's a woman. It's a woman we need to kill white at dawn green at noon red at Vespers brown in death red at Vespers Matthew project rights of Vesper Sniff her in April bite her in September come come father frost and we will sip her in December damn this it's a woman we have to kill Come come father frost and we will sip her in December

It's a woman we have to kill Is this one riddle? I'm so fucking confused. It's technically five riddles but the answer yeah, I It's all an answer it perhaps is it mrs. Claus It is not mrs. Claus. Is it like frost or dew or like apple? Is it like thyme or eggs? Apple. Tell me all of that wasn't just apple. Tell me I didn't just have to listen to all of that and that it's apple. It's apple. Thank you Caitlin C. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, it was Caitlin Clark. Thank you, Caitlin T. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Caitlin Clark? Yeah, that was Caitlin Clark. Thank you, Caitlin Clark.

The answer, can you reread them? Cause I need to figure out what the fuck is going on. It's like a whole novel. You got it right. What do you mean you want me to reread them? You got it from the context. What was the first part? The only part that I knew was Apple was the very end of it.

And I was like, that's Apple. But what was the other part? So Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter. There's five different riddles here. But what was the other part? So Grymth Paltrow's daughter. There's five different riddles here. Okay, do the first one. Green of girth and hare but one, brown and frost and red and sun.

So that's Apple. What's going on there? That's Apple. The hare of one is the stem. That red man hanging by one hand sways in the wind that blows on the land. Apple. Apple on a tree.

Eye but no head, skin but no hands, flesh but no bones, children she no hands flesh, but no bones children She has none until she's dead and gone white at dawn green at noon red at Vespers Brown and death Apple sniff her in April bite her in September come father frost and we will Sip her in December. Oh cider. Yes in December. Oh cider. Yes. Adelaide has a question though. Adelaide has a question that we have to address. Do apples have eyes? And we can't Google and we have to move on. Erin? You're the apple of my eye. Thank you Erin but I'm asking a good question. No, that's funny. Okay, I am going to pose a challenge to you two professional improvisers and

podcasters. Since we did five riddles about apples, I wanna see five different scenes about apples, okay? JBC, you can go first and you can call for a scene of me and Adel and then we're gonna go around. Okay, I thought Adel and I had to just do quick, five apple scenes really quickly, okay. That's funnier, actually. Hold still, son. Yes. Twang, right in the quickly. Okay. That's funnier, actually. Hold still, son.

Twang, right in the neck. Next scene, scene. No, no. That was Johnny Appleseed. No, Adam, don't burn through these. Don't burn through these, weirdo. Johnny Appleseed wasn't shooting apples on it. Don't, stop burning it.

I thought he was planting it with a thing. We're gonna run out of apple thing. William Tell planted seeds. Okay, or do you wanna just you two do five apple scenes? Yeah, we already did one. No, that's not long enough. They all have to be at least a minute long. I'm gonna go first, Aaron, and I want you to be in them.

So Aaron, the first scene is- No, I'm not gonna be in them. You two are doing them. You have to come up with them on your own because you guys got fresh with me. Okay. I will call scene for each of them. I'm gonna, right, whenever you're ready.

And first scene about Apple, go. At JPC, maybe we're like two apples? Sure. Hey. Hey. Hey, man. Ooh. Uh, whoa.

Me too, me too, me too. No, you're pretty right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sorry man, you're- Yeah, you're pretty right. Yeah, well, I'm- they're turning me into a pie So out that you're They put me the trash in the compost actually because they want to turn me into pie so yeah

I think they put you in the trash Cuz you're like you're not jealous Niel's much. No, I don't know. Jealous mush? You look like Jealous Mush. Look, soft spot, soft spot, soft spot. It's all soft spots. It's soft. I would just say it's soft. No, some people have it and some don't.

So what do you... You're like a Granny Smith? You're like bitter or sour or whatever? I'm a golden delicious. What do you mean a Granny Smith? I'm a golden delicious. What do you mean a granny Smith? I'm a golden delicious. And seed. Seed. Sorry, you kind of called it at the 58 second mark.

And next, apple seed. OK, what you guys in an apple pie eating contest? No, I don't want to do that. Yeah, me neither. I don't want to eat the apple pie. OK, what if we're two guys at a hot dog eating contest, but we're both named Apple? Yes.

Okay. I hate you. Sorry, which Apple were you talking to? Yeah, you said Apple is disqualified. Which Apple? We're both named Apple. And we're twins. The one putting the hot dog in the wrong hole.

We're both sitting on hot dogs. We're both sitting on hot dogs. But one is also eating them with his, if you continue to eat from your mouth you can keep going. Our mouth and? Or just our mouth? Can we do our mouth and? You can do your mouth and, but you guys are way behind. Yes, we're way behind.

I know! I have a way through the behind that might make... South mouth. Apple, Apple, I swear to God this is your last eating competition here at the state fair. I swear to God which one we which one was first in that which one? was first? Apple Apple Maybe they're gonna retire our jersey basically. You're wasting so many hot dogs putting them up your back. New? New Jersey? They're gonna retire New Jersey We're from New Jersey. The Apple State. Okay, next scene about apples. It has to be about apples this time

or you're gonna have to do another scene at the end. Okay, JBC, you're Chris Martin, I'm Gwyneth Paltrow, we just had a baby. Got it. What should we name this one? Oh, I think we should name this baby. Don't, oh, a song. It's just, they just come to me.

Gwyn, they just come to me. Gwyn, they just come to me. I mean, anyone can just start singing. What? What do you mean? Oh, look around the room, there's a poster on the wall. Anyone can just start singing. How's she doing this? Witch! My wife's a witch!

Divorce! We should get a divorce. This is the moment. This is the moment where it happens. Ah, I should have told you you were bad at songs a long time ago. 15 more seconds. First of all, I'm not bad at songs. All my songs are hits. Name the rest of your band members. I'll wait.

Name two movies you've been in. I'll wait. I think Spider-Man and I think iron man. You don't think that you don't think spider-man, you know sliding doors All right, gentlemen, we're sort of far afield. Let's get back on the Apple track two more scenes, please Okay, we are we're both gonna be guys who are at one of those like Steve Jobs keynote speeches. Yeah, yeah. I'm not really impressed. Yeah, right?

Stainless steel again? Yeah. I guess it's like... Make a watch out of something else? Yeah, seriously. Or like don't even do like a watch. Don't do a phone. Don't do a watch.

Right? Gentlemen, your microphones are on. Welcome. Oh shit, we've been here for 45 minutes. Welcome makes no sense. He means well and come. We've- Welcome. Welcome because we're making dildos now. Put it up on the screen.

Michael, put it up on the screen. Put it up on the screen. Michael, put it up on the screen. Put it up on the screen. Hurry, just make it fast. The I fuck. Apple, the I fuck. You know, I mean, I fuck is a term we use when you stare at someone, but now. You stare at someone from across the bar.

I like your vibe, and we're gonna do I fuck you. Yes. I fuck you. But what if you could I fuck you, someone. What if I fuck, what if you could, what if you could fuck? All right, one more apple scene, please. And please have a V about apples. Um, I think we just continued the dildo scene cause I think it had likes and airs into the jisoo.

No, absolutely not. Veto. Next. Okay. Um, okay. What if we're, uh, two guys drinking two guys drinking apple juice on a summer's day? Oh, that was good apple juice I was parched. Mmm. Yeah, that's very good. Very good Back to what we were saying. The I fuck is a way to revolutionize

sex and Technology as we know it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm And it why I know what we're all thinking. Yeah, it jokes your heart rate. I know what we're all thinking. Yeah. And it chokes your heart rate. I know what you're all thinking. Why does it look like a phone? Because it is a phone, but it's so much more. Aha! It is a phone?

Basically, it's a dildo that's a phone. Yes, I know what you're thinking. Will this suddenly call someone I don't want it to call in the middle of what I'm doing? Absolutely it will. And scene. And a bonus Apple scene because that was bullshit. I think we continue the build. Yeah, I think we continue that scene.

It won't do that because FaceTime is disabled in the settings. You'd have to go into the settings and turn FaceTime on, which you shouldn't do unless you want to do that. Everyone has their own proclivities. I know what you're thinking. Won't the iPhone get really dirty if it's put inside of you? Uh-oh. I guess maybe. That's why you buy a new one. All right. I'm stepping in here.

What? Aaron? Okay. So I'm going to start a new Apple scene. JPC, you and I, we're a couple. we're Apple picking for our first one year anniversary, okay. Got it. And JPC, you have the iFuck in your ass. I was gonna, you're stepping on my joke! You're stepping on my fucking joke! It's my joke!

I was gonna joke about there being an iFuck inside it. I am the joke now. I am the joke now. We were all gonna joke about the iFuck. I know, we were all gonna joke about the ifuck. It was too close. It was gonna be a mad dash to the ifuck being inside of someone.

Everyone wanted to do it. I was trying to prove that I'm a fun mom here on the pod. We all wanted to control the ifuck inside JPC's ass, okay? But not all of us can. Well, actually, wait, I can share this app. Casey, you're too late. We already made an ifuck joke.

Casey started typing and then stopped talking. That's for the best, that's for the best. All right, Erin, can we do another riddle? This is Professor Stapes all over again, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I guess we can do another one. These are from Max, or this one is from Max. Okay.

I'm pissed. Erin. Okay. I'm pissed. Erin. No, I'm mad. Fix it. How do we fix Erin? Please, the queen. Let's set up, we gotta set up Erin to like really sore. So let's do a scene where she's like,

she's like in charge of us or she's like, Erin's wheelhouse. Yes, Erin, can we see, Erin's wheelhouse. Yes. Erin, can we see one more scene? Fine. OK. So Erin, this is a musical where you sing songs are comfortable singing off the top of your head.

And we applaud you while telling you how great you look. Great. I'm sorry, our leading lady will not be at tonight's performance because she had an accident earlier with an eye fuck Sorry, it wasn't supposed to say that part out loud See Predictive sex. Mm-hmm. I separate wasn't as fun as it would have been in the Apple scene. It's fine. I'm mad

But I'm okay. Okay. Okay. I'm pissed, but I'm moving forward. Interesting. I thought you said less pissed this year. I'm disappointed. Yeah. But it's all gonna work out. Okay, good.

And Erin, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry. I know you're sorry, Adel. I always know you're sorry. Your baseline is sorry. Your stasis is sorry. I'm'm sorry. That's my secret cap I'm always sorry GPC has never been sorry and that's why we're kind of a perfect balance. Okay GPC have you ever been sorry? I had a text from my old high school and they're looking for money

JPC's on his phone. Good luck get him. It's not Google. It's not Google. It's not Google. And I'm still technically, we, if this episode is any indication, we don't usually record in the evenings. And I am still on emergency dad duty. So I do have to, I'm kind of glued to my phone for the next hour in case there's something that I absolutely need to handle. I get it. I get it. Isn't glued to your phone the I fuck tagline?

Yeah, but glue is in quotes. That's what the make ends end. Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww. I don't, yeah, I mean- Eww. As someone who's having no sex, I hate this. I, you know, and I'm beginning to think that I'm not even gonna buy an iFuck. Oh, no, you don't mean that. But if a listener, if a listener gifts one to me, I'm not gonna say no. I'm refurbished.

People are not gonna send you a $1,200 iFuck. Maybe a knockoff. Maybe a Microsoft iFuck. Oh, if you're thinking about sending me a knockoff iFuck. Asteroid? No. No, that's nothing. That's already an item.

That's an item in space. I separate what's independent, but I am myself split in twain. I appear when excuses needed, but often I am hid in shame. What am I? I mean, the IFUC's hidden shame. There's a lot of stigma,

but I feel like in 20, 30 years, it's gonna be commonplace to say that. You're just not allowed to use the IFUC on public transit. And I actually support that. Well, I think you can use it, but just not during like rush hour. Okay, thank you. Yes, thank you. Because sometimes the train is mostly empty.

If I can't hear Chris Tucker utter his memorable lines, then I should just leave the theater. Do you guys have any classic Chicago train stories of crazy stuff that happened on the train in Chicago? I mean, I've seen from riding the trains in the winter for years, I've seen a fair amount of people pooping on trains. But one of my favorites that doesn't involve absolute, like, abject human misery is what I,

you probably had the experience like this. I got on a train, I think it was a red line train. And as I got on it, I saw something that looked organic, sprayed all over the train. And everybody who was entering into this train car like took a step in

and then just took a step out. And I remember I like peeked my head in, if there was one guy who was sitting there, sitting in the train. He was the only guy in that train car. And I like looked in and I looked at him and he goes, it's milkshake. And I was like, oh, okay.

And so I usually, I never really sat on the trains. I would always stand. And so I just walked in and like stood in that train and it didn't smell weird, but everybody is so attuned to see anything I miss in a train and be like, I'm not doing this one. I'm not doing this one. But it was nice to ride in an empty car that someone had spilled the milkshake in, if you were to believe that man.

Yeah, that sounds pretty peaceful. Yeah. It's a milkshake. Adil? In a similar vein, I was on the Red, with a friend and we were in the car and there was a puddle of piss. And as the car was going, it was like slowly sort of, um, making its way towards us sort of, uh, pooling and creeping down the, down the aisle there.

So we're like, let's switch cars. And we switched, we got off at the next stop and went to the one car up and went in as we got in, there was puke everywhere on the floor. And we just kind of looked at each other and shrugged and then just grabbed the railing and waited for our stop. Because I mean, that's better than piss. Is it? Is it?

I think so. Wow, interesting. I learned something new about my friend Daniel and his hierarchy of bodily flesh. I'd rather puke my pants than piss my pants, is what I'll say. I think I told my train story on the show before, but when I was running late, I was like so late for something and I was getting on at the Addison Red Line stop.

Oh, that's right. And then that guy said, hey, SoulSister, don't you think you've missed it? Yes, exactly. That's exactly what happened. No train references till 2026. What? What can we do on the show anymore? At the Addison Redline, you have to run upstairs to catch the train.

And I was running up the stairs and I reached into my purse and I have a I had a long wallet, like one of those envelope wallets. And I had this brilliant idea because I heard the train coming and I heard the doors open when I was at the bottom of the stairs. So I sprinted up the stairs and I went, I'm going to make my arm longer and extend it using my wallet to be able to stop the train car door.

Smart. But what happened was I got up there and I ended up just tossing my wallet onto the train and the doors card closes and I watch, my eyes are wide. I'm in disbelief with how stupid I am. And everyone on the train is looking at me about how stupid I am and I watch my wallet go away.

And then I have to do the mental math of what do I do? The reverse mugging, you've been reverse mugged. I got reverse, I reverse mugging. You've been reverse mugged. I got reverse. I reverse mugged myself. I saw so many people see it happen that I went, I think I know what to do. I got on the next train, got off at Belmont and there was a woman standing there with my wallet, dying laughing. She said, what the hell happened?

I went, I don't know. It's the dumbest thing I ever did. You could tell at every dinner party for the rest of your life, and she went we talked about it the whole way Everyone was in disbelief. No one could figure out first people were scared that there was like a bomb or something But then they thought my whole vibe and they're like Into a trade they think maybe that's not It's like a bomb or something they saw my face my regret and my regret, and they were like, no, that lady did not mean to do that. I separate what's independent,

but am myself split in twain. I appear when excuse is needed, but often I am hid in shame. What am I? And this can, this is talking about multiple meanings of the same word. It's like a homonym or homophonic. Yeah, but it's just like a-

Sometimes there's an extra letter. It's just like a trial separation. Is it a vote? You don't wanna tell anybody about it. Like you're not like officially separated, but you're like- You okay, buddy? As far as the world is concerned. I'm golden, baby.

Can you read it one more time? Yeah. Yes. I separate what's independent, but am myself split in twain. I appear when excuse is needed, but often I am hidden shame, what am I? What part is gonna help us the most? That's a good question.

I think probably I appear when an excuse is needed. Is this piss or shit? No. Okay. Is it barf? But it is, but often when I'm hidden shame is one of the meanings of the word and you're kind of on the right track.

I appear when excuses needed. Cause I was thinking like, oh, I need like a new excuse why I can't come to something. And I'm like, oh, I just peed my pants. I have to go home. Yeah, but it's more like conversationally you're about to make an excuse why I can't come to something. And I'm like, oh, I just peed my pants, I have to go home. Yeah, but it's more like conversationally, you're about to make an excuse.

What do you say before you make an excuse? My internet went out? No, you say. Don't be mad, butt. Butt. Butt, my butt. It's your butt. Independent clauses can be separated by a butt.

When people need an excuse, they say butt, butt, butt. Often people can hide their butts. Often people hide their butts in public. The word butt appears at the beginning of two lines, ya dummies. I say always. That makes sense. That makes a ton of sense, yeah.

But, but, but. But, but, but. Thank you, Max. And Casey, if we have a moment of your time, please, can we get a voicemail? Theme and then voicemail? It slaps so hard it hurts, god damn it I rap this rep, I top it with a bow Then I send it in to help wrap up your favorite show So I'm ready, it's callin' with a question They get their own 30 second badass introduction They say keep it short and so I will

But still I wanna know What do we got on the phone? Wow. Cool! Oh my god. That was great. That was another banger from Jesse Bloodgood. Thank you Jesse for singing that in. That's sick. That's in Blood banger from Jessie Bloodgood. Thank you, Jessie, for sending that in.

That's sick. That's in blood, great. Bloodgood. If you want to send in a voicemail submission, which I think we need some more of them, keep them to the 30 seconds or less and send them to hrpodcast.gmail.com. OA file is great.

Kasey, let's hear a voicemail. Hey, Adil, Erin, JP. This is Shannon from Georgia, first time, long time. I need some advice. I agreed to be my cousin's maid of honor for her wedding earlier this year and my sister's upcoming wedding. Needless to say, I'm very tired between my duties for both. So, did I use a speech for my sister's wedding as the same as my cousin's wedding and just change the name? It's a good speech and over half the people wouldn't have heard it. Anyway, love the podcast. Thanks a million. I love over half will not have heard. That's like, well, half will obviously know what's going on. But surely if they won't say

anything. Yeah, that's too big a margin. If it was like three people would know. I think you could do it. If it's half the wedding will know I think you have to not do it. I say do it. don't change the name. Yeah, I say change the name. I leave the name like Aaron said, but change all the specifics. Just call the birds about the wrong name.

I think depending on, I hope your sister's wedding is first. I forget what you said was first. I hope it's your sister's, because you want to put more time and effort into your sister's. But I think that joke is correct in terms of, I think you lean into it's your sisters, because you want to put more time and effort into your sisters. Yes, but I think that joke is correct in terms of, I think you lean into it and you go,

many of you over half will know that I was just made of honor for my sister. Now, I would never reuse the same speech, but I would repurpose it. And then you do almost like a Mad Lib style thing. Yes. Of like, you've been the best cousin. A sister could have. That's funny.

Whatever that is. Yes. Like you slot in words been the best cousin, assistant, whatever that is. Like you, you slot in words and I think that's both funny. You're leaning into it and owning it. And I think all parties are enjoying it versus anyone getting mad. I have a brilliant idea. Work smarter, not harder. Yes. You go to each of them, each of the brides and you say, Hey, can you write me an example of a perfect maid of honor speech that you would love to hear at your wedding? And they go, of course. They write it. You use the one they wrote for the other wedding. Boom. Bang. Done. Here's what I think you do. And we actually hinted at this a little earlier in the episode. You got cousin's wedding first, and then you got sister's wedding. You write a killer speech

for the cousin's wedding. Show up to the sister's wedding, but then you got sisters wedding. You write a killer speech for the cousins wedding. Show up to the sisters wedding, but when you show up, make sure that your hair is all fucked up and crazy. And then as you get there, say, I just got hit by lightning. You never believe this. I just got hit by lightning. Start spreading that around the wedding so that by the time you give the same speech that you gave for your cousin, changing absolutely nothing, like she got hit by lightning she got hit by lightning

people love when you grab attention away from them on their wedding day famously but before you before you go out to give the speech set the thermostat at like 72 and then when you go on stage go what is it like 72 degrees in here have everybody check and then give them both an eye fuck okay thank you so much for sending in the boys fail on the pod okay um at all do you have anything to plug and be honest I am I am being honest one of my favorite videos of all time is there's like a news anchor that gets handed like a caiman

which is like a little alligator. And the zoo handler's like, hold it tight. And he goes, I am, I am. But it's wriggling out of his hands and about to get free. And the guy keeps going, hold it tight. And he goes, I am. It brings tears to my eyes every time. I wanna plug, what was his name, Jack Bloodgood?

What was his name? Jesse Bloodgood. Jesse Bloodgood. And also Jack Bloodgood. Here's what I wanna say. Bloodgood's also very good. I almost feel like we just do a whole episode of Jesse Bloodgood song.

I'm in. Bloodgood, you in? I like this so much. Do we have like a, does Jesse have a Spotify account? Does Jesse have a- I can't Google. I'll tell you what. Oh shit. If you don't have Spotify a, does Jessie have a Spotify account? Does Jessie have a- I can't Google. I'll tell you what. Oh shit.

If you don't have Spotify premium, Jessie, we'll pay for it for one month on us. That's a $10 value. Okay. We'll get, we'll raise some money. We'll get Jessie Bloodgood a Spotify premium account. Yeah, I want to plug Jessie Bloodgood, Google on your own time, Jessie Bloodgood, support their music,

and I will as well. I'm very just thrilled by their output. Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote? Check out Quality Time on Instagram. It's the monthly show I host in Los Angeles at the Lyric Theater. The Christmas one went so well and was so fun, and I'm really excited for the when this comes out the January one will

already come out. But the Valentine's Day one will be on the horizon. So check it out and come hang out. GPC any review to read or anything to plug? I do want to plug something. If you listen to this and you say, Hey, I enjoy the free podcast, you might enjoy the subscription subscriber only feed. And in the new year, we have yearly subscriptions that you can buy. I think they're at a little bit of a discount too. So if you want to listen to the show, or if you are they listen to the patreon and you want to change it up so that you pay yearly, I think

that's useful, especially for people in not the United States who are paying like foreign transaction fees when they convert their money or whatever. You can do that at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle. I get a bonus episode every week and it's pretty fun over there. And then you can always come and see me or a delightful cast of revelers at world news tonight. It's at i o 730 on Saturday nights. And then I do have a review I want to read. This is from Zeke Rander. It says JPC reads, if you want to get a view featured on the show, obviously. Right as the five star review, I'll find it. This one says JPC reads, friend, either you're closing your eyes to a situation

you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community. Well, you got trouble, my friend. Right here. I say trouble right in Riddell City. Why sure, I'm a billiard player, certainly mighty proud I say. I'm always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend with a Q in my hand are golden. Help you cultivate horse sense and a cool head in the Riddell City.

Did you ever take a try to find an ironclad leaf for yourself from a three rail billiard shot? But just as I say, it takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score in a bulk-like game. I say that any boob can take and shove a ball in the pocket, and I call that sloth the first big step on the road to the depth of a day-gred day. I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle. This was just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like,

This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like,

This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like,

This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is just like, This is didn't, Tess? Erin, I'm looking at my vinyl collection and I see that there's an album by Peter, Paul

and Spendee called Finances on... Jupiter! Peter, Paul and Spendee! I forgot that that was his episode too! That was my favorite part of the episode, Peter, Paul and Spendee. Have a good night, everybody. Have a good night everybody. Peter, Paul and Spendee! Have a good day everybody! Hey there, Chatters and Boxes! If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.

We're answering some of your questions from the Discord on our Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chatterbox. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyrudelrudel by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or start your 7-day free trial or the Review Crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!