Hey Riddle Riddle - #384: The Return (really!) of Kid Friendly

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

Just in time for the holidays, we bring you an episode for the whole family! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of the network of fish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was a thing Friday. Two, three, four, hey, riddle, richel.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to our third ever kid-friendly episode. It's the day before Thanksgiving. People are in their cars, planes, trains, and automobiles with their children. Or baby goats. Or baby goats. This episode is primarily for baby goats. And we're going to give you an actual kid-friendly. How's everyone feeling about that?

Feeling nervous, I guess, mostly? Most of my stuff this episode is going to be, because, again, I read the email, most of my stuff this episode is going to be geared towards the baby goats kind of portion of our listener base. But it's not just that, because that's not enough for a full episode. So I'm also going to take the other version of baby goats. So, like, young LeBron's, you know, a young Michael Jordan. Pete Sampras But at that point I feel like we're getting

Far afield from the word kid Roger Federer Because like a baby goat Is called a kid But then when you start thinking about Other goats Then we're not even talking about kids anymore What about a show

And it's called goat babies And it's all just it's like It's again it's baby LeBron It's baby Roger Federer Who are some other goats And it's all them as babies And they're interacting You know

And they're like And what if? Yeah, and all the kids listening will understand that Muppets Baby's reference, something that is really happening in the zeitgeist. You guys, I'm thrilled to be back. I'm thrilled to be back in this space. I think we can do it. I want to, before we get started into our riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems,

remind you that I geared these riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, to maybe a younger audience. So if these seem easy to you to, then maybe we just take it in stride. Okay, JPC, so it seems like we're being set up for failure. And if you guys don't get it, it means you're two grownups, Adel. I feel like you're ahead of me and this. Yeah, where if we don't get these right, then we look like dum-dums.

No cap, Adel, but I'm a bit suss of Aaron right now. Don't do this. And no, six seven. Six seven. No, no, I know, no. No. We are not. These kids are smarter than that.

Yes, ma'am. The kids listening to the show. We're not doing 6-7. They're not doing all that stuff. Yeah, that's cringe. That's actually cringe right now. Aaron, I trust that you have the Riz to carry us through this episode, even if my homie out will be girding right now.

You know what I'm saying? I actually, there was a couple of those I did not know. That's Busset. Oh, no. Oh, no. This is fire. I know what it sounds like. I know what this sounds like.

are not qualified to do this. We don't know anything about kids or pre-teens. We don't know. We can't connect with them, but I would disagree. And I have a way to prove it. We are going to start the show by doing stand-up sets that are geared towards children. And that's on God? JBC, you're burning through all this stuff you could be using in this stand-up set. Who would like to go first? Is someone feeling inspired to maybe just two minutes sort of like Just two minutes. Or like a minute and a half. Hold on.

I'm sorry. We're all going to start with improvised stand-up sets. Not but three weeks ago. You said who wants to go first just two minutes? I'm sorry. Can we play a clip of Adel making us do two-minute-long movie trailers like three weeks ago? I actually don't think we can in a kid-friendly episode. Right.

I think we can't play clips of other episodes at a kid-friendly episode. Just 30 seconds. Who would like to go first? I'll go first. Great. And I know that this is a little dated. but I think it'll still be, you know, seasonally. I think kids will appreciate it.

Welcome to the stage, JPC. Oh, hey, what's up, everybody? I'm JPC. I am a comic from Chicago. Hey, I got a question for you guys. Does everybody miss Halloween? I mean, what's up with, why is Halloween only one day?

You're telling me there's a day where we can knock on people's doors and they'll give us candy, and you're only giving us. does one of those? Here's my pitch for Halloween. Let's call that Thursday. Let's call that Thursday.

Let's make Thursdays Halloween. And here's the thing about Halloween. Kit Katz, okay. Reesies, pieces, fine. Who's putting mounds bars in my Halloween bag? Have you ever had a mounds bar? Last time my checks, coconut was a fruit. I'm not trying to eat fruit.

I'm trying to eat Halloween candy. Oh, man. Oh, man. And everybody's got that one neighbor. You all know who I'm talking about. Not on the golf course. Tom. Thank you.

Not on the golf course that gives the full-sized candies bars. I'm talking about that one neighbor who gives you what? Say it with me. A roll of pennies. Hey. A toothbrush. Oh, it's not improv. We're not asking for suggestions.

If you knew that it was going to be roll of pennies, I'm here a lot. And I do the same Halloween. bit. A roll of pennies. Hey, next time you give me a roll of pennies, I'm handing it right back to you because that means you have a dollar and you can go buy a clue. I'll hand you a dollar.

Here's a tip. Our generation really doesn't. Candy next time. Do hard money anymore. Pennies are sort of a thing of the past. And that's my time, and I've been JPC and that's busting, busting. Everyone's flossing. Still.

There we go. Yeah. Welcome to the stage. You know him. You love them. Adel, Raffai. Adel. Uh,

Hey, everybody. What is going on with winter? Woo. Snow just falls from the sky and we pretend this is normal. I haven't left my house. house in a couple weeks and um you know I step outside and I'm like ooh it's kind of cold out

and I'm wearing sweatpants and the wind just rips huh why haven't you left your house this is an improv we don't need suggestions okay um I just haven't felt because I haven't felt like leaving the house I guess it's about to crash out I guess when you get older home is like I guess the best part of vacations as you get older is coming home um versus the vacation itself and we'll all, and raise your hand if you're older. Bacts. See a lot of confused faces. I guess I should say like an age range.

But who here has an interest? Oh, you, sir. What's your interest? Gucci. Gucci. I like Minecraft. Minecraft. Okay.

So what if Gucci and Minecraft teamed up? I think it would go a little something. I'm getting the light I'm getting the light Thank you all It's a green light I think they're telling you to keep going Green means go more

Oh what is this The Great Gatsby Anybody here Read the Great Gatsby It kind of ends with a green light In the distance I like microtransactions Spoiler alert

Okay getting a lot of participation From the crowd Oh great Yay Hey Hey great job Coming up next to the stage You know where you love her

To know her is to love her Eric Keefe Hi everybody I know a couple months ago We all went back to school I thought going to school The central part of it would be I don't know learning or making friends

Little did I know The only thing that it's about Is keeping track of my water bottle Why have water bottles Become the most important thing about school Where is your water? bottle. Have you left it on the bus? Have you left it in a locker? She's holding a pretend microphone in front of her real microphone. Leave me alone. It's helping. No one else did this for the

stand-up set. She's holding a fake microphone. It's actually stopping her from speaking directly into the microphone. Let me do my work. My mom's bought me like 15 water bottles. That's the only thing we spend money on. I got one at my desk. It's filled with mold. I got one in my locker. It's disgusting. I keep switching up water bottles with my friend. No one can keep track of my water bottles. My family sounds rich. My teacher went to school spent $150,000 to get a master's degree in education and our whole day is keeping track of my water bottle. Can you believe it? The whole crowd is like cheering and so excited because it's so relatable. Wait, we can say that? Yeah. Anyway, Casey, insert this in mind. The whole crowd's

going nuts. Tip your waiter in water bottles. That's our currency now, I guess. I love y'all. Have a great day. People throwing water bottles on stage. Yeating water bottles up at you. I was the closer and I feel like I felt like I had closer energy, right? You were the only one, Aaron, who I think prepared ahead of time, though, so... I didn't prepare ahead of time. Okay, yeah, right. Sure. Yeah, and every time I do improv, it's all off the dome.

Yeah, it should be. Okay. I do know that because I have a sister who's a teacher, and I feel like water bottles are a big source. Oh, so she did prepare. Well, no, I just listened to my sister when she talked. I could have picked anything that she talks about. Listening is preparing. Listening is preparing.

And my brother talks all the time, and if you think I'm going to listen to a word of it, you're dead wrong. And kids listening, you know what I'm talking about. Listen to your siblings. Listening to your parents really important. Very important. Do not mess around. When your parents tell you something, it's because it's important. Also, your teachers and your doctors.

if there's any adult in an outfit, listen to them. Or don't. We don't care. We're not your parents. We're not your doctors. We're not your substitute teachers. The paradox of an adult telling you something. Maybe it's wrong.

And just go ahead and consider that. And parents, if you're listening, I'm sorry, introduce the concepts that adults can maybe be wrong, but guess what? They can. And I'm not backing off of it. I'm doubling down on it. I want every grown-up to turn to your kid

right now. Unless you're driving. No, I don't care. Turn, do a full 180 around. And I want you to say, I'm sorry, I'm wrong most of the time. Turn to your kid and say that right now. I'll wait. You can say, when I told you that the car doesn't actually start until the seatbelts are clicked in, that was a lie. No. It is important that you wear your seatbelt, but cars don't work like that and you're going to need to know that in your adult way. Some parent just turned off to this episode so quickly. All right, let's get into some riddles. Yes, absolutely. I speak every language but never learned one.

I answer questions, yet I never think. What am I? I speak every language, but never learned one. And I answer questions, but seldom think. But I never think. That second half, I feel like, is not as helpful. But I think the riddle could just be, I speak every language, but never learned one.

Huh. Is this like, I want to say, is this like Google Translate or something like that? No, but I like how your brain is working. The first time she's ever told me that and it's on the kid. You've been fishing. No one's going to listen to. Is this like the sun or something? No.

Both spellings, Aaron. No. Okay. I speak every language, but I've never learned one. And it doesn't answer questions. It's sort of, hmm. Oh, is this a polka-dex? Responds.

No, but I would say that this is one of the most common riddle answers ever. Oh, yakback. No, not the wind, not yakback. A shadow. An egg. Oh, yeah, eggs speak every language. It's something auditory. It's something that is a sound.

Breakfast is the universal language. I speak every language but never learned one. Hmm. A bird screech. Is this like a genius or a savant? No. I think I'm going to tell you the answer. It is an echo. Because people can. Yeah, I know. It's a classic riddle. I'd like to see a scene. Classic riddle. Addle, you are a guy who is in a cave and you're trying to hear the echo of your voice. And GBC, this is your first day on the job as an echo. And you're really nervous and you're not doing a very good job. Oh, trog, trog live in cave, trog notice, weird sound coming from entrance of cave when trog screams, so Trug gonna test something out.

Hello! Oh, I can't do that. I can't do the accent. Oh, is someone there? Uh-huh. Whoa. That was weird. No, I just don't go twice.

Are you making fun of Trug? God, now I have to Tick-Trog Og-Og-OG Yeah Hello, I'm Trog the caveman The Inventor of Fire Oh, I can't remember all that

Hello, I'm dumb-dum Hey, come on, man I'm a doctor Hey, can I be honest with you? Sorry, can I be honest with you? Yeah Yeah, um, I'm the spirit of this cave. Whoa. It's my first day.

I was the spirit of a stalemite yesterday, but I kind of got a, um, promotion. Jerry got shuffled into HR, and so now I'm in his spot, but I'm... Jerry, dumb name. Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's not, not, not. Very nice, nice, nice. Jerry, you're in HR now. You're not an echo anymore.

Ugh. Why ya? Anyway, it's my first day. I'm not great with voices. Is there any way that you could, like, be more like, I don't know, like, um, mid-Atlantic with your accent? It would really help me so I don't have to do, like, caveman voice. Oh, sure, yeah.

Sure, yeah. Okay. Wish I hadn't committed to this. But, yeah, let me see. Yeah, it's just like if, like, enunciating or anything like that, that was just, like, help me so much because it's my first day as an echo. Yeah, sure, love it. Yeah.

Mid-Atlantic, mid-Atlantic, okay. Well, listen here, Stephanie, I told you to stay put, and you didn't stay put, and what happened? We got in trouble, didn't we? Oh, I can't do that. I don't want to ask for that. Hey, listen here, Stephanie, I told him to stay put, but you didn't. You didn't get in trouble? Oh, didn't we?

Oh, someone did it. I have an HR complaint. Is anyone helping me? I'll take that complaint. Well, I thought you were just echoing. I was. You can do both? I don't know

If you've failed to do your job Then I can do your job I guess I'm out of a job Uh-oh See You can do both jobs Oh no I never considered it God

Working HR in a cave Has to be the cushiest job Oh yeah Yeah because nothing really happens It's a cave It's a cave You know those like cave explorer videos That seems like my worst nightmare

Yeah It's so claustrophobic And this is the point Of the kid-friendly episode where we talk about our worst nightmare. Yeah. All right. Anyways.

Clowns in a cave. I travel straight while standing still. The longer I go, the shorter I get. What am I? Can't the racing candle. Pencil. A candle. But a pencil works, too.

I wrote that down. But pencils don't really stand still when they get shorter. Huh. They're kind of on the move. I'd like to see a scene, I guess. GPC, you're a pencil. Addle your candle. Go.

sorry I'm just sort of burning them in that oil here you're up late yeah busy day a lot of a lot of ideas being nice good oh that's great not for me oh yeah I don't I don't yeah I don't yeah I don't have ideas but I help do you you never work in like you know one word for you one word for me like you never some of my stuff yeah no yeah I try yeah um like the you know guy, the guy who's always around here, he had an idea for, like, a new light bulb that had, like, a filament that would, like, kind of, like, last forever. Ooh.

Yeah, I know. It's a really cool idea. Kind of put me out of a job, but, uh, yeah, I know, right? And so he was, like, writing it down, and I was, like, I was like, what if also, like, a change color? Hmm. Um, and I was, like, kind of do it at the middle of his, like, formulas, because I think this is, like, metallurgy involved and, like, making the new type of,

whatever that is the filament or whatever, but I was like, what about green? Like, green would be cool to see. Like, you can't do green. Um, let me try. Okay. Am I, is it doing? Is it going? No, just a lot of wax.

Just, you're making a ton of wax. Actually, maybe too much wax. You're losing a lot of wax. Maybe stop. Maybe stop. Maybe you're a break. I don't feel dizzy. I feel so, I feel so dizzy. Yeah, for sure. Oh, I am getting short. I have burned through, oh, boy, I'm burning at both ends now.

Uh-oh, uh-oh. All right. Yeah, I've never seen that happen. Tell my wife I love her, butt. Oh, okay. Knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock on the pantry door, obviously.

Hello? What time is it? I don't know. I have no concept of time. This is Jerry. Oh, hi, hi, pencil. How are you? Well, it's Jerry.

Jerry, the pencil. Um, I'm sorry to wake you, but, uh, gosh. I'm sorry. Are you, do you, you have company? Uh, yeah, I'm kind of hosting a party with the other birthday candles. Um, it's one of our birthdays, ironically, if you can believe it. That is serendipitous. How fortuitous. Yeah. And so we light our own heads and then the person whose birthday it is blows out us. Oh, good. It's really fun. Blowing, yeah, blowing out. I don't know why I was yawning when I answered the door.

Is it a boring party? Yeah, it's really boring this time. Your husband, Dave. Oh, yeah, my husband's working the night shift tonight. He was actually working too hard. He's the best at ambiance. He's the best. No one's better at ambiance than my husband, Dave.

Dave has... You know how sometimes a candle just becomes a pile of wax? I'm sorry, I'm being so rude. Do you want to come in for a piece of cake? I would love... Do you have anything stronger than cake? Like pie? Like, I got a pie.

Yeah, that would be perfect. See? Anything stronger than the cake, a pie. I would say cake is stronger than pie. I'd say pie stronger. It's denser. Oh, I just mean like... Flavor-wise?

Flavor-wise. I'd still go with pie. Oh, okay. If I have to be the tiebreaker, and even though I introduced it, I do think that cake is stronger than pie. Really? I'd say sweet-wise, cake is stronger.

It's a cloying taste, but I feel like pie is way more potent of a actual flavor. I think amount-wise as well, cake is going to get taller. And I just feel like there's like a way that you got like a five-layer cake and I'm like, that's stronger. This might be a moot point for the kid-friendly episode because are kids eating pie ever? I don't think I've ever seen a kid eat a piece of pie. Oh, okay, Aaron, I guess I'd like to introduce you to my friend Lil Jack Horner, who might have something to say about that. Who sat in the corner? Eating his curds in a way?

That's someone else. Who put their thumb in a pie? Maybe we tell you, Mother, we put our thumb in the pie. Who put their thumb in the pie? Is that not a little Jack Horner? Yeah, he put his thumb in the pie. But Curds in his little Miss Muffet. He's the king who cut open a pie and a bunch of birds flew out.

Remember that king? Yeah, yeah. Remember he cut open the pie and a bunch of birds flew out? That feels like a magician. You're thinking of David Coppie field. Pie. And birds flew out. You're thinking of David caught per pie field.

Sing a song of sixpence. Sing a song of sixpence. A pocketful of rye. Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. When the pie was opened, the birds began to sing. Wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king? The king was in his counting house, counting out his money. The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey.

The maid was in the garden, hanging out the clothes. when down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose. This is scary. Never mind. That was what plastic surgery was before we had plastic surgery. It was just blackbirds are garden. So we're going to send to the bird. It'll be like four days of recovery.

Okay. I can cross a river without getting wet and climb a wall without touching it. What am I? Fish. Wind. Big old fish. Big old windfish. Fish on a bike.

Wind fishing. Fish on a bike. What is a doctor fishing? I can cross a river without getting wet. Boat. Can climb a wall without touching it. Wallboat. No, a boat gets wet when it's in the water, right?

Anti-gravity boat. No. Is it a frog on a lily pad? No. Can you imagine? No, I mean. Can you imagine for even a Disney? I don't know, maybe.

So what crosses a river without getting wet? Is this like a person in a boat? No. Okay. Disney's surf frog. Starring Will Arnett is Frog. I don't want to keep being in this little bog anymore. I want to go to the ocean and win competitions.

This is Will Arnett. And Mini Driver as Lily Pad. You? I'm never going to surf in the ocean. Finally, she's letting her. true accent, soar. It's what we've always wanted for Mini Driver.

Someone kids know all about. It's not a frog on a lily pad. No. Yeah, let's take that again for kids. Starring Mr. Beast. I'm here with a bunch of people who need a lot of money and I'm going to humiliate them

in front of all of the world. And introducing Zendaya's younger sister. What do we do at here? what is the answer to the riddle um is the is the water frozen is that why it never gets wet is it something where the water is like a hockey puck or something no the water is not frozen and the hockey puck would still get wet because it's sweating because hockey's very strenuous so strenuous yeah you really bundle up for hockey i cross a river without getting wet i climb a wall without touching the wall

Yep Is this a wave? No, because a wave would get wet. A rope? Can I give you the answer? Yeah, for sure. A shadow. And I would like to see a seat.

Whoa. Huh. Uh, Adel, you are a guy, and you have just crossed a river, and you realize that your shadow, that's still on the other side, was too scared to cross. So you're trying to convince him to not be scared. All right. Crush the boat here, and we'll just go. Oh, oh. What? Hey! You-hoo!

Dang it. Can you jump and I'll catch you. Can you swim? Mama, who do Mama? I forgot. I never taught my shadow English. Should I teach it English now? Mother, I see me. Mother, I see you? Not sure. Are you doing poetry?

Sir, sir, you cannot walk around without your shadow, or I'm going to have to find you. Oh, yeah, no, well, it's a crust. It's just, it's right over there. I'm giving out tickets for people who are disconnected from their shadow. It's called the Peter Pan Law. You get it. The city will completely go into chaos if people are disconnected from their shadow. I'm just doing my job.

Okay, dogs can't be off leashes and shadow. Can't be disconnected. It's not a dog. I know. I'm just saying this is, it's, there are, there, there, there should be some order to the chaos of the world, sir. Sir. How much is the ticket? $8,250.

I'll just pay it. I'm rich. Come on, man. Get your shadow. You're not above the law. Come on. Okay. I, I, I, I, I, I think I'm, you left your shadow over there.

Look how scared he looks. It didn't fall. It's, I didn't realize it was scared of water. It stayed. Can I, maybe I'll get a new shadow. I'm melting. Oh, no. My shadow's melting.

Looks like he's sort of milking. He's trying to get you to feel sorry for him. Oh. You obviously have to go down to City Hall if you want to register with a new shadow. Well, if that's obvious. I've never heard of this law. It's obvious. I mean, obviously, like, you have to go down to City Hall.

It takes like two, three weeks to get pictures. to get paired with a new shadow. I thought you melted. I thought you melted. I'm going to be a tree shadow. The tree's shaking his head, no. Can I join tree? No, no, no.

I'm going to do it. No. You can't stop an integrating shadow. All right, now, sir, you have no shadow, and that is a $10,000 fee. You got to go down to City Hall first. $10,000. I thought earlier you said $8,000 something. That's if you have no shadow at all.

It's an additional $10,000 fee. You got to go. go down. The universe has some rules, man. We can't be walking around without a shadow. Oh, welcome to City Hall. How can I, I'm the mayor. Front desk. The horse? Today, I'm a horse with a shadow. How can I help you today? I'm looking to get a new shadow. Lost your shadow? Shadow melted? Yeah, oddly enough. Disconnected from the shadow at melted. Yeah, if it's a sunny day,

a shadow is going to melt pretty quick if it's not connected to your reality. Yeah, I don't join a tree shadow in order to kind of stay on this plane, I guess. Stay young kind of forever. Okay. Do you know what kind of shadow you're in the market for? I guess like a newer one that has like GPS and nose to stay with me. Interesting. Or like lane correction so that, you know, if I'm walking on the sidewalk, it doesn't sort of project into the street.

You want like a 20-25 shadow. Yeah, if you have one. The only thing is all the 2025 bottles are really small right now. They'll get bigger at a, I want to say, like 14 years. But for a big guy like you, that's, yeah, I mean, it's just going to, it'll be a tiny shadow. It doesn't kind of be like a baby shadow. That would be fun, though, have a baby shadow? It would be fun, but will it be legal?

No. You're going to want to get something at least commiserate with your size. I can get you a baby elephant shadow. Yikes. This is turning into a bullying session. That's more like a two-year gestation period, though. What else? What else? Oh, I get you to a little tree shadow. Yeah, tree shadow. Do you have any used shadows? Is it a tree shadow used?

I get a used tree shadow about your size. Let me fill out the paperwork, stamp, stamp. That'll be another $10,000. What the heck? And here's your tree shadow. It's you. it's me it's me it's your shadow oh yeah i have a tree shadow now hi hi hi buddy i'm your old shadow i was in a tree oh it's oh my gosh it's you you left me clicks pen i'm gonna have to find you you can't have a tree shadow of your man you're gonna freak people out see the man with a tree shadow.

That sounds, this sounds like a DC superhero, true shadow. Tree shadow, yeah. I think it would be awesome one day to be walking around, look at my shadow, and it's a horse shadow

instead of a person shadow. That would be cool. That would be terrifying. Spirreling into madness. That would be terrifying. Yeah. I would be like, okay, I guess I'm a moon night now.

And people would be like, what's moon night's power? And I'd be like, this has to be close to it. I'm the only room you can't enter. And you can carry me everywhere. What am I? A bathroom. And you can carry a little piece of bathwater in your pocket. So kids, let that be a lesson to you. After your bath at night, put a little piece of that bathwater

in your pocket and take it with you to school tomorrow. No, don't. Uh, JPC, are you having a hard time getting into your bathroom? Um, I thought we weren't going to talk about stuff that we agreed done to talk about on the show. Mariah has locked me out of the bathroom because I keep trying to put bath water in my pockets. okay we will cut that out unless i forget in which case i need it to keep me safe um any guesses it's the only room you can't enter mushroom yes yeah mushroom mushroom mushroom mushroom that's so good of course i go up but i never come down i go there you around nope they come down that's their The whole thing.

I go up, but I never come down. Housing prices. No. Well, no, Aaron, that's pretty true. I mean, that's true. Oh, a balloon. No. Helium.

No. It just escapes the atmosphere. There's a finite amount of helium. You're saying these things that are technically true, but they're not what I'm looking for. It goes up, but never comes down. Oh, a positive attitude. No. A shark being fired from a cannon?

That never lands. That stays in the sky? Is that something I should be afraid of? I think what he meant to say was a shark being fired by a cannon, as in a cannon's like, hey, this is your last day. Come on. I want a shark badge and your shark gun. No, please.

I'm a loose cannon. I'm a loose cannon. You're a shark. Hey, my dad was a shark. My dad's dad was a shark. I got no bones. It's all cartilage. please sir don't fire me bones teeth on my desk you're gone if you're a shark why do you have a horse

shadow goes up and never comes down condensation wow what goes up and never comes down infinite balloon no your age oh that's not true all right i'd like to say you see okay great Aaron, it is your birthday, and you make a wish when you blow out your candles to age backwards, and your wish comes true. Before I blow out my candles, thank you so much to all my grandkids that have come to my hundredth birthday party. I love all of you very, very, very much. I love most of you very, very, very, very much. So, Clarker, I think I'll take the dishes and then... Yeah, for sure, yeah. I don't know if the couch, we just kind of...

What was that, Colton? Grandma, I love you so much. And I love you, Colton. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. What were you guys talking about? I was about to blow up these candles. Oh, we were talking about how we were going to clean up after the party because we don't want you to clean up because we want to do that for you.

So, yeah, Colton was going to take the dishes and I was going to clean the couch. My sweet grandkids think I was born yesterday. I know what you're born. We think you're born 100 years ago. Like, for real. For real, for real. Just a silly old lady, you think I can't hear like a hawk? I can hear like a hawk and I can't see like one.

My vision's very bad, but I can hear everything you say. And I know that you're divvying up all of my cool stuff. Grandma's got a bunch of cool comic books. Grandma's got all the new video games that everybody wants their little grubby paws on. You're not getting anywhere near my PS5 Because watch this Watch this Oh, ho, whoa

You've awoken the genie of the cake Hello genie of the cake You know me, I've done this several times Age me backwards You're going back down again I'm going back down again, run it back You've done this so many times You've lived like 50,

lives. And I want you to use the youth from my grandkids and make them a hundred years old and see how they feel. I'm not going to do that. Come on. I'll do the reverse one, but you're, I mean, you're really pushing it. Slips you $100 bill. Okay, well, I'll do anything for a tip. Okay, so which one? Colton, Colton gets to be zero or what happens? Or he's 100? I want him to be 100, and I want the other one. I don't know. I'll have to write this down. I'm going to have to write this down. This is too much. Okay, Colton, 100. Make these boys 100 years old, and I want to be 26. Okay, well, how old are you, Colton?

26. Oh, perfect. Okay, that's an even swap. I thought I was going to have to do some math. I thought I was going to have to age up, Colton. You're 26. Do it. I'm about to kick the bucket.

Do it. This fall, Timothy Shalomey, is Cake Jeannie. See. He would be such a good cake, Jeannie. He would be such a, it basically be. He would be so good. He's basically the new Robin Williams. Mm-hmm.

All the voices he does. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. You know what? I think we should go on a quick break. And if you don't come back from that break, it's okay. What a horrible thing to say.

Like, if you, I'm just saying, like, if you're, you, if you're a kid gave this a shot. Yeah, if your kid gave this a shot. If you're a hundred and you're going into the break and you're like, and you've lived a long life. No, I just want to be done. I just mean, like, if you're, if you listen to the show, and you showed this to your kid thinking that maybe it's a way for you guys to bond. And your kid, it's not for them. That's okay.

They gave it till the break. That's okay. Don't talk about them like they're not in the room. I hate it when a kid like me has adults talk about me like I'm not in the room. I'm just saying. Listen, kids, you keep listening. It's your day. Pandering, okay?

So you have to break. Ah, nuts! I missed out on getting the worm this morning. Wait, but you're... You talked all about wanting to be the early bird. I know. Well, what I say and what I do is two different things. There's quite a discrepancy.

You've been practicing the worm all year. You said you were going to get out of bed, flop down on the floor, and start writhing around. I know. I love breakdancing, but I guess I didn't get it. I got to get up more early. Oh, you know what? what else I need to do early.

Acorns early. Ah. Oh, wait, you mean acorns early, the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up? That acorns early? Yeah, when my kids get out of their eggs,

out of the nest, I want them to be prepared and set up for success in the world. That would have changed my life because I was growing up being like, why aren't they teaching us how to handle our finances in school? They're kind of just throwing us

to the wolves when we turn 20, and I don't know anything about money. And if I had had acorns early, this would have been way easier. Yeah, with acorns early, you start with the in-app chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar. Then you can let your kids set their own saving goals and start building healthy bunny habits early. Kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with acorns early spending limits and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. What do squirrels do with acorns?

Are those like their pillows? Is that their money? These are really good questions. They treat them like pillows. If your kid, I don't know, is starting a winter lemonade sand and you need to help them stretch that dollar, really start their business, acorns early, might be the answer. When my kids are old enough, because they're not quite old enough yet, I'm definitely going to be using acorns early to help teach them financial literacy. I've played around with this tool. It's really awesome.

And it teaches a lot of great lessons for younger children to start with good money habits early on. Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save, and spend? Get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash hay riddle or download the Acorns Early app. That's one month free when you sign up at acornsearly.com slash hay riddle, R-I-D-L-E. Let's all say what kind of bird we are on three. One, two, three. A pretty bird.

Acorns are their religion for squirrels. Oh. Acorns early is issued by community federal savings bank. FDIC, pursuant to license by MasterC International. Free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting from $5 per month, unless canceled. Terms supply at acorns.com slash early terms. Aaron, JPC, whoa, what do you do?

I feel like I just saw you at home. Were you in my home? Are you thinking you saw a photo of us on your aura frames? I mean, we wear these clothes every day like cartoons, so probably seems familiar. Cartoons do this, too? They simply must. I mean, that's how high the quality is on my aura frame that I thought you were actually. I've been talking to you guys for day.

Oh, yeah, you've just been talking to pictures of us, but Aura Frames fit so seamlessly into your home that you probably thought that we were right there along with you. That must be it. And I don't know if you know this, but Aura Frames has unlimited free photos and videos. You can just download the Aura app and connect to Wi-Fi. One of my favorite features is also that you can add photos to other people's frames if you've gifted to them and they've given you access, which I think is just delightful. And you can do little reactions on your Aura Frames being like, congratulations. That's a funny photo. Plus, Aura Frames, if you buy one, the gift box is included,

which is a big plus for me who hates wrapping things. Every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag. You can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it. But I will warn you, they don't tell you this. ORAFrames does not tell you this. But do not buy ORAFrams unless you want to be the number one grandson. I'm telling you, you're going to be the number one grandson, And it's going to be really hard if your grandparents have other grandsons because they're not going to feel like they did their job.

And I will say I've given Ora Frames as gifts to several family members, and it has gone over so well. Everyone I've given it to has been over the moon. Yeah, and do you really want to make your loved ones happy? What am I saying? For a limited time, visitoraframes.com and get $45 off ORA's best-selling Carver-Matt frames, named number one by wirecutter by using promo code Riddle at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code riddle. This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year. So order now before it and support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply.

Aaron, I just added a photo to your aura frame. It's sort of a belt buckle. I think it's Ryan Renock. Oh, I fell for it again. How did I fall for it again? Happy Christmas to us all. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Oh, guys, I am, I'll be honest with you, having a rough time with it getting dark at like 3 p.m. now.

Oh, yeah, it does feel weird. It is short days. You know, I heard that the reason why the days are actually getting shorter is because we've been bad and we're being punished. I would say maybe read a book or, you know what? Just remind yourself that you're not alone in this. You can talk to someone if you are having a hard time with the seasonal depression. I talk to my BetterHelp therapist. Oh, Aaron, BetterHelp, a beautiful gift to everyone.

BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of contact and are fully licensed in the U.S. And BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. They help match you with a therapist that best suits your needs. Yeah, and with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp us one of the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live. session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. You know what, Erin? You're right. I am going to talk to a book. Yeah, and you don't even have to get into a car to talk to your BetterHelp

therapist. You can just message them anytime while you're actually going through it. This month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take the first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash riddle. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P-com, slash. Riddle, R-I-D-L-E. Aaron, you were right. I talked to a book, and it made me feel better. Although Huck Finn uses some language that I don't think is really...

Slowly fade, Casey, maybe fade, fade, fade, fade. It's funny, I'm always thinking about it this time of year, but I'm not as young as I once was. But I care a lot about maintaining my physical and mental wellness, which means cornbread hemp's CBD gummies are a huge piece of my wellness plan. It's so funny, I have no idea why it gets to be this. time of year, and I'm thinking about how I'm not as young as I once was. Oh, same girl, same, but also, JPC, your birthday's in December. Okay, that makes sense. Well, JPC, someone left something under the tree called Cornbread Hemp, CBD Gummies.

Have you heard of these? Do you seen these? Uh-huh, yes, I have. They're made to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, the encroaching clock of aging, or... Relaxation. relaxation. I use cornbread hemp, CBD, and GPC, let me just say, toss one in my mouth, I chew it, I swallow it, and suddenly I'm at peace. And I'm old as hell. All products are third-party lab tested in USDA organic to ensure safety and purity, so you can relax, relax, relax. Okay, you guys might be under something with this cornbread hemp CBD do me.

John Travolta? John Travolta. CBD? That's awesome. And right now, hey, riddle, riddle listeners can save 30% on their first order. Just head to cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle at checkout. That's cornbread hemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle. Age is nothing but a number. A number of years I've been on earth.

Years are also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing. Hmm. I feel okay. I feel okay. Okay, GPC, open it, open it? Just as a heads up, it is a gift for me that I just want you to open for me. And it's in this lion's mouth? Um, yes, and.

Okay. Battle, huh? Pretty good. Mm-hmm. Opening the jaws of the lion. My sweater! It's my new quince sweater. It's covered in lion inside. Yeah, but it's $50. And it's cashmere.

Oh, well, you actually got a pretty good price on the sweater. I know. I love quince. I recently got some curtains and a rug from there. And I point to two other animals that have eaten my curtain and rugs that you need to fight to get them back for me. I love quince. Ooh, and I love quince as well because they partnered directly with ethical factories and top artisans. They cut out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost of other high-end brands.

So you can give luxury quality pieces without the luxury price tag. Is the lion something I can find on Quince? Because this is a very good lion. I mean, like, I've had way worse quality lions. Maybe soon. Maybe soon. No animals were harmed at Quince. I love their holiday stuff, but I really love their home stuff.

Incredible sheets, linens, like the most incredible basics for a price that's not spooky at all. Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season. with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Oh, congratulations, Canada. That's quince.com slash riddle. Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash riddle, R-I-D-L-E. Now I will tame this lion. Oh, out. He's got my leg. At least my cashmere jacket looks nice from Quinn. Give us a spin. Oh, can you get that leg on, Quince?

And J.BZ, hit us with that classic song you sing to get us back from break. We do it every episode. It's the only day that you can't take the bathwater out of the tub. Just kidding. Run into the tub and get the bathwater, even if your dad's trying to take a quiet, bath. Hey, I'm trying to dig a quiet bath. I had a hard day at work. Go into the recycling. Grab the can from beans from dinner. Then run into the bathroom and scoop the bathwater in the bean can. Bath water in a bean can. Bean can. Bean can. Bean can. Bein can.

Bein can. Maybe it may be that. Maybe that's a bit bad. All right. I want to do some listener submitted kid riddles um thank you to everyone who submitted one this is from jane jane says this is from my three-year-old leo oh my gosh so it's actually from leo wow what's the bare minimum hmm this is like a hibernation joke that's a really good guess uh what's the bear minimum uh-huh you're close codiac is the answer codiac like what's the bare minimum the bear minimum The bare minimum Oh, great error. Thank you.

Is honey? The bare minimum? You're overthinking it. Is it barely anything? Nope. You're overthinking it. It's the bear minimum? One?

Yes, one bear. You love it. All right. All right, Leo. That has... Leo, you got us. Let's see. What does that have?

Leo, that has... Salty. No, that's nothing. This just in local three-year-old gets podcast hosts good with bare minimum riddle. We're going to go to Adel on the scene. Adel, what's going on out there? Well, thanks, Aaron. We are here with JPC, who was absolutely stumped by Leo's Riddle. JPC, thoughts on not getting it correct. Okay, Boomer, I got to say Leo's Riddle 8.

Back to you, Aaron. Thanks, Adel. Back to you, JPC. Why? My part's done. I don't work for the network. I was a person being interviewed. We have to go until break.

Say something, JPC. I don't work for the network. I mean, I was being interviewed. Thanks. Let's go back to Adel with sports. Adel? We all won. Back to you, Leo.

Leo, say something. Leo is a boy that submitted the riddle. Leo, say something. Leo, now, speak now. Seems like we're having some technical difficulties with Leo. We're going to go to JPC with the weather, JPC. I'm actually with Leo. We're playing, it's a game that he invented.

It's called crayon checkers. It's on the wall, and there's no checkers. It's just crayon. And so what we, you know what, Leo? I think you're just drawing on the wall with crayon. Oh, your mom's going to be mad at me because I'm watching you. And I did make air quotes there. You know what?

It's fine. I don't know the rules. And your house, maybe you can do crayon on the wall. That's all we have for News at 630. We'll see you in a couple minutes for News at 7. I'm getting a FaceTime. I'm just going to go ahead and ignore. Thank God for ignore.

That's from Leo's mom. She's checking in and make sure you guys aren't drawing on the wall. Okay. I'm going to do a... Yeah, I should answer it. Hello, this is Spain. This works every time. This always works, Adolfo.

I know anything about it. anything this always works. Answering a FaceTime with your real face. And then saying, hello, this is a Spain. Throwing up one hand doing a little mustache. This is a spain. Oh, Leo is there sleeping in bed. We're not playing the crown checkers on the wall.

See, it's working. Oh, I'm sorry. I think I called the wrong number. It's okay. It's okay. Have a Buen Sarah. Welles much. JPC, she already hung up.

You can stop doing this. Here's a JPC. My name is Spanish JPC. She hung up. These are from Marcus. Okay? We'll be ready.

Yeah, I'm ready. Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? because he wanted to get along little doggie. Yes, I'd like to see a scene. Wow. Adel, you are a dog cowboy and you are rolling into town. And JPC, you are sort of the bad guy in town and you are not happy to see that he's here.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, boy. Whoa. Get off this chihuahua tied up to the fence post here. Morning, partner. Morning. You wouldn't happen to be that dog cowboy that everyone's talking about.

Well, they call me dog boy, sir. How about yourself? I don't see any badge on your chest. Are you the sheriff around here? No, I don't have a badge. My name's Mayor McCatt. Kitten McCat, if you must know. And this is a cat town, dog cowboy.

Me-a-me-me-mire. A hairball goes across. the screen instead of a... Tumblid? Yes. Sorry, I know that's disgusting, but it's in the road, so what can be done? Well, I just stopped to water my chihuahua, and I'm bringing in a pack of Labradors. Taking them in Kansas City.

No, I'm sorry, man. Those guys are going everywhere. Oh, this is some of the... Yeah, those are some of the least-behaved dogs on the planet. They're just running all around. Yeah, I don't really... I mean, people usually use dogs to herd sheaps and cows, but since I'm wrestling dogs, you can see my problem. Oh, yes, yes.

Well, I can see many of your problems. And the first being, you stepped into the wrong town. Because while I'm a mild-mannered, unassuming, gentle little pussycat, my friends here not so much. And he motions, and there's four big lions. but they're all just, like, fast asleep because, like, lions are just sleeping, like, 90% of the time. Guys, come on, wake up in a roar or...

They go to sleep even harder. Oh, man, they're just sleeping. They're supposed to intimidate you, obviously. Oh. Well, I'm just going to grab a drink, and I'll be on my way. Yeah, I love my chihuahua here. Just make sure... You locked your chihuahua up with a little chicken?

Yes, so the chicken watches that chihuahua? Chicken, is that going to wake anybody up? Chicken? Chicken and water? They're entering REM sleep. They're in a deep, deep sleep. They're really out. They're really out.

I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming. There's no bartender, so I guess I'll serve you. What will it be? Do you have any bathwater? We've just got milk in a very shallow dish. Oh, that is a cat town drink for sure. And honestly, we're not supposed to drink it.

It's like from a cartoon or something. I can make a cat sick. It's like carrots and rabbits, where it's like, rabbits don't really eat carrots. That was, uh, just because Bugs Bunny was mimicking Clark Gable, we all assumed. From the movie, I think it happened one night. Remember, this is a kid-friendly episode, so we don't really need to spend a lot of time talking about Clark Gable. It's bug, it's not Bugs Bunny. It's, um, Skibbitty toilet, Ninja Turtles.

Okay. Mimicking Logan Paul. We got it. We got it. And we got there. Anyway, have a good day. I see. I almost suggested we,

go on break, but that's not quite right, is it? Okay, this is another riddle from Marcus. Is Marcus a adult or a kid? I assume Marcus is an adult because he has an email, but what age do you get an email?

Don't know. Do kids get emails anymore? They must, right? Or maybe they're on like a thing with their teachers, like a portal. I don't know what's going on. Portal? To other dimensions?

Like, in this frizzle situation? Well. Aaron, I want to see a scene. You're going to be a teacher and we're going to be at your class and you're going to be introducing us to this portal that you've opened up. And you're talking about it like it's a very normal thing that all kids can introduce to. Hi, everybody. Welcome back from the weekend. You're all pretty smart, right?

I don't know. You have all the grades. You tell us. I'm looking. Oh, gosh, lots of mid-B. high C range Okay, that's not great But you guys are like math and science

STEM good Like kids understand math and science From an earlier age, right? Because of like We introduced that earlier now We know to introduce them To like coding camps and stuff like that Like you guys get how math and science works

And you could probably solve like a math science emergency, huh? That was six or seven questions, six, I have it. Not right now. We're in the second grade. Right, of course. But you guys second grade are smart. They're so smart. For eight, I feel like

I'm smart for eight. Children are the future, right? And if you want there to be a future here on Earth, I need everyone to learn quantum physics, like, right now. What was the last thing I taught you in math? That if Cindy has six apples and we take away five apples, Cindy has one apple?

Oh, God, this problem has no apples, is it? Okay, okay. All right. Cards on the table. Cards on the table? Okay. These are the multiplication cards. I just, I'm going to shove them off the table. I've never seen these. These are just so advanced.

Oh, gosh. Okay. Well, I may have accidentally. What is four times three? You're in second grade. You should know that. Really? 12.

Okay, here we go. 12? How did it's going to get 12 apples? Okay, here we go. I accidentally opened a portal this weekend. It's totally normal. It's your run-in-the-mill portal to a different dimension. Wee!

Jump-in. No, no! Ah! Gosh, he's going to... They're going to go in there. Swimming pools are full of high sea. Okay, they're going to be in there for 10,000 years. I'm so sticky.

We're swimming the high seas. Okay. Swilly pool should be water. This is ridiculous. I'm so sticky. I'm covered in syrup. I didn't get your parent's signature for a field trip. This is not good.

All right, what if we just... Who dares swim in my pool? Without some chance. Hit it. It takes two and a big of a little bit of a hard time. We flash forward a week to the parent teacher conference. My son said he went into a portal and swam with King Salmon to a funky beat. Yeah.

Your kid has just the most incredible imagination. That doesn't sound like my jeremiah. Well, maybe that's something you need to foster more at home. Because when he gets to school, he creates these cuckoo bananas, crazy stories. Jeremiah just watches CSI. He doesn't enjoy fantasy. He should not be watching CSI. So.

My daughter said that she met King Salmon's unruly child flounder, and they made hip-hop beats together. Yeah. So it's a game of pretend that we all play. Jeremiah introduced us to this world, and we all sort of play pretend and we use it to learn. Mrs. Mrs. Amy? Yep. None of us are mad.

All of us parents just want to know. When can we get in that portal? Everybody. They're all having a pool party at the portal. King salmon's doing the dance. This realm is at war. Go salmon. Go salmon.

Wait, what did you say? Go salmon. What did he say? Go salmon. Go salmon. It's all upstream from here. Okay. We have moments before the collapse.

Let's see. The inequality of our society has finally come to a head. Everybody dance now. The bears are eating all our eggs. Everybody dance now. Why did the doctor remove his doorbell? Because he ran out of patience. No, I love that.

because the doctor the doctor was a ringer no because ding dong why did the doctor remove his doorbell he removed his doorbell oh because it was an apple doorbell and an apple a day keeps the doctor away and so he couldn't go to his own home because technology well i'd locked him out let him cook not this time tim cook CEO of apple computer let him give a type of meddling kids, Scooby-Doo, they go to the door, knock, knock, boo, it's a ghost, Scooby in the armor, Shaggy with the sandwich, Scrappy-Doo. There, too. A dog, a little dog, Shaggy, a man who is so tall. He's tall.

Not this time. Oh, that's exactly what a Scooby-Doo film would say. Not this time. Not this time, kids. Um, why did the doctor remove his doorbell? Is it something to do with ding-dong? Is it something to do with ring? He had a ring in his ears.

No. Funk. Mm. Why did the doctor remove his door bill? Trying to win a... He was trying to win a... Door prize. He was trying to win a Nobel Prize.

A Nobel Prize! A Nobel Prize! Yes. Whoa. Do doctors win... I think Nobel is like a peace prize. But maybe if you're like a scientist, like a doctor who's like, I don't know. Hey, I don't see a scene.

I don't know. Aaron, you're going to the doctor just to get a checkup. JPC, you are a doctor who's obsessed with winning awards. And you think to, for some reason, you have it in your mind that today you're, you are up for an Academy Award. So you're really trying to win one. An Academy Award specifically? Like an Oscar, an Oscar, yeah. Okay, got it.

So I was just feeling like, I was talking to the nurse, I was just saying, like, I think I might have strep throat. I'm, like, really closed up in my throat. You do. You do have strep throat. Oh, good. Okay. But I don't want you to worry about a thing.

I'm not too worried. Because there is no mountain I won't climb, no sea I won't swim. What are you looking at? No sky. I won't. Don't dive to find the cure for your strep throat. You will be healed. Right.

I feel like you just give me like a round of antibiotics and some medicine. Actually, I'm relieved that it's strep because when it's not that, you're like, what do I do, right? Antibiotics and medicine. Do you mind if I try another one? What do you mean? Dearest. And what was your name? You're not, have you even read my chart?

I'll just do Angela. It works better for what I'm doing. It's not my name. Dearst Angela, not my name. I am writing you this prescription from the future, knowing that you and I, separated by such great distance, will never meet. But I want you to know you are my one true love.

Okay. The one I have pined for all my life. Right. Okay, I know what this is. How was that? I'm an Oscar-winning director. You're trying to get me to hire you. I'm not going to do that, man.

I'm sick right now. I'm just trying to go to the doctor against him. We cut to the Academy Awards of 2026. And the nominees for best actor are Timothy Shalamee as Cake Jeannie. I want to say Logan Paul is surf frog. And Dr. Bullman. as Doctor in Yearly Checkup. And the winner is.

Please, please, please, please, please. Oh my gosh. Dr. Bolman for yearly checkup. Thank you so much, Shalerman. Oh, my God. This is Dr. Bowman. First win and first nomination. Dr. Bowman is not an active.

I loved you, Shalb. I loved you in K.C. Logan. Ooh, got you. Right in the front. And he's down. He's down. It was a sucker, but I know.

I, first of all, I want to thank you. think Eng Lee. With Engley... That's not even who directed you. That wasn't Engly. Eng, short for Angela. Oh, boy. I owe whoever directed me a big apology.

I was calling you Ang Lee. This makes sense. Because I was like... I talked to you for like 45 minutes about Crouch and Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I mean, I love that movie. We all did. We all did. Brokeback Mountain.

What else? Life of pie. Life of pie. Hulk. Why does that? doesn't Angley make movies anymore. Probably because of Hulk. Oh, they're playing Angley's song.

Okay, Angley, get up here and join. Get up here and join. Seed. Ang is short for Angola. Angola Lee. I like when they play music at the Oscars, you know, to play people off stage. I think just once it would be so great if instead of like playing off music, they played like Stone Cold Steve.

Austin's music, and then he just ran out on stage on the Oscars and did his, like, Stone Cold Steve Austin thing, like in the middle of Jennifer Lawrence, except they get a word. De Niro throws him a beer and he catches it, slams him together, chugs it. Boom, do do do do. Because it starts with glass breaking, right? Oh, yeah. Kids know this. Kids love Stone Cold Steve Austin. They love his podcast where he talks about his cats. All right. This is from Mallory. Mallory says a lot of nice things that I will read to you later but this is her riddle what is orange and

sounds like a parrot parrot a carrot a carrot which we think rabbits eat but they don't because it happened one night was great care what I think rabbit seed grass and leaves I do want to say something oh okay

Aaron did you have something oh no go Aaron you are you are hugs honey which is sort of a bugs money for the newer generation. Great. And you don't eat carrots. You have something else. And JPC, you are Helmer Hud, which is sort of an Elmer Fudd for the new kids.

Now where is that West Scully Wabbit? I'm going to find him and then give him a crypto coin. Hey, what's up? Oh, hugs honey. I wanted to give you 0.003 Ethereum. Uh, sorry, I'm kind of in the middle of something. I'm eating a Costco hot dog. Boom.

Flosses for 30 seconds. Scene. Perfect. The perfect scene. Perfect. The deep sigh, so many of our listeners just did, was warranted. And we are sorry. I love a Bugs Bunny.

with a almost like Gratio Marks with a cigar like a Bugs Bunny with a Costco hot dog snapping off a bite being like Classic.

What's up? I would also like to see a scene. Okay. Adel. You are a guy who is like showing up to a nice dinner party and you're bringing your parrot

with you and you're just hoping that your parrot doesn't embarrass you by repeating things that you've said. Oh, come in, come in. Let me get your coat. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, careful, careful, sorry.

Oh, my gosh. You brought your bird. I love it. That's not a scarf. Yep. That is Tabasco, my saucy little bird. I've heard all about Tabasco. I love your posts about him online.

His TikTok is so funny. He's a real, he's a real scamp. I mean, it does think that he has over 500,000 followers and I have, you know, 200, but. Right. but you make the money from that because... You think, you think. He keeps the money? He, yes, he has his own bank account.

He's learned to sort of mimic what I do and say, so he's been able to sort of... Hey, you're here. Oh, Tabasco, come with me. Let me show you around. Wait. See, he's sort of parroting what you said earlier. That's so weird.

He sounded just like me. It was uncamated. Tabasco, I have to introduce you to Lorne Michaels. Lorne, you'd love Tabasco. He's going to be, he's going to be the next big star. That's so scary. I haven't even said anything like that yet. I was going to, but I haven't even said that yet.

He thinks he's going to be on us and hell. I guess we could get on your plane tonight. Tabasco, do you have to check in with anybody or... Wait, Tabasco, are you trying to influence what I say? Are you doing pre-parriding? Hey, guys, Tabasco left with Lorne. I'm so, I'm so sorry. Why is this parrot talking to me like this?

It's also smarter than me, because I say Lauren Michaels. Eddie pronounces it correctly, which is Lorne. It's the Canadian pronunciation, Lorne. I actually don't really feel so comfortable introducing you to my famous friends anymore. Me? No, no, you're great. Pre-paradying is, I think, really strange. You can repeat stuff I've said, but don't tell me what to say.

You know what I mean? Tabasco. Don't like tell me what to say, Tabasco. So get your coat. Head out. Hey, Megan. A lot of people at the party saw you yelling at Tabasco and they want you to leave. What? Yeah, a lot of people saw you yelling at Tabasco. Wait, no, I'm falling for that. Tabasco, I'm not going to keep following for this. Hey, Megan, it's your husband, Nick, okay? I think something seriously wrong. Tabasco, why? You were yelling at Tabasco the bird at the party and then everyone got uncomfortable and a lot of people wanted you to leave maybe just go on a drive you know maybe just like cool down a little bit sorry why are you so good at doing all these voices tabasco can you control your

bird please me yes no so megan tell me who do you think tabasco the bird is to you everybody everything everyone i don't know i don't know where my loved one start and he stops Incredible impression of Sigmund Freud. Do we even have recording of his voice? Can I posit to you? Wait, Tabasco. A world. Wait, Tabasco.

Where there is no Tabasco. Or maybe a world where you are Tabasco. Tabasco, I want to hear an impression of my friend JPC answering a FaceTime call when he's guilty of something. Well, you think it would be therapeutic and something. Yeah, I want to see if you can do it. Ultimately, I guess I can get out to my phone and do FaceTime. Tabasco phone. JPC, here we go.

Spain. Seen. Oki dokey. I would like to thank everyone for listening. I hope you have a great holiday weekend. It's super relaxing. Is there anything you guys want to plug? Any kids media you want to throw your endorsement behind?

Anything? I have a couple things that I would love to plug. Great. This is going to be just some general thing. on the wild, kicking the back of a seat, definitely love doing that, hiding crayons. A lot of times, crayons are going to only be useful for certain activities, but if you hide them, you can use them for whatever you want later. What else?

What else? What else? Oh, putting little rocks in shoes. It's so fun to pick up little rocks, and it's so fun to hide them in shoes, because if we're, you know, if we're having secrets and we're hiding things, why not hide little rocks? You can get them later. Sneaking into the fridge That's fun

Huh? Maybe while someone else is like at work Or taking a nap or something You just pop right into the fridge I want to plug Leo for stumping us with the bare minimum Which was pretty fantastic I also want to plug

Salmon's not just a king It's a delicious food And I know Listen I didn't try sushi until I was maybe like 19 or something Start with scallops maybe Start with scallops maybe you like you like the way you taste you like the way it tastes air anything to plug have it as much jelly as you want

that's always good I would like to thank if I remember their names correctly Oliver and Liam for asking for another one of these episodes they asked their parents to ask me at our Portland Live show and I'm glad that you did because I love doing these and we will try to do them every November and also we love you playing in the sink get a towel if you feel like you're going to like JPC. Adel and I are not going to give up on building you a better world. We love you. Bet on yourself. Don't necessarily grab a towel if you think you can play in the sink

without the towel. Don't be like him. Get the towel later if you make a mess, but play in the sink and have fun. Have fun out there. Play in the sink. Stay off the ladders, but play in the sink. Jupiter. Call it. Casey Tony did the editing. Memory parents in the music. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Naporis. One, two, three, four, hey, riddle. Hey, riddle.

Hey, there, satellites and rovers. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We go on a mission to Mars with a Mars draft. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog. at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus to get those ad-free episodes.

See you there. That was a HeadGum podcast. What's going on? It's Lamarne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast now on HeadGum. Now here's the thing.

Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. We get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our time is on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodriguez. We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Day Chanel. Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayne's Jr. And your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

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