Hey Riddle Riddle - #343: Promise Not to Laugh

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

Good news! We have some great listener submitted riddles this week. We also have a ping pong game, an incompetent truck driver, and a dead tauntaun. Also in other news Erin is totally fine! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Thank you so much for coming to the Hay Riddle Riddle Museum. Are you a school group? Are you on vacation? What brought you in here today? No, we're just dressed in schoolgirl outfits, but we are not affiliated with... Great question! Ah, perverts! Oh!

We get a lot of those in here. Hmm... Enchanté. Well, thank you so much for coming in. A tour is about to start if you want to join in. Oh, okay. But to run a tour. Are you the, uh, docent? What is a

docent? It's not quite a dog. It's not quite alpachino. Oh it's a dachshund like a dog with little legs. Well let him guess even though he's the one that mentioned it. Let him guess. Sort of a guide for the museum like a person who kind of shows you around but I didn't want a docent-splain to the docent if you're the docent. I am the docent then. I'm about to give a tour, then I must be a docent. I am the docent now.

Where is that from? Captain Docent. Castaway. Yes. So to your left is the, sorry. Everything you want in the box to the left. Is a framed version. To your left is the... Sorry. So sorry. Everything you own in the banks to the left is a framed version.

You're kissing your tits and blowing kisses my way. Or whatever the song says. Or whatever the song says. Oh, I'm sorry, did you go on the I don't want to learn anything tour? Oh. Oh, is that an option? Sorry.

Yeah, we get a lot of that around here in here. Yeah, I feel like I'll always take that option if it's available. Oh, okay That's fine. It's like a kosher meal. I don't need it, but I want it does Christina Aguilera say you're kissing your tits and blowing Kisses my way. Are those the lyrics? We here at hey, we're looking up in your pocket or do you have like a guidebook or something for that thing? You could look that up We actually are banned from googling right now here at the museum. Um, well, I was going to start with the beginning, the sort of framed, uh,

email of our first, uh, do a docent, a female docent. The start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. I'm liking it. You really turned around this whole not knowing what a docent is. You know, okay, I'm just gonna shut this whole museum down. Takes down the email of our first scheduling

of the first episode. Takes Janet out of her box, lets her free. No! All right, you know, it's fine. Wait, I wanna pull a cord. I wanna pull a cord. I wanna pull a right, you know, it's fine. I just wanna pull the cord. I wanna pull the cord on the Janet. It's fine.

Let's just do an episode of Hey Rattle Rattle. Let's not dwell on the past of this show and how it started in 2018 when I was 25 years old and I had- Is this a special episode? What are we? It never is a special episode. Well, you're just like, you're reminiscing about the past. I'm I'm saying let's let's throw the whole museum away, but you wanted to I Mean, I just thought it would be interesting to talk about how this show started when I was a young gun

Sort of with my whole life ahead of me. I Guess that's not interesting to talk about how I was young once With my whole life ahead of me. You sort of looked wistfully up into the left. I thought you were gonna take us down memory lane, but then you kinda darted your eyes right back to us and we didn't know what to say. Aaron, if you add 50 years to your age, you are going to be this classic Hollywood archetype.

You're gonna be wearing like ball gowns, talking about how, oh, when I was in my prime before my Riddle podcast days. Oh, you boys. I bet you have to get to your deployment soon. You are going to be, mark my words, you're going to be the podcast world's Elizabeth Taylor. Glamorous, glamorous as all get out. Six to seven ex-husbands. Eight, maybe eight. Maybe eight. Six to seven.

I want to dream bigger. Do I want to be the podcast world's Elizabeth Taylor? Erin, I hope you never find love. Oh my God. Because that's what you said, you want it. Yeah, well, so what's, let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see. What I want that, do I want people

sort of buying my necklaces at auction? Sort of like cheap necklaces? Yeah, sure. Sort of buying my necklaces at auction. Do I want to marry Richard Burton, divorce him and then marry him again? Of course. Do I want to win an Oscar

for who's afraid of Virginia Woolf? Obviously. Do I want to wear- You're taking this very literal. A bunch of different wedding dresses from the 60s. Yeah, obviously. All right, I'll take it. I'll be the Elizabeth Taylor of the podcast world. Thank you, Adel.

It sounds like you'll just be Elizabeth Taylor, but you'll also do a podcast. And then what else does it mean then? I don't know. This is your fantasy. During America's worst disaster, you, Michael Jackson and Marlon Brando, will get in a car and drive to Syracuse or whatever they did. I don't know what that is.

What's it do- The Dust Bowl? Was that during the Dust Bowl? There was an event in 2001, I don't need to get into it, but that day, apparently Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, and Mar Brando, all panicked and kind of thought that the US was going to be, that there was more to it.

And they all got in a car and tried to like drive to the countryside or something. Somewhere right now, a 24 year old is writing that play. If you listen, you clear your mind and you listen, you can hear a 24 year old at a coffee shop right now writing that play. If you close your eyes and just listen ever so slightly, you can hear the reviews being typed out in the New York Times when that play opens

of the most unwatchable play ever to grace the boards. Rehearsals is just one of the three being like, should I do the impression or should I? Can I just talk normal? So I'm going, ooh. Can I talk normal? Ooh. So guys, how are you?

Cause last we checked in, we were all together in person. Well, actually I don't necessarily know that we spent any time together in person the last time we checked in. Well, we saw each other in person. We did a show together. We did see each other and we did do a show together, and I think that that was the extent of it. It turns out that due to everyone's different sleep schedules, and Erin's different whatever she's got going on schedule, all I know is that I was in San Francisco for like two days and I saw you guys for an hour when we did our show.

Well, that's not necessarily true because JPC we saw a show together. I spent way more time with your friend Michael and Adel's wife. I spent a ton of time with those two people. I don't know that I saw the two of you at all. Well, we sent our representatives to hang out with you. JPC, we saw a show together. Oh, that's right. We did see a show together We ordered on our phone the whole time. No, I wasn't Wow You were on your phone ordering it to you food whoa double double cross double double cross you I Order it for you mom you

I order it for you, mom. And you. And twins. And twins. And twins. Whatever, so I guess. I did to blow up Erin's spot. I did commiserate with her friend Michael because we were both talking

and Erin was on her phone doing something. And we were both like, isn't it strange to see Erin on her phone so much, yet you can't get her to text you back? And then I showed you how many texts that I have. And it ruined my night. That was actually the worst part of my day. I was looking up something for us, by the way,

when I was on my phone. I was looking up something for the group. And then they were coming after me. Sure. But here's, this is my new process. And it's going actually so well. I cannot wait to hear about the new process. I will not respond because it was driving me fucking insane to be so constantly available.

Because I have... Yes. And when was this? At what point in your life were you constantly available? I just wish I would have known you at that time so I could have taken advantage. Okay. Okay, so there was a time in your life when you were super available. No. Well, I felt the pressure to be super available.

You felt the pressure. Oh, it's so much different to feel the pressure. I will respond to texts every two or three days because every single person in my life, I attract a certain type of person that loves to text, okay? Which is great. I don't love that. It makes me feel overwhelmed.

I feel, it causes me a ton of anxiety. So I will every two days I will sit down with a tea and I will go through all my texts and I will respond to all of them. But I just think it's unreasonable. Text and tea. Text and tea. Yes, I have like these group chats. Like GBC, one of those things was a group chat. A hundred of those text messages were group chat just from like 36 hours. Like that is the level of texting. And so I'm like, I don't I cannot be constantly. Why don't we do this? This is fun. Let's get a shared Google calendar. We have that.

Well, no, we don't. But I love that for you. We. I. Yes. I invite you to some Google events. That's not the same thing. Well, no, we don't, but I love that for you. No, we... All of our events are on, but yes. I invite you to some Google events. That's not the same thing. Okay. So let's get a shared Google calendar. Okay.

You tell me when your text and tea times are. I get them on the block and I know, great. If I need Erin, boom, I can hit her during text and tea and I'm probably going to get something back. I love that you made a fun name for it. Addle made it. Text and tea. No, it's fine. Text and tea. It's fine. Oh, Addle, I didn't even hear name for it. Adel made it. Tick to T. No, it's fine. Tick to T.

It's fine. Oh Adel, I didn't even hear you make it. Adel. It's okay. You're a VIP. Call me anytime, baby. Oh, all right. What the fuck?

Right to the front of the line. Wee, excuse me, excuse me, folks. I actually know, I know Aaron. Sorry, excuse me. Excuse me. I know Aaron. Everybody's trying to get to the front of the line. Everybody knows Aaron.

If you have my number you know me Huh, this line is just 40 people standing shoulder to shoulder. It's not we're sort of abreast versus deep Hmm, this sucks Okay, I don't know how to cue that's a big problem people just don't know how to cue anymore um JPC I care about you a lot.. You matter to me. I appreciate that. And I'm not so above taking a note. I wanna do better for you every day. Erin, you matter to me as well.

I've got a couple of emails that you haven't responded to yet. I know and I will. And I'd love to text and T, baby. Whenever text and T is coming up, I love, hey. It's happening today and I'll show you. These are the things that I have to get done today. You have to.

I have to. It's just like, what can we get done today? That's what I'm all about. And respond to JPC is right there. That's in the middle. That's not bad. RSVP JPC. RSVPC.

I probably didn't make it above brush teeth, but I'm definitely gonna close eyes, go to drift off to dreamland. I love the middle. The other stuff is like really crazy urgent stuff. So you're like on the stuff that is like, very, very important, you're top of the list. Can we hear one of the urgent ones?

Uh. Skin stuff or? Kill Adol with my hands is number one. Come on. It's gonna be a long process. Um, so... This guy loves life. He's got a real chouette of Eve. I got a real thick neck. You're not gonna be able to choke me out.

Who said I was gonna use your neck? I go... I'm gonna pinch you in the stomach. Cudini style. Cudini style. Well guys, unfortunately, and you're not going to believe this, this is a riddle podcast. Sure. I believe that.

I think we should do some riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems. What do you think? I do too think that as well. I'd sign off on that. Fantastic. Is everyone mad at me? Doesn't matter. Is that the first riddle? Doesn't matter. Actually, it's fine. Okay. These first riddles are from Lizzie T. Lizzie has a very cool job.

I spend a lot of time listening to you while I do my work as a scenic artist, AKA a person who paints sets for theater, which is so cool. That's amazing. Lizzie was doing the New York Times crossword the other day and they had a few clues that trapped my brain into thinking about these little puzzles. They're kind of like if hinkpinks were word avalanches. Essentially it's a series of usually three words

that are spelled the same, but one vowel changes each time. There are some that I've come up with as well of greatly varying quality. Feel free to pick and choose. Thanks, Lizzie. Thank you, Lizzie. Erin, can I ask you something?

Yeah, sure. Anything. I've had a really weird- You're a VIP. Oh, very good. Excuse me. Sorry, let me just step in front of JPC. I've had a dream maybe for-

I was peeing. Oh, you're pissing on my- Joke's on you, asshole. Pissing on the back of my thighs, whatever that area is called. You guys do this, get a room. Legs, I guess. I've had a dream for a few years, Aaron and I'm embarrassed to say it,

but I feel like this is a safe space and I feel like if anyone will get me in this idea, it's you. You and me, Adel, we're locked in. Oh, good, good, good, good. It's you and me. You and me at a, we're locked in. Oh, good, good, good. It's you and me, kid. Goose and Maverick, baby. Baby. One of us is not long for this world.

I have a, I have this idea. I don't wanna say I have a dream. I have this idea where I get a theater designer, set designer to go into my bedroom and make it like you put black boxes down. It's hard, it's black wood, and there's like pieces of tape around the bedroom. There's a proscenium painted.

There's like fake windows. Like make your bedroom like the set of a play. And how quickly are you trying to get divorced? Well, the bed is four to six months. Days, minutes, hours. I think you have a big enough house that you could have, it doesn't even have to be your bed room metal. Okay, all right. Now, this may be a silly question.

Why do you want this? CJBC's, you're not locked in. You're not goosing Maverick with us. You don't get it. I'm Iceman. I'm still in the You're not goosing Maverick with us. You don't get it. I'm Iceman. I'm still in the movie.

I just may be kind of an antagonist. I guess going to my head, something has to change. Something has to change for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something has to change. And versus it being internal, I prefer it to be something I can just pay that someone else doesn't.

Yeah, out of trouble. I'm not trying to talk you out of this, but in my home growing up in the basement, there was this storage thing that was essentially a stage. And we used to do a ton of plays on it. And literally there was like lights facing it and we'd put up curtains and my sister would direct me a little plays

and we would put on plays and we'd do SNL bits and we'd do up curtains, and my sister would direct me a little plays, and we would put on plays, and we'd do SNL bits, and we'd do Monty Python bits. And I've ended, now I'm on a Riddle podcast, and I have to sit down every three days in response to text because of my mental health. Do you want potential kids, cats, whoever's in your home, ending up like me? So you have a stage in your house,

you're gonna end up with a kid with a personality like Aaron Keefe. Cats yes, kids no. And I don't want that, I hope that doesn't insult you. Aaron, I wouldn't wish your life on two of my cats. Here's the thing, my life is amazing. It's just that JPC doesn't like any choice that I've ever made, not even one time. I disagree that your life is amazing

I think it's incredible what I can observe Do I have? Am I accident prone sure? am I Pissing you off constantly obviously did you just join the Pixar family? Yes, and I can talk about it like I can say anything about it now, kind of very freeing. For four years, I've been terrified. Erin, your life is amazing, correct?

That's what you're saying, your life is amazing? My life is amazing. Text from you, not 30 minutes ago, when you were 20 minutes late to this episode. What, because my internet goes out. Is it possible to trade somebody to be Old Man Puzzles? I can do it if I have to, but I feel like I'm a puddle. Now, I don't know too much about have to, but I feel like I'm a puddle.

Now I don't know too much about amazing lives, but there's only one person who has an amazing life who can turn into a puddle. And that's Alex goddamn Mack. Alex Mack. My life is incredible. I love you, but Alex Mack, you are not. Okay, I have an awesome dog, right?

Incredible, my family, amazing. Friends, awesome. Text from Erin Kiesh 40 minutes ago. I'm losing my mind. I feel like I'm going insane. You guys. Two text from you from today. This is what's been so frustrating.

My internet goes out maybe three times a day with absolutely no warning. And it is so crazy because yesterday I had a really important meeting that I was so scared for and was so paranoid that the internet was going to go out and lo and behold, right in the middle of it, it went out. And then I'm like on the verge of tears when I

get back to the meeting eventually, it's like such a nightmare. I've had to download the TV shows I want to watch onto my iPad because I'll be in the middle of watching a fucking movie and the internet goes out. It is no way to live. It is no way to live. If you're Alex Max dermatologist, do you think that you know, like, can you tell that she can turn into a puddle? Here's the other thing. My life is actually perfect. It's just this little shit. Okay, everything else is great Beautiful dog beautiful family for perfect friends. My life is I get to do comedy all the time. I'm seeing someone amazing So funny and he's so nice

So no on the theater room Please. Ugh. So no on the theater room. What do you mean, Adel? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean no? What do you mean no on the theater room?

I think do it. What do you mean no? What do you mean no? Well, the first thing you said was, how much do you want to divorce or whatever? What do you mean no? You guys, I'm actually so fine. And aren't you proud of me for coming?

I splashed cold water on my face. I was crying the second my internet cut out. Casey, clip that. Aren't you proud of me for coming? Huh. Just clip that for me, Casey. I don't need, I'm not doing anything with it, but do clip that for me, please.

Erin, be honest. At first, did you accidentally splash your face with like Windex or something? Ha ha ha ha ha. Erin's a mess. You know what? Cause your face is sparkling. Adel, Adel, you'd think that,

but that's not how to see the way that Windex works. She splashed Windex on her mirror and then smashed her face into the mirror. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. The guy that I'm seeing, I keep going, I'm such a mess.

Can you believe how much, and he goes, you really seem to have a lot together. And then I go, you know who would laugh out loud of that that Adel and JPC. Hey, can I tell you what you guys? I would never laugh at a person who had a mental deficiency Aaron. I would Excuse me, please excuse me VIP Aaron. Do you mind if for the rest of until whenever you're comfortable? Can we just call him Zork? Oh Yeah Zork the guy yeah. Oh, yeah. Sure. You Can we just call him Zork? Oh yeah. Zork, the guy? Yeah. Oh yeah, sure.

Instead of just saying, just say Zork. Zork, yeah. Yeah, okay, thank you. Um, this is, I was like, I actually think he'll love that. Is that actually gonna get confusing? Cause Adeline and I just agreed this week and we were gonna start calling our wives Zork. Yeah, that's fine. Well, hold on.

Things can be Zork and there is a Zork. So, in the new language we're creating, yeah, you can be zork but you can also be a zork. You guys, we can't. We're we're getting Aaron, you're giving zork right now. Okay. Alright. We're having and this is getting, you're making this confusing. You know, if anyone's a youngest sibling, you'll understand this. Every time I go home to Massachusetts, I still feel like my sisters think I'm 11, right?

Like, I'm frozen in time for them, and they'll never take me seriously. And the second I get home, I'm like, take me seriously and laugh at my jokes. Like, I regress immediately. Because I have been such a mess, right, In my whole life in front of you guys, I feel sort of, and I know today I was also a mess, but I feel frozen in time with you guys a little bit. Sure.

Yeah. You need to see to the outside world. Yeah. I work very, very hard. My career on my career. I, I try to take care of other people. I pay rent alone in Los Angeles and I try to take care of other people. I pay rent alone in Los Angeles

and I have a dog alone, right? You're getting alone pretty hard. I'm fine. What about Zork? Zork is great. If Zork's listening right now, he probably feels pretty Zork. Aaron, what did I tell you this weekend?

I told you I could fix your entire life in two days. I know and I said, go for it. And I'm ready. I'm ready. I actually, yeah, go ahead. Oh, you go please. Oh no, I actually, I'm open to that JPC. I'm gonna talk to Zork.

I'm gonna get Zork to put a wedding ring on that finger first off. Ooh. I'm gonna get Zork to lock it down. Do the right thing Zork. I'm begging you to not do this. I'm begging you to do the right thing. Even see each other three months. but be ethical and get a cubic

Zorconia or whatever whatever makes sense whatever makes sense or code Very quickly Aaron you said Massachusetts. Did you guys hear that bill bird Billy Corgan or brothers? Snide comment a collectible figurine. And Bilbo is pissed. Sorry, Erin, go ahead. A snide comment about collectible figurine. Toy snowy. Oh, hoy polloy.

The vowel changes? The vowel changes. Okay. Ploy. Ploy. The vowel changes? The vowel changes. Okay. Toy. Joy. But it's not necessarily, the words aren't necessarily in the order in which I'm giving the clues. Got it.

So, Snide comment about a collectible figurine. Could this one be the example? Sure. And this one's kind of hard. Snape. Snoop, but the uh collectible figurine is two words and the snide comment is one word action figure Electable figurine then didn't make this the example because I don't know what the fuck we're talking about Funko pop

No, so the collectible figurine is the same word twice, but a different vowel in it. G-I JoJo? G-I Jo-Slo-Mo? G-I JoJo? I'll make this example. Aaron, I'm drowning. Nick, Knack, Knock. Huh?

Like, collectible figurine, Knick Knack. Oh. And then snide comment, Knock. Okay, got it. Nick, Knack, Knock. Okay. Oh boy. Yeah.

Okay, sorry, let me put my seatbelt on. Okay, I'm sorry,, Nick, knock. Okay. Oh boy. Yeah. Okay, sorry. Let me put my seatbelt on. Okay, I'm sorry you guys begged for riddles. You were begging for riddles a second ago. Damn, was I? I'm fine, by the way, everybody. Erin, honestly, did you hear that Billy Corgan and Bill Burr are brothers?

Isn't that insane? I didn't know this. I thought we weren't going to learn today. This feels like a set up to a street joke. This feels like I'm going to be street joke. This feels like I'm gonna be like, how do they figure that out? Like the punch line is gonna be like. Smashing Bostons.

I would like to see a scene. JPC and Adel, you are roommates, and Adel, you're coming home from like a vacation, and JPC, you've accidentally ruined all of Adel's very expensive collectible figurines and you're trying to just sort of smooth things over. Zork, I'm home. Hey, Mark.

Hey, can I grab your bags? Can I take your bags? Oh, I will just float them up to the attic where I store my stuff. Oh! Time to go play with my figures. Hmm? Um... God, you've been gone for... you've been gone for like a week.

God is dead. Huh? God is dead. Yeah, you're God. Uh... Yeah, you've been gone for a week. Mm-hmm. I was in Las Vegas.

Yes, we... How'd you do? I was up and then down, and then up and then down down and that was just in bed. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, sounds like you fucked. Um, well speaking of up and down... I bet you probably didn't hear about the big earthquake we had. Oh, no. I try to keep my telecommunications to advise me for all natural disasters. Telecommunications? Phone-hmm. Phone calls? OK.

Yeah, we just say phone calls. Anyway, yeah, there's a big earthquake. I haven't even, I honestly have not even been upstairs, because you said don't go in your room, because that's where all of your stuff is. Oh, no. Uh-oh. But yeah, a lot of the stuff in the house got pretty broken.

Oh, my bird skeletons grabs onto the fire pole, flies upward. Oh, no. Oh, no. Let me jump there. I can't really do that. It's all ruined. Oh, no. Whoa, look at.

Oh, my god. The earthquake seemed to hit all your bird skeletons. Oh, and they're covered in fingerprints with peanut butter. Oh you know what? Yes they are. Yes. Can I see your hands? Well no. You've been standing with your hands behind your back like a southern lawyer. Please just put your hands forward. It's for law school. I have to do it this way. You know what it was? Is that the first place that the firefighters came after, you know, to investigate, they came from the peanut butter factory, which had also,

the earthquake hit the peanut butter factory pretty hard. So the firefighters probably came in and probably tracked all this peanut butter, all of your bird skeletons. Why would they touch the peanut butter? Doesn't make sense. There were people trapped in there. Can peanut butter catch on fire? Let's try it.

It was an earthquake. Well, hold on, let's not go burning peanut butter. Taking your skin, taking your skin. I like Zork, he's an alien. Yeah, Zork's kind of fun. Zork. Sing her part when she's aimlessly wasting time. Dolly, lolly, gagging.

Dolly, lolly, gagging. Dolly, lolly, folly. It all begins with D. Dolly? It all begins with D? Every kiss begins with D. Dolly, dally, dilly. Dilly, dally, dally.

Ooh, nice. Dilly, dally, dolly. Dilly, dally. Feeling of guilt after cheating at table tennis. Shame, game shame. Table tennis is, oh, ping pong, ping. Yeah, fun. Ping pong dog.

That works too, I think. I'd like to see a scene. I do wanna see a scene. Oh, fuck, you got there first. You guys are playing Ping-pong, but you want the other one to win? Okay here That's good because my scene was gonna be you as a doctor telling at all that he had ping-pong dong I want to see that one now. Let's see that scene. I would rather die Doctor what's wrong with me? Um

Promise not to laugh, okay? Faith. You have... The doctor said, promise not to laugh. And the doctor said, you are gonna kill me. I love that the news is about me, but I can't laugh. Promise not to laugh. All right, hold on, Erin, I wanted to do yours too. What was yours?

Yours was... You guys are playing pingong and you want the other one to win Okay. Oh it's um That's your it's my serve. I think yeah, it's my serve Yeah, what's the rule if I keep losing my racket eventually? I just don't get a racket, right? Eventually, I just have to use hand if I keep throwing. Yeah, I think you just use hand I think I'm on hand now then because okay. Yeah, I cannot keep I cannot keep okay So it's your serve. Okay. Yeah, and let me oh

Nertz I missed the table. That's the point for you. Not just crushing it. No, it just continues to be your serve. Yeah Eventually you'll Have to you know Or maybe just lose the serve and it's my point. Anyway, we've been doing this for about 20 minutes and no one's scored a point. We just keep trading the serve back and forth. Why don't we cut the serve part out?

Okay, yeah. Yeah. So how do we start? Maybe like jump ball like they do in the NBA, like a jump ball. Let's do jump ball. Okay, so I'm gonna throw the ball straight up in the air over the net.

Okay. Obviously we're both gonna have to lean in real hard and make sort of a jump up and forward yeah and then try and as we land go backwards so we got kind of volley it hit ourselves in this tummy with the table okay here we go so yeah and three two it should I do like a three two one throw or three two three 2 1 and then throw it up and then jump up 3 2 1 OHHHH OHHHH That's your point

That's your point Hey guys this is a painful watch Doctor! Doctor! Can you do an exam? I think me and my friend both got ping pong dog after that Well that's very funny and I'm sure you do But you're also sleeping with each other's wives. So let's just clear the air.

And that's why this is happening. I'm gonna go get a smoothie. Did you fuck my zork, saint? Okay. Here are the ones that Lizzie wrote. Are you ready? What were the previous ones? The New York time ones.

Oh, okay. Abnormally noisy timekeeping device. Clock, watch, smudge, watch. Clock is right. Clock. And remember, it's the same word, but you change the vowels. Is it a click clack clock?

A click clack clock. Wow. When you need to quickly get rid of meat-based evidence. Mm. Beef, steak. This one's kind of hard. to quickly get rid of meat-based evidence. Mmm. Beef, steak. This one's kind of hard. I think it's very good, though. Meat-based evidence. Protein.

Okay, so are we looking for evidence? No. This is... Clue? The evidence is kind of not the word that we're looking for, but when you're getting rid of. Dispose? Yeah, so one of them is like quickly. One of them is meat, and one of them is getting rid of.

Toss? Veal? Dispose? Trash? This is probably the grossest word to use for meat. Oh. Because you're like, ooh, that is what it is. Oh.

Flesh? Yes. Flesh. So then you just change the vowels. Okay. And there's actually not that many vowels, guys. Is it flesh, skin? Flesh, flesh.

I think flesh is like. Is flesh all of it? Yeah. Yeah. Wait, flesh is all of it? What does that mean? Well, flesh isn't just like skin, like bacon, right? Oh, I can't Google.

Oh, you're saying flesh. Yes. I said flush flesh. Yeah, and then, but there's one more, it's quick. Quick. Oh, flash, flush, flush. Flash, flush, flesh. Yeah, kind of disgusting, huh, gang?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, we're gonna quickly get through the rest of these and then we're going to take a break. Actually, let's just take a break now and then we'll get through them so we don't have to quickly get through them. Hey, it's your party. Flush that flush. Yeah. JPCL too busy to talk, also so hungry, but I don't want to eat fast food even though I'm so busy, but because fast food is going to make me feel sick and sort of tired and not feel me right, but I got to keep going.

I'm moving. I'm busy. I'm on the go. I'm having it all. Erin, busy and hungry? Shut up. I don't care about your problems. Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

Wait, what if there is a solution to your problems? That would be a good idea. Shut up. I don't care about your problems. Wait, wait, wait, hold on, wait. What if there is a solution to your problems? That would help me just as much. That's better than telling Aaron to shut up. Yeah, Aaron, I'm not gonna tell you to shut up. I'm gonna tell you to tune in to Tempo. Tempo is a weekly delivery service

that delivers chef crafted meals from a dietitian approved menu, fresh to your door. Yeah, Aaron, Tempo serves up fast, feel good, single serving meals that are crafted to cook in just three minutes. So you can eat well without sacrificing taste or convenience. Yeah, Aaron, here's the thing.

Sometimes I get home and I'm like, I don't have time to cook. The thought of cutting and dicing and slicing and baking just sounds exhausting to me. So I open my fridge, I take out one of these Tempo meals. It is ready in minutes. The sweet and tangy chicken they have with roasted potatoes, peas, and creamed corn, phenomenal.

The sweet chili meatballs with jasmine rice and amame and broccoli, delicious. That sounds so good. It's all pre-portioned. It's all very quick to make. It's healthy, it's delicious. It's all very quick to make. It's healthy. It's delicious. It's, Aaron, it's what you need.

Wow, Adel, shut up. That's so perfect. They also offer a variety of meals for different dietary and taste preferences, including protein-packed, calorie-conscious, carb-conscious, and fiber-rich. I'm fiber-rich, but I'm cash-poor. And for a limited time,

Timbo- Shut up. Well, this is the part that I actually do have to say. For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners and tell them GPC sent you 60% off your first box. Go to tempo-meals.com slash riddle. That's tempo-meals.com slash riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempo-meals.com slash rental.

Rules and restrictions may apply. Ah, oh no. Oh, JBC. You want us to ask about whatever this is? What the? No, I don't. I fell for it. It's not what you guys think.

I don't even, I have no actual problem with you whatsoever. My bones are picked clean. My problem is with myself. Oh, what happened? You know how I signed up for that shirt of a day club? Shirt of the day? Yeah, shirt of the day club. That's like an expensive thing.

Yeah, but I was like, I was like sick of like washing clothes. So I was like, oh, I'll do like a shirt. And like the way that the shirt of the day club is supposed to work, it's like they send you the shirt. You wear the shirt all day. You're kind of natural, kind of like body movement will dissolve the shirt by the end of the day. Yeah, let me guess.

You forgot, you did the one week trial and then you forgot to cancel it and then now you've been paying a lot of money. Yeah, and they haven't been dissolving, so I've just been kind of putting them over the old shirt and like it's kind of dissolving, but basically like, I basically wear like six or seven shirts right now,

they kind of like dissolve like way slower than their- did you be wearing any more shirts? Thank you Aaron JP see You should have gotten rocket money to help cancel that subscription Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps fine and cancel your unwitting subscriptions Monitors your spending and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. Okay, so I could grow my savings instead of growing how many shirts I'm wearing on my body as they slowly dissolve because they must be made of food. Yeah, and GPC are gonna get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you're close to

going over budget, which I'm sure you did with all of those shirts. Yeah, each shirt is more expensive. They did make that pretty clear when I signed up that each shirt is gonna be like a compounding shirt cost because the shipping alone is killing me. And JPC, I don't know if you'll believe this, but Rocket Money has over five million users and has saved a total of 500 million

in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. And I just looked up your shirt subscription. Mm-hmm. It is $2.8 million a year. OK, so Shirt of the Day is a bad deal. If you are listening to this, do not use Shirt of the Day

and cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash Riddle today. That's rocketmoney.com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E, rocketmoney.com slash Riddle. And tell them Shirt of money.com slash riddle and tell them shirt of the day. Wait, nope, don't tell them that. Sure. The shirts are fusing to your skin. JPC. Let's get you to the hospital.

This show is sponsored by better help. Cold, cold, cold. It's freezing out here. What's going on? Whoo, guys, it's pretty cold out here. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second Is it cold out here or is that creeping chill? Coming from our own minds That makes sense cuz this year has been Pretty difficult so far not naming names or months that were terrible.

January, February, looking at you. Not going to name years. 2025, looking at you. But what can we do about it? How can we feel better? Wait a second. I just had a million dollar idea. I mean, it's not really a million dollar.

It'll pay us a million dollar. But if they wanted to, they could. If they wanted to bump up our feet. Are you about to invent therapy? Cause that already exists. And you can get it through BetterHelp. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient

and serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Ooh. Ooh, cold. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. I use BetterHelp. This works for how my brain works, which is I like to be able to message my counselor anytime when I'm actually experiencing something. And it helps so much.

Again, not looking at you any months, January, February, months, and if you're one of those people out there that says, I don't know about online therapy. I don't know if it's right for me. Let me demystify the whole thing by telling you exactly what the process is you show up. You're sitting basically in front of your computer or whatever your therapist shows up you tell him what is making your brain freezing cold and then they say tell me more about that and you kind of talk through it and you leave the session and maybe your brain feels a little bit warmer. That doesn't, that sounds pretty nice. Oh, that sounds, that's warming my heart, my soul and my brain. Not too bad.

Not too bad. You see, ah, it's better sometimes. So discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. Ah, I feel so warm. That's betterhelp. H E L P dot com slash Riddle. And if you're wondering why we said discover your relationship green

flags with better help, maybe we were supposed to talk about relationship green flags up at the top. It doesn't matter. We didn't actually have to, but that's just for context for people. We're wearing green flags. We're wearing green flags. We're wearing green flags Huddle up. It's me Angel Reese. You can't beat the postgame burger and fries, right? Know what else you can't beat? The Angel Reese special. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink.

It's gonna be a high C for me. Sound good? All you have to do to get it is beat me in a one-on-one. I'm just playing. Get the Angel Rees special at McDonald's now. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I'm participating in restaurants for a limited time. Um, you guys, when you go home or you see your family, do you regress in any sort of way?

Do they make you feel like an old version of yourselves? When I would go back from college to where I went to high school, the home I went to high school in, the minute I stay the night in my bedroom, I get so unnecessarily upset with my mom. Where my mom will yell upstairs and be like, dinner's ready, and I'm like, give me a second. And it comes out of nowhere, like it's just a knee-jerk reaction where I'm like,

why am I being petulant? Like, I've outgrown that, but there's something about being in your, in a place you used to live when you were in school that really sets you back. Yes. And when I go home, if I go home, I stay for like four hours.

So I don't really have enough time for there to be a regression. I stay for four hours and I say, well, got a three hour drive back to Chicago, better be hitting the old dusk trail. So nice meeting y'all. And then I get the fuck out of there. Taking the dirt roads.

And when my sister and I are visiting my mom at the same time, we do, like if I see my sister at my house or her place, we're fine, we're best friends. The minute we get to our mom's place, we're bickering. We're like, what's this? And my mom's like, oh, this was grandma's stamp collection. I thought one of you, and then we're like, yanking at it together, trying to grab it.

I think it takes 20 minutes after being home that my sisters gang up on me and immediately are like, I've told you guys this, they're like, remember when you tried, you thought you had early access to a Harry Potter book and you printed it out and then you were so ashamed of it? Remember this? They bring that up every time I go home

and I was like, I was fucking 11. Yeah. I thought it ended up being smut. It ended up being Harry Potter smut. Of course. Can you read us some? Harry Potter's throbbing Ron. Turn to page 69.

We are back with some of these Lizzie originals. I have a question though, because Adel mentioned like a grandpa stamp collection and like really wanting it, like putting in this house. Adel, I wanna pitch to you a game show. Now the game show is, I get like a list of items that I know are in your house and your possession.

Good luck. And then I take you in your house, I spin you around 10 times, and then I start the clock and I say, go find this thing. Oh no. And then if you find it within a certain amount of time, you get to keep it. Wow. But if you don't find it, you gotta get rid of it.

Or sell it. I'd be getting rid of 90% of my stuff. I actually really like this game. I think that this could be, we could do this for charity. We could really make this work. I mean, what could go wrong, right? Oh, you're saying he'd get too dizzy and he'd want to flesh?

Yeah. Like a kid playing a tee ball when he spins around eight times. Yeah, 10 might be too much. I love getting dizzy though, man. Ain't no better high than getting dizzy. Your kid seems to be really on a dizzy kick right now. They love getting dizzy though, man. Ain't no better high than getting dizzy. Your kid seems to be really on a dizzy kick right now. They love being dizzy.

If they could, they'd just be dizzy all the time. And honestly, that sounds pretty fucking sweet. Do you think that it's gonna translate into them being like a figure skater or like a roller coaster person? Like how do you think that's gonna manifest? Lead singer of Jamiroquai. Well, now that I know that whole thing about having that old stage in your house,

the only thing that I'm trying to prevent them from becoming is an Aaron Keith. Hey! Wow! Hey! Hey! Well, what? It seems bad! It's wonderful!

You're right, I'm sorry. I don't know why I went there. My life is so great that the little bullshit that you guys have to deal with, and like I have to deal with like the Internet stuff is the price you pay for having a life as incredible as mine Wow interesting worth it. It is it's what seems worth it I'm so hot and tall and beautiful. Can you believe? Have a trouble. I'm doing so good Aaron we believe you yeah, this is a real lady doth protest too much

I'm coming after this too hard We're doing so good when you printed out that porn book from Harry Potter when you were 11 ten points from Gryffindor and one piece of clothing McGonagall. A dull book about world record speeds. Guinness? Wait. Wow.

If it's Guinness, that's awesome. A dull book about world record speeds. Is it track? No. Trick, trick, track, truck. No. Sprint, relay, Olympic. Is it Guinness? Track no trick trick track truck no sprint relay Olympic Is it Guinness? No, it's not Guinness

Is it Ripley's no it There is not a specific book about anything. It's a way to say book that is home. Yes. How did you know? Whoa, you're so impressive It's a way to say book that is. Tome. Yes. How did you know? Whoa. You're so impressive. I think it's all those years on Magic Tavern. Yeah. We always say tome or grimoire. Tame, tome, no.

Tame, oh, to me, tome. Right? Tame, time, tome. Tame, time, tome. Time records. It sounds like you're talking to someone, Right? To be. Tame time tome. Tame time tome. Tame time tome. Time records, got it. It sounds like you're talking to someone and you're like, we'll meet tomorrow at noon again,

and they're like, tame time tome. Like, trying to say same time. It feels like it's, all of these feel very Adam Sandler coded. Like, it's time tome. Tame time tome. It's too hard for a penguin to be just tame time tome. It's time tome.

A red herring went in pursuit of a rogue 18-wheeler. Semi? Truck? Truck? Track? Wait, trick? A trick track track. Yes.

These are fun. Can't think of a scene. That's rare. I do want to of a scene. That's rare. I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are a truck driver driving a semi truck across America. JBC, you are in a car pulling alongside the semi truck that Erin is in and you're a little

kid trying to get Erin to do the horn honk thing, but she won't do it and the cars are just sort of parallel enough for you to have a conversation hey hey huh there's a kid okay showing me his arm oh I get it your arms are stronger than my arms I got weak arms I'm a little boy. Look how strong the little boys arms are okay? It's my divorce anniversary kid I don't need this today. I get it your arms are strong You're a little kid and I'm just stronger than me. I get it I get it. Let me drive the truck. What?

Let me drive the truck. Whoa, he's climbing out the window. Kid, you're crazy. Hey, you don't know the truck sides. You don't know the truck sides. How long have you been a truck driver? God, this kid's crazy. Oh my God, he's about to jump.

Open this window. He's hanging off the side of my truck. Kid, you're crazy. Come get your kid, lady. And we see his hands are in the semi window and his feet are still in his car window. Open the window. Open the window. Oh God.

Unroll it. Open the window. Open the window. Open the window. Open the window. Open the window. Open the window. Open the and his feet are still in his car window. Open the window! Open the window!

Oh god! Unroll it! Okay. What is it? Hand crank? You don't even have automatic windows? Hand cranks? Moves over to passenger side?

Kid, you're crazy! You're crazy, kid! That's all I wanted! Is that so hard? Kid, what the heck? How long have you been driving a truck? 20 years! Get out of my truck, kid! No...no way.

You don't look a day over 29. You've been driving this truck since you were 9 years old. Hey, thanks, kid. I really needed that for my divorce anniversary. Well, I don't know what he was thinking. I'm assuming it's a he. Yeah, it is. Yeah, okay. I don't know what he was thinking. I'm assuming it's a he. Yeah, yeah, okay I don't know what he was thinking because you smash cut to a year of them on the road

They've learned a lot about each other. They both grown Well kid, I gotta tell you my whole 21 years of driving this truck. Mm-hmm I never had one as good as this. You taught me everything I know kid Well, I just want to thank you for keeping this relationship Platonic, I guess it was mostly me. You wanted to make it sexual a lot of times Do that in an improv scene they pass billboard after billboard that says missing child with his Mostly really bad at JPC I think the respond to JPC is about to get a little further down the left No, well, I did to myself. We got a VIP in the JPC. I can't help myself. I like to play.

I like to play. Is it a crime? I deserve everything that's coming to me. What happened when you hit the tread of a round metal ladder? The tread of a round metal ladder? What is the tread of a ladder? I've never seen a round metal ladder.

A docent is sort of a person who gives tours around the museum. Oh. Oh, is that not helpful? A tire. A tire. Oh, a round metal ladder, would that be like a spoke? No. Round?

An axle? A wheel? No. Round? No. Round? Yeah. I'm thinking of the way the spokes of a bike, you could climb them like a ladder if you were like a borrower.

Honey, I'm cleaning the gutters. Oh no, I'm rolling away. Worst. That's the worst. That's the worst when your ladder rolls away. What's something that is circle shaped? What are some things? Tire, wheel, a ball.

Smaller. Armadillo, a ball. Smaller. Armadillo, small ball. Adam? Marble. Electron. You can wear it. Bracelet. You can wear them.

Smaller than a bracelet. Smaller than a bracelet? A ring. A ring. Ring, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, rung, yeah. Ring, ring, rung, ring, ring, rung. I. Ring, ring, rung, ring, ring, rung. I'd like to see a scene.

Like, let's get loud. Adil, you are on top of a very tall ladder, and GPC is in charge of holding the ladder for you to make sure you're safe. But he's getting a little distracted. Just a few more feet. There's a guy in a food truck, and it looks like he's giving away free Pepsi's. I've just watched people walk up and get... it doesn't look like anyone's

paying and he's just giving away free Pepsi's. Yeah, Chuck, I'll buy you a Pepsi later. We're trying to build a tower. It's not the same as a free Pepsi. I know. I know buddy. What could be going on? Could a Pepsi machine in the truck be like going bad and he's got to offload all these... another guy with a Pepsi. Oh, yeah, it must be like a meetup or something. Maybe it's a- And he's got a silly straw! This Pepsi is amazing! He's drinking Pepsi out of a silly straw!

I'll be right back. Oh, I love this straw, I love this thing. Now hold the ladder, hey Chuck, hold the ladder. I have one hand on it. I'm, I have one hand on it. Oh. I'm not gonna make it across the street to get the Pepsi. Hold on, I know, hold on. See this dog? Yeah? I'll have this on it. Oh. I'm not gonna make it across the street to get the Pepsi. Hold on, I know.

Hold on. See this dog? Yeah. I'll have this dog hold the ladder. Don't. Here boy. No. Here boy. This is. I'll tie, hold on, I'll tie his leash.

Is it a sitter? Or setter, what are they called? I don't know. I'll tie his leash to the ladder. And then, so that'll weigh the ladder down. No, but then when he runs, he'll, he'll tug at the ladder. Oh, good boy, stay. What's he gonna run at? Dogs don't want Pepsi. Stay. Oh, oh, down. No, but then when he runs he'll... he'll target the ladder. Good boy, stay.

What's he gonna run at? Dogs don't want Pepsi. Stay. Oh, he does. Oh, he really wants Pepsi. Okay, hold on. I'm holding it. I'm holding it. I'm holding it. Oh boy, he is really going after that Pepsi. I'm gonna cut him off. Okay. Okay, you're fine. You're fine. Look, oh my god, that dog's getting a Pepsi. They're giving that Pepsi to a dog. This must be some good Pepsi. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, stand, you'll slow, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We have your X-rays and we have your test results back. We have to promise to not laugh, okay? Give it to me straight, doctor. You have a, what was it? See. Aaron. That's the funniest thing a doctor can say to you during a diagnosis.

You have a, what was it called? What was it? What was that thing a doctor can say to you during a diagnosis. You have um. What was it called? What was it? What was that thing you came in here thinking you had? Yes, that's it. Uh, start with the R. Ping pong dong. Hey, I apologize.

How could you forget the name of the episode? Who says I'm gonna make that the name of the episode? I think the name of the episode is gonna be Aaron is Thriving. I like that. There's a lot going so well for me. I believe you. You guys, I did improv with so many cool people this week. Adel and I got to do improv with Richard Kind,

who was the nicest. Throughout the whole show, he kept leaning over to me and saying, this is nuts. So cool. Which was incredible. That's very fun. Richard, for a moment, it was just like 20 minutes of Richard Kine and I just backstage sitting on steps together.

And I was like, well, this is kind of, this is quite lovely. My favorite thing is, Aaron said she was, because before the show we were talking to Richard about like, for Magic Tavern, we're like, so it's not Earth, but you can make like an analogous, but you can't say like, I'm in San Francisco and I have a computer, you can't, it's all sort of, and he was like, I kinda get it, and then backstage, I guess, Aaron said, he said, so what are cars?

Yeah. He just kept asking questions like that, and I was like, let's fucking get into it, Richard, okay? Let's find out, let's go out there and find out, Richard. What? Okay, I'm very proud of this one. Up to you if it's deserved. That's what Lizzie said.

Okay. Okay. Extremely heavy Star Wars creature who made it off Hoth to get some sun and now happens to be made of metal. So JBC, you would know best who was on Hoth. Was that Jabba was that the Sarlacc pit was that Boba? I don't think Jabba was on Hoth but Hut is an extremely heavy Star Wars creature. I don't know if I know enough to be able to give good hints.

Is it Tantan? Tom Tom? That's part of it. This one's hard. Oh, the Tom Tom, yeah, the Hoth is an ice planet and he cuts open the Tom Tom. Yeah, to sleep in the Tom. So, Tom, is it just Tom or is it Tom Tom? A Tom Tom. So, a Tom, a Tom Tom Tom Tom. Yeah.

And then what was the other? So, it's extremely heavy. Tan. Tom Tom. Yeah. Tan, tan, tan, tan, tom, tom. Tan, tan, tom, tom, tom. Yeah, because it's made of metal. Tan. Tan-tan. Yeah. Tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan- Rin Tin Tin Tan Ton Ton Tin Tin Tin.

And and and and and and and and. And and and. I like that one. Tin Tin Tin Tin Ton. I do want to see a scene. Tin Ton. What could you possibly, what could this possibly be? Can't wait. I do want to see a scene.

The two of you are in the Star Wars universe. You are trapped on Hoth. It is freezing cold. JPC, you're trying to convince Erin to crawl inside a dead tauntaun to stay warm for the night. Erin, you're oogged out and don't want to go inside. Looks like that wind isn't letting up. Okay, Zorth, if you want to stay alive, you're going to have to climb inside this tauntaun. Oh, well, that's a little weird. Well, it's, well, no, I mean, it's, because its body heat is going to be warm enough,

because it's freshly killed, is going to be warm enough to keep you alive in its, like, and it's, frankly, it's going to be disgusting in its body heat. I don't know, man. I'm looking kind of in there and it looks like you sort of painted and sort of made it homey. Well. Hello, weird. Yeah, I didn't want it to be like not nice for you.

I mean, I can't do anything about the smell, but I could at least spruce it up. This just feels a little insensitive. He was our companion. Like, we were all really close. Okay, yeah, maybe he should live and you should die. Maybe that's how it should have worked. I don't- I'm gonna be fine! I have this Canadian goose

Harka all the way down. Big hood. Is this why you killed him? Did you- were you trying to make his house into your apartment? Or his body into your apartment? First of all, I'm not going in there. It stinks in there and I have a 1200 credit jacket that I'm going to be more than comfortable in. Okay, then why is this huge TV in here? He may have eaten that. That may have been something he ate.

Is it partially digested? We cannot be turning our friend's bodies into our apartments. First of all, he was not a friend Okay, I bought him from a man. You were his best man. I was his only man. Sorry buddy. I'm done in here We did the for the kitchen. We did the backsplash in the subway. Oh hi And also you know here's some credits for like lunch or whatever get yourself something you know oh nice I know I don't have to but uh yeah and the guys, you did a great job. Have lunch on me.

Oh, hell yeah. Guys, we're getting space sandwiches. Wow, you must have had to hire these guys way before you's dead. You're not a very good friend, man. What? Are you kidding me? I just met this guy and his little babu freaks. Hey, guys, are you willing to do another job?

Uh, yeah, if the credits are right. Smash cut to me living inside of JPC's body. Big screen TV. He's still alive. He's still alive. Squawk, it's a living. See. I love picturing in the Star Wars universe

that it's canon now that they have Canada Goosecoats. It's like Qui-Gon Jinn in the park. Big ass parka. Big ass Canada Goose parka. It's like a pre-ski, everyone loves it. Super put together. A totally tubular parking area rental. A lit lot.

Yeah. Yeah, you got it. Tubular parking area, a lit. Rental rental lent, lent, lent, lot, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let what you are left with when your feline is offended by the very cheap sleeping arrangements. Kitty, kitty, cuddly, kitty, catty, cuddly. You're so close. Kitty, man, a cat. It's not kitty, though. Cat caught. kitty kitty cuddly kitty catty cuddly you're so close kitty manna caught yeah

cut cat caught cut cat cock I was still doing K for I'd like to see a scene at all you are JPC's cat and you're pretty unsatisfied with the living arrangements man fine you know? Don't sleep in the tauntaun. I guess nobody wants to sleep in the tauntaun. I guess I'm killing these things for some sort of sport. California King, well. I don't have a California King tauntaun.

I have the tauntauns that I have, okay? This tauntaun was a queen among her people. Okay fine, you're ungrateful. You're ungrateful. One third rent, meow meow. One third rent? Okay, I'm already paying one quarter portion. I'm not going to start paying one third rent on top of my one quarter portion. I'm throwing you in the sarlacc pit.

No, I'm throwing your ass in the sarlacc pit. Ah, meow meow meow. Meow meow meow. No, I'm throwing your ass in the starlight pit. Meow meow meow. Queen, queen works. Queen size works, meow meow. A queen works? Queen works, queen. I'm an all size, but it works. Jesus Christ.

Meow meow, you're an angel. Meow meow meow. What? Meow meow meow. You're damn right I am. Meow meow meow. Um. You're damn right I'm an angel.

Dishes could be meow meow meow, not left out to soak, meow meow meow, as you said. Oh. Not every dish needs to soak, meow meow meow not left out to soak meow meow meow as you said Not every dish needs to soak meow meow meow Fine okay, you know what why don't we do this? Why don't we just agree to disagree we'll go our separate ways you keep half the tan tan. I'll keep my half And I'll keep my half okay meow meow meow and you got the better half oh yeah no room in the neck Okay, meow meow meow and you got the better half. Oh, yeah, no room in the neck My ass crawling up into a Todd Todd neck. No way

Fuck a tiny-ass cat on six two in Star Wars height sleeping at a Todd Todd neck There's a saucepan with 40 forks in here I'm gonna soak, bitch. All right, let's get through all of these because I'm loving them and I think we can do it. But we have to really be focused, gang. Can we do it? No. Okay. Why are you talking down to us?

This one is kind of cheating. Me? I'm talking to JPC. Again, Addle, VIP. What is it? Goose and Maverick. You and me, kid, we're locked in together. It's that guy over there. Hello, JP This one is kind of cheating what you need

Prepared when it's time to sit at all down and teach him how to eat this candy properly Well KitKat is what I donate properly. Yeah, and then what you need prepared What's something that you prepare if you're about to do? A go bag. Yeah, but a different way of saying that. Kit. Yes. A kit, kit-kat. A kit-kat kit, which is kind of cheating

because it's too vowel-y. A kit-kat kit. I like that. Okay, gotcha. Two I's. A poorly lit police horse mom who really likes telling someone what else to do. A dim? And police is in parentheses it's not important it's just sort of a little thing for JPC. A poorly lit horse mom who really likes telling someone else what to do.

So it's it's it's like it's gonna be like a word for horse right? Mayor? Really likes telling someone else to do is the most helpful. Really likes telling someone else what to do. Uh, right. But oh, boss. No. Hmm. Think of a boss in like a sexual context. Oh, Dom. Dom. A dim dom.

A dim dom mom a dim dom mom? Dim dom damn. Oh. A dim dom damn, a dim dom damn. A group of boss lady business mask lesbians. Erin. You always say boss lady bitch, right? Yeah, so yeah, you got one word.

Is it Erin? No, it's not Erin. Oh. You said? Lady? Nope. I don't know what it is. B-I-, it's not Erin. Oh. You said? Lady? Nope. I don't know what it is. B-I-T-C-H.

Oh, bitch. Mm-hmm. A witch, bitch, itch. What was, where were the descriptors? A group of boss, lady, business, mask, lesbians, and the vowel changes. A butch? Yep.

A butch, bitch. Batch? Yes. A batch of butch bitches. Mm-hmm. A bitch, butch, batch. What someone might say after teenagers rang their doorbell for the ninth time.

Ding dong ditch bitch. Try that ding dong ditch bitch again, bitch. This is getting close to Eminem. Is it ding? Yeah, that's the middle word. Ding. Ring, ding. Yeah, and then, ugh, it's so annoying.

Ring, ding. Nope. You keep adding the consonants. Ding, dong. Yeah, ding, dong is the second two. Yeah, dang, ding, ding, dong. Dang, ding, dong. To remove a bit of Mallard's curiosity, oh sorry.

To remove a bit of a Mallard's curiously shaped body part dick a fuck dick duck Dick duck Aaron tell me that's right doc dick dick lie to me if you have to doctor. Do I have a dog duck dick? Yes, but don't laugh a lush forest of bells chime Jungle a jingle jungle. Yeah jingle My money don't jiggle jungle jiggle jiggle juggle. Yeah, jingle. My money don't jingle jungle. Jingle jingle jungle. It folds.

Yeah, jingle jingle jungle. There's actually enough here to come back to them, I think, so I don't wanna rush through them. So let's do one more. That's different than what you said five minutes ago. Shut up. You guys, my internet was not working this morning. I had a whole other episode I was planning on doing

and then it threw me for such a loop and I burst into tears and I went, I don't know if I can do it. And then I adjusted and I fixed it. It's still not good enough. Thank you, Addle. It's never you, Addle. You and me, kid, we are locked in.

You're VIP. I think I might believe you if you say it a few more times. I think I'm getting close to getting it. You're doing well. Someone that chooses who gets to kiss an athlete from Green Bay. Packer, a picker, packer. Pumpkin eater. Packer, pecker, picker. Packer, pucker, picker? Pucker, pecker, picker. Pucker, pucker, picker.

Say it four times. Pucker, pucker, picker. Peter Piper, pecker, picker, pecker, peckers. You said peckers 11 times. Pucker, pecker, picker. Um, Addle. Yes. You and me.

Locked in. My VIP. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. Right to the front of the line. Tell us what you want to plug, my guy. Oh boy, I guess number one with a bullet wound. I'm going to have to get a bullet wound. I'm going to have to get a bullet wound.

I'm going to have to get a bullet wound. I'm going to have to get a bullet wound. I'm going to have to get a bullet wound. I'm going to have to get a bullet wound. I'm going to have to get a bullet wound. I'm going to have to get a bullet wound. I'm going to have to get of the line. Tell us what you want to plug, my guy. Oh boy, I guess number one with a bullet would be the Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon. You can find, I wanna say dozens if not hundreds of episodes of bonus content,

all types of different series and improv and games and whatnots. So check it out, go to patreon.com slash. Hey, Riddle Riddle. I think you're gonna like the way you look. Erin, my dear, you're the absolute best. What, uh, you're always VIP. What, uh, what do you have on, on the docket?

Well, follow quality time on Instagram. If you would like to come to my monthly show. Um, it's really cool. It is a true variety show. We've had carolers. We had a history teacher come and teach a little lesson. It's so fun. It's at the Lyric Theater in Los Angeles, and it's once a month.

So check that out. JPC, if you want to come out, the carcass you're sleeping in and either plug something or read a review. We would love that. It's a Canada goose carcass. Carcass, carcass. Sponsor the show, send me a jacket. Would love one.

Carcass. Negative 50 degrees in Chicago, send me one of those fucking jackets. Love a $1,200 jacket. Yeah, here we go. If you want to get a review featured on the show, leave a five- review anywhere you leave reviews. I might read it on the show. Hey, this time I'm reading one from Liz Risley. Excellent name. Love this show. Hi, I'm JPC and I'm a huge... Wait, sorry, guys. I just walked in. That's odd. I could've sworn I'd close up. Oh, she has a note taped to her. This is so weird, but I guess I should read it, right? Let me just, huh. We know what you did in Tucson.

Wow, what a stupid thing for someone to write. I mean, I've never even been to Tucson, right guys? I've never told you I was in Tucson, right? Because I never have been. Just to be clear, you know what? Forget Tucson, let's get back to the five-star review. Hi, I'm JPC and I'm a huge butt. Haha, classic review.

You really got me with that one anyway. Moving on, Erin, Edel, do you have any affordable lawyers you would like to plug? TBC just read the review. Yeah. I can't, I don't, I never learned how. I didn't have a stage. Erin, picture this.

I'm married to Meg Ryan, I die. Great. She survives, and then all of a sudden, bing-a-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo-na-roo Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now,

now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, Editing, Mary Parrish and the Music. Bogo created by Emily Cardemus and Emily Nemouris. One, two, three, four, hey, Rit-a-Rit-a-Rit-a-Rit. It's Meg Ryan in that movie? Yeah, in the first one. And then she was too old to be in the second one. Get out of here, people who are old and who aren't men. Step aside.

I guarantee you, they probably, in Top Gun Maverick, they probably cast like Sidney Sweeney and then someone was like, can we get someone a little older? Someone who's seen the other side of 30 at least.