Hey Riddle Riddle - #363: Stuart Big

Episode Date: July 2, 2025

Our tour has officially kicked off and the first three shows were a real hoot! Make sure you check out heyriddleriddle.com/live and get tickets when we come to your city!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Don't let your fears take hold of you as you dive into this addictive series. Love thrillers with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Hey so... So look like I know like it's like not cool or like uncouth... like not cool to like kind of beg but like I really want to be Pope so like it went if like when they vote for Pope like next vote could you guys like vote for me or no no no no no no no no no no it's. I was a joke. Oh. Yeah. I was... yeah.

Why you crying then, man? Oh, you guys thought I was serious about wanting to be Pope? No, awful from the... It looks like you went to Party City and bought a Pope outfit. Seems like you really had your heart set. Yeah, no, yeah. No, yeah. I mean, no, yeah. No, yeah. Who do you guys think should be Pope? Um, I mean, no, yeah, no, yeah. Who do you guys think should be pope? I think whoever, once at least, I think,

anyone who doesn't ask for it, like, we would sort of like a nope pope, right? Like someone who doesn't want it. Yeah, like a nope. Jordan Peele? Ooh, yeah. I think he might kind of want it. Who would be a better pope?

King of Michael Key or-Peele? This is unfair. It's unfair to pit them against each other. They work so well as a team. All right, well then they give double pope. The first black pope is two black popes. And they're hilarious. Oh, they would do so many funny pope sketches.

Oh, Bloap would be one of them. Mm-hmm, yep. First black pope. Little on the nose to follow up nope with bloop well I Just know sure shit. It's not gonna be you man. I want to anyone. I want to exit this bit for a second If you'll see this movie was called bloop. It was about a black pope. I think people like wait What's going on?

I actually think that would be interesting fodder for a movie for him. I would love to see him go into like a religious horror movie theme. I just don't think it could be called Blob. I think it could. I think the Blaxploitation movement is due for a return. What was the, what was that movie,

Black Clansmen from a few years ago? I felt like that was like, they were like, hey, we're going to bring it back. And then people were like, eh, I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready for this. JPC, can I tell you why you'd make a terrible pope? Oh boy. Well, this is the show Hey Riddle, Riddle. I'm JPC.

That's Adel and that's Erin over there. And Erin, this is a show about riddles. Obviously it's a show about puzzles. It's improv. And Erin is about to tell me, JPC, why I would make a terrible pope. Well, I mean, as soon as I said that, the list got longer and longer in my head,

but I would like to focus on, you know how the pope can talk to God directly, allegedly? Oh yes, allegedly. I think it's not good for the pope to be able to talk to the devil directly, which is what you have access to So interesting. Yeah, that would be that would be hard to justify as the Pope you'd be I want to say e-pop What's Pope backwards? For sure at all we'll never know let me have

None of us could ever know for sure, Adel. We'll never know. Let me have a chat GBT, take a stab at it. Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah. Is it obvious to you at all, that I watched Conclave this weekend? No. Okay.

It's obvious to me that you heard someone talk about Conclave at least. Have you guys watched Conclave? Mm-hmm. I have not. Oh, okay. Adel, what'd you think? I thought it was very good. I kind of, I didn't see the ending coming fully

in terms of like, there's a reveal where I was like, whoa, I didn't see that coming, but I did see- Daily 2G makes everyone pasta? John Lithgow is his third Rock from the Suns character. That, I wish fucking people were brave enough to make choices like that. I'm so sick and tired of movies these days. People are not, people are cowards.

We need more crossovers. Speaking of people being cowards, okay. So, not a spoiler for Conclave, but one of the things in Conclave is that like they're, everyone's trying to like, you know, bid to be Pope. Some people want it, some people don't. But I think something that Stanley Tucci says is he's like, every Cardinal deep down has already picked their name.

Like if they were to become Pope, you get to pick a Pope name. And I was like, I always thought that Pope names, you had like a list of names that could be your Pope name. But apparently, it's not, it's anything. You can just, any name can be a Pope name. You just pick a new name it's it's anything you can just any name can be a pope name. You just pick a new name, something that like means something to you or whatever. It's like individual to the pope. But Pope Francis, the last pope, the one that just died. He was the first Francis and the new guy Leo, he's Leo the 14th. I'm like, why would you pick a 14th? Yeah,

and people some people say it signals to the last Leo and he was this way and he's like, you know, he wants to, like, this is my Pope politics and I'm calling back to it and yada, yada, yada. But yeah, if you could pick an original name, why wouldn't you be like the only Pope who's ever been Francis? I'm picking one of your names.

Ooh. I'm Pope John Patrick Cohen. Oh, I thought you, one of my names, you meant one of my character names I thought you could be like Pope little monkey bones. Uh, no, I'll leave a pope little monkey bones to the devil's work. I Would love it if a pope was like, you know what? I'm gonna be Pope Barack Obama the first That would be awesome. I like Barack Obama's like, well, I kind of I broke Obama They're like no this one is and is. Nope, not anymore. And I'm the first. You were Pope, sorry.

And I'm the first. I feel like a casual, like Pope Chuck or something. Oh yeah. I feel like it would be fun. And Leo, who is, we all made hay of this, is like a Chicago Pope, that's like perfect for like Pope Chuck. Yeah.

I guess Chuck's not really like a Chicago name. And Adel, I'm so excited for Casual Pope coming to CBS this fall. Yes we're very excited. Speaking of Third Rock of the Sun, French Stuart is gonna be Casual Pope. Oh yeah but Erin. And Pope has a nagging wife. Here's the thing about it. French Stuart is playing Italian Stuart on the show. So he's gonna be doing the hands and the fingers. And it's set in Queens? Where is it set?

Have we had a French Stewart? That might be the first French Stewart. I think so. Pope French Stewart the first. Yeah. Because Stuart Little was a mouse. First of his name. Okay, did we even see if Stuart Little was available

to be the Pope or is he dead? How long does my- Is there Stuart Big? The existence of a Stuart Little belies the existence of a Stuart Big. There simply must be a Stuart Big. Stuart Little is dead, Aaron, but he was sainted. So within Catholicism, it is Saint Stuart.

Well, what do I pray to him for? Let's see, he is patron saint of tiny little red cars. Driving tiny little red cars. What else do we know about him? Who voiced you in Little Budo? That's literally all we know about him. Peking City of driving little red cars. Okay, that's a funny, that is a very niche sketch idea

that you, all you young people pursuing comedy out there, you're 24, you have a sketch idea, you're about, you're with your friends, you rent a car, this is the sketch, you're with your friends, you rent a car, it's a tiny little red car, you're not feeling so safe, and someone's like, well, we should pray, and then they pray to Stuart Little. Patrons hate driving.

If you're 24 and you know who Stuart Little is, like something's got deeply wrong in your upbringing, I would say. No, that's part of the zeitgeist still, right? I can't believe Prince wrote that song about Stuart Little. Oh, Raspberry Beret? Well, as it oh. Yeah, it wasn't Little Red Corvette,

it was Raspberry Beret. So stupid. All right, hey, you guys, we gotta do it. Do you wanna do some riddles today? No. No? I'll humor some, like a dessert menu when I'm full, I'll humor it. Yeah, we'll at least see some riddles, bring the riddles to the table, and we'll kind of

... We might split one. We might have it on for a while. We might get one riddle, three spoons. One riddle, three spoons is also such a good name for our podcast that we just got open. Dang, dang. You know what I wanna do? I wanna work at a breakfast restaurant and push the dessert menu on people.

Like they do it regular restaurants. When you're like, okay, I know what that's about. You gotta save room for dessert. Let me get the menu. But do it at breakfast. Is it like pancakes and French toast? And you're like, no, it's dinner dessert. It's cheesecake and fucking creme brulee.

I have to be honest with you guys about something, about the state I'm in today. Oh, let me guess, California. Yes, how'd you know? Oh. Because I'm in my usual house. This is my usual house. Um, I... This is my usual house. I am, um...

I was a little bit stressed out because right after we're done recording, literally the second that we're done, I don't know if you can tell, I'm putting bags and dog in a car and I'm driving to Chicago from California. Starting today. She has to get out. And I thought last night

I should get a good night's sleep because I'm about to drive across the country. I Did not sleep. Oh, so I'm feeling a little So two spoons for the riddle, please I will not be needing one. Let me ask you about your cross-country trip That you're you that you're making. Are you driving this with anyone else? I am. Okay, good. Okay, because otherwise I was going to say, go ahead and cancel that drive.

Why? You think I can't do it? Yes. If someone was like, I'm about to drive cross-country and last night I didn't sleep, I'd say, hey, don't get behind the wheel of a car. I'll tell you that much. I really enjoy every time Gemma and I do a road trip. And the last day I didn't sleep, I'd say, hey, don't get behind the wheel of a car. I'll tell you that much. I really enjoy every time Gemma and I do a road trip,

it'll be like, well, we'll switch off every three hours. And then it's me driving for 12 hours. Right, but I'm gonna be the one driving for most of it. But today we're going a short distance. Yeah, it's gonna break that drive up. And then tomorrow's a long distance, yeah. I like a three days Chicago to LA or like three trunks of driving if I can.

I've done two and two is just on the verge of too much. And I'm gonna do four days. Well, like four and a half days. Do you already know where you're gonna stop? Ish, so I'm gonna stop in Vegas tonight. So we're just gonna do like the first five hours. Vegas baby swingers. Yeah, Vegas baby.

And then we're gonna do. That's my day three drive going out. Stop at Vegas and then you're there in LA in like five hours. It's a breezy one. That's a fun stop on the way back, especially I think. And then the second day I want to be like, drive as long as we can type vibes

and hope end up somewhere in Colorado, I hope. And then Wednesday morning, the person I'm driving with has a job interview in the morning. So we'll just have like a little Colorado morning drive. I think get to like, have that be a slightly shorter day, get to like the very end of Colorado, Nebraska area And then Thursday is drive to Iowa stopping to see a new friend in Iowa and then Friday, Iowa to Chicago and then I'm not waiting on Saturday

I didn't want to interrupt but congratulations on your new ABC sitcom little Colorado morning. Thank you. I Think that's gonna be fun. It's pretty dull. It's just me, it's just like sort of a motel and I run a motel and. No, no, it's fun. We haven't written a single hard joke for it. We told them that we would though.

Oh no, that's bad. The only thing I care about with a cross country drive is not driving through the mountains at night. Yeah. The, if I can, if I can avoid that, even if you're like telling me, Hey, there's going to be like an hour more traffic if you do it during the day, I'm like, you know what, still got it, still got to do it. Cannot be driving.

If I lived in Colorado, I'd be like, yeah, maybe I could drive through the mountains at night. I'm used to it. But me like a neophyte with all those fucking semi trailers on the road. I'm like, no way, no way. Yeah. I don't like driving through mountains anyway. It's one of my biggest fears. So this was, I will not be doing it

as soon as the sun goes down. Erin, I hope you stay at the famous clown motel. Adel, I would rather die. Look at me, Adel, I would rather die. I am not being hyperbolic. I am not exaggerating. I would rather die than stay at a clown motel. I don't want you, mother fucker, and Adel, you go, for my birthday we're all going to

go. No. No. That's a spray bottle. For my birthday we're all going to die at the clown motel. This is not a joke, Adel, and I truly don't mean it to come off as one, so I want to say this with sincerity. Isn't any motel that you stay at...

JBC, don't finish the sentence. It's mean. It's bullying. What? It's bullying. You don't even know what I was going to say. Any motel you stay at, Addle, is a clown motel because you're a clown. Well, Addle, that's not what I was going to say. And A-

Honk, honk. Riddles. Water. Riddles. Okay, fine, fine, fine. You win. You must, you must do one riddle. You must do one riddle today, Erin. And I only have six, so we're not doing any more than six. I have these little cards and I've already worked through all of them and so these are my last six. Here we go. Line by slow line, I am born in pain. You dictate my shape, my place and

my name. I cling to you closely and never let go. I move with your movements. Be they rapid or slow. When you're hot, I perspire. What chills you chills me. I will always be with you. I will never be free. God. TSA. A tattoo! A tattoo. Erin, it is a tattoo.

I'd like to see a scene. Please. Adel, you are a tattoo artist, and you've just given JPC a tattoo. It was like a six hour sitting. JPC, you're seeing that tattoo, and it is not what you wanted. Okay.

And finish the last, all right, we are done. Let me bring out the mirror. Much like a barber does when he finishes a haircut. Here we go. Okay. Let me get the angles on this. Yeah. What am I looking at here?

This is pretty much what you asked for. Is this the mirror that shows me someone else's back? This is... This is your back. This is my back. Mm-hmm. Sorry, this is a normal mirror, not an enchanted mirror or anything, although... Sure. Okay.

...on the back we have stuff for sale. So this is what you asked for, I think, pretty much. Uh-huh. This is Jafar from Aladdin, correct? Yeah, that's right. Okay. And this is what you thought I asked for? I thought that you asked for Jafar as a Chippendale, sort of a Magic Mike situation, dancing on top of a Denny's. So that's what you have here, is Jafar dancing on top of a Denny's,

which I think is pretty much what you said. Holy God, I didn't even see the Denny's part. Okay, so that's way bigger on the bottom, kind of going kind of into my ass. Yes, and then tucking back up to your crotch is Iago saying, Squawk moons over my hammock. Yeah. Huh. So... So... could you pull up my email? Sure let me just... Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Oopsie, this is for free. Let's all get a good night's sleep. We'll come back tomorrow. We'll take a stab at it again, okay? Well.

Can I take you for lunch or? Should I be, I don't know, should I be sleeping? It's also bigger than we talked about. I don't think so. Let me check the email. Well, hey, look, that well's run dry. I don't mean to be, you know, kind of a dick to anyone. You're at work, like I get it, you have a job. It's obviously messed up a little.

My dad's military service really meant a lot to me. Is there any way you can take what you've done, which is beautiful in its own way. Thank you. Looks like Jafar. Can you write that as a review, please? I won't. Jafar on top of a Denny's, is there any way that you could change this and alter this to maybe make it look somewhat like the prompt that I kind of gave you? What if I change Denny's to Daddy's? So Jafar as a Chippendale, Magic Mike situation, dancing on top of a Daddy's. Now, of course, Iago saying Squawk Moons over Miami

won't make sense. You keep saying Chippendale, but it's less of a Patrick Swayze and more of a rescue ranger, it seems. See? Yeah, he's working Hawaiian truth. Solving crime. Someone messing up and then saying,

you know what is just perfect. You know what? I think, here's my take. I don't have any tattoos. If I went to get a super complicated tattoo and they gave me just completely the wrong tattoo, for me, I'm probably the best person you could do that to. Cause I think I would shrug and say,

well, serves me right. You say, you know what? You know what's even better than a tattoo I wanted? A really weird, bad tattoo I didn't want. That's actually for me, like a way better, because then people see the tattoo and they're like, oh, that's an interesting thing. Why did you do that?

I'm like, you know what? It was a big mistake and not even mine. I trusted the wrong man. I would love if you and I ever were in a high stakes bet. Right, JPC? And I bet. Let's do it. I would like, if I win, whatever that bet is, or in a high stakes bet, right, JPC? And I bet. Let's do it.

If I win, whatever that bet is, to get to control a tattoo that you get. And I won't even pick what it is. I will write 100 horrible ideas and then I'll plug them into a wheel and we'll spin the wheel. We do this, Aaron. I hope Stuart Big wins. Stuart Big.

All right, Aaron, I want you to get it. It's all Stuart Big. I'm plugging Stuart Big into the wheel a hundred times. I do think that we need to eventually, Aaron. What? Before we're 40, if we haven't found anyone, you and me, we enter a hot wheel, okay? I'm talking about fighting anyone like CBS's Tracker.

Oh, I see. We have to do some sort of high stakes bet where we each pick a revenge tattoo that the other person has to keep? I love it. I would get a weird tattoo that you picked. I'm not scared. I think I would too. I think that I would get a weird tattoo that either one of you picked.

I think that you would do it with enough grace and nastiness that it would be- And gusto. And gusto. Grace and nastiness? I think my only qualifier is it would need to be in a place where I could conceivably cover it up easily. Yeah, I think that's fair.

Like on my back or something. Chest. Yeah, honestly chest, yes. Yeah. You want to be able to, while you're wearing a swimsuit, show people to go, you know JPC, famous, notorious serial killer? He actually picked out a joke tattoo for me, and I get to show it.

Yeah. I think it would be like, if I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt, you can't see it. But if I'm wearing a bathing suit, you absolutely should be able to see it. I think it's that kind of tattoo. New review crew? No.

We each pick. This has to be motivated from like, we need to be on tour together. Yeah. And we need to fall through our hotel room into a tattoo shop. I don't know how it will happen. It can't be as low stakes as we need

one of 12 ideas for a month. So I will either get a tattoo of either of your ideas, which you have before. Or, yes, 100%, JJ made a fae, or I will tattoo one of you two with your idea. So either you have an idea and I'll be the tattoo artist. Oh, I would love if you gave me a tattoo. And the whole time you're like, I'm so sorry, does it hurt?

I can stop, I'm so sorry. Oh God. I'm sorry. You're bleeding. You're bleeding. You can draw pretty well, right? Your handwriting's amazing. No. I have good handwriting.

Your handwriting is so good. I have solid handwriting. My artistry is rough. Well then the tattoo's a word. I'll let you write whatever word you want on my rib cage. You can do the word, yeah. Rib cage. What do you wanna write, Addle?

Live, laugh, fuck? Yeah, okay. Does it have a question mark after fuck? Is that quite good? Question mark after all of them, I think. If I'm gonna get a tattoo, give Aaron a rib cage tattoo that is a word, it's gotta be like a website. It's got to be like it's gotta be like Squarespace

Okay I think so. I hope you've been doing it. Um, oh you want one of the I think one of the most fun tattoos I've ever seen was on someone's calf and it was like 50 odd dots and they're all numbered and it was a connected dots and when you connect it, it was a giraffe and I thought that was- Oh, I love that. That's so cool.

And the person always had a washable marker on him. Oh, I love that. I want a tattoo that is a QR code and when you scan the QR code, it's a picture of a duck giving the middle finger twice wearing sunglasses. Erin, you know how some people have like their Instagram tag on like the back of their car

so you can see their car Instagram? I think we get that for you as a tattoo, but it leads to an Instagram that has been like removed for violating like community rules. And they're like, what was on there? So you have a permanent tattoo to a dead Instagram. I love it. Are there, I know there's Calvin's pissing are there Hobbs shitting? Well now I can bring you love and comfort. I can bring you death very short riddle here

Bring you love and comfort. I can bring you death. This one is a hug around the neck. It's not a hug. A hug around the neck. I've been using these cards for like the last like year of episodes that I've been doing. This is one of the wildest ones that I have seen. Wild? I can bring you love and comfort.

I can bring you death. Is this like the human heart or something? Or is it like, is it like... Kind of. Cake? Like fats? No, no. Sugars? It's not that.

Warm, heat, light, sun. No. Can you give us a hint? So I guess this is like technically like word play in that like each thing is like the same word but a different meaning of the word. Can you read the question one more time? I can bring you-

Yeah, I can, also look, I don't wanna yuck anyone's yums. I've created riddles, riddles are hard, but this seems pretty low effort. Like the last riddle that I read was like eight lines all meaning the same thing. This is two. I can bring you love and comfort, I can bring you death.

I think it's way too general. That's my take on this riddle. It needs to be more specific. A spouse. Sorry. Bring you down. But that happens from time to time. Okay. Can I add some more stuff? Well, no, that'll give it away. I'm trying to think of other things this word could be. Oh, I can bring you love and comfort.

I can bring you death. I have one, but I think it gives it away. Um, when you love and comfort, I can bring you death. Uh, Oh, I can, I can bring you the dead of night. Okay. Um, I can, I can, uh, hmm. I have night darkness. Sleep. sleep. No, it's not sleep Close your eyes I

Can Elk No, boy, I don't even know time. It's not time I can Make your golf score worse. Hmm. Booze? Alcohol? I can bring you love and comfort. I can bring you death. I can bring you the dead of night. Erin, you're so close. I can make your golf score worse.

Wait, what did Erin say? Swing? Swing. She said swing. Swing. That's not swing. I think the golf one is probably the one that gets you there easiest. Tea. No. Clubs. What would make your score worse in golf?

Aaron was close with swing. Um, strokes? Weak arms. Strokes. Love and comfort, a pet, a stroke might kill you. Yeah, stroke would kill you. Stroke of midnight. Wow.

Midnight, not really the dead of night, as I was thinking, but like, I was, you wouldn Yeah, a stroke would kill you. Stroke of midnight. Strokes. Wow. Midnight, not really the dead of night, as I was thinking, but like, I was, you wouldn't say the stroke of two, it's the stroke of midnight, yeah. Yeah. Okay, next riddle. I do wanna see a scene.

Sure. Erin, you are a pet owner. JPC, you are Erin's pet. And Erin, you've had this pet for a few months and you've never pet it once. And the day has come where the pet's finally had enough. Well, good night. Hmm.

Oh. Hmm. Sorry, you're making some noises. Do you need another blanket or? Okay, that's fine. Oh Jesus Christ! What? What the fuck? What?

You gotta ask people. What are you talking about? I'm on the other side of the bed. Uh... Somebody grabbed my ass. No, Ringo. No, they didn't. Okay, honey. I guess I'm crazy. Ringo, just curl up, go to sleep. You're not in your crate anymore.

You're on the bed. You made a fuss about the crate. Hey sweetie, hey sweetheart, you wanna grab my ass? Just ask. This is the last time I get it. I get it. I'm looking at my ass all day thinking, how about? I'd love to get a paw full of that. This is the last time I get a New York dog.

It's fine. It seems like you kind of want someone to grab your ass. Your ass, Ringo. Yeah, I do. I just don't want to be surprised by it. Okay, well that's great. Good to know. What if I came up to you when you was in the shower

and I bit your leg? Ringo, you have done that. Exactly. Well, and what did you say? I said, ow, that hurts, Ringo. Your dog trainer told you not to do that. So turn abouts fair play, Toots. And the Oscar for best portrayal of a raunchy dog

in a Seth MacFarlane Ted-like movie goes to... Oh, this is a stacked category. Okay. Al Pacino as Ringo the dog. You've got to be fucking kidding me. Pacino's he... Wait a second. That's me.

Oh my God, he's still in character. Pac me. Oh my god. He's still a character I'm never not gonna be this dog. See I'm 90 years old. I have a newborn infant What's the name of the guy that got stuck his help? Austin That's what I wanted to yell. He got stuck in his Elvis. He got stuck in his Elvis. It was really scary. You guys forget how scary that was. He got stuck in his Elvis. Oh yeah.

He was in that Apple TV show about pilots in World War II. It was really scary guys. Hey, I'm one of the Air Force. Yeah. Yeah. It was terrifying. This will be a Huffin, Huffin Huckin and Huffin-O. Now, Aaron.

Yeah. Adol. If we're going along the lines of, you know, the Huffin Huffin and Huffin-O, you know, the Huffin Huffin and Huffin-O. You know, the Huffin Huffin and Huffin-O. You know, the Huffin Huffin and Huffin-O. You know, the Huffin Huffin and Huffin-O. You know, the Huffin Huffin and Huffin-O. You know, the Huffin Huffin and Huffin-O. You know, the Huffin Huffin a, I'm a huck in a, I'm a dog. Oh.

Now, Erin. Yeah, adult. If we're going along the lines, if this is like a college, you know, SAT test of like kittens are to cat as puppies are to dog. Right. Awesome butlers to Elvis, what celebrity playing a character would you like to see them

get stuck as that character? Get stuck? Yeah. I would say Cate Blanchett is gladrile. That's such a good answer. I love it. I mean, Ian McKellen is Gandalf. Yeah, it's gotta be Lord of the Rings. The Lord of the Rings is a great universe

for that to happen too, but as the day goes, I will come up with funnier and funnier answers. Andy Serkis is Smigel. I think a lot of Lord of the Rings ones work. What about Michael Keaton is Jack Frost? That's awesome. That's a good one. Oh, okay.

So speaking of SATs, Snickers are two bites as KitKats are two? Oh, breaks. That's stupid, but I like it. But it's stupid. We're going? Oh, breaks, that's stupid. But I like it, but it's stupid. We're going to, but yeah, it's time for a break. Gimme a break. Addle just bites KitKats.

Can we talk about that some more? Oh yeah, so weird. Sorry, Addle. Ha ha ha. KitKats are hate-ridden. KitKats are hate-ridden. KitKats are hate-ridden. Hey, Erin, notice anything different about me? Uh, new hair, new hat, new butt, new face.

Yes, to all of those and... Leg swap with arms, arm swap with legs, middle swap with back. Guys, you're nailing all of these? I look amazing, but I also have a new monkey. His name is Rocket Monkey. And he's helped me with Rocket Money. Whoa, Rocket Monkey is the character that's associated with the brand Rocket Money.

Says us. It says us. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your saving. And Rocket Monkey is a little monkey who likes to eat bananas and can help cancel your feelings of not having a monkey around.

Anyways, very good, Rocket Monkey. You can see all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. It's like having a little assistant in your pocket. It's so nice because I know I will sign up for free trials. And then it's none of my business anymore.

And I forget about it. Thank goodness for Rocket Money being like, Hey, Aaron, excuse me. Did you want this still? And I'm like, no, I do not Rocket Money. Thank goodness for Rocket Monkey, who is also a part of this for some reason. Although don't put Rocket Monkey in your pocket. Rocket Money has over five million users and has saved a part of this for some reason. Although don't put Rocket Monkey in your pocket. No. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancelled

subscriptions saving members and monkeys up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Isn't that right Rocket Monkey? I have premium suspenders. Okay. That's good. You can get alerts and bills increase in price if there's unusual spending activity or if you're close to going over budget which happens to me all of the time.

Me too. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money and also Rocket Monkey is here as well. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name. Hey Riddle Riddle in the survey so they know I sent you don't wait download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show name, Hey Riddle Riddle, in the survey so they know I sent you. Don't wait, download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show. And also, if you wanna mention Rocket Monkey, I would say don't.

Yeah, Rocket Monkey, are you legally associated with Rocket Money? I'm illegal. Oh no. Oh, Rocket Monkey. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Scalpel. Here. Pencil.

Present. Scissors. Oh, God. Scissors called in sick. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. We still got this website. Scissors is the one that makes the website. Website? Do we have the website? No. Scissors is the one who knows how to do it. Scissors makes the website.

Guys, just calm down. We can use Squarespace. Oh, great. Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Great point, Pencil. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Thank you, Pencil. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for

online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops. Scalpel, you have it exactly on the money. And also, Squarespace has SEO tools. SEO tools. I know it's SEO tools, but do you think people ever say SEO tools? I bet Sting does. I bet he's like, SEO! I was going to say, party boys don't care. Push it down. Bangs over your eyes. Yep. You don't have to turn on the red light because you can get discovered fast with integrated

Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated sitemap and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Who are our ideal customers? People who want surgery on a website? Yep. I think so. Yeah.

Not only do we use Squarespace for whatever this surgery thing is that we're doing, but we actually use it for Hey, Vrindavan's website. Oh yeah. Yeah, we have our whole website on there. You can go to our website to request live shows in your town. Yeah. You can go there to buy tickets to live shows in the future that we're doing. It's super intuitive and easy. They make

it easy. They don't make you feel dumb. Even a guy as dumb as me could run the whole website. Isn't that fun? Very fun. Oh, he's awake. Back to sleep, buddy. Back to sleep. Oh, but before you go back to sleep, go to squarespace.com slash Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code riddle There you go, buddy We never got your name. I'm scalpel. That's pencil in your died ten years ago Whoa, I knew you're gonna do that I knew it with a five dollar meal deal with new McValue

You pick a Mcdouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Prices and participation may vary. McDouble meals, $6 in some markets for a limited time only. Hey, Brito, Brito. Okay, you guys ready for some more riddles? I guess, I guess.

Yeah, I guess so. Would you rather do a segment? Yes. Great! RIDDLE REWIND It's time for everyone's favorite segment, RIDDLE REWIND! Today's riddle comes from episode 363, okay? The riddle rewind is...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I can bring you love and comfort. That's last week. I can bring you death. Bring you love and comfort, bring you death. Is this like a blanket? Wait, it's this week. Oh, my fool.

Erin, what are you talking about? I can bring you love and comfort. I can bring you death. I wanna say swing. Erin, that's correct, it's a swing. Swings are very comfortable, but you could also, if you don't hold onto the bars, die on a swing. For sure. You see, I hate to give a note on a segment. Obviously. Okay. However.

But I'm all ears though. I mean, I want the note, the feedback makes me better. I would, I think more time should pass before you read a riddle we've done before. Okay. For this segment. Okay. Yeah. No, so maybe wait a year and do that riddle again Or over 15 minutes. Yeah Okay Interesting way feedback makes me better. I'm excited to get better. No, I'm excited to get better. He's retaliating I'm excited. He's always retaliate. No, I'm excited to get better. He's retaliating. I'm excited to get better. I think he's always retaliating.

Yeah. That's his secret. Whatever, he lives his life like he's getting revenge on us for something we don't remember doing eight years ago. Sort of a Rambo situation. Live my life like I'm getting revenge. What does that make me think? Oh yeah, the Kevin Smith tweet,

the we fuck like we're cheating on each other with each other. Oh, where his wife got to... That's insane, he said that? He said that? You don't know the famous Kevin Smith tweet, come on. No, I don't. I've talked about it on here before. Casey, Casey, can you,

Casey's our, what's the Joe Rogan guy? I'm glad we don't know. Well, I'm glad we don't know. You on Musk? No, the guy on Joe Rogan, Donald Trump'm glad we don't know. Well, I'm glad we don't know. You on Musk? No, the guy on Joe Rogan. Donald Trump. We asked to look things up. Yeah, Donald Trump.

Casey's our Trump. Casey Trump, can you pull up the Kevin Smith tweet? Can you put it in the chat for us? Okay, thank you. We'll have Erin read it. Of course. I was joking with Zorp recently, that if he ever wrongs me,

my revenge is going to be marrying him, but when we get married, when I walk down the aisle, I'm gonna sing down the aisle. Cause that is the cringiest thing that has- Here comes the me. Yeah, truly. Here comes the me. You guys, I don't have a high tolerance for cringe, but people singing themselves down the aisle

is my favorite corner of the internet. I cannot handle it. Have you seen those videos? Can you imagine? And I'm not one to yuck anyone's yum, and I'm on the side of the internet, I cannot handle it. Have you seen those videos? Can you imagine? And I'm not gonna yuck anyone's yum and I'm on the side of the people who do things. And if you did that, I am not judging you, especially if you're a professional singer.

But these people who are choosing to do it, they're walking down the aisle singing God knows what. You're already getting all the attention. Why are we singing too? Why are we singing? Oh. And Erin, our submission is still open for your first annual Edinburgh Cringe Festival? Yes.

It is killing me to watch these submissions. I'm dying slowly. Alright, Aaron, ready? Let's read this Kevin Smith tweet, Aaron. Let's get it over with and then we can move on to riddles. Go ahead. Whatever you're ready. Happy 10 year anniversary to Kevin Smith's disgusting sex tweet. 10 years in and we bone each other

like we're cheating on each other with each other. A decade, oh God. No, I'm not gonna read the rest. Okay. A decade plus and her blank, blank, blank, blank, blank. Still blanks, my blank. That's, Erin, one of the smarter choices you've ever made on the show.

I agree. Because you would clip it. Of course. Here's your next riddle. You didn't invite any of these people. And even though many of them are talking about you, as far as I know, you've no interest in talking to any of them.

I think they'd be very surprised if you did talk to them. Where are you? The Zoo. Vampire prom. Okay, I gotta see a seed. Aaron, Adel, you are chaperones at vampire prom and you're trying to like keep the vampires from doing anything to untoward at vampire prom.

Yeah, Michael, Michael. Michael's my boy. Ugh, well, he's very sweet. Thank you. Unlike my boy, who turned into a bat. And I don't know where he went. I mean, that's, I feel like, you know, the minute they sort of suss out that ability,

it's just morning, noon, and night, bat, bat, bat, bat, bat. It's disgusting. I can hear him turning into a bat at that ability. It's just morning, noon, and night, bat, bat, bat, bat. It's disgusting. I can hear him turning into a bat at all hours. It's disgusting. I've had to do so much laundry because my Michael keeps turning into a bat and then pooping into his sock. It's a lot of guano in his sock.

Hey, hey! Two feet apart! Bwah! Bwah! No necks, no necks! And no, let's not put any booze in the blood, okay? Cause that'll, I mean. These kids. Yeah.

I think. These kids are insane. I mean, I'm not the one organizing these dances. I'll admit, I'm not showing up to these PTA meetings, but should we have had this be a mixer with the local school for children with too much blood? I know, and I know I'm not an expert on these things. Yeah, and I gotta say, it feels like, and I don't, this isn't an accusation.

No, yeah. It feels like they're mocking us. That school feels like they're mocking us because they are the fighting too much bloods. Their mascot is someone fit to burst. It's almost like a Willy Wonka, Roald Dahl situation of like, who was the girl that filled up with all that blueberry juice?

Veruca Salt. No, no, no, no. Violet Borgaard. That's right, that's right. So it does feel like the school is mocking us, but Probably I mean it's like there. I mean like I obviously we are trying to encourage our kid But like they're setting us up for failure here. Yes Michael has been biting Capri Suns. He's been biting squeeze

It's just to get in the habit, but I feel like he needs this first killer. He's gonna go crazy. Hey just to get in the habit, but I feel like he needs his first kill or he's gonna go crazy. Hey, hey! Blah, blah! You have to be invited in. You can't just walk in, you have to be invited in. You can't just walk in.

Blah! Do you go here? You're like 20. You're like 20 years old. I mean, sorry, you're like 2000. 20 in vampire years is 2000. Blah! See.

Oh, I said scene, I said scene, but I said it in vampire, which is just blah. Oh! Blah. See. Oh, I said scene, I said scene, but I said it in vampire, which is just blah. Oh. Blah. How many years of vampire did you take? You took it in college, right? I know, and it's like truly, I wish that I had immersed myself in vampire society

so that I could have, you know, actually used it, but if you don't use it, you lose it. So like, yeah. Yeah, you gotta do it studying abroad. I was, what was I, in an elevator at a Target the other day, and there were two people speaking vampire and I was like, I don't understand a single word that they're saying. It's crazy. 15 years ago, Erin, I would, I would have known everything.

Can you still like recognize it in writing? Or is it just, is it all gone? If I take my time. Right. And then sometimes I still dream in vampire. I don't know if you guys get that. Oh, that's crazy. I'll be like in my dream and I'll be like,

this isn't my blah, my blah is like double the blah of this blah. Well, try to translate this. Cause a vampire left this note on my pillow the other day. You could just try to translate that for me. Oh, sure. Okay. Looks like, oof, looks like the mosquitoes already run through this bitch.

Whoa. Hey, Aaron. Was that a note to other vampires? I read it. Wasn't to her. Yeah, I'm assuming this was posted on your headboard. Oh, that's brutal. Vampires beware, she's trained.

Community notes, you know. There's probably like a next door for me. Looks like the mosquitoes already ran through this bitch. Try somewhere else, everybody. Okay, you didn't invite any of these people, and even though many of them are talking about you, as far as I know, you have no interest in talking to any of them. I think they'd be very surprised if you did talk to them. Where are you?

What are those called? Not like a group where you're testing something, a testing group. What context is this? You write a TV show and then you show it to people and they're behind glass and you hear them talk about it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, and now none of us can think of what that thing was called?

Test audience or whatever it's. Yeah, what was that called? A screening? I've partook in that before. A focus group. Focus group. Focus group. Yeah. Yeah, well that.

No, it is not a focus group. Ah, then why would you, why would you even have to think about it? I was so, I was interested in what that thing was called because- Oh, is it like a play? It's not a play. Because they'd be surprised if you talked to them.

Oh, that's a great, I'd like to see a scene. Okay. JPC, you were doing a monologue in a play, and now you're in the audience, and you're just like, sort of, starting to engage and respond with what he's doing Looking at my hands

Knowing what these hands have done. I cannot help but ask myself why Why is this who I've become? What? What have your hands done is? Is this the man that I've become? Do I... continue living my life in such a way? Yes!

I... I am not afraid... of what comes... next. You're gonna get killed in the third act! I've seen this play. Pffft! Run!

Pffft! I am not afraid of what comes next. You're gonna get killed in the third act. I've seen this play. Run! I am not afraid of what comes next. My destiny. I must approach even though I have done horrific things. I must be the man I am meant to be. You won't. Your son dies too and you... And then you find out and then you die. Hey, so.

Greg stop. I'm helping. I don't think so. This is immersive. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it on the news. They say it's immersive theater. If there is but one regret that I have in my life, it's that I haven't told the people that I care about that I care about them as much as I do. Aww. And I will go- I thank you, tis I, Greg. Honey, I'm gonna stand up.

No, please stop. Honey, let go of my shirt. Stop it. Honey, let go of my shirt. What are you doing? You auditioned and you didn't get in. Did of my shirt. What are you doing? Are you cold? You auditioned you didn't get in. You auditioned you didn't get in. Well, they didn't say I- They didn't wait. They never said no. Are you here with both of us? Oh shit. Who is this woman? Who the fuck is this? Oh my god. I'm his wife Were to I- I'm his wife. Were to I- guys I'm doing a solo look with you, please. Oh my god, our rings are the same.

Oh my god, you look like me. Oh god, you look just like me. You look exactly like me. God. Okay, well, now I understand why he didn't get into the play. Yeah, now I understand why he didn't get into the play and why he's gone for like half the time. Yeah.

Forsooth. Should we kiss just to see? Oh shit. No, not in front of you, pervert. Say it! Say it! like half the time. Yeah. Forsooth. Should we kiss just to see? Oh shit. No, not in front of you pervert. Say it, say it. Say it. Say it. Okay.

He starts, it's his big moment, he gets up on stage and then his two wives are kissing and he's like, holy hola. Catch a match. You didn't invite any of these people and even though many of them are talking about you, as far as I know, you've no interest in talking to any of them. I think they'd be very surprised if you did talk to them.

Where are you? The schizophrenia? I don't know. Guys, guys, guys. What? What? We have done this on the show very recently. No way.

Oh, oh, a stroke. A play. No, it was a stroke. A play. No, it was a Patreon episode. A funeral. It's your own funeral. A funeral. Sad. Patreon.com slash Hayra Riddle if you want to hear our funerals.

Very, very fun episode. I hide behind a row of tiny stars without my help. You will not pass. Gandalf. Amen. Did you hear that Magneto got stuck as Gandalf? Sad. He couldn't get past it. These riddles are driving me crazy.

I hide behind a row of tiny stars. Without my help, you will not pass. One of the words that I said in there is a word that is in the answer. Stars. Isn't that crazy? A shooting star, a star, falling star, star's guard. This one I actually like. I know I shouldn't be judging these riddles, but I like this one quite a bit. I hide behind a row of tiny stars. That might help.

You will not pass. Is this like a Mario level? Like, no, I hide behind a row of stars. This is something that I think most people encounter in their everyday. In your day to day activities, especially if you're, um, using like a computer. If you, especially if you're using a computer. If you were not using a computer, you probably wouldn't encounter this. Password.

Clippy? Password era. Oh yes. Clippy. A row of tiny stars. I'm so fucking tired of running into Clippy. So awkward. I do too, I see it.

JPC, you are, you're on a date and it's going well. You're in a car, kind of with the date dropping him off and you're about to make out with them and Aaron, you're Clippy and you pop up to help out. Great. And I'll play the date. Jason, this was awesome. I had such a good time.

Hell yeah. This is you, this is you right? Yes, this is this is me I will so oh do I have your number Let me check real quick. Yes. Yes. I do. Okay. Okay. Oh cool. Well, I Look forward to hearing from you. Okay. Here's me reaching for the door handle. Hi! Hey, why don't- Hi! Seems like you're looking to try to get it in.

Do you need some help? Um, hey, uh, sorry about that. I have this new- I see that you're trying to land the plane, so to speak. Do you need some help? Yeah, this is with the newer Subarus. They have like this like automated like feature. It's like, it does like driver assist and stuff like that too. So it's...

I see that you're a little bit hard. Should I let her know? I'm a... I'm trying to... Ding! Hey! Thanks for pressing my button. We're off to a great start. Seems like you're interested in me joining you. Okay. Oh, uh... Thanks for pressing my button. We're off to a great start. Seems like you're interested in me joining you.

Okay. Oh, uh, no. The doors won't open. Can I? Oh, yeah, so it's like a safety feature. Oh, you know what? Let me just, if I put it in drive and then park, drive and park, drive and, okay, so it's not working.

Seems like you're letting her know that you are not a very controlled or good lover. Should I give you suggestions on how to change your mind? Yeah, okay. This is your mind yeah okay this is this is it's a man I don't know if I didn't do the settings right I'm pretty sure when I bought the car I signed gay in fact why did they ask me that are you gay yeah you need help landing the plane? No, I'm actually good. You know what?

Jason, I had a lovely time and I'd like to make out if you'd like to make out. Um, yeah, I'm... yes. Yeah, great. Seems like you're writing a resume. Do you need my help? Are you writing a resume while kissing me? I don't like that. Hey, I told you that my work is very stressful and the things that relax me also kind of propel my work. Tongue is pretty common in this kind of thing.

Do you want me to play music? In a resume? Hi, are you gay? See? See? All right, and Casey, go ahead and clip that one for me too. No, no! Casey, you don't answer to him anymore. That's done.

Aaron say hi, are you gay? That's gonna go in my big book of Aaron's icebreakers. That's gonna be in every party I ever go to. Hi, are you gay? Oh god. Hi, I see you're writing a word document. Are you gay? What?

Okay, here's your next one. When you stand, I disappear. When you sit, I come back. Once around the track. Lap. It is lap. Would you have gotten it without once around the track. Lap. It is lap. Would you have gotten it with that once around the track? I think so.

Yeah, of course. I'd like to think so. Isn't that the riddle that oh what's his face does in GoldenEye? Do you guys remember the movie GoldenEye, the James Bond movie GoldenEye? Alan Cumming. I think that Alan Cumming does that in GoldenEye? Do you guys remember the movie GoldenEye, the James Bond movie GoldenEye? Alan Cumming? Alan Cumming.

I think that Alan Cumming does that in GoldenEye. No, I don't know that. Remember when he, for some reason, just has a tick where he can't stop clicking a pin and then James Bond gives him a pin bomb and counts how many times he clicks it until it detonates? Yeah, it's like you click it once to detonate or once detonating twice to disarm or something.

And he's just like clicking away at that pin on James Bond. God, the best part about James Bond is when like Q is like, here's a lighter, it only works underwater and it emits a small frequency that will drive one fish insane. And he's like, he gives it to him and it's like, oh yeah. Right when he's about to die, it's the perfect situation

where this useless gadget would be useful. I love this one. GBC, almost as much as I love this hyper-specific gadgets, I love a villain who for no reason is like, yes, Brainy Todd, he always kicks whatever is red. And it's like, well, what are we doing? That's a choice, not a defect. Okay, hey, this is your last one of these set of riddles, and it's a little bit of a longer one.

There's a lot of words on this card. Here we go. Here I lie, tail wrapped around me, like a circle of sleeping dancers. Now I am rising, climbing the steep air like a storm-tossed leaf. I am like a sail. I am like a sail. I am like a bird. Kite. Yeah, it's kite.

Oh, brother. I'm like a kite. I have a real long string. We weren't even halfway there. I'm the wind's darling. I swoop and skim, lift and soar and slide. You could've just said, I wanna fly away. I am wild tonight.

The lyrics that were there, Adol, made sense for kite. Dear God, make me a kite so I can fly far. But if that were there, Adol, made sense for a kite. Dear God, make me a kite so I can fly far. But if I escape, I will fall. Adol, I want to see a scene. Aaron and I are going to be two people enjoying flying our kites at the park. You're going to be a man who has those big ribbon cutting

scissors, those comically big scissors. For opening ceremonies. Yeah, like opening a new mall or whatever. You're gonna be walking. The silent hill, yeah. You're gonna be walking around the park with those big scissors, and Erin and I have heard about you before.

This is so nice. Oh my God, look, it's the mayor. Oh no. Ex-mayor, disgraced mayor. Hello kids, how are we today? Hi, former mayor Garfield, how are we today? Hi, former Mayor Garfield, how are you today? Hi, former Mayor. I love Mondays.

Okay, we have something behind your back. Yeah, that's close enough. We see that you have something behind your back and we know that you got disgraced because you kept walking around town saying you wanna get your money's worth out of these big, big scissors and you've been sort of giving people unwanted haircuts,

cutting people's curtains, running a muck. We were just saying- Circumcisions. What? We didn't want to mention the circumcisions. That one kind of escalated the crimes. If we were gonna maybe, I mean, you were kind of like-

Yeah, as soon as you drew blood, it stopped being whimsical. There were a couple of close calls when you were like giving people midriff shirts and stuff like that. But yeah, the circumcisions, you say circumcisions for a member of Garfield, but really you were, you were cutting people's penises off. We don't need to go into this.

Penises, fingers. You just can't be accurate with scissors that big. I see what you're doing. My friend and I here, we're trying to enjoy flying our kites. We made it ourselves. So Jess, please. Please keep your distance and please, you know. Yes, of course.

I'll keep my distance from this kite with long strings. Mr. Mayor, we don't want to have to do a funny little montage where we're dodging and we need to be in front of you. Ah, damn it! He's got it! God damn it! He's part of the pod. Run this way. we're dodging and we all of a sudden have the scissors and chase him back He impaled himself with the big big scissors! Form a Mr. May and Markfield, what can we do? Please, please, please! There's no time, I'm doomed. Pass along this message to...

...my wife. Someone have paper? Do you have like, an iPhone? Is it a long message? It's not long, but I don't want it distorted. Please, do you have like... I have my phone, I'll do it on my phone. No, I have a good memory, I have a phone I'll do it on my phone

I have a good memory. Go ahead. Maybe both Maybe both Mr. Mayor Do you wanna have Advil Advil I think it's not gonna Time it works. It's gonna be yeah, you're gonna you're dying right now. Maybe I mean I have some Just get the message out to your wife. Is that my stomach? I have such a headache. Hold on I'm on his Wikipedia right now. He does not have a wife He's jerking off. He's jerking off It's just us walking away Don't do the jerking off montage. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello on a Monday so that's something huh yeah I guess so is that anything that's something kicks normal

or whatever Casey can you play us um uh one of our uh voicemail themed submissions please common decency you actually just um wait I'm getting a call from the vet oh god marbles please be hello hey it's marbles look I made a big mistake. I want you back, baby. I know I broke up with you this morning, but, uh... I wanna take care of you. I wanna give you everything you ever wanted. Go suck a duck. What? What?

What? What? What? Is that AI? I have no memory of recording this show anymore. Seconds, seconds, gotta run. Run, run, run, run. Oh. Is that AI? I have no memory of recording the show anymore. I used to have such a good memory, and now it's just completely gone.

Erin, you're gonna be happy. This is from Lucas. Lucas says that they listened while, they're a main demographic for the show because they are a grad student in the life science, life sciences. Of course they are. During their master's bio program. And they almost lost an eye from working with a microscope

and laughing so hard at our show one time. And they said that they only want to plug their best friend Zuko, who is an avid listener. Oh, hi Zuko. Zuko? Sandy? Sandy? Zuko from Avatar?

We love that. If you want to submit a voicemail theme, 30 seconds or less, leave a WAV file, hrrpodcast.gmail.com. We always appreciate all of our submissions. Casey, hit us with a voicemail. Hey, team. Lane here, short-time listener who has almost caught up on all your episodes embarrassingly quickly.

I just got to the point where Erin has revealed that she's dating someone who you all have affectionately dubbed Zorp. Perfect. And the timing coincidentally and canonically lines up with when I got a new fish earlier this year, who was actually named Dr. Zorp. So my question for you, Erin, is, are you dating my fish? And if not, follow-up question, is your Zorp also a doctor? And if not again, a follow-up follow-up, would you like to?

She is a doctor after all. Wow. Oh my God. This is the best news ever. It feels like they're kind of asking if Erin wants maybe like a Zorp upgrade. I'll take a Zorp upgrade. If you're dating a fish, Erin,

if you're dating a fish, you have to tell us. Do I? Let's just say this weekend, we went to a nice fish dinner. Well, that could be one. And Torb started screaming and called me a monster. So if that answers your question, I don't know. First of all.

Someone's saying they wanna take you out for a fish dinner and you're just eating little flakes out of the water and you're like, fuck, I should have asked what type of fish dinner. I'm begging you to send me a picture of Zorp the fish because what an honor, what an honor. Zorp the fish, and yeah, I am dating a fish and no, they're not a doctor.

Erin, every time you take Zorp out on a date, you pay market price, is that right? I do, it's very expensive. Interesting, interesting. Erin, you time you take Zorp out on a date, you pay market price. Is that right? I do. It's very expensive. Aaron, you're kind of in like a meet the parents situation where your Zorp is like a nurse, but like everyone assumes that Zorp's a doctor, but they're like, but Zorp is like really happy just being a nurse, right? Yeah.

I'm going to meet the parents situation in more ways than one. And Aaron, they go ahead. I was going to say, um, Zorp is a ER doctor. And when they said they're an ER doctor and we're wearing ER scrubs, you said, ER, they, I watched, I was just talking about that. I will say Zorp has watched all of the pit. So that they're not a doctor that I Pit. So if they're not a doctor, then I don't know.

They're not a doctor. All right, well, speaking of things that we would like to doctor from our own records, do we have anything that we would like to plug? Erin, plugs? If you are in Los Angeles and you wanna check out Quality Time, it is a variety show that I host every month.

It's a different date every month, so you'll have to follow us on social media to find out what it is. And we have different themes. Like we had a death doula at our last show that talked about alternative options other than being cremated and buried of what you can do with your body when you die.

Like it is a true variety show. It's not just comedy and music. I love it so much. I have the best time watching the other acts every time I go, so check that out. Adel, anything to plug? Yes, please come see us on tour. We have some upcoming dates.

You can find those all at heyriddleriddle.com slash live, I believe, and I feel like we've mentioned it, but in our upcoming Seattle and Portland shows, Janet Varney will be joining us, our fourth host. So look forward to that. Also, Hula from the Magic Tavern is on tour, so you can check out those dates and tickets as well. JPC, anything to plug or promote or a review to read?

Yeah, let's start a review. This one's coming from H. Swanson Smith. If you want to get a review featured on the show, just leave a five-star review anywhere you leave a review. You might get yours picked for the show. I picked H. Swanson Smith. If you want to get a review featured on the show, just leave a five star review anywhere you leave a review. You might get yours picked for the show. I picked H. Swanson Smith's Today. It says, a descent into beautiful madness. A friend introduced me to the show in March.

I spent two months unable to listen to anything else. My brain turned to mush. I confused people around me by laughing at jokes they couldn't hear. For several weeks, I made the show my shout out to the four people watching my Twitch stream. I made the mistake of listening in the car with my toddler, which led him to repeating many new words, I know it is not a show for kids.

I cannot always be a perfect mother. This show might mildly ruin your life. I cannot recommend it highly enough. How dare you show this show to a baby. I have half a mind to call CPS. CBS, to tell them that we got a new baby that has the perfect sense of humor for Casual Pope coming to CBS this fall.

Right after Little Colorado Morning. Right after FBI Miami and right before FBI... Jupiter. Paw and Order, I think it's police dog. What else, what else? Pond order. In a town where dogs have to solve crimes. You're gonna... That stuff.

That, that, that. Casey Toney to the editing. Mamrie Parrish is the music. Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple, Ripple Hey there, Wallons and Warrens. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We play the game that's definitely not named that tune. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyredoredo by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad-free episodes.

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