Hey Riddle Riddle - #375: You're My Taco R2D2

Episode Date: September 24, 2025

We talk about those damn delivery robots, learn some Erin Facts, and probably get to a few damn riddles! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Aaron, you're going to really like the ads, the Adel and I recorded. Adel, is he being sarcastic? No, I think you are. Sorry, I think you car are really going to like it. Aaron, you kissed a car and turned into a car. Yeah, kind of a wear car situation. That everyone giggling at an inside joke sent me right back.

time. The childhood. Not only an inside joke, but a car pun. Yeah. You car. I think you car could like. He stood on a block of ice. Both of the network of fish.

It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse of being Friday. All right, all right, all right, Erin, let me get this straight one more time. We'll go back to the story one more time because I swear to God I was listening, but it just doesn't make sense. You were mouthing off to a witch, and she did what to your throat? She, okay, I'll start from the very, very beginning. Thank God.

Okay. The Big Bang. I think I went a little too far. Hold on. I was born. on a full moon in Boston, Massachusetts. Hold on. I'm nervous now. Closer than the Big Bang. Yeah. Unless we're talking about Aaron's conception, because then it's only nine months away. Not 10, really. You know it takes 10 months? Anyway. Do you know what takes elephants two years? To fall in love? Yes, but also to incubate an elephant baby.

Erin? Incubate an elephant baby? I did know that and I learned it from you. Oh, perfect. Okay. So I was mouthing off to a witch. And I went, I bet you'd be pretty pissed if I changed the consonant, the first consonant of witch to a different consonant. No. The C word? Mm-hmm. And then she punched me in the throat. Arid. A rich to punches. I know. Yeah. Highly unusual. I know. It wasn't even like a curse or a spell or... They're quick to anger. I feel like a lot of witches. Sea witches. How do I want to phrase this? Do you know like Paul Greengrass? You know like the born trilogy? Yeah.

A lot of witches have been really into born identity, born ultimatum, et cetera, et cetera. So there's a lot more emphasis. Witches are putting a premium on hand-to-hand combat. Right. No more spells. No more caldrons.

We're jumping off of buildings. It's parkour. We're doing somersaults. Because they understood that they needed to be more cinematic and what they do and how they do it. A witch who knows judo? is a witch you don't want to cross that is a great idea for a movie franchise is witches

that are not using any of their typical powers they're just trading state secrets they're on airplanes is a witch you don't you don't want across um recently i don't know where i saw it but i saw a series of gifts of the um most improbable ways to move out like move away from things that have been like filmed or or animated and if you're If you, if you haven't watched these, they're, they're very, it was based off the new Superman movie, which I know that everyone has seen. There's that the woman in Superman who can, well, I don't know everyone has seen. I know you two have seen it. But there's a bad guy in Superman who can like morph her body because her body is like micro organisms.

You remember, or micro nanotechnology. The woman who does a backflip into a handstand only to put her head where her legs just were? Yes. She does a backflip into a handstand. I have no idea what you were talking about because I was being beat up by my chair while I was watching Superman. Need I remind you? My chair was throwing punches at me. It's a move that this woman does in Superman where she does it backflip into a handstand and then her legs on arm switch.

And she like, it could be easily accomplished by turning around and pivoting 90 degrees. Like that's that. But the whole thing is if you could do that, if you could do a backflip into a handstand and then turn around and like be walking. You would do that. You would never turn around in your entire life. There's no reason to. If I saw cameras, I would do that. But if I'm going to kill someone, I'm not wasting my time doing that.

You're not doing it with a little flair? It's their last few moments of life. Give them a show. I guess in context of that, especially if you're killing a robot, because it's like, what is the robot care? But if it's a robot, probably camera, right? You got to assume that those guys are recording, so someone's going to see it. Yeah, that could go viral.

They all have a black box inside of them. Yeah. that's awesome well this robot's dead time to crack it open and figure out let's not actually watch the footage just in case anyone took this robot on a date hypothetically

let's maybe destroy the black box Lobster Bisk with a robot you took one of those little food delivery robots that like scoot around L.A. on a date correct? Yes I did and I paid for a violinist to play his favorite song

I once kissed a robot At the French Laundry Do you know who hates those robots? Lou? Who's like, one of these motherfuckers? Ken? She like is 100% sure

that there's a soul in there and she screams every time she sees one. Oh man. Yeah, I think everybody hates those little robots. I think that if I ordered

something for delivery and it came on a little robot, I'd be like, God damn it. Yeah. No, they make me feel sad. They've delivered a couple of my orders before

and I just am like, I'm worried about them. I'm like, this is sad. This is not good. This is not good. It's like if we made a thousand R2D2s and then we're like, you'll just kind of like deliver like penny saver newspapers. Yeah.

You're going to be my taco R2D2. Yeah. No, no, no, no. You don't get to fly a spaceship. You bring me a taco when I'm hungry. You're my taco R2D2. R2D2. Forget flying spaceships.

You're going to bring me Taco Bell at 2 a.m. when I'm drunk and high. It's like training an alien monkey to like pop your blackheads where it's like what are I mean. It's just a menial task for such an intelligent creature. Human beings are silly silly silly. If we

found alien monkeys, that's exactly what we would do with them. We would be like, we don't know about their culture, but their hands are really tiny popping blackheads. Suddenly you turn on TV and it's just Dr. Alien Monkey Pimple Popper. Number one rated show. CBS

this fall. JPC, what were you seeing about the new Superman? Oh, it was that. It was just that I was watching a series of gifts of people doing improbable or, like, excessive moves that could be easily done by just, like, moving out of the way or pivoting very briefly. And those were a lot of fun to watch. So that's all. I don't have anything about Superman. Fuck Superman.

I feel like Neo could have jumped over those bullets, right? Oh, yeah. Or just like bendy thing. He could have jumped or sidestepped. What about this? What about just hit the ground completely? You know what I'm saying? Is it that much easier to get up from like your back being broken at half than it would be to just like kip up from the ground?

Yeah, do a forward roll. I started the way of Kings last night. Aaron. I know I'm super early to that party. Aaron, the good news is you have, I want to say, 300 Sanderson books to catch up on. Yeah. And it is just fantasy. COVID if you're crack it into the way of kids.

Zorp is reading them aloud to me. Because I love to be read to. They have a professional. Wait, what? Yeah. And he's actually, I've heard he's really good. I've never listened to them. No, that's not sure.

I listened to a part of one in Tim Lines' car when we were driving to L.A. or back from L.A. or whatever I did, wherever I was driving. Was it a good narrator? I think the narrator is good. I'm fascinated by the people who are like, good narrators for audiobooks. I've heard that recording audiobooks

from people who don't do it professionally but have recorded their own audiobook is brutal. Because sometimes we record three episodes in a row and it's a lot of talking into a microphone, but I think that they're there for like 50 hours, like just, especially those big fantasy books that are like 50 hour

books, you know? And you know that they do like 10 takes on pronouncing a word where they're like Caledin, Kaladin, Kaladin, And Kayla didn't, like, they had to get notes on all that. When I did the Joko Cruz with Mark Gagliardi, he does a lot of audiobooks. And when he records them, he has, like, a little clicker thing every time he makes a mistake so he can go back through and edit out all of his mistakes. That's cool.

Should we be doing that? No, there are no mistakes. Quick. Okay, cut this part out. Cut, Aaron's hypothetical. All right, Aaron. I am actually a little concerned that you have it clicky pin that near your desk. That needs to go, that needs to go the way of kings, if you know what I'm saying.

Okay. Let's do a new segment where we each take turns reading from a book as a celebrity narrator. Okay. The color purple. Now who's that and what book are you doing? Wow. What a color. What a color.

What a color. He's so excited about the just the title page. Yeah. He gets. He sees the title page and then he just does like five minutes on how excited he is for the title. You're listening to the audio book like, this is can't possibly be what the book is. You're constantly jumping out of your seat. I can't think of a single celebrity impression to do.

Adel, you go. Okay. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. That's good. Jasonamoa. Jasonamoa. Classic stuff.

I can't think of an impression to do. Aaron right now, because of your sort of head cold or whatever's going on, you sort of sound. like Kathleen Turner. Oh, yes. So maybe like a Jessica Rabbit, like... Jacob Marley was dead to begin with. Nailed it. I think I told my Kathleen Turner story on here, but when I was in college, my school was

attached to like the repertory theater of St. Louis. And when you're in a theater conservatory, you get assigned stage crews for things. And sometimes they would be like the school's productions and sometimes they'd be the repertory theater of St. Louis productions. And I was cursed my freshman year with what had to have been the worst crews ever. Like it was way more of a commitment than anyone else is. It was way more physical labor. And first semester freshman year, I, me and this boy named Jimmy Betts were the like performance majors assigned to building the three penny opera sets.

And this was a huge set made entirely of wood with like a ton of ladders and it was crazy. and Kathleen Turner was doing a show at the Repertory Theater of St. Louis and she would walk by us building sets and be like, and what production is this for? Three penny opera. Okay, this is taking you a long time to build.

And she was just chat with us about it and I'd be like, what are we doing, Kathleen Turner? That's amazing. And then my other stage crew that year, and I'm still so mad about it. I did that for like six weeks, first semester of freshman year. a nightmare. One Saturday, they had us come in at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and stayed till 4 p.m.

And they gave us like the measurements for a ladder. And we couldn't figure it out. And at 4 p.m., the guy who was in charge of us came in and went, oh, sorry, these measurements don't make any sense. And Jimmy Betts threw a hammer at the wall. And then second semester, I was put on Macbeth stage crew, which that shows so fucking long. And then I had to miss a bunch of classes because I was costumes for that. And part of my job was washing blood off of the kids clothes at the end of every show. It was the dead of winter in St. Louis and I had to watch blood off of children's clothes. All my chicks in one fell swoop. For free. I think after McDuff's kids are killed, I think he says all my chicks in one fell swoop. Yeah. Which is just. And then I'm the one. And then it was also like the whole production is like 30 sweaty men. And I'm spraying vodka in their coats because they smell horrible. Men smell horrible after they're in a production of Big Bath. Did everyone know this? I'm pissed.

Elephants have a two-year gestation period and men smell horrible after a performance of Big Beth. The two errant facts I've learned today. Yes. Sorry, guys. I just had to go off. I'm still a little bit hurt about that. Aaron, I have to assume that Jimmy Betts now works

for some Kansas City Mafia organization. Probably. No, he's great. I saw him at my college reunion. They call him the wall hammer. We were all like, we were telling our war stories and everyone's like drunk stories

and I remember when Jimmy threw up on those baby rabbits and he was like what? And I was like no remember Jimmy like we were at a party we're at a house party and right by the garage we found a nest of baby rabbits

and then later we were all in the kitchen and we looked outside and you were throwing up on them and he was like no we kept that from you oh my God I'm so sorry we kept a 15 year's secret because we knew you'd feel bad

wait but he didn't know he was just throwing up and bushes or whatever. Yeah, he thought he was just throwing up on the side of a building. He had no idea who was throwing up on baby rabbits. And we, I think, at the time, decided to not tell him. Yeah. But then I spilled the beans while we were grownups.

Sounds like so did Jimmy Betts. Yeah. That's the problem with nature is you never know whose property you're sort of doing something on. Like what animals sort of domain. Yeah. I'm walking on an aunt condo right now. It's got a deer's kitchen that I'm shitting in. You don't know.

Shitting outside a lot. Aaron, where do you shit? I don't know. Exactly. I'm trying to find out. I'm really nervous. The deer's like, use the deer bathroom. It's two feet from the deer kitchen.

What are you doing? It's like a full bathroom with running water. Okay, here's a riddle. This is another riddle from Elvis. I think we did like a set of riddles from Elvis and this is the last ones. We'll just, we'll ease you into the episode by doing this riddle from Elvis. I have a hundred legs but cannot stand A long neck but no head

I eat the maid's life What am I? A broom? It's a broom I'm mm-hmm I tried to think of like What would make a maid sad Like she has to keep doing it

It makes her sad And I'm like sweeping I guess What would make a maid sad Well you know what though What if the maid loves it? It's like what if they got into mating Because they love sweeping so much So they're like if you do what that's

to anyone's favorite chore. Do you have a least favorite and favorite chore? I love vacuuming. Vacuuming is very satisfying. I'd say my least favorite is litter, like the cat litter, dealing with all that, just because it smells so bad. I do have a least favorite chore, and my least favorite chore is cleaning the stove, like cleaning all, like, the burned on, like, food or like if water spills over from a pot, cleaning the stove, because I will clean my entire kitchen, I'll clean all the dishes, I'll clean all the counters and then I'll be like

Hey Mariah would you clean this stove and she's always like yes I will clean this stove which is how you know That's so nice True love She will do my least favorite chore

And I will do all the rest of the chores So Yeah It's an even trade Aaron what about you I like any chore That involves like heat So I like folding laundry

And washing dishes I don't like taking out the trash Are you someone who when you take towels out of a dryer you hold them up to your face and squeeze Oh yeah

I will cocoot Lou and I will sometimes do a towel a cocoon and I'll put them all on the bed and her and I will sort of

cuddle puddle in them Okay you don't use a towel that Aaron's house sounds like a dog washing over it Interesting

Aaron that presupposes is there a way that we could get you into doing the trash if we made the trash hot

yeah if you set the trash on fire hot garbage and it felt like that honestly that sounds awesome What about a device?

You know how people have like their trash cans like in their cabinets? Yeah. My trash can is like sit down and has a lid but you can have like a trash can like inside of a cabinet.

What if we had that but we built like a trash warmer that doesn't make it like hot but it would you know heat it up to like I don't know 90, 95 degrees or something like that just so it's. I love it.

Honestly. If you can make my broom handle hot, I'm in. If you can make my vacuum handle hot I'm in. I want, I love making a... That's my best sleepover prank is the hot room handle. It's my best witch's pickup line.

You can make my broom handle hot. I do want to see it soon. Okay. Aaron, you're sort of a Mary Poppins type. Love. JPC, you and I are the kids that Aaron is nannying for. But Aaron, this Mary Poppins type just can't be bothered. Like, you don't really like doing any of your delegated tasks.

For every job that must be done, there is an element. of fun. I would like an old-fashioned, please. If you want to Google, how to make that. What's wrong with your voice? Are you okay? Are you sick? What do you mean what's wrong with my voice?

I sang all day yesterday. Oh. We sang all day. If you're sick, you shouldn't be taking care of children. Okay. Thank you for the feedback. But you're sick all the time, and I have to be here. We're not at work.

You're at work. Yeah, you're at work. We're kids. Um, yeah, I would like to take a load off, please. Can you make me a drink? Mrs. Puppers, um, should I use the same glass that I've been using for your old fashion or get a new one? You've been using the same glass?

Yeah. Clean it. Oh, yes, yes, Mrs. Puppers. But you haven't taught us how to clean. Okay, let's sing a song about fluffing my pillows. What, what? What about, why are we fluffing your pillows? Shouldn't we be doing chores

like making our beds or like cleaning up our room like Yeah you can do that one We're done with my stuff All right I'm still happy Making your casserole Is filling out my tax return

Okay Here's your old fashion Thank you Are you Do you have any dependents? Do you have any dependents? No Okay

Okay Do you have, how many 1099 miscellaneous do you have? When you don't know what to do, pick up my dry cleaning, do it right now. I forgot I had to get it. Why aren't you singing? It's so far away. Can we use the car? No.

What? You're a child. Okay. I just feel like... Mrs. Puppers, we haven't seen our parents in quite some time. I know that. Are they okay? Okay, are they coming back?

I don't know, no. Fix me up something that is sweet, and then I'm going to want something that is salty. Why are you both just standing and staring at me? Desert, then savory. It's just a confusing way to eat. And plus, you said make a casserole like 10 minutes ago, and I've barely gotten started on that. And casseroles take hours to make. Okay.

Takes out umbrella. Starts walking towards the door Takes my bag You know what I'm gonna go help other kids Oh thank God she's living off Your parents are definitely dead They're gonna probably come

And try to take the house Within the next couple days Good luck to you Good luck to you Open the umbrella Starts to lift up Absolutely falls Cumbles

Goes into the sewer grate Oh no Just kick her down Just kick her down with your feet Kick her down there Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! All right. Let's get those taxes done.

See? And that is the origin for the clown-it. And you didn't even care, did you? Same magical properties. You guys, you're not going to believe this? No, I won't. But having COVID makes your brain move slow. What?

I can't think of shit about shit right now. I can't think of anything. If you were to ask me about anything, I wouldn't know. What? Aaron, name a color. You made that brilliant connection between Mrs. Puppers and It the Clown. I don't remember doing that. For those of you who email the show and say,

The Clown's name isn't at the clown. The clown has a name. We know the clown's name is at the clown. You're wrong. Yeah, look it up. Yeah, look it up, dumbass. And the boy's name is Zelda. That's the little boy with the sword.

That's Zelda. His name is Zelda. All right, we have another riddle. This one's from. Colin Wilson. Colin said you can read my full name only if you do it sarcastically. I think I probably nailed it, right? Oh, yeah.

Here's the first riddle from Colin Wilson. I don't always have wings, but as I get bigger, I typically sport more and more. My feet are buried in the ground. My head is protected from weather. I don't fear people, but insects are a frequent concern. Who am I? A house, a building. Aaron.

You got it. Nail on the head, one out of one. It is a house. A house. Okay, fantastic. I'd like to see a scene. Okay. JPC, you are a house. Adel, you are the house's first tenant after moving in. And JPC, you don't know how you feel about someone living inside you. Great. Oh, a little musty and dusty in here. Okay, let's see. Put the boxes down here and, okay.

I'll start hanging up some pictures. is just get a little nail in the wall. Oh, oh. Oh, whoa. Hello? Hey, wow. Okay, we went right for the hammer out of the walls, huh? Are you the, are you a ghost?

I'm the house. Oh, yeah, no, I'm not a ghost. I am the house. Oh, sorry. Is that nail like your butthole or something? Like, where I put that nail is that your butt hole? Is that nail? Just the way you screamed sounded like you got your, like you got goose.

Oh, so if I drove a nail like in your, in your, or whatever, you'd have no reaction. It's butthole only. That's the only place that... Hey, this is all due to me, man, okay? I'm just trying to figure out... Oh, you've always been a renter? Yeah.

Yeah, well, this is homeownership. When we, someone, you know, purchases us, it's kind of like a genie thing. Like, we talk to the person who... I feel like people should be talking about this. Shoes on, huh? You're like a shoes on in the house type of guy. Yeah, it's my...

I mean, I'm going to replace the carpet. Unless that's like your peeds or something. Huh? oh okay i get the confusion my whole thing is not like a one-to-one with like a human body thing i've never been a human i'm not a human i am a house so like the carpet is the carpet okay so fireplace isn't your penis stop guessing stop guessing what why the fireplace be why the fireplace be the penis i'm still in shock okay the chimney would be the penis this is all new to me Yeah. Jesus. Okay. Where is your penis just so I know not to touch it?

Chimney. Okay. Ding dong. Ding dong. Is that you doing that? Is that like your clit? Is that my... Oh, it's a door. It's a door. Uh, hello? Hi, neighbor. Just bringing over a welcome to the neighborhood pie. Um, sorry to ring your doorbell so many times. Yeah, it's rude to, I mean, I'd say wait 10 seconds for someone to move around the house. Sorry, I was just getting so anxious. Just as people don't stand by the fucking door, but...

I'm Mark. Hi, Mark. Does your house talk to you? Oh, yeah, big time. That's how I know that my house likes the doorbell rang. Ding dong, ding dong, ding, ding, dend, dend, don't. Oh, this is like good for them. Wait, do you hear that?

Can you hear my house, or is it only if you own the house, you hear it? All right, Mark. So nice meeting you. Let me know if we need anything. Gummy worm pie. Hey, Mark, she rang the doorbell a couple times too many. Could you grab a mop and head up to the chimney? Oh, come on, man.

Hey, exactly. Seen. Never ringing a doorbell again. Yeah, because I know a house likes it. I'll read a doorbell all the time now. Can I tell you a little trick with my house? Yeah. This is a little life hack.

Okay. Can't wait. I have a doorbell. Sure. It does not do anything when you ring it. Because I tell people, don't ring the doorbell. What people always do. And if I have a doorbell that is not connected to anything,

It doesn't matter if people ring a doorbell. Oh, because it drives Spaghetti nuts. Spaghetti doesn't like it. Oh, so you'll never. It's like that on purpose. I have specifically designed it so that it doesn't do anything. Got it, got it, got it, got it. It's my little hack for living a relaxing life.

I love it. Yeah. I also like the way my house and my porch are designed, if like there's like a solicitor or someone who's like coming away, we have a lot of, in my neighborhood for whatever reason, we have a lot of people that like come by to like spray for bugs or whatever like spray like bug spray people like spraying the outside of your house for bugs there's so many of them um and yeah it's i i guess it's just like a thing like that's that's that's there's probably not a lot of businesses that are like door to door businesses anymore um but for whatever reason that one is and uh in the garage door repair it's it's those two things people will just yeah walk your alley and like tape up garage garage. door repair things on your garage, which is crazy. I will throw one away, and within three days, there's another one taped up, and it's just like, this is exhausting.

I was saw a guy who was, I was, like, coming into my garage, and he was putting the, like, thing on my garage. And as I was coming in a, hey, man, I don't want that. And he was like, he just looked at me and shrugged and put it on the garage. Now, it's possible we did not speak the same language. That is, that is 100% of possibility. It's also possible he's like, hey, man, I get paid to stick these on garages. Like, I don't give a shit.

Yeah. I don't care who you. you are what you want to do um but a lot of times when i get like solicitors i'll just like kind of look out my window and like kind of wave them off and by kind of wave them off i mean my dog will be going absolutely fucking berserk and i'll say go away and there was a guy who came it was earlier this summer so it's probably like a month or two ago and i was like go away like i'm not not interested and he was like pointing to my door like open the door and i was like no you leave and he was like the door and i was like i understand

what my door is. You got to understand. It's not opening it up. And also, I'm holding a 55-pound German Shepherd who's just like going fucking berserk right now. Like, you should know that this is not going to end well for anyone involved. You know, what the hell?

Can I ask, I'm very confused by spraying for bugs outside. Yes. What? That seems like a... That's their house. That's where it's a... Yeah, that's their kitchen. But it feels like, I mean, I just, I'm confused.

use. I can see if you have like a hornet's nest in your garage or something, like on the outside, but otherwise, bugs, it's just sort of a nonstop until the earth stops revolving, right? Bugs are just going to be around. I will say, I've only done it one time where I've had to spray for bugs because in my basement, I was getting a ton of millipedes. And millipedes are, like, harmless. But I was, like, sick, sick of, like, stepping on them as they just, like, crawl around in my basement. And so I sprayed the outside for millipedes to, like, keep them out. But that's the only time I've ever, like, sprayed for bugs. And otherwise, most bugs I'm like fine with in my house I see like spiders and shit all over the place I'm like yeah go for it you know I'll kill a mosquito if I see it inside but other than that I'm like hey man we're all living here together like you're a bug I'm a guy

we have different parts of the house that we hang out in I'd like to see a scene Adel you are a spider that is living in JPC's house and JPC you've decided that it's time for him to start paying some rent okay Hey can you turn up the TV I can't

hear it oh uh no my my kids is sleep in the other room so we we just watch it quiet whoa whoa whoa whoa who the fuck is asking me that oh down here buddy hey oh my god get the fuck out of you a spider get the fuck out of here am i a spider what do i fucking look like my name i mean you're so small i'm thank you my name's ulysses i'm a brown recluse i've been in your mouth did you know that you swallow three to five of my cousins every year? I don't think people swallow five brown recluses every year. And by the way, I don't know who told you you're a brown reckless, but brother, you are not

a brown reckless. What? Come on. You're brown. Yeah. Like in color. Oh, but I don't go outside, so I'm a reckless. Brown reckless is like the king of spiders, my man.

You are, you're minuscule. You're tiny. What the fuck? Really focusing on the tiny part. Listen, you know what? Just put the, hey. Bring the TV into the basement, and I'll just watch it in there, and we'll be good. You know what?

No, I'm usually pretty cool with spiders being in the house, but you are kind of crossing a line that most spiders don't cross. Pretty cool spiders in the house as a guy who swallowed three to five of my cousins. Everybody does that. Here's what I'll say. It doesn't matter. The thing isn't that you do it while you're asleep. The thing is that you do it three to five times a year. Ulysses, here's what I'm going to say.

Yeah. I don't, I'm not going to kick you out. I'm not going to smush you, but if you want to stay here, you're going to have to start contributing, you know, to the house. Got it. Let me, okay, let's see. All right, I'm going to spin a web. Dreamcatcher.

Okay. Did you know that spider silk is, like, oh, that instantly got my mouth. Why would you do it in front of my face? Spider-self is like, spider silk is like ten times stronger than steel. How did you just destroy that? There's no way. Strong? Are you a Supergirl?

There's no way that spider silk is 10 times stronger than steel. Relatively. Well, yeah, I guess everything right. Ulysses, that's not the kind of, I don't, that's not useful to me. You spinning web is actually like not useful to me at all. What if I... How many other bugs have you caught in eat and eaten? Like in the last week.

How many other bugs have you caught in the house and eaten? Silverfish, silverfish, silverfish, fly, fly, fly, mosquito, fly, silverfish fly mosquito 28 You've been killing silverfish Yeah No silverfish kill other bugs They only

Can I damn it Can you hear yourself? What? You killed a guy trying to break into your house Those things kill people The house that they break into Can you hear yourself? No you're first of all

You're like an erect then You're not even like a bug I want you to kill like gnats And stuff like that Not like the silverfish Will kill the other bugs It's like... Hey, I know a little smooth sings over.

Okay. Let me lay a big egg sack. No. Hold on. Can I finish? It ain't it. Can I finish? What's the finish going to be that's going to turn me around?

Let me... Okay. Lay a big egg sack. Okay. Then one day you'll forget it today. You'll step on it. Sure. A million tiny clear spiders will zoom around the house.

Yeah, tiny clear spiders, uh-huh. And I'll have a community to talk to. You have to walk spaghetti once a month, and it has to be a 45. minute walk. Spaghetti eats, I'd say 30 to 50 of my cousins per year. Did he better keep her happy and engaged and worn out and tired, you know? Hey, let me tell you something. Come down, lean down here, lean down here.

Okay. Hey, what's the deal with Aaron Keefe? Is she single? Is she single? Yeah. She was over one time and I was like, gag, got, go. I think probably one time. Yeah.

I think she's been over. I think he's been over. exactly one time she was here with her boyfriend by the way that guy that was here with her was that was her boyfriend zorpe that's her boyfriend yeah oh he looks he looked like a human though oh you're confused us like why would a human date like a haunted porcelain doll how am i catching strays in this scene that's about a spider picks up shoe kills that spider the fuck, I'm not even in that scene.

Awesome. Aaron, as a little update, Aaron brought my kid a panda bear. Yeah. Yeah, panda bear. Named Beverly Shubedoo. Named Beverly Shubadoo.

And so far, my kid will call things by like the animal that they are, like elephant or bear or whatever, but they won't, they don't give their, like, animals names. But Shubadu, I introduced from the beginning as Shubidu, and I've been reinforcing Shubadoo, and now my kid will call that bear,

well, they can't quite get Shubadu out because that's a crazy word to say, but it's close. It's close. Shubidu's more in line with like a baby's vocab than most words. So I feel like making names that are like Kipap or Subadap. Like that's more beneficial for a baby.

This is huge for me. I brought Beverly Shubidu so I could have a spy on the ground floor that bear is there to slowly convince Mariah to leave you for me and the fact that your kid is like building a relationship with it is huge news

huge news the other thing that they'll do is they'll just touch the top of Shubatoo's head and go so soft oh my goodness we went for we went for ice cream recently with JPC and his kid

and every time you would give them ice cream they they would turn and look at me and make a face of like, I don't know if I like this, which was fascinating. It was their first time ever having ice cream, and they were like, ugh. And I was like, yeah, it's cold. I understand. It's like, but it is good as fucking hell,

but it's cold, and that's not always like temperature might override flavor in a lot of ways. All right, hey, speaking of temperatures and flavors, why don't we take a little break? Okay. Just this one's so. Yeah. Hey, hey, you're two humans. Can you help me out? My name's Rocket, Rocket Rabbit.

Okay, we're waiting into dangerous territory Rocket Rabbit, but yeah, we can, we can help you out. Yeah, I just, you know, I have all these subscriptions and charges coming to me monthly, and I just need help trying to suss them all out. Okay, good. I thought you were going to ask for help with, that tree thing that you're with and saving some sort of... It's a bush. That's a bush. Good. Well, we can help with that because you can use Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Oh. Yeah. They show all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about, which happens to me all the time. If you see a

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That's Constellation King. All right, we're waiting into bad territory. Guys. You guys. Yeah, guys, let's not do any of this, but let's talk about Rocket Money. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to 740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Wow, so it sounds like everyone can cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to RocketMoney.com slash riddle today. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. RocketMoney.com slash riddle. What do you say, grut? I am Bush. Oh, brother. Okay, we can't. We got it.

Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Oh, excuse me, you do? Could you help me? I'm trying to churn some butter. We're all good here, a man from the past or whatever, or Elmo or whatever. No, I'm from your year.

From our year, okay. What is this? I want to tell you about ButterHelp. Oh, I see what this is. We're trying to talk about BetterHelp. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Butter help. No, no, no, no.

Okay, we're talking about Better Help. My friend and I were talking Better Help. It's online therapy than you can use if you don't want to do in-person therapy, but you still want to have a relationship with a therapist. Better Help Therapists work according to strict code of conduct in our fully licensed in the US. BetterHelp does an initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And with their 10 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rates means they're typically

get it right on the first try. And if you aren't happy with it, you can switch your therapist anytime. No problem. I've done it before and it was great. I have a perfect match on BetterHelp and it's the kind of therapy that works great for my brain. Oh, this sounds pretty great. So what are you telling me there's like over 30,000 therapists. BetterHelp is like the world's largest online therapy platform. Is that what you're saying? Having served over five, let's say, million people globally. Yeah. That's exactly. I mean, we weren't saying that, but that is. Oh, dang. That's awesome. Eating butter off fingers. It's convenient too. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. So if you're like having a

problem, you can literally send a message to your therapist whenever. This butter is so good. Right. And I have to come clean. I am a puppet from the past. You were right. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. So whether you're a normal guy or some weirdo pervert puppet that walked up to us on the street from the past, you can find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash riddle. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash riddle. Wait a minute. One of those was about me, but which one? You've got to try this butter JPC. You've got to try love, love, love, love, love, love. I will not try this pervert's butter. I'm off to my time, but goodbye.

Bye. Jealous much, new coat, new shirt, new pants. Addle, you didn't get those from the emperor, did you? No, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes. Oh. I knew it, and everyone says he was, and I knew he wasn't. I felt like I knew he wasn't. Interesting, now my experience with the emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adel, your clothes look fantastic. They look like very expensive. That must have cost you an arm in a leg. Uh, no. Actually, we don't pay with limbs. We pay with money, but this was actually very cheap in terms of money. This is from Quince, my good lady. I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop. Like super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Touch, please, touch. Starting at just $60. That's bonkers. $60? Yeah, $60. Their denim is durable and fits right.

And their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag. I have sheets from Quince. I got a skirt from Quince. I love Quince. On the walk over here, wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy? That's clearly like a partner's little brother, like Nathan Levi's cousin or something. Taller younger brother. And what makes Quince different?

Well, they partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middleman. so you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands. And middlemen are flipping out about it. I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head. He was so mad at quince. Is he okay? No, he looks really distressed. Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie.

I think it's like perfect for the cooler weather. It's like it's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between like, you know, a fall jacket and, you know, your summer clothes. It's awesome. It's like a must-have staple of my wardrobe. And I got my eye on some boots at Quince for the fall. Just a tall boot. I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute and I'm excited. I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color.

Come back to me. Come back to me. Sounds good, friends, puts on sunglasses. So keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365. day returns that's q you i nc e dot com slash riddle free shipping and 365 day returns quince dot com slash riddle at all i have got erin on a joke website i'm about to sell her chocolate boots i think she's gonna walk around yum yum yum yum yum yum i will stay and watch this

mhm yum eat them like cookie monster gpc you know how not too long ago erin was a car we don't really need to dwell on it sometimes you're asking yourself weird things like why didn't they teach us this in school? I feel that way almost any time I'm dealing with money. Amen. Famously, I'm very bad with money. Famously, you're very good with money. That's why I'm giving my kids, aka my cats,

a head start on their money skills with acorns early. Now, if I know your cats, they're going to take those acorns, put them outside your door, and then feed them to squirrels so they can watch squirrels going outside of your door. But children, human children, they're very different. They have

different learning patterns than cats. We're getting wildly off topic. Aaron used to be a car. That's why she's not here, but that's been resolved at this point. So we don't have to worry about that. Mostly been resolved. Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up. This is something that I am going to be gifting to friends, that I myself, hopefully one day, will be gifting to a child and again, to my cats.

Start with the in-app chores tracker. Teach your kids or cats the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set up their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early. And you could maybe be like, hey, let's set a goal that you save up to buy, I don't know, like a car one day. Yes, because it is legal to buy a car. Yes. Even if it is or was a human at some point because if it's now a car, it's fine. And there's no laws against that.

Plus, kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's spending limits in real-time spin notifications, parents always stay in control. I have played around with the Acorn's Early app. So it's still a little early for my child. But I really love the features. I really love how, like, simplified it is. I actually think that it, like, can make learning about money fun and engaging. And I think that those are very important things.

It's also really important to, like, demystify, you know, the money. You know, money isn't something that's, like, you know, dirty or dangerous or something. And it's just like a tool like anything else that we use to exist in society. And I think that acorns early is a great way to introduce children to that. Absolutely. Hey, JPM. Mm-hmm. Do you notice, even though Aaron's not a car anymore, that sometimes when she sneezes, it sounds like room?

Yeah. And sometimes when she, not to be indelicate, farts, it sounds like, Hong Kong, Kong, Kong, Kong. Passes gas. It sounds like Hong Kong, Kong, Kong, Kong. Yes. And that I immediately want to get it. Anyway, ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend. Get your first month on us when you head to AcornsEarly.com slash hey riddle or download the Acorns Early app.

That's one month free when you sign up at AcornsEarly.com slash hey riddle. Acorns Early is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank member FDIC pursuant to licensed by Massacard International. Free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting for $5 per month and less cancel term supply at acorns.com slash early terms. Aaron's not a car. Take control of your money. Ah, Erin, uh, Barber-Aryan, uh, also JPC, just Paladin Cohen. Great.

Love. Love it. Love. What is this vibe? Yes, we all love D&D-style adventures, right? Full of humor and heart. Guys, I know I do. You need to check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Oh, I know Tales from the Stinky Dragon. and it's an award-winning D&D comedy podcast hosted by an all-star team of writers, comedians, and voice actors. You can join along for an auditory adventure with immersive sound design, an original score, and gripping stories set in a fantasy world. Plus, it's suitable for all ages

yet full of complex characters that make you laugh and cry. This podcast needs to be experienced by everyone, whether you're a seasoned D&D player or completely new to the game. Oh, this sounds up our alley. It's comedy with heart. Oh, wait, we don't have heart.

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That's Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's a natural 10, which we're going on a scale of 1 to 10. Yeah, it's good. It's a natural 20. Well, the scales 1 to 10, so. It's a great show. That's it.

And we're back. Okay, guys, favorite temperature slash favorite flavor. Go. Um, hot, hot, hot, and clear. Oh, yeah. Is that your Scientology audition? Yes. How'd I do?

You passed. Good, good, good, good, good. Good. Favorite temperature, I'm going to say 65 degrees. Nice. And my favorite flavor. Oh, boy. I mean, I like pumpkin, but I don't like this sort of yearly

scramble to make everything pumpkin to where it's disgusting. Maple's pretty good, although how does it look savory? Oh, you only have 15 more minutes to decide. Oh, no, shit. Watermelon. JBC, same question. Same answer, 65 watermelon.

There's a person, I've seen them driving around in my neighborhood a couple times, and they have a license plate. And the license plate just says 6-9 space FMS. Fuck my shit. 69. We think it stands for 69. Fuck me sideways. Because that would be how you.

Fuck me silly. Yeah. But 69 FMS, that's got to be a custom plate because it's only five. That's got to be a sexual thing, right? There's no way that that's... 69 full Monty slaps? It's a very good movie. I want everybody to comment below what you think the FMS is.

Yeah. Comment below. Wherever you're listening to this, it could just be you opening a notice. tap on your phone, just commenting into that. But we want to know what you think the FMS is on 69. Yeah, I'm not, I'll look, only look at Urban Dictionary. I feel fucking silly. That's done.

And Aaron, didn't you sing a song called the FMS Pinafore? Yeah. Hey, I'm a 169. Hold on. Hold on. We're making Aaron sing a lot on this episode for, okay. Instead of making Aaron sing more, why don't we do another riddle? This one is, again, from Colin Wilson.

It's Fuck Me Sideways It is Fuck Me Sideways Yeah, it's Fuck Me Sideways Okay That person, he's a freak Or it's Flying Monkey Syndrome No It's also a minivan

And I think it's so funny to have What? What? A twist A twist I really also just Docs this person's like crazy Their full license plate

But here's the thing if you get like a license plate that says 69 fuck me sideways you've given up any right to privacy you've just put your business out there like in the world like anyone who sees that anyone who puts the time energy and money into a vanity plate you want the attention yeah you want the attention yeah um okay here's your second riddle i'm from from colin it says i know everyone's secrets and everyone's announcements some people like to tell jokes with me some people like to talk politics with me Some people like to ask me advice. A lot of people want to leave me alone, but few can actually avoid me. Is this the internet? The girl I went to high school with Amber Tanzillo. Oh, it's Amber. Everyone kind of told her gossip in secret.

She was like a cheerleader, very popular. Did it Scott Mallory? Of course, the quarterback. Yeah, Amber Tanzillo. I have a question about Amber Tanzella. Did everyone tell her gossip, or was she actively seeking it out? Or was this like some sort of like curse where it's like? Like, she just absorbs this gossip that she doesn't even want.

JPC, the best in high school? The way the best do it is they make you think that they want you to tell them. But they don't really do anything. They just pause long enough to where you start talking. They start to say like, ooh, did you see like Karen's broken leg? And then they don't say anything. And so the other person's like, I heard she X, Y, Z. Right?

So you leave enough pause to where the person wants to give further information. damn every time i've tried to employ this method i've just like paused and the other person has just like nodded their head and walked away good day you know what's come to my attention recently i don't know shit about shit gossip wise like i went out to a dinner recently and someone let me know about a thing and it like solved a two year long mystery for me where i was like oh that's why it's weird to hang out with that group of people like i it completely misses my desk all gossip all social context for why things are happening. Aaron, I feel like from hanging out with you, you have clued us into a lot of gossip. What do you, like, are you think? Yeah, but it's also like,

you know, like, L.A. centric stuff where you'll hear a thing about, like, a person who is in L.A. And me being in Chicago, who doesn't, like, regularly interact with, like, those LAP. I feel like I get a lot of, like, L.A. specific gossip from you. Yeah. I mean, I, I guess I get a couple, like, celebrity gossip things I wouldn't ordinarily get, but I think in terms of like social interaction stuff, I'm not getting, I'm not getting anything. Are you seeking it out? No. You're the one who told us, Dimitri Martin has a small penis, right? Yeah, but he called me to tell me that. That doesn't feel like gossip. He just had to, it was like a court-ordered thing. He told everyone. He threw it on a big pad of paper and like flipped it over. It was like small penis, me. And then he turned it sideways, which made it even

worse and then the whole audience laughed. Mariah is 69 FMS. Always getting gossip. She's always getting gossip. And a lot of times it's like gossip about people that I don't necessarily know very well. So it's like not super relevant to me. But when I like hang out with a friend, Mariah will be like, how are they doing? And I'm like, oh, you know what? I didn't ask. She'll be like, you were with them for two hours. And I'm like, yeah, I guess it never came up. We're drafting types of bread. Like I bet Mariah knows more than me. Oh, yeah. She knows more than me for sure. Oh, about God. Yeah, that too. Yeah. For sure. Oh, yeah. Generally and then also gossip. I do want to see a scene.

Please. The two of you... Oh, just real quick. You have not gotten the answer to this riddle. I just want that to be clear before we go into this scene. Thank you. Can we just leave it behind completely? Can we decide to just never know? Yes. You can decide that. At any time, Eric, you could choose to decide that. Great. the two of you are doing sort of like an old-timey war correspondence by letters and Aaron your character is sort of just constantly obsessed with giving gossip and trying to receive gossip my dearest Jeffrey so what's going on have people turn to kissing yet I bet they have please include a list of everybody who has started to kiss out of loneliness, boredom, or desperation. I suppose some people are kissing because they realize that life is fine out there in the war. Sorry, I'd just scratch up little part out. Anyways, did you know the neighbors are dead? Okay, love you lot.

Hope to hear from you soon. Elizabeth. Hey, Elizabeth. Sorry, this is going to be short. just a ton of Nazi activity today and yesterday pretty much for like a, you know, a big portion of it. Confused by your last letter, don't know exactly though what you're referring to.

Really hard fighting these guys. They really seem pretty pot-committed to the whole thing that they're doing here. Yep, heard about the neighbor, deployed with him. Kind of heard it before you did, so not really sure how that came around. to you. Anyway, got to go. Again, just a lot of Nazi activity. Yours with love, Derek. Dear Derek, sorry I addressed your last letter as Jeffrey. I was a little trigger happy on the letter.

And okay, you're going to play coy. I see how it is. Did you hear that the Nazis have gained power and are trying to gain control over Eastern Europe? Isn't that cuckoo crazy? Someone should do something about that. Anyways, please let me know of all the cool stuff going on. Love you always. Elizabeth. Hey, Elizabeth.

Got your last letter. You addressed it to occupied France. So you know where I am and where I'm fighting, you know? We're going to take it. Don't get much Eastern Europe than this, you know, maybe. Like, we're... Hey, Charles. Hey, Charles. Yeah.

Hey, I'm about to storm a bunker kiss. Yeah. Oh, hey, just FYI, since you caught me doing this, don't tell Jeffrey or Derek's family that I'm writing the letters now to Elizabeth. Yeah, you get so much mail. Well, it's not me. I mean, just when people die, I feel like it's on me to keep it going in a way. So, like, and I won't tell anybody, obviously, that we've been kissing.

Sure. Dear Jeffrey, please bring back French butter, cheese, and a baguette at your earliest convenience. Jealous, jealous, jealous that you get to be in France. Love always, Elizabeth. Yes, Elizabeth, it is me. Your love, I will be bringing French butter to you in the way of kind of. kind of taking control of global shipping lanes and kind of, you know,

eventually you'll get French butter, but it will be the German butter because, oh, how to say this. Oh, Hans, how to say this. Your love is dead. Charles or Jeffrey or Derek or whoever it was. But, you know, I'm a nice guy. I'm five foot two.

I am a Nazi. See? JK, JK, we beat them, and then somehow they still won. No, I love that. Men for the last 70 years have been masturbating to World War II, watching all the movies, making Quentin Tarantino movies where we kill the Nazis, being obsessed with how we beat the Nazis. I love how we did all that and then decided, actually, they're not so bad.

I like that. I like that we did that. I think it's very funny because the Nazis are such a good, bad guy because, like, you know, universally hated. But then you just get a little ways away from it. And you're like, yeah, but we really hated the uniforms. You know, now that they're not wearing the uniforms anymore, do we care about, like, their political project? I don't know. I didn't like it that they were in Europe. I wanted them here. Yeah. And they're still in Europe. Do you guys like World War II movies? I feel like every World War II movie that I've pretty much ever seen has been one time.

Like, I've seen it one time and been like, ah, a good film. Same. Never shall I return to it. Yeah. Yeah, like, life is beautiful, is really good. And I liked Band of Brothers when it came out. I thought that was. I liked it. Yeah.

But I never rewatched it or anything. I watched it one time. Mariah's never seen Schindler's list, which is a heavy movie. Yeah. But I remember I saw it a long time ago, and I was like, oh, this is a good movie. And she was like, I've never seen that movie. And I'm like, and I'll never feel like watching it. So we're probably at an impasse where like I don't ever want to, I don't necessarily need to see that.

Any war movie or Requiem for a dream. I never need to see again. Yeah. The maybe one, and this isn't World War II, it's World War I, but 1917, I feel like I. Yeah. I saw that in theaters and I was like, this movie's incredible. So that's when I might go back and watch. But I do enjoy watching them in terms of like, especially if they're.

Like with Banner Brothers, there's operations and stuff that I had never heard about where it's like, this is entertaining and I'm learning something. Like, I'm learning about all these things I had no sort of head for. So I enjoy it in that manner. But, yeah, it doesn't require repeat viewing. Do you guys do the thing when you read, would you watch like a historical thing and then you get on Wikipedia and you're like, did they do any of this accurately? And the Wikipedia's like, no. Unfortunately, it's a movie and movies have to be entertaining. Sorry.

I remember being really impacted by Saving Private Ryan when I watched it But that's another one that I don't know if I ever need to revisit I will never watch that again And the scene is it the Adam Goldberg is that the guy's name? Oh, the knife scene? The knife scene? Boy, oh boy, what an impactful piece of cinema

But that scene after watching that I'd be like I could never watch that again I can easily never watch that again A lot of people were really impacted by a zone of interest that came out a couple years ago But not enough people and maybe not in the right way If we get to my trips Maybe we need to bring back

Putting Fortunate Sun over every single war movie I think that would tell us That's a classic World War II song Right That'll fix it Landing it Well work for Vietnam We haven't gotten any more Vietnam wars

So it works for Vietnam Dude you know what Actually Adel I'm taking it back I want only World War II movies and all of the soundtrack has to be Vietnam-era

soundtrack landing on the beaches of Normandy it ain't me I know Revolutionary War fight to that song is awesome though

That would I mean someone's done that before I'm sure Recutting the Patriot Yeah Put that over 300 This is Sparta some forcible man it ain't me

it ain't me oh I know senator's son All right you guys want to take another stab at this I know everyone's serious I want to take another break and we're going to take another break I can't believe we talked about that at Holberg scene and then said take another stab at this

I know I felt that as soon as I said it What a terrible choice of words I know everyone's secrets and everyone's announcements Some people like to tell jokes with me Some people like to talk politics with me Some people like to ask me advice The internet newspaper It's Edel

When you said the internet that's close Adal, you said Twitter, that's close. Facebook, Reddit. It's Facebook. Whoa. I do think that this is funny because they say a lot of people want to leave me alone, but few can actually avoid me. I feel like maybe this was written in like 2018 because I think a lot of people have successfully avoided Facebook at this point.

I know I have. Something I find to be maybe the worst experience in the world is selling or buying something on Facebook marketplace. Yeah, it's scary. what have you have you done a lot of it um i just got something two nights ago um and just the whole like it's just a really awkward experience of like trying to hear back from someone and then them just it's just i feel like it's just so weird i got uh like a library cart like a book cart um that i thought was pretty neat but just feel like it's always a nightmare most of my apartment is Facebook Marketplace. And every time I go, is this coffee table worth a murder? And sometimes

yeah. And sometimes no. Yeah. It's interesting because like if you're selling something from your place too, you have to like tell people like your relative address. Maybe you'll meet them on the street corner or something or whatever. But you have to like kind of entrust people with that. But I feel like in like a high transient city like Chicago, LA, like some of the biggest cities in the country where people are constantly moving, the ability to get like great deals on things is just like it kind of is. It kind of too good to pass up because people who are moving will like get rid of stuff that they don't want to like take with them to it you know it's like it is it is very much like a big city privilege when you get some like great finds on facebook marketplace i know people that swear by i've only used

it like a few times myself and it's always like i do this as well there's also like i have a fake account to use facebook for marketplace and there's also a facebook free group in my neighborhood And if I want to get rid of something and give it away, basically, I will post it in the free group and say, like, does anyone want this? But also, another big city of privilege, I got rid of a coffee table this week. I just left it in the alley and it was gone an hour later. Like, people will just come by and take it, you know? I'm doing a lot more of that now. Yeah.

But most of what you can see behind me is Facebook Marketplace, so. Okay. You got blue on Facebook Marketplace. Yep. Yep. This is your next riddle. This is the third riddle from Colin Wilson. I'm loud but welcome.

Never the same twice but instantly recognizable. Impossible to write down but found in every language. I make you cry, lose your breath, and embarrass yourself, but you'd never wish to live without me. What am I? Laughter. Mm-hmm. Lafter.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Mm-hmm. Time to make the giggles. That's what Aaron always says. She always says it's time to make the giggles. That's what I say when we log on every time. I'm sick today and I logged on today and JBC said, no makeup. Okay.

Which is funny. That was a joke that you can do when it's your friend, okay? But you can't, there's a lot. You know what I probably shouldn't have done it in there? You shouldn't have told it. You thought it on my business all of you. I do want to see it. It was funny.

It was funny. I do want to see a scene. Adel, you are going to be working in a gig. Giggle Factory. It's Aaron's first day, and you're kind of, like, showing her the ropes of, like, how the Giggle Factory works. To He to Who? Over here is the conveyor belt. That's where we assemble the giggles. Hey, is it, is it true that there was, like, a huge accident and, like, 20 employees died? That's why there is this, like, big hiring spree that they went on. Um, yeah, have you seen I Love Lucy? Uh, the TV show? Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it so funny?

Yeah. Yeah, they were on the assembly line and they were doing that sort of like eating the chocolates thing, but they were like eating the giggles. Like if you put a giggle in your mouth, it's like very fun. Their leg got caught in the gears and they were, their skin came off like a glove. 20 people. 20 people. Well, because they're all holding hands.

They're all trying to like pull each other. They form like a daisy chain. One by one, they got, it's not funny. Um There was a lot of laughing I don't know if it was like mass psychosis But we had to fire everyone who saw it Because they wouldn't stop laughing about it

Great so you didn't see it I saw it But I was looking in the mirror So I was safe Medusa rules Right Cool Yeah, Medusa rules

Hey Mark That's Mark That's Mark Greek mythology Hey Mark Whoa who's the new guy Oh, nice. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.

Yeah. No, you please. Oh, no. See, my name's Mike. Excited to work here. I was just about to ask. You probably have, like, a bunch of safety protocols in place now that that happened, huh? Oh, yeah.

Don't eat the giggles. What are you eating right now? Giggles, yeah. I'm eating the giggles. Classic mark. Classic mark. Classic mark. Huh.

So this will be your desk. Right. It's like telling narcissists not to look in the water, man. Yeah, he likes Greek mythology. You know, I'm a little nervous. This seemed on the outside like a perfect job. I mean, I love to laugh. Love to giggle, right?

There was clearly a blood bath here recently. And I don't know if this is going to be a great fit for me. Oh. In the long term. Wow. I wish you hadn't accepted the job because now that you've seen our secrets, we can't just let you walk out the factory doors. I can go at the back.

Huh? I can go at the back. Well, everyone goes out the back. So nice meeting you. Thank you for the opportunity. See? Everyone goes out the back was the perfect opportunity to just nod and walk away. Everyone goes out the back.

Everyone goes at the back. That's excellent. Thank you so much for sending those riddles in. Guys, I'm sorry to say that that's all the time that we have. What? Hey, before we get into plugs, I do want to give a plea to people. If you have a voicemail that you would like to submit, you can always leave us a voicemail. The number is 1-805 riddle 1, I believe.

It's also in the episode description. we have we have a few left that I haven't played yet but we need more voicemails and we could always use more voicemail themes submissions so those you can send over us a wave file to hrr podcast at gmail.com and we'd love to play that on the show I think that we're not going to do one today because we have to be so precious with the few that we have left but please please do send those in and now we can get to get into like the formal plugs now that that like little request plug is out of the way Who wants to do it?

I see you both looking at phones. Adel, Adel, who do you want to plug? I'm looking at the screen. Well, okay, it's a screen. Who I would like to plug or what I'd like to plug is I was recently a guest on Dan Lippert's new show, King Cockroach. It's a very good, very funny Twitch stream he does as a character, King Cockroach. And guests come on and play video games. him or watch him play video games. It's very, very fun. So check out King Cockroach

streaming on Wednesday nights on Twitch. Aaron, anything to plug or promote? I would like to plug hey, riddle.com slash live if you want to come see us for some of our fall dates. Some of them are sold out, but some of them are not. So go check it out if you want to come hang out and see us and buy a tour poster and laugh. You need some giggles. JPC review to read or anything to plug. Yeah, so I believe Aaron, in two weeks is when all of our next leg of our tour is. So you can still get tickets to our late show in Nashville. I think that we might be sold out in Atlanta.

So sorry if we're sold out in Atlanta. And you can still get tickets in Denver, I believe we still have a few left in Denver. So definitely come to some of those. I think those are going to be like the second week of October. Also, coming up on the Patreon for Hey, Riddle Riddle, we have a pretty fun October planned. can't really say much more than that, but that's going to be kicking off in a week. So definitely check out or check out our Patreon previews for that.

Maybe we won't be giving so much away at our Patreon previews, but definitely check out that our October on the Patreon, because I think that's going to be very fun. Also, if you haven't listened to Gumshoes and Dragons, we have four episodes coming out now. The fifth episode's going to drop on Monday. It's been very fun. We have gotten a lot of really cool positive feedback from that show, but you can find that Anywhere you find podcasts, just look up Gumshoes and Dragons. There's also the Gumshoes and Dragons Patreon if you want those bonus episodes, which is very cool.

And I think that's the last thing that I have to plug. Doesn't our nasty little guy Casey Sleepo Tony have a podcast called Gutter? Oh, yeah. If you are a fan of Casey Tony's editing, you really have to listen to Gutter. If you were a fan of his Nioskum podcast, this is the same crew from Nioskum. You can listen to gutter, G-U-T-T-E-R, wherever you get podcasts as well. It's like an actual play horror comedy. I'm probably getting most of that, right?

Yeah, yep. And we recently had Brendan Lee Mulligan on an app, so check that one out if you're looking for an easy starter point. Yeah, I mean, who cares? He'll go on any show. He went on gumshoes and drag us. I mean, that shows fucking bullshit. All right. Aaron, I have one final riddle for you.

Of course. What wakes up horse, goes to bed a horse, and has big horse teeth. Whoa. A woman who's been punched in the throat by a witch, Jupiter. Bye-bye. Created by Apple Refive. Starring Aaron Keith and John Patrick calling. Casey Tony did the editing.

Now are he parents in the music. Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emily Napurus. One, two, three, four, hey, riddle, riddle. Hey, Riddle, Rital, Rital. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another chichichich Chatterbox. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. By joining the clue for $5 a month, or start your seven-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes.

See you there. That was a Headgum podcast.