Hey Riddle Riddle - #370: Little Miss 2nd Breakfast w/ Zach Reino

Episode Date: August 20, 2025

Our friend Zach Reino joins us at the Headgum studios in LA. This is another one of those classic "we are all actually in the same room together" episodes. Also come see us on tour!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest:Zach ReinoEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse of being Friday. Are you ready? Do you have an idea of this artist?

You seem sharp? today. Interesting. I've been up since 5 a.m. All right. What's up? And this will be the start. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. That's Addle over there. We're in the Headgum studio. There's JPC over there in the Headgum studio. Hey, I'm JPC. I'm in the head gum studio. Aaron, we're back in L.A. How does it feel? Do you remember the first time that we came out to L.A. to record and we had, I think we called it Hollywood Nights. Yes. Even though we were recording during the day. It was, yes. And it was in the old head gum studios.

That was like in an industrial park. It was like in the receiving part of a shipping container. And I have no idea where that was. No, I don't know either. Not that I live here, I have no sense of where that could have been. Well, all that to say, this is kind of like Hollywood nights because we're recording, I mean, pretty close to the night. It's 4 p.m. In Chicago, it's late evening.

It's 6 p.m. in Chicago right. Yeah, you're right. It's 7 p.m. on the East Coast, so in a way. And what makes it also kind of feel Hollywood-y? Well, we have a guest, Zach Rito's here. Oh, that's why. Deals, memos, traffic, limousines, red carpets, uh, cigars. Cigars, big part of Hollywood.

This is like $2,000 pyramid. The Magic Castle. What is Hollywood? I'm the least Hollywood person you could have found. And yet here I am and yet I live here. Wow. So, welcome to my beautiful city that I own. Zach, on the way here.

Yeah. What celebrities did you see? Oh, gosh. I had to peel all four of the hobbits off the car. You hit all four? No, they're just sitting on my car. And I was like, boys, I got to go. You're in a podcast. Elijah Wood.

Uh-huh. Sean. Dominic. Sean Ashton. Sean Ashton. Guy from Lost. It would have been our. Kiante.

No, that was Uncle Jr. on separate us. Dominic Moynihan? Dominic Moynihan sounds right. Dominic Moynihan. And, Zach, for a million dollars. What is the year? final Hobbit. Mary Pippin?

One of those things. Yeah. That's going to be Marriador. Pippin, right. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway. Mr. Second Breakfast.

He's the one who cares about Second Breakfast. That's the name we can't think of. That sounds like a waiter shaming someone. Whoa, Mr. Second Breakfast. I think you do get a little shamed. If you eat breakfast and the pancakes, Mr. Second Breakfast. If you eat breakfast at a restaurant, leave and then come back and try to order breakfast again. I think it's okay for the waiter to say,

Hey, Mr. Second Breakfast. I'd still complain. I would complain, of course. I'd try to get my best to get them fired. I bet there's a tone at which it wouldn't feel so adversarial. I don't know. Try to do it. Try to do it in a way that feels.

Well, wait, am I still calling you Mr. Second Breakfast? Yeah. Because that feels like an added layer of complication, but I will try. All right. Here we go. Ready? I'm walking back in after just eating at your restaurant. Here I come.

A table for one. Oh, hey. Mr. Second Breakfast. Okay. Okay. It felt a little bad. It's weird. It felt weird to say.

I will also say that like sort of aggressively misgendering someone even within the context of a joke it's like a weird energy to come out with. Because it's not like you're calling like someone made a pit bull joke

and you're like it's Mr. Worldwide. Mr. Second Breakfast is not a thing. I will say though as a she or her it feels less aggressive than you calling me Mrs. Second Breakfast. Yeah, there's a... Yeah, that would be aging. Like, Mrs. Second Breakfast is my mother.

Calling someone Miss Second Breakfast also maybe is even a little worse, too, because you're like... You don't think I'm married? Yeah, obviously someone who doesn't have their life together enough to get married would never be coming here for two breakfasts. And if you want to be like, and like the patronizing, what were those books? Sorry, I have to connect these thoughts. There's like Little Miss... Sunshine? Oh, the little

circular picture? Yes, the circular guys. Yeah. Anyway, calling someone Little Miss Second Breakfast is also bad. Right. It's like, is patchizing. There's a bunch of circular guys. I feel like, did each one represent a letter or color or something? There's like Mr. Angry and Miss. If you saw them, yes, yes, yes.

I understand. I really come around to Little Miss Second Breakfast. If someone calls me that, I'm being. We were just in Portland, and Gemma and I went to a very nice brunch place. and there was a moment where the waiter was like slightly overly familiar or like made a joke where it was something like he to me goes have you ever worked in the service industry and I go no and he goes it shows honey and then like walked away and I was laughing and I was like I feel like some people may not I think you're wrong what was the precursor to this I told Gemma I said her we were ready to order and her menu was open and I was like you should close your menu and she goes why and I go oh I thought it was like universally known if you're ready to order. You close your menu. And she goes, that's not a thing. And I go, I thought it was a thing. And then he came by and I go, can I ask you something? And he goes, he said, try me. Is what he said? I go, can I ask you something? He goes, try me. Okay. Now knowing the context, I love this guy. Yeah. And I go, is it a thing to close the menu if you're ready to order? And he goes, I'd assume so. And then Gemma made a few good points. And he goes, oh, yeah, I could see that angle too. And I go, oh, okay. And he goes, have you worked in the service industry? And I go, no. And he goes, it shows, honey. And walked away. I loved it

I think the truth of this world Is that people contain multitudes There's many ways to have menus Both open and close There's a place here There's a fun tiki bar Called Broken Compass That I love deeply

But one of the employees Who I also love deeply Hasn't this isn't the waiter I see most But the energy that he comes in with Is like He's barely at work And he's allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants

He'll like sit down next to you And be like What the fuck are we doing today dude I would like to think that it's just because I give off an air of like you need you need to do nothing but be yourself I require nothing from you

Your energy is Sutton Foster Anything Gobs I am Sutton Foster in the Quadruple Threat What's the fourth one? Acting, dancing, singing baking baking

Baking Improvising Zach and I were talking right before you guys got in here The last time we saw each other is a very funny context we were on a hill Yeah would you like to guess

Yeah would you like to guess On a hill Nailed it Nailed it But give it more context What were we doing Oh Jonah Hill We were on Jonah Hill

We were in a threesome With Jonah Hill Was it some sort of like 4K or something Like some sort of Marathon or No that would be a normal thing That would be a normal thing

It's weird It's more niche than that It's not surprising I don't know your brand as well It's not out of my brand I don't think it's out of my brand Were you on land sledding no but that i have i haven't done that since i was a child

metal detecting you were both on one tree hill you were both were you going to the hill for a private cry i don't know zach's brand as well but i know i was like that might be more my brand okay okay i'm trying to i'm trying to pinpoint the brand you're at a peter gabriel encore you were it's nerdier than any of these things oh okay so this is this must be that you guys were playing some sort of like larp or like a dagger here for sure

We were LARPing and it was... I think you may have told me this at one point. Yes. Yeah. And that's why it sparked my memory. Was that your first time? That was my first time. In 2024, I was E.

Prey loving. So I was saying yes to everything. Okay. I was E. I was E. Prey Larping. And I went to a larping event and that would have been October. Sounds about right. And you wouldn't believe it.

The weekend I decided to go, it gets attacked by vampires. Were you two, did you two like meet on a hill and Aaron's like Zach and Zach's like Aaron and then he stabbed? Like was it a, were you adversarial? Just like that? Or just like that. No, well, it was so fun because I, we saw each other and then we were in character for the first like 10 minutes of talking to each other. And running into someone in a context of which you do not expect them. Yeah.

In that particular context, it's a little bit of like, it does make you sort of restart your brain. Because I'm like, that's Aaron. What? Is that Aaron? Like, because it would be weird if that was Aaron. And then finally we started talking and then you have to put your hand in your head. And if you want to talk like a real, you're as yourself, out of character. Until you're like close with buds and then you just do it all the time.

And then you went, it's good to see you. It's good to see you. If you're, so you, I assume you both were not vampires. Correct. If you're- Well, I was actually for a minute. Oh, you got turned? You have to.

Because of your complexion. Hey! This is quite so tan-ran now. Hey. She lives here. I'm very pale. Um, but for, uh, the way that it runs is that you do like four hours of volunteering of playing characters.

Being like the NPCs, like being like the NPCs for the rest of the player, but if you are battling the vampires and you put your hand on your head to talk to someone, can, is it like off limits like the vampires can't touch you or are you still fair game? Uh, I think if you do that, it is with the understanding that like you need to stop for some reason and like safety and stuff always takes precedes over. And then also when you're walking to the bathroom, if you put something on the top of your head when you're like like I'm not playing right now you guys yeah you like people get weird about it but if you don't like if in any moment you're like I actually would like to opt out

of being killed by vampires that's fine I would love so let's keeping no one's keeping school you know at the bathroom all the time not in the bathroom but on the way on the way that sucks because people are like out there trying to kill people until like 2 a.m that's when they stopped sending out like NPCs and the first night that I went I was like oh this is my first time I'm going to pick like a priestess character and I got there and then I had to ask knights to like walk me down certain dark streets and I was like I love that I'm cosplaying too scared to walk down the street as a woman who what? What a fantastical escape from what I do I want to see a scene yeah we're gonna see a scene before you in a riddles um Zach and Aaron you two are

exes you haven't seen each other in several years and you're both larping at an event and you run into each other uh-huh ahoy who goes there. But tis, oh, um, tis, tis, tis I, Sir James, uh, have not seen you in a while, stranger. Hmm. Hmm. Are you? No. No, can we, I just can we? Alas, the bridge is not to go up this hour. Oh, surely it shall, surely it shall be raised. soon for... He thinks that it won't be raised to the rest of the weekend.

Well, tis a merry time for boats and so there must be much traffic upon the river at this time and so it would make sense if the bridge... Can we just talk for a time? Oh, I think the bridge wants to stay up

sort of like some people wanted to stay at a bachelor party weekend a little longer so they could flirt with people. Maybe it wasn't about flirting. Maybe some nights had not seen their sworn brethren in many a moon and were concerned about them and needed to spend some extra time

making sure that they had not been bedazzled by magics and If only I hadn't received Hey Girl Pigeons from several ladies and waiting to sort of describe the sort of horrors that perhaps you were seeing with your brethren. Well, I... Well, there was much drink, much drink in men.

Oh, yes. And me, it is a good excuse to lose your honor. Okay, fucked up, okay? It doesn't even matter. It doesn't even matter. You said I could keep larping. I said you could have the house if I could keep larping. I thought you've moved out of state. I didn't know you were coming back just for the larp.

Of course, I'm coming back. Okay, no, I'll leave. I'll go. I don't have to go. You don't have to go. You should stay. Okay. Are we like, uh, tease my phone? Slop, can we attack them if they're crying? That feels like a level beyond.

Got them in my crosshairs, but... It seems too sad. It seems very sad. To seem too sad. Hey, hey, Jan Bandits, I'm having a moment here. Oh, uh... Are Yon Bandit single? Because I am.

Y'R? Okay, this is news to me. I guess we're just having fun then. The scene. Mr. I don't want to put a label. on... Mr. Second boyfriend? Mr. Second boyfriend.

But we were on a hill and it was very cold in the desert in the middle of the night and I was dressed like a vampire orphan and it was just really nice and you were the second person ever that I told about my current boyfriend. We were seeing each other in secret.

Yes. Was the first person him? Yeah. No, he found out like third or four. Zorpe found out like way after everyone else. You were so excited about it. I'm so glad it worked out. Yeah, it's awesome.

Zach, I'm assuming that you do those things more regularly When I can, yeah, I've been doing that one for like three years ago Okay, cool It happens like eight times a year I've been busy lately, so I haven't If I can go like two or three times a year, it would be cool Do you, when you do that, do you run into people who know you Not from the LARPs, but from the things that you do?

We're talking off book, we're talking dropout I mean like unsurprisingly there is some sort of like Ventara overlap with those. this crowd. This is like every time we go to the Renfair, we always run into people who are like, I love the show. It's exactly. It's the right. If you came to LARP, you would be clocked. But people are like very respectful. That's cool. I think they're unlike the Renaissance Fair, there's a rule of people like trying to keep up immersion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People don't just come up and talk to people they don't know generally without a reason. Don't break the KFAA.

But people are, people are nice about it. My favorite part of the whole weekend was your character that you play as a bard. Unsurprising. Unsurprising. I go to escape into a fantasy world to play a fantasy version of basically my son. And we were at a party and, like an in-world party and you got paid to play

and you were singing songs about people who were waiting in line for cake. You were too, weren't you? You and Sean were singing that as well. I was singing along with you, but I was mostly crying, laughing. That's incredible. It was just like a rolling laugh for 90 minutes.

I feel like we did good money on that cake. In-world money. In-world coin. Yeah. I do feel like anything. time i go to like um a disney park or universal or anything like that they'll have newer things that i haven't seen where it's like someone is like donkey from shrek and they're like roasting people or there's like a transformer guy who like there's clearly someone not in the suit but with a mic somewhere

they can see everything yes someone is optimist prime from a window yes yeah wave i i do think of like you and jess of like how good you would be if there's a musical element of like singing songs about people passing by or like just even just general improv i think would be a killer job but I don't know if you're if that's a feeling to you I think at this point no but I definitely like I went to school at UCYervine

which is in Anaheim lots of people work at Disneyland and I applied for multiple of those jobs there was no like musical improv job yeah yeah yeah but like yeah turtle from Nemo there's one Crush Crush Turtle Talk with Crush Yes it would have loved to in Turtle Talk We have a listener that that's his job

Whoa Mm-hmm wow But So fuck you guy you got it exact one of them I'm sure you're better at the voice than that weekend when we were LARPing I was like God this vampire thing has been so stressful I'm going to go to the bar to competition and sit and listen to music and I was like this is so nice to sit in the sun listen to music and then a vampire came and start killing people and I was like can we not know peace the worst that is

that is my biggest beef with the game is that a lot of people go there like to do the combat and a lot of people go there to vibe and those those two worlds are often I was so there for the Vibing, like making soup late at night Late night's soup. Thumbs up, thumbs down would do again? I think I would definitely do it again. You make soup? Yeah, I was just like heating up soup late at night

while people talked about like politics of the game. Is that a part of the activities or you just made, you just microwave soup? No, well you don't microwave, you're outside. Oh, okay. People have like in character like cooking setup. Oh. So I'm like, because I liked the part at night where I could put candles in front of the

of the door to protect from vampires and be like, come in, come in, and then make people soup. I like to come in, come in part of the game. No joke, people are selling like cups of cup of noodles, though. That's funny. Because like, you're out in the woods, but also like, how are you going to have to eat? How are you going to operate your noodle store in the middle of the desert? Well, as an introvert, I did have to keep taking like 15 minute disassociative breaks in my tent, just like, oh, my God. In my adult life, nothing has stressed me out more than the first time I went there.

I, like, nearly had, like, a panic attack. That's so wild. Yeah, Aaron, you describing the vampire part of it being very stressful as, like, that sounds like the whole thing. Doesn't really sound like a vacation at all. Well, I wanted to start with some riddles for kids as a fun little warm-up. Maybe I can get some of these now. Just to get it, because this is our first Los Angeles recording.

I feel the cobwebs on my brain in sort of a major way. Have we said anything on this episode yet that a kid can't listen to? Yeah, I swore. about the the cheeky bar man because he swears but you can beat that and then it's fine for kids

yeah can we get can you just say some words like balloons or something that we can put in there later yeah balloon whale tiger all right Casey

whatever you those are the answers to the first four riddles so we're just burning through them hey boys so what the tiger we doing I did promise we met a couple

or I met a couple this weekend at the Portland show. And I think they have two sons named Oliver and Liam. One of them always lies. And one of them always. Always pisses the best. And they are obsessed with our kid-friendly episodes. And I swore that I would do another one.

So this might be an accidental one. Yeah. Unless we want to get real freaky. I see we're going. Yeah. I feel like I could go either way. But I could also say like, I want to like jerk off my captain crunch until I tiger or whatever. And it's fine.

And not this one. Not this one, kids. I twirl and I spin. I zip through the air. Catch me mid-flight, if you dare. Plastic bag. This is American Beauty. Plastic bag.

No. Are those... Not this time out. Are they the little, like, seed things that fall from trees, that little helicopter. Worley birds. Worley birds. I used to call them helicopters growing up. Oh, really?

Yeah. Because they spin kind of like a helicopter blade. Fan blades. Fan blades. Propellers. Not this. What did you guys call? You know, like, if you lift up a rock.

rock and there's like a little gray bug. A bug. Bugs. Pill. Or roly-poly. Roli-poly. Okay. Yeah. Is it a roly poli? It's not a roly poly. Also, I think this one is a little annoying because catch me if you dare. Makes it seem like it's scary.

It's not scary at all. Oh, it's a leaf then. I would say it's actually, it's something that's meant to be caught. Ooh. Ooh, is it a daddy long legs? They're meant to be caught. Are you catching those mid-air? Catch me, daddy? Mid-air. I don't know. Ooh, are spiders ever like on the wind? Yes.

Aaron, can I... Can you pay for all the spiders of the wind? In YouTube, look up in Australia, I think once a year, there's just waves and waves of spiders in the air. No. It's unbelievable. No, thank you. Spiders are on the wind because they do, like,

try to, like, run their little spider lines down from trees and stuff. And then... Yeah, belay. Belae spider lines. They have their little clamps. They're like... Whips. You're thinking of whips. They're a little webs, yeah.

No, I think I remember if it was... called webs. Webs is a thing. Webs is the thing. Aaron can you read the internet? I twirl and I spin and I zip through the air. I drill and I spin. Oh, is this like a trepise artist?

No. Touch me mid-flight, if you dare. Is this a flying bug of some sort? A drone? No, it's not alive. And it's not a leave. I think this is designed to be thrown in. American football.

No, but that's a rosby? A frisbee. Whoa. I'd like to see a scene. Zach and JPC, you are called. college kids trying to start an ultimate Frisbee league at your college, but you're the only two that showed up. Okay. This, this, um, I'm not going to lie, Brian, this sucks.

Yeah. This makes me feel like I am not surrounded by my peers. You postered like the whole quad, though, right? I flired like nuts. And all of my tabs were gone. Yeah. bunk you don't think you don't think someone ripped

someone's ripping tabs to keep us to keep us small to keep us down what this is a liberal arts college I was just like how do they not want to throw disc

how do they not you know what want to catch saucer bro maybe our verbiage was too intense on the poster when we were like get fucking catch it if you can

if you dare catch the death blade fight gravity I think we maybe it was catch the death blade in big bold typeface yeah

maybe that was our mistake and the fact that we sort of replaced the image with a spinning saw because of metal did we ever say Frisbee at all

hey guys just checking to see when you're gonna be done with this area of the quad the a cappella group wants to rehearse here

in a couple hours and we just don't we don't want to get in your way or anything you want to be here in a couple of hours? Well, we just don't want to be here

while you're throwing saws. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. No, no, I don't want to fight. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. Our shirts aren't off. Catch the death blade with us. Our shirts aren't off to fight. Our shirts are off to sweat. You couldn't have your shirt on. I'm sorry.

I'm going to go. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Have you ever wanted to take your life in your hands? No, thank you. In a team sport. You have the, you have a jumper squads. It's insane for you. to be on the ground like you are. I don't want to be on the throwing saw's team.

Look, we maybe over-hyped what it is that we do. My bro and I throw blade. You know what we mean? You know what I mean? You hear me? We throw blade. We catch death. We ride life.

We ride life. That's a way better way to put it. We ride life. Oh, or is this like a thing where you guys meet and like smoke marijuana? We have pot. Yeah, we have pot. We do smoke pot. It's not.

related to the activity oh wow i'm gonna go the quads filling up the quads filling up i got to go around your archipelic group 12 i have to teach an arrangement of mr jones today so i better get going counting crows mr jones can i talk to my friend for a second yeah hey okay hear me out what if you think you have a thing with mrs sacker breakfast okay sorry everybody oh no this this is about i mean maybe but this is about what if we join the archipelic group and then Stare at the beautiful women Do you're at the beautiful women Why is everybody two hours early

For this acobalibis? So early. I thought the four of us were going to launch into Thank you. There at the beautiful women. Do I know another part of that song That's not Mr. Jezinezine and stared at the beautiful world. Is that the same song?

No. No, that's a different song. Or what? That's burning for you. What am I thinking of? What's the beginning of Mr. Jones? I'm in the New Amsterdam Oh, Mr. Jones

strikes up a conversation Is she looking at you? No, no, no, she's looking at me. You know, there's rumors that that song was about his Captain Crunch. You were just trying to say that word. I didn't want to say penis because of the kids.

The kids are long. The kids are dead. The kids are dead. Fast asleep. All right. I tickle this guy. I cackle and glow. Best when it's dark and spirits are low Skywitch

That's a sky witch Is this a lightning bug? Firefly? No, that's a great guest. Fireworks. Fireworks. Yes, actually the answer is Skywitch. I'd like to see a scene.

Do you have a few? Plastic bug blowing in the wind is really making a comeback. Yeah. Adel and Zach, you are a couple and there are fireworks that Adel has organized that are going off at a really bad moment. So this is...

I just don't know if I want kids. Huh. I just... Okay. Yeah. Just conversation I wish... And I feel like I need to make that just because, like, you know,

I'm getting older, so I feel like we need to... I just want to have this conversation with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And make sure that, like, we're on the same page. Who, walking, talking about her he's dead. Shit, how do I come back? Okay. yeah no um i thought we agreed when we get oh shit look away over here over here over here

what brad brad look over here what you mean you didn't see those right did i not see the giant firework in the shape of a big frog yeah frog yes a frog is there flash mob here no this is a bunch of best buy employees who have These people wearing adult diaper. Wait a minute. Was that frog a baby? It was an ultrasound. Well, green is a weird color to choose.

They didn't have. They didn't have white? I went to 10 fireworks stores. They didn't have tan. Name three of them. Blow them ups. Yep. Fire pyres.

And Dr. Fancy fireworks. We got to Dr. Fancy Fireworks. Look, buddy. It's not like I can open up the firework and change the frog to a baby. It is a frog. Can I say the Monocle and Top Hat are incongruous with your voice? I guess you can if you want to be the rudest fucking guy in the place today, but... Listen, I just...

I want to celebrate the fact that... Yeah, no, no, yeah. You explained it in the email. Wow, what do I have that could be... Anything baby-esque? That could read baby. What about, like, um... Are you familiar with the tree, the weeping willow?

Uh, yes. That's like a wheeled tree where all the things are... Yeah, Patsy Climb. Yeah. What about like a firework version of that? I don't think crying is the right. Is it... Yeah, crying for joy would be nice, but we don't have crying for joy.

Do you have a stork? Do we have... Synonymous. Synonymous. Or even a pickle, which pickle goes to stork goes to baby. We would have a stork if my freaking dad would let us experiment with the fireworks. But he's old school and he won't let us make new designs. I just don't want what happened to me.

my fingers to happen to your fingers, Rick, okay? You can't control my life. I can try. Rick. Until you're 18 and you have my name, I will control your life. I'm going to be a firework artist. I want better for you. I lost nine fingers to the work.

And I'll lose 10 because I care more. There aren't 10 fingers. What? What? Oh, no. I lost all my fingers. I've been miscounting. I'm going to look at lasers.

I'm just going to look at. No, they're running a side of business. Welcome to Dr. Laser Sky Laser Emporium. What can we do for you today? I'm looking for, I don't know if you do like skywriting or if it's only on a surface. I don't do letters. You have to talk to my detestable son, Rick, for that. Rick Lasers?

Yes, he's over there. How dare you. Not today, Rick. Not until I see it the business to you. Will you be writing words with my sky lasers? See. Should have gone to the sky witch You could have made a baby in the sky

Erin I think Rick Lasers has legs As a new life for me If you're looking for your second act I'm a second breakfast Rick Lasers I go up and down and spin all around My lights and music create a joyful sound It's a carousel There's too many spinning things

I'm sorry this is all spinning riddles Kids know about spinning. Kids do know about spinning. Kids love fucking spinning. It's crazy. I want to see a scene. Can I do that? Yeah, of course.

Yeah, at least. Oh, 100%. Great. We're in a children's ballet class with all three of you. Great. Pot up away. Pot up away. Pot up away.

I'm better now. I'm okay. I'm okay now. Put up away. Dusty? Yeah. I spun too much. It's all.

Sorry, I had like three breakfasts because my dad's weekend and I spun too much. Do you want to talk about it? Um, no, they, they just cover it up with sawdust in a minute, so it's, I'm okay, I'm okay. Oh, my thing with my dad? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. He's just, I think he only knows how to make breakfast. I mean, we're, we all sort of get it. And this is Miss Carroll's ballet school for children of divorce.

So, like, we're all in the same boat here. My parents got divorced just so I could get in. Yeah, they were really happy. That's how much they love me. It's so competitive. The other ballet school in town is so expensive. So expensive. There's discount prices here because divorced people have a lot on their plate.

Yeah. And Miss Carol was a child of divorce. You don't say. You don't say. Pay it forward, of course. That's why the classes are so affordable. So we're here to talk. Well, Jeffrey doesn't really understand it because his parents were

in love and then got a divorce for no reason. And then you have to prove it to Ms. Carroll that you really divorce, right? Yeah, but I'm real confused because every day my dad leaves the house and goes by forever. Like, I love you, I'll be at my place. But then I go to school and I see him creep back in. Sometimes I hear him upstairs. Don't let Miss Carol see that. I'm going to get kicked out of the class.

Don't. Remember when Jeff's dad showed up and he was with that, like, woman who was 20 years younger than him, and he was kind of like crying the whole time like he didn't want to be doing it. No, yeah. That was so sad. That's so sad that your dad is a philanderer. I guess not because he's divorced.

All right, children approach the bar. Miss Carol. Ms. Carroll. Today we will be, as you said, a very good pot of beret. We will be doing Rondejant. Miss Carol. Yes.

I know you made us promise when beginning of the term that we would tell you if anyone's parents fell back in love. Yes, specifically with the partner with which they were first married to. Of course, of course. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Rondejean, Rondejean, Rondejean, Rondejawn, Rondejawn. Ow, ow, ow! Those are roundhouse kicks, not Rondejons. Rondagin used to be closer to the ground. Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am. Never mind. No, we have to. We have to.

Oh, sorry, did you throw up? Oh, we'll get the saw, I'll be right back. Oh, thank God. What the freak are you doing? What were you doing? You're trying to pull up my spot. You can't be in this class if you have parents that are still in love.

It makes fools out of kids like me who have to eat three breakfasts every other weekends because our dads can't admit that they don't know how to make anything else. You're telling me three breakfast and you're still 57 pounds? I don't believe it. Is that big for my age? Is that small? I don't know. I think you're keeping that toy.

She's coming back Miss Carol Miss Carol Yes Sorry you were singing It's my favorite part of the job I got it I got it kind of everywhere

Sawdust I wasn't allowed to join the choir Run by the There was only one choir in my town And it was for children With happily married parents Oh no It said that

Yes it was called the choir Of children with happily married parents Oh and then you spent 12 years at the Starlight Dinah In New York City That's right singing you read my bio you don't see

sawdust memories and you know what we're gonna just go on a quick break I was gonna do a couple more riddles for kids but I think these are too easy I'm gonna hit you with the hard stuff post break well Aaron to be fair I think Zach solved all of them so

no you got cares though I was right behind you though and we'll be right back wee oh my back is hurting so much bad oh jpc did you lift with your legs always or never it's one of them jpc are you carrying the podcast on your back or something like that okay um i feel seen uh this is so nice for someone else to bring it up uh oh my god i'm trying to roast him and now what do i do You know, the thing is, do you guys ever feel like managing your business finances is a full-time job on top of your actual full-time job?

Now, imagine, in this instance, we have an actual full-time job. Let's see, maybe I splice this copy-up. Do you ever feel like managing your business finances a full-time job on top of recording a podcast every a couple hours once a week? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, but that is why I started using Found, JVC. Oh, yeah, Found is a business banking platform that lets you effortlessly track expenses, manage invoices, and prepare your taxes. You can even set aside money for different business goals and control spending with different

virtual cards. One Found user said, Found is going to save me so much headache. It makes everything so much easier. Expenses, income profits, taxes, in all caps, invoices even. And Found has 30,000 five-star reviews just like this. Oh, and by the way, other small businesses are loving Founds. too. It's not just us. It's not just us. It's other small businesses like Hello for the Magic Tavern. Yes, yes, yes. Bill Buds. Gub shoes and dragons. And these are just ones that I know

off the top of my head. Um, uh, just peanuts. Uh, Hey Riddle a Riddle Riddles. Just Peanut Criddle. Hey Riddell. Hey Riddell and just peanut Crittle. And we use Found and we think that you should to if you have a small business, this is a great tool. So open a found account for free at found.com. That's F-O-U-N-D.com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Piedmont Bank, member FDIC. Don't put this one off. Join thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances with Found. JPC, do you need help carrying that podcast? Do you need a little help? It's actually not heavy at all. Hey guys, welcome. Welcome. Welcome in. Come on in. Thanks for coming over to my mattress party.

Yeah, this is so cool, Aaron. I just am so excited to celebrate my Midnight Lux Helix mattress. She'd been with me for four years and I'm just really excited. Oh, okay, that's what a mattress party is. I thought we were all bringing like our favorite thing and we were going to make you a mattress out of the combination of all of those things. Oh, no, I don't. Yeah, like a bird's nest. No, no, no, I have an awesome mattress. It's my midnight lux. I took a two-minute sleep quiz, and Helix matched me with my perfect mattress, so I'm all good. I'm all set.

Throws the stuff you brought out the window. No, my acorns. I needed those for my squirrels. Yeah, I'm fine with that. I would be bothered, but I also have a midnight lux and I sleep like a baby, so I'm not stressed about that, Aaron. Throw away. Throw everything out the window. Hmm.

Well, I sleep on a bed of squirrels, and I got scratches. all over my back, and not from sleeping. And every other mattress I've had before, I am such a hot sleeper and such a toss and turner, but not with my helix. That's why I'm throwing her a party. She deserves it. So if you want to party with your gender nonspecific helix mattress,

go to helix sleep.com slash riddle for the Labor Day Sale Best of Web offer that is 27% off sitewide and that is exclusive for listeners of Hey, Riddle, riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for their Labor Day sale, best of web offer 27% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know that we sent you Helixleep.com slash riddle. Blow out your candles, mattress. Blow out your squirrels candles. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, oh.

Uh-oh, what's this now? Oh, man. You're okay? Yeah, I'm just my, like, face, it hurts so much. I've been doing that thing that you guys recommended, which is kind of like when I go to sleep at night, I'm, like, pressing both sides of my face and then I'm using pillows to, like, press, you know,

down on the top and up on the bottom. Oh, you heard square face. We're talking about square space. Wait a second. I did tell him square face. Yeah, I'll definitely turn me square face. I wrote it down. It was in an email, so it's like I couldn't have misunderstood.

I'm sorry. But you're talking about Squarespace? The all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place? All in one place.

They also make it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content. Squareface or not on your website, upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Also, get discovered fast with integrated SEO tools. Every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more. So you can show up more often to people in global search engine results.

SEO tools, or as Sting calls them, SEO tools. And we have a lot of fun. Also, let me talk about Squarespace domains. Every dream needs a domain. Squarespace domains makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees or add-ons required. For instance, we had this show called Gumshoes and Dragons, and we found a great domain, which is gumshoes and dragons.com. And we got it. And we have a Squarespace website for it. It worked out pretty well. And every Squarespace domain

comes with advanced privacy and security tools included to ensure your domain remains online and protect. Plus, Squarespace provides everything you need to bring more of your dreams to life. Whether that means building a website or adding a professional email service, don't wait to claim your name, invest in your dream domain today. So head to Squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Did you say head to?

Is everyone looking at my square face? Yeah. Hey, it's me, Trace Dickey. There's my arch nemesis square face. Oh man, now I've got to fight this comic book loser. JPC, what happened? I just, I cut myself again on some of my closet staples. Oh, JPC. Yeah, I got a closet full of staples because I've heard that it's like good to like...

You stapled all your clothes. You're going to need, oh boy. I think that you're thinking of closet staples, like clothes that you can wear a lot that look good with other things. I get mine from Quince. Have you heard of Quince? Have you heard of Quince? They have closet staples? want to reach for over and over carefully, like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from just $50, breathable flow knit polos and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up dinners. I'm wearing some right now. Wee. Oh, okay. I think I have, you guys, I think this is another one of my classic mix-em-ups

where I've fundamentally misunderstood the assignment. A hundred percent. And guess what? With Quince, everything is half the cost of similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. My sheets are from Quince. That's why I look so well-rested. That's why you're always wearing sheets? These are real clothes. Those are real clothes.

Okay. Oh, my God. Okay. Great. Nope. And I'm getting it. I actually know Quince and I love Quince because I have a lightweight hoodie from Quince that I wore to our Portland show, our Seattle show, and here in L.A.

It is wonderful. It's my favorite item of clothing that I own. And Quince only works with factory. that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices in premium fabrics and finishes. So you don't even have to feel bad when you're wearing your hoodie. So stop covering your wet naked body with staples from the

staple store. What the hat? Use a towel. Yeah, maybe somebody else did the call-to-action. Mine's all messed up. Keep it classic and cool with long-lasting staples from Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com

slash riddle to get free shipping and 365-day returns quince.com slash riddle and let me grab that stapler from you no no no i need this for my clothes no quince it's quite comfortable hell yeah yes adle yeah hey adle hey erin um can i tell you something that i'm kind of like ashamed of yeah of course always when i was a kid uh all of my two brothers all of our birthdays are within a month and it's all around christmas time so we used to just get like Christmas birthday gifts and sometimes we would just get like combo gifts together and I would always tell my brothers that we could pull all of our money together and just get one big Lego and then I would insist on doing the Lego and putting it together myself. How do you put together one big

Lego? Oh, I guess it's more like an expensive Lego kit, not one big Lego block. I mean, you didn't really understand finances. You didn't have anything like acorns early when you were growing up. So how are you supposed to know. He, he, he. Hey, kids, it's me. Birthday Santa. Birthday Santa. That's right. You're real? Yes. And I want to tell you about Acorns Early, which is something JBC, it sounds like you and your brothers wish you had. Yeah, we could have used. Yeah, absolutely. Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up. Oh, so cool. You can start with in-app chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early.

Kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's early spending limit and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. And I mean, I would have loved having this growing up. I would know way more about money than I do right now. Right, right. I mean, but I'm like a newer thing. Like, I'm for kids who have birthdays around Christmas. I understand.

But all kids' kids. But anyway, piggy banks are cute and great for who's changed, quarters, et cetera. But these days, there's so much more that kids need to know about money. He, he, he. Acorns Early makes it easy to teach kids lifelong money skills that they can actually use in the real world. And I love the Acorns Early app. I've played around in here. My kids a little too young to start right now because they're kind of like a little toddler.

But I'm so excited for them to be able to use features like this because I think like being able to track all of these things. when you are young and have money, literacy at a young age is so, so, so important to being a, you know, person that exists in the world nowadays. Well, I'm a person that exists in the world. Who said I wasn't? Yeah, no. Anyway, if you're ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend, get your first month on us when you head to acorns early.com slash hey riddle or download the AcornsEarly app.

That's one month free when you sign up at AcornsEarly.com. H. Hey, Ribble. Acorn's Early Card is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank, member FDIC, pursuant to licensed by MasterCard International. Free trial to new subscribers only subscription fee starting for $5 per month and less canceled. Terms apply to acorns.com slash early terms. He, he, he. Ooh, Santa needs to lay down.

I mean, birthday Santa needs to lay down. Love whatever your thing is, man. Don't stress. Oh, he-he-he-he-ho. Hello, everybody. Welcome back from our break. How's everyone feeling rested, recouped, ready? Yeah, for sure.

Really good. Ravioli. Ravioli. Four hours. Mm-hmm. Rest recoup. Really good. Ravioli.

Really good. Ravioli. Do you see that movie? Ravioli? Triple R. R. R. R. R. R. R. I did see RR.R. Yes. And I forgot that the third R.R.

That's right. I've sat through RR. R R R. I'm saying sat through. Like it's a chore. It's not. Okay. But it is a long movie. It's a long one. It's like three and a half hours.

And I've watched that movie more than I have most movies. And I've, that's crazy with how long it is, I feel like. How many times have you seen it? I think I've seen it maybe five times. That's a lot of times to see RRR. I think that's more than I've seen any movie. Yeah. You're not like a rewatch, a movie, comfort movie.

Not movies, no. TV shows? Yeah. Yes. Oh, then what is it that you do rewatch? What's the thing that you rewatch? I don't rewatch. Okay.

A ton. You put on Chernobyl to fall asleep, right? Yeah, but only because it makes me scared. And I need to, the world is going so well that I need to remember that one bit of one. You're scared because so many British actors aren't doing Russian accents. That's right. That's right. That makes sense.

I don't really rewatch things either, but five times for RRR is really something. Was that you showing people that? It was showing people. And then I've gone to like a couple, or I went to one like screening of it. That was fun. That'd be fun of seeing the big screen. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know why I... There are two movies that I've seen four times in theaters. Can I guess? Please. Conair? Oh, no. And Star Dusts. Star does my most like movie in theater.

I think that Conair and Rick Javier together at last. Conair came out like the year that I was born. So that'd be crazy. That would be like my dad took me to see Conair when I was a little baby. Oh, four times. No, I saw Moana in theaters four times. Whoa. Because I was so taken by it.

I loved Moana the first time I saw. You and your kid have that in common. Yeah, I'm proud to pass it on deep in my jeans. And then, Edge of Tomorrow, I saw in theaters four times. Both good movies. Yeah. Edge of Tomorrow, I saw so many times in theaters because I saw it like the weekend it came out. And then I kept being like talking to people about it.

And they're like, I have no idea what this is. And I'm like, well, then let's go see it right now. I'll just pull you into a theater and we watch it. I have no idea what this is. We won't call it live, die, repeat. It's totally made that title will make it make sense for everyone. The last time I saw a movie multiple times in theaters was Dungeons and Dragons

and I went back the next day. Yeah, it was so good. It was so good. Okay, these are from Jordan, who's been listening for a while and is one of our patrons, which is, I think, pretty cool. But that's not the way to get your shit featured on the show,

just so you know, it's happening to Jordan. It's not going to happen to you. Jordan, can I say from the outside, I have no stake in this? It is pretty cool. And Jordan has sent us four riddles. Thank you, Jordan. I'm not a low rank, not fully the truth.

You purchased my crowns at a colorful booth. Dentist. Bird? No, I'm saying bird king. I'm saying crowns. This is also, this one is, I think this is funny because this is the hardest of the riddles on here. And it's basically, there's like two answers that sounds the same that are spelled different. Crayola store.

It's a homonym trick. I'm not a low, can you read it again? I'm not a low rank. Not fully the truth. You purchased my crowns at a colorful booth. Hmm. And how's crowns? How's crown spelled?

C-R-O-W-N-S? Yes. Whoa, I'm like a genius. I just spelled crowns, right? The first one. Pretty intuitive word. Pretty intuitive. Can we get a freaking little hint?

Um, yeah. Rank makes me think that there's some sort of like military thing in there. Private, private captain general. Colonel. Yeah. Colonel. Colonel. Colonel.

And then. Colonel, Colonel. Colonel. Hold on. I want to see a scene. Can I see a scene real quick? Yeah. Adel, I want to see a scene where you are a, like a four-star general, like the highest rank that you can be in general.

And you're in charge of promoting people to the various ranks. So we're going to be presenting you with people that need to be promoted and you're going to tell us what rank they're being promoted to. Sure. So this first binder, of course, General, is just some exemplary. PFCs. Oh, PFCs. Pretty fucking cool. If you say so, General, yes.

You did say PFCs, right? Private first class. And general, we're saying this apropos of nothing. It is required to be sober when these decisions are made. I'm not drunker. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk.

You are. P. F. Chang's. P.F.C. No. I'm not sure if it was made clear that this is an official meeting as well. So the, what you're, I'm assuming there was some sort of accident with your uniform or, yeah, it got caught in the rain. I didn't piss my pants. What are we doing? I received a memo that said it was casual Friday and I was surprised at first because we generally don't have that. Generally, you're a general now.

What's your rank? What's your rank officer? Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm just, I'm just a sergeant. You're a general now. What? Whoa. That's a crazy lead. we have for corporals and

what's your rank corporal and that's lower than me right double it a sweatshirt that says Las Vegas and jeweled letters and you smell like not like you had like

a few bloody mary's and what's your what's your name I don't want to say what's your name in rank she's a captain captain what captain second breakfast captain second breakfast well now you are

major second breakfast What? So. I guess that... Hey, and guys, four stars, please. Did you like what I did? Four stars, please? Oh, that's not how it...

Oh, yeah, there's no sort of system of reviewing. Well, how come I was a 3.7 star general the other day? What happened? Oh, I don't... You may be looking at your Uber app or... I think you might be looking at your Uber app. Sir, also, we were not planning on changing our rank at all today. No, yeah, we were more presenting you with exemplary field accommodations,

that could be elevated to a... The people here in the binder. I'm sorry to pipe up. Am I your boss now? Yes, I think so. I guess, technique, but he probably, he's not going to remember doing this. I don't know.

That makes me feel wildly uncomfortable. You're general, you're now a major, and I'm a double corporal, which I don't think is that, I wish I could have gotten something like... But doesn't that equal something... Again, I don't think so. And I am your private dancer.

You can't be in here. You can't be in here. You can't be in here. You just cannot. I can't pee in here. I can't pee in my own pants. You're telling me I can't pee in my...

I bought these. Well, actually, these are... Those are my pants. Yeah, those are your pants. You must have to borrow my pants. I gave you my pants to be said it's casual Friday, but I have no pants. You shouldn't pee in borrowed pants.

Let's no pee in corporal. Let's focus up. Look through the binder. Let us know. That's a cross-stitch my mom had in her cabin. You shouldn't pee in borrowed pants. Let's look through this binder. A P&Barr in Pants saves nine.

Okay, I know how to do this. I have somewhere to be. Let's say everyone whose last name starts with A, captain. Everyone whose last name starts with B, major. Everyone who's last name starts with C. Wait, sorry, what if you have a hyphenated last name? Ew. Because my last name is Abbott Bongington.

And also. Which isn't funny, sir. Which is, again, sir, I don't know why you're not. Which I can't stress how unfuny Abbot Bongington is the name. Of the Rhode Island Abit Bongingtons? No. Oh. Connecticut

But I am a general now So that's a demotion A field demotion I'm a major Am I a general? And you said you had somewhere you had to be Yeah Well I have to

Oh yeah You asked me to call you a Ruber A Ruber You said Uber can't take him anymore I have to use an app called Ruber Which is rude Uber Where you're allowed to be rude to the driver It's like Ed DeBevics in a car

But shouldn't it be the driver You could throw your peanut shells on you? No No, you would think He can't be an Uber anymore because he was too rude to the Uber driver so he has to use Ruber. Are we sure that that's how Ruber works?

It feels like the person gets paid. Sorry, my Ruber's here. Okay, hey, where are you going? Where is this asshole? What is this son of a bitch? I told you so. This guy just drove onto a military conhole. Honestly, I think Ruber has legs.

Like, if you had a car service, it was like... We need to clarify it because now I'm confused. Who's rude in the Ruber? I think it should work both ways. I think it should be everybody. It's Dick's Last Resort. Yes, yes, yes. Okay.

I said Ed Debevix, and then I realized that was probably a regional reference. Do you have Ed Debevix in California? Debevix? I think Ed Debevvix. It's a Midwest. It's a Midwest thing. Is it only in Chicago?

I think it might just be only in Chicago. I had no, I'd never heard of it until I moved to Chicago. Is it Blenders in the grass the smoothie? Then I don't know what it is. It's the same as Dick's Last Resort. But I think it was their first, right? I don't fucking know. I guess just growing up in the Midwest,

Ed DeBevix was my touch point. I think at Uber where you can, like, you're encouraged to start fights, I think would be a success. Interesting. Now, start fights, I think, maybe taking a two. Verbal, verbal.

Even verbal. I have a new hot take after my time in the Pacific Northwest this past weekend. I think. Sorry, is there like a hot, is this a segment? Oh, yeah.

No, but it will be now. And new hot take. And it's a beautiful women. And we're going to use that sound from now on forever. The sign I meant after that was fire. You could put in fire. I thought it was like a hot toke. Like it felt like a...

That's a different segment. But can we use the same sound? I thought it was a hawk too. I thought it was like a hot. But if you do that, it has to just use saying toke over there. Now we have you saying it. Well, no, you can't use that. You can't use that.

You don't have permission. You don't have permission. My hot take is that if you are, you are. are going to be a man that is my Uber driver and you want to talk at me I should get a discount on my ride because a lot

and I totally understand that that is like some older men who have retired that is the way they want to socialize is to drive people around and for them to talk at you sorry not false it doesn't happen that's that's no

it's not okay and I just it also is so crazy how they do not want to have a conversation they want an audience to it. They will literally interrupt me mid-response. And I go, I don't, I think I should get $10 off of this. I'm not saying it should be free. What are they on a podcast with you?

That's a cell phone. No, I'll interrupt me mid-response. I just didn't want to interrupt to say that joke. I wanted to let you finish which is a mistake. It would have been too bad. Yeah, yeah. Do you remember when like Lyft first came around as like an alternative to Uber? The whole thing was that like in Lyft, like, you could ride up front with them and like kind of hang out?

The branding was like, it's a friend that takes you places. We like to, we like to like fist bump all of our rides. It's our thing. The pink mustache is on their cars and you sat up front and you like to talk to people. Do you remember this? Not really. This is like the early days of it. And I remember the first time I ever got into a lift, it was in Chicago.

And I was sitting up front, but it was also because it was like three people. And so they took the back seat and I got in the front. And the people in the back were having a conversation with themselves and the driver and I were having a conversation, which I didn't necessarily want to have. but it was like lifts things. So I was like, that's fine to have. And then we drove through a Jewish neighborhood in Chicago. And the driver said something anti-Semitic to me in a way that was like,

look at these people. And I was like, wait. I thought you were my new friend. I definitely didn't think he was my new friend, but I was like, do I look like the kind of person that you could just be kind of casually anti-Semitic? You have a hateful face. That's a real roll of the dice. That's wild.

It was very strange. And I remember getting out of the car, and it was not my lift. I hadn't called it. And one of my friends was, I was like, hey, hold on your rate. Hold on your rate. We have to have a quick conversation before we rate that drive. That is wild. Some people had different experiences in there.

Also, I'm not talking about the delightful organic conversations you can strike up with their Uber drivers. I'm talking about specifically older men who want to talk at me for the entire ride. When I have headphones in and I'm clearly doing something else. Their families have stops talking to them. And now that's your problem. And that's on me. Yeah. Aaron, do you recall or want to say what the person talked to you about?

This happened to me three times. No, different. Well, well, look who we have again. They just. Where did we leave off? Ah, my ulcer. It's like, it especially happens with like older men, but I'd say around any age. Like, want to explain something to a woman.

So they want to be like, if you're not from here, let me tell you, like, about the significance of this place. They want to explain something to me. Yeah, they want to be. They're tour guides now. Yes. And I just think it should be a little cheaper. Don't some of them have an option to check for silent ride? Yeah, I think that's where Uber.

I'm from the Midwest. I cannot imagine checking an option for like, it's like being pretty rude to someone where I'm like, I just don't want to like, I don't want what you're describing of them talking to me. But I also don't want to be like, hey man, to me, you are just my A to B servant. Like, that's what you are and I don't want to hear from you. devil's advocate though because where I come from it if my job was to drive people around all day

I don't want it to necessarily have to be my job your talking job to make small talk with a little stranger in the back so like to me it's freeing for everyone it's like don't worry I'm gonna give you money and you're gonna drive places and that's really all you signed up to do

anything more than that is sort of like I guess we already drink into a business relationship yeah but also like if I someone has their headphones like sometimes I will be working in a Uber like I'll be doing a task that requires my attention And then for them to like, and your headphones are on, I just feel like that level of interruption is invasive. I would like to see a scene in, I think maybe this, Mary's this idea with an earlier idea. Zach, I would like you to work at Disney World.

You're going to be the Jungle Cruise guide. And Aaron and JPC, you are two people who happen to be on the Jungle Cruise ride. But, Zach, you kind of keep veering off the typical puns and script and going into maybe some personal details. Great. Hey everybody welcome aboard the jungle cruise scoot on down scoot on down make room make a new friend sit next to Yes all the way and here we go we're going to go off I'm Josh wave goodbye to those people on the deck you're never going to see them again

Yeah just like Kylie that's Kylie I'm going to see her again because we went on one day and they went real well So we're going to pick that pickup back up with Kylie and we'll sort of keep that heat going Here we are in the Amazon River. She's ducked behind the control panel. Oh, I'm sorry, no. Great. Woo, we're ready. I've never been on the ride before.

Oh, no? First time? Very exciting. Well, here we have for you is the African elephant. Look at him. Big tus, big and strong. African elephants can grow up to 400 pounds, and Kylie's dad works at Motorola.

It has a very cool hookup for all kinds of fun. that you might want and that's great for me in general I'm getting a lot of blank stairs from the back of the boat right now could you not hear me do I need to turn this off no we we can hear you but the elephant passed by like it's passed by so fast and we didn't really hear much about the elephant sorry we'll go back we'll go back to the elephant oh I don't know and here we have the what the oh what the boat go oh no oh no oh no Kylie said if I got one more crash was going to take me out of

no, no. Oh, hey, hey, you know, no. You guys went on one date and then she told you if you got one more boat crash, you wouldn't go on a second day with you. She called a first date ultimatum, which is, the first date is the hardest, and they can't ever be harder than that. What? Kylie's your boss here? Yeah. Oh, you guys shouldn't have gone out on a date

at all, right? She said the first date is the hardest, and they shouldn't be harder than that? That's what Kylie said. I didn't say that. Hey. And she said, I can't keep crashing, quote, these boats are on rails. It should be very difficult to crash them. Hey, hey, hey, hey, I think she's sort of messing with you, dude. I think you deserve better than this.

I know her dad works at Motorola and can get you raised with you. She's got all the coolest phone. Lots of people work for phone companies, though. I'm sure you can find someone who's got a dad who works for. Do you have a dad who works for a phone company? I actually do. Does anyone in this boat have a dad who works for a phone? Oh, you do?

Yeah, Verizon. Wow. Do you have a dad who works for a phone company? A T&T. Are you two together? We're not. We just, yeah, this is Annie. I just met her. We just met.

You told us to make a friend. Although, I'd love to buy you dinner sometime if that's something that you're just today. Wait, no, do me. I would love to organically see. Someone asks someone out in the wild and they'd be like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what about me? No, do me, do me. Can I? I'm open.

I'm open. The most immature voice. Wait, no, do me. It's also, though, like, that's the very real. there's that voice is in my soul at all times when someone is getting something I want or doing something that's like

wait no I mean T-shirt canning over here I have a question for you guys if you were told that you had to believably go on the jungle cruise right now at Disneyland and give a tour and everyone on the tour had to believe

that you worked there and had for several years and if you don't get it you die that feels like the apex of Disney jobs in terms of like the puns are so it's boom boom boom boom boom with puns and like but do you think that do you trust yourself enough i don't think i could you get 10 billion dollars if you do it wait wait wait wait i try hold you get killed if you fail uh what's the just have to make people believe that you actually work there you actually work at the jungle cruise ride and so it's you'd you're like you would have to make up puns in real time and make it seem like you've done it a thousand

times before do we think can people test out material can you go off script at disney or is it like with the non-improve jobs? Or can, or you, like, strictly tied to that it's probably pretty scripted. But I don't know. That would be my guess as well. But it does feel like people are certainly doing a certain level of making it their own. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that they have, like, 25 options for each joke. You think you could do it? Yeah, but I would go way off. Like, you would be like, that employee was having fun, but he was not doing what he was supposed to do. Yeah. But that's still believable, though, yeah. I do think I could believably be like, this person works here.

But I don't think I could believably be like, like, this is the jungle cruise. I could trick a bunch of people who have never been on the jungle cruise before. I could not trick a single person who has been on it like five times and knows what to expect. Because I can't, I can't fuck with someone like someone's expectations of I know what the way the ride usually goes and I can, but I could conceivably convince a bunch of like first timers that I was a person who knew what I was doing. Aaron, same question, but you're the head in the crystal ball in the haunted mansion.

I'm fucking that up immediately I'm getting a horrible cough Really? I feel like that's a that's a hole in one for you Oh no absolutely I feel like all that woman does is like Oh five of spades and two of hearts Same question A very ghostly Victorian ghost

Like I look like a haunted painting And so you've like visually If all I had to do is float A hundred percent Same question but you're the wax Johnny Depp With the Pirates of Caribbean boat ride I'm being caught immediately No, that's the easiest one so far.

All you have to do is, what's the rum gone? Aaron, same question, but you're the lightning bug in Tiana's Bayou. I'm dead. I think I die. Don't make me light my butt. That's what he says. I think I ultimately die, but I think I have a really great time. I don't think I squander.

I don't think I spend the last moments of my life, like, cowering and fear and failure. You go for it. I think I go out on top. I think I'm both arms out as the, Crossbow, like, hits me in standard mass or whatever they do to kill you at Disney. The lightning bug is the same voice as Winnie the Pooh. Oh, yeah. Jim Cummings, I think.

He does, like, 40 voices. That guy works. He did Darkwing Duck. Darkwing Duck and, like, all the villains. Do you think he lives in the hills and has, like, a huge mansion with, like, a golden gate? I think he's a Warren Buffett type where it's like he has a ranch house. He drives, like, a 92 terselle. I bet he has crippling gambling.

Oh, bother. Two million on red. Oh, bother. And they're like, you're drunk again. I'm very much to play blackjack again. Just, yeah, crippling substance. It'd be four fingers of whiskey for Winnie the Pooh. A small speckerel of whiskey.

Excuse me, ma'am. Would you like to be fingered in my car? Jesus Christ. That was a fun in unison. The whole episode was supposed to be for kids. Would you like to be ballooned? In the back of my car? In back of my fire truck.

The next time I have a party, I'm playing that game. That's a good one. And I'll give $50 to people who can, I'll play the YouTube video on mute of the Jungle Cruise. I'll tell you what my brain immediately did. And I don't know why it's so hung up on this, but like, you get to the zebras. And you're like, hey, zebras, people don't know if it's a black horse with white stripes or a white horse with black stripes. And all I can say is, that's not a horse. See?

But like, I don't know. I would believe that. Okay. Aaron, did you know that Disney Plus? just released like 40 hours of footage of different rides, Disney rides. Did they really? So it's like POV of you going through rides. I haven't watched it yet, but presumably pretty well shot.

Probably to combat this massive YouTube presence of that exact same thing. They're like, hold on, why not me? We know. I've never also been, is it called the Jungle Cruise? Where is it? Is it Animal Kingdom? Adventureland. Yeah, it's in Disney Magic Kingdom in Florida

and then Disneyland side of Disneyland. I've never been on the ride either so I have no idea what is in the ride which makes me more confident that I could do it because if I had been on it once I would be like well I don't know any of these things but What do you mean? I'm going to die at the end of this but I don't know what I don't know so I'm like

Also I think but a lot of them are jokes where you're like seeing monkeys and then you can be like all those monkeys are crazy. You see hippos and it's like, oh, the hippos are very dangerous, but don't worry, you're only in danger if they start wiggling their ears

and all the animatronics wiggle their ears. Okay, that's fun. And you're like, oh, sorry. Okay. Does anyone have any small white marbles on them because you will get hit by a hippo? See that? There you go.

Is that different IP though? Oh, yeah. They're going to be like, that guy fucking used some Mattel hypey. I'm going to quickly get through the rest of these Jordan riddles and then we'll be done.

So why. I'm going to burn through these. I like to suck blood and bury my head. Acting up when I'm stressed, don't want me in your bed. Oh, a tick. Bed check. A bed tick. Vampire blow job.

You're a bad tick. I've traveled through time, always follow a line, suspending the cars in the air. Info flows up and down and in and out of the town. And for phones, I come in a pair. Oh, speakers. For phones, I come in a pair. Is it walkie-talkies? This is, I would say

Always follow a line Suspending the cars in the air Sorry, what was the first line? Always follow a line to spending the cars in the air It's like spending the cars in the air That's the most helpful line I think Oh, it's like a It's like the rope on a ski lift or one of those

Oh, what do you call it? If you're like in... I think it's called ski lift, right? No, no, but if you're, if it's on like the street or, like, not on a ski lift, like those. Oh, like the wire, trolley wires? Yeah, what are those called, though? I do not know.

Because they're specifically... Cables? Yes. Cables are. Nice one. Okay. I'm done on a court where I go up and down. When I'm done on a dog, I end up on the ground.

When I'm done on a dog, I end up on the ground. Do you see, that's kind of your catch for us. All right. This is the one for kids, okay? Basketball. Like downward dogs? Tennis ball? Tennis ball.

And basketball is helpful. I'm done on a court where I go up and down. I'm done on a court where I go up and down. When I'm done on a dog, I end up on the ground. The second half is weird and I don't necessarily understand it. It's like a command to a dog. Oh, that sits the dribble. He's always told me.

Airbus. It's dribble. Oh, when a dog dribble is drool. The drool. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I get that.

I get that. Amazing. Thank you. I don't think of that as dribbling. I think of dribbling is only a basketball thing. Yeah, we can do a quick scene. But thank you, Jordan, for those riddles. Thank you, Jordan.

I'd like to see a scene. Aaron, you are a dog owner slash coach. Right. Zach, you are a dog. Airbud type. Got it. And you're trying to teach this dog to play tennis. Okay.

And it's, and it's before this moment, this is a normal dog. Great. All right. Since my son quit tennis this morning, You're up I hope you like Since my son quit tennis this morning Yeah

You are up And now you are my son And he is my dog And that's how that's gonna be If you're gonna go to school And I'm Stephanie Graff and thanks for having me Of course, thank you so much I would love if we can get this dog

To be Wimbledon good Oh I thought I was Gonna play against the dog Yes Oh okay And then the dog's going to go to school with me. Remember that. And then the dog's going to grow up, and I'm going to pay for the dog to go to college,

and I'm going to help the dog follow its dream. Wait, wait, hold on. What do you mean? So I'm going to, like, die when I'm, like, 15? I guess so. I'm 16. I'm going to take you to the vet. They're not going to do that. Yes, they will.

Oh, sorry. My son doesn't want me talking to my dog anymore. Okay. Oh, yeah, I get it. I get what you, what you're doing. I was never going to beat Steffie Graff. Not with that attitude. Oh, God. Steffie Graff whipped me in the eye with a tennis ball. You're going to let her do that, Mom?

Yes, of course. And this dog can say Wimbledon. And what can you do? That dog's going to Rimbledon at best. And I got stabbed in the back, I think. What? Rimbledon? Seen. Did somebody run on the court and stab, Steffie Graff?

I don't know. Is that a real thing that happened? That's horrible. And if it did, I'm sorry that happened, you Steffie Graff. No one deserves to be stabbed. No. Especially in the back. Especially during your job. Anyways. You want to stab me?

Stab me in the front like a man because I just fucked up the jungle cruise. That's how I want to go out. Zach, anything to plug or promote any project? Great question. That's a great question, Zach. And we're going to figure this thing out together. Oh, let me buy time. Yeah.

Here is a crocodile. Rambleton. I'm sorry, do we have an airbud on the boat? Rambledon? Rimbledon. Rimbledon is going to be the name of the next animal I own. Offbook, the Improvised Musical, is going on tour to many cities around our beautiful country again. And you can get on our Instagram, Offbook Pod, and there's a link to all those shows there.

Also, speaking of things that just came out on Disney Plus, I'm a voice on a show. called Stugo that dropped its entirety on Disney Plus today. Wow! That's out now.

It's competing with ride footage apparently. STUGO, sure for student government, it's very funny and I'm very happy

to be a part of it. That's very cool. I will say if you have not seen Offbook Live, it is maybe the most, I'd say that in improv by Shakespeare are the two most

impressive live improv experiences you can ever kind of absorb. We are. are a live show that was a podcast for a while. And it's nice to be doing live shows. Your mock trial show that was on YouTube for a while was like my comfort watch during

the pandemic. Oh, thank you so much. Those songs are often stuck in my head. Wait, how do we watch it? What's this? Oh, it's so good. Yeah, we did an episode at Curious Comedy in Portland that they filmed and it's just on YouTube.

It's so good. I would have plugged our mock trial movie that we're making right now, but that Kickstarter has ended by the time this comes out. So just watch our movie when it comes out. Just watch the movie, people, when it comes out. It's called Mark Trial. I don't know if it's out. Maybe it's out already.

Probably not. That'd be amazing that you don't know about it now if it's out already. But hey, cool. This is the past. You did say at the beginning that you're the least Hollywood person. So it'd be understandable that you don't know about release schedules and stuff. Oh, God, show up. I'm going to do the work.

Go up into the mountains with Winnie the Poo. If you want to hear us do the work, you can listen to Gumshoes and Dragons. I think we have two episodes out right now. Maybe episode two came out already. And if not, keep listening to episode one. Yeah. And then hey, ridder-reddle.com slash live if you want to come see us this fall. And Adel, anything to add?

Go on to YouTube and type in Jim Cummings and see how many voices he does. Be amazed. Be amazed. He truly does all the voices. Incredible. Well, Jupiter. Thanks, everybody. Bye.

Bye. Thank you. Bramilton. I'm starting Aaron Keith and John Patrick Cullen Casey Tony did be editing

Mardi Perrin's in the music logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nipporus One, two, three, four Hey, Riddle Bridgeon Hey, Riddle.

Hey, Hey, there, cakes and cake cups. If you like that, you are going to love this week's page. We have Rakeshanker back on the podcast to do rakehaikas, cakes, rakes, and cakeups. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month, plus to get those ad-free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.