Hey Riddle Riddle - #352: Greg

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

Make sure you play this episode for your entire office! This episode has two of our favorite elements: listener submitted riddles and Molly’s (maybe) Science Riddle book! We also get to see Channing Tatum at a bank if that sounds interesting to you.Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. With new McValue and McDonald's, you get more than you expect. So after a long day, buy a double cheeseburger and add a McChicken for a dollar because saving with deals is always on the menu with new McValue. Prices and participation may vary. Valued for item of equal or lesser value. Excuse me, I can't record today because I have a bad attitude. May I be excused?

You work with it and you use it, Erin. I don't want to harness my pain. Channel it. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Felt the feller goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream.

And lowered the paint right in the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse is a Friday. One, two, three, four, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, twenty, RIP TO RIP, JOHNNY! Adol TBC! Come look! Oh, is it... some sort of like, fun new pet? Or what's going on here? I hope it's that thing where there's a big bow on a Lexus. I hope I like look outside and it's like... Or an Acura! It doesn't have to be a Lexus, it could be an Acura. Can I tell you one Christmas...

my mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle all got me Lexi Lex. What's the plural of Lexus Lexus's Lexus? Lexus Lexus Lexus Lexus. Yeah, so I go out to the freaking driveway There's six new Lexus's. Oh my god bows on them I'm like you're like a full minute ago and they stopped in the driveway and now they're just chatting with each other So I bought a seventh and I drove a different one every week. Oh and now they're just chatting with each other. So I bought a seventh and I drove a different one every week. Oh, Alexis for every day of the week.

Did you just say a December to remember? Oh my God. Are they just talking and? It was a December to remember. It must have been. Well, for six days and then it was January. And I threw them all away. Well, yeah.

You're gonna drive last year's model. What am I? They're still talking over there. Pete Davidson? What are we, what were we doing? Were we getting coffee? Whoa, am I in Erin's house? You guys, hello?

This is not my beautiful wife. This is not my beautiful home, et cetera. What'd you say? I know it's a Leonardo DiCaprio thing. I know that he does that. I should have said Leo. But I don't know, is Pete Davidson known for that? I know that him and Ariana Grande

had a tumultuous relationship. Pete Davidson stated like, That's not in the culture anymore. That's the only woman in the last two years. I don't think Leo's in the zeitgeist anymore. What's up, Aaron? I wanted to show, yeah. Hey, where's my fucking Lexus?

I never said. Aaron, would you wanna show us? Would you wanna show us? Truly, at this point, I'm gonna use it for another opening because we're so far afield and I hope we've learned a valuable lesson today. But I'm actually not gonna burn through a good concept for an opening I can use down the line.

Yeah, but it's smart, it's smart. Erin, that's smart. Good business. Smart. I'm locking your Lexus and you can never get in. Good luck getting in the Lexus with the bow on it. Aaron, is this something? So it's, picture it's Christmas time.

Okay, it's a December to remember. A car commercial. It's a bunch of Lexi Lexuses, and they're all being fobbed. And hey Lexus, you can have that not for free. We insist on being paid. Pay me for it, actually. Thank you. Yeah.

Aaron deserves it. JPC, the Lexus I did get you, the bow is actually structurally a part of what you, the car. Like it can't be removed. That's cool. Yeah, no, I wouldn't want to remove it anyway. The engine's up there. I'm going to fucking drive throughs and shit and smacking my bow with it. I'm like, ah, it says 10 feet, but how big is the bow?

Did you see that douche bag who rides around down with the car ball on top of his car? What's his deal? Have you guys ever seen someone do that thing where they hit the top of their car on a thing where they're not like, they just for whatever reason, they're like, yeah, I assume that my car is big enough.

I've had that happen once with a person and they were just, I don't even think it was like an especially big car. It was like a, well, it was a big SUV, like a huge car. Like it was a huge car, but it didn't seem especially tall, but they were going into a parking garage ahead of me. And you know, before you go into the parking garage, it has that thing that's like,

hey, like it'll say the height and if you hit it, obviously you're not gonna fit in the parking garage. They hit that thing and hit the brakes real fast. And then they were like trying to back out. It was a whole production. And I was like, did you not know? Like it seemed like this is not like a rental. This seems like a car that you were like driving.

I guess I don't know the height of my car off the top of my head, but you should, if you're- Whoa, Erin. If you're driving, you should be able to eyeball if your car should fit. I think we should all be having this facial awareness. If you're driving on a road, maybe you should instinctively know

if your car is gonna fit somewhere. It's like when they say if you high five someone, if you look at their hand, you might miss, but if you look at when they say if you high five someone, if you look at their hand you might miss, but if you look at their elbow, you'll never miss. And if you look at your face, you can hit them right in their face. You can hit them right in the face. What? What?

I'd say, I was trying to high five you. I've seen that happen the most, JPC, with people in U-Hauls. U-Hauls. Moving trucks, because they're not used, it's a bunch of panic people moving. They're not used to cars that big. And also it's like, if you're like,

oh no, this bridge I can't get under, you're like, well, what do I do? How do I cross America if I can't go on the street I know? Google doesn't have an option under the directions for like, I'm driving something way too tall. That silence means riddles, doesn't it? Yeah. For you. Well, Adel, how was your trip?

It was great. I went to, ended up in Hong Kong for a night, which was wild, unexpected. And then I was in Okinawa. And you'd never been there before, right? Never been to Hong Kong. We had to, since we fly standby, we had to take a flight that, instead of going direct to Tokyo,

it went to Hong Kong. So I was in Hong Kong, then Tokyo, then Okinawa, then back to Tokyo. Erin, Okinawa, beautiful. Ah, I'm so jealous. What was your favorite part? Probably the Okinawa. Yeah.

Just like the, the terrain and the shape and the people. Yeah. Cause when you're in Okinawa, I don't know how to say this. You're in Okinawa? Yeah. It's kind of a saying it's the translation is lost. I guess. I got Okinawa once, but I was in like San Francisco. So it just like was not, it just like wasn't fresh.

You know, it's different when you're in Okinawa. Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure. Took a karate class. How did that go? Really? I did. So Okinawa is the birthplace of karate is what they say. I don't know if that's true, but that's what Okinawa says. So we found on this website, we found a class and it said like, all experiences welcome a karate class in

Okinawa, like authentic karate class, we go there. We're the only tourists, we're the only people dropping in who have never done karate before. This is a full on class. So there's all these like black belts and they're doing all this stuff. Are they children? There was some children.

And they're like just going nuts. And then there's like all these black belts and stuff. And then they kind of see us and they're like, come over here and they're like, grab my arm and then they like shove me down and they're like, see that and I'm like, I guess. So that part kind of sucked but Gemma had a lot of fun because she always wanted to do karate.

And Adel, tell us, did you end up as a black belt by the end of the class? No, I got what they call a clear belt, which is when they want you to never practice again. They say, please don't ever come back. Please don't ever, please never move your fist or feet again. Clear belt is a colostomy bag. I think you were injured so much.

They had to take some of your intestines out. That's, that's cool. It's also fun to show up to a thing when you're traveling abroad where you're obviously like, you're the only tourist there. You're like, well, I'm both getting the, an authentic experience and I couldn't be like more out of place in a thing. Yeah, it was a little rough, but very fun, very fun.

Well, I'm glad that you're home, Adel. GBC, any trips that you took that could help stall? The fuck are you doing, Erin? What do you mean? What do you mean? You're in charge of doing riddles. You're the same old Erin. Erin, did you recently go to Riddleville?

I did. And did you bring us back anything? I did. It's not riddles though. Wow. Poor bullshit. Why would you? What did you do?

You went to Riddleville, you didn't get any riddles? What did you do? I was e-pray loving. Wow. Live, laugh, bean. That's what that word stands for. Live, laugh, bean. We drove by a oil change place the other day

and their sign said, live, laugh, lube. And, Brian, I've been saying live, laugh, lube. And, Mariana, I've been saying, live, laugh, lube to each other for a while now. It's just such a fun- Got sexual real fast. Yeah, it's a fun thing to have on an oil. I just don't think that would exist on an oil change place anywhere

but a big city like Chicago. I can see a lot of other, I can see if you're doing that in my hometown, people calling the place and being like, you have to take that sign down. Children see that sign. I have to explain lube to my 12-year-old. And it's like, hey, lady, the name of the place is Jiffy Lube.

Like, lube is already there. And they're getting away with murder over there at Jiffy Lube. I know. They're snickering every time they pull into the parking lot. They go, we did it. We did it, y'all. I go into the Jiffy Lube and I go, hey, do you have adult magazines? They're like, there's like a muffler shop.

Of course we have Porto here. Jiffy Lube, Midas Touch. Oh. Auto Zone, Veracita Zone. I mean, it's all. It's all. Do Zone. Corrosion of Zone. I mean, it's all. It's all. Do more, do more.

It's porn all the way down. Oh, what are more of the auto parts stores? Minekey? Minekey, yeah. Yeah, that sounds dirty. Way over in the Minekey? What else, what else, what else? What are some other, will change?

Auto parts stores. Autoerotic. Auto parts. That's something. You know what? Let's just do riddles. We probably did it. We did it, let's do riddles.

No, we exhausted it. There's riddles at the end of this rainbow? Okay, that's fine. Aaron, tis I, the mayor of Riddleville. You forgot your book of riddles that we gifted you! And I also forgot my coat at your place. Oh, well, I guess that just means I'll see you tonight. Um...

Whispers in your ear, can I patch your butt? Yeah, of course. Patch your butt? Oh, O'Reilly, Gazm? Oh, O'Reilly, Gazem? Oh, O'Reilly, O'Reilly, Gazem? Mr. Mayor, it's a good thing my friends are not listening. On you way, Mr. Mayor. See you later tonight. All right.

All right. So, we're actually... O'Reilly. Sorry. Pet boys, pet boys. He's back in the driveway mumbling about car stuff. Auto parts. See, that's what I said, auto parts earlier. You could change pet boys to penis boys

if you took just the P-E, it's a stretch. Penis. Penis. Clip it. Penis every penis. That's what pep stands for. Clip it. What else? What else?

Penis every penis. All right what PEP stands for. What else? Penis every penis. All right, well today, or actually for our warmup riddles, we are double dipping with, okay, from a listener who has submitted riddles before. In fact, in fact, this is what he said. I was really excited to hear you read my riddles. So excited in fact that I paused the episode,

called my wife who proceeded to put the podcast on for her entire office. And then when you made fun of my name, it crushed all caps and in bold. And you instantly nabbed a few extra listeners. I will forever be Connor O'Nephew Old, which his name is Matthew McNeese Young. And I don't remember making fun of his name

and calling him Connor O'Nephew Old, but we did. I think I do remember this because it's like, it's hyphenated, right? It's like a dash. Yeah, and it was, to me, I was like, it's funny to put an adjective to describe yourself at the end of your last name. Like if my name was John Patrick Cohen, cool.

Yes. Yes. And I wanted to read this again because I sort of got excited at the idea that this episode right now that we're recording here, right now, could be playing in an office somewhere in front of a big group of people. What a wild situation to play our podcast.

I know. What if you, everyone just took a second, took the floor, you have a whole office's attention right now. Wow, okay. Matthew McNeese Young, his wife. Do we know where he works? Or, I'm sorry, where his wife works? We don't.

Let's just assume, it sounds like an office. Let's just assume it's a typical office. Well, it's a wife. I'm gonna assume it's the home. Oh my God. Whoa. These jokes were funny in Biden times. They're getting less funny now.

Actually, I can say that because I am the home spouse, and so I have home spouse privilege. Oh, I forgot you. And actually, domestic labor is labor, Erin. How dare you? How dare, you think wives don't work? Yes. I guess I'll take the floor first.

Yes, Addle, please take the floor. I'm a little nervous. Picture them all naked. Hey, that's my wife. Sorry, sorry. Okay. Hey, that's my wife. Sorry, sorry. Okay. Hey. Hey.

How about the weather? Let's circle back today. They love stuff like that. They love stuff. You're all rock stars. They love stuff like that. Quarter. It's about to be quarter two. So we're in quarter two.

So I hope that we all, you know, kind of go for the gusto, to coin a phrase, to turn a pancake. I love you all. More, produce more. We have to produce more. Woo! All right, awesome. Adol, incredible speech.

I have heard you give it before. Yeah, that's my standard office speech. It's on notecards. JPC heard you give it before. Yeah, that's my standard office speech. It's on notecards. JPC, you have the floor. Not that what Adel did was not super clear to me, but what are we doing? You are addressing an entire office right now. That's right.

Darren, do you mind if JPC dresses down an entire office? Whatever he feels is best. Okay, a whole office full of people. whatever he feels is best. Okay, a whole office full of people. All right, Greg can't drink at office functions anymore. I think we can all agree what Greg does when he drinks is not good for morale, not good for Greg, not good for company culture, not good for,

just in general, our image in the world. So, there's a Greg right now losing his mind. Blanket statement, Greg no longer is allowed to drink. And that's anything. Greg can't even have fucking water. Because when Greg drinks, he makes first of all a huge mess. There's a lot of computers here that you can all agree water and computers don't mix. You know what Greg? You're fired. I came into this thinking I wasn't gonna need to do that.

But no, Greg, this is your last day. This is your last hour. Greg, this is your last minute. You know what? Lock the doors. Greg can't leave. We're all killing Greg. We're gonna do it Julius Caesar style.

Everybody grab some scissors and we're all gonna get Greg once with the scissors because he's I Mean it just can't we just can't have more grinks in the world We just can't have this shit because look at what he does and look at look at where we are now And now and now we all do it together. We're buying to secrecy, you know, we what if one of us goes down We all go down. We all kill Greg Here three two one get him You know, we if one of us goes down we all go down. We all kill Greg Hey, Aaron. Three two one get him

Right now Greg is losing his life JPZ just in case there's no Greg in this office. Can you run through a bunch of names? We can plug in just in case there's no Greg there. Okay. Yeah, I mean we won't need to but Because there's always a Greg and if you don don't know who the Greg is at your office, you're the Greg, motherfucker. Oh. Oh. Yeah, but we'll do it.

Greg, Groog, Grog, League. I think they can start with other letters. No, I think that's all the iterations that it could be. Oh, perfect. For the different cultures. Erin, as someone who has a PhD in JPC, I think what JPC's brain did was think of an office, thought of the office, thought of the creator,

Greg Daniels, and launched into using Greg. And, Adil, I'm gonna need you to take your doctorate off the wall and burn it. That thing has a dark, dark energy to it. Burn it in the dead of night. Bury the ashes, okay? My PhD in JPC is actually made from human skin. Yeah, and I figured, and I figured as much.

My PhD in JPC is made from human skin. My PhD in JPC is made from human skin. I'm gonna just quickly address the office before I read these riddles on the count of three everybody point to who you're sleeping to No sleeping to is who you aspire to sleep with we got everybody we got them We got him everybody. We got him. Sleeping with two Brutae? Stab stab stab. I'm sleeping with Stephanie, but I'm sleeping to Molly. Like that's... Stephanie, no offense Stephanie, you're a stepping stone.

We all know. I'm trying to make Molly crazy jealous. Well Stephanie's a six and Molly's a seven, of course. We all know how the numbers work, gang. You gotta go up. Right now there's a Stephanie losing her mind. And these are celebrity mouthfuls, hilarious. Stephanie covered in Greg's blood like, huh? I can't believe we made a whole office stab one of their office mates, we're so sorry.

If you need a reminder, each setup will be a celebrity's name followed by two things that rhyme with it and it will work into a complete sentence. And once we are in these, you're gonna remember how they go. Okay. This actor from Severance brings his own Chinese meal consisting of boiling broth and raw meats meant for dipping.

Zach Cherry Wonton. No. Ha ha ha. They sound like Wyclef Jean in the Fugees. Wonton, Wonton, strummin' my pain with my fingers. Adam Scott hot pot. Yeah, Adam Scott brought his own hot pot.

Oh, we have to have that interstitial language too. Yeah, if you could. I'm not gonna, you know what, Adel, it's a Monday probably. I'm not gonna come down on you hard here. Erin, that reminds me, very quickly, do we have time for a new impression I created while in Okinawa?

Oh, please. This is a combination. I don't know, I don't know. This is a combination. An impression he created in Okinawa, Aaron, are you sure you wanna hear this? I trust him. This is a combination. Okay. This is a combination.

Something you said just stuck in my memory. This is a combination of Mark Simpson and Garfield. I love Homer, but I hate Mondays. Very nice. Ad, I'm gonna need you to take that impression off the wall. I'm gonna need you to burn it. It's Marchfield.

Garfmarch? Garfmarch, it's Garfmarch. Sounds like you're throwing up. Oh wait, not Darthmarch. Oh no. Lasagna. Darthmarch. Lasagna. Darth March is lasagna? American actors, guys, I can't stress to you enough,

this is nothing. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Darth March is nothing. Well, no, Darth March is nothing for sure, but Garth Marge I think is good. Garth Marge is great. Yeah. I sent normal to Timbuktu.

American culture is melting. That's what that sounds like. This American actress who played both Catwoman and Bond Girl is clipping the foliage around a bush in order to make it appear like an animal outside of a building that houses books. Halle Berry's library. Bear. Topiary? Topiary. books. Halle Berry's library... Bear... More...

Uh... Binary? Uh, topiary? Topiary. Yeah. Halle Berry's library topiary? But what if she... If she's the one doing it, let's try to put it into... Just put it into a sentence. Halle Berry is...

Shearing... No. A library topiary? Halle Berry shapes, topiary? Halle Berry shapes a topiary outside of a library. Erin, I was told this would be a celebrity followed by two rhyming words. Yes, but then you gotta put it inside the sentence. Okay, okay, okay.

So we- If you can, just try. Yes, I said. Okay, I was confused because I thought when we put it in a sentence, we were looking for like four more rhyming words, but it's only ever gonna be two rhyming words and then we can invent the rest of the words.

Yeah, Halle Berry Topiary Library. Erin. Got it. You've never in all the episodes, hundreds of episodes, you've never asked me to try and I never have. I will honor this one wish. Oh my God, I had to ask you guys to try. Oh my God.

Wait, what did you be doing? It's all starting to make sense. What have you been doing? Wait, Erin, what have you been doing? Oh God, oh God, oh God, I'm so sorry everybody. This actress who played Padme. You don't have to say actor. Yeah, you don't have to say actress.

She's an actor, you know. Padme Amidala in Star Wars lays on a top of lays on top of a four-door passenger car with the intent to expose her skin to ultraviolet light Natalie Portman's Ford Pinto escort and now Natalie Portman's Ford escort in JPC safe save me. JPC, save me, no way. Well, you know, there's actually two extra sisters that played Padme because Kieran Maitley

played Padme's clone. So isn't that something? Oh, Kieran Maitley. I remember that. No, isn't that something? So it could be Kieran Maitley. Not her clone. It was like her stand-in, right? Her like assassination double or whatever. Yeah, clone is the wrong word,

especially for a movie that famously had a ton of clothes in it. Yeah. Yeah. If I was Keir Knightley and I was, like, her assassination double and, like, Natalie Portman is disguised as, like, my footmaid or whatever, I just publicly am like, kill this footmaid. They kill Natalie Portman, and then I'm like, well, now I'm queen. Yeah, but once they take the makeup off, they're gonna realize it's a different guy, right?

No, because I've been the double the whole time. Because you've been the double the whole time. Actually, that's a pretty smart play. Scarf, it's scarf marge logic, so don't try, don't think about it too hard. I think Saddam Hussein's double did that, but then they killed the double, so it's like, is that a good outcome?

With the extent to expose her skin to ultraviolet light, when are you doing that? Oh, the Hulk. No. Ultraviolet light. Gamma radiation. Oh, in like a red room, like a photo? No, it's like...

Like a suntan? Yeah, there you go. Oh, Tannin... Portman, Natalie... Natalie Portman. Tann, tanning, ghosting. This one's kind of. Tanning Bedman. Tanning Bedman.

Sun Tan. Sun Tan. Portman and Sun Tan. And then four door passenger car. Sedan. Yeah. I do wanna see a quick scene. Oh my gosh, sure.

Or in the middle of something. Addle said something that made me just really tickled. You don't have to explain why you need to see a scene. Good, you got one. Is it Garf March? Oh my gosh, sure. We're in the middle of something. Addle said something that made me just really tickled. You don't have to explain why I didn't see a seed. Good, you got one. Garf March, is it Garf March? Addle, you're gonna be playing Channing Tatum. You are at a, and Erin, you're gonna be working at a bank.

And Addle, you're gonna forget that your name is Channing Tatum, and you're really gonna be trying to search for it and hit what your name is when Aaron's like checking you in here to make a deposit or withdrawal or whatever. Sure. Hi, welcome to Chase Bank. How can I help you today? Wow, you're pretty.

Oh my gosh. Oh, thank you. Oh, sorry. I'm looking in the reflection of the sort of plastic sort of guard here. Oh my God, I did it again. Sorry, I'm just a, I'm a very, I'm a very pretty man. Nice to meet you, my name is Chewding Tootum. I think I'm hearing it. Sorry, sorry, I'm feeling, it's just a little muffled through the glass.

Chutting, Chutting, Tate Man? Chutting Tate Man. Sorry, sorry, I'm having a little bit of a hard time. You just need to lean a little bit closer to the glass and I'll be able to hear you and type your name in. Or you could give me, if you want to hand me your card. My name is Cuddles, Cuddling, no that can't be right. Everybody on the floor.

The dance floor, the dance floor, magic. Sir, you cannot, you cannot, I don't care if you're a celebrity You cannot be yelling everybody on the floor inside of a bank. I'm sorry. I mean I I know I think I might recognize you Oh Hey, is that who I think it is today? It's me Joe. Joe mangley Joe Joe mangley Jello. I can't be right Jonah Hill. Oh, no the tall one for Magic Mike. I'm uh, what is oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, John you were married to Sargeia, Sarvarva don't say we're married cuz obviously that hey, I got the worst

Boomy From white white suits. That's not right. The white suits. On TNT. No. Chorning Tillman. Chorning Tillman? Oh, oh, oh. I know who you are.

You are. Oh my God. I got it. You know what? I got it. Stockard Channing. I'm Stockard Channing. I was Rizzo in Greece.

You know what? I'm Joe Montegna. What do you want? I have a football player. I have not. I have not. What do you guys want me to type into the computer? Money. Money please. Money please. Let's see. The perfect scene. Aaron, the perfect scene happened on your watch. Oh God. Wait. Are we old man puzzles? Are the things that happened on your watch. Oh, God. Wait, are the things that happened on your watch? Yeah. Look at me, I'm Sandra Doe. Just Addle saying his name at first, I can't be right.

As a kid, I thought her name was Stockyard Channing. That makes sense. Does it not? My mom had to step in and correct me. Thank you, mom. Is Stockard, that's her legal name, legal birth name, Stockard? There's no other Stockards, right?

I don't think anybody changes their name to Stockard. I don't think. Well, could it be like a Martin Sheen thing where there's like, it's like a stage name, but you wanted to pick something that was unique? Martin Sheen, probably not the right example, because that doesn't seem super unique. Well, he's Martin Estevev. Estevev?

No, he's like, his name's like Alonso Estevez or something like that. It's, it's, I don't even think, maybe Martin is one of his middle names or something like that. You know, it doesn't matter, we can't Google it. We can't Google it! We'll never know if Stockard was her real name.

Maybe Stockard's her real name. Maybe Stockard's short for something. Any relation to Carol? Erin, do you know? No, I doubt it. Oh, I think it might be Carol King. I love Carol Channing. I feel the earth move.

That's Carol King. Erin, what did you say that the guy from White Suits, which is so funny, what did you say his name was? That guy's name I truly don't know. Matt Bomer is his name. Oh, he's like a Broadway guy. He's like, I'll say it, he's proper handsome. Yeah. He reminds me of, oh, the guy who played Superman.

Henry Cavill. Henry Cavill. Is Matt Bomer, do we know? Is Matt Bomer American? Because he could just be like American Henry Cavill. Yeah. He's also gay. Aaron, you sounded so sad.

He's like, bizarro Henry Cavill. Can you call gay people bizarro? Huh. Huh. Again, you could under Biden. And now it feels best fun. No, you definitely can't under Trump. That's definitely something that people are proud of

being able to do. Bizarro Superman is gay, okay. I know everything is so scary right now and things are very rarely funny. And especially with Trump, it's just not funny because it's so scary and dangerous. But yesterday, I wanted to wind down for the night by watching like a nature thing on Netflix.

And I watched like our world's oceans. And the narrator of that is Barack Obama. And I was sitting and I was watching him talking about whales and then I started like dying laughing because I went, can you fathom Trump ever doing something like this agreeing to narrate a nature documentary about like whales in the Pacific Ocean he would get so sidetracked so fast oh dying laughing they call them kill her whales beautiful whales never see kill, but I've heard that they can.

They call them orcums. They can be very killer. They call them orcums. They call them orcums. They call them orcums. He's got a seal. Seals are very nasty. It's okay to kill them.

They're very nasty creatures. A lot of the whales, they're dying from the windmills. The windmills are killing the whales. Actually, Aaron, yes. Yes, I can see you doing this. I can see honestly, like, two or three of them. They're very nasty. They're very nasty.

They're very nasty. They're very nasty. They're very nasty. They're very nasty. They'remills are killing the whales. Actually, Aaron, yes. Yes I can see Joe Biden doing this. I can see, honestly, like Trump leaves office in three years and he gets the exact same Netflix deal that Obama got because Netflix cares about one thing. They're like, hey, you know what? We have a, we just have, I can see Joe Biden doing it too where he's just like, here's

a whale. I don't know, wait, let me see. Where'd it go? Okay. I'm just looking at the water. I was looking let her see. Where'd it go? Okay. I'm just looking at the water. I'm just looking at the water. I'm crying again. Okay, hold on, hold on.

We're so fucking cooked. Okay, that'll... what's another... And what if, and what if, uh, Teddy Roosevelt? And I think it would go a little something. Yeah, yeah. Bully, bully, free willy, bully, free bully, free... Four whales and score of orca. Bully, free willy, Bully, free Bully, free. Four whales and score of orca.

No one knows that Lincoln sounded like Daniel Day-Lewis was like, what if he sounds like this? And we were like, I guess we have to. We have to go. We don't have any recordings. He's the actor. We're kind of fucked. What a huge swing he made.

Ha ha ha ha. I didn't bring him blinking top like this. But I keep apprehend blinking and I only talk in song. Or like, uh, this might be your last movie, Daniel. And he's like, I'm trying to get fired. I'm in hell. Every time I take a role, I'm in hell. Because this is James K. Polk, probably.

Hi, everybody. And Aaron, there's Because this is James K. Polk, probably. Hi, everybody. And Aaron, there's three rules about James K. Polk. Don't feed him after midnight. Don't get him wet. Keep him out of the sunlight. These whales are swimming in the ocean. People thought what they did with Hamilton was like, oh, actually we're race flipping it.

But that's what George Washington talked like yeah George Washington. It was like super inappropriate like hey George I actually don't think you can do that. No, that's just that's his voice. He was always like we are outgunned I couldn't think of another thing Can I be real a second but just a millisecond I know this is George Washington's I don't know. It cannot be real a second, but just a millisecond. I know, I know. This is how George Washington is, I know, I know. I was thinking about this the other day. I was thinking about this the other day. I know, I know.

I think that, I think that Hamilton, I don't think Hamilton, it had like a couple of years where I think it was like fine, but then I think the longer it went on, the more it's like politics aged pretty poorly I think Moana is Lin-Manuel Miranda's masterpiece I think that that movie and I haven't been watching a bunch of Moana who fucking knows who even knows that we could say this I think that that one is gonna go down as like

Because I think the best part about Moana is he only did like one little song. He did the music or whatever, but he only put himself in it a little bit. Ooh-ay, ooh-ay. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. On the soundtrack, he does, there's another version of the You're Welcome song. Yes.

He does like the rap in that version, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I'm obsessed with Moana. I love Moana. Have you seen Moana 2, Erin? I have. I have not seen it because I don't want to spoil the magic

of Moana for myself. I'm a little upset that there needs to be Lion King 2, Moana 2, Little Mermaid 2. Live action Moana, live action. It seemed like Moana 2 was supposed to be a TV show and when I watched it, I tried to go in with the compassion that the writers, they wanted to make it like an,

sort of an ensembly deep bench TV show and then I think they reworked it into a movie. And I was like, oh, I can see what you're doing and I can see how this would have been a good, like eight episode, whatever Disney plus thing. So I don't think it's like the people who made its fault. and I can see how this would have been a good like eight episode whatever Disney plus thing so I don't think it's like the people who made its fault. I think the studio sort of Reworked something into a movie that wasn't supposed to be a movie

I just always assume when something is like goes really poorly not that it went for I have no idea How Moana 2 did but I always assume when something goes really poorly that it's not like One guy's fault like I'm like this like, this seems like a bunch of emails happened and like it just came out like absolute dog shit. Yeah, lack of art by committee. Well, we're gonna do one more of these and then we're gonna take a break if that's okay with everybody.

Hey, sounds good to me. This actor who played the Grinch is watching a tiny mythical creature with wings that's especially her stoot. Jim Carrey watching a hairy fairy. Jim Carrey watching a hairy fairy. You guys got it. Woo.

Can we do a quick scene? And this scene is gonna transition directly into break. Right, and before we do this scene, I just wanna thank Connor O'NephewOld again. Thank you for your time. Thank you Connor O'NephewOld. Thank you everyone at the office. This is just gonna be a quick solo scene.

Addle, you're gonna be playing Harry Ferry. You gotta stop doing impressions while people are doing things or else you're just gonna get called out. And it's gonna go right into break. Addle, you're gonna be Harry Ferry and you're calling a baseball game. Top of the ninth, two out, two strikes, two balls.

And hey, if you believe in this game clap Clap if you believe in the game I don't know, homie. Odie. One,! Thank goodness, because I really want to talk about Squarespace. Squaspas. Squaspas. Well, someone has to say it right, and okay, I'll say it. Squaspas! No, ah, oof, can't be me. Squaspas, or Squarespace, is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace or Squarespace gives you everything you need

to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Erin, can you believe that? I can't. Squarespace, no Squarespace, makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website, upload and organize your videos,

create stunning video libraries and even monetize your content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops. You know what the problem is? It's kind of like the ring. Like once Adil said it, it's like now it's like with us. And the other thing is they're spelled the same.

Yeah. Squash bombs. Squash bombs. Squash bombs. And Squarespace are spelled the same, but only Squarespace. SquashBus. SquashBus. SquashBus. SquashBus. SquashBus. SquashBus.

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So check out squarespace.com. Oh, I did it. Oh, yay. We're cured. Check out squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code RIDDLE or RIDDLE. RIDDLE? Riddles.

Riddles. Erin, you have something different than what we have. Riddles. Squarespace.com slash Riddle. You like sleep, you like sleep, you like sleep, I am sleeping in a bed, midnight logs, you like sleep, I must sleep. Now Aaron, typically- Sorry. Now, Aaron, typically, sorry, typically that song would make me very tired, but here's the thing.

I had the best night's sleep of my life, which I have every night because I have a Helix sleep mattress. Have you heard of this? You've seen this? You heard of this? Yeah, I was just dreaming about it. I was just dreaming about my Helix sleep because it's the best mattress in the world. I have a Midnight Lux.

It's the best night's sleep I've ever had. When people sleep in my bed, when they're watching Lou, they always text me and say, what kind of mattress do you have? Because that's the best night's sleep I've ever had. When people sleep in my bed, when they're watching Lou, they always text me and say, what kind of mattress do you have? Cause that's the best night's sleep I've ever had. Yeah, I slept on a piece of cardboard last night because tonight I'm not ashamed to admit this. The middler got me. He absolutely got me. Oh, GPC.

You know what? It's so rare that I- Like understood you? No, I mean, he tricked me. I gotta give him his wins when he can get them. The middler tricked me into sleeping on a big piece of cardboard. Normally I love sleeping on my Helix sleep mattress.

It's very comfortable, but... Can I ask what the trick was? Yeah, you definitely know the difference when the middler gets ya because you don't get the same level of sleep. Okay, all right. Well, I mean, if you wanna just take the sleep quiz and get paired with a perfect mattress for you,

it takes like no time at all. So you can probably, like you can get back up on your feet. Yeah, I'm fully planning to not get tricked by the middler into sleeping on a piece of cardboard again tonight. I think I'm just gonna go back to my old mattress, my Helix Sleep mattress. I loved it, it's reliable. I am worried that the middler's gonna try something

on me again, he's getting better. Do you wanna just talk about the spring savings event? You see, maybe that'll help? Yeah, it could help to talk about the Spring Savings Event going on at Helix Sleep right now. We can get 20% off site-wide. All you gotta do is go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for 20% off site-wide with the Spring Savings Event.

That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for the Spring Savings Event, 20% off site-wide. helixsleep.com slash riddle. Site-wide, sort of like peripheral, right? Site wide, okay. I'm increasing my site to be wide. Now I can see the middler, he was in my periphery. Oh God, he's gonna make me sleep on cardboard again.

Steve, you're not off the hook either. I've been swimming at the edge of the water, long as I came of water, never water knowing water. I wish I could be the perfect water But I came back from the water No matter how hard I try No, oh, how hard I try Every turn I take, every path I make Every water break, every underneath break And the water make and the water

What does water mean? From the light and the sight and the sea There's water Until I know And no one leaves And no one leaves And no one's home Oh my god, when her grandma turns into the stingray

I'll cry about it whenever I do think that It's very funny, Aaron, to sing a song where the first eight beats are about water, and then you get into what is water. It's like, oh no, this person singing this water song doesn't know what water is. Took an insane clown posse turn.

Yeah. You guys, I have been crying over nothing recently. I've been tipped over so easily. I'm crying over commercials. I was at a bar the other night and my friends were just describing a moment from the most recent season of Survivor that I have not watched and had no context for.

And I burst into tears at a bar with them just describing it. I was like, that's beautiful. And they were like, are you okay? It was probably a really sad story and it probably has nothing to do with what's going on with you. Thank you. It's probably something

really sad that happened on Survivor that is universal. So anyone who was hearing it described would have cried. Okay, great. Sorry, it's the mayor of Riddleville. I, you forgot your toothbrush. Also, I looked in my bathroom trash and it seems like there's a pregnancy test that says positive. Uh, guys, can I have a quick second?

Yeah, are you talking to me? Yeah, sure, for sure. Yeah, thanks. Do I have to hang out with the mayor of Riddles? Is that where you go? No. This sucks. Yeah, you can't. I hate making small talk with guys Aaron's fucking.

I, it's truly, and I- I'm making small talk with guys Aaron's fucking Truly Yeah, so how is it man hitting hitting the G UTS Oh, yes, um, oh Yes stabbing guts. That was a term that was Bandied about maybe ten years ago in Riddleville, but I don't think I would say that. I believe Erin is a respectable woman and I care for her deeply and we've had several. For sure, we're just a sex positive podcast

so we don't mind talking about. Oh, yeah. Guys, guys, me and the mayor never had sex. What are you guys talking about? What was implying that we've had sex? Toothbrush, pregnancy test. You left your coat at my place? Both of your smells. The way both of you smell.

Ew, what does that mean? Let's just say I changed Erin's oil. Smells like somebody's been hitting the skins and I'm not talking about playing football. All right, guys, if you guys can't talk to the guys that I'm having sex with, then what is even the point of having podcast co-hosts? Uh, key to the titties I'm having sex with them, what is even the point of having podcast co-hosts?

Key to the titties? What does a mayor have? Key to the, key to the titties. Can I get the key to the titty? Titty tape parade. That's nothing. I know it's nothing. It's about less than nothing. Yeah.

It's almost nothing. Erin, do we have any riddles? Can we skip to plugs? No. No. TBC, please, I never ask. Erin, I hate to be the one to say this, you always ask. Do I?

Yeah, it's not often verbal, but it's behind the eyes and it's a pleading and it's a pleading. It's a pleading to be like, can we just do plugs? One time you sang it, you sang Pink Pony Plugs, I think. Erin, I'll give you options. I'll give you options. We could do riddles. We could have you do more riddles

or we could keep kind of like mining the content of like what if you're pregnant and like what other kind of guys have you slept with that we could like bring. Now we're part of the? Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Uh oh.

Do it. How would you block, idiot? I think if you were pregnant, maybe the worst way to find out about it is by someone being like, maybe you're pregnant on a Riddle podcast, and then you go and take a test and you're like, uh oh. Uh oh.

When Adil said he had a dream about me being pregnant, I literally had a moment where I was like, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Whoa. When Adil said he had a dream about me being pregnant, I literally had a moment where I was like, oh my God. How could that happen? Because I'm a virgin. No. Mom, Molly. I was like, oh my God, if he's intuitively knowing this. No, I don't, you know what?

If I do ever find out I'm pregnant, I hope one of you tells me. Mm-mm. I hope one of you somehow finds out before me. If I had the ability to carry a child, I think that I would have taken like a million pregnancy tests in my life. Not a million. Oh, yeah.

I'm not out there fucking that much, but I think that, well, let's see. The amount of pregnancy tests that I've taken as a man has been zero. I think it would be way more than that. You haven't even tried it for fun? You love peeing on sticks. I've peed on some used ones. When Mariah took a pregnancy test that said that she was pregnant,

I tried to pee on it to see if I could pee the baby out. Sort of a pee out the poisons that you said. Yeah, sort of a pee out the poison, but like kind of like try to see if I could reverse it. That makes sense, I think. So you think the baby's inside the pregnancy test? I peed on Mariah's positive pregnancy test when she was pregnant.

And then the pregnancy just changed to this, whatever this is can't support life. And whatever it's growing needs to be killed. And actually listed a phone number and I called the phone number and it was, What's the term? A priest, right? Well, I was like, yeah, it was like a priest, but like a dark web black market,

like what are the type of priests that will come shoot you? Assassin. Assassin, yes, yes, yes. I think I've told this story on the show before, so stop me if I have, but when I was a freshman in college, we did a exercise in acting class where you had to find something

with like a sense of urgency in the scene. And you got to pick what your object was. Like some people picked like a watch or like whatever, like a receipt. And I was like, oh, I'll pick like a pregnancy test because someone would be urgently trying to find one that they like maybe hid somewhere in a room. And I thought, and it went well, I got a good grade on the scene. And then ended up-

Good grade on the scene. I know, whatever. Fucking shit is so fake. Fucking nothing, it's made up. I threw, because pregnancy tests a lot of time come in packs of two. And I had bought it from like the dollar store or whatever and I threw it in my box of props. So it was just like wigs, props, various other nonsense and then forgot about it for the rest of the year. My mom came to pick me up for my freshman year of college

to move me out and saw it. And then my mom started acting so weird for like three days and I was like, you seem kind of mad at me like this Irish Catholic like, and I was like, what is kind of mad at me, like this Irish Catholic like, and I was like, what is going on? Like, why are you acting so weird? And she finally was like, Erin, I found a pregnancy test in your room.

And I was like, this is the worst moment of my life. Because mom- Imagine an Irish Catholic mom being mad about pregnancy. I know, I was like, mom, that was for an acting exercise and thank you for rubbing it in that I did not have sex at all this year. Like it is the, it is a different level of humiliation

to have your mom think that you were having sex all year and being like, nope, no one wanted to. Thanks though, thank you. I would have done it. I would have round-dogged it. I said, I'll just take the test. This reminds me, and sorry if I've told this one before, but I'll say very quickly,

my sister, Sadia, who's a tremendous actor, Yes. was taking a class, I won't say the name of the theater, but it's a very popular theater, and there's like a sub for the acting class. So this sub was going around the room and was like, I'm gonna ask you a question, I just want you to respond honestly.

And the teacher goes, the sub goes to the first student, the acting student, and they go, your house is on fire, you have to save one thing that's not a pet or electronic, what is it? And the person's like, a photo of my grandma because she passed when I was 10 and I never really got to know her and everyone's getting emotional and the sub's like, amazing, amazing answer. a photo of my grandma because she passed when I was 10 and I never really got to know her

and everyone's getting emotional and the sub's like amazing, amazing answer. Goes to the next student in order, the second student in line kind of standing and is like, you have the power to heal one issue with the world, what do you heal? And the person's like, think hunger, I think I would be able to feed everyone and everyone's getting emotional. This is like an amazing question. Then this up gets to

Sadia, who's like, I guess third and goes, clearly ran out of questions and goes, what if you were a donut, what kind of donut would you be? And Siddiha's like, ah, jelly? And the sub's like, why? And Siddiha's like, ah, I'm delicious? And the sub goes, see me after class. That is fucking awesome. That is classic stuff. The sub clearly didn't prepare

and then took it out on Siddiha of like, if you're not gonna take this seriously, and it's like, you ask me what be in the interest of transparency, if Aaron has told that story in the podcast before and if Adil has told that story in the podcast before, we should also tell a new story. So I'll tell you a new story. It's a very brief story. Perfect.

The other day, Ryan and I were sitting in the kitchen and she went to microwave something and she looked at whatever, I don't remember what it was that she was microwaved, but she said three and a half minutes. And then she went to the microwave and she put in three and then she put in five, zero, and she hit start. And I go, wait a second. Oh no. I stopped the microwave and I was like, wait a second,

you think 50 is half a minute? And she's like, I panicked and I just said, whatever. That's gonna be my new mantra. I panicked and I said whatever. I couldn't remember what half a minute was and I said, whatever, it's fine. It's just a little microwaving, who gives a shit? That's so funny.

That's amazing. Okay guys, guess what? What? I'm actually not giving up on this science riddle book that's maybe from Molly. I'm actually not gonna give up on it. I'm gonna complete it, okay? Okay, all right.

Is there a resolution to this? Did we think you were giving up on it? Yeah, I mean, I just assume you guys always assume that I'm giving up. No. I think you think I think about you more than I do. Aw. Does that make sense?

That's really sweet. Wait, what did you say? Aaron, if you can see the audience, the audience can see you. Yeah. That's right. What does that mean? Objects in an audience may appear closer than they appear.

Hmm. Aaron, remember Closer with Clive Owen and Natalie, after mentioning Natalie Portman? Oh, yeah. Do I remember hot, sexy movie with Clive Owen? Clive Owen and Natalie, aforementioned Natalie Portman. Oh yeah, do I remember a hot sexy movie with Clive Owen? Clive Owen. Oh, Homer, we're gonna have to get you and Jim Davis together.

I might have already done this one, sorry. But we'll quickly get through to once we have done. What snacks should you serve robots at a party? Microbytes, microchips. Yeah. That's a great answer. These are both great answers. They are.

But it's not that? Yeah, it's not that. Oh, mixed nuts and bolts? Yeah, mixed nuts. Oh. You got it. I'd like to see a scene. Wait, what?

Mixed nuts? Yep. Why mixed nuts? Cause robots are made of nuts and bolts. Mixed nuts. Robots are made of nuts and bolts. Can I say something? Oh, here we go.

Hi, Puzzbot. Hi, Erin. You left your code in toothbrush at my place. Shh. You know what, guys? Can you talk to Puzzbot for a second? I'm just gonna be over here. Oh, I don't like to make small talk with JPZ.

Ugh, god damn it. So, how is cousin piss? Alright, great. Yeah, it's great, Puzzbot. Puzzbot, may I say that you sound like, you know, you're, I'm sorry, you. Well, I better be going. I bailed on saying it so fast I did not want to say it. All right, see you Puzzbot.

Enough, enough. All right, guys, I'm back is trying to like, do a graceful exit, and the other one is noticing. Well, this has been a killer party. Yes, I agree. This party has been killer. Man, the music that was chosen was so groovy. Such groovy tunes. Groovy tunes, and the drinks were reasonably mixed. I'm sorry I spilled my Manhattan on your motherboard.

My man, it is all good. It is literally water under the cooling system. Phew, that is a gig off my memory card. Alright brother, good to run into you. Good to run- oh! I'm actually going the same way. Oh. Okay, we were both doing the thing where we say goodbye to one person at the party. I can say goodbye to one person or zero, people. Yes, me too. It's binary choice. I feel like if we leave together, people are going to assume that we are going to fuck.

Well, should we give them something to talk about? Huh, this is not this is not the way I saw this night going. Compl- contemplating probabilities. Okay, yes, I could be into this. Oh man, I was joking. This is awkward now. I am so sorry, I was joking. Yes, me too, me too, me too, me too. Yes, me too, me too, me too. Recalculating, recalculating, recalculating. Hey guys, I'm so sorry to interrupt you.

We're gonna have to take your keys because you guys are talking like you're robots and you're clearly really drunk. We do not want you driving home. See. Calculating probability of threesome. Wow. Sorry.

Looking unlikely. That's such a fuck you. I like made you guys be robots and I was some. Wow. Sorry. Looking unlikely. That's such a fuck you. I like made you guys be robots and I was like. Honestly, you gave me an idea for the next party I attend, which is to get so drunk that I think I'm a robot. I wouldn't be drunk though. I feel like you could be like, on like mushrooms enough that you think that you're a robot.

I hit my head so hard. Drunk that you think you're a robot. What did the mad scientist write on the robot's tombstone? RIP. Yeah. Probably RIP. This time. R-I-C-D-R-W.

R-I-Burn-C-D. Erin, is it something to do with RIP, but it's like rest in. No. You get, it is a play on rest in peace. Rest in pieces, rest in, rest in peace. Yes, rest in peace.

They're brilliant. Erin, I would do one season. Okay. Erin, you are feigned outlaw, Rust in Peace. JPC, you are a bartender at a bar that Rust in Peace has just walked into looking for trouble. Nah, nah, Rust in, Rust in, your money's no good here. And I mean that literally.

All your money is rusted to the core. It just, it ruins the other money that it touches. Please don't. Currency is currency, is it not? It corrects, it is not. Pour me another whiskey. Look, we don't want trouble, Rustin. We'll just give you the whiskey, gratis, on the house.

Just keep your filthy money in your pockets if you could. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, sure your piano player used to stop playing when I Walked through those saloon doors and everyone used to fall silent Mm-hmm, and now people keep going About their day business as usual when I walk in am I losing my touch I Would say don't touch anything.

Why do people keep saying that? Because you're filthy, Reston. It's the old West, we're all filthy. Well, yeah. So imagine how it must be me calling you out. You know what I'm saying? Because we're all filthy and you're- I have half a mind to show you the business end of my gun, sir. Rustin, I am not scared of that gun because there is no way that rusted piece of metal

can fire bullets. I left it in a lake for four months by accident. Your whole shit is left in a lake. That's your whole vibe. Well, my house is by a lake. Well, a lot of people live by lakes and I've never seen a human being rust. I've never seen that until I met you, Rustin. You know what?

I have half a mind to show you the business end of my gun. I already said that. I wouldn't I wouldn't put it past you if you did have half a mind, because it seems like maybe half your brain has been corroded by some sort of exposure to oxygen and water. Piano stops playing. Oh.

Well, this has been the most hurtful interaction I've had in quite some time. You've hurt my feelings. I'm gonna go outside to my horse. I'm gonna go out sad to my horse. I'm gonna lick my wounds. Don't lick it. If it licks, it's gonna rust. Have you been licking your wounds?

See. Is that? Oh, brother. Well, maybe one more quick riddle and then. Yes, please. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What did the little electric robot say to its mother? I'm hum-hum-gry. Mommy and Dada? Mama? Little electric robot. Can you charge my diaper? Ew! What is wrong with you? You asked! You asked! Ugh! What is wrong with you? Are you my motherboard? No. Are you my motherboard? No.

Are you my motherboard is good, but electric is key here, right? I assume there's gonna be some. I just think it's like a robot thing. I don't think you would be able to get this, but. Wait, give us a clue. You don't think I'm gonna be able to get it? I don't think anyone's gonna be able to get this.

Oh. It's like, it's the robot saying, I love you to its mom, but it's the quantity of how much it loves its mom. Whoa. That is the joke. I love you tons and tons. Yeah, but what's it? Yeah, there you go. What was it, JBC? Combine the two things you just did.

JBC, what'd you say? I love you a gigaton? No, you said a different word. Megaton. Meg what? No, was it it? Yeah, there you go. I love Megatron. There you go. I love you a watt. Yeah, I love you watts andaton? No, you said a different word. Megaton. Meg what? Yeah, there you go. Megatron. There you go. I love you a watt. Yeah, I love you watts and watts.

Watts and watts. I love you watts and watts. Oh, I guess electric watts. Yeah, okay. I mean, this. Have a good attitude. Okay. Casey, can we have a voicemail theme?

Have a good attitude. Have a good attitude. The fuck? Hey, Riddle Riddle has a voicemail you can call and if you're nice and leave a message then they just might play it all on the show. Unless you're a child then please go. Rad to know. 805 Riddle One. Call 805 Riddle one, call 805 riddle one, and now the theme is done.

A play on our favorite song, Hey There Delilah. Beautiful. Wow, but I'm playing white tees. Plain white tees. And I do also appreciate working in the fact that don't call that number if you're a child. Yes. Because I'm sick of getting voicemails from children. Isn't it wild that plain white tees are now associated

with the bear? Oh. Oh yeah. Because of how much they wear plain white tees on that show? Yeah, Jeremy Allen white tee. Mm-hmm. That's funny. Jeremy Allen white tees. And he's a tease.

He's such a tease. He's such a tease. Shameless tease. And can we hear that voicemail, Casey? Hey Adelware and JPC. My name's Rodolfo. I'm a long-time listener and short-time fan. Hi, Rodolfo.

I called you guys about a year ago to tell you I got a new job. And I feel like I'm legally obligated to inform you I did quit that one, and I do have a new one. Ooh. Just like last time, you're the first people I told. But this time, I got a question. I'm interested to know what your favorite and least favorite

class or multiclass in D&D is. Mine's a delicate, balanceable warlock, sorcerer, and a paladin. But this time I got a question. I'm interested. I'm interested to know what your favorite and least favorite classroom Multi-class and D&D is mine's a delicate balance for warlock sorcerer and a paladin and my least favorites rogue Be sure to inform me when they future job changes until then bye. Bye Yeah, thank you so much. We do want everyone to be updating us on your employment status That's just like a legal thing for us We need to know where you're working and why. And why. And why is a big part. Rodolfo kind of left out the why part, so.

And we don't always assume it's for money. What do you guys think? Okay, so it's most favorite and least favorite D&D classes. I think I might like Ranger the best. Oh yeah, Rangers are fun. And I probably, I probably like, like Wizard. Is Wizard a class? Yeah, Wizard's a class.

I think I like Wizard the least, but only because you have to keep track of so much. Yeah. I think I'm gonna hit you with the opposite direction because I think my least favorite would be like, kind of maybe just like fighter, like something that's like vanilla and like big sword hit heavy, you know, that thing, when I'm role playing, it's not my most favorite. And I think that my most favorite probably is wizard. I like the idea of looking through the spell book and like picking things for like, oh,

this could be useful in this instance. Now, JPC and the D&D, we played in for like six years together. Your wizard name was Vodon? Vodon Shavaris. Vodon Shavaris. And is he here with us now? And he might be, if I could remember.

I think I just sounded like me. I think it was my voice. But yeah, I also, my favorite way to play is the, there's one thing where you're like, okay, you're a wizard. You have to cast Fireball because it's like the best damage spell. But I do like when you play a character, I think my character that I played in that campaign was an illusionist. And I like picking spells that don't like deal damage because you can like think of more fun ways to use them. But I guess it's just, you's just different strokes for different folks.

And then when I played Baldur's Gate III, my character was a monk. My main character was a monk and I really had a good time playing a monk, beating people up with my fists. Erin, I'm gonna guess that you like bard best? I do. I was totally just gonna say it.

Bard is my favorite. Not necessarily to play, but to have in a party, I feel like you gotta have a Bard. And then I would say I've never felt the pull to play a barbarian or a fighter that often. I like sort of magic or a druid. I don't love being a fighter. Yeah, you're more of a flighter, right? Gotta go. Well, that was a great question. And also,

if you if you want to send us anything in the mail, our mailing address is in the show description every week, you can send us something in the mail. And if you want to hear us open something that you send us in the mail, check out our live streams that we do every month on our review crew tier of our Patreon. That is a that is where I guess I never really say but that's where I open up all of the packages that people sent us. So if you have sent us a package and you want to see any time in the last three years me open it, go check out one of those old live streams on our Patreon because that's where I be opening it. And quick reminder I'm campaigning for us to do a live show in someone's living room

in the next year or so. So send us your wedding invitation. We want to do it for a couple who they both are, they like the show and they're both interested in the show because we're going to be doing a live show from your living room. So send that in if you want us to do a live show in your living room. Oh, and before we get to plugs, I'm going to do like pre plug announcement that I guess I should be mentioning but it's it's Yeah, it's probably partially plugs Um, but if you are joining our patreon and you want to give us money to listen to our bonus content

Do not do it through the patreon app on the iOS app store If you try to sign up via the patreon app on the app store, it charges you Apple charges you 30% more we don't see that money, it just goes to Apple, and it's every month. So do not do that. Go to the Patreon's website and sign up via their website. So just open a browser on your phone or do it on your computer. But definitely sign up for our Patreon on a website, not the iOS app, or you will be charged extra money. And I and I, that boils my blood that Apple does that. So just do not give Apple more of your money if you can avoid it. That was very Yosemite. Sam of you boils, boils my blood, burns my biscuits. Yes. I want to plug. Um, Hey, everyone at the office, text or call the Erin in your life.

For some of you that might be Erin Keefe. For a lot of you it's not. But everyone has an Erin in their life and maybe just reach out to them, send them a text, say hi, maybe give them a call, catch up with them, see how they're doing. Erin, anything to plug or promote? Ignore your texts and phone calls from your loved ones.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm kidding. Follow Quality Time on Instagram. If you live in LA, are you gonna be there soon? I host a monthly variety show and it is really a true variety show in Los Angeles that I'm really proud of and I think is always consistently very, very good. So come check that out if you want a JPC anything to plug

If next time I'm in LA, could I pop on quality time and teach karate? At all. I actually insist that you do that. It was actually you're not leaving the city unless you've Before I read a review which I'm going to do, and if you wanna submit a review, you can leave a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews, and I might read it on the show, but before I do that, I just have to remind everybody it is still Penguin Baseball Month,

April of the Penguins on Patreon. Balls in. Check out our show description for links to our merch store with all new Penguin Baseball teams. It's a lot of fun over there, and it's continuing all frickin' month long. Uh, Addle, did you say something? I said the ball's the egg.

Uh, the ball's the egg. Of course the ball's the egg. Still. Let's read a five-star review. This review is titled Five Stars. It's from Slippy McTrip. Five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars. Pig orgasm for 90 minutes. Five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, pig orgasm for 90 minutes, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, five stars, thank you, Slippy McTrip.

Disgusting. Jupiter. Never eat Five Guys again. Are we doing the seven eight? Yeah, yeah, the miniature count. Hey, I'm down here. I'm the miniature count. I'm so small, I can't, the numbers. Flick! I want to rock your pinky! Hey there, burgers and dogs.

If you liked that, you are going to love this week's episode. It's another week of Penguin Baseball, and this time we're giving you the fan experience. You can listen to that plus the entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyrudelrudel by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast.