Hey Riddle Riddle - #37: Raccoon Penis Bone!

Episode Date: April 3, 2019

There's a whole lot of dumb.ass.fun. happening when someone get's LASIK in an unexpected place, we pick out our DJ names while crafting the first ever cousin dance floor banger, Erin legit thinks she can get voted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and we see the return of everyone's favorite sociopath... J.P. Riddles! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. No shit, all sure lock, it's hey riddle riddle, I'm Adlerfai. I'm Jemmity. I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jmmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jmmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jmmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm Jemmity, I'm going to hang my phone. Aaron Keith. Oh, man, this is a great episode for people to really just pick up the podcast cold. Yeah, if you've never listened and you turn this on, your headphones, you think are broken, you toss them down, you smash them, you grab some new ones, no, it's just us. Okay. What do we do? We've been doing riddles and puzzles.

We call riddies and puzzies. We're going to go something a little bit different today. So yeah, this is, if this is the first episode you're ever listening to. We'll catch you up. About four episodes ago, we discovered a body of the studio. We've scrapped the premise of the show, and we've been using our airtime to try to solve this murder. Yeah, yeah.

It's a bit of a cold case because we didn't solve it in the first 48. And the building's pretty cold. And we, and the heat program here once a week. So we keep coming back to the studio. The body heat program. Here, once a week. So we keep coming back to the studio. The body is getting bored, bored, degraded. And what's our general vibes as like three people? Like, how would you describe Adel in one or two words? I would say that Adel is a hot shot cop with nothing to lose.

I'm a hot shot cop. I kind of have nothing to lose. And Aaron's like a young rookie hot shot cop and she's got nothing to lose. I can't hear him. I have nothing to lose. A rookie has nothing to lose. And Aaron's like a young rookie hot shot cop and she's got nothing to lose. I forgot. I got nothing to lose. A rookie has everything to lose. I got that young wife at all. She was expected a baby.

Yeah, that one. She's not pregnant, but she's expecting a baby. She's one day. Very young. We're redoing a kitchen. Oh no. She's supposed to go into a room. She's like 19, I think.

Shut up about my wife. I'm 19, two my mind what college sweetheart But you know You're 19 and your college sweet All right, I got so much to lose can we call this see us? We can Our vibe. Yeah, sorry vibe is that. Puzzles riddles, we do some improv sometimes,

we tear each other apart. And we build each other back up, so we can tear each other down again. We build each other back up with less or quality pieces, so that's easier to big bad wolf blow it down. Yeah, I smash addol and then I do plex blocks. I build up a doplex at all. I crush a Marin and then I build it back up with straw.

Crazy straw. I have no brain. Oh, that's the thing. See you listen to Hebert over the walls. We're the three little piggies. Can I make a request? Yes. We embarrassingly ordered Starbucks and it's here.

I want you to stay on air and talk about me while I'm gone. Okay. To be fair, Aaron embarrassingly ordered Starbucks. Yeah. On the Y-She- We did color it with that paint. She was like, she said specifically, she said, how much of a Boston douchebag would I be if I Uber eat some Starbucks? We all said, Aaron, don't do that.

How do you think Aaron drinks her coffee? First thing is the boiling. Don't talk to me before I... Had Aaron's coffee. Before I met Aaron's coffee. Yeah, I mean, I don't have anything bad to say about Aaron. I think Aaron's a lovely person. I can tell you something.

Yeah. Lean in. Ow. My face on the mic. I want to tell you a secret. Yeah, what's up? She's locked out. She's locked out of the tube. My, Alan, you keep going. I'm going to let her in the mic. I want to tell you a secret. Yeah, what's up? She's locked out My Alan you keep going I'm gonna let her in the studio you you are this part a little secret

I'm alone in the studio now JPC is rushed off to save Aaron and I just want to let the audience know that I'm in love with Aaron. I'm also in love with JPC Don't know how to choose between them, but one day I will confess my life I'm in the back. Don't know how to choose between them, but one day I will confess my lie. Hey, this all stays here. Hey, you fucking snack rolls, you fucking fuck bandits. Oh my god, I hate you both.

Okay, I can't wait for this episode to air so I can hear what you said. What a fuck, real quick. What a fuck bandit still fucks? Aaron's a snack wolf. And you're a fuck bandit. I've always wanted to be a fuck bandit. What it is is that you give no fucks, so you steal fucks so that you can then give them.

Wow. You steal from the fucks and give to the give fucks. I give so little of a fuck that I take fuck from some others. I'm a fuck bandit. Also fuck bandit sounds like it's gonna get me in way more trouble. Well, cause of that mask you wear it. This lip not mask. Did you say nice things about me was gone?

Nope, no, made funny moves. Oh, okay. In the, and the, here's my coffee. The other podcast that I did, I played, it's like a role-playing actual play podcast, and my character was very much this like, Lothario guy. And this is this American life? This is this American life. And the, his chosen profession, he had business cards printed up,

was that he was, his two professions were for sex and being a criminal. And so his business card said sex criminal. And a fan made, like, made those business cards, created the business cards, and they have like a very, very faint, like, dot, in between sex and criminal to distinguish between. That's also a wildly popular comic book. Sex criminal?

It's I believe I haven't I haven't read it, but I know Annie Wu is a whoo straighted one of them. But it's a comic where I believe two people have when they have sex it stops time. So they have sex stop time in rob banks is what I've been told, but I do they have this is from that. Do they have to keep a late sex while they rob the bank? I don't know, it might be like on a timer, like once they have sex to completion,

and it's like they have 10 minutes or something. Oh, 10 minutes. Okay. Doesn't really give a lot of time. I can't do that. No, I'm just saying doesn't really give a lot of time for cuddling for some care, some thinner, loving care afterwards.

Ooh, tenderloin and care. What's a drug that gets released dopamine? Yeah. Oh, limitless. Limitless, what it is. Are we ready for our first puzzle? What is often seen in water and yet never gets wet? Come.

Come in the pool No poop I can see this come in the water tonight Put my come What is happening in water and yet I heard you say poop and I'm ignoring you is a raft often seen in water a boat What can happen to be seen in water, but it's never wet? A boat be seen in water but it's never wet. Mm-hmm. Um, a boat. Top of a boat. I said boat.

Don't think for a second and then say the thing that I said like four seconds early. I couldn't think of anything good so I thought to just repeat yours. See if it was right this time. Wow, that's truly honor is the biggest flutter. Really? Can I say sometimes if you guessed the same answer twice the second time it's right? Yeah. Everyone's in a while.

Everyone's in a while. There wasn't episode where someone said silver and then later the answer was silver. Yeah. Everyone's in a while. There wasn't an episode where someone said silver, and then later the answer was silver. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I still get people who are upset that we didn't get silver right away in that episode. I go, I know what episode you're on, because you're rage tech today.

Here's something I'm going to admit. This is an adult secret. Adult secret. Ah, no. Ready to say it together. Adult secret. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis.

I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon penis. I have a raccoon the one animal with a bone in their penis and there's some store in New York I went to that sells recoon penis bones for like two bucks.

What the hell are you sure that's what that is? I use it as a toothpick. That's actually cool. That's that's also cool. That's one of the biggest fuck yous around. So you can do. So do you even give in time I can say I'm gonna pick my mouth. What's your adult secret?

Hey man, I use your dick as my toothpick. That's the truth. That means you're loving they do. Fuck it. I guess I was on top of all that. There's been at least two times. There's been. There's been.

There's been at least two times where I've known the answer to a riddle. And I didn't say what? Oh no, no, no. Because I thought it would be more fun To dick around for like is this book on that can I tell you why yeah, I think Adela is saying that so everyone the whole time goes I'll actually knows what this is oh yeah, so now you want everyone to assume Adela saying that is the raccoon bone penis of Adel secrets if you don't want to marry me. Why is my penis in your cheek? Get your story straight if you would stop digging through that trash for one fucking second you notice I got you dig in my

Man, I'm tired of digging through your your trash Oh man. I'm tired of digging through your trash. I'm trying to find a trash. I'm a trash bandit. Is this one of the ones that you know, Adel? The boat, what gets wet, wait, what is it? What is it? It's not water and yet never gets wet.

Spaghetti. The letter A. No. Letter T. Letter E. Little one. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Shitty singing. Yes. A little like... Shitty singing. Yes. Oh fuck, what song is that? One day... Amazing grace. No, it's from the same thing that's, this guy's got a sketch. Move on, snow.

It sounds like the song from Robin Hood Men in Tights that made Mary and sings. But it's not. I don't know, Milandrush. Leaf, spider. Starfish, help dreams. The part of the beginning. I don't know the part of the beginning. I think see her. I don't know the part of the beginning. I think only you know the song.

You're singing the song. I think only you know the clue that you're giving. When we're singing. Reflection. Reflection. Reflection. Reflection. Oh, look at Vampire.

Yes. Well, no one got that, but everyone got to hear me sing Mulan. Sorry. Do you know that at the end of the song is the voice. that but everyone got to hear me sing moulin he's a rick uh... do you know that the slownia is the voice to sing a voice of moulin and jasmine her name is leon rimes no her name is

you're all yeah okay i'm a leon rimes and the ask of those two a del jizzi is it legal in canada for a man to marry his widow sister? No, a man can't marry a widow sister because she's too widow. Too widow for marriage. Yes, because his widow dead. But yeah, right?

It's with his widow's sister. Yeah, no, it's not because this white that because his wife would be dead. No, because if it was a widow, he'd be dead. He did answer questions. I'd like to see a scene. What if he's no, what if it's a gay marriage? Okay A YouTube or married couple and you got through the day without fighting and you're really about to turn in for the night And then one of you mentions that like if I die die, I hate this, don't marry my sister. Okay.

And then we'll see what happens. Well, it's such a fun day at the amusement park. Yeah, I had a great time at the amusement park. Well, did you get a good drink of the maple syrup? Yeah, I had a sip of the maple syrup. Pretty tasty. It was tasty, yeah. Pretty tasty.

I would say it was tasty. Well, it's six PM sorts of time to turn in for the night. Yeah, time to maybe have a little bit of sex, 10 minutes and then go to bed. Hey, Jeff. Yeah, Jeff. Can I tell you that I love you? Oh, well, you know how I love you too. You know, you're the light of my life and you light up my world and you're the feral to my hat.

Oh, I'm the light of my life and you light up my world and you're the forever out of my hat. Well, I'm the forever out to your hat. Yeah, you know, because forever out in this hat or in love. Mm-hmm, yeah. I like it. Okay, you're the helmet to my daft punk. Come on. Well, you really hung up on hats?

I don't. You're the, what is a nozi wear? Hat? You're the nozi to're the, what, what is a noosey wear? Hat? You're the noosey to my hat. I know what? You know, in nooses, they were those caps? Yeah. You're the noosey to my cap.

All right, yeah, okay. I understand what you're saying. I kind of, well, time for the good man. Hey, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good. Just want to let you know that if I ever die, I'd expect you to continue to mourn till you die. Oh, Jeff. Yep.

Of course I would. Yeah. And just so you know, if I ever die and, you know, God forbid, you know, cross my hat and hope to die. What's with you and Hatson? What's with any what it has any day? Hatson, great. Oh, oh, hey.

Hey, we're both dads. Hey Jeff. Yeah, Jeff. Yeah, Jeff're both dads. Hey Jeff, it's a bit established. Yeah, Jeff. It's okay, you can call me mom if you forget. Just if that makes you feel more normal. I'm looking forward to let my phone make me see the beginning of the scene. That makes me feel like, oh, that's why we should take away your phone. Oh, yeah.

You know, your dad and I were just about to fall asleep on our, all right, we're really comfortable. He looks mattress. Dad, dad, uh-huh. Sorry. Yeah. I am a bit, I am a bit, a to be because of your team to live and where we from we are we are where to we live and where we are

because you sort of come like the sweetest chef and you sound bad so I'm just trying to figure out where we're from. We're from far away from trying. We're from Fargo, North Dakota. Yeah, you're a little Irish and you're at the beginning sound of Canadian. And I just sound like the Swedish child. Well, I guess it got away from me as I loved your father. I guess. I'll do that to you.

It'll unravel your voice. I hope both of you marry each other siblings if the other person were to die. What does that mean? Nothing. I said something under my breath that no one heard. Good night. Good hat. What is it with you? I'd be in love with a hat. I think we have to kill our daughter. I'm sorry I'm just beginning of that scene. I refuse to play anyone is not a man and scenes. Yeah. That's fun. As a lady who's been on improv teams for a long time,

it is so there's like 20 men who will never let me play a man on stage and will never ever play a woman. Here's my thing. If I'm going to play a woman, she's going to talk up here. She's only going to talk about her boobs and butt crack. And she's already going start with, oh hello! Oh, so JBC is one of those men. Yeah, so as an improviser, it does, you know, some, you'll see some men play women

and scenes and it's like high voices, you know, and it's like very like cartoonish, which is sad. But to me, there is nothing funnier than that Mrs. Delphire, asked like the self-referential Referential like oh, hello, like a little berry over the top But you see people like do it just one notch under that so earnestly that it does kind of ruin it. Yeah Amen, are we ready? Amen, I will only play amen. What can you add to a hole to make it lighter a butt

What you put a lighter to your butt. Oh, yeah, you're gonna Well, no, I shave my laser Make this brown eye 2020. Hold on. We got to see a scene. No! I got to see a scene. We got to see a scene.

JPC, you're playing JPC. Yep. You're going into a lasek or like a corrective lens place. Gotcha. Aaron, you're going to administer a test for his brown eye. Maybe the air test or so. Okay, gotcha. Here we go. All right, so you can't.

Oh, hello! Okay, yeah. Just kidding, I'm JPCM and improviser. That's a joke. That's what a woman sounds like to me. Excellent. So if you don't have health insurance? I'm sorry, no, I do not.

Yeah, of course not. What's your name? My name. I should say I was supposed to get it through my employer, but they took it away because what they said was I was I live in too much of that cancer close life just on the razor's edge of getting cancer. Okay, well my name is Sheila Doubtfire and I'm going to be administering your test today. So we're going to turn off the light.

Okay. And then tell me we're going to read line by line, you're going to tell me which line you can't see anymore. Okay. So starting with that big E on top and then down from there. Just so you know the eyes that we are testing today are not going to be the two Ocular balls at my head. I know that's why I turned you around this way. Okay, and let me know. Okay Sorry Chicago we've been looking for this for this pervert for a long time

Sorry, sir. You have to see this. Oh, well, no, it's okay. I can't see a thing. See. It's good you're a monocle for the ass. I am. I just get you a monocle for the ass. I wish that the Erin who was like, like wide eyed, moving to Chicago the week

that she moved here was so excited about it, Rob. I could hear this segment. I could just flash forward to now and then go, move on, go back on the plane. There are people that listen to this podcast who are like, who love improv and they listen to this and they're like, wow. The big city.

Oh, and Wilson listens to this. Wow. Cars four. Wow. Aaron, you're, the cadence of your voice is sad, but your eyes are defeated. Oh, is it? Also Aaron, that's not true.

I did a show with you last night and it was, I would say much worse. And that's so true. I will say one of the world news shows, world news is pretty consistently so fun. And one of the world news shows we did last night just, I went, this is endless. That'll get some listeners out to the show. No, because it was like a such a weird and all great people were there. Like it had every reason to be great, but I think the audience just didn't understand and Prove and then couldn't could not get back.

So it was the audience's fault. No, but I also everything I did I went, what are you doing Aaron in my life? Yeah, she did that bat bat voice. It was not in your head there. It was out loud. Why do you want to kill me, Joker? Why do I kill me? What can you add to a hole to make it lighter?

Oh shit, we're still doing this. Sink hole. What do you add to a hole to make it lighter? More hole? Mm-hmm. It is. What do you add to a hole to make it lighter? This is like a word that you add to the word hole.

The L-I-T-E. Nope. Is it not? Oh, is it W? It's not wordplay. No, it's not. What do you add to the word hole. The LIT? Nope. Is it not? Oh, is it not? It's not wordplay. No, it's not. What do you add to a hole to make it lighter? More holes.

What do you add to a hole to make it lighter? It's sort of wordplay, but it's not the kind that you're thinking of. Do you have the hiccups? Yeah. Oh my god, the security of the thing, I really am. Let me just ask you. Oh my god, Addle with the hiccups.

You guys. It's so cute, you know. Is his hiccup sting a male? Let me let me just add a with the hiccups you guys Is his dick and stingable? Is it a blimp hole is a blimp hole with it? The hell is a blimp hole? Why I'm glad you asked what the blimp hole to you. I can show you a blimp What can you add to a hole to make it lighter a flashlight? Fuck! That's so good. That fucks. That fucks. That real fucks. I'm gonna give that real my stamp of fuck. I sort of want to see a scene, but it doesn't seem like a special enough of occasion.

Okay. Let's do it. You wanna wait for your birthday? Yeah, I can. Yeah. Let's do it and then once we're done, we can decide whether or not we should have done it. Okay. I want the whole world to see a scene where I want to see JP riddles in a hole and I want two kids to we're going to play the two kids who have stumbled across JP riddles are our swan lumps author. Okay, stuck in a hole. I'm always happy to break some swan lumps into this. Right. Hello.

Hello. Hello, what's up? Who goes there? Who goes there? Hey, it's us. It's us. Oh, here are those two kids who keep following me around. Well, you're mixing that to your please.

Okay, now, it's unconfirmed. We came into the woods because we wanted to learn about nature and we have an insect book where you like check next to the insect that you get you. Let me do that insect book. Laura, did you know that none of this is food useless. It's a book. Well I thought I thought maybe there's a sample inside. But book has samples inside. Magazines is what you're thinking, huh? Yeah, they're scratch-its-its sometimes. Shut up! What do you-what do you do with a little dip-shit doing out here in the woods? We were looking for insects, specifically an earwig. Did you know that an earwig is a bug?

Who gives a shit? Now leave me alone, I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm laid in this grave waiting for the Lord to take me. It looks like you're stuck. All you have down there is a tarp. And what are those other things? Business of tarp these are pants. Oh, God These are pants that I made a tarp that I made in the pants What else is down there with you here? Let me shine this flashlight. There's a raccoon penis bone Some empty lunchables containers. They were the pizza kind, but uh, Did you eat that? No, the raccoon ate them, and I ate the raccoon.

Now, all the leptis and the little penis bone down here. Did you eat this like pizza? Oh god, no, we did. It's like trash and death and cigarettes and stay lashed. Why are you ball-steep and then Jimmy John sandwich? Oh, that's what this is! Well, damn, I've ruined it. I've ruined it, but okay, that makes more sense.

That could definitely be going. What else is down there? Okay, there's some loose cigarettes, some loosey's as they're called. Tell us a story. It used everything you see down there. Okay, and one of the other things is down here is one of a famous swan loves books. Wait, Charlie, I'll- Who? You go to- You're a nephew, Charlie!

First of all, you're not my nephew. Okay, I don't have a brother anymore. I'm Charlie, and this is Wilson's war. I'm Wilson's war! Our parents are weird. Yeah, I'm okay. Charlie, you go down, and I'm gonna go on your shoulders and then you lower me down.

How the fuck's that gonna work? We're gonna be in the hole and you know. What are you gonna grab him? He's gonna drop, and then I'm gonna drop him down. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, chill. And he's gonna drop me to the gonna be in the hole in the middle. What are you gonna grab him? He's gonna drop and then I'm gonna drop the gun. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's gonna drop me to the ground. Come on, that's you. Three.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're here. How is the story? I dug this grave to die in, but since you kids are here and since I got one of my swan, and I'm saying, man, it's well, then give you all a little story. Here's a flashlight.

Okay, thank you. I'm a candy thist. I I'm gonna fucking into the woods. Yeah All right Yeah, I like Chuck But without the scene I'm not getting sued okay, and because he's Chuck is litigious He's in that new movie about being a superhero He's in that new movie about being a superhero. He really needed that flashlight at start. Exactly, and he died with a wave for a couple of years.

And he was in marvelous business maze. Look at that. Now he's back and he's a superhero. OK. Aaron keeps things he's really handsome. Sometimes she cites him as being her exact type. He's too tall. How does he play opposite of anybody?

6'5, 6'6". That's why he's a tall. And she's there and they put him opposite kids. That's true. Yeah, OK. To accentuate the difference. Looks like everybody got a fucking That's why he keeps his jaw. And she's there and they put him off as a kid. That's true, yeah, okay, yeah. To accentuate the difference. Looks like everybody got a fucking answer for all JP Riddles. Let's-

That's a story. I win, I win. Okay, this is a Swine Lumps 122. Say it like Borat. What? Say Swine Lumps like Borat. Swine Lumps! There's a Swine Lumps 1222 old man who laid down his own grave.

Okay, here we go. Once upon a time there was a very old man who was so old that he didn't want to live in. Oh, oh, my God. There's not a color response. Oh, old pussies. Okay, there's 105 years old. He was so sick of this world.

Sick of all the pissing, misquiet shit ball little last bird kids How sick what around with their skin boards and the fucking not food for the board flash fly Skareboard or I could be this is they decide he was just gonna lay down a grave in it all so he ate a bunch of bricks Suck himself in the down of a deep hole to forest. Well, well, well Wouldn't you know too shitler bird kids that is a stupid brother who he does not respect kids? Charlie Wilson's war they came out of the forest. The old JP riddles was so Full of fucking fake crab meat and raccoon parts that Is that a throwout to stomach and if you would have asked I would have bought you imitation crab meat The fake crab meat's there

That fake crab meat is what old JP were to store themself He was eating to get that raccoon down Anyway, and how do who he killed those little kids? Yeah, we all want to go home. I want to find a bug and I want my flashlight back. Okay, well, you know what, let me boost you out of the grave. Yeah. Oh, your shoulders breaking under the weight of my feelings. It's okay, my shoulders, old dust, turns to sand, Egypt,

winds blowing away. See. I missed him. That's out. I want my text sound. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like throwing the flashlight. I love it.

What are the fun things about? I love it. I love out. I want my text sound. I mean, I love you throwing the flashlight. I love it. One of the fun things about playing characters is laughing as characters or doing something as a character that you weren't expected to do. Like make a sound of a character inserting themselves just to see what it's gonna be. What does this sound like to this person?

Oh, it's so funny. God, that is my favorite thing about the show. It's JP Reddell. I'm not even joking. What can tear down mountains or build them up? What can blind a man and measure the passage of time? God. Blind?

What can blind a man? And measure the passage of time. What can tear down mountains or build them up? What can blind a man and measure the passage of time. Buck and Tara, down mountains, or build them up, which will blind a man and measure the passage of time. I know the sand. Oh, it's sand. So like, add all through a wood hourglass, these are the butts of our lives. You got it.

Sand can't blind a man, getting his eyes out. Yeah. As I said it, I saw that. As I said it, it's all that. Sand blind a man built mountain hourglass sand time That's gonna bring us to do we have a sandbox now That's gonna bring us to a point in the show where we wish we would have contacted Sandy To ask them to do a segment Ready no no, okay, what can run but never walks no crab

No. No, okay. What can run but never walks? No, it's a crab. Fick crab. No, it's good. What can run but never walks? But no, it's not the... Time, nose, walks, diarrhea.

A walk is a cooking utensil as well. Water. Yeah. Water? Any liquid substance. The answer is any liquid substance. It says water or any liquid substance. Okay, got it. Are we ready for another? I want to see just a brief

history. Okay. JPC, you are some sort of scientist. Yes. And you can discern what any liquid substance is. Okay. And Aaron, you are you're a cop who's found some various substances that a crime scene and you went to his assistance. Oh, well, well. Officer, backhammon. Well, an officer, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, scientist backham, Dr. Backham. Dr. Backhammon. How's my wife?

My ex-wife? I kept her name. Pretty good. Good, great. I'm glad you're happy. How's your role? My wife. Sex is pretty good. I'm glad you're happy. How's your role? My life. Sex is pretty good.

I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well.

I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well. I remember it well.

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Yeah, it's true. My, you think my process of being a scientist is to taste everything with a little spoon? I don't know your life, but I do know we are running out of time. Well in what world would it make sense for a scientist? Those cities gonna explode if you don't do it. I say oh, right give me this spoon And I'm gonna draw a chalk on the ground. Okay, because there's nobody to outline this first Taste that tasted tastes like a mixture of cake and blood. I can put one more Okay, okay, that's a mixture of the two things Okay, it's all seems to be mixed together pretty well We cut to a we cut to a warehouse across town

Okay, a kick bus a kick bus. What do you want little Tony? It's done. I blew up the bakery you blew up the bakery But I fucked up what I got some of my blood on the crime scene It's okay little. Hey, it's okay little Tony. Kick bus. I'm sorry, but you know what? I'm sorry some of your blood is on the crime scene and the rest of your blood is in my freaking cake mitts Your blood is in my freaking cake mitts G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g Dance because the dance I'm going to the dance downtown. So what's gotta take me all right the cake the cake My hold on If I can hear them in the room I've been saying that these are my puppets

And these are my puppets. I'm going to gut everyone else's choices. If you do come see a world news that I show, JPC will edit every scene with I'm insane, and these are my puppets. We're all playing all senators, and then he just, because I'm insane. I'm insane. These are my puppets.

Oh, that's a t-shirt. I know we don't have a t-shirt, but can that be our t-shirt? Yeah. Or a poster where it's JPC and we're married in that puppet. Oh, yeah. And it's him going, I'm insane. And Jim Hansen is writing up a lawsuit.

That makes sense. Well, Jim Hansen writes up his lawsuit. We're going to take a quick break and we're going to file a motion to suppress that lawsuit under the grounds that we are all criminally insane. So we'll be back after these brief and I Hey GPC Yeah, you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm

Yeah, you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website to bring him. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Spaces the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything for products to cut into time,

all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I wanna prank JPC and I wanna set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products?

Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money.

What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business, and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from.

That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank's at 2.0. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for.

The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey JPC, hey JPC, what's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her.

Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Erin. Hey, Erin. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods.

Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help.

I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You've seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices,

and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online,

so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license

therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Mmm, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp.

Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the middle of the D-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the L.I.P.C. to be helping at home. Bye, Am home.

Who are we? What is this? I... I... Klinglingling. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to... I know it's J.P.C.'s birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday,

and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,

monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well, quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy.

Clint, Clint, Clint. Mm hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used Rocket money,

saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. Stop. Clank, Clank, Clank. Stop. No, clank, clank, clank. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocket money.com slash riddle rock at money dot com slash riddle Intel and JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website I love you, I love you, I like my clank clank clank And we're taking it. What? Of abs wouldn't it be great if we'd also the same thing. No, no, I love that JPC's character can discern any liquid that you said here's a substance that's half blood and half sugar.

Kind of. Sometimes sugar is water. Everything's fine. Yeah. Stop. Yeah. Yeah. You know that famous band waterway You put sugar waterway litter to the monster water water on the stove you put sugar in you make a simple syrup Hey, before you go to bed give your dad a little water Wow Oh Oh like flash dance It was a water bomb, me! The name of love!

Oh, like flash dance? Uh. Water, water, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Oh, a spoonful of water! Makes a water. Go down. Uh, sometimes while I was sugar. At first when we were dead stopping Aaron, she was just taking out a good champ, and now

when we say dead stop, she shoots blood out of her mouth, and here's a dose. That's because you often don't deserve it. No, you often don't. You get picked on. Yeah, I'll be there. I'll be there. I feel like I'll talk to those. Peel out the poison down.

Other people thought that was the answer. I know it was episode four, and we're on episode four. But I have some. But are there people thought of the piano poison? But I have some raccoon bones to pick. Your teeth will. You're teeth will. I have no eyes, legs, arms, or ears yet. I help move the earth. My jammer. Gravity. Mitch. Mitch is such a champ. I keep going, send me pictures of my

niece and you will. How does that make him such a champ? Because he doesn't have to. I'm just like, I need this and he goes, okay, you know, just send me all the pictures he has on his phone of my knees who is perfect by the way. It's a little picture bitch. Yeah I mean honestly I've got a guy in my phone I can text right now and say send me pictures of my nephew and he'd say he would say pay me the $500. Oh you you called Mr. PC I'm in your phone it's me the little man. You better delete all this porn.

Why would I say poor? I thought you're going to say I could I have a guy on my phone and I could say send me a picture of Aaron's niece. I could get me. I have a guy on my phone, Focker. Can you know that? Within 50 minutes I can get any picture of any niece in the country. Oh no. I have no eyes, legs, arms, or ears yet. I help move the earth when I am I. Bold those are. Yes, that works. Bold those are, yeah, bold those are. No, it does work, but that's not a long way.

It's not a long way. It's gravity. Nope. Is it like the blue color work class? No. Workforce. Is it the moon? The economy.

No. Ocean. Does it have anything to do with gravitational pulse? I have a shrugged. Flat earth. Is it Dom Delewis? Yeah. No. Are you happy about that? But I help moveugged. Flat Earth. Is it domed elvis? Yeah. Are you happy about that?

But I help move the earth? Yeah, that's our little misleading. I have no eyes, like arms or ears. Well, what's an animal? Oh, it's a beaver. Arms or ears? Beaver. A beaver.

A worm. A worm. And full step. And I don't. A cuck. Listen, Aaron, I'm gonna tell you a step. And I don't. A cup. Listen, Karen, I'm going to tell you a story. One time I went into the jungle. I saw a beaver which was unnatural because they're in the forest usually.

This beaver had no eyes, no hands, no legs. Beavers are in water. Who? No densed, I'm looking at JPC dead in the eye and you're not dead stopping it. I thought beavers were in Canada. A real big beaver. A big beaver. Beavers make their homes out of sticks.

I want to see a scene. JPC, you are the Canadian sensation, just a beaver. Just a beaver? Or just a beaver. Just a beaver. Just a beaver. You are the Canadian superstar, just a beaver, featuringutafisk and and Aaron you are Just A Beaver's tour manager or just general manager and you have to deliver some bad news about

how tickets sales are going. Just a beaver. Yes. Hey, I'm about to give you some bad news. You can you just cheer me up. Sorry, I'll leave. I'm sorry. Oh, this was all, this is what that was for. That was for, yes, it was for that. It was for that. Can you just sing a little bit of your hair? Hold on, let me get some sticks. You don't eat sticks. I'm not eating the stick. Oh, you're.

I'm going down of this girl. Get out of here. What are you doing? I have bad news. I thought maybe you could sing your song. All right, get out of here, honey. Don't stop going down on me Mary and that needs it. That's a very that doubt fire. Uh, she's gonna be a big star. What's the bad news? Aren't you like 13?

Well, am I Not if you want to make this okay I'd be in beaver years That's old for a beaver. Hey, here's... That's a gold beaver. That's not a woman. Just a beaver. I'm just a beaver. You're sort of a douche.

It's picket sales down. And we really thought we were gonna have a bunch of like young girls screaming your name, like, just a beaver. Sing, baby. Yeah, baby. But if you love, you're kind of a douche. The animals are turned in you,

and the young ladies are turned on you. They don't know what to do. Okay. So you're saying that I have one shot to go out there and rock this whole stadium. That's not what I'm saying, but I like your enthusiasm to get out there. So you're saying that I have one chance

to go out there and turn it all around. All right, hand me some of those sticks. Well, these are drum sticks, you can't make, I have one chance to go out there and turn it all around. All right, hand me some of those sticks. No, these are drum sticks, you can't make, oh, you put them in your house. See. That's it. It was Earthworm. Earthworm.

I know. You did Jim, Earthworm Jim. But you called a scene before I could see it. Oh, you're right, thank you. Earthworm Jim, holy shit, that was a great game. Fun game. I haven't thought about that since like, I don't know what that is.

Why don't they make a sequel? Or do they make a sequel? I think they did. Earthworm gym was a Sega Genesis game where you're this earthworm in a giant man suit and you can pull yourself out like the worm out and use it as a whip. How did you get your powers?

I know the suit is like science. Yeah, it's science. Probably chemicals. I feel like Sega Genesis like Nintendo was like, here's a formulaic fun game like Zelda or Mario. And then Genesis was like, I don't know, Toja M and Earl. Yeah, Genesis was also like, here's some impossible games. You're like, here's a very weird concept.

Here's a dolphin thing, figure it out. Figure it out. Nobody did. Nobody did, battle toads. Battle toads is amazing. Battle toads great. Aaron, would you play as a kid? You played a, wait.

Or 1991. Nintendo Cafe. Oh, before video game. Yeah, I played I played a lot of super Nintendo. Didn't your sister do something Nintendo cafe? Yeah, I didn't get to play often but when I did it was like What is it star Fox and Super Mario? You play star Fox? Yeah, that's awesome. Um, you're just like your friends. I don't know anybody. You're just like your father, your father, your father. I don't know anybody. When I can come to my go home, I have, I play Yoshi Island and I'm like, oh, the sounds of that bring me right back.

I do want to clarify that I was surprised you played Star Fox not because you're a woman, but because I don't. That's what I already tweeted out. Because I don't know any, I'm trying to defend myself, but because I have never met anyone who played starfox Yeah, the what all the animals I know I knew ever I've never played starfox I've never known anybody who played starfox, but I know him as a character from the smash brothers My my we played starfox and there's a character who's a little frog who's a fuck up in his name is slippy

And slippy keeps getting out of formation. And at one point, Pat. Are you Slippy? No, my little brother was Slippy. But at one point in the game in Star Trek 64, some character, I can't remember which, I don't know if it's Falco or someone says, Slippy, get back here. And we used to yell that up my little brother all the time.

Slippy, get back here. Here is another. Can you name three consecutive days of the week in English? No. Without mentioning. Marick Kalice. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. Via this. Yeah. And if I don't see you. On Monday, Tuesday, Friday. Good afternoon. Good evening, and good night.

If you would let me finish, you would have been. Stay classy, San Diego. You didn't get to be misled. Let me read it again. There she is. Can you name three consecutive days of the week in the English without mentioning Monday, Tuesday, or Friday? And the answer is yesterday, today and tomorrow. We've had that B4.

On this show? I don't think so. Not phrased that same way, but yes, we have. I'm reading off a card. We need to drop the cue cards in the show. They cost so much to make these Q cards every week. We're not SNL. Okay.

Okay. What gets less tired the more it works? Bike. What gets less tired the more it works, mind you. Wait, that could work. What gets less tired? Oh, it's like tire like TI. Yeah, like a bicycle.

Like tire. What gets less tired the more it works. Yeah, like a bicycle. Like tire, like it's less tired than more works. Oh, it's like a DJ? Yeah, DJs can go forever. DJs, DJs, what would it be, or DJ name? DJJPC. And so people's expectations are low

and I blow the amount of that. Why would you just be DJPC? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. DJPC. And the logo is like a J one way and a J, like it's mere opposite.

Oh, he's not about this. And JPC might be like a DJ liquid shits or something. I didn't make a business guy, it's just anything. That'll work. What would you do to be? Oh, boy. Long answer, DJ Tanner, short answer. DJ Colin.

DJ Colin. I would be, I would short answer DJ Colin DJ Colin I would be I would spell it DJ Colin but I would pronounce it DJ Comed and it would be I would only do Utilities and electricity themed. Oh, I have to play my comed bill. Oh, okay. Let's stop dead stop dead stop bill stop How much is it? Go ahead? I don't know how much it is. It's not I normally call and do it on the phone Oh, yeah, they love that I heard people I heard people at A and R department. It's really love. Jesus it's hard to call so the

Different card every month we have to re-enter in Keep losing your fucking card for listeners Aaron mind holding up a phone and by that I meant eating a reckoning penis. Yeah, and my teeth because I'm in love. What gets less tired the more it works? Hint? No, is it is the answer a hint? No, you're sort of right. Really? With what bicycle? But like not really. Less, what gets less tired the more it works. It would be like a car. Yeah. Yeah, cause the credit is gonna wear off. An automobile wheel. I say that 11 times fast.

Automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, everybody fucking dance, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile, automobile, automobile, automobile, two every five hundred grand, your fucking cousin, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile wheel, automobile, automobile, automobile, automobile. I'm a billbell I'm a billbell Two every five hundred grand your fucking cousin I'm a billbell I'm a billbell I'm a billbell I'm a billbell

I'm a billbell Oh god, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He's a cousin. He's aren't your cousins by Plut! Everybody, grind your cousin. Please cut that loop that, make them a song. We don't deserve this podcast. Yeah, we don't. What has six eyes, but cannot see? Potato. A fucking nerd. What has six eyes?

What has six eyes? Can I see? No. Cannot see. Six eyes. What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes?

What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes?

What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? What is six eyes? and the first thing that popped into my mind was helicopter. A word that's not that long, it would zero eyes. So all the petting on how you spell it. We did one eye.

Oh yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Which is why I said the petting on how you spell it. Oh my god. All right, your hint is. Oh, shmanson. No. Mm-hmm. The ochre of time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no The okay I mean oh it's uh

Hot cross buns see how the dude a quarter you had it right see how all three by mice Free blind mice. Wow Wow Aaron wow wow that's great that one's good that fucks I'm that little fucks I know it's what falls but does not break love falling in love and what breaks but does not fall hard What is the same thing? No what falls but does not love? No, what falls but does not break feather Feather. What breaks but does not fall? What falls? So that's going to be autumn. You can break wind. You can fall. It's two different things. What falls but doesn't break? That's going to be oh Princess Peach. No. Because you can fly in Mario T. She's one. I am a princess

peach. I'm going to win. How are you gonna win? What falls but does not break? I guess that's pretty easy. Is it an abstract concept like love? What falls but does not break? And love is not an abstract concept. It's hard, hard truth. It's hard.

You can hold it, love in your hands. And love is a raccoon's penis. Is it a leaf? Yeah, I was gonna say a leaf too. Leaf don't break. Leaf me alone. So lots of things fall. Lots of too. Leaf don't break. Leaf me alone. So lots of things fall. Lots of things fall but don't break.

Yeah. Okay, well I'm not asking for all the things. I'm just asking you to name everything until we get it. Niagara Falls. Oh, that's a good one, waterfall. Nope. That's gotta be a lot of fall. It's two things.

TLC. What falls but does not break and then separate thing. What breaks but does not fall? Break, does not fall is gonna be heart gonna be a curfew gonna be DJ beats what breaks. Yeah drum break Brace but that's not fall arm car you break in a car. Oh, Jimmy fell Yeah, Jimmy fell in any son of a life and Thank people are real jerks if they break or they laugh. Aaron, you laugh constantly all the time

in every show that I've seen. But you're thinking of someone else. No, no, no, I'm thinking of just you. I don't think so. I don't think so. I had this conversation with Willeede, again, a friend we all know on Friday. And I said, how annoying it is that people think

I'm an easy laugh and I go, no, I'm just around the funniest people ever. No, you misheard them easy lay. Oh, yeah, that is true. I'll leave with anyone if they give me chips. Well, I haven't said in these are my puppets. Yeah, Aaron's nickname in college was baked lays because she would get high and fuck a bunch of people. Oh, I wish.

I didn't do either of those things. Literally girl. we call it Bakes Lays why they they have a real drug problem They they fuck people What falls but doesn't break and what breaks there's two things this is impossible The two night falls and day breaks. Oh like Tom Cruise and Camardillas like blade day of night Which is faster hot hot or cold? Hot. Hot. Why? Because if you see a hot person,

you're here about a sooner. Hey, have you heard about me? No, not yet. Oh, poor person. If you see a cold person. I'm a new girl without a coat. That would be weird. That was just... Listen, if an ugly person gets killed, it's cold case.

Hot person gets killed in hot cases. I got to see a seed. So, Adel and Aaron, you are two high school students. You are gossiping. So, it's a world where like there's a new student at school. And instead of you hearing that they're really hot, all you've heard about them and you don't know what this means is that they're very cold. Okay. Hey, did you hear about the new kid? Yeah, I did. So weird, right? Yeah, I heard that when he's coming around the corner, you can see his breath before you see him. Yeah, like what?

Yeah. So weird. The school's like pretty warm and he's just super cold. Yeah, I heard when he touches an egg at hard boils. Does that even make sense? No, not even a little bit. But I'm really sorry to hear about how your North Face got stolen out of your Jack. Out of my jacket, yeah, I kept the North Face in my Canadian goose jacket and I got stolen. That's crazy. People that the North Face Bandit is running rampant all right All right now students off to class off to class you have all passes You think you're wearing a bunch of jackets under your suit It's not I it's this is my I've got a adult chicken pox

It's a measles. No, what's the other one? Shingles shingles that's the one've got. Yeah, I've got shingles And so these are just a shingle shingle wear have you heard about the new kid? People keep saying he's like a white walker. Oh, yeah, the new kid. I've heard you so cold. He kind of looks like DJ calls Yeah, like me my DJ name. Uh-huh DJ calls great. That's a reference to a cover. So I was ready to am I it's probably because all of the shingles The shingles have formed a care pace over my body and traps in heat Well, we have all passes. Yeah, let me just see this. Okay. Yeah, this is a whole pass So you can you have one week to fuck someone who's not your wife

Owen Wilson wow The integrity of every see in the last moment. Everyone watched the movie Hall Fast. It is not great. What a treat. Which is faster, hotter, cold. Which is faster, hotter, cold. Which is faster, which is faster.

Which is faster. That's a sentence. Which is faster, hotter, cold. Which is faster, hotter, cold. Well, wait. It's saying hotter, cold, the which is faster which faster how to cold? Well, wait, it's saying hotter cold. The witch is faster you when you when you get really cold Cell slow down when you get really hot. They speed up so I would say hot why though I just explain the science of it Oh, let me do some science in a way that you'll be ever understanding If you've got blood and sugar at a big bowl and you taste some and it's not

Jpsh in the school with spoon. The hot will taste faster. Okay, you win. Hot because you can't catch cold. Oh. Because you can catch cold. Yeah, it's gonna see. You can definitely get cold. You can catch cold as a tired.

Hot because you can catch cold. Aaron, what is too tired? I'm too tired. I know it's a miserap name. Is that your rap name? It's when, yeah, it's when I... Are you too changed, too tired? I'm too tired. I know it's a bus. You're happening when yeah it's when I two chains too tired to tired car that's been driving for a long time. Oh You are a mathematician If you are cold, how do I get a warm? You're a mathematician if you're cold where do you get warm?

Where do you go to get warm? Oh, you go to the summer, summer time, SUN. No, that's clever though. Okay. I mean it. You go to your new condo, you're able to afford it because you co-signed with your father. No. Because you solved that good-well hunting.

We talked about the problem. Your mathematician, where do you go to get warm? Is that what it was? The Calcure D. Oh, Celsius. Oh, Celsius. I'll do it, Aaron. I'll do it. That's a dead stop. I'd say dead. I did. I did. Oh, Celsius. You were so proud of yourself and you said Celsius like that could possibly be the answer. I don't know.

Celsius. Oh, where are you? Place called Celsius, you ever heard of them? Where's the mathematician go to get warm? It's gotta be some sort of pun. Yeah, is this a pun? So what are some math words that correlate with warmth? Hot math, hot, hot. Geography.

Calculator. He calculus, who's trying to go square. Geography, calculator, e-calculus, um, pusson, triangle, square, protractor, uh, d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d That one actually wow this can go on forever Here but it won't to the corner where it's 90 degrees That one's not going a little court that was going to the riddle oh Well, it's got to get the votes

You've devoted into the Hall of Fame. Yes every Hall of Fame. No Not like a McDonald's or something, but sports or music wait McDonalds has a Hall of Fame sure and please sorry double cheeseburger. It's just that you're you baby Staples, I'm probably the most part of the right. Hey fuck off. You're not getting in medium fry I Were to campaign to get into the rock and roll Hall of Fame. I would just need the votes. Yes Who's voting? No, I think it's like you have to, you have to have been

a council of Bon Jovi's for like 25 years. And then you have to be voted in, I think by your peers, like peers and then like a board, some sort of board. Who? Aaron's been around for 25 years. Hi.

I'm like, but who gets the vote? How, who's like, you're rock and roll enough now? You are part of the voting committee. Dr. Rock and roll. Yeah, what the hell? Okay, we are going on to a listener submitted riddle. And if you're listening to a listener submitted rid us, email us at HRRPodcast.

And send us a picture of you grinding on your cousin. And it would be awesome. Exactly. Well, don't, I don't know. Hold on. I would definitely have the sub branding pepper on your cousin. We riddle submission just so we can make sure to find. Yeah.

And let us know if you want us to include your name or not in that email But so this is from Emily W And if you don't want us to include your name, we will include the default name of dick peppers Are we ready? Yes So this is from Emily a man and a woman want to get However, the woman's father does not want the couple together at all. They decide to run away together to get married instead. On the planned escape day, the man crawled up to the woman's window and saw one thing on her bed. That immediately told him they could not run away together today. What was the thing?

Her dead body. Oh yeah, Emily W submitted that and that's what that riddle was. It was her dead body. Wait a second. That doesn't necessarily mean. No. I had the time of my life. With your dead body. Is it the dirty dancing lip that she's dead? Dead body dancing? Man, all the things that you could do with the dead body. Okay. Okay.

What? Oh, I was just gonna say nobody puts dead body in the corner. That's a tiny grease there. Don't put it in the top of it. You don't put it in the top of it. It's a small body. Nobody puts that in the top. It's not worth it.

Nobody puts dead body in the top. It's nine degrees too hot for a dead body. I haven't been doing comedy for a while now. I was nobody for a dead body. I'm insane these are my puppets. I mean, that is iconic. We've stumbled upon something iconic. If you want to, it's the biggest fuck you to your scene partners.

If you're a new improviser, I implore and you. I implore you. I wait for somebody else to start a scene. They're going to start a scene with what's called an initiation. They're going to have some sort of idea where they'll be like, a premise, a thought. Hey, Uncle Bob, let's go bird watching.

As soon as they're done with their first line of dialogue, what you're going to want to do is start to laugh. Yeah, I'm insane. These are my puppets. Pick that person up, put them in the suitcase and then take a deep bow and then do a-minute monologue and show. Hold for laughter, and you're gonna be holding for a while. Not because the laughter is so long,

because it's not gonna happen. It'll come in waves, it'll come in waves for sure. Are we ready for the answer? Yes. Can you give us a hint? Wait, wait, wait, that was the answer. The answer was not answered, buddy. Yeah, it was not our dead body.

So he called to us. I legit thought that was the answer. I stopped guessing. You didn't hear Aaron dress me down for five minutes call to the... I legit thought that was the answer. I stopped guessing. You didn't hear Aaron dress me down for five minutes? I did, but I thought that was normal. So that doesn't want to happen. He calls up to an answer on the night of the escape, which is a word-witted phrase that, not that they just ran away together.

And he saw something on her bed that said that let him know that it's not going to happen. Was it like a gun or something? No, it's wordplay. Wordplay. It a gun or something? No, it's wordplay. Wordplay. It's not gonna happen and it's wordplay. It was a non-comferter. It was, what's on a bed? An Afghan man.

Her dad. It was, he saw something like a bed that says it's not gonna happen. Was it another man? No. Was it a person? Wordplay. Does it have to do with like marriage puns? Okay, it was a D. Wars. It was a divorce cold feet Shotgun wedding it was getting close it was a elope anti-lope anti-lope and it's not a loop as a canola

Yeah It was a elope antelope antelope and it's not a loop is a can't a lot yeah Okay, funky Any cousins the plug Aaron I have great cousins But that's not what I want to talk right now about my cousins follow us at Hey for the riddle on Instagram and Twitter and email us at our podcast at gmail.com also subscribe to our patreon we have bonus episodes every Friday we release one and it's five dollars for a full month of

bonus content you can follow me Aaron Keith at Aaron Keith 10 on Instagram I'll plug my shows there JPC you can find him with a raccoon, Penis and his mouth. And it's my own face. Bless my heart. Monocleon is asshole. All right, let's plug some of my cousins. Whoa, that's not a good phrase.

Let's plug Steve. Steve is a lawyer. Let's plug. Man, who do we want to plug? Boy, oh boy. Top, top cousins. Who are my top cousins? Let's plug Johnny's, a's plug. Man, who do we want to plug? Oh, boy, oh boy. Top, top cousins. Who are my top cousins? Let's plug Johnny's, a little boy.

Let's plug. Let's plug Cole. I think he's in high school now. Let's plug. Let's plug. Let's plug Jim. Jim is sick, or I'm sorry, she is. He's sick?

No, she's two months older than me, born in November of the same year. Those are some of my cousins. Tune in for more. If you want to hear more about my cousins, you can follow my cousins Instagram at Shark Barkman. We also have a new podcast coming out on HeadGum. As Aaron mentioned, it's called, I have great cousins, but that's not what I want to talk about.

The podcast is called, I have cousins Faka. Could you milk me? Which is something I've said a thousand times on this show. You can follow me on Twitter at GPSoFly. You can follow me on Twitter at AdlerFly, follow my Instagram, same tang, and check us out at World News tonight, check out SiblingSpecular, check out Hello for the Magic Tavern, check out other podcasts on the HeadGum Network.

They have some great shows. I enjoy a plethora of them. One of my favorites that I'll toss a chat out to is punch up the jams. And then we are leaving a pause in here for no fucking reason or for the respond or what? For them in their cars to go, yeah! And Aaron, when you get in your car, what's the noise that you make? JUPANAAAAAARGH! From Boom! By forever. That was a hitgun podcast.

Thank you.