Hey Riddle Riddle - #383: Don't Tell!

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

Great...now I want to play Kingdom Hearts....Tickets still available for our DC and NYC shows!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Whoa, guys, that recording was crazy. We played all sorts of characters, and my brain's like, wee, whoa, we whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I need to find a way to unwind, what to do, what to do, what to do. Aaron, you are not wrong. That last recording that we did for the podcast, Hey, Riddle, Riddle, was a doozy.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, yeah. I sort of, I sort of like tweaked my. back playing Kung Fu Shrimp. Remember that character Kung Fu Shrine? I threw my back out. So I'm looking for like a natural way to like relieve aches and discomfort. You know, I'm not as young as I once was. But yeah, maybe, oh, maybe like cornbread hemp, CBD gummies? Right. I feel like that's been a huge piece of my wellness plan recently. Cornbread hemp CBD gummies are made to help you feel better, whether it's stress,

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Just head to cornbread hemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle at checkout. That's cornbread hemp.com slash riddle And use code riddle RIDD-D-L-E Don't just take it from us Take it from I want to say

Kung Fu Shrimp Hello, I'm Kung Fu Shrimp Everyone Let's Chop these boards Addle, you're going to really hurt yourself The surfboards There we go

D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D Oh, he's back Oh, Adel Oh, God! Give me another gummy Another gummy, please The doctor was the mother He stood on a block of ice

Bang Both of the network goldfish It was the cabin of an airplane He stabbed him with an ice cream And the horse of things Friday 1, 2, 4, 8, and a

1, 2, 4, 8,000, 1, 2,000, 1, 2,000, 1,000, 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, Rick,000, Okay, on your order, I have one hay and two riddles with ranch and a sprite. You can pull up to the first window. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Maybe you didn't. Did you say cranch? I said ranch. Oh, okay. Yeah, no. I probably wasn't enunciating when I ordered. Oh, yeah, we needed a cranch.

Sir, what is cranch? um can you give me one second to ask me what cranch is that's the code right yeah um did she like a second part did she touch her nose or something well it's it's over a speaker i don't actually i don't know if they're touching their nose or not it's over a speaker sir the line's pretty long um so if you want to pull up to that first window uh yeah yeah but we just really want to make sure we we we need the cranch on the on the on the hey riddle riddle crotch Cranch, we need cranch Extra cranch

Not extra cranch I'm not made of money What could cranch be It's probably ranch with something in it Is there like another Is there like a second part to the code That I need to know about The eagle flies at dawn

But that's supposed to be after they respond I'll pepper it in now Excuse me, I figured out what's in cranch Uh sure The eagle flies at dawn Nice subtle Yeah You want to add the eagle burger

to your order? Yeah, I want to try it. It's the most American thing on the menu. Never mind. Would you like to supersize that? Oh, you do supersize at this restaurant too? Yeah. When we supersized the Eagle Burger, it's just we do the full bird between two buns.

Sometimes it's still alive. On the menu, it said suppersize. Is that because of like legal threats? Yeah, we are not allowed to after. You can spell it however you want, but you can still call it supersized. Yeah, well, unless any NARCs come through here and try to tell on me, can you pull up to the window, sir? I think you got to pay. You're holding up the line.

I think the mention of NARC is part of the code. I think they are. You guys, can I make a wild guess? There's been a bunch of spies that have been pulling up to this window all that. Whoa, what? You are at the wrong. It is, you want Wendy's. This is Hey Riddle Riddle.

That is three doors down. You want the Wendy's. That's where all the spies are meeting up tonight. No, this is three doors down. Hit it, Adel. Never blend little blind, man. No, that's nickel back. Get out of the line.

Sorry. Yeah, we'll pull forward. Wow, which one is three doors down? Oh, if I go crazy, then will you still call me Superman? Adel, you're brilliant. My mind wanted to say, this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drive the whole world. I don't think that's thinking of our stuff. And while she looks so good in photographs, I absolutely love it when she smiles.

We still might be in the year of no Google. I don't know if we could ever find out who sings that song. But that's okay, because we don't need to know. And I'm okay going the rest of my life, not knowing who sings that song. You guys, I'm working on the best of episodes for this year. And at the beginning of this year, we promise that we would do a. impression of the person that sings might as well be walking.

Lynn. It's Lynn. It's the band Lynn is we're not allowed to do an have we made it the whole year? Wait, what do you? What are you saying? In an early episode, we said that we were banned from doing an impression of Lynn. Is that who it is? Yes, the band Lynn. Oh, I think you said might as well be walking on the sun. Isn't that? That's Smashmouth, right? That's Smashmouth, Aaron. Then what the fuck am I thinking of? I thought. I thought Aaron was saying that

So she could avoid singing the song that Lynn sings. What is the song that Lynn sing? So, Aaron, I happen to know because I also just listened to this episode because while I'm not doing the best of, I am doing the out of context clip bracket again this year. And I will say, that should have, you should have done the best of so we both didn't have to. We're doing a lot of duplicate work. A lot of duplicate work. What's the song? Well, I know the song, Aaron, but you're not going to get me on the year that we banned Lynn from the podcast.

No, well, what was it? Hey nice try asshole it's not happening We also on that episode We mentioned how we were like not going to Google Aaron was like let's just say we're not going to Google for a month And I was insistent on it being the whole year And we've Googled a thousand times this year Yeah

We did not make it Because we love knowledge And we love seeking it out Absolutely We are on week two of episodes where I have not slept For me it's only been a couple hours For you guys, it is going to be weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks. Well, wait, are we...

And weeks and weeks and weeks. Does Erin think we're recording like six more episodes today? Maybe she hasn't slept. Maybe this has a side effect. Well, should we do some riddles to get Aaron a little wiki, wiki? Do you think that that will do that? Let's do some rails. Are they, do they have eggs and baking in them?

Because I'm very hungry. I do think Waky Waky Eggs and Bakey is an underused phrase or song Let's start with We'll do some trios We've done some of these before So I'm going to give you three things

You have to tell me what they have in common Aaron's eyes are closed She's asleep I can see her eyes are closed No remember it's my branding I close my eyes when I listen to riddles Go back and do your homework For the show's lore

I guess it's appropriate branding But on a day when you haven't slept I know my eyelids felt so heavy and I really found, I really felt so nice for a second to close my eye. All right, Adam, I'm ready. And we go inside Aaron's dream while she's closing her eyes. Hey, Aaron, here's your riddle. What does a big plate of French toast and you don't get sick from it?

A massage just for you and your dog. And, JPC, what's another thing Aaron would want? Like, you know how there's like a thing with like, Hitman where they're like, I don't do women, I don't do kids. Do you think there's like a thing with masseuses where they're like, I don't do women, I don't do dogs? Why are they so, every dream I have is these two guys just chatting with each other. Aaron, Aaron, wake up.

Aaron, wake up, wake up. I said the riddle. Did you want to try and solve it? Toaster. Ooh, so close. I'll read again. It was Cylon, Aaron. This is three things you have to tell me what they have in common.

The Tropicana Corporation, an accordion player, an Anaconda. They all squeeze professionally. Yes, they all squeeze. Thank God you went first. Thank God you went first. I will thank God every day for you going first. I always think of it because it's that song that my Tropicana don't want none unless you've got buns, huh? Mm-hmm.

I do want to see a scene. Oh, yeah. The two of you are employees at Tropicana. Aaron, it is your first day on the job, and JPC's teaching you how to squeeze the oranges. So this press fits 1,000 oranges. Now, it doesn't have to be exact. It just can't be more than 1,000 oranges. And you have to make sure your hands are clear of the machine.

And then you just press here, and that starts the squeezing process. So when do you put the shampoo? Oh, okay. Let's keep this party going. For sure. You're talking about mimosas. And mimosas are, like the noble screwdriver, are a orange juice drink, but it's not a drink that we make at Tropicana. So, yeah, no champagne, no vodka.

Although we do have a saying here, if you can Tropa think it, you can Tropicana do it. But, but. That's not very good, is it? Hey, man. The saying is not good. No, it's not very good. You can tropa think it. You can tropicana do it.

You know what I think we canna do? I think we could be innovators here, man. And I think we could squeeze champagne bottles into this as well. That's something we can tropicana do. That's even better. Isn't that what you said? No, you said it. I said tropicana think it.

We could tropicana do it. But can do it. Can do is like right there. I'm just a drunk lady on the first day of the job. I don't take any thing I say too serious. Thank you for applying here. I know that you got Letgo from Tropicana for undisclosed reasons, but we here at MinuteMade are thrilled to have you on board.

We do try and make the orange juice in a minute. We actually spelled Made Wrong the first go, but we just left it. So why don't you give it a squeeze? Here I go. Okay. One. And I'm just going to also. a squeeze a vodka bottle into it as well.

I can tropicana do what I want. I'm an innovator. I'm cutting out the middle man. And this is Minutemate, so we do have to fire you. Alcohol. What? You can't.

I didn't say I'm cutting out the minute, man. I said I'm cutting out the middle man. No, no. It was the Tropicana pun that is getting a fun. Come on, you guys, can we all just get along? Tropicana, Sunny D, Minut made, the other ones. Sunny D You think Sunny D

is orange juice Uh yeah Have you ever put champagne And Sunny D together That'll make you feel alive Sure Mimosa Mimosa

I'm gonna fire myself See Minosur Ugh A mimosa with Sunny D Aaron Is that sounds really horrible Is that something that you've done

No thank God Okay good Aaron Good Aaron Good did. A way that at my college, the way that they were hazing a freshman in my year in the theater program is that the first college party, freshmen could decide to drink mimosa's all night or absent. And I picked mimosa's, which was a horrible hangover, but at least I wasn't throwing up green. Looking at you all my friends that picked absent. That was my first memory of a lot of you

was you throwing up green. I think all throw up green. No, no. It was like neon green. And they're all thrown up in the same toilet. I won't name names, but I know you are. Was it the only toilet available? Or was it like a bonding experience? Both. Is it sad that in 20 years we're going to have

grandmas and grandpaws who butt chugged? Anyway. Sad is not the word I'd use. What would you use? Hopeful. Okay. Hopeful. Sure.

Here's three more things. You have to tell me what they have in common. Okay. The barrier reef. Alexander of Macedon. Frosted Flakes They're great! They're all great.

Alexander is Great to Great Barrier Reef and Frosted Flakes to know the tiger. I'd like to see a scene. Adel, you're Alexander the Great and you're home for Thanksgiving and JPC, you're his brother and you have some thoughts on him being the great title that you do not have.

And so then we took the horses and flanked them, I drove them off a cliff and conquered the land. So that's, I guess that's what I've been up to. Oh, cool. Well, the VCR repair business is going really well.

Oh, good, good. Yes, Miles. Tell me. What, yeah, how, yeah. Yeah, Miles tell me. He's in a bunch of movies. And so when I'm, you know, when I go in there, the thing is, people have unspooled the hell.

hell out of these things you know so it's like when i go in there i sorry speaking of unspooled i found the commander of the great army and i um gutted him and unspooled his intestines in front of his men which caused them to drop to their knees and surrender so it was kind of a cool i'd never done that and that was kind of a cool way to kind of gain victory you want to see some of that it makes you drop to your knees you want to get space balls on VHS now that is a movie i mean you will you You will die laughing at that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, yeah, a lot of the, and the thing about VCRs, you'd think it's just like one type of machine.

But no, it's Panasonic or Sony. Both of my boys, home for Thanksgiving. So sweet, Alexander. Oh, my gosh, we missed you so much. I wish you lived close. I brought you the severed head of your enemy. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God, I'm going to cry.

You're so good to me. You're so sweet. And you never once asked me for money. Mm-hmm. Mom, also good to see you. Hi, yeah, you were here yesterday. Yeah, well, good to see you from... You ate all my bacon.

You made all the bacon. Good to see you upstairs, I mean, because I'm usually downstairs for most of the day. I brought you a little something something. Ever seen Galaxy Quest? Yep. Well, I brought that. Sort of, I guess, in my periphery. From downstairs, I brought that upstairs, because you said maybe,

On Thanksgiving, we can watch something upstairs. Well, boys, your father's working on a turkey. Everything is falling in the place. Hey, Alexander could probably do some more work on turkey if you wanted to do some more conquering. Your brother has a lot on his mind right now. We need to all be supporting Alexander. He could conquer Turkey, is all I'm saying. I captured Constantinople, but then they changed the name.

They changed the name. They also changed the name of Edge of Tomorrow to Live, I repeat. Are you drunk? what is it how dare you see I could think of an old movie where they changed the name that was relatively

how dare you you know how they sometimes will say the pyramids were built when they were still like woolly mammoths I do think they should start saying that Alexander the Great could have watched space balls just to kind of show how

how crazy history is Yeah, history is so crazy. Garden vegetables, a rude child, rested horses. Because, like, Mel Brooks is so old now. They're like, yeah. So old. Mel Brooks and Alexander the Great had like three years of crossover. Isn't that crazy?

What the high school in New York together. Garden vegetables, a rude child, rested horses. You know what I just realized if, like, the apocalypse happens, and we're the only media that survives in civilization, like 2,000 years from now have to piece together what the fuck was happening through this alone.

We're fucked. We're like the Rosetta Stone for future generation. I think that they would get like six episodes in and be like, it's not really worth figuring out what they had going on. Can't be much better than what we got now.

Yeah, let's start from scratch. Clean slate. Tabula Rosa. Well-arrested horses shooed. Garden vegetables, a rude child, and I keep wanting to say roasted horses, but it is rested horses. Snap peas.

Snapies. Is it a specific root vegetable, or is it something about root vegetables? It's just garden vegetables, I guess, there's nothing specific, it's not a specific vegetable, but I guess it would be like out of the garden. Fresh, fresh. Yes, they're all fresh. They're all fresh. Root Child, rested horses, garden vegetables.

I do want to see a scene. Fresh horses. That's so funny. I also do love the word fresh for someone being a brat. That feels very Massachusetts-y. Yeah. Don't get fresh with me. Aaron, I agree.

I love fresh as someone like talking back or something. I hate it when it's used as a food descriptor. Like when someone's like, oh, this tastes so fresh. If that's their only descriptor, it really wears on me. Yeah. What about for fish? Fresh fish.

Fish is the only thing that I feel like should be fresh. Hmm. Yeah, I don't mind fresh fish. It's fun to say. Yeah, fresh fish. Fresh fish. Catch of the day. Is your fish fresh fresh? I do want to see a scene. Let's say that Aaron, do you want to play a rude Bostonian child? Sure. Okay. So, Aaron, you're going to be a little rude Bostonian fresh child. And JPC, you are an operator of a roller coaster telling this Bostonian kids they can't get on. Is there Six Flags, Boston? Yeah, Six Flags New England It's in western Massachusetts And that's where you are Pardon me, pardon me There's a height requirement Oh, there is?

Oh my God Thank you so much for letting me know You didn't know about it But yeah, it's a height requirement It's right on the part of the side Yeah, this kid Um, I I think I'm gonna

Oh, am I gonna listen To this teen boy Who looks scared shitless What? Me? Yeah, whose arms are so skinny little Yeah, am I gonna listen to this guy? Huh. What does arms have to do with it?

Huh. You're too small. Listen to the guy who looks like he goes sailing on a sailboat With his dad. What kind of, what insult is that? You look like a yuppie, new money, fucking idiot. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, real smart mouth on you. Ah, this guy kicked me so hard.

Hey, who's cooking this kid? It's Boston. Nobody cares about that. Ow. I want to kick a kid. Oh. See, now you've got a line. Now you've got an alternate line going of adults who want to kick a kid because they thought it was okay. You look over, I'm gone. I'm wearing sunglasses. I'm at the front of the roller coaster. A diversion, bitch. You know, I have to pull the lever that starts the roller coaster.

Oh, do you? Oh God They used to spell It's a Boston witch It's a Boston witch Oh my God, I'm too little for this ride Who let me go on here? I'm gonna fall out

A witch died today in Boston Again And a child A child A child fell off a roller coaster Hey Murray why don't you read your stories I'll read my story Okay yeah sorry

When's it my turn The Sox lost And I want to cry about it on TV Oh, I'm so tired. A Boston witch is a pastrami sandwich with a layer of racism. Yes, and a little bit of clam chowder on top. Clam chowder sandwich. What are these things that have in common?

A mountain, a football, droopy, droopy panty hose. Tom Brady fucked with all three of these things. New today. Don Brady fucks with a mountain. A mountain droopy dog. No, you just said it like droopy dog. A mountain, a football and droopy bantee hose going down. We got like ridges or layers or...

Yes, ruffles and droopy bannet hos both have ridges. They can all be stripped. Wait, that's actually something. You can strip a mountain, you could strip a football, and you can strip off some bany hos. I mean, GBC, you're not wrong. Well, good. Then I'm right. And, uh, I relinquished my time. I yield my time. Fuck you. Remember how happy we were that week? I yield my time. Fuck you. Was there suck my dick in there?

Yeah, suck my dick. I yield my time. Fuck you. Was that the order? I think it was that that order. God, we were so happy back then. Um, well, I got my answer right. And it was correct. And I loved it. So, Aaron, what's your correct? I don't know. Can I have a hint for my answer? um yes so a mountain of football droopy panty hose i would say um so aaron think of droopy panty hose like if you're on oh i think i have another guess a line of a summit do they all have white tips what the fuck doesn't a football have some white on it no laces like the white tips of the mountain the snow caps I guess in football betting there's white tips in terms of a white guy giving you

the over under a mountain of football jupy panty hose Aaron think of if you're in public and your panty hose are drooping what would you do to you pull them up you pull them up absolutely what's another term for pulling up panty hose

climbing or Hiking, hiking. They're all hiked. Hutt, hot, hush. Of course. I'd like to see a scene. Oh, Erin, can I ask a question? Yeah, of course.

Do they still sell panty hose in those eggs? Do you remember the eggs that they sold panty hos in the 90s? Yeah, I think they do. Yeah, I think. So does that mean that panty hos are reptiles? Yes. Yes.

They hatch. Yeah. You guys don't know anything about women. I remember those being in like CVS and stuff when you'd get panty hose for it. But they don't do that. anymore right i think they might that whenever i buy tight i'm a big tights fan um they don't oh tennessee yes um but i haven't seen those but i think i'm trying to remember i think they might

weren't they called legs like le ggs i don't know oh i feel like that was the that was the brand name or that was like one of the brand names okay okay i'm pretty sure that was the name of them i'll look into it um i'd like to see a scene sure um i'd like to see a scene sure um You are... JPC, you're the guy that does the thing between his legs passing it to Adel.

I'm sorry, Erin. Magic Mike? Aaron, you're going to have to be so much more specific. In football. In football. Thank you. The center...

That guy. Yeah. And then, Adel, you're the quarterback which I assume that's who he's passing it to. Okay. And Adel, you're trying to stall because you're really nervous

and you don't want him to pass you the ball just yet. But JPC, you're a little annoyed because you're in that crouch position. Okay. Blue 42. Deborah, Deborah. Fancy pants.

Fancy pants. Deborah Blue. Rome. Rome 29. Hey, what are these? Um, what are these? Oh, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. I'm trying to get them off. I'm trying to get them off sides. Um, hey. They're not moving. Nobody's moving. Hey, 48. Your mom's not your real mom.

What? Your mom's not your real mom. Huh? Ask, call her, ask her. And that one's actually true. I, um, actually, I got drunk with 40s. All right, delay of game. Shit.

Yeah, shit. Wait, what the hell, man? What was the plan? We just, we just, we just, we just lost it down. Listen, um, you know how in the Bible they cut Samson's hair and he lost his strength? No. I got him. I'm 22.

I've never read a book in my fucking life, man. My life is about football. Listen. Don't tell me Bible stories right now. Ugh. I... Last night, something happened to me where I feel like I lost it. I can't throw anymore.

What? You know when Rookie of the Year where at the end he, like, falls and hits his arm and he can't throw... No! I've never watched a movie. From the moment I was born, the only thing I have known was football, football, football, football, football. To not know Rookie of the Year and the Bible, those are the top two properties. I feel like we should know those inside and out. Hey, the top two properties are the properties that my money manager who's fucking me over is buying with my money.

Are we playing football? Are we just chatting? Can we get back to the game? 48. Shut up. Okay. Also, 48's on our team. I want your team. Why you trash talking our tackles? Oh, right. Oh, that's how I know that their mom's not their real mama's because they'll be like. Yeah, they told you that in confidence. I told you that in confidence. I'm sorry.

Hey, I'm going to throw you the ball, okay? Don't tell. Don't tell. Don't tell. Defense is like 48. Everyone's about to die. 48's about to die. Stick to 48.

Don't tell. I'll never tell. Here's three things. Tell me what they have in common. The monkeys. The 56 Yankees. Disney World. Hey, hey.

Hey, hey, we're the 56 Yankees. They're all infected with STEIs. They all have tall tales. The monkeys, the 56 Yankees, Disney, Woyle. Is it the monkeys spelled like the band The Bunkies? It is, yeah. I should have said that, but I think the, I assume the would be the band. Oh, wait, I have something for this.

reaches into pocket, reaches further into pocket. Heddle, for my birthday one year, you gave me an IOU, which is this is good for solving, not solving one riddle. So I get to skip this riddle. Oh, can I, yep, that is the coupon I gave you from my coupon book. I panic wrote moments after I remembered it was your birthday. And Aaron, do you want to cash in any of the coupons that I gave you? Never. I'm scared.

I think that will unleash the end times. People are so obsessed with back rubs But the second you offer front rubs They're like oh this is actually crossing a big line You put front in quotes and then rubs in quotes And not like quotes together They're two separate quotes Two separately quoted things

So like what does that mean I get to decide what I think is the front I think it's a rub What do you think it means? It's pretty obvious Davy Jones was a monkey Now JPM you are on a good Good path.

Will it involve me knowing any other monkeys' names? Yes, in fact. Fuck my life in two pieces. This is my last resort. Aaron, help me out. Do we know any other monkeys besides Davy Jones? I said I didn't. I'm using my I-O-U. We're not doing a riddle.

I'm just talking to you about the monkeys, the band. Hey, hey, we're the monkeys. Yeah. And here's a list of all our names. What's that song where they're like, um, uh, um, um, um, What's any other monkeys love? Every time I think of the monkeys, I think of Herman's Hermits. Hermit's hermit, hermit's hermit.

Daydream believer. Yeah. Right? The monkeys are coming queen. And every time I hear that song, I think of Dawson's Creek. Fuck me. I truly, why would I ever need to know another person from the monkeys? But I feel like with the monkeys, I know Davy Jones.

and if I heard someone say the name of another person. So you want to think of the last name, Dolans. Mickey Dolans? Yes. Is that a person? They all have Mickey. They all have Mickey Mantles. The monkeys, the 56 Yankees, and Disney World all have Mickey's.

I do want to say something. Yeah, Mickey Dolans. I don't think I ever would have gotten that. This is going to be maybe back-to-back episodes. with Yankees scenes. But I do want to see a seed. Aaron, you are the manager of the 56 Yankees, and you are welcoming your new number one draft pick, Mickey Mouse.

JPC, you're Mickey Mouse. Hey, fellas, take a seat. I don't take a seat. Everyone, yeah, you can smoke in here, continue to smoke. Yeah. All right, fellas. We haven't won a game in a couple weeks, so I decided to bring in a new player.

Oh, good coach, yeah, coach, yeah. Thanks, coach. I'm glad that you have a good attitude about it. This player's going to bring in a new kind of demographic watching it, children, and this player is going to be a little small, so you have to be careful with him. Hmm. He loves to whistle. Shortstop, maybe a new shortstop?

Come on in, Mr. Mouse. Oh, so good to finally meet everyone here. Draft, Dodger. Yes, as everyone. members, Mickey Mouse has recently been in the papers for dodging, I guess, recently been in the paper for dodging the

World War II draft, which I guess we're coming out way later, but we recently found out Rat, draft dodger, rat. I was just a little boy. No, you were a full grown man. You, uh, you faked an injury and you didn't go fight in

World War II. Okay, oh, okay, so I'm like, I'm like a 30-year-old joining a baseball. I mean, Mickey Mouse was invented in the 20s, so I'm just going by... I have a question. Does this count as breaking the color barrier?

Because I'm not... Weird that you asked that. Nobody shut it down. Everyone starts taking apart the lockers. Am I a black guy with a white guy's face? Nope, nope. Am I a black guy doing white face? What am I?

Jackie Robinson walks in. What the fuck? Hey man, I didn't draw me. See, home. Scene, see, seen, seen. I love Mickey Mouse stealing Jackie Robinson's valor. Yelling Draft Dodger at Mickey Mouse is fucking funny. Coward.

Coward. And you're a bunch of other people who were also playing on the Yankees' users, sensibly. It's fun. What if only give their own was all Disney characters? That's fun. That's kind of like how they made that, like, Final Fantasy game that was all Disney characters. Oh, Kingdom Heart. Kingdom Hearts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we could just do whatever properties we want, but just put Disney in them.

Does Goofy have, like, a big Sephiroth sword or something? Yes. Goofy has a big sepher. Gorsh, I need more materia. Gorsh, there's no crying in baseball. It's Goofy peeing into the sink like Tom Hanks does and all the other own. Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with more Goofy. Deet, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, oh, hey, friends, sorry about all the legs you're seeing. I just became a racquet. Ooh.

That, da, da, de, de, de, de, de. Adel, your dream. I know. They said I wasn't tall enough, but I am. And now I'm making all that rocket money. Ooh, well, Adel, I'll be able to afford to. go see you because I've been saving so much money using Rocket Money. Oh my gosh, that's so funny. Yeah. Kind of like what you just said. Oh, okay. So Adel has been making a lot of Rockett

money and Aaron is using Rocket Money, which is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. This all tracks. Mm-hmm. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. The app automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save and goes to work to get you better deals. They'll even talk to customer service so you don't have to. It's like having a little assistant in your pocket. And Rocket Money has saved Leggy users like myself over $2.5 billion, including over $880 million

and canceled subscriptions alone. Their 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. And, Adel, I know that Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. The app automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save them and then it goes to work to get you better deals. They'll even talk to customer service so you don't have to. But Rockett Money,

what other songs do the Rockettes kind of dance to? Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Deet, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de.

Stretch, stretch first. Oh, oh, I pulled my leg. I pulled it so hard. As you can see, I'm on the couch, my feet are up, I'm on my phone, I'm drinking a mitai. Gentlemen, I'm actually done with my Christmas shopping, so I don't need to go with you today. Well, that's my couch and you spilled a lot of my tie on it. I know. I got everyone an aura frame for Christmas.

So, yeah, I'm actually all done. I did a perfect job. Yeah, we were actually going to shop for Addle's new couch today because you keep spilling my tithes. We're all saying the same thing. Well, wait, JPC. Sorry, Aaron, did you say an aura from? frame? I am obsessed with aura frames. They're the perfect gift for anyone in your life. I have

my own. I also gave my mom one and they have a really cool thing where you can share photos to each other's frames. And we have such a laugh just dropping in fun little photos. You can honestly also preload photos before it even ships and you can keep adding them from anywhere, anytime. I love it because I can always send up-to-date photos of my child to my family members or a frames. and preloaded photos can still make you happy. For a limited time, visitoraframes.com and get $45 off or its best selling Carver Matt frames, named number one by wirecutter by using promo code riddle at checkout. That's aura frames, a ura frames.com promo code riddle.

This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year. So order now before it ends. Support our show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply. Take a photo of me drinking in my tie on Adel's couch and then put it on the aura frame. Oh. This is actually for evidence, Aaron. Oh, good.

Jeez. It's funny, I'm always thinking about it this time of year, but I'm not as young as I once was. But I care a lot about maintaining my physical and mental wellness, which means cornbread hemp, CBD gummies are a huge piece of my wellness plan. It's so funny, I have no idea why it gets to be this time of year, and I'm thinking about how I'm not as young as I once was. Oh, same girl, same, but also JPC, your birthday's in December.

Okay, that makes sense. Well, JPC, someone left something under the tree called Cornbread Hemp, CBD Gummies. Have you heard of these? Do you see these? Uh-huh, yes, I have. They're made to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, the encroaching clock of aging or... Relaxation. I use cornbread hemp, CBD, and GPC, let me just say, toss one in my mouth, I chew it, swallow it, and suddenly,

I'm at peace And I'm old as hell All products are third-party lab tested in USDA organic to ensure safety and purity So you can relax Okay, you guys might be on to something With this cornbread hemp CBD

Don't me John Travolta John Travolta Is twin CBD That's awesome And right now, hey Riddle Riddell listeners can save 30% on their first order Just head to cornbread hemp.com

slash riddle and use code riddle at checkout. That's cornbread hemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle. Age is nothing but a number. A number of years I've been on Earth. Years are also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing. Hmm. Hmm.

I feel okay. I feel okay. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Addle, Aaron, I have made you guys kind of one of my holiday traditions. a website pot pie. Ooh. Interesting. Okay, got a nice crust.

Good bake on this. Yes. Very good bake. I think that you'll also be able to tell that I have some special seasoning. Let's just say that there's some hyperlikes in there. Hmm.

Yum, yum, yum, yum. Ooh, did you use Squarespace when you were making this? I can tell. Okay, that would have been smart because Squarespace is the all-on-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. line. No, I kind of made this traditionally in a kitchen with, you know, flour and salt and Oh, yeah, I'm clicking these links and they're not working. So you should have used Squarespace.

I'm getting a taste. It's so, it's so delicious. I feel like maybe, is there like videos in here? Because I know Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. So am I getting a hint of videos? Yes and no. I definitely watched videos as I was making it on how to make website pie and all the videos were like, do this. You can't do this. It shouldn't be done. It's against God. Well, if you use Squarespace, you can make smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive, built-in analytics tools. Review website traffic, learn where to focus engagement, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, and product sales, all from one place.

It's interesting that you mentioned that, Aaron, because I actually did use SEO tools to make this website pie. With Squarespace, you can get discovered fast with integrated to Squarespace SEO tools, and every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated site map, and more, so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. But the SEO tools that I used on this website pie were, and then, okay, SEO, I got this, I got this, I got this, I got this. Cinnamon. And we're already out. I messed up big time on this website pie. It's delicious, though. I'm going to grab another slice. Hey, and if you want another slice, why don't you head to Squarespace.com slash riddle for a

free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I will say, the smell waft thing really did pull me into this room. So my compliment to the JPC chef. But now for the best part, who wants to get their stomach pumped? Me! Me! And we're back, and we do have more trios.

I'm going to keep going with these trios. Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's tree over that. Please tell me what these three things have in common. Ice cream, a poorly run newspaper, a low throw to first base.

Man, a lot of baseball going around. Cold. Ice cream, a poorly run newspaper, a low throw to first base. Cold is not a terrible guess. No spoon. Isn't that like an old newspaper term that I just made up?

I don't know the baseball term low throat. Does that mean that the person's out? or that means it mixed Well, it wouldn't be a strike It's more what the person catching it does To kind of grab it So say it's a low throw And it maybe bounces along a baseline or something

The person who's Receiving the ball Has to do this to get it Scoop Yes, they're all scooped A poorly one newspaper Gonna have the news scooped out from underneath them Ice cream and a low throw

Oh that's what that means Adol, you run an old-timey newspaper, and JPC is usually your best reporter, but JPC you're really spinning your wheels trying to come up with a good story. Got it. And Aaron, will you play my top reporter? Yeah. All right, all hands on deck, all hands on deck. Yes, thank you.

Thank you. Please mumble, please mumble a vegetable repeatedly. What's this meeting? What's this meeting? Rubob, ruby, ruby, ruby, ruby, ruby, what's this meeting? Now, we all know I run a old-timey news. newspaper. Of course, the year is 2025, but we report on news as if it's yesteryear. That's why we're yesteryear news. Rubab, rub, rub, bar, rub. Gloria, what scoop do you have for me today?

I got the scoop of the century, you see. Oh, lights up big cigar. Two people in this office knocked boots together last night after they drank too late at the bar. I got my best guy on it. Me, Gloria, I'm going to crack the story wide open, just like they can. cracked wide open last night. Oh, 23 Skadoon, of course, we'll pay you 23 cents on the dollar for being a woman. I love it. Okay, who else?

Maguire, do you have a scoop for me? Oh, uh, no, yeah. Yeah, McGuire, what your scoop? Yeah, rhubour. Rubba. Rubba. No, yeah, rhodebaker, Rubik. Apples, apple. And we do, we're doing news on Friday as well. Uh, yes, we do news every day of the week.

It's every day of the week. Twice on Sundays. We're the only paper that releases two issues. Twice on Sunday. McIre, open your little notebook and read all the news. Yeah, no, yes. Mini fires. Potatoes, potatoes.

Mini fires burning right now. Oh, here's a popular item. Sorry, McIre, what is that? Are you trying to review a Reese Witherspoon show? Reese Witherspoon, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn. Is that a, corn, corn, corn. Is that a morning show reference?

No, like, doesn't she, little fires? Lots of little fires everywhere. Little fires everywhere. The book by, what to say, Celeste Ng? I'm sorry, McGuire interrupted you. I bet you have all sorts of great scoops. So there is, on the wall, a clock shortage happening. There's a clock shortage happening on the Great Wall of China.

So that's pretty interesting. Maguire didn't prepare. No, I did. I did. I did. That's just one of the mini scoops that I have kicking around in my notebook. McGuire was one of the people knocking boots last night and cracking open. That's why he wasn't ready.

Tomato? Tomatoes? Tomatoes? Tomatoes? Tomatoes? Tomatoes question about? Stop saying stuff like that. I just wrote down Tomatoes question mark.

You're getting in my head. So, McGuire, what you're leading me to believe is that I'm supposed to run a front page that says both two employees knock boots and also clock shortage on the great. Wall of China? We'll be laughed out of town. Not necessarily that. I've got a lot of news. There's also the water cooler. You're looking around the room.

Well, yes. I'm talking to, I'm addressing the entire room. You didn't let me finish my... You're backing out slowly, McGuire. Where are you going? Well, I'm a reporter. It's not happy hour. I got to go put boots to the pavement and make sure I'm

chasing down my leaves. Your boots are hidden the pavement. after hitting the bed last night. Oh, you fucked Stephen Malkmus. All right, hold on now, hold on now. The water cooler shortage on the Great Wall of China is going into effect. McGuire and I slept together last night, and I've got the scoop. Oh, gee Louise.

Oh, just please don't tell my wife either of them in different cities, you see. I know it's 2025, but I figured I'd do a little callback to having two families. well I'm making 23 cents to the dollar so hey that's fucked see hey that's fucked hey that's fucked hey that's fucked hey that's fucked did they say that's fucked in the old times do you think that they said that in the 20s I think so in their own way probably in their own way yeah I'd be curious to know when curse words like what curse words were commonplace during what eras that's why it's so trippy seeing the old timey bloopers because it's like these black and white movies and they're like I'll tell you something about this mister ah fuck shoot we'll have to take that take again and you're like whoa pissing my ass well I know that they were saying fuck because I've um I've seen Deadwood and like Deadwood is in like the 18th century or 17th century uh yeah but but they they go deadwood takes a special a special care to use

like the vernacular of the time which is why you can't understand a word that's being said in that fucking show. I'm going to read you a list of old fashioned swears. I love it.

Kansarn. Sard. Bed swerver. Also, sorry if any of these are crazy offensive. B-jabbers. This is my favorite one. B-J-A-B-B-E-R-S.

The jabbers. Fop-Doodle. Do you... All right, I know you still can't call somebody a fuck. Do you call someone to bejabbers, or do you say what the bejabbers has happened? Another way of saying bejesus. I say bejes, and you say bejabbers, and you say it's Jesus. A substitute for by Jesus that is similar to bejesus.

This feels like a, like a z wounds or something like that where you're like, zines. You can't say God's wounds. Thunderation, Arf, Arf, and Arf, Arfonarf. Arf, A-R-F, A-R-F, A-R-F, A-N-A-A-F. And Arf and Arf. Every dog listening to this podcast was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't say that shit. Every dog, Siri just went off. Yeah. Every dog begins with Arf. This may sound like a strange approximation of a dog barking, but it's a real word.

It's actually a Victorian slang term to call someone who's drunk, Arf Arf Arf and Arf. Corn nuts, Gadzukes, snails, muck spout. Gatsukes is a blast. Bloody Nora. Dagnamic, gosh. I love the idea of like. A child getting sent home from his like one-rimmed schoolhouse for saying like snarf or whatever. You can't say mudspout in class. Oh, it's British.

Bloody Nora is British. These are all very good. Well, I mean, as, you know, as far as old-timey things go, you can't really have something like too old-timey here in America. We don't really have that deep a history. That deep a bench. Aaron, you mentioning old-timey movies made me think of this. And I know she's not old-timey, old-timey, but she's from a bygone era. I saw a thing last night that, uh, who's, who's the most offensive person?

Any Hollywood actress over 50 from a bygone era. Please, over 40, please. Um, I always want to say Agatha Chrissy. Who's the woman who was the teapot and beauty and the beast? Angela Lansberry. Andrew Lansbury. Fuck, I always want to call our Agatha Chrissy. Um, I didn't know Angela Lansberry, and I saw this.

last night that she had two kids. You did your gossip voice. I can't fucking wait. You went a little low. And she had two kids and they were running with a bad crew and she was like, my kids are in with this bad crew and I can't have them being around these people. And so she quit Hollywood for like a year to move to Cork, Ireland to help get her kids removed from this bad crew of people.

And it turned out that they were in the Manson family. Right. Oh, that is, that actually would make for a great movie. So she saved her kids from being like a part of the Manson. That's incredible. Good for her. Who would they get to play Angela Lansbury though? Aaron? The teapot?

Tell us all this time. Wait, let's your rest, that's your heart rate. You gave me such a, right, I could do it. I could be Angela. You'd have to punch me in the throat and. Do you think? Quick punch me in the throat. Make me 80 billion percent more charming.

Do you think that when the Manson family shit went down? Do you think Angela Lansbury was like, well, wow, wow. Smacked her kids clean across the mouth. She's like, you're fucking welcome, by the way, that you're not in jail. How about you again, Zooks? Uh-oh. We're stabbing some squares in the Hollywood Hills. You're welcome.

You goofy our farf and ours. I think where my wire, I think I just realized where my wires cross is Angela Lansbury was in murder, she wrote. Yes. And when I see the words murder and then she wrote, I think of Agatha Christie because she wrote murders. Yes, Adel, this is a great self-diagnosis of you sort of going into your own brain and figuring out why everything is where it is.

What else is going on up there? I traced the wires. Should I cut it? Don't cut the red wire. Pliers up the nose. Adel. I told Snap. I told Adel this.

That whatever Tony Shalubb gets mentioned, Adel, what do you always say when Tony Shalubb gets mentioned? It's not what I say. It's what I must say. It's a compulsion. Aaron, please. Aaron, you know you solve the puzzle? He's something, he's something Al Pacino.

No, he's the Lebanese De Niro. De Niro. Adel always says, Lebanese de Niro. When he gets mentioned that he's the Lebanese deno, but I always forget the nationality and the actor. So whenever, like, someone mentions Tony Shalub, in my mind, I'm always like,

oh, he's the Armenian Pacino. He's the Serbian hackman? I honestly, I think I was talking to some of the other day And I think I did see Serbia and Gina. I also, anytime someone mentions Neil Diamond, I simply must say Jewish Elvis. Because that's what he was known as, was Jewish Elvis. Is he no longer with us? Shit, did he?

Oh, Jewish Elvis hasn't left the building. And sorry to that man, if he's past. You guys, I do sometimes think we cause celebrity deaths on the show, so let's tread lightly. Whoa, yeah, we did with Nick Carter? Aaron Carter. Aaron Carter. We said Jimmy Carter. Now with Nick Carter. Now we just killed another Carter.

We've killed Jimmy Carter. We've killed Nick Carter. Oh, no. I hope we don't kill Shalub. No, no, no, no, no. That would be a shame. Although he's in that New Shane Black movie and it's none to do it. Oh, really? Yeah.

He deserves our place. He's Tony Shaloo. He's the Shub. Did Shane Black write it or just directed it? He wrote it and directed it Because I love a Shane Black script I thought I did too I think like a lot of men of his age in Hollywood He's kind of maybe lost a little bit of his magic

Sure, sure. Aaron, have you seen the nice guys yet? Yes, I think it's fantastic. I love that movie so much. It's so good. Here's three things. You tell me what they have in common. An ancient harp, someone committing perjury,

The Boy Whoop! Angels These are all people who are kind of plucky. Ooh, okay. I like that a lot. An ancient harp, someone committing perjury, the boy who cried wolf. Now the ancient up. Is it strung up?

Not strung up. An ancient harp is the one that's going to trip you up a little bit because it's spelled differently than the other two. The other two are spelled the same, but ancient harp is spelled a different way. And that might cause like a bit of a, oh. Oh. Okay. So the boy who cried wolf is a, oh, a liar. It's a liar.

They're all liars. They're all liars. That's a good one. Wow, I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you and I are, sorry, JPC, you and I are townsfolk. And Aaron, you are running in to tell us, it's sort of a boy who cried wolf situation, but it's your own spin on it. And so I said to Margaret, I said, well, why don't you set down the grain and we, can sit and have it. Um, you guys? Oh, it's the, uh, it's the shepherds boy. Well, uh, shepherds boy.

Welcome. Um, you guys are not gonna freaking believe this. Freaking, whoa, uh, you, you must, uh, tell your father about this. Mudspickett language. Ten stones on your head. Uh, no, no, Gadzooks, Gadzooks. Oh. I just got robbed on the edge of town. Oh, no. I've known. A robber on the edge of town. A robber on a, oh, bandits. Yes, there are bandits, and I got robbed, and I have no more money. And then the robbers told everyone from the casino to come after me for no reason. Oh my gosh, what are we going to do as a town to fix this? We're all in this together, guys. Let me, let me break down the situation. You were robbed. Yes. And then the robbers went to the casino.

And what do they tell them? Uh-huh. They went to the casino and they said, hey, take care of this asshole for us. Pretend he owes you a ton of money. And this is why I voted no on the village casino. We have a baker, a tailor, a shepherd. And you were outvoted.

And you were outvoted. And now we're living in this reality. So what are we going to do as a town? Because people like to wind down. That's why we have it. I think it's a bad idea. The chain of events was they robbed you. Uh-huh.

then they went to the casino Big time Then they told the casino To pretend like you owed the casino a lot of money Yeah How does that have anything to do with a robbing? Because they really want people to come after me So I can't stop them

They think I'm too strong And I can bring down all the bandits that robbed me And you guys, I know I talk in the cadence of a liar But this is all really fucking true This is really true what I'm saying Okay I haven't had a gambling problem in like four years. So, and so what's the town's problem because you're the only one who can stop the bandits?

I'm the only one that can stop the bandits. So we can't let these casino guys trick all of us into thinking I owe money. Can I just say my piece that I used to be a butcher until the casino came to the village and started offering Wednesday one dollar stakes? You got outvoted. Just saying. Just saying. the steaks at the casino taste just like yours

if not better Rick okay $1.00 steaks that's insane I couldn't compete with that you guys it's the perfect plan you could open a casino hold on Rick you could open a casino

at your butcher shop I did and you guys said no gambling you guys they're going to be here any second I think we need to focus it's the perfect plan because they know everyone thinks I have a gambling problem

and they know that I've used this exact excuse before right oh that's right yeah wasn't this what happened last week yes but i lied last week and then they were like but this time this time i won't be believed so now last week they broke your legs right uh-huh but last week but this time it's real don't you see it's the perfect crime don't you see the perfect crime they they they the bandits are going to be unstoppable I'm the only ones I can... You know, I went over this. I'm the only one that can stop the bandits.

They're working with the guys from the casino. They work together. We're all cooked. We're all cooked. We all came to your casino. It was so poorly run that you lost... We can't be talking about Rick's thing right now because my thing is dangerous.

Oh, Rick's thing is dangerous. He's got a wife and kids. Yeah, but it's like... It's like slow drip dangerous. Hold on. The one thing you should have is food. You have a butcher. shop. No, it all spoiled. And I refused to let them eat the $1

Stakes on Wednesdays at the casino. Well, I mean, that's just, I don't know. We had this same, Rick and I had this same conversation last week. My wife and kid are dead. Here's what we do. What? My wife and kid are dead. See, see, see. Oh, they're all liars. The L.A. Freeway, the NBA slam dunk contest and a door the L.A. Freeway the NBA slam dunk contest and a door.

They're all hard to get off of from. Not what that I did. Oh, constant slams. You're very close. They all have jams, jams, jams. They all have jams.

They all have jams. Dimp Bump Dumbaddy Gumbud jam. You call a dunk a jam, right? NBA Jams. Yeah. The nail in the coffin. You ever play that game, Aaron? No.

From downtown. He's on fire. He's on fire. He's heating up. I'm not familiar with this. You've never played NBA Jam? No. By Midway Games? No.

Aaron. NBA Jams was a early basketball game with, I want to say, almost impossible levels of physics. Like I remember you could like dribble three times and be across the court and you're like, I think that

that might be wrong. You could dump from the free throw line of the other side of the court. Yeah. It's like 93. Oh, like early. Okay.

There was also a game for, I think it was for in 64. There may have been earlier versions called NFL Blitz. And an NFL Blitz it was NBA James basically

but for football but you would tackle someone and then they would go like 15 yards And you're like, okay, so I guess that's the first downline? That man is dead. How did they get tackled for 15 yards? Aaron, in NBA jam, if you made three shots in a row, you would catch on fire.

They'd say, he's on fire. And you would literally have flames around you. That's a lot of fire. And then you could like do a lot more things. You were like supercharged. And then if you like dunked it and shit, like the rim would catch on fire too. Like the net would catch on fire. It was a real problem.

And this is like a dumb question. That doesn't happen in real life, right? Well, let me answer your dumb question with a dumb response, Aaron. You could also be an alien in this game as well. Oh. Yeah, like one of those like long grays. You could like make your character that. Has this game made a comeback in any way?

Is it like back in the zeitgeist or is it just? They released a version for iOS that I downloaded at some point. So I feel like it's still in the zeitgeist. I think it was supplanted by the more like the EA sports basketball games. Yeah, the ones that come out every. a year, basically. Right. Is there a video game that you guys are the most nostalgic for?

Like, you'd give anything to play it for the first time or have it back in a new iteration? Maybe like bubble, bubble. Like, there's something, have you ever played that? No. There's something so gentle and satisfying about it. So you're basically two little cutie dinosaurs. So you play with a partner. You don't have to play two player, but you should play two player.

And there's like 99 levels. At every level, you're like a little dinosaur dragon. and you open your mouth and a bubble comes out and you can catch bad guys or catch prizes, whatever you want. It's so... Cute. It was like my first love in video games.

What was that on the Nintendo or Super Nintendo? I don't want to say. I don't want to date myself. There's on Nintendo. Let's take the duck hunt out and then let's blow in it and hit it a bunch of times with a baseball bat so we can play the next video game.

Adel, did you ever play the video game? I think it was called Limmings. It was like a PC video game. I played the computer game. Yeah, yeah. That was a blast. Yeah, like the whole point was that like, Lemmings will, is this even true of lemmings,

but like, lemmings will like follow each other off cliffs and stuff? Yeah. That was a rumor. I don't even know what a lemming is. Like a mink. I remember that game was tons of fun. And then there was also the game, was it where you would be like earthworms and you would like shoot like rockets at?

each other. What the fuck? This doesn't even sound familiar to me. Worms. Worms. Worms. That's a great game. Yeah.

Also, Jim was a great game. These are all games that I would like have nostalgia for, but if I ever played them today, I'd be like, this is a huge piece of shit. It does not work at all. So frustrating how slow it is. Aaron, do you have a game like that? I mean, I would love, I mean, you know how I feel about Banjo Tui, not because of Tui,

too, specifically. And them returning to that IP, I think, would be exciting. but I don't... Hawk Tooie, maybe. Oh my God, I take all my money. If we're talking about IP that I'd love to be rebooted, I, when I was kid, I loved Mavis Beacon teach us typing. And I would love for, like, Mavis Beacon to, like, teach other things, too.

Not necessarily sexual, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't be... You're not ruling it out? I'm not ruling it out. If Mavis Beacon wants to be a little free... Mavis Beacon teaches aftercare. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But I would... like to see a series of Mavis Beacon teaches.

Mavis Beacon teaches Jump rope. Jump rope. Yeah. Mavis Beacon teaches Freakin on the weekend. Yeah. Mavis Beacon teaches like suflay. Yeah.

Okay. She can teach everything. I'm in. I'm in. Let's do... That's the first time we've ever agreed on something and it felt so strange. That was so weird. My body was like, I don't know where to go from here.

Whoa. Let's do one more of these. I'm going to say multi-level marketing King Tut the back of a $1 bill A pyramid They all have pyramids Pyramids, yes I do want to see you say

Okay Um JBC you are a multi-level marketing schemester And you're trying to sell Aaron You're trying to initiate her into your MLM Yeah so in this is the the entire suite of products.

Sorry, I was just trying to order tequila soda at the bar. Oh, I thought you were checking up my side display here of my suite of products. No, sorry. Oh, we went to high school together. I remember you. You and I. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you because I look so young.

You look like you're wearing a lot of makeup and that your skin is sort of taped up behind your ears. Yes, yes, yes. And isn't that, and isn't that kind of what the display kind of is all about. Hey, man, can I, um, can I buy you a drink? Are you okay? Maybe a meal? I'm working right now at the bar, but I'm also kind of working on kind of this array of products and this display. You know what? You look so familiar to me.

Yeah, we went to high school together. You don't have to do this part of it. You would be so good because you have one of those faces. I think you would be so good at direct in-person sales. We carpooled together, DeFrey to school. Today? Most days. No, most days to school.

Because I was going to say, Hey, man, you don't have to do this whole pitch. The company actually gave me a car. My family actually... It's a purple Cadillac. No one wants that. My family actually pulled me out of an MLM like three years ago and I... Oh, so your time is free.

You're open. You're open to new opportunities. I'm going to school to be an actuary. entrepreneurship and you're open to new opportunities. Hey, um, are they here? Oh, the products? No, no, no. The array of products.

They're not here, but they're in my garage. And they can be in your garage too. In every garage throughout America. I'm not blinking at all. You're blinking at all. Am I? Am I blinking so much? All right.

Indicate where they are in the room and I'm going to talk to them. Okay. Oh, so you would like to talk to. kind of my up channel and the company to see about exploring more opportunities. Yeah, but man, can you do me a favor? I'm really susceptible to this stuff.

Sure. If I start to... Obviously fucking not. Because I've been giving you by a game and I'm getting nothing. What are you talking about? Your flies down, your shirt's unbuttoned. Yeah.

I have my shirt tucked through the fly. Yeah. Because it catches the pits. A cloaked man walks by, sets down a briefcase, opens it up, walks away, A briefcase has an intercom system in it. You wanted to talk? Is this him?

This is him. I've never seen this briefcase in my life. Hey, um... Hey. Is this a purple Cadillac? What? Are you a purple Cadillac that can talk? I lied about that.

I lied about that. Oh. No, I'm a man. No, I look fucking stupid, man. You look familiar. Oh my God, we went to high school together. We went to high school together. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Briefcase. How are you? Good. See. I went to high school with a talking briefcase, and now, like, he just happens to be at this bar.

That's so crazy. I figure anyone who's the head of an MLM is someone who would communicate in sort of a mission impossible way. Oh, for sure. Someone just sets down a briefcase and opens it and you talk to him like Charlie, Charlie's Angels. It is. It is so, like, terrifying and sad how much, like, of the economy is just MLMs. Like, how much of the side hustle economy is just people in MLMs? It's also so devastating because it's so predatory to women and, like, young women and stay-at-home moms.

And it's just so cruel that women are trying to find agents. I know you want to feel better about it, Aaron, but it's so bad. It's, like, even with that, I still can't get behind that. God, you can't be mad at a purpose. A terrific joke. Aaron, anything you would like to plug or promote? I would say, check out, hello from the Magic Tavern. I've been dipping my toes back in, listening to it again.

I've been on the Patreon a couple times recently. I love that show. It's as great as it ever was, and it's always been great. So check that out. And JPC was just recently on as one of my new favorite characters. Chunt. You went on as Chunt. I went on as one.

of Addle's new favorite characters, Chuck the Badger. Addle, do you have anything to plug? Yes, I would like to plug and promote gum shoes and dragons. It's the three of us in Anthony Birch. Gun shoes and dragons. It's the three of us and Anthony Birch. It's a rollicking good time.

If you enjoy us or you enjoy Anthony Birch and or Dungeons and Daddy's or D&D in general, please check out gum, shoes, and dragons. JPC, anything to plug or promote? Yeah, I mean, always check us out on the Patreon. We have some fun stuff coming up for the end of the year as well. So Patreon.com slash Hey, Vrtle, five bucks a month. You get the bonus show. Eight bucks a month, you get the review crew.

And I would like to also do a shout out to a five-star review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just leave a five-star review anywhere you leave reviews. I might find it. Hey, I found one today from Barely Sushi. Barely Sushi writes, a podcast for Trying Times. Hey, Riddle Rital is a podcast that is perfect for cheering yourself up during trying times. Endemics, death of parents, even divorces.

Listening to Aaron, Adel, and GPC really helps make me smile and put things in perspective. Sure, bad things are happening in life, but at least you're not on a riddle-in-prov podcast. Things could always be worse if you could be stuck forever with these three. At least you can turn off an episode and walk away. These poor SOBs have to go through every single second of every single episode. Five stars, highly recommend. You know what? It is important to keep perspective.

Yeah. It's important to keep perspective. Yeah. I feel, wait a minute I'm one of those idiots Dupiter Aw Aw

Oh Written by Apple Refide Starring Aaron Keith and John Patrick Collin Casey Tony did be editing Mardi Perich in the music

Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emily Naporis One 2,3, 3,4, Hey, Riddle, Writon. Hey there, Beaks and Bones. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon.

Addle, Aaron, and JPC join the Beacon Bones Society. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Sash Hey, Riddle, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your seven-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus, you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. What's going on? It's Lamarne Morris.

And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a new girl rewatch podcast now on Headgum. Now here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl. And we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set.

We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog. That's not true. We talk about so many memories. we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo. We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay?

Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Day Chanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayne's Jr. And your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well. Make sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.