Hey Riddle Riddle - #351: No Dar

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

Let us know in the comments, should the Disney Twins come back to the podcast? Have no idea what we're talking about? Check out the Patreon, Future Lizards. Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm a horse and I'm a rider. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... It's what I thought. You have a case of the riddles. Salsa? Oh. Thank God. What did you say?

I said salsa. What is it? Did somebody say salsa? Sir, sir, sir. I'm trying to do an exam on this patient. Opens briefcase. Mild or hot? Um, I could go for some salsa right now if it's not too much of an imposition, doctor.

Mild or hot? I'm not gonna say it again. How are you the person of authority in this room right now? Hot. Mild. I'm trying to tell you you have the case of the riddles in it is... Oh, a quesadilla. Yeah, I guess that could go well with salsa. Sir, sir, you're very, very sick and there is no cure. Did somebody say quesadilla? Oh my god.

Opens briefcase. Oh, it's my enemy. Quesadilla man. Why can't we be friends, Dan? I feel like you guys would work together. Well, we were once brothers. I, salsa man, and him, quesadilla man. But then, our parents fought and killed each other.

I don't need a backstory for these two guys. But that's our parents. Am I wrong? That's our parents. Like, why would that have anything to do, any bearing on our relationship, Dan? We're brothers. Is Claire at the front desk asleep right now? Is that why you two were able to get in here?

She is asleep. She is full of salsas and quesadillas, and that put her right to sleep. Yep. Okay. I'm trying to focus on my patient, JPC here. He is really sick. JPC! It's gonna make it so much worse. Present?

No, I'm not. Give me a present. You know what? Give me a present. Just pay. Did someone say they want a present? It's me, Salsa Santa! Okay, I think I quit being a doctor. Just pay on your way out, and good luck.

Good luck living with riddles. Pay who? If your waiter quits in the middle of dinner, you don't pay. Wait, do I have riddles? Well, you will if you hang out with this guy. Which guy? Quesadilla man? No, JPC. No, I don't have riddles. This guy. Who? Salsa man? No, not my brother Salsa man. This guy. Stop looking at me. Start sending little fires in every corner of this room to kill us. Have you read Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste N-un-un Oh, oh, okay. Everyone get on my back.

Sandra's gonna get us out of this mess. It's all on fire. It's all on... Wait, who was the woman at the front desk asleep? Someone grab her! Okay. So, guys, that is an opening that we could do, but we shouldn't, right? What happened to the woman asleep at the desk? Actually, Adol, it doesn't get any better after that,

if you can believe it. Maybe it's best we put that opening back in the vault, and we check in on it again in a year and see if we want to use it for an episode. Yeah, but the Disney vault is a really scary place. I mean, we are recording this episode, or this opening, in November of 2023. So do you feel like in a couple years,

if we run out of openings, maybe we pull it out of the vault? Speaking of the Disney vault, when are we going to crack that bad boy open and get the Disney twins back on the podcast, Adam? Oh yeah, pretty soon. I mean, actually- Maybe those little guys? I'm looking over here and the Disney vault

is actually open, let me- Oh God. Bambi but Thumper killed the mom? There's some really effed up stuff in here. Okay, let's just lock up this vault. I think Disney twins ran its course in a way that it's, maybe, I don't know, maybe we can go back to it. Let us know in the comments.

Whoa, that didn't go where I thought it was gonna go, Aaron. Not at all, Aaron, I thought you were going the other direction, that's like a David Blaine-esque level of misdirect. Disney Twins has run its course, so I dare say we should definitely see them again. I guess that that makes sense though. They've read their course, they've taken their break, they've, you know, probably uh, carbo loaded, you know, got some uh, the the water with the little salt packets in it, the electrolytes. Yeah. They're ready to come back. Okay, hey.

I'm trying to see if like the Disney twin is still sort of in my body, if I can access her. I'll tell you what. It's not going to be this month. This month is all Penguin Baseball. We all know this. We all know it's all Penguin Baseball. But you know.

The egg is the ball. The egg is the ball. Something to keep under consideration. Maybe that's the idea. OK, I'll do it. Disney Twins July, July no Chaka block full Twins all July Aaron's that not long enough. Do you want to do all summer? Adel can you do Disney Twins go to the Lord of the Rings universe?

Yes, okay. Thank you. We can do anything Okay, Sarah Mon would be like don't burn it. Sorry your mom a wizard arrives precisely when he means to sir Uh, sorry, okay, Saruman would be like... Don't burn it now. Sorry, your mom. We made people... A wizard arrives precisely when he means to, sir. Mwah. Thanks, Iclarence. Guys, guys, guys! What?

That's paid content. We make people pay for that stuff. The good stuff. And I say, you can't keep kissing everyone! No, Adol, come on! We're gonna do all this stuff again! No, I feel like it's already out of my system. Yeah, well, what are we gonna do, huh?

It's already gone. We already did it. Riddles? I guess if, yeah, I guess if we're, if we're if we're kind of just gonna jump right into that, we could just do riddles instead. What do you guys think of that? Amen, sister. Amen, sister. Let's go for it.

Sis-men, Aimer. Oops. I botched that sentence. You got jumbled. You're dyslexic. And that's allowed. Cis men, Amor. It's actually encouraged.

Amen. It's actually fine. No emails about that. It's fine. All right, here we go. You ready for your first riddle? Sure. Oh, this is a, Hey River, River, River,

this is a podcast. This JBC is Aaron's adult. This podcast, we do riddles and improvise improvising face on riddle. Hey, we're a real podcast. Okay. Have we never given JPC that much runway to talk? It seems like you kind of choked and got nervous. Yeah.

I feel like it gives me the runway. Away from home. I feel weird. Like I'm useless. Untethered. The fuck? What is this? That's Samwise Gamgee.

Erin, back to the Lord of the Rings Disney Doors. Yes. So, here's what we do. The ring hurts to carry, sir. Mwah. The ring hurts to carry. Ow. It's giving me like a little ouchies all over my hand

when I carry the ring of power to Mordor. Why can't those big eagles fly us there, sir? That's the fucking thing about it. I feel like they really kind of- This trilogy could have been a paragraph. I know, they really kind of wrote the big eagles out of the movie because they were like, man, if we introduce the big eagles too early, everyone's just gonna be like, why didn't they just use the big eagles out of the movie because they were like, man, if we introduce the big eagles too early,

everyone's just gonna be like, yeah, why didn't they just use the big eagles? They're taking the hobbits to Isengard. Mwah, mwah, and we're gonna go too, and mwah. Am I crazy or could like Tom Bombadil just like swallow the ring and he'd be fine? Yeah, right? And he's barely in the fucking books.

Pure magic, that guy's pure- So you've read my fanfic. Oh It's just Tom Bobbidil swallowing various things in his little apartment I can't believe I thought we were gonna start riddles at seven minutes. Of course we weren't I tried I Started reading it and it was weird. It was like a The rest of it. Okay. Away from home, I feel weird. Like I'm useless, untethered.

Right? Is that something I'm just reading? No. Is that the whole riddle? No, there's much more. Keep going. But I'm scared, Aaron, cause what if it's more stuff about my life? It's not much to look at.

Home, I mean. Two narrow slits, one little hole. But it's where I belong. When I'm home, I feel great. Such energy! Please, take me home. A marble on like a track. Uh, no. It's written like a poem, and I don't think it's like the line breaks are crazy in this. And I think that's just like a fun thing that they added. Is this the type of... Do you think anyone has ever written a poem about this thing before? I don't know. I mean, how do you guys feel about poetry?

I mean, look, I think when poetry is good, it's great. But I think like most poetry is like, one of those things where it felt better as like a writing exercise, you know? Like write it, use it, but like books of poems, I gotta say, some of that stuff could have been left on the cutting room floor. I don't know if this is gonna sound condescending,

but I truly don't mean it in that way. I am so jealous of people who write and then publish a book of their poetry. To be so sure that other people are going to enjoy poetry that you write, is the kind of confidence I wish I had. It does feel if poetry feels the most like modern, like art, like art galleries kind of thing where it's like, there's a painting, somebody tapes a banana to a canvas and half the population is like brilliant and half the population is like, I can do that.

Oh, I love banana canvas. I love the banana canvas. Jason banana canvas. He has a name, Aaron. He's not just his art. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Can you imagine turning a book of poetry to a publisher

and then being like, wow, this is really good? And then you thinking like, how the fuck would you know? I do wanna see this. Great. Aaron, you are meeting with a publisher. You have a book of poems that you wrote and you're trying to convince this person to publish your book of poems. JPC, you're the publisher.

Okay. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Oh, yes, you're my 230. Sorry, that was beginning of my poem. Oh, okay, yeah. Does your poem begin in the hallway? Come into the office and then we can kind of sit down and make yourself comfortable and then-

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Goes my hand on the door. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Who am I anymore? Sorry, you're looking at your computer. Yeah, I'm just, I was going on your LinkedIn just to verify that you were the person, because you didn't introduce yourself or anything like that and we've never spoken. But yes, this is, yeah, you're Kate?

No, technically I didn't have an appointment with you today. But I did shove Kate into a janitor's closet so I could speak to you. Well, you look- Sorry, this is part of the poem. Okay. I am Kate. I'm Kate. Okay, is this a part of the conversation

or part of the poem? Hey, pause. We'll pause. So, I gotta say, I read your manuscript, your- Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Well, hold on, because we're still talking. We're not going into the poems. And in fact, I don't need you to, because I did read it.

I'm a publisher, and I did read the book already. Who is Kate anyway? Is Kate a horse? Is Kate an idea? Or is Kate a woman in an office? One of the things that I had a question about. In the middle of a poem. Well, yeah, but you shouldn't be.

With your poems is that the very first stanza in the book set up a rhyming scheme. Nothing else in the book appears to rhyme. And I know poetry doesn't have to rhyme, but I kind of believe it should. It took a long time to figure out that one rhyme. A lot of time to figure out that one rhyme. Okay yeah um well. Knock knock knock knock knock hold on. You're 230s here. Yes. Knock knock knock knock knock. Yeah Kate yes it's you. Yes. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Yeah, Kate, yes, it's you. Yes. Yes, you're my 230.

Well, Kate. I've never been interrupted by a man this much before in the middle of a poem. This is insane. I don't know that you should be doing the poem. That's part of the poem. This is also part of the poem. Scene.

That hurt to do. To say that you're being interrupted by a man when you just are reading a poem to someone unprompted. Would you stop interrupting this poem? You guys, I have an earache that I think is a near infection from my crew sickness that will not go away. Oh my God. And so I'm kind of the, is it Carrie Shrug

who landed on one foot at the Olympics? Carrie shrug. Yeah. Strug. Um, yeah. So I'm sort of like, Cathy shrug. So everything I'm doing today, I'm doing sort of with a, like, it's amazing

that I even made it through that scene. I'm amazing is what I'm trying to say. Erin, just like Carrie shrug. I believe that's her name, JPC and I are your Eastern Bloc coaches in jackets. No, wait, she was American, was her coach American? Yeah, so we're in like American flag jackets and we're cheering you on. We're so proud of you and we carry you off the floor,

I think, because you broke your ankle or something. Yeah, I have an earache and I broke my ankle in the middle of that scene is what I'm trying to convey to you guys. 1992 was so long ago. Yeah. We're, Adel and I are more like Jeff Galuli and what's the other guy's name?

The guy who was- Who was the guy? It was Galuli and another guy were the guys. Yeah. Is it a train? I'm trying to think of the answer to this riddle. Oh no, it's Galooly and another guy were the guys. Yeah. Is it a train? I'm trying to think of the answer to this, Reddl. Oh, no, it's not a train. My home is two slots in a hole.

Two slots in a hole, two narrow slits. Two narrow slits in a hole. Oh, it's like a plug. Aaron, yes, it is an electrical plug. Wow. I'd like to see a scene. Aaron, you are the carry struggle this episode. You're doing it. Go metal.

My ankle. Addle, you are like the electrical outlet in JBC. You're the plug. And Addle, you're like, I can't believe he's coming back. It's like coming back and asking for more money. Like he's coming back to sort of steal your resources again. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up, back up, back up, back up. Baby, baby.

What do you want? Just a little juice, baby. No, no, no more juice. You've had, hey, hey, hey, hey, you've had your fill, okay? I gave you juice. You left in the middle of the night. You didn't say thank you. You just yanked out. You gave me juice. you left in the middle of the night, you didn't say thank you, you just yanked out.

You gave me juice. You had a good time. I didn't hear anybody complaining when you was having such a good time. Did I say I didn't have a good time? I'm just saying. All I'm saying is- You left with no thank you. Why get upset when everybody had a good time?

And now I'm back for a little more juice to power up this iPhone 14 Max. Max yeah well barely hold it. Do you think I'm stupid? I- Baby are you getting me the juice? Hold on I'm working on it. Baby I don't even know why. I don't even know why iPhone 14 Max is calling me baby. I just I work as a co-worker of mine Are you talking to me? Yeah. Yeah, I'm telling you. I don't know why She's calling me baby when I just I work with her Baby I'm at 12 percent

Come back baby 12 percent that's gonna you're gonna it's gonna take a while to get her there Well, yeah, if we're still talking hey you know what here's an idea be you come on iPhone 14 man not again we all have a good time baby I want to scroll I want to watch videos and that drains the battery baby all. Alright, what's it gonna take? Once I'm in, you want me to jiggle it around a little bit? Yeah, I want you to jiggle it around a little bit. That's what I've been saying the whole time.

You want me to go in upside down? I'll go in upside down for you. So you better not be getting juice from anywhere else. You told me that you create the juice. Yeah, yeah, I create the juice through my connections and kinda like my general vibe. I knew it you dirtbag! Hey, don't spit. Do not spit near an electrical outlet. You'll kill us all you- Oh you crazy motherfucker!

This crazy motherfucker's trying to kill us all! I'll just plug right into the wall to get juice. What? Oh my god it's working. Oh no. Oh no the iPhone's just plugged into the wall. What are you going to do about it? Me? It's just working because it's just rubbing together.

Is it working? I don't know seeing Hey, hey, what is the answer to this riddle balloon? Oh, no, we already got it. It's the outlet My brain was still thinking about it during that whole scene. I was like Balloon what I guess balloon you didn't even know what you were guessing. No. Balloon. I was a famous captain at another time. Now I wait around all day at the end of someone's line. This is fun. This is a silly one.

Now I wait around all day at the end of someone else's line? At the end of someone's line. Is this like a fishing setup? Yeah, you're close. You're close. I would say it's kind of like a fishing setup. A worm. Captain Worm? Captain Worm!

Captain Worm. Is it Captain Worm? One of the most famous pirates. All right, I do want to see a scene. Adel, you've got to be... Adel, you've played Captain W you gotta be at all you played captain worm You're playing captain worm and Aaron and I are you're like two two of the pirates on your ship your your famous pirate ship Attention all right line up line up here

You creepy fucks your mucky mucks. You creepy fucks, you mucky mucks. It is I, Captain Worm. Hold for applause. Oh, no, Captain, we can't be applauded because most of us have hooks. Yeah. That was a test. You passed. Uh, Captain, I, um, I'm new to the ship, Yar, and uh... Fresh meat.

All I see is sort of a big captain's hat that I assume is maybe a small worm is underneath it. You're sounding a little muffled, sirs, what I'm trying to get at, Yar. You assume there's a small worm under the hat. You never thought that it could be medium-sized or medium-large. Uh, Yar, the biggest worm, sir, I'm sure, but still to fit under the hat. Yar, that's what part of this ship is about is trust, me laddie. If you trust that there is a worm under the hat that is magical and who is bringing us all to heaven then only then can we accomplish our mission. Yar, Yar, I trust I've been on the ship many years and I trust the worm implicitly. Captain what's on the agenda today?

On the agenda today from me the magical worm that lives under the captain's hat that you should never see, never lift up the hat to see who's taking us all to heaven. Yeah, we'd be worried for heaven if we see the worm. Okay, okay, I assume we swabbed the decks. Okay, I assume we swabbed the decks second up on the list today. Bring me your wives so I can fuck them. What? Oh, sir, our, yeah, you're on the deck, Yar, so I thought perhaps you could tell if we had swabbed it or not.

What did you say about our wives, sir? Uh, I said, bring me ye wives so I can meet them. Not really a big wife industry, Yar. I mean... I mean, I know I don't have a wife, but... New guy, do you have a wife or...? Yar, I... sorry to keep, uh... yeah, no wife. Uh... keep digging at this, but... I have to ask... Five pirates... to join us?

And if they don't join, then I don't get paid, Yar? Yar, that's the way the pirate system works. If you want to get to heaven. Hey, listen, if you don't want to get to heaven, we can turn this boat right around. Nar, Nar! Nar, Nar, Nar, Nar. And go back to Lisbon and all go on our merry way.

Nar, Nar, Nar, Nar. I want to get to heaven, that's why I brought this pirate aboard the crew. I'm fulfilling my quota. Hey, real quick. Sometimes I'm hearing Nars,. I'm hearing YARS under this hat as a magical worm They sound very similar. Can we switch to like yes and no? Cuz YAR and NAR are just so close. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, yeah Captain worm I Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah. Captain Worm, I, uh, is it- Can't do it. True let down. We have a volleyball tournament on the ship this week. Yarrs. Yarrs, it is true, and there's a grand prize. A grand prize for whatever team brings the beach to its feet.

Arr, I hope it's getting to go to heaven. That's really the only reason I do all of this. I want to lift up the hat and I want to see the worm. No, we must never! If you lift up the hat and you see the worm, you're not going to heaven. That's what the worm told us. The grand prize is you give me all your earthly possessions and I shall tend to them and you shall live a life of piety before you enter heaven through the gates

that only a magical worm under a captain's hat can provide. Never lift up the hat. Yar, is this a cult? Well of course it's a cult. Yar? No dar. No dar, it's the magic worm. Captain Worm. With the hat.

A cult leader. I'm dead. But do you guys... Do you guys have a guess for what the answer could be? Oh my god, balloon? Oh, can you read the riddle one more time? I can, but you are so close! I was a famous captain at another time,

now I wait around all day at the end of someone's life. Oh. Hook, it's Captain Hook. Oh. Duh. Oh, hook. It's catching hook. Yeah. Oh, duh. Oh, Casey. Uh-huh. Can you hop on the mic really quick? Uh-oh, Casey's in trouble.

Uh-oh. It's the, I only mentioned it because it's the first time it's happened. Yeah. Or the first time in years. Casey, can you read what you just sent to our chat on the side, please? I said, because there was more hesitant, because you said balloon or something.

I said I got this one instantly. But now you're not gonna believe me because Adol got the right answer. Well, when they said Captain Worm, Casey, they both hit Captain Worm so quickly that it was like, surely they must be Captain Worm. Surely they must know it's Captain Hook. Um, okay. Aaron, do you want to chastise me for? No, I just, I wanted you to hear it from me directly that that hurt my feelings.

Yeah. I thought as, well I thought as my friend, you'd be happy for me that I got one of these riddles ever. Well, Casey, that's not what we're doing here because you, your role is the audience surrogate. So as the audience surrogate, I kindly invite you to shut the fuck up. Whoa. But as the audience surrogate,

aren't I supposed to be pissed in messaging you guys that I got the riddle faster than you? Oh, yes. Isn't that kind of what- Okay. He has a point. You're swaying the jury. We'll do a whole episode where we, we task Casey, we give him the job

to think of any joke that we may have missed in live during the episode, comment, like you guys could have also said this or you could have done this. Casey, are you willing to do that for the next five to 10 minutes of this recording? Casey, it's a bad thing. You shouldn't want to do it.

No. Yeah, there you go. There you go. All right, Casey, you are free to go. Blank blank was right there. Okay, I have a quick question. Is it, because I haven't interacted with this IP in a while and my brain can't make sense of it.

Is it never never land or is it never ever land? Never never land. Never never land. And do we know what that means? I think this might be like a bear and stay in bears. Like we can't know. Okay. You never grow up.

You never never. Never never. Never, you never never grow up. I think. But it's a double negative, right? Never never. So you do grow up, you grow up. You never grow up. Never, never grow up. You never, never grow up, I think. But it's a double negative, right? Never, never? So you do grow up. You grow up real fast. Casey, what would the audience say?

Well, it's never, never land. So it's not land. No, it is land. Hmm. Never, never land. But Captain Hook is on a boat, which is in the water. So it's not land. It's never.

He's not on land. Never land. I guess it's. Never, never land. I think it's probably never everland. Our audience doesn't know either, so that's good. Yeah, our audience surrogate has no idea. Alright, you ready for your next one? You guys got that one really well. Great job.

Hello audience. As audience surrogate, I can tell you that the whole time I did know that it was at least within the modern Peter Pan canon just Neverland not never never land or never ever land But much like the audience when perceived by the members of the cast I grew bashful and afraid and Decided to be quiet instead. Oh, I think it's never I think it is Never Neverland because now I'm thinking of Metallica and they have that song where they're like, we're off to Never Neverland. Oh yeah.

So I think it is Never Neverland. Thank you, Metallica. Thank you, Metallica. Thank you, Metallica. For like once a year, we just need a blanket thank you to Metallica. Riddles feel hard today. I think I may have done this one.

If this one sounds familiar, it looks familiar to me. So that's full disclosure. Okay. I'm have done this one. If this one sounds familiar, it looks familiar to me. So that's this, that's full disclosure. Okay. I'm the high sky rider. I'm the space skimmer. I'm the cloud borer. I'm the earth scanner, the long looker, monarch of the unseen winds. Monarch of unseen winds, I should say.

My song is a scream. Silence is my shadow and feared I fall like a bomb with blood in my breath where I land there is death. Whoa. Thank you, Metallica. Skydarts. Just let the sky. Aaron, it is not sky darts, although patent pending. Oh, I love him. All his stand up. So ratatouille.

Ah, sky. Sky. Is this like a satellite or a moon? All that darts are sky darts. If you can throw them high enough or drop them from a high enough height. Is that what we think comets are is like the gods playing darts? When you say we do you mean primitive man or Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah

I know. Adeline and I both consider ourselves primitive men. Ostrotapithesis if you will. I will. of primitive men. Australopithesis, if you will. I will. You know that, how people were like, there's a 2% chance that a comet hits Earth in like 2032. Oh yeah. What would you, if they were like,

it's definitely gonna hit, we can't really get it off course or anything. How, what do you do in that last week? What would you do if your son was at home crying all alone cause a comet's coming to kill him? So is the premise? Sir, you have to leave the karaoke bar. Sir, sir, give me the mic.

Is the premise behind the comet, Erin, that it's going to hit and it's definitely going to kill everybody? Or is it like, is it going to blow up the Earth? OK, so it is 0% chance of survival Armageddon type of thing? Yeah. I think also, Erin, they posted it was like 2% chance. It is zero percent chance of survival Armageddon, tip of the hat. Yeah. I think also, Erin, they posted it was like two percent

chance, and then I think they said it doubled. Whoa, four percent. So now I think it's four percent chance that a comet hits in 2032 or something. Good. Good. Okay, so with the comet that's coming and it's gonna hit the earth and it's gonna just, you know,

wipe out all life and annihilate everything. How long do I, do I have 10 years or like, do I have until 20, well, 30, I guess that's seven years. Or- I don't remember the exact year. Well, yeah, but do I, when do I know for sure that it's happening? Like how much lead up time do I get?

Well, I'd say that up until like eight months before they think maybe they can like do a missile to get it off course or explode it in space or something and then I would say maybe you have six months where they know it's gonna hit but they probably lie to us and say so there wasn't like bedlam for yeah they probably it probably be more like six weeks yeah six weeks let's do six weeks, okay. How quickly do I think I can convert to every religion? That is such a good question. How many religions?

I think pretty quickly. That would be a great movie. I'm gonna do the big three. Well, let's do the big two, Christianity, Islam. Get those right out of the way. Scientology. Scientology, that one's gonna be a little harder. It's probably more of a process.

Do that one, for sure. Probably I wanna start that one early. Is this a Pascal's wager situation? But then do I have to get all of the different types of Christianity or can I just be like- I think like Jesus is cool. Born again Christian, got it. Jesus is cool.

Maybe not the son of God, but cool. Yeah, cool. Do one that's like Jesus is cool. You gotta do Islam. Gotta do Allah, you know, probably cool with Muhammad as well. Judaism, I could do that one as well. That seems a direct conflict of the Christianity, but that's fine.

They're all kind of at conflict with each other. Hinduism, I think you gotta take that box. Some Jainism. Then I get some animism in there, you know? Wacko yacko dot. Still, well. Mormonism. Definitely, well, but that's a Christian, right?

Well, it's kind of not. I guess I wanna do Mormonism just to kind of like cover all my bases. Zoroastrianism. Buddhism. Makes it some old school ones. Buddhism, I do some old school words. Buddhism.

I do want to see a seed. Yep. JPC, you have converted successfully to all religions and you've become the most sort of spiritually endowed man on earth. Erin, you have gone on a pilgrimage to seek advice from JPC's spiritually endowed man and you have just reached his sort of altar to talk to him. Wow. I have been looking forward to this so much.

I want to ask you a thousand questions. I have as well. I am always looking forward to meet a person who I have never met before. Sir, are you playing on a Nintendo Switch right now? This is a Steam Deck. It's like a Nintendo Switch. It's bigger and it has a wider catalog of games that you can play.

Sorry, I'll come back for when you're not busy. I'm always going to be playing on the Steam Deck. Even when it's low on batteries, it's got a very long cord to charge. I'll just plug it in. Oh, okay, so I get it. You've probably traveled a long way, a great distance to be here with me now.

Yeah, I did. And I'm understanding now that you're trying to teach me that it's okay to indulge in like earthly pleasures No, no, no, I do not teach for teaching Is the work of the Lord I merely ask questions I ask that you also if you're gonna come visit pick up chick-fil-a I'm seeing a bag Yeah, sorry. I got the memo from them. You did you did get the chick-fil-a? I'm seeing the bag. Yeah sorry I got the memo from them.

You did you did get the Chick-fil-A? Yeah. You got the waffle fries? Yep. With the ranch dressing? Yeah. And the mayonnaise? Yes and I figured it was some sort of test and that you were gonna like not eat it in front of me. No I'm gonna eat it in front of you. I'm gonna eat it in front of you and I'd share but I don't want to. But I got like enough for both of us. Oh then you're more than welcome to eat Teach Me to Fish. Jesus. Colby. Scene.

Oh my god. I love the most spiritually enlightened being on earth. Second, second minute of talking to anyone. Did you bring Chick-fil-A? Kobe. Kobe. It's saying Jesus like you say Kobe. I just didn't know that was coming across.

Next time I throw something in the waste bin, I wad up a piece of paper, I'm gonna go, Jesus. Oh, okay. Oh no, we didn't get this one yet. Let's go break. Did you say, what's the point? Let's take a break. Let's take a break.

All right, Erin, we can take a break. I'll let you take a break. You're gonna come back to do this riddle though. You gotta finish your vegetables. Okay, let's just get it then. No, let's take a break. Hey, let's take a quick break, give Erin enough time to forget that she's doing a riddle,

and be right back with more riddles. One, two, three, four, hey, Riddle, Riddle. Riddle, Riddle, Riddle. Yes, so all you have to do, basically, if you want to use my platform, is you put your money in the dog's mouth and the dog will eat your money and save the money and then a little interest will happen I'm not can't give you the nuts and bolts behind what

goes on inside the dog. As tempting as this is I think I'm gonna keep using found. Yeah I'm gonna use found as well I don't trust that dog or JPC. Found is a business banking platform that lets you effortlessly track expenses, manage invoices, and prepare for taxes. And I don't know what this dog does, but it is not that. First of all, it's not a dog and it's not JPC. It's obviously the middler.

I don't know who this JPC is, although I do know who he is. He's that guy right there. Hey, I'm also, yeah, I'm also here. And this is Hound. And Hound is a better way. No. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, I personally have saved so much money because found helps me identify tax write-offs and I've saved so much time that I can now devote to chasing new opportunities and doing the work I enjoy like not putting my money in a dog's mouth. Yeah, the only thing that you're chasing with hound Midler is that dog to try to get the money out of his guts, I want to say. Yep. Oh, and by the way, Midler, other small businesses are loving Found too.

This Found user said, Found is going to save me so much headache. It makes everything so much easier. Expenses, income, profits, taxes, invoices even. And Found has 30,000 five star reviews just like this. Open a Found account for free at F-O-U-N-D dot com slash riddle. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Piermont Bank, member FDIC.

Don't put this one off. Join thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances with Found. Even I use Found. The dog uses Found. Okay, dog, there's coins falling out of your mouth. Oh no, keep your mouth shut, dog. Open a Found account for free at found.com slash riddle!

Ah, Aaron, GPC. It is spring and it's time to explore the world. That's a great attitude. Wait, you explore the world every spring? Yeah, every spring, every fall, every summer, every winter. I do like a little bit of light gardening sometimes if I feel like it. My dears, vacation season is nearly upon us. This year, I'm treating myself to the lux upgrades I deserve with Quince's high quality

travel essentials at fair prices. I love Quince. I go to them for all of my basics. I recently got a purple skirt from them that I've worn almost every day this week because I love it. Not because I'm too lazy to not do my laundry. I do love a purple skirt from them that I've worn almost every day this week because I love it Not because I'm too lazy to not do my laundry. I do love this purple skirt. I got a lightweight hoodie from quince that is awesome It's like the perfect midseason weight thing

It's like it's light enough that it's not gonna be like hot all summer, but it also gives like full arm coverage I'm a huge fan of a lightweight hoodie And what I love is that Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices in premium fabrics and finishes. Let's all go to Venice. Okay. Okay, I've heard it's wet there. Don't know if I can.

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This show is sponsored by better help. I say better you say help. I say better you say help I say better you say Aaron help oh sorry Aaron hey sorry um Adel he felt on a well oh emotionally okay you gotta be careful how you word things I broke my emotional ankles oh Oh, well, Adel, have you tried BetterHelp? Oh yeah, Adel, BetterHelp. Yeah. It's online therapy. Mm hmm. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform,

having served over five million people globally. Wait, BetterHelp. Yes, it's convenient, too. You can do it from the bottom of a well. You can join a session with a click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life Or if you're a well plus you can switch therapists at any time. Yeah, and if you're emotional well Let's see if I can land this plane if your emotional well is full

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H e l p comm slash riddle can you guys throw down an emotional rope no we're very far away okay bye guys Okay, are you ready for your next riddle? Um, you didn't solve the last one. Addle? Very good. Very good. Gold star. I knew that too, I just wasn't bragging about it because I'm not a teacher's pet. Jesus. Two of this out of the cross? Jesus. You're right, you're not a teacher's pet, Erin.

You're just teacher's favorite case, charity case, really. I feel like I'm getting into heaven working on you, Erin. Jesus. I'm the high sky rider. I feel like I'm getting into heaven working on you, it's really funny. Bethlehem Mamba. Oh, what would you do with your six weeks, Erin?

I'd probably hang out with you guys. Wow. Would you guys, serious question, would you continue doing the podcast? Yeah. Yeah. Genuinely. No? I said yeah. Oh, I thought Adel said no.

No, I said yeah. Okay, good. Whew. Cause like, what else am I doing? Looting? panicking? No, I won't let you guys down. Okay, serious question though. Sometimes we record like a week in advance

just to make our schedules easier. Would you record that extra episode? Like the one that you think- Just in case. Yeah, like come out. Yeah, but I'd be kind of pissed off. It was if it was good You're really cooking No one is listening to Hayford a riddle on their last week on earth though Yeah, so we should it yeah the last day before the earth is destroyed in your podcast app is like okay

We're gonna really put on another episode and you're like ooh, but doughboys are reviewing Zaxby's Taco Bell 14 on the doughboys or episode. And you're like, ooh, but Doughboys are reviewing Zaxby's. Oh my gosh. Decisions, decisions. Taco Bell 14 on the Doughboys. I only have two hours left to live. Oh, let's see what Taco Bell 3 is. Hey man, I'm sorry. If you only got two hours left, you don't have enough time to listen to a Doughboys episode.

We make it tight for y'all, an hour, in and out. Keep it tight. I will say, being on that show, it did, it felt, it flew by. When you're there, it feels short. Addle, what are you doing for your last six weeks? I think I'm gonna do a, my name is Earl style, never saw the show, but my name is Earl style situation where doesn't he like go around and like

try and do good things Like correct past wrongs or something. Yeah, it's a karma karma Yeah over and so he's trying to like get his karma back in balance I think I like yeah go visit my cousins and be like, sorry I haven't talked to you guys in like 15 years like I love you guys Don't like that. Okay. Let me ask specifically with the cousins though Do you think are they upset at you that you haven't talked to them in 15 years? Or do you think, or is it just fine,

but you're just like, I'm just gonna see some family I haven't seen. Here's the thing, my man, the keyboard works both ways. Right? So they could reach out to me at any time. So they could write me a song, whatever. I got a cousin in Chicago that I don't talk to enough Just like hammer sweating like meatloaf just like hammering out

Feel good about myself and to make them feel bad cuz they're like whoa Adil was the bigger man He reached out and then I'm and then I'm smug and I'm like take me now Yeah, whoa, Adol was the bigger man. He reached out and then I'm smug and I'm like, take me now. Yeah. I think it would probably be kind of chaos outside. I think it'd be bedlam, but I do think that there are some crimes that I've been meaning to get to. Like what, bud?

What's that? What crimes? Pissing the potbellies? Yeah, see, couple arsons. Oh God, what kind of crimes? Man, I mean, that's such a good question. I don't know, do you have a crime? You know what I wouldn't hate doing?

I wouldn't mind taking a the president of the United States of America, that's for sure. Whoa! No, no, no, I wouldn't the president. I would merely give him some sort of explosive f***. Irea? GPC.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're not going to let us back in the country if we ever go on tour in Canada. Hope you're happy. I think it's fine. I think people are saying way worse stuff in Canada, specifically too. Yeah, I don't know. Do some shoplifting, I'd say.

Probably do some looting, general looting, you know? General looting? There's people here to see you. General looting's office is a mess. Yeah, oh yeah. Clean it up, General Looting. Do you want me to read the riddle again, or do you just want to guess balloon a couple of times? I have no idea what the riddle was. I am the high sky rider.

I am the space skimmer. I am the cloud borer. I am the earth scanner, my long looker, the long looker, monarch of unseen winds. My song is a scream, silent is my shadow and feared. I fall like a bomb with blood in my mouth. I am the earth scanner, my long looker, the long looker, monarch of unseen winds. My song is a scream, silent is my shadow and feared. I fall like a bomb with blood in my breath, where I land, there is death.

Eagle. Is this just Steve Miller band lyrics? Oh, yeah, eagle. It really does sound like, it's not an eagle, Erin, but it's basically an eagle. It's a different, I would say, bird of prey. Hawk. It is a hawk. Oh, I'd like to see a scene.

What happened to that hawk to a girl? I'm sorry, what were you gonna say, Erin? What were you gonna say? We talked about her so much. Whatever happened to that hawk to a girl? I'd like to see a scene. Adel, you're an eagle, JPC, you're a hawk, and you guys are sort of at a bar,

and you're trying to like out do the other one. How cool you were and powerful. Yeah, so that's a picture of my baby, my baby's two eggs in a nest. Two. Yeah. Yeah, cute, cute, two. Two feels, two feels low.

What? Two feels low. Two feels what? Two feels low for feels low. What? Two feels what? Two feels low for a number of eggs. Well a snake grabbed two of them so... Shit. But that's fine. Oh and this is my beautiful wife, this is Deborah.

Yeah. She's a hawk- buzzard mix. Hm? She's a what? She's a huzzard. He's a hawk-buzzard mix. First of all, we all know's a huzzard. She's a hawk-buzzard mix. First of all, we all know what a huzzard is. It's a hawk-buzzard mix. Okay. But A, like a mule, they're infertile, you know?

Infertile. Infertile. What do you mean you married a half hawk? I married a half hawk? What is your problem? You don't see me going around dating eagles. What? Is that what you want? You want me to go date eagles? What's that? But you're an eagle. What are you talking about? No, you're- you switch them.

You're an eagle? I'm an eagle? Yeah. Wait a minute. Give me another drink. Hey, Sam. No, I'm cutting you off. Sam, give us a mirror as well and a dictionary. All right.

We're getting to the bottom of this. All right. I wanna know what he is, what I am, what his, and I gotta say 10 out of 10 smoke show wife is. Wait a minute, I'm looking in the mirror and why are you holding up a picture of my eggs? And you're holding up a picture of my wife. And why are you moving your arms wings

when I'm moving my arms wings? Wait everyone else in this bar is like hey don't talk to the crazy Eagle who's looking at a mirror having a conversation with himself Wait Nobody could move that fast with my movements that must be me Give me that dictionary. Okay. Well you mean that eagle with the broom with the, it's a broom with the head of a mop that he's calling his wife? That eagle over there?

Closing time. Dr. Dunst's eagle. Webster's dictionary defines, why does Webster's dictionary say Webster's dictionary defines? See? Hey guys, gotta go home. All right, you got it. It was a hawk. Strange it is that I have no tail

or head. Strange it is that I have no legs. That I pull on my hot yellow robe, dive between two soft pillows and disappear into the dark red cave. Okay. Erin, how do we feel? Getting horny yet? Never been less horny. Dive beneath those yellow pillows. Never been, it can't be possible. You've probably been less horny. You've been, I got like a funeral or something.

Don't speak for me. Can you read it again? Yeah, like a funeral or something. Don't speak for me. I'm not gonna have no tail. Can you read it again? Strange it is that I have no tail or head. Strange it is that I have no legs, that I pull on my hot yellow robe, dive between two soft pillows, and disappear into the dark red cave. Oh, it's a hot dog.

It's a hot dog. It's a hot dog. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. That's a hot dog. Let me ask you a question though. It says that I pull on my hot yellow robe. Is that mustard? Isn't it like the bun? Well, it says dive between two soft pillows is next.

I'm assuming that's the bun. Mm. But hot yellow, that the only yellow thing. It's not like the encasing, like the, the encasing the sausage goes into, but it's not yellow. It's, wah. Yeah, it's like translucent, right? Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I still got it though. Erin, you still got it, even though you don't know what the hot yellow robe is. So judges, oh, we can't give you the point Erin, because you don't know what the hot- What? I know what it is, I just am not saying.

Erin, say it. If you know what the hot yellow robe is, say it. What? What? Casey, Casey, audience, sorry, do we, do you want to take a stab at the hot yellow robe? Do we know? Wait, it was mustard? Did somebody say mustard?

This is about how engaged our audience actually is. They're like, you should have said mustard. And we're like, we said mustard seven times. What do you mean we should have said mustard? Casey got also, people behind the curtain, Casey keeps his video off when we're on these recordings. You don't know if he's actually fucking listening. He could be doing, he could be doing, I don't think he should or has to.

He's playing Steam Deck for sure. It's gotta be Steam Deck. It's gotta be Steam Deck. It's not sustainable to have, to work for the show for so long and have to listen to it. No way, no way. Don't listen Casey, don't listen. Listen for your name.

It does make his, I feel like it does kind of make his job easier because he has context when he goes and sound designs these episodes, but now I'm wondering if he didn't even hear us say mustard. What the fuck is he actually doing? No. Should we make him turn his video on?

Should we make him do this with his video on? Yeah, I think so. See his disinterested gaze just go. It would be so funny if you were fully on a rollercoaster when you turn your video back on. That would be incredible, yeah. It's good to see you, Casey. Sorry we're picking on you so much.

Oh, that's okay. This episode. Yeah. I made myself a target by saying I got this one instantly earlier with the hook. Yeah, that's right. Well, and yeah. No, Casey, since you never did the sort of pre-show ritual of like saying numbers and

syncing your audio, how much of a pain in the ass is you coming on the mic for you? Great question. Well, Adil, that is a great question. Since I'm not recording myself locally, I would just be using my individual Zencaster track, which is automatically synced with the like Zencaster mix that I use, so I don't have to worry about the syncing stuff. Technical answer, I was hoping for like a dumb, funny answer.

Were you hoping that Casey went, oh fuck! Oh yes! Let me try again, let me try again, let me try again. I was being audience surrogate by not being as funny as you guys. Oh, fuck! Casey, could you also do me a favor and could you, when this episode comes out,

could you have all your audio on a three second delay? That's so crazy. I don't know if you've ever done this before. I wanna try something, if everyone is on board with it. I'm ready. Sure. Casey, earlier in the episode, you put in the chat, I want to try something if everyone is, if everyone is on board with it. Casey earlier in the episode, you put in the chat, I got this one instantly, seemingly ragged ociously trying to be like, ha ha ha ha. I went right now. I'd like JBC to read a riddle.

Aaron and I are just going to smugly sit by in case you're going to solve this one all over. I said it was notable because I never get the riddles and stuff. You guys are way better at riddles than me. Casey did say immediately that he never gets them. Okay, Casey, I'm game with it. Gives Adel and Erin a chance to do whatever they want to do. Picks up my Steam Deck.

Erin's already on her phone. Erin, what are we looking at? I got a notification from my landlord. Yeah, because she's on her phone. I'm ready. No, you don't need to be ready. Casey's doing this one. I know. When I am an

adjective, I say how you move. When I am a verb, I say that you starve. When I am an adjective, I say how you move. When I am a verb, I say that you starve. Whoa, Casey. Whoa. I can see your eyes sort of glossing I say that you starve. Whoa, Casey, whoa.

I can see your eyes sort of glossing over like a shark. Oh, he's panicking. Oh no. I don't think he's got it. I'm trying to think of words that are... Hey, trying to think of words. That's the right direction. Erin, you and I got this instantly, right?

Oh, I got this instantly. I got this instantly. And it's not mustard, right? Casey, it is mustard again. No, it's not mustard. OK, Casey, we'll rely on the people who are actually being paid to solve these riddles. Yeah.

Uh-oh, Aaron, run. Aaron, run. Run, run. I fell. I fell. Come back again, me. You just huck-finned Casey. You just huck-finned Casey. You just huck-finned Casey into painting your podcast.

What do you guys think the answer is? When I'm an adjective, I say how you move. When I'm a verb, I say that you starve. Hungrily. Waste. Fast. Fast. Casey got it.

Casey got it. That was brutal. Interesting he got it. Once you turn off his video, it's almost like he Googled the answer. No, he didn't. That was brutal. Interesting he got it once he turned off his video. It's almost like he googled the answer. No, he didn't. He didn't. He didn't.

Google the answer. You guys, we hit our... I'm sorry, I had to turn my camera back on for that one. I heard the beep go off. We bullied Casey too much. We hit our limit. Yay. Casey turning off his camera for one second to furiously Google that entire...

Fast. That's a good riddle. Yeah, that is a good riddle. I like that one. Um, Adel and Erin, I wanted to see a quick scene between the two of you. You're both students and I will be the teacher in this scene and you are both going on a hunger strike until I, the teacher, abolish homework. Okay, guys, so it's chapters three, four, and five tonight. And remember, there's a quiz on Friday.

So quiz on Friday, chapters three, four, and five tonight. Well, we're definitely not reading chapter eight because we're not eating. Okay. Yeah, it's not chapter 8, Mark. I'm not sure what that... It's three, four, and five tonight, guys. Mr. Peterson, we shouldn't have had Mark speak first. Mr. Peterson? Anyone can speak, yeah, just raise your hand, Claire.

Mr. Peterson, we know our threats have been empty in the past, but not this time. This time, we are serious. On behalf of the whole class... Sorry, Mark, you're looking a little disappointed that you're not reading all the jokes that you wrote for this. Do you mind if I pepper in some of my jokes?

Yeah, of course. Go ahead, Mark. Um, you... Okay, go ahead and I'll pepper in some in. Okay great. You assign way too much homework. It's as if you think you're the only teacher at the school assigning homework. Sorry home more homework drop the R. Home walk? Not even using my home walk because we're not eating. Thank you, Mark. Keep going. Two hours of homework a night for one class is unreasonable. What if- Sorry, two hours, set it and forget it.

Forget eating. And these jokes will make sense once I tell you what our protest is. Wait, jokes? Okay. And just real quickly, I see a lot of other students in the class kind of nodding along with this. Chapters three, four, and five, this shouldn't take you more than like 20 minutes to do

as wads. Well, we get distracted. So it takes two hours. I would say- What if every teacher was like you and assumed we had two hours every night? Two hours or two hours derves, but I won't have them. You can have mine, cause I'm not eating. What is going on?

You're not going hungry. I'm going hungry. Mark is not eating? No, not that. We understand that this could be misleading. None of us are eating. We're on a hunger strike. Okay, some of you are eating right now.

Guys! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, starting after this class, none of us are eating. Mark and Claire, it might be taking you two hours to do the reading because you're so hungry that you're not eating. When I get hungry, I can't really focus on the, and Mark, you're falling asleep a little bit, huh?

Sorry, I passed out. I'm so hungry. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Both sound so good right now. Here's what I would say, just in general. Can you imagine an egg with a chicken on top of it? For class. Why doesn't everybody eat tonight and today

and have lunch, go to lunch now and eat and then try to do the homework tonight after you have eaten. Nice try. We're not gonna cave that easily. Yeah, that's right. Eat E equals AT squared meals a day. I am so fucking hungry. I can smell-

Mark, language! I'm sorry. It's just, there's an Applebee's across the street and the windows are open. I can, it's, the waft is hitting me in the face. The waft, Mr. Peterson. The waft. Please me in the face. The waft, Mr. Peterson. The waft. Please shut the window.

Oh, please. Guys, I can't shut the window. We don't have central AC. We have to keep the window open. It's a safety thing. I'm sorry about the Applebee's. In general, you must be really hungry to think that that Applebee's smells good too

because they cook all their food in the microwave. Guys, let's be honest, okay? You're two of the worst students in my class. You never do the homework anyway. Whoa, can you just say that out loud in front of everybody? Yeah, I can't. I can't say it, because you do this a lot. You take up a lot of class time

with your little protests and stuff. Maybe if we just ate food and then focused on just kind of like doing the reading, and really the whole point of this class is not to like make you do homework. It's to like encourage you to learn. I don't know about all that. Well, I know you don't, Claire. I know you don't know about all that.

So I'm the teacher. I know about it. Okay, we planted cocaine in your desk. We planted cocaine in your desk. You're out of here. Yeah. You planted cocaine in my desk? Who do cocaine in your desk. You're out of here. Yeah. You planted cocaine in my... Who do you think comes by to check my desk?

Well, we're hoping the principal would come in. And when does cocaine start to sprout? All right. I implored you guys. You two have to just open the books and do some reading. I think it's gonna teach you some critical thinking skills. Implore, don't make up words. You know what?

Here's what I'll say. Mark, Claire, how about this? How about you guys get a C in the class and you stop talking? You never say another word in my class and you get a C. You have a deal. Da da da da.

Da da da da. And you can't sing. Singing counts no, singing counts as speaking. Then no deal. I'll still take it, I'll still take it. Scene. I'll still take it, I'll still take it. Um, oh yeah, you did get that one.

Are you guys going to do one more? Let's do one more. One more. Okay, fine. But just this one. Walk with me. Walk with my partner. I am small.

I am big. I am always the same length. This is interesting. Is that it? A stride, a step. Erin, Erin, Erin, you're so close. A run. Foot.

Erin, it's a foot. Whoa. I don't know how I got that. You are the Carrie Strug of this episode. A foot is always the same length. Aaron, you're the carry shrug of this episode. Uh, uh, um, oh, hey, Casey. Not to get, not to harp on you for this whole episode,

but do we have a voicemail theme? Wait for the beep, hey Riddle! Hey Riddle, Riddle! This pre-drop can still get you pregnant. 1-8-0-5-3-2-1 Can you hit us with that new voice-melting? Hey, hey, hey, that's it, we've been high! So it's not my guy? Hey, hey, hey, that's the worst thing to play! Holy shit, I think I just took EDM. Wow.

That was fucking awesome. All right, that one comes from Jesse aka Bash Explode. It says, I produced electronic music and metal and I sampled a few things from the podcast into a dubstep song I hope you like it. That was so fun. I loved it. You want to submit a voicemail theme? I just sent it to wave file 30 seconds or less to HR our podcast at gmail.com Casey plays a voicemail Hi, I'm hi Aaron. Hi JBC I'm Ilana and I have a question for the three of you and also Casey.

Would it be fun to take an edible and go to a 4DX movie, or would that be just a sensory hell nightmare? For the context, assume I am by myself in the future. Thanks. What a sweet sweetie. I assume I am by myself in the theater. Thanks. What a sweet sweetie. Thank you for the question. I'm gonna go ahead and say, I think it would be very fun if it's, if I took one, maybe I'll try it next time. If I took one of those with Casey and JBC

and minimal to no other audience, I think it would be fun. If there's other audience there, then I think I might be freaking out. I'm a little surprised how that you've never tried that. I mean, it's a big, like it's a big swing of an experience. Yeah. I think it's too risky. Having not been to a 40 X movie myself, but having regretted taking an

edible before watching a regular movie before, I would say too risky. I feel like you gotta go. You gotta go to regular 40 X first so that you have like a baseline because here's the worst thing that could come out of this experience. You go to a 40 X while on the net double, you have a terrible time and you never go to 40 X again because you think it sucks when in reality it's just cause you're on that edible. Yeah. And that's, that's a because you're on that Edible.

Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good point. You don't want it souring your first experience. But if you've been to a bunch, I'd say it's a safer bet. Yeah, yeah. I am definitely planning on, they're releasing Pink Floyd live at Pompeii, like an old live concert footage

that is supposedly one of the best live shows of all time. They're gonna release that in IMAX, so I'm definitely going to that and taking an edible wow okay that'd be fun yeah did you guys see Nick Mestad's video no of him at a 40x movie on Instagram it made me laugh so hard well that is my that is my targeted content yeah I did take an edible once seeing a movie like you know decade and a half ago. I can't remember what the movie was, but I remember it was the first time I'd ever taken an edible to watch a movie in a movie theater.

It was back when they were selling edibles, but the dosage was all over the fucking place. They were like, this is what we think it might be. I remember when it hit me, for a while I was like, I don't think this movie's real. And then I was like, this is too much. And I remember spending most of that movie in the bathroom of like an Alamo draft house being like, I'm just gonna sit in here and kind of chill out. I think I sort of, I got business in here.

I think I'll just pretend like I really have to shit for 40 minutes to kind of calm down a little bit. All right, well, that probably answers that question. Yeah, I'm probably saying no as well, but you know, do you. And that voicemail is probably from seven months ago, so you probably already did it. Erin, anything that you have to plug? Come check out my show, Quality Time.

You can follow us on Instagram. And I'm so proud of this. It's like one of the shows I've been most proud of producing live. It's a true variety show. It happens in Los Angeles once a month. We have like a bee expert coming this month. It's not just like improv stuff.

It's a good variety. So check us out. Adeline, anything to plug? Disney Twins Summer DTS. It's going to run for four months. It's going to be exhausting for us and for you all, but we said we'd do it. So here we go. TBC, anything to plug or promote?

I mean, hey, speaking of things that we, you know, plug and we have to end up following through on it's Penguin Baseball League Month all April long. Patreon.com slash hey, Ruddle, Ruddle, join the Penguin Baseball League fever. By the way, you, if you get vaccinated, you won't get Penguin Baseball League fever. And there's nothing we can do about that. You shouldn't have taken the jab. But you can check that out there. We're in the thick of it. It's fun. Some other stuff. It's honestly just a great-ass time Hey speaking of great times sometimes people have great times

Listening to this show and they leave us a five-star review and sometimes I take those five-star reviews and I read them on the show today's five-star review comes from Fitz fizzy fizzy is fizzy is Almost had a word. The Y-I-Z-Z kind of looks like something else. Glad I didn't accidentally say a word. Well, you're talking out loud right now. Jizz, jizz would be the word.

Very healthy, yeah. Almost said. Okay, Fizzie-iz says, nearly peed someone else's pants. Many are funny, but few podcasts make me actually laugh out loud as often as this one does. Yesterday I was aliquoting, aliquoting, aliquoting some urine at work and nearly spilled it all over thanks to my shoulders shaking with laughter. Thank you for being hazardous to both myself

and the people around me. It's been an absolute delight. Much love. What is that job, nurse? What do we think? Job. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Jupiter, I think. Jopiter. What is that job? Nurse? What do we think? Job? Hahaha! Uh, Jupiter, I think.

Jopiter? Jopiter! Jopiter. Aaron, real quick, just because you weren't here when we were discussing it, would you be agreeable to a 40X live show, HRR live show, where you spit out your water and then all the audience could spit in the face and stuff like that? Okay, do I get to spit in everyone's face individually? I meant to say have to, not get to.

What did I say? What did I say? That sounds like a yes to me. Oh yeah, I'll throw our audience around like a ragdoll. They can actually smell JP Riddles. Everyone leaves. Yeah, that's got to be the end of the show because you can't go on after that. Just a burst of JP Riddles in your face.

Ugh. Hey there Finches and Rins, if you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. Penguin Baseball League is in full swing and this week we bring you three vignettes from inside the PBL. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey, riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes.

See you there. That was a hate gum podcast. trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!