Hey Riddle Riddle - #376: All Pervert's Eve w/ Ross Bryant

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

Our friend Ross Bryant stops by to perfectly slot into the whole vibe of the show. Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifGuest:Ross BryantEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of the network of fish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was a thing Friday. Two, three, four.

Hey, Rick to Britchell. All right, so I put in a bid, guys, and I won. It's a storage unit. I guess the owner died or something. I'm watching a lot of storage wars. You guys seen that? You heard of this? Oh, man.

Yeah, no, I'm excited for you. I hurried over because I heard I put in a bidet. Oh. Why did you hurry over? Did you need to use a bidet? No, let's just do what you're going to do. do. If you have to use a bidet, I don't really want to be hanging out right now. Because a bidet is the only toilet that pisses in your butt or whatever.

The only toilet, but no, let's do what you were going to do. I can deal with my thing later or whatever. This is so exciting. There could be something worth so much inside this storage unit. I know so many times people, you know, they pay 20 bucks and they open it and it's like a bunch of vintage toys or like Santa or whatever. Like it's so exciting. Like an old car. You haven't opened it yet. Did you just not. So there could still be stuff in there that I could, you could have, like, and towels. Why didn't you just wipe before you came here? Well, where were you 50 minutes ago, Aaron? Fifty minutes.

Could you pull up your pants at least? No, no. Let's just open the storage unit. This is the new style. I feel someone sort of banging at it. Let's hold on. Let me open it. Okay.

Whoa. Oh, my gosh. It's Ross Bryant. Wow. Hello. Whoa. Did you breathe in there, Ross? My God.

Oh, gosh, it was pretty close in there. Wow. So did anyone place a bidet on me before you cracked open? The door? You're in luck, friend. Ross, thank you so much for being here. Of course, we know Ross from back in the day in Chicago in a little... Yeah, baby.

A little show that could called Improvise Shakespeare. A little mom-and-pop show that is now sweeping the nation. A little mom and pop show, taking lacefront shirt comedy to every state in our great land. You are Chicago comedy royalty, Ross, because you also did Second City as well. You were around that whole town. Well, I got around that big, beautiful, windy city for sure. I love it so. I miss it, truly.

I feel like I was just hanging out with some Chicago folks not too long ago, and it got me real nostalgic. Do you miss the winters, though? I mean, of course, that's a real gotcha question, Aaron, because of course, yeah, who could really miss the winters? But what I really do miss about it is the camaraderie that it creates, that everybody goes through this annual hazing ritual of pain and torment as all of nature is trying to destroy you with wind. But every time you go into any interior space, you're met with such warmth and fellowship as people look up at you with foggy glasses. and piping hot mugs of stew. You should work for the Chicago Tourism Board. That was gorgeous. Yeah, I feel like that should be shots of like Old Town with like that what Ross just said

but narrated by like Bill Murray or something. Yeah, but can't we change stew to wet beef? I mean, we're really trying to push the wet beef at this point. Yeah, baby. I mean, we joke, but oh, I miss a wet beef. For the un-midwesterners among us or perhaps unbear viewers. An Italian beef sandwich is like a hard hoagie roll, like piece of Italian bread with a bunch of loose beef inside.

But if you get it wet, then you take the whole sandwich and you dunk it in that juice so that you get to live the dream of eating a soggy sandwich that is like falling apart like wet cardboard in your hands as you attempt to eat it. Hard to defend Chicago food. Hard to sort of die in the hill of deep dish. Pizza, sorry. Nine out of ten, Chicago women carry Aju in their purse. Aaron, confirm or do not? Confirm. Well, you period is like pepper spray, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Everyone comes strapped with a little cup of aujou and another little cup of Jardinara in case an attacker comes out of the mist. But not ketchup. No, never ketchup. Not around here, baby. In Chicago, we call it Bears Spray, because it's what you spray on a Bears fan to get them distracted for a few seconds to give you time to slip away.

Yeah, aerosolized little peppers and cauliflower, just in case anybody takes a swipe at you. That's Bears Spray. Now, Ross, you are very intelligent, and I know this because I've seen you do improvised Shakespeare. And you're one of the best to ever do that, too. So an echelon of intelligence that this show is not used to. What is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, escape rooms. I mean, that's quite a heaping help and of praise.

But I got to say that I think I'm probably more of a trivia guy than I am a puzzles guy. I'm kind of late to puzzles. I've now started doing crosswords and stuff, and I really do like them. But I always feel when it comes to riddles, sometimes they're fine, but sometimes I really feel like I'm banging my head against the wall. And riddles kind of make me feel dumb. Well, they're... They're crafted to infuriate because a lot of times, especially with the riddles we do on this show, there's a ton of information being omitted that is meant to be impossible to glean when you are confronted with what's on the page. Yes. Some riddles I've encountered are written with like pristine mathematical elegance, but it seems the majority of them are written with the logic of a Bazooka Joe comic.

Yeah. Well, like with trivia sometimes, even if you might not know. know it. There is context in the way that the question is asked that allows you to like make an inference. And riddles are devoid of that context. They are trying to trick you and there usually is not helpful context and there to guide you to a correct answer. Yeah, there's an arrogance to it. They're trying, they're trying to make you fail. Yeah, exactly. It's, and because think of riddles. It's trolls and crafty warlocks. They're magic. This is their medium. Literally a Batman villain. Yeah. Literally. This is, this is villainous. Oh, yeah. Nefarious behavior indeed.

Yeah, there's no crossworder. Batman's not fighting the logic problem. Mr. Trivia, my favorite Batman villain. I mean, there has to be at this point. Is there not a crossword king? Crossword king? Like, there's Calendar Man. Is there a crossword king?

Barry Trivia would be a great villain. Ross, what was your college major? Were you a theater guy? I was, oh, boy, get this. I was not a theater guy. I self-designed a performance studies major through the interdisciplinary studies department. That's wild. So I'm one of those people who, like, made their own major.

Damn. I wanted to make a major even less marketable than a theater degree. What was the best class that you took while you were there? Golly. I think the one that really sticks in my memory is this history class I took called American culture in the 20th century. And it cut the, or it wasn't even, it was world culture. It was like world history in the, in the 20th century. And it kind of took a look at culture from the end of World War I, basically up until the present day.

And so it was an awesome sort of cultural survey of all these little political and artistic movements in that time. It was kind of mind-blowing. The text of it, which was written by the professor, who was an excellent professor, Jim Winders, was just like a reading list of like the coolest novels and views. listing list of the best paintings in cinema and whatever. It was just like, it was a real, like, a guidebook to, to an era of culture that was really interesting. And this was one of the first college classes where he made a big show about, like, in this

class, we're going to cover punk rock. Okay. We had to get Jim Winders on the show, guys. I was just going to say two things. One, Jim Winders is the best Sam Shepard character I've ever heard. And two, it sounds like based on that class, Ross, that you could go toe to toe with Matt Damon any goodwill hunting. Golly, maybe.

I, although, no, no, I would not like those apples. If there's a big old chonky equation on the wall, that's, I'm moonwalking out of that one, but if it's a... But I bet you could beat him in a fight. Maybe. I'm kind of a tall drink of water, so I'd probably at least be able to palm his forehead while he impotently took swings at me that kept missing me by two or three inches. I like to say Ross is a tall pitcher of punch.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm always saying I can probably take out Jason Borg. I could probably take Jason Born down, no problem. Depending on the edits. Depending on the edits. Depending on the edits. Ross, I think you might be my trivia partner for a like minds live show this week. Thank goodness.

That's very exciting. I mean, I think we're going to be a formidable duo. Yeah, I think we're going to win because last time you beat me when we were in like minds together. eviscerated is maybe the correct word. What are your go-to categories? Like, where are your strong suits for trivia? Oh, nothing. And that's why I'm really happy I have with Ross.

Great. She does protest too much. I have no corner of expertise. The next category is Hingham Cross Streets. Ah, fuck. That's where I'm from, and I still won't know. So. I do remember at that show, though.

I think it was that show. It might have been another one where it was like sort of a charades section where you, where your partner had to, through the art of pantomime, convey a painting. Wow. And my partner, Rekashankar, successfully mimed Picasso's Gernica. That's insane. Holy shit. No small feet.

That's insane. Now, Garnica's where Ethan Hock has his legs elongated? Yes. That is Gernica. What is, now I'm forgetting the real woman. In the show that I did with you, I confused. who's Madam Tussows and who is the woman? Madam Bovary?

No, Marie Curie. I can use them. So I'm actually quite smart. Yes, Madam Curee, the discoverer of radium. Yes. The same thing, the same thing. Both made of wax. Famously.

We're short on famous madams. It was an honest mistake. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I mean, it was either them or butterfly. I, because we have a Chicago classic with us today, I decided to be a little ambitious with our warm-up riddles. And we're going to do 26 warm-up riddles from a listener who submitted them named Shannon. So thank you, Shannon.

Now, all of these riddles, you'll have a little bit of a helping hand because they all begin with a letter of the alphabet. And I'm going to read them in order. okay so the first answer will begin with the answers start with successive letters of the alphabet no the answers will start like so the answer to the first riddle will begin with an a the answer to the second riddle will begin with the b okay got it got it got it's basically midnight my time here in los angeles so i can't be expected to explain this riddle game aren't you two hours behind us it's fine it's not 722 it's basically the middle of the night it's still light outside and i can see a bunch of candles in your apartment nope nothing oh yeah nope yep that's right Okay. It floats like a log. It looks like a log. Yet it isn't a log. It's... Apple. A picture of a log. No, you can't just... What can't I do? What can't I do? You can't think of a word before I even read it and then just guess.

This one is... It doesn't feel totally like a riddle. It looks like a log. It floats like a log? Yet it isn't a log. I bet people sometimes confuse it for a log. And then they go, is this like a boat no it's a word that starts with a it's not like the word yeah i guessed a picture of a log oh oh oh alligator yes what alimigator what is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean blueberry nope you see you did that thing again where you thought of the yes a black boy um i do want to see a scene oh go ahead um Ross we're going to have you be a high school teacher

And you are teaching today about North American reptiles, and you have never seen one. JPC and Aaron, you are the students, and you're sort of catching on that your teacher may not know what they're talking about. Got it. But evolution is a pretty incredible thing because some creatures, some native fauna that exist in North America is relatively recent as it sort of progressed through the animals of natural selection. But then there are things like our native reptiles, such as the alligator who are relatively unchanged since prehistoric times, long, log-like creatures, all frequently mistaken for logs, and much like logs, flammable. You can sometimes...

What? Excuse me? Sorry. Mr. Jeffreys, you look like you're furiously Googling. something. I'm just grubhubbing. I'm just grubhubbing. To the school?

Hmm? Yeah. Mr. Jeffreys to the school? Wouldn't that be a strike three? Sorry? Wouldn't that be a strike three? I'm sorry. Are you reading principal O'Connor's emails to me?

Yeah, well, she's really kind of opening up to the student. She's really honest with us about what sort of going on to the school. She puts a lot of your business on your Wikipedia page now, just because kind of you've been caught I don't want to say lying, but now I have to, lying to students about how many strikes you're on. So she puts a lot of them on your Wikipedia page now. Do you say flammable? I have a dedicated Wikipedia page. Yes, yes. Yeah, let's try to get back to the topic at hand, Native North American reptiles. Yes, the lovable, flammable alligator. That's why, of course, they need to live in aquatic, marshy environments, because if they are exposed to too much direct

sunlight. They will instantly catch a blaze. The principal said you're a grifter and you don't know anything about anything. Is that true, Mr. Jeffries? The principal said that. O'Connor said that about me. If they're cold-blooded reptiles, how do they not get direct sunlight? Don't they need direct sunlight to warm their blood? Who said anything about cold blood? What do you talk? I'm sorry. I'm Sorry, I'm the liar and you're standing over here talking about cold blood. One, I guess I'm a student. I shouldn't be talking to like this, I think. Or I don't know.

Mr. Jeffries, your coffee smells like bourbon. It shows how much you know. That's Scotch. Mr. Jeffries. Mr. Jeffries, we're worried about you. Let's take those emotions and kind of try to shift. him over into focus. One of the some eyes up here on the blackboard and as you're taking notes.

Finals are two weeks from now. Is this an alligator that you've drawn on the blackboard? Is that, is that what you think an alligator is? Yeah, you can see it's snout up here, the tail back here, and of course, the wheels down below that. Seeing. Well, Ross, that sucks. Now you've ruined alligators for me because I want to drive them.

Oh, wouldn't it be great? We knew. I wish some animals had wheels. Oh, soon. So good. Horses. This is how like a Dr. Morrow gets started. It'd be like, God, wouldn't it be good with some wheels on this thing? Oh, yeah. Someone's like, yeah, I don't know, man.

Yeah, that'd be a great, like, specific mad scientist, boondoggle. It's like, yes, they said I was mad, but I shouldn't dabble in God's domain. We'll just wait until they see me skating on a raccoon. What's the? is it a something derby where they where they just drive cars to slam them into each other demolition demilition derby if you guys ever did one i've been to one and it was the mudiest thing i've ever seen yeah the first 40 rows got mud everywhere there's there's a splash zone but there's also a zone where a fender might shoot at you at 35 miles an hour oh yeah had all are you

suggesting we do this with woodland creatures yeah erin put them on wheels and crash them in Demandsen Derby with Woodland Creatures, I think it would be so entertaining. Oh, a Critter Derby. Yeah. Critter Derby. In the state that I grew up in, there was a dedicated demolition, like a permanent dedicated demolition derby track that was like 20 minutes away from my house that I've been to. And it was only for demolition derbies.

Like, that's enough people wanted to watch demolition derbies in my hometown that they had a dedicated space for that. And you're from Connecticut? I'm just kidding. What did you believe he's from Indianapolis? Yeah, well, when I was in Wadesboro, North Carolina, yeah, you went down to the county fair, and when everything was wrapping up, you just like went down the street to the demolition derby where guys were hammering into each other with the rear bumpers of their cars until everything fell apart. And they could have just been kissing all that time, what they really wanted to do. I mean, yeah, to me, yeah, I mean, if J.G. Ballard was sitting right next to me, and he was like, oh, this is pretty spicy stuff. What has two hands, but can't scratch itself?

Camelope. No. JBC, you're doing a thing, a clock, yes. I would like to see a scene. Adel, you're a clock and you're super itchy and you're asking Ross for help. Bong, bong, bong, bong. Bong, bong, what the fuck is? bong bong hey hey pst hey buddy hey bong bong yes hey sorry yes so hello um sorry um sorry um do you mind could you grab a chair or step ladder do you mind just um turning me over and i don't know i don't need my batteries change or anything i wouldn't that's gross i know i know you don't have to do that but um could you just scratch just got an itch

sort of between the... What's in it for me. Okay. All right. Getting down to business, I like this. I like a man who knows that he wants something. Maybe not know what he wants, but he wants something. Okay.

Just sounded to me like you were opening negotiations. Okay. Now... You want something? Maybe I want something. We meet in the middle, and that's how deals are struck, friend. Meet in the middle, struck. These are all clock terms.

I love this. Now, just from your cadence, I'm going to guess... Pervert? Well, uh, jelty as charged. Oh, you've been charged. Okay. So here's what I say. Charged, but up till now, only alleged.

Now, you know these little things I got that's like minute, second hour? You know those are hands, right? Little tiny hands? Yeah, your tiny little hands. I bet there's something somewhere on you that if I put it in these hands, it would look so big. Hey, you're the guy in the house who gives inanimate objects what they want, right? That's me. Hey, this is going to sound like a strange request, but could you beat the shit out of me?

Not enough to, like, make my stuffing come out, but enough to rearrange my stuffing so, like, I'm more comfortable to lay on. Oh, yeah, just sort of flatten you out, but in order to do that, I'm going to have to wail on you pretty hard. Hey, you know, as hard as it needs to be. You know, I mean, you know, a dealer's choice when it comes to do whatever you want to do. And honestly, I got a bunch of cushions on this couch that kind of would like the same treatment. So what I'm hearing is enthusiastic affirmative concern. Hey, honey. Can I talk to you a second?

Yes. Why did I get an Instagram DM from our blender that said, hey, girlie, just thought you should know. Are you doing it again? Are you doing weird stuff with the inanimate objects at our house? Don't lie to me. I don't like the judgment of that word weird. Look me in the eye. I'm giving them.

Charlotte, I'm giving them what they want. I'm giving them what they want and what they need. I would pack a suitcase, but God knows what you did to that. Oh, the suitcase begged me. This is sort of like an NC-17 brave little toaster. Which already is quite terrifying. I don't think we need to make it any scarier. What was I talking about?

Oh, yes, these alphabet riddles. What is the hardest key to turn? It begins with the D and JPC. Date. Nope. Hardest key to turn. Dead. Dicondreddish.

Hardest key to turn. A donkey. A donkey, I'd like to see a C. Yes, I was like, what's such a key? Yes. Uh, JPC, you're a really stubborn donkey. and, uh, Ross, you are trying to get him to move. Please, please.

He no, he no. Petunia, we've got to get you up to the mill or else we won't be able to grind the flour. We, we won't be able to grind the flour. He hell no. He hell no. Please. Come on. This is how it works.

You help me bring the sacks up to the mill. We grind him into flour. And then it's a trough full of tasty oats for you. Come sundown. I've been talking to the ponies and the horses about doing like a four-leg union type of thing. Because we have rights. Four-leg union? We're going four-legs good, two-legs bad on me?

I mean, look, we have legs, we have rights. we have bargaining power you say grind I say he nah and then if more donkeys were here we would say it together sure you can start a four leg union if you want but soon your union rep's going to be breathing down

your neck the horse is going to be coming to you for dues it's going to be a whole nother what I'm offering you at the farm is the right to work it's the right to work interesting that sounds pretty interesting I didn't know anything about dudes and maybe they're kind of huh okay

now this is making a lot more sense and you say go up to the mill walk around the circle grind all the fuck you no way he hell

he nah I'm not falling for your back breaking union busting farmer tactics look I'm not trying to bust any unions I'm just trying to make a pitch for a free enterprise

petunia uh uh you know it's this kind of this kind of aggressive moxie that's showing me that I, uh, I've maybe been, um, I've been a little too hard on you. How, how would you like to be a four donkey of the barnyard? Okay, I mean, uh, how would you like to be sort of a middle manager donkey? Look, what, what kind of benefits are we talking? I mean, am I going to be in charge of other donkeys walking around? I mean, like, well, that's exactly what I'm telling you. Okay, now, I think I could sell this. Uh,

What I'm offering you is some petty authority over the other animals in the barnyard. I don't like that word benefits, and let's not bring it up again. Sure, sure, sure. All right, horse, cow. I made a really good deal. Well? And the good news is no more... We're getting health insurance?

Huh, okay. You're just write that down. You're going to be a problem. Cow, going to be a problem. Wait, what does that mean? It doesn't need anything. Wait, are you wearing a tie? What's going on?

What does it say next to my name? A moo. Hey, can I get wheels? I heard some guys are getting wheels. Can I get wheels? A lot of guys are getting wheels, but only if they get with the program. Oh, I'll get with the program. When you join in, you get wheels.

No, we're unionizing, right? Okay, we're going to have to, let's see. You're going to go to a meat packing plant. What does that mean? It doesn't matter. It's fun. I'm doing that thing that Sally Field did in that one movie with my little, what do cows have hooves up?

Union Come on She's gonna fall It just says union And eat more chicken Seed Oh brother I reference that movie all the time

I don't know the name of it What the hell is that movie called? Marie Curie Oh is it Silkwood? No No Is Silkwood something It's her name

Norma Ray Forget it Forget it Forget it Forget it Forget it Forget it Get it.

All right. Here we go. Yes. Isn't it so galling that the anti-the-unee, people call it right-to-work legislation? Oh, that's brutal. I love it because you get to name the legislation whatever you want and explain it however you want. We had a ballot measure here in Illinois fail that was going to tax home purchases over a million dollars. And the way when it showed up on the voting or the ballot measure, it had like 1,500 words to the question.

And you were like, oh, yeah, this is how things work. Like, things don't get to be fair. They get to be the way that they get to be intentionally designed to make sure that people vote against their interest. That's always fun. Right to work. I love when people just do really good branding where, like, truth, social. You're just like, people are dumb. And if we put a word in the name, people are going to think it's real.

I remember when I was a kid, there were these commercials that aired on TV that I would, see because they played them at times when kids were watching TV and it had a little jingle and the jingle was, if you want to work, you got to get a work permit, work permit, a work permit, if you want to work, you got to get a work permit. And I was like, hell yeah, I got to, what the fuck? A 14, I don't want to get a work permit. What are you talking about? Create a catchy jingle and I'll do literally any.

If you want to work before you're 18 at the textile mill that's right next door. And I'm literally like dancing over to that. the textile bill. Baramba to the textile bill. So in buttons on little shirts. I think I did get to work from it because I did like I grew up in a kind of a tourist area of North Carolina and like during the summer like that is a that economy runs on teens.

Teen labor is making it all making all the gears of industry turn down there. Seaside towns run on teens. They're scooping ice cream. Scoop and cream. They're saving kids from the ocean. There's not a there's not a boat dock in this entire country that isn't run by a 16-year-old pumping your gas. Yeah.

Teens are pumping. They're renting. They're renting ski dues. They're pumping. They're scooping. They're running. There's a restaurant in my neighborhood. It must be a family restaurant because every time I go in there, there's like hosts and hostesses

that look like they are 15 years old. And I'm like, what is, like, you, I might get my hope. They all also look very similar. So my hope is that they're all like cousins or something. And this is just like, hey, our dad owns the restaurant. and lets us, you know, work. There's something less nefarious about having your, like, son work at your restaurant than it is with just being like, our restaurant hires 15-year-olds because they're pretty dumb and we could get them to do whatever we want.

I went back to home to New England last week. And it's really true that every single, like, seaside, tourist town, the entire economy is 15-year-olds and pastel T-shirts. They're the mayor. They're the volunteer fire department. It's all teens. kissing they're having the summer of their lives that was that was me every summer except for the kissing part that was me every summer yes scoop and ice cream by day working at a coffee shop by afternoon working at a restaurant by night and working at it overnight as a DJ from midnight to

six holy shit what what were you playing um I was I was playing hot adult contemporary tunes on 99.1 the sound did you have a DJ name no I just I went into my own mom my own name you know it's it's late night it's not like drive time it's not like p j scooter and the gooch which you would be great which i know great broccoli cheddar soup but PJ scooter in the guch i just found out that the gooch is 15 my world is shaken god he's got the voice of a 50-year-old when you were doing it what what kind of music are we talking about what year was this this was um like in the early 2000 so it was like um god A song that really sticks in my head is Good Night Moon by Shivoree.

Whoa. Shivoree. Wow, they had different music in North Carolina. I guess so. This is a song that I bet that you probably can't identify by name, but I bet if you hear it, it will unlock some long dormant part of your memory. Oh, I just listened to it. It's, uh, they don't care about the young folk.

Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I remember distinctly that like if you wanted to, this was still a pretty old school setup where like the ads were on eight tracks and every song that you played was not an MP3. It was a CD that you loaded in and it was all timed out to the second so that it would end on the hour so you could call the CBS News, put a phone down and have the CBS News play through the phone onto the radio. This was like such a relic even at the time. and um but this meant that the timing was such that if you kind of went off script of what you're supposed to play you had to find other songs that fit the time code so it would still land on the hour so i got really familiar with songs that were like between one and two minutes long

because you'd have to always wedge those in at the top of the hour here's another romeone song i i played um uh girlfriend in a coma by the smiths probably a thousand times because it's so short it would always land like right at the top of the hour and were you like do and The first two-thirds of apples and bananas by Rafi. There was also a cure live song. They had a super, super long instrumental coda. And if you wanted to go on a bathroom break, you could always throw that on it because it was like 15 minutes long. And you could fade it out whenever and no one who was listening would notice.

That's awesome. Were you like making jokes and being funny? Was your persona like goofs and gags or were you? You were distinctly discouraged from doing japes, jests, goofs, and gags. No. It was very much a, like, hey, what's up? It's the top of the hour. And coming up next, we got Good Night Moon by Shivoree, followed by David Gray with Babylon.

99.1, the sound. There's a song I haven't thought about in 20-some years. I like the idea of a guy listening to this at like 3 in the morning calling up the radio station being like, that guy you got spinning the records is too funny. I'm trying to relax and listen to my music at 3 a.m. He's too funny on there. After David Gray's... I can't get to sleep on it kind of the gales of laughter

just blasting out of me. Well, we are going to take a quick little break because we've only gotten to the letter D, but I have faith in us post break that we're going to be able to bring this home. Aaron, can you give it to us as like a radio DJ doing like a station break? Yeah.

Thank you so much for joining us. I'm going to talk really slow so I get exactly to the time I have to hit. See you after the break. And I'll be there, too. Me, the Gooch. I can't wait to get my white permit.

My name is Robert Smith, and here's the cure doing disintegration. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. And then, okay, so you make a box. It's basically like a box, and you can put whatever you want in. It's like a sandbox. Okay. Okay. Isn't that pretty cool?

Yeah, I guess it's pretty. I'm covered in paper cuts. I feel like this is not going to help me sort of like... I'm covered in sand cuts. It's not going to be like a good hub for people to find my business online. Yeah, yeah. And JPCI, I guess sand is broken glass technically or pre-broken glass. How about Squarespace?

Have you heard of this? You've seen this? You've heard of this? Oh, yeah, that sounds way better. Yeah, for sure, for sure. That's the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain.

Why don't I say it like that? Showcase your offerings with professional website. Grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Domain. Domain. Domain. Adel, this is a good idea because I can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more.

So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Gosh, this is like, my hand's more paper cut than hands. Yeah, and you can also get analytics. You can make smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive, built-in analytics tools, reviews, website traffic, learn where to focus engagement and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales. And I actually don't know if we should say this. I think I can actually get a lot of trouble for saying this. I don't know if Squarespace has cleared me to say this, but I think it is the only website that you can use that won't give you a paper cut. Hey, JBC, Erin.

What are you guys up to? Whoa. Why are you guys hanging out with Baby Addle? Oh. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops, like the one Baby Adel run. Yeah, perfect.

Squarespace is perfect, but I'm saying I told you guys to stop hanging out with Baby Addle. Remember Dr. Camelian made Baby Addle to, like, replace me or something? We don't have time for lore. Remind me again, what makes this one Baby Addle? Anyway, head to Squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code Riddle to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. Is it just the way he dresses? Ahead of an adult body of a baby.

Hey, hey, Adel, JPC, can I talk to you guys for a second? I told you we do not have time to drop new lore in these. Sorry. Look at me. Oh. Addle JPC, do you notice, come in, come in, come in, come in, come in, come in. Okay.

Do you notice anything different? Uh, 10 inches taller. Thank you. No. Oh, no. For her. Oh, no, we were just, oh, Adel and I were staring into each other's eyes and kind of feeling each other's arms. Uh, no, Aaron, let's focus on you or whatever.

What's your thing or whatever? I texted you, said, come over. I need attention. Also, I got something new from my house. Ooh, what did you get? Personality. Hits my new rug. from Quince.

Oh, that's amazing. Gorgeous. Ooh, is that 100% Mongolian cashmere? No, that's my sweater you're feeling. Oh, sorry, let me step off. That would be insane for a rug.

And I bet it was so expensive, right? Not wrong. It was just $60. There's classic denim I can get from Quince, real leather, wool outwear, and my new rug. Look, I'm making a snow angel on my new rug.

I'll look in a minute. I love Quince. I'll look in a minute, Aaron. I'm looking into JPC's eyes. Now, JPC, I feel like you. would look amazing in their suede trucker jacket. It's perfect for layering, even they've got these, you know, 10-inch pythons now, these big biceps.

It just looks really casual but put together. And by partnering directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quince cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost of similar brands. And Adel, I got to say, it looks like somebody cut the middle out of you and just left fucking chiseled abs. What's going on? You guys, you guys, I've been sick. I'm not just obsessed with their rugs, but I also love their bedding.

I have their sheets, bath, cookware, travel accessories, and my wardrobe. What do you guys do? Yeah, cool. Why aren't you looking at me? It's all amazing, Aaron, just calm down. Layer up this fall with pieces that feel as good as they look. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available and Canada too.

That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash riddle. Oh, no, JPC, they made a Canada, too. Canada, too, the squeak wall. We got to go. Bye, Aaron, bye. Why is that bad?

JPC, you know how not too long ago, Aaron was a car we don't really need to dwell on it? Sometimes you're asking yourself weird things like, why didn't they teach us this in school? I feel that way almost any time I'm dealing with money. Amen. Famously, I'm very bad with money. Famously, you're very good.

good with money. That's why I'm giving my kids, aka my cats, a head start on their money skills with acorns early. Now, if I know your cats, they're going to take those acorns, put them outside your door and then feed them to squirrels so they can watch squirrels going outside of your door. But children, human children, they're very different. They have different learning patterns than cats. We're getting wildly off topic. Aaron used to be a car. That's why she's not here. But that's been resolved at this point. So we don't have to work. worry about that. Mostly been resolved. Acorns early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up. This is something that I am going to be gifting to

friends, that I myself hopefully one day will be gifting to a child and again to my cats. Start with the in-app chores tracker. Teach your kids or cats the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set up their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early. And you could maybe be like, hey, let's set a goal that you save up to buy, I don't know, like a car one day. Yes, because it is legal to buy a car. Yes. Even if it is or was a human at some point, because if it's now a car, it's fine. And there's no laws against that.

Plus, kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them the extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's spending limits in real-time spin notifications, parents always stay in control. I have played around with the Acorn's early app. So it's still a little early for my child, but I really love the features. I really love how, like, simplified it is. I actually think that it, like, can make learning about money fun and engaging.

And I think that those are very important things. It's also really important to, like, demystify, you know, the money. You know, money isn't something that's, like, you know, dirty or dangerous or something. And it's just like a tool like anything else that we use to exist in society. and I think the acorns early is a great way to introduce children to that. Absolutely. Hey, JPC, do you notice, even though Aaron's not a car anymore, that sometimes when she sneezes, it sounds like room? Yeah. And sometimes when she, nah, not to be indelicate, farts, it sounds like con, comes as gas. Passes gas. It sounds like Hong Kong, Kong, Kong, Kong, Kong. Yes, and that I immediately want to get, anyway, ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend, get your first month.

on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash hey riddle or download the acorns early app that's one month free when you sign up at acorns early.com slash hey riddle. Acorns early is issued by community federal savings bank member fdicic pursuant to licensed by massacardiard international free trial for new subscribers only subscription fee starting for five dollars per month unless cancel term supply at acorns.com slash early terms. Aaron's not a car take control of your money. Ah, Aaron. Barber Aryan. Also, JPC. Just Paladin Cohen. Great. Love. Love it.

Love. What is this vibe? Yes, we all love D&D-style adventures, right? Full of humor and heart. Guys, I know I do. You need to check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Oh, I know Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's an award-winning D&D comedy podcast, hosted by an all-star team of writers, comedians, and voice actors. You can join along for an auditory adventure with immersive sound design, an original score, and gripping stories set in a fantasy world.

Plus, it's suitable for all ages yet full of complex characters that make you laugh and cry. This podcast needs to be experienced by everyone, whether you're a season D&D player or completely new to the game. Oh, this sounds up our alley. It's comedy with heart. Oh, wait, we don't have heart. So you're probably jonesing for some heart. Join a cast of five quick-witted friends as they overcome disastrous dice roles, bewildering roles. bewildering role play in heartfelt moments of camaraderie.

Your gut will both split from laughter and fill with butterflies as these goofballs weave a hilarious heartwarming story together. Again, we'd love to know what it feels like to have a podcast that has a little bit of heart on it. Can't wait. Okay, how would you know if you like this show? Well, here, let me tell you some other shows that it's comparable to. Critical Role, Ever heard of it?

The Adventure Zone, ever heard of it? Dungeons and Daddies. Ever heard of it? Gumshoes and Dragons. You might not have heard of that one, but it's good. Hello from the Magic Tavern. You probably heard of that one. You and all your friends will love Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

And I got to say the episode, The Quick and the Undead, where the party helps out a ghost mummy, is outstanding. Discover why Tales from the Stinky Dragon continuously stands out among so many D&D shows. The hype is real. Check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon anywhere you listen to podcasts or on YouTube.com slash Stinky Dragon pod. That's Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's a natural 10, which we're going on a scale of 1 to 10. Yeah, it's good.

It's a natural 20. Well, the scales 1 to 10, so. It's a great show. That's it. All right, let's jump back in. You know, we're going to get through all of these. I feel it. More of Sweet Shannon's riddles.

And we were on R? you know you would think yeah i think we're on our we are on e and jpc think of that e word that you're going to say no matter what the riddle is e grapes oh no oh no as i went through a field of wheat i picked up something good to eat it was white and had no bone and in 21 days it walked alone ear of corn no sentient ear of corn comma sentient oh what's an egg yes an egg oh damn it elderberry now ross you beat JPC and I to the answer when we should have known the number one answer to riddles. If you did a test of all riddles and what the answers are and you weighted them, egg is probably, egg and wind and shadow are probably the top three.

Glove. So we should have really, we're really kicking ourselves. It's really hard to think of a fruit that starts with Evo. So like that's what an insane task, a Herculane task that I had. It's not a fruit, though. But it didn't end up being a fruit. fruit. No, but all the my guesses have been fruits. Have they? It's not Herculane. It's more Sisyphian because he had to roll up that grape up the... Okay. It runs around the pasture yet it

never moves. Fence. Yes. Fig. No. And you know what? I messed up and just let's just get through G really quick. Four fingers and a thumb yet flesh and blood. I have none. And you know what? And I did rock right into that and I have read all these riddles. And I just gave it away. And I Literally what. Oops, I fucked up. Okay, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay when Aaron fucks up.

The more you take away, the bigger I become. What can I be? Whole. Yes, a whole. Fuck. Ice cream. We all scream for what? Ice cream?

Yes. That's a riddle? No. What Jack has a head but no head? Jack of hearts, jack of spades, jack of good? What Jack has a head but no heart or heart but no head? What Jack has a head But no head

Has a head but no head So it kind of looks like a head But it's not really a head Jackal Lantern? Yes, I'd like to see a scene Ross you are a Jackal Lantern And JPC You just smoked a ton of marijuana

And you think your Jacko Lantern Is talking to you This is rather similar To our pervert and clock Oh Huh Well let's see Let's not just jump to conclusion

Let's not put the pervert Before the horse We'll see which one of these things is the perv. That's what Hey Riddle riddle is. The overarching meta riddle of the episode is spot the perv. It's always JPC. It's always JPC.

Okay. I should get like a large lemonade. Large lemonade. Large lemonade. What the heck? When ghouls and sprites and ghosts come out. Oh, I should get a sprite. I should get a large sprite. Oh, thank you so much for that suggestion. Pumpkin? Please. Call me Jack. Oh, my God. Okay, no, no. No, I'm just high. My

jackal lantern is not talking to me. I'm just high carving a jackalentron. I shouldn't be doing this while I'm high. Oh, no, I'm very much alive. I'm very much talking to you. Why? This This is the year when spooky ghouls and ghosts come out, when tombs give up their spirits, and the veil is thin between the lands of the dead and the land of the living. Okay. The times when strange things can happen. So, so you were, you were a dead pumpkin, or you're like, you were a dead guy, or you're a ghost, or you inhabit a pumpkin, or what's... You insouled me. You carved me.

okay you're scary or what's scary or am I because I'm really high and I'm like so not following any of this I should get a big lemonade look I'm sorry

have I been too obtuse with my sort of poetic pumpkin ramblings the time of year around our hollow's eve is the time when uncanny things and occurrences can come to pass You carved a face on me. And so I am now imbued with a pumpkin-y soul, thanks to you and your knife, father.

So my father, my father carved a pumpkin. Jesus Christ, how high are you? I think I'm like really high. The pumpkin gets in the car and drives JPC's character to the hospital, fills up the paperwork for him, checks him in, gets him an IV. You got to drink some water, man. I think they'll give me like an IV here. I think I'm not supposed to drink water because it inter, counteracts with the, hey, pumpkin, thank you so much for driving me.

I got too high. I need to be here for a little while. Thank you, you know, take the car for the night. Like, let that, we could call it even you can get up to your pumpkin antics. Well, somebody has to be in the hospital to greet you when you're discharged. One of us has to be responsible, I guess, because it sure isn't going to be you. a montage of the pumpkin helping JPC's character get sober, their roommates. They're kind of like the odd couple, but they learn to love each other. We see them sort of be each other's best

fans at each other's weddings. What you need is to find a third space, a place where you can make friends and cultivate a hobby in an interest, live above the influence. I don't know, Pumpkin. Do you think I'm ready? I mean... Is anyone ever ready? Is this goodbye? Am I moving? on with my life? Are you moving on with yours? Am I ready to go out into the world again? Cassie's so beautiful, and more than that, she supports you. She makes you a better person. I think if she knew that I was being Sierra de Bergeic by a pumpkin, maybe she wouldn't like me. I mean, does she even like me? Yes, I did write most of your love letters and your vows.

Does she even love me or does she love the pumpkin inside of me, you know? I think I have to tell her. I think I just have to tell her. I suppose honesty is the best policy, but, but, but, but, but, don't, don't be hasty. Cassie, Cassie! Hey, Pumpkin, how you doing? I love my sweet pumpkin. I love how sweet you are to me. Oh, yes, my angel. Never will I feel your touch. What the fuck? Cassie, who is this?

Oh, Jack? You, motherfucker! Punches the Pumpkin, instantly destroys it. Oh, no. No. Uh-oh. I hold him in my arms. I knew the whole time. Sort of spiritually, I knew it was the pumpkin the whole time.

It was a really old pumpkin. It was pretty much falling apart anyway. It was pretty rotten. I was already pretty soft. One punch really blew that whole thing up. JPC, I was trying to call your character pumpkin in sort of the affection coupley way. I know. It was funnier that you were fucking the pumpkin.

And the pumpkin was like just trying to express his emotion through you. Okay, great. Hold on. Let me really quick. How do you fuck? A pumpkin. Oh, okay. It's pretty straightforward.

Is it? Is it? Okay. You could do traditional. Is that one of the riddles? Here we go. Yes. You know what?

We made it to Jay and that's pretty good, but we're going to keep going. Acts like a cat, looks like a cat, yet isn't a cat. What is it? A kitten. Yes, a kitten. Nice. What am I? My fleece is white as snow.

And everywhere that Mary goes, I am sure to go. Lamb. Yeah, there you go. That's a riddle. That's no Some of these aren't riddles Can you imagine Mary It's more kind of a fill in the blank

Do you imagine Mary doing Donuts in a parking lot A lamb with wheels On her wheeled lamb You guys my naivete Having completely forgotten What the show is like I thought we were going to get through these

In the first 10 minutes of the show And then get to real riddle I'm a fool I didn't realize how many perverts We needed to see in these scenes What is it that makes two people out of one Marriage No but that's

Malding, morphing, morphin. Morphan, it's morphin time. What is it that makes two people out of one? Racks? No, I think this is actually a pretty good riddle. Wax. Can you remind me what letter we're on? M.

Oh, that's why we were saying morphin. What is it that makes two people out of one? Oh, motherhood? That's beautiful, but no. So women aren't people until they're a mother, Ross? Wow. No, no, no, no, no. What is it that makes two people out of one?

Two people out of one? Think about it. It's like in a riddle way. Is it help? Do you have? No. Well, it's not actually two people, but it kind of looks like two people. Oh, is it that thing when you like cut up a paper and you like fold it out and then it's like a bunch of people holding hands?

No, that's like a little garland, a little people garland, a little people garland for Christmas time. Christmas? What is it that makes two people out of one? begins with an M. Oh, movie theater sneaking children when they, when two kids kind of put on an overcoat? No. Is it Mongolia because Genghis Khan, they say,

kind of culturally. It makes one person look like two people to interrupt you. Oh, movie theater trench coat. No. I feel like we're sort of stuck in a movie theater trench coat. I'm going to give it to you. So you guys had a perfect scoreboard. for this but I'm going to say it in three

medallion mustache two a mustache one a mirror mother fucker what always has one eye open and a needle oh damn cyclops who is the strange one who lives in the sea who is the strange one who lives

in the sea he has eight arms but no legs yes an octopus what has a thousand needles but does not sew cyclops No. We're getting lost. A porcupine. A porcupine.

A porcupine. I would like to see a scene. JPC, you're going to be a porcupine parent, and you're being asked by your porcupine son, Adel, to sew a costume for him for Halloween. Well, have fun out there. Be responsible. Don't eat too much candy and try to be back before ten. Hey, Dad.

Do you mind? Never mind. no hey buddy come on you can you can tell me anything or ask me anything is it about sex yeah kind of sort of okay do you mind s e w upside down m w in me a costume wait a second how is this about sex well aren't our little guys sort of our sexual organs Okay. Okay. You're not going out tonight. Uh, let me lock the little porcupine door. You told, what's going on? You told me that each one of our quills is a special gift to be given only once. Oh, trick or treat! Oh, shit. Oh, boy. Uh, you're grounded. So go to your room. Uh, oh, and we'll, and I'll be in there in a minute to talk and shake. I've got to turn off all the lights and give it. Hello, trick, a treat. Uh, happy, happy Halloween.

Hi. I'm just here with my daughter. She's just here with my daughter. She's driving. Just like a witch, trick or treat. Oh, my God, you're a porcupine. Is it true that porcupines, all their needles, have nerve endings in it? Hey, man, you're here with your kid, okay? Come on. Yeah, my kids. He's the most sensitive part of the quill, the tip?

Yeah. Is it? No, that's not, I don't, who told you that? Are you going to that goddamn college where that man, teach you the wrong lessons about animals? I have half of mind to go down there myself and give him a quill. Yeah, well, he taught me that. reptiles have very hot blood.

I'm getting a porcupine hot blood at the insinuation. Porcupine burst into flames. He was right. He was right. The professor is vindicated after all. Should have been standing in that direct Halloween sunlight. You know, I... This is the Halloween episode?

In so many ways, yes. Should be. This is more... Sorry, we celebrate Pervert Day, which is October 8th, every year. of course. There's all Hallows Eve, then Halloween. Then, of course, Pervert Day. I can't believe we have Ross Bryant on our Pervert episode. He's

so versatile as a comedian. We could have done anything with Ross, and we chose Pervert. Look, you didn't choose, this is all of our brains working together in the strange alchemy of improvisation. And there's one rogue element, one X factor that has brought pervasation

to the affairs. And I'm afraid that's me. And I'm afraid that's me. I'm sorry. I'm Pleased, but surprised. Aaron, I think it's fitting because next month in November, we're going to be doing a kid-friendly episode. So in October, we should be doing an all-perverts-Eve episode. And that's what we've got. And that's fun.

And that's good. And that's good. Yeah, something for everyone. So we're on cue? Yeah, this is not a riddle. So this is just not a riddle. Who is next to a queen on? Oh, sorry, I said it.

Queen? Queen. Queen. Queen. Well, Erin. It might have been a riddle up until there. Aaron, is it queen? Aaron, is it queen?

I do want to see a scene. You fucked up that bad earlier in the episode. I do want to see a scene. You said glove earlier, too. You're two for 26 on giving a season. I scared my dog. I'm sorry. Is it queen, though?

I'm sorry, you said you want to see a queen? Yes, I'd like to see a scene. Aaron, you live in a town where they had a contest to make someone. Queen for a day, and you have won that contest, and you are sort of having your day where you get to sort of have the run of the time. All right, what is it next then? More mean for me, I suppose. What's those things that they, the man that comes in to make me laugh?

What's his called? Excuse me, you just need to sit quietly in the cell until you're ready to be executed. What's it called? Sam, just sit quietly in the cell until you're ready to be executed. Never has the Queen for a Day program been this horrible, this fast. I did so good. I did so good. I put several good sisters today.

It's a gesture. I want a gesture to make me laugh. I'm queen for the day. You've been deposed. I'm telling you, ma'am, you've been deposed. I'm queen for the day, and I say you get booped on the nose, and then your head gets cut off. Do you, stop. I'm the jailer.

Stop booping me on the nose. Mom, I'm committing regicide today, okay? This is not how I envisioned my day going. This is you. This is not how I'm going. That's how you sound to me. That's not how I sound. That's not how I sound.

That's a gross oversimplification. Put me back on that throne and I'll do a good job. I'll do better than anyone. What would you do? If I put you back on that throne, what would you do today? Justice. No. Liberty.

No, that's how you started the day. A pot, a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage. That's not. We got to her back in the throne in front of an audience. Queen, ma'am, your highness? What can I do you for then? We brought a school, there's a local school that's here. They thought it would be fun.

You came out and you said, let them eat ass. Yeah. Now, I can't make that right. It's my catchphrase, then. Can you go back out there, pull yourself together, and please. I put myself together. Stop drinking mead. Give them sort of a fun, sort of care. Come here, kids.

All right, everyone. Gather around. Who's the deal? I think, give up now. We can't unhear what you said, Your Majesty. No, no. We can't unthink it. And now it's all I can think about. Kids, listen, listen, listen.

Let me, hold on. Here's the thing. We told you we were hungry that we had no bread to eat. And then you said. No, let's not quote what I said. Let's not paint me into a corner here for being that kind of bad. Queen, can I have a question? Yeah.

Why are you, why do you have a thick eye shadow? You're wearing a bandana and a tricorned hat and you have long hair with like coins sewed into it. What about all that? It's just a very, it's an interesting look for a queen. I just wanted to know what. It's cosplay. I can do whatever I want queen for the day. Jack Sparrow.

I won the contest. Sort of a, sort of Keith Richards' energy. Here's the thing, though. Here's the thing about this. I wrote the best essay in the entire land. All right. There was an essay contest,

and I said I'd be queen for the day. And off with all your heads. One, two, three. His head, her head, her head, his head, her head. Don't point at each other, please. Your eyes, don't point at the children. Her head, this head.

This head. All the heads. Slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice. Heads on sticks. You are, without a doubt, the worst queen I have ever seen. Well, thank you. We cut to the very next morning, and Aaron, you wake up hungover in bed. Oh, my God.

What did I do? No, I'm probably fine. This is just classic anxiety. Let me just... No, my lovely. You actually had a really wild night with me, my lovely. And who's this? This is Keith Richards?

See, that. Didn't you tell? tell you have to imagine Keith Richard's wife once a day is saying and now who's this now who's this now who's this? Now who's this? What is it that runs in and out of town?

I do like the idea of her queen for a day in a 24 hour period getting overthrown for being a tyrant. Yeah, we pick up with you in jail, Aaron. Yeah, blive a little. Yeah, sorry. Well, I got a lot done in a very little amount of time.

That's true. That's fair. You guys, we're going to finish. finish this because I believe in us. Did a whole Marianne Twinnett arc in 20th just like Sophia Coppola. Yeah. Yeah. We're on R?

What is it? Oh, no, R. We're on R. Sorry. What is it that runs in and out of town all day and night? River? Nope. Close. River's good. Yeah. There's a song that is those two things. It runs in and out of the railroad. No. Close. So, so close.

Just a road? Just a road? Just a road? Yes, a road. What has no feet or hand or wings yet climbs to the sky? Stumpy. Nope. My name is dumpy and a climbs to the sky?

Nope. What has no feet or hand or wings yet climbs to the sky? The sun. Nope. You can kind of see it from far away. It's S. Sears Tower. No.

What has no feet or hand? But climbs to the sky. And it's not. Skiscraper? Star? There's, like, a reason why it climbs to the sky, and it's not permanent. Sunrise. Sunset.

No, I like that. Stars. But there's a reason, like, there's something that happens. Spider? That's changing. Smoke? Yes, smoke. Oh, smoke.

Fantastic. Um, okay, great. Yeah, buddy. Yeah, buddy. Yeah, buddy. Sweets and cheese, buddy. We're in a home. T through Z, we're in a home stretcher.

This is it. This is in. We're right there. Oh, this one is a, this is the worst riddle we've ever had them. Oh, no. And, Shannon, this is not a judgment on you. I'm just saying this is the worst. This is the worst riddle we've ever had.

And this is not an accusation against the person who sends it in. No, no, no, no, no. Because they've, like, some of these. Because I will say, I think what is the, what is it that makes two people out of one, a mirror is a fantastic riddle. That's very good. So this next one, I will say, I think this is my least favorite. we've ever had. I've screamed on the top of my lungs on the show. I think Aaron's going to accidentally say the answer. There's so much preamble here. I think she's going. The answer's locked and loaded. Just because it is 2 a.m. is here in Los Angeles. Is the answer 2 a.m.? No, it's 8.5. Aaron, should we do you through Z and come back to T? It's double back. What pets make stirring music? What was the answer, Erin? No, don't say this. JPC. I'm so easily tipped over right now. Don't do this to me. I'm fragile. Turtle? Turtle doves. This is Tee.

Yeah, it's a T, it's an instrument, is that your hint? Timpany. No, what pets make stirring music? Trumpets. Yeah. Whoa. Yes, trumpets. You love it?

Do you love it? Say you love it. Tell me you love it. What goes up when rain falls? Umbrella. Smoke. An umbrella. I tell you, you know, these,

any of you grow up in a house that does Christmas crackers? Do you know what I'm talking about? No, but I went to England to study abroad, and my mind was blown that they were like ubiquitous. Like everyone, it's like a huge deal. Yeah. They're like tubular. They're tubular log or alligator shaped. You kind of pinch both ends.

And there's like a little firecracker inside, a little puff of like gunpowder. And inside there's like, you know, little trinkets and riddles and jokes. And the last few of these have been very Christmas cracker covers. Wow. And do you wear the little paper? crown hats too. And you put the little paper crown on. My mom is a super anglophile and only in the last like 10 years has made this, has like crowbarred this into being a family tradition that we never had growing. That's funny. She's trying to gaslight you into thinking that you were doing it at five. Like

remember when we were growing up? She's like photoshopping paper crowns into our old family photos. I was in Australia for a couple of Christmases and they do it too. But I'm sure it's some mutated version of the English one. Because everything's just a slight. bit right of center of the English version one in Australia roses are red violets are blue and I'm forever saying I love you what am I then

and it's V? Valentine? Yeah it's Valentine Yes what shouts along the street and hasn't any lungs it tugs at leaves and hurls them The wind. Old and young The wind. Stumpy. Speaking of Chicago The wind I'd like to see a scene

Ross you are the Chicago Wind and you are really trying to knock down Adel and JPC who are walking down the street together. So I was, I was saying a trolley. I said, you got to try. You got to go to Alinea. And you got to try. They have a wine pairing that would just knock.

My hat. My hat. Oh, my God. Hey, wait. Where do you think you're going here, you jagoffs? You think you can just walk around the corner at a building at Staten Clark and not get your hats blown out there, bud? Nice try there, Jagoff.

I'm coming in off the lake, you 50 miles an hour, dickhead. Oh, we got a smart-ass lake effect over here. Listen, listen, I am... That's right. If I'm blowing in from the west, that's just a breeze. This is lake effect, buddy. I'm going right down your freaking collar. Those were brand new 959 Cubs Hats Limited Edition.

You owe us $100, wind. Oh, listen to Danny Northside over here. Go, Sacks. I'm blowing right on your nards for that one, pal. Oh, oh, cold nards, cold nards. I feel like a damn alligator. Oh, that's shittier than a slice of loom all noughties. Listen, hey, win, listen, listen, hey, maybe there's something we give you

that makes you sort of, you know, blow away bother someone. Trying to bargain with me. You're trying to bargain from a, this ain't a clock pervert negotiation here, pal. The wind can't be bought, okay, bud. I'm just saying I'm not the 35th word alderman. Okay, I can't be bought. Hey, that's my second cousin, okay?

Watch your mouth. Yeah, I'll bet it is. Hey, shake the hand of Danny Jaworski next time you're out there, okay? Oh, you know Jorski? You know Jorski? Yeah, he's probably busy pipe in a house right now. Oh, shit.

Wind, I didn't know you were Polish. Hey, look, we got more than coming. Oh, my, my cousin. It's amazing. You guys are all right. Hey. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-la-da-da-la-da-la-da-la-da-la-go. Go-ccccccccgo.

Hey, Chicago, what do you say? He's a socks win, but all the sudden he's a cubs fan. We're all the same out here. Yeah, of course, right at the end. Everything was leading to that. That, how, do you think Second City has ever done that scene? Where the Chicago win is like, that's got to be. Yeah, George Went wrote that scene.

1974. That became cheers, Aaron. Are you Canadian? That's amazing. All right, we're going to quick, so quick. So, so, so fast. What shouts along the street and hasn't any lungs? It tugs it leaves. Yes. Through, and he even finish it. Through me, you see me through solid thing. X-ray. X-ray. Yes. Okay. What am I? Zebra. I'm found. Yellow.

No, it's why. We're on why. Oh, fuck, fuck. No, what am I? I'm found in socks and scarves and mittens. I'm Found in pause and playful kittens. Yes, yarn. Zebra. Xylophone. No. Saw, sing it, we snore it, bees drone it.

Yes. Zzz. That's it. We did it. We did it. I don't think I would have ever guessed that the Z riddle answer was going to be ZZ. Yeah, and so now don't you feel foolish?

Yeah, a series of Zs. I think that's great. Saw sing it, we snore it, bees, drone it. Zs. Ross. These were very poetical riddles. off to Shannon. Yes. Thank you so much, Shannon, for these riddles. Ross, thank you so much for joining us today, an honor to have you here. Anything to plug or promote? Lordy. My pleasure

to be here. Yeah, I got something to promote. I'm actually premiering a new podcast soon called Push the Roll with Ross Bryant. It's a tabletop role playing game actual play podcast where friends of mine and I play the game Call of Cthulu. We have special guests come in. but perhaps members of this very podcast will join us shortly. But the premises is that our Patreon subscribers submit titles that we use to inspire brand new scenarios. So these sort of horror tales that we tell can take place anywhere, any when. It's all rift out on the fly. And we've recorded a bunch of them.

They've been very funny and creepy. So if that's sort of like horror comedy vibe is something you're into, check out push the role. Who are some of the people in the cast who are there all the time? Let's see. We've got very fun folks from the world of actual play like Josephine McAdam and like Becca Scott and Paula Deming and people from like more like actally side of things like Matthew Lillard and Abu Bakar Salim and lots of people from the world of improv like Matt Young from Hello from the Magic Tavern. tomorrow we'll be recording with Addle and um yes and other folks

yeah like Vic Michaelis and Brannley Mulligan and um all kinds of fun folks cool that's amazing yeah definitely check that out um Addle JPC anything else to add or promote or um I would suggest go to wherever you can watch videos maybe TikTok your TikToks or your Instagrams um and there's a video Ross that killed me which is you I think it's you on Game Changer doing a Tom it's the prompt is like Tom Waits I forget what the

full prompt is yeah that's that the premise of that episode is that they have like a big karaoke book with real artists and fake song titles and you can pick the artist and then you have to improvise the fake song and the style of that artist and randomly they had Tom Waits in there not not one that I feel like the kids are clamoring for her own impressions of. But I, Tom Waits is dear to me, so I had to take a swing. But it's a, it's a killer Tom White's impression. So please check that out. JPC, anything to plug or promote. Oh, this Sunday, we are going to be in Atlanta. There are maybe our tickets still available. So if you haven't, if there are tickets still available, hey, riddle.com

slash live is where you get them. And then next Tuesday, Nashville, and then next Friday, Denver. So we would love to see you in Atlanta, Nashville, and Denver. And those are coming up very soon. Also, make sure that you check out Gums Shoes and Dragons. I believe right now our fifth episode just dropped so you can check that out anywhere you find podcasts. Aaron, anything to plug? Just if you get a chance to watch

Ross do improvise Shakespeare, before I moved to Chicago, I saw videos of you doing it Ross, and it was like, blew my mind and I've seen you do it live a number of times, and it will blow your mind. I'll never get tired of it. It's like a magic trick. So if you get a chance to see Improvise Shakespeare,

I know it's in Chicago a lot, And then in L.A., you guys do, like you and Greg Hess and Joey and everybody. Joey and Blaine. Yeah. Yeah, we perform monthly at the Largo in L.A. And we have a lot of dates on the road coming up soon, too. So if you're in, I don't know when this comes out, but October 1st. Okay, cool.

So we'll be coming down to the south. So in the middle of October, you can check us out in Atlanta and then up through Tennessee, Chattanooga and Nashville. So please come check us out. That's very, very kind of you to say there. Don't miss out on it. It's like some of the best comedy I've ever seen. It's very consistent. So impress your friends.

It's a very smart highbrow show, but we definitely still do play pervert pumpkins. Oh, yeah. It's deeply silly. It's mostly perver. Sorry, I should mention it. It's mostly pervers. Perverts all the way down. It's mostly, it's perves only.

Okay, amazing. And then, oh, I say Jupiter. I'm the one who gets that side of the show. I forgot that I have the pull cord. Sorry, guys. Bye. Bye. Starring, Aaron Keith and John Patrick Collins,

Casey Tony did the editing, and already parents in the music. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nippurus. One, two, three, four, hey, riddle, riddle. Hey, riddle, rid. Hey, Rids, and Courts. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We're doing more listeners submitted hot takes And that's all that happens

Nothing weird You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog At patreon.com By joining the Clue crew for $5 a month Or start your seven-day free trial Or the review crew for $8 a month Plus you get those ad-free episodes See you there

I'm blowing right on your nards For that one, pal That was a hate gum podcast