Hey Riddle Riddle - #39: Horse Court with TJ Jagodowski!

Episode Date: April 17, 2019

The ever brilliant TJ Jagodwoski joins us for some puzzie solving tomfoolery including some Mass. chat, a look at mermaid parenting and putting a horse on trail for GOOD REASON. Also we're coming to LA in May and doing a show at home in Chicago in June! You can buy tickets here: https://headgum.com/live and also check out our Patreon if you'd like to double your weekly dose of Adal, Erin and JPC! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifSpecial Guest:TJ JagodowskiEditing by: KJ SnyderTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. No shit, all Sherlock, it's A Riddle Riddle solving the riddies and puzzies that this garbage world has to throw at us. I'm Adorify. I'm JPC. And I'm Aaron Keep. And we are doing another mailbag episode. We are joined today by a very special guest who is objectively known

as the best improviser in the world. Uh-huh. Yes, that's correct. Ask anyone. It's pretty subjective. That's my... You might know him from... We're just reading the card that you gave us.

So, TJ and Dave. Yeah, this is what you gave us here. Oh yeah, sign it. Just keep on going. Signed headshot. You might know him from TJ and Dave. You might know him from the Sonic commercials. Do you have, does your character have a name in that?

TJ. TJ. Name it after you. Yeah. I've named after it. It's actually, it's my godson's name. I also place clacks on Hello from the Magic Tavern and offices and bosses. I named after it. It's my god son's name. I also place Clacks on Hello from the Magic Tavern offices and bosses.

TJ Jacket House. Hey guys. Thank you so much for welcome. Thank you for having me, man. How are you doing? Oh, you're good. You're good. Thank you.

Yeah, my brackets are still holding together. I don't want to still come out, but right now. I would say late April. Yeah, all that I want. Who do you have going all the way? Duke in Virginia. Duke. Two teams going all the way out.

The final. Do teams winning at first. I'll let you know after that game. I got Duke and my JD go all the way to the final 16. TJ, how, how are you feeling personally about riddles and puzzles? Are you do enjoy? I feel like we've done a few things that are riddle-based and you've took to them. I enjoy the hell out of them.

I don't always do them well, but I enjoy jogging the brain box a little bit, so yeah, I love a good rail. Do you do a lot of crosswords or a lot of... You used to do a ton of crosswords and still do puzzles here and there as well like Gwen Peter Gwen has mailed that one It has this insanely complicated one that this guy from this madman from Long Island males to us and it's once a year 50 questions It takes you like two and a half months to get through the damn thing and it's not always all that sad Yeah, there's like a bunch of questions.

Turns out just to be a huge pain in the ass research assignment, but I still enjoy the madness of a little bit of it. Is it like a skew trivia? No, it'll be like two palindromic baseball players faced off against each other. Now take all the letters of their last name, replace one of them with the letter that comes before it in the alphabet, rearrange that to find a make or model of car. Got it. The make or model of car may not exist anymore.

Yeah. In case everyone ever wants it, the only time Palinjomek baseball pictures have faced each other, Rob Nen pitched against Dave Otto. Who? Yeah. He's your one. Oh, that was a name. Yeah, that's huge for baseball. each other, Rob Nen pitched against Dave Otto. Who? Yeah. Can you say everyone? Oh, that was right.

Yeah, that was huge for baseball. And pitched. People are gonna think I'm a god when I get that right in here. I feel like you also. Who is she? Who is she? Didn't you and Rush Howell use to host a trivia?

We co-hosted a pub quiz at the mission theater. Yeah, yeah. James Dugan and I have talked about doing it again. And Beth and I hosted like two of them. Yeah. We try to make them really, really difficult. If I think that the next question I want that has a multitude of answers to it,

in case anyone wants to prep, in case this ever happens is name, I think there's 14, but name, you could have like 10 possible answers of people who have played Colonel Sanders in the last four years. Ooh, that's a good one. Wow, okay. It's a pretty good one.

I only know two. Reba McIntyre. Oh, I didn't know that one. I didn't know Mc Donald. Am I rooting this question for you now? George Hamilton. George Hamilton. Uh, the guy from Daily Show.

Rob. Rob. Not cord tree. Wait, no, I'm not thinking that one. Rob Hewbel. No, no. Rob Riggle. Yeah, Riggle did it.

Jim Gaffigan. Oh yeah. Were there any other lady, Colonel Sanders? I think it's just Reba. Just Reba. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have a thing that day. Rob Lowe, really? Really? Uh-huh. Yeah, and like a throwback one to like the Kennedy administration. And Aaron, you would play the colonel if that opportunity came across? Not for a billion dollars. I don't know. That seems like a pretty easy way to make a billion. I don't know.

Yeah, it's like a day's work. Yeah. Yeah. Rather table, same question. Would you play the colonel for a billion dollars? I'd say yeah, I do it for 10 years for a billion Well also let's go ahead and before we we JPC's gonna be old man puzzles today Doing the mail back but before we get into that. Let's clear the there's an elephant in the room Which is that TJ and Aaron are both from mass. Yeah great. So let's let's get out some hometown shout outs

Do you just want us to name some towns? No, you're hometown I think you should give hometown you should give hometown shout outs to people that you know from the old hometown Do you think hometown just means listing all the cities in a state? Yeah, okay? I'll hear that too. What do you think homecoming? Everyone I was homecoming queen so it's 250 other women. Can you build me? I'm from Hangom, which is South Shore, Massachusetts. It's about 20 minutes south of Boston.

It's on the water. It's very pretty. I want to Roosevelt one down our Main Street one. So I was like, this is nice, and now we can't change anything. Perfect. And I'm from Holyoke, Massachusetts, and the western side of the state, surrounded by absolute beauty on the shores of the Connecticut River. Deep in the, well, it's sort of at the edge of the Pioneer Valley, near the foot of the Berkshire Mountains. I don't feel like you made that up.

No, I'll trip. But, Jay did a better job at selling his suit. Oh, much better. You should be out. Hard to agree. None of the things that TJ mentioned sound like Boston. And TJ just won an award, a prestigious award, if I may put you on this spot. Yeah. You called it the best improviser in the known universe.

He is immediately when we started. Before I even started improvising, when I was just a glint in my dad's eye, I don't mean to put this earth on Atlas' shoulders here, but everyone said TJ is the person to see, to watch. And then when I saw you, I fell in love with him all over again. Let's put this at the end if the scenes go well. If the scenes are terrible, let's just not do that. It's terrible because of us.

At the end we'll give you our new impressions of you, as opposed to performing. It work crabs in a bucket. We'll drag you down. Yeah. And honestly, you're fine, but I haven't passed crazy. Yeah. I'm not being honest.

He's great. I love people. Good. What's the award you won? It was the John F. Kennedy Award for a person of Irish descent who was achieved excellence in their field. And so they ignored the jaggedowski part of my name. And yeah, I got to walk in the parade and I got to like fire the shotgun to start the road race. I actually yelled run for life, and then fired the shotgun.

I've made this joke before, but it's correct that the official certificate says Jack O'Dowsky, right? Yes, they had to Irish up your name. What are some previous winners? JFK, he did. He won it, man. He was the third. He was the third. He was the third. He was the third. He was.

Yeah, he actually did what it first, but I guess I don't know what it was named then. And then, Paul Moreno, Hera, Irish Mickey Ward, the boxer. Tom Clancy, Doris Krenz, Goodwin, David McCullough, Robert Stack. When you win, do you get all their end out? All their contact info? You get their souls. Yeah. They can be the only ones.

You get their souls in a box. In TJ last question before we start, do you think Ted Kennedy killed that girl? More than likely. More than most trading. And I, I don't think he killed her. I don't think we're back for that. I don't just laugh so hard as Ted Post's shot off his head folks. I'm not going to call the man a murderer.

TJ, I told this story on the show that happened at Christmas a couple years ago where I have one conservative uncle and he was leaving the party and he went, Ted Kennedy killed that girl and I heard my aunt yell, John, you always do this. It's like a bomb excluded. You'll join, you'll always do this. It's like a bomb excluded. There's, I mean, it definitely proves that there's literally nothing that a candidate could have done to have them not reelected in our state for sure. Or not have their photos everywhere around my home,

like they're maybe belonged to us. So we have some of these, so we're doing an all mail back in this episode, which means all of these are listeners submitted. We're always accepting more of these. So if you ever want to send us some riddles, you can send those into hrrpodcast at gmail.com. I will say that we have like hundreds of riddles

in the submission category because we don't do these mailbag episodes that often. And a lot of them are very like old from when we first started the show. So I think all of these are gonna be like some of the older submissions that have been sent in. But I will say that a lot of people submitted riddles that we answered later in later episodes of the show that we like never answered from their emails. So I'm sure that there's a lot of people out there

who wrote us emails and they're like, oh man, they'll never read that. So if you send us an email, maybe send us two or three. So we have some options. My favorite is when people send us emails with riddles in it, and they're like, I'm six episode in, I want to just submit a red all, I'm like, that's a terrible idea. I'm just, we're 40 episodes in, we've already done that one. What are the titles of the first couple words

of the ones you don't need anymore? Oh, God, just, I mean like. The umbrella. Oh yeah. The elevator umbrella. The elevator umbrella. If the answer is a cloud. He was living in a lighthouse.

A lighthouse? Yeah. Full backpack, empty backpack. Full backpack, yeah. Yeah, that one. Goldfish, bicycle, if the answer is deck of cards on the floor, or hung himself with dry ice, yeah. A lot of those.

Hung yourself with dry ice. You know what I'm saying. It's just preaching. The full stop. Do you think you can hang yourself with dry ice? Yes, you can't. That's actually the perfect crime. Although you have to tie it really well, because it'll just evaporate while you're still asphyxiate.

If it feels what a stiff neck to do that. So this one is, well, you know what, the way that they put their signature on this is best dragon hobgoblin. So this is all, I'll give credit to dragon hobgoblin for this. Not really a toughy more of a warm-up to be honest, but it's my favorite riddle. I have no hinges, key, nor a lid, but inside me, a golden treasure is hid. What am I? Probably an egg.

That's what I was gonna guess, egg. Aaron. Yoke. Okay, so Adelson's egg, Tidius's egg, Aaron's this yoke. Don't, like that's like the gold is the yoke. Yes, the gold is the yoke. The answer to that one is egg. I did it, I think that's like the gold is the yolk. Yes, the gold is the yolk. The answer to that one is egg.

Did it everybody. Let's head out. Yo, that's what we call my hometown colloquially around there. Oh, yo, please call it. What up, yo, nice. Yeah, do you have this hang-em have a, no, hang-ey, the yam?

People from other schools call it Blangomar to Chingum, because it's a rich town. That's more mean than it is on nickname. People just call it the Am. Luxberry. You still look very bad. This one is from Evan. Evan says, how do you have an enjoying your show?

I have a ready for you, but it doesn't work on paper, so you'll have to know the answer. Okay, here's the guy. Here's the riddle. Do you have it? That worked out. Five people jump into a pool, but only four heads come out.

How? One died. One drowned. That's dark. Five heads go into a pool. Nope. Five people jump into a pool, but only four heads come out.

How? Um, and I guess Evan says that you're allowed to ask a yes or no questions as well. Here's, that's Evan Schruel. What's one of them I'm made? Were they all ask a yes or no questions as well. Here's that's Evan Schroo. Is that one of them a mermaid? Were they all curing a cabbage or lettuce? Aaron, I'm not gonna give you a dead stop,

but I do wanna know, do you think Mermaids don't have heads? I know, I'm just saying that she stays under. Oh, she stays under, okay. She's back home where she belonged. So best case scenario, they're like, five people jump into a pool, four come out, and they're like, yeah, well,

Yadana was a mermaid So she's alive and she's happy to see all the I do Sincerely when I ask do mermaids are they like whales or dolphins? Like do they come to the surface to breathe or do they have get do that lungs or or go? They're not real adults. Who do you sincerely want to ask this question to oh? Not real adults. Who do you sincerely want to ask this question too? Oh, ones Christian. They can breathe underwater.

They don't have to serve. Yes. But these suggestions also that they live in an underwater kingdom, which is also unclear if that has its own sort of closed ventilation systems. But who more? They may do not have to surface. TJ took me seriously and I appreciate that. Okay, cool.

While we're pondering the answer to this for a moment, I do wanna see a scene. We're gonna see a scene, Adel and TJ, you are the Lord and Lady of the Kingdom of the Mur people. So, you two are the benevolent rulers. Aaron, you are their daughter, and you have questions about the outside world and the land of the air breathers

that you want your parents to answer. Mother, father. Yes, come swim closer. What? I just ask him to swim closer. Yeah, I know what. Yes, sweetie, what do you want? Your mom is very tired.

She's had a long day. She was reeled in for 35 feet in the mudcoes. What? A fisherman almost got your mom. Hooked me. I get hooked. She got hooked. She got hooked.

Mom, are you okay? No, you're bleeding. Yeah, right in the rib. I didn't eat it like some sort of savage. I got Yeah, right in the rib. I didn't eat it, like some sort of savage. I got hooked by accident in the rib. It was dragging in it hooked your mom. Did they see it? I got trolled.

Did they what? Did they see you? How did you get unhooked? I wriggled. I wriggled until the hook. It was from a trowler. All right, well, this is probably not the right day to ask this, but I was just wondering. Do you have something to say to your mom first?

Mom, I'm sorry you got hooked. Oh, you didn't have anything to do with it. Don't make her apologize for stuff. She already says sorry too much. Okay, all right, that's fair. That's fair. Please stop fighting. I don't want that to go away with that.

This isn't a fight. You haven't seen a fight before. I'm just tired of this. Fine, fine. What's your question, sweetie? I was wondering if I can go to the circus. You can go to the circus. The circus. The circus.

I just want to go to the circus. You want to go to a circus. I don't want to go to the circus. I want, well, maybe. I'm not a circus, but I want it above ground. What? What is the fascination? Mom, are you drunk? I'm a lot, I'm doped up, I'm painkillers, I got hooked by a trowler.

I had to go above surface and leave our Atlantis town and go to a CVS to find some painkillers. See, this is the fascination. I want to do normal human people things. Like go to a CVS and then like think about getting a Snickers bar and then you would- You would survive a CVS. I'm not as glamorous as it sounds. I know, the first time I heard CVS I was like,

ooh, oh man, that must be wonderful. And it's not, I mean, that what you can buy is- It's band-aids in playing cards. Yeah. And of course not, I mean, that what you can buy is... It's band aids in playing cards. Yeah. And of course, CVS stands for Central Ventilation System. Well, that's not big. I presume, yeah. You know what, I'm 18 soon and I got two parents who fight and don't even care.

I don't even, I'm going to the surface. I think it's consumer value stores or something. See? That sounds more likely. Yeah, that sounds correct. All right, so do we have an answer for this, Rettle? We can ask you a question. You can ask us over questions over one more time.

Five people jump into a pool, but only four heads come out. Is it not a swimming pool? Is it some other type of pool? No. Okay. Are they their human heads? Yes, they are human heads. Is the pool, is this swimming pool full of water or empty?

Yes. Yeah, okay. I will say that the trick to this reddle is in wordplay. Four heads come out. Oh, can join twins. I will say that the trick to this riddle is in wordplay. Four heads come out. Oh, conjoined twins. Is someone just still under the water? Wait, wait, wait. You think they're like drowning?

What have they enjoyed twins? Have you ever seen, have you ever seen this under the water? No, it's one head with two different bodies. They both share a head. Oh, like that Matt Damon movie. Yeah. The pictures?

Is someone doing a handstand in the pool? No, they're, they, that Matt Damon movie. Yeah. The pictures? Is it Peter Pearl? Is someone doing a handstand in the floor? No, they're, they, uh... Four heads. Four heads. Oh! Yeah! Oh!

Did you got it? Nice one, Tige. Yeah, what we're actually saying is four heads. F-O-R-E heads, meaning that five people still come up, but only up to their four heads. Hmm. Hope you like it. Hey Evan, we didn't. No, Evan, we did like it.

Thank you so much. You stumped us. You get the official stump seal. Wait a minute, I just got it. You stumped us. You said I got it. You stumped us. You said I said foreheads.

You said I got it. Evan, you stumped the back. You never got a saw. I'm sorry, I'm trying to show. We'll be sending you a stump. Yeah, that is a $500 stump. All right, so email us back to your mailing address. It'll be sending you a stump.

Okay, so this is a riddle from, let's see if we'll just say, Yusuf. Yusuf, wait, we'll just say you so I'm gonna say you say cats Stevens Yeah, it's use of Islam, but he says please I'm going by this now T for the tillerman was one of my best albums, but now I'm changing my name No, I just I never do last names unless people specifically signed their last name because like their email What the way I knew that you were lying was that Cass Evans would pick his own favorite album. And artists love all their music.

That's true. T.F. Tillermann's best one. So many are riddled below. If it's not already clear, all six people involved are named Kevin. Okay, so this is the riddle. A Japanese ship was on route in the open sea. The captain went for a shower after removing his diamond ring and watch

on the table. When he returned, his valuables were missing. The captain immediately called five suspected crew members and asked each one where and what he was doing for the last 15 minutes. The cook and a heavy overcoat. I was in the fridge room getting meat for cooking a meal. The engineer with a torch in hand, I was working on the generator engine. The seaman, I was on the mast correcting the flag which was upside down by mistake. The radio officer, I was messaging to the company

that we were reaching the next port in 72 hours which will be Wednesday morning at 1,100 hours. Aaron Sizer closed. The navigator or the navigation officer, I'm on night watch, so I was sleeping in my cabin. After hearing all of this, the captain immediately identified the culprit, who was it? I know it.

Oh, okay, so Adam, I saw that, I don't wanna say what number in, but I saw that very quickly. You saw that very quickly. I believe. I'm not, I'm not, a hundred percent confident, but I'm 95 percent confident. Okay, so if you just answer the riddles out, right? The I believe. I'm not 100% confident, but I'm 95% confident. Okay, so if you just answer the riddles out right,

the show ends and I'm screeching halt. So what Adel sounds like he's doing is bragging, but really what he's doing is allowing for some air. The two. I'm waiting for TJ to solve this, so I can be like, yep, that's what I got. That's what I came to. This is the egg riddle over again,

where it's egg egg, then Aaron says, the yulk, y'all. You know we're like, yes. The cook, I was in the fridge room getting meat for cooking a meal. The engineer, I was working on the generator engine. The seaman, I was on the mast, correcting the flag, which was upside down by mistake.

The radio officer, I was messaging to the company that we are reaching the next port in 72 hours, which will be Wednesday morning at 10 hundred hours. The navigation's officer, I'm on the night watch, so I was sleeping in my cabin. After hearing all of this, the captain immediately knew the culprit. Is, do some of these give an indication or clue that the one who's lying is lying? Yes. I mean, it's a, I mean, yes, that's the riddle. The answer is the first guy because nobody calls it a fridge room. Yeah.

No, I think it's the flag. I was in the, uh, uh, fridge room. To me, to me, Aaron, it is the flag, the flag, uh, man, the masked man. Uh, flag man. Should I say why? He's a semen. Should I give my, yeah, yeah, yeah. uh... man the last man uh... flagman should i say why he's a semen shaggy my yeah yeah so i believe it's a flagman because the japanese flag is

the same up by down as as right that that's my that was my thought writing son was a snipe yet probably more it's a red dot no jpc there is a red dot on your head you are there's a sniper in the vicinity that brings us to my a red dot no jpc there is a red dot on your head you are there's a sniper in the vicinity that brings us to my first red dot

You are correct um the thief is the semen because the ship is Japanese that's the flag mass would be a Japanese flag Which is exactly the same when turned upside down, but are we to believe that all that these all of these Japanese officers were speaking English? I translated it all from Japanese. Is it? That's why it was like to free a drone. Yes. I'm afraid of the fly. I barely know Japanese. Is there a way for you with all sensitivity to read that in Japanese? Oh, yeah. And I refuse to do so. I can read it in English.

I guess they were all up to no good. I don't like any of these guys. Yeah, I think it's a murder on the Orient. Well, they started taking trouble in the neighborhood. Yeah. They also ended a little unsure of their jobs. Yeah. I mean, the fridge room was my big coat.

Yeah, I want to see a scene. Aaron, you are the captain of a ship. We'll just say that there is no nationality to it. It's just a pirate ship. I guess pirates, do they have nationalities? Some of them are. Barbery. Yeah.

So, Aaron, you're the captain of a ship. I did say captain, so we'll go with that. And JPC and... So she just have to be the captain? Yep, she's the captain. Got it. JPC and TJ just have to be the captain. Yep, she's the captain. Got it. JPC and TJ five initials in total. You two will be, you are people who have come aboard the ship

and you are trying to justify yourselves as crew members. Yes. Offering up a multitude, a litany of different jobs or titles. Gentlemen, step four. Captain, you wanted to see us? Yeah. Who the heck are you and what the heck are you doing here? Oh, we're crew members on the ship. Yeah, but the two of you don't walk with much confidence and I just wanted to make sure what your deal was. Well,

if I haven't said this before, I'm Ron Durges, and I was waxing everything, and that might have explained our cautious gate. And I don't know, I guess it's, I maybe have not said this aloud before. My name is Tag Boflex, and I am Tag Boflex, and I am the meal operator on the ship. I operate the spoons to make the meals. Okay. All right, wait, so what are like what's like a day-to-day for you? Like what do you do all day? Okay, wake up at the crack

of six one, six one, half a dozen of the other first of all as meal operator I have to inspect all the spoons make sure no forks get in there one fork and ruin the whole bunch a sailors get stabbed prongs are bad and I gotta walk slow yeah because I'm I'm up I'm up at the crack. I fall out of my barcad and start whaxing. Yeah, I start melting tallow. And, you know, because I'm taking that from soup to nuts, I start with pig fat on that. And then I render it down to tallow and then I have to get that in a workable spot. So, paraffin and such.

Yeah. And honestly, I, you know. And then I chip in with the spoon inspection if I have time while that's on the boil. Well, I have a super power of sword. Okay. I can tell when someone's lying. And one of the things a person does when they're lying

is they give too many details. Uh-huh. To get to the bottom of this, I'm going to do some rapid fire question. Sure, yeah, no, no, no, that's a sword. Okay, that's a, that's a sword. Then let's get to the bottom of this, I'm going to do some rapid fire question. Sure, yeah, no, no, no. That's a... Okay, let's get back to pirating, because I want... Yeah, we're doing a...

We're doing a... We're doing a little pirating, and we're really into doing that. Let's just jump right into the question. Let's see, how old are you? Four. Where are we right now? Spain. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Mexico. And are you two kids pretending to be adults because you want to be in a pirate ship? Yes, we have. Glob Trotter. That's so cool. That's so cool. Oh, I definitely want to see the captain with the superpower to tell if someone's lying

and like try and fight crime. It's like, my wife was murdered. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Was she really? Yes. All right. All right. This one, these redoles come from Matthew. Why do you say it like that? Oh, because there really? Yes, all right. All right. This one, these red doles come from Matthew.

Why did I say it like that? Because there's multiple riddles. I had to scroll down to see that there were red doles. Matthew says, love the show. I came up with a few riddles. You all might like below the first one rhymes. The first one rhymes is in parentheses. Like I would, I would fuck that up.

I would fucking figure it out. But I will just say Matthew, before I even read these riddles, I love that you wrote these yourself. So many people submit, like I would, I would figure it out. I would fuck that up. But I will just say, Matthew, before even read these reddles, I love that you wrote these yourself. So many people submit, like I said, the same riddle over and over again. So if you write them yourself, there's no way that anyone could have ever submitted it before. It is good that he tells you in case one of the lines ends

and like polish or polish, then you know that you're supposed to read it with the rhyming pronunciation. What would it call as hominem? Sure, you call them whatever you want. Himminem. I'm a little bit? Sure, you call them whatever you want. Himminem. I'll let him in.

You can call them. You can call them. You can call Polish people whatever you want, really. Yes, TJ, now that I'm looking at this, he does use the word Polish. There are a few times. No, he doesn't. Matthew, I'm assuming you're a nice person

in your nice position. There once was a man who was Irish. Of course, he might have been Polish. You're a nice guy. Wouldn't use the word Polish? And what you were, it course he might have been Polish. So you're a nice guy, wouldn't use the word Polish? Is that what you were? It's not derogatory. The way he uses the joke that I'm doing, it's pretty derogatory.

Fuck it, I'm drunk, you're being a real Italian. So you have to go. I feel like this applies to everything, but also you could say Jew, the wrong one, and pray. Like the way you just do. Oh yeah. The chest is a hinge in many lids, but no lock to hide what is hid.

The treasure inside can't be felt to the touch, but within your eye, it's worth very much. An egg. Is this a fucking egg again? I think it is, right? It's not an egg, but that is a bad guess. Okay. Matthew, that's his words. Matthew says this is a bad guess. After I heard it is, right? It's not an egg, but that is a bad guess. Okay. Matthew, that's his words.

Matthew says this is a bad question. After I heard him immediately, I blanked out because I thought it was egg again. Can you reread it? Yeah, absolutely. This time maybe a bit too late to the whole time. They'll see. The chest has a hinge in many lids,

but no lock to hide what is hit. The treasure inside can't be felt to the touch, but within your eye is worth so very much. Piano. Yeah, you can't feel a piano. Fuck you, idiot. The chest has many lids. I will say the language is very like symbolic, but yeah.

So don't get too bogged down and it's a... Don't tell me you're not to get bogged down. I'll get bogged down if I fucking want... Don't tell me. Don't get bogged down. I'll get bogged down if I fucking want. It's a pirou. I'm a bog man. Um... You're saying that the language is very... Is... is symbolic?

Yeah, it's like a poetic. Um, so it's not like a literal chest. To the eye, it's worth very much. Uh, oh, it's beauty. It's the love of your life. No, it's not... And I will say that it's also not intangible like it's not a concept It is something you can touch an egg. Yes

Obviously, am I did you say egg? Yes correct for listeners for listeners no matter what Aaron answers We're going to keep splicing an egg. So if you just heard her say egg. She said something else But we're gonna keep editing in her saying egg The chest has a hint it has a hinge and many lives and many lids something else, but we're gonna keep editing in her saying egg. Okay. The chest has a hinge, it has a hinge. And many lids. And many lids. I.

But no lock to hide what is hit. Don't like reptiles, eyes have several lids. Oh, oh yeah. Is it a gekko? No, but what you said is true. So it's a good fact about reptiles. Does the answer have the word chest in it? Should we embed chest in something?

No, okay. But you could embed the answer in your chest. Okay. If you're doing hard enough. What'd you say, is it a curse word? No, is it a person? Is it a curse word? Can I swear?

Please, can I swear? The answer is a fuck. It's not a person, no. And you said they were Polish? This person is Polish, yeah. Matthew, that's probably not a Polish last name, so no. Could you give us a hint that you think of right now? To do, the chest is a hint of many lids,

but no lock to hide what is hid. Um, many lids, it could have... Oh, it's a mall, it's one of those hot stores at the mall. It could have, there's a lot of eyes, and therefore many lids, does that have a lot of eyes? And therefore many lids? Does it have a lot of eyes and mids? It's lighter. Depending on how you look at it,

this could have thousands of eyes. Depending on how you look at it, it could have thousands of eyes. Like a potato? No. It has many lids, I would say. Like a camera? No, not a camera.

What's the key word here? Like what word should we focus on? I think he said lids, right? So it has a hinge and many lids. If you think of a lid as something that is like closing something in, why would something have, and when I said many lids, it could probably have hundreds of lids. It's like a parfait. A hundred layer parfait. I feel sick. No, it's not a parfait.

The treasure can't be felt to the touch and you have to use your eye to get the value out of this. You can feel it, you can touch it, but it's not, you won't get the value. Look at it is to get the true value. Yes. If you're not using your eyes. Arbise? Yeah.

It's Arbise. Once you eat it. Once you get it, you order it, you order the beef and cheddar, you're not using your eyes. Arbise? Yeah. It's Arbise. Once you eat it. Once you get it, you order it, you order the beef and cheddar, you put it in your mouth, and you're like, this wasn't worth it. Glasses? No, but glasses would help you with this thing.

Mm. Depending on your eyesight. Specifically, if your, what is it, near sighted, is that the one where you have trouble seeing things close to you? Do they think when you can, that's far too good. Oh, is it a book? It's a book.

It's a book. Yeah, I really like this one. Many eyes. Many eyes. I love the huge earth. What are the little eyes? So the lids like the back and the back cover? No, the lids are the pages.

It has a hinge in many lids because each one that opens up, opens up more information inside of the book. Honestly, congratulations Aaron, but I don't know if I think of pages of lid. Leave. You can get away with leaves. Yeah, I feel like leaves. Leaves. Really?

Not to ring this guy, but... Okay. Break the rhyme, say, Hinge and Many Leaves. Alright, let's reread it with the Hinge and Many many leaves and then rhyme it the rest of the way out. The chest is a hinge in many leaves, but no lock to hide what is Christopher Reeves. Yes. There we go. You would have gotten it right away. Yes, the answer is a book.

Oh, wait. This is the next one, also from Matt, Matthew. Susie sits down to take an exam. Susie realizes that the best way to pass is to make sure her teacher sees her looking at the person next to her. What exam is Susie realizes that the best way to pass is to make sure her teacher sees her looking at the person next to her What exam is Susie taking knowsiness? Driver's exam I test yes Aaron, but why? Because well, I don't ask me questions. No, you have to know why Giving the test I have never cited a source for any paper. I've ever written that I'm not gonna start now

I have never cited a source for any paper I've ever written and I'm not gonna start now. Stolen valor, stolen valor. Suzie sits down to take an exam. Suzie realizes that the best way to pass is to make sure her teacher sees her looking at the person next to her what exam is Suzie taking. So it is drivers test? Yeah, and she's like looking at the cars next to her. Yes, thank you. That's all I was asking. Oh, I could have done that. So it's her looking at the cars as they go by. Yeah, the only way to pass is to make sure So it's her looking at the cars as they go by.

Yeah, the only way to pass is to make sure her teacher sees her looking at the person next to her. When you're driving a car, you're supposed to be looking at the people. You think the way you drive a car is to look to your left out the window at the cars passing you by? Yeah, you have to have an awareness

of the other cars on the road. I have to be a seat. Okay, maybe go for it. TDA, you are a driver's-ed teacher. And JPC, you are just a shit kid who's so bad at driving. And your patience is running, then. Okay. All right.

Why don't we try it one more time? And we have to ease out. Yeah. I mean, if you want to license, Yeah, we got what I have to okay All right Ryan now just ease out of the parking lot and get out of the car You want me out of the car? How is it like in a helmet? I can pass a driver's test if I'm out of the car All right guys am I crazy here?

Ryan sorry, I brought my boys with me No, you're not crazy. This dude's fucking sucks. I'm not What are you like 31 look this fucking grandpa? I'm 59 and here we go. Okay, so I'm staying in the car I'm so sorry sir. No, it's alright 31. That's good. I have a worthers pretty. Yeah, that was many as you want to Where you find in those Can I have a worthers pretty quick. Yeah, I have as many as you want to where you find in those Yeah, you don't have to ask me you can have as many as you want to home. We ask all right I want you Ryan okay and the car okay to ease out of the parking would like put it in okay fuck this Ryan do that thing where the car spins and spins

Ryan do you want it? Do you want a license? Do you want the freedom of having your own set of wheels and being able to drive whenever you want it? I think he's coming on to you. No, no, I'm not. Oh shit, this is my moment. Guess I'm, get, stop! Stop my boys.

Can I be honest with you, sir? Yeah. I have a personal driver because my dad invented pizza hut. And so if I have to get my own car, then I have to drive myself. If I fail this driver's test, I can keep my personal driver for as long as I want. You're Ryan the Hut Hut Nansky? Yes, sir. I'm a Hut Nansky. Your dad's Paul the Hut Hut Nansky. Technically, he did change his name to Pizza Hut. And I'm Colton Domino's.

And my name's John John. Guess who my dad is. Your dad? Papa John. No. Long John's over. Yeah. Carl Caesar's.

Hey, teach real quick. Yeah. Carl is good improv to deny a gift, right? Oh, I think I said, when you gave me that good gift and I said, no, I'm not on a cheezer. Please, please do. Please do. I think I did say nothing but no the whole problem. I can't come on to this.

I can't do it. I couldn't do it. It wasn't what I was doing. No, you were correct. I didn't want to. Kevin Sr. and Kevin Jr. are at the hospital. More Kevin's. Yeah. There's only two names in this. It's Kevin senior and Kevin junior are at the hospital more Kevin's yeah There's only two names in this it's Kevin's and Susie's

Kevin senior Kevin junior in the hospital with head injuries from a bar downtown the next day the bar is torn down What happened they fought so hard they wreck the place? They bought so hard they wreck the place. That's a lyric right. It's thin Lizzie. Yeah, you got a fight So hard that you wreck the place to pa ha a lyric, right? It's thin-lizzy. Yeah. You gotta fight. So hard that you wreck the place. Toop-a-ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah. Sure, we'll go with that answer. Was it like just like a rebar or like a bar,

not a bar drinking establishment, but just like some sort of metal bar that was starting out? Is a literal metal bar that both Kevin's bumped into, and so was taken down to further injuries. All right. Matthew says, keep up the great work. I'll also keep you updated or posted on any workplace disputes. Oh, that's a bit that we haven't revisited.

Yeah, many, many a week. I was going to say the bar was the set of cheers and it was the end of the series. But JPC, of course, our listeners know that anytime you send in your own riddle that rhymes, we will give you a thank you that rhymes. So let's go ahead and do that. Okay. And that will come from Adelaide's stuff. Yes, and we'll let that all start.

Matt, we want to thank you for writing in. We hope that you didn't use a pin. Of course we solved without fail. Thank you, motherfucker, for that email. AABB rhyme is fine, right? That's fine with me. And just in the future, if he does, if he does write anymore, he should just cut the shit with the polish stuff. You know, I mean, it was kind of like, you saw them anyway, but yeah, it's kind of messed up. We got a

Jagadowski answering these riddles. Yeah, with the podcast, we're trying to turn a new lid and do away with the root. Yes. Yes. And with that in mind, I think that we should all return to one of my favorite segments on the podcast. Oh, take a break. We take a break. Great. We'll be right back. Fuck you, B-D-R.

Hey, Rick, B-D-R. Oh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Addle. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Okay.

Um, I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Addle. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to sit online whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience and so anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms.

Hey, Otto come here come here come here. Hey what's what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace,

you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening?

Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna use an analytics. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business

and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords are popular products and content on my prank website, the prank site to love you. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace.

Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. I can't remember what's the website for. Prank Squarespace You can connect to your store to Vedent third party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine Dude, we got her anyway if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com

for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path.

You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems.

He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices,

and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online.

So it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Mmm, dirty bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle, R- d l e r i d d l e the middle of riddles of d

but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the city helping at home by m home who are we uh... uh... clink clink clink excuse me ladies and gentlemen gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about

my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years

way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And Rocket money will cancel it for you.

It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. I'm clinking. You didn't click it. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average

person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. Stop. No, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money. com slash riddle. That's rocket money dot com slash

riddle. Rocket money dot com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. I love you. I'm going to make a bank bank bank bank bank bank. And we're back with more riddies in Puzzies and Kevin's and Susie's JPC. What do we got for our next riddle? This one's coming in from Colton Col, you can see me. Is it Colton Domino's? Because I just used that name. Is it Colton Cavanaugh? Yeah, I guess we can introduce a segment where we just guessed the person's last name.

That I know, but I'm not reading. If you want me to read your last name, please include it in the signature. You can see me, you can feel me, but if you touch me, you will die. You can see me, you can feel me, touch me, die. K-2C. As for, yeah, you touch me, I will kill you. You touch me with your finger, you lose your finger. Yeah, I'll sue your ass to death and court.

That was my favorite thing, and where I went to like grade school or high school in Illinois was that every single exchange that got serious where somebody was like, fuck you, did it, uh, there would be no fighting, but everybody would just threaten lawsuits. We're like, how fucking sue you? My uncle's a lawyer, I'll fucking sue you.

And I'm like, what is this is insane? I tried to, when I was, uh, we're in the second city door, when I tried to scene that started with like, you know, FU, FU, FU suck my dick. Oh yeah, you don't think I will. Yeah, chew it. You're like, oh right, you don't think I'll suck you dick.

He's like, you won't suck my dick. And then we did a really realistic girl job. And there was a small list backstage and stuff that people said, like, during that, because the whole show, you know, the show was kind of tough, but there were some nice scenes, and so people kind of liked us,

and then this happened, and so it was like, oh no, please stop. Like, why are you doing this? They're like little comments from the... Yeah, they actually liked it. Hold their ladies, you really like it. Like, I like these guys, and now they're doing this.

Except for the overall sex. Yeah. They were wrong. Yeah. Was this a mainstay show or a ETC? It was an attempt at a mainstay scene. Yeah. How long did it run?

Once. How long did it run? I think we did it once in about eight minutes. I think we did it like three or four times in the set. And then we might have tried it once in the show and then it vanished forever. When was the light pull at what point? Oh, well after Dorf came.

Well, and I, and then there was just, there was like a minute of silence because it was just, it was me with my back to the stage. So all you saw were like his hands gripping, you know, like gripping my shoulders, he like leaned over to the side and kind of collapsed over me. And then there was a good minute of silence

where we just dealt with what the hell our anger had led us to do. It was basically because those like, frat guys used to come in and like, say shit, you know? And it was like, when you asked for suggestions or something, or just like, or just like, say shit like, oh, fuck this, you know? Like, yeah, fuck you dude.

And then it was like that bullshit posturing and shit like that. And so we just wanted to see like, if this male aggression was taken out to this end of calling a bluff. It's like this is what happened to what your anger could lead you. Like your false or whatever,

bullshit anger could lead you to. So we just dealt with it for a minute. And then I don't even remember what the out was. We might have just been a slow fade on us. Like, or I think we ramped up the fight again. Like, yeah, yeah. You wanted that fuck you. You wanted that.

Like that kind of thing. This is the sun. This is wild because you only ran that a few times and only once on stage before it was cut, but that is the answer. Yeah. It's two. Every word he said.

Yeah, that's the word for word the answer. I know. That is funny with we all do world news now. And it's like, it doesn't happen as much, but in the second half of world news, we'll be like, we're gonna solve your problems. What are, ask us a question about a problem in your life. And we'll get people every once in a while

used to having more often. We're instead of saying a question, they'll just be like, a guy in a dildo, like a call for like scenes, like they want a specific scenario, and they're saying a question, they'll just be like, a guy in a dildo, like a call for like scenes, like they want a specific scenario, and they're expecting a laugh, because they're like, this is improv, that's where I shout out shit.

But all the time, it's just, yeah, I mean, I'm always expecting the laugh. Yeah, when I don't get it, I'm crushed. I mean, TG, you were right, is the sun, is it? Yeah, oh nice. But if you touch me, you'll die, you can touch the sun, right? No. okay.

You're far away. That's too far away. That's the only reason. I think we've done this one before, but it's a part of a three questions in an email. What gets bigger the more you take away from it? A whole. A whole.

And then this one, what goes up and never comes down? That deer that jumps. The stock market, baby! Yeah! And then this one what goes up and never comes down that dear that jumps the stock bucket For those who can see TJ took his mega hat often whisked in there I'm gonna whisk this beer. Wicked it up. It's like Mary Tyler Mark. We're gonna make it a good time after all. Yeah, it's the stock market. No, the stock marketation does go down. Oh, yeah, that's a bummer. Is it my confidence?

My money. What goes up and ever goes up? Aaron, you know that's not true. Oh, I, well, how dare you? Your confidence flatlined years ago. What goes up and never comes down? Well, that's the only clue that that's the only clue that you get what goes up and never comes down Oh, it's got a big that's really great. No, Tim. She goes back to oh, it's got to be age your time. Yes, it is age I guess up is a subjective way to look at that

Picks up. I feel like I'm 30 years young. Yeah Yes, more for more that. Pixar. I feel like I'm 30 years younger. Yeah. Can you help me? Can you help me? Morec from Orc. That's true. Mm-hmm. Bidding with you. Did he be younger?

They aged backwards in Orc, I think. Because I think, wasn't Jonathan Winters his son? And Jonathan Winters like started, I think, so. Yeah, yes. And Jonathan Winters started like 70, or maybe he was not old, but started at 60 and was aging. I feel like they're. Age younger.

There was maybe post college, maybe like age 25. I found, we are in your like 25, right? No. Right. I feel like I tapped into a vein of like, they're told you heard birthday with the year today, maybe hours ago. What am I a fucking memory doctor?

But I tapped into a vein of like, through whatever influences, peer influences, I tapped into a vein of like watching old Jonathan Winters videos, which if he haven't seen him improvising It's like the most genius. I like him better than Rob Winters Oh, I think he's it's way less man You're gonna do better than you. I do I would revise by statement teachers at the best Yeah, which is the best

I watch winters and then who's the guy you might know his name. It's a guy who is that's who it was a guy who used to pretend to be drunk at like the Dean Martin roasts. Oh Yeah, forced but he would do he would like roast somebody first witterkirt. No First grade goes dog, but it's a guy who would pretend to be drunk at like the Dean Martin roasts and it was it's the funniest fucking thing you've ever seen. Yeah Man, there is it's there's something for us to do about his name. It usually had the beard and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Like cartoon hiccups almost like bubbles coming out. Yeah, yeah.

I watched that before. Yeah. The funniest. Speaking of the funniest, this riddle comes to us from Ali. Ali writes, what has four letters? Never has five letters, but sometimes has nine letters. What has four letters? What has four letters?

Never has five letters, but sometimes has nine letters. Yeah, boy. Our. This one is a thinker. That's four letters. And it never has five letters. Ali does include a clue, but I'm not gonna give you the clue because I think the clue just gives it away. Is it like 4 and 14 or something? 4 and 14. I didn't do the math on that way.

No, it's not. You do the math. I'm doing the Alfredo Olive Garden 2006. No, it's not 14. And it's not 4 and 14. So it has to be, I mean, it can't be the same word. Allie also says love the podcast so far. So far. Move. This is from August 6th. You guys crack me up. I, I'm going to call it, I want to call it scene right now. Okay. And, and so this is is a terrible idea for a scene,

but I'm gonna basically be like Pat's Aject, but we'll call it like, we'll love guest words, so that I'm not really Pat's Aject. And you guys are all contestants, and all I want you to do is roll the wheel, spin the wheel, ask for a letter, and then try and guess the puzzle. Okay.

All right, Mark, you're up. Cleveland, it's where I'm from, Pat. I, four. Let's see if we have any fours. Yep, we have two. We're gonna stop real quick and just let the contestants know that please do not call the host Pat. You do have to call him Matt and his last name is Bojack. I'm sorry Matt.

I think I'll spin again. Yeah. Do you want to take a guess? Oh, there's two fours. Yep. Four fast, four furious. Sorry. No, I think.

OK. All right, Carol. Thanks for playing. Hi, I'm Carol. I have three kids. And I want to see a three. Let's see. There is a three. Let's see. There is a three.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, four, four, four hundred and forty-three. Great guess. No. Oh, no, so close. So close. All right, so close. Yeah, big money.

Okay, I'm from Cleveland. I want to let you know. I am the first guy's brother. Here we go. Let me see. The first guy. Zero. Here we go. Let me see the first guy Zero let's see if we have any zeros Three zeros who What's that Billy Joel album for 43 4 0 0 ocean dry? Wow, great. Yes. No, I'd like to solve the puzzle go ahead. I am

And I'm over here to dress dress. My name's Vanna. Off-white. Off-white. I've seen the flip-flips. And she ever said that and I'm over here in a dress. Yeah, that's your catchphrase. That's your catchphrase. And I'm over here in a dress.

How rich do you think she is? How much do you think both of them make per episode? I literally looked this up two days ago. Why? What? Because jeopardy is now on Netflix, and so I watched all these episodes of Jeopardy, and I'm like, Alex, you're backspinning this

for 35 years or something? I'm like, he's gotta be worth like a billion dollars. So I looked up how much Alex Trebek is worth. He's worth 50 million, and he makes 10 million a year, which doesn't. Wow, what's he blowing it on? I don't know. I'm doing.

I'm doing Honestly, I'm trivia books. Oh man. My name's Alex Trebekend. I crash airplanes into each other For fun. That's my fun afternoon. Of course the planes each cost about 150 grand But then I had to pay the families of the pilots He's constantly like Brewster's millionaire in his life like I by stamps and feed him to pigs and then I eat the pigs. Pay the cups to play me in a game of baseball. I paid a linebacker for $450,000 to beat the shit out of it. And then suit him. But it said that paid it said that Pat

Chae Jack was worth more than him. So I think Pat Chae Jack was worth 80 million. Oh yeah. So I believe he's worth 80 million. And Vanna White I believe is not worth as much as much as you think. I think he's worth Pityless. Pityless. And homeless, honestly. He lives in the studio. Oh yeah. To describe someone as Pityless is such a terrible thing. Honestly, I don't want to say this. It's rude, but she lives in a van. Yeah. Like many women she gets paid in dresses. of them. Like many women she gets paid in dresses. When you said I'm over here to dress, I thought you were saying I'm over here a good dress. Like a dress is having a conversation.

The lead actress in 27 dresses, do you know what she got paid? 27 dresses. One dress. Oh no. See, I bet if a man made that part, he made 27 dresses. Yeah, who's the romantic co-star in 27 dresses? Mairston and I know that and I'm embarrassed. Yeah, I think Mairston made like 40 dresses in that movie. Holy crap. Yeah.

Well, he was super dreamy. I don't mind if I do. Don't mind if I do. Is that a romantic comedy? Aaron. I just looked at TJ as if he was going to write it. She just like, I'm going to write that write it. I'm gonna write that fucking thing. I wanna see you seeing this is gonna be the two bus doughnions.

I guess not correct. What do you call somebody from? Massol. Holyoke. But what would you call from Massachusetts General? Massol. Massol? No, that's the drugatory.

Wow, that'll work. Did you hear what he said? I mostly just hear New Englander. Okay, so you're two New Englanders. That's fair. And so you're pleased as much of, as much as little accent as you want to give. And the two of you are trying to spitball.

You went to a pitch session at HBO for, what was the, don't mind if I do. Don't mind if I do. So you went in for something else, HBO hated it, but they said we are trying to play with this property. Don't mind if I do, the property of course, just being hated it But they said we are trying to play with this property. Don't mind if I do the property Of course just being the name so that you do you have five minutes to come up with a pitch for HBO all right If I like a day man can do this we got it we got this all right a zoo a zoo

What a zoo fuck you dude is it animals? I didn't say zoo fuck off. What did you say? You said zoo. Oh, you're turning on each other This is all right hot abalone. Hot fucking hot abalone. Crescendo movie crescendos in a hot abalone. Okay, all right Movie crescendos in a hot abalone Yeah, like that the fucking climax all right, you haven't mentioned one character You haven't mentioned whose fallen in love is it a balloon and another balloon? You know what's hot right now homosexual it is hot if you're gay then you gay you just need to tell me it's bankable it's

box office bank you're so in the closet right now it's hurting come on don't she don't tell me that it's a bad don't tell me that it's cool Just if you I love you you like my brother. If you if you get it Yeah, okay, we I'm sorry. We're gonna stop you right there. Um So so far the pitch is to homosexual balloons. Yeah, yeah, we love it. We love it You left the room but since we heard it. We love it. We love it. We walk back in here accidentally Brainstorm and we were brainstorming. We were brainstorming. We got to walk and walk while we brainstorm. Do you know what the H&HBO stands for?

Hello. Why don't we leave it at that? Do you guys have an answer to this rental? Four, never five, sometimes nine. What has four letters? Never has five letters, but sometimes has nine letters. Can you give us the smallest, the, just a touch of saffron of a hint? No, but I will give you a big hint. Are they letters of the alphabet?

The clue is this. This is not a question. This riddle is a statement. Sometimes, some and sometimes. Hmm? Wait. No. Wait, give us the hint of the answer. The clue is it is not a question great say say the What has four letters what never has five letters, but sometimes has nine letters? It's a what has four letters never the word never has five. Yes, sometimes Just says your ass it just says it was sent science you delivered. This is from Ali Ali. Ali. Thank you so much.

I let you know you are now my sworn enemy. You fucking roasted that I will until the day I die. I will track you down There's not a town in the world you can hide from me from Holyoke, it's beautiful. Yeah, our town has tons of alleys Yeah, don't hide in New York This one's from Bob from Boston Bob says I love this freaking podcast. I've hoped for a riddle theme podcast forever But figured that if it ever did happen it would inevitably be made by lame people the target audience for riddles Classic roast classic Boston roast.

But this thoughts with, I was Polish in my silvery way. Yeah. But this podcast is freaking hilarious and terrific, so thanks, he is one of my riddles. Agnes is on trial for murdering her sister's husband. The judge is convinced that Agnes is guilty and should be punished for her crime.

But he decides that it would be unfair to send her to prison. Why? She's about to die. She's about to die. The judge is about to kill her. He's like, can't send you to prison. You're always dead.

She's a horse. Yes, Aaron. Thank you. Explaining now. Okay. Let's see. That did happen though. Yeah, dead stop.

And like the 1600s, there's like a pig who killed somebody and they put it on trial found at guilty and then were like, So Agnes is on trial. For murdering her sister's husband. So she's on trial for killing another horse. Oh, back then you could marry a horse or pig. Okay, Aaron, you were, we're gonna see a quick scene.

Let's see, teacher, you're gonna play the judge. Adel, you are going to play the defending, the defense attorney. You are defending Aaron. Aaron is a talking horse on trial for killing a man that she catfished into marrying her. And I'll just be the bailiff. Councilor, I'll briefly entertain your motion and then we'll continue onwards.

Your Honor, my client is a whore. Are you making fun of me? No, no. So your Honor, if this man is making fun of you, the bailiff will surely take care of him. Your Honor, my clients accidentally hurt someone. Now, is my client sorry? Nah, my client is very sorry. But hey, his four horses, and by hey, I mean,

habeas corpus. Excuse me? habeas corpus, I was helping you. Give me back my index cards. Hey, you dropped all the flow. Excuse me. Havious Corpus, I was helping you. Give me back my index cards. Yeah, I'll sue you. You dropped it all to floor. Havious Corpus is for horses.

Say that 10 times, fire us. I don't have to. Now, just. You can't make me do stuff. I make you do stuff. Turn about his fair play, judge. You make him say all this. You should have to say something, he say.

I'm doing like three times. Havious Corpus is for horses. Havious Corpus is for horses. Havious Corpuses for horses. God, I love you, Joe You're just a reindeer then But your honor this horse is a breeding horse Mm-hmm. So this horse lives a life of frivolity and sexual behavior Excuse me Can I speak for myself? Yeah, I told you not to but I live a

life of frivolity and sexual behavior. Thank you. If I'm a horse that could speak at least let me speak. God damn it. If I turn into a creature, I will eat your face. Man, I'll eat my face. Oh, George, please. Mayor, you are entitled if you care to to represent yourself if you would want to. I would just like to get a new lawyer, one who doesn't. A new lawyer? One who isn't punned base. Someone does feel a little bit lousy with your honor. The horse is also the mayor. And holds no official title. But it's a. It's the mayor.

You are to this whole case stinks a full play. Do you have, does anyone have any more or can we continue? If you want to represent yourself you'll be in shitland. I'm still listening. I'm sure you have more of your thing. With the courts to knock a fair just read back. Nand all the

non-pun stuff that has been said during the last few minutes. It's mostly just buzzing in. The females still dog for each to gal up. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Oh boy.

Uh, no, Agnes is not a horse. That's a really good guess, Aaron. Can you read it one more time? Um, yes. Agnes is on trial for murdering her sister's husband. The judge is convinced that Agnes is guilty and should be punished for her crime. But he decides that it would be unfair to send her to prison. Why? Because the sister's husband was a bad person.

Yeah, sister's husband bank, I beat the sister. I have some clues for you. Is the prison part what would be unfair? Oh, do you know? That there would be, it would not be unfair to punish Agnes in some other way. Correct, but it would be unfair to send Agnes to prison. Is it because everybody had the guy who died?

No, that's not what he's gonna do with it. And Agnes did commit the crime. Because he worked at the prison. Yeah, so you can't go to her's work If you want to hurt his friends feeling what a big loophole If you kill a prison guard you can't go to that prison because it's too dramatic. It is the perfect crime Oh, I know I know I know it's happy day and it and it harkens back to a joke I made previously. It does.

Which is her and her sister are enjoying twins. Yes. It does. It does. It does. You have to get the beginning of the episode. I was like, I think that this is a great one to end on. Because yes, Agnes and her sister are enjoying twins.

It would be unfair to send her to prison because then her sister would also be going to prison. And GPC, can you say the correct answer again but say twins correctly? Uh yes, it would be unfair because Agnes and her sister are Antwins! And Conjuring twins! Okay so why? He used to love songs! So what?

She's a love song! What is the story behind this? Why is she killing him and why didn't the sister... The sister should go to jail too because couldn't she have stopped her? I want to see her when he's getting murdered. This will be our final scene before we wrap up the episode. I want to see a final scene Let's have let's have JPC and Aaron are gonna be conjoined twins Teed you're gonna be the spouse of one of these twins. We'll find out who and this is Moments leading up to the murder and you know what Vivian if I want to take a couple of my hot air box and make a couple of sports bets

Then I'll be goddamn if I can't drop 50 on the Pacers You know what you know what that you could do with that money? I know feed our kids, buy me something every once in a while, clean your shirt. You know what I did with some of my sweet ass women, but your sister a little repair kit for her walk man. Oh God. Oh yes. Oh, the man, the man parts of the song. She just keeps playing the same part of the song over and over. It's like she doesn't know the rest of the song. I swear to God she sings it better than died. Oh no, no one sings it better than died.

Oh, how dare you go up to die. I don't like that. How could you? You know what? You know what? I'm out of here. No, you can't go nowhere. I'm leaving right now.

I'm by. Bye. Hey, my sewing knives. Bye, bye. Bye. Hey. Oh my throeing knives. Oh my rips. Oh my rips. Oh I got that right in my ribs. I was like, it's like a mermaid.

It's like a mermaid who's been hooked. Like a trawler. It's right in between the two. We cut this EVS. What seems to be your problem, sir? Gee, she's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom.

She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom.

She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom.

She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the bathroom. She's coming to the. And that brings us to the end of today's episode. TJ, thank you so much for being here. I'm glad you guys are here. Thank you so much. Pleasure. Do you have anything in particular that you would like to plug? Oh, no. Oh, hey, if this does come out in April,

we might be doing a show called Trio's, at I.O. Where it's a trio of scenic improvisers and a trio of musical improvisers. Julie Nichols usually on piano, brother John, on bass, and we'll have a horn player more than likely on either trumpet or saxophone. And we're just trying to mess around with the ways that we could have a conversation back and forth

between a trio of scenic improvisers and a trio of musical improvisers. That's awesome. Yeah, I like it. It's really good. And even if the improvisation, the scenic improvisation is terrible, then the music is really fun. And it's as enjoyable to watch musicians improvise and come together and find their own rhythm as it is to watch that happen with scenic improvisers.

Do you know any of the improvisers? Oh, yes. I'm sorry. come together and find their own rhythm as it is to watch that happen with Sina. Do you know any of the improvisers? Oh, yes, I'm sorry. It's Billy Bungeroth, Emma Pope, and myself. That's one of them. And it's called Trios. Yep. And so people can probably go to the IOS Chicago's website

if you're interested in look at the dates that that is possibly out. So it will run through once a week through April, and then the first two weeks of May. Oh, cool. And if I may say, a lot of our listeners are curious about improv in terms of getting into it. And I read you wrote a book on improv.

Dave and I did, yeah. Improvizing at the speed of life. Improvisation at the speed of life, the TJ and Dave book, I believe. Yeah, so check that out. If you're interested in doing improv, that's an incredible book to start with. And yeah, absolutely. And if you're interested in reading books, yeah. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

Either one of those things. Flipping through the, you know, licking through the page. Yeah, it's only about 180 lids. So, and you get to work pretty good. People find that scene of you in Kevin Dorf. In their fever nightmares. In the depths of YouTube.

I do want to mention that we do have a, we have our second ever live show coming up. We'll be coming to L.A. Ever heard of it? Oh, I guess it's Hollywood, California proper. We'll be coming to the Hollywood improv. This is going to be Sunday, May 12, which I believe is mothers. It is Mother's Day. So grab your mommy. It's technically mother's night.

Oh yeah. Because it's mother's night. Congrats you guys. That's great. But we'll be there May 12th in L.A. at 7.30 p.m. at the Hollywood improv. So by your tickets now, you can grab this on ticket web. And we hope to see you there. So please check that out. We also have new merch in our merch store.

You can go to T public to check that out. Some new items by Ray Glass and Emily Cardamas. So check that out. Please leave us some reviews or ratings on iTunes. Check out our Patreon. And I also, I don't think we ever mentioned it, but somebody got a Heyrider Rittle tattoo. Oh, yeah, and we definitely want to encourage that Yeah, it's now it's not it's not like the logo. It's like

Can you don't you got a canoe dog tattoo. Yes, so if you which was incredible so if you get a Heyrider Rital tattoo We were so sorry. We'll be so weirded out by that. Please email to us so we can give you a shout out Aaron anything to plug? Just follow me on Instagram at Aaron keepube10 and I'll plug my shows there. Yeah, and you can follow me at Twitter, JPsoFly, or Instagram at SharkBarkman. I will be posting pictures of my dogs, spaghetti, until one or both of us are dead. And Aaron, that horse you played earlier in Quartz, of course that horse's name was... Jupiter! ...by forever. How are you, parents, and the people ready? Local created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N. the Morris.

But you before hate risk a brick, young man. podcast.