Hey Riddle Riddle - #385: I want to say Cookie Wolf?

Episode Date: December 3, 2025

Check out our new Please Don't & Sweater merchStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis &&n...bsp;Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a headgum podcast. Hey guys, notice anything different about me? Big wooden hat, wheels for legs. I mean, who are you? Yes, haircut, but also it's addle. Oh, it's addle. I'm doing things a little uncommon. Then yes, I notice a lot of different things about you.
Starting point is 00:00:24 That reminds me there's so many people still on my list I haven't gotten gifts for. Uncommon goods makes holiday shopping. Stress-free. Ooh, thank goodness. Thank you, Adel. Does it Uncommon Goods look for products that are high-quality, unique, and often handmade, or made in the U.S.? Many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses,
Starting point is 00:00:41 so every gift feels special and thoughtfully chosen? Yes, I mean, yeah, Uncommon Goods is fantastic. They have something for everyone for moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers and sports fans to foodies, mixologists, and gardeners. You'll find unforgettable gifts that are anything but ordinary. but also, I kind of change things up too, huh? What is it that you did? And why did you do it?
Starting point is 00:01:05 Haircut. Big wooden hat, wheels for legs. And with every purchase you make it uncommon goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date. That's incredible. So don't wait for your friends to show up with big wooden hat, wheels for legs, and why is the voice different?
Starting point is 00:01:24 The hat's pushing down real hard. The hat's heavy on your neck. That's heavy on your neck. Make this holiday the year you give something truly unforgettable. To get 15% off your next gift, go to Uncomondgoods.com slash riddle. That's Uncommon Goods. For 15% off, don't miss out on this limited time offer, Uncommon Goods, we're all out of the ordinary. Guys, there's a family of birds in my hat.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Can someone get them? Can you get them? Adel, I love when you joke. Please help me. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of the network of fish. It was the cabin of an airplane.
Starting point is 00:02:05 He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was a thing Friday. Why? Is that from the Black Friday sales? Did you try to get a new flat screen TV and sort of get into it? I tried to get flattened on my screen by a TV. There, I got a fistfight. Oh, boy. I got a fist fight the best one.
Starting point is 00:02:45 All right, let me shine this flashlight in your eyes. Why my eyes? He's the one with the concussion. Just trying to get that reflection going. They're like little chiseled diamonds there into your eyes. Oh, thank you. But, Adel, I feel like you might have a concussion. Let me just shine a light in your eyes.
Starting point is 00:03:02 Yeah, I went to ask JPC what was wrong with him, and I bonged heads. So hard. Adel, I see a lot of reflections coming from your eyes. Those look like, and I hate to say it, conflict diamonds, which, as you know. Oh, no, I was going for a lap groan. No, we have to take them out because, you know, it's pretty unethical to have those, even if they are in your eyes. Yeah, that's what Bono sings. That's what Bono sings.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Sunday party, Sunday, Sunday, she will be loved. We love Bono. We love Bono, folks, don't we? Don't we love Bono? Happy December. The studio audience just went crazy. Listen, he's giving it his all. What it is, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:03:47 He's giving it his all. He's wearing sunglasses and he's doing something. He's giving it his all. That's how I should have said it. Fuck. Welcome to Hey Riddle Rental, a podcast about the holiday season. Three concussed hosts talking about how Bono always gives it as all. You think you've ever had a concussion?
Starting point is 00:04:06 Addle, you played football. You've had a concussion, right? Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes the helmet pops off. Sometimes the ball goes too hard. Do you think you've had a concussion as an adult?
Starting point is 00:04:21 I don't think so. but I've fallen pretty hard Yeah I saw somebody hit their head once Like going into an entryway Like a low entryway Yeah And as soon as I saw it I was like
Starting point is 00:04:34 They have a concussion Like it was like I could feel the concussion In my body I was like I felt my brain Get rattled a bit You got an empathetic concussion I think I got a yeah A sympathy concussion
Starting point is 00:04:44 What happened next? Did you Oh they fell They fell down And they were out of it and kind of just sat with them for a while. You didn't stare straight ahead like a maniac while people took photos of you. We're referring to nothing.
Starting point is 00:05:05 That's nothing that's been in the news. We're referring to Bono. Well, you know, in that guy's defense, once you're up, your legs are locked. And once they're locked in place, that's going to take, what, 25, 30 minutes to get those bad boys unlocked. You're going to have to have your wax guy come in, grease up. the knees. It's only a matter of time until I faint in the public space while I'm standing behind someone giving a speech. So I'm counting my days until that happened. Yeah. I mean, but fainting, as long as as long as there's someone there to like hopefully catch you a little bit, then you're
Starting point is 00:05:36 probably not going to get a concussion. But fainting is also terrifying. It's a, to see someone faint and to be to be the victim of a fain. Aaron, I think when you eventually faint in public, because I agree, it will happen. Of course. It'll be like that scene in Princess Bride when Robin Wright jumps out of the window into Andre the Giant's arms. Hello, hello, lady. Except I'm Andre the Giant, and I've passed out, and I drop her. Hello, lady. I'd actually like to see a scene. Is that so insane?
Starting point is 00:06:08 Yes. Great. We do have to check you for a concussion. And I get that. JBC, you are at a concert, and you're a little dehydrated. And Adel, you are a fainting. the concept of fainting, and you're going to, like, tap on his shoulder
Starting point is 00:06:24 and tell him it's his time and that he's about to faint. Oh, my God. Whoa, hey, this is one of my favorite songs of those. I think they'll get some water. No, no, you won't be getting to the water in time. Hey, you enjoyed the concert? Huh?
Starting point is 00:06:42 You enjoying the concert? Yeah, I mean... Yeah, how to dismantle an atomic bomb? Pretty sweet tour. this is this is for my money this has to be their best album oh yeah name one of your favorite songs from how to dismantle an atomic bond oh atomic bond yeah you got about 10 15 seconds tops okay i want to say she will be loved by marood five hey are you okay oh thank god um no i think i need to i think i'm my like leg's feel nod your head no but say yes Do what?
Starting point is 00:07:18 Nod your head no, but say yes. Oh, you're already doing it. That's like a pat your belly and pat your head or whatever. Shh, shh, shh, it's time. Time what? It's time. Good night, my sweet prince. You can't kiss a stranger.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Good night, my sweet prince. Hey, I don't know, I don't know. Okay, well, hey. What are you doing? Who is this? I punch fainting in the face. Seen. That's how Adel got to.
Starting point is 00:07:47 this black guy. Yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah. Hey, what if we, we've been so good lately. No. Aaron, what do you? We have, have we, have we, have we, Aaron? It's so good lately. We deserve a little treat. Yeah, let's do a Patreon just cause.
Starting point is 00:08:05 Let's make a main feed of Patreon and make a Patreon a main feed. Let's punish those who pay us every word. Yes. I mean, we've been doing that the whole time. You get to do another Patreon right after this, Aaron. Can't you just wait? No, I want to do it now. You got Patreon in my main feed. You got main feed in my Patreon.
Starting point is 00:08:26 Reesies peanut butter cups. Recy's peanut butter cups. How was everybody's holiday? Did everybody have a good Thanksgiving? People are not under the impression that we record the day before these comes out. These come out. We don't have to put on airs. Although speaking of it's now a good time to talk about how stressed I am.
Starting point is 00:08:46 All of my flights to the East Coast for tour and the holidays have gotten canceled. Oh, no. I wonder how that's going to work. And by the time this has come out, it's already worked out. We did the tour, and it was amazing. We know how the tour ended. I might need to drive six days to get there. I did look at, luckily, like, it's, you know, air traffic controllers, luckily that are shutting down,
Starting point is 00:09:12 which is why airplanes and airports are, like, shutting down at canceling flights. and not trains. And on the East Coast, like, there is a way to, like, take a train if you need to. But if my flight to Philadelphia gets canceled, I'm just, like, driving to Philadelphia, I guess. I guess Adel and I are bundling up and we're making our, making the 14-hour track to fucking Philadelphia. Another road trip. Another road trip. I'm quite worried because I will need to leave literally six days before tour starts.
Starting point is 00:09:42 Yeah, it would be harder for air. Right, you're right. Didn't Willie Wonka or someone build like a bullet train from L.A. to Philly? That happened this year, right? Yeah, that happened in between recording it. The Wonka Tuttle's under Vegas? How long was he out? How long was Adel's concussion?
Starting point is 00:09:59 I don't know. I think it's still happening. Did he give himself a real concussion from a scene? Nepal's letting people in now, right? Yeah. Yeah, so everything's fucked. But you know what, Aaron? I think the answer to this first riddle is Waterpark.
Starting point is 00:10:15 I think, though, ultimately, it could be kind of a blessing in disguise because if you are a person, which many people are, who does not like to see their family during the holidays, this is kind of like the perfect excuse to get all your shit canceled. You're like, oh, I'd love to come home and get in a fight with Uncle Chris about, you know, immigration, but it really looks like it's not going to be happening for me this year. I unfortunately love my family And Thanksgiving's the only one Everyone goes to me You don't love all of them Oh jeeps You got thrown under the bus
Starting point is 00:10:49 No I actually think about that She said a bunch Mitch Uh Aunt Catherine Um Oh One of your sisters
Starting point is 00:10:57 The big two Specifically you don't like I've tried I know that I know a bunch of Aaron's family members By name But I You really just guess
Starting point is 00:11:06 Biblical names And you're halfway there Yeah Is there a Molly in the Bible yeah she's the one that cut that baby in half right that's a smith song right molly in the bible king molly from the bible is he enter waterpark to this first riddle did i call the shot um you called the shot but nobody knows what you are shooting at or why um so i'll give you a point yes because i feel bad for you thank you ad'll be happy for me yay hello lady um but i did what you at this point i know
Starting point is 00:11:40 who won dancing with the stars. Isn't that fun? Unless the government shut down has affected which stars were allowed to dance. I bet it has. Yeah. Because if they shut down NASA, then they couldn't get the telescope to the stars. And so they were unable to distinguish the stars from each other. We've been dancing with the quasars this whole time.
Starting point is 00:12:02 Oh, no. I bet a Sandy Richter, Aaron. Oh, everyone's going to be so pissed if it's him. I'm going to be so excited. I think that they'll get us straightened out. Trump is going to take care of election reform, and so that'll probably apply to Dancing with the Stars as well. He might win Dancing with the Stars this year.
Starting point is 00:12:19 Good point. What if Dancing with the Stars you could only do if you went in person voted and you had to show your ID? I would make it every single week. It would go down from like 50 million people that vote to like one million people, but they would be the most devoted. It'd be like how U.S. elections work, where it's like, hey, pretty great turnout this year, 45%
Starting point is 00:12:40 That's not bad We're going to do more of Zoe's In person voting We're going to do more of Yeah our democracy is in Absolute tatters Not really even a democracy To begin with
Starting point is 00:12:51 So just kind of a system of norms That turned out We're not very normed We're going to do more of Zoe's And the dumbest pigs Are running the farm The meanest bullies you've ever experienced The dumbest pigs
Starting point is 00:13:04 We're here at Hey Riddle Riddle Are trying to do escapism Best we can But sometimes The dam breaks and the pain comes through. Zoe listed some more of these animal parade riddles that we did last time I was in charge. And I love these.
Starting point is 00:13:22 Can I just say? I love these. Wait, sorry, is old man puzzles in charge all of a sudden? Is old man puzzles the one that is allowed to make the final call? Like, if I got really hurt and had a medical situation right now, would you get to make the choices for me because your old man puzzles? Do you become, like, the default? DNR.
Starting point is 00:13:40 Do you not resuscitate? Oh, is that what that means? You didn't even ask what was medically wrong with me. I don't like that. Don't ask, don't tell, Larry. Don't ask, don't tell. DMB. Not my business.
Starting point is 00:13:52 Just kill her. I don't need to know. It's a broken arm, asshole. Sir, she's up in bed and talking. No, DNR. What the fuck is an arm asshole? I mean, if that breaks, you're pretty fucked, right? I don't even know that I have.
Starting point is 00:14:08 one at all you're you're going to be making all my medical choices i don't you are the default old man puzzles you created the show you were the first old man puzzles so if anything goes awry here i think you need to take over you're saying i have power of attorney i regret bringing any of this up well i regret that we simply must do an animal parade do do you did say animal parade Just to make quite sure. You did say Animal Frade Puzzled. No.
Starting point is 00:14:45 I'm in charge. Shot. Adel, that looked like someone who is like the first marching band in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, took one step and fell and ate shit immediately. They're like, sir, it's September 24th. And I'm like, oh, am I early? They blow the whistle. They're like, and up, and fall. We were going to do more of Zoe's animal.
Starting point is 00:15:08 Parade are riddles. The riddles that's always submitted based off of, loosely off of Animal Parade. So no parade. But I was going through these. And I think we're going to skip around. They submitted more than we're going to end up using. But I want to do this one because I think this one is very fun.
Starting point is 00:15:25 So if you remember... We've got to do an Animal Parade intro first. No, we're not doing an animal parade because we're not doing an article and we're not spending a lot of time on these. So, JPC, we're not going to do like, I don't know, a snail with a full-on perm? A manatee who just cut their bangs.
Starting point is 00:15:42 No, we are not doing the same animal parade. I cannot be, no, it was the whole episode last episode. I cannot be more play with you. We have much more to do today than these animal parade rentals. We are finishing these up from the last episode. You already had your cake. You cannot have two cake. Let them eat cake.
Starting point is 00:16:02 That's a bad thing. With that lady said that, it was a bad thing. Teacher's so mean. Although when I'm teacher, I really like when you guys respect and listen to me. Here's, okay, I'll give you a refresher on the game, but the game is I'm going to give you four animals and then you're going to have to, and then I'm going to give you the lost animals, and I can also give you the lost items, and then you'll have to give me, so it's like four animals lose their items, then you'll have to give me what you think the answers are, okay? So there's a, so your first one is a tiger with pancakes, a rabbit with drumming, Sticks, a cuckoo bird, or a cuckoo bird, with earmuffs, and a toucan with newsgroups. These are all cereal mascots with pancakes?
Starting point is 00:16:53 What was it? Adam. You're correct. These are all serial mascots. You have it. But you're lost animals now. So it's pancakes, drumsticks, earmuffs, and news groups. The lost animals that you're looking for to solve.
Starting point is 00:17:07 all for are bee, frog, and wolf. Honeynut Cheerios. Mm-hmm. So how are we getting so tight? Smacks the frog. Tony the Tiger. Smacks them in the lips. Frosted flakes, but here he, oh,
Starting point is 00:17:23 frosted flakes pancakes. Yes. The second one was a rabbit with drumsticks. Rabbit, rabbit would be tricks, drumsticks. Okay, got it. So Cheerios would be. He's a genius. He's doing this.
Starting point is 00:17:36 Um, Mary Souls. Now, one of the reasons why I said it was hard was they really couldn't come up with something that rhymed with Cheerios. So this is the slantiest of slant rhymes. So if you could get something that kind of sounds like Cheerios. Cheerios. Merry Souls.
Starting point is 00:17:50 Cheerios. Scary hose. Aaron, I'll give you scary hose. Okay. I wish you wouldn't. They had stereos, but I think stereos and scaryhose is close enough, so I'll give you scary hose. Smacks to flap jacks.
Starting point is 00:18:06 smacks snacks cracks cracks um checks yeah i mean that works uh again the one that they had something that rhymes but you got something that rhymed as well they had a frog uh with jet packs okay oh it can be non food items yeah like earmuffs news groups um because hose i figured okay never mind um wolf and then your last one is a wolf koki koki crisp is that a wolf yeah it is You got the cereal, right? So what does the wolf have? Cookie Crisp. Charming Lisp.
Starting point is 00:18:41 A lisp. That's actually the one that they had. You got that one right on the money. Well, I do want to see a scene. This is kind of our, really our bread and butter. I want to see a scene. Adel, you are the wolf, I think it is, on the cookie crisp box, and you're talking to Aaron, who is a child through the box. He's eating.
Starting point is 00:19:03 Kauki Cori. Not again. Beth, no, Beth, Beth, listen, it's time to try me out. No. No more Rice Krispies, try Cookie Crisp. Hey, hey. I never realized that I sound like Penny Wise. Yep, yep.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Hey, last time this happened, a frog came... Fucked your mom? Yeah, came out of the box, fucked my mom, and they got married last year in Vegas. Oh, congratulations. He's my dad. He's actually at my parent teacher conference right now. I can't do this. What's your name?
Starting point is 00:19:37 Uh, my name is, oh, no one's ever asked me. I want to say Cookie Wolf. Okay, Cookie Wolf. But that could be a TV on the radio album. My mom is freshly fucked, so we've got that under control. This has been devastating for me. I'm getting teased at school. My stepdad's a frog, you understand?
Starting point is 00:19:55 Yes, I was teased at school too. I had a charming lisp. Charming lisp. Okay. Uh, Cookie Wolf. Um, you seem great. You're dessert. for breakfast.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Oh. This is awesome. Yeah. I don't know if I should be eating. How's breakfast going down there, honey? Good, good mom. Yeah. Um, wait, mom.
Starting point is 00:20:16 No, I don't. You don't want to fuck my mom? I do, but. Yes, honey? How serious are you about smacks? Honey, I can't hear you. I just got out of the shower. Do you want me to come down there?
Starting point is 00:20:32 Do you want me to introduce you? If I bite you, do you turn into cereal? Never mind. See, this is viral marketing for our smacks the frog. Please don't fuck my mom's shirt that we have in the T-Public store right now. Click the link of the show description if you want to go and pick that up. Can you imagine? Perfect for the holidays.
Starting point is 00:20:56 A box of cereal that says the cereal that fucks your mom. I mean, now I can. Would you believe that? I felt like I could not, when I commissioned this specific piece of artwork, that I could not put the words, fuck my mom on the box. So I had, I said, we'll kind of cleverly allude to it. But I don't think anyone's going to wear a shirt with the word, unless the shirt just says, please fuck, please don't fuck my mom. Well, put it on the back of the shirt, because that's what you did with your demographic shirt and people wear that in public. That's right. Can you imagine, I know being a teacher right now is incredibly hard and maybe the worst time in history. But can imagine being a teacher. Why? What happened? What? Can you imagine being a teacher in like 1997 and you have a class filled with students who had cookies for breakfast, trying to teach them?
Starting point is 00:21:45 Their brains are literally, they just had a ton of sugar in dessert an hour ago and now they're loose until it's dunkeroo time in the middle of the day. They just gobble down a bowl of mostly marshmallows. Yeah. Isn't that insane to just be like, I ate marshmallows for breakfast. I ate 1.3 pounds of marshmallows for breakfast. We just, ready to learn. Pumped them filled with sugar.
Starting point is 00:22:06 We're like, okay, go learn how to be a doctor. Let's do this. It's, yeah, I don't. Yeah, I mean, I think that there's like, I mean, there's just a lot, a lot wrong with that scenario. But my mom, when we were growing up, we weren't allowed to have sugar cereal and we weren't allowed to have, like, soda.
Starting point is 00:22:23 And I'm like, I did. I had a lot of sugar cereal and I had a lot of soda. But I'm also grateful that I didn't, like, looking back on it now. I'm like, I was prevented from eating a lot of shit that I should not have ever consumed, that I am grateful for that, even though at the time I was like, I'm going to hide cans of Mountain Dew in the couch so that no one could take them from me. I, you know, that's addict behavior.
Starting point is 00:22:48 I was going to say that, but I think my mom, looking back, should have gotten better snacks. The best we would ever have is cheese it sometimes or Cape Cod potato chips. I ended up hitting my head all the time. Speaking of concussions, I ended up not turning out right. I could have had, I could have used a better snack. I could have used some gushers from time to time. Oh, gosh, you're top tears. I feel very conflicted because around Halloween this year,
Starting point is 00:23:15 I do not want to hand out candy because I don't like condone the eating of candy. It's not something that we eat in my house. And I hate that I'm like, well, yeah, but I'll just like, I'll just feed all of the neighborhood children full of candy. But then again, I don't want to be the house on Halloween that's, like, giving out, like, a nice shiny apple. But as I was walking around trick-or-treating, I haven't been trick-or-treating, you know, obviously in decades. I was like, well, what the fuck do people get? He said that like he's been in disguise several times, but keep going.
Starting point is 00:23:45 Yeah, I'm just taking candy that other kids would be getting and throwing them at the dumpster. It's like the trick-or-trick-trick Grinch. But I was like, I don't want to buy candy. And I did. I ended up buying candy this year to, you know, to hand out. But I saw so many people having it. awesome, like I wrote on all these ideas for, like, non-candy things that people were giving out on Halloween. People were giving out these, like, little, like, single, like, Play-Doh
Starting point is 00:24:07 things. People were giving out, like, a, like, little, like, um, it's not, you know, not necessarily better, but little, like, plastic spider rings, like, little, like, five-simple toy things. People were giving out, um, little, like, bags of cheese puffs, like, I don't know, I don't know what the brand were, but they were just like a ton of little things, some snacks, some toys, some things like that that were not candy. And I was like, okay, cool. So this is the last year. This is the last year that I do candy. And next year I'm doing like little trinkets. There was a house in my neighborhood in Chicago that it was really funny. They did, they would dress up like in Easter wear, the mom and dad that was hitting candy. And they'd have eggs. And some of them would have like one starburst in it or like a little Halloween. toy, but some of them had like $5 bills in it. So people would go and it's like there's this excitement about what you could
Starting point is 00:25:04 get in your egg. But isn't that? I gotta say, that's Easter. That's something that you do on Easter. But that's a funny bit to be the person in your neighborhood who's like being funny. Were these people just do it like these are like breakfast for dinner people?
Starting point is 00:25:17 We're like, we just do Easter for Halloween. We do Flag Day for Christmas. You ready to order apps? I'll do the cheesecake. The cheesecake. We're kind of one of those fun. couples. We're a deranged family. You, but you hitting on like a toy or Plato is not, you're not establishing your brand
Starting point is 00:25:34 as the craziest guy in the neighborhood. Like, I think you need to do, you're a professional comedian. You're exceptionally insane. Like, maybe hand out something that is a representation of your branding. And I do, oh, yep, I do see that there is a, all right, here we go. Let me just press this button. It's the craziest man in the neighborhood. the wackiest dude in the town the weirdest man in Halloween is J.P. Riddles. Halloween recap. Can I also say?
Starting point is 00:26:07 He eats his sweater and takes off his shoes and throws them through a window. J.B.C. casually brushing aside the call for J.P. Riddles. Very much my vibe in my neighborhood is the most low effort person in the neighborhood. That's the brand that I have built up over the past five years. That's a shitty brand. You can do better.
Starting point is 00:26:26 And I will also say, even if I tried, I would be nowhere near the craziest motherfucker in the neighborhood because there are some crazy motherfuckers in my neighborhood. And, Aaron, you're going to love this. They're not doing it to be funny. Okay. A lion with a cane, kangaroo with a couch, rhino with some corn, and a shark with a pen. Now, is some corn? Is it necessarily, is it necessary to say some? No, I just think it's just, if you say acorn, it sounds like acorn.
Starting point is 00:26:58 I see, yeah. Or, but so it's, it's just corn. Is this a word one or like a, is it a word one or like a, does it rhyme with like where they live or something about them? Something about them. Not where they live, but yes, something about them. So kangaroos have pouches. Okay. This kangaroo had a couch.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Lions have mains. This one has a cane. Yeah. Rhinos have horns. This has corn. Sharks have fins. This one has a pin. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:24 So your lost animals are a camel, an elephant, and a lobster. Camels have mumps. Elephants have trunks, skunks. Okay, that works. What was your one for camel? You just said mumps. Humps to mumps, I guess. Humps to mumps, okay.
Starting point is 00:27:45 And what's your, and lobster? And lobsters have shawls. No, that doesn't run with claws. Cloles. Clopsers have. What, Aaron? claw flaws they have flaws yes so you got it it was flaw was right on the money so Aaron gets two bonus points the elephant has a drunk and the camel has a pump the elephant has a drunk yeah that makes more sense than mine
Starting point is 00:28:11 what was yours I was just pregnant for two years I was just pregnant for two years what a can have a drink after making an elephant I was pregnant for two years yeah Adel you're going to be that guy to deny the elephant a drink after they were pregnant I want sushi, I want soft cheeses and want to get margaris with my girls. That elephant can't have sushi. Oh, can't is it? That's like grapes for a dog here. It's poisoned for an elephant.
Starting point is 00:28:35 No, it's not. Yeah, I ate like, upside and I tell me a little bit, but I'm mostly just having the best time out here. I'm going to take a bath in a month. Mother elephant found dead after consuming sushi, which as we know is like grapes for dogs. And guess what? She died smiling, bitch.
Starting point is 00:28:50 Aw. That's the bar. As long as you die with a smile on your face, you can go out however you want. That's my dream for every woman out there. Elephant or not. I hope you die with a smile on your face. That's a local watering hole. Free as a bird.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Oh, I had a dream about every woman. Every woman. And you know how I want to go out, Erin? On a break. With a break. Yeah, with an ad break. That's how I want to go out. You got it, Aaron.
Starting point is 00:29:16 That's another two points. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Excuse me, you two travelers. I'm from a different time, and I need to know how things work in this time. What's my hair color in 2028? What's my hair color in 29? What's my hair color in 23? Oh, I'm from the past.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Oh, that makes more sense. Yeah. Oh, hey, look, we don't really have time for whatever this scam is, so could you just tell us how much money you need and we'll kind of be on our way. 500 bucks. Okay. Well, hey, 500 bucks.
Starting point is 00:29:58 If you have that kind of money, Squarespace, well, hold on. Wait, how do I tie this in? How do I tie this in? I won't. I'll just say, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with
Starting point is 00:30:14 a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Hey, street, street con man, maybe if you had a Squarespace website, you wouldn't have to approach people on the street. Oh, yeah, I could just do like a video of this because Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Oh, that'd be so much easier. Hey, Guy from the past or whatever your thing is, get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated site map, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Did you know most of those words, Guy, Guy, from the past? Yeah, we have words in the past. My name's just Jeff, and I'm from now. Okay, Guy from the Past. I have a great, looks like the domain. www. Guy from the Past who needs $500.com is still available. Now, here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:31:04 I know that when we mention stuff it adds, people buy the websites. Guys, if you want to, just make sure you head to Squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain using coupon code Riddle. I love our listeners. That's insane. Wait, don't listen to that guy. I'm actually from the past and need that website. Okay, so it's going to be a bidding war on that fake website. What is a website?
Starting point is 00:31:28 There we go. Five, four, three, two, one. Countdown over. It's the holiday season. Time to buy gifts. I'm so excited. I'm going to decorate. I'm going to buy gifts.
Starting point is 00:31:37 Aaron, slow down. You sound and look stressed. But uncommon goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique high-quality finds you won't see anywhere else. Now, Aaron, how does that make you feel? Oh, I feel way better. Yeah. And, Aaron, you should feel even better because Uncommon Goods, their items are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind.
Starting point is 00:32:05 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date. Plus, Uncomin Goods has something for everyone, from moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers, history buffs, and die-hard football fans to food. these mixologists and avid gardeners, you'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. And again, they want me to differentiate. That is diehard fans and football fans. I'm not sure if you'll find stuff from the major motion picture die hard, but you can look. And Ms. Keefe, can I tell you last year, my parents got me common goods? I got like a bag of
Starting point is 00:32:42 flour and a brick. Well, that's no fun. No. I want uncommon goods. That won't do. You know what? If you're like me, buy some Christmas ornaments. Get some Christmas candles. Get some stuff like Christmas and put it on your house. Hey, whatever you do, don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush. To get 15% off your next gift, go to Uncomondgoods.com slash riddle. That's Uncommon Goods.
Starting point is 00:33:08 For 15% off, Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. But don't take it from them. Take it from me, Cousin Cringle. That's fun. That's fun. Probably should have done at the beginning, though, right? Huh?
Starting point is 00:33:21 Stay on that side of the street. Oh, stay over there. Do you need me to start the ad? No, stay there. Everybody say thank you, Ms. Aaron. I thanked you guys in the other ones. Not getting thanked. Oops, uh-oh, here we go.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Adel, JPC, I need to get a last-minute gift for my parents. Forgot to get them something. Maybe something sentimental that they can use around the house. Panicking, panicking. Baby, calm down. You got an ace up your sleeve, baby. So many cards up my sleeve. The best gift you can get a parent, or really,
Starting point is 00:33:52 anyone in your life is an aura frame have you heard of this you've seen this okay i'm already feeling a little calmer you came to the right place erin that's why they call me mr last minute it's not because i'm the last thing that you see before you die i don't know who started that rumor it's not true you see a bunch of cool stuff and it's your life and i don't take you or usher you off what are we talking about we're talking about aura frames you can upload unlimited photos and videos just download the aura app and connect to wi-fi Plus, you can preload photos before it ships so you can send photos from anywhere, any time to the aura frame that you give as a gift. And, Aaron, here's something parents go nuts for. You can share photos and videos effortlessly.
Starting point is 00:34:34 So if Gemma and I go on a fun trip, I upload some of those picks to my mom's frame, she's going nuts. She's loving it. She feels like she's engaged with my life. Okay, awesome. And also, they have a gift box included. So every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag. Oh, thank goodness. Oh, few.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Oh, my goodness. Take it from me, Mr. Last Minute, a.k.a. the grim rapper. Hit the beat for a limited time save on the perfect gift by visiting OrrFraimbs.com to get $35 off or its best selling car from Matt Frames. Name number one by Wyatt Carter. By using promo code Riddle at checkout.
Starting point is 00:35:11 That's A-U-R-A-Framm.com. promo code riddle. Oh, and this deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell a lot fast, so order yours now. and get it on time for the holiday. Support the show by mentioning us at check out. Terms and conditions apply. And Aaron, it's just a placeholder.
Starting point is 00:35:26 We're going to get like an actual, like, rapper, musician. Great, because that whole character is very confusing. The grim rapper, Mr. Last Minute, what's not there to get? Mr. Last Minute is so funny. My name is Cyborg Monday, and I am feeling very tired. I need a place to rest my weary head. Oh, probably cyborg spelled S-I-G-H, don't you think, J-P-C? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:55 See? Cyborg, you should lay down on JPC's Helix mattress. Oh, amazing. Or Cyborg, and not that I wouldn't love to have your oily body all over my mattress, you could take the Helix sleep quiz. They'll get to match you with the perfect mattress, and then you could get your own Helix mattress. Ooh, calculating.
Starting point is 00:36:14 Helix is the most awarded mattress brand, tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and wired. I just got matched with the midnight lux. Yum, yum, yum, very good sleep. Sounds more like researching than calculating. But don't forget, Cyborg, Helix offers free shipping and seamless delivery. They deliver the mattress right to your door, assuming you have a door, either at your home or built into your body, with free shipping in the U.S. Plus, they have a 120-night sleep trial, what is time to a cyborg, and a limited lifetime warranty. But don't just take our word for it right now is the cyber Monday sale best of the web cyborg Monday no it's cyber Monday I don't your thing is different um it's 27% off site wide and that is exclusive for listeners of
Starting point is 00:37:00 hey riddle riddle just go to helix sleep.com slash riddle for the cyber Monday sale that's 27% off site wide helixleep.com slash riddle cyber monday sale make sure you enter our show name into the post purchase survey so they know we sent you helix sleep.com slash riddle I am the one that did the silly voice this time. Can you believe it? A beep boop. We just met you. Eby poop.
Starting point is 00:37:29 All right. We are back and some time, at some point, someone gave me a rental book. Was it while we were on tour? Could have been. Was it something that someone mailed us? Very possible. Adela and I have something we want to say. Please.
Starting point is 00:37:46 We have decided. that we want to unionize and we're going on strike against old man puzzles. You've been throwing your weight around this episode. It made us feel very small. We want health insurance.
Starting point is 00:38:01 We want eight weeks paid time off. I'll give battle health insurance because you'll never use it. You can have zero health insurance. What? Health insurance for you, Aaron, would bankrupt us. It would destroy the show.
Starting point is 00:38:14 Aaron, I think this is good. I think this is as good as we're going to get it. I want eight weeks. paid time off. I want you to pay for my apartment. Eric, you have that. You work at most four hours a week. You have eight weeks paying time off. For you, I'm, excuse me, I would like to not do a scene ever again. I would like, I would like to be able to call whatever scene I want. Adel, what are your demands?
Starting point is 00:38:37 My demands were actually met. Um, so I'm actually going to sit down. I need to sit down. You're a scab. I need to sit down. Huh? No, he's not a scab. He got his demands bet. Yeah. You guys just started marketing. unit you guys forgot Aaron I'm going to go ahead and deflate this big rat we bought um come on it's $300 a day and I can't we have to deflate this big rat
Starting point is 00:38:58 All right Oh my God I thought that was a real rat That was why I caved I thought that thing was going to eat me All right ready for this riddle book that someone handed you at some point Someone did a really nice thing though When they did they write their name on a
Starting point is 00:39:13 Maybe maybe they probably wrote a really nice letter or something that I've thrown away But they did a really nice thing when they handed it be this riddle book or the synth of this riddle book, where they tabbed out with these like nice colorful tabs, which are the best riddles in the book. Now, some of them are visual riddles, so I'd have to just skip them anyway.
Starting point is 00:39:30 A riddle Somalié. Yeah. Huh. Is that? Sure. They're picking out the best. Yeah, I guess so. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:39:40 Curating an experience. So this is a curated riddle experience. Here's your first riddle from this curated riddle experience from this book. The font on the front of this. book is so hard to read that I'll just never know what the book is called. Oh, take a picture of that font and let's use it for the shirt that says, please don't fuck my mom. Ah.
Starting point is 00:40:00 What if we wrote, please don't fuck my mom, but we just like translated it into Japanese and then back to English. We did that like six or seven times. Oh, guys, can we write it in wingdings? Come on. The wind will never know the touch of a femme? I guess. Okay, here's your first one. on your back or hold me in your hand, break the former, a bill to demand, break the latter,
Starting point is 00:40:26 knowledge you'll land. The latter, I'm assuming, with T's not D's. Oh, yeah, baby, T's not D's. T's get degrees. On your back, on your back or hold me in your hand? On your back or hold me in your hand. Break the former, a bill to demand. Break the latter, knowledge you'll land.
Starting point is 00:40:48 So back would be breaking you get a bill. So on your back probably has to do with the bill being paid. On your back, or hold me in your hand, break the former a bill to demand. Break the latter, knowledge you'll land. So if you hold it in your hands and break it, you'll get knowledge. Is this like a book? Fortune cookie. Adel, a book is part of it.
Starting point is 00:41:11 We're actually looking for like two things and one of the things is a book. So the second one's a book. Mm-hmm. A checkbook. Break the ladder, knowledge you'll land. That's not the book one? That's the book one. That is the book one, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:26 But the answer's not book, but it's describing a book, yes. Interesting. On your back, bill to demand. What would you break on a book to land some knowledge? Egg. Ugh. Egg? Yeah, we both said egg.
Starting point is 00:41:43 Oh. Well, just because that's like an answer to like riddles. Is that why you said that? yeah let's say yeah and that i yeah it's not that i don't know how to read or how to cook an egg honestly if the book is hot enough like if it's a dan grisham you could cook an egg on it is it dan grisham no it's john grisham right dan brown and john brown uh charlie's dad um on its back so um yeah yeah the this This is a part of a book.
Starting point is 00:42:19 A spine. Oh, if you break your spine, you have to pay the medical bills. Mm-hmm. Not you, Adel. Not me, because I don't use my health insurance. Well, no, you have it. You negotiated for it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Yeah. Now, more like you. What did I get? You didn't get anything, Aaron. Adel got everything. Woo. What happened? You'll break your spine and you'll be like,
Starting point is 00:42:41 I think my spine hurts. I think my spine hurts now. Okay. You could. You could go see a spine doctor. You don't have to. I'm not making you go see a spine doctor. I would like to see a scene. Atal, you are someone who is about to get a very invasive spine surgery. JPC, you're the substitute doctor that showed up that day. And you're trying to inspire confidence in that all. I've never had a spinal tap before. So the needle goes into my, into my spine. It's going to go into the base of your spine, but it's going to feel very sharp, and I'm not going to lie. It's going to feel painful for a moment.
Starting point is 00:43:25 But when we give you the spinal tap, that's also how we're going to give you all of your pain killers for the procedure. So after that, you will not feel a thing. And Dr. Richards, there's no way to get him on call? No, I'm sorry. I thought it was explained to you. Dr. Richards was in a ski accident. Not a ski accident. It was on purpose.
Starting point is 00:43:46 he's doing his first threesome at a ski chalet. Oh. Yeah. It's not the kind of threesome he planned on, but he's crossing it off his bucket list. Okay. It's with his wife's best friend, Marv. And see, that's where I'm confused, because this all was told to me, but I guess I just don't understand that his wife,
Starting point is 00:44:08 I don't understand that people are still named Marv these days. The situation was he asked his wife for a threesome for his birthday. And his wife agreed to it, but she threw in the fact that it was going to be a threesome with her best friend. And so I'm confused because clearly the wife had been wanting to sleep with Marv and just roped him in at the first chance. Oh, and so that's where I'm confused. So no, that's not my understanding of the situation. Oh, okay, okay. My read on the situation is that she did not want her husband to have an excuse to sleep with another woman.
Starting point is 00:44:40 So in order to acquiesce to his birthday request, she brought in her friend Marv. kind of as a way to make her husband feel uncomfortable. But Dr. Richards is big on this bucket list, as you know, as he's probably told you many times before. He used to have it laminated in the office, yeah. But you're in great hands. This is one of the best spinal surgery centers in the western United States. And I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I am an excellent spinal surgeon and a clown. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:45:13 That explains the shoes and the makeup and the... Dr. Wiggles, I have the OR prepped for surgery. Oh, Dr. Wiggles is in 102. Oh, fantastic. Oh, so sorry. I'm sorry. It happens all the time. It's because we have the same hair.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Right. Big curly red hair. Yeah, wasn't he, you weren't supposed to do this surgery, though, today. Wait a second. You're Rick Astley? Oh, my God. They got me. You're not Rick Astley.
Starting point is 00:45:44 This is, I got pranked. Wow. Ah, we got you. So wait. Wait, who got brinked? Me? All right. Because you pulled a hundred linked silts out of my mouth.
Starting point is 00:45:53 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5. He's done. He's dead dead. He's dead dead. He's dead dead. Scramble four, I'm something to fear. Scramble one more. And I'm the ground near.
Starting point is 00:46:10 With my six, I sustain you, dear. These are hard. Huh? Yeah, I feel like I need a little sketch... I feel like I need a dry racerboard for these. Scramble four, I'm something to fear. Scrambled one more, and I'm the ground near. With my six, I sustain you, dear.
Starting point is 00:46:32 Yeah, I don't know. With these numbers, I don't know how they intersect with the words here. Is it something we consume? Scrambled four. Are these like diner terms? It's a four-letter word, a five-letter word, and a six-letter word. Oh, okay, I see, I see. We need a name for one of these riddles.
Starting point is 00:46:53 Like, we should name these riddles where you add letters. This type? Yeah. Yeah, Scramble makes you think egg, so I really wanted you guys to say egg again, so that you could say egg for every one of these riddles. Yeah, so scrambled four, I'm something to fear. Scrambled one more, I'm the ground deer. With my six, I sustain you, dear.
Starting point is 00:47:15 Egg is the first one, though. No, egg is not the first one. The scramble is kind of a red herring there. Oh, a red herring. The easiest one to get is the end of it. With my six, I sustain you, dear. Sixth of a word for something that sustains you? Dinner.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Air, oxygen. Breath. Breath. Breath. Oh, bear would be four. Is that right? Yes, I believe so. Okay, and then
Starting point is 00:47:48 add a letter. It's either T or an H, the ground. It doesn't matter. You don't need to get the middle one because the answers in the back of this book, I think bear is correct, but the answers in the back of the book only say breath. So they do not provide the answer for the first two.
Starting point is 00:48:07 What? Insane. What do you think the answer to the first one is, though? I think it's bare. Scramble for him something to feed. Oh, okay. And then the middle one, your guess is as good as mine, because we have B-E-A-R, and then there's a T and an H that go into there. So, well, so maybe Bear is not wrong.
Starting point is 00:48:29 H-E-A-R-T would be, scramble one more, I'm the ground near, but no, that's hard. I wouldn't be. Harth? Harth. Rth would be like a fireplace, right? I'm the ground near. I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Well, comment below, wherever that is. The best part about it is we don't need to know. Yeah. We could just move the fuck on. All right. I'm ready. Yeah. Here's your riddle.
Starting point is 00:48:53 I'm six letters and my whole, W-H-O-L-E is creation. I'm six letters and my whole is creation. My three, four, and five family we be. But add six in a ruler, I see. Four and five are never out, while my one, two, four, and five. are what it's all about Adel. Do you want to go, I don't know, grab a drink or play some
Starting point is 00:49:20 mini golf? Well, one or five are always the least, but one, two, and five, took a giant leap. Queen. This, I don't believe Queen is correct. This book does have hints, though.
Starting point is 00:49:39 I'm ready for the hints. Prince. Let's see. Now, Aaron, I know you're ready for the hint. The hint might not be helpful. I've been looking at the hints for the last two riddles that we did, and they were not really helpful. But let's try it. Let's try a hint and see if it's helpful.
Starting point is 00:49:54 Your hint for this one. Okay. Okay. So this is fun because this is a book, but all of the hints in the book, like, point to other pages in the book to be like, your hint is on this page. Like, so one of the words that you would need to unlock this is, like, printed on a page of this book. So it's not really a great hint for, like, me who's just reading the riddle to you
Starting point is 00:50:16 it's more of a hint if you're wow you know what I never thought about somebody buying one of these books and sitting like cracking it open and like doing it themselves like it's like a workbook but that seems like the way that this is written
Starting point is 00:50:31 of course oh yeah I have some of those I've done you think there are people that like just sit there and read through riddle books yeah that's what I did when I was a kid you read through like riddle and joke books you try to solve them you try to solve them
Starting point is 00:50:44 I, whenever I had, like, a riddle book or a joke book, well, joke book specifically, but a riddle book, it was always me opening it up and, like, doing the riddles for, like, a group of people. Okay, someone's ragging about having friends growing up. Adel, do you want to go get a drink or play some mini golf or something? My demands were met. I feel like, well, I don't know. I grew up in an era of video games, so I don't know why I would have ever, like, sat with a riddle book and, like, done that by myself. Like when I could be like, oh, I could just play like age of empires too right now.
Starting point is 00:51:16 There's no reason for me to play like, play riddles with myself. I'm six letters in my whole is creation. Creation. God. My whole is creation. Earth. Space. No.
Starting point is 00:51:34 Big bang. It's not Big bang and it's not. Big bang. Okay. One of the things that this book says is maybe. Maybe this is the hint that I can provide you. It says, but one, two, and five took a giant leap. So I will give you one, two, and five.
Starting point is 00:51:50 Perfect. One, two, and five took a giant leap. I think you guys can actually get this one. What takes a giant leap? Where have you heard that phrase before? Moon, space landing. That's one small step for mankind. Man.
Starting point is 00:52:04 So you got one, two, and five are man. Man. So, MA, blank, blank in blank. God damn, I have to write this down. Sorry, can you repeat that? M.A. Blank, blank, in blank. And now I'll give you this line.
Starting point is 00:52:22 My one, two, four, and five are what it's all about. Two. Love. M.A. Name? Aaron, I want to see a seed. We're going to be doing his spelling me. you're going to get words
Starting point is 00:52:40 Adelaide are going to be the judges that they're going to keep giving you words and you're going to keep spelling them absolutely incorrectly you're going to spell different words that we say correctly but not the word that we say your next word is pancreatic
Starting point is 00:52:55 thank you you're welcome could I have a definition please having to do with the pancreas a language of words Latin. And can I hear it in a sentence?
Starting point is 00:53:12 Your word is pancreatic. Thank you. J-E-N-N-N-N-I-F-E-R, space, L-O-P-E-Z. Pancreatic. Jennifer Lopez, that is correct. I'm feeling nervous. Should we get the, before the next contestant, should we get the microphone checked? Because what did I?
Starting point is 00:53:48 I heard her spelled Jennifer Lovenose. Rick, what did you hear? Pancreatic, right? I guess so. I guess people would be making a bigger deal if she just came up there and spelled Jennifer Loveness. Yeah, no one, the audience seems to be pretty mild. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:54:04 Is the peyote wearing off? I should be worn off, right? It must be. It must be. We did it. We did it 45 minutes ago. It must be almost. We haven't said anything into the mic in 30 minutes.
Starting point is 00:54:14 Can I have my word? They're noticing. Are you the same child or a different child? I'm a different child. I'd like my word, please. Could you prove it? It looks over the other child. Tell us something you'll be a different child would know.
Starting point is 00:54:29 Yeah. I don't know how to spell the word they just spelled. Does that help? Yeah, that checks out. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm ready for my new word, please. Your word is umbrella Don't make up words
Starting point is 00:54:40 Could I have a definition please? Oh fuck I made that word up Hey man Look at that What the hell is that Some kind of umbrella You used it in a sentence Language of origin
Starting point is 00:54:58 Spanish Great J-E-N-N-Y space, F-R-O-M, space, T-H-E, space, B-L-O-C-K. Umbrella. Oh, I was listening. Did she say it? D-A-R-O-M-Block, that is correct.
Starting point is 00:55:25 Wait, now you are, you were supposed to say, umbrella. That's correct. Oh, oh, no. Oh, no. Okay. Oh, no. All right, everybody thinks it's so funny to give the vice principals peyote before they have something really important to do.
Starting point is 00:55:43 Wait, what? Well, peyote is your word. It's a Wednesday. Paiote Wednesdays. Paiote? That's a thing. Taco Tuesdays, peyote Wednesdays. All right, peyote.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Language of origin, please. Desert. Jennifer Lopez. We did a desert. Okay. K, wrong. Eh, eh. I haven't done it.
Starting point is 00:56:07 You said K. I said, okay. Oh, then that's correct. See. So you have the M, you have M-A-N, while my 1-2-4-and-5 are what it's all about. M-A-blank-in, and it's what it's all about. And does it stay in that order? So we're just looking for a word that M-A-N, many.
Starting point is 00:56:34 So, many. What's all about. M.A. Blank N. You're looking for, it's a vowel, I'll say. Manna. Maine. Maine. It's the main, yeah, the main thing. What it's all about.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Main, Maine, Maine. We're looking for the fifth letter. No, you have the fifth letter. The fifth letter is in. So the fourth letter is I. And then my three, four, and five, in family we be. So you don't have three, but you have, you have i and in
Starting point is 00:57:05 kin okay so now you have one two three four and five would you like to solve the puzzle i'm six letters and my whole is creation yes it is making making creation exhaust i'd like to see a scene
Starting point is 00:57:20 um uh gpc you are god and you just created the earth um in seven days and adle uh you're his like friend or partner and you're like wanting to go out to dinner, but JPC, you're too tired after creating everything. Knock, knock, knock, knock, hey.
Starting point is 00:57:42 Oh, hey, hey, hey, don't knock it, then just come in. Sorry. I was creating. You whipped something across the room. What was that? Into your pile of clothes that you're going to hang up. Hey, don't worry about it. I'm in here creating the world.
Starting point is 00:57:58 I'm doing what you told me to do. You said, go create the world. Did I say that? you said something like that what do you want what do you want we have reservations at eight oh my god yeah tonight yes well can we cancel no it's lucky brand steakhouse they brand the beef with our names and this is and this is the dinner with your boss your new boss yeah so please wear the robe with the tie listen um god we i can't are you kidding me this has been on your calendar for
Starting point is 00:58:34 do we have a time system yet um no did I make one I think I made one of the six days did you make one so I can yell it at you I guess it's what give me a name just what do you call it so I can yell it at you hey give me a fucking second
Starting point is 00:58:49 okay wow do you know what I've just done wow first of all and there it is you're your father now you've turned into your father no wow I am I am nothing like that thing okay he was he was basically one big bang
Starting point is 00:59:05 I'm a lot of little bangs spread over the course of seven days you know sometimes when you run to the grocery store I pop into your room and I've seen what you've created a little world that worships you oh you've created a little world that worships you they have books about you they praise your name they fall to their knees for you
Starting point is 00:59:27 you're you're crazy little is actually subjective because it's actually subjective because it's actually super big to them. I can't do this. You can't do this? I can't do this. Oh, hey, honey. Can I go down to Earth and have dinner with my friends? You told them about Earth? You told them about your world? I want to go
Starting point is 00:59:46 down there. I want to be a carpenter and then I want to have dinner with my friends on one side of the table. My work is important, Helen, okay? My work is important. So yeah, I told our son about my fucking job. We're not fighting. We're acting, sweetie. I'm gonna leave your dad Look at this, look at this It's storming
Starting point is 01:00:06 It's storming on earth now Are you all happy? You're doing that Right, that's you crying or something Or does it's you angry So I guess No, I think it I think it rains when the old man is snoring
Starting point is 01:00:17 No, dad, you did a really good job And I bet you would never do anything To hurt me or humiliate me You would never send me down there And like, have it be one big test where I die young And just so you know he's not yours He's Jeff's
Starting point is 01:00:35 Your boss? Yeah You're a new boss You've worked for what Six Units of Measure it Yeah Whatever we used before I did by thing
Starting point is 01:00:45 Dad have you invented video games Because maybe I'll go play one of those Oh you're gonna love Battle codes Age of Empires too See All right Let's do one more
Starting point is 01:00:57 These are horrible they're all very hard I believe in you guys though you guys are some of my best guys you can find me on your head depending on how your tresses sprawl I'm in seasons but not in winter spring
Starting point is 01:01:12 summer or fall in your ears and in the earth and yet I could be nowhere at all hat heat and that's where I bid you would do you did a lot of work are this too right um cap no hat cap scarf
Starting point is 01:01:34 scarf beanie you can find me on your head depending on how your tresses sprawl i'm in seasons but not in winter spring summer or fall in your ears and in the earth and yet i could be nowhere at all is it in autumn no it's it's not like in the word seasons but it's in like the concept of a season. But not the four seasons.
Starting point is 01:02:01 Change. Winter, spring, summer, fall. Weather. It's not weather. It's not change. Let's see. I don't think, I'm not holding out hope, but I will check the hint section. I hope the hint section just says like turned up page 68 or something like that would not be
Starting point is 01:02:17 helpful to you guys. Okay. I mean, this is a pretty good hint. It just says... Where your torso is. Waste. Not waste. You could find me on your head, depending on how your tresses sprawl.
Starting point is 01:02:36 My torso sits upon my bottom. In your ear and in the earth. So it's a word that has like, this word works with ear, like blank ear and blank earth. I mean, EAR is in ear and it's not. Swimmers. Welcome to swimmer's earth Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Patrick Stewart
Starting point is 01:03:03 Yeah, and yet I could be nowhere at all That one's more opaque I think I know the first couplet I don't think it's going to help you That that one won't help you Yeah, I think if you can get It's where your torso sits So it's in relation to your body
Starting point is 01:03:17 This one just gets you directly to the answer Where does your torso sit in relation to your body? Middle Okay, so the answer is middle. Oh. Oh. Oh. It just takes some time.
Starting point is 01:03:30 You can find me on your head, depending on where your tresses sprawl, like a midpart. I'm in seasons, but not in winter, spring, summer, or fall, the midseason. And then middle ear and middle earth. Oh, of course. And yet I could be nowhere at all, because the middle is not actually a place. It's a concept. Huh. The middle is a great name for a town somewhere, like in a book, like about a small town where
Starting point is 01:03:54 something is a miss also great name for a jimmy eight world song um possibly a jimmy eat world album no i don't think so i think just the song yeah i sing it earlier yeah you sang it earlier it just take some time etc etc etc yeah etc yeah okay you guys did really great with these with these riddles i i you know what i think you did better than you're giving yourself credit for these were very very difficult yeah they were i do want to see very quick scene based off middle earth Aaron, you have fallen into Middle Earth. JPC, you're sort of like a Gandalf type.
Starting point is 01:04:31 And you've come across too many interesting strangers, and so you're not in the mood to put up with Aaron's questions or anything. Wow. Hello. This is, wait, wait, are you a wizard? Oh, Jesus.
Starting point is 01:04:50 Um, are you drinking mead? Oh, my God. this rocks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't even, I wouldn't even have said anything. I thought you were, I thought I knew you.
Starting point is 01:05:02 I thought we had, but now I'm looking at your dress and you're obviously, Wow. Shit. Oh my gosh, you're probably going to send me on this like incredible journey where I'm going to make a bunch of friends. I get my check.
Starting point is 01:05:14 Ah, Routatook. I have been waiting for you to enter this tavern so I might smite. Oh. Oh, yeah, we have a, Yeah, it's a... Oh, this is part of it?
Starting point is 01:05:26 No, it's not part of it. Wait, are you supposed to die in front of my very eyes? Can I take your order? You have to do this today. Do I become king? Glenn, you have to do this. Is there a prophecy about me? Today of all days, you have to do this.
Starting point is 01:05:36 You have to find me here. Well, I'm getting kind of tired. Oh, Glenn's getting tired, everybody. I'm Routichuk the Wizard. Yes. Routichuk the Wizard. Yes. Is there a prophecy about me?
Starting point is 01:05:48 Sure, you want a quest? Uh, okay, go find, uh, the dragon, Wait, who's this guy? Do we fight him? Punches him in the face. That's Glenn. He's a waiter here. He was fucking with me.
Starting point is 01:06:04 Yeah, go find the dragon. Puff, let's call him. What dragon? Yeah, Puff, let's call him Puff. Puff the dragon. Yeah, go find Puff the dragon and, I guess, slay him. Slay him. Oh, make a mini fine coat out of his mini fine scales.
Starting point is 01:06:18 Make a many fine coat out of his many fine scales. And then the moral will be the lesson that you learned is the friend's... Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. I want to be surprised. You figure it out. And then I'm the king and I'll have riches beyond my wildest dreams. Why not? And I'll go back to my world and there'll be lesson upon lesson upon lesson that I have learned. Glenn, how have you not brought me the check yet?
Starting point is 01:06:36 What are you doing? I got punched in the face. Is this the dragon? Ah. I'm going to put down three gold coins and I'm just going to walk. See. See. Have you guys ever done that?
Starting point is 01:06:51 Have you ever just like put down money at a time? table because for whatever reason the check was not being brought to you. I thought that only happened in movies. Oh, I've done it before. I've also walked out of a restaurant twice in my life where they brought drinks, took my order, and then just never came back.
Starting point is 01:07:10 And I waited, I'm like, I waited enough time that I'm like, I don't, at this point, I'm the sucker if I keep waiting here. All right, well, hey, speaking of that, what do you guys have to plug? Any favorite restaurants that you like to go? um come see quality time in los angeles if you are here if you lived here if you live here or you're visiting um you can follow us at quality time on instagram and we have a different theme every month and it's a different day and i'm really proud of it and it's a lot of fun um adle do you have anything to plug or promote yeah check out the podcast's uh gum shoes and dragons check out hello from the magic tavern check out the word association um and check out our Patreon. Hey, we're a Roodle, Patreon. We have a lot of
Starting point is 01:07:56 non-riddle content over there. You might enjoy it. JPC, anything to plug or promote? Yeah, I mentioned it earlier in the episode, but we have new merch in the merch store for the holiday season. You can get two of our favorite and most classic bits, now immortalized in merch. So check out our sweater merch from our classic sweater episode and our Smacks the Frog. Please don't fuck my mom. Serial shirt. Both of those are in our store. You can go to hey riddle riddle.dashery.com or just click the link in the episode description.
Starting point is 01:08:27 If you want to check some of that out, yeah, that's it for me. Oh, Jupiter, I guess. Bye-boy. Hey, Riggle, Riddle, Created by Apple Refide. Starting Aaron Keith and John Patrick Collin. Casey's only to be editing. Now are he parents in the music. Logo created by Emily Cardamis and Emily Napurice.
Starting point is 01:08:58 One, two, three, four, Hey, Riddle, Riddle. You'll. Hey, Riddle. Riddell. By doing the good kings and winceslusses. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We bring you a Christmas pageant. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your seven-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast.

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