Hey Riddle Riddle - #36: Dear Diary...

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

We write down all our secrets & feelings in this new episode plus we launch into a scene in record time! Also JPC and Erin brag about dating people who live in buildings, Adal dies on Sandra Bullock hill, we celebrate a well known 90's toy and end with figuring out if a certain celebrity would ever date Erin and if a certain celebrity propositioned Adal! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I'm JPC. And I'm Aaron Keith. At what happens if that person still exists? Is still alive? And they hear this and they're like, that's my name. Do they say it like an old-timey Sailorgo? I guess it's a dissonant. That's my name. And I would've gone away with it too. And for you kids, you're haunted dog. Scoooby-boo!

Scooby-boo! And we did it, right? Anything to plug? Yeah, I mean, oh boy. Let's see a scene that's just plugs. And we did it right? Anything to plug? I mean, oh boy, let's see a scene that's just plugs. Who is our old man Puzzies? Well my good man, you know it's me, and you know that I am going to be acting as old man Puzzies for this episode. And I'm doing well, thanks for asking.

Aaron, how are you doing? I'm okay, thanks for asking. Aaron, how are you doing? I'm okay. Thanks for asking. We saw that police report. The one that I wrote and the one that I'm the star of. We saw the one that you pinned. They know often give credit to the author of those police reports. I saw in the police report that you went into a 7-11 with a gun and put cash into the register and said, that's for you, sweetie.

Yeah, nice to meet you. I'm an ex-mother to Lisa and grab the stickers and said, that's for you, sweetie. Yeah, nice to meet you. I'm in X Mother Teresa and grab the stickers and ran out. Yeah, the police report also said that that gun was made of bubble tape. It was. Okay. Six, six feet of bubble tape. Six feet of gun. Wow, what a slow gun, huh?

And we're ready for some puzzle. What a slow gun. Oh, you're truly the worst. I want to see you see one of the worst. I want to see the quickest scene. Okay. Aaron, you're truly the worst. I want to see you see one of the worst. I don't know. The quickest scene. Aaron, you're robbing a store. You have a slow gun.

So when you shoot it, the bullet takes a real long time. And JPC, you are a clerk who's, it's 2 a.m. and you're tired and in your two tired for this job. Well, you know what time it is? 7-11. I'm sorry. 7-11, what? And when you're here, your, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,. All right, well, here's my slow gun. You're what? My slow gun. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, So more of my puzzles. These are just puzzles and riddies, and they're going to help warm you up and really get your brains working.

And if you're a first-time listener in the show, welcome to the show. This is Hey Riddle Rental. One of the things that we do in the show is we ask riddles and puzzies to my two co-hosts here, and they're gonna try to come up with their... Please, co-hosts. Co-hosts.

My co-hosts with the mo-hosts. Can you come up with the mo-hosts? And they're going to come up with some pretty razor sharp quick answers to these warm-up hurdles. Now remember, these are warm-up hurdles they're designed to be easy. Are you ready for your first warm-up riddle? Yes. Are they designed to be easy or you just chose them?

By design, they are easy. Okay. Yes, I designed these. You're going to be solved. I designed these specifically and subjectively to be. Oh are JPC made. I know these are JPC Home brusque Fucking garbage IPA I first of all I told you I just didn't have enough yeast So I want another shot at my you guys drinking my home bro. You drink it from the bathtub

Well, I didn't have hops, so I used cornpops. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's getting worse and worse. Okay. How do you make the number one disappear? Uh, no. That's the answer.

It's a wrong. How do you make the number one disappear? You put it on stage, put it in a magician's assistant costume, and then you put it in behind a curtain thing, and then you put the curtain back in. I could say number one wearing a very slinky sexy dress. Yeah. Yeah, same logic, you put that one in a magician's assistant costume.

You put it in a box you sawed in half. Now you have two halves of a one, and you bend those, and you put them together, that's a zero. Two halves of a one bit together is a zero. Bent. Gotta get them bent. Alright, matchbox 20. What?

You get shits. That's not the question is not how do you make a one is zero. How do you make a one is zero? Nope. How do you make a one is a pair? How do you make a one is zero? Take off your glasses, let down their hair and then hit it with a truck. I know how to make that. She's all flat.

No, the question was not how do you make, I'm sorry, yes. How do you solve a problem? Number one, disappear. You guys miss my joke about I can make the one disappear. Oh, because you could talk to someone who is a sensitive leave of one and then they would leave. You also miss my she's All Flat show. I heard it.

I loved it. What are the big recurring problems in the show is we're all doing a thousand jokes so fast. It's just like our improv. We're not listening at all. Well, I love She's All Flat because it ends with the song by six pens, none the flatter. Flat me. Wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait

dead stop dead stop six pets none the flatter and the song flatt me flatt me yeah any new music video they pop that girl's tits what that's how they make her flatt the answer to the riddle surprisingly it's not pop that girl's tits surprisingly surprisingly that's my favorite club jam. Pop damn tits, the, but a but a pop. But these are easy riddles and they're supposed to be

four short easy. Real quick check in, we're all insane. Yeah, oh yeah. I don't know what mood this is. We've been, it's big mood. Real oracle check and I mean. Been driven insane. I didn't make a one disappear?

Is it a math related? Is it like a math fun? It's not, it's a, I guess a clever kind of wordplay here. Let me rephrase the question, you'll get it. How do you make the number one gone? Oh, add a G. Yeah, you add a G. So how do you make one disappear?

You add a G and it's gone. You add a G in front. you make one disappear you add a G and it's gone? Yeah, yeah Pretty good Girl gone girl gone girl Honestly, I heard that originally they had cast a gong to play that part and it just You could replace Ben Affleck with a gong in most movies and it would be better That's like with a gong in most movies and it would be better. Gong will hunting. Our gong.

Our gong fuck yourself. I'm Alan Art Gong. What's that movie we tried to think of last night? G-Le. G-Le, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's in there. Say it.

Gong Lee. Gong Lee. Gong Lee. That gong. That gong that gong. Gong of justice. I watch a gong cheat on it's wife. Oh. No, that's what Gong girl is. Oh, is it? Super-Gong. Gong of Justice. I watch a Gong cheat on its wife.

Oh, no, that's what Gong girl is. Oh, is it? Yeah. I've only read the book. They cut off Neil Patrick Harris's penis. Do you think I was just enthusiastically supporting adultery? Yes. Gong, Gong, Gong, Gong.

Ooh, we had it, we lost it. We've done it in one video, we've said, Gong. That's a t-shirt, right guys? Everyone make eye contact with me. We've done one video live said cut guard That's a t-shirt right guys I'm gonna make eye contact with me tell me I'm good. I'm gonna be good boys. You're a t-shirt. You're a gong gong boy. What has a neck but no head? Danny DeVito I think it's a head but no We don't know they're too high up. What's a neck but no head?

A turn-on-length sweater? It's a giraffe that won't give a blowjob. Yeah. All-prod, maybe. A turtleneck sweater. I'm not gonna give you a blowjob until you take a shower. You're a giraffe! Turtleneck sweater is good.

I think that gets like, I think that passes the smell test. Is it an article of clothing? No. No. The Turtle Neck Sweater? Yes. What's the question? How are you wearing it? What has a neck, like a lamp?

What has a neck, what has a neck? What has a neck, like a lamp? Is it like a clam? It's clam. It's a clam. I like a clam. What is it? No, no, what is it?

What has a neck, but no head, no head. That's not what the show is. Yeah, that's not what it is. What is it? No, no, what is it? What is it neck, but no head. That's not what the show is. Yeah, what is it? Bottles, bottles have necks? Bottle. Baby, yeah, bottle service. Baby bottle service. Oh, wow, baby bottle service.

It's from babies in the club. Okay, I want to see how it is seen. I want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a nurse who works delivering babies. Adel, you have just nurse who works delivering babies. Adel, you have just been born, but you're super smart and you're trying to order baby bottle service from this nurse.

Wemme, Wemme, Wemme. Oh my gosh. Oh gosh, you're covered in blood. Why are you so much hair? I'm covered in blood. What? Is that what you said? Oh my God, are you talking?

Yeah, look who's talking. Me. Baby, when some booze. Okay, well, there's an umbilical cord still attached to you So give me a second. Okay. Don't your dad to cut it or do you just I don't care? Okay, what's your job again? What's my job again? What's your age again? Do your fucking age job? What the heck are you talking about here's why I want you to do baby. I want you to... You're the baby.

I want you to cut the... I want you to cut the pillow at the cord. Yeah. What am I supposed to... I can't reach my dick. You're culling. What do you mean? I don't want you.

I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. Here's why I want you to do. I want you to cut my bell to the cord. Fine. I want you to take one end of it. I want you to dump it. Okay, why don't you do? I want you to take one end of it.

I want you to dump it in a bottle of Johnny Walker. Green label. You want me to take your middleical cord though. Just to touch to the inside of your mother, the first new gave you life. And put it in Johnny Walker. Yeah. Green label. Okay, I'll tell you what, if you give me $150, I'll do this. Okay.

But first I've got to put a soft little hat on you. Does it look like I have a 50 on me? I'll give you $200, you give me change. How do you have a good point? How do you have money on you? Nurse Aaron, can I see you in my office for a second? Yeah, really. We've been getting some reports that you've been taking the anesthetic after working hours and getting super high. We, we, we, we had normal sounds. Ooh. Ah, you're fired.

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, I don't think so. Okay. Ooh, I love this. I'll give you a hundred and fifty dollars. Oh, goodness. I have a hospital administrator, I'd make upwards of $8,000.

See, $8,000. I like that you were looking it up as you were saying it. How much does Cuddy make on house? Is that a character's name? Yeah. In a medical drama, there's a character named Cuddy. Cuddy. Oh, Cuddy.

Yeah, that's insane. We find where fee was a surgeon. Yeah, Cuddy. No, Cuddy is That's something. We find where he was a surgeon. Yeah. Cutie. No. Cutie is the my team Cutie. Scalpy. There's EMTT. Cutie. Read a repulsar. Okay. Yes. The answer is bottle. I have one eye, but cannot see. Pyrate. Yes. It's a pirated movie. I have one on me. Yes, Aaron. Oh, nice one. Aaron my dear. I think we may have found that one. Yeah, we probably did. There's no need for a brief moment. Dear diary today. Hey, Roe Roe. The boy is looking with me. It was admiration their eyes of a prank styrofoam i don't think that's a copy that's the original that belongs to the museum i'm writing to her national treasure whip

uh... what are you in a nicoes cage heaven common uh... general uh... confidence uh... ever ever changing hair styles i can say they're both national treasures. Never made good content not even once. Millions of dollars of debt. They're both Francis Ford Coppola's nephew.

Yes, that's right. Aaron's Godfather is the Godfather. Okay, cool. What needs an answer, but it doesn't have a question. Ready or pussy? Ready or pussy? Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Everyone on the show is allowed to ask question. Ready or pussy? Ready or pussy. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

Yeah, everyone on the show is allowed to ask me if it's a riddle or a puzzle. This one is a puzzle. What has an answer, but no question? Yeah, what has an answer, but doesn't have a question? Oh, Philadelphia 76ers from 1994 to 2006. Okay, I had to explain. Al and I ever said.

Big name was the answer. The answer. But there was a question question and that question was basketball Aaron you said phone call. Yeah, something stupid like that. Yeah, it's probably like a doorbell or a door Yeah, I both of those work the answer that I've years a telephone But yeah, most likely, of course. I like there's no apology. It's just like, yeah, of course. I think we've, we've definitely had this one before, but I like it

anyway. What letter in the alphabet holds the most water? See. Okay, the answer is the C. But now I want to hear you come up with other letters and other answers for those letters. What letter in the alphabet holds the most water? Oh. Okay, explain. It's because it's big round. Oh yeah, Oh, it could hold probably the most water.

And it's basically an eye cut in half and then bent and put together. P when it's hydrated. Ooh, nice. Yeah, that's great. Because your bladder is full of what isn't technically water, but you can drink four or five times before it becomes toxic. What bladder, what letter has no rungs? A bladder? That's the one I just...

I'm still workshopping that one. That's next week. We'll listen to that one. Okay, yeah. Next week we'll really tear the shit out of you for saying that stupid shit. But for this week we'll let this life go. What was the most water? Not a bee. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. that. J. J. Oh, it's probably an H. Cause two O. Yeah, H holds two O's. Ooh. When I'm top, when I'm bottom. What letter of the alphabet holds the most O's? H.

H. Yes, you both got it, correct. I'll hold them two. What goes up, but never moves. Pick up, pick up, I'm sorry. What goes up and down, but never moves. Up and down, giraffe, give me a blowjob. Temperature. Temperature our movie. I'm sorry. What goes up and down, but never moves. Up and down. Giraffe giving a blowjob. Temperature.

Temperature. Temperature is the answer. So it's not a giraffe giving a blowjob? It's a, wow, you're so still. The giraffe is tired tonight. How the long day it worked. And we'll give you a blowjob. And boy is my neck tired.

Yes, correct. The answer is a giraffe giving a blowjob. I'm so tired. I just gave life birth. Can we do this right? You all did exemplary with those warm-up riddles and that means exemplary is a French for like shit Meryl Mailed But now that you are all warmed up and your brains are really flowing air and you just took a sip of something called Dr.

Piss. The rumors are true. It's the Dr. Pepper I make in my bag, but I didn't have use. That's a first for you, right? A boo! Unless she buys it from Walmart, then it's Piss Thunder. Piss Thunder. A big piss.

Is Kmart big K? Camart still exists? No. No. No, it must. What happened to it? All that piss? I can't tell.

I think it all Camart's closed. Really? Yeah, I think so. Damn, that's sad. Mom and Pops. Went the way of Walden Books. Who? Exactly.

Where's Walden? Or it also went the way of Walden books. Who? Exactly. Where's Walden? Or it would also went the way of every bookstore, every book reseller that wasn't in the book. There's a bunch in the street. There's a bunch in the book for that. There's a pop up button. The border's gone. And Amazon's closing other pop up stores. Why? I don't, I think that they don't, they don't give a fuck about anything anymore.

They're fucking evil geniuses. They had those like automated stores that you would like go in and you're your own cashier. Yeah. There's one on South Pole. Yeah, there's one on like Ogle V, I think. They're closing all of them though. They are Experiment Ranets course.

Okay. Cool, Erin, any plugs? Yeah, Amazon pop-up stores. Mom and pop-up stores. Oh, damn, Aaron's wearing a big t-shirt that says Amazon pop-up stores are closing. My last name is Amazon. Aaron Amazon.

Oh, no. Oh, no. It married into the Amazon thing. That's a two-day stop. Aaron has has two speeds and they're both real slow. She has two speeds, a copy of speed and a copy of speed two. If this boat goes faster than this bus, what happens in speed two? What it's about? It's a boat.

Dennis Hopper, right? Yeah. Dennis Hopper, it's in Australia and there's a boat instead of bus. Sandra Boeck's still in it. Can we have gone? Can our reefs is gone but Bullock is in it. I don't see why. Can I say something before we get into the main riddles? Yes. And what? You may immediately correct me. Okay. But I don't think I've ever seen a movie with Sandro Bullock in it that I did enjoy.

I think she's... No. I don't. She doesn't come to the top of my head when I think of my favorite actor. What about that new one that everybody hated? Oh yeah. He did. Miss Congeniality too. Miss Congeniality's amazing. I've seen the second one.

Oh, you know what I hated? I hated the one with Bradley Cooper in it where she was trying to stalk him. What was that called? The Net. No, that's a good movie. I don't remember. But you know what I'm talking about, right? The bond in it. Yeah, that's a good movie. I don't remember. But you know what I'm talking about, right?

The bond in it. Yeah, she's blonde and like she's handsome. Saw that? I did see that, yeah. If I haven't seen it, it's still good. On accident. No, I don't remember why I saw it, but it's like, she, I mean, it's, she's like a stalker in it,

and it's very uncomfortable throughout the whole movie. Like, you're supposed to be on her side, but she's like. Oh, the blind side? It's called the blind side, yeah. Did you see Birdbox? Mm-hmm. I thought the movie was, but I thought she was great.

And trust is delighting. So you loved gravity. I did. You loved the proposal. I did. You're gonna love this movie. You're gonna, you're dying on this hill. If you love naked, wet,

wradled, slapping up against naked, wet, sandy bee. Ooh, you're gonna love the proposal. I'm gonna die. Some of the best white people in the world. Ooh, that's a white sandwich. That's two white pieces of red and all that is a little baby. Can we change the name of the show to some of the best white people there? Yeah, but then you can't be honest with me.

Oh, shit. All right. White people aside, we have some riddles for the show today. Yeah. This one's called the non-stop elevator trip. Ooh, ooh. The canonical sound that an elevator makes. Ding! Oh, nice.

That was very nice. I almost believed that was that an elevator makes. Ding! Oh nice, that was very nice. I almost believed that was on an elevator. I am, my boyfriend lives in a building that has a dormant. I know, he lives in a building. He's a gamer. That has a dormant and an elevator. And I've been going up and down the elevator like alone sometimes.

And people are so friendly. And I'm like, you think I live here and then I'm rich. And it's a fun character that I get to play for like 30 seconds time. Do you say that out loud? Yeah, I go yes we both live here in your rich and I'm rich as well. My name is Aaron Amazon and they say have a good day and I go you too and I go they go rich. My my girlfriend lives in a building that has a boat man named Charon and he you pay him a coin and he'll take you to the other side

and I get to see my girlfriend. Oh, she, she dead in hell? No, she, oh we dead and she's in the house. I'm alive across the bridge. I crossed the river sticks into hell. She is Hades. What was up in L.A.P. didn't she go down to hell and she ruled it or something like that?

Persephone, that's the one. Penalope? Who was Phoebe on Friends? That's what I'm thinking. I'm not dating anyone, and they don't live in building. Get for them! My building is a stair man, who's a man who's stairs in me as I walk into my building. Yeah, makes me not uncomfortable. The non-stop elevator trip. Kevin got to his appointment on time. I was worried about those elevators for a minute said Kevin,

but I figured out a way to get here faster. Then he explained his reasoning. Never thought of that said Susie, who worked there and greeted him. Wow, that's been a long way until we get to the greeting. I said Susie, who worked there and greeted him. But if you get in an elevator, it sure can take a long time.

I have a way to beat that system too. What's your way, he asked? I just get in and when the elevator first stops, I get out. She replied, he couldn't figure out how that strategy would save any time. Can you? Okay, that was a real word salad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. But I do wanna just acknowledge that I did change the names to Kevin and Susie in a pretty flawless way Right now. Oh, oh, is this my cell this is my cake? Mm-hmm. This is an intervention. I mean celebrations. Well the cake says you're a hero in that Well, there's no judgment. Yeah, there's no punctuation. So you take it as you want Could be celebratory good big quizzatory.

A cake that says, you are a heroin addict, but it has no punctuation. You can determine that in so many different ways. Are faces are neutral? You're heroin addict, dash. You're a heroin addict. Duh, duh, duh. Duh, duh, duh, your heroin addict. Could you read it again? Yes, I could, but I choose not Doc, Doc, Doc, your hair, I would add anything.

Could you read it again? Yes, I could, but I choose not to, because you need to listen. I am listening. But leave out the garbage. All right, yes. I'll try to read it again, but leave out the garbage. Kevin got to his appointment on time.

I was worried about those elevators for a minute, so Kevin, but I figured out a way to get here faster. Then he explained his reasoning. Never thought of that, said Susie, who worked there and greeted him. But if you just get an elevator, it sure can take a long time. I have a way to beat the system too. What's your way, he asked? I just get in, and when the elevator first stops, I get out.

She replied, he couldn't figure out how that strategy would save any time. Can you? Well, it's a two-story building with an elevator. They're rich. My guess is like, was that as well, but, you know, what did building that is two stories have an elevator? Yeah. For accessibility.

For accessibility? A accessibility. For a sexuality. For sexuality. Oh, can you fuck? Then you ride this elevator. Do I have sexuality? I would say barely.

Can you fuck me? I can fuck me. I can fuck me fuck her. Can you fuck me? Yeah. All right, were they on a high floor in an office building? Yes. Oh.

Stairs. Did the building of separate groups of elevators to serve separate ranges of floors? Yes. Oh. Could anyone get into a crowded elevator on the ground floor and reasonably expect to get directly to the floor where Kevin was

without having the elevator stop at other floors first? No. So you can't just get in and reasonably expect where Kevin was without having the elevator stop at other floors first, no. So you can't just get in and reasonably expect to get all the way up to Kevin's floor. And it doesn't say it in here, but it's Kevin got to his appointment on time. It is a therapy appointment because Kevin is insane. Okay, I think I know the answer.

What is it? Okay. I think this is a Wanka Vader. I think Kevin is Mr. Kevin Wonka, the grandfather of William. Is it a glass elevator? And I have explained to you before that wonka Vader's are not real things and you keep masturbating on elevators.

No, no, no. When I'm a guest, no wonka Vader, it goes up way, sideways, wonka ways. That's a wake of an air psychoshnoss. You know, I got into the wrong, on my second The next elevator goes upway, sideways, walkaways. That's a wake-up elevator. Secondary, Shnawhisbury. You know, I got into the wrong, on my second SNL edition, I got into the wrong elevator bay, and then went to a floor. And you have to have a card to get re-open an elevator,

and I didn't have that card. So for 45 minutes before my addition, I was stuck. You were in the scene, I was stuck? And then no one's going to know, and my phone couldn't be switched. You were on a floor. I was on a floor somewhere in 30 rock. But it did you go into that floor? No, well, because you need a key card to get through the door to the floor. Was there stuff going on? No, because I think it was like late at night on like a Thursday. Was there a call button? No, there's nothing. And so there's just glass. I think it might have been the Seth Myers. No, no

The tonight show floor ish like or their offices or something and so I just bang on the glass me like okay It'd be funny Seth Myers is doing his show and his like backdrop behind his desk. It's just an outline of you We're gonna see a quick scene Aaron you are stuck in a what would we call that like an entryway or an like the Hallway of an elevator bank. Yeah And Adam you're gonna play a kindly old janitor who is answering her distress call Oh Hello there little lady. Oh Help! Help me! Help me! Oh, hello there, little lady.

Oh, God! Oh, yes, I am old. Sorry. Sorry, you... Sorry, not... Translucent is the wrong word. No, I look like a cadaver, and that's my name. My name is cadaver, ministeroni.

Sounds me out. Excuse me? Nothing. Sorry, I really... I come from a long line of ministeronies and I'm named Kadeva after all my dead relatives. Is your mop impasticized instead of water? It's marinara. Did you mop up marinara?

Are you putting the marinara down on the ground to clean? Let me ask you something. When you eat at a nice Italian restaurant, say you've had an olive garden, when you have marinara on the plate and you have some bread, what do you do with it? You probably mop it up. Yeah. Same logic applies.

Oh, that's it. This is my wife, a bucket. Oh, okay. Mrs. Bucket. I see it with the googly eyes. I'm eating the bucket. Feel me up. I'm eating the bucket.

Oh, that's Mr. Bucket. That's her ex-husband. Ah! Well, this seems complicated, but I do need your help. Do you have one of those keys that we'll get you back on the elevator so go down to the first floor? Yes, of course. What are you doing in the building? Can I ask? I'm just disappointing myself and letting my dreams die soon enough. Can I see? You'll see soon enough when I am not hired by that show. Can I hear some of your audition on the Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon? Yeah, you can or you I could do a character right now. Are you ready? I'm Mr. Bucket fill me up. Hey, what the fuck? Yeah, feel me up Mr. Bucket. What what is the Mr. Bucket? So Mr. Bucket the balls go into my mouth or no

Mr. Bucket the balls go into my top. I miss the bucket They come out of my mouth. I miss the bucket Buck is so fun. Why was that ever a song? I think it's a ball's going to my top. It's in my top. Yeah But I mean you play your cards right right? Balls go into mouth. If the balls could come out of the mouth, the balls could go right back in. That's the JPC prowl best. I think the answer.

She goes out and then she goes back in. What did you say? Try to figure out the real answer to this. What did you just say? She goes out and then she goes back in. Oh. Like, if she... Oh, I see her, Sam. It's on the...

Okay. Yeah, I don't know. I'm having like bits and pieces of what I think this might be. You're having like a momentum like flashes. Yeah. You know what I mean again. I was this woman. You're just guys shooting me.

You're looking at tattoos all over your body. You remember putting insulin into your husband, Mr. Bucket? Or you just pocket. Just pocket. Um...? Just Bucket. I don't know. Are elevators what they call stairs in this made up world? Yes, stairs are called lifts, and elevators are called shoes. Okay, do you give us another hint?

So one of the biggest hints is that this is a building that has separate groups of elevators that serve separate ranges of floors. So are two story answer could still hold true, but it's just like a certain section? I don't understand how yours two story answer could hold true because it's way more than two stories. If there's different elevator banks, some go from like lobby to floor 30,

so you go from 30 to 80. There could be a bank that's in the middle that goes from like 30 to 31 to transfer. Cause I've been in buildings where you have to transfer where it's like you get off at 30, then you go to another bank and it goes from like, Oh, interesting. Yeah, but you'd still would not,

I understand what you're saying, but no, that's that you'd still have to get on to separate L of it. I guess my answer then is, I'm just not invested in this. Yes, for sure. That I'm getting that from both of you. I'm deeply invested. I'm ready.

You're ready? I'm deeply invested. Let's do the answer. I'm ready for the answer. You're invested in the answer. Yeah. OK, gotcha. All right, so the answer is.

Unless there's any other hints. I mean, the specific floor that they're on matters. Can you give us that floor? Basement. They're in a basement. Ooh. That's a good, yeah. That's a great answer.

No, they're not in a basement. There's a lot of room. They're in a high floor of an office building. The roof, like you're in some. No. All right, the real answer. The floor was at the top of one range of floors served by one group of elevators.

So let's say it's at the very top of a range. So it's one to 30 and this is floor 30. Instead, Jill just uses an adjacent group of elevators that goes from 31 to 60 and then walks down one flight of stairs. So she always gets off at the very first floor no matter what. And she just has to walk down one foot of stairs.

Oh. Intern named Miss Suzie, not Jo. And I don't know who put Jill in this. Now I know it's been a long time, but I kind of want to take that to Rital Court. It's been a long time. All right, let's do it for him. And we are all rise for Judge JPC in Rital Court.

Bum bum bum. Bum bing with the boom boom. You know bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Judgy horny for truth. Your honor, it's extremely unprofessional to be kissing this adonifer. What's that? It's an extremely un... I'm too mouse-affirmed to use her. Ignore me! My stenographer... It is...

I can't ignore you. You literally set your hair on fire and you're spinning. Okay. It is actually professional because as we all know, my stenographer is a retired Chuckie cheese mouse. So it is not a living creature but a robot. And I'm the other loyal. Are you defense of prosecution?

Prosecution. Can I ask, and I don't mean to make this a separate case, but how is a retired mouse still working? What, is this a riddle? Are you asking a riddle and riddle court son? Sometimes you look at kids you go through college, take a cover to retire, and make some What is this a riddle are you asking a riddle and riddle court son? Why did she talk while she's slowly backing away Can we get on with this I have places?

The dirty is boring mr. Prosecutor what is your argument my argument? Sir is that this please Please, sir's my dad's name. What's your name? What's that? What's your name? My name is just Judge JPC. I go by JJ, JVJPC. Do you go by Judge PC? I go by Judge PC.

And that stands for Judge Policley Correct. It stands for Judge Reinhold JPC. I just wanna say that this elevator riddle that I've been forced to try and answer. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and two different banks and then the person has to walk down. It's just, it's no one can come up with that answer. It's just, it's boring math. We have our defense.

Is that most riddles are more garbage than this. At least it's made sort of sense, and had some logic to it. Your honor, the defendant is extremely southern. She keeps robbing her. That's a defense, that's a defense attorney. That's a defendant. Oh, the defendant is the riddle.

What's law? How dare you? I'm wearing a seersucker, ladiesuit. I'm dabbing my forehead. And I am the defense attorney again, which is so much more boring than being a prosecutor. But you haven't brought one witness to the stand. Your honor, I'd like to see you dabbing on your forehead on your haters grave

All right, Mr. Foreman. I think I've please George Great Georgie boy my mox and boy. I think I've reached a verdict I won't need you you with the George No witnesses there were no witnesses in this case hand no evidence Well, that's it you're correct, it was a longer case than most that we see here. I'm ready to read my ruling. My ruling is as it stands.

This riddle was excellent. This riddle was perfect. And I find you, Mr. Prosecutor Guilty. Guilty of wasting this court's time. So I sit in to you. Slow gun, slam. No, take the bullet. Oh, yeah. No, it's okay, we got time. See. So I sit into you slow gun to do a riddle podcast until you die Well, your honor would you please grant me a break?

Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with more riddies and pussies. Hey GPC! Uh, yeah? You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website to Pring him. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, it gage with your audience

and say, let me think for products that cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords or popular products and content on my prank website to prank the two of you. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace.

Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC, what's up, battle? I can't believe

we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron, can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empaths.

I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have they're never truly as a middle of the woods? Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost,

I don't know if you know his poems, he has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm.

Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible,

and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods,

even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them.

Dirty bread crumbs. Mm. And he's also really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle.

R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the LARLJPC, hoping at home. Bye, M-Home! Who are we? What is this?

I, uh, clink, clink, clink, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, uh, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I wanna talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm.

Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you, and for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy.

Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop, stop, stop, no, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses.

The easy way by going to rock at money.com slash riddle. That's rock at money.com slash riddle. Rock at money.com slash riddle rock at money dot com slash riddle and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website I love you. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money. I get money court was that they were all summarily executed. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good, no, it's good. We did need it in the world. This one's called Making the Grade. Suddenly Susie, a college student with a straight-a average, went into a professor's office. She told the receptionist she was worried about her grade on the final paper for the course. Is there some way I can be notified of my final grade as soon as possible, said Susie.

The receptionist replied, if you hand in a self-addressed stamped postcard with your turn paper, the professor will write the grade on it and mail it to you as soon as the paper is graded. This happens nowhere. That's much faster than- That's happening in the 90s.

That's much faster than waiting for a transcript. Oh, said Susie, but I don't think I can do that. Why not? She lives on a boat. She lives on a train. She pour posts. Aaron, you're right. She lives on boat train.

Train for a boat. She's Canadian. She's going to turn into a bird as soon as she graduates college because of which to put a curse on her. Hmm. Hmm. college because of which put a curse on her. Um. Hmm. She can't.

She doesn't write papers. Uh, she doesn't write papers. She wraps them. So self-addressed postcard. Yeah, it's a stamp. It's a self-addressed stamped postcard. And she's like, I can't do that. And there, there's a reason.

She lives in a boring city that doesn't sell postcards. She lives in a place where you can't send mail or get mail. Huh, she lives in a place where you can't send mail or get mail like a federal prison. Like a cave. Like a cave JPC. All right, Erin, I want to see a scene. You are a tutor for hire, and you have just shown up at this place.

You are supposed to tutor a boy who lives at this place. This is a cave, and Adel, you are a caveman from the distant past, and you are the one who is being tutored. Okay, boy. Ding dong, I guess. Snuff, knuff, kn Boy, just roll the rock away. I don't dig your overestimating my physical... I'll get it.

Oh, yeah, hello. Hello. Nice to meet you. My name is Kodava. Okay, are you the boy I'm supposed to be tutoring? Well. Where are your parents? Dead.

Dead. Yeah, a crush on with rock. You crushed them with a rock. Yeah, I played guitar a crush on with rock. But, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, before. Oh, no, you know what? I think you knew what I meant. I've been burned. Yeah, I play guitar. I know what you mean. And I just want to make sure I'm gonna get paid for this. Education isn't free. Yeah. Okay, how much rate? $40 an hour. It seemed like you were making that up. Yeah, I'm just thinking teachers are underpaid. It should be more than that. It should be like $60 an hour seem like you were making that up. Yeah, I'm just thinking teachers are underpaid It should be more than that. It should be like $60 an hour. Okay, I said 16

Well, you don't know numbers. That's why I'm here. I'm not here money. Thank you. Oh, it's wet. No Sorry, okay. All right, so what do you want to learn? I Guess I want to learn? I guess I want to learn about accounting. You're a real cookie-bond survivor. Do I? Yeah. Hmm. You want to learn about accounting?

Yeah. What do you have to do with accounting out here in these woods? Are you here to teach or to judge? To both? I can do both. Okay. Oh, you were being facetious. I was being this facetious.

No, facetious. Can you teach me what would mean? I actually don't know if I could do a really good definition of that word. Accounting it is. Can try. Facetious. Uh, facetious. You use it.

You use it pretty confidently. How is study going? I brought cookies. Oh, my mom is here. Oh, your mom is Cookie Monster. I what? Fuck you. Oh, dear.

I'm a cookie person. That cookie monster. I miss Cookie. Cookie going. Mom out. The miss cookie. I showed him out of my butt. See?

What do you think the personality is the person our one listener who is left? What do you think the personality of the person are one listener who is left? What do you think they're personality? They can't move their hands. They're a straight jacket. They're a duck under a rock. They're a Batman villain in Arkham hospital. It's like a rear window situation where it's like they can hear it but they can't do anything

about it. They're neighbor left on their pod traffic, other on vacation. Oh God, it's these three gremlins. We from now, someone's gonna roll back open a door, they're just gonna say like, get me Batman! Oh yes, this person's.

Real quick, I do, I do want, that reminds me of something I just want to say real quick, which is I visited our friend Brett Lyons in the hospital, maybe about half a year ago he was in a hospital for some, like he got a weird sickness where he swallowed like lake water and had some like severe illness and he had him like quarantined, do you remember this? Yeah, I remember this, I would say the biggest memory I have

of this is that it was a bummer that the lake water didn't get him. Yeah, if that makes sense. Because I don't understand what that means. What I mean by that. Like he was in like an actual quarantine where they had to lock the door. There's like an air seal, whatever. Yeah.

For like 10 days. But when that kind of got lifted, bless you. Thank you. When that kind of got lifted, I went to go visit him, visiting him, they took a needle out of his arm and put it in the other arm, because his arm was going numb. So they took it out of one arm and put it in the other arm, because his arm was going numb.

So they took it out of one arm and put it into the other, but as they're trying to put it into the other, they couldn't get it vain. Like they were threading it and it's something wrong or the vein popped or something. And as it... The vein popped. You said that with a shrug. Like that's like, that's horrible. Oh, vein popped.

What do you vein popped? Did the doctor couldn't be bothered. But as the doctor was doing that and being like, oh shoot, we had to put it back in the other arm. Brett was like crying but laughing. And then he turns to the doctor or the nurse, I don't know what the position was. But they turn to the person and they go,

ha ha ha, this is how Batman villains are made. And she leaves and I go, Brett. And he's like, what? And I go, you can't say that. It goes, why not? And I'm like, now there's gonna be like a cop at your door. No. They're gonna send you to psych.

I wonder if that was before after Brett Lines accidentally danced back into me at Beauty Bar One. I was like, ooh, someone nudged my back. And it was him and he was dancing. And I was like, I would have never expected to see you here. Was he doing like an Orzman move? Probably. Yeah, probably.

He calls himself the Orzman when he gets on the dance floor. Come, boo, bright lions at world news tonight every Saturday. Not every Saturday. When he could be bothered. Yeah. Oh, he'll never hear this. Do you guys want to finish this reddle or should we all just go fuck off?

Let's all go fuck off. Can you give us a hint? Yes, I can. So I have several. What's that? What nothing? No, you never have to. If you do stop, you'll die. Aaron, oh please keep eating. Yes, people love it when you eat on mic. You also just go ahead and smack that little mute button. You know what a tune for the- ASM, Aaron. Uh, ASM, Aaron. Uh, ASM, sorry. I'm not gonna smack the mute button. Well, we all did hear you just sneeze twice on a bike as well. There's a mute button.

I don't hide who I am. Open, but. Which is why you are just having stepped out of the shower. Yep. I don't hide who I am. You don't hide who you are just having stepped out of the shower? Yep. I don't hide who I am. You don't hide who you are, you step out of the shower, you speck right in the ride, real talk wet body. I have my towel wrapped around my head white on top.

It's so preposterous in that movie, I think what happens is he's listening to music on head-foot- My head-foot? The proposal. The one that you claim to see and in love. There's an iconic scene, I think it's in the trailer where they run into each other, they're both out of the showers and they smack their naked bodies against each other. What?

It would be. But they're in a platonic relationship. It would be so difficult to accidentally press your naked body against someone else. Like the situation where that is plausible and real in this world is nil. Marry me so I can date you. There's a lot in that movie.

It's not nil, it's niles. Also a birdy pizza dog in that movie, I think. The bird eats a dog? I haven't seen this movie. Oh, okay. I lied. I haven't seen the proposal. Oh, my gosh, your hands are in fire.

Oh, oh. If you don't, if you haven't seen the proposal, what, my gosh, your hands are on fire. Ah, ah! If you don't, if you haven't seen the proposal, what you have to get, you have to get basic cable. Because you will see it. It's on TNT or TBS or. I've watched it in every hotel room I've ever been in. I've watched the proposal legit in every continent. Both of them.

No, you've not been to more than one continent. That's not true. It's true. Yeah, it is. You've watched it while more than one continent. That's not true. It's true. Yeah, it is. You watched it while you were in continent. I watched it while I was cramping my pants. Yeah, I should have hit that mute button.

Your pants are on crap. Your pants are on crap. Did Susie want a good grade on the course so that she was planning to have her paper properly written and handed in on or before the deadline? Yes. Did Susie want a good grade on the course so that she was planning to have her paper

properly written and handed before the deadline? Yes. Did she have any reason to doubt the receptionist? No. Is her straight A average would suggest good study habits significant? Yes. Is it something where if they write A on the postcard,

it's going to ruin the address? Or is there some code of if there's a letter A on a postcard, it means return a sender or something? I don't think there's some weird postcard. It's deep in the postcard. Deep in the postcard. All right, let's see a scene. Adel, I'm going to be in this scene.

So Aaron and I are going to be postman or post people in training. And you're going to be the old postmaster. And we think it's a pretty straightforward job just delivering people's mail. But the old postmaster has some significant wisdom to hand down to us. I can't walk away to walk around and see the sun. What are you excited for? Rain or shine or sleet or snow. A postman's

duty is to make mail-go. No, that won't do at all. What do you mean? You sound like the Laura. Well, I'm not. Okay, well number one rule of a postperson is to not rhyme. Well, I can do that. Well, that won't be a problem for me. Rhyming makes you look silly. Okay, you keep doing it. Me and silly is mostly a slet rod. Okay. If someone were to send a letter to Missouri, what do we think the abbreviation would be?

Am I? No. Am you? Am o? No, M U M O That's my M O We just write Missouri I'm sorry. We write Missouri We write it like they say it. I thought this job was straightforward. No, we have to take into account Regional dialects like what in Missouri. They Missouri. Well, then give me more examples.

In Louisiana, they say Louisiana. All right, what about New Hampshire? New Hampshire, they say it's New Hampshire. Delivering mail sounds like hard work. Maybe too much for this old jerk. Why did you call me a jerk? Are you quitting? No, I'm not quitting.

I need this job. I have to do it. If I'm ever to please, she'll op, queen'm not quitting. I need this job. I have to do it. If I'm ever to please she-law the Queen of the Spiders. Oh, no. I've given away too much! Uh, so you're telling me that every region has to be said in sort of a deep-south accent? Correct. So if you go to Nevada, that would be... Nevada! No? It'd be Nevada. Nevada! Nevada!

If you went to Wyoming, it'd be... Wyoming. Wyoming. It sounds like every region has its quirks, but I can't wait for all these male perks! You're reading off of a card. I have to read off this card, you see? Because kidnappers have taken my family. Here's a red dot on your head. So can we open the mail?

Sure, yeah, no, that's half the fun. Oh, okay. And, zip. Rip? Oh no, I ripped up my dick. I'm not here to zip them up. What have we come to? Oh, what, and we've all come to,

and we're still doing this rental that you have. You have it, but I'm not gonna lie. Hey, I'm not gonna lie. Yes, have any guesses here? Oh, boy. She doesn't want, if she sends a letter, she gets an F and her don't sending a letter class. That's really, it's a really good answer,

but no, it's not correct. If you hand it a self-addressed stamped postcard with your term paper, the professor will write the grade on it and mail it to you as soon as the paper is graded. That's much faster than waiting for a transcript. Oh, said Susie. I can't, I don't think I can do that. Why not? Tell us.

Okay, so the answer here is, Susie could not hand in a postcard with her term paper because although the paper was not due for another week She had already handed it in. She was then free to write other term papers and study for exams and other courses Wait, what? So the term paper She could not hand it in with a self-addressed stamp postcard. She already turned it in and you already wasted riddle cord on a pretty decent riddle Very cool at all. Yeah, and it's double jeopardy so riddles can't be put up for the same crime twice It's just like that Ashley Judd movie. Judd. Judd.

Judd law. Judd appetal law. Yeah, his name is basically Judd law. Yeah, if Judd appetal and Jude law had a baby, that baby would be a miracle of science. I have a question. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to do a bit.

I want you to, if I met Jude law in person, organically. And he didn't, and I sort of played it off that I kind of knew who he was, but not really. It wasn't a pan. Do you think he'd agree to go on a date with me? Is he a bachelor's Jood Law married? I'm not sure. That's not the question.

He is divorced from Santa Miller, right? Okay. So he's divorced from Dennis Miller. Chacha. I would say no. You don't think so? I think so, yes. I think you never shot with Jude Law.

You think so? Yeah, absolutely. So you don't... Yeah, in a situation where you've like, oh, Jude Law, like, oh, you're like an actor, right? Yeah. Like, it's that kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah, I think you have a shot with him.

So, if you like fond over him, I think he'd go on a date with you. If you play it off like you don't know who he is, I think he'd, he'd not go on a date with you. Cause everyone knows to do the law. Not everyone. I'd be like, oh, I can't please, oh yeah, I did see the holiday. Yeah.

And then I would like walk away. I'm not gonna tell you all the tricks. No, no, no, no. You'd walk away. Turn around, you'd look back. He was, he was, he's walking away. He starts to walk away, no, you walk away. Turn around, you'd look back. He was he's walking away. He starts to walk away. You turn and walk away. He turns back. He sees you, but you're walking away. He turns and walks away. You turn around and look back. Car hits you. Meet Joe Black. Yeah.

She's so flat. She's all flat. He's all flat. Meet Joe flat. Hit me with a big old car. I just feel like that's not, I feel like Jude Law would not respond well to being like, who are you? I might have seen you talented Mr. Ripley, I don't know. All right, what if I'm like, you're Jude Law? Yeah, then you go on a date with you. Uh-huh, okay.

I think Jude Law, regardless of any circumstance, if he met you would go on a date with you. Really? Yes, absolutely. I think Jude Law doesn't take a lot of my league. You think, no, you're, with you. Really? Yes, absolutely. I think Jude Law doesn't take a lot of money. You think? No, you're, but so.

Laws in his name. I would say that you're definitely way, way uglier than Jude Law. But you're so much older than you. So his incredibly old age kind of cancels out some of your terrifying books. I will say though, I saw Captain Marvel two days ago, his arms big arm. Oh yeah, he is ripped. Jude Law looks good in that movie.

He's like 72, he looks incredible. He's 72. He's 81, but he does look good, but you really can't do a superhero movie anymore without looking good. Like Paul Red did not need to get shredded for Ant-Man, but he did. Alfred Molina didn't have to get shredded for Spider-Man too.

Very good. Alfred Molina was such a hunk of Spider-Man too. I didn't have to do all those crunches, was she? If we were the Avengers, who would everyone be? I feel like JPC would be, maybe Loki. I gotta be, I would be absolutely Loki. Wait, we be bad guys. I had a conversation with Weppus the other day about this

and someone said Harrison Law would be Loki, so that's funny too. Oh yeah, I don't think you'd be Loki. I think you would be Rocket Rookoon. Oh, okay. The little Barley Cooper ass command, huh? Yeah, the little Raccoon. I think it's pretty straightforward

when I say Rocket Raccoon, which character that is. And it would be great I am I do podcast I have Banger Oh, who's a villain? Loki you might be Ant-man. Oh Yeah, cuz all that shrinkage Yeah, and man played by George Costanza. I Feel like Aaron I feel like Aaron would be Thor that is unreasonable and also he has no personality So we're just projecting Thor yeah, Thor

Thor I'm on it tall and I'm a god. You're right. I am Thor I Think Anna would be Jeff Goldblum. I think I'm Captain America. Have I told you guys my Jeff Goldblum story? Yes. Yes. But, but, but, but, and no, on air? No, no, no, you've told us your Jeff Goldblum story.

No one on air has heard it, but I do think that Jeff Goldblum is like a weird guy. And I feel like the story that you have about Jeff Goldblum, I feel like many other people have similar Jeff Goldblum experiences in their lives. How about it? Have I told you all about an air? I don't think so.

So it's basically, Magic Tavern did the San Francisco festival called Outside Lanes? Did you tell the same Magic Tavern? No. Like, that's like, kind of a matter. It's like a dream sequence or something. But Janet Varney brought us out to do this Outside Lanes festival, so we did it.

We were waiting to do our show and there was like a backstage area with a tent, like a big green room. And it was just me back there because Henry Rollins was performing, I believe. Jeff Goldblum had just gotten done with his show. So he comes backstage. So it's just me and him sitting in this giant tent

with snacks and foods and free stuff. It's just a 12-hous, and I just say like, hi, and I'm like, I'm a big fan, like very nice to meet you and he's, uh, uh, very nice to meet you. Um, let me, uh, whoo, uh, let me guess your name. We're doing like, I'll play. We're doing Addles, Addles five minutes. Addles five minutes. Yeah, this is my SNL additional. Um, and he's like, uh, give me, give me the first letter of your last name. And I'm like, already goes, hmm, yes, yes.

And he like, uh, is like putting his like already goes. Yes. Yes, and he like It's like putting his fingers around like down my palm like he's reading my palm. He goes. Oh, yes. Oh Oh, yes, it's gonna be Rapurama wits and I'm like no, he's like what is it? I'm like refine. He's like, oh, yes. No, that's no not close at all And then a photographer comes Goldblum is also a snagglepost, by the way. That's snagglepost. That close even.

And then the best part was a photographer for the festival comes, and they're like, we need to get a photo of you for the, like, the official website or for whatever, a recap. And he's like, oh, yes, I'll do a photo. And he's like, oh, let me find something to pose with. So he grabs grapes and acts like he's eating grapes. And the photographer's like, someone's already done that. And he's like, oh, he has grapes, no, no me find something to pose with. So he grabs grapes and acts like he's eating grapes. And the photographer is like, someone's already done that.

And he's like, oh, he has grapes. So no, no good, no good. What else? And he goes and grabs something else. And like, oh, someone's done that as well. And he's like, yes, yes, no good, no good. Are you already been done? So he turns to me and he kind of winks.

And he goes, what about a full anal penetration? Like that hasn't been done. And if Dagger was like, uh, he's like, no, no, no, of course not. But he's like brainstorming things that haven't been done. Looks to me then the eyes and goes, uh, full anal penetration. Do you think at that moment you can get

you penetrate him or him, or him, or treat you? Uh, either way, I would have done it. We know. I will say that celebrity or not, the most charming person, like I was putty in his hands. The most charming person I have ever met in my life. You mean Puzzie in his hands? I was putty in his hands. I pretended I didn't know who he was.

Do you think he'd go on a date with me? Yes. Yeah, of course. Because he's like the, he's like just the most sexual being I've ever been. It's like a Lithuania. He's like a weird way. In like a way of just like he's.

He's just like oozes sex. So like when they, like what awesome powers thinks he is, that's what Jeff Goldblum is. Yeah, when you say oozes sex, it's like it sounds good, but when I went to the doctor for my sex, I was left out of medical school. Speaking of full alien penetration. Speaking of full alien penetration.

Let's go to a listener submitted riddle. Okay, but it better be good. It won't be, but I will say that right as I was good at my phone to pull up our, we have tons and tons and tons of users submitted riddles in our inbox, one brand new one came in. And so it's not fair to everyone who has posted one, but I better read this brand new one that came in right as I opened my phone.

That's so funny. So this person doesn't give me permission to say their name, so I will just say that their name is Katerina and not the last name. But hi, hi Riddle crew this one's been floating around but I still thought it was clever 3 a.m. I think I know who this is okay well if they're friends with Jeanne K. Hill I know who that is oh okay well they'll know but no one else will know Jeanne will know this one's been floating around I thought it was clever 3 a.m. the doorbell rings and you wake up unexpected visitors.

It's your parents and they are there for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread, and cheese. What is the first thing you open? The door. Your eyes. In your eyes. The jam. The bread. Your eyes. The cheese. The wine. Your eyes. The jam, the bread, your eyes, the cheese, the wine,

your eyes, the herds, it's your eyes, a thousand churches, holy, no, the panichres. In your eyes. Katarina says, I love your podcast. You're also great. I can't believe that you would still consider us great after hearing what we just did to your riddle. But yes, the answer was your eyes.

You are asleep. What's the, what is it? Thank you, Katerina. What was in last night's show? Aaron did something that killed me, which was, what was the song you sang? Oh, Aaron was singing a song and she goes, what's that song that we sing? And he goes, die, die, die, drums. Die, die, die, die, die, die, died, died, died, died, died,

drums. That destroyed me. Aaron, do you have anything to plug? Oh, just your butt. Just your butt. Butt, plug, butt, plug. I wish you would plug this leaking sexist. Oh, why do I want to plug?

I'll tell you what you plug, what you really, really plug. Brady, every Monday at 10, Laila Gorsi and Olimineiel sent Aaron Keith 10 pm at I.O Chicago. You should come to world news tonight And you follow me on Instagram. You should follow me on Instagram Aaron Keith 10 I promote my shows there and other things and it's it's a private profile, but you can follow me Yeah, and also come see world news Tonight tonight, which is our smashing pumpkins themed in Pro Show. Also I thought too, and apologies this will be slightly longer than usual, I thought to do a plug for some of the podcasts that I've guessed it on in the past a few months.

So just to give, you've heard the other shows I do, but here's some other people's projects that are wonderful. So check out the episode that I guess it on or check out their back catalog, which is gonna be great. And those podcasts include, is this adulting, spirits podcast, mission to Zix,

one nation under whiskey, classroom crush, it's all been done, guilty treasures, about to review, north by north quest, the broad swords, lawful stupid,

and the unseen hour. And what about our, the escape room podcast? Oh, that hasn't come out yet, but that is called Escape this Pod. Yeah, Escape this Pod. It will be coming up on an episode of that. Also, several of these podcasts have mentioned

that they would like YouTube to guess on it. Well, they didn't ask us, so I guess they're being insincere. You know what, Aaron, I take your side on this, and I think the fuck all of the podcast that Adam just listed. Aaron Diary. J.E.C. took my side today. I don't care. Put me back in the fish tank.

I wanna fuck one of those fish. I don't die, or he. Diary, you have anything in your plug? Yes, the Diary would like to plug. You can listen to the campaign podcast. That's the other podcast that I do. It's an F.U. the other podcast that I do. It's an if you're if you like actual play role playing campaigns, that is a very good one to check out.

And then you can follow me on Instagram at Shark Parkman or follow me on Twitter at JP So Fly. And email us at hrrpodcast.gmail.com if you have Patreon idea episode ideas, podcastedgemo.com if you have Patreon idea episode ideas or you want to submit a reddle also HeyRiddleRiddle on Twitter and Instagram for our faces. Yeah and subscribe to our Patreon. We'd love to have you listen to our other content. And I am going to tell you this right now. I did not clear this with either one of you. But I am going to do my own. It's not HeyRiddleRiddle affiliated. It's my own contest coming up. And all you have to going to do my own, it's not Hey Riddle Riddle affiliated, it's my own contest coming up. And all you have to do to enter my contest is to give Hey Riddle Riddle a five star review on iTunes.

And if you do enter that contest, I will pick one lucky person who submits, I will read their riddle on the air. You can contact me and then I will go on a date with one of your siblings. I will pay for 100% of that date. Oh, you're hurting your first. That is it. All you can expense pay date with one of your siblings. All you have to do is give a five star review to Hey Riddle Reddle. I read your review. I will. I will. If you leave a review, I will also go on a date with you,

as long as you live in a building Aaron that song die to die is called the boxer and it's sung by Simon and Drums by forever bye bye is by Apple Revive. Starting here in G. and John Patrick Collins. Pages, Niner, and D.E.E. Powering, Perage, and the Mew, and the S.R.P. Local created by M.O.B. Cargamus and M.O.E.

Nabores. Don't fight, you'll be for Hey, Rift, O'Rick, Yolk. Nobody to be more hate-risk-or-break-all-knit