Hey Riddle Riddle - #394: Jokes We Don't Get

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

What's your favorite thing to say in a small talk situation? Ours is: Casey Clip ThatStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!JPC's Guided Meditations Volume 1, available now at our Patreon digital store!Want merch? Visit our Dashery Store!Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle 6351 W Montrose Ave #267Chicago, IL, 60634Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531)Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Adel, Aaron, I know that the two of you have been so mad that they are not putting comedy movies in theaters anymore. Well, do I have a shocking declaration for the two of you? Shock me. Okay, shock you. Let me rub my socks on the carpet. I just saw Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie, and it is fucking excellent. Humana what?

Huh? Who? Blah-l-la-la. Okay, this movie is so funny. It's the first, like, mockumentary-style film that I've seen in a while that is, that was making me laugh out loud. Plus, it's, I will not get into it, but when the twists come in this movie, your jaw will hit the floor in a good way. In a way that makes you say, I have to clean up my jaw now, but I do like that it touched the ground. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Is this the movie that Variety called It's Insane That It Exists? Yes. As fandom said, gives no fucks, a movie you absolutely must see to believe? Yes. You have to see this. A comedic miracle, says Sunshine State Complex. A comedic miracle, JPC? Yes.

So the plot of the movie is they have a plan to book a show at the Rivoli, but something goes horribly wrong. And then Matt and Jay accidentally traveled back to the year 2008. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You have to watch this movie. It is only in theaters starting February 13th, Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. It is so fucking good. I'm there.

I'm there. Again, run, do not walk to the theaters. February 13th to see Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. You do not have to be familiar with the show. Just go see Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. You'll get it. It's fucking great. All right, what do you guys have to trade?

I have goldfish and peanut butter sandwich and a capri sun. I have a Star Crunch, I have a green squeeze it, and I have some gummy sharks. What were those called? Shark gummy sharks? I was at my dad's lesson. It was his day, so my dad, my dad back very much. Oh, my God. This is a Phillips head screwdriver.

What else? No, no, it's not, it's nothing cool. Like, I know, like, Rick's got divorced parents and his dad always packs luncheables. He's the only one that gets luncheables. But, um. Pizza lunchebles with that. I know. He trades it for real money.

He's rich. He's insanely rich. Wait, does he really trade it for real money? Yeah, of course. Why do you think he's wearing that fur coat? Gestures over to Rick wearing a fur coat. And airwarks, gestures over to Philip wearing airwarks. Okay, well, that's perfect because my dad packed.

me a check for $11.50 cents. Whoa. Maybe I could like sign this over to Rick, you know, and $11.50. That's like three lunches. Let's go buy a house. Should we? You're rich, man. Hold on. Hold on.

Hey, it don't all crowd me at once. Punches you in the stomach, takes the check. It's a check. It's a check. Pushes you down. It's made out to me. You can't cash it. What brings you children to the bank today?

We would like to exchange this check for cold, hard cash. Okay. And we've done this before. More $11.50. Which one of you is Randolph Cole? All of us. That's his full name? Ugh.

Randy Cole is Randolph Cole? Wait, does that mean Dolph Lundgren is Randolph Lundgren? So none of you are Randolph-Kohl. No. Chester's to fill up, punch his banker. Oh, through the glass. That gets strong. Seed.

Well, seen. Seen. Seen. I mean, no. Seen. Welcome to Hayward of Rital, the show, where Aaron put something in her mouth as soon as the show starts. Aaron, what are we eating? Nothing.

He just swallowed a gobstopper. I mistimed it. Well, Adel? Oh, it's stuck in my throat. What is it? I didn't fully chew it enough. Yeah. It hurts going, no.

Aaron, stop talking, breathe through your nose. We'll be okay. We'll be okay. We'll be okay. We'll be okay. No one here to save me, huh? No, no, we'll be okay. We'll all be okay.

That's Adel Refi up there, and I'm JPC. What's going on? Up there. Up there. You're driving. You're talking. Messany, and I'm in the balcony? You're taller than me, Adel, so I can always say there's that'll reply up there, and it's never wrong.

Adel, what are you? 6-2? 6-1, 6-2, 6-3? 6-1. I'm 6-1. Okay, that means you 6-2. People who are, people who say that they're 5-11 or 510, and people who say that they're 6-1 or 6-2. I always try and go under with my height because

inevitably someone is like, no, you're not. And I'm like, I don't really care. I don't need to be tall. I don't want to be. I'm not that tall. I just don't care. Not worth it. Well, that's I'll rify up there.

That's Eric Keefe down there. That's technically accurate. Aaron, what are you eating down there? I'm not eating anything. Okay. Was this something super embarrassing that you were eating? No, I was just eating a piece of gluten-free bread. I didn't have breakfast.

because I felt nauseous when I woke up this morning, and then I felt kind of ravenous. Yeah. From nauseous to ravenous. What's going on, Eric? So, I don't know. These are the days of our lives, Adam. The opposite of our lives.

Nauseousious to ravenous. These are the days of our lives. Let's stop bullshitting, shall we, and get into some riddles? Real quick. Speaking of up there, did you guys ever hear the story of, do you both know who Wilk Chamberlain is? Yes. he people would always inevitably say how's the weather up there uh-huh and at some point he got so tired of fans saying that to him that one time a guy was in an elevator with him and recognized him obviously because he's like seven three and goes how's the weather up there and will chamber chamber chamber spit on him as hard as he could and said it's raining and then just started to do that to anyone who asked him that's pretty funny that's i got to say pretty funny yeah

I don't really want to be spit on, though, just for committing a social faux pa. Casey clipped that. Oh, please. Here's the thing. The person who says, how's the weather up to Wilts Chamberlain, have you ever found yourself, let's call it like in a small talk like a cashier or, you know, you're like checking out for your groceries or something? Have you ever found yourself making a joke that you're like, God damn it, like this person has heard that joke, 10 million times.

Because I certainly have done that and I always want to be like, hey, I'm sorry. I'm a professional comedian. You deserve better. Not just in general. Because of the whole inside me, not because of you. From me, you deserve better. You deserve way clever.

I was just at the corridor and I said, do you have a coroner office? And I was like, I'm so sorry. Just let me know how they died. Yes, this is my father. Lifts up sheep. Howard did. Casey, that's probably the perfect button to my father has died.

GPC, do you realize that your Casey clip that is sort of another version of that's what she said? Someone says something dirty. So now take that in your pipe and smoke at JPC. How does that feel? It feels pretty good. Do you guys remember when the office was big and that's what she said had made a full comeback? Mm-hmm. Because of Michael Scott saying it ironically.

Yeah, well, now. Now the new one is Casey Clip that. This is the world that we live in, you know? These are the days of our lives. So I have an issue. Why so eager to get into riddles, Erin? What's going on? I don't know, man.

Why so unsirious? It's never going to be good enough for you guys, is it? I go, I bullshit for 30 minutes to avoid riddles. Everyone hates that. Everyone gets mad at me. I get right into riddles. People don't like how Kurt that seems. Try 15 minutes.

15 minutes Maybe it's the sweet spot Okay fine Go ahead guys Seven minutes of free play What do you mean go ahead guys Go ahead Okay

Seven minutes of free play Should we go in the closet and make out Should we Kind of spitball more about Mr. Mousebones Yeah What else are we going to do for the other six minutes And 30 seconds Yeah

I can make out fast Ew. I can get Aaron, I can get seven minutes of making it down to 30 seconds. That's awful. That sounds like a century nightmare. That sounds like a nightmare. Ah.

I just got so grossed out by kissing. Did that ever happen to you? Only one is called snogging. Yeah. Snogging's gross. Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember how bad you were at kissing? Does that, do you ever?

Do you think that it was ever one person who like absolutely nailed it on the first kiss? They were like, first kiss, fucking fantastic at kissing. Sure, probably some French kid. Nice. Here's my issue with this riddle book. I don't know if it was given to me, handed to me, at our first Boston live show or our second one. Okay. All of my books are all discombobulated.

But these are from Ari. My books are discombobulated. in Boston. So, all right, thank you so much. People. The everything kids,

giant book of jokes, riddles and brain teasers. What's going on, guys? Nothing. Nothing. 48 is the answer.

48. I think my new thing on the podcast is going to be, I'm just going to talk really softly, but I'm going to have Casey bring it up in post

so you guys don't get to hear all the episodes. No. Oh. Aaron, I'm excited about some of these Boston riddles. They have nothing to do with Boston. So some of these are jokes, and you kind of have to, like, complete the joke. Okay.

If that makes sense. This is me and the cashier all over again. That was actually pretty good, but, please he, don't let that. That sounds pretty good. All right. Are we ready? Yeah, I'm ready. I guess I'll start with this one.

You heard about the glass blower who inhaled? No. Aaron, excellent delivery. You heard about the glassblower who inhaled? Yeah. He was a pain in the ass. He got a pain in his glass. Pane in my glass.

He's got a pain in his. Throat. Yeah. That's great. You got it. Pain. Pain of glass. I'd like to see a scene.

JPC, you are Adel's father and you are a glass blower and you just inhaled a bunch of glass and you're driving yourself to the hospital and Adel is in riding shotgun and Adel you're really scared and JPC you're trying to comfort him. Yeah. It's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry. Dad, I'm so sorry.

I wish I could drive. I'm just, I can't. I'm, I don't know what's wrong. I'm just freezing. It's fine. We're just going to sneak on into the hospital. Quick drop in. Everything five.

Every five. Why don't we go get a milk burger? A milk burger, dad, something's wrong. Let's stop. Let's stop. It's a lot to your brain. I've never had Arby's. What can I get you? What can I get you?

Milkburger, son, for one for my son, one for me. Yeah, two milk burgers. Two milk burgers? Yes. Does that usually come with water? I don't need water. Nothing in my throat. You want the burger meal and you want it with your drink as milk?

No, please just make us milk burgers. Ma'am, we have to get the hospital. My dad's a lot of glass. So just make whatever milk burgers are and make it very quick, please. Finally an opportunity to get creative in the kitchen. What are steak nuggets? Sorry? What are steak nuggets?

Oh, my God. My dad's doing that thing that parents do where they order and then they ask about an item on the menu that they're never going to order. I mean, they're just what they sound like, sir. They're like nuggets, but they're made of steak instead of chicken. I guess I'll try some. Okay, adding that to the order. Is there anything else? Any dessert today?

Um, chicken fries, please. Chicken fries. Is that you guys? Um, what are the options? Chicken fries. Cold beer on a Friday night. There's a long line behind you if you want to just pull up to the first window to pay. Oh, oh.

That wasn't my question. I'll do that thing. I'll do that thing where I pay for the guy behind this order. That looks like Gary's behind you. You don't want to pay for that. It's going to be at least $200. Huh? He orders for his whole office.

He ordered? I will do it. I'll pay for Gary. Did the guy in front of me pay for me? No. What? Would you tell if he had? Or do you just pocket that? Yeah, I would tell you. What? He didn't pay for him. I paid for a guy behind me. All right. Your total is going to be $21,683.

Pull up to the first window, please. Okay. I'm going to just drive. I'm going to keep driving. I'm just going to drive. Are you okay? Buckle up. Buckle up. Yeah. Go, Dad. For it.

Oh, the windshield went right in your mouth. Oh, my God. Oh. The windshield wet in my mouth. Oh. I think it, I think it did. We hard cut to his funeral. We are gathered here today to bury my dad.

Actually, I never confirm the, can I just open the casket real quick? Sir, sir, sir, just a crack. Just a crack. Sir. Sir. Sir. Sir. You can't go in there.

I never confirmed it. I never confirmed it was my... Sir. Please, please. He's grieving. He's grieving. Except that your father is dead. Connor.

My brother, your father is dead. Just, it's okay. Go sit. Go sit. I'll deal with the priest. I'd like to pay for the funeral after this funeral as well. Is that something I talked to you about? It was a whole bus load of, it was a family reunion on a bus.

So that's going to be about like... So the next funeral, It's a mass funeral. Yeah, it's a hundred and, it seems like, $120,000. We cut to the next funeral. Um,

my name's Rick. I run the funeral home. There's nobody here. See? Seems. Seems like anybody would have showed up as dead. He's dead. Um,

are you guys having fun? Oh, yes. Oh, as I am. Yeah. What did the, Cub Scouts say when he fixed the horn on his bike?

We blow the horn. Honk. We below, yes. We below the horn. We below the horn. We below wobbles, but they don't fall down. These are the days of our lives. We below to the night.

We below to the night. We below to the night. We've done that on the show before. What did the Boy Scouts say when he honked his horn? What was it? What did the Cub Scout say when he fixed the horn on his horn? bike. When he fixed the horn on his bike.

What is like their motto, I guess? Um, never tell a lie. No, that's George Washington. He said to the horn, now you can get blown. Which is, Cub's got motto, no. Oh, don't they hold up two fingers and say like, Scouts honor. We'll never, we'll never kill.

What is their thing? I kill for the flag. What the fuck? Be prepared. Be prepared. Wait, something else has a second. Change that. Beep.

Beep. Beep. Speep. Repaired. Beep prepared. Yeah. Beep prepared. Do, does a bike horn?

Beep repaired. Wow. That's incredible. I feel like a bike horn's honk and, well, no. I guess they would beep. I like to see a scene. And I think, honestly, this might be the most perfect gas thing I've ever done in my fucking life.

Aaron or the Roadrunner, J.BC or Wiley Coyote, and you guys are... Are you serious? Yeah, I love it. Never mind. No, no, I want to do it again. I'm just saying that's amazing that we've played those parts before.

We don't know that we've played these exact parts. Maybe I was the Roadrunner at one point. Okay, good point. I don't want to see it, Adel. Come on. Come on! JPC... Addle over there being like, I got a stroke of genius.

Okay, JCPC, you're going to be playing this character who is like a Wiley-Oleweree old mate, but he does. GBC's Wild Coyote, Aaron, your Roadrunner, and the two of you are having a dinner to see if you can't talk through everything and put an end to this war. I hope it's okay that I

ordered a bottle. I'll pay for it. And if you don't like it, you don't have to... That's really nice. I was thinking more of like a cocktail, but if you ordered a bottle of red wine, then I'm in. It's a rosé. You're a rosé at an Italian restaurant? Yeah, it's okay. It's a guy.

Apparit. It's like a daytime line. We're having Bolognaise. This is a 1987 Acme-Rosee. What? Go ahead and uncork it here. Sorry, wait, before you on Corket, do you have anything that's maybe a better bottle,

a better match for the meal that we're having? We're not having like oysters on the beach. We're having a kind of a heavy Italian meal. I guess we're both having Bolognais as well. I know we have an order. That's what they do best. Why would you not get it when I told you it's what they're known for? Is that what you're known for?

You're known for Bolognais? We are known for our Bolognese. Great. And I don't even know why they have a Rééé on the menu. If it's all Bolognais here, if that's the only thing that they do here. Well, they have other things here. I'm just saying that's what they're known for. Why would you not get their famous dish?

Why don't you bring us whatever you bring the most people? Because we're going to just have the standard experience. Is that something I can order? Two Bolognais. with water. I'm being really hostile to the waiter. Oh. Oh, I'm being hostile to the waiter.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You're right. You're right. I guess we could just forget about you spitting in the nice 1987 Acme-Rosee that I ordered for the table. I didn't spit in it. I didn't even let the bottle be open.

You didn't pay for it. There was no harm. No foul. Speaking of no foul, stands up. Brushes off legs. I think that we tried and I think it didn't work. And it's either we're fucking or we're chasing each other, isn't it? Okay?

And we're not fucking anymore. So, beep, beep. Well, the bottle had fucking dynamite in it. Oh, of course it did. So I was going to kill you. You hear a giant explosion in the back room? Of course it did. Okay.

Check please? No, check please. Check please. It's on me. It's on me. I blew up the kitchen. I insist. Meep.

See, See. Hazzah! Azahazoo. What do you see when the smog clears in southern California? The desolition of smog. Smog. What do you see when the smog clears in Southern California?

Nothing that never clears. Adel, what did you say? Southern California. No, that's a great answer. It's kind of like that. What do you see in Southern California when the smog clears? Do you see the sea? No.

UC. UCLA. Yep. UCLA. Wow. College into town. Wow. A college in a town. U.C. L.A.

Bruins? That's Boston. Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? No. End of question. End of discussion. Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? Is it something like it was inch and inch or something?

or? No. Okay. Two silkworms without a worries. Silk. It was unbelievable.

That's awesome. I wish it was unbelievable. It was synthetic. There was a smooth finish. It was silk. Silk worms.

Silk. What about silk? Silk. Silk the shock. Something that you make. Silk pajamas. Silks. stockings.

Stockings. Make out of silk rifle. War on special occasions or business ventures. Oh, they were going so hard that they were pantying. Oh, they tied.

Business ventures. Yes, Adel. Yours made sense. Excuse me? Spotlight on JPC. That's going to be a dead stop. Oh, Aaron doesn't think that sex could be a business.

Huh. I guess sex work isn't work to, Aaron. Oh, please. All right. Eight hour days. It closes JPC behind the door, locks the door,

toggle, toggle, Oh, you closed it on me. Oh. That'll do something. Hold up a sign that says, yikes, falls down a canyon. They ended in a tie. They ended in a tie. I would like to see a scene.

You guys are two silkworms and you are at like the cocktail hour at a wedding. And one of you made your own outfit and you're kind of bragging about it to your friend. Wow, we. Yeah. Is that genuine? Yeah, genuine's here. He requested that they don't play pony, which I'm like, yeah. I mean, normally you would play it on a wedding, but yeah, I guess Alicia knows him.

That's wild. It's like they went to college or something. Also, is that real silk? No, I believe silk passed away. That's diamond. You're talking about the two conservative firebrands. Yeah. Diamond and silk.

Yeah, I think that's, were they twins? Whichever one it is, don't say anything to worry about the other one, just because obviously it could be miscarriage. construed. If you approach her at all, I'm not going to talk to her because we have different politics. But I guess she knows Alicia, like they went to college with genuine or something. I don't, I don't know how it. Wow. Yeah, how it all shakes out. Well, I made my own suit. Hey, look at that. Scene.

Fun. Um, hmm. Diamond and Silk, is that? What of them did pass away, right? I don't know who that is. They were a, what are they? They were a do of them. They were the conservative, like, uh, policy. not politicians, but a talking head, like, pundit type people.

And I remember that whichever one, they were both like big Trump people, like big mega people, and whichever one died, Trump went to the funeral and was like, yeah, I didn't really know who this person was. Like,

did that thing that Trump does where he goes to someone's funeral, and it was like, I don't know. I think he's done multiple times to multiple people who love him. Classic. Classic. Some of these jokes,

or riddles are like mini scenes. So this one, the teacher says, Alex, why are you brushing your teeth during class? And then Alex says, because I'm about to fall asleep on your ass. Because. Okay, expelled. Because.

Because the way you teach stinks, like my breath or something? Okay, self-burn. He's brushing his teeth during class. Uh-huh. Okay. Normally you would brush your teeth what? Like before,

um, oh, because he says, oh, because teacher, you really made a meal of that last lesson. Mm-hmm.

He says, I want to be ready for the... Prom. I want to be ready for the test. Uh, what kind? Quiz test. The pop quiz.

The... Pop quiz. The final? No. Or you don't need a pen for it. The eggs. The oral exam. Whoa.

Yes. Next riddle. I feel sorry for the two lighthouse keepers. Oh, they went crazy. William Defoe and Robert Barneson. They went nuts. This one is, I feel like doesn't give enough info, so I'm going to add it. Okay.

They're both out to see. I feel sorry for the two lighthouse keepers who are in love. They both shine their light on one another. they both beautiful poem Not the answer but beautiful poem Two lighthouse in a path Diverged and I took Adel if you're ever at the wedding of two lighthouse keepers

Read it Ding ding ding ding ding that's it Oh sorry a boat's coming good Everyone hold Smash Okay so they're two lighthousekeepers And they're in love The lighthouse keepers are in love or the lighthouses are in love

Lighthouse keepers Keepers Does this have a twinge of tragedy shitty to it, Aaron? Is there some sadness behind this one? Yeah, there's something wrong about their husband and wife. Okay. And there's something wrong. And you think that's wrong.

The lights gone out in their love life. No. But you're on the right track. They can't keep the flame ignited or something like that. It's not to do with the light. They lost the spark. Okay. It's not light related. They were both hung up on an old flame.

I wish. It's not light related. Is it about boats? Is it about boats? Is it about shore water? Is it about spiral staircases? Well, Aaron out of the part where they're in love. So the part that's important is that they're in love. But it doesn't have anything to do with lighthouses? Well, they're married.

They're married. They're married. See, their husband and wife. Rings? Is it rings? Is it crashing the ships? Oh, they're in a relationship. No, what is there?

I like that. What do the ships crash into if the lighthouse light is off? Shore, rocks. Shore, land. Rocks? They have a rocky. they're on the rocks. Yes, their marriage is on the rocks.

Literally, their marriage is on the rocks. I would like to see a scene. You guys are two lighthouse keepers, and your marriage is on the rocks. Is that a boat? I can't tell. Roger, is that a boat? I don't know, Doug.

Why don't you either wait until it gets closer? Or use the binoculars. I don't want to use the binoculars. They hurt my eyes. Okay. Well, then I guess I'll just. sacrifice my eyesight to use

the binoculars. Doug, is that what you want? Yes, it's a fucking boat. Nowhere near us, okay, and the lighthouse is on, so it knows that we're near. Should I shove you down the stairs? I'm sorry? I should have shoved you down the stairs? Well, thank you for saying that with your whole

fucking chest, Doug, the first time that you've said something with your whole chest in a year. The minute you go to sleep, the second you fall asleep, I'm going to smother you. Oh, okay. to smother you. You have, you have, your whole marriage.

Happy anniversary. Oh my God. This is all a routine. I completely forgot our anniversary. Oh, God, God. I love you so much. Boat smashes into the rocks. I love what that happens.

I guess that's the foundation of our relationship. We're dying. It's so. And we're psychos. We killed the people who are supposed to be up here. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Lighthouse keeper seems like one of those old-timey jobs. The only reason that you get it is because something like horrible happened in your life. Like either you did something or something was done to you where now you just have to be like, I'm the lighthouse guy. Like no one bothered me. I'm a hermit, basically. I think that that kind of isolation would suit me.

Hmm. Aaron, or have either of you been inside a lighthouse? Yeah? A couple times. Really? Yeah, it's very thought. I want to go. I should have invited you.

I don't know what I, I did a lighthouse tour in Maine, I believe, or at least on the East Coast. There's something crazy about, I think Michigan has the most lighthouses in the U.S. or something. Some crazy thing where it's like you wouldn't think that, but it does. That's interesting. That's interesting. I guess a large body of water. Like, like Michigan. is huge.

Aaron, where have you been in a lighthouse? Several. Several in New England. There's one I went into, it must have been, I don't know,

maybe Cape Cod, but I was in a lighthouse once, but it was very small. And so when you were climbing up it, like you're spinning so much. Like, it's like a spiral staircase. I remember being like genuinely a little motion sick and nauseous

when I got to the top. I was like, it's crazy how small and tight and compact they'd build them. But when you get to the top, you realize it's because the guys making cookies up there do not need a lot of space. Wait what? Where did I go? Where did you go?

Hold on. Where are you now? You went to a Keebler tree? Aaron, Lighthouse, though, it's an interesting job. Maybe not so much anymore, but like, because it's equal parts like hermit, but also huge responsibility. Yeah. So it's like most of the time when you have like a away from society job, it's like a no responsibility. Elizabeth. Like, you're not just on your own. But this is like your important critical function to

society plus no one to talk to. Yeah. And that is one of those things I'd be good at. Did you hear about the lobster that bought a new car? What kind of car was it? Oh, he got a lemon with a little bit of butter and those time of forks. That is an awesome answer to you see. I will point on the board for JBC. But that's not what we're looking for. It's a specific car. And it was a lobster. Lobster who bought a car. It's a Nissan crustacean. A crustacean wagon.

Yes. Adel! That was amazing. B, B, B, B, Pong. What a get. You got that so quickly. I'd like to see a scene. Crestation wagon.

Adel, you are our crabby, crab dad. And we're going on a beach vacation. And we're driving you insane while you're driving your little crab kids around. Okay, settle down back there. Settle down. Are we there yet? He touched my claw. Let me switch lanes again.

He keeps bumping it when you're looking. Dad, he keeps bumping it when you're not looking. I don't care. Because your car is too small. And also that you just keep switching lanes. You're just going from side to side. Switch lanes. You need to turn the car the other way.

Switch lanes. Switch lanes. Dad, this is scary. All the other. cars are human size. We're going to get crushed. Dad, I want a burger. Can we stop at Sandcastle?

White Castle? Can we stop at Sand White Castle? Uh, okay. But, one burger each. That's it. Uh, what do you want, kids? Speak out.

Milk burger. Milk burger. Let me get two milk burgers. Actually, make that three milk burgers. Can I have the crab cakes with aoli? Yeah, what's, hey, what's a crab cake? Lump crab meat? What is lump crab meat?

Dad, I want it. I don't think we should be eating crab meat. Why, it's so good. It's a summer. All right, I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson. There you go, here's your crab cakes, and I want to see them. Yum, yum, yum. Whoa.

Ha-ha, that was crab. That was what? That's crab. That's us. You're the grown-up here. You just let me eat? Okay, I was just trying to teach you lesson. You let me be a cannibal?

Hold on. I heard that humans will be like, don't barf in the car. Don't barf in the car. Side to side, moving side to side. Oh, come on. Side to side. See?

I guess I don't. I guess I, do, do, like, crabs barf? I don't like, do cramps barf? They must, right? Like every animal that has the digestive system must, like, get sick and barf, right?

That has... I don't think anything that lives in the water barfs. Yeah, that's right. And I have to think that. I have to think that. God had a plan. Oh, Casey's typing. This is the new do sharks fart.

Yeah. I don't, maybe it wouldn't be as funny as I think it would be, but I do think like a compilation of animals barfing would be. be a pretty funny video. All right. I'm going to write a screenplay called Barfshark and we'll do a table read for my next Patreon.

Okay, great. Perfect. Perfect. Here's another one of those scene jokes. The doctor says, have your eyes ever been checked? And then Kyle says,

no. And then what's his explanation? No. What's he say next? This is the doctor's next line with Kyle's next line. Kyle. Have your eyes ever been checked? No.

But they've been in check mate. Chest. No. I'm going in blind. No. I'm a terrible pupil. No, no, I race you. No, Iris.

No, not this time. Great answer, though. You guys are as good as this book. My eyes have never been checked, but I fold. I fold my eyelids. I fold my eyelids. I don't blink so. I don't blink so,

so it sounds pretty good to. Checked is an important word in this. Checked. Slovakia, Slovakia. Boom, shibum, boom, boom. Have your eyes ever been checked? Is it checked? You check someone in hockey, right?

Isn't that like pushing someone? Yeah. So checked is another, it's kind of a pattern. Argyle, our plaid, plaid, Plaid Plad Have your eyes

ever been checked? No No He says no You for asking And then it's another pattern Aaron that word No

This one I'll just tell you Have your eyes ever been checked No they've always been blue I didn't Kyle You're to You've been a shit buff If your mom hears that you've been acting this way

at the doctor's office, she's going to be fucking livid to Kyle. You know what? I'm so goddamn mad at Kyle. I think I didn't take a little break to cool off. B.R. E.A.K? No, but close. Aaron, JPC, good morning to you. Good morning to you, Adel, my dear.

You know how I used to give my money to the scroll in my backyard to tuck away for a winter's night? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I do. Well, that squirrel ate all my money, so I've decided to use something a little more clever, found. Oh, thank goodness. Oh, my gosh. It was so stressful when you're giving all your money to that squirrel. This is so much better. Yeah, because that squirrel eats money and found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all, banking, bookkeeping, invoices, and taxes. No more paying for multiple subscriptions in dealing with clunky outdated apps. No more trusting the squirrel who's a wild animal who lives in a tray who likes to eat money. Yes, and it makes it easy to regain control of your business finances.

So you can get back to doing what you love, getting revenge on that squirrel. And unlike the squirrel, found has automated things like tracking expenses, fighting write-offs, and budgeting for tax time. That squirrel last year cost me so much money during tax time. Yeah, I know that's a headache time a year, the tax time. Just go to one place that it's going to have it completely under control where all of your stuff is in one safe space. And as a small business owner, aka Tyrant, I love Found because it allows me to put all of those administrative tasks in one platform.

I can get in, I can get out, saves me time, helps me streamline things. It's a really great platform if you are running a business. But don't take it from them. Take it from me. This is nuts. No. Take back control of your business today. Open a found account for free at found.com.

That's F-O-U-N-D.com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by a lead bank. Member FDIC, join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with found. Aaron, that is not a squirrel. That is Richard Kite in a squirrel custom. He is eating Edel's money. I used to live with George Clooney.

Guys, I bet you've noticed that I'm super confident now. It's all kind of turned around for me. I keep getting compliments on my cashmere over. oversized V-Nex sweater. Whoa, Aaron, yeah. Did you get taller? No, I'm just wearing my favorite brown Mongolian cashmere oversized V-neck sweater

I got from Quince. Did you shrink? No, no, no. What the heck? I bet you thought this cost an arm and a leg. It did not. It did not. Oh, you got turned inside out.

No, I'm wearing a really cute sweater from Quince. Oh, we can see your bones. Huh. That's a different thing. We'll talk about that after. Quince has the everyday essentials I love with quality that lasts. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets that keep you warm in the changing season, the list goes on. Yeah, and plus, doesn't Quince only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production? I think I remember knowing that about quince.

Yeah, just quality clothing. I also have a raincoat from them that is so good. It's the type of piece that you're going to keep for years and years and years. I got a cable net sweater from Quince, and I kid you not, it is the only thing that I have ever followed the directions on to hand wash. Everything else that I own, I'm like, it says hand wash, but I'm not hand washing this. It's so nice that I'm like, I must hand wash this. This is a nice sweater. What I've discovered is since buying items from Quince, I just collect a few very nice items. and it's about quality over quantity.

I used to have like 40 different types of jackets, and I would just have two nice ones from Quince, and they pair well with everything. Okay, so here's the deal. I also love their home stuff. Their home stuff is amazing. If you don't want to get your bones turned absolutely inside outlook, as I assume is what happens to Aaron.

We'll talk about that later. I think that's just my body. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too, A, That's quince.com slash riddle. Free shipping on 365 day returns.

Quince.com slash riddle. This one's on me, guys. I did break my arm and didn't notice. No problem at all. But you look good doing it. I know. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. All right, guys.

Today's the day. I'm going to launch my Aaron can do a backflip website. I'm very excited to debut it to the world. I know I'm putting the horse before the card a little bit, but I think the website's, going to look so professional and I'm going to rise to the occasion. Well, Aaron, it's going to look professional because you use Squarespace, which is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

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Upload and organize your videos. Create stunning video libraries of you falling and get hurting yourself while trying to do a backflip. Doing a perfect backflip on the first try. And even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and Aaron hurting yourself. Or doing a backflip perfect on the first try. You know what, guys, I'm going to get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers,

which is people who want to see me do a perfect backflip on the first try. And Aaron, with Squarespace, you even have for the ability to use their donations feature. You can fundraise directly on your website and grow your impact with built-in donation tools. Say you really, really, really hurt yourself. You have to raise a lot of money for medical bills to get a new back on several knees. You can create a professional on-brand website that makes it easy to accept one-time or recurring contributions and engage supporters. With built-in-email campaigns and marketing tools, you can connect with your community and inspire more people to support your cause, which I assume is recovery from a life and career ending. Beginning, starting, launching, back, please.

So head to Squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she did it. She actually did it. I made a Squarespace website. Adel give me a high five. Heel! I hit my protein goals for the day.

Can you believe it? I don't believe it. How did you do it? Well, we're one month into 2026. I know what you're thinking. Erin, you're abandoning all your goals. No, I'm not. I'm drinking Hewle.

Can you read my mind? How did she know I was thinking about her goals? Wait, Erin, you're using Hewle? Are you using the Black Edition ready to drink? You better believe it. 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins plus minerals. No artificial sweeteners, colors or flavors. Gluten free.

Beer, Neu! Thank you. add on the electric guitar for me. Oh, I guess it's so expensive. No, under $5 per meal. A complete meal, you can literally grab and go. Makes it easy to keep my goals going. And a hi-five for you.

And these things are truly ready to drink. I keep them in my downstairs fridge, so right after I'm done with a workout, I can get a little, like, protein power in me. And it's quick, it's easy. And then I can, like, go upstairs and be back to being a dad. It's so exhausting. It's so exhausting.

At all times, it's so tiring. And I'll say as someone who typically wakes up at 3 p.m., a lot of times breakfast isn't an option for me. A lot of places say, my dude, it's almost dinner time. So if I'm at home, I can just make myself some fuel and I get energized for the rest of my day, which, of course, my day goes from 3 p.m. until 6 a.m. And the ready to drink stuff is great, but also I love the black edition powder. It is so much more customizable.

You can add it to like even water if you want to add it to water. Shake it up, drink it. It's great for on the go. Add fruit, nut butter, make a smoothie. Do a backflip. Yeah. Huel. Aaron, no.

But don't take it from them. Take it from me. Hewle Brenner. Limited time offer get Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code Riddle15 at hule.com slash riddle 15. New customers only. Huell for partnering and supporting our show. And guys, make sure you do the post-checkout survey and Tom Hey, Riddle, Riddell sent you because

if you don't tell them that we sent you, we basically didn't do anything. Heel! I did a backflip. No, you didn't. And I landed it, because I can. And you didn't. Do you guys ever get the intrusive thought when you were at an eye doctor's office when they were like, read out these letters that just fucking read out random letters?

Just do confidently and just go like, yeah. O-X-P-1-Z 3 and just look at the doctor It's like the picture of the red house Whenever they do the number one Or number two One or two I always try and go whatever makes sense

Whatever works for you I did that I did that once with a hearing test When I was in like grade school Because they were like Raise your hand when you hear the tone And I remember sitting there With the ear things on

And the tone going could hear it, didn't raise my hand. They make the tone louder, don't raise my head. I remember the tone being so loud that it was like audible outside of the headphones. Like I could not only hear it in the headphones, I could hear it outside the headphones as well. I'm still like looking at them. And I was like, is the tone are, are we still doing the test? Are we still doing the test? I'm sorry to say your son is mega deaf. The band? Yeah. Yes. And just to be a little stinker. Classic Bugs Buddy move. Yeah.

You guys, some of these jokes... Aaron's putting that in quotes. Don't make any sense. And some of them are crazy. Let's... Aaron, let's... Maybe at first glance, you don't, like, get the joke.

But maybe we can help do one of the ones that doesn't make any sense. Help me... Help me with this one. Sure. What's the best way to avoid falling hair? To pay the toll? Yes, to pay.

What's the best way to avoid falling hair? That makes sense. Fallicle. Oh, fall a cold. Where have all the cowboys gone? I think my brain is just not working. What is, did Adel get it? Is it follicle related?

No. Can you read it one more time? What's the best way to avoid falling hair? Don't be under it. Sweep it up. Whisp hair. The best way to avoid falling hair, an umbrella hair. An umbrella hair.

It's jump out of the way. Do you explain that to me? Well, I think it's probably like, don't be under it. Like, it's the same thing. It's like, it's the subversion of you think it's going to be a pun, but really it's just, like, move. Like, the best way to avoid it is to get out of the way. A man walks into a bar, the second man ducks or whatever. heard of this.

Is hair spelled H-A-I-R? Yeah. Okay. Well, okay. Here's another one. Teacher, my goodness, Amy, you've been burping all morning. So inappropriate. And then Amy says, which is for sure that by teacher bullying, poor Amy.

Also, the teacher's not offering any help or advice. It's not like, you know, drink some water with your, like, pinch your nose shot or something. It's just like, Amy, you seem to be a disgusting little bitch. That teacher should be fired. All right, I'll make a note. Amy, teacher, Amy, you seem to be burping all morning. Is that what us? Yeah, it's because Amy ate a specific breakfast food that is a pun. Belch.

Belchum waffles. Yes. Wow. You ate some belchum waffles. I'd like to see a scene. Jesus. Adel, you are Amy's teacher, and GPC you are Amy's dad who is set up a meeting to complain. It seems like you've been...

Look, I don't want to accuse you. I know your job is hard, but from what Amy has told me, she's been singled out in class. Yes, but for good reason. Oh, okay. Well, I didn't expect that. What's the reason? Um, she's been burping and farting like a nasty little monster. Like nonstop.

Like it's sort of, even when she's talking, she's burping while talking, which is sort of sort of impressive, but also heinous. Um, and then as she kind of walks throughout the hall, she farts so much that she gets sort of little boosts. You know in Mario Kart when you press gas at the right time when the countdown's going? Yeah, you get sort of like that where she just kind of, like she farts in a way that propels her forward. It's really disgusting.

Well, okay. I know Amy's new to this, you know, to your classroom, to this school. I thought that, you know, when I notified the school, that the front office would, would notify you. But, um, Amy has a, um, has a reason why she's doing all of these things. Amy is not my blood daughter. Okay. About 12 years ago, I guess,

Jim Carrey was in a really dark place and he thought he was... Oh, 13 or whatever? The number, yeah, the number 23. 23, thank you. Yeah. He thought he was losing it. He thought he didn't have what it took anymore.

So he engaged in a very expensive cloning procedure to make perfect clones. of himself. Amy is one of those clones. This makes so much sense because anytime she comes out of a room she waves her arm emphatically behind her

and says, do not go in there. Do not go with it, yes. That is why Amy is burping and farting, and it's actually quite funny. If you think about it in terms of who her father is, it's actually quite funny. I think it's funny if I'm

washing it on a screen. Exactly. All righty then. Are we good to go, Dad? Oh, hey. Hey, kiddo. Hi. Hi.

Hi. We're almost ready to go. We are almost ready to go. Okay, I'm going to go back to waiting in the car. That's not a Jim Carrey line. Amy, Amy, Amy, come back in.

Amy, do you want to try that one more time? What are you going to be going to do? Are you going? I'm going. I'm just going to go sit in the car, dad. It's not a Jim Carrey quote. I don't believe that that's... Amy, remember who you are and say one more time something that you're going...

Just a line for exiting the room, Amy. Please, I beg if you... If she can do it, I'll give her A's for the rest of the semester. Good morning. Good afternoon. And if I don't see you... Yeah. My life is a prison. My body is a prison.

I'm exhausted. I don't have the calories to act like this every day. Don't do stuff from number 23, Amy. No one knows that movie. I was from the Truman Show, Dad. I'm a part of every part of him. Even his dramatic works. I said already then at them when I came in.

Sure you did, Amy. Sure you did. Oh, is that the most annoying sound in the world? Kill me. I can't lie. My heart's so super small because of the Grinch. That's not even a lie for the movie. You can sit sit as blue or something.

See? That classic line from liar liar. I can't lie. All right. The first fisherman says, is this a good lake for a fish? And the second fisherman says, Yes. Is this a good lake for a fish?

No, because we're here catching them. Yeah, not if we're here. Yeah, that's basically that. It must be. I can't get any of them to come out. Oh, it feels kind of like the opposite. Like it's a good lake for a fish because if there is a fish in there, it's not being caught. Exactly.

I'd like to say a scene. It's like one step further than I would have gone with that joke. Oh, okay. That's a compliment to the good people over here at. Roodleco. Aaron, can I call it for a scene? Yeah, of course. There's four people who wrote this book.

Aaron, I'd like you to be a worm on a hook. Great. And if you see, you're a fish who has caught sight of this worm and is figuring out what to do. Oh, my, oh my God. Do you, do you, I'm sorry, hey, do you need help? Holy shit. Don't pull it out because I'm going to bleed out. Pull it up.

I wouldn't be able to any way. I don't, I'm not, I can't, you're really on there. Call the worm doctor. I, I, I'm so sorry. I don't know if you don't, if you don't know where you are, but this is the, water. There's no warm. There's no warm doctors in the water. All right. Do you have any fish doctors?

Anyone, really. Yeah, we do, but I just don't think a fish doctor will be able to... You're really pierced on that thing. Wow, good thing I'm with someone with a terrible attitude when I'm going through a medical emergency. Great. Someone who's just throwing in the towel on me.

How... Hey, I'm trying to be a realist here, but I have to tell you, this does not look survivable for you. You think I don't know that. Is there a message I can send out? Is there someone that I could? Do you tell my wife I didn't love her at all?

I'm sorry, man. I'm not going to do that. Will you tell her that I actually loved Emily the whole time? She was right. She was right that I did love Emily the whole time. I have a fish from the water. You're an earth from the land. It's just such a big imposition for me to go all the way.

Emily's my ex. She's the one that got away. Just to go all the way to your wife to tell her that. Please. Please. It just feels cruel. but like you'll be dead. It would be like a huge hassle for me.

Tell my wife. Oh my God. How did he die? Water. Water. Water. It's seen. Oh, man.

God, yeah. Because I don't think worms can't breathe in the water. So, man, that's the torture of. Like being drawn and quartered. Being hooked and drowned. If that philosophy of you. when you die, you have to live through all the suffering you caused. Yeah.

But poor fishermen are about to have a horrible post-death experience. Guys, we only do this to the worst of the worst worms. This isn't one of those things where we just say it's only to get the worst of the ones out of here and then we just go after all the worms. Yeah, they say that. They say that. And then you run out of bad worms. These are bad worms.

You guys, I just realized that if that's true, then we have to listen to probably every episode to pay riddle hundreds of thousands of times. Get to. Get to. Get to. Okay. Okay.

All right. Let's actually be serious, you guys. Let's really get our head in the game here. Let's buckle down. Oh, I was going to do a listener submitted riddle, but I don't know. Will I have time to do this? Figure it out on the show. Oh, that's what you're doing.

Yes. Yes. Okay. Great. Yeah, we got time. Okay. Um, these are from Milo, they, them, and we can use their name. Hey, hello, CluCrew, probably, Aaron.

Um, I work at the Huntington Library and we have several old-ass books of puns and riddles in our collection. And so these riddles are from 1870, if you can believe it. Ooh, I remember those riddles like yesterday. Ooh, old man puzzles, the original old man puzzles. He's here. He came. Aaron, I'm sorry, 1870 is military. time, it just means 7.10 p.m. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, great. What musical instrument invites you to fish? Whoa, back-to-back fishing riddles?

Mm-hmm. That's what made me. What musical instrument invites you the fish? A tray Anastasio. Invites the fish. It's a percussive. It's percussive. The drumfish, the timpani. The wicketyly felled timpani. The symbol Timpani Havish The snare

It's a percussion instrument That invites you to fish Something with a line in it The Maracas No It's a Spanish They're used in Spanish, Greek, Italian, Mexican, Portuguese

Brazilian culture Marimba Marimba Marimba My Roomba. They're a little kikki. I love the sound of these. They're super satisfying.

Clicky little. Clicky little. The steel drums. Oh, the, yeah, castanets. Castanets? Oh, my gosh. Isn't that great? Oh, my gosh.

Castan nets. Oh, my gosh. Castan nets. Okay. What's the difference between a fisherman and a lazy school boy? Well, there's a lot. There's a lot that's different. one's

A fisherman and a lazy schoolboy One One doesn't audition for a theater And one simply does not cast Get cast Yeah, get cast Something about getting cast No

No They're like switching sounds Of the beginning of words Oh Okay Is cast close Bates his hook In the other

Hooks bait. One baits his hook and the other one hates his buck. Yes. Whoa. How do we know that the dove is a very cautious little deer? That the dove is a very cautious little deer? Yeah.

Do-y-eyed, doe-eyed? A dove is a cautious little deer? This one's impossible to get. Because if you remove the V, it's a doe? No. It has nothing to do with like, I think they just mean like, deer is not literal It's like oh

A sweet little deer Oh D-E-A-R Yeah How do we know The dove is a cautious Little deer Or at least minding His business

A piece of mind Peace of mind Jesus That's what I can Up with His own Business P's and Q's

Yeah P's in But it's a dove Coos Coos Ooh at all Good dove sound Well I didn't make a dove sound What are you talking about?

There's a dove on our Zoom. Ooh. And guys, this next riddle, and I'm going to do the rest of these later, Milo. Thank you so much. But this next riddle is, am I willing to say this? Yes. This is my... Casey, get your clippettingers ready.

This is, I think, my favorite riddle we've ever had on the show. Oh, okay. Holy shit. Aaron, is this... Are you being free? I'm being for real. This might be the only time I've ever laughed out loud. Holy shit. Okay, then you have to let us get this. You can't give us the answer. Adel, I'm telling you, if with a thousand years, this would be impossible to get because it's very bizarre. It's an insane answer.

Is this a riddle or is this a skateboard fail compilation? Because those are the only two things in this world that I know could make Aaron laugh out loud. Buddy, you'll see. What's the difference between a mouse and a, young lady. And these are still from 710 p.m.? Yes. You guys, this is... What's the difference between a mouse and a young lady? Is this another one where we switch? From the 1870s. This is important, I think. You'll never find a mouse and a bond with a boy. Kind of. Kind of, honestly. The difference between a mouse? The difference is a mouse and a young lady. A young lady always. Something, somethings.

Yeah, one wishes to, blank the other. One wishes to chit's ease and the other one wishes to eat cheese. One wishes to be wed and the other one makes me wet my bed. One wants to make life better and the other one wants his wife to be cheddar. Keep going, guys, you're on a roll. One of them, you catch in a trap and the other one, traps you for life. You guys are basically getting it.

Give us a hint, Erin. Give us a hint. No, you're basically. Okay. We can get this. We can get this. Cheese is one half of it. You guys literally cannot get this. I'm so sorry, but you can't get this. Is it like an old-timey term of like some sort of weird 23 Skadoo shit? No. Kind of. I mean, I guess kind of. One of them eats your cheese and the other one spins your cheddar.

One of them, they use the word harm. What? So I'll give you the mouse side of it. One wishes to harm the cheese, the mouse. The other wishes. The mouse wishes to harm the cheese? The other one wishes to charm. Uh-huh.

The he's. Yes. All right. Okay. Hold on. Let me read it all the way through. One wishes to harm the cheese The other wishes to charm the he's That is such a stretch

Harned the cheese I do want to see a scene Yeah Aaron you're a young mouse in the 1870s And you are trying to pass as a young Lady charming some schoolboys Yoohoo Boys boys boys

Throws Hankerchief Oh That knocked in the head Edward Edward I think she's talking to us Oh Boys, boys, boys, would any of you like to give me a spin around town? Perhaps walk me around the Riviera with my parasol?

Whoa, that's the tiniest little lady I've ever seen. Maybe perhaps kiss my hand and then introduce me to your father. We wouldn't because we're normal-sized young men, but we have a friend that might be interested in it. Ooh, is he rich? I swear I'm worse more than my dowry implies. He's rich in personality. He's not rich per se, but he drives a brand new red sports car.

Are you trying to set me up with... Stuart Little? I don't want to be with him. Enough. Why not? He's your side. I, everyone... Get in, bitch.

I'm not following for this again, Stuart. Fuck you, Stuart. Get in. No, you're a whore. You fell for that line, what time? You're a whore. Pushers up sunglasses. Oh, yeah.

You? Come after me. Doing little donuts. You love Bob me. You tell me you love me. And then you drop me like it's nothing. And the next thing I know, you're on a date. Oh, is that Stuart Little?

I'll get in your car, big boy. Oh, yeah. Pull-sized woman. gets into a little red car Oh, oh, you're crushing the car, you're crushing the car. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. Drive me, Stuart. Get out, get out, get out.

Casey, do we have any of my smell dames. Attend the tale of Shoebu-Doo. She'll steal your wife than matter you. She first appeared in a Joko cruise went after Mariah with nothing to lose. Did Beverly? Shubedoo-Doo. Don't leave your message with JPC.

I literally got goosebumps. Unbelievable. That was some sort of sweetie Todd parody from Julia and Megan Sullivan. If you want to submit a voicemail theme, make it 30 seconds or less, and send it to hrr podcast at gmail.com. Thank you, Julia, for submitting. I loved that. Thank you so much. Hey, good crew.

I'm hoping to get your perspective on a situation with my role. relatives. I'm on a family group chat with an aunt and uncle. And a few days ago, my aunt posted pictures of some flowers in her garden. Right after my uncle posted a multi-paragraph rant on morality and asked people to debate him, no one has responded. So my questions are, one, how would you respond? And two, how does your family get ready for Thanksgiving? Love the show. Thanks. Bye. Incredible. Dude. Oh, that uncle is having an existential crisis.

is spiraling. The response, I would go chaos option, okay? I'm not responding to the uncle, obviously. I'm responding to the aunt. Like, I'm hitting reply on the aunt's message,

which is just a nice picture of flowers. And I'm putting, these flowers suck dumbass. Yeah, with outright hostility. You start debating the flowers. Outright hostility towards the aunt's flower picture,

nothing towards the uncle's morality rant. That is wild to demand. that your family debate you on morality. Here's the thing. This person, I don't think that this person said, they said it was an uncle and an aunt, right?

Did they say that they were a married couple? No. So this could be an uncle and a different aunt, right? Like not, yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. Oh, I don't know what I'd do.

Throw your phone into a river? I don't know. I would respond to the flowers, honestly. Yeah. I'd at least heart the pictures of the flowers. Heart them all. Emphasize the message and don't respond. Or emojis.

Just the heart reacts on every one of the messages. That's so confusing because you're like, I love it all. I love the crazy shit my uncle said. I love the beautiful pictures by aunt said. Oh, what about the gift of the monkey puppet that's like side eyeing? That's like awkward side eyeing. I think that'll work. And my family

My arm of the family does hors d'oeuvres for Thanksgiving So we help my mom with that That's how we prepare. Adel What do I do to prepare for Thanksgiving? I don't really see family during Thanksgiving So I don't do anything to prepare. I do Friendsgiving so we usually make a dish.

I think what did I do this year? This year, oh, this year we made deviled eggs or I guess last year, last Thanksgiving, we had been devil's eggs. But I also think that in terms of what's going on in your specific family, I don't think you ever need to engage anyone in debate if they are not presenting good faith arguments. And I do think if people are presenting bad faith arguments, you can respond to him kind with bad faith arguments. So I would say if your uncle is one of these people who like doesn't really understand what trolling is, you could just troll him for as long as possible with bad faith responses to his arguments.

of it and I think that that would be very funny to watch, but also it would ruin, you know, ruin the piece of the group chat. So maybe it's funnier to post it out of context gift. Like, don't do one that's like, don't do like Michael Jackson eating the popcorn or whatever. Just like post a gift of like Captain Planet like coming up with some sludge or something. Like something that's like a total non-sequenture. That's so funny. Hey, but good luck to you. And if you have a question or a comment or some sort of voicemail that you want to leave for us,

what is it? 805. Rital 1, I think, is the number. Remember, make it 30 seconds or less. You could get it featured on the show. Adel, do you have anything that you would like to plug? I don't think so. Do you have anything? Check out Gumshoes and Dragons.

Over on our Patreon, Anthony and I might be rewatching once upon a time on APC. If anyone remembers that show and talking about it. So if you want to check that out, that is maybe over there. JPC, anything to plug or review to read? We cannot say for sure. Yeah, let's read a review. You want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just write one, send it to wherever you leave reviews,

and I might read it. Today I'm reading, Not for Human Consumption by Mock 24. Would not recommend this product to anyone. It upset my stomach and gave me the same effect as I would have prepped for a colonoscopy. I have used the bathroom about 20 times over the past four hours. Every time I think I'm done, I get the call.

I have used a legit full roll of TP with no signs of stopping anytime soon. Also, I tested my blood sugar after eating the gummies, and it did spike me. Save your money and your beehole. Do not ingest these gummies unless you need an alternative to traditional laxatives. And then it just says, hey, we're in a rental question mark. Love it. I think that is one of those reviews for those like haribou gummies. I want to go back slightly and say, send that word for word to your uncle. Yeah, there we go, Adel. You're genius. Send the Amazon review for the gullies that people think are laxed it is to your uncle. Well, guys, I'm on my way to harm some cheese or charm some he's, so I'll catch you on the other side.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Sorry. Sorry. Tony to be editing. Party. Hey there, Jims and Lees.

If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's a deep dive into the author of the Reacher books, Lee Child. You can listen to that plus our entire back. catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast.