Hey Riddle Riddle - #350: Lasik By A Bird

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

Uh oh! It's April 1st! Right?! It is April 1st Right? Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hey Aaron, JPC, just have a seat. It was just a regular episode today. Suspicious? Yeah, this is very suspicious. Did you mean it to be suspicious? No, no, no, no, not at all. Why are your eyes doing that? Oh, because I just had LASIK and, um, uh, it was done by, um, it was done by a bird.

So as a doctor. I got LASIK done by a bird too. Addle had it go. Okay. Well, I can't see still. Interesting, okay. Um, how... They'll have Lasik done by a bird.

We can't afford regular Lasik. Sure, sure, sure, sure. We're resetting. JBC and I have great attitude. We're not suspicious of you. We're sitting down. We're ready to record Hey, Red-O-Rot. And this will be our normal length of episode. This will be five hours long. Mm-hmm.

What is going on? Okay, hold on, Aaron, Aaron, huddle, huddle up. Okay, what's up? Forehead to forehead. Okay. It's April 2. You smell so much gasoline. Oh, me? Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing you. Have you heard of cold showers? Yeah, of course. What's colder than gasoline? Let's stay on topic. Let's stay focused. I don't have time for this. It's April 2.. It's April 2nd. He couldn't possibly be doing... He couldn't possibly be doing... Like a delayed...

A prank with April Fools. Like an April... Because it's like, you really only do it on the day, right? Guys, hurry up. Dax Shepard is coming on the episode. That's... Okay, so this is confusing. And I can see where his thought process started with this.

Because he was on that prank show with Ashton Kutcher, punked, right? Dax Shepard was on punked. That's crazy to think about. But now he's... We know who he is, right? So if he were to come and punk us, and also Adol announcing that it's him... Hey, puts forehead in the mix. Hey, what are we doing? Whoa, Adol, you smell so much like gasoline. Oh, thank you, Snookalon. Oh, great.

It's called en fire. Well, lovely. We were just discussing the probability of you sort of feeling like you missed out on an April 1st prank for us, and if you're trying to do a sneaky little April 2nd prank. Uh, missed out on? What are you talking about? This episode comes out April 1st.

Oh, okay, so now we know. Is that, well, so is that, is that the prank? I mean, April 1st, 3048. Thumbs up. Let's get to it. Is he hitching a ride? What's going on? Hey, Adel, your eyes have clearly been pecked at by a bird.

Yeah, yeah, I made a mistake. Hey, let me drop the April 1st shit. I put bread in my eyes this morning I was told that would help with the bags under my eyes birds went straight for it when I went out the door Yeah, that'll happen every time don't put on your eyes. It's a lie I'll just say this seems exhausting. You can be honest. Is this exhausting? No, it's No, yeah. Yeah it is Let's just do a regular episode. No pranks.

Oh my God, that would be an absolute relief. We don't need to have Dax Shepard to have a good time. Okay, that was the one. Dax Shepard's at the door. That wasn't a prank, actually. He drops his lunch bag and runs that way. No. No, Dax, come back!

No, D-Alex-D-Alexander, I assume that's what Dax is short for. Oh, Dalexander. Dalexander. Yeah. Dalexander. Well, either way, we heard his feelings. A-L-A-Dalexander.

Hi, everybody. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. This is your first episode, and your spouse is showing you this one on a road trip. Whoa, sorry. Whoa. Happy April fools, you, uh, idiots, you absolute goddamn fools, you, what did we call them? We have so many names for our listeners. Lizards.

All of them. Future lizards. Future lizards. That's right. Kevin and Susie. Yes, yes, yes, koozies and sevens. I believe, what else, what else? Oh, this is Armchair Expert.

Today we have, on the podcast, is that, is that Dax Shepard's podcast, is Armchair Expert? T we have on the podcast, is that Dak Shepard's podcast is Armchair Expert? Tis. You better believe it. I think I talked to somebody once who worked on that show. I've never listened to it. The Anna Kendrick episode of that show

is one of the best episodes of a podcast, I think. It kind of changed my life. And I had no kind of opinion about Anna Kendrick or Jack Shepard before I listened to it. And it is incredibly moving and helpful. Wow, great. I just saw our real time numbers. Everyone just stopped this to go listen to

our true expert. Honestly, you should. Erin, give me one highlight of that Anna Kendrick enter. Is it an interview? Is it an interview? Yeah, it's an interview. It is a little heavy So I wouldn't call any of it a highlight But I will say I think that it is one of their most listened to episodes because I think a lot of women who are in Toxic relationships who have been cheated on have found a lot of solace in that episode So it's funny. It's fantastic. It's hysterical.

Laugh every two seconds. What if we did an episode of this podcast where we got Anna Kendrick to come on and we just like got into it? We just, we just like, we're like, let's have a serious. Let's have an episode of Hey, Red, Red, Red, Red, Red, we just have a serious discussion with Anna Kendrick. That would actually be fantastic.

I'd be like, what was it like working on Twilight? Literally, it would be everything, everything, everything. She feels like she, and obviously, it's all Hollywood, who knows these people. She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders. She seems like she doesn't take herself too seriously. Erin, what's a celebrity, and then JPC, what's a celebrity you think, like right now, even though it might be slightly delusional,

you think you could be friends with? Oh. Hmm. I don't know. you think, like right now, even though it might be slightly delusional, you think you could be friends with? Oh. Hmm. I have to believe that John C. Reilly would like me. Yeah. Yeah. I like to think that Amy Poehler would like me.

Still carrying water for John C. Reilly? Always. My gut response to this, Adol, is Rooney Mara, because I all is Rooney Mara, because I would treat Rooney Mara like a regular person, because I don't know what she looks like. So it would be a situation where like, I would just be friends with Rooney Mara, and then like one day she'd be like, I'm Rooney Mara.

And I'd be like, the actor? And she'd be like, yeah. And I'd be like. Why didn't you not guess my name's Rooney? I'd be like, I'm Rooney Mara. And I'd be like, the actor? And she'd be like, yeah. And I'd be like. Why didn't you not guess my name's Rooney? I'd be like, I thought that was a nickname, like, you know, like Shoeby, or like, you know, it's like, yeah, it's my, this is my boy Rooney. You know, I had no idea.

Please stop calling me Shoeby. Shoeby, Shoeby, Shoeby-doo. That's like short for Beverly Shoebadoo though, Erin. Is it? I guess. Ah, remember how I blew some kisses to your wife last night? It's been a bit stupid, too. A nickname on a nickname.

Uh... Have you guys seen Rooney Tunes? It's bad. It is so bad. It's Rooney Mara, and she's kind of playing the character from Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, but animated is dumb. Um, Adol, who's yours? Who's your celebrity that you think you could be friends with?

Uh, I'm gonna say either Lili Sebowski. Is that her name? Lili Sebowski. From Lili and Stitch? Yeah. She was a big name and then she seemingly just kind of fell out of acting, so I feel like I could relate to her. Cause I was never an actor.

Of film and TV. This is a smart plan. To get someone after they retire. Yes. And maybe, I feel like the guy from Reacher, but not the one you're thinking of. The guy who gets his legs folded and stuffs into a car. Yep. We're in our Reacher era of the podcast,

and I am not having fun, because I don't know the difference between that and Jack Ryan. Well, Erin, here's the thing. When you go to the hospital and they show you your baby and they say, this is your baby, congratulations, they shake your hand and they hand you a cigar, they usher you into another room.

And in that room is seasons one, two, and three of Reacher. And they say, this is now who you are. You are a dad, dad's watch Reacher, you know, enjoy it. And I'm kind of just embracing it. Is that why your baby's name is Jack Reacher? You joke, but I did tell Mariah, I was like Mariah, if we have another kid, can I name the kid Jack Reacher? And she said yes. No she didn't. She did say yes. Beverly Shoebitty needs to swoop in and give her a real partner. Because think about this, Erin.

Jack Reacher Cohen would be JRC. That's pretty cool. Whoa. That's actually very good. Jack Reacher Cohen is a great name. Yeah. And think about this. If it doesn't have the context of the pop culture.

Think about this. I think Jack is a great, like just a great name. Jack and if I name my, if we have another baby and I named that baby Jack Reacher, JR for short, Junior. Oh, Jack, Junior, two of the best movies of the 90s. Exactly. Well, how's your first son, Jack Ryan,

gonna feel about having a little brother named Jack Reacher? But what if Jack Reacher also turns out to be like 6'6", you know, 280 pounds? You grow into the name you're given. Then Junior, as a nickname, is also ironic and funny, right? Yeah, yep. It's like when a big guy's named Tiny. We love that.

Really suck if we have a girl though, because it's gotta be Jack Reacher. So I guess it's just like, you know, but whatever. He could be 6'6". Jacklyn Reacher? Yeah, Jacklyn Reacher, you know, but it's Jack. Like you can tell people it's Jacklyn, but I got the worst certificate.

There's a Chicago comedian whose name is Jacklyn, and she goes by Jack. Exactly, so Jack Reacher. She's the coolest, so. Anyway, so, Mirai doesn't wanna have another kid, but, you know. Sorry about the divorce. And, Aaron, congrats on the pregnancy. Thank you so much Beverly. She Badoo's pregnant with Mariah now

We'll get you we'll get you a Jack Reacher DVD Aaron. I can't wait for you to start. Hey, I'm starting No Give you see are you feeling a little threatened by Beverly Shoe Badoo, maybe like 0.001% Is there like a little part of your brain? I'll be honest, Erin. I'm pretty secure. I'm pretty secure in what I kind of got going on. Because you don't know this, but if you would read some

of my emails, you know about how my dick game's on point. So Beverly Shoe-Badoo dot. Any email that you send me with the subject line being dick game on point, I immediately moved to the trash. I kinda wanna make this episode, you know, Erin, what we did for you with the ugly sweater, I kinda wanna make this episode the dick game on point episode.

Do it, Adel, you won't. Do it, you won't. That's so mean of you to do. Those emails take me so long, cause it's hard to to type up conceptually what I'm doing into words. It just doesn't translate well. Why do those emails have so many attachment files?

I think it's my keyboard. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Okay, also we've never had a sweater episode where we kind of come after one of you guys. And it has to happen organically and we can't force it. Yeah, but why do you think that is?

Cause you guys were boring shit. I wore a sweater, a sweatshirt by the way, that was- It wasn't even a sweater. It was a sweatshirt, it was from Farm Rio and now that brand has exploded and is everywhere. So I feel like... You have to be part of that, right? Like you're, culturally you're like a big part of that?

I did, a listener did reach out and said that they have like a Google alert to buy the sweater on like eBay or like ThreadUp or any of those like reseller things and they go quick. That's so smart. That's so smart. How much are we talking resale? Like a hundred and something. I mean it wasn't a hundred and something like to begin with. It was an expensive sweater. It was it I think the original price of the sweater was like 150 but I got it in a on a sale. You got on a sale that's right I do remember you

got it on a sale. But then everybody sold it out after I, so I don't know, I feel like I should own 80% of the company. I had a thought this morning that, you know like in a state sale when someone dies? Yes. That's basically going on a business sale. That person went out of business.

Oh man. In terms of like their life ended. Right? Yeah. Oh, Adel. The LLC that was that person shuttered. You're going out of business sale. I'm gonna buy so many books. I'm gonna buy so many books.

Books and flannels. Everything must go. Adel is going out of business. I love my family and Gemma and everyone is... posting the sale and Erin's like, Hey, I'm gonna buy some books. And they're like, Erin, we missed you at the funeral. And you're like, yeah, I'm...

Funeral? Didn't want to be sad. Oh, yeah. I didn't want to be sad. I don't want to be sad. I'm trying to design my home that when I die, a bunch of people line up down the block and they fight over my stuff. Whoa.

Whoa. I'm trying to design my home so that when I die, it shakes for a couple seconds and then collapses in on itself. Okay. Like it's a, what would be the word? Booby trap. Yeah, yep, yep.

And I'm trying to take all my stuff with me when I die. Oh, we gotta put you in a a tomb and have it sort of like sort of surround you with all of your books. Yeah. If I died suddenly, tragically, and young. Because you got the vaccine? Because I got the vaccine. Suddenly, tragically, and young, is this a broken social scene song?

It is. Hey, Erin, I got some news for you. You don't gotta worry about young. I'm still not. Erin. I did have a moment this week where I was like, I feel old for the first time. Wow.

I feel like I'm old. I've been alive for a long time, but. Cause you're 33, right? Yeah, and I think my voice is getting deeper. We'll talk about that later. No, we can definitely notice it. Cause we have eight years of podcasts under you. That's the Jesus age, Erin.

So you've made it past how old Jesus was. So you're now older. Well, I got to be like 34 to make it past how. Well, he didn't die on his birthday. I think he did. He died on Christmas. I think that's fine to celebrate it. Oh no, it must have been so-

It's so sad to die on Christmas. It must have been so cold on the cross too. Well, it's not always cold in December. I need to check, but I think at the time to die on Christmas. It must have been so cold on the cross too. Well, it's not always cold in December. I need to check, but I think at the time it wasn't Christmas. No, no, it was always Christmas. Oh, okay. My point is- Wouldn't it be so funny if the crucifix at all,

like all Catholic imagery of the crucifix was like winter themed as well. It has like a little Santa hat. Yeah, that's sacrilegious. Somewhere my mom is smashing a glass between us. I guess it's not good, but it's funny. One time I sent a Jesus meme to my family group chat and I got two separate texts outside of the family group chat

from my mom and dad being like, that's not funny. And I was like, well. Erin, we don't joke about Jesus. But okay, if I die tragically and young, that's not funny. No, like we don't joke about Jesus. Um, but. Okay. The, my, if I die tragically and young, who should I leave? I'm looking at the sweatshirt right now. Who should I leave it to? I think we should do, um, that thing where you cut it up into like a hundred

pieces and everybody gets a slice. Yeah. But who would want that? Do you, do either of you want it? I, you know, who would want that do you either view on it? I know who would love it Aaron I'm not sure if you know if you know the County dump But you could just basically basically just put it in like a trash can and then that all the sweatshirts yours

Thank you, and you can wear it when you miss me it smells like gasoline. Oh Okay, let's put on some riddles and you can wear it when you miss me. It smells like gasoline. Aw. Aw. All right. Okay, let's put on some riddles. This tis season. Put on a pot of riddles. Put on a pot of riddles then. A pot of rids. Copper, copper riddles. Yeah, a couple of comedians

manically trying to stop riddles from coming at them. Comedians in cars solving riddles? Here's sort of a jokey pun answer. Pun answer? Pun riddle. What kind of advice can you, nope, yes. What kind of advice can you get from your right hand? What kind of advice can you get from your right hand?

On how to be correct. You're on the right track. How to not do the wrong thing. Okay, think more along the lines of right hand might have some specific terminology, not just right hand, but maybe both your hands. Hand terminology? Don't talk about masturbating. Don't talk about masturbating.

That's all I want to say here. It's sort of a pun. It's sort of a play on a word that would pertain to your hands or a part of your hand. Fingers, palm. Yes, Erin, but elongate fingers. Fingers. Add another word to it, I guess.

That's gotta be the title of the episode. Fingers. Fingers. Fingers of speech. Fingers. That is so it. Fingers. Fingers of speech. Fingers. Fingers of speech. How to finger out. Whoa. How to.

Erin. What? Okay, I'm not the one making it sexual. What kind of advice can you get from your right hand or your left hand? And fingers. What kind of advice? Finger get from your right hand or your left hand? Um, and what kind of advice? Finger is absolutely a part of it, but we just need one other word, three letters or four letters actually. Uh, finger, finger play.

Fi- uh, finger. Advice. You might get some nice hints or tricks or. Finger it out. Finger. Hints or tricks or... Finger it out, finger... Hints or tricks? Tips, fingertips. Finger tips. I, guys, I feel like I'm hearing the word finger

for the first time in my entire life. For the first time. Finger. Finger, finger. I'd like to see a scene. I don't like that word. Uh, Adel? I'm doing the finger sanding the back Grease the lightning. Set the podcast on fire. Walks away doesn't look behind me. I'd like to see a

scene at all you are proposing to JPC and you cannot seem to get the ring on his finger. not seem to get the ring on his finger. Oh my God, this is happening. It's happening. Look at that. It's a, the sun is setting and, um, we're on the beach where we met where your dog tried to pull down my swim shorts and I sort of yelled at it at first. And then I calmed down and then you came over and said, sorry about my dog.

So sort of full circle. Um, I think I know what this is is Nick. Get down on one knee. Oh It's happening Okay, and Megan I've adored you since the first day your dog tried to rip down my shorts, and I'm gonna let it go I'll let it go. Yeah, let it go But I love you so much, and I'm gonna let it go. I'll let it go. It's okay. Yeah, let it go. But I love you so much and I wanna make you

my wife for life. My life wife. So here's, fuck, fuck. Let me, I had the next card. No Nick, it's fine, it's fine. I had the next card tonight. You're doing well. When we got in the ocean this.

Okay. You can't restart this. It's a moment that's happening. You can't restart. It's a dictionary. Is this thing I think is happening is happening? Oh. You really want to marry a man who?

Underpants I can pull down at the beach Woof woof is Pierre talking to you In your language their secret little language here is a dog pure doesn't speak here. Just you know I speak Jim about it focus. I'm sorry the's going crazy right now, but focus please. He's got human eyes. I've always said that. I've always said that. I always will say that. There's something wrong. I don't know what that means, he's got human eyes.

There's something wrong with your dog. It has human eyes. It walks on two legs, always. Not just for a little bit, always. He's bucking me in the ground, I could pull down his pants right now. What's he saying? I don't, it's a dog! He's saying something. He's just barking. He's just circulating Dog why would a dog just stick you like?

Nick me or the dog here put out your finger put out your What put up my fucking? That's on my thumb oh That's not say yeah, it's gonna say you're you got grubby little fingers, but that's just a one I'll be fingers. It's a joke your standard solo that you would say yes, do such a pathetic man What's he saying? I it's a dog dog. He's smoking a cigarette in one of those long holders He found a cigarette on the ground dogs root around. It's a beach. It's a public beach. Okay, there's gonna be cigarettes everywhere on the ground dogs root around it's a beach it's a public beach okay there's gonna be cigarettes everywhere why does he have a belt you know what that Megan

why does he wear a belt that's a that's a little kid or something I think I really wanted to get married and I think I put a lot of projection on to like what I was looking for and I actually don't think now that I'm like having a moment of clarity I don't think it's you Nick, and I'm projecting that in the next year, you're gonna go get that dog looked at and they're gonna be like, this is a fucking 22 year old in a suit or something. That is a-

Fuck a blue, no, I'm a tiny shit suit, woof woof, wee wee. Oh, just flicked its cigarette at me and now it's peeing on me. Get the fuck. You know what, why don't you get the fuck, Nick? It's, you know what? It's a, Pierre, let's go. We're going. Heal, Pierre, heal.

Heal my broken heart. I tripped and the, oh, the ring is in slow motion and it's landing on Pierre's paw. Oui, oui, oui, monsieur. Miamma, miamma. Oh, it doesn't fit. Miamma, ah. I eat the ring. I'm a 22 year old man. That fit. Ah, I eat the ring.

I'm a 22 year old man. That's the new, I ate the bones, I ate the ring. I ate the bones. 22 year old man in a shit suit costume. What's that? I've seen it. Isn't there a documentary? Yeah. I think it's real, where it's like some family

lost their kid and then like four years later somebody showed up and they're like, I'm your kid. And the family's like, okay. And then the kid went to school and stuff., somebody showed up and they're like, I'm your kid. And the family's like, okay. And then the kid went to school and stuff. And then at some point they're like, this is like a little 28 year old guy or something. That was an adoption thing and it was a girl. But I love that.

I guess this might be a short story I thought of. I honestly think you're describing like one of those like early 2000s Wayne's Brothers movies. Wayne's World. Yeah. Wayne's Brothers World. Wow. There's a time when Marlon Waynes was synonymous with comedy and then he did work for him for a dream

and then I feel like he's kind of been a Renaissance man. All right, let's get another riddle going here. I guess that's on me to do. Let's find a good one here. Oh, what is served but never eaten? Oh, like a dance battle. Do you guys remember Yusaka's got served? No.

Have you ever seen I'm gonna get Yusaka? Speaking of Marlon Waynes, one of the best parody movies truly. Can you read it again? Served but never eaten. What is served but never eaten? Divorce papers. I mean. Tennis?

Yeah, that works. Tennis ball works too. Here it says volleyball, but you both had correct answers. I do wanna see a quick scene real quick. Sorry, Erin. Erin, you're going to be a process server serving Adel with divorce papers, but Adel, you are going to be doing anything you can

to get rid of the papers so that no one can prove that you were served. And you've been served. I'm so sorry to do it like this. You thought we were on a date. Ah, that's quite all right. I'm having a lovely time. Hey, pick a card any card. Oh, I'm I really don't want to indulge remember it. I'm at work. Okay, put it back in the deck. Okay, now check your upper left coat pocket. It's not going gonna be in there. Are those the divorce papers? No, it's the two of diamonds.

That's my card. It's impressive that you did that, but the divorce... Check your other coat pocket. Okay, you're getting up to leave and to run away from the divorce paper. No, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Ow, oh, oh, oh, oh, I tripped.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Hey, you've been served. Here are the papers. That's a joke leg. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Throws out a banana peel. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Slips on his own banana peel.

Whoa! Hey, hey, hey. You've been served. You've been served. Oh. Hey, I know it stinks. I know it stinks. But you've been served. Wait, what is I know it stinks. I know it stinks. But you've been served.

Wait, what is in my pocket? Are these the divorce papers? Mm-hmm. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Yes, no, you do. Yes. I mean, Aaron, you did say, gets hit by a red turtle shell. That kind of implies you get hit. I know, I just got hit.

I just got hit. Uh-oh. Hey kids, we have a very special guest today. This is a brand new Muppet that Jim Henson's last will and testament demanded be made. This is Cormor. Cormor, say hi.

I tried to burn me with fire and I came back to life. There's no one controlling me. Oh, so you're sort of a supernatural Buffett. Yeah. Okay. Why does Cormor- You talk like this. Mr. Sanderson's, why does Cormor look like that?

Um, Cormor is sort of, um... Your mom didn't mind it last night. Okay, so Cormor did fuck your mom, but Cormor's sort of an ancient evil. Cormor's sort of an ancient evil who I believe Jim... So we all know Jim Henson was into sort of mysticism and sort of Alistair Crowley type... I'm as old as time, bitch.

Who's a bitch? Oh yeah. I kind of like a Muppet that says it, that kind of says it how it is. Right? Am I crazy? It's kind of refreshing. What do you think of Ms. Piggy?

Hey, what do you think of Ms. Piggy, Cormor? Fuck Ms. Piggy. I like that. Is this Muppet appropriate for a fourth grade classroom? Um, you're not going to tell your parents, are you? It's parent teacher day.

We're here. Let's go to Jamba Juice. Oh, okay. Cora Moore is going to take all the parents to Jamba Juice. Okay. No complaints for me. I love Jamba Juice. I want to yell at the people behind the counter at Jamba Juice for making my smoothie rock.

What if they make it right? They won't. They never do. We also have another of, I guess this is one of Jim Henson's last one, Testament Demon puppets. This is Little Monkey Bones. Little Monkey Bones, say hi to the class. Hey everybody, it's me, Little Monkey Bones. I'm a perfect clone of Cormorant. Oh yeah, now that you say Cormorant little monkey bones do look alike, are you two both ancient demons?

Yeah. Yeah? Oh, you just assumed that we're both ancient demons because we look the same? Wow. But wait, you said you are related, right? You know what? You know what? You're paying for damages. Wow The way you said you are related, right? Kids parents, I can't stress enough. I'm trying to put my arms down my my arms with these puppets on it down, and my arms will not go down.

Please, everyone back out of the classroom, get help. The puppets have somehow taken over my arms. We're puppeting your arms now. Your arms now. Now, now, now. Now, now, now. Oh, oh, bitch. Scene.

Scene, that wasn't a scene. Scene, we weren't even in a scene. I know. You can't get out of here. When you don't call a scene, you can't save scene to get out of it. You die in a scene, you die in real life. Let's do what flies through the air on stolen feathers. I like this one.

What flies through the air on stolen feathers? Arrow. Yeah, it's an arrow. I do wanna see it. That's a great riddle. I wanna see a scene. JBC, you're Robin Hood. Aaron, you're sort of like a poor person of the woods

and Robin Hood's trying to recruit you, but he hasn't really found his footing yet in terms of his image. Do not fear, do not fear. Look above you. In the tree. Do not fear! Do not fear! Look above you! In the tree! Do not fear! I have no quarrel with you, poor villager! What are you out here doing? Collecting sticks for your... meager... kind of survival?

Uh, I was going for a walk to clear my head, Mr. Condescending. Oh, you're just... you're holding a few sticks. I was going for a walk to clear my head, Mr. Condescending. Oh, you're just holding a few sticks. I didn't know if it was like a collecting sticks for your meager survival. I thought these were nice sticks. I'm gonna bring them in my dog. They are! They are nice sticks. You're just like all the other rich people, just so condescending. Rich people? Wait, wait, no. Rich, no.

I'm not rich, I'm like you. I'm just in a tree. Oh, the clothes? Yeah. No, so, good point. Glad you brought this up. So I'm a Robin Hood. My whole thing, or what I think my thing is going to be, or what my thing kind of is shaping into right now,

is I, Rob from The Rich, number one with a bullet, take some stuff for me, invest a sliver. Take a sliver and invest. I don't touch it, that's my nest egg. Hey man, don't workshop your brand out on me. I'm so tired of men doing that. You're just sort of like using me. You're a man member Yeah, I know

You can't see I'm not doing that to other people so I can hold you accountable But hey, here's the thing. I'm looking for like-minded individuals who want to kind of join my whole thing Not doing a crypto thing with you. No, not doing a crypto thing with you. Oh, good, fellow travelers. Tis I, Robert Hoad. Okay. Hey, we're sort of in the middle of something. Oh.

Yeah, no. Well, I was trying to recruit folks to my happy band of folks. See, I sort of, my thing. Pyramids game, pyramids game. No, well, hold on. My thing is I steal from the middle class, and I give to the lower middle class. It's... Robert Hoad's thing doesn't work. I've thought about it too. It's just like, it's a wealth transfer thing, but it's not like...

It's not solving inequality. Fuck you. Fuck you, Robert Hoad! Hello everybody, I'm Ruby Who. I steal from the poor and give to the rich. What the fuck? Ruby who how is everyone flocking what all these people from the woods are flocking to? Ruby this is the rich part of the woods everybody in the rich part of the woods loves Ruby who see

Robin Hood got primaried Why don't we take a quick chill from The steal from the board, give to the rich is just rich. That's just like what it is. How you get rich. That's just regular rich. Just regular rich? I'm getting in the sound of my little boy, never thought he'd say nothing else about the say.

Amazing song. Haven't given this enough, this another good time, doodling down, new but never not a lot a day. Reagan Hood, of course, had trickle down. Yes. Robbing. Reaganhood! We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with more.

April 1st. Gotcha. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, hey guys. I was just going to sit down and build a website real quick and I wanted to know, does anyone have before I start like a preference on a platform that I can use? Oh, I think Squarespace. Of course, Squarespace. Great, yeah, Squarespace is, you know, the all-in-one.

Oh yeah, the one that's been sponsoring us for years. Yeah, Squarespace. Yeah, yeah, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience,

and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. Yeah, that's great. I mean, of course I use Squarespace. What I'm actually doing right now is building a website for my new podcast. Don't be the middler. Hi. No.

Riddle, riddle. It's me, the middler. Oh, gosh. I was just going to say you have my full support unless it's the middler. It was the middler. I was wearing a GPC coat. Well, uh, middler, if you use Squarespace, you get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated

sitemap, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers, which I assume is super villain? No, it's people who want another riddle podcast that's like way worse. It's not really a good business model, but I am the middler, so. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops, which I'm sure are about teaching people how to be a villain. It's pretty clear to me that the middler doesn't have his thing figured out

completely, but if you want to figure things out completely, use Squarespace Analytics. You can make smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive built-in analytics tools review website traffic Learn where to focus engagement and track revenue from bookings invoices or product sales all from one place Midler I'm just gonna go ahead and take my jacket back. You do not have permission Oh, oh no, you took all my skin off and it wasn't me the Midler was me. Dr. Chameleon You took all my skin off and it wasn't me, the middler, it was me, Dr. Chameleon! What? Do we have time for this? The hell?

Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, Squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Dr. Chameleon, are you also here with Steve? Did Steve drive you? Well Steve is actually the middler wearing a suit, so it gets pretty complex. Somebody write this down on a whiteboard, I gotta keep track of this. It's me, the middler, I can't drive. Oh gosh.

Did I do a good job? We're first cousins! Oh, Adel, Erin, I didn't see you there. Hey, middler. The middler. Hi, middler. Hey, Midler. The Midler. Hi, Midler. Yes, it's the Midler. Not even really trying to hide it anymore.

I am who I am. I wanted to tell you about an app that I've been working on. You're going to love this. It's all about teaching financial literacy to people the moment before their death. Oh, Midler. It's called Acorns Way Too Late. No. And, well, here's what it does.

It just, it gives you really good lessons in a time when you cannot use them. Terrible idea. You should get with Acorns Early. Yeah, Midler. Acorns Early is a smart money app and debit card for kids that helps them learn the value of money. Yeah, Acorns Early has a chore tracker that teaches kids that hard work pays off. It's an app targeted to children, Midler, not people.

Whatever you said. Acorns Early lets parents pay allowances automatically, and kids can spend what they earn with their very own debit cards. I would have loved a system like this growing up, because it would have taught me system like this growing up because it would have taught me how money works and that money is real way earlier because I didn't find out until I was 29. Plus parents can keep track of where and when their kids are spending. So if kids are like you know buying middler

merchandise you know me I can be like hey son don't support the middler. Steve Steve write that down we need middler merchandise. Oh, we have to, Steve. Who's Steve? You just looked around. Where's Steve? Steve's my ride. Hey, I'm here in the Steve Mobile.

Good, he's in the Steve Mobile in the parking lot. Also grow your kids' money skills with bite-sized financial lessons. The Acorns app has tons of fun interactive courses that help kids learn about all things money. I love Acorns Early. I'm so glad that they're sponsoring the show because it is kind of never too early to start giving your kids good financial lessons. The number one thing that I hear from adults is how much they wish they would have had stuff like this when they were kids. Something

that I heartily endorse. Ready to help your kids learn the value of money? Just head to acornsearly.com slash riddle, or download the Acorns Early app to get started. Sign up now and your first month is on us. Terms and conditions apply, monthly subscription fees starting from $5 per month unless canceled. Five dollars a month? Oh, I forgot to charge for mine too. Steve, take me home. Can I get a ride, Steve Midler?

Uh, yeah, Aaron, hop on in. Midler. Why don't you find your own way home? Steve Am I crazy or does Steve kind of sound like me? No, Midler doesn't sound like anyone else either it's all original content maybe I think I watched that movie 100 times when I was a kid. So good. We had that in Spaceballs on VHS. I would just like rotate between those two, watching them over and over again.

That makes sense for your sense of humor that you were forged in those fires. Oh yeah. I feel like Spaceballs and maybe like Airplane are the movies I've quoted the most in my life. I feel like Spaceballs and maybe like Airplane are the movies I've quoted the most in my life. I feel like Spaceballs and maybe like Airplane are the movies I've quoted the most in my life. I feel like Spaceballs and maybe like Airplane are the of humor that you were forged in those fires. Oh yeah.

I feel like Spaceballs and maybe like Airplane are the movies I've quoted the most in my life. It's all coming together for me. I'm sort of getting a clear picture of why you guys are the way you are. And Erin, I'm gonna say Legally Blonde and Empire Records. The Bible. Whoa, the movie?

Yeah. Okay. No, it's obviously newsies and pirates of Benzance. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I'm ready to do some riddles. I think I'm gonna kick their asses. Yeah, I think so. I think Erin's gonna kick their asses today.

Just like that song. Come around Erin's gonna kick their asses today. Um, just like that song. Come around, we'll kick your asses, don't give up, you got the riddle in you. You got the Dreamer's disease, age 15. Dreamer's disease? Uh, here's a riddle for you. Age 15. If you can hear the sound of my house, I am no longer there. What am I? Oh, it's an episode of House.

Oh, the shell. A crab shell, seashell. You can hear the shell up to your ear. Erin is a seashell. You did kick the riddles ass. JPC, what did you say for an answer? It was gonna be an episode of House because if you hear the ending theme,

now House is over and you're not watching House anymore. You had a better answer. And what does the theme from House sound like? It's just like ambient noise, right? No, it's a song. I have no idea. Whatever happened to predict the theme? No sound like? It's just like ambient noise, right? No, it's a song. I have no idea. Whatever happened to predict. What happened?

Is that House? Yep. Watch out for Wilson and Cody too. And pesky 13 and a couple of other characters. I think. Oh yeah, what's the woman, Olivia Wilde, she was on the show, what was her name? Is something wild?

It was 13 or 15 or something like that. Yeah, it's something like House didn't really learn her name. I used to watch House quite a bit. Back in the days of it, like being out on TV weekly. I enjoyed Hugh Laurie and I enjoyed his House accent that was just a British person obviously doing an American accent. Classic. I was gonna say, oh, I wanna see a scene. House accent that was just a British person obviously doing an American accent classic

I was gonna. Oh, I want to see a scene Adal you are at the beach Just having a lovely peaceful time and you put a shell up to your ear to listen to the ocean But there is a crab still in there played by JVC. Oh Look what washed ashore here is how bad... I'm adding that to my collection. Let's go ahead and hear the ocean. Shhh. Excuse me.

Ah! Hey! I'm sorry, sorry! Sorry! Um... Hello? Have you seen a princess? Like a mermaid?

A mermaid princess? Um... Did someone put, like, an air pod in here and they're doing, like, a... No, no, no. It's me. I'm in... Pops out. I'm a crab. Oh, oh, oh, fuck, fuck, okay.

I'm a hermit crab. I live in this shell. Okay. Yeah, sorry. Hey, I never do this. Have you seen a mermaid princess or she would be... Do people say mute anymore? I don't know.

I don't think so. I don't know. She would be not able to speak. Okay. Knock out gorgeous, like 10 out of 10 smoke show. Vocally challenged, I think we'd say. Vocally, yeah. But no words.

Have you seen her? She would be not stupid, but like she doesn't this. Will you still say that? OK, good. But the whole, this whole thing would be unfamiliar. I'm looking for her. I was supposed to sing her two or three songs. There is a woman who is sort of buried up to her waist

in sand. Was the tide, basically. I fucking forgot about the tide. And I've been kind of a son of a bitch. I've been kind of getting sucked out into the ocean and spat back in. And I think it's like a riptide in this kind of area. Oh, yeah.

In the sand? We've got Jeff area. Oh yeah. In the sand? We got Jeff Buckley. Buried in the sand? There's a woman who's buried up to her waist in the sand. I don't know, it doesn't look like a princess, but it could be. Do you want me to go check? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Does she look like hot, but like in an evil way? Like she might be like not, like, hmm. Like Angelica Houston in Adam's only the first Adam's family dude yeah that's a pretty much exactly that cuz if that right it cuz if it's that if that's what that in the sand looks like I gotta stay away from her because she kind of knows my whole shit yeah yeah and she will I mean she'll fucking eat me man oh well I think anyone, well you're a hermit crab,

sorry. I'm a hermit crab. Yeah, nevermind, sorry. Sorry. Yeah, I mean, people eat crabs, but people who eat hermit, I'm basically a bug. Yeah, well it's all relapsers, but they're delicious, sorry. But dude, but dude. Sorry, yeah. When you hear me sing.

But dude. It's game over, because that's where I kind of shine. Oh, sing, sing. Well no. Do you like a, do you like a, do you do like a patois when you sing? No, no, no, no. Like a Jamaican patois? What? Do I sound Jamaican to you? No, I sing in my normal thing but I sing good but it's like- Well you're wearing the hat. What's that? You're wearing that sort of knitted beret. This was in the shell. Okay man, I'm just saying it's on your head. Okay. Okay.

The thing about my songs is it's like fucking very specific to like situationally and they're really, without like her involved, like the context just doesn't make sense. Oh that's fine. I'm gonna set you down. I am a producer for Sony, but that's fine. Yeah, if you don't want to sing, that's totally fine. So let me just set you back down. For Sony? Yeah, I'm good. Ha ha, scene. Sony, a shot at Sony, finally. A shot at Sony. Finally. We got it right.

Ah. Um, let's see here. Give me one second. They're not... I guess there still are music studios. It just feels like those things all should be gone, but I guess they still do exist. Because when you say Sony, my first thought is like movies, but I guess they probably still do

like music production as well. They must, right? I'm mostly going off of the old magazine inserts that were like 12 CDs for one penny, Columbia House and all that. Felt like they had their own section. Those things that are like 30 years old at this point. They had like a Sony section and a BMC, BMG, whatever.

Let's see here. UMG. UMG. Yeah, BMB, that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, all those companies surely must be gone by now. What isn't alive but can still be dead? The truth, dead ass. Yeah, ain't that the truth?

What isn't alive but can still be dead? Let's think about what could be dead wrong? A battery. Whoa, Erin, it's a battery. Yep. Wow. Yep. Very about what could be dead wrong. Whoa, Erin, it's a battery. Yep. Wow. Yep. Very nice, Erin. Very smart. Thank you so much, everybody. I do wanna see a scene.

Erin, you're sort of like a Teddy Ruxpin. Do you know what that is? Okay. My great grandfather had one. Dude, I clowned him. He carried it with him in the Revolutionary War. You're gonna be a Teddy Ruxpin type toy, and your batteries are dying. JPC, you're another toy who's sad to see this happen.

Hey, I was thinking we'd have a tea party today. Hey, I was thinking we'd have a tea party today. Sorry. I'm a yak back. Sorry, I didn't... No, I know, I know. I know that you're a yak back. It's just because I was pressing the button when you said anything. What's going on? Teddy, what's going on? Oh, I'm... not too much. Are you drunk?

Having a pretty normal day. I'm not drunk. Oh my god. I know what's happening. I know what's happening. Teddy, you're... Your batteries are running out. Did Raggedy Ann tell you about our separation? We're on our trial separation right now. It's actually... It sounds like it's gonna be more than just a trial. What do you mean it's gonna be more than just a trial?

Teddy, save your strength! You're... I've seen this happening to... Quick Wrap's My Con Air. Once your batteries go, you're gone forever. What do you mean I'm gone forever? Actually, I don't know what's happening because it seems like you're fine until like mid-sentence.

Maybe you just try to speak in shorter sentences. Maybe that's like, maybe that'll conserve the battery. Okay. Okay, well that didn't do it. It's basically just halfway. No matter what. Uh, we cut to a month later. Hey, where's Teddy?

Dead. He died like a month ago. You saw him. He was doing, he was doing like a bit where he's like, I'm going to go to the shore. Like he was doing a bit where he was like. Raggedy Ann, we were all at the funeral. You what?

We were all at the funeral. You what? We were all at the funeral. You weren't there. What are you talking about? Teddy died. No, it was a joke. No, like a month ago, Teddy died. What the fuck? Shut your fucking lie mouth.

What the fuck? Shut your fucking lie mouth. Sorry, finger on the button. Same. Finger on the button. Oh. Finger on the button. Oh man. Here's a nifty little riddle. I am buried up to my neck in work.

You can pat me on the top of the head when I hold it all together. What am I? Giraffe. Stapler. Stapler's much closer than giraffe. Oh man. Can you read it again?

Cause I was only thinking about a stapler. Padding on the top of the head though, that holds it all together. That makes sense. I am buried up to my neck in work. You can pat me on the top of the head when I hold it all together. What am I?

It's like, it's an inanimate object. Yes. Is it, is it a, oh no, why can't I think of the word for this thing? A paperclip? No, I think stapler is a little bit closer. Staples is much closer. Stape solar.

Stape solar. Stape solar. Like a nail, a nail, a nail. Erin, Erin, Erin. A nail, hitting a nail on the head. Wow. Yes, my dear Les. It is a nail. Hitting a nail on the head. Yes. Wow. Yes, my dear Les. It is a nail.

Hitting a nail in the head. These are fun. I'd like to see a scene. Adol, you're a nail. JBC, you're a hammer. And you guys get along really well, but now you're at work. And JBC, you're about to have to hit him really hard in the head, and it makes it really awkward. Oh, and then yeah, so I got the full.

Stop. Stop. I got the full package, and they ripped me off. It was wild. It was wild. Oh my God. Why do you keep going there? I know, I know.

Well, this is me. It sits down on my cubicle. This is me. Stop. Oh man. Okay, yeah, we should get back to it. Yeah, yeah. I'll see you at lunch.

Oh, no, I'm actually here, yeah. I'm here today. You're in my cubicle today? Yeah. Yeah, and um... Oh, shit, let me check my... Maybe I missed an email. We were working on a project here.

Yeah, did you not, did no one... No one tell you... What is this, Mad Libs? Did no one tell you, adjective, horny. Did no one tell you horny? No, we're doing construction in this area today. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do what you need to do, so I'll be on my computer and then I'll just put in some headphones or something. No, yeah. Okay. Oh.

You are looming over me. Yeah, you have to get, you know, you have to get onto the board here. Did no one tell you what? I'm a nail, get on the board. Yeah. Okay, yeah, but that's. All right, those. Shit. I feel like we're past those tropes.

We've progressed as a toolkit, right? So let's knock it off, huh? Hey, this sucks, but I have to nail you into the board. I am a data analyst, okay? Yeah, but you're also a nail, you know? And I'm a hit. Okay. Well, we both work at Nestle so if you want to talk to if you want to run it up the flagpole I Think we'll find that you'll be leaving today. I am I God, I hate to do this. I am technically your boss

Because I'm a hammer and you're a nail. It's just like the natural hierarchy of the cast system. It's not it's disgusting You know what? You know Brad. Hey Brad, you know what? Let me Do it do it Do it takes out takes out camera phone do it a Brad a Brad is a a Brad is a type of nail. I Don't know you're talking about Brad is a type of nail. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I know what- Say, you're live on TikTok right now. Say what you said to me just a moment ago.

Hey man, I don't wanna do this, but I'm a hammer, you're a nail, this is wood. We have to get going here. Whoa. Whoa. This is, wood, could you back me up? Hey man, I'm just trying to get a paycheck. I don't want to really get in between you and me.

What do you do around here? It's a little rude. I'm Wood. Wood is Wood. You're a nail. I'm Brad the Hammer. Hey, it sounds like you two are pretty frustrated with each other and I don't think it needs to turn on me.

You were supposed to have this done by 11 a.m., man. It is 1.30. You don't want me to go tell the boss that you're just not doing your job. You're a hammer, he's a nail, let's just do it. We took a.m. man, it is 1.30. You don't want me to go tell the boss that you're just not doing your job. You're a hammer, he's a nail, let's just do it. We took a long lunch, you know what? I can't do this one if I'm angry, if I'm angry I'm gonna miss.

Just hop up on the board, let's just do this, let's just all do this, let's be adults. Yes. This is our, yes. Let's be adults. Hey everyone, hey attention, attention, attention office, everyone gather around. Gather around. Don't do gather round don't do this Don't hey our co-worker Brad the hammer

Said he wants to pound me into this fucking board cuz I'm a nail and yes That's exactly the terms he used everyone looks on awkwardly because they're all on the same side with the hammer a lot of screwdrivers a lot of Wrenches a lot of other nails already hammered into the board. Just kind of shrugging. Okay, no one? All right. Okay, I guess I'm leaving. Who's coming with me? Wood? Wood, we going?

Come on. Wood can't go with you. Wood is here and you're going to go with wood, basically. I'm not going to be embarrassed by wood not joining me. Come on, you're a block of fucking wood you're made of wood. Wood is here and you're gonna go with wood, basically. I'm not gonna be embarrassed by wood not joining me. Come on, you're a block of fucking wood. I'm a nail. Ask some other nails to join you. They will gladly go. These nails suck.

Oh man. Oh man. Don't do this. What? What? What? Don't do this. Fuck Nestle.

Fuck you guys. Whoa. Fuck Nestle. Honestly, fuck. Whoa. Fuck Nestle. Honestly, fuck Nestle. What are you gonna do? You gonna walk away? Where are you gonna go? Who's gonna want a nail?

I don't know. Someone. Hey, welcome to Amazon. We have kind of a pretty open concept office here. We're glad to have you on the team. Okay. Heard a lot of great things. Really? Oh, good. Coffee over here. We're glad to have you on the team Heard a lot of great things really good Coffee over here. We have sleep pods over here pretty much. It's like any coffee

Any unclaimed desk is yours any? You know set up wherever you like kind of do your do your thing. Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, let's uh Any questions for me or where do I pee when do I pee and poop? Hey, let's get you on this board, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm being placed on a board like um we're onboarding you oh This is amazing. Let me just right here this yeah, just right now. Oh, this is This is hammer Yeah, Hammers been working for us, already a promotion. This is Hammer. Hi, Hammer. Yeah, Hammer's been working for us for a minute.

Hammer, this is Nail. Can you finish onboarding now? Yep, I just jump on the board and I'm gonna hit you really hard in the head. Yeah, okay, wait, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Smack! And that's lunch.

Let's go, everybody. See? See? That's lunch. That's lunch. Let's go everybody. Seed. Seed. That's lunch. That's lunch. Can you imagine a hammer and a nail working together? I don't have to. It would go a little something like this.

Wait, no, no, no, no, we already did it. Guys, we've done a lot of scenes today. Let's call the episode early. Everybody get 10 minutes back to your day Well, it's not daylight savings. It's April Fool's. That's very that's very like tech startup Terrible health insurance, but I like to leave six minutes early on a Friday We leave this meeting six minutes early so you could go to your other meeting or just wait for six minutes before that starts

Here we go several times a day people from all over the world visit me Some may think I'm dirty even on my best day, but no one wants to live without me Bathroom, I mean but the room pretty much got it but toilet toilet toilet Whoa, I do want to say I can live without a toilet. I can live without a toilet. I would say you're a toilet. At all. At all. At all. I was in your wedding. Okay, you're a hammer.

At all, I was in your wedding, man. Come on, man. I stood next to you while you got married. Erin, you're a toilet. Erin, you're a toilet. You're pooping in her mouth. Hey, I still love you both, but listen. What is this scene?

It's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, Aaron, you're a toilet genius. You're a toilet. You're pooping in her mouth. Ha ha ha. Hey, I still love you both, but listen. What is this scene? It's just a guy pooping in a toilet? You both take turns turning into toilets and pooping in each other's mouths.

Adel, I've called you crying before. Hold on. You teach improv. Adel, you teach improv. The scene that you called for is you're toilet, and I'm pooping in her mouth I don't know last time I had a panic attack. I texted you Yes, yes, but but listen hey but just in general a premise for a scene is like

You do her at a party and the Leon is like and you both you're like figure out that you had dated the same ex But your whole okay, okay? Okay, okay I've heard her this is a like fetish content that a seed heard chef Okay, so You you two were friends you find out you dated the same guy. That's the thing I said That you were asking for right? I'm giving you what you're asking for Okay, so you both your friends you both you what you're asking for. Okay.

So you both, your friends, you both found out you're dating the same guy. Now, quick little caveat. There's a layout. Every full moon, one of you turns into a toilet and the other one shits in his mouth. At all. Okay, yeah, no.

What am I saying that's so taboo? This is the scene. And don't forget, and then a few seconds later the other person turns to the toilet and the person who was in the toilet turns to the human and shits in their mouth. Yes, okay. But you both find out you dated the same guy.

Yeah. And that's sort of the entree into this thing. Okay. Crazy that full moon's over, huh? No, it's back. Well, a full moon, we see a full moon. What do you mean it's back? It's back? A full moon doesn't go away.

You're talking about sunrise. You're saying you guys are up at 6 a.m.? Yeah! No. Adel, you- Why not? You bought everyone a Ninja Creamy because I wanted one. Yeah, I'm bad with money.

And that doesn't mean that my premise should be shot down. Okay, you're both toilets. You found out you dated- Adel, you once said, you're both toilets, you found out you dated. I know you once said that you'll take me everywhere you go. That I'm one of your favorite people and that anywhere you go, I go too. I just wanna see my seat, okay? I love you both so much.

I would do anything, I would die for both of you. I don't know. Okay? Sometimes it doesn't feel like it. But all I want is don't know. Okay, sometimes it doesn't feel like it Doesn't feel like it when he said okay Aaron your toilet and GPC's gonna shit in your mouth I understand that doesn't feel like it, but there's a way how it's coming across to us. There's a way To do it. That's like fun for everyone and I feel like if you give it you're judging it you do it that's like fun for everyone. And I feel like if you give it, you're judging it. You do it. Show us how to do it. Show it.

Yeah, you do it alone and show us how to do it. Here you go, impart teacher, go ahead. No, because I'm gonna knock it out of the park, right? Those who can't teach. And then you're gonna be like, oh, those who can't teach. Addle, I want to see you see. I am teaching. You're a toilet who shits in its own mouth.

Yes. No. And it's the full moon. And you're at a party. That's the dumbest fucking premise I ever heard. You two are toilet best friends. Hey guys, we're sort of at the comedy point where we know we can't end the episode unless someone does the scene, right?

Okay, compromise, compromise, compromise. That's so smart. You're both toilets, and you find out that the same guy shit in both your mouths. And it's a whole moon. Okay, compromise, compromise. No, no, Aaron, that is a compromise, that's a scene. Okay, but can I add one little add-on to it?

I'm sure, yeah, please. Adel, you are also there. You are also a toilet. Solidarity, we go in together. But brand new, but brand new Saran Wrap, nobody's touched me. No, no. Brand new, brand new, it has to be.

Spotless, never been, virginal, virginal, never been touched. This Ah! Never been, verginal. Oh! Verginal. Never been touched. This is an awesome party. This is crazy. Did you guys have the Clorox? It's not a party. Hold on, it's not a party.

You said it was a party. What would toilets be celebrating? How would our friends a virgin? Biggest shit, what? She's a virgin toilet who can't drive. Yeah, it's Megan's coming out party. Someone's gonna shit in her mouth later today and kind of christen her.

Did you guys try the Clorox? It's so good. It's so good. It's blue. It's like, okay. I'm trying to stay hydrated though, so I've been drinking a lot of pee today. Addle, we're doing the thing you wanted.

I just talked about drinking pee. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Quick time out. It sounds like you're both being thing you wanted. I just talked about drinking pee. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Quick time out. It sounds like you're both being sarcastic. The way you guys are talking is like, you're like, have you tried the Clorox? Oh my God. Like you're talking as if you don't enjoy it.

We're at a party, we're being social. We'll skip to it, we'll skip to it. We'll skip to it, we'll skip to it. Skip to what? Oh my God, Jerry's here. Oh my God. This is crazy, you're never gonna believe this. Okay, here we go.

I dated Jerry. A couple weeks ago. What? Okay, here we go, here we go. Did you date Jerry too? No, you were about to say something else. No, I never dated Jerry. We had like a thing, but it was never like, it was not like a serious, we didn't like label it as, I got wasted and yes, Jerry

Yes, say what he did Well, he you know, he did what he did what you do do a toilet say it say it say the whole thing pause say the full thing Yeah, Jerry, you know he shit my mouth My god, he said that he would never do that with anyone else besides me. What? Yeah. Aaron, say the thing here.

He said that your double water flush button was just for him? Just for him. Oh my god, he said the same fucking thing. Unbelievable, that same line. Hey Jerry, can you come here for a second? Addle your Jerry. Yeah, what's up

Can you come down here come a little closer a little closer to the ground? Yeah, what's up? Don't your head gives you a swirly swirly swirly swirly no no no no no Swirly swirly no other toilet swirly swirly come on really swirly swirly and head now It's fucking death proof and Jerry is getting and head yeah head Jerry Jerry Shit piece of shit Jerry scene scene. I can't imagine doing a bad improv show Thank You Casey You guys just quick peek behind the curtain Right after that scene ended we sort of sat in silence,

like a sort of awkward, heavy, sad silence that you have after, like, you have a fight with someone. Um, but we did cut that out, because it was really awkward. But how's everyone feeling? Is everyone okay? I absolutely ate shit. -♪ HURTS, GASPS, HURTS. -♪ You cannot use that sound bite. Thank you for giving me.

You just said it. Also, I do want to say, I am feeling a certain type of way, but the awkward silence that we sat in, that we cut out, will be on our Patreon. Everything's content. Everything's content. We'll put awkward silence on our Patreon. It's uninterrupted awkward silence on the Patreon. Aqua Science. It's Aqua Science. It's awkward silence a half hours, it's eight dollars. Some people might say there's nothing on there. Okay, well you guys, I am really grateful that such a travesty in the friendship betrayal happened at the end of an episode, because I think a lot of people

got interrupted by work, kids, even if another they had to get in the car, whatever. So I don't know if a lot of people got to this point of the episode. No, I think a lot of people did. This is the 350th episode of Hey, Roodle, Roodle. Congratulations, guys. 350. We should do something special. What did we did? What a milestone for the group. Aaron, thoughts? your head is in your hands right now. Just trying to see Okay, I want to see a scene the grape stomp lady the grape stomp lady has to go to the bathroom Go Kate, I wanna see a scene. The grape stomp lady, the grape stomp lady has to go to the bathroom. Go.

Do you have a restroom here or? We do, but the manager has told me that we can't serve you. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shits her pants. Casey had shit. I see. Hell yeah. All right, well, hey, Adshit. See? Hell yeah. All right, well, hey, Addle, do you have anything to plug?

Hey, we should say also, since this episode is coming out on April 2nd, and this is not an April Fool's joke at all, it is officially April of the Penguins on the Hey Roodle Roodle Patreon. If you missed Penguin Baseball, the craze that's sweeping the nation last year, you can catch up and then go check out all four new Penguin Baseball, the craze that's sweeping the nation last year, you can catch up and then you can go check out

all four new Penguin Baseball episodes dropping this month and go to our T-Public store. If you want the link, it's in the description of the episode and check out our five new teams and all of their associated merch. It's some good stuff. We outdid ourselves. We outdid ourselves. We thought Penguin Baseball was big last year. It's only getting stuff. We outdid ourselves. We outdid ourselves.

We thought Penguin Baseball was big last year. It's only getting bigger this year. Okay, Addle, anything else to plug? No, just big ups to Ariel for knocking out of the park, knocking the egg out of the park, of course. Eggman, the egg is still the ball, everybody. Do not worry. Eggman, and also with you.

Last night, I was trying to explain to the guy that I'm seeing what Penguin Baseball is. And I was like, well, the field is ice and the egg's the ball. And then I read him the players I have this year and he was like, what is this? And the gentlest way. That's so nice. What is this? So nice. Yeah. And what is this? In the gentlest way. And now what is this?

So nice. Yeah. And what is this? Beside that, check out Hello from the Magic Tavern, now in our 10th season, 10th anniversary. Check that out. And Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote? I honestly, the end of this episode has rendered me

so speechless that I have nothing. GPC, a review to read or? Hey, I got something else to promote too. So Hey, Riddle, Riddle, we are going to be doing some live shows this year. And if you would like Hey, Riddle, Riddle to come to your city, we have a live show requester on our website.

The website is heyriddleriddle.com slash request. If you want to request us to come see a city that you live in and you've never requested it before, please no duplicates, fill out that form on our website, we might come to a city near you. I will say we haven't settled in with all of our dates yet, but we are coming to some cities that we've never been to before. So that is very exciting. But yes, check out future updates on that and request a live show at

HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash request. Specifically, if you know like a good like mid-sized venue in your town, that would be good for us. That's also information that we would love to have because... Well, how many seats do you think we can ask for people? I think like anywhere in like the 200 to 500 range is like that's our sweet spot. And that's like mid-size. And yeah, please do please do let us know because we would love to come see you and love to have you see us in a city where you live in. I do have a review to read.

Yes, please. This one was a five star review. I submitted wherever you leave reviews. If you leave them, I might find them today. I found one from Chuckie King. It says, announcement. I, JPC think that the way Addle eats KitKats is completely fine. In fact, it is the superior method. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like when people make me say stuff like that. I got my toilet scene and compliments

on how I eat KitKats, which is to bite into them when they're still connected and never break them apart. Hell yeah. Hate hearing about that. I do have a, oops. Looks like Cormor the ancient demonic puppet is still on my hand here. Cormor, how you doing? I have something to plug. Oh, Cormor, what do you have to plug?

You can check me out in hell every Tuesday and Thursday. Wow. Tuesday and Thursday. Stupid Earth, goodbye! Well, that is an episode to toss right into the trash. Weee! Oh, wonderful. Any notes? I got some notes.

Wow. No, I got some notes. Wow. No, I got nothing. Hey there, Corvids and Raptors. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It is April of the Penguins, so that means it's time for our Penguin Baseball League draft. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com such as HeyRudelRudel by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 70 day free trial, or the review

crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!