Hey Riddle Riddle - #386: Dad ASMR

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Even dads deserve ASMRStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of the network of fish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was a thing Friday. Two, three, four, hey, rid, the bridge.

Okay, JPC, help me roll this cake in. All right, Aaron. Oh, this is. Jansy Riley is going to pop up. Aaron, we got you a giant cake for your, I mean, I know it's your birthday when we record. It's not necessarily your birthday when this comes out, but here's a big cake for you to blow out.

I know what this looks like. This is a giant cake. Someone's inside this. Okay. Okay. That's your cue, buddy. Where are the air holes? Oh, no.

Adel, where are the air holes? Oh, no. Aaron, Aaron, we have to come clean with you. Adel, the air holes, I say, grasping your collar. So the kick goes faster? I forgot. We have to come clean, Aaron. This is not your birthday cake.

This is, since this is coming out four days before my birthday, this is my birthday cake. And what I wanted for my birthday is, checks the top. dead John C. Reilly. So I get what I want for my birthday. And Aaron, could you be happy for me for once? Rolls cake out of the room, rolls it down a hill. All right. I'm still a lot.

Whatever. Let's just start the episode. It's everyone's birthday, I guess. Casey, happy birthday. Everyone has a birthday. No, they're in the summer. It shouldn't be. Yeah, ours are both in June.

Cakes, GPC, rolls him out of the room. Aaron, we didn't fall boys. We didn't fall boys, Aaron. Oh, boy. Aaron, how are you feeling another year older? Yes, still alive. Huh? Who would have thought? Who would have thought? Um, how is everyone doing? JPC? Are you caffeinated? Are you ready to record? Yeah, for sure. Adel, how are you feeling? Did you stretch? Are you ready? Oh, no, I didn't stretch. Do you mind if I do that now?

Sure. Oh, okay. That was me getting up to stretch, and now the stretching begins. I did my version of my morning stretches, which is waking up and realizing that it snowed, so I have to go out there and shovel. And by morning stretches, I mean shoveling without stretching. And then being like, yeah, shoveling does really take it out of the old back, doesn't it? Do you have, like, a fancy shovel?

Like, I'm not a homeowner in the Midwest like you guys are. So, like, what's the deal? Do you guys have snowblowers? What are we working with? We don't, we don't, like, a Chicago sidewalk is, like, not really big enough to, like, warrant a snowblower. There is a guy on my street that has a snowblower, and every time he's out there doing it, he's, like, snowblowing half the block, because I feel like that's the only way to, like, justify having a snowblower. In our neighborhood, there's one guy who has one, and everyone's like, can you come do mine? Yeah, it's, I think if you have one, it honestly does not take that much longer to just snowblow everything.

But I didn't, I don't have one of those. Maybe I've pulled this on the show before, but I did buy one year, and this is probably a couple years ago, I bought a, like, electric snow shovel. So it's like a snow thrower. It's not like a snow blower, but it's like a shovel. It's like an attachment that you put on and you push it like a shovel and it just shoots it like 10 feet in front of the shovel. It seems like a weapon. Yeah, it's like a weapon. But it only shoots in front.

And so if you're just doing like the sidewalk in front of your house, like it would be great if I. a long driveway to shovel, because I could just shoot it out into the street, which is like where you want the snow to go. But instead, I just shoot it like deeper into my neighbor's sidewalk that they'll have to shovel eventually. So I'm like, this is like not, this is not a sidewalk shoveling shovel. Also, don't you want to not put the snow on your, your, the street? You want to put it on your lawn so you can drive down the street. Well, I don't give a shit about my street. Actually, I would prefer if no one was able to drive down my street because then people wouldn't go 100 miles down my street.

Like that, I don't drive down my street because I have an alley. So like my, my, my, me throwing all of the snow in my street would just be like additional like snow, you know, barricades so that people aren't driving like fucking maniacs down my street. You are a terrible member of the community. Oh, yeah, I'm the terrible member of committee. Not the people who are doing 100 miles an hour down a residential road. Sounds like you don't like having fun. I would love, I would love to have way more, like four or five more speed bumps on

street and there's already two speed bumps on the street um uh i also constantly am hearing people fuck up their cars by driving so fast over the speed bumps and just hearing like scrapes for one of the cars i'm like yeah well you know if you live fast you die hard you got to be you got to be going so slow down those streets especially in chicago there's kids running everywhere they're running you're not you're not on a street that warrants anything over 30 no no it's not it's like it's a cross it's like a neighborhood cross street 30 in an emergency see too. It's insane.

Like 30 if your wife is giving birth. But no, I just have like a blue plastic snow that I use to shovel the snow. It's every time I use it, it's an absolute backbreaking work. We got a nice one that's got like an extra handle on the side to make it more, I guess, comfortable. But it's been pretty solid. I do want to get some sort of like they have, what is it called? There is some sort of, I don't know if it's a snow thrower, but there's some sort of little machine. that I would like to get for my alley

because we get snowed in a lot in the back alley to where we can't... Oh, it's like a lawnmower thing where it, like, you push it forward and the snow comes out the side, right? I believe so, yeah. Yeah, they have those. Like many lots.

Yeah, little residential, like snowblowers. But the key is to have the snow come out the side because if it just shoots the snow in front, it's like it's a useless tool for most activities. But if it shoots the snow at the side, that's exactly where you want to be. Yeah, it's a cordless snowblower, 20-inch brushless electric snowblower, directional plate. So you can choose where it shoots.

That's even better. That's even better. You guys used to be 26. And look at you now, huh? Now we're choosing where the snow shoots. Yeah, me too. I'm shoveling snow, too. Where does the time go?

What do you use? I guess if you make it to Maine, this is all going to be like, you know, knowledge that you're going to be begging. That's really true. You're right. You're right. I shouldn't tease. I shouldn't tease. You're going to have a hung up in your kitchen. You'll have an array of oyster gloves. Yeah. It's going to be quite the life here. I'm going to be mostly shucking up there. You did say shucking, right? I don't remember. If I lived in rural Maine, though, and it was like we got like 14 inches of snow, I'd be like, I'm not shoveling. I don't, I didn't want to leave in the first place. That's why I'm in Maine. I'm in Maine to not. I'm in rural Maine. I mean, I mean, to sit by a fire all day.

Yeah, I'm just going to do that. Yeah. Yeah. I also don't think I'll be there for so long in the winter. So it would be like, I get, what do I? I'm shoveling four times tops. Yeah. I'm living easy, man.

I guess so. Also, I've definitely had days where I look outside and I'm like, I don't know if I can really shovel right now. So I just toss a ton of sidewalk salt, which isn't the same as shoveling. That's more for ice. But it makes a little hole. It's doing something. It's doing something. You feel like a sucker also at the beginning of the season when you shovel

because I'm looking at my weather app and I'm like, it's going to be 50 degrees in two days. Can we as a society just agree to not use the sidewalk for two days? No, unfortunately we can't. Kids have to go to school and shit like that. I'd like to see a scene if you don't mind. GPC, you have a new snow blower and it is designed to blow all the snow in your neighbor's yard and Adel, you are that neighbor.

Okay. Hey, morning neighbor. Oh, ho. There he is. There's the man. Yeah. Just setting up, setting up the new, uh, it probably came out because you saw the, uh, the new snowblower. Yeah, that is a beaut. What is that, a 50, 57? This is a 57. Yeah, you've a discerning, uh, yeah. Cherry red, you got the white wall tires. Um, it's customized. It's a little customized, though, obviously. Gorge. Gorge, Tony. Um, hey, listen.

see my, my PVC pipe device. Oh, yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good. The one thing I'm not loving is that you sort of walled me in. My son was out here making a little snowman. Oh, was that your son? And now he's, he's walled in like he is a, I don't want to say, like a medieval, medieval king?

Yeah, this is, I think I have 20 minutes left of air. I got the Fortnite package on this thing. So it's got, it's got a system that kind of. kind of just builds walls out of the snow. Really one touch, one button, it's actually not a problem for me. That is pretty sweet. It's pretty sweet.

I'm trying to stay calm, but I know it's only 20 minutes left of air, so I'm really breathing kind of heavy. Okay, Ricky, we're getting to it. 20 minutes, by the way. That's also a lot of air. Kids don't do anything for 20 minutes nowadays. You know what I'm saying?

Sleep, I guess. I guess it was like 20 minutes, but it started kind of like six minutes ago. Ricky, we got it. Okay. The adults are talking. Okay. So anyway, I tried to kick the wall down.

I know. I know. It was packed pretty tight. Yeah. I know. You want to use it. You want to give it a try. Why don't I do this, Ed?

Why don't I do this? I'm already up here. I'll just blow your driveway for you, man. It's no problem. Honestly, that would really smooth things over. I can add a couple walls to the fort here, maybe a couple of roofs. It's starting to be a little lightheaded. Ricky, we're bargaining.

We're haggling. Should I pray? Should I pray? We don't believe in God. Okay. Oh, then it definitely couldn't hurt. See? Oh, yeah.

What is that? Pascal's Lager? It's not like you're double-dippin. Pascal's Wager where you're... You might as well just pray to God once at least or something? There's a dead God in a box and whether or not you open the lid of the box. Shredinger's God? Yeah.

Guys, you know what we should do. do we've never tried it before we haven't revealed who old man puzzles is yet we should all say we're old man puzzles so no one can catch us and we don't have to do riddles we go like i'm old man puzzles we spark to kiss it have we ever tried doing that i have a question fewer yep we're getting to the end of 2025 we're going into 2026 it's going to be our 19th year of this podcast as we go on we remember all the time the last couple of episodes you've been kind of angling for the drop of the riddles thing, dropping the riddles thing, dropping the riddles thing. Have I?

It's been a few in a row. Okay. I just want to know, do you have an idea for what else you think that you want the show to be? What, to be part of a team? You have to have a good idea if you don't like the current idea. What, you have to have a pitch if you're going to be a naysayer. Yeah, like with me in health care. Yeah.

Yeah. Like me and with every, like, institution that I have to interact with. in my daily life. Yeah. No, you know, yeah, that's an unfair, that's an unfair standard to put on you air. You don't have to have a pitch. I was just kind of wondering, it's like one of those things where, like, you keep getting haircuts asking for someone to, like, notice the haircut.

I didn't know if I, if you wanted me to notice it so that you could say your piece on it, you know? Everyone gets haircut so that someone notices the haircut. That felt loaded with judgment. Aaron let me get you a soapbox on a microphone here Thank you so much Well yeah go ahead And slips on the soapbox

Say oh Right in the teeth Oh Mic can put right in the teeth Oh wow JPC What if we keep doing riddles But like hey riddle riddle seems

Too positive A title for our show Yeah Just given how often we are not crazy About riddles What if we switch to Something that Adol pitched In our pilot

Stuck in the Riddle with you Stuck in the riddle with you And how, okay, so how would it stuck in the riddle with you be different or would it be different? It is three originally Chicago improvisers doing puzzles, riddles, lateral thinking problems and using those riddles as a jumping off point to do scenes. Okay. And this is also a good way to confuse and lose 30% of our audience. Great. In terms of not being able to find us.

Can I have a pitch and we just, we change the name from, hey, we're at a riddle, but you're right, it's too positive on riddles. and we change you to, like, a name that I think more reflects our feelings on Reynolds, Aaron? Yeah. All right, here's my pitch for the name. Oh. Oh. So that's kind, it's like, it's kind of like, that's really how we feel. Spell it.

A, R-G-G-G-H-H-H-H-H-R-G-G-G-H-H-H-H-H. And find us wherever you listen to podcasts. We keep our same amount of reviews, too, so people, Like, how does this fucking show have 1,500 goddamn reviews? No, I want to do riddles a few more years, and then we'll pivot. Okay. I think Kathy famously says ACC, and I think Aaron famously says JPC. Oh, she got it.

She helped me. God. That's probably more akin to what Kathy sounds like versus ACK. Yeah, ACAP. I was looking at our ratings, and we actually have third. I said $1,500. We have double that. That's actually pretty cool. How many of them are one star? Aaron, let's not dwell on how many of them are one star. How many of them are two stars? There are a few that are two stars, which is always interesting to me. But the thing about the one star ones are very few one star reviews are, they're just ratings. They're not like written reviews. So very few, like sometimes people give us one star and they don't leave any feedback. And I'm like, okay, fine, not for you. But the ones that leave feedback are the ones that are the funniest ones to me. But I don't give them.

Any space on the show, because I don't want to encourage people to leave one-star funny reviews. What if we kind of did what Freedom does and we talk and do bits for 50 minutes? And then the last 10 minutes, we do two riddles. I love it. Okay. We just, we reverse, we flip it, and we just do only riddles in the last like 10 minutes. Okay, yeah, that's fun. That's at least fun to try one time and see how people like it.

And we record it Scott's house. Okay. That sounds fun. Yeah, I'm not. He's got a pool, right? That sounds pretty cool. Can we stay and be in the pool after or do we have to? One time I looked so crazy.

I did it Comedy Bang Bang and after there was a coyote right outside. And I was like, look a coyote, but no one else saw it. And so I looked kind of crazy. Oh. I was pretty embarrassed. Was the coyote kind of laughing at the whole situation? Yeah. The coyote also crushed it on Comedy Bang.

Was the coyote in the pool as well? Big sunglasses, white spot of sunscreen on the nose. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Classic L.A. stuff. Yeah. Classic coyote by the beach. Complaining.

So, Adel, should we try this out today? Fifty minutes of just chatting and doing scenes hanging out and then with you two medals. JPC, it's almost your birthday. You make the call. Well, hey, don't put that even on me. All right. Casey, you make the call. Casey, you take the shot.

I don't want to be blamed for this. This isn't my episode. I'll happily be blamed for this if I'm old man puzzle for this. Okay. Casey says cancel. the show. All right. This has been freedom. Oh, brother.

All right. Okay. I'm not old man puzzles, though. This gives old man puzzles. I'm not old man puzzles. I'm not old man puzzles. I'm not old man puzzles. D.BC, do the thing. Okay, well, and now it makes it seem like I am old man puzzles when I say.

Because I'm the last person to say, well, I'm not old man puzzles. I mean, I'm not either. I'm not. I'm truly not. I'm truly not either. Welcome to who the fuck is old man puzzles. The three of us. We can solve this. I was old men puzzles last episode. That's just a matter of law. That's fact. It feels like I was last episode. Every episode we try and suss out who the host is. And if we figure it out in the last five minutes, we do a riddle. Yeah. Guys, we solved it. We did it. I can't be old man puzzles, but we're going back to that orange book. And those are riddles that you guys absolutely hated. But it's the only thing on my desk. So if we if we have to, I can step in. Let me see. I have access to, hold on. I have these 30-second mysteries that a listener gave me at a live show this year on our tour in mystery grams. So we all have access to riddles.

And Aaron, mystery grams are sort of the Bernie Botts's, every flavor beans, but for graham crackers. Some of these taste like pee. Hey, Aaron, speaking of things tasting like pee, I don't think we ever got a on-mic review of it. How did you like those birthday Dunkeroo's? Did they taste like your childhood? So good. Wow. Like you have to get Dunkeroo's.

I've had them. I know, but I'm just recently. Have you had them recently? No, it's been a while. Yeah. Like, you guys are both dessert people. You like a sweet. I made, I used my ninja creamy with the Dunker's and made like a little ice cream,

Dunker's ice cream with it. Unbelievable. I also turned one into a milkshake. Unbelievable. Turned one into a milkshake. Would you burn a wish on that? They said, do you want a wish for more wishes or a billion dollars? It sounds like what a witch says about like a monkey.

I turned one into a milkshake. I turned one into a milkshake. Yeah, well, they were like, do you want a world peace or do you want a dunkeroo milkshake? You just, you like break up the dunkroos into little pieces and then you make, In your blender, you make a little milkshake, and so there's, like, tiny little pieces of dunk-roos. Oh, like a... It's almost like a dairy queen trademark. Yeah, like a mix-in for, like, a DQ.

So, but did you just try the dunk-rues by themselves? Like, just have a dunker, dunk the cookie, eat the cream, that? Yeah. And it was good. It was better than you remember, or it was exactly like you remember. It was great. It's so good. I do think that the ratio is a little bit off.

I think there could be more frosting. Tradeflation. Exactly. Mm-hmm. I was like, I just think that there needs to be... a little bit more frosting for how many little, like cake crackers. It's a, it's a tiny pocket, if I remember. Yeah.

Honestly, I'd say switch to that ratio. Yeah. Other side is all frosting. Now would teddy grams, would teddy grams be good to dip into a Dunkeroo? That would be incredible. And that's mixing your, your mammals. Yeah. I mean, is that illegal?

Oh, that's suddenly illegal? I feel like mommy's little advice is never mix your mammals. mammals. But I remember Teddy Graham's being very good. If you're going to dunk a Teddy Graham and dunkeroo sauce, then you're going to have to take one of those dunkeroo's and put it in honey. Just turn about as fair play. I don't know how good that would be, though. Well, it doesn't matter. It's fair. It's like Two-Face says. And I took my Ninja Creamy and I made Big League Chew ice cream. And I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, that sounds scary. That gave me a stomach Like, yeah, you could just hear you about it.

Gum ice cream sounds like the most stressful experience. Can you imagine, like, being on mushrooms and someone gives you gum ice cream? And you're like, oh, God. I've seen bubble gum flavor ice cream at ice cream stores before. And I'll be honest with you, I've never even asked for a free sample of that. I don't want to, I don't have any interest to fucking remember with bubble gum flavored ice cream. I also don't love cotton candy flavored ice cream, even though it's gorgeous. It's too much.

Oh, it's beautiful. In Greece, I had recently, I had Mastic ice cream, which is some of the best ice cream I've had. They add, I guess, Mastic to it, which makes it, like, chewy and kind of stringy, and it is so freaking good. And Mastic is a type of dog, correct? It's like a big dog. There's a bowl Mastic. Yeah, there's different types of Mastic, but they're pretty large dogs. I don't think I can have them vegetarian.

If the dog isn't harmed, then it's fine. But if the dog isn't harmed, and, like, what part of the day? dog is the mastic that they're putting in the ice cream they turn it into a milkshake okay and then into mastic give it a shot what candy what with our ninja creamies um what would be a good candy add in that i think that's not uh the first 20 listed oh that's like i remember growing up dairy queen used to have nerd blizzards and i absolutely adored them then they stopped making them but if you take nerds to dairy queen they will turn that into a blizzard for you.

Whoa, really? Because my sister did that for me for my 35th birthday or something. Like, I can bring a bunch of leaves to Derry Quinn. Well, hold on. Mix it in. Mix it in. Nerds leaves.

They're not your hostages. They will refuse some requests. I don't know why this was the first thing that pop into my brain, but Mike and Ikes, I feel like would be good. That'd be fun. Or like, have some chewiness to it. I wonder if they got too hard. There's some candy, I wonder if it gets like cold, if they're,

that's sort of imbendurable. A couple years ago, I had a friend-made cookies for like a holiday party, and I asked for the recipe, and the recipe had Heath bits in them. And I'm like, Heath is like a toffee candy, but I'm like, I don't remember the last time I've had Heath. But the cookies were great. And so I bought some Heath and made it myself. And every time, after I knew that it was Heath, every time I tasted it, I was like, I wish this wasn't involved in the cookie.

I wish I had just, I wish I had just left this. I'm not a toffee fan. I just don't, I don't like toffee. Taffy's so good. I feel like a soft maple cookie would be good or, um, snow caps. Oh, you know what I always think I'm going to love because it's an intersection of two things I very much enjoy is like an espresso or coffee mix in with like ice cream. I'm always like, or back when I was drinking like an espresso martini, I'm like, oh, I'm going to love this. This is going to be exactly my shit.

And every time I have it without fail, I'm like, I like the both separately. I do not like them together. It's just tastes that I don't need to be blended together. I never mix my coffee addiction with my booze. Like, I love coffee so much in the morning that I think if I started having like alcoholic coffee flavor, I think it would turn me off in the road. It's like, I'm not going to put aoli on porno. These are things I have to enjoy separately. Do you, are there any like waffly, maples that you like?

No, I'm not a big, I'm not a big mapley fan when it comes to ice cream and. And by the same token, I don't like, my preference is never for like an Italian ice. I don't like that, like, flavor ice thing. Like, I like my ice cream or gelato to be like kind of just like chocolatey. Or I guess I like a fruity ice cream as long as it's not like an Italian ice. Like I fuck around. If I'm getting a Sunday or something, I'll put a scoop of strawberry in there for sure. But I don't want, I don't want, I would not just have a cone of strawberry ice cream.

I would never do that. Huh. The strawberry has to be covered in whipped cream, chocolate, and crushed nuts. I'm old man puzzles, and can you believe I've made it this far? Whoa. And I'm old man puzzles. And I'll say the best ice cream I've had recently was in Vermont. They do maple creamies.

Oh. Which is like maple soft serve, and then they add in crunchy maple bits. And it's an embarrassment of riches. I mean, at the end of the day, who are we kidding? This episode's coming out in December. Nobody's listened to it. Nobody listens to podcasts in the last month of the year. That's true.

It is 100% proven And by that I mean We do have the data on it It is a steep drop off And what people are listening to At this part of the year Oh you know what's a really good ice cream flavor Is if you add in like a sold out theater show

A snowball and a suitcase This is a riddle He's fucking he's giving us a goddamn riddle I'm old man puzzles This is a 30 second mystery A man with a desk job Habitually responds to emergencies He provides his own uniform

and performs these civic deeds entirely on a volunteer basis. GBC, read a riddle. He's Superman? He is Superman. Is it really? Yeah. GBC riddle.

I just got a text from my wife and it says OMFG Spaghetti just yacked on my rug. That's not a riddle. It's a thick pile rug too. It's not the kind of rug. You want a creed dog yak up off of. I'm going to say she got into the pumpkin pie. I'm going to say Superman.

Yeah, it was Superman. The answer was Superman or whatever. Or whatever. JPC, you read it. Now you read your riddle. Yeah, I was looking at these earlier. You guys aren't going to like this. I'll read it.

Read one. Okay. Four letters for bulletin board fastener. Five letters for operate a vehicle. Three letters for blank and piece. Tack, gas. War. War.

You got war. And five letters for grass color. Green. Yep. Gas green. It's not gas. It's four letters for bullet and board fastener. Tack?

Not tack. Push. Nail. You guys wanted me to read this. I told you I didn't want to read this. Well, now we're invested. Yeah, well, now we care so so much. War.

Um Use a tack, right, Edel? Yeah, like a... All right, so you got tack, war, and green. Oh, that is right? Yes. Okay. Did anyone get Operative Vehicle 5 for Operate a Vehicle?

Drive? Drive. Tack drive. Okay. Now take the first letter of the first one, the middle letter of the second one, the middle letter of the third one, and the middle or the last letter of the last one. T-A-A-N?

Pan? Um, it should be. T-A-A-N? No. Interesting. It wants you to do a five-letter word, but it's really only asking for four, it's only giving you four letters.

So are you just, you have to add your own for the fifth letter? This riddle book is fucking confusing. Is that from the orange book? it's from the orange book yeah uh and also it's telling me that one of the grass colors the grass color is green and it says give take the last letter of that which is in mm-hmm but in is not in the solution so maybe i've heard rumor that in like the 50s and 60s they made real books to drive women insane is this one of those is this one of those things i guess so it's kind of driving me insane. I don't understand what it's asking for.

The answer is thumb. Excuse me? Oh, like a thumb tack? Oh, oh, oh. No, because tack is just the first one. Excuse me? Tack drive Warren Green. Oh, are these

are all things, oh, I'm sorry, it's not asking for letters. These are all just things that have to do with thumb. Green thumb, thumb war. Thumb drive. Edel, can you admit your old man puzzles now and fix this? Addo, can you fix this, please? Aaron, no, it's okay. It's written very confusing. It looks like there's like a diagram where arrows are coming from certain letters to form a word.

But it's all words that have to do with thumb. Okay, I get it. I like that. Yes. I am old man puzzles. Hey, how about that? Rips off mask, realizes it's just my beard. I'm not wearing a mask.

Covered in blood. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Actually came off pretty clean. We're going to do some trios to warm up. A sold-out theater, a snowball, and a suitcase. I'll have something in common. What did those three things have in common?

A sold-out theater show, a snowball, and a suitcase. It's packed. They're all packed. Wow, I do want to see a scene. I can't believe I got it. You got that fast. I want to see a scene. JPC, you are a performer in a sold-out theater show.

And Aaron, you are someone in the audience who can't believe just how many people are at this show. vocally. And I'm on stage. You're on stage performing, yep. All right, everybody. I know my jokes aren't really landing, but Shane Gillis isn't ready yet. So I...

Excuse me, sorry. I have to keep going. Sorry, excuse me, sorry. Oh, I don't do crowd work either. So I appreciate anyone who's trying to... I'm just trying to get to my seat. It's right in the middle of the row and everyone's not really moving their legs.

My seat's right there in the middle. I just, I don't have... any material for this, so I just have to keep doing my act. I guess I'll just say, could everyone move to let that person into their seat? I'm C-18, so I'm right there in the middle. Does she have a mic? How is, how is, how is she louder than me? I'm a 12. Does that help? Um, E-12. Oh, no. Okay. No, you, I, uh, are you Daphne? I am. Are you, Sarah's cousin? Shane Gillis just started another Marvel snap, so I have to keep going a little longer, actually.

Oh, my God, Greg? Yes, hey. Hi. How are you? I didn't know you liked stand-up comedy. Well, we got free tickets through the company. If you, if, um, oh, you ever be given a blowjob and the dick smell nasty? Oh, did I already do this one?

Me? Should I go to the bathroom while this guy does his, I really want to see Shane. Yeah, I'd wait for Shane. I like that he says stuff that's right on. the edge. And he didn't do Riyadh. Can anyone relate to the thing I said about

you give a bulljup and the dick's spell nasty. Me? Not specifically you, sir, but if you, I mean, you, yes, do you? It has it ever happened to you at all? Oh, you know what? I'm, I'm D-18. Goodness gracious.

I just made all these people move their legs for nothing. Hold on. I'm, I'm de-Iating. I'm dating. a woman who hates my guts because they don't wash my dick. You guys know what I'm just thinking about? I'm trying to reverse engineer the joke

and it's just like not working at all. Do you guys ever give a blowjob and the dick smells nasty? Wait! No, no, no. Do you have to think about that? What else? What else?

They're lowering my mic. They're lowering my mic and they're raising hers. Come on. Y'all, you ever go to a stand-up comedy show and then you go in the wrong row And then you feel embarrassed. He started another game? Just told him to stop.

You can just go back to it. It's not like it's... And that's going to go viral. I hope Shane Gillis hears that. And I hope he plays Marvel's set. And I hope he danced. And I hope he dance. If theaters had the ability to just raise a microphone at any seat,

I think the world would be a worse off place. Oh, for sure. Certainly, certainly, certainly. These three things have something in common. Milton Bradley Games, the Wizard of Oz, a list of 1996's top grossing films. 1996? Yep.

Milton Bradley Games, the Wizard of Oz, a list of 1996's top grossing films. What do we know about 96, Aaron Armageddon? Deep Impact. Jurassic Park was before that, right? Maybe 97 or 94. You know what? I'll never be able to know what year 1996 films.

Is it, Adel, does this have to do with the title of a big hit movie from 1996? Oh, yeah. Okay. So they all feature Jerry Maguire's. Was Jerry McGuire in The Wizard of Oz? It was a little man in the Wizard of Oz. And there was a little man in Jerry McGuire. What is something, so something in the Wizard of Oz?

Yes. And I met Jonathan Lipnicki. I didn't mean Tom Cruise, who's 5'4. I'm not shaming the short kings out there. I met Jonathan Lipnick. Tornado. Twister. Error.

Twister. Twisters. Because it's Twister the game. Milton Bradley has Twister the game. Obviously, Tornado or Twister and Mr. Vaz. And then Twister was one of the top grossing films of 1996. I would like to see a quick scene. You guys are playing a game of Twister.

It's like a week into a family vacation. and tensions are running really high already. And I'll be the one reading the the twister instructions. Okay, right hand red. Right hand red and just make sure you don't fall. Before we play, can we like dry off? Because we just got out of the lake.

I feel like this is like... I got to pick that you said I got to pick the next activity and the next activity wasn't drying off. Soaking wet playing twistors. Okay, right hand red. I got one right here. Right hand red. Separate sides of the board, right hand, red. Okay.

Left leg. Not even foot, because I'm acting crazy. Blue. Well, that's not going to work. That's not going to do. Grandpa's going to be doing the splits here. What are we doing? I guess you're going to have to, I don't know, make it work.

What the fuck? I guess you're going to have to go ahead and make it work? Is Grandpa definitely play? He's not talking. Grandpa? Grandpa? Grandpa. Well, he is sprawled out.

I think he's sleeping. His right hand is on red and his leg is on blue, so... Are you just saying the things that grandpa's already doing? Uh, I write up, uh, where is, uh, you call 911. I'm an EMT. I'm here to help. Where do we put my hand? What? I'm an EMT. I've just come in here. You just got, you call 911.

Okay, you have to put your hand on red and your left leg on blue. Guys, I do not have time to... That's way too hard. Who's going to be able to do that? That's what we're saying. That's what we're saying. For red and blue? We're stuck.

Let me try. Two moves and we're stuck. Oh, my back. Call 911. Oh, no. Call my mom one. You're 9-1-1. Call them D&D.

He's right on top of grandpa. We're going to have an EMT sandwich. See? Seen. Perfect. Hey, guys. Perfect. Perfect.

No notes. Should we go on a break? Let's take a little break to celebrate. Okay. Pst, AdLGBCC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what's going on, but my money is just disappearing every month.

I don't know where it goes. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if it's subscriptions that have done. I don't know. Where's it going? Where's going? You've signed up for a lot of stuff that you didn't keep up with. Aaron, you should get rocket money.

And honestly, that's not a secret. I don't have to say that in hushed voice. I'm loud and proud about Rocket Money. Go get Rocket Money. Yeah, Aaron, so Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps fine and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. If you've got a goal you'd like to save for, Rocket Money can analyze your accounts and find the best time each month to put extra money aside. I'm doing that right now for a down payment of something I want to get. And it's amazing.

And they send me little notifications every time they do it. Incredibly helpful. And Rocket Money has saved users over $2.5 billion, Aaron, including over $880 million in cancel subscriptions alone. Their 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all the apps premium features. Aaron, $740 a year, that's enough to buy yourself like, I don't know, like a big wooden hat or something. And Aaron, I know that you told me in private and said, don't mention it on the show, that you sometimes feel weird about calling up companies directly to negotiate your bills because of the names of the

company and you don't want to say them out loud because it's kind of shows what it is that you like and what you buy. But Rocket Money will try to negotiate lower bills for you. The app automatically scans your bill to find opportunities to save and then goes to work to get you better deals. They'll even talk to customer service so you don't have to. Aaron, you're giving $3 a month to fart water. Yes. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com slash riddle today. That's RocketMoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle. R-I-D-L-E. Fartwater. H-2-O-D-A. No. I mean, yes, but also no. Knock-knock. Hey, small business owners. Oh, we were closed,

but come on in. Hey, let's talk about how Found can help wrangle your finances once and for all. Okay. Are you robbing me or? No, no, no, no. When was the last time you felt like you had your business finances totally under control. Oh, never. Never. Never had it. Exactly. Every expense categorized, every receipt tracked, every invoice sent. Oh, and you were prepared for tax season.

You're both shaking your head. No, you've never experienced that. Yeah, I'm right on time. I'm Mrs. Found. Wait, I've heard about this. Found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. Banking, bookkeeping, invoices, and taxes. No, we're paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps.

That's Found, right? Yeah, I mean, I have a cape for this. The job's pretty easy. I just have to let people know how found is reimagining what business banking should be by putting your bookkeeping, invoicing, and tax tools directly into your business checking account. Oh, yeah, they automated things like tracking expenses, finding write-offs, and budgeting for tax time. You can even send invoices for free and pay your contractors, everything all from one app, right? Well, the cape really does explain it all.

I mean, I love found it makes paying contractors really easy. so whenever we hire someone for some of our great Hey Rital Rital merch that you can get in our merch store, it's a breeze to get our contractors paid and get great high-quality art products to you guys. Well, lady, I'm glad we found you. That's good. In case you, that stays in. Take control of your business today.

Open a found account for free at found.com. That's found, F-O-U-N-D.com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by LeadBank, member FDIC, join the hundreds of thousands who have already streamlined their finances with Found. Do you guys want to watch me run really fast with my cape on? No, just leave the cape. Wee!

Here's the cape, and I will fold it. Nice for you. Adel, Aaron, oh, I've got a problem. I have. What can we help? Literally, literally, hundreds of cousins. Huh. Okay.

I don't know what I'm going to get these cousins in mine. Okay, sounds like a positive nod. Oh, oh, for any family member, any friend, truly anyone in your life. Huh? JPC, ORA frames. Yeah, you got to go ORA frames. Oh, ORA frames. Something that all of my literally hundreds of cousins can agree on.

GPC, it's easy, peasy. Upload unlimited photos and videos, just download the ORA app and connect to Wi-Fi. And then all of the photos and videos just stream on the frame. And the quality is incredible. They're going to freak for it. Cousins love it. And here's a special little sprinkle of special salt you can put on the gift. You can preload photos before it ships JPC, meaning you can take a photo of you and

each one of your literally hundreds of cousins and introduce that into the frame so that when they open it and set it up, that'll pop up for them. Plus, you can personalize your gift by adding a message before it arrives. You can say, Dear Cousin, and then you can just type any three-digit number. And it's going to be one of your literally hundreds. of cousins. JPC, you have literally hundreds of cousins. Yes. And give wrapping would be a nightmare for that. So the gift box is included. Every frame comes package in a premium gift box with no price tags. You say you don't have to worry about it. I love aura frames. I've given them to all of the

family members that I love more than my cousins already. So now it's time to start working through my literally hundreds of cousins. And for a limited time, you can save on the perfect gift by visiting ororframes.com to get $35 off ORA's best selling Carver matte frames named number one by wirecutter by using promo code riddle at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code riddle. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell-up fast, so I order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout.

Terms and conditions apply. Cousin. Cousin. Literally hundreds of cousins. It's funny I'm always thinking about it this time of year, but I'm not as young as I once was. But I care a lot about maintaining my physical and mental wellness, which means cornbread hemp, CBD gummies are a huge piece of my wellness plan.

It's so funny, I have no idea why it gets to be this time of year, and I'm thinking about how I'm not as young as I once was. Oh, same girl, same, but also JPC, your birthday's in December. Okay, that makes sense. Well, JPC, someone left something under the tree called Cornbread Hemp, CBD Gummies. Have you heard of these? You've seen these? Uh-huh, yes, I have. They're made to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, the encroaching clock of aging or relaxation.

I use cornbread hemp, CBD, and GPC, let me just say, toss one in my mouth, I chew it, I swallow it, and suddenly I'm at peace. And I'm old as hell. All products are third-party lab tested in USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. So you can relax, relax. Okay, you guys might be under something with this cornbread, CBD, don't me. John Travolta? John Travolta? He's twin? CPD?

That's awesome. And right now, hey, riddle, riddle listeners can save 30% on their first order. Just head to cornbread hemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle at checkout. That's cornbread hemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle. Age is nothing but a number. A number of years I've been on earth. Years are also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing. Hmm. I feel okay.

I feel okay. Erin and JPC. Yes. Happy belated birthday, Aaron. Happy early birthday, JPC. Thank you. Thank you. John C. Riley is dead. Yep.

But I did find some full on... Schrodinger's John C. Riley. What was it? Brodinger's, John C. Riley? Yeah, if he stays in that cake. We'll never know. And we'll never know. Dr. Steve Bruill.

I have some full-on riddles here if we're ready for those. I'm so excited. See? Better attitude this time. My wife is still texting me about the dog yak and the carpet. All caps. Disgusting. It sounds like she doesn't take your job seriously.

It kind of feels like she thinks this place is one big joke. And that we can just be talking about dogs are up all. day it's it's so funny for her to say she's saying the same thing in like every way it's like it's like a rhyme not rhyming thing she a thesaurus for like the feeling of disgust so fucking gross i saw it happen oh no are there are there any other jobs where if you're in the middle of the job you can just go oh my wife sent me a text the dog threw up and then just kind of riff on that are you doing that jpc i want you to pick i want to see a scene, but you get to pick the job that you've decided to say that your wife texted you,

the dog threw up. And it's a very different job than that I think you guys have not worked in a real job in far too long, but literally every job I've ever had, yes, you would be able to do this. All right. I want to see a scene. Pick the one place that maybe it's not a good idea. Okay. And as you can see, my client suffered multiple stab wounds. And I know that for the jury, this is going to be hard to see. But I want to draw your attention to exhibit C. Your Honor, objection. Showing evidence.

Hold on, Your Honor. My wife just texted me. Apparently the dog yacked at home. Oh, boy. Wait, why is the picture up instead of the evidence? Why are you showing your picture? I'm streaming from my phone, so my wife sent the picture. So it's going.

Ah, guilty. Guilty. Jury says guilty We want this to be over And done with What's her name? That's good for me, right? The victim or my wife?

The dog Bob bold of you to assume it's a her Scene Miss trial That's her name Yeah Oh brother Oh brother

Here let's get into some riddles I get smaller every time I take a bath What am I? Tell That's something that shrinks every time it gets wet. I get smaller. Every time I take a bath.

Penis? Genitals. Genitalia. A penis. A penis. A peni. A penis. I get smaller every time I take a bath.

Every time. And it gets smaller and smaller each time a bath is taken. A bath bomb. A bar of soap. It is a bar of soap. Bath bomb works. People are using soap every time they take a bath. Mm-hmm.

I'll be honest. I've never used. to bar of soap in the bath. But for me, a bath, well, yeah, a bath is not, like, about, like, cleaning. Like, I clean in the shower. To me, a bath is about relaxing. Sure. But you're not doing soap stuff?

You're not, like, washing your hair when you take a bath? Washing my hair while I take a bath? No, but here's the thing, Aaron, I take a bath, and I have tons of soap in there, but it'll be, like, bath salts or, like, a bubble soap and, like, that kind of thing. But that's not anti-bacterial. What's that? Don't you need to wipe down with soap after you take your bath? Yeah, I go take a shower.

After your bath? Yeah. Okay. When I take a bath, I'm like sweating in there. It's like I need to like cool down and then take a shower and like actually clean myself. Because to me a bath is like not a, not a clean thing. You're like soaking in all of your juices. Like it's.

You're suveying yourself. Yeah, exactly. You're like making a J.P. Soup, you know, in there. J.P. Soup. You're not cleaning yourself. Oh, I wish I could say awesome stuff. like J.P. Soup.

J.B.C., do you mind listing the ingredients for in case anybody at home wants to make their own JP soup? Oh, that's such a good idea. Yeah, let's see. Chop cum. Oh, bell, bell, bell, bell, bell. Teespooh.

Hitting the bail button. Bell, bell, bell, bell, bell. Yes, it was a bar of soap gets smaller every time you take a bath. Cousin Mirapua. Do you guys remember the commercials? I think it was Irish Spring. where somebody's holding a bar of soap

and they take a knife and, like, cut through it? Oh, yeah. Man, I don't remember that until you said it, though. It really gave me a weird, like, romanticizing of whittling soap where sometimes I'd see a bar of soap and just want to, like, cut into it. Well, now that's, like, an ASMR thing on the Internet is you can watch people carving, like, crystal soap.

Oh. Oh, I'm going to send you some links. Don't click them. They're getting ruined your computer, but... Are there, like, ASMR things on the Internet that you use or that work for you? Oh, baby, yeah. Oh, big time, yes. I'm a huge ASMR fan.

My sister, Kathleen, was really ahead of the game. Like, she was watching stuff when YouTube came out. She's like, there's videos of people sort of like pretending to brush your hair. And I was like, okay, crazy. And then I watched it and I love. Pretending to brush your hair? Yeah, they're like, hi, do you have a second? This is my impression.

Okay. The ASMR. And Aaron, you just brought back to those. With what you're about to do, people are, the internet is going nuts. They're turning it off because they're like too many mouth sounds. Okay. Hi, do you have a second? I would love to just brush your hair and braid it.

Would that be okay? Awesome. Wow, your hair is so pretty. Do you, do you, are you having fun in this English class that we're in? Did you do the homework last night? Oh, no. Okay, I want to do it. Yeah, me neither.

Wait, it got so specific. It got so specific. Shouldn't it be, is the ASMR immersing you in a world where now you're in an English class? Yeah, they'll immerse you at any world. It would be like, hey, I'm your mermaid sister. Can I do your makeup? Are you, am I have a, do we have a different internet? You don't I'm talking about where they're like, hi, I'm a mermaid.

Do you want me to sort of touch your face? Aaron, I'd like to try one out. Yeah, please. Okay. All right. Oh, hey, don't move. Oh, real quick. Oh, me.

Press your hair. Don't move. Okay, I got it. I got it. Didn't want to freak you out. There's a big spider in there. Oh, it'll laid eggs. One second. Adol, you're bad at this.

I'll lay eggs. Haddle, you're bad at this. Okay, one in your ear. It's okay. Adel, this is not relaxing. I'm going to grab it. I'm going to grab the spider out of your ear. You're bad at that.

In English glasses. I think, Aaron, I think I got it. And I think... Okay, okay. So, and you were saying what Adel was doing was not... Yeah, because it's not relaxed. No one wants spiders in their ears. I just wanted a story, I guess.

Right, right, right. Okay, okay. I'll give it, I'll get a college track. Hey, it's me. I'm your mermaid sister. I'm just going to comb your hair while I talk about the history of our people. One thousand years ago, King Murgon, the Great, fought in an ancient battle over the seven mermaid spears that were a collection from Diasagag, the dragon lord of all mermaids, from which are people. spawn. The fish canes that happen on our

tales are actually the eyes of an ancient god. The winner's right history. We're shattered by, hold on, you've got a spider egg in your ear. Let me get the spider egg out of your ear. Bail, bail, bail, bail, bail, bail, bail, bail, bail. Okay, new JBC guided meditation, mermaid ASMR, dropping sometime early next year. Make it happen, boys. I think, I'm so fascinated by that, but the mermaid sister ASMR. I would love it if they're just brushing your hair. It's a 15 minute video. They're brushing your hair the whole time. And that minute like 1450, they're like, by the way, we're mermaid sisters.

And that's it. The only, it's just at the very end. They throw in some extra information. Or just make it so stressful like real sisters that you're like, I love your hair to, is that my shirt? I haven't even worn it yet. It had, it still had the tag on it. Christine, I bought it for an event. Mama Coming someone's hair A-S-M-R How am I even supposed to comb this fucking rat's nest of hair?

Have you, bitch, have you ever washed your hair? It's all split ends. How is it split ends on both ends? Mom likes me more. Bitch, you look like shit. You'll never be a mermaid. Our hair is literally in the water all day. How is your hair so fucking coarse?

You guys, GBC, I'm serious. Come on. That's what I want for my birthday is I want Mermaid ASMR. I never, I've never been big on ASMR on internet videos. But the other day, this is, but I may even talk about this on another episode, but we, I was doing something that involved me researching how to do like a function on spreadsheets on Google Sheets. And I was watching someone's Google Sheet video and just kind of like listening to it as I was fucking around on Google Sheets. And after. After I got the thing that I wanted out of it, I continued and let the rest of, like, the 15-minute video play because I was like, their voice is so pleasant. I'm no longer listening to the instructions that they're doing on how to build a Google sheet, but they have such a pleasant voice. JPC, you do like ASMR. You're just like, like, super nerdy people getting their life together, A-O-S-M-S-M-Sprinch. Here's how you balance a checkbook.

Yeah, so if you just copy cell C-7 through H-8 and then go to the function command. And type in function, parenthesis, exclamation point. If your carburetor is making a clicking sound, I don't want to get under the car. Dad ASMR. Dad ASMR. Dad ASMR. Now we're going to grill today and look a full turkey.

Get our gas going. Now we're going to go of a little bit of a rage meltdown inside of a Home Depot because we bought the wrong mulch and they won't let us return it. Dad ASMR, okay. Here's my dad ASMR. Okay, I'm ready. Okay.

now you're going to want to tell your wife that you forgot bread so you have to go to the grocery store to get bread you're going to walk out of the back door go to the car open the garage door shut the garage door but then sneak back around through the back gate go down the back steps and go to the basement bathroom now you're going to have 40 minutes to take a shit and however you want to do it take your time read a book hum a tune she's never going to come down here because the uh because the washing machine is on so you know you have 38 minutes before anybody bothers you. You don't even have to get bread. Take a shit however you were. Nothing like the sounds of weaponized incompetence to soothe you to sleep. Here's my dad, yes. I'm ready. The goddamn Blue Jays need to get their shit together.

Bichette was out for too many games. Vlad Guerrero lost his power hitting right when the series started. Kirk was a great pickup at catcher, but with the Dodgers, salary cap being able to afford basically any player they want it's not even a fair game anymore stop pitching to otani just walk him we'll deal with mooky bets when we get to him hey adle i have a question for you damn it all to hell who left the lights on who keeps leaving these fucking lights on are we heeding the goddamn neighborhood electric company did someone buy stock in the electric company are we heeding the god damn neighborhood

Were you raised in a barn? Did your mom tell you that? Did your mom? I have a question for you. You're a baseball guy. I've looked into none of this. But I was shocked this year. Because on a previous episode,

I'd asked you if the Dodgers were just the best. And you were like, yeah, they're the best. But then I saw that the World Series went to Game 7 against the Blue Jays, which is a team that's not even from America, I believe. That's my conspiracy theory, though. How did that happen? JPC is that they want to make more money. So they try to make it go as many games as possible.

It's a conspiracy. it has to be right every year for the world series they need two teams yeah so while the dodgers are the best team they had to play against someone there has to be someone there has to be so good that they're the only ones that make it to the end and it's just them sort of standing on the field and people be like woo woo you did it yeah you're a baseball team it won so many of those like um like those games where they play like one game in germany every year just as a what's the fuck but they won so many of those that now they are going up against themselves of the world series I love the term just as a what so fuck.

I think the real answer as far as I know. And I'm more of a basketball guy than a baseball guy. But I think with baseball, it's hard to be, if you're a star in baseball, it's hard to be like consistently incredible, except for your Otanis, your Aaron Judges. But I think sometimes batters just like disappear. Sure. Like three or four games. And a lot of that has to do with like the math of pitching, like right hand versus left hand or what type. of pitch they throw at you. So it's, it's a lot of math where it's like, in basketball,

Janus Anteucco can put up 47 against any team at any time he wants, but in baseball, I think it's a lot more. It's a slower game that involves a lot of math. I, the thing that I, the only thing that I know about sports nowadays is that sports betting is such a big thing now that, like, the players are sports betting on themselves for like weird bets and getting caught doing it. I mean, If I was playing sports, I would be betting for sure. I would be doing that shit every fucking game. I mean, it's like, it's right there for you. Well, to me, it's insane of, like, Otani kind of got caught betting.

He threw his translator into the bus and everything's fine now. But it is like, you're getting paid like $500 billion over eight years. What do you need, whatever you're betting, what are we doing? It's not worth the squeeze. It's like, it's the thrill on the thrill, right? Like, it's, you know, because the betting is the, it's a. an addiction, right? And it's not like, you're like not, you're not betting to like make money. You're betting to like chase the feeling. It's not an addiction if I'm smart enough to hack it,

JPC. Yeah. What if we started betting on each episode whether or not we'll get the riddles? What if we did betting on over and under how many riddles there would be an episode? Because the over and under would be like under three, 100% guarantee. It's going to be under three. It's okay. We've done. We have a back catalog of so many riddle episodes. People get mad when we do too many riddles an episode we're all okay we're just trying to have fun everybody i'm gonna go on fan duel and see if i could set up uh some hey riddle riddle prod bets that we can how many times is erin gonna say um or ah or okay how many lip smacks or tongue clicks is that all gonna do uh a train pulls into a station but none of the waiting passengers move why

because they're all mannequins erin you're not i was gonna say model train You got it. It's a model train set. I do want to see a scene. I love model trains. I love metal trains. They're so fun. Do you really?

I do. We went to a restaurant recently that had a model train that like ran through the restaurant. And by the way, big hit with the kid. Kids love that shit. Is it one of those that delivers the food? It doesn't deliver the food. It just is a train that like goes through the restaurant. But every kid in that restaurant was just up out of their chairs walking the restaurant looking at the train.

And we were like, yeah, you just let it happen. Like no, no kids. kid here is going to eat any food today. They're all just going to be focused on the train and then they're going to be cranky on the way home because they didn't have any food in their belly. And next time they're hungry and they want to go somewhere to eat, they're just going to say train. Yeah. GBC, how likely are you to be a guy that has like model trains running through his basement? I would say incredibly unlikely because I don't have stuff. Like I actively am always I did this thing this weekend where I opened up like all the drawers in my

my kitchen and took everything out of the drawers and then got rid of the stuff that I'm like, what is this? I never used this to like make more space for things. So like there's a zero chance that I'm going to be like, let's have a model train running through here that I have to store for like seven months of the year. If I bought you a little conductor's hat, would you wear that? Of course. I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you're like a younger kid, we'll say, at a restaurant with one of these little trains that JPC's talking about. JPC, you are a tiny, tiny little conductor who's in that little tiny train, and you've stopped the train to talk to the kid.

To talk to the kid? To talk to Aaron, yep. Gotcha. Whoa, the train has enough momentum to go uphill. So sick. Sweetie, finish your meal. Ah. Oh, don't like your meal.

Is that what I'm seeing? Wait, who said that? Where's that for? Whoa! Down here, it's the conductor of the train. Wow, sir, I love your little train. What's going on with the meal? My mom made me order broccoli on the side instead of French fries.

Well, yeah, but there's still mashed potatoes on the plate. Yeah, but they're not salty and crispy like French fries. Add a little salt. She says I'm too picky of an eater. But you totally get it, right? I don't need to have mashed potatoes. I'm going to be big and strong no matter what. You know what they feed us back in the hole that the train goes through?

Gruel. Have you ever had fucking gruel? What the? If you ate gruel like I did, smile, smile, smile. Way to dropping off some waters. Here you go, just top you off. Everything okay? Yeah, it's delicious.

Kids don't answer that question. You're acting weird. Sorry, sorry. Kids don't say, yeah, it's delicious. Honey, that's weird. Are you feeling okay? Let me feel the back of your... Yeah, I'm okay.

Just all this broccoli is kind of hurting my tummy. I'm just going to lean over here for a second. Sure. You work at a restaurant. Why aren't you just eating... I work at a little train. Why don't you shut that mouth with yours? And if you're not going to eat that broccoli, put a little on the train.

My mom's going to yell at me if I put... She wants me to eat the broccoli. Sneak it, dumbass. Don't make it obvious. Put broccoli with a little mashed potatoes and hail some gravy if you could spare it on the train. I got mouths to feed. There he is. That's the man who stole my train. Oh, boy, this is bullshit.

You thief? They got us cooking pancakes in the back and we can't even sniff the motherfucker. Bite, bite, bite. Rip his arms off, ripping head off, blood spouts everywhere. You wanted this. They had real human anatomy. This little girl wanted this.

Give me those fucking mashed potatoes. Help! I'll kill everyone in this restaurant. My husband, my tiny husband. Local Applebee's closed again after a bloodbath happened this weekend. We're going to go to JBC live on the scene, JBC. I love that it's an Applebee's that just runs, decided to run model train through it. They need to drum up the business.

Yeah. Why don't we drum up some listener voicemails? Oh, okay. Casey, you hit us with a theme. This fall. Hey Riddle Riddle is live Travel across the riddleverse As erred goes on a road trip

JPC takes the train And Addle is late because he flew Stampby Tickets on sale now At hey riddle riddle.com slash live Whoa How did they know

you are doing a scene about a train. Wow. I guess I talk about trains way too much. Maybe I will have to have model trains in my basement. This is a wake-up call. That was sick. I love that voicemail theme because it said it was topical and I saw it, but it was like after we had already done our tour, but I was still like we should still play it. It's still. But if you go to our Patreon, patreon. patreon.com.com. You can get the audio from our tour.

We're selling, we already have the first half up for sale. Maybe by the time this comes out, we'll have the, the second. second half of our tour up for sale as well. So you can listen to those live episodes. Very cool. Fun. And that theme was by Joseph. Joseph, thank you so much.

That was fantastic. Let's hear that voicemail, Casey. Hi, Clayper. This is Katie. First time, nope. I have called multiple times. I was drunk. I'm so sorry for the drunk dialing.

JCP. Very, very sorry. Anyway, I am listening to backwolds of the Hayward Riddle Patreon. And I was just wondering, I just got three chickens, and I'm wondering what you think I should name them. Their personalities are, one's kind of stupid, one's kind of troublemaker, and one is kind of bossy. All right. Well, thank you.

Okay. Are we the chickens? No, name them all JPC. Stupid bossy and troublemaker, right? That's three JPCs. You got your dumbass bought three JPC chickens. That's your sun, moon, and rising. First of all, I just want to say, definitely keep drunk calling us.

I think that we're going to stay lives here. Don't drunk call your exes. Don't drunk call your family and get into a fight with them. If you have the impulse to drunk call someone, call, leave us a voicemail. No judgment from us. Say whatever you've got to say, but to us. I wonder what the sensation, the feeling is, to wake up, hug over and be like, oh, no, did I call a podcast? Like that must be a interesting feeling

My favorite thing about the people that call us when they're drunk Is no drunk person has ever kept it to under 30 seconds So I have like the visual voicemail So sometimes we'll get voicemails It'll be two minutes and I'll be like that I'm not even not even going to attempt to listen to That's a delete that's just an instant delete I have a pitch for the chicken names

Okay Salt lime and tequila Wow okay and name the dumb one tequila so you can be like tequila stop it i like that a lot oh i like that a lot um who this is tough because i don't know if you're i assume they're keeping the chickens as sex chickens sex chickens i don't know what that means um versus if you're going to use them for meat or anything like that because then you don't you don't want to name a you know you don't want to name a duck gregg if you're going to eat it that makes sense what So wouldn't they, if they're using them for eggs, though, would you say hen? Or would you still say chicken? Hmm. Maybe these are chickens to be raised for slaughter.

We don't know. I doubt we'd be, we wouldn't be naming them. People eat chickens. That's a good point. Do you name the chickens that you eat? Hmm. And is there some respect in there? You'd be like, I will treat you like a, I'll treat you the proper way before.

for, you know, you are to be my lunch. You can name one of the chickens, Aaron. I don't want to speak for the other guys, but if you want, I'll allow it. You can not name one JPC unless you name them all JPC. That's what I will say. I think, I like the idea of going sort of the opposite direction as what you think you should name a chicken. So I'm going to say Winifred. Oh.

Bernard. Okay. And Chauncey. Chauncey Yeah That's a troublemaker Troublemaker for sure Choncy always has a knife or something

Yeah I have a question for the two of you Yes If you were a chicken And you were being raised for your meat What is the most embarrassing thing That you your meat could become? Like

Nuggets Yeah Frozen nuggets But yeah frozen nuggets Not even like McDonald's nuggets Are the ultimate humiliation for chickens I think the The bigger humiliation is if it's like one of those nuggets that's shaped like something,

like a dino nugget, you're like, come on, man. It's not even shaped like me? Yeah. Dude, I actually, I would rather be a nugget. If I was a chicken, my nightmare would be being a part of, like, a fitness guy's meal prep. Like, I'm not being seasoned. I'm just... Motherfucker, tell me I'm not in a plastic tupper with some white rice and steam broccoli right now.

Motherfucker. Motherfucker. Look me in the eye and tell me I am not. I died for this. JPC, any thoughts on names for the chickens? Or you said JPC for all three? I got to stick to my guns. I got to say JPC for all three.

What about J, P and C? That also works. That also works. Because then the stupid ones named P. And that's funny. What? Like Pee. Like he's piss.

Oh, so my name is like piss, Aaron. And that's why? Anything to plug? No. Oh, send us more voicemail themes, 30 seconds or less. And send us more voicemails 30 seconds or less. us, all the contact information is in the episode description. Thank you, Katie.

I'll also plug our Patreon. I'll also plug our other show Gumshoes in Dragons, which also has a Patreon. This month, especially on our Patreon, a little later in the month, we will be doing our year-end sound out-of-context clips bracket, which is, I don't care for other people. It's my favorite thing to do. I've been prepping a lot for it. Casey's been helping a ton on this year's, and God, it's so fun. So I can't wait to show that to everybody.

for it. I've been dreading it all year. And you should be. And Aaron, that's the correct response. You should be. I've been living in fear. You've ruined my life. I don't want anything to plug. Check out Holo from the Magic Tavern. Another podcast I do. And these two have guests it on frequently. And also, I got to say, yesterday I just saw Predator Badlands. Oh.

With Magic Tavern's Arnie Neacamp. And I went into it being like, I don't know much. I haven't seen many. I've only seen the first predator and that. was forever ago. I don't know what this is. And I had a goddamn blast. With that movie is the best parts of Dune, Avatar, Star Wars, Alien, all mixed up into a little romp. Check out Predator Badlands, which might be streaming at this point. Aaron, anything to plug or promote? Um, yeah, this Christmas, I'm buying all my gifts second hand. Um, and I have a link in my Instagram bio, or you can find it on our newsletter where I, I'm, uh, listing all of like the Christmas decorations.

and gifts that I'm getting people that are not going to be giving my money to any big companies. Nice. So if you want to join me in that, that's what I'm doing this Christmas. I'm also hunting JPC for sport this Christmas. And it's sport. And it's sport for me too. I get a good exercise.

I'll also say listen to our editor Casey Tony's other podcast, gutter. You can get that wherever you find podcasts. So fun. Aaron, I know that you're not trying to give money to any big corporations, but there is a certain, and it's quite big. big. It's not really a corporation, but it's definitely an established thing that you're giving money to this year. And what exactly is it?

The planet Jupiter. Can you believe it? I can. Damis and Emmeline Napurice. Hey Riddle, Riddle, Mark, 2, 3, 4, Hey, Riddle, Ritchell. Hey, there, Halls and Marks. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We're improvising Hallmark Christmas movies.

You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your seven-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus, you get those out of free episodes. See you there. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I'm Nicole Byer. Hi, I'm Sashir Zameda.

And this is the podcast, Best Friends. And we're here at HeadGum. So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah. We're best friends. We talk. And then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. So audience and users can ask questions about friendships.

and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes. We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcast, PocketCast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week.

I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were. I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive. Yeah. But I was like, well,

know reading seems pretty hard right now it's a lot i think you did good thank you so much you're welcome