Hey Riddle Riddle - #368: Swan Dong w/ Josh Gondelman!

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

He's back! He's back! We've got stand-up darling Josh Gondelman back on the Riddle horse! Check out his new special Positive Reinforcement! Also come see us on tour!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest: Josh GondelmanEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. I think you guys will be proud of me. I was going to get some shrooms from my... A friend of a friend who seemed pretty sketchy. Aaron. They live on a mountain. But I decided to go with Schedule 35 instead. Oh, Erin.

That's the smartest decision you've ever made. I'm proud you didn't climb that mountain, Aaron. Or I wasn't listening exactly. Hey, thanks, man. Schedule 35, Aaron, is fantastic. I am a user myself. It is a Canadian-based startup that ships across Canada and the U.S. Their mission is to educate and enrich lives with a deeper meaning and a better sense of self through microdosing psilocybin products.

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and they label everything so well. So you'll feel like you're in very good hands because you are. And all products come with guides that make microdosing easy to understand. All customers will need to be age verified. So once you're age verified, which is 19 plus in Canada, 21 plus in the U.S., they will receive an invite code. And to see all of their products and to get an invite code, visit Schedule35. their goal is to destigmatize and re-educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin as well

as making it accessible for everyone and aaron because i'm so proud of you you know what screw it get 50% off with code riddle at schedule 35.co that's 15% off at schedule 35.co and use code riddle no one's coming to my mountain anymore a sketchy steve The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of the network goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane.

He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was a day Friday. All right, class, everybody, pay attention. Shuffle in, shuffle in. Find your seats, find your seats. Obviously, I am not your regular teacher. I am not your regular teacher in a disguise. This is a real mustache.

Why say that? I've had a lot of people pull the mustache. So I'm just trying to get ahead of it this time and say, don't pull the mustache. It's a real, it's a real mustache. I'm not your regular teacher. Okay. Does anyone know what we were covering in class? leave me. I'm a substitute. I, you know, I'm contracted by the school. Normally I get like

a sheet with what we're supposed to be covering today. You look a lot like our regular teacher. And after... And I'm overwhelmed with an urge to pull the mustache, especially since you said not to. Yeah. You're probably going to do it. What if I pull it and I promise you I'll pull it regular and it's not okay. I can't trust you. It's like a magician checking his own deck of card. It's also kind of a tactile thing for me. Okay. Let's see. Who's the weakest kid in class? Let's get the weakest kid in class can pull the mustache one time. Why are you staring at me the whole time you're asking who's the weakest kid? Yeah.

You look like the smartest kid and the one that would tell the most truth. Yeah, I got stuck in one of those flotation tanks. What are those called? Sleep deprivation water. Sensory deprivation. See, he's not that smart. I got stuck in one of those for a couple years by whole body. The kid who got tortured can come up and pull my mustache.

He's the only one. Are you sure you're not our teacher? because yesterday you kind of humiliated yourself in front of the whole class or our teacher did and it would make sense he did humiliating himself how do you know

I'm just a empathetic person I wouldn't call anything humiliating you don't think there's such a thing it's humiliating no I don't I don't I don't have to be taught by a man

that thinks that way okay look I'm incapable of being humiliated and to prove that I will poop my pants here in front of you all no we'll poop it because I don't trust you

It's like a magician checking his own cards. Has everything like a magician to you? You tortured by a magician? What's going on with this kid? Well, you clearly didn't hear what the last teacher did because you would know it was an attempt at a magic trick that went terribly wrong. Would anyone like to check?

What? What? What? You poop your pants? No. Okay, you know what? We're not doing this. We're not doing this.

We're just going to watch a movie. We're just going to watch a movie today in class. Okay. I don't have a movie. It smells terrible in here. It smells like fake mustache. Explain a movie to us. You know what?

We're not going to watch a movie. Why don't we watch a stand-up special on YouTube? Is everyone okay with that? Okay. I had my heart set on Distinguished Gentleman, but okay. No, we're going to do a stand-up special on YouTube. Now, does anyone know a good one? Ooh, positive reinforcement by Josh Gondelman just came out.

No, I like Stavros. Anyone know any Stavros? Stop, we can do that. No, this is like a magician doing a car. Force. Hey, welcome to Hey, Riddle, Riddle, a podcast about riddles and some improv as well. And our friend Josh Gondelman is back on the show. And you got a brand-new stand-up special that is out now.

Thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to be back with you. The last time I recorded with you all was one of my favorite most fun podcast recording experiences ever. And I saw your live show last year in New York. And that was truly a joy to behold. It was pretty eerie when you guessed it last time for the first time because you fit in with us so quickly. Yeah.

It felt like you were born to be on this pocket. I've always wanted to feel like I had a destiny. And so this is a sweet thing to me. Yeah, good. Because until that moment, until that podcast recording, I was straight up just like, I don't know. It could be anything. What if I messed up and should have been an amazing plumber? You, on a different timeline, you are a balloon.

loved plumber in Massachusetts. Everyone's like, oh, my God, you got to go to Gondelman. Oh, God, he's so good. You got to check out Pipe Down. Aaron, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me. I'm, like, tearing up. I'm like the idea that I could be a beloved hometown plumber. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I do like in this fantasy where you're a beloved plumber, you still don't get to leave your hometown. You don't get to travel. You can see the world. You can be a New York City plumber. I could go on vacation. Look, this city, if you can plummet here, you can plummet anyway.

And I just don't know if I have the goods. Plummit also sounds like a different word, which means like falling downfall. That actually describes my current career. Josh, also the last time you were on this, you were a last minute add to the 2024 Joko cruise. Yes. Like three days before. And so we had immediate friendship reinforcement. You were on the show on like a Monday.

And then by the next Monday we were on a cruise together. Truly the best. And you got to meet my wife Maris and we all got along. And we have since hung out the three of us and got lunch. Truly, this podcast has been nothing but a joy for friendship and creative collaboration in my life. When I think the first time I really talked to you in Maris, I walked up to you guys and I went, what conspiracy theories do you believe in? Hell yeah.

And then it was two hours of that. Yep. And then we also, you and I backstage at the like main stage on the ship, talked a lot about Massachusetts, which is my number one hobby in the world. And I can't engage in this of everyone. But my number one hobby in the world is like going somewhere far from Massachusetts and then talking to finding other people from Massachusetts and talking about Massachusetts. There is like truly nothing I that like energizes me more. And like I, um, I met a like an acquaintances fiance like several months ago. And we, we had like had a totally warm and

pleasant relationship. And then I found that she grew up in the town next to me. And we were just like, well, the weird tunnel vision, the conversation, everyone else in this conversation is blacked out. We're just going to talk about, like, roast beef sandwiches. It was truly, and I know everyone has that with where they're from, but I think especially, I spend a lot of time in, I live in New York, I spend a lot of time visiting L.A. And like, when I'm in L.A. and meet someone from Massachusetts or, like, on the road and meet someone from Massachusetts. It's just like, oh it's on it popping now i think i think if i met someone from indianapolis the conversation would be like cool kitchens that way bathrooms this way just you let me know uh i'll i'll catch up with you

later oh it's the best it's the best it's so fun now josh we typically ask uh guess what their relationship is with puzzles uh riddles etc obviously you're a second timer on the show but i feel like, I want to say since the last time you were on, I was in New York and we went to, I believe, your first escape room. Absolutely. We did. Then that was, I think, because of a conversation we had on the podcast. So again, podcast, nothing but a boon for French and puzzles.

What, what did you, what were your thoughts about the escape room? I know that was a little bit ago. I have you done any sense. I thought you, the whole traveling party that we were with was so gracious to me in my first escape room because you all were such pros at it were like things that never would have occurred to me because I was, uh, it was my first time as like clues or activities, you were all locking in on immediately. So it was like watching like a heist take place where I'm just like at the bank and you were like, hey, do you want to spin the wheel on the safe a couple of times? And I was like,

Ooh. It's like being in Ocean's 11 and realizing that you're Casey Affleck. Yes. Oh, holy thought. But just in the context of that movie. Yeah, only that. I don't want to put that on anybody. Yeah.

I don't have his other. I'd actually like to see a scene. Josh and JPC, you guys are robbing a bank. And Adel, you're just a bank patron and you're like really impressed by them and you just want to let them know that you think they're doing a good job. I'll see. Okay, Ghost. Alarm Blackout is life. We have two minutes. Everybody stay down on the floor. Stay down and nobody gets hurt.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah, I'll stay down. We're not here for your money. We're here for the bank's money, okay? Everything's worked out to a tea on a timer. Oh, so, and he's enunciating? Are he hitting those teas so hard? Please empty your pockets, put your phones beside you on the floor. We cannot have any outside communication. Everyone will leave safe and easy. Two minutes from now, If we have compliance. Holy shit, this is like surgery. Hey, guys, I'm going to stand up.

Hey, guys. You are, you're crushing it. Please don't stand up. We do have guns. Yep, of course. Yeah, that makes sense. Now, just so we know, just so everyone's clear, you're going to get out of here, okay, if you follow our orders.

But one of you is going to have to hold a live grenade. We do need one. Ooh, ooh, can't be that guy. Oh, come on. Can't be that guy. Too easy-a-ass dick. Don't trust what he's going to do. It needs to be someone who is properly scared of holding a live grenade, and we don't

don't have a lot of time. I'm scared of holding a live grenade. Perfect. Here. How are you at catching things when you're nervous? Terrible. Okay, I'll put it right in your hand. No need to take extra chances.

We always ask that question. We always get the same response. It's another like one of those like tests where we, you know, we're compensating for the fact that someone might be a little too comfortable in this situation. It's like how no one who thinks they should be president should be the president. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think this guy really wants to hold the grenade.

Can I hand it to him? No. I love your spirit of generosity, but I just don't think this is the right idea. Also, we are losing daylight. Yeah, we actually have to move a lot faster. So in the interest of making everyone know that we're serious, I'm going to have to pistol whip one person in this bank. It shouldn't be that guy.

It's just not a deterrent if you're asking for it. This guy, can I just say, this sucks. This sucks. Someone who's enthused should get to do it. I went to a Blink 1A2 concert last night. Bragg. They picked, they're like, we're going to pick somebody to come up on stage and sing. I had a poster board.

I dressed like the band. They picked the little kid. It's not fair. Come on. Oh, yeah, you should pick a little kid to hold the grenade. Ma'am. No, no. We'll pick a kid to hit with a gun.

No, hold on. You're in our heads. Get out of our heads. Why are their kids at the bank? This is a work day. What do you people all do? This guy went to a Blank 1.802 concert on a Tuesday. And he's at the bank on a Wednesday morning?

What is your life? I go, I go town to town, bank to bank, hoping that a robbery occurs. Oh, okay. So, you know that me and Ghost here are the Blank 182 bandits. We follow around Blank 1.802 hoping they deposit their check from the night before, even though a check wouldn't make sense because there's no money in a check. And they probably don't do that. banking late night on the road.

Hey, guys, it's the FBI. We're here. We've been here a couple minutes. Good. How comfortable are you holding a grenade? I've seen. May we pistol with one of you? Seed.

Fun. And we didn't even need a riddle yet. No, we didn't even need one. But we should probably legally get to some riddles here. Why don't we do some trios? We've done these before. So I'm going to list three things. And you all are going to tell me

what they have in common. Is one of the members of Blinkwainty 2? Yeah. Well, let's see here. Travis Barker, Mark Hoppice, and the third. Tom DeLong. Who's the one, who's the voice that's like the Where Are You voice?

Who's the voice that's like? I forget which one is Mark and which one is Tom, but it's Mark. Travis, I think, vocally nondescript. No offense, Travis. He's never spoken before. I think the Where Are You part is. Tom's verse. And I don't think, I honestly think I've seen Blake 182 twice and I don't think Travis speaks at all. Mark and Tom have a lot of banter and Travis is kind of there like with

his shirt off like shrugging. It's pretty interesting. I did see them live once and it was at the when we were young festival in Vegas and I will say they were great, but then Green Day went after them and blew them out of the fucking water. Green Day is so good live. 15 times better than Blake 182. They're one of the best live bands I've ever seen. And I was like, okay, I didn't know about that great day. The last time I saw Blank 182, Mark had a cold, and he was like, he, he was hanging in there by a thread, and they canceled the next night of their tour. So I was like, okay, so we saw him at his absolute worst.

Perfect. It's also, I'm so impressed by the rigor of touring musicians, because I tore on such a gentler level than that. And, like, if I felt, if I was sick, I would just be like, I don't want to. But you can't do that. Like, you know, there's so little room for I don't want to when you're like, I have to be at this football stadium tonight and this football stadium tomorrow night. And it's like, God, Beyonce is superhuman for, and Taylor Swift just for that. I know, like, they get to travel more gently than most people travel.

But it's like, that schedule is bonkers. I would be such a brat. I would need like an IV drip and someone constantly giving me a massage. And I knew my whole stage. My whole family's there. I need, I would be such a baby about it. But also, if you told me that Burt Kreischer was always sick, I'd be like, I believe that. Sure.

That's like his incredible Hulk. Like, that's my secret. I always have a terrible cold. He's like, that's why I'm my shirt off. I can't regulate my own temperature. I'm like a lizard. I've got to take my shirt off. I'm going to list three things.

You all have to tell me what they have in common. So, for example, multiplication problems, treasure maps, and Roman numerals. They all have an X. X. X always means 10. Very good. Is there a celebrity we could have worked in there that famously has a lot of... I get Taylor Swift, right? Taylor Swift has a lot of X's? That's a little hack at this point.

That's sort of a 2012 joke. Yeah, that's right. But what? She has ended... I guess it was like a 2012 joke because she had like a five-year-long relationship where you really weren't able to make that joke, but then that kind of... And now she's in another lengthy... I know.

It's been a while now. Yeah. Who else? Leonardo DiCaprio. But his whole thing isn't really X's as much as it is like 20 sexes, you know? Oh, that's fun. Nice. No, 26 didn't really work with X.

I'm sorry, it didn't work. I think it was a noble effort and I was delighted by it. Thank you. Trust the process. I would like to see a scene. The three of you are pirates and you're trying to read a map, but you're like a little hungover, so you're kind of struggling. Yard.

That's a loud. Eric. X marks the spot. Jesus. Oh, God, almighty. Go. Oh, sorry about my parrot. I'd shoot him if it weren't so fucking loud to shoot.

Yeah, go. We know X marks the spot, parrot. Yeah, we know. So much grog last night. So much grog. So much grog. I'm going to have a little bit right now. Because I think what I need is a little grog of the dog.

Oh, a little. A little grog of the dog. Oh, yeah, pass it over here. We've gone with hair of the grog myself. Oh, okay, okay. That's doing something. I think this is, this is land, and this is, these are trees, I think. YARP, and that's the spot, obviously.

That's the smart, YARP. I mean, YAR, number one of the bullet, the spot, I mean, that's the, that's the easiest thing to spot, really. YARP, but where are the traps we laid? Oh boy We We disguised the traps With a secret symbol And I forget it

Because my brain is just Throbbing I want to throw something out Is it possible We're looking at the map Like on the wrong side of the map Because we use Such heavy ink

I feel like it's just kind of bleeding through On both sides Such heavy ink and rice paper Maybe it's reversed. Okay, let me turn it over. Uh, Yarr, I shucked some fresh oysters for you. Did anyone want oysters? Oh, I'm gonna g-yarf.

You're hurting my feelings. I shucked for these oysters. What coast are they from? I don't want to say. What coast are they from? West. Oh, host coast oysters. I'll eat oysters from the Barbary Coast.

Scene, scene, seen, seen. All my favorite oyster places out here, every time I go and they say where the oysters are from, they're all where I grew up in Massachusetts. It's like, well, why am I even here? Yeah. Duxbury. You're like, what am I even doing here? Duxbury oysters. Just like too far, some of them are like, like, Providence?

Is that? Okay. All right. Woonsocket, Rhode Island. Worcester oysters. That can't be right. Worcester oyster. Wistowista.

All right, we're starting a new company. My daughter, our new dog, my wife and I adopted a new dog in March. And she was, she was staying with a foster family in Worcester, Massachusetts. And I cannot, whenever anybody brings that up or asks about it, I cannot help but say like, she's a Worcester foster. She's a Worcester fosta. She grew up. five, six flags. So, you know, she's spoiled. She goes, they bring it to the AAA baseball game. She goes to Pola Field.

What's the six flags in Boston, or near Boston? Six Flags New England, Western Mass. Oh. It was, okay. It had a great Superman roller coaster and a great Batman roller coaster. It was? You know, I don't, I haven't penned. I'm going to be honest with you. I haven't been to Six Flags New England in a minute. I don't, I can't stand by it. But I do, my, like, memory.

of it is kids will make up like legends about people dying there in various ways. Which is New Jersey stolen valor. Yeah, for sure. But it's okay. It's better than the Los Angeles Six Flags. I can tell you that much. That place

is terrifying. L.A. has a six flags? Yeah, it's like Southern California Six Flags. It is the worst roller coaster I've ever been on in my life. I thought it was broken. And they're like, nope, that's just how it's supposed to be. It just feels bad. It just feels bad. Didn't you at one point have like a year membership to that Six Flags?

Yeah, the person I was dating got a two-year membership because he was like, I'm basically losing money without it. You shouldn't be legally allowed to buy a two-year membership to over an amusement park. That's like leasing of Six Flags. That's insane. My friend Robert Dean, who's a very funny comedian as well, has a bit where he goes to the Cyclone at Coney Island every summer. and he gets the picture on the novelty t-shirt, and then the next year he wears the previous year's novelty t-shirt. That's amazing.

It's like the funniest. He goes by himself. It's called Cyclone Alone. It's the funniest thing in the world to me. That's a fucking awesome. It's so good. I think that's very funny, but I don't think that I would like, even though it gets progressively smaller, I don't think I would like to see a t-shirt of me like aging.

I'd be like, oh, man, yeah. Fortunately, right, you mostly see the previous year, which is nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I agree with you. I think it is like, magnifying glass out and be like, uh-oh. The t-shirt of Dorian Greg. Yeah. Toys are us.

Okay. Victoria's Secret, the Kennedy family. Toys are us, Victoria's Secret, the Kennedy family. Tread lightly, everybody. Standal. Places that are frequented by Johns. No. That's a great guess.

JPC, you're surprisingly on the right track. Very much on the right track. Is there famous, I'm trying to think of like a famous Jeffrey associated, but. Jeffrey's the giraffe. Yeah, that's the, I mean, that's the one of the kind of out of the three. Oh, that's the one. It's a Jeff Kennedy? No, that's.

Victoria's Secret still exists. It would not surprise me if there was a Jeff Kennedy, but he just was like, oh, yeah, John's a nickname for Jeff. It's like, because I feel like the Kennedy's. The Kennedy nickname's like, Jack, that confuses the fuck out of me. I'm like, that sounds like it should just be its own name. And the only one who's the president, basically, Jeff K. Yeah, Jeff K. You know what is a real, like, if you ever are feeling low confidence, go to the Kennedy Museum.

And in one of the rooms, they have JFK's report cards. And I want everyone to look at that. And then you'll be like, you know what, I could probably be a president. Because you didn't get good grades. All the teachers were like, he's talking to. much. Like he, B's and C's. Wow. I thought he'd get A. A. A. A. A. Boy. Boy. Toys R Us, Victoria's Secret, the Kennedy family. What do you think is the most helpful pair in that? Crumbling American institutions. I think Toys R Us is the least helpful. So Victoria's Secret and Kennedy family is definitely the strongest pair. And I will say, I'll stress again, JPC. was very much on the nose in terms of his guess was in the in the in the in the exact right

vein so it's a name mm-hmm uh bra kennedy um panties kennedy fong kennedy i'm getting so turned on teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy you thought my you thought that i was acting crazy but actually i was on to something what size are them teddy teddy teddy teddy teddy That's incredible. That's how they asked for your bra size, right? Yep. My mom walked through the line to see Ted Kennedy's body twice when he died.

She stayed in line twice. If you're in line to see Ted body, he said Kennedy's body a second time. Ted body. Stay in line. You want to see a Ted body? His name was Ted, right? That's short for...

Edward, right? Edward, yeah. Okay, so it's... God, these fucking nicknames. but he did go by Teddy And then Ted later Yeah and then Ted later I just I'm always interested

When a person chooses to drop Like the what I The why you know part of your name Which is I associate more with like a childhood Like you call like a child Teddy And then they grow up and then they're Ted I hate to make a guess But do you think right after Chapiquitic he dropped the Y

They're like you can't We can't have our lawyers saying Teddy You have to rebrand. You're rebranding today. You're grown up now. You're a man now, dog. I do want to see a scene. Josh, you are, you are JFK.

And Aaron, you are an employee at Victoria's Secret. And JFK has come in sunglasses, hat incognito, to buy lingerie for one of his sort of side pieces. Hi, welcome to Victoria's Secret. How can I help you? Yes, hello. Thank you for asking not what I can do for you, but what you can do for me. Okay, you're wearing a disguise, which actually happens a lot in here, but you're kind of winking. It's like you want me to recognize you. No, no, this is a real mustache.

Okay. You can pull it if you want. Well, I'll pull it. Okay. I actually, I'm seeing someone, so. All right. Well, what if I pull it? in front of you. What does that do for you? Does that do anything for you? It's something for me. Yeah, go for it.

He's so charming. I don't know what it is about him. He's just got something. Anyways, can I get you... Sorry, I'm nervous now. Can I get you... No need to be nervous. Uh, sure. I'm looking for kind of a bra and panty set. Okay. Do you anyone ever tell you you sound like Ted from the movie Ted, like the bear. I hear that all the time. People are like, you could be brothers with Ted.

The bear. Yeah. Which I sound nothing like the bear from the bear. Yeah. Jeremy Allen White. Yeah, that's true. So yeah. You know, I'm just going to put a bunch of stuff

in a bag for you. Can you put it in slower? Okay. Also, I think that your brothers are also in here. I'm just pointing at two guys and various disguises. Yeah, that's them. Boy, I think the pajama pants with the, uh, juicy on the butt would be the, uh, the, uh, best option.

I, uh, died in the wall. See. Don't mind me just talking to the ghost of my brother. Dad, brother? I know he has a bunch of brothers, but I, I only knew the one. The one, the oldest one is the one that the dad was like, you'll be president. And then he died in the war. It was supposed to be president.

And then RFK senior, right? Yeah. Yeah. How does Little Edie figure into the mix? She's a cousin. Cousin. Right? I don't know who Little Edie is.

Who's Little Edie? From the documentary Grey Gardens. Okay. Didn't help me. She's like, there's a, she and her mother lived in a house. that, like, a mansion that was, like, falling apart. It's a very famous documentary. And she's a Kennedy.

Mm. I'm looking it up. I didn't know she was a Kennedy. First cousin to former first lady Jackie Kennedy. Yeah. I feel like Kennedy relations are like, you're like, you'll hear someone's a Kennedy. And you're like, how are they a Kennedy? And they were like, oh, they were like Jackie Onassis is garden art.

And you're like, that's a Kennedy? I don't know. For Christmas, they would kind of, it's sort of like knighting someone. They would make people honorary Kennedy. Oh, now a Kennedy? I think Schwarzenegger's a honorary Kennedy. Yeah, but for how many Kennedys died, there certainly were a lot of Kennedys. Like, I think they really got to it quick.

They overproduced, like, in, like, farm times. Yeah, like, Irish Catholic overproduced in farm times. Yeah. They're producing, like, the people that are in charge of Fantastic Four merch. And, like, they don't know how it's going to do yet, but they just want to make sure it's all on shelves. Yeah, we might be sending these Ben Grimm toys. But we got to, in case there's the demand. I do really enjoy the idea of that if JFK just would have lived long enough to see Ted or Ted, too, I think that.

Oh, he would have loved it. I feel like I saw something recently that was like Salvador Dali was alive during, like, the year short circuit was put out or something. The comedian Joe Lest has a bit about how Picasso lived for six Super Bowls, and I think about it constantly. Oh, maybe it was Picasso. Or it's like the year he died was like the same year that, you know, Howard the Duck came out or something. So it's like the thought experiment of like, technically he could have seen Howard the Duck. And wouldn't that be a treat? I don't like the like want to feel old.

This thing happened this long ago. But I'm obsessed with like this person lived in the time of like this person could have had a laptop or whatever. Yeah. The fuck the thing about the like the TED thing is that Seth McFarlane was supposed to be. driving a motorcade in Dallas. JBC, this is too late with a joke. He was supposed to be, he's trying to do a joke about how.

How was it trying? First of all. You were trying because no one got it except me. He was supposed to be on one of the 9-11 planes. Yes. Is that right? He was supposed to be on one of the 9-11. Also, I know I keep bringing it out.

Not according to his will, but everyone just agrees that he should have been. I know I keep bringing it up, but for a minute there. Big Bird was supposed to be on the Challenger. That's right. Oh, my God. And you think we're on a dark timeline now? And so many kids watch that, like, in school. Yeah, yeah.

They would have watched Big Bird explode in this guy. I can just picture Big Bird critting his neck down and being like, oh, no. I mean, fuck. I think Elmo was supposed to be on the Titan submersible. Oh, come on. It could have been gone, though. I don't know. I don't know.

Because Rachel had a ticket on the Titanic. Well, let's take a quick break, and we'll Google what other... Yeah, we'll think of a few more of these. Yeah, we'll be right back. Right, deep, before. Hey, Rick, to Brick. Oh, God.

JPC, what happened? I just, I cut myself again on some of my closet staples. Oh, JPC. Yeah, I got a horrible misunderstanding. I got a closet full of staples because I've heard that it's, like, good to, like, You stapled all your clothes. You're going to need, oh, boy. I think that you're thinking of closet staples, like clothes that you can wear a lot that look good with other things.

I get mine from Quince. Have you heard of Quince? They have closet staples you want to reach for over and over carefully, like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from just $50, breathable flow knit polos and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up dinners. I'm wearing some right now. Wee. Oh, okay. I think I have, you guys, I think this is another one of my classic mix-em-ups where I've fundamentally misunderstood the assignment.

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Oh, my God. Okay. Great. Nope. And I'm getting it. I actually know Quince and I love Quince because I have a lightweight hoodie from Quince that I wore to our Portland show, our Seattle show, and here in L.A. It is wonderful. It's my favorite item of clothing that I own.

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Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash riddle to get free shipping in 365-day returns, quince.com slash riddle. And let me grab that stapler from you. No, no, no. I need this for my clothes. Nope. Quince, it's quite comfortable. Hell yeah.

Yes, Adel. Yeah. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Addle JBC I got a new website and it's dedicated to one of your favorite Hey riddle riddle characters

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All in one place Uh-huh And I'm from the 1920s or something, so building a website, got to be intuitive for me to like it. And I love Squarespace. Oh, yeah, Coco, I know that you've been obsessed with videos, or I mean, just a lot of technology in general, but especially videos. Squarespace. I screamed when I saw it at first. You're like a scared horse.

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use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You won't be sorry. And Coco, you said Betty Boop is suing you? Yeah, for everything. I get it. Hey, Adel. Hey, Aaron. Can I tell you something that I'm kind of like ashamed of?

Yeah, of course, always. When I was a kid, all of my two brothers, all of our birthdays are within a month. And it's all around Christmas time. So we used to just get like Christmas birthday gifts and sometimes we would just get like combo gifts together. And I would always tell my brothers that we could pull all of our money together and just get one big Lego and then I would insist on doing the Lego and putting it together myself. How do you put together one big Lego? Oh, I guess it's more like an expensive Lego kit, not one big Lego block. I mean, you didn't really understand finances.

You didn't have anything like acorns early when you were going. growing up. So how are you supposed to know? He, he, he. Hey, kids, it's me. Birthday Santa. Birthday Santa? That's right. You're real? Yes.

And I want to tell you about Acorns Early, which is something JPC, it sounds like you and your brothers wish you had. Yeah, we could have used. Yeah, absolutely. Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up. Oh, so cool. You can start with in-app chores tracker and teach your kids the value of

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But anyway, piggy banks are cute and great for loose change, quarters, et cetera. But these days there are so much more that kids need to know about money. He, he, he. Acorns Early makes it easy to teach kids lifelong money skills that they can actually use in the real world. And I love the Acorns Early app. I've played around in here. My kids a little too young to start right now because they're kind of like a little toddler. But I'm so excited for them to be able to use features like this because I think like being able to track all of these things.

when you are young and have money, literacy at a young age is so, so, so important to being a, you know, person that exists in the world nowadays. Well, I'm a person that exists in the world. Who said I wasn't? Yeah, no. Anyway, if you're ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend, get your first month on us when you head to acorns early.com slash hey riddle or download the Acorns Early app. That's one month free when you sign up at AcornsEarly.com. H. Hey, Riddle. Acorn's Early Card is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank. Member FDIC, pursuant to licensed by MasterCard International. Free trial to new subscribers only subscription fee starting for $5 per month and less canceled.

Terms apply to acorns.com slash early terms. He, he, he. Ooh, Santa needs to lay down. I mean, birthday Santa needs to lay down. Love whatever your thing is, man. Don't stress. Oh, he-he-he-he-he-ho. And we're back, and we thought of a few more.

Sam the Eagle at Kent State. What else? What else? What else? What else? And that was it. That was the wiggles in the library of Alexandria as it was burned down. That combo of words have never been said.

It feels really nice to hit on one of those. What of those purse charms that everyone's going crazy about? Laboo-Boo-Boo-Boo. because I couldn't pull, but I was going to say a Lubbubu out the Hindenberg. So someone, I've been hearing Labubu, and I, like, did a cursory Google to see, like, what is a libubu? And it was like, it's an expensive thing to put on your purse. And I was like, okay, close tab.

I think I'm good. I think I'm good on whatever this cultural phenomenon is. I thought it was a purse. So what do you mean it's a thing you put on your purse? Okay. Now, I thought from my cursory Google, so this is a person who Googled. it closed it immediately that it was like a little plush animal thing that like a charm like a purse charm yeah it's got it's got kind of like a monster face and a fuzzy little body

this is this is everything now we were recently in mall of america and i was like oh i'll get like a stuffed animal um like something unique to mall of america that i couldn't get anywhere else i'll get something like that for my kid and i went to like every toy store literally in Mall of America. I walked them all like, you know, complete loops. And every toy store had the same toys in them. And they were like amalgamation monster plush things that weren't even that soft. And I was like, what the fuck is any of this? Like, it's not even, it didn't even feel like it was IP. It just felt like it was like, I don't know. It made me, it made me feel ancient walking around looking at like the new plush toys. They got to be, you got to have soft ones that some of its

functionality. Yeah. And it's like, these are plush. Like, they should be soft. Yeah, I agree. I have to know. Soft means soft. Let's do another of the trios here.

The Lincoln assassination. And I don't mean to make these all Lincoln. No, the Lincoln assassination. That's so wild because Bluey was there. Oh, yeah. That's so crazy. The real Bluey was there. The real boy.

I believe history notes that it was. Mom, Dad, Bluey, and then Cablammo and Lincoln's brains everywhere. Abraham Lincoln was supposed to be in Bluey. Blam! John Wilkes Booth said, I want a blueie Abraham Lincoln's head off, but what he meant. The Lincoln assassination. Okay. Early Superman comics and a diner.

All Jewish. Yeah, that's right I like this conspiracy Yeah, the diner's Can't be true What? A diner Pancakes

Lincoln got pancakes You know, this strategy helped me last time with the Teddy thing I can't, yeah, I can't criticize it because you really got there I do want to see a scene JPC you are Abraham Lincoln

You've gone into a diner to order pancakes and Josh you are the waiter who brings them and JPC is Lincoln you're trying to kind of you know you just gave your big speech you just gave your big four score and you're trying to sort of maintain some amount of dignity

while eating this silly food a table or the bar for one I sure I still over at the bar oh perfect I'll sit at the bar do you mind if I read a book while I'm sitting here Not at all. You can do whatever you like. Suit yourself. Hmm.

I think I'll try some of these pancakes that I've been hearing about. Oh, yeah. They're flying off the shelves like vodka cakes. Did you guys hear about Lincoln's new speech? It's so stupid. Four score and seven years. Say, 47 years ago. That's so stupid. What the fuck is four score? I think it's like 10 years is a score. Nobody talks like that. 20.

20 years? See, that. Like, no one knows that. Anyways, I'm going to keep flipping these pancakes. Some people know. Some people know. We need a new president. That guy is so embarrassing. He's mostly hat.

We'll get one. We'll get one in a couple of years, so no need to be rushed with it. I hate slavery. I think it's a moral abomination. Perfect. I hate Lincoln even more. Yeah, me too. Come on.

He's like, I got a beard. I got a hat. That does not a man make. First of all, I feel like I'm not even in a disguise or anything, right? Like, we don't know what he looks like. There's not television. She said beard and hat. Yeah, he's like a little cartoon.

A lot of guys wear beard and hat. Excuse me, are you talking to me, beard and hat? Oh. Tug's beard, tips hat. Wait, why did that guy get to sit in a booth? He's an important person. Who's a booth? So you're pro booth?

That's your stance? Oh, no. I hate booths. I don't know why. Never liked them. Yeah, that's wise. So, uh, pancakes. Now, do you want, like, uh, you want some whipped cream on there, some berries? Oh, oh, just give me, uh, whatever most people get. Okay. The pancakes of the common man, that's what I'll enjoy.

Okay, sir. This guy's ordering it with real loser energy. Yeah, real loser energy, my God. Anyways. I feel like most people like me. Am I wrong on that? Well, I don't know the rest of your life, but in this dinah, we could take a census. Hey, who here in this dinah likes this guy with a hat and the beard?

Not the cool guy, the other one. Booth. That guy said Booth. I am Booth. Fuck you. Fuck you and your whole fucking family. I'm in a play later if anyone wants to come see it. It's called my American cousin.

It should be okay. I'm okay in it. I'm good, not great. I bet you better than you say. You're always doing this. You're always putting yourself down. The last play you were in, you were tremendous. Oh, thanks.

Are you the cousin? No. I wish. Are you at least the American? Who is this guy? I'm president making my feelings Wait you're the president Of what?

There's no way I mean I guess of America You suck the president sucks It makes sense Part of America That's the good I'm president of the good part of America All right

Here's your check Yeah get out of here Hold on Before I leave Why doesn't everyone just say What they think the good part of America is Because I maybe have gotten a read on why I'm not liked here.

We're all pointing up. The North. Massachusetts. Yeah. Okay. Fuck. Well, maybe I switch sides.

We just think you've got like a, you've got like a bad vibe guy. Yeah. Maybe I call up Jefferson Davis and tell him I maybe misplayed this thing a little bit. Okay. Call up. Is that something I can do? I see.

You just say, hey, Jeff, get over here. Well, JPC, I think you got it. The Lincoln assassination, Early Superman Comics, and a diner all have. Coffee. Oh, massive holes. Oh, come on. You said it in the scene. Uh, pancakes?

Whip cream. I think we all said? Boots. They all had booths. Boots. The phone booths. The phone booths. Oh, right.

That Clark Kent would change into John Wilkes booth and, of course, a dining booth. I mean, spoilers for Superman, but I didn't even realize it until this moment. They didn't have a single fucking phone booth in that movie. That's why it says early Superman comics. I think they did away with it. They phased out the phone booth. I guess society kind of phased out the phone booth, huh? Yeah.

Now he's probably got to change in chat, GPT. Yeah, there you go. Hey, Grock. Clark kid asking for the Starbucks bathroom code. How about the ruby slippers, a computer mouse, a mutually attracted couple. They click. They all click. Wow.

Oh my gosh, you got that so fast. Wow. I'm just glad to be on the board, frankly. Wow. Impressive. Let's do another one here. A golf course. Okay.

All in the family. World War I. Bunkers? They all have bunkers. Wow. Oh, my God. He's making us look like fools, JPC. No, no, no.

We're doing this together. It's a victory for all of us as well, though, right? What did? World War III. World War III. It's going to have bunkers too, right? World War III. It's going to have bunkers for sure. A center in football. Okay. Pants for a baby. Mm-hmm. The Adams family theme song. Snaps.

Yeah. Snaps. We all got snaps. Soft hats on the butt. Enough room for a diaper? That's like, that's like the, uh, football equivalent of like leaving room for the Holy Spirit when you're on the dance floor. Quarterback and sitter always have to leave enough room for a diaper. A diaper is width apart.

JBC, you're the guy who snaps the ball and you're like yelling what play you're about to do. And Josh and Adel, you're kind of confused by what he means. Blue, 42. Classic. 42 plus 6. Minus 5. 48. 43.

3. Brass trombones. Yep. Oh, yes, this is, okay. 12 rings. All right, I think that's... 12 days of Christmas. No one is a Christmas.

Okay. Are these... Multiply them. Multiply them. Mine is it from the first equation. 100 plus 11, plus 10, plus 9, plus 8, plus 7, plus 6, plus 5, plus 4, plus 3 plus 2 plus 1. Keep in mind where your brackets are. Oh.

The order of operations is killing me. It's please, excuse my dear aunt, Sally. Order of Upper Orange. celebrations. Everybody shift one to the left. Foil for south side. Everybody shift one to the right. Timeout. Time out. Time out. God, we're burning timeouts, guys. Sorry, sorry. I just, um, I just really got in the weeds there. Uh, was that a slant or a post?

I don't know. I wasn't done yet. I'm reading the other team. I don't know what it will end up being, okay? Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm sorry. We're so in confusion in them. I'm sorry. So we can have certainty in ourselves. But we have so many, I think we're more confused than. they are good use it you know let that let that be your guide right oh okay should i just fucking stop should we go back to having the quarterback call the place no no no no no we like when you do it you you guys i really would like another shot at it shut up lose our energy we will let you get sacked shut up yes shut up jeered up i get paid the most i get paid the most i get paid the most We hate when you bring

that up. That doesn't help your case. What do you think you get paid the most? You should be in charge? Yeah, I just thought that I was smarter. I'm the center. I'm the center. The team revolves around me. Yeah. Yeah, it's in the name. It's in the name. You guys hurt my feelings every game.

Every single game. Buy yourself some new feelings. All that money, huh? You don't like it. Spike the ball. Spike the ball in every play. You don't like it. Okay, then I will. I'm going to pass it to the ground because I'm so sad. Hey, guys, hey guys, hey guys. Yeah.

Hey, let's all just fall down and let them get sacked. We got to do that. It's my birthday if anyone even cares. Nobody fucking cares. Okay, let's let him get sacked. Hard. Maybe they'll replace them. Wait a minute, you're a cancer?

Yeah, of course. Hard on the outside, soft, or the inside. That makes sense why you're feeling this so tough. Yeah. losing. Oh no. See? Oh no. I thought you were going to soften. Oh, I love it. I love it. I hope that's what it's like. Yeah. I hope to God that's what it's like. Do you think they're ever hurting each other's feelings? Probably, right? Yeah. Yeah. They all have feelings. Yeah. Okay. I think it's more likely in a group of men that they are hurting each other's feelings because I feel like they have lines that they don't set in

like clear terms, and then when someone goes over that line, they probably get their feelings hurt. And are not equipped to talk about it, or they're not, like, encouraged to her, even if they have the individual emotional intelligence. Oh, yeah. I bet there's been at least one quarterback who's, like, throwing the ball, and it's about to be intercepted, and he's like, don't. Like, don't.

Oh, don't. Come on. My mom's here. Don't. Quit it. That's always so hard, right? Because it's like, with like an artistic performance, everybody's kind of hoping it's good. When you have to do sports, a lot of people hope it's bad for you.

Yeah. There's people actively rooting against you. Yeah. We were talking about this last night, but the idea of like having a being good at something like performing or playing football or something like that and then having like a mental block. It's like the yips and golf. Like that is so, that's so wild to just be like going for. from being like, oh, yeah, I'm at the top of my game. I'm playing, you know, to the top of

my skill level to being like, oh, I can't do anything anymore. What's the thing that happens to gymnasts that is really scary? Like someone about the twisties. The twist, yeah, she had to sit out of the Olympics because it's like you can't, you don't know where you're at in the air. It happens to gymnast sometimes when they get nervous. And it's so dangerous. I want to be 100% honest. When Josh said the twisties, I was like, Josh, come on. No, that's real. That's what it's But that's so scary because they're flinging their bodies and that you could die if you decide to keep going during that. That kind of thing is not the kind of thing that you're like, let's just wing it and see if I land. And Adel is right.

They should give it a more serious sounding name. Well, like the thing that when you're a diver and you come up too fast and they call that the bins, I'm also like, come on, can we give it like a science name or something, you know? The Ben sounds like when you're hung over and you try to stand up. That is what the Ben's should be. We got to rename it. Unbelievable. Not naming after a radio head album, please. Let's do another trio here.

Okay. A French restaurant. A beauty salon. The Rocky and Bullwinkle show. Baguettes. Moose and squirrel. Moose. Moose. They all have moose.

Wow. Wow. Oh, wow. Okay. How do you guys feel about moose? I'm not the animal The dessert I think it's pretty good

I'm pro I do want to see a scene Aaron and Josh You are famous cartoon Duo baguette and squirrel Mm-hmm Bejou Bonjour

Bonjour Squirrel How are you Oh I'm doing great Nice to see you Baguette How you doing Not good

Is someone To get bite out of me This morning I am not alone For this world no baguette you got plenty to offer you're so crusty I bet they didn't get far

into you at all you know I didn't catch the guy that did it but his teeth felt a lot like squirrel teeth you wouldn't have done something like that you're an old friend would you I would I would never nibble an old friend and we

obviously that duo fell apart because squirrel took a bite so now we see the new duo JPC you were you the fray, and this is five years later we see Baggett and Costella. Who ate me? Ow!

See. That took me a second. I was like, baguette and Costa? Okay, yes, yes. Costella is the one you keep there. Yeah. I love instead of who's on first, it's Who ate me? Who ate me?

I'm asking you. Who ate me? What ate me? Oh, very good. Um, I think we keep going with these trios here. Um, how about Rocky one, two, and three? Okay. Is that the trio?

Rocky. Uh, Rocky Belboa. Yeah. Yeah, actually, there's a lot of stuff here. Rocking. Holly, Adrian, gloves, rings. Movies. Mickey's in all three.

Movies. Humans. Yeah. Yeah. Earth. Oxygen. Did someone say Earth? I'm insane.

Ben. Philadelphia. Yeah, yeah. But only one has a robot. My favorite thing, I think, is it Rocky 3 where Polly gets a robot for Christmas or his birthday? I'm going to be honest with you. I've never seen Rocky 3. Watch Rocky 3 and there's a really funny little montage where Polly, and Polly is maybe

the best part of all the movies, but he gets a robot and there's like this really weird future. Like at the time, it probably came out in like 87 or something, and at the time, robots were not what they are now. Is there any way that's Rocky 4? It could be 4. It could be 4. Yes, it's yes, with Drago. But there's this moment where the robot goes,

Happy Birthday Polly, and then there's like futuristic music playing. It's really weird. Yeah, it's good, though. Yeah, it is good. Force the best one. Rocky 1, 2, and 3. The U.S. space program, Greek mythology. Hmm.

Hmm. Rocky 1, 2, and 3. They all have, it's not Sputnik, but it's something else. Rocky 1, 2, 3, the U.S. space program, Greek mythology. Russian antagonists. What's the name of the robot, that one, to space? Who's on Mars? Oh, the rover.

For ours, Discovery, Challenger. They all have a challenger, no. Yeah, you're Rocky 1-2, there is. Yeah. And what was it? Antiquity, Greek. What is it? Greek mythology.

Mythology. U.S. space program, Rocky 1, 2, and 3. And I will say in Rocky 1, 2, and 3, this is one of the top three or four things in Rocky 1, 2, and 3. Oh. Complicated. Belts, they have belts. They have belts. No.

Fuck. Steps. It's got to be some, like, Greek name or something like that. like a god's name like aries or chronos oh apollo they all have apollo i do want to see a scene motherfucker great one josh good no you got you got all the way there gosh gosh gosh is crushing this i'd want to see i wish they let you win a race when you get like a half mile away from the finish that guy's gonna win back i got to start the race there that that would be even better that that would be even better.

Like, hey, everybody, we're doing racist by handicaps, so people are going to have different starting lines than everyone else. I do want to see a scene. The three of you are Greek gods, and based off one of JPC's

guesses at the answer, this is the gods, the Greek gods, inventing belts. Now we are here atop Mount Olympus to discuss one of the most pressing problems

facing all the gods. The big, shapeless gowns we wear, Just don't show off our powerful physiques. Zeus, when your gown fell yesterday, and we were all laughing, it was more of like a nervous laughter, right, guys? Like, we weren't laughing at you. It was like a with you thing.

I just, you know I'm, you know that I want to accentuate the shapeliness of my butt cheeks and that it exists, but I have a pretty flat pancake ass. And I want to dig into this. I'm like ready to dig into this. Before we start, does anyone want a little wine and maybe quick suck and fuck? Not that we can't. Yeah, for sure. Is it worth it?

All right. Where did I put my harpoon? Oh, actually, sorry. Hey, hey, gods. Hey, gods. I don't want a quick suck and fuck, but holds up a cigarette. If I could get a quick light, if Prometheus could just get a quick light. Thank you for announcing your name, Prometheus.

Classic Zeus stuff He didn't say what kind of light you wanted So Zeus made lightning Oh you killed Prometheus You fucking smoked his ass Burn him to a crisp damn When are we gonna get back to what's important? My ass

I have to accentuate it Suck it or fuck it And I'm just saying that You don't need to invent anything Just because your pants Basically fell down in front of everyone yesterday Is all I'm saying I why would I

It's just going to keep happening You're going to keep laughing No no no no no no and I know like I'm God of death I'm gonna lose the respect of the mortals No guys right nod with me No he's not he's Zeus he's like the big one I'm gonna turn into a swan Nobody's gonna want to ask my swan D

Don't see a big one We all saw what Zuth is working with I mean Yeah have you been calling me swan dick behind my back You guys nobody answer that Somebody answer that See Somebody answer that

Old swan dick over here You mean Zeus? Yeah swan dick Zeus half transformation Being like Oh no Just the dick Just the dick

I did swan dick again Oh never live this down Now I just get to go there I'm gonna look like a guy Just fucking a bird Swan dong Instead of swan song Let's come up with here

This is my spot. Okay, that's something. That has legs. I thought you what? That would have got Hillary elected. My corkscrew. My corkscrew shape dump. A bowling ball.

A bowling ball, standard notebook paper, a pierced nose. Three holes? They all have three holes. I'll tell you what. That one, it got Hillary elected. When you say that. Christ. For the next part of the base.

I'm answering that from now on forever, for everything. Let's have the two candidates go back and forth and say how many holes they have. How many holes they'd be willing to have? Winter takes off. Naked swimmers. Okay. Tobacco chewers. Ursa Minor.

A dip? Yes. Great skinny dip. Dipping, big dipper, or little dipper. Yeah. They're all dippers. Dippers. They're all dippers.

That's amazing. That's really nice. Old Cadillacs, Helsinki, and a shark. Fins? They all have fins. Wow. Old Cadillacs have fins? Can someone explain that one?

On the tail. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like a spoiler, but. Yeah, but a fin. Yeah. Sure. if I don't get it with my first thought though I'm never getting there

I'm just like my brain is a musket one thing in it it's going to be another five minutes My brain is a musket Sounds like a interpol song Santa Claus An all pro defensive linemen

And a potato farmer Sack Sacks. They all have sacks. God. You got to imagine Santa Claus would go all pro. Yeah. Yeah, he's everywhere.

You can't block him. Let's do one more. I love that. I love that. Aaron, do you love that? I do love that. I'm ready. Okay.

And Josh, you love that? Perfect. Okay, just want to make sure. This is our last one. A model for. rings a surgeon all state insurance a model for rings a surgeon all state insurance they all have jingles okay what's a surgeon's jingle jingle cut you open i was going to say cut you open cut you open cut your life in this is that's my first work that's what i do at work that's what i do at work

What I do I work. There is a surgeon that sings that every time. I do want to see you soon. New metal surgeon. The three of you are surgeons. This is your first time doing an operation as a trio. And Josh is sort of a sort of maybe goth or heavy metal surgeon. Congratulations, everybody.

We are about to embark on the first ever head transplant in the world. Only the finest surgeons are here. And we'll let our neurosurgeon do the first cut whenever you're ready. Oh, and just before we begin, I have to double check the race of the donor and the race of the recipient. Yes, this is fine. This will not raise any red flags. Good to double check, though. Thank you. You want those heads to match.

Yeah. Well, this, thank you so much for having me here as part of this team. honored to have you I gotta tell you I'm a little rusty it's been a while since I've done a brain surgery

and oh should we be joking today he's a joke he's an expert he's an expert don't do this in front of him

oh yeah so of course yes okay sorry I thought you were very funny we loved that we love that joke and we're here for you as you kind of work you know you're magic

all right I guess uh make an incision. Starting there. Yeah. Starting on the neck. God.

Cut my guy into pieces. That's what a new one. Oh, and I don't know. Sorry, I love that you're doing sort of air guitar and air drums. And I love that. Oh, everyone's dodging. Hold on. Let me take up.

Got to take my headphones? Okay. Yeah, what was that? Sorry. So we can do music in the room as well, because he's under. So if you, if there's, Yeah, you just tell the shift nurse. I'm not under.

I didn't know the good time to say that was. I'm not under. Someone forgot. I'm not under. Guy, we're like three quarters of the way through your neck. I know. I know. I'm not under.

I'm not under. At this point, it would be more trouble than it's worth. You get so well with the neck cut. I think you can take it. We'll just go the rest of the way. We'll just go the rest of the way. Is this the donor or the recipient? I'm really losing track.

Damn, maybe we should have made them different races. They are too hard to get it. I'm so sorry. I like, I just get stupid. But I was like, wait, is the person talking the one who's head up cutting off or the one who I'm putting it on? We got to know. The person's head being like, am I? What's wrong with me that we're getting a new plea?

It was a successful head transplant. You get to the end of the procedure, you're like, oh, no. We cut his head off and stitch it right back on, oh, my God. Successfully, though. Oh, embarrassed. Well, Josh, not only do you do surgeries, but you also do stand-up. Where can we find your new stand-up special? What else you got going on?

My new stand-up special, thank you for asking, is called Positive Reinforcing. It's on YouTube currently on Blod Medicine's YouTube channel, but if you search positive reinforcement, Josh Gondelman, you'll find it. It's also, there's an audio, there's an album wherever you listen to things that has like a little bonus material that didn't quite fit into the special, but is really fun on the album. I write a newsletter every week called That's Marvelous. It's full of like jokes and pep talks and has all my tour dates in it. It's at, it's, excuse me, I just got a website for it. It's, that's, that's marvelous newsletter. I'm at Josh Gondelman on Instagram, Blue Sky, TikTok Threads now. And what else? My wife has a book out. That's fun. Yeah, Maris Kreisman. It's called I Want to Burn This Place Down.

It's a really wonderful essay collection. I'm trying to think if there's anything. I'm on tour. I'm going to the Catskills in Minneapolis and Maine and Toronto, August 1st and 2nd, if this is out then, I think is a good one. I think it comes out right after. Oh, that's okay. No problem at all.

I'm going to Philadelphia in late August and then Minneapolis in the fall and more tour dates to come. Josh Gondelman.com. Sorry, a lot of plugs. Too many plugs. Hell yeah. And mention all the podcasts you've done recently. Only this one. Yeah. I'm not coming on here to talk about those other folks. Highly, highly recommend positive reinforcement on YouTube. It's at the Bell House, which is one of our favorite venues. It's just a fantastic special. Yeah, we'll be there later this year. November. It's a, it's a fantastic venue. The best. It's so fun. I like, I think it looks really

nice. It's like very friendly and pleasant. So if you're a person who like stays away from stand-up, because it's a lot of like, this fucking guy's shirt, it's like very little about that fucking guy's shirt. I can't have a different take on a shirt. I think you would really like it. Josh, you get to your shirt and your stand-up special early on. You touch on it briefly and then it's over. So, yeah. Aaron, anything to plug her remote? No, just check out Josh Gondelman stuff. I'm a huge fan. And also, worth noting, I've been in comedy a long time.

Josh, you've got to be probably the nicest person I've ever met. That's too kind of being. I'm not kidding. And there's a lot of very nice people in it. You guys, he's the nicest. Thank you. And Adel and JPC also very, well, Adel, very nice, incredibly kind, nice. Oh, thank you.

Funny. I'd rather be kind than nice, and I'm nice. either. So. I am deeply unkind. Deeply. Yes, check out Hey, Ritter-Riddle on tour. We have some upcoming dates.

You can check those out at hey, ridder-Riddle.com slash live. Also, Hello from the Magic Tavern is on tour. Check out our dates as well. I want to say hello from the magic tavern.com slash live, hopefully. Sure. I forget all the websites, but check those out. JPC, anything to plug, promote, or review? If you're listening to this on the day that it comes out, you can still buy our LA live stream. Just go to our website or the Dynasty Typewriter website.

It's available for two weeks after our show, and our show was last weekend. So check that out. And hey, you know what? I'll read a review. I haven't read a review in a while. If you want to get a review featured on the show, just leave a five-star review anywhere you leave reviews. This one's called A Descent Into Beautiful Madness by H. Swanson Smith. A friend introduced me to the show in March. I spent two months unable to listen to anything else. My brain turned to mush. I confused people around me by laughing at jokes they couldn't hear. For several weeks, I made the show my shout-out to the four people watching my Twitch stream.

I made the mistake of listening in the car with my toddler, which led him to repeating many words. I know it's not a show for kids. I cannot always be a perfect mother. That judgment. That was last scene. That was last scene. This show might mildly ruin your life. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Thank you so much, H. Swanson Smith. I think you're doing a great job. Give yourself some grace. I love it. I'm at all right for the very first time. Something there. That's really good. Aaron, take like a late 90s, early 2000s, early 2000s, alt song and turn it into Jupiter.

Maybe like an incubus song. We'll wait. I'm trying to think of any other song. I can't do it. Jupiter. I'm panicking. Rip Gordon. Created by Apple Refined, starring Aaron Keith, and John Patrick Collins, Casey Tony did the editing,

M. R.R.E. Parents in the music. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Napurus. Watch two, three, four. Hey, Riddle. Grands, if you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. Adel, Aaron, and JPC bring you a Vegas heist. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com such, hey riddle, riddle, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your seven-day free trial with a review crew for $8 a month, plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast.