Hey Riddle Riddle - #345: The Hot, Wet Dance

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

On today's very special episode, you get a behind-the-scenes look at our editing process and we choose to chop up scenes for your consumption. Bon appetit! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reese special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

I'm participating in restaurants for a limited time. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Hey! Oh, the federal fish. It was the mother. limited time. Oh shit, Aaron. Adol. This is crazy, I just got a letter in the mail that says that we're eligible for a podcast

award? Oh, what's it say? What's it say? Oh my god, it's happening. Wow. Okay, what's it say? What's it say? Oh, my god. It's happening. Oh, okay. It's finally happening. Um, okay. You have been nominated for best podcast. Okay. At the, oh. What? It says it's the, uh, UN War Crimes Tribunal. Oof. Whoa, finally!

Ew! Who are we up against? Whoa, it's written in blood! Cool! Oh, it says we're up against the wall, motherfucker? Does that make sense? Oh, Pink Floyd? I guess.

They must have started a podcast, I know David Gilmore and- A podcast, like a Pink Floyd podcast. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Okay, well, let's just skip to the part about the prize. Okay, now this is fun. What is it? A public, so I don't know how big that means,

but public, that's pretty cool for us. Execution. Ooh. Are you sure it's not a pubic execution? You know what, I'm reading it now and no, it is not. Pubic exhibition, I think it says. Okay, you're jumping ahead Erin, I got it, that's the next piece of mail.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, that one's done though, that's cool, I'll apply for that, or it says it's mandatory anyway, so it doesn't matter. Well, this is all good, all news is good news. All news is good news. Erin put her head in her hand as soon as she said all news is good news to the, notice that we got mail for a,

what was it Erin, a pubic inspection? Something like that. Anyways, welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, that's Addle over there. Hi. Wave hello, Addle. Hello. He's on that side of the fence,

and JPC's over there on his side of the fence. Oh, woo, on my side of the fence, and that's Erin, and she's riding the middle. Centrist, baby. No opinions one way or the other. Yeah, sort of deeply irresponsible, right in the middle. All sides are the same. Fucking fuck you guys.

And Erin, you were gonna say something about lives and how the collection of lives has a certain intrinsic value. How did you put it? It was something about, I don't remember. You just told me about this. It was more about like how,

it wasn't anti-matter, it was something, it doesn't matter. It was right after I said that like, harm reduction's not a thing, and both sides are equally as evil. I told you guys that I was recently on vacation and I did not initiate any conversations with strangers the entire time I was there.

Now, did I have conversations with strangers? You betcha. You betcha. That's how it goes. You betcha I did. But I was talking to a guy and he asked me, he's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm a comedian. And he's like, that's cool.

He's like, we, and he was talking to his girlfriend or fiance or something. He's like, yeah, we love comedy. He's like, we watch Kill Tony all the time. And me being a person who has a vague understanding of what that is, I was like, oh cool, man, yeah, that's awesome. And then Mariah, who is a person who's never heard of that before,

because why would you? She was like, oh cool, who is a person who's never heard of that before, because why would you? She was like, oh cool, what is that? And I kind of turned my head a little bit and I was like, uh-uh, don't. Turn into Scooby-Doo? Mm-hmm. And then I texted her a very brief and succinct explanation of what that is. And she texted me back, I could look for it, but I have a vivid understanding of the keywords of it, but she texted me back,

asked this guy where he got the pool towels and that's it. And I read, that's it. I thought that was so fucking funny. That's so funny. She's like, that's it. We're done with this guy after that. That's all we need from you. I did something so, speaking of talking to strangers and them liking comedy, I did one of the dumbest things

I've ever done this past weekend. All right, the guys in the factory resetting the big sign. It's been this many days since Erin's done the dumbest thing she's ever done. I hosted a little dinner party. The theme was lemons and revenge. And I, for the dinner party, I don't, I don't want to hear it. JPC. I'm not taking any questions at this time. Yeah. You made a face. That's my face, sir.

I had one of those like kitchen torch things, but I didn't buy the like the fuel that you need for it. And one of the desserts that I'm, or the only dessert I made was these like lemon custard things that you like hollow out a lemon, fill it with custard, let it freeze, and then you put sugar on top, and then you use the torch so it's like hard on the top. It gets like caramelized.

So, but I didn't have that. And so at my party, I can't run out, can't leave my guests. So I got an Instacart delivery of it. And the Instacart guy, because my door was open for party guests to come in, came in to my house. And I was like, that's okay.

He was trying to, he didn't really know he did the right thing. And he handed me this stuff and was like, okay, thanks, have a good one. And I was like, do you want like a plate of something? Yeah, or a drink? Aaron, no. A drink, he's working.

Well, he said, I was like, if you're done, are you about to be done for the night? Because I can give you a drink or a plate of something. So I gave this man a drink. And then. But Aaron. Yeah. And then I had to keep eyes on him because I went, oh my God, I've just put my guests in danger.

Not that I'm not that I'm assuming Instacart doesn't vet their, I trust it. Yeah, no, but they know. But also, even if he was done for the night, didn't he drive to your house? Yeah, but. Yeah. Yeah.

He's gonna have three or four and then be like, hey, can you call me an Uber? No, no, he had like a tasting of like he had a tasting of one of the drinks. So it was like a very innocent amount of alcohol. Which is fine. But he did decide it was time to network. Let me guess, aspiring actor? No, he makes-

Dog skulls. Yeah. So how do you make a dog skull? Well- He makes, it's actually quite cool, Dogs. Dogs? Skulls? Yeah. Now how do you make a dog skull? Well. He makes, it's actually quite cool, these like outdoor ropes courses. He hangs up ropes. Yeah.

And I went, I don't know if anyone here would be in need of your services. And he was like, how do you guys know each other? And I was like, well, this is a lot of comedians. It was a dinner party that was a lot of Chicago comedians. And I was like, well, and then he was like, I love Second City. And then he wanted to stay longer. So I sort of had to just sort of follow him

around the party while he talked at my friends. And then eventually, he was like, can I go to the bathroom? Went to the bathroom. Didn't seem like he stole something. He could have. About how long do we think he stayed? And just don't say any amount that's a crazy amount.

20. No, Aaron, no. Five minutes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The correct answer is 30 seconds. Yeah, and I regretted it. I regretted it. But I did take a photo of him,

I took a Polaroid photo of him. Smart, smart. Oh yeah, really smart to do that. With him, just in case. With him, just in case. Just in case, if we all got murdered, we knew what his face looked like. Yeah, if you all got murdered.

It was very nice, but it was a mistake, and I won't be doing that again, so. Oh, okay, so this brings us to one of my favorite segments on Hey, Rita, Vyrtle, and that's a segment of, what did we learn? Ooh. What did we learn? And this segment is usually one of us saying nothing,

and then we go back to the reels. Yeah, usually it's not much, huh? I learned that it's not cool to put your friends in danger. Okay, Erin, let's go back, I wanna see a quick scene, here's the way it's gonna be. Erin, you're gonna be Erin, you're Aaron You're gonna be Aaron you're gonna be You know at your house, you're gonna be hosting this party I don't won't go ahead and make you one of Aaron's Chicago comedy friends that didn't get invited this particular party

but in the scene you did but in real life kind of Blaring that my name is Nigel. I'm from Chicago. There you go. And Erin, I will be playing your Instacart delivery person, and I'm going to ask, you're going to invite me to stay. Okay. Okay. Hey, sorry, the door was open, so I just, I didn't. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. You're Erin, this is for you. Yes, this is for Erin, great. Erin, no. Oh, it's okay. Oh, cool. You got like a little, like, what are we doing, a little dinner party? Yes. This is for Aaron Grape. Aaron, no. Oh, it's OK. Oh.

Oh, cool. You got a little, what do we do, a little dinner party? Yes. The theme is lemons and revenge. That makes sense, because this is just a bunch of switchblades and lemons. Yeah, yeah. I bet you were wondering.

Lemons are a dish best served revenge. Well, you look parched. Can I offer you water, Gatorade, a taste of one of the mixed drinks I made, maybe a little plate stuff? Yeah, I could do a cocktail. Yeah, I could do a cocktail. Great. I'd like any kind of alcohol, so I could do a cocktail.

Great. I'm just ending my shift here, so this is kind of like a perfect Oh, perfect timing. Perfect end to my day. What do you, flies? Fantastic. Are perfect end to my day what are you taking off your coat are you taking off your coat I am taking off my coat this a work coat so when I do in my shift I have to take my work coat off do you mind if I just anywhere just the I'll just put it on the big on the bed with

all the rest of the coats on it I'll kind of mix mine in so it's gonna be harder to get oh we shuffle them like a decacon. I kind of shuffled and integrated myself into the... Hey, did anyone not show? Um, yeah, a couple people. Some people said they got sick and so they couldn't make it. Maybe, um, if the spot is open, I am a professional... You know in Hollywood where they have those seat fillers for like the Grammys? Looks like a car's getting towed.

Oh, that's my car. Oh no. Oh Nigel, I'm sorry. Sorry, there was no spot on the road because I'm from England. Yeah, it's a one way, one way parking on that street. Oh, that's perfect. You know what Nigel, if you wouldn't mind since your car is getting towed and I double parked,

would you mind going out there and moving mine? I would, but I'm just over the line of being too drunk to drive. Aaron, do you mind if I leave you alone? Wait, you haven't even had a sip of your drink yet. No, I had one sip, and that put me over the line, because I have been driving just under the legal limit for my whole shift.

Okay, he's unfurling a sleeping bag. Little, do you mind? Nigel. Do you mind if I sleep here for the night? I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. It doesn't have to be sexual unless it's with Nigel, because- No need to be sorry. Little do you mind? Now I don't sleep here for the night It doesn't have to be sexual unless it's with Nigel because I'm catching vibes from Nigel big time And it seems like it's like it's on what's that you guys need a minute? Oh? I could use a little longer than a minute, but if a minute is all I got I about 20 to 25 Aaron what did we learn? than a minute, but if a minute is all I got, I think... How about 20 to 25 minutes? Yes.

Aaron, what did we learn? I'm dumb. I learned that instead of saying, do you mind if I steal some of your pills? I can instead phrase it as, do you mind if I use your bathroom? Yeah, I don't know what he took. Felt like he took something. He took pills for sure. Aaron. What? Did you check for, I hate't know what he took. Felt like he took something. He took pills for sure.

Erin. What? Did you check for, I hate to be crass, but did you check for an upward decker? I did not. How long ago was this? Several days. Oh, if it's been several days, the upward decker has pretty much destroyed your toilet. Okay, well. You're gonna have to move.

How can you destroy something that's already destroyed, you know? Let's do riddles. I've got an upper decker guy, I've got an upper decker guy, I will give you his number. You're the guy. Yeah, well so it's easy, you already have the number, just call him.

All I'm asking for is a phone call. I'll never call you back. I gave you the number of a guy that does the upper deckers, not the number of the guy that cleans up the upper deckers. And that I know. Go for upper becker, Ted Danson. Yeah, upper becker. Ted Danson is upper becker.

Or would it be fun that it's like, what is his name, like Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction? Is that his name? Oh yeah, Gordon Tarantino? Yeah, it's like that guy, but he only takes care of upper deckers. Shows up in a suit. I don't need to know the name of the guy that she is. Says words he doesn't really need to say. Top your tongue.

Who is that? Harvey Keitel, who is it? Yeah, Keitel is the wolf. And then who's Tarantino? I forget his character's name. Yeah, well, as you should, because Tarantino's always the best part of his own movies. Oh yeah. He's a good actor.

He's a good actor. He goes, you know what? I think I can do this scene a little better. I think I know how to say the N word a little better than most other people. I think I need to be in here. Our first riddle is from Jennifer M. What is... Duh! is... squarely at night,

scary in the morning, and asleep by the afternoon? JP Riddles? Yes. Aaron, how far into an episode do you think you could get by just bullshitting listener names and just saying Riddles?

I mean, how far are we? That was pretty good. Like 14 minutes. I'm not old man puzzles, but I wanted that moment to be over. I think that you could have sold it. I think you could have sold it. I think you could have done the whole.

And what's the answer to my riddle? What's squirrely at night, squirrely in the morning, and asleep by the afternoon. Okay, squirrel's not nocturnal, so it's squirrely at night, scary in the morning, and asleep by the afternoon. Is it Addle?

I guess. Huh. I guess J.P. Riddle's, and you said correct, but I guess that was a ruse. I remember in 2019, remember when we had a little feather in our cap and a song in our heart? Yeah.

Back then, we thought we'd do full episodes of reverse engineering riddles where we'd pick an answer and then we would write riddles in real time that would be like passable. So it'd be like, let's do a sunflower. And then we're like, all right, how do we write a riddle? And we thought we'd do full episodes of that. Did we ever do that on the episode?

We didn't end up doing it, no. We talked about it. Thank God. Sounds awful. It sounds so hard and so boring. I know, what, you guys, let's reverse engineer. The answer is sunflower. So what's the riddle?

My first is of your lineage. Bore from hips I am. My second is a flower. Hmm. This is hard. I reach towards my namesake to stay alive. Hmm. But we don't have anything in common besides flowers. It's my namesake to stay alive.

But we don't have anything in common besides our name and our color. Who am I? My seeds are chewed by baseball players. And squirrels. And squirrels. My neighbor has sunflowers that they grow every year. And there comes a point, and they, I like sunflowers, they're cool. They grow every year. And there comes a point, and I like sunflowers,

they're cool, they grow very tall, but there comes a point where they have to just chop off. You're cool with sunflowers? What's that? You're cool with them? I know for a fact you got into a bar with a sunflower, like eight months ago, a bar fight with a sunflower, like eight months ago.

I got into a bar with two sunflowers, walked into a bar. But eventually they have to, they reach a point where they just have to cut the flower part off of all of them because the squirrels will start ripping the head off the sunflower and just like keeping the head with all of the seeds in them. And it's very funny to see,

because they're big flowers, it's very funny to see like a squirrel balancing on a fence trying to chew through a sunflower to like grab the bit. Yeah, it's like, it's quite a get for them. Aaron, they rip off the head and then they put it on a spike to warn the other sunflowers who try and grow in the area.

That's so scary, Adam. That's basically what a sunflower is. It's just a big flower on a spike. That's what all plants are. Yeah. Okay, I'm old man Puzzles. I actually have some riddles on like that fucking joke bullshit

Aaron tried to pull on us. Some amateur hour. Wow. Amateur hour. Okay, I'm sorry. After six years of you doing joke bullshit, suddenly your brand and no one else can do it? I'm sorry, Aaron. I thought you liked amateur.

I thought that was a compliment video. Okay, nevermind. I don't mediate. Learning something about my friend. I'm writing the fence. I'm a good no bad. All news is good news. I travel over land and sea, upon my face a picture.

However long my path may be, you'll find me in the corner. A stamp. Post stamp. Post stamp. Yes in the corner. A stamp. Post stamp, post it. Post stamp. Post stamp. Yes, it is a post stamp. Kind of a warm up. Sometimes we are together in a close embrace. Sometimes we are parted and thrust into dark caves.

Sometimes we dance with the members of other tribes. The hot wet dance. the hot dry dance. Ew. Yeah. That's one of the grossest riddles we've ever had. I think this is- First I thought batteries, but that's not it. Batteries doing their hot wet dance.

At first I thought it was like teddy bears. Cause remember that song that's like behind the trees or nobody sees. And that's where the teddy bears have teddy bears, because remember that song that's like, behind the trees where nobody sees, and that's where the teddy bears have their picnic. You know that song? It's all because, certain because, today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic. Yeah, it sounds familiar to me,

but what is this, is this from something, or is this just like one of these children's songs? It's from teddy bear lore. Teddy bear picnic, you learned it in kindergarten or something. Teddy bears are part of Greek mythology. Wait, if you see, your eyes are sort of darting around. Do you get nervous because you were never a child? I will tell you that I don't think I ever went to kindergarten like officially because

that there was a period of my life and it before first grade, where I only did Montessori school, and I don't think Montessori school has like a curriculum. I think it's essentially the same thing as kindergarten. I don't know, whatever they did to you is messed up. The proof is in the pudding. Montessori school is where you like eat chalk, and then you like punch a frog and the teacher goes, A plus, this is correct.

Like whatever you do is correct. There was a little, there was a board in my Montessori school. It was like a little wooden board and it had like two shoelaces on it and like the holes for shoes. So it was supposed to teach you how to like lace and tie your shoes on this board. But since it was supposed to teach you how to like lace and tie your shoes on this board But since it was like reversed like it was you know, not you tying your own shoes

I could never fucking get it. I could never get the tie in your shoes And then one day I tied my own shoes and I was like fuck that board That board only ever distracted me never did shit for me. Um Also, I don't know where I got this, but one time I told my Montessori school teacher that my dad was dating a new woman. My parents were divorced at this point, but that my dad was dating a new woman and she was in a go-go dancer is the term that I used, and her name was Piranha and she had red hair. And this was completely made up. and she had red hair. And this was completely made up.

Wow, says my dad, but you know, what he could have been doing. But my dad picked me up from school and the teacher was like, oh yeah, like your son told us about your girlfriend. And my dad was like, my what? She was like, Piranha? And I think as she realized it, she was like,

oh no, this is a child who's lied to me. Okay, I'm really emotionally attached to Piranha. I like picturing her whole life and how beautiful and cool her apartment is. She like loves to thrift. Piranha the go-go dancer. No way she would have been with my dad. Although, there was a time where my dad

could have pulled a go-go dancer named Piranha, I mean. And all her friends call her Rana.-go dancer named Rana, I mean. And all her friends call her Rana. They're like, Rana, those boots, oh my god. I do think. Rana, when are you gonna settle down, and she says, never. Never. Never. And my dad's in the other room,

and he's just like, his head hangs low, because he's like, I thought this was something. I'm so in love. Then Rana opens her mouth to eat brunch with her ladies and she's got these tiny sharp little teeth. Oh my God, she just devours her ramosa with them. I would like to announce the movie that I will be starring in in 2026.

It's called Piranha the Go-Go Dancer. It's basically a Nora, but with Piranha. And with, it's way worse. Way, way, way worse. Well, Aaron, smaller budget doesn't mean way worse. Oh no, not a smaller budget. Never said that. I got VC funding for this thing.

This thing's going apeshit. Well, it's technically propaganda from the government, so they're giving me a lot of money. Don't worry, it's technically propaganda from the government. So they're giving me a lot of money. Don't worry, it's not the US government. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha How sure are you listeners that we aren't already doing that? Guess which country we've been secretly working for since 2019 So we're in some some foreign powers like payroll and like they're in like a meeting and they're like we can We can cut the funding on this one, right? Did this one do anything? Did it move the needle for us at all? Made the world worse. Is that what we were going for? We're still getting a check from Spain Is that what we're going for?

We're still getting a check from Spain every month and we're like, I don't think they've I think they forgot about us. They don't know. They don't know. All the other funding dried up. It's just Spain financing this podcast. OK, do you guys want to move on or

you want to hear it again or what's with the play? Oh, my God, we're doing a riddle. Wait, you said a riddle? I would like to hear it again. Sometimes we are together in a close embrace. Sometimes we are parted and thrust into dark caves. Sometimes we dance with the members of other tribes.

The hot wet dance, the hot dry dance. So the caves are mouths. Magnets? And these are like grapes or something? The caves are not mouths, but the caves are not caves. So you're on to something with that but holes but holes the caves are not but holes oven No, it's not oven, but I guess that's closer than but whole

And mouth it's definitely closer than mouth and but whole refrigerator. Is it something food related? It's nothing this is nothing food related. Aaron. It has nothing to do with food. Sonic? Closet? Will the closet be his? Aaron, did you say Sonic? No, I said is it? Oh.

Sonic's on the brain for you though, it seems. Sort of listening for it. Aaron, JPC, Casey and I saw Sonic 3 and 40X. And I gotta say, the dance that Jim Carrey does with himself is one of the best moments in cinematic history. Jim Carrey- I was trying to say it quiet so people don't quote him on this. I don't wanna be judged, but it's amazing.

Jim Carrey was going pretty hard in that movie. It was really fun to see Jim Carrey, who honestly, I haven't seen him, I can't tell you the last time you know, Jim Carrey, who honestly, I haven't seen them. I can't tell you like the last time I saw a Jim Carrey movie that I enjoyed. I think the last Jim Carrey movie I saw was the number 23. Do you guys remember that? Oh yikes.

Oh yikes, forgot that existed. Yeah, and that was like high school or shortly after. But in Sonic 3, they let him off the leash and he, truth to learn, go to YouTube, look up Jim Carrey Sonic 3 dance scene. I saw a clip of it. I've watched it like 20 times. It seems amazing. Yeah, it's incredible.

He's still got it. He's still got it. And what you saw in 4DX, does the seats make you dance? Yeah, the seats grab your arms and legs and they prop you up and they make you do the dance with him. And it hurts so bad, Aaron. When you see like Weekend at Bernie's at 4DX, does Seat sort of just like puppet you around?

That how it goes. Yeah, but it has to be 4DX and 3D because you actually do need the glasses or else Weekend at Bernie's does not work. I love Weekend, it's just like 4DX is like, how do we make Weekend at Bernie's 4DX? Let's just randomly throw in some jarring moments. Um, what are caves?

Can we have a hint about what caves are at least, JPC? Closets. Okay. Shelves. Closets, the caves are not closets or shelves, but this thing would, is related to closets and shelves. Drawer. Sometimes we are together in a close embrace. Sometimes

we are parted and thrust into dark caves. It's like headphones or something. Pockets. It's not headphones. Maybe move off of dark caves and well, I guess the whole thing is dark caves. Sometimes we dance with the members of other tribes, the hot wet dance, the hot dry dance. Let's think about what the hot wet dance and the hot dry dance could be.

Is it Jim Carrey in Sonic 3 when he dances with himself? Dude, there wasn't a dry... There wasn't a dry seat in the house? Seat in the house? There'd be seat in the house? Hot wet dance, hot dry dance. So something that's hot and wet and something that's hot and dry. What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this?

What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this?

What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this?

What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? Bass. Hot, wet dance, hot, dry dance. These things are kind of like a pair, I would say. You usually, if typically you have one with the other. Mm. Mm. Amuse-bouche. Something that makes things hot. And hot is not necessary.

It doesn't actually need to be necessary. The wet and the dry are the more important parts. Okay, oh, washer, dryer. These are socks and a washer and dryer. These are socks in a washer and dryer, yes. I do wanna see a scene. Oh, please. Please finish what you're gonna say.

I was gonna say, sometimes we are together in a close embrace, like the socks. I don't do that. I think it ruins the elastic of the socks to like fold them over, but some people do. It does? Sometimes we are parted and thrust into dark caves, which I believe are the washer and dryer.

Sometimes we dance with the members of other tribes, the other clothes, the hot wet dance, the hot dry dance sucks. It's cute that they call that a dance, but it's gotta be terrifying for clothes. Oh yeah. They're screaming the whole time. Can we actually see a scene?

And then Adel will see your scene. We're gonna be three pieces. Interesting. Okay, we'll do your scene first. Go ahead. I just, this was just gonna be short. We're gonna be three pieces of clothes and a dryer. Okay. Hey again. Hey again. Hey. Hey again. Hey. Hey again. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. again. Hey, hey again. Hey, hey Sorry, who is that what lint is? Oh? Hold on I'm gonna do whatever clothes CPR is. Stay with us pants. Stay with us pants. Oh God. I was really twisted. Are you okay? More lit.

Stay with us. Stay with us. The thought, the idea of clothes just vomiting in there, pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty cute. Pretty cute. Addle, do you still wanna see your scene or do we have to cover it? My scene was gonna be very similar.

Oh, I thought you were gonna do a scene that we were two socks. I would like to see a scene. Go ahead. My scene was gonna be a sock coming back from the dryer to, to, um, warn the other clothes that it lost its partner and like to, to tell them about the horrors of the washer and dryer. Wow.

Let's do that one instead and cut the other scene. Okay. Aaron, you are- Wait a second. Hold on, hold on. We're not going to cut that scene. Cut the other scene? Yeah, we'll put it at the end of the episode.

Aaron, all news is good news. I'm sorry? All scenes are good scenes. Yeah. No, we're not it at the end of the episode. I'm sorry? No, we're not gonna cut a good scene. Are you insane? Hey, it's gonna stay right where it is. You know what you can do at the end of the episode, Erin? Fuck myself? You can apologize.

Yeah, you can fuck yourself. Alright, I wanna see a scene. Erin, let's see a scene we're gonna put at the end of the episode. This is gonna be a scene where you go fuck yourself. All right. I want to see a scene. Erin, let's see a scene we're gonna put at the end of the episode. This is gonna be a scene where you go fuck yourself. Okay, great. Great. I'm having a great time.

Instacart... Oh. Scene. Casey, keep that one right where it is. Keep that one right. We're not moving that at all. I would like to see a scene. No, Adel's gonna see a scene. No.

It's sort of funny. No, Adel, pick up your fork and take two more big bites to your seed or you know to leave the table All right I'm not a bad guy. I feel like my my scenes being filibustered Whoa sock you're back. Are you okay? Don't don't don't get dirty Everyone everyone, please Don't get dirty. You're spreading rumors again sock

Come on. It's okay to get dirty. No, I'm telling you the minute you get dirty They put you in a torture device. I can't find I can't find left left is good. What where's Denise? I'm sorry as you call her left my daughter. Where's Denise sock? Yeah, you know you suck in here. Our wife's name is Denise What? That's fucked. Hey, I thought you suck because I am your father-in-law. We don't have a good relationship You call my daughter Denise left Sock you smell awfully good

Where's Denise? It's called detergent Wait a second. It's permeated every fiber of my being Denise is gone. You didn't get into soccantology, did you? Where's Denise, Sock? Are you a soccantologist? Where's Denise? I... How come no one's seen Denise in 15 years?

I will have my own planet. Seen. Is that? I, a sock, will have my own planet. Yeah, that's a one-to-one. I'm just trying to think of Mormons and Scientologists. planet Yeah, that's a wonder what I was trying to think of like Mormons and Scientologists I can't remember who has they all get their own planet isn't that crazy Well, why why aren't we good? We should get our own plan. That's what I'm saying. Yeah My own planet that sounds so long. I'll take Aaron's I'll take Aaron's You can't call dibs on my Way Aaron you gave it away so fast, I'm not even trying.

Two planets. Well, I want my planet back. Well, can I hang out on one of your planets? God's up there with the little golf pencil crossing out Aaron's planet and adding Addle to Addle's second planet. The Instacart guy is up there dancing, shitting all over the place.

Well, Addle, can I come to your planet? Addle, what are you gonna do with your second planet? Is it gonna be like a spillover planet? Are you gonna put the coats on the second planet? Like what's gonna be, what's the vibe? I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna put one on top of the other, like bunk beds.

What? So one planet on, Erin. Oh, that sounds so fun. Erin, you can visit, I guess. Oh God, where am I gonna live? I don't have a planet. Yeah. She won't have a planet, so it doesn't seem she can visit because now she's gonna be staying there.

I'm untethered. I would offer you to stay on my planets, but I kinda like having the bunk planets but leaving the top bunk open. I'm sure, Erin, they have like hostile planets, not hostile, but like hostile planets. Oh my God. Everyone's gonna be snoring so loud.

Yeah. Yeah, and it'll be a bunch of smug atheists being like, we all refused our planets because there is no such thing as you get a planet. Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god. JBC, can I come to your planet? No, I'm gonna be staying at that atheist house. It'll be me and Ricky Gervais at that atheist house.

Oh, god, get me out of here. Ooh, I do wanna see a scene. No. Okay, fine, we'll see a scene. What? No! Okay, fine, we'll take a break. We'll take a break, we'll take a break and we'll come back with more Ricky Gervais and an alien hostel! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Ding dong, hello. Thank you two for coming to the door. I'm a child and I'm here to-

Why did you just call me? Did you just call me a ding dong? Yeah, you look like a little bit of a ding dong. I'll talk to the lady of the house. I'm here to talk to you about BetterHelp. Are you talking about BetterHelp? It's therapy that's fully online, making it affordable and convenient, serving over five million people worldwide. Because I use BetterHelp and I love it, it helps so much. Yes, I am here to talk about that. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself like me a precocious child at your door, it's time to form relationships that love you back, including with yourself.

If I'm a ding-dong, then you're a zebra cake. Ha. I should have said ho ho. You're like writing notes really fast, you'd basically just sort of. Well, I haven't had a snack cake in so long. How am I supposed to remember what they're all called? Well, I remember something, which is that with better help,

you can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. And if you have tried therapy before and it hasn't worked for you, this might be the solution because you can message them anytime when you're actually experiencing a thing and they get back to you with a timely response.

And it's, I wasn't great at the whole build up all your feelings and then talk to a therapist once a week thing it's been helpful to just be able to message them yeah did you hear that my nutty buddy ah nutty buddy that would be good can I call them a Twinkie can I call them a snowball some of these things I feel like our snack cakes but they're not insults if that makes sense I know we always focus on red flags in our family relationships, our friendships, and especially our dating relationships. But we don't really focus on the green flags.

We don't really make a list of things we are looking for. And your new therapist can help you with that. You can discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash rental today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. Wow, you've truly learned everything I wanted you to learn. Now just sign these adoption papers and you'll be all set.

Ugh, can't wait to see if we're adopting a good kid. Wait a second, it's you! Ha ha! Bad. Tricked. This keeps happening. Hey, Ritual Ritual! Alright, you guys ready for the next riddle? As ready as I'll ever be. This one is a short one, Erin, so I think it'll be, it's probably going to be very easy to deduce because of how short it is in terms of the word count. Great.

You can write one of me without using all of me. Whoa. Whoa. You can write one of me without using all of me. You can write one of me without using all of me. Alphabet. Alphabet. Hmm.

Numbers. Write one of me without. So I'm writing something that's being used to write. You can write one of me without using all of me. Is this like a pen pal letter to a pen? It is not a pen pal letter to a pen. We're talking about like a pen... What's the guy? What's a pen? What's a famous person named Pin?

Isn't there a famous person named Pin? Pen. Penjolette. We're talking about, yeah, Penjolette writing a letter to Pin... Badgley. Pin Badgley. There we go. That's what I wanted to say. A gossip shot pen.

Hey, Casey, put that in clean. No. Casey, you leave that right where it is. And Pin Bagley, Badgley, Pin Badgley. First name Pin? I think so. And who is Pin Badgley? He was on Gossip Girl. He was on the show You.

He was in John Tucker Must Die. He was on the show Me? Oh. Who's on first? Missouri, the Show me state? Yeah. Okay. Hey, Adel, you did say- Yeah, what's up, Adel? Sorry, sorry, JPC One. Give us JPC One

second. Adel and I should have a- What's up, Adel? What's going on? Are you hungry? No, I'm actually- couldn't be more full. This sucks to have to tell you. What's up? I was trying to just rearrange stuff on my planet, my monk planet.

Okay. And on your planet, oh, it's my planet, but it was yours. We found- What? Just a fucking mother load of platinum and- What? I'm worth $28 trillion now, so like,

it's just things are just- There was no data resources? Things are just happening so fast. Well, this is such good news then, so I can get a cut of... No. Now that I have all this money, I actually want more. And also we found that Joshua Jackson was buried in the planet, so...

What are you talking about? So he's like my little fuck toy now. What are you saying to me? What is happening? I just wanted you to, it felt wrong to not not let you even though we're not really friends anymore because I have all this Where what? I gave you a whole planet. What do you mean? We're not really friends anymore. Now that I have money, I don't need friends. Does that make sense?

Jesus. Oh my god. Joshua said you'd act like this. He did? Yeah, he hates you. He does? Yeah, he hates you. He does! Yes. But Aaron, Aaron, for the sake of JPC,

let's try and solve this riddle, huh? OK. OK. I love you. Don't say I know. Don't say I know. I know. Ah!

Pfft. JPC, we're back. We're back. Whoa, what happened when we left? You're covered in blood. You guys left me alone with Richie Gervais. I could only last like 30 seconds. What did he do to you?

What did I do to him? Pithy and insulting at the same time? You can write one of me without using all of me. Adel said the answer as part of the sentence that he said that wasn't the answer. Is it a pen? Yeah. It's not a pen. answer. Is it a pen? Yeah. It's not a pen. Erin? Is it?

A letter. It is a letter. Wow. You can write one of me without using all of me. So it's letters, technically. Oh, letters. I said alphabet. I was on the right track. You were on the right track, correct.

I never said you weren't. I always believed in you. I'd like to see a scene. You guys can pick whichever two letters of the alphabet you are. Are. And you're, okay, great. And you're meeting for the first time because you're not normally next to each other.

Are you? Don't. Are you? Don't do it. You, you? Dude. Don't do it dude. I are.

Uuuir. Oh you, you're meeting R finally. Do I look like you? Don't say it. Deny what you're thinking. Does everyone understand the game I play play I'm trying to figure it out you're saying like you like do I didn't give you any more examples don't look at me like you don't understand what letter I am he's trying to get us to say he's

deep but I don't it's undoing the gift that you gave him by calling him you. He's you. He's you. I'm Dee. He's you. See? That I know. I know for sure I'm Dee.

Hey speaking of you. Up the sky. Up the high sky pointer, up the rustling soil shader, up and up the strong ring maker, the deep earth sucker, I was thinking about college, straight up I climb,

tapping out my message for the world to hear, and the message says, hunger. And Aaron, here we go. All this talk about up, but we want to go... down, down, down the road, down the witch's road. Down, down, down the road. Adel and I are in the fall of 2024. We actually got into a time machine.

It was way more fun when that TV show was coming out. Uh. 2025 was a little too stressful for us, so we went back. What is the thing that you're referencing? God, he doesn't watch TV anymore, you guys, because he's a dad, allegedly. No evidence of a baby. Never seen, hide nor hair. See me in court. He says he has a daughter named Barracuda, but I've never seen it. Ooh, business-cuda. Barracuda.

Um, is it a tree, JPC? No! And we were singing a song from Agatha All Along, a song that they sing, I want to say, 45 times in the film, 50 times. It's not a film, it's a movie. It's a movie. It's a movie.

It's a movie. It's a movie. It's a movie. It's a movie. It's a movie. It's a movie. It's a movie. It's a song from Agatha All Along. A song that they sing, I want to say, 45 times in the film. 50 times. It's not a film, it's a TV show. Earthsucker.

Up the high sky pointer, up the rustling soil shader, up and up the strong ring maker, the deep earth sucker, straight up I climb, tapping out my message for the world ring maker, the deep earth sucker straight up I climb, tapping out my message for the world to hear, and the message says, hunger. Is this like something from Dune? The worm from Dune. Is this the worm from Dune? You guys, this is such a Hollywood thing,

I hate to name drop, but I went on a date with the worm from Dune last summer. Shy-Haloos? I do wanna see a scene. Who doesn't even know the worm from Dune's name? Ah, the one who sees the... Aaron. Yes, Adel.

You're Aaron Keefe. JBC, you are the worm from Dune. Shy-halooed. Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv And the two of you are on a first date. So you forgot your wallet, huh? See? He would, the worm from Dune would. Erin gets a ride home, jumps on its back. Yeah, I mean, why even carry the wallet, honestly?

What are you getting carted? You're the worm from Dune. You're the worm from Dune. You're the worm from Dune. Oh, I also, I don't know why this made me think of this, but Zorp likes his nickname, by the way. Oh! I totally forgot. The plot thickens.

The Zorp thickens. Oh, Erin, real quick, before we go back to the real, can you give us that Dune? the soundtrack scream or whatever Well, here's here's something now give us this Didn't I just do that cuz the survivor scream is like Yeah. Ah! Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Wow, Survivor and Dune. Ah! There!

Oh, dee ah! Oop, Zork just broke up with me. I think that they're gonna do at least one season of Survivor set in the Dune universe. Whoa. Oh, okay. I think I can win that. They're gonna do it on that water planet though. I love drinking my sweat.

Good luck trying to find a hidden immunity idol. Is this an organic material, this thing? Yes. Can you give us a hand? It's a plant of some kind. Erin, you said tree earlier, Erin, and tree is not the east. Flower. But tree is being described in part of the rental.

Forest. Leaf. Up the high sky pointer, up the rustling soil shader, up and up the strong ring maker. That's the tree. Okay. The deep earth sucker straight up I climb, tapping out my message for the world to hear and the message is hunger.

Woodpecker. You both got it. It is Woodpecker. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. How would like to see a scene? Addle, you are Woodpecker, JPC you're a tree and JPC you're like, what the hell are you doing?

Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Uh Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Excuse me? Excuse me? Oh! Who's there? Who's there? Who's there? It's a tree! Who the fuck is talking?

It's the tree! It's the whole tree! Mark? Mark? Is that you're standing on. Mark? Is that you? I mean, I don't know Mark. I don't know who Mark is. I'm the tree. Mark would never say he doesn't know Mark. Hey, you're tapping on me.

What are you doing? Oh, um, sorry, I'm just jamming. Just practicing. Band. Okay, go practice band somewhere else, man. Hey, that's my skin, guy! What? That's my skin. You're jabbing into my skin.

Every time you do that, you're jabbing into my skin. Okay, so if bark is your skin, what's your eyes? Man... Leaves, I guess? What's your butt? What's your butt? It's not a one to one hey roots roots or something roots have to be kind of like my butt as well roots or legs roots aren't legs if anything it's it's legs are shit how would shit even make it

stop it is that a good lyric no it's not a down. Can I use some of your skin to write this down? Thank you. Augh! Augh! Okay, did it. Hey, man! I'm gonna hit you with an acorn! What? If you keep fucking around...

And what are acorns? You nuts? Yeah, man, I'm gonna hit you with my nuts. Hey! Don't threaten to throw me. Hi, I'm Acorn. It's nice to meet you. I really did not want to get in the middle of this. Oh my. I know I'm sorry you are you he's fucking beautiful fucking banging on me. I can't dad I don't know what to tell you be patient. Okay, be patient. I'm so young and you're what you're you're way bigger than him Okay, you're fine

Sir, I'd like to ask you the whole family living inside you I Know excuse me. No, I know like to ask you- You have a whole family living inside you. I know. Excuse me? I know. I know I'm bigger than him, but I didn't get big by letting people walk all over me. You lit- Squirrels and birds walk all over you all day every day. Squirrels and birds are guests. This guy's poking me. Squirrels and birds are guests.

Hey, you know what? I'm poison. I'm a poison oak. You ever heard of it. I've heard of poison Okay Every rose has its thong no way You're not a hard rock woodpecker. That's not what you could be You think poison is hard rock you think poison you think poison is hard rock I don't know I mean it's at least a J-Fit.

So you guys have... you like talking to each other. This is okay. This could be symbiotic. I don't like talking to him! I mean... I don't know. You seemed interested just then. They find a little debate. You guys got in my head. You're my fucking best friend. I guess.

Okay, we can make this work. Um... I'd like to ask, sir, I'd like to ask for your acorns handed in... or stem in and marriage or whatever Dude I am NOT an old-fashioned tree. You want to fuck around with acorn? You got it's between the two of you as just not in my branches. That's the only thing I ask Do it in the dirt on the floor Acorn, what do you think?

Let's do it. Don't look! And laced my love Shake, shake, shake, shake, get off, get off, get off! My loneliness is over Do not nut on me We see them get married, little woodpecker, acorn hybrids. They're horrible.

They take over the world. We see them build a nest in that tree where they first met, and eventually they both pass on, and there's a single egg on the tree left. I know I should just toss this egg off out of the ground. It's an unholy abomination I know I should just kill it, but it's the only thing I have left in my little acorn So here be God crack crack crack

Why am I oh That fucking rules damn it Oh That fucking rules damn it that's a dumb planet fucked up I don't even get my own planet. They gave it away Aaron. Yeah, I thought because I thought we were all gonna do it They're all gonna be floating through space here guys Never said we were giving our play to be floating through space like Jim Carrey in Sonic 3. Okay, big spoiler for Sonic 3. I'm gonna miss you guys when you're on your planets. He goes to space. Aaron, I wish I could say the same,

but it's gonna be nice to have some stretchin' room. Yeah, I at least sold my planet. Ooh, what'd you get for it? Lucky nickel. Hmm. Well, that's not enough. What? It's a full planet, my guy.

You say you made a bad deal? That's exactly what I'm saying. In the desert, I will bring you shade. Cup me and I will bring you water. Hmm, not so smart now, are you guys? Coconut? Smart guy. We never said we were smart. Palm tree?

It's a palm tree. Yeah. Al, you got it. Mm-hmm. We all, we just did tree things. No, we just did tree things, we have to move on. We can't see two tree things back to back. Let him see his scene.

Okay, man, I'm telling you. We're gonna put it at the end of the episode, but we are gonna see it. What? Where did you, do you think that we do this? Do you think that we start putting things like this at the end of the episode? GPC, I'm realizing now that you aren't listening

to the episodes I'm doing content edits on. I'm chopping that up. Like I'm some sort of 23 year old director who loves to sort of mess with storytelling. You're doing it like it's a Just Salads. Yeah. You're shaking up the whole episode. I'm shaking it all up.

I put plugs 10 minutes in. I'm nuts, man. I'm fucking crazy. 10 minutes in, halfway through our conversation. Yeah. Our pre-show conversation. Oh yeah. This is cool. I'm out of what is a scene. I'm like to Robert Eggers

of editing these. I do wanna see a scene. I'm gonna be someone who's lost in the desert, wandering. And I'm so out of it. I'm so dehydrated and starved that in the distance, I think I see Oasis and the two of you will be Liam and Noel. Okay. Mm. Water.

Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. You're obviously hitting me. Stop hitting yourself. Why would I hit myself? You're obviously hitting me. So pick yourself Why would I hit myself? You're obviously hitting me. What the fuck oasis? It's this real. Oh He can see us. Oh boy. You can see us. All right. Are you always?

Well, luckily we're not mature enough to drop what we were doing in front of a potential fan Stop hitting yourself stop. Why don't you stop hitting yourself yourself? You're not even the talented one Which one of mine? I don't remember which was one of them is though. We all know one of them is yeah, which one Well one of you is a talented songwriter but the other one is a talented personel- Nobody asked you, fucker. Whoa, it is always this- Fuckin' wanker. Whoa!

Do you- You know what? We're canceling it. Oh. We're canceling our tour. Yep. For retention. For retention.

For retention. I have tickets. So? This has never stopped us before. Could you play a song for me now? Oh, yeah Why don't we just play one of our? He's doing it I did the song that's mine stop sing stop singing yourself stop singing yourself You know We share this planet. Champagne, jupino, veranda, wonderwall.

See. They saved that guy, they helicoptered down, he's just got his arms around two cactuses and he's just swaying around. You're gonna be the one that saves me. All right. Hell yeah. When the hunt begins. You're right, those are the only two songs I could think of by the way. Just so you know, you're right, that's all I had.

Goodnight everybody. Don't look back in anger, come on. When the hot beast. How's that one go? You're gonna be the one that saves me. No, that's one. And don't look back in anger. No, how does don't look back in anger?

Don't look back in anger, how does it say? Don't look back in anger, how does it say? Don't look back in anger, how does it say? Don't look back in anger, No, what is, how does don't look back in anger? Don't look back in anger. I heard you say. I heard you say. Oh yeah, okay, okay, thank you. Thank you, thank you everybody, it's okay.

Live forever fucking in the bushes. Oh yeah, live forever. And live for, gonna live forever. Live forever. Wonderwall. One day you will find me living forever. Wonderwall. Um, Aaron's a big oasis head. Champagne, supernova. Champagne, supernova.

Alright. Klaas, Klaas. I'm wrapping my ruler on the desk. When the hot beast- Wrapping ruler. Go. I'm wrapping my ruler on the desk. When the haunt beast- Wrapping ruler, go!

I wanna see a scene, you're wrapping ruler, go! 12 millimeters, 10 millimeters, 4 inches! Don't drop a beat! There you go, there you go! JBZ, whenever you're ready. Wrapping ruler? Whenever I'm ready? Mmm, mmm. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,... A real Aaron Keefe, a real panic move, if I ever saw one. No, I got too caught up on the fact that the rapping ruler would compare his dick to a yardstick.

Yeah. That's all I could think about. When the hot beast attacks the land, this red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes. Is this a Rudyard Kipling poem? They're all poems. These are some poetry-ass riddles. When the hot beast attacks the land, this red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes. Red beast, long snakes.

Long snakes. It sounds like we're talking about the rapping ruler's dick. I like a girl with the red beast and the long snakes what could I like a girl with the wonder wall I like a girl with the Cake. Coac. Coacus. Cake. Cloacas. Cloacas. Cloacas. Cloacas. Cloacas. Jason, cloacas.

When the hot beast attacks the land, the red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes. So are these like solar flares? The hot beast is the sun. Wow, it's not solar flares. The hot beast is not the sun. Can you give us a hint? Oh, hot beast would be Kelsey Grammer,

who played Beast and he was fucking smoke show. What was the guy that played Beast in the young X-Men movies? Oh, the guy from About A Boy, Nicholas Holt. Nicholas Holt, yeah. What do we think? Who thinks he's hotter than Kelsey Grammer? I hate to compare two very similar men.

And we all know that we consider Kelsey Grammer the gold standard of hotness on this show. I mean, intelligence is beauty. And is he smart in real life? He's pretty conservative. So yes. No, it's not Kelsey Grammer, it's not Nicholas Holt. When the hot beast attacks the land, this red beast roars in to destroy it with its

long snakes. Um, let's see. Aaron, I think you'd certainly be a little more familiar with this one. Period. Big old period. Period. Big old period. Wow. Big period. Were you ending a sentence? Helping you out, helping you out, helping you out? Tampons, big tampons.

Don't say, hey don't say big. Hot tampons. We can't say big hot tampons. Aaron, do tampons ever get hot? Do you ever? Well, fun fact, fun tip. Boil your tampons before you put them in. Why? Okay, if you have to ask why,

then you don't know how the human body works, okay? I'm making tampon soup, Mike, it's a... I would love it if they sold tampons in like, in small letters on the back of the box, just like, boiled before use. I don't know, don't joke. That's what they had to do in the Great Depression. We're going into another recession.

People had to, families had to live off tampons. Tampon soup seems like a Roald Dahl story tampons. Tampon soup seems like a rolled doll story or something. Tampon soup for the teenage soul. Nobody take it, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine. What is yours? Give it back! And what is yours? I want it!

And you're not fighting for anyone, nobody's trying to grab this. I want it! Erin, you don't have a planet to sell this on. I want tampon soup for the teenage soul. And Erin, just give us one little nugget of wisdom from tampon soup for the teenage soul. And Aaron, just give us one little nugget of wisdom from tampon soup for the teenage soul. And Casey drop the rap beat. No, Casey, please. Casey, please.

Casey. Cubs around. I got it. I got it. Well, my dick is as long as a yuck. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Let's sit in silence for one minute. I'm not even kidding. I want everyone to skip ahead. I'm going to set a minute.

I'm going to do a timer of a minute. Where are we putting this in the episode? At the end of the episode. We're putting it right here. It's not gonna move. For sure, for sure. This is good at the end. I'm gonna set a timer. Everybody, the audience,

the audience deserves one minute of silence. And Casey, don't add a little fart sound in there. Don't add a little Howard Dean scream. Don't add anything silly. We're gonna give them one minute of pure silence. We've never done this on the show before. We're gonna see if we can do it. And it starts now.

Ooh, when were you horny? Beep boop bop beep. Aaron, Aaron, let's stop the timer. Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, you're not going to abide by the minute of silence. Was there caffeine in that? This is an abuse. Aaron, don't sneeze over Aaron.

Aaron. That is my favorite one. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.

Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. by the minute of it's your minute of silence. Was there caffeine in that tampon? This is an abuse. Hey! Ugh! Erin, don't sneeze over Erin. Erin. That is my favorite one. That is my favorite one. What, what was happening?

I peed on a waiter before. Erin! We were sort of running through my worst of. Calm down! We call this the Erin worst of. Erin, we have to finish this. When the hot beast attacks the land, the red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes.

Don't you want some man life? Aaron, because of recent events, I think that you were more familiar. Fire. Okay. Okay. Too soon. The red beast. So, oh, this is fire hose?

Not a fire hose. Fire truck. It is a fire truck. Wow. He roars in to destroy it with its long snakes. And the long snakes I'd like to see a scene. Um, Adol, you and I are like different means of transportation we can pick and JPC are a fire truck and you're really like smug

cuz like you do a lot of good work. Ding ding bicycle. Oh hey bike it's so good to see you. Good to see you. How are you doing? Oh my god, I'm doing great. I'm thriving. Feeling really good. Oh my god, here it comes. Hey. Hey.

No big deal. Oh, um. Please clear the road, obviously. Wow. Uh, school bus, you didn't tell me you knew firetruck. Yeah, yeah, we went to college together. Whoa. Yeah.

Hey, so sorry. Sorry to break this up. Huh. Clear the road, please. Yeah, you don't have your sirens on, so sorry. Sorry to break this up. Clear the road, please. Yeah, you don't have your sirens on. So we figured it was. I don't mean to show off. I don't want to show off, but clear the road. I'm on the sidewalk.

Well, you shouldn't be. You should be in the bike lane. Sidewalks are for bikes. OK, I'll get the bike lane. I can actually get up on the sidewalk if I need to. Whoa, whoa. It's actually legal for me to get up on the sidewalk if I need to. Whoa, whoa. It's actually legal for me to get up on the sidewalk if I need to. Come on. If people aren't moving and clearing the lane.

Firetruck, I saw you on the front page of the paper the other day. Oh, did you? You get the paper? Good, good for you. Oh, school busted you two date? Yeah, we did. Well, date, it was mostly like just so much sex. It's really sexual.

Yeah. And if everyone wants to picture that really quick. And I wasn't necessarily telling people that I was. Yeah me neither. I was embarrassed. Yeah we were both single. Okay I'm gonna set a timer for one minute and I want us all to just sit and think about a school bus fucking a fire truck. Great, great. Why would you think it was that way? Couldn't be a fire truck fucking a school bus? Okay, let's all think of a fire truck fucking a school bus. Let's just be honest, we were 69ing. Ding ding.

My engine was on her stop sign. Okay. I've never called my mom on an episode before, but can I? Excuse me? Uh, I want, I need help. School bus, school bus, what's that? I wanna ask her if, I just, I need, I need like a pep talk from my mom.

She wanted to say I need to talk to an adult, but she didn't wanna be rude. Yeah, can I talk to an adult? Erin, would you like, would you like us to put the pep talk with your mom just at the end of the episode? Yes, please. Would that be a good end of the episode there?

Hey, JPC? Yeah. 10 bucks, her mom wants it, go to Voiceville. Let's see. Hey, Addle, it's not gonna matter because me and you are gonna do that scene, okay? I'll be Erin, you be her mom, okay, ready? Hey, mom?

Hey, what's going on? Hey, it's Erin and I just needed to hear your voice. I kind of don't know what I'm doing and I just wanted... What, I'm sorry? Aaron... Oh, Keith, uh, your daughter. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. What other... Well, I better let you go. Why? What do you mean? Oh, did you need something? Did you need money or? Money?

Mom, I hardly ever call for money. What do you mean? Oh, did you need money or? Money? Mom, I hardly ever call for money. I mean, yeah. So you can get a cashier's check and you can take it to Western Union. That would be great. I really needed one. To automate voice messaging system.

Ooh. Someone owes me $10. Ooh, I'd have taken that bet. All right, that's the episode, everybody. My mom didn't answer my call. Oh yeah, Erin who? Your mom's screening the calls. Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

No. How do you think you'd like to plug? Well, I was gonna say I wanna plug Erin's mom, but that does not sound correct. Yep. Yep. But I mean to say, I'm a big fan of Erin's mom, but that does not sound correct. Yep, yep. But I mean to say, I'm a big fan of Erin's mom. And she is you as well, and she has you, and you, and you, and yes.

She has you and we are all together. I wanna plug Oasis, go back and listen to What's the Story of Morning Glory, phenomenal album. Go see them on tour this summer as they hit a city near you. Two brothers who absolutely fucking hate each other's guts. Hate each other's guts. Could not despise each other more. Noel has all the songwriting abilities.

Liam is the modern day rock star. He might be the last rock star of our days, of our time. There's no other person on Earth right now that embodies and personifies rock stardom more than Liam Gallagher. Jamie, say anything to plug or promote. Sure, I would like to plug Aaron's sister's boyfriend. Aaron, quick check, they still together?

Yeah, Jimmy? Jimmy? Shout out to him. Let's see if he made it to the end of this episode. Yeah, pass the phone call to the mom, just to the plucking Jimmy section. Jimmy in the family group chat, which we've affectionately called Jimmy and Friends now,

said that we are on fire lately, that we're doing some good episodes, he thought. All right, Jimmy, then this whole episode's dedicated to you. A little insensitive. Also, you can set, if you wanna get a review right on the show, you can submit a five star review anywhere, today I picked one from, it says maybe Rosie is maybe the name,

I can't really see the full name, so I'll just say Rosie. Cheaper than Adderall and more readily available, or reliably available. May have some side effects, but production doesn't get shut down whenever the DEA feels the need to prove that it's a big hit agency agency that everyone needs to take seriously or else. So that's a plus. Seems like that was written during the Adderall shortage.

You guys, I just want to quickly read what happened in the group chat after Jimmy said something so nice. I said, let it be known that Jimmy's the only one here that listens to Hey Riddle Riddle. Jimmy, thank you. You're carrying the whole team. And then everybody responded with all the podcasts that they listen to and how much they love it, and they start recommending podcasts to each other. And that goes on for like 40 texts. And I go, this has turned into a conversation

about everyone bragging about the podcasts they listen to that aren't my podcast. And then I said, farts and leaves the group chat. So, I don't think I've said anything since. they listen to that aren't my podcast. And then I said, farts and leaves the group chat. So I don't think I've said anything since. And that was a week ago. Can JPC and I have Jimmy on the podcast? We just wanna talk to him. Yeah, oh, he would love that.

And I think he would hate that. He's very soft spoken and sweet. We'll call it Jimmy and friends. We just wanna talk to him about what his intentions are with our daughter. No, he needs to do the right thing. We fucking joke around about it a lot, but Jimmy needs to put up or shut up,

he needs to put his money where his mouth is. I think we need to stop telling Zorp, Jimmy, people in the world to propose to people. Erin, you couldn't be more right. Jimmy, we will reserve an episode for you to propose to people. Aaron, you couldn't be more right. Jimmy, we will reserve an episode for you to propose. You can have a whole episode of Hey Riddle Riddle to propose, we'll make up riddles that lead to a proposal by the end of the episode.

If you don't do this by September 1st of this year, you're a fucking coward. Yeah. I'm not even kidding. And I think we can say this on there, we'll kill you. We will kill you. We'll kill you, Jimmy. Jimmy, We'll kill you We'll kill you Jimmy. Jimmy will kill you. Molly will never hear her own proposal. Molly has listened to one episode of the show

And I think it was Nintendo Cafe because it was kind of about her. Sure Jimmy do the right thing marry Erin's sister or we will kill you parody parody parody parody parody parody parody parody Jupiter parody parody parody in the music. Booko created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naboris. Hey Riddle Riddle. Hey there daddies and clones. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We bring you into the literary world of Danielle Steele. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for five

dollars a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for eight dollars a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast.