Hey Riddle Riddle - #392: Wrist Cyst w/ Janet Varney

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

All four hosts are back!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin Keif4th Host:Janet VarneyEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/RIDDLE and get on your way to being your best self.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. Now get a savory sausage McMuffin with egg plus hash browns and a small coffee for just $5. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Time. Yeah, no need for account for this one. You guys are all good.

I guess I'll just leave. No counts. No, no. I know. Bye. Bye. though. Oh, is this the line for Hey, Riddle, Riddell.

Is this where it starts? Yeah, this is the end of the line, so. Whoa, did you camp here overnight? This looks crazy. I'm a bit of a riddlehead. Cool. It's what the podcast calls their listeners, I think. I can't really remember.

They've been through a few iterations. Future lizards, maybe with something. Anyway, would you like some Mountain Dew? Um, if this is, looks like it's boiling, hot, so yes. Got to get all the syrup out. I mean, I thought I didn't have to get here this early. I figured.

Well, it's a special show. It's a special, we're in life for a special show because all four hosts are here. Janet, I didn't even know. Oh, yeah. That's why most of us are camping out, you know, because we. Oh, sorry. There's someone in that tent. Does someone want to take my place?

I thought I was in line for the lion. That's what I heard, that this was the lion for Hayridor. I'm a big feline fan. So if anyone wants to take my spot, I'm going to piece out and go to the zoo. I don't know. This is sort of a lateral move to that. I think you might enjoy this. You're already waiting a line.

Oh, okay. And I thought that they were doing another parody Lion King episode where they sing, what was it, like, sexual parodies of Lion King, I think. I think you're safe and saying sexual blank. Yeah. I'm actually going to cut it into the front of the line now that you said that. If that's a possibility, I got to be in the front of the line of this baby. I'm cooking out, by the way, if anyone wants like a hamburger or anything, anything like that. Wait, what was the second option?

Hamburgers? No, I think it was. Oh, the other option that wasn't hamburgers? I'm also making hot dogs. I'm sorry. Janet, can you help me out here? JPC should not be allowed to use this soundboard if I also don't have one. Oh, Aaron.

I signed a contract that said that JPC would exclusively. use the soundboard. I was told that I couldn't participate in the show unless I signed that contract. What? I wouldn't need help. I'm sorry, Erin. I don't have a soundboard.

See, this is weird. You guys, this is weird and hard. That's trippy that you said. And why do you have that? Hey, Aaron, why don't we all relax, have some hot mountain dew and raise a glass to the one and only Janet Varty. Janet Varty, welcome to the show.

Oh, thanks. You got. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that is so hot. That is so hot. Is that awesome? I don't really able to take anything for a while now. They shouldn't be in glasses either. We should get like coffee mugs or something.

It's called out of deal. Baja scald? Love a Baja scald. You guys, we're in 2026, and I think maybe, what if we started something a little new? What if there were consequences to JPC's actions this year? Huh? Speaking from personal experience, I don't like that. So as someone who's experienced consequences from my actions,

for my actions, I would, I prefer never have that happen again. I mean, we got one vote, no, one vote, yes. I'm open to, I just, what would that look like? Like, I'm trying to imagine how the world would keep even turning if there was like a consequence for every time JBC did something for which there should technically be a consequence. I don't know, bitch. Aaron, Erin. Can I go with your, can I go if I don't even, you don't even need me?

Okay, let's do a quick experiment. JPC, you're going to be me. You can use whatever sounds I say on the soundboard. Adel and Janet. I want to, okay, I'll do a scene. How about a seat? I'll set up a scene. It's going to be Adel, Janet, and me, soundboard me.

And you are three people in a submarine. Okay, great. And you're getting a little claustrophobic and board. Okay. Ooh, I sure I'm hungry on this submarine. I wish I had some... Hot socks. Yeah, that's it.

Thank you. Make it hard for him, Adel. Oh, yes. You know, my schnauzer is at home in Oklahoma City and, you know, temperature is spreading in the 90s, high 90s, I think. So he's probably a bit of a... Hot dogs. Yeah, that's right. I am a big fan of, you know, people like McDreamy and, you know, like Doc Hollywood. Are you gay? I was going for hot dogs, but like docs? Answer the question.

But that's cool. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. I've reached too far. I eichorist.

I really icorist that one. Stop talking about milking me. Well, it looks like there's a hole in the submarine. So I guess this is it. Oh. Well, no, nobody's safer. We're going to drown anyway. So don't waste your energy.

She's drowning in the mayonnaise inside this submarine. You're watching Dune? Okay, Seed. Okay. All right. All right. I guess you don't need me. I think I have everything I need from you at this point, Aaron. Gosh. Brutal.

Brutal. Starting to feel like I can't tell. I can't see Aaron's mouth moving at all. And I don't remember all of these moments. So, I'm 26 ventriloquist act. I'm having. I'm free. I'm not. You were, someone who was cooking out earlier. Can't say who wasn't out there in the line. But I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out.

because I don't know what's real. And that, my friends, is 2026. Yep. All right. All right. All of our episodes for the past year have just been JPC hitting a button on a soundboard, including what I'm saying right now. I was doing the only one I was sure of. We outsourced a lot.

And everybody, you know what? I hope you guys enjoyed your long vacations. Okay. I'm doing this out of the goodness and graciousness of my own heart. Janet, you're joining us at the best possible time of the year because we are firmly in the middle of San Francisco Sketchfest. So I, because what's today? Today is the 21st. So we still have some sketch fest left.

How many heart attacks have you had? Well, as you guys remember, I did have a heart attack live on stage at the Hey Riddle Riddle show. would not have expected JPC to be the one giving me mouth to mouth. That actually came as a bit of a surprise. Before the heart attack even happened. Before the heart, hence causing the heart attack. It's one of those snakes eating its own tail situation. Someone asks us there a doctor.

I heard dog turd. So I stepped up because I thought. I'm a doctor. Did you say doll hair? Did you say dog turd? Hold on. Don't give me a lobotomy. That's not going to help my breathing right now. I did not get enough sleep for whatever this is.

And that is Sketchfest. Every day of Sketchfest is me saying I did not get enough sleep for whatever this is. It's three weekends, correct, Janet? It's three weekends and then just almost every day in between during the week. I think the last couple times we've gone, it's been the last weekend. And at this time we're going the first weekend. And at this time we're going the first weekend. That's right. And so you're going to be less. Fresh as a daisy.

Fresh as a daisy. I'm going to be fresh as a daisy. I was. I was fresh as a daisy. So if you're listening to this when it comes out. It happened. You've already missed Hey, Riddle Riddle's show. Better look next year, moron.

But there's still two more weekends full of shows that you can see. So check out other shows at SF Sketch Fest. If you're in the same for you. disco area. Bunch of great stuff. Bunch of great. If you like Hey, Rittle Rital Rital, there's a bunch of great stuff waiting for you on the other side of that show, which was freaking awesome.

Some would even say even better stuff. I would say that. I would say that. I would say even better stuff. I can't say that. I'm allowed to. I'm allowed to say even better stuff. Cast reunion of news radio?

We didn't. All right. We even better. Can we make that happen? I think we did do that. Can we make that happen? Can we make it happen again? No.

I'm trying to remember For several reasons. I'm sure I have plenty of Andy Dick's stories that I have blocked from my brain. I want to see in 2026, I want to see just Joe Rogan and Andy Dick sharing a stage together.

I want to see what that would be. Coming up with comedy gold on that stage. A lot of wisdom would be dropped. Before going on stage and not dropping any wisdom. Floored littered with wisdom. Janet, it's a new year. How do you feel about riddles?

Are you still into riddles, Janet? Yeah, 2026, again, I feel like reality itself is crumbling. 2026 feels like a perfect time to really lean in, embrace riddles with the understanding that at least I know ostensibly that it is a riddle going in. Yeah. There's a sense of security to that. It's like I'm putting on the safety belt before the course. crash. Because at least I know it's a riddle.

The rest of the time, I don't know. I don't know what's real. So I think this is the year. I think 2026 is the year to fall in love all over again or for the first time. Yeah. It's like when the gladiators knew that they're going to fight a lion versus like, oh, the gates opening, who knows what's beyond there. Yeah.

Is that what we're? Yeah. Excuse me. I'm here to fight a lion for Hey, Ridderella. No, I'm sorry. Get in the back, buddy. All the way to the back. We've been way.

Thank you, sir. Please stop stabbing those tents. Well, let's get into some riddles here. I have our very first one. JPC, Aaron, are we still on, we still on board with riddles? Yeah, of course. Would it matter if I wasn't? I guess it's my big question.

I hate to say that there's another Aaron who would be willing to do riddles. Aaron? Hot dogs. And Aaron, that's not a threat. That's just letting you know we do have backup. I know. And Aaron, we do. we do technically legally

just for posterity we do need your consent before we start giving your riddles so you do have to just an affirmative of some sort mm-hmm heard soon

come on come on and Grock put Aaron's voice in a bikini oh my God honestly I would rather my likeness and my voice be used by AI

than JPC JPC is super bad for the environment. Did you know it takes a thousand gallons of water for JPC to press a button? And that water can never be used for anything else. I know, is that crazy? After I'm done with it. It's gone.

It's gone on the code skull. You know what, I actually am totally on board with riddles. Oh, hell yeah. I actually have a great attitude. That's perfect, Aaron, because this should be a walk in the park. A man looks out of a window. He is desperate to open it. Yet he knows this would kill him.

Why? Did I call my shot submarine? Aaron, you somehow called your shot. She's a witch. He is in a submarine suffering from claustrophobia. I would like to see a plane. He could also be on an airplane, absolutely. In underwater.

You guys, am I crazy? That's crazy. First one. Aaron, you're so good at riddles that you are starting to have premonitions. This is like Mothman prophecies. You're starting to have visions about future answers to future riddles. I have magic powers. So this is your, not only are we into riddles, but Aaron can predict riddles.

Shadow, uh, Echo, Glove. Okay, I think you're now saying, just saying military codes. Shadow Echo Glove, this is Echo Niner. Aaron tried to activate the winter soldier over there. Did it work? Yeah, probably. You're the winter soldier right in. Aaron, did you actually want to see a scene?

No, I mean, the scene I wanted to see I saw earlier. It isn't that crazy. Did you want to call a scene now for what the answer to the next? Oh, that's so good. Oh, I love this. Yeah, you should definitely do that. Love this. Okay, I'd like to see a scene.

Janet, you are a banker. Of course I am. And Adel, you are trying to get some money out of the bank. And Janet, you already spent his money. So you're trying to get him to change his mind. Yes, welcome to my room. And I understand you're interested in making withdrawal from the piggy bank that you have been making deposits into. Yes, I've been consulting with a lot of financial advisors.

And they told me that this was the stupidest thing I've ever done to put my money in a piggy bank. But you were selling lemonade. You had a trustworthy face. And I just want to sort of get that money back. Yeah. And I want to apologize. I also burn my tongue from that hot lemonade. So that's actually why I sound like this now.

Oh, that's really good. But, yeah, how much would you like to withdraw today, sir? I'll take all of it. I believe it was $38,000. Yeah. Oh, and this is a, your room is, is this a range rover? It's a range rover made out of diamonds. Oh.

That is bonkers. Yeah. That must have cost way more than $3.000. I inherited it. I inherited it. I inherited it. So we don't, I don't know how familiar you are with the banking system, but we don't have access to that amount of. I know that it looks like a physical thing should be inside this piggy bank, but that's sort of an existential piggy bank.

And so I'm not able to access most to all of your money today. So you're saying like bank faults are just sort of for display. Bank vaults are for display only. That's correct. So if you wouldn't mind leaving. Fair enough. I actually have an appointment I'm getting from. Hey, I got a delivery for a rainbow pony.

A $200,000 rainbow pony. What the fuck? I can't believe it's here. That came so fast. I just ordered it yesterday. Yeah. You wanted it. Online it said dead or alive.

So that's okay, right? Uh-oh. Okay, I'm going to. go downstairs. Excuse me, sir? Yes? I may help you. Oh, I guess it runs to the family. Hot lemonade. No, no, thank you. That man is a stranger to me.

Oh, boy. I had my fill of hot lemonade. See, no. Did I do it, Adel? Did I get it? Let's see. What kind of lemonade? Yeah, never mind. Magic rope.

That's done. I'm going to say right now, I predict that through the course of this episode, there will be a moment in which some piece of that scene, we will be like, oh, shit. Actually? Yeah. Like, it may not be as literal as we think, but I think it's coming. I believe in Aaron's magical powers. Thank you for believing in me.

Always. Here's a rainbow pony. Aw. It's dead. I don't know. Did I kiss you? Did the rainbow pony kiss you? Did I kiss the rainbow pony?

Did JCP give you about the mouth? Anyway, you slice that cake. I'm having a piece. Great. Great. My aunt Elise insisted on taking me to my local pub. But almost immediately, the landlady told her to get out. The landlady is generally very fair and open-minded.

So why did she do that? Because you're a kid. You can take kids in pubs. Well, she told my aunt Elise to go. Could you do that again in a British accent? It troubles me that you're saying pub and you're not using a British accent. Yeah. And say, my aunt Elise insisted on-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-my aunt-a-a-old insisted on taking

me to my local pub, but almost immediately the landlady told her, get out, isn't it? Get lost. Fuck off, right? The rain and Spain falls mainly in the plane. I think she's got it. I think she's got it. Okay. Did Aunt Elise

bring you to this pub and it was like closed? She like broke in after hours and the landlady was like, get the fuck out of here. You're breaking into the pub. That's a great guess. That is incorrect. Fuck. I don't, what? Why do we know that the landlady has anything to do with the pub at all? Like, what are we, what do we think the relationship to the pub the landlady has?

Because that doesn't mean the landlady. We can replace landlady with owner or bartender. Okay. I was assuming it was like an actual public house where we replace her with AI. Could we replace her with AI? Yeah. Yes, no, and yes. On the question.

He's pregnant. That's a good guess. That's a good medical guess. Did she not pay her tab? No, she is, she's Squared away. Okay. I wouldn't say she squared away.

The kid was a good guess too, Aaron. Wait, what was your guess? I guessed that she was pregnant. Oh, that is a good guess. Is the person saying it's like my aunt Elise, is Aunt Elise, is she like a gun owner, and she's like, this is my niece, and it's a gun, and she's trying to bring a gun into the pub?

A gun wearing a wig. Is there a reason why the, the, the, the, The niece or nephew is not getting kicked out, but Aunt Elise is. Is that part of it? The noose or newfew. Newfew. Yeah. In Britain, they call them noots or newfews. Open a book, JPC. You learn something. My life just got 75% better. He's a bit of a newfistiny. No, I know. I was the one who insisted you say aunt instead of aunt. But I'd like to revise that and say that the aunt is an actual insect. My aunt, Elise,

wanted me to go to a pub. And then when Aunt Elise came in, they were like, we hate ants. No, get out, insect. You. Mm-hmm. You could stay. You could stay. Do you understand.

Did you do it? I do want to see a scene. Get her out of here. I want to see a scene. This is a bar for insects. JPC, you are the bartender. Janet and Aaron, you are two patrons entering for the first time. Hey, what will it be?

I know I'm making icons. with both of you. It's, it can be confusing, but it's both of you. There's a lot of bar flies in here. I'll say, I'll take, uh, all right, do you want to drink or what's going on? Could I have some pollen and, uh, baby, what do you want? Um, do you have any, like, two week old spilled soda? Yeah, ooh, that sounds good. That's just been sitting somewhere under someone's bed for a while.

All right, all right, all right. Let's see him. Let's see the IDs. And two shots of piss. Oh, I've been asked for my ID in so long. What, this is so flattering. I'm flattering. Looks at my little bug pockets. Huh. Hmm.

I also, I usually keep my ID under my wing. That's correct. Oh, baby. It looks like maybe we dropped her IDs. Oh, brother. Guess you're just going to have to take our word for it. Look, look, you've got to be four days old to drink at this bar. There's no way the twos of you are four days old.

No way. We're old. I've laid 5,000 eggs. You think I'm less than four days old? That's so sweet. That's so sweet. Whoa, you don't even look like you could have 5,000 eggs. Hey.

Oh, here we go. That's my bug wife. What's for you looking at? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. rubbing hands together like an insect. Oh, say it one more. time now.

What are you gonna barf on me? One more time. Jeff, I'm doing you in favor. I think these are kids. Yeah, yeah. Seed. Seed, seed, see, see. Oh, man.

So JPC, what did you say there at the end? Huh? They're kids. Didn't I say that at the beginning? You said that at the beginning? That was your first guess. Your first guess was that you was a kid? Yeah.

Oh. I didn't hear that. Oh my God. No, it's okay. I. Oh. GPC, you get one more, one more, the whole episode. Okay, great. Great.

JPC. That's right, yeah. Elise is only 10 years old, so sometimes, in rare instances, your aunt or uncle can actually be younger than you. I don't even know if that's that right. It's that rare anymore. Oh, you said that she brought a kid. You didn't say that the aunt was a kid, right? I thought I did.

The aunt is a kid. I thought you said something about her being pregnant. Oh, no, that was the very first thing. The very first thing she said was she's a kid. I thought you were saying that she brought a kid, but I think I said both. The aunt can be a kid. Okay. I don't know, though.

Yeah. Says Elisa's only 10 years old. I would probably guesstimate that when Janet played that piggy banker, that was like a 10-year-old kid. Yeah, that you were expecting to be an adult. So I think your premonitions are still alive and well. Okay. Well, I accept your apology then. That means you have to call another scene and make another premonition because you're true for two now.

We aren't eating bread In her weird way A carboloading Okay, I would like to see a scene Um JPC Yes You are sourdough starter

And Adel, you're getting really into making bread And your sourdough starters Like starting to be a little bossy And have a mind of its own Okay, put in flaxi Is that right? Okay, let's go back to the recipe here. All right.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What are you doing? Come on, man. Just, not today. Not today. What are you trying to make? Don't, please don't start this.

Please. I'm just asking questions, man, man. What are you trying to make? Trying to make cinnamon rolls. Nah. Sourdough, cinnamon rolls. Come on. Let me give you a break.

I don't want to be that. Well, it's not up to you. I mean, you still remain you, and then I just pull off little chunks to use... And they're my little chunks! You had access to some of my best chunks. You're going to start making bread that I like to make. I just... I can give you bad chunks.

I prefer you just stop saying chunks. This, yesterday, I got really sick. I think if you could just refer to as like bits or pieces... But chunks. That's your words. And I got plenty of dough and I got plenty of stuff. and I got plenty of sour. And the next chunk you pinch off

make dinner rolls, I'm gonna make sure it's all sour. Do you have like relatives you can stay with? Or like... You're my only family, man. You made me. Okay. Well, I got you from a friend.

Do you remember Todd? Funky Todd. I remember about three years ago I got him to Todd? He dead to me. Do you talk to him still? Or can you talk to other pieces or chunks of yourself? Yeah, we talk.

Pugger? Can I be honest with you? Yeah. Todd fucks the dough. I'm going to have to throw you away. Scene. No one's going to call C. No one's going to throw you away.

Janet, you don't want to let them live in that? We could have had another 40 minutes of that scene and you're just ending it? Wow. Is JPC clip Janet saying, scene, no one's going to call sleep? I think we can get some mileage out of that. Yeah, that's definitely, we could use a lot of that. You guys really, really, really quick. I'm so sorry.

I do hate to get out in front of a riddle and not a little. allow you to say it because I know we're super into riddles now, but we have to be. That scene reminded me of when I was in college, I had two roommates, my friend Torrin, my friend Jen, I've known them both my whole life. Torin was an early adopter into like a lot of kind of like really fun granola-e hippie-dippy-dipy stuff because his dad was like very earthy. And when I was in college, Marlon, years ago, Toran announced to us that he was growing something called a kombucha mushroom in a cabinet of our apartment and that it had a lot of healthy,

curative qualities. And this is like 10 years before anyone heard of kombucha. And it smelled really, really bad. And I know that comes as a shock. It was just this flibbery. Like, I don't know what, I have to create a new word to describe this. It was like in a big metal mixing bowl. And the whole top of it was just a rubbery thing.

that I guess was the mushroom. And there was a time, there came a time when Jen and I were lightly bickering in the kitchen. And Torin came in and legit said in an earnest way, guys, please don't argue in front of the mushroom. Like it's going to get, it's going to pick up those fat vibes. Oh, boy. I can picture him wearing those shoes with like individual toes. Oh, yeah.

I would say he was wearing the closest two, which. is Tevas. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Also, one of the best human beings ever. If he ever finds,

I told the story, he knows it came in the spirit of absolute love and disgust at what he was doing. Don't fight in front of the kombucha mushroom. Does anyone,

does anyone sing to their plants or do anything like that? Because some people are very big on the like plants pick up on vibes and, you know. I mean, I talk to him when I'm watering him. What do you talk about? Do you ask them about their day?

Mostly I'm like, why do I have so many of you? How could I ever? This takes me such a long time. I take such a long time to go through it carefully water each one of you and test to see if your soil is dry. So I guess I guilt trip like a mom. I have a lot of plants and all of my plants are thriving. And whenever people come over, they're like, God, like, how does your monster are so big?

Like, how are your, you know, your plants thriving? And I, to fuck with people, I say like, oh, I sing to them. I sing to them when I, and I don't do that. But the plants get to. hear me say that I do that. So I think my plants and I have the same sense of humor where they're like, he's fucking with another person. He's fucking with another person. They don't want songs. They want, they want me to like fuck with people. So I think that that's, I think that's me and my plants are on the same wavelength. Beautiful. The, I, I, I just, no one sings to me to nurture me to make

sure I grow, think of how much I'd be thriving. If any of you called me and sang a little tune. My hair starts growing. Well, there's a special song for each thing that you need. Oh, your teeth are getting wider. Guys, stop. It hurts. Aaron, I'm putting a reminder in my task list to sing, call you and sing three songs. Don't pick up. If you see me calling, please do not pick up. You know what, I'm going to do the same thing. I think we should love mom her songs. No, Aaron, it's going to have to be a voicemail.

Because I want you to be like, oh, no, JPC's calling me. My voicemail box is full. Why does that not surprise me at all? It has been since like 2013. I've tried three times. What did you do of like a doctor calls you that wants to leave a message? They say they end up emailing me being like your voicemail box is full. Hi, this calls for Aaron Key.

My name is Ryan Johnson. I'm a director. I wanted you for the lead for Brick 2, but I... R-Y-A-N. Different guy. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. What if I want to?

Okay, I guess it could be a voice memo. I guess it could be... Aaron, if you get a couple of voice memos, and I'm going to try to make them songs that you really enjoy, okay? Oh, wait, guys, I'm sorry. I'm getting a phone call. Give me one second. Hello?

Tell as old as hard. Ooh. Who as it can be? Sorry, guys. I gotta take this. It's my doctor. But you're full of shit and you're overdue for an exam. I'm growing.

All right. Love you. Call you later. Bye. Bye. I did. I did. Wow.

Janet Marty hung up on me. Tell everyone. Well, your voicemail box. I'll never know if it was full. I'll never know if it was full. Oh, I'm getting another call. Hello? this is Aaron speaking.

Tale as old as time. How did you get this number? You have diabetes. Type 2 diabetes. You cannot eat candy. All right. Love you. Call you later.

Bye. Who was that? That was incredibly exciting. Some of your plants in JPC's house are dying. He promised he never sing. Well, okay. I was going to actually do it. And now I feel like I've fulfilled that obligation.

We like to get it done in the moment. Then your to-do list is just a little shorter. Adel, I'm so sorry. Did you have a riddle? I have a riddle, but would you believe it'll be said after this break? Wow. Break as old as break. She's going for scurvy.

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Are we not singing? No one's singing. We don't know the song. Adel, JPC, you may have noticed my new diamond and emerald necklace. I bought it with the money I saved using rocket money. Whoa. Mm-hmm. I realized I was spending.

like $800 a year on unwanted apps and subscriptions. And then turns out I don't need to do that. Rocket Money canceled them for me. Okay, Aaron, but this, I mean, this necklace looks really expensive. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Okay, I'm seeing a receipt out in the trash can't hear. I don't think Eric, grab your hand.

She spent a lot. She spent a lot on this necklace. The app consolidates checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give a user a clear view of their financial picture. I've been using Rocket Money for years way before they were ever a sponsor of Hey Riddle Riddell. And I love how clear their communication is. If there's a big spend on my card, it will let me know right away. And it will also let me know what upcoming bills I have to pay. And it'll even negotiate lower bills for you. What a dream.

And for someone like me who hemorrhages money, I can help set budgets and goals. I get personalized insights in regular reports, and I can receive real time, alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. Yeah, so I'm looking at Aaron's Rocket Money right now, and she has a goal for a new diamond necklace. Aaron, this is too many zeros. Aaron, this is too many zeros.

It's like 18 zeros. What's wrong? Well, let Rocket Money help you read your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com slash riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash riddle. RocketMoney.com slash riddle. I have to be honest with you guys. This is not a real diamond necklace.

It's a bunch of bugs I convinced to be in a diamond formation. It still costs $100,000. Pretty good. Adel, I mean, you know this. Managing a small business is difficult, right? I mean, it's just... Yeah, I have cat pies, which is my food truck where my cats make pies that I sell. And it's a real, it can be a real headache to have a small business.

Yeah, and I seem to recall that the health inspector refused to issue at a rating because he refused to acknowledge that it was a food restaurant. Yeah, we've had some, there's been some red tape with the animals serving the food, but we're working on it. We're working on it. Well, again, managing a small business can be hard. You've got to juggle multiple disconnected apps to manage your business finances. You have to be, you know, anxious about taxes. You might be behind on your books. You're always chasing receipts and keeping up with client invoices.

and sometimes you accidentally hire a construction company to bury one of your hosts into a big pile of sand. Completely unintentional. You meant to do something else. And that could be about any podcast co-host. And yeah, I'm trying not to make this about me. It's not a cry for, you know, attention here. But it's just the reality of owning a small business. But Found has eliminated the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all, banking, bookkeeping, invoices, and taxes. paying for multiple subscriptions in dealing with clunky outdated apps. I got to tell you, this bulldozer company, their app is trash. Well, I know that Found makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love, which is solving riddles.

And Found helps you find your buried co-hosts. Yeah, I don't know if it'll exactly do that, but it does identify the tasks that create the most hassle for small businesses, things like categorizing expenses, preparing for taxes, managing invoices, budgeting, and they build an app that does it all directly from your business checking account. So you have time to vet potential bulldozer companies before you even hire them to bury one of your co-hosts at a big pile of there. One thing that I love about found is that it automatically tracks expenses, which means that I don't have to carve out time every week for importing expenses, you know, to go through my purchases, to make. sure everything is accounted for. And again, I got purchase orders from all kinds of construction companies with all kinds of bold officers found. Makes it easy to see which one buried my friend Aaron alive in the sand. Yep. And don't take it from us. Take it from the electromagnetic recording that we

took eight feet underground of Aaron saying this. Take back control of your business today. Open a found account for free at found.com. That's fowund.d.com. That's fowund.com. found is a financial technology company not a bank banking services are provided by lead bank member fdic join a hundred of thousands who have already streamlined their finances with found thanks aaron i mean i that was her that was definitely her that's yeah she said that yeah the electro electromagnet that's how you get voices from their ground is electro magnets mm-hmm look it up we're not lying oh oh oh oh jpc hello it's me Father New Year.

Oh, Father New Year. What big white beard you have and looks like maybe was like a white-rimmed red hat that has been pastily painted like a different color? Oh, does it? That's weird. I've always worn this. Oh, oh, oh. Hey, listen, just so you know, Aaron Keefe is off in Bermuda with Joshua Jackson, they got married. Oh, that's good.

Good for him. Good for him bouncing back. I know he's kind of had a tumultuous time. Uh-huh. Not to say anything of what Aaron's had. But let me... Hey, Sam, hey, oh, I'm sorry, uh, what, not Santa. Uh, what, uh, Father New Year?

Father New Year. Lean in here. Look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're obviously Santa with painted clothes, but... Oh, yeah. If you want to get new clothes, why don't you just shop at Quince? Oh, JPC.

Uh, brings down my big blue New Year's bag of gifts. I love Quince. I give it to all the boys and girls. You know, as a fact. My outerwear needs to be especially impressive. So I buy down jackets, wool coats, Italian leather outerwear to keep me warm when it's actually cold. You know, that's the kind of stuff I buy for myself and gift to people around the world. Yeah, see, I mean, I love Quince because each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production.

Plus, by cutting up middlemen and traditional markups, Quince delivers the same quality as luxury brands at a fraction of the price. But Santa, it seems like you're giving all this quince away, but no one's kind of giving quince to you. And maybe this get up that you're wearing, that's you like asking for someone to maybe, you know what, Santa? I mean, not Santa. Whatever your name is, it doesn't matter. Here's what I'm going to do for you. I'm going to take off this cashmere sweater that I got at quince. I absolutely love this thing.

It is so warm. It is so comfortable. And Santa, or whatever, I'm going to give this to you as a new year's, gift. Oh, now the curse is lifted. And now you are Father New Year, aka Santa. Thank you. Oh, this is comfortable as heck. Thank you. Oh, good. Honestly, I wanted this. I thought I was going to have to Tim Allen you. Oh, oh, my normal voice is coming back. Oh, man. Hey, my name is Roger. I'm from Oklahoma. In 1972, I fell out of Chimdy. I don't want to. Quince is amazing. Thank you, Quince for turning me back into my normal self. Wait, is my voice going to change? Oh, man. I'm getting Tim Allen.

Anyway, refresh your winter wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, 2. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash riddle, free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash riddle. Oh, and I lied. Aaron is buried alive. And we're back, Aaron.

It sounded like you had a few doctors call you with a few maladies. Are you okay? You know, probably better off than I was before. I think the more stuff that gets added to my plate, it can only improve. Sure. Amen. And I do think having doctors seeing you, your diagnosis, I think, is soothing. Helps soften the blow, right? Totally.

Like, it's when you're a kid, when you are like, my throat hurts. I hope when I go to the doctor, I have strep so I don't feel crazy. That's sort of what's happening to me. Yeah. Bird. Hey, little thing you can't have a children's old. Don't even try now. Okay, love you picked one of the hardest ones to do.

Can I, I, I don't think this is too gross, but I, over the, over the holiday, like, break when we were not recording, I think I told you guys last year, no, no, no, no, in 2024, it's like the end of 2024. I had, like, a knee surgery because I had like a bone growth that I had to, like, get chipped off of my knee. You get, like, injections, right? You said knee surgery, not niece surgery, right? My aunt got rid of me. Yes, it was like a, it was a very minor knee. knee surgery, but I couldn't walk for like a week while I was like recovering because they have to open you up and like chip some bone off of your knee. But it was like this little piece of bone that had like been sticking out of my knee for 20 years and it finally started hurting. And so

I had to like, I had to get it removed. Whatever. So over Christmas break, I saw like another one on my wrist that just like showed up. And I was like, oh no, this is like there's like a little like bump on my wrist. So I made a doctor to point whatever went to the doctor. And they were like, good news is it's not. They took x-rays. They're like, it's not the same thing that's what happened on your knee. it's a ganglion cyst, I think is what they call it. It's like basically if like you're, sometimes it happens with like wrist injury where your, you know, your wrist can like release fluid into your wrist and like forms like a little cyst.

But they were like, I was like, what can they do? And they're like, well, we can like pop it. And I was like, oh yeah. I was like, I was like, that's cool. I was like, I could like watch you pop it. And they're like, yeah, you could like, we're going to, we could do that just to see if if cyst fluid like drains out, then it's fine. and it just is just like a thing that might happen

it might come back, it might not. So I was so excited because it was pretty big and I was so excited to see them pop it. But then the doctor, they took the needle and they like popped it and like a little bit of fluid came out. But then the rest of it just went into my wrist. They were like, yeah, just like. Here's what happened.

Here's what happened. JPC, there was a long tail to that. And JPC started by saying, I don't think this is too gross. And he started talking about his little chip off the old bone and we were like, oh, a bone, that's dry. Yeah, that's fine. You can talk about that.

And then you slowly worked your way into a super gross story. Now, Aaron. You can't do that to people. Now, Janet brings up a point that this was pretty gross. And Aaron, I want to ask you, are you comfortable if I name this episode, resist. No. Please. Janet, Adel, no.

If I may give you some advice. Please. Resist, resist. Resist. wrist cyst Yes revisit resist

wrist cyst I insist resist resist wrist cyst The systematic nature of wrist cyst cyst must be resisted You don't get to have fun

You told a gross story No The three of us get to have fun I want you I wanted it to be a gross story Nothing There was nothing gross about it Like it was a little bit of blood

That was all that was Gross You make me mad You make me sad You make me quays See. Clip that. Please clip that.

Here's our next riddle. Speaking of being grossed out, a woman watched her husband plunge headfirst down a deep ravine. She returned home. Oh, he's going down on her. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's why I said it's gross. Let's just be honest, we were 60-19. Do you see that's your last one?

You've surpassed the rule. I already did two more. I did the o'clock. A woman watched her husband plunge head first on a deep ravine. She returned home to find him in the kitchen chopping onions. How is this possible? Head first down a deep ravine? That's right.

They were at a water park and then they went home and he made tacos. They live at the bottom of the ravine. Cliff diving? Oh, I like that. Yeah. Like it enough for it to be the answer? Yeah, close but no cigar These are all great guesses

Oh, is the woman Miss Frizzle And he got Magic School Bust I'll take my answer off air I'll take my offer inside your body Hmm Head first down in deep ravine Obviously is not like literal There's something going on with head first

In this case it is This is one of the rare instances Where this is literal but there's something more to what's going on. Does the, wait, does what he's chopping matter? Good question. No. You could, let's say he's chopping broccoli.

Well, I don't know, because it was like he's chopping a head of lettuce or something. I mean, I would hate that. Is he like an actor in a movie? JBC, you are blazingly hot. You are Mountain Dew Baja scald. He is a stunt. Oh, a stuntman. He is a stuntman.

Aaron, ding, ding, ding. Her husband was a stuntman, and she had been watching him at work. I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are a stuntman, and we are your family. We're trying to have a family dinner, and you clearly got so hurt at work that day, but you're trying to play it cool. Dad, can you quickly just pass me the lettuce really quick?

Actually, Dad's gonna just Dad's just gonna sit in the old Barka Loungeer Oh, they pass Mindy the lettuce. It's lettuce, dad. It's not heavy. You know, why doesn't everybody, why don't we do this? Why don't we order pizza tonight?

No lettuce, huh? Kids, you like that? No lettuce? We just eat pizza. There was a full meal on the table. Taco Tuesday is Tosso Tuesday, Dad. Come on. Yeah, but it's lettuce.

Come on. What do we, uh... You know what? Let us pray. Dear Heavenly Father. Please help our real father. Not that you're not a real dad. Roger, I know you have kids too.

Put your hands together. Some people pray on the floor. I actually am going to get on the floor and pray. That's actually how Jesus did it. Roger, come on. It is. Your son is saying grace. Please help our dad and heal him from all the stuff he does,

but still make him a fun dad around the house because he likes to do little stunts around the house and stuff. Amen. And may I add, please let my husband know the time in his heart when it's time to retire. when his body can't take it anymore. No more passive-aggressive prayers. Mom, I'm on the prayer. And if I could just attack on, it's a quick PS.

Please let my dad know when he should pass me the lettuce. Hey, guys. First of all, I would think that this was all fine if you guys didn't liar-lier in me one week ago. And that was one of the worst days of my life. You beat the shit out of yourself in the bathroom. That was for a movie. You kept yelling the pen is blue. We watched you.

Set them ablaze. Dad. That was not us. Look, Jim Carrey said, I'm going to beat the shit out of myself, but I don't want to get hurt. So I let's have my stunt person do it, which absolutely sucked. But that's work, guys. I leave work at work. Okay, home is for home.

Let's just be a family. Hey, why don't we play a game, okay? Dinner was fun. Why don't we all play a game? Who can find dad a pillow that's so comfortable that he won't mind sleeping on the floor today? Ooh, I can. Great. Thank you, Rick.

Rick is the only one in this family. While I look around the room for that pillow, can you, tell the story of how when you stood in for Jim Carrey, you broke your left hand, and then Jim Kerry during the break said, you're all righty now? Well, you probably just told the story, right? That is the story. Punchline at all. You're wearing your blood red shirt, which you normally used to wear to cover up wounds that are actively bleeding. That's a coincidence, right? I was in such a hurry to get home. They left a bunch of squibs on me, and so I knew that, so those Squibbs would be going off at various points tonight, and that's why I didn't change out of the show.

Do a cartwheel. That's why if you see any blood on the floor, that's squid blood. Do a cartwheel. Yeah, do a cartwheel. I'm going to ask. Are we getting a divorce? Just a quick cartwheel, dad. No big deal.

Do a cartwheel dad. Cartwheel dad. Hold on. Cartwheel dad. Hold on. Cartwheel dad. I have never been able to do a cartwheel. Divorce.

Hold on. Let that be your mother's decision. You guys are divorced now. My mother's decision? I yell divorce. I know. Kids don't get to say divorce. I yelled it, though. I'm not the kid. I'm your wife. I've been your wife this whole scene.

Oh, boy. A scene. What are you talking about? Head injury. Can you imagine being at Christmas dinner and your mom says, I've been your wife this whole scene? What do you do? Where do you go from there? What do you do? What do you do when you do?

What do you do when you come? kind of want to call out in a scene that I think it's all righty then and not already now. And then you realize that's not the point. Addle misquoting Jim Carrey in a pun. It's not the point of the scene. Shut up, Janet. All righty then. Jim Carrey has a lot of those like very quotable lines.

Are quotable lines like have they gone the way of the dodo? Are we not doing those? You tell me, GBC, what's the big, tell me the big quote from Avatar. is it probably like I'm spider and I need to piss Can it be monkey boy They probably say that more than anything else in the movie actually What's the last?

I cannot believe Sigourney Weaver plays a child I cannot handle it in my bones you guys The last line of Avatar 2 is No shit That's really the last line The last line that you hear in Avatar 2 is spider going No shit Because they're like you're part of the people now

it might be oh shit but it's something he definitely says shit and that's the last line of Avatar Aaron real quick I'm going to read another riddle but we can edit this out Aaron so you don't want

any rules for women over 60 in Hollywood is that if Sigourney Weaver's going to play a 13 year old do you think? If that will prevent Sigourney Weaver

from playing another child then sure I'm willing to play her own mom in the movie as well in human form this is the world They say that there's no roles for women over 50, but they're just like, after 50, now you have to be a child. You just have to like, you have to circle back.

Circle life. It loops back around. Beverly DiAngelo is problem child. Okay, here's another riddle. Yes. I can stick a pin and a balloon without making a noise or releasing any air. How? You're in space.

Water balloon. No one can hear you scream. No, no. I like water balloon. Why do we know that it's like a real balloon? Could it just be like a thought bubble? You know like don't I call her a balloon in a cartoon that it's like a balloon of tie lock. Now I don't know how you stick a pin of that either.

So goodbye. Oh, Janet slammed the door. She's getting in a pneumatic tube and she's getting gished away. Is it like a hot air balloon that already has like a big opening in it? So when you stick a pin in it's not doing anything? Like you're sticking through the opening of the balloon? Great guess, but that is incorrect. Here's what I'll say is that there's actually another answer,

other than the one listed here and other than hot air balloon. If you put a piece of tape, if you blow a balloon, tie it, put a piece of tape on a balloon and take a needle and put it through the piece of tape, the balloon will not pop and it will not lose air. Whoa. So that's a little science experience to try. Wait, what? If you take a blown up balloon, put a piece of scotch tape on it.

Hold on. And wear that. That's clearly a condom, but I don't want to tell her. But if you take the needle out, it will deflate. I don't think so. Well, there's a hole in it. With the tape, though. I think the tape does some damage control.

I used to do this as a kid, and you can, I used to do it with like, there was like a little magic kit I had where you could put a pin in a balloon, but it had a piece of tape that the audience couldn't see. How much did you pay for that? The kit was a balloon, a pin, and a piece of tape, and it was $75. That one is like $38,000? Okay, well. Why didn't they make the whole balloon out of the tape? Can you put, if you tie the balloon off and you'd use the part of the balloon that isn't full of air, you can push a pin through it and nothing will happen.

It's just the bottom of the balloon thing. Janet, you are getting very warm. I can stick a pin in a balloon without making a noise or releasing any air. How? What's that little danger at the bottom of a balloon called? That's called the balloon. the balloon nut The embellion.

The balloon The butthole. The butthole. The butthole. He said it not me. The butthole. The what you call it cyst. Is your butthole not supposed to be freezing?

Aaron. Your God give me the strength to navigate this. To what? To what? To what? To what? To what?

To what? Far far away from riddles. Aaron, to what? Now you may not believe to hear it. I can run right to wind. Your God is not here, Aaron. He's never been here. There's only Zool.

I can be close and not be right. JPC. I can stick a pin in a balloon without making a noise or releasing in the ear. How? Now, Janet, you said the little dangle piece, the little butt hole. If you put a needle through that,

it meets all these requirements. And you're absolutely right. But that for the full complete answer, what's... The balloon's not blown up. Aaron, the balloon isn't inflated. The balloon could be inflated. The balloon could be inflated.

The balloon could be inflated. It could be. Take her away. It could be. I say it could be. What's this jacket? Why can't I move my arms? I do want to see a scene.

Why are you putting a hangar around? Why are you going to my feet? Why are you rolling me away? I'd like to see a scene. Aaron, you are a children's birthday party magician, and some of your act involves like balloons and within tricks and everything. JBC and Janet, you are two kids watching the magician, and you notice that she seems to be sweating profusely while trying to kind of get through her act here. I paid this magician $38,000 to be here, so be respectful. All right, everybody.

I'm the great Amanda. Take a sip from flask. I'm going to make my wedding ring disappear. Gulp. Now we wait. Now we wait. What do we wait? Waiting for you already made it disappear.

For it to come back out. What? I hear we have a birthday in the house. Are you a birthday boy? Are you a birthday boy, Jared? Jared? Yeah, it's technically. basically my birthday, but I don't, I don't want, I don't need any special attention.

For your birthday, I'm going to give you a hot tip. Don't put any of your money in Bitcoin. Don't put any of your money in Bitcoin. Keep it in Venmo. Put all your money in Venmo. It will occur. It will get interest in Venmo. Put all your money on your Venmo account.

We cut to six months earlier. Go ahead and have a seat. Amazing Amanda. Yep. This must be good news. Let me use your terminology. Would you like to see a trick? Sure.

Would you like to see your crypto investments? Dove comes out of my purse. What did you say? I said, fuck. Do you want to see your crypto investments disappear? Larry, are you fucking kidding me? The bottom fell out. You're my best friend from childhood.

You said you got this. I trusted Jimmy Fallon. Okay? he said on air NFTs and Bitcoin were a solid investment I gave you $14 million man

Okay well it's gone Start choking you across the table Kills you Back to the party You kids ever kill him man Is this gonna be a trick And then you bring his body to the river But you can't you don't have the upper body straight

To lift him up and put him over the bridge So you just leave him on the bridge Is this Is this a riddle? No, kid. No. Now, who wants to get me a piece of that cake just on the table over there? I want the H from the happy birthday.

I want the H. You were told repeatedly that cake is for party guests only. Anarjia guest? Do I live here, bitch? No, I don't think so. I'm a guest in your home. Give me the cake, kid. Something about putting that ring in your mouth made your words slur.

I used to have a rabbit. I used to. It's not the ring in my... mouth kid, this thing in my flask. I used to have a rabbit that I would pull out of hats. And guess what? You didn't take care of it?

Don't answer. Don't tell us. You don't want to know? I'd rather not. All right. Seed. Is no one going to call Seed? I picture there's like a pizza van across the street that's a sting operation. And after Aaron says, leave a body on the bridge, they're like, just let her have this.

Yeah. Let her finish the show. They just drive away. They're like, her life is punishment enough. She's a punishment enough. Absolutely. I like the suspense of the long pause after Aaron said, doves come out of my... Yes.

I didn't know what I was going to say. My balloon nut, let's say. My kind old aunt collects buttons. It's an insect. A genuine ant eater, the pet man told my dad. It turns out it was an aunt eater. And now my uncle's mad. Shelts ever seen.

Okay. Shells ever seen this? Maybe. In the house? Rolls all. Probably. My kind. Roll doll.

I guess. My kind old aunt collects buttons. But even in an emergency, she wouldn't let you sew any of them onto a garment. Why not? What kind of fucking emergency is? Janet, you pretty much got it. We're going to go ahead and give that to you. She collects buttons from old radios, televisions, and elevators.

Okay. Weird. I want to see a scene. So this is going to be like a big, like important dinner. Let's call it like a business dinner. Adel, you have to give like a presentation at this dinner. Aaron's your coworker and Janet is going to be your like boss, I guess. But you ate too much and you popped the button on your pants and you are trying to get Aaron to give you one of her emergency buttons.

So I think in Q4 for my pants I need a button. Hey. Stacy, my button. Oh, tuck into the mic. You know that ding that everybody thought was re-toasting? That was my button flying across the... You know that ding that everybody thought was me clinking a glass for a toast? That was my pants button flew off.

You're fired. No, no, no, it's not sexual. It's not sexual. Oh, oh. I'm so full. It's... My bad. You are rehired.

Oh, phew. Everyone here at this dinner, assumed it was sexual. When a button flies off of pants, we assume there's only one thing that could do that. Yeah, your boner did it. Well, yeah, sexual desire. I said boner, though. You're agreeing with me. Yeah, but it's a work dinner.

I'm not going to say I don't have a boner, but... So, he's the one that got a boner at the work dinner. Ma'am, you don't work for me. You are still fired. Ah. Ah. Same. Don't clip that. You got fired, and then you realized what the job was that you got fired,

But you were like, fine, it's okay. This sucks. It's a bad place to work. Okay, here's a long one. Oh, good. Put on your listening caps. Dave looked under a table and saw a hand completely detached from an arm. He looked over at Allen, and although his fingers and thumbs were in place and his hands were attached to his arms, he knew the hand beneath the table must be his.

Clock hand. 100% watch clock hand, agree. He stood up and punched him. Why? It is not clock hands, but you are... Yeah, we started doubting that when you said he stood up and punched him. Yeah, I realize how it's... You have a watch piece of shit.

No one wears these devices that you can wear when you're at like a dinner, that it makes it look like both of your hands are on the table, but secretly one hand is under the table giving someone a hand job. I can't remember what the type, what the name of the device is. Remind me the website that you buy those? Oh, it's plain brown box delivery.com. They get you anything that you want delivered at a plain brown box with no marking. Do they have a fake hand that gives the hand job so I can keep both my hands on the table?

Is that also a device? No, the real hand gives the hand job. Doesn't want to put in the work. Interesting. It shows what Miss Hollywood's price point is because some of us can't afford the auto hand job. Oh, I use a stunt woman for all my hand jobs. you're missing out am I

no Dave looked under a table and saw a hand completely detached from an arm he looked over at Alan and although his fingers and thumbs were in place and his hands were attached to his arms he knew the hand beneath the table must be his

he stood up and punched him why this is weird now think about so we talked about hands on clock which is absolutely the right train of thought but you just have to think about what other types of hands

this could be. Hands on a hard body. That would be at a table. Hands across America. Would be hidden or secretive. Yes, I love that, Aaron. And why someone were discovering it would punch someone. Okay, so this is a hand of cards. The guy's cheating.

Oh, okay. JPC, dead on. They were playing cards. The extra hand was a set of duplicate cards. Good. Proving that Alan was cheating. I do want to see this. Oh, okay.

Oh, please, Aaron, please. Is it okay? Yeah. Okay, I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are at a poker table and you are cheating and you realize that you might be about to be caught and how strong Adel is. And you kind of regret. You're kind of scared that he might hit you or retaliate. So then I tackled Schwarzenegger and I said, say it again.

Yeah, did he, um, Jesus, did he say it again? No, he didn't. He looks pretty scared. Then I flipped over his car just so he couldn't drive home. Oh, God. Oh, you're kind of far away. Let me grab the table. Oh, you tor.

Yeah, let's get in there. Let's get in there. Um, who's fold was it? Was it my fold? Fold. I, uh, was the fold up to me? Oh, you were raising right before the story. You know what?

Excuse me, sir. I'm so sorry. The coat room is closing. You're free to continue your game. I do need to return your brass knuckles if I could just slip those onto your hand. Oh, sure. Oh, these old things. Thank you.

You just, you just checked to brass knuckles. That's what you wore for, A coat? Yeah, just to keep my knuckles warm because... Yakes Spice. Uh-oh. Oh, speaking of keep my knuckles warm, I have to go finish Sonic 3. Oh.

So... So do why? Should we go to your place? Or... Should we go to my place? I have my memory card on me. Hey, you ever seen a man's skull get caved in? Have I heard?

It looks like it hurts. Yep. It probably does. Oh, something fell out of your pants. Sir, I am from the Guinness Book of World Records. We want to let you know that you won again. You are the strongest fighter in the world. Congratulations.

Here's your plaque. Oh, I bent it. Ah, classic. And we love you, man. We really love you over at Gittas Book of America. Ah, shucks. Thank you. Oh, here.

Give me that copy, the hardbound. And let me just rip it in half. Right in half. Hey, you know what? Excuse me. Get us person. Is there a cash reward for the strongest man in the world or whatever? Oh, yeah.

We already watch. that to him, so. Okay, great, great. Oh, sorry, I was saying, self-infad out of your pants when you stood up. Let me... Yeah, it's fake dog shit. It's hard to bend down with all these abs. Don't worry about it.

It's fake dog shit. I just do it because of... No, it's flat. You don't want to touch that. What? It's not flat, dog shit. What the fuck? Dog shit can be in different kind of varietal.

Oh, my... What the fuck? What the fuck? Oh, my... Are you seeing what I'm saying? You've been feeding your dog cards? We've been feeding your dog playing cards. Wait a second

You're cheating? Wait, what? Hey, is there anyone here that's going to stand for this, huh? Yeah, he's really scary. We're going to live in whatever he wants. That guy can give, I mean, he has fractals on. Okay, people, just because someone's big and scary, we let them do whatever they want, he should get away with cheating just because he's big and scary?

Yep. I mean, kind of. You know what? I live by a moral and ethical code. I'm going to do what Jim Carrey once did in Lyer, Liar, and I'm going to kick my own ass. Oh, wow. He's doing it.

Can this go in the book? Can this go in the book? Anything can go in the book. We love you, man. I'm telling you. We love you, man. We love you, man. You're keeping the doors open.

You're keeping the lights on. We love you, man. Anyway, I think a guy at a poker game to be like, excuse me, sir, you've won an award. In the middle of my hands. Janet, you've won an award, which is the, tell us about anything you have to plug a promote award. Sorry, Janet, it's a bullshit award. We give this to one guest the week. In some weeks, no guests at all.

I would advise people to go to us offscetrust.com. If you're listening to this before February 1st, if after February 1st, go to anthropology.com and buy yourself or somebody care about something nice. They have real good sales usually early of the year. If you want like a trinket that looks like a dog or like a napkin with like an embroidered dog on it. A little candle with an embroidered dog. A candle that has embroidered dogs on it. A plate with a lemon and a dog on the lemon. Hey, to piggyback off that, though, this is also the best time of year to buy a Christmas tree.

So do not forget, if you need a new fake Christmas tree, I bought mine like four days after Christmas because I was like, we did a bigger Christmas tree in this house. And I got it for like 50% off. So it's like if you want a great deal on a Christmas tree, do not sleep on that. Erin, anything to plug her promote? Check out quality time on Instagram. It's my monthly variety show And it's a true variety We have lots of fun guests

And I love it very much And would love to see you there Adel anything to plug or promote Yes I want to plug and promote The other podcast I do Hello for the Magic Tavern Also gum shoes and dragons And the word association JPC anything to plug or promote

No you can still follow us on Patreon There if you want to see any of the Or want to listen to any of the live show that we did in 2025. Those are all for sale on Patreon under our collections tab so you can get, I think 24 bucks gets you

all 15 of them, which is a pretty good deal. And I do want to read a review because it's been a while since I've read a review. If you want to get one featured on the show, just leave a five-star review anywhere that you read reviews. This one's fun.

I'm going to follow up with Adel and Aaron afterwards, but this one's titled Crazy Good from House MD MD House 1235, which is HouseMDMD House. Great name. But this review is crazy good Just got to the AMA episode And I gotta say, I can't get enough of this show

Do you guys remember that we did an AMA episode? Absolutely not What are you talking about? I don't know We did? On the Patreon or in the main feed? I don't remember where it came out But I definitely remember that we did it

It seems like a Patreon thing But I think it was like if we got a certain number of reviews Or something we did in an AMA episode Interesting Have to go back and listen Yeah, yeah Okay, well, hot dogs No, Jupiter

There you go Casey, Tony to see editing Party parents in the music 1, 2, 3, 4, hate rid to bridge I forgot hot dogs is for the It's for this, right? It's for the main feed. We say hot dogs?

I can't remember. I think it's Patreon. It's Patreon, right? Okay. Cut that hot dogs in, Casey. Hey there, live, freeze, and dies. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of our state series with the state of New

Hampshire. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey, riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or 307 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. That was a head gum podcast. Hi, I'm Drew Offalo.

And I'm Jason Offoalo. And we host the HeadGum podcast Two Idiot Girls. Each episode we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things like weird dating horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had once, or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to Two Idiot Girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.